The most fascinating dinner party IN THE WORLD

in Random Crap

Barbara Walters came out with her list of the ten most fascinating people of 2011 and I feel really bad for her because I assume that she wrote that list as a joke and then accidentally published it.  I don’t like to criticize, but if your list of the ten most fascinating people includes three Kardashians then you’re doing it wrong.

(The full list:  Simon Cowell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Derek Jeter, Donald Trump, Katy Perry, Pippa Middleton and a shitload of Kardashians.)

I do adore two people on that list but even they can’t save this from being THE WORST DINNER PARTY EVER.  And that’s why I’ve decided to make my own list of the most fascinating people in 2011, or as I like to call it “Who I’d Invite to the Most Interesting Dinner Party Ever (but then  probably hide from in the bathroom because of my anxiety disorder.)”  

You’re invited.  Just take a look at who I’m starting the guest list out with and add anyone you’d like to bring to the party in the comment section.  Let’s get started:

Neil Gaiman

Amanda Palmer

Ray Bradbury

BigFoot

Eddie Izzard

D. B. Cooper

The Poe Toaster

Queen Elizabeth (but only if she’s drunk)

My little sister (but only if she isn’t drunk)

Zach Galifianakis

Teller

Alice Walker

Traci Lords

Alan Rickman

Wil Wheaton with a half-pony/half-monkey that he made himself

William Shatner handcuffed to Oliver the Chimpanzee

The girl from Doodling in Math Class

Victor (because he’s going to be pissed if I have a party at our house and don’t invite him)

Okay, your turn. What fascinating person would you bring to the party?

890 thoughts on “The most fascinating dinner party IN THE WORLD”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Wow. Ray Bradbury? Excellent call. (I was about to say I hope you have air freshener on hand because I honestly thought he was no longer with us.)

    I would add your little sister but only if she is drunk, because, what are you trying to hide?

  4. Jen Lancaster… between you two, I’ll be laughing so hard I’ll cry and pee my pants at the same time.

  7. What?!?! Where is Nathan Fillion! Or is he perhaps wearing the naturally deceased wolf & serving us all?

  10. I would invite the entire cast of Community. But only if they stay in character the whole time.

  11. I’d bring Felicia Day, but then the cops would show up because since I don’t really know her I’d have to bring her by nefarious means.

  12. I met Bradbury once. The dude can still hold an audience. He’s amazing.

    I’d invite Jessica Mills (of the Awkward Embraces webseries, which makes me laugh so hard that ‘m not allowed to drink anything while watching it).

  14. You picked most of my favorite people, I’m assuming that you’re already going to be there so I’d have to go with Anne Wheaton, because she cracks me up and Allie Brosh for the same reason.

  16. I was going to remind you of Victor until the last bit. The Bloggess leaves no one behind. I’m assuming you are invited as well?

    If not, now you are.

  17. I would invite Allie Brosh from Hyperbole and a Half, in hopes that she would write an awesome illustrated blog post about it.

  18. Holy hell, David & Amy Sedaris. And ideally, all their family (I would recommend that you hold the party in a closed class room with many, many cameras running)

    Oh, also Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry & Douglas Adams (extra points if you can get Adams)

  19. Respectfully, I’d add Alan Moore to that list. And also Bruce Campbell. For they are also gods.

    Bradbury? Great choice, lady. I’d listen to him all damn night.

  20. One rather wonders which of the two you adore. Also what it takes to sneak in to your party instead of hers.

  22. Scrooge McDuck. Is this 2010 or 2011? I thought it was 2011, but I’m starting to question that.

  26. Wil Wheaton should be higher on that list just for the dungeons and dragon factor, and he DID coolate papers just for you.

  27. Alice Cooper but only if he brings his snake too – I like snakes, they are all snakey and cool!

  28. If we don’t mind the dead, Pierre Eliot Trudeau would kick all their asses. Bring along Margaret & The Stones for a dust-up

  30. Pauley Perrette, who is fascinating, knowledgeable on a range of topics, ferocious in her opinions, and might need introducing to different foods than chicken sandwiches.

  31. Stephen King. I really would love to hear stories from both him and Gaiman. I wouldn’t sleep after that. Ever Again, but it would be worth it….

  32. Oh, you did the 2010 thing again! Consistency is important.

    Eddie Izzard would be on my list for sure. And I’d have Mimi Smartypants and you. Patrick Stewart. Brad Bell. I’m sure I’ll think of more…

  33. I would definitely bring Richard branson, only so I could butter him up and get a free space ride

  34. Anderson Cooper. In which case NOT my husband. Unless AC really is gay (as everyone who knows my love of Anderson Cooper keeps insisting), in which case my husband can come, since there will be no smooching and/or innapropriate under-the-table games. But then I want to invite Al Gore too. Since all we’re going to be doing is talking. And this way I can ask him about how we can get together and invent another internet because frankly I’m getting a little tired of this one.
    I’d like to invite John Lennon too, but dead people tend to bring dinner parties down.

  41. Jonathan Coulton. Because that’s probably who gave Wil Wheaton got the pony/monkey idea. Also he’s just a whiz with the music that I like to listen to.

  42. Jamie Hyneman. (Do I get more than one? I am going to assume yes, because then I get to say more than one.)
    Also Allie, of Hyperbole and a Half.
    Randall Munroe of XKCD.
    Dame Judi Dench.

  43. The guy with the long flowing beard that plays air guitar in traffic (on Florida Avenue in Tampa). That dude seriously rocks!!

  49. Russell Brand (it’s only polite since he’s Mr . Katie Perry but a lot funnier) and Ricky Gervais.

  56. I would bring Betty White and Max Bemis. I wouldn’t mind Katy Perry being there, but she isn’t exactly fascinating. Just fun to look at.

  60. Um, I hate to mention it, but I think that tiny “what year is it?” confusion thing has happened again. . . . “that’s why I’ve decided to make my own list of the most fascinating people in 2010.”

    Or are you just so cool that you were being retro and I am too uncool to have gotten it?

    I wouldn’t invite any people. I find dogs more interesting. That could be why I have no friends.

  62. I would SO love to be at that dinner party! Can I bring noted astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson? He’s both smart AND funny!

    Also, I will happily lend you some Xanax if it will help you from hiding in the bathroom.

  63. Matthew Inman – The Oatmeal
    Think of the cartoons… Actually, he should do a whole series of cartoons on your dinner party vs Barbara Walters’ list.

  64. I say invite Barbara Walters, but that broad has to sit in the corner and learn the meaning of the word interesting.

  67. Love your list… and love that it’s for ” people of 2010″ 😉

    Leonard Nimoy… because he’s awesome.

    Dude, I’d totally invite every living actor who played the Doctor, then spend the night pretending I’m in some time paradox.

  69. OMG YES to Takei. Takei & Rick Perry (why do I seem to just keep casting Thunderdome Dinner. ThundinnerDome)

    (ok, I’m off now to create a restaurant called ThunDinnerDome. “patent pending, patent pending, patent pending!”)

  72. DB Cooper is an amazing choice…(he’s the bank robber right? Not the guy from that one ice skating movie (frick, what’s that movie called? OH RIGHT, The Cutting Edge)? Actually, either one is ok.)

  73. John Barrowman & Ewan Mcgregor. Because they’re both funny as hell, probably full of great stories & pretty to look at if they got tired of talking.

  74. Please also have Wil Wheaton bring his wife Anne, because she is awesome. And then Nathan Fillion can be my date.

  75. since you’re in the bathroom hiding I really think you might want to invite someone well versed in the janitorial arts.. maybe Neil Flynn (from Scrubs) although he might scare you out of the bathroom…

  76. I have to agree with Kara about David and Amy Sedaris. I think the whole family might be a bit much though. Just sayin’! I also agree with you on Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer. I would add Leonard Cohen.

