Knock-knock, motherfucker. Giant metal chickens revisited.

in bizarre, Giant metal chickens are everywhere, Random Crap

Yesterday when I was driving home from the grocery store I passed a shop that sells lawn ornaments and rustic furniture.  This, however, was new:

This is not an optical illusion. It's an eight-foot metal chicken.

I almost drove into a mailbox, and when I got out and asked the clerk about it he said that his boss had just bought it because “apparently lots of people have been calling and asking about big metal chickens all of a sudden“.  Then I said, “How very odd. But, do you have anything larger?” and he looked at me like he was considering calling the police.  I probably wouldn’t have bought it anyway, but I do kind of love the thought of Victor driving up to see a metal chicken peering angrily over the roof of our house from the backyard.  I’d return it the next day though, probably.  Because my home owners association is an asshole.

PS.  In surprisingly related news, this morning Victor opened the door to find another Beyoncé on the porch.

It's Beyonce. But travel-sized.

Fortunately this one was only 2 inches tall.  It’s an exact, 2-D replica of the Beyoncé statue (with the flying pig on his head) that I had made in resin.  For Victor’s desk.

PPS.  If you want your own tiny Beyoncé statue you can buy it right here for under $20.  You’ve gotta add your own caption though.  I added mine with a piece of a post-it note, so that I can change the saying every time I hide Beyoncé somewhere else.  Like tomorrow I’m going to leave a note on it that says “WHERE THE TOWELS AT?”  And this morning I’m leaving Beyoncé on the pile of laundry on the bathroom floor with a note saying “Really, dude? Is this where the dirty clothes belong?”  Because Beyoncé is a teaching tool.

UPDATED: Victor says Beyoncé would be more effective if the dirty clothes on the floor weren’t all mine.  I think maybe Victor just doesn’t understand how passive-aggressive chicken-notes work.

421 thoughts on “Knock-knock, motherfucker. Giant metal chickens revisited.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I think I need a tiny Beyonce as well. For instance, sitting on top of the toilet paper dispenser that says “Did you use the last piece of TP? Replace it, mofo!”

  5. Oh my god.

    Listen. Cross your fingers that I get this job I’m interviewing for in, um, 20 minutes, because then I will buy the shit out of that mini-Beyonce. hell, I might even splurge on a t-shirt, too.

    Now I have to go reapply my make-up because I have completely cry-laughed it off.

  6. You are too funny. My Beyonce would be in the sink NEXT to the dishwasher “Is it really too hard to put it in the dishwasher?”

  7. Oh, Tiny Beyoncé can totally be like Flat Stanley. I think I want to take her on my next cruise.

  10. How about one sitting in the fridge saying “You don’t want to put that empty juice carton back mofo!”

  11. “apparently lots of people have been calling and asking about big metal chickens all of a sudden.”

    That was you, wasn’t it?

  13. That’s fucking hysterical. But Jenny, I’m worried the lawn gnomes are going to organize and fuck your shit up.

  14. You’ve started something….by next year there will be metal chickens in every yard in ‘Mrrica. Maybe a few up here in Canuckistan too.

  15. I die.

    I might buy the mini Beyonce to sit in our bathroom with our brand new towels…

  16. Chickens are everywhere!! Did you see the picture I sent you of the chickens I saw?

  19. There is happiness in the world because you gave us the perfect anniversary gift!

    Now can we get someone to photoshop hampsters+viagra+giant metal chicken?

    PS. I’m one of those calling shops looking for giant metal chickens. My yard is not complete without one.

  20. Oh my hell that’s too funny! I don’t have a Victor but I DO have a Vincent that I can get a Beyonce for. Love it!

  21. Maybe Victor just needs a Jay-Z metal chicken lurking in Beyonce’s shadows to feel more down with party.

  22. I can’t get enough of your mofo chicken posts… they are hysterical and seriously make my day! xoxo

  23. Please let me know when your metal chicken empire IPO’s because I’m totally getting in on the ground floor of that motherfucker which, come to think of it, would be the nail in the coffin for Victor if you were to make him a DVD of the metal chicken ringing the bell on Wall Street.

    Godspeed.

  24. I swear I’ve been seeing these damn chickens since reading your blog post. They’re everywhere here in Austin- the HEB. In front of The Frisco. My chicken coop friend is dying to have one… I blame you.

  25. I too long for a giant metal chicken to inhabit my yard. And that doesn’t sound as crazy as it used to, so that’s really nice.

  27. “apparently lots of people have been calling and asking about big metal chickens all of a sudden“

    And yet they’re still not available in Lidl or Aldi. Disgraceful if you ask me.

  28. I keep looking for metal chickens around here because then I will know who the blog readers are in my ‘hood.

  29. And if 10, if 10 people want a giant metal chicken, then it’s a MOVEMENT.
    The legend of Beyonce will never die. Much to Victor’s chagrin, I’m sure.

  32. I like the idea of a passive-aggressive teaching tool that allows you to be a hypocrite. Sign me up!

    I love it that you have created a need for giant lawn chickens. You really should get a percentage of any giant metal chicken sales in the next year. You would make bank! Then you could hire a robot to do the laundry…..

  33. Every time we walk passed the section o’ crap outside HEB, my husband says “Please don’t say bok bok mf-er so loud this time.” He’s so sensitive.

  35. You have actually warped consumer industry! Now I want to see how far your reach has spread… Does any store in my area suddenly have giant metal chickens that weren’t there before? Because I’m pretty sure my passive-aggressive chicken notes would need to be on a full-sized Beyonce to get my husband’s attention.

  36. I did a similar thing with a certain latex toy with run out batteries – I left it on the nightstand with a post-it that read: “When I grow up, I want to be a strap-on.”

  37. Oh, God. I want one of those things SO HARD. I want to give it to my fiance and then move it around the house, Poltergeist style, so that he thinks our resident spook is doing it. I can just imagine him waking up to a miniature Beyonce staring at him from two inches away with a caption that reads, “BOO MOTHERFUCKER.”

    THAT’S WHAT HE GETS FOR LICKING MY CHEEK TO SHUT ME UP.

  38. I was driving past a vet’s office I’ve driven past 100 times yesterday and suddenly, there’s a 3 foot metal chicken in the yard of the office.. I think Beyonce has a fan in Leander, TX

  39. I saw a metal chicken in Manvel last week while driving with my husband and screamed KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER at him. He about drove off the road and then looked at me like I was crazy. But after he read the blog he laughed and now it’s a wonderful inside joke. You’ve actually made my marriage stronger 🙂

  40. The blurb on Zazzle says, “Bring your memories to life!” Now THAT’S scary. I have memories of nightmares from seeing “Night of the Living Dead.” Fortunately, I don’t have any memories of trespassing metal chickens. Whew.

  41. While tiny Beyoncé is cool and practical let’s not underestimate the potential uses of a giant metal chicken. In the inevitable future chicken revolt a “Trojan Chicken” could help us turn the tide of the battle.

  42. Why is the post-it note Photoshopped on?

    (Because my hand-writing was too light to see so I went over it again with real font. All I own are pencils. I am woefully unprepared. ~ Jenny)

  43. I laughed, I snorted. I laughed more. Working on getting my very own giant metal chicken…

  45. Clearly you are way ahead of your time and the rest of the world is only just beginning to catch on to the joys (and teaching opportunities) of a giant metal chicken.

  46. One of my neighbors has the giant metal chicken looking over their back fence onto the street. It is awesome. I love that I live in a neighborhood where giant chickens (and real chickens for that matter) are tolerated.

  47. Love, love, love the chicken. But it is the flying pig that I have to wonder about. Why is he on the chickens head? Does he have a purpose? So many questions, so few answers.

  48. This has nothing to do with chickens, but the bigger comment reminded me of a time I was in a jewelry store in vegas one time (dont ask why). Some old dude and his trophy wife were looking at diamond encrusted watches. He was fondling one piece of merchandise with so many diamonds on it I was practically blinded by the shine. He looked at the watch, then let the wifey try it on. She smiled, and he asked how much? Salesman said $25,000. Then he asked if they had anything with more diamonds. At that point, I was ready to be his trophy wife.

  49. To be honest I’m still really stressed out about the flying pig.

    Is it like Mary Poppins? There when you need it but not when you want it and then when you want it but don’t need it, it just fucks off to grace someone elses lawn chickens?

  50. Funny how you have the power to influence shopping trends across the country, but can’t convience Victor that you need new towels. He must be immune to your Jedi mind tricks.

  51. Instead of “where the towels at” she needs to be placed in a linen closet with a “bet you wish you had more towels now” note.

  52. I must get a photo of my neighbor. They have the 8 foot chicken in their backyard. They don’t have anyone behind them except for a grassy area and then the city library. I think the chicken is guarding the library.

  53. The other day, I was driving down the interstate and saw one of those random roadside shops that look like really country Kirklands were dumped in the middle of nowhere. There was a Beyonce there, and I immediately thought of you and laughed uncontrollably.

