UPDATED: And then the PR guy called me “a fucking bitch”. I can’t even make this shit up.

SEE UPDATES BELOW…

I know I just posted a few hours ago, but I’m posting again because you all know how dedicated I am to writing about PR pitches (both good and bad) and this one just can’t wait.  I got a form letter email pitch (more than one, actually) about a Kardashian sister being spotted in pantyhose.

Actual line from email:

“The Kardashian’s once again show they are right on trend, and this is on (sic) Mommy’s are all going to want to follow.”

As I do with all unsolicited form-letters about celebrities-doing-shit-no-one-cares-about, I replied with my usual, simple response:

me: And here’s a picture of Wil Wheaton collating.

I got a response from the woman who sent the original email:

Hi there,
That wasn’t very nice. We send certain pitches out to people so they have the chance of getting more hits on their page. We’ll make note of this email in moving forward and remember if we have any advertising opportunities with any of our clients not to go through you.
Best of luck to you.
Best,
Erica

That sort of email might be threatening to a blogger who makes a living by getting advertisers who go through PR companies, but I’m not, and (as far as I know) neither are most people.  For the most part, my blog is supported by people.  People who are bloggers.  This becomes relevant soon.

I wasn’t going to respond, as she did have a point, but then a VP of the company (Jose) hit “reply all”.  With me on the reply-all.

Jose:  “What a fucking bitch!”

Wow.  I sort of felt bad for the guy (as I’ve accidentally fallen victim to the reply-all trap as well) and I considered just cowing down and remaining quietly chastened by this man, but then I remembered that this isn’t the 18th century and that I’ve never taken a high road in my entire life.

My response:

Hi. This is sort of why “reply all” doesn’t usually work well for
companies. Unless, of course, you decided that “What a fucking bitch” was
a great response from a public relations company. Personally, I preferred
the “Best of luck to you” one, which was much more honest and cutting,
while still being professional.

If you’ve read my blog you would know that a great deal of my blog deals
with the importance of public relations companies doing research before
sending form letters to bloggers. Specifically, I’m very vocal about
ridiculous pitches involving celebrities using products. So much so that
I made that actual Wil Wheaton collating paper page to combat this very
sort of thing in a quick and painless way. My blog has nothing to do with
fashion, the Kardashians or pantyhose…none of which I understand, to be
honest. Plus, you’ve sent me this form letter TWICE today. I only point
this out so you can delete this *ahem* “fucking bitch” from all of the
mailing lists you have me on, rather than just one.

Also, I apologize if you were offended by my email. Honestly, I’ve been
sending that thing out to PR people for the last year and this is the
first time I didn’t have someone respond with either a laugh, or with a
simple “No problem. We’ll remove you from the list.” In fact, many PR
companies have turned this entire thing around and sent really hysterical
exchanges to me, which I’ve used to promote their great work in
understanding (and working with) the unique personalities of the very
bloggers they’re trying to reach out to. Just a thought.

Hugs,
Jenny (aka “fucking bitch”)

I don’t know what I expected, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t this:

Jose: I get it and I was out of line by saying that however you put way too much effort
into your approach. A simple “I don’t cover this, no thanks” or “Please remove”
would suffice. To go out of your way to be snarky and rude is a little
inappropriate. Again, I should’ve been less harsh – but I also feel like your email
was rude and unprofessional as well. We will do a better job to research who we are
pitching but maybe you should be flattered that you are even viewed relevant enough
to be pitched at all instead of alienated PR firms and PR people – who are actually
the livelihood of any journalists business. Don’t be offended, you started the
cursing game so maybe we should all just laugh it off and plan not to work together
in the future.

Wow.  Jose was sticking to his guns.  Sadly for both of us, so was I.

My response:

“You should be flattered that you are even viewed relevant enough to be pitched at all.”
You sure know how to flatter a girl. Are you even in
public relations? Am I on Candid Camera? Because I’m kind of baffled.

Please stand by for a demonstration of relevancy.

And then I tweeted to @BrandlinkComm to let them know that one of their VPs just sent me an email referring to me as “a fucking bitch.”  And many, many of my 164,000 followers replied and retweeted in the most clever and hysterically awesome ways imaginable.

And it was beautiful.

PS.  The reason I post this is not to have everyone go all angry-villager on the company.  It’s to remind other bloggers that there are some amazing and wonderful PR companies out there who will do their research and will make your life wonderful.  And there are other PR companies that will try to shame you into posting their irrelevant spam and threaten you with talk of not using you in the future for when they’re doing advertising.  Those PR firms are assholes and you should probably question everything they say.

You are amazing.  You are relevant.  Your work is worth protecting and standing up for.  And you will find wonderful PR companies to work with over time.

Even if you are “a fucking bitch.”

UPDATED: I love you people. Really. Thank you for always having my back and for being so supportive during this weirdness. Jose has apologized, and I’ve been assured by the woman in charge of the company that they are aware and are handling it the best way they know how, so let’s give them some air and let them have the chance to do that. *deep breath*

Now let’s all go have a drink. Make mine a double.

1,379 thoughts on “UPDATED: And then the PR guy called me “a fucking bitch”. I can’t even make this shit up.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. C’mon, angry-villager is fun! Plus, I sell pitchforks.

    Jose needs to learn the power of a simple “Sorry”, and stop qualifying the fuck out of an apology.

  2. I’m cocking my head to one side and trying to imagine what it must be like to work in the most important PR company in the world – so important that they get to undertake the most Sacred and Holy task of schooling wayward, irrelevant bloggers.

    They’re doing a service, you see. Thank goodness for people like them.

  3. I hope Erica gets a promotion and Jose is sentenced to the far reaches of the basement where he has to spend the rest of his years collating papers. Also, you might be my hero!

  4. You totally win for your spelling of Kardashians. Putting in an unneeded apostrophe, like in the original pitch to you, is my pet peeve of the week’s.

  5. Thank you. I really needed this. Especially after posting a pic of a vagina on my facebook page and then worrying it might offend someone. Now I don’t care.

  6. I’m just glad I’m not relevant. I hope him insulting strangers he’s never met for not doing his job for him count as his asshole deed for the year, sheesh!

  7. Um…are they serious? “You should consider yourself lucky”? Has Jose forgotten that they emailed YOU?!?! Classy, Jose. He should run for his life, you are going to go all Twitter-shame on him. If not you, your readers will!

  8. I’m not sure how you started “the cursing game” here. Very odd. Please keep us updated on what the boss has to say.

    I have to say that *I* would be flattered to get a PR pitch from anyone, but you have standards and are clearly very awesome. You go, Jenny!

  9. I’m sorry I called you a fucking bitch, but here’s why you deserved it. No, Jose, that’s actually NOT an apology.

  10. “Again, I should have been less harsh–but I also feel like you made me do it. You asked for it. You with your snark and cursing and proper use of apostrophes.”

  11. What douche canoes…

    Everyone that I know, knows who you are Jenny (thanks in part to my shameless plugging); but I’ve never heard of “Brand Info Asswipe Whatevertheirnameis” and no one else that I know does either.

    So there…. That’s gotta mean something

  12. Not sure if Jose has actually read a real blog…and it brings to mind my new favorite bumper sticker I saw recently:

    I may be a bitch. I am just not YOUR bitch.

  13. They send out grammatically incorrect nonsense pitches, and YOU’RE the fucking bitch?

    Honestly, I don’t get their tactics at all. You being a mother is just part of your blog, which means they just have crawlbots picking up “like MOTHER Teresa, only better” and the link to “Good MOM/Bad MOM” and somehow decided this was a mommy blog. Furthermore, what do the Kardashians have to do with mothers, anyway? And how did you “start the cursing game” by sending your Wil picture?

    This guy is just pissed because he finally got caught using his office email to badmouth people, probably even his coworkers. He doesn’t understand blogging or women and thinks that we’re all aspiring to have Goodyear boobs. Then some “fucking bitch” who gave Christmas to those that had none and inspired others to do the same DARED to step out of the kitchen and question him. What a great PR guy – for douchebags.

  14. Your Wil Wheaton collating page is seriously awesome and funny. And btw his cussing was WAY worse than yours. His was a direct attack against you and yours was more in general cursing. You are my hero anyway. Screw stupid PR firms.

  15. Jose, VP of “PR firms and PR people – who are actually the livelihood of any journalists business” isn’t the livelihood of his PR firm today…

  16. If I could have figured out a way to reply to your tweet via my phone I would have called that guy a “twat” right to his Twitter account.

    What a total moron.

  17. So. Freaking. Awesome. I get both mad AND scared at those spammy emails. I hate getting junk in my box… Wait.

    Tweeting this post!