    Ardee-ann

  77. Yeah, when I saw the commercial for her special I laughed out loud. Yes, many of your picks would be awesome. I would bring/kidnap (xd) Bill Murray, James Franco, Bret Easton Ellis, Nicole Kidman, Jeff Goldblum, Doug Stanhope, Rob Huebel, Craig Bierko, John Cusack, Elizabeth Wurtzel, Fiona Apple, Steven Weber & Jenny Mollen. Plus some cool net people but it seems weird/creepy (coming from me) to list non-famous people. My anxiety would have me in a corner of the bar drinking Jack.

  78. I totally second Tina Fey and Felicia Day. Also Nathan Fillion. I’d invite Anthony Bourdain as well. Maybe Joss Wheadon.

  81. Holy crap, I love you people. Also, I totally called it 2010 again. WTF, me? I’m stuck in 2010. I’m going to be fucked in a few weeks.

    Also, I did consider inviting Nathan Fillion, but I have a lot of twine in my house and it’s my understanding that he might have some sort of allergy.

    Also, Wil’s wife will be there riding the half-monkey/half-pony. Because she’s awesome like that.

    And I’d also invite the homeless guy on Main Street who gives fascinating sermons to invisible people. I didn’t put him on the list though because I didn’t want to scare off William Shatner. The man is just damn jumpy.

  86. I’d be totally rude and invite myself to your awesome dinner party, but to make up for my rudeness I’ll bring in Neil Patrick Harris, Aisha Tyler and the Penny Arcade crew.

    I’d also bring baked goods, because they are tasty.

  87. Wait. Do they all have to be alive? Just in case, I will stick with people alive.

    Craig Ferguson, cause he’s funny AND he plays the harmonica.
    Margaret Atwood
    Stephen King
    Anne Rice
    My husband, whether drunk or sober, cause he can talk about anything and everything
    Cesar Milian, the dog whisperer
    Leonard Cohen
    Rutger Hauer
    Paula Deen cause I like to listen to her talk
    My son cause he’s very entertaining

    If they don’t have to be alive –
    Jesus, cause I think he’s more fun at a party than you would think
    Bette Davis
    Zelda Fitzgerald but not that drip of a husband of hers
    Mae West
    Czes?aw Mi?osz

  90. 1)jesus 2) the bloggess 3) nene leakes 4) luke dittrich 5) denzel washington 6) kathy griffin 7) my mother 8) whoever it was that originally sang that hallelujah song 9) Ernest Hemingway 10) andy cohen

    and ME!

  91. Wow, you’ve already got some of my favoritest peeps, but I’d have to add Tom Robbins and Douglas Addams. I would. And someone with beer.

  92. Oh, and I would invite the Penny Arcade guys as I love that comic and them. They’re hilarious and I would talk with them for hours about the nerdiest stuff EVER.

  94. Honest to god, George Takei might attend. And I assume Neil Gaiman & Amanda Fucking Palmer would. AND Hodgman.

    You need to arrange this & sell seats at $500/plate for charity. Please? And $50/plate remote access for those of us who ain’t gonna get to Texas

  97. If this is a Christmas party, I’d invite Bing Crosby cause you know he could be convinced to let out a few.

    And I love the Doodling in Math Class girl.

  99. British comedian Bill Bailey, because he’s one of those rare people who is both nice and incredibly funny all at once. More commonly, funny people tend to be real assholes (present company excluded, obviously!), but Bill is someone I wouldn’t mind being stuck on an aeroplane with for an extended period of time.

    Which must mean something.

  100. How about all of the lolcatz so Ferris Mewler has someone to eat with….as well as the guy wbehind the website. of course we can’t forget the mother fuckin Beyonce sitting in the center of the table.

  101. Bruce Campbell
    Matt Bomer*
    Tim DeKay*
    Willie Garson
    Brian Williams
    Joel McHale

    *because I need my eye candy-and I’m sure they have interesting things to say.

  102. How about Jose from Brandlinkcomm? But I’d put Vinnie Barbarino on one side and Screech on the other, then Queen E2 can sit across from him but only if she’s drunk.

  103. Actor John Stapleton who is a highly functional ‘downs’ syndrome adult of 44 years. Works at SubWay and family man.

  107. Although others have already beat me to it, I was gonna say Nathan Fillion and NPH.

    And I’d add Chris Hardwick, Judd Apatow and Matt Nathanson.

  110. i’m gonna have to go with whiplash, the dog-riding monkey. after all, one can only spend so much time engaging in titillating conversation. and then, pretty much, you’re gonna need a dog-riding monkey to turn it up a notch, to a whole notha level.

  111. DEFINITELY Kurt Sutter, because he can make the ‘C’ word sound like polite conversation. And can we have some good old fashioned eye candy? We’ve got intellectual eye candy, but it wouldn’t hurt to have some of the drooley variety, either.

  112. David Suzuki. And I just finished tweeting about the Kardashians before coming over here. I cannot believe how rich those bitches are getting for doing absolutely nothing. Seriously, America.

  116. I am the most fascinating person I know. Really. God, I sound pretty full of myself…but I’m not. Really. I could have a party all by myself…adding in more people does make it better though. If I could bring a date and my super fascinating-also husband needed to stay home to watch the kids, I’d bring Morgan Freeman. Not because he turns me on, but because I think he’d be a lot of fun at a party. The Kardashians are so passé, not to mention totally boring.

  117. I would invite:
    Sylvia Plath
    Anne Sexton
    Ernest Hemingway
    Frida Kahlo – unfortunately, these people are all dead so the conversation would be quite limiting.

  119. Beyonce, of course. Because that chicken deserves a spot at the head of the motherfucking table.

    Jen Lancaster.

    Me (cuz I’ve been told I’m a helluva cook and waaaaay funny.)

    And Justin Bieber, but only because it would give us a gazillion teenaged girls outside your house that we could shoot at. 🙂

    P.S. Anyone who thinks the Kardashians deserve anything beside a ninja kick to the throat is welcome to join the teenage Beiebers outside your house. 🙂

  121. Casey Anthony…only because I still have so many questions. If we get her drunk she may spill the full truth. And to lighten the mood, Chelsea Handler

  122. This will be an amazing dinner party, but figuring out seating will be a BITCH! I would add Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Elvis Costello, Jonatha Brooke and Jane Espenson.

  123. I’d invite Chewbacca, because even though he doesn’t use words, he would be better to talk to than a Kardashisn!

  124. Hmmm, such a good list thus far. but, even better: Allison Scagliotti and Chris Hardwick. I also wouldn’t mind Ian Somerhalder, but I would probably stare and be fascinated more than talk and be interested.

    Oh! Famous/fascinating D&D group must include: Wil Wheaton, Jim Butcher, Patton Oswalt, and, as above, Chris Hardwick.

  125. Michael J. Fox
    Neil Patrick Harris (and his significant other, David Burtka of course)
    Ellen DeGeneres

  126. Stephen Colbert, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer, Jane Fonda, Betty White, Jane Curtin and Debra DiGiovanni (google her).

  129. Have you heard of that New York play that’s in an apt building and everyone walks around with masks on and the play happens randomly in different rooms of the apt building. It’s supposed to be very Eyes Wide Shut. I’d invite all the weirdos in masks, cuz that would create an uncomfortable air that would be fun to watch. & since we’re all “weird movie characters are coming to this party”, let’s invite Tom Cruise too. So they have someone to talk to.

  130. Or Joey Greico from Cheaters. (But only if he can announce everyone who arrives in that weird pausing inflection he does when he speaks on the show. “Welcome to a..titillating dinner party.”

  133. So many “likes”!

    I would invite Adam Richman because he’s my pretend boyfriend, Jacques Cousteau because he’s always been my hero, and Phil Hartman the funniest man who ever lived. At least my pretend boyfriend would be alive.

  134. Dr. Who definitely needs to be there. Especially since the drunk Queen Elizabeth and a chimp shackled William Shatner are invited. Clearly the chimp is going to be the incognito alien in this dinner party….

  137. J K Rowling, Jon Stewart, and Allie from Hyperbole and a Half. I second all of those! This dinner party is getting pretty big. Are you sure you can fit all of us in your house? You may need to expand to the backyard….

  139. Michael Schumacher. Steven Moffat. That man is a god, because he plays with your mind like it is his own personal sand box. And of course you have to have Nathan Fillion there. Get him drunk and get a pic of him with twine!