  54. Would it be too wrong to dress up my child as Beyonce for halloween?? 😉

  57. Oh God. The original Beyonce post was farking hilarious….this… is beyond Awesome.
    I am laughing so hard I am CRYING here people.
    Jenny you officially Win all teh Internetz.
    I now have to explain to my bf why I want a little statue of a chicken with a pig on its head….which I will leave on the toilet with an attached Post-It saying “Is the Seat DOWN mofo ?”

  58. Man … if the angry lawn gnomes ever DID organize on this one, that would be disastrous, wouldn’t it?? I can just see walking out my front door to the sight of decapitated gnomes and metal chicken parts everywhere …

    IT’S CHICKAGNOMAGEDDON!!!!

    On second thought, maybe I’ll do that on purpose.

  60. Also, I wonder if the REAL Beyonce knows she shares her name with this metal chicken Internet sensation.

  62. I find this astonishing. Really. You don’t say so, but it seems to me that you are probably responsible for the significant uptick in requests for giant metal chickens. This kind of power comes with great responsibility. I know you won’t disappoint.
    One Christmas my ex-husband-in-law’s new wife gave each of my stepchildren a glass egg. Naturally they were all a little mystified by the singular lack of sensitivity at the heart of her largess. I suggested that, for her birthday, they should all give her a chicken, and tell her that the eggs had hatched. I envisioned those ceramic cookie jar kind of chickens you find at Cracker Barrel. Giant metal yard chickens would have been so much better. If I had seen one of those I would have bought it myself for them to give her.

  63. Good lord, you’ve inspired and entire INDUSTRY! A new trend! You’re making jobs for people (who assemble giant metal chickens). You’ve taken blogging to a whole new level, Jenny. You’re amazing!

  66. This can only lead to a giant metal chicken arms race, culminating in an army of sentient giant metal chicken robots enslaving humanity. And all because of a few towels.

  68. I passed that same giant metal chicken on my way home from Marble Falls this past weekend. Obviously, I thought of you. And now I want a little Beyonce.

  69. I am dying. You continue to make my day brighter, almost every day. I love everything about this entire situation.
    “Victor says Beyoncé would be more effective if the dirty clothes on the floor weren’t all mine”
    Amazing.

  70. roflmfao It’s a damn good thing I live alone or someone would think I’ve lost my mind because I’m laughing so hard. As for seeing that giant Beyonce, no kidding, I saw her last week. I wanted to stop and take a picture, but I was on a date… Didn’t think my future “Victor” would be too impressed. To Poster Jana, I live in Alvin. We should totally meet up for margaritas and Beyonce hunting!

    And now, my real question: COULD WE PLEASE GET Mini-Beyonce some how to find the real Beyonce and take a picture with her?! It would make my life complete and full circle with laughter.

  71. Love the passive agressive teaching tools. They should start using mini-Beyonces in schools across America so teachers and fellow students can just get stuff off their chest without having to confront each other face-to-face. You had better copyright this chiken-notes idea lol

  72. I think that Vic is probably cooking up some sort of retribution even as I write this. Be afraid.

  73. I should probably clarify… I hope he is my future “Victor.” I like the dude and he found the original Beyonce post funny. In my opinion, he passed a very big test. HA

  74. My niece got Jay-Z who is only two feet before their wedding from her finance. He went to their wedding and then someone placed him in their bed while they were on their honeymoon and he cut their comforter!

  75. This is witty and hilarious! I think I am going to do these “friendly” reminders with my husband. Your blog is jaw-dropping inspiring! Thank you for making me laugh.

  77. I just love that you can use the word mother-fucker in the title of your post and feel good about it!

    And I need one of those mini Beyonces so I can make it say, “really dude?? NOW??” or “shut the door MF!!” or my personal favorite “Would you PLEASE stop eating ice cream while I’m trying to exercise??”

  78. Thank goodness for the new travel sized Beyonce, I just celebrated my 15 year anniversary and I needed the giant metal chicken to make it seem official but did not know where to find one. You have saved my marriage! PS. You are the most awesomest person ever – can I adopt you?

  80. Now all I want is a set of those little nesting dolls, but in metal chicken form. Where the biggest one is like eight feet tall and they keep getting smaller until the tiniest one is that little one you have. With a note on it. That probably says, “knock knock motherfucker”.

  82. I am so buing a mini-Beyonce. In fact, I may even buy a whole bunch and give them as Christmas gifts.

  85. hubby and i are both laughing with tears rolling. thank you. it’s an improvement to tears rolling sans laughing, which has been the norm around here lately. also, “knock, knock mofo” is my favorite saying. i just can’t find an appropriate time to use it, what with my kids being around here all the time… oh, and the nesting dolls idea – genius!!!

  91. I totally need to get a giant chicken for my husband. I would put it in his car, in the driver’s seat. I am not sure what he would make of that.

  92. I was shopping at the local discount home decor shop this weekend and found Beyonce’s twin! Thought of your blog and laughed all the way to the register…

  93. This is probably one of the most awesome things I’ve read. Now to figure out how to convince my fiance that we need our own little chicken.

  94. Because of you, your readers, and Beyonce, I now have to clean cake off my computer monitor and out of the keyboard.

  95. You are so fucking awesome!! I passed by an “antique” place the other day & they had a huge metal chicken in the parking lot. It took me 5 minutes to stop laughing hard enough to be able to tell my mom what was so funny.

  96. 5 Foot Metal Chicken siting in Woodstock, GA! I took a pic with my niece in it, sadly can’t share with you 🙁

  97. I have to leave work now because I cannot stop laughing hysterically and I’m a little worried that at any moment I might pop out with a spontaneous ‘Knock Knock MotherFucker’!

  99. Does Beyonce come without a boar on her head? (if I had a nickel for every time I asked that question!)

  100. You NEVER disappoint me, Jenny. Thank you for sharing your beautiful mind with us.

    And, if there is a mini-Beyonce for sale, how about a mini-James Garfield??? Just sayin…

  101. Um…this is fucking awesome and I WANT ONE. And sadly, I haven’t seen any life-size Beyoncés where I live–I guess Portland thinks it’s too damn hipster for metal poultry.

  102. Six to 10 people per day are arriving at MY blog having typed “giant metal chicken” into Google search. Also I blogged about where to buy them. So I half expect to be questioned by Homeland Security any minute as this trend is all very suspicious. Or at least it seems so to me, but I’ve been kept awake by the horror of being described as having poise.

  103. You’re going to be single-handedly responsible for revitalizing the big metal chicken industry. You, ma’am, are a creator of jobs.

  104. My used-to-be husband didn’t understand passive/aggressive labels which started appearing everywhere shortly after he gave me a label maker…for Christmas. He wasn’t amused when he found ‘soap’ on his soap and ‘his name’ on the mirror in his bathroom. Pretty much everything had labels including stuff in his work truck – where he least expected it. Could be he’s still finding them lo these many years later. Probably why he’s my used-to-be husband! Beyonce for the win!

  106. I WILL have a giant metal chicken for my front yard…. those mother fuckers that keep stealing my Sunday paper for the coupons (which is the only reason I get the paper are in for a rude awakening!

  107. I need a very very large metal chicken to go in my very very very tiny front yard. No home association :D. Wheezing and crying with laughter seem to accompany reading your blog posts.

  108. This is actually awesome. The manufacturers for giant metal chickens must be going nuts trying to deal with their new workload. And it’s ALL DOWN TO YOU!!!!

  109. something with motherclucker. has this been done already? whatever. get a work-friendly tshirt out of it! i’ve driven past a Beyonce clone THREE times in the past week. after resigning myself to a reality that involved no live big metal chicken sightings. MIRACLE OF MIRACLES.

  111. A mini-Beyonce does not have the full effect of a giant metal one yelling, ‘Knock, knock, motherfucker.’

  112. I tried explaining Beyonce to my husband and he just didn’t get it. WHO THE FUCK DID I MARRY?! Giant chickens are everywhere… you’re taking over the world next

  113. Yesterday, I found a metal chicken picture frame. At GOOD WILL! Honestly, do people not understand just how fucking AWESOME metal chickens are? To just GIVE it away?!?

    Of course I rescued it. Haven’t named it yet, but I’m going to take a picture of it doing something weird, then print it, stick it in the frame, and leave it on Hubby’s desk at work. He thinks the Knock Knock Motherfucker picture of Beyonce is the BEST.

    I really want that 8 footer. Gonna be a lot of new chickens popping up all over the world now. You have helped stimulate the economy. Yay, you!

  114. The only way this could get better is if there were a picture of Beyonce’ with Beyonce!

  116. OMG! You and these chickens!!! I have a couple of leopard kitchen chickens and an oil painting of a rooster I purchased in Fredericksburg last year over at Henfeathers. Cute store. Go check ’em out. The other day, I stumbled upon an adorable rooster fan in Nichols Hills (OK) and thought of you. I’ll post photo on website. xoxo – Wildcat’s Wife

  119. Funny.
    My boys hadn’t read the first article on Beyonce so I read it to them today and both of them cracked up as only 16 year olds can. The consensus is that Victor will never again look at towels the same way.