  18. I am all over this shit! Because I am an unconventional born again Christian Mommy who did not get your blog the first time I came here. Oh my gosh, they need to read more or they are missing the point!

    XOXO Fuck that PR dude, he was all swish swish, no you DI’NT! But I don’t think he KNOWS WHO YOU ARE!!!

  19. Wow, what a horribly unprofessional person. When you make a terrible mistake like that. all you is apologize. Nothing else.

  20. “Please stand by for a demonstration of relevancy.”

    If he’d had any clue who you were, his heart would have stopped right there.

  21. Just a few thoughts.

    1. Dude needs a copy editor. Seriously.
    2. That’s like saying “oh, you’re mad that I got my man juice on your shirt? you should be flattered I find you attractive enough to rub up against at all!”

    Say whatttttt? Also, I look forward to reading more on your views of “journalists business”

  22. Does Jose even know what the letters ‘PR’ stand for? Unbelievable! I guess he’s not worried about good PR for his company. But they’ll probably be happy that you considered them relevant enough for a blog post.

  23. I think Jose is just mad because he got sand in his vagina.

    Hugs and best of luck to you in your job search, Jose!

  24. Jenny, you are the most amazing person I “know” and it makes me wish I REALLY did “know” you in real life. And even though we’ve never personally met, I love you and you make my days brighter. Love, a fellow Texan 🙂

  25. Of course. I can see that replying with a link to Wil Wheaton collating paper is equally as offensive and unprofessional as calling someone a fucking bitch. Congrats Jose. You win the logic award of the day. Your prize? A slew of annoyed bloggers. Yaaaaaayyyy!!!!

    I admit, I would be flattered to get a PR pitch from someone- but let’s be honest, who actually cares about the Kardashians and pantyhose? (Oh, I suppose that’s why the PR agency was even sending out the pitch…)

  26. I’d just like to say that Dogsondrugs provide an inferior brand of pitchfork. Buy from Honest Mike’s – “worlds sharpest tines – mega pitchforks”. As used by all of the Kardahsians and all other races in the Star Trek universe while wearing pantyhose. Get in quick. Our Taiwanese slave workers can only put out 200,000 per day….

  27. Indeed, “Please stand by for a demonstration of relevancy”… that’s badass.

    I think it’s safe to say that today is going to be a bad day at the office for Jose.

    I almost feel sorry for him.

    Almost.

  28. Wow. That’s really really absurd. Here’s to hoping dear Jose gets fired.

    Also, you should be flattered? Do they know who you are? You had a bathroom built for you!

  29. Um, I guess I’m stuck on why you would ever send an email to coworkers with the term “fucking bitch” in it…? Am I living under a rock? Maybe Jose also dabbles in dog breeding?

  30. lol @ them being the “livelihood of any journalists business”. I should hope a journalist would opt for somebody who knows basic grammar rules regarding possession.

  31. Wow!! Jose has amazing people skills….if making people want to stab him through an email can be considered a skill!

    Someone needs a prozac pinata…..

  32. I think the fact that Jose fail at PR. Is enough to stop us from going all mob on the company. I mean really the guy works for in PR send out an email to a blogger where he insults her and doesn’t automatically apologize?!?! He didn’t see this coming? Also the fact that he hit reply all, who is he sending this to in first place?

  33. LOVE IT!!!! I have some people who have pissed me off….I think I need to study you more closely so I to can deal with them this way…..love it!!!!

  34. Wow, I love how companies act like dicks and don’t think that there will be repurcussions (sp). Jose is the company. Companies should know better. Unless they are all assholes.

  35. I worked in PR for many years and not even once internally, did I or my coworkers EVER called anyone who turned down our pitch, as a fucking bitch. Just.move.on. Jose clearly has a stick in his ass. Dickwads like him are exactly why so many good PR firms and practitioners are misunderstood.

    Women should run PR, period.

  36. It’s amazing that they don’t understand they are the equivalent of junk mail and telemarketers when they send those SPAM pitches. I hope he’s flattered that he made it into a Bloggess post – and he didn’t even have to collate.

  37. How did you start the cursing game? I found Will Wheaton hilarious. It was/is a nice approach.

    Jose needs to understand that being a drama queen may get you a following on Twitter, but will get you fired in a heart beat.

  38. Sounds like Jose doesn’t have a sense of humor. And he pretty much sucks at using Outlook. I know that we’re not supposed to go all angry villager on them, but I sent them a polite email suggesting that Jose should be retrained on email etiquette.

  39. Anyone who can read and can receive your Wil Wheaton Collating email and not end up laughing hysterically with tears running down their face is a sociopath and should not be pursuing a career that involves the written word.

  40. Cheezits. You can NOT convince me the economy is in the shitter when tools like Jose have jobs. Come ON! Speaking of fucking bitches, they never tried to solicit ME! WTF JOSE?! When your wrong, your wrong!

  41. I got the exact same pitch today too. I blog about food. How do these people even get our email addresses, it’s so pathetic. I just clicked “delete” on the email but now I’m tempted to send them the same response you sent. In fact maybe all of us bloggers who got this pitch should send out the same response, just to tickle Jose.

  42. Wow. It seems like every day the interwebs bring us a new example of PR/marketing/advertising people being rude/useless/incompetent. I promise: there are some good ones out there. And even some with a grasp of basic grammar.

  43. Sometimes you can judge the quality of a person’s character, by the type of person who judges them to be a fucking bitch.

    Congratulations, Bloggess. This seems to indicate you are doing very, very well.

  44. Does anybody (ANYBODY?) want a PR firm that can’t spell or use proper grammar? Really?

    The random celebrity-object proximity thing is completely incomprehensible to me. Coupled with bad writing? wuh.. wuh… why?

    :sigh: I do visit your WIl Wheaton page with odd frequency. I like to think it’s the reminder that Snark Lives that heartens me, but perhaps it’s RCOP after all. Shit.

    Maybe if the Discovery Channel did Snark Week instead of Shark Week I wouldn’t have to worry any more.

  45. Dear Fucking Bitch,

    Only because I spent most of my adult life in PR, OK, the “life” part is stretching it, and the “adult” part as well, must I ask with great gusto, nay, demand, that you marshal your global forces and get photos of:

    – Ass Hat Erica
    – Douche Canoe Jose

    Then post the photos along with their contact details and any porn vids they have starred in. (Mr. Zuckerberg’s new privacy setting will make this dead easy).

    During above mentioned payback, please don’t mention the slutcanoe k sisters by name, else Jose and Erica will include in their media infections, er, impressions.

    Note: In Houston, a movie called “Erica the Slut” ran from when I was 13-16. Sadly, I never saw it, nor did I know that Erica moved laterally from porn into PR. The skills are certainly transportable.

    Final thought. If you find the Rattlesnake, could you courier it to: Erica (“the PR Slut”) and Jose at Douche Canoe PR.

    Mwah.

    (Told you I had been in PR).

    Bill in Nu Zillans

  46. I really don’t understand why anyone would hit reply all and say “what a fucking bitch” It shows incredible unprofessionalism. I would never hire a company to do my PR work if I got an email like that or even heard they sent an email to someone that said that. But what do I know I’m just a regular consumer with a job and money. Seems like I won’t be buying pantyhose anytime soon.

    Thing like this just boggle my mind. The thing that really bothers me is he still thinks it’s ok.

  47. Oh! When I started to read this i thought Jose was talking to YOU about Erica. I almost felt badly for him, as well. But wow. This is about the funniest shit I have read in a while. Professional my eye. Seriously. I am curiious about the resoonse you get. Amazed at the stupidity of people, and in awe of how people just do not know how to spell or punctuate sentences.

  48. Oh Jenny, how do I love thee… let me count the ways!
    From one “Fucking Bitch” to another.

    Much Love & Zoloft –
    Jennifer

  49. A. I don’t comment often, but I have to say that what’s truly baffling here is that whoever wrote the original form has no grasp of the English language. How can they effectively relate publicly when they can’t spell or use an apostrophe?

    2. Jose is a moron. Jose is a moron who likely will not have a job for very long.

    C. Sorry, my number 2 really got me laughing. Poor, stupid Jose. I think I’ll take his response to the chair of the business department at my university so she can pin him on the “what not to do” part of the bulletin board in marketing class.

  50. Huh.

    Evidently THIS is why I never went into marketing. I mean, I’m all for calling people fucking bitches, but shilling for pantyhose? That’s just nasty.

    (How do I miss when you go viral? Stupid life, getting int the way.)

  51. “Stand by for a demonstration of relevancy.” is gonna be my new catchphrase. Please make t-shirts.

    Thank you for showing how it should be done.