  140. You already have Neil Gaiman and Wil Wheaton, so I’d have to go with…Margaret Atwood and Mat Johnson. Atwood for obvious reasons, and Johnson because he makes me laugh almost as much as you do. I think the two of you together would be lethal – and I’m okay with that.

  141. Billy Connolly. No matter how good a party is, a hilarious Scotsman brings it up a notch, even if the next notch is “eleven”.

  142. Oh, can I also add Mark Harmon? He just seems like such a nice guy and not bad to look at. And then I also have to second Pauley Paurette because she rocks all around. And I second the vote to invite Betty White.

  144. Another ThunDinnerDome matchup: Anne Rice vs. Stephanie Meyer.

    CHIME on Betty White & Neil Patrick Harris. And the entire cast of Big Bang Theory. Because, hey, Wil Wheaton and LeVar Burton have already been invited.

  145. I see Jon Stewart and Nathan Fillion have already been mentioned. Good. So I’ll two of my favorite, and living, playwrights: Tom Dudzick (Over the Tavern, Greetings, Hail Mary!) and James Sherman (Affluenza!, Jacob and Jack). I would also invite Scott Kurtz and Mark Waid, because what dinner party is complete without a discussion of digital rights and the comic medium? (http://www.newsarama.com/comics/sdcc-2011-waid-kurtz-digital-disruption-panel-110725.html)

  146. I totally agree about the Queen. Normally, she’s a riot, but she was a totally snooze fest at my last party cuz she stuck with Ginger Ale.

  148. Looking through that list, there seems to be a reasonably large Stephen Fry sized gap. Just don’t serve him any champagne.

  149. We’ve named everyone else that’s important to me, so I’ll say as long as we’re bringing Chris Hardwick we gotta bring Jonah Ray and Matt Mirah. And Mike Phirman.

  150. Francis Ford Coppola
    Martin Scorsese
    Errol Morris
    Keith Richards
    Meryl Streep–mainly to gaze in awe at her beauty although I’m sure she’s quite interesting
    Bob Dylan
    Patti Smith–to prove my theory that super cool people are boring
    Stephen Colbert
    Stephen Hawking–but only when he’s drunk

    I have a Twitter list called ‘fantasy dinner party.’ I put people on it who are fascinating. But also people who I want to see get into a fight. So like, the Pope and Richard Dawkins (well, not them exactly).

  151. Gareth Aveyard: I follow on Twitter and is too damn clever for words
    Ian Padgham: Has an incredibly twister, wicked sense of humor.

    If we’re adding dead people I’d like to meet Isaac Asimov and Oscar Wilde.

  152. I’m going to go with George Takei, just because of who is already attending. And maybe Chris D’Elia because he seems cool on twitter.

  153. Ooooh I love this party so much, already!

    I’d like to add…can I just say The Dr Whos (Whos’s? Whoseses?) Anyway, them. With sonic screwdrivers and the Tardis.

    Perhaps we should invite Marvin the chronically depressed robot from the Hitch hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, seeing as Douglas Adams is invited, just so we could look at him and stop laughing long enough to taste some of Bourdain’s food.

    Love the Nathan Fillion invitation, but I’d like to add that he can only come if he brings Serenity; the spaceship. Drunk traveling through time and space. Gives a new interesting meaning to being spaced out, doesn’t it?

    This party will rock so hard, it won’t only be the coolest party of the year(2010 or any other), it’ll be the coolest party of all time!

    I’d like to bring a toast to the bestest hostess ever: “May you always be the light in the darkness that you are” *Cheers*

  154. I would have to bring Lady Gaga. One of the coolest, nicest people I have ever met. Not to mention I could cross off drinks with Gaga from my bucket list. Also, probably Dorothy Parker.

  155. You people have the best damn taste. Luckily we live in the country so I have few acres out back that this imaginary party can spill over into. Luckily the snakes and scorpions are all in hibernation. Avoid the foxes though. They’re easily spooked. Much like William Shatner.

  157. Brad Pitt – So I could see him up close and decide if I really really would like to keep him in my fantasy of having his shoes under my bed. And obviously him in my bed.

  158. I’m so there. I’m bringing Prince with me, ‘cuz he ROCKS, and since he’s gone all JW, he and Hitchens could be interesting together. I’m going to add Joss Whedon too. Wait, wait…I need to go check my People page on Pinterest to see who else.

  159. Did anyone mention David Tennant? He definately should be there but I should have a bib or something cause there will be a lot of drooling….

  160. Misha Collins, I think he’d be quite funny and smart.
    I will bring bacon wrapped water chestnuts..it’s as Canadian as I get.

  161. I’d love to be at your dinner party! Seems that most of the people I’d pick are mentioned in other comments already. Going to list anyway. Neil, Amanda, Teller and Eddie Izzard would definitely be on my list. Also, Kevin Smith, William Gibson, David Lynch, Carrie Fisher, Lewis Black and Jon Stewart.

  166. Long time reader, first time commenter. You should turn this into a fundraiser. I would totally overpay for a dinner featuring will Wheaton , you, victor, and Neil Gaimon.

  167. I would bring real Beyonce but only if you promised to sit her next to metal chicken Beyonce.

    Scrap that.

    I would want to be the awkward meat between the two Beyonces at your dinner table.

  170. Uh Hello, Brian Blessed…the only human w/a flip top head-remember those “reach toothbrushes” adds? Well I would totally pay for his voice on my GPS!

  172. so, i have to say, your list is badass. and I completely agree with all the ones I know, especially Eddie Izzard. He’s the funniest person ever, especially one who’s covered in bees. And of course Queen Elizabeth, how would you not want someone with the wingspan of an albatros at your dinner party? (http://harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=300). Also, I have to thank you for introducing me to Doodling in Math Class, that was brilliant! Can I imaginarily attend your dinner party?

  175. My list would just be weird: Kevin Durant, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Craig Ferguson. Most awkward set of three ever possibly.

  176. I didn’t know you are into Amanda Palmer, but now I do I have to say I love you even more. Well not quite as much as I LOVE Amanda Palmer… This is fun – I think I’ll make my own list 1. Amanda Fucking Palmer 2. The Bloggess – as long as she brings Will Wheaton with his pony/monkey 3. …

  177. I totally agree with bringing Eddie Izzard, he’s got great taste in his clothes, but I feel that Weird Al, Pauley Perrette, Jack Skellington (the actual character, not his voice actor), Robert Smith of The Cure, and finally Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders. I suppose if Dawn and Lenny Henry are still together then he can come as well.

  178. Any party that includes Vi Hart and Bigfoot is bound to be off the awesomeness scale.

    I’d add:
    Jen Yates from Cakewrecks and Epbot
    Rachel Held Evans (A Year of Biblical Womanhood)
    Steven Levitt (Freakonomics)
    Andre Geim (physicist who makes frogs levitate and won an actual nobel prize playing around with pencil lead)

  179. Jennifer Hale aka Commander Shepard from Mass Effect. <3

    But then I'd tried to get her to marry me and it might be awkward to everyone else. Sorry guys.

  180. already many people I would have mentioned are on here. Terry Pratchett and Death from his books, I am sure Death would love to be invited to a party like this!

  182. Are we wearing Wolf Blitzers? Yes? This reflects greatly on my dinner party invitees…..

  185. Aaron Rodgers (because DAMN is he hot and photobombs really well)
    My husband (because if I invited Aaron Rodgers but not him he’d murder me)
    Dakota Fanning because there is something oddly intriguing about that girl.
    Taylor Lautner (because there are a few innapropriate dreams I need to, er, take care of.)
    Patrick Stewart (added to your list, THAT would make for some interesting conversation)
    Gerard Butler (Yum)
    Bill Clinton

  188. Byron @169 – I think you should re-think not inviting Chris Sarandon (Jack Skellington’s voice actor) to the party. He is 1) unbelievably charming and 2) Prince Humperdink!