    My husband would have thought it all was very cool. He’s been lusting after a foghorn leghorn white chicken that sits atop a restaurant which has closed down and is the height of our garage.
    Sure.
    The perfect lawn ornament. Just add a voice loop with, “Boy, ah says, Boy…” and a smaller chicken hawk with glasses doing his spiel. Yup, hubs has it all planned.

    Sia McKye’s Thoughts…OVER COFFEE

  120. The Bloggess…saving the world and economy one giant chicken at a time.

    I wanted to get a decorative chicken to put in our kitchen and at first my husband was OK with it, but now he’s worried that it’s going to lead to a larger (literally) addiction. This coming from the man who wanted to buy a 6 foot gorilla and put it in our backyard.

    Some people have no sense.

  124. Another post-it could be: “I came first, mofo. Now, get this pig off mah head, bitches.”

    RE: WebSavvyMom,
    –>I think another post-it for mini-Beyonce should be, “Why do you care why I crossed the road, MoFo?”

  126. Hand to god, I just saw a giant metal chicken at a local furnishing store. It was propping open the door. It’s a very fancy pants store so I didn’t ask about the price. It’s a great kindness you’re doing to the economy.

  127. I think I need a tiny Beyonce!

    There is this little boutique near my house with lots of funky, artisan-crafted stuff. I posted a link to your blog on Facebook and one of my friends told me she saw a metal goat at the boutique. Then I walked by and noticed they had a metal elephant standing out front so I had to go see what else was there. Not 5 feet into the boutique was – – wait for it – – a giant metal chicken. It was a bit more than 5 feet tall and was wearing a hat (also for sale). I asked the clerk how much it cost and apparently giant metal chickens are worth about $200 more in stuck-up boutiques than discount outlet stores.

  128. My friend and I were using a substitute metal heron statue she has on her porch as a proxy Beyonce.. but now, I am giddy that I can have a wee version of the real one. I can’t wait till it arrives!!!

    The only thing that would make it more perfect would be to have the delivery person place it on the porch with a note that says KNOCK KNOCK, MOTHERFUCKER just so I can experience what Victor did 😀

  129. I want towels with a picture of Beyoncé on them. Because that would be awesome.

  131. I love you.

    And Beyonce.

    And the Big Mother Fuckin’ metal chicken that could potentially peak over your house.

    I love that big ol’ chicken already.

  132. Like everyone else obviously, all I can think here is, “OMG I need to write about cats that speak English and also do dishes so all the neighborhood stores will start carrying them!” Y’all were thinking that too, right?

  137. Besides my universe-wide, undying love for Jenny, posts # 4, 13, 23, 59, and 98…I EFFING LOVE YOU!

    And #’s 28, 51, and 77, I totally agree. I’m hoping to just be driving down the street in Kentucky and see one. 🙂 And I love the “Really dude, NOW?”

    Tomorrow is my birthday and I just put on FB that I want a mini Beyonce. Hopefully someone will step up! 🙂

  138. Will there also be miniaturized versions of approved shipping containers for angry typhoid-infested cobras?

  139. as an aside.. the 3′ tall photo Beyonce is $168. so you CLEARLY got a deal with your $200 worth of free chicken considering its nearly double the size!

  140. I needed one of these metal chickens yesterday. Really I did.

    Yesterday I had to decide between paying to put my Kitty down, or going to the doctor for my six month pregnancy check-up. (I opted to spend the $180 on the cat. Cat was sick, I feel fine, Cat wins. ) I bring poor Kitty home in a box and tell my husband he has to go dig a hole. He then COMPLAINS about the $180 vet bill, because apparently it was inconvenient Kitty didn’t choose to drag himself away to die. Or that I didn’t have to shoot my own cat.

    I then mention that another three ducklings are also missing (damn foxes) and he says well, you have too many anyways.

    So my Beyonce would say “Here’s the shovel, now go dig a damn hole before I beat you to death with it, MOFO”

    How many days is it til I can drink again???

  141. After I received my Beyonce t-shirt and my daughter looked at me like I was losing my mind as I smiled real big and all sorts of self satisfied for about an hour, I think I might need to get one of the miniatures for her. It would say, You still don’t pay rent Mofo.

  142. I am unbelieveably sad that you didn’t come up with this last week so I could have gotten it for my hubby for our anniversay. We are only at 6 years so I thought the 5 foot Beyonce was a little over the top but this would have been PERFECT. Plus since until I get a job (would someone call me for an interview please because I really am awesome and ready to do almost anything and seriously the list of excluded almosts I won’t do is getting shorter by the day) I couldn’t afford it anyway.

  144. Looks like I will be ordering those right now. I will have to devise a pop-up mechanism so they can spring out of drawers.

  145. I think I will buy 120 Beyonces – one for each of my students. I will leave them on each desk in the morning with sayings like: Do your homework or I will peck your eyes out. You’ll be cleaning up my shit for the rest of your life if you don’t get an education.

  146. After reading your blog, my BFF bought me a 2 foot chicken in Fredericksburg for my bday!! Do you mind if I name her Beyonce 2 ?? LOL

  147. As a 28 year old, unmarried, childless male there are few things I dislike more in this world then your average mom-blog. This being said, in my stupid opinion, you are one of the funniest folks in the blogosphere. Male, female, or otherwise. Not “The girlies in my Mimosa Monday book club always giggle at my man-bashing, so I’ll start a blog” funny. But “I make closeted hipsters in their late 20’s angle their laptop screen 45 degrees downward so the fellow coffee shop trolls don’t see the pink bordered site that’s making him snort out chai all over his plaid shirt” funny.
    I appreciate this. Keep it up.

  148. Not only did you save Christmas, you have now jump-started the economy.

    Giant metal chicken fad == best economic recovery ever.

  149. omg. i just peed myself a little. and I want a mini Beyonce. She will make a nice addition to the weird things my husband and I leave for each other to find. LOVE IT.

  150. I like to think that the person who actually MAKES the big, metal chickens is now making a fortune in sales, and can move out of their one-room-hovel into a luxury penthouse, all thanks to you and the wonder of the internet

  151. Ok, now my sister and I are on a QUEST!!!! We must find our own 5ft Chicken – we are thinking of names ad I type!!!! While I don’t have a husband to taunt it would still be a HILARIOUS conversation piece. Love your blog – you are a freaking RIOT!!!!

  152. Dude, passive aggressive chicken notes? That’s awesome. A ninja plot is now in place to obtain one or two… ninja plot because I have very little cash right now. You’ve been warned.

  153. This is absolutely the best idea ever. And I want that huge chicken, but I think my super would be pissed if I did construction to get it in the building.

  154. Also, I just went to buy one of these and they wanted $39.99 for shipping! Sorry, I can’t afford to spend more than twice the price of the item on the shipping, crazy Zazzle mofos.

  155. I just love this whole giant-metal-chicken-thing. Really, I could read about it for days. Love your whole blog, glad Beyonce brought me in. Cluck cluck! … ??? Well, that doesn’t sound like much of a rally cry, well, whatever… giant-metal-chicken-power unite.

  156. Teeny Beyonce might just be the cutest thing Ever. But it might just be the adorable post-it caption that’s pushing the cuteness factor so high.

    Caption suggestion: At least I’m not a jet-lagged hamster.

  157. I think you should of taken the 5 ft metal chicken you bought and put it in your main bathroom holding some towels instead of leaving it on your front doorstep…. just sayin… when I read your first “chicken” blog I almost peed myself I was laughing so hard.

  159. My sister just posted a picture of some mulch in her yard on facebook, and I could see her little metal chicken in it..so I said..KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER..she totally didn’t get it and DELETED my comment..How could she??

    For the record, I have a medium sized, 2 ft tall metal chicken on my front walkway that greets people as they come up to my house..It’s fantastic.

  160. I need you to write a book so I can buy it.

    P.S. My birthday was Monday. All I wanted was a big metal chicken.

  161. Can you find a way to make mini-Beyonce statues that have a recording of this song inside of them? http://youtu.be/1GaKaGwch0U

    Because taking a metal motherfucking chicken like Beyonce to a gang fight would be baller, big or small.

  162. I’m all for starting a Southern California chapter of the “Fuck Yeah! Giant Metal Chickens Club”. I will be president because FUCK YEAH, giant metal chickens!

    I want one and Husband said no. It might be possible to ninja one into the backyard though?

  163. As an addendum, you could easily make ‘BYOC’ a household mantra if you keep up your labor of love.

  166. I saw one just like that in Oregon on Sunday….took a picture of it too – Knock Knock MF…it’s truly genius. It was a different color and there were lot’s of little Beyonce’s too….

  167. Lilliputian Beyonce needs to come to BlogHer!

    A conference comprised primarily of women can always use a little more cock, right?

  168. Technically, Beyonce is a rooster, not a chicken. That’s what that red thing on the top of her head means. I guess she’s still pre-surgery. 🙂

  169. You make my bad day good again! Thanks for making me smile and laugh..I SO needed it! ?

  170. I now find myself checking your blog for metal chicken updates – it’s just too good and this update is totally unexpected – “people have been calling and asking for big metal chickens all of a sudden.”

    It’s just too much, I can’t stop telling people about this.