  52. You so totally rock. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to find you. All hail the Bloggess.

  53. It’s really impressive how little a sense of humor Jose has. Gives Jose’s a bad name everywhere.

  54. I went to check out the Twitter frenzy and, Jenny… I think you broke Twitter. I can’t even log in because it’s over capacity.

    You Fucking Bitch!

  55. I can’t get over the fact that he’s VP of a Public Relations company and can’t use spell check. I mean, it does check grammar too. I don’t see why it’s so hard to insult someone properly. If you’re going to be an asshole, be an intellectual asshole.

  56. From the Brandlink website:
    “We come from the senior ranks of large firms, but here at Brandlink, we actually do the work, not just manage it. ”
    “At Brandlink you get senior thinking, not just senior project management.”
    Yeah, right, assclowns. Apparently you can’t manage your way out a a wet paper BAG. Senior thinking? Are you kidding me? THAT’S something to brag about? Asses.

  57. PS: I’m noticing that Jose’s past work (listed on the BrandLink website) is pretty extensive. Emphasis on “past work.” Sounds like most work for him is soon to be in the past.

    PPS: I wonder how many comments Jose can get before he just loses his mind?

  58. I didn’t understand the “you started the cursing” part of this either at first (this is for the commenters (sp?) who also didn’t get that ). Then I clicked on Jenny’s link in this story that just says “And here’s a picture of Wil Wheaton collating.” THAT’S when it got even funnier and made sense. Still no excuse for his behavior, but at least now that statement made sense.

    Is there a fax number where we, your loyal followers can send him something—-I don’t know what, maybe recycle all those unwanted spam faxes that flood the work fax machine and waste all the fax toner? I want to do something techno-stabby to Jose.

    Best comment so far—Deidre’s about your having missed the opportunity to say “No way Jose.” Priceless!

  59. WHOA!!!
    Going to look through my emails – this sounds a lot like an email I got asking if I wanted high-res images of various celebs on scooters. The, “Mommy’s are all going to want to follow.” was the wording. OMG!
    Really? Cause Moms get off on lame photos??
    WTH??

    Nice to meet you bitch, I guess I am too!!
    Smooch!!!

    .

  60. So, in this guy’s profile on their website (copied and pasted below) something stood out to me – this guy is a total douche bag. Okay, maybe it doesn’t say that in his profile, but read between the lines. I also think they need to update his website profile – last line should say: “Most recently, Mr. Martinez called The Bloggess a fucking bitch, a new and innovative PR technique that Jose will soon patent in his climb up the ladder to his ultimate goal of wiping Donald Trump’s ass.”

    Love you, Jenny – you rock!

    Jose Martinez

    VP, Media Director

    Prior to BrandLink Communications, Martinez served as West Coast Vice President at Fingerprint Communications for over two years spearheading media relations on behalf of the agency’s LA-based clients. While at Fingerprint, Martinez worked on clients such as Muscle Milk, 42 Below Vodka, the Malibu Lumber Yard, W Hollywood Hotel, Eva Longoria’s BESO restaurant, Polaroid and Dr. Rey’s Shapewear and managed events for Maxim Magazine, Details Magazine, Rockband, and Oakley, to name a few. Before joining Fingerprint Communications, Martinez oversaw PR campaigns at London-based Freud Communications for Details Magazine, Soho House and The Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino, Las Vegas. He also spearheaded special projects for Elle Magazine, Helio, Moet & Chandon and worked with Sony Pictures Entertainment, Marv Films, American Idol: Idol Gives Back and Bauer Publishing titles Life & Style and In Touch.

    During his 5 year tenure at Harrison & Shriftman, Martinez oversaw media campaigns for Los Angeles- based clients. Martinez helped craft publicity, marketing and influencer campaigns for consumer brands, luxury lifestyle products, hospitality properties, as well as managing the agency’s special event division. While there, he worked with Fox, Playboy Magazine, Imagine Entertainment, Cartier, Glamour Magazine, Premiere Magazine, Motorola, EA Games, Teen People, Mr. Chow, Grey Goose vodka, Corzo Tequila, Ugg Australia, Converse, Nintendo, BlackBerry (RIM), Helio, Juicy Couture and Porsche, among others. Martinez started his PR career at independent film consultancy Clein + White.

  61. Under Transportation, they boast the Mayflower as one of their accounts. The Mayflower. Hee hee.

  62. While I love your response, I can’t help but feel that you wasted the perfect opportunity to use the phrase,” No way Jose,” in a real life setting. 🙁

  63. Shit, I can’t get past the misspellings in the original email. And if bloggers all know to research our research before we hit send why don’t the marketing assholes who are getting paid the $ I need?

  64. For reasons I can’t fully explain, I, for some reason, am repeatedly stunned by how fucking idiotic some people are. You would think this wouldn’t surprise me by now. But it does. Thanks for making it a fun surprise.

  65. see now if they had sent you info on how the kardasians had a new line of shoes designed for paper collating

  66. A simple “My Bad” on his part really could have saved him a lot of embarrassment. But since he insisted on going the douche bag route I am popping some popcorn and pulling up a seat. Can’t wait to see what comes next.

  67. I used to work in PR and have several friends that still do consumer PR, regularly reaching out to bloggers like yourself. I am embarrassed for the entire profession for Jose’s behavior. The sad part of it is that there are several people out there who act just like Jose – they somehow think because they represent a company (or individual) that they are somehow important. As if the relevance transfers. I’m glad to hear that in the past you’ve dealt with good PR people too – sadly too many bloggers only get to interact with the worst of the profession which is why PR, in general, has such a bad reputation. And um, that apostrophe mistake? Makes me cringe. And get angry.

  68. These people are in PR? These emails sound like they were written by third graders, emotionally AND intellectually.

    VILLAGERS! GET THEE TO THY PITCHFORKS!

  69. Oh my goodness.I cannot, by any stretch of the imagination, imagine how a PR person can get by with an attitude like that. And while I agree that reply all is a tool created to trap people, the very fact that he wrote such a message speaks volumes. I am not saying he can’t have an opinion—but one thing is to say something out loud, and another thing is to write it down. You rock for how you handled it— as always!

  70. Well, I know I’M flattered to get mass-mailed PR pitches asking me to promote things, in exchange for high-res images (me) and actual money (the PR company)! I don’t know what YOUR problem is! It’s as if you don’t judge your self-worth in the currency of mindless anonymous mass promotion! Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to be moving forward.

  71. I just want to clarify that I am not the Erica who writes poorly-phrased and badly-composed replies for a PR company.
    Also, I am not Jose, thank all the powers that be. I rather hope he accidentally strangles on a pair of Kardashian hosiery this evening.

  72. Waaait…your response originally was just the pic of Wil collating, right? How is that rude? I’m soo confused by that whole situation.

    I like responding to emails where people mistakenly include me in the reply all with comments like that with a simple “I can see this, you know.”

  73. Fuck yeah. It’s nice to see a post about these annoying PR emails. I received one today from a firm about “presidential neckties”. The email essentially said, “We notice that you’ve mentioned Obama in a post. Could you talk about this line of neckties?”

    What!?!? Fuck you and your neckties.

    I must admit, though…I received a note from a representative of another firm this week. Based upon her email, it was obvious that they had been following my site. They quoted numerous posts over the last few weeks, and used language that told me that they were readers. In a situation like that…I’m more than happy to take a few minutes and exchange a couple of emails back and forth. Otherwise, it’s the online equivalent of “cold calling”. I did that in my early twenties. Can’t stand those slimy eels.

    Until now, I have simply deleted the emails as they have come into my inbox. Perhaps I should reply in the same fashion as you do. Maybe with a picture of Morgan Freeman holding cotton candy? Automatically deems negotiations null and void.

  74. Let’s not lose sight of the original topic- the Kardashians and their hosiery. I can’t rest until I know more.

  75. oh poor sweet moronic assholish Jose. The Fans of The Bloggess are gonna make you THEIR bitch for being such an asshat to our Jenny.

  76. Fucking Bitches Unite!

    “Most recently, Mr. Martinez called The Bloggess a fucking bitch, a new and innovative PR technique that Jose will soon patent in his climb up the ladder to his ultimate goal of wiping Donald Trump’s ass.”

    LisaD you are awesome (you, too, Jenny)

  77. Sorry if this has been addressed BUT:
    “maybe you should be flattered that you are even viewed relevant enough
    to be pitched at all instead of alienated PR firms and PR people – who are actually
    the livelihood of any journalists business.”
    I gotta be honest, as a journalist, PR people are NOT the livelihood of journalists.