    I have a hard time narrowing my list down – I love so many of the folks already mentioned, but I’m highly inclined to have a number lot of horror film stars as well: namely Jeffrey Combs (swoon!), Robert Englund, Ken Foree. Also, Terry Pratchett, Vince Ventresca and Paul Ben-Victor (only if they both come to the party!), and Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks. Honestly, I could have a dozen ten-person dinner parties and still be forgetting awesome people.

  189. Stephen Colbert. Then you can have your stare down & we could all put down our forks. & watch.

  192. Dude. DUDE. I love this game. I’m third … fo … fifteenthing David Tennant and… ACTUALLY, you know what? If dead people are allowed, so are fictional people, I say. So, lets add Ten, Shawn Spencer, and Dr. McKay, because the verbal sparring would be epic. Harry Dresden and the Winchesters, seated far, far apart. And The Pioneer Woman can cater the affair, even though she’s real. We don’t discriminate.

  193. I’d bring Mr. Potato Head and Ryan Gossling so I can molest him all night. And Emma Stone because she is awesome sausage.

    On a separate note, remember that time you brushed your teeth with Japanese super glue? Well tonight I super glued my finger to my eyebrow and nearly super glued my eye shut. All in the name of being a hooker. Just thought you’d want to know. Or not.

  195. Emma Stone. That girl is funny, smart and beautiful. I’d date her if I didn’t like guys.
    Which reminds me that I’d also like to bring Ryan Gosling if we’re allowed to bring 2 guests. You didn’t really specify a quota…

  198. Just because I am socially awkward and I would possibly be the only hockey fan at this shindig, I would want to have Calgary Flames star Jarome Iginla there for me to talk to. While I am NOT a Flames fan, I’ve always thought he would be so much fun to go and have drinks with. But if he couldn’t make it, I know I could have a great time listening to most of the guests that others would bring.

  200. Oh, I like the thought of dropping Martha Stewart in the mix…

    Otherwise:
    Tim Minchin
    Nathan FIllion
    Will Wheaton
    Dave Hewlett and his sister Kate

  202. this is easy.
    STEPHEN FRY! hell, I’d like to have dinner with JUST him
    I can ask my friend what neil and amanda are like over dinner if you like, He stayed with them at the Edinburgh Festival this year. Lucky bastard.

  203. My list of ten:

    Elie Wiesel
    Billy Graham
    Steven Spielberg
    Tom Hanks
    Angela Merkel
    President Obama
    Michele Obama
    Ken Burns
    Denis Potvin
    Queen Elizabeth (prefer her sober)

  204. Now THIS gal would be fascinating dinner company: http://youtu.be/B2DgfuIrtIY
    Sharing the joy of sign language and making sure we know the words we really need to know!

    But I would totally monopolize Eddie Izzard if I could come to your dinner, for fuck’s sake!

  206. I think everyone has already named people I’d invite. But I didn’t notice Penn on there. He’d have to come too! Then I’d just sit down, grab a bottle of beer and listen to the best conversations that I will ever hear in my life!

  207. Neil Gaiman & Amanda Palmer apparently just had dinner with Tom Stoppard tonight, so I think they should bring him to your dinner party, because if they get to enjoy him, we should all get to enjoy him.

    Trying not to repeat but just to add, even though many suggestions were excellent & worth repeating.

    Lots of writers on my list. Sarah Vowell. Mark Dunn. Jane Espenson. Anne Tyler. Anna Quindlen. Bryan Fuller. William Goldman. Shane Black. David Milch. (I’ve seen the latter two speak together at a festival, and it was pretty priceless.)

    I’d kind of like to invite Katherine Heigl just to see how much trouble she could get herself into.

    From the beyond, I’d like to invite Mae West, Carl Sagan, and Dr. Seuss.

    John Fugelsang. Samuel L. Jackson. Ellen Barkin.

    And I am no Glee apologist, but on Twitter, I really enjoy Cory Monteith and I would like to dine with him, especially if he brought his cactus, Hank.

  208. Since you listed 17:

    Desmond Tutu
    Nelson Mandela
    Hillary Clinton
    Bill Clinton
    Doris Kearns Goodwin
    Aung San Suu Kyi
    Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish

  210. Laurence Fox, Alex O’Loughlin , Gordon Ramsay, Adam Levine, James Marsters, and Simon Baker

  213. George Clooney. One time I saw him and even though he was 50 feet away, he managed to be more interesting than the delicious meal and pleasant conversation I was having. I’m convinced he’s magic.

  214. Oh no Jenny! You’ve fallen victim to one of the classic dinner party blunders by overloading your guest list with what Miss Manners dubs “Sparklies”. The ideal ratio is four A-listers to six B-listers (“solid citizens” who are interesting and engaging, but who will not outshine the sparklies) per soiree.

    Of course, a list with four celebrities and six of my personal friends does not make for very interesting reading, so…

    Dinner Party #1
    – Simon R. Green
    – Felicia Day
    – Erick Erickson of RedState.com
    – Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess!)

    Dinner Party #2
    – Neil Gaiman
    – Taylor Swift
    – Tim Tebow
    – Nathan Fillion

    Dinner Party #3
    – Camille Paglia
    – Hugh Laurie
    – Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC)
    – Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar (I’ll cheat and count them as one)

    Hope you enjoyed my guest lists! And thanks for being so hilarious, even (or rather, especially) about the tough things in your life. It definitely makes it easier to do likewise and approach my own struggles (ADHD and at times cripplingly-low self-esteem) with humor and optimism.

    PS You are of course invited Parties #2 and #3 as well; I’ll just need advance notice so I can rework my seating charts! 😉

  215. i’d invite justin bieber and tell everyone else not to come or go to a different venue. or invite gangs from the hood to accompany him. (his christmas album ruins christmas)

  217. I’d bring Alex Filippenko. We could get him smashed and have him demonstrate planetary dynamics or something using various household objects.

  219. I’m pretty sure everyone else has already mentioned all the truly fascinating people…so I will just bring myself and try to steal someone else’s date. And David Boreanaz, because he should clearly go everywhere I go.

  220. Can I have alan rickman? Can I? Can I huh,uh?Can I? just want him to talk. “That is the second time you have spoken out of turn. Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all”. I promise not to spit my coffee when I laugh, nor to smile with my teeth completely covered in mashed potato. I also promise to bring Australian wine and chocolate. Oh oh oh and can we have David Thorne too??

  221. It pleases me more than it should that DB Cooper is on your list.

    Most people have already said those I’d like there Pauley P, Mark Harmon, Misha Collins…I’d add Michael Weatherly because he’s so funny and him Pauley & Mark would be very amusing together. Also Vanessa Vangsness because she’s adorably sweet, geeky and funny (and good friends with Pauley). I would invite Thomas Gibson, but I’d be worried about his shoe/foot fetish 😉 lol.

    If we can have fictional people I’d have to have Neal Caffrey, because the conversation between him and DB Cooper could be truly epic.

    Nate

  222. I assume you ave invited the Mother-fucker Chicken? and of course as a table gift the Little Rooster

  223. Yes, wondering whether you’re still mad at Nathan Fillion 😉 Hey, no idea whether he’d be interesting, just really nice to look at.

  225. Since the famous person I’d invite died this year I’d invite my best friend. She’s interesting enough in herself and she’d be delighted to meet those people 😀

  227. Oh, I would have to add Alec Baldwin to the list and BOTH Clintons. (I just want to see them at the same table.) I would also add Annie Leibovitz. From the bucket list, I would take Anais Nin (had dinner with her years ago and she is definitely worth inviting!) and my late husband Ziggy (of Ziggy’s Joke o’the Day) because he was truly a great raconteur.

  228. I think we all follow the same Twitter feeds, This is awesome.

    I’d add Mary Roach (author of Stiff, Bonk, among others) – she’s now apparently into shrinking heads. And Emma Thompson.

    And thank you Jennifer, for the image listed somewhere above of Jim Parsons and Craig Ferguson in a Snuggie with you in the middle. Except now of course it’s me. 🙂

  229. I think we all follow the same Twitter feeds, This is awesome.

    I’d add Mary Roach (author of Stiff, Bonk, among others) – she’s now apparently into shrinking heads. And Emma Thompson.