  171. My husband would have a field day with the giant metal chicken. I would leave it with a message at the front door “When you hallucinate giant metal chickens, it means we need a vacation. Or at least a maid.” And he’d use a welder while I was gone and turn it into a giant titty, stand it by the sink and it would likely say, “When you keep the house spic and span, I’ll take you to the titty bar where I hear we can find a great housekeeper. With costume changes.”

  173. I live next door to my the President of our homeowner’s association and I’m always catching grief about something. That big chicken would sure come in handy to annoy everyone a bit more. We are the youngest peeps in our small townhome community we are both 43 my husband and I. I was recently informed that my two small pugs and been running a muck in our complex and walking themselves pooping in the monkey grass!! I’m just thinking the Big Metal Chicken could serve as a tower with camera to record the next time they brake out. Still not sure how they got out of the house by themselves… but I was told ” The eye’s see what the eye’s see.”

  174. Ok so, at first, I was all like… YEAH! A little resin training chicken… this could solve all my husband training problems. But then I realized, 2 inches is really too dang small and it would be Just. Another. Thing. that he overlooks as he throws his socks on the floor next to the laundry basket or puts the dirty dish into the sink rather than the dishwasher. I’m gonna have to go with the full 5 ft training chicken if I want ever want the socks in the hamper!!

  175. Do you realize that since Beyoncé has been a source of advertising and artistic inspiration, and you have made money on items bearing his image, that it could easily be argued he is a business expense and therefore his purchase price qualifies as a tax deduction?

    What could possibly be better than a giant metal chicken?
    A giant metal chicken that you can take off your taxes!

    I’d say it’s icing on the cock but that’s your other blog.

  176. Passive aggressive chicken sounds like a plan to me. How I want one for work.

  177. I really love that Beyonce has become a teaching tool. I’m sure you’ll find endless lessons for her to teach, which is an amazing thing…since I don’t live with you.

  178. I am buying myself one, to live on my desk. He’s going to remind me that sensibility is a curse and all the best things happen when you’re laughing about it.

  179. Actually, wait, shipping is $40 to get to Tasmania? I am going to have to pass on a replica of Beyonce. (Also, if the statue is 2inches tall and I can get an entire box of stuff shipped to me from the US for $15 – WTF Zazzle?)

  182. Thanks to Beyoncé and his kind my not-so-giant metal animal post: http://www.myidealife.com.au/2011/06/why-did-5ft-metal-chicken-cross-equator.html is my third most popular post of all time! It of course has only 6 comments rather than over 2600, two of which are mine BUT that is not counting the one comment from you that Intense Debate took away, so 5 really, but who’s counting. If I hit 10 comments(!) I’ll buy a mini-Beyoncé in celebration. (Also I’d like to re-iterate what the other Nicole of comment 137 said namely: I EFFING LOVE YOU too but unlike her I want to be you when I grow up…aw shit that already sorta happened)

    Nicole x
    (what is it with Nicole’s? Are they born obsessive or does the name possess them over time?)

  183. I just discovered your blog this past weekend and have occasionally been reading my boyfriend bits and peices. Tonight he said to me “baby, I think this chick is going to be a bad influence on you.”

  184. You are the funniest person I know, except I don’t actually know you. But if I did, you would be. I’m dying laughing and my husband is looking at me as though I’m crazy. Maybe he needs a chicken…

  185. Yeah, pursuit of the 5 foot cocks have nearly led to the breakup of our marriage.
    EVERYTHING is about the damn rooster.

  188. Only $12.90 in bulk! For those that have a lot of teaching to do 😉

  189. My question is, WHERE THE HELL DO YOU LIVE?!?!?! It’s like Willy Wonka, but with jagged metal in lieu of chocolate…

  190. Is there some way on zazzle that you can create a beyonce door knocker?! i would buy several!

  191. Knock Knock Mofo. Dying. This would send the association president right over the edge. Where do I sign?

  192. I almost wish I had a “significant other” so Beyonce would be useful! now I would just be leaving notes to my lazy ass self!

    I have truly enjoyed reading your random shit and wish I could express all the funny stupid shit that goes on in my day as well as you do!

  194. Yep, I’m pretty sure you have started a new trend. I can see it now…they will be the hottest new gift item this Christmas Season!! LOL I think it’s hilarious!!!!:)

  195. I think I want a Beyonce with a “I’m a sweet dream, or a beautiful nightmare” post it for my nightstand…and a “If you like it then you should have put a ring on it” post it for my ex-boyfriend.

  196. I need one of these for work. It’s getting left on someone’s desk with a note that says “According to the ticketing system, you haven’t done any work in two weeks, mofo”.

  197. As soon as I get paid, I’m buying one of these. Actually, I’m buying a lot of these so I can throw them at people with veiled threats or vaguely insulting comments on them.

  198. So, Now all the Police Wives I talk to online. . . Yeah the same ones that sent me to your blog. . . are getting BIG metal Pigs. . . I think you may have really started something here with Big random Metal Farm Animals that no one really wants but we now have to buy anyway because reading about them has made us pee. . . and if something makes you pee you just have to have one right?

    I love it! I am going to get a little one too, and use it to say things like “The ammo does not go here”

  199. Just tonight I saw a 2 ft. Beyonce-wanna-be at a restaurant. She wasn’t for sale, but I did take her picture with my phone. Of course no one understood WHY I was taking a picture of a medium size metal chicken…

  200. I am so happy–SO HAPPY–that this has become a thing. And they said one person can’t make a difference.

  201. My mom & sister were shopping this past weekend & texted me a big chicken pic. By the time I responded, they had left the store CHICKENLESS. I can’t tell you how heartbroken I am!

  202. Okay… now I’m crying with laughter. I had a friend of mine send me a picture of a chicken… you really have touched the world with this metal chicken thing. The thought of a chicken peering over the roof almost made me pee my pants, I laughed so hard!

    Keep it comin’!
    Tamiko

  203. Look at that – you’re changing the world – giant metal chickens are taking of the Internet and passive agressive wives everywhere are using Beyonce look-alikes to teach and torture their husbands.

  209. My sister-in-law was STUNNED to see a Beyonce on the front porch of her sister’s home in Algona, Iowa. Obviously, we were DELIGHTED with this development- though a bit confused as we do not have H.E.B.’s up here.

  211. U r truly evil, no court in the world would convict poor Victor if something seriously fatal happened to u. lol.

  212. am thinkin, its time, india needs a big metal beyonce’ … oh, czar of blog-world, start a movement to get obama to get india to buy that!

    thats some cool international politics with fun, “loosen up, mofos!”

    LOVE YA!!

  216. Poor Victor, I can see him pulling into the drive, only to see the Jolly Green Giant Metal Chicken towering over the house, as the ground shakes to the sound of

    “KNOCK KNOCK, MOTHERFSCKER”

    Maybe as Czar(ess) you can convince the town to decorate the town’s water tower as a Giant Metal Chicken?

    Just thinkin’.

    ~EdT.

  217. The Homegoods here in Washington, DC are sold out of Beyonces. The manager said, “we had to raise the price if the 2ft ones because of some damn blog girl. We can’t keep the big ones in stock.”

  221. I do not know how I lived before finding your blog. I seriously makes my day. ESPECIALLY when there is a big metal chicken post. I freaking love you!

  222. I was at a flea market this weekend and saw a 5 ft tall Beyonce. I started giggling and of course, my husband had no clue what was going on. I love your posts, especially involving giant metal chickens!

  224. Oh my god! I love you. I want you to be my new bff. You make my day. You are freaking hilarious!!!

  225. That little-teaching-tool Beyonce reminds me of the Top Gear “golden cock award.” They’re both hilarious, small chickens, the recipient doesn’t really want it, and, that’s about all actually…

  226. Oh my!!!! I went to my nearby H.E.B. ( thats a Texas based grocery store) and they had them there too!!!! You even had your choice of sizes!!!!! So if Beyonce needs a child, I know where you can get it!!!

  228. My husband & I have pondered buying a blow up t-rex. He would sit on our roof and we would dress him for various holidays. People would drive by to see what he was wearing. Halloween – ninja, baby, princess (too many possibilities), Thanksgiving – Pilgram, Christmas – Rudolph, Valentine’s Day – Cupid (with a gigantic white diaper), etc. He would definitely need a name as perfect as Beyonce.

  229. I love your posts! I had to pass on this lovely little hotel I stayed at in Munich Germany. It’s within walking distance to the Oktoberfest. I was thinking it would be a great location for a second honeymoon.

    It’s called Hotel Haun (translation: Hotel Cock/Rooster) and here is the website: http://www.hotel-hahn.de/englisch/englisch.htm. A really great hotel in case you ever find yourself needing to combine chickens and large amounts of beer drinking.