  78. I think you should give Copernicus Jose’s address. I heard he had some new tricks up his sleeve. Something involving duct tape, razor blades, and nipple clamps.

  79. Wil Wheaton just twittered (is that a verb?) this post. He has 1.8 million followers. Simply awesome.

  80. >Please stand by for a demonstration of relevancy.

    That’s my favorite part. I may have pumped my fist in the air.

  81. i have not been able to visit your blog or follow your tweets lately and all i can say is:

    MY GOD, HOW I’VE MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    you rock, Jenny. period.

  82. Dang!! Just when I got off my meds enough to really go angry-villager on someone and get away with it! Curses!!!!!

  83. I don’t know if you watched Gilmore Girls, but please know that, in my head, I am having a Lorelai Gilmore “Did you ever know that you’re my hero…” moment. A very big one.

  84. My favorite line of Jose’s was this: “To go out of your way to be snarky and rude is a little inappropriate.”

    Doesn’t he understand that being snarky and rude is not “out of your way” at all? It was totally appropriate.

  85. As someone who used to work for a PR company, I would have been thrilled to get as creative a response as this to a bad pitch. People have no sense of humor.

  86. Oh Bloggess, let me count the ways I love you!! You bring a smile to my face even on those days when my smile wanted to take the day off.

  87. LOVE this: “stand by for demonstration of relevance”. You. Rock. And Jose? Well, he’s a fucking bitch.

  88. I feel it is a tiny bit less inappropriate to quote Jesus here, since you are The Goddess of Blogging*…

    “They know not what they do.”

    *That IS what “bloggess” means, right? Should be.

  89. You are amazing. I laugh out loud every time I stop by here and this is a classic example of why. You say and do all those things many of us think of too late to actually do.
    Keep up the good work!

  90. Wow. I curse freely, and many in my office, including my bosses do as well. But there is a limit, and we do not put that into writing, and certainly do not hit reply all showcasing our unprofessionalism.

    I’m shocked that someone in PR with a title like VP could be so wilfully ignorant and offensive. Dumbass deserves whatever slap on the wrist they give him for that. Something like that could get you fired where I work.

  91. Damn. You really are a fucking bitch.

    But you’re the best fucking bitch I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading!

    Wonderful reply to an idiot PR VP!

  92. Wallaby (comment 99) is on to something genius. There are so many Jose jokes we have yet to make. Also, what an asshole. Dear PR professionals: You wonder why you have a bad reputation? I’d like to introduce you to Jose.

  93. I can’t wait to hear more about this exchange! I hope Jose has to ACTUALLY apologize *smirk* and that you graciously share with all of us “Fucking Bitches”. I’d also like to point out that Fucking Bitch is capitalized. To prove a point. What’s the point you ask… well I’m not sure but it’s a good one 🙂

  94. You are the best and you are relevant, but that PR company is not. How could they be in the business of pitching to bloggers and NOT know you?? Clearly they don’t know they market they are pitching to. What an incompetent group of idiots.

    Sorry, but I am heading to Twitter to join the other angry villagers. How could I not? Way too much fun!

  95. Here is what I am wondering: HOW ON EARTH is it possible to become VP of a marketing company when you do not have the spelling, grammar, and basic punctuation skills to write a single sentence? The number of errors in both the pitch and the email should be enough to mortify a fifth grader, let alone the VP of a marketing company.

  96. Wow. I work in PR. Glad to know I now have a blueprint for how to climb the corporate ladder if I so choose. Thanks, Jose, for helping my career take off! I’m off now to reply all to some e-mails I got today. Maybe I can even use Urban Dictionary to really come up with some zingers.

  97. “Too much effort in your approach”…?

    So, because you have a brain, and some level of integrity, it is viewed as too much effort? Too much for “Jose” I suppose.

    There seems a lack of understanding, not only of bloggers and blogging, but of human nature as well.

    Love this post. Keep them honest! Keep them accountable!

    Mwah!! xx

    P.S. Is it wrong that I am cutting my toenails while typing this? Men can multi-task!

  98. (On the other hand, he seems quite capable of spelling “fucking bitch” — so maybe he should be taking out the trash at the marketing company, rather than writing its official emails?)

  99. I actually commend you on your restraint in not pointing out that neither of these “PR professionals” seems to understand the difference between a plural and a possessive noun. I probably would have responded by sending them to the Strunk and White for some much-needed grammatical instruction.

  100. “PR firms and PR people – who are actually the livelihood of any journalists business”

    Is it just me, or is that a very 20th-century view of journalism? In the modern world of free blogging, youtube and google-enabled research at everyone’s fingertips, aren’t people like this just a little pissed that they’re becoming a little obsolete?

  101. Jenny,

    You rock. I love that you wrote back and didn’t back down. I also love that you are sharing this with all of us because that is the beauty of this information age we live in. I get completely irrelevant form letter solicitations for my blog from companies that claim they love my blog but have obviously never read it’s actual content. This is perfect. I may just have to recommend that we all start sharing your link as well! : )

    I also love that you signed your letter to Jose, “Hugs” : )

    Fondly,
    MaryLea

  102. I was going to make fun of his bio, but someone already did that. I think he needs to install a “douche bag” jar in his office and promptly deposit a couple grand to be donated to homeless animals or something. They may have sort of forgotten that while you have 164k in followers, you regularly converse with people that have MILLIONS of followers. Oops.

  103. I’m pretty sure being called a “fucking bitch” by a nimrod like him qualifies as a compliment.

  104. Thankfully I didn’t get that Kardashian email as anything to do with them makes me insane and not in a good way. I’d take Wil collating over a K-girl any day.

    That aside, regardless of the original “reply all” snafu, for Jose to keep trying to make you look like the rude one in all of this just shows his lack of professionalism. Self-important idiots like that just aren’t worth it, imho.

    Rock on with your bad “bitch” self. =)

  105. Has anyone helped the sweet girl from the original email file a lawsuit against JOSE for using the phrase, “fucking bitch,” in an inter-office email? Does she have to put up with that? Can she reply to all with, “Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well you’re a cock sucking subway-pissing dick leak!”

  106. Ya know, I come here every day. Sometimes, three or four times a day. Why? Because I am looking for pictures of a Kardashian in pantyhose. ANY Kardashian. Even that mystery one that never gets on TV (what’s her name? Gummo? Whatever.)

    Thwarted again. Damn it! But it sounds like these Brandlink people have some. How do I get enough relevance for them to talk to me?

    (Oh, I just looked Kim up on Wikipedia. She is involved in something called the Cookie Diet Lawsuit. How is that woman living my bucket list?)

  107. Yeah, a fucking hysterical bitch. I am having fun thinking about what fun it would be to come to your blog one day and seeing a serious post about what the Kardashians are wearing.

  108. Dear Jose,

    Knock, knock, Motherfucker! It’s the angry villagers and I don’t believe you know who you are messing with here.

    Be nice, or I’ll stab you.

    Jane

  109. I feel sorry for the folks who work with this tool. Who in their right mind sends that phrase in an email? In 2011? All I know is, I just got my very own Beyonce today, and that to me is more relevant than Jose will ever be. Love ya, Jenny!

  110. Wow, Jose is an asshole! My jaw dropped when I read the following “you should be flattered that you are even viewed relevant”. Geez aren’t you glad that your considered to be “someone” because your on their list.

  111. Did anyone else notice that Brandlink’s twitter page truncates its profile? Not to mention the missing apostrophe — looks like that’s a recurring error. My 11th-grade English teacher would have something to say about that.

    BrandLink
    @BrandlinkComm LA, NY, MIA, CHI, DC
    BrandLink Communications. Builds brands with ROI strategies Leverages its relationships with media, influencers and talent to ensure a clients messag
    http://brandlinkcommunications.com

    I agree with the earlier comment that relates Jose’s “You should be flattered” attitude to harassment/assault. Way to fail, dude.

  112. On what planet are the Kardashians relevant?

    Or their pantyhose?

    And lol at getting traffic for posting about it 🙂

    Oh, am I not being very nice? Maybe I should just call you a fucking bitch and be done with it.

  113. I know you didn’t want us to go all angry villager on him but gee, Jenny, don’t hate me for loving you. Please forgive me, Bloggess, but I was just feeling so stabby……..
    Copy of email I just sent to his company with subject line of “No way Jose.”

    Big mistake, Jose. Bloggess may as well read “Goddess” to so very many of us, her loyal followers. You should count yourself lucky to be found worthy of her even mentioning your name and company on her blog. I guess you’re counting on the old adage that even bad publicity is still free publicity. So sad. Good luck in your NEXT job.

    P.S. There is a really cool feature on your computer called spell check that actually checks your grammar as well. Maybe it is time for you to learn to use it—like maybe when you find yourself updating your résumé.