    And thank you Jennifer, for the image listed somewhere above of Jim Parsons and Craig Ferguson in a Snuggie with you in the middle. Except now of course it’s me. 🙂

  230. As so many other people have said, I’m going to start with Nathan Fillion. Get the dude shitfaced, then break out the twine! Then I’m going to have to add David Tennant, Catherine Tate, Dawn French, Neil Patrick Harris, Tina Fey, Misha Collins and John Barrowman. And possibly a doctor to deal with my inevitable inability to breathe from laughing…

    Oh, and Helena Bonham Carter. Because I’m pretty sure she’s batshit crazy in an awesome way.

  233. Oooh! A Party!

    I second Betty White, Stephen King, Bill Murray, Tina Fey, and I’ll add Adam Sandler and Johnny Depp as either Capt. Jack, the Mad Hatter, or the sultry gypsy in Chocolat. Yum. How ’bout Randy Newman tinkling the ivories for some dinner music? You know, for the feel good effect.

  234. I’d invite Sting. A man who can write the names Nabokov and Mephistopheles into popular songs has to have one or two interesting things to say between the salad plate and the shrimp appetizer.

  235. Will we have the MRI machine in place for this party? Cos it isn’t a party til you get your full body screening… amiright?

    I have to invite not just Nathan but the WHOLE cast of Firefly… Come on Jewel is a freakin dorable and Sean … Alan is hysterical. Pretty much anyone who’s worked on Doctor Who, especially John Barrowman and maybe his dogs cos they are SO kewt. But we’ll keep them away from Ferris Mewler. I feel like we need Brent Spiner. Author Katie MacAlister cos she’s damn funny.
    I can’t wait to see all these ppl at the imaginary Party 😀 How many bathrooms do you have? May want to rent some upscale portapotties…. half for actual use half for ppl with anxiety disorder to hide in….

    It’s called planning ahead, you’re welcome 🙂

  236. Joss Weadon
    Felicia Day
    Nathan Fillion
    Jonathan Frakes and his wife
    David Tennant (you always need a doctor at a party like this)
    Yeti to see if him and Bigfoot really are the same guy
    Morgan Freeman (to narrate the action)
    The Myth Buster’s cannonball
    Jeremy Clarkson

  240. George Stroumboulopoulos is someone i’d invite..you must have a Canuck on site and his interviews are the best. he knows Bill Shatner too, so he could ease the awkwardness.
    Lady GaGa would be on the list, and maybe if she wore her meat suit, we could BBQ! I’d let her know that T-bones would be the appropriate wear for this occasion.
    Finally, I would add Alec Baldwin so that your friend Will Wheaton could challenge him to Words with Friends, and maybe Will could get 72 points from the word CRIB and humiliate him and Alec would go all Sheldon on him.

  243. Let’s add Dr. Smith from Lost in Space and Dr. Ruth. But NOT Dr. Phil. He does not know when to be quiet. Dr. Seuss would be fun!

  244. This is Barbarara’s list? Seriously? Has she been tested for dementia? Ugh.

    Maybe there’s just a dearth of “fascinating” people this year, although I do like some of the above suggestions. Or maybe she thought it meant “fatuous.”

    I am thinking that Helena Bonham Carter would be a really incredible party guest. Crazy/weird = fascinating, right?

  246. So, I would have to say, Norman Reedus, but he could be in character of Daryl Dixon (Walking Dead). No zombies though, because Zombies freak me out, then I’d have to borrow some of your xanax for you anxiety disorder and we could both just chill in your bathroom.

  247. I would totally invite Chelsea Handler, she’s crazy and wild and would fit in fabulously!

  248. The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. Or a really fat baby that resembles him. Or the Michelin Man. Scratch those, I want Slimer.

  249. Tesla – b/c he’d bring the light show and those dogs on youtube that totally party in their master’s swimming pool while their master’s are away. Now they know how to have a good time while the p’s are out and play dumb when the cops show up.

  250. My boyfriend and I work on our amazing dinner party list all the time. I don’t remember them all, but here are some.

    Werner Herzog (small talk would be awesome)
    Jane Goodman (how amazing would she be?)
    Les Stroud from Survivor Man (because he could make a shelter for all of us out of the napkins)
    Tim Gunn

  251. Please, somebody before my brain explodes. I am a fairly (past 8 months or so) recent Bloggess apostle (Blogpostle?), and I have forever loved Jonathan Coulton and Skullcrusher Mountain with his pony/monkey monsters. In this post my two worlds have collided with Wil Wheaton in the middle. WTF? How is this happening? I fear my head will spontaneously combust! Somebody show me the series of unfortunate events that superglued all this marvelousness together!!

  253. Wow, Teller with no Penn.
    I’m bringing any American Serviceman who has served in the Afghanistan Korengal “Valley of Death”. If you haven’t seen the movie Restrepo, it is intense.
    I’m also bringing Robin Williams, mainly because George Carlin’s ghost is still killing ’em in Vegas.
    Lastly, I’m bringing Salma Hayek… surely she can’t turn me down if it’s at the Bloggess mansion?
    My wife says I am also bringing her to chaperone my activities around Salma…

    WG

  258. I’m really glad someone finally invited Tim Minchin in the comments. He’s on my list. How about Richard Dawkins. I don’t think anyone has said him yet. My list would include all the nerdy folks like Dawk, Drunk Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan (cause he’d bring the weed and talk about the Pale Blue Dot), David Tennant, Tim Minchin, Wil Wheaton, Nathan Fillion, Neil Gaiman and Amanda Fucking Palmer, and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Also bonus guest: Brian Cox. Hottie and physics dude.

  259. I would invite Stephen Hawking and seat him directly across from Pat Robertson but make Pat Robertson speak through a voice box so it would sound like two robots fighting over theology.

    I’ll send out the invites.

  260. Ha! Love that you would be hiding in the bathroom. I was thinking hide in the kitchen and eavesdrop. I’m having a bit of anxiety just trying to think of someone so I’ll pass.

  264. I agree with Cranky (possibly other… I admit it, I scrolled after a while!)
    Alan Rickman- I want to creepily sit at his feet and listen to him talk. The cardboard cut-out+cd player just isn’t as good as the real thing.
    And keeping in the theme Alan Davies. He is is hilarious, even whilst doing a live QI with a terrible flu.
    And also me. Not because I’d be a particularly good guest, but because would split my time between creepily sitting at Alan Rickmans feet and creepily smiling at The Bloggess. And the whole experience would be better than any mood stablizers I have come across.

  265. Along with some of your excellent choices (Bradbury, Teller, and that amazing girl from Doodling in Math Class) I would add:

    Steve Martin, who should have won an Oscar (or two) and could entertain with great humor and banjo playing.

    Steve Allen if we could bring him back to life for one more Meeting of Minds.

    And if we are bringing people back from the dead to attend, then Isaac Asimov for sure.

    @Nicole, I would invite Scrooge McDuck too, but if he can’t lift himself off the comic book page to attend, then at least include Don Rosa who added brilliantly to the life and times of that wealthy (in adventure) duck.

    Neil deGrasse Tyson, because we need someone to bring us up to speed on life, the universe, and everything.

    Jon Stewart, because he’s the only one that can make sense of our world.

    And finally, me, because I wouldn’t want to miss out on Jenny’s mind boggling wit, and because I have some paper I need Wil to collate.

  269. Jose, the VP guy who called you a “fucking bitch”, to prove to him that you ARE relevant. I mean, this is going to be an awesome dinner party!

  271. I don’t know if anyone thought of this or not, but I think you are one of the most fascinating people of 2011. I mean I know you are the host, but I would make sure you show up, and then I would invite Jose, and The Redneck Mommy because she also is awesome and Canadian, so hello, what’s not to love, and Ilana from Mommy Shorts bc she is pretty fucking cool plus would contribute huge ass cupcakes from NYC. And prior to the party I would wait until you are gone from your house and then break in with Nate Berkus (sorry if spelling error) to convert / decorate your house into one massive open concept bathroom so you could mingle and hopefully keep your anxiety at bay because -this is the genius part – you would know you were ALREADY in the bathroom! Yay! He would get to stay too, I like him. And I would also invite Kendra from Project Night Night to set up a donation bin for blankets, books and toys at your front door, then she can come mingle too as is super nice. And as stated in different context in a long ago post, I would invite my toddler, dressed in a chicken costume to wander around and randomly say “Knock knock …” ’cause the cool kids would get it …

  272. Adele…if not for good conversation ( i think she is way funny) then at least for background music…the girl has some serious pipes! Merry Christmas! Oh and how about Tina Fey…love her!