  230. So I just found your blog, and by “just” I mean approximately two days ago, which means I have now been ignoring my children for approximately 48 hours as I can’t stop, like gawking at a trainwreck, not that your blog is like a trainwreck it is WAY funnier than that, but I can’t stop reading the past posts which means I am not paying attention to my kids because let’s face it, it is not like your posts are appropriate “read aloud” time for them, though with that being said it’s not like the two year old would understand much of what I was saying and could just enjoy that I am reading to her rather than ignoring her, but then she does tend to parrot everything I say now, and while I think it may be slightly funny for her to go around saying “Knock knock Mo-Fo!” others may not share the humour in that, though how funny would it be if I stalked you to a blogging conference one time, dressed my two year old in a rooster costume, had her knock on your hotel door then when you open it find a two foot costumed rooster saying in a two year old’s lisp “Knock KNOCK Mo-Fo!!!” (because for some reason I do draw the line at her saying Mother Fucker straight out, see I AM a good mom!) well I think that would almost as funny as the time I taught my 8 year old when she was 3 to crick her finger and say in a deep, creeky and evil voice “Red-Rum! Red-Rum!” (cheapest Hallowe’en costume EVER by the way, just sayin’). And if you don’t think both or either of those are funny, please just pull off the bandaid and let me know now so I can move on as would mean I just wasted 48 hours of my life thinking I understood your sense of humour even slightly. Thx!

  231. Baggins Sandwiches in Arizona now has a traveling Beyonce chicken that they move between their various locations. They posted it on their FB page a few days ago, and I almost choked. They even called it…ready for it…”Beyonce the Chicken!” That fucking chicken is taking over the world.

  232. What would you do if Victor countered with, say replacing Beyonce with a small wing from KFC and leaving you a post-it “Beyonce found her calling”

  233. Why’d you change your comment settings? I liked seeing and visiting other people’s blogs based on the titles of their most recent posts. Can you reset it back to that please?

    (It’s still an active plug-in but it’s not working. Anyone know anything about fixing commentluv? ~Jenny)
    Updated: FIXED!

  234. I’m totally doing this with my shaq bobble-head, you know until I buy or find my own version of Beyonce.

    or maybe I’ll use the Abe Lincoln or George Washington hockey bobble-heads!

  235. Since reading your original blog about Beyonce, the big metal chicken, I too have noticed an unusually large amount of big metal chickens around, and of course I just have to get a picture of each and every one of them and their locations. Is there a forum or website where we can send pictures of these adorable birds so that we can see just how many “cocks” are really out there???

  236. Are you going to be selling 2 inch replicas in your store? I think I need one, or two, or fifty.

  237. I want to be you in my next life. I love this shit. Can I say shit? I’m guessing, yes. 🙂

  238. I’m imagining what the front of that lawn ornament shop would look like right now had you bought a colorful metal dildo on sale instead of a chicken. Hmmm….

  239. There’s a giant metal rooster in front of an import shop in Baton Rouge, LA. Every time I drive past it I wonder how it would look on your front step.

  240. 4 foot metal chicken sighted for sale at a consignment store in ASPEN. now, that was a prada wearing, snowboarding chicken — looking as if channeling the ghost of hunter thompson.
    BTW: nobody knew why i was laughing so hard i almost wet myself.

  241. After 235 comments, not sure if you’d even get to this one…but I love you more and more…I NEED a beyonce chicken and now you’ve made it possible. Can we be best friends maybeplease? 😉 Anyway, we’d probably kill each other anyhow.

  242. Omygod. I was just driving to from college station to houston, and at the corner of hwy 6 and 290, what do I see? A BIG METAL CHICKEN. Your awesomeness has extended to hempstead metal chicken vendors 😀 pics on my return trip this afternoon!

  243. So i was driving from austin to houston yesterday when i saw the same style of metal chicken. and oddly enough also almost hit a mailbox screaming “JENNY HAS BEEN HERE!” then today. on my drive back i realized. the chicken i saw was not the same one (there was no fence around him) but what really was strange to me was the fact that they had 5 more of the same chicken…….im now wondering how many people have giant metal chickens on order. and if you have caused a new fad.

  245. I hope you’ve already purchased the http://www.bigmetalchicken.com website.

    Giant nonsensical statues have seemed to have taken over most towns around here. We’ve got two guys with one bent over, and some swirlydoos, and a naked flying woman and man. We totally need a chicken. My sister’s down has giant corn on the cob. Like a whole random field of 10-foot corn.

    Can you imagine an entire field of metal chickens? Magic.

  248. For once I was at our town’s Alien Festival (I live in Roswell, NM and yes, they take it seriously), we are usually out of town for the 4th of July. My husband was diving down the street to get us to the ATM and I shouted “OH MY GOD THERE’S A GIANT METAL CHICKEN!” I had recently read him the story of Beyonce’ and needless to say, he didn’t believe me and refused to turn the car around so that I could prove to him that I really did see a giant metal chicken. So that Saturday, I took myself and my five kids to the Alien Festival and we walked around and I found the giant metal chicken and took a picture of it on my phone. (If I wasn’t doing this at work and the freaking IT guys didn’t block everything, I would totally post it) The giant metal chicken was a smoker! A giant metal chicken canibalistically smoking fellow little chickens! Plus, there was a six foot long pipe coming out of it’s ass with the tail on the end for the smoke to vent! My husband believes me now.
    P.S. I just tried to post from my phone so I could be all “The cock is up! The cock is up!” but the damn thing didn’t work. 🙁

  249. How about a line of TOWELS with Beyonces embroidered on them??? Did somebody write that already?

  250. I have never wanted a metal chicken in my life, but the more you keep talking about it the more I want one for my yard. I stayed at small hotel in Scottsville Virginia, Called Lumpkins. They have a white chicken. You would love it!

  251. The men in our lives are constantly confused that all us gals keep looking at each other and saying things like:
    1 knock knock mother fucker
    2 THAT chicken will CUT you
    3 He’s just trying to be NICE
    Then roaring in laughter. It’s almost as fun as reading the original chicken story. By the way, EVERYONE wants their own giant chicken (except me ) now.

  252. I’ve got nothin’ but love for Beyonce, but what about those of us with a few more troubles in our lives, who could use a little more help? The kind of help that only a Mini-James Garfield could provide? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a situation, one little tear about to fall from my eye, and thought “if I had a Mini-James Garfield in my pocket looking out for me, he could make this all better.” Or maybe, he could have prevented whatever recent unpleasantness ALTOGETHER. Who knows the limits of the power of James Garfield?

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knock-knockin’, MoFo, the greatness of the Beyonce. It’s just that different needs call for different roles and sometimes, only the magic and wonder of the great James Garfield will do.

  253. I recently visited Texas for the first time and tried some migas based on your recommendation in a long ago post. They were indeed delicious and I’m even more in love with your blog now. I also saw a surprising number of enormous metal chickens standing in various yards. Your gospel is spreading!

  254. First, I FREAKIN LOVE YOU!
    And now that there are tiny Beyonces, I MUST have one. MUST. OR I’LL DIE. And i need a giant one too.
    Every time I read your blog, I damn near pee myself. Sometimes I’m not sure whats funnier…. Your blog in all of it’s wonderfulness or the comments after. I laugh for HOURS. My dogs think I’m crazy and my husband sometimes wonders if I’m having some sort of seizure with all the giggling & snorting.

    By the way- the hubby is terrified that I’ll find a giant metal chicken cause he knows I won’t be able to resist it.

  255. Your zazzle store is cool and I love the Beyonce shirts, but what I really need are TOWELS with Beyonce’s picture.
    Please?

  256. I think even Victor has to admit that you coming home with Beyonce instead of towels is really paying off. 🙂

  257. Your sense of humor is PERFECT! Love it!

    You need to get a metal chicken the size of Clifford The Big Red Dog, so Victor can be greeted by the sight before he even arrives home.

    And all the neighborhood children will either love you or cross the street to avoid your house.

    Win-win.

    Keep having fun! 🙂

  258. I’ve been needing one of those ever since you brought giant metal chickens to my attention. Thanks to your concern, I will never again brush them of as “just another piece of yard art.”

    And I envision a world where one day, all giant metal chickens have moosen on their heads.

  259. Dear Jenny,
    Please, Please, for all that is good and right in this world,,,, Please, please do not stop writing about Big Metal Chickens, it has to be the funniest thing I have EVER, read, and the past day or two has been very difficult for me.
    You have has so many responses to and about Beyonce, I’m afraid I may have missed where she was purchased??? I would love a Beyonce myself or that God-aweful enormous cock at the top of the page-LOL.
    I’m on the East Coast and people around here just love their, Wishing Wells, Lighthouses, and the occasional Flamingo(s)……but me, I have my own score to settle with the OtherHalf….We own a 5 foot wooden bear hand carved for more years than I can remember. He resides standing in my Foyer, he weighs about 450 lbs., it took a bunch of people to carry him into our home—-you know I always dreamed of owning a 5 foot wooden bear!

    I posted pictures of him on my blog, did I mention, We own a 2 foot bear- he is in my Family Room, he was supposed to be moved to our bedroom about 8 years ago, but know one bothered to carry him up, he weighs about 50-100 pounds. I’m mean after all if The OtherHalf is a Firefighter, you would think it would be NO PROBLEM!