  114. BTW, I see Wil Wheaton has jumped into this fray on Twitter. I don’t envy the mailservers at BrandLink — that guy is more than a collator, he’s a damn Twitter force of nature.

    Get Felicia Day to retweet him and Jose will envy the dead.

  115. BrandLink Communications. Builds brands with ROI strategies Leverages its relationships with media, influencers and talent to ensure a clients messag

    Do they not proof the crap they put out there about themselves?

    Shouldn’t there be a card for when you’ve replied all in error?

  116. REAL P.R. people know how to spell and use proper grammar. Assholes do not. I have to say, though, that I wish Erica had ended her message with the all-encompassing curt closure, “Good day to you. (I said GOOD DAY!)” Jose is a douche of the highest order.

  117. Who could find Wil Wheaton collating papers offensive? This guy needs to catch a sense of humour. Maybe he can find one in the classifieds while he’s looking for a new job.

  118. Seems like they are spamming a lot of bloggers. If you were really keen to get one back on them, report them to their isp for unwarranted spamming. They will have some explaining to do!

  119. I know we all *said* we wouldn’t get pitchforky– but honestly- that dude is a fucking cuntzilla and really doesn’t deserve to have ANY clients, at all.

    Perhaps he needs a lesson in what REAL PR is, via The Bloggess

  120. Clearly he’s in the wrong (omg.. I send snarky remarks to our helpdesk in regards to emails but I NEVER use reply all.. however sometimes I worry that the helpdesk is going to send my response containing not only my helpful advise but my amusing curmudgeonly snark with THEIR response)
    but yeah, I digress..

    He must think awful highly of himself to assume that you got a copy of a picture of Wil Wheaton collating paper and constructed an email JUST FOR THEM. It’s a form letter, dude. It just happens to be a fucking hilarious form letter.

  121. OMG brilliant!! THanks for sharing this story!! stumbled upon it thru a retweet from a friend!! keep up the good work!!
    I have retweeted and shared on facebook!

  122. I’m watching the demonstration of relevance over on Twitter. The whole thing is just hilarious. Job well done. Maybe you should make this a weekly occurrence; pick some jackass on the internet (we’ve sure got enough of ’em), tell us why, and turn us loose. We’ve already purchased our pitchforks, after all.

    Cheers.

  123. Blame it on Mental Illness Week. Jose celebrated by skipping his meds and being his true (f@#$n a**hole) self. He must have Tourette Syndrome amongst other illnesses so let’s just send him a National Mental Illness Week card and forget this ever happened. Except no one will forget… we’ll just pretend to forget… or maybe we will because we’re fricken crazy!

  124. classic asshattery. i for one can’t wait to see the t-shirt that comes out of this one. *scans comments*

  125. Perfect example of what my father always told me….”Joke ’em if they can’t take a fuck.”

    Jose, you are a Douche Bag, which could be overlooked by many. But you also have no sense of humor for which we cannot forgive.

  126. It’s a good thing you’re not relevant. Otherwise they might start to get annoyed by all those irrelevant tweets! 😀

  127. Even though i’m one of the “good ones”, i somehow feel obligated to apologize on behalf of that putz…oy!

  128. Y’know, it occurs to me that karma usually takes longer to come back and bite someone in the ass. But not Jose! He might as well have bit himself and just got it over with.

  129. I would think that anyone would be fucking tickled pink to get a photo of Wil Wheaton collating papers.

  130. I don’t tweet, but I hope that one of your loyal Twitter followers also tweeted this on all of Brandlink’s clients’ Twitter pages. Chances are, this asshole VP has similar unfiltered rants about his current clients. He’s a klassy guy.

  131. Oh lordy, “please stand by…” is one of the best things I’ve ever read on here, and that’s really saying something. Especially when you can actually turn ON the anti-PR firehose.

  132. When you put your responses in the grey boxes, I (and presumably others) can’t read it on the iPhone bc it cuts off the right side of the box. 🙁 we just moved and don’t have Internet yet so I can’t even look up this post on a computer! When, oh when! am I going to get to read this post?!?! It looks like its really funny. Love you bloggess! Happy Mental Illness week!

  133. Have you ever heard of a band called Saffire, The Uppity Blues Women? They had a song called “Bitch With a Bad Attitude.” It’s awesome. Until I found you, I thought they were the funniest women on earth. Anyway, in that song they say that bitch stands for “Being In Total Control of Herself.” They also proposed that the next time somebody calls you a bitch you should say “Thank you very much.” I’m just sayin’…….

  134. This has become the highlight of my week! Thanks for sharing! I never knew PR was the perfect fit for my anti-social personality, now I know what types of jobs to start chasing.

  135. Once again, you prove that not being a neuro-normal is a lovely, creative state of being.

    E.

  136. I hope that Jose learned that when you feel forced into making an apology that you don’t believe in (and he clearly didn’t given the amount of justification and backpedaling that went into it), you should keep it short and sweet lest your pants actually catch on fire.

  137. “you should be flattered that you are even viewed relevant enough to be pitched at all instead of alienated PR firms and PR people” is especially hilarious to me seeing as how all I have to do is go to one trade show, sign up under “media” and suddenly I’m on at least 50 email lists (many from “PR companies”) about stuff we don’t cover…hmmmmmmm….

  138. Heh, and now Wil RT’d you.

    If I may coin a phrase? “Tweet, tweet, motherfucker.”

  139. Two things:
    1) “My blog has nothing to do with fashion, the Kardashians or pantyhose…none of which I understand, to be honest.” -I love this more than any boyfriend I’ve ever had. (And a few relatives.)

    2) If anything, I feel sorry for Jose. He’s like that socially-awkward co-worker who’s trying to save face after the lame photoshopped image of his boss holding a penis fell into the wrong hands.

  140. Seriously? I am beyond flabbergasted. What is beyond flabbergasted? Befuddled? I don’t know…

    That douchecanoe is seriously one of the most arrogant bastards ever.

  141. Jose should learn not to diss the Bloggess, nor her fans. Poor English and grammar? Pro writer? NOT

  142. i fucking love how their twitter has 986 followers and you have 165,210 followers and growing (i swear it was 164K-something when i started this comment)! dumbass. maybe he needs to take the week off even though his problem is clearly stupidity and not mental illness…. i’d love to cut him (i thought of ending the sentence there, lol, but no, i won’t) a break and say he’ll learn from this but he doesn’t seem to want to learn. if he did, he’d’ve looked at your blog a little more closely before defending his stupid self.

  143. For one nanosecond, I considered becoming a Twit solely for the purpose of re-twittering this whole shebang. However, I’m lazy and it’s just not worth the effort (though I’ll let my FB-Twit friends re-twit it). Amaaaazing act of douchbaggery. To be fair, anyone w/ an ego this big is capable of immeasurable harm to the human race. Maybe, by taking the wind out of his sails now, you’ve prevented Jose’s eventual, inevitable transformation into a modern day Hitler-Stalin-Paris Hilton-type person. Pretty much, YOU’VE SAVED THE WORLD by exposing his DB-ery. Well done, you.

  144. Dear Jenny,

    It’s in situations like these I just feel the incredible need to scream WOLVERINES! make sure everyone hears about a big ginormous fail.

    I also find it incredibly scary that “ginormous” was actually on my spell checker.

    Retelling Like I’m Wil Wheaton Collating Paper

    Love at ya!!
    -Tony

  145. The Bloggess: Not just hilarity and irreverence with occasional heartfelt honesty, but actual usable lessons I can apply to my often-all-too-serious real life job.

  146. Very enjoyable read, and good job on the viral tweet! I’d just like to point out that there were two apostrophe errors in this post. EG: It should be VPs not VP’s. I’m not trying to be a grammar nazi but I’ve noticed this over a few of your posts so far!

  147. You know what amazes me? That there are PR people out there who HAVEN”T heard of you or Wil Wheaton collating and still send you pointless pitches. I would think by now that your legend – which is legion – should have spread far and wide. But that’s just my opinion. Stupid, stupid Jose.

  148. Please stand by for a demonstration of relevancy. – definitely my favorite part. Kudos for standing up for bloggers and bad PR pitches everywhere.

  149. Ok, so no pitchforks ( said dejectedly). Can’t we have his email so we can all email him a jpeg of Beyonce at the front door? Sort of a polite non-threat? Knock knock motherfucker, indeed.

  150. It appears as though written communication isn’t his strong suit.

    “We well do a better job of who we are pitching.” Don’t you mean pitching TO? Otherwise, who ARE you pitching? Are you saying that you’re throwing someone? And also, is he saying that you should be clamoring to be pitched?