  273. I have a super-geeky crush on Vi Hart. That is all I wanted to say. I would totally come to the dinner part she’s at.

  274. Tina Fey, who is seriously cool.

    The Dali Lama – also cool

    If we were going for dead folks (you did put the Poe Toaster & Bigfoot), I’d put Oscar Wilde

  275. First of all although I usually love you and everything you write, now I’m upset because I feel like the “you’re invited” is not personal enough and I am waiting for a hand delivered invitation.

    Second of all, inviting the Kardashians to a dinner party is pure genius because they don’t eat a lot so there would be more food left over for me. In this economy, that’s just common sense.

  278. I’d bring Ellen Degeneres.
    Because seriously f*** the party if you’re not gonna be there.
    We can chill in the bathroom together and Ellen can scare the shit out of people wanting to pee and you and I can explain to her why Chambord snow cones are more aesthetically pleasing when served in the comfort of your own bathroom.

    Plus we can get all the dirt on the celebs from her show, you and I would possibly leave your bathroom with showbags and she’s a comedilesbienne. Fascinating.

  281. Is Simon Cowell even a thing anymore? What did he do in 2011?

    Anyway, I would bring Jamie Cullum, Jon Stewart, Josh Groban, Kermit the frog, Russell Brand, and maybe Jimmy Fallon, so he could see what real funny people look like. I’d also have to invite my boyfriend, and he’d probably want to invite Damon Lindelof. That’s all I can think of in the bleary-eyed hour before my last final exam.

  282. How could you possibly forget Lisa Whelchel, you need at least one Fact of Life at the table.

  284. LIVE FOLKS
    Cast of Big Bag Theory
    Cast of Chuck
    Maggie Smith
    Alan Rickman
    Dawn French
    Jorge Garcia
    Bob Newhart

    DEAD FOLKS
    Julia Child
    Andre the Giant
    John and Abigail Adams

    ALSO
    The Mighty Thor

  285. I TOTALLY second Misha Collins. He has to be there! Also Tom Bergeron. While I’m listing witty, clever as heck people I will add my friend Sarah who is the best person to sit next to at a dinner party.

  286. 1. Daniel Day Lewis (He can just read the phonebook)
    2. Woody Harrelson (Someone has to bring the weed)
    3. Paula Deen (Because mama is hungry)
    4. Puck from the Real World (Because we need entertainment)
    5. Gerard Butler (Because I need something to look at)
    6. Sheryl Crow (Because I need to throw my hubby a bone and don’t want to punch her)
    7. Zach Galifianakis (Because he is weird and funny)
    8. Michelle Duggar (Because she needs to have a drink and get high to deal with her loss/19 kids)
    9. Dave Matthews (Because we were all in college once)
    10. Chelsea Handler (Because I need someone to drink wine and make fun of Puck with)

  287. I learned something reading this post! Didn’t know who some of those peope were – kudos, laughter and learning in the same blog!!! And it is way to early for me to be putting together a dinner party guest list… so I’ll just go with everyone else’s answers.

  289. John Glenn. I think it would be cool to talk to an actual original astronaut, but not a space cadet like the Astronut stalker girl – Lisa whatever-her-last-name-was-that-wore-Depends.

  290. Joss Whedon, Alan Moore, Cecilia Tan, Stan Lee, Greta Christina. Oops, my geek is showing … Pretty amazing list though! I say Wil Wheaton has to bring the beer and wear his cape of dicks.

  292. I’d bring Stephan Colbert so you can crush him at a staring contest.

    And thanks for the invite. I’ve been dying to “knock, knock” on your front door.

  294. Do they have to be famous? Your friend Laura Mayes should be invited – of course. Also Zooey Deschanel, because she is always being mistaken for Katy Perry, although she is prettier and more interesting. I see someone already put Jim Parsons down. I second that. Frankly I would personally not invite any politicians!

    And don’t forget Michio Kaku!

  295. Bob Dylan. You could turn a conversation with him into a drinking game. Every time you couldn’t understand a sentence – you have to drink.

  296. Jimmy Fallon but only if he”s entirely responsible for the games portion of the evening. There will be a games portion, right?

  297. Your list is awesome. But it includes Bigfoot and Traci Lords. Soooo that created some mental images in my dirty mind that I will never be able to erase. Unless you are working on an invention for Handi Wipes for the brain. And if you are not, then don’t try to steal my idea. I’m on the mutha.

  298. Dave Grohl. And if we’re allowed posthumous invites I’d have to include Oscar Wilde.

    (In all seriousness, I cannot imagine any version of this universe in which any Kardashian is fascinating. Has someone felt Barbara’s forehead?)

  299. My 11 (in alphabetical order):
    Anthony Bourdain
    Mel Brooks
    Nadia G. (of the Bitchin’ Kitchen)
    Jane Goodall
    Kathy Griffin
    Tim Gunn
    Eddie Izzard
    Koko the Gorilla
    Kate Middleton
    RuPaul
    David Sedaris

    RIP Runners-Up:
    Lucille Ball
    Julia Child
    Leonardo DaVinci
    Gandhi
    George Harrison
    Jackie Kennedy
    Elvis Pressley
    RinTinTin
    Dr. Seuss
    Elizabeth Taylor
    Mark Twain

    And I have been known to spend entire parties in the bathroom, as well. With my best friend trying to calm me down, and a (for medicinal purposes, only) Black Russian in each hand. Just thinking about having to sit at a table with these people gives me a rash.

  300. I would definitely have to add Simon and Garfunkle. Put them in-between the comedians and authors and we’d get some wicked songs for after dinner entertainment! If only we could resurrect the Grimm brothers, those two combined with Simon and Garfunkle and the comedians and authors you already invited and that would be amazing, simply beyond beyond perfect.

  303. Adam and Jaime from the mythbusters! Making things explode all in the name of science makes for a great after coffee and dessert activity!

  304. Can I just say that I love you for the pure and simple fact that you have Neil Gaiman and Wil Wheaton on that list?

    Lady, you rock!

    Also, I’d like to add Jim Parsons and Brent Spiner!

  305. Patrick Stewart, Michael Hurst, and the Doctor… all of him (even Tom Baker because he’s my favorite, even though I hear he may be a bit snobby in person) because even if he’s not real? We all know he is…

  306. Oh, holy shit, these suggestions are good. Just scanning through I saw Joss Whedon (yes), Dave Grohl (hells yes) and John Hodgman. Also I think I’d do just about anything to get out of any dinner involving any Kardashians ever. How are they interesting? I don’t get it. Also is there anything truly interesting about Pippa besides her ass? I mean, she’s just a girl, right? Who’s sister married a prince? Maybe she’s super big in charities, Penny, jeez. Cut a girl some slack.

    OK, my list would include Phebe Taylor (who’s been dead 220 years, but that’s allowed, right?). She’s a woman who lived in my town who was married to a big Loyalist but whose brother was a General for Washington in the Revolution. And I’ve made up a whole life for her in my head. Actually, if she came and she was just boring or rude or snobby or something that might ruin it. So, scratch that.

    New person – fictional: Lord John Grey from the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. Sexiest gay British Lord soldier you’ll ever meet. For reals. God, I love him.

    OK then! This was fun! Thanks! Oh and I need to read everyone’s suggestions much more thoroughly. Which might take all day! Yay!

  308. Also has anyone said Amy Sedaris? Cause you two would get along like gangbusters, I believe. Plus her plus one could be Stephen Colbert and I second someone’s earlier suggestion that you do the staring contest right then and there. That could be the game portion of the evening – sequential staring contests. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

  312. I would bring Adam Richman, but I might end up having sex with him in your bathroom and he might eat everything there in one sitting, so that might not be a good idea. Instead I’d bring Dorothy Parker.