    Now, this is the great part…..The OtherHalf wants to get a new cement pad poured outback of our home and an awning etc, etc….Now if you could give me any amazing leads on where I could find a Huge Cock to go along with the 5 foot Bear that would make our 16 year anniversary present a Hoot….after all, the men doing the work do not speak the best English and I did deliver the owners baby a few years ago, I’m sure he would ask NO questions:)

    I love your Blog, please do not EVER. STOP. Especially about Beyonce,
    Your Friend,
    Purple Stinky Onion
    (PSO)

  261. Your antics have prompted me to write an entire post about Big Metal Chicken. And also, to hire round-the-clock chicken guards. You’re probably crowing about this, aren’t you, Beyonce?

  264. one of the “without effort” funniest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading! thanks for making your MD (that’s Maryland and not, unfortunately, doctor) readers’ days a whole helluva lot brighter!

  265. Thanks for fixing the commentluv to I can see everybody else’s latest post titles, and mega-more importantly they can see mine. Jenny, your loving attention to this makes me want to touch myself. Ahhh…OUCH! Gotta clip these fingernails…

  270. OMG!! YOUR SO FREAKING FUNNY!!! I just found your blog on FB…someone posted the chicken story. I’m laughing so hard my family is looking at me like I’ve gone mad!!! Awesomeness!!!

  271. I’m a relative newbie to your blog, I can’t remember where ot how I found you as I suffer from a mild disorder called CRAFT (Can’t Remember A Fucking thing) Anyhoo that’s by the by, just wanted to tell you that I had to reach for the Tena lady reading this today and laughed out loud..well so loud that the cat shot off my desk, scattering bills everywhere, and the dog rushed in all puffed up and ready to pounce thinking he was going to have to protect me from something! I told him to go lie back down again as I had my Tena. Off to read what you got up to in Utah now…will I need extra strength Tena do ya think!? PS I do no work for or am not affiliated to, nor any member of my family related to are being bribed by Tena. Just sayin’…..

  272. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat looks like a place over near where I live north of Houston. I now want that giant chicken, mainly to piss off my nosy neighbors.

  273. Hilarious!

    Since I don’t know where you live, I can’t do this. Hopefully the following idea makes you giggle.

    I think it would be awesome to have a large metal gecko show up on your porch with a sign. “Beyoncé, will you marry me?” I live in San Antonio. Fred Gecko and his clan think they’re superspies and keep invading my kitchen.

    I suppose this only makes sense in my own head. Have a great weekend!

  274. I spotted a Beyoncé in a local store and was seriously tempted to buy it. But I have no one to taunt with it, so I left her there to terrorize someone else. 😉

  275. You’ll be happy to know that (living in the UK), we get free (if we are totally insane enough) to get allocated after a very lonnnnng wait, a psychologist, and on my recent visit we spent 15 minutes of my 50 min appt talking about giant metal chickens!! Thanks to your post helping unearth my ability to laugh – over and over again! ), sooooo either you or Beyonce are partially responsible for my not making inappropriate comments/jokes about my therapist turning up to our appointment in a funeral suit.Having just got back from a cremation. The metal chicken saved the day – we even talked about how it would NOT be a good idea idea to cremate rusted oil cans! My fiance however, seems very like Victor in certain aspects, and while our national health service could save a fortune of therapy for me by just buying me a giant metal chicken, the first thing my partner did after i forwarded your article to me was to phone me and say “Jen, we are NOT getting a five foot metal chicken!” Thanks for the laughs 🙂

  276. OMG! I totally saw some metal chickens for sale on the side of the road today. I did the whole hands and face pressed up against the glass thing as we rode by. There were chickens of all sizes!

    Totally love the idea for getting one for my classroom. My answer to every whine will be “Tell it to the chicken.”

  277. I vote you my favorite person on the planet today! I bought my girlfriend a GIANT colored metal chicken for her 50th birthday this week, left it on her doorstep and had my 6 year old daughter ding dong ditch her. We have been giggling uncontrollably. Apparently, CA has their fair share of metal chickens and they are flying off the shelves. Her 14 year old son stole it becuase he liked it so much – her husband, not so much! As I posted on her Facebook page today, “I think a giant chicken/cock is worth at least $5,000 of therapy”. Please ring us up if you visit Southern California soon. I know we would all be instant BFF. Thank you for the laugha.

  281. Beyond awesome. I love how you wield your power! Victor really doesn’t appreciate the finer things in life, does he?!

  282. I really think you should come to my office & your newest BFFs. We all love your blog. A couple of us reference your “knock knock mofo” daily! Too bad it is inappropriate language for a pediatric office. You would fit in just perfect with our juvenile boy humor.
    PS while driving from Atlanta to Tuscaloosa, I saw a giant metal chicken just over the GA/AL border & almost ran off the interstate laughing. My teenage son did not find this humorous.

  283. My view of chickens regardless of size has forever been changed to something awesome! Thank you! 🙂

  284. Your writing is amazing. I was about to fall off of my desk chair at my office laughing like what would resemble a hieena when I saw the first chicken blog about picking your battles. By far the best blog I have found – ever! Keep them coming, and thanks for the laughs!

  285. I’m desperately sorry I didn’t stop, turn around, and get a picture, but the baby was in the car…. That said, on the way home from my parents’ house in Delaware this morning, I saw an 8-foot metal chicken in the front yard of a lawn ornament dealerership on Rt. 404. I almost crashed the car.

  286. Where IS the 8ft. metal chicken, as seen above??? I LOVE that shit!! In Austin??? I live in Dripping. MUST go there, where ever it is…. Looks like a place I would spend money. 🙂 P.S. Don’t tell my husband. The secret is safe, I’m sure. 😉

  287. So, a long time friend and I always do gag gifts for our birthdays (we are 5 days apart). I made her slippers out of maxi pads one year, she sent me gilded buffalo poo another year. This year, I desperately wanted to send her a metal chicken but I just couldn’t find one (not even at WalMart – don’t they have everything? I even looked into upping the ante and getting her LIVE CHICKENS but they only come in sets of 25 and that might be a bit much (I was willing to send her maybe 3 chicks, she could work out the details herself, she’s a smart girl.) I found 2 metal chicken wall hanging and went with that — my SON wants the other one!! Can’t wait for them to be delivered from eBay!!

  288. I’m fairly sure I got whiplash when I saw that chicken in person while driving down the street today and immediately thought of you. I then told one of my friends the entire towels/chicken story, and then brought her home, and showed her.

  289. LOVE the BMC saga! My sister shared it with me, and we immediately felt a kindred friendship with Beyonce and you! We planned a “Sister Weekend” this weekend and went BMC shopping in Ft. Worth. We hit the motherlode!!! We knew to watch out for the chicken cuts – but in my excitement, I missed the 8 ft Giant Metal Horny Toad guarding the Big Metal Chickens. After much blood loss, make shift bandages, and lots of laughter we left with two! Still trying to decide names!
    Melissa & Kim
    for pics:
    http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/profile.php?id=1685887465

  290. Had to finally comment…I found your blog when you first started writing about Beyonce. Told my husband about it and bought myself a small metal (and wood) chicken because I needed a pick-me-up that week. We were standing in the front yard a couple of days ago and hubby said we could put something in a corner of the yard. I asked if he meant another type of plant. He answered, “that, or a big metal chicken.” Thank you so much for adding much needed sarcasm, random-ness, and humor into my life!

  291. Back to the 5′ metal chicken………..check out this website.
    http://writepudding.com/2010/09/spotted-in-los-angeles-the-roosterchicken-car/
    Be sure to scroll down to the “chicken.” I was raised in Santa Monica, but I never saw this metal chicken. Tell Victor it COULD have been worse. I love your posts and this is my 1st blog comment because I’m an old dog and can’t learn new tricks!! Keep up the good work and post the recipe for the wine slushies!

  292. Am I the only one wondering why your thumb looks so very odd in that photo? Look at it! I mean, damn girl, what do you *do* with that thumb??
    PS Don’t answer that.
    PPS I do say this with a deep schoolyard respect and admiration for those with strange digits.

  293. OMG. My best friend and I are scouring the world for a couple of Beyonces of our very own, and NOW we gotta find a couple of EIGHT-foot chickens!!!! I’m seriously considering building my own, as we’re not having much luck. I mean, really, how hard can it be to make one? 😀

  294. There has been a giant8ft rooster just like the one in your picture there at the local nursery (as in plants not babies) down the street from me for months now…I keep meaning to take a picture to send to you. Maybe you should just take a giant metal chicken road trip and come see for yourself!

  295. I bought a 10″ mini-Beyonce’ this weekend at Affair of the Heart in Tulsa. Best $14 I spent all year!

  297. I. Love. This.

    Oh! One more thing!

    Jenny, I figured you were the one to ask about this. I just moved from the east to the west coast. Is it socially acceptable to drink if it’s after 5 pm in your home time zone?

    On second thought, never mind.

  298. The description of desk sized Beyonce on Zazzle is almost more than I can take.

    Here’s a fun snippet:
    “Made and contributed to the online marketplace by the very creative artist thebloggess, the special “thebloggess” photo sculpture above can be searched for in the thebloggess category.”

    Can we get a prize for mentioning “thebloggess” the most times in one sentence?