    “instead of alienated PR firms” So, you’re alienatED PR firms. (Don’t you mean alienatING?)

    And there’s an apostrophe missing in the word journalist’s. Poor, sad, left-out apostrophe.

  151. Among all of his other failings, apparently Jose is unclear on the meaning of relevant…

    Villagers with pitchforks – sounds like a grand idea actually.

  152. So great putting @brandlinkcomm in the search box and then just watching the “New Tweets” number climb!!

  153. I. Love. You.

    (and I mean that in a “you make me look at the world like it’s a joke…and laugh, and laugh, and laugh, not cry” kinda way)

  154. In my head, I imagine that “Erica” is probably a ditzy, young, gorgeous, single lady. Jose is a frustrated single guy, much older than Erica. In an attempt to woo her with his manliness, he is expressing his deepest emotions about how he wants to protect her from the big bad world, guard her, stick up for her when the big mean bloggess sends her a picture of Wil Wheaton collating. He does so by replying in his manliest voice, “that lady’s a fucking bitch”.
    Then he goes into the men’s room for a few minutes. IfYaKnowWhatIMean…

  155. I was SO offended just reading the subject of the pitch (which I received too) “Our Favorite Mommy! Kourtney Kardashian” – SERIOUSLY??? – Thank you for for not being bullied and tackling them. That guy?? what an A$$!

  156. Jenny,

    I think we should feel sorry for Erika and Jose. Her pantyhose were slipping down around her ankles, making her legs look like an elephant’s, and his are too tight. The crotch barely comes up to his knees, and it’s SO annoying. Forgive them, they know not who they insulted.

    Hugs!

  157. This same thing happened to me as well. The guy in the situation didn’t apologize either.

    Too much pride, not enough penis. It happens.

  158. oh.my.gawd. did they actually take down the “our people” page and email links to employees?!?!?!?!? i seriously love that either they took it down so he’d stop getting angry pitchforks or they were too defunct to have a properly working page to begin with. what a fucking douche. pitch on!

  159. Like the Kardashians even wear pantyhose…or underwear, for that matter.

    It’s not a good day to be Jose. Maybe you can offer to help him update his resume?

  160. The real question is – did you utilize the “reply all” in response to Jose to let everyone else he works with hear your thoughts?

  161. I got this ridiculous pitch today too. I’ve been hankering to send it back full of red pen marks, but then I’d have to print it out and would hate to waste the stamp.
    Nicely played!

  162. I predict that tomorrow will find the following on monster.com:

    “PR firm looking for VP. MUST NOT BE DOUCHE-CANOEY.”

    ~EdT.

  163. I *LOVE* when people do this:

    “Don’t be offended, you started the cursing game” which REALLY says, “But but but, you started it, it’s not MY fault. I don’t know how to take blame for MY own actions….**Crying like a BABY because he’s in A LOT of trouble and got called on his bullshit!**”

  164. I can’t wait to see how the company handles this. Pre-web 2.0 it would’ve fizzled. This, however, could be epic.

  165. I’d rather pay money to read your blog entry on this fantastic PR debacle than read a FREE article on why Kardashian’s wear fucking panty hose. (psssst… it’s to hide the leprosy scars)

    p.s. I love you. And I’m sure Jose beats off to your photo, too.

  166. Who the hell wants to know anything about Kourtney Kardashian? Yeah, I know there’s all those shows about this family, but I don’t get it. I think if you advertised her and her damn pantyhose I’d stop reading this blog.

  167. This is the best thing I’ve read today, and I’ve read a LOT of stuff today.

    What part of “I don’t need your punk-ass PR firm to make a living” did they not understand? Perhaps the thousands of retweets would help solidify your stance. I wonder if Jose still has a job?

  168. Eek. I’m guessing Jose is sans employment. I was about to ask a really stupid question, but then I remembered that I’m on pain meds for this condition – don’t worry, it’s not contagious – and I decided it was too stupid to type, but by then I couldn’t even remember what it was in the first place, so I was like, Guess it doesn’t matter anyway. What. Am. I. Saying? *(fucking bitch)*

  169. For some reason the letters are not coming up properly on my screen. However I still get the Essence of his doucheness (is that a word? Doucheiness? Hmmmmm….).
    I’m feeling stubby on your behalf. Yell out if you need a spare pitchfork.

  170. You’re my hero of the day. As is Wil Wheaton. I honestly don’t know why I don’t make time to read your blog every single day. I’ll add Google Reader to my phone and read your stuff in the john if I have to.

  171. I feel irrationally angry but I’m trying to keep in mind that Jose is probably 19. And extremely stupid and unusually ugly and hopefully cring all the way home in his mom’s passenger seat.

  172. what hose (typo and it stays because he’s an absolute douche hose and needs to get hosed) is thinking: “this won’t come back to bite me. i’m a PR firm and my clients won’t care about a blogger.”

    what is really happening: tens of thousands of followers and readers are looking at their client list http://www.brandlink.com/ourwork.html and sending their clients notes about their PR dude.

    tee.hee.motherfucker.

  173. As a PR person, I have to say that I’m embarrassed for the profession when I hear these things! I’m so glad that you recognize we’re not all like that… in fact, many of us are bloggers or former journalists, producers, etc. and greatly respect our media contacts and value the relationships we have with all of you!

    Thanks for sharing.

  174. I think we should take up a collection to send Beyonce to this PR firm’s front door. With a stack of papers to be colated.

    “KNOCK KNOCK, MOTHERFSCKER.”

    ~EdT.

  175. I do marketing work in my “real” life and blog as well. All I can say is what a stupid asshat. Would it be okay if I link some of these PR folks to your Wil page as well? It would be awesome.

    Thank you!

    PS. I promise to not pitch you stupid shit or call you a fucking bitch!

    ; )

  176. you’re like the dirty harry of the interwebs.
    fyi, i’m totally stealing ‘Please stand by for a demonstration of relevancy.’

  177. But you’re our kind of effin’ bitch, and that’s the best kind.
    PS–I was already laughing hysterically after reading your post, but I fell out of my chair when I read Diedre’s comment (#35)!!!

  178. It’s not really an apology when Jose feels the need to qualify the hell out of it. He was WRONG, but he’s trying to punt this back on you because you made him look like an asshole in front of all his colleagues. Maybe dumbass Jose should be in a different line of work if this is how he deals with people with a legitimate question. I’m thinking his hostility needs a more appropriate outlet.

  179. Doesn’t he know crazy fucking bitches get the week off for MIAW?? How rude to impose on your downtime.

    I ducking live you Jenny 😀

  180. I just got calls from 4 clients praising my defense of their brand. Ill be fine. But thanks for making me so important. Xoxo

  181. the devil made me do it. Here is a copy of submission on their contact page.

    folks,

    Your VP Jose cannot get away with calling The Bloggess at f**king bitch without stirring up a wee bit of controversy. So let me explain this to y’all in words easy for even PR people can unnerstand

    Women who blog do so because they have something to say. Treating women who blog with disrespect is nothing more than a mirror held up to your own inadequacies, dick size notwithstanding.

    Someone from your august organization might want to have a little sit down with Jose about use of the reply all button as well as his apparent disdain for anyone whose agenda does not dovetail with his. And if you are loathe to have this conversation, you may wish to call his mother. I’m sure she will be happy to explain it to him.

    Respectfully submitted,
    The Wifely Person

  182. Jose – “Don’t be offended, you started the cursing game…” I would have pointed out that before you even responded with anything more than a pic of Wil Weaton he was the one who called you a “fucking bitch.” Both curse words if I remember correctly. And since I use them all the time, I do remember. He might want to learn what “first” means since he opened the door on cursing. To bad he won’t walk into said door.

  183. Do they even KNOW who you are!? You’re the freaking BLOGGESS for goodness sake! You are the GODDESS OF BLOGGING. I’ll remember not to work with this PR company in the future.

  184. That was fucking sweet. I was scared for a minute there, and then realized I wasn’t Jose and you weren’t going to exfoliate me with broken glass. WHEW.

  185. You are a god send. I had someone do this to me this week, in a similar fashion threatening blah blah because I stood up for myself and I just walked away thinking he was a twat. I really REALLY wanted to say more, but it was too hard for my head. I now know what to do if it EVER happens again. I bow deeply from Australia x

  186. You had me at hello. And then again at knock-knock. And now this? Don’t ever leave the internets or my heart will break in a thousand pulpy pieces.

  187. As a newspaper’s managing editor let me just say pr people are not the fucking livelihood of journalists’ work. They are fucking pains in the ass that send out “our client’s too fucking cheap to buy an ad so run this shot no one cares about for free” and them they call 40 times because the first 39 hangups and hell no’s were too vague. Fucking douche bags. Vp of sucking something other than a pencil tip is all that jackass is.