  313. You left Beyonce the chicken off your list? What the hell? And where’s copernicus?

    Personally I’d invite Matthew MacFadyen under the presence that he seems like he’s a funny guy behind all those serious, brooding roles, but really for the fact that I’d like to stare at him when he isn’t looking because he’s so hot.

  314. Gordon Ramsey to do the cooking, Charles Manson because I’m sure the conversation would be fascinating (as long as we keep him away from the cutlery) and the ‘Mayhem’ guy from the All-State ads to cradle me gently in his arms at the end of the night and make the crazy go away.

  319. Love your list. I was going to invite Beyonce (the metal chicken version). After reading through some comments I see I’m not alone. I’d probably invite Orson Scott Card too, just because I love his books and he’s a pretty interesting individual.

  320. Lady Gaga b/c I’m obsessed with her and thank you to the person that pointed out that it isn’t DB Cooper the actor, because I was totally thinking about The Cutting Edge.

  328. YAY for Zack Galifianakis!! I would definitely have dinner with him…even if it meant having dinner with those 3 Kardashians…ugh.

    In related news: Barbara Walters has lost her damn mind.

  329. David and Amy Sedaris……and a full package of Poise. I would have said Depends, but it’s really hard to discreetly pick a wedgie out of your ass with those bulky things on.

  330. George Takei… let’s be honest, his voice is enough to make him interesting. Add to the fact that he’ll probably insult Shatner all night and make things completely awkward would just add to the fun.

  331. OMG THE CUTTING EDGE. Totally forgot about that movie. Sadly, I’m a cheeseball and loved it. Toe pick!

    I totally want to invite Elton John to my dinner party. I also agree with the mayhem guy. “Recalculating!”

  332. Hillary Rodham Clinton – because she’s about the coolest woman on the planet and maybe the solar system depending on who is on the cloaked ship orbiting Mercury. I think maybe Michelle Obama unless they are likely to get into a cat fight in which case I still choose Hillary. And, btw, I used your picture of Will Wheaton collating paper in a webinar I did for my company which I tried to attribute to you, but my boss said I couldn’t 🙁

  336. I truly can’t believe anyone finds ANY Kardashian interesting. The only one who ever really did anything of note is no longer on this planet.

    So annoying. I’m proud to say I have *NEVER* seen an episode of any Kardashian show. I cannot say the same about Deadliest Catch.

    I might be the worst female ever.

  338. Can we bring people that have passed? Because I’d so want to bring George Carlin. If not, how about Patrick Stewart? I’d love to hear him talk the whole night.
    I so agree with having Vihart on the list, and really most of the list. Sounds like an interesting night.

  339. You left out those people from Portlandia. Also, Nathan should NOT be invited until the twine pic surfaces.

  340. You don’t want a formal dinner party, you want buffet finger food and then throw the party open to whoever wants to turn up – but only if they know the password “knock, knock motherf**ker”.

    Elon Musk – any one who successfully launches cheese into space – and returns it back down safely has to be better than that beardy salesman Branson (who isn’t even going into orbit).

  342. I think we should invite:
    1. Harper Beckham. She’s way more relevant than her mommy, plus, I’m betting her super fine daddy will show for eye candy, I mean, to supervise the baby. Shirtless. Texas is really warm, right?
    2. Randall AND a honey badger.
    3. a zombie. They are so IN right now.
    4. My cat. She’s crushing on Ferris Mewler.

  343. Stephen Fry.

    I mean, hello modern-day Oscar Wilde! No fabulous dinner party would be complete without Mr Fry.

    I’s also invite Michael Palin, ’cause I’d love to hear stories about his world travels and Python days. Who Wouldn’t?!

  344. Robert Downy Jr. b/c he’ll be on drugs, which makes for uninhibited dinner party conversation. but he may raid your wine-slushies, so beware.

  345. Amanda Palmer is already booked for my dinner party, I’m afraid. And I’m going to have to ask you to stop mentioning her because if other people figure out how cool she is, it’ll totally ruin it for me.
    I’d also invite Kimya Dawson, Rachel Maddow, author Tom Robbins, Mitch Hedberg if dead people are invited, and the entire Bluth family if fictional people are invited. James Franco can be our tuxedoed waiter.

  347. Okay, I can only think of one right now and that would be Louis CK. He’s hysterical!

  348. I am beyond impressed that you included Eddie Izzard. I was under the impression that I was the only Texan that was a huge fan of his.

  351. What was Barbara Walters’ thinking? If you look at the list, you know what’s missing…I know so many things…but any woman over the age of 40. Forgive me for not including Kris Jenner in that list. She’s trying desperately to be one of her daughters. Yes, you guessed it, I’m woman of substance so I should know who should be on the list…I’ve been around. Here’s just a few: Madonna (as long as she doesn’t talk in her English accent), Helen Miren, Hilary Clinton, Bonnie Raitt, Dr. Michelle Bachelet (first woman president of Chile), Jane Fonda. Of course there would be men there, too, like Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling. Eye candy, my friends.

  352. David. MUHFUGGIN. Thorne.
    Vincent. MUHFUGGIN. Price.
    Barbara Walters. (But only if she’s drunk.)
    Dolly Parton dressed up like a sexy porcupine. (Fantasy I can’t explain.)
    Pizza The Hut.

  353. Can I just say how much I love people that love Eddie Izzard? Seriously, a big scary guy could come to my door in the middle of the night covered in blood and tell me he needs a place to hide from the cops and if he could quote Eddie Izzard I’d let him in. I’d tell him to hide in the baby’s room, that’s how much I’d instinctively trust him.

  354. I’d totally have Neil Gaiman too! Also, I’d have Tim Burton so I could introduce the two and be responsible for the next epic movie deal in a generation. I’d also invite Jack White because he’s such a weirdo and I could make out with him in the pantry between courses. And lastly- I’d invite the Kardashian sisters so I could invite them out for an after dinner stroll in a deep dark forest and leave them there to fend for themselves (I’d probably tie cloth sacks over their heads and give them a few spins before fleeing the scene…)

  355. You’re already there wearing the wolf, right?

    Hmmm…

    Stephanie Miller, Rosie O’Donnell, Whoopi Goldberg, Christopher Walken, a good portion of your list, A bear, Stephen Colbert’s Ears…I guess he can come also but merely to tell him why he’s a thief, and Paula Deen.

  357. The conspiracy theorist at my office who is hoarding dry goods and ammunition because of the internment camps the government is secretly building.

  358. Brad Pitt. Hell, he doesn’t need to talk….just sit there and smile at me would be good enough.

  359. Also? I feel like this dinner part would also have to involve the screening of awful, B grade films, like, “The Cannibal Women of The Avocado Jungle of Death.” I own it. I can lend it to you.

  360. Yes! You could sell tickets. Of course then there would be a Beyonce expectation (the metal poultry variety). You think Teller would accidentally speak? Poor Barbara. Someone must have told her she is getting old and needs to connect with the little people by choosing people most likely to have a tattoo or most likely to have their image tattooed on someone’s ass.

  361. 1. Morgan Freeman
    2. My piano teacher (honestly, he’s at least as interesting as anyone else mentioned here)
    3. Beyonce, so she can meet her namesake in person (er, in chicken?)
    4. Paul McCartney
    5. Billy Joel
    6. Queen Noor of Jordan
    7. Myself, but only if I’m drunk. Otherwise, I’d be hiding in the bathroom with you.

  364. I think John Waters would be a waaaaay interesting dinner guest. I agree with everyone who said Tina Fey. Her and Sarah Silverman could just crack wise all night! That would be terrific! Oh…for my dream crushes….I’d invite Chris Isaak and Paul Rudd. I’d like to make a sammich with them! And while I’m thinking of musician types, if we can bring dead ones back to life…let’s bring Elvis to the party…or good Elvis impersonator, if the undead is not an option. And Michael Jackson. That would be one helluva party!