    I really hope you didn’t write the description cause then I’ll feel like an ass.

  299. I just sent a mini Beyonce to a friend. I felt she needed more chicken in her life. 🙂

    She’s going to think I’m nuts.

    So worth it.

  300. Look what I saw in my neighborhood the other day! I almost died!
    [IMG]http://i121.photobucket.com/albums/o239/ltournat/IMAG0061.jpg[/IMG]

  302. I *knew* Beyonce looked familiar! I was having dinner at one of my favorite pizza places in St. Louis, Missouri, where Beyonce and two smaller friends are a major part of the decoration. MADE MY NIGHT. However, there are no flying pigs on their heads. Sad face.

  304. I’m headed to Scotland in a few weeks, and I will totally be keeping my eyes open for rooster figurines. For serious.

  306. Shut up! I have a giant metal purple polka dot chicken in my garden! ( a friend sent me this link) Only we call her the Schicken in honor of our friends mother, who was french. Dang. It’s a veritable sisterhood of large poultry..

  307. I have a photo of Beyonce playing a trumpet on Tybee Island. That chick can blow!

  309. I shared the Giant Metal Chicken story with my boyfriend when you first posted it. He thought it was hilarious. He specifically liked that the gift for a 15-year anniversary is, naturally, a Giant Metal Chicken. Our one year anniversary is next week and I feel confident that a Tiny Plastic Chicken is the appropriate gift for 1 year. Thank God you created one and made it easy on me. Tiny Beyonce has been purchased and I can’t wait to bestow this plastic wonder on my beloved. You are hysterical, love your blog.

  310. Hi! long time reader, first time commenter 🙂 i’d just like to throw this out there. You have a 2 inch beyonce chicken, and almost 4 1/2 months until Christmas. if YOU create a series of beyonce christmas tree decorations to buy, I will decorate a beyonce themed tree in your honor.

  312. you are HILARIOUS!!! My daughter turned me on to you and you just crack me up!

  313. lol, I absolutely love your blog Jenny! The things you say and do remind me of things I would think but maybe not do…you are inspiring! I want my own Beyonce but my husband would tell me she was a waste of money when we could be buying necessary items (like beer and steaks) and I doubt he’d appreciate the art that is Beyonce.

  315. Okay I am letting you know that I am officially stealing the metal chicken idea for alll things in my entire life!!! I am using one per child for “daily” reminders of love and labour.
    One for hubby, perhaps as a “indicator” of what I would like to see tonight . Oh course my post it note would read “objects may appear smaller than what they represent.”. Then again I could just order the 2×3 for a “actually” size effect.- Ha !
    Let’s not lead him on.
    I will also have to have one if not more for my preschool class. It could be the “get caught doing good” chicken. Or the “you are in time out , because Beyonce does not approve of hitting, spitting,or general violence in the 3 year old class.”
    Do you think you could get a mechanical one on the market?
    Repeatative pecking would be a real deterant to time out with Beyonce’ — Plus she can “cut you!!!”
    She really has no end to her purpose .
    Thank you

  316. My Beyonce’ would have arms. She would stand next to the microwave with a roll of paper towels in them with a note that said, “this is not your work microwave, FUCKER. cover your fucking shit. don’t, and see what ‘henpecking’ really is all about!”

  318. Oh glory be. Today I got not one, not two but THREE separate Beyonce’s in the mail *anonymously*. OMG, I love my friends (and hubby who confessed to sending one). Now I have one for home, the office and my car. Bless you Bloggess for bringing us B!

  319. I sure found a foot and a half metal rooster and “roostered” her. His name is Ross and you have started an epidemic. It’s awesome!!

  320. Correction to the last post!!, I “roostered” my friend and stuck it on her doorstep with a note in his mouth, saying this rooster will cut u!!! Good lord, I hit enter too soon!!! Correction to the previous comment!!, that sounded pretty bad!! Please don’t post it …. Hahahahaha

  322. It’s clear that the purchase of metal chickens can totally turn around the American economy. The resulting spending spree will help retailers, the steel industry, the paint industry, the garden industry, the infomercial industry, the marriage counselor and family therapy industry… why the list just goes on. And on.

  323. There is a giant metal Stork in Lawrence, Kansas that is tucked away in a Zen garden. In Kansas. Yes, those words together.

  324. I was driving in Seattle this week, and a clone of that giant metal chicken was at the garden shop near my brother-in-law’s house. I wondered if you might really live in Seattle, and just not want anyone to know. Well, I’ve found you out now.

  325. When we spied the giant rooster on the label of a bottle of wine, my husband and I had to pick it up and try it. And it’s really quite good!

    Here’s the website: http://www.rexgoliath.com/AboutRex/index.htm

    Rex-Goliath wine, named after a giant rooster that was part of a circus attraction at the beginning of the 20th century. We had the cabernet sauvignon, in case you’re a wine drinker!

  326. Dear Bloggess,

    should I buy a Giant Metal Gecko? Do I need him? My husband’s in India for two weeks so now’s my chance!

    Please help!

  327. I was just watching Picker Sisters on Lifetime and they went to a farm in Mississippi and there were huge metal chickens. My husband and I burst out laughing.

  329. I so need a real sized Beyonce for my front yard! We cleaned out our garage and put the trash at the road. We live in the county and it takes thema month to come by and pick it up. They came but left a few pieces, we were going to pick them up and put them in the trash can but my MIL got sick and we have been 2 hours away helping her. So we are back and my oldest daughter is walking her dog. One of the neighbors say’s you guys are trash! Pick up your trash! She came home and told daddy and he went down there and told the man that if he had something to say to say it him not his daughter. The ass hole had the nerve to say ‘well you got the message’. I WANT 10 Beyonce’s in my yard! Can I use toilets as flower pots? just wondering 🙂

  330. I love the GMC saga…as a result of these blogs, I have made it my mission to find the Giant Metal Chickens in the world (well, except that I really am too lazy to travel that far). The one I have found is guarding a produce stand outside of Leesburg, VA. I have named him Pedro. His lives with a Giant Metal Multi-Colored Horse (who is clearly the more loved of the 2, based on his pretty paint job–Pedro’s a bit…er…rusty). My husband let me take pictures with them both, but I am not allowed to bring Pedro home. 🙁

  331. I too have brought home chickens but mine were real. I even built them a cage but I didn’t build it well enough because my chickens got out. My husband much like Victor did not find this funny. He really didn’t find it funny when I had them in our master bathroom tub & the heat light fell & burnt a hole in the tub. Since the cage was not built properly the chickens exscaped & the neighbors did not find this funny either. We live on the boarder of another city so the chickens would cross the boarder & come back. We are not allowed to have chickens in out city or the one next to us. After the dog catcher caught the chickens (which I should have video taped him running after them) we had 4 tickets all together. 2 from our city & two from the city we boarder because the chickens crossed the boarder.

  335. I now have 2 awesome metal chickens thanks to your GENIUS posts. I am blogging about them right now, finally. At my house, 18 years meant a giant metal chicken. Since then, my friends have been sending pics to me of these things all over the place on vacations (and one brought me a smaller one). I want them all. I am an artist and I’m repainting mine as crazy and fun as possible. So mine is named ‘Cee Lo Van Gogh’. I figure that gives me free reign for all kinds of artistic license. I noticed the peacock feathers in this picture you just posted. Thought I’d point out that you can still use the puns if you get a metal peacock.! Hope your metal family grows! Also, i think you need to sell Beyonce metal knockers for installing on front doors!

  336. I had to buy a MINI Beyonce! Love it. Keep them coming! And what’s funny is a hen showed up on my street the other day! We named her Gloria.

    Thanks for making me laugh so hard. 🙂

  337. While on the return leg of a 2,500 mile home schooling roadtrip/vacation with my 2 daughters last month, we missed our exit in Oklahoma and noticed 125 miles later. We’d spent too much time singing Webkinz Tunz and without a GPS, were forced to read a map and complete a ridiculously long course correction through the Cherokee Nation (you can’t make this stuff up). Needless to say, there are few (NONE!) McDonald’s or anything really where young ladies can find a ladies room for, well, you know. SOO….we kept driving (really fast) until we FINALLY found a restroom that wasn’t inside a casino or someplace where they won’ t let you take kids that need to pee and THEN. THERE.SHE.WAS. Like 9 feet tall in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma. Beyonce in all of her metallic glory. Well, you should have seen the locals when we U-turned in the middle of Main Street so we could have our pictures taken with Beyonce. Yeah. It was the highlight of the trip.

  339. I died laughing when I read the first excerpt about the towels. I went to Wisconsin this summer to visit my cousin and he has one of the 5 foot chickens in his house. I’m sending him the website so he can read your posts.

  340. I found two unfinished metal chickens at one of our local flea markets. I bought one, primed it and painted it, and then sent it to my friend as a surprise. I was so proud of it that I went back and bought the second one today. I’ll probably keep the second one, much to my husband’s chagrin.

  341. Fact: a antique store (read junk store) near my parents house in the middle-of-nowhere Alabama now sells metal chickens. Fully painted to look like Beyonce. Your reach is truly further than previously expected.