  188. I know a Jose and you sir are no Jose! Wait, that didn’t come out right. Yeah, Jose = dickhat

  189. But…can I still go all angry-villager on them? I kind of want to. My friends and I think you’re awesome. So much so, one time I sent you a still-drunk-the-next-morning-after-girls-night (where we got to talking about blogs, and eventually how I love you so) e-mail and you responded and it was kind of the best morning of my life. Minus hating life at work.

    end of story: you’re awesome? Yes. And Then Some.

  190. WOW. This is unbelievable. You can’t make this shit up. WHY did these people happen to you all the time? Do you have some kind of asshole magnet on you? Or as my good friend Elly told me about this term, you may just be a born Wrangler of Assholes… I LOVE the 1st comment. Indeed, an apology is not an apology when you try to “qualify” it. Now I am absolutely convinced: there is no need for me to learn more about Kim what’s her name. In all honesty, I still have no idea who she is and why we should care. Remember that picture that was shared around facebook about how a book died when you watch Jersey Shore? Well, to me this Kim whatshername and people that are associated with her kill human souls.

  191. We do PR and marketing, and we send form letter emails. Not obnoxiously, we do.

    If I ever got something that creative back from someone I would be laughing my ass of and probably trying to figure out how I could hire you in some way. For sure I would be hitting the subscribe button on your blog…like I will be oding right after I Finish this…lol.

    Bravo. Kudos. And all those other kinds of pats of on the back for a “fucking bitch” like you.

    Awesome.

  192. Posted at their twitter at about 10pm EST:
    “Ironic that today would be the day that technology would bite me in the butt, lesson learned. All hail @thebloggess”

  193. Man, it’s sure is heartwarming to see the Twitter mentions go up. They seem to have someone on their FB page hitting the delete button a whole lot of times. I wonder if they’re going to get any overtime out of this.

    Know what I like best about this, though? I’d never heard of this blog (er, sorry) until Wil Wheaton made mention of the sitch on Twitter. Thanks, Jose! You really do know how to bring people together.

  194. Jose is dumber than a teenager kept in a basement for seventeen years — and I hope the same coddling, never-say-no, oh-so-privileged parents that raised him in such a way that they told him he was special, they always complimented him, and had him convinced that he was the Chosen One exception to everything, the parents that enabled him to become a human being that cannot possibly conceive that other human beings have worthwhile thoughts, feelings, and desires, I hope those parents die in a car accident, and I hope it is very painful, and I hope, for once, that Jose cries over something, and feels overwhelmingly horrible.

    — that is the sentiment I feel when I read this post of yours. 😀

  195. Aww, dyou see that? Jose just commented about how he got four whole phone calls praising what a good boy he’s been.

    I’m sure once his bosses are done mopping up after him, they’ll be very proud.

  196. Jose…When your wrong, your wrong.

    Just sayin’….

    Shit nuggets I wish I twittered like the rest of you hipster types!

  197. I was laughing so hard at this post [mainly because you write like I think]. As a Pro Blogger, it’s always amazing to me the lengths people will go to to tick us off. You would think the phrase ‘pro blogger’ in our bios on social media sites would be taken as a warning as much as anything else.

    The best and most hilarious aspect of this is that the VP of the company is getting a practical lesson in the use of Social Media as a marketing tool. And really that should make the CEO of the company pay you. I mean, look at the wonderful advertising services you are rendering to them. Perhaps it’s time to throw together a bill and use that handy ‘reply-all’ button once again.

    But that would be unprofessional too, right?

    Always reading and laughing,

    Allison

  198. Knock,Knock Jose….Wil Wheaton is retweeting. The Bloggess is a rocking, fucking bitch. Thanks, Jenny…keep ’em coming!

  199. Their Twitter person just responded….

    Ironic that today would be the day that technology would bite me in the butt, lesson learned. All hail @thebloggess

  200. This was a really helpful post. I know it was meant to also be humorous, as you always are, but it gave me some info I was looking for! Thanks!

    Jenna
    callherhappy.com

  201. “@BrandlinkComm BrandLink
    Ironic that today would be the day that technology would bite me in the butt, lesson learned. All hail @thebloggess”

    Bwahahahahaha. Guess someone blinked.

  202. There’s something about that Twitter “apology” from them that doesn’t sit right with me. Where are the random apostrophes? More importantly, what do the Kardashians think of this?

    (Does anyone else get the red squiggle for “Kardashians”, a suggestion of “Balderdash” from their spell check, and find that hilariously appropriate for the situation?)

  203. Sarcasm is a lost form of artistic expression. If you can’t laugh at yourself? Don’t laugh at all as you are most assuredly boring and a liberal.

  204. That’s why I don;t even waste my time responding to those ridiculous pitches. They are lucky you deemed them relevant enough to even hit send on the Will Wheaton collating page. Jose’s a fucking asshole!

  205. As someone who just finished working in the PR field (not for that company, thank goodness), I apologize on behalf of my people. We aren’t all so awful.

  206. I hate “reply to all” but in this case it was awesome. What a dork! Good for you! He didn’t know who he was messing with!

  207. Jose sounds like the fucking bitch. Tell him you are going to pretend he is an angry bird named Jose and slam him against every tree and building you can find. Then collate him. I am glad you contacted his company on twitter. Beside…who cares about a Kardashian in pantyhose. I could live without ever seeing a Kardashian.

  208. and I thought my read between the lines that you are an idiot email from a PR company today was bad! 🙂 At least they didn’t accidentially hit reply all to tell me how awful I was.

    I think your PR page is hilarious! 🙂

  209. Its been a Bad Day for poor Jose. He got up this morning and thought he was smart. And then he found out, its not exactly smart to call Jenny a fucking bitch. Cause she can make that into a title of pride and turn your little unknown PR firm into a vortex of bad PR.

    Good on you Jenny! I do love it when people get called on pretending to know what is going on. He clearly never did research you, even after you responded to him and called him out on the research thing.

  210. Well, really…you should be ashamed of yourself. They were obviously offering you a legitimate opportunity, which they determined would be in your best interest after carefully reading your blog. They are clearly the most heartfelt and sincere of all PR firms, and rather than thank them for choosing *you* (and I am sure, only you), you dared to reply with wit.

    Horrifying. Simply Horrifying.

  211. Well, they did get you to inform us that Kard-what-the-hell-ever-is-her-name wore some pantyhose. ROFL

    I am more likely to run out and buy some paper to collate though.

  212. THANK YOU for making my day. BTW, i work in PR. Jose is a disgrace to the profession. What a mega-douche.

  213. Just an observation…
    You have 164,696 followers on Twitter. Jose & Co. have 992.
    Oh Jose, Jenny has 164,696 reasons why she is more relevant than you’ll ever be.

  214. And Neil Gaiman just retweeted this whole thing, too. He has 1.6 million Twitter followers. Relevant much?

  215. Oh poor poor stupid Jose. Pretty sure he now knows how fucking relevant you are now. Hope the door didn’t hit his big clown ass too hard on the way out. Good girl Jenny!

  216. As a former PR professional… his response was beyond ridiculous. Honestly, I’m wondering what kind of company he works for if he’s a VP. There must be 3 people in the company – Him, the CEO, and the Assistant. I’ve never, EVER witnessed any reputable PR people using their work email to exchange profane-laden email messages.

    Your responses were perfect 🙂

  217. I too am viewed as a fucking bitch by many, I AM SURE. I turn down lame requests for link exchanges with all sorts of places, I turn down affiliate program invitations because I know better and know that it’s pretty much free advertising for them, as is this press release shit. It brings more hits to your blog to post that crap? Really??? No way Jose.

    heeeee.

    No way Jose.
    hehehehehe.
    sorry. I’m 20 minutes into my Klonopin. I find a lot of things funny right now.

  218. You rock. End of story.

    Okay, and I’m still dumbfounded that he didn’t double check the Reply All… but then again, it doesn’t sound like he’s having a good day at all. 😉

  219. It was probably painful for them to see you tweet that to 164k followers. It will be much worse when they realize it was retweeted by Neil Gaiman to 1,400,000 followers! Yikes. That’s a bad day for a PR firm.

  220. Wow. That’s one of the most ridiculous thing ever.

    But I really commented to relay a dream my fiance had.

    The other day he was dreaming that he was driving home from work. Then Beyonce the metal chicken was on the roof of his car. Then his car started flying.

    I thought you’d find that hilarious.