  342. Considering the number of women who peed themselves, you should offer a line of chicken themed depends.

  345. My in-laws recently took a trip from BC, to the Yukon. They showed us their pictures, and there was one of a giant, metal chicken… (thought of you)… they took the pic as they were passing through Chicken, Alaska. Just checked out the town’s webpage and it’s freaking hilarious!

  346. Muffin,

    You’ve officially made me snort. The vision of an gimongous chicken peering over the house at Victor made me snort laughing. I’m glad Husband wasn’t here to see this.

    I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally like the passive aggressive chicken notes. “Where the towels at?” is possibly the most brilliant sentence in the history of ever.

    XX

  347. Recently my boyfriend have had a lack of communication or well not communicating the right way. One day after reading these blogs we had gone out to a barn store and bought a weeping willow for our house. During this visit I found a 2ft tall coke (soda) metal chicken I died laughing and took a pic of it. I vowed one day I was Gunna buy one. Any time my bf and I would argue and I’d finally get it through to him what I had been trying to say I’d send him the picture and say “knock knock mofo- I’m a teaching tool! ;)” and we’d both instantly start laughing and be in better moods. We’ve recently made a great break through and things are looking up. Today I went out and bought the metal chicken! It’s sitting on my front porch w a sign around his neck! I can’t wait for the man to come home and see his reaction to my 100$ worth of metal chicken! I told him i was getting him a present 😉 Bwahahaha

  348. In case I missed anyone commenting on this here already:

    When is a big metal chicken like a Buddhist Monk? When Facebook says so!

    On the Facebook page for the metal Beyonce somehow, they decided this page is similar to that of Thich Nhat Hanh (and Pima Chodron for that matter). Maybe FlyLade is also Buddhist.

    See for your self, one of the Great Mysteries of the Interwebs (which is why we love it):
    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Beyonce-the-giant-metal-chicken/245571305466603

  349. Just buy the head of the 10-foot chicken, and mount it on the back side of the roof of your house. He’ll think that it’s a 25-foot chicken, and have a mini-stroke (without the cost and inconvenience of the real super-sized thing)…

  353. We have a freaking CLONED Beynce on our front porch. Yep. she’s a 5 footer. She rang the doorbell the morning of my husbands 46th birthday. He pulled the Victor act. My best friend searched all over Northeast Texas for her. Prior to the birthday Beyonce went hunting but did not prove to be good at it. We were supposed to have joint custody of her, but my GF has backed out of her commitment to mothering the chicken. We just continue to get strange looks from the neighbors and passers by. I will post if we get a letter from our home owners association for the damn metal chicken.

  354. Ok!!! we are on the hunt for a big ass chicken here in Pensacola. Ironically we are called the duckers because we randomly trash each others homes with a million rubber ducks, saran wrap etc……and we are all in or around our 40’s….so imagine our excitement when we read your blog….so inspired!!! we are not alone, we are not the only smart asses and husband tormenters….its just so damn amazing!!!! we have only found one big ass chicken here and it belongs to the company that runs the drunk bus….aka chaddywacker….its a bus you rent to ride around in with all your friends and you can dance in it….welcome to Pensacola Fl…haha. Ok enough ramble…we want a chicken!!!

  355. has anyone ever come forward to claim they were the crafter of your infamous chicken?? just wondering….

  356. I love you and I have been trying to convince my husband that I NEED a Beyonce. So far, he’s not going for it (such a party pooper). I told him it doesn’t have to be right now but he can start saving for one since our 15th anniversary is still 12 years away 🙂

  357. you should call the little one Wee-once… just a thought. This was so darn funnny! Love the love that is in your house.. reminds me of mine! 🙂

  358. I just found you through momastery. You are hilarious!!! I may have to buy a mini beyonce!

  360. Did you know there is a HUGE metal chicken on the campus of the University of Delaware? Actually it’s really a Blue Hen…. But still.

  361. Oh dear sweet jesus. please tell me where that 8 foot chicken is. i’ve talked my husband into going on a chicken hunt this weekend. we are not coming home without one. next week i turn 40, and there will be a giant chicken wearing a birthday hat to greet me on my birthday. or someone’s gonna get cut.

  362. oh dear sweet jesus. please tell me where you saw the 8 ft chicken. i’ve talked my husband into a road trip to find me a giant chicken. i turn 40 next week, and there will be a giant chicken wearing a birthday hat to tell me happy birthday. or somone’s gonna get cut.

  365. Yep, we got the letter…… our HOA sent us a letter asking us to remove the “decorative metal rooster” from our front porch! LMAO! Our Beyonce found her temporary “roost” on the front porch when she was between gigs in our neighborhood. Beyonce makes the rounds for birthdays, baby showers, new pets (that will certainly put them in their place), welcome home celebrations, post-surgery, etc….. you name it, she loves to celebrate! Thanks again for making us laugh our asses off every time we think of her origin!
    PS: Hubby FORBID me to move Beyonce to Dallas with us, so she was recently be adopted by a local Houston family. Another friend suggested I take her, so I can meet the really cool people in our new neighborhood! What a great judge of character – to tell the story and see their reactions.

  367. OK…so I don’t remember when I originally read this artical about the big metal chicken (its been quite some time ago I think)…received in a forwarded email or something but I DO remember laughing HYSTERICALLY!!! Well, a couple of days ago I am driving a different route into my somewhat small town & began laughing out loud that one of the small lawn & garden centers had a 4 foot metal chicken in obnoxious colors…immediately thought of this article & just had to share that you still have me laughing!!

    Dena
    Georgetown, TX

  368. Thank you. I needed this so much. I love your chicken story and the symbol Beyonce stands for. Just had a fight with my stupid bf. thinking abt getting a cock to make the situation better! :p

  369. bought it. not just for the chicken, i could let that pass, but for the pig…

  370. This is the funniest story I have ever read! Awesome! Now I have to get me a huge chicken as well!

  371. I think Victor needs to divorce you ASAP. I know if I was Victor, I would!

  372. OMFG I love you – you’re absolutely hysterical !!! When I first read about Beyoncé I peed my panties I was laughing so hard and it was then that I decided someday I would find a reason to buy a big metal chicken as I couldn’t justify buying one for myself just because …
    Well, my BFF Sister turned 50 this year and I knew this would be the perfect gift for her as only she would appreciate the humor and know the love that went into giving a metal chicken as a gift … We managed to keep her surprise party a secret for a month, not an easy thing to do if you know this woman, but nonetheless we pulled it off – this turned out to be easier than finding the chicken !!! In the end I did find one, albeit our Beyoncé doesn’t look exactly like yours and is only 2 feet tall, the sentiment is the same … always a very composed & controlled woman, she let out a holler fighting back the tears … that was the best gift ever … she has named her chicken … JayZ
    Thanks for making me laugh and for giving me a legitimate reason for buying a metal chicken without being considered crazier than I already am – ‘knock knock mother-fucker’ … I love it !!!

  373. God Bless Pinterest. I found your Chicken story there and and thrilled to say that even though it’s 2 years later, it is still fuckn’funny! You are a mess and one that I would love to be able to hang out with!

  375. My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find most of your post’s to be just what I’m
    looking for. can you offer guest writers to write content
    for yourself? I wouldn’t mind publishing a post or elaborating on a few of the subjects you write regarding here. Again, awesome website!

  376. Ok, I’m a new fan! I just bought the book last week, and the sales clerk told me about the site and the Beyonce chicken story, this is hilarious!! I already want the travel size chicken for my desk at work! I like the idea someone mentioned about Beyonce can be like Flat Stanley!

  379. Useful info. Fortuitous me I recently found your web site unintentionally, with this particular amazed the key reason why that coincidence wouldn’t occurred in advance! I book marked them.

  380. I found a 12 foot metal chicken in Snohomish, WA. Sadly, my argument that at only $100 per linear chicken-foot, it was practically a bargain didn’t fly with my husband. He did buy me a miniature travel-sized Beyoncé, though.

  381. Jenny Lyday, where in Snohomish?

    OMG, The last sentence is GOLD!!! I grew up in MN and now live in Seattle where passive-aggressive is molded into your DNA, and it’s almost an Olympic sport. I say almost because I’ve never been invited to a medal ceremony, so clearly I’m not doing it right.

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  383. A good friend heard I have the flu, and said this is better than chicken soup. Yes. Have just added it to my Favourites bar. Thank you, thank you. Obviously you are a kindred spirit in the rebellious world of crazy that I inhabit. Be watching you. Linda

  384. Love the story. How do I add a photo? I just found an 8 foot bright colored metal rooster that Beyonce needs as her companion! You have to see it!

  386. I think you should have a “who can spot the most “metal chickens” contest. I live where there are tons…go figure :}

  387. It’s only been 7 years, but I FINALLY got my own Big Metal Chicken. To this day, I still point people to this blog. It’s still funny and sharing the story helped me to get my very own! Thank you for STILL making us laugh. 😁😁

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  389. Wait! Is Beyonce a chicken or a rooster???? Help me out here…I’m feeling pretty strongly that ‘she’ is a ‘she’…

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