  221. I love that Neil Gaiman retweeted you… And I absolutely LOVE your Wil Wheaton collating paper photo. And these idiots you’ve blogged about need to take a refresher course in PR.

  222. Oh, Jose… Jose… Jose…

    “Reply to all” can be a very bad thing. A very bad thing, indeed.

    Not manning up and apologizing? Way worse.

  223. Researching the bloggers might be wise….. Don’t they know you have found a missing rattle snakes and you already have everything needed to ship a box or diseased Cobras? What kind of fool would mess with that?

  224. This whole thing was hysterical, but I can’t get past the sad spelling of the PR company. “Kardashian’s” and “Mommy’s” ….those are plurals! Not possessives. On instead of one? Yikes. Call me nit-picky but…it’s a fuckin’ PR company! Learn some manners than go learn how to spell. hmph.

  225. I officially LOVE your brain SO damn much! Thank you a million times for writing what needed to be written and saying what needed to be yelled, um said. You rock.

  226. Jenny, you are a Hero
    /hug to you for by showing bloggers everywhere that it’s ok to have standards by actively standing up for yours.

  227. And Neil Gaiman just re-tweeted the post to his 1.6 MILLION followers… I don’t even know anything about PR, blog professions, or Jose, but I would say he’s failed as a PR VP.

  228. We should all feel sorry for poor LITTLE Jose. He’s clearly over compensating for areas he doesn’t feel “relevant” in.

  229. I love you because your response was awesome and spot on, but I love you even more because you used it to bolster us with words like amazing and relevant. That shit can make the difference to a blogger like me, between staying true to yourself or accepting the bullshit out of fear that the Man won’t come knocking on your door with fistfuls of dollars, Klout points and relevancy.

  230. Well, if Ashton Kutcher and Anderson Cooper want in on this, we might actually turn this into some sort of Twitter black hole. Eep.

    I just saw Neil Gaiman’s RT (mentioned above already) and did a double-take. Damn!

  231. Considering how much WORSE your reply could have been to the original email (I think the Wil Wheaton page is quite harmless), I don’t see where the “Fucking bitch” comes in. The women in his life must be damn near sainthood if what you do qualifies for THAT type of name-calling.

    I don’t usually indulge in schadenfreude, but I do kind of hope his poor manners and stupidity at LEAST result in a formal warning. Heh.

  232. He went with the “you started it” argument? I’m impressed that he got the PR job in the first place, but I’m hoping they take the “reply all” button away from him, clearly he can’t even figure out that his argument was incorrect as well as juvenile. His retort makes me feel all stabby.

  233. 1. I work in PR and pitch bloggers. Please continue to call out turkeys like these as loudly as possible. They’re about as valuable to our industry as one-legged contestants in an ass-kicking contest.
    2. Bloggers ARE the media. They’re more trusted and transparent than traditional outlets, and smart people (your readers) get it. Write on, sista friend.
    3. WHO DOES THAT??? HOE-SAY … Can you see … that you should lose your job? What so proudly we hailed … oh, wait. That’s not how that goes.

  234. I think you should send Jose a cookie tray or something. What great fodder for a very funny post. He takes self importance to new levels.

  235. Oh my god, I can’t believe what a total asshole The Bloggess is. Thanks for hosting this blog, Jose. We really needed a place where we could talk shit about Jenny Lawson without her being able to see it.

  236. So, I was wondering if you changed the names but then I went and googled and there was Jose Martinez, 3rd one down on the Who We Are page of Brandlink Communications, VP, Media Director which I guess is a different title from the woman below him who is VP, Director of Media. Hmmmmmm. . . . . this company looks posh too, but then, the interwebs often make things look shinier than they actually are.

  237. What I want to know is how some douche-y, unprofessional and unskilled dude can have a job that probably pays quite well and has also apparently done stuff for all those great places (as listed in his profile). Who the hell does the hiring for firms like this? Does his daddy own the company or something? I’d bet there’s a helluva lot of unemployed people out there who’d do a damn sight better than this Jose guy.

    You fail, Jose… You so awesomely fail…

  238. i always sort of take it as a compliment when some stupid butt monkey calls me a nasty name. it’s probably because he feels inadequate and powerless when confronted with awesomely powerful women.

  239. First-time reader here, and this is exactly the right way of approach I’d expect from a blogger. I hope he has learned his lesson. Well done, Jenny! 🙂

  240. Just saw this-
    From their twitter-(brand whatever)
    Haha- you win Jenny- awesome!

    “Ironic that today would be the day that technology would bite me in the butt, lesson learned. All hail @TheBloggess “

  241. All I can say is WOW! I love you Jenny. I was a victim of the “reply all” when I said “damn, she is like a dog with a bone”… resulting in meetings of me, my boss… the “dog” her boss and the boss’ boss… I won the battle, but it took a long time to win back my position with the big boss… but it was SO worth it! PR companies suck and I am sick of the cardashians… or whatever their names are!

  242. Did Jose really have the balls to comment on this post? (comment 286) What office does he work at? I think we need to pay that fucking bitch a visit.

  243. The Kardashians wear pantyhose? Oh yeah, just saw this tweet by Jose to Wil Wheton:
    “I was defending you! If you knew the whole story”.
    Umm. The whole story? You mean the one posted here. That’s pretty much whole story for you.
    Douchebag.
    Pantyhose.

  244. Gotta say, this “Mommy” couldn’t give a rat’s ass about anything the Kardashians or any of their vacuous ilk are doing, but man, I sure don’t mind looking at Wil Wheaton collating paper (-:

  245. bwahahahahahaa
    ::falls off chair laughing::

    Good for you!
    Just today, I posed the question on my FB page if I am being unreasonable for asking something in return for posting shit on my blog for *brands* or companies…more and more they are asking me to do that – for nothing in return. I only got two responses…I’m not terribly relevant it appears…but at least they both agreed with me! 🙂 This post solidifies that fact that yep…I was right!
    xxoo

  246. I guess Brandlink is going to find out whether there’s really no such thing as bad publicity

  247. I actually, literally LOLed at Deirdre’s “no way Jose” comment. She’s right, Jenny, you slipped up on that one. Because I’m SURE he’s never heard it before, which would make it super fun.

  248. Oh my. I hope he’s learned a very big lesson from this one. He sure didn’t realize who he was dealing with.

    And on a more serious note, can I say big “Thank You” for taking such an important stand with PR companies and doing it in the most hilarious way so that we can all laugh and laugh and then laugh some more. Only you can get away with all that you say… and for those of us that only wish we could say it, we thank you.

  249. Not sure if you saw this, about an hour ago….

    BrandlinkComm BrandLink
    Ironic that today would be the day that technology would bite me in the butt, lesson learned. All hail @thebloggess
    1 hour ago

  250. If you ever knife (it’s a VERB! I iz an Englitch majpr!) Victor to death, gimme a call.

  251. Refraining from using my pitchfork (but definitely holding my torch for non-stabby emphasis)… and laughing heartily.
    Love it 🙂 Hope you hit reply all when you responded, lol.

  252. Now that Wil Wheaton and Neil Gaiman jumped on board, that’s how many MILLIONS of people reading this? GREAT STUFF! And Jose is trying to defend himself from his twitter…and then he’s thanking GOD for being blessed, and saying TGIF even thou it’s still Thursday in his timezone. I think he is getting dumber by the minute.

  253. I haven’t been called a bitch yet, but I’ve had a PR who told me I HAD to cover what he sent me and he kept getting increasingly annoying about it. Maybe if I hadn’t blocked him, I could have eventually made bitch status. I don’t understand these PR people. Is it that easy to get a job in PR that you can resort to playground antics? Maybe that’s how they got the job, “I’m going to hold my breath until you give me the job.” I know some professional PR people and it doesn’t seem like they had it that easy. They’re all well educated, well spoken people. Most of my friends work in real life capacities, not with blogger or Internet relations, but why would anyone even hire a lower caliber of person to promote their company?

  254. I’m so confused at what they were pitching. Are people supposed to be have frothing haunches for pantyhose now because a Kardashian wore some? Is that the thing? Why am I doing here?! what?

  255. Please, please, PLEASE, put this on a T-shirt:

    “Please stand by for a demonstration of relevancy.”

  256. Why we love you, Jenny.

    I’ve had the kindest people get back to me and say, “thanks for letting us know.”

    And I”ve had crazies say, “your loss.”

    They have NO IDEA, do they?

    That is sad.

    How easy would it be for them to click on and see number of comments you get, number of followers on twitter: SO EASY.

    A caveman could do it.

    xo

  257. If I were you, I think I’d be more psyched at being “a fucking bitch” than worried about being relevant to someone like that PR doofus. Seriously amazing…