  367. It’s funny, as much as I love all those people you listed, you would be the person I would most want to talk to.

    Yes, I would rather talk to you than Eddie Izzard. There, I said it.

  370. While meeting The Bloggess would be enough, this would be the most awesomest party ever! Kevin Smith says Never Meet Your Heroes, but I would SO bring him and his wife Jen Schwalbach to this party. Craftyb above said Tim Minchin, I would like to second that. May I add Kelly Carlin, daughter of George (and George too if we can bring him). Margaret Cho could hold court in a small corner. This would be the most awesomest party ever. May I request a stop at Sam’s or Costco for kleenex, because I think I would cry all night, sentimental and easily overwhelmed idiot that I am. I would trade the tear-stained face and red puffy eyes for a night like this happily.

  373. I second Anthony Bourdain. And Betty White. OOH And Robin Williams. Best. Dinner Party. EVER.

  374. I have always wanted to have dinner with Philip Roth, Margaret Drabble and Margaret Atwood. Add in John Fugelsang, Randi Rhodes and the late Christopher Hitchens, and I can’t imagine a more interesting and lively evening. If I had to have any meals with Kardashians I would choose to go hungry. Very hungry, for a long time.

  377. Barbara Walter’s guest list sucks. Here’s a real party….with my mom cooking, please. And my brother and sister with wife and husband. And my cousin Robbie and his partner, Victor.

    Andrea Gay, another cousin, she’s brilliant
    Tina Fey
    You (and I’m totally not sucking up, I would love to meet you)
    Catwoman (Julie Newmar)
    Dianne Keaton
    The Obamas
    Ernest Hemingway
    John Stewart
    Keith Richards (for ambiance)
    Daniel Craig (for my dessert)

  378. Alec Baldwin, so we could make snide comments back and forth and then make out at the end of the night. And he would finally maybe accept my WWF invitations. Yes. YESSSS.

  380. Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
    Sarah Vowell
    Jon Stewart
    Nathan Fillion (I’d take that photo for you!)

  382. Drunk or not, at least I got invited. I have a feeling the non-drunk part is in there because I’ll be cooking? Well, I get to decide the menu then! We are having Frito pie and pigs in a blanket. Also, I’m bringing Patrick Warburton and Adam West, because I’ve always had the need to have The Tick and Batman in the same room together. I’m bringing Mandy Patinkin along, but not as a guest, so he can help serve. He can put the pigs in a blanket on the end of skewers and fling them onto plates while reciting, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.” This will be awesome since a fair amount of your guests are already dead. Also, I’m bringing Cary Elwes as a bartender, so anything someone orders a drink, he can be all, “As you wish”. Best party ever.

  385. Beyonce woudl be at the head of the table right? I mean just to keep order and knock knock on everyone

    and Jim Parsons, but only if he stays in his Sheldon Cooper character and sit him right next to Wil Wheaton.

  386. Weird Al. Because isn’t every dinner party better with Weird Al?
    The cast of Big Bang Theory, but only if they stay in character. (Which could definitely be awesome if Wil Wheaton is there!)
    Oprah, because I need some of her favorite things. But she can leave after that.

  387. Jay-Z clearly must be invited as Beyonce’s plus one…

    My true wish is Diane Keaton. She’s gorgeous, hilarious, has a host of sparkling gossipy stories to share, and strikes me as the kind of woman who would think to bring you a glass of wine and a couple of canapes while you cower in the bathroom.

  388. YES! Eddie Izzard alone would make it the most interesting party IN THE WORLD, and YOU absolutely MUST be there 😉 Otherwise, whats the point – you make us all laugh so hard we spit our coffee through our noses, LOL

  389. Warren Ellis & Joe Hill & Mat Johnson & Andrew Shaffer (Evil Wylie)- they put the *mac* in macabre

    Freestyle Love Supreme to give Amanda Fucking Palmer a 10 minute performance break

    Dan LeBatard & Charles Barkley, both in speedos

    Chris Hackett for the fireworks

    Nancy Upton and I will document the shit out of this party.

    I’ll bring the allergen-free munchies and porta-pots. We’re practically neighbors so feel free to use my cul-de-sac for extra parking.

    Now that I chew on it, we should do a round-robin party-a-month for the next couple years, just to make sure everyone has a chance to talk to everybody.

  390. “I don’t like to criticize, but if your list of the ten most fascinating people includes three Kardashians then you’re doing it wrong.”

    Best quote EVER.

  391. I’m going to second the following:
    real (non-chicken) Beyonce
    Alan Rickman
    NPH
    Patrick Stewart

    And add:
    The cast of Criminal Minds, because I love the show and they seem like pretty cool people who would be totally into this party.

    PS. @198 – Jerome? Fellow Calgarian?

  392. The Burgermeister from those freaky stop-motion Christmas movies and the Hamburglar.

    In a fight TO THE DEATH!!!

    Also the whole cast of Big Bang Theory.

  394. Not the mystery person who makes the library paper art? He/she could wear a mask. And also Banksy. Wearing a mask. HEY! Have a masked dinner party!

  397. 1. Evan Williams, 2. Rodney Strong, 3. Jose C, 4. Jack Daniels, and 5. that guy that drives the taxi. Of course, an random ex-boyfriend would be on speed dial as a back-up.

  399. @Lisa 382. Princess bride, best. movie. ever. I support your choices fully and wish I’d thought of them. Cary Elwes bartending with “as you wish”? Brilliant.

  403. Tom Selleck
    Mo Rocca
    Jim Parsons
    Tim Omundson
    Jane Lynch
    Parker Posie
    Ben Stiller
    Jon Stewart
    The Blogess

  405. Ani Difranco. But then I wouldn’t be able to come, because you do not have enough bathrooms or anti-anxiety meds for me to handed her AND Amanda Palmer in the same space.

  409. I want to sit on the other side of Eddie Izzard and Michael Symon because he cracks me up on his FB telling people off all the time.

  410. I’d add:

    Paul McCartney
    Ellen Degeneres
    Kevin Smith
    Chris Hardwick
    Felicia Day
    Mark “Turpster” Turbin (from podcasting fame)
    Stephen Fry
    Hugh Laurie
    Neil Patrick Harris
    John Cleese

    Just figuring out that list and then imagining this dinner party made me smile. 🙂

    Del

  411. John Grisham, Laurell K. Hamilton and Chef Michael Symon – and if i can just sit in a corner and watch that would be super fantastic too….

  412. In addition to your list, I’d like to have the doppelgängers of the following invitees: Eddie Izzard, Zach Galifianakis, Teller, William Shatner, and Traci Lords. They probably have lots of stories about how they’ve gotten VIP treatment because of whom they look like.

    Maybe some dude who grew a beard to resemble Wil Wheaton.

    And as a cherry on top, I’d like to meet the children of The Poe Toaster (if (s)he ever had any). It’ll mostly be depressing, but I think the emotional abyss that is their overbearing parent issues + alcohol would be a great set-up (n.b. hide your expensive decor). They probably work at Michael’s too because of their addiction to Highlights, so they’d have lots of great ideas on how to decorate on-the-cheap.

  413. How about Anne Taintor (http://annetaintor.com/ )? She’s got a great sense of humor and she appreciates the importance of cocktails!

    P.S. Can I hide in the bathroom with you? But we need to plant spy cameras out where the party is happening.

  414. My oldest daughter and I have been reading together and laughing, and agreeing on most of the attendees this morning. She’s 19 and away at college so she’s not at home much and we don’t get many of those moments-so thank you, love!

    Also, she suggested instead of Stephenie Meyer and Anne Rice at the Thundinnerdome we just let them bring their vampires instead. Because Anne Rice is probably too classy to bitch slap Stephenie, but Lestat would have no qualms about setting a sparkly vampire on fire.

  415. Well, if we are allowing dead people, then Gene Rodenberry needs to be invited to keep Shatner and Takei on the straight and narrow. Plus, I think he was wicked smart. He thought up the iPad long before Jobs did.

  417. Your list is quite fabulous already! Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer (who, by the way, sings my life’s soundtrack), Traci Lords! I <3 Traci! Eddie Izzard (in drag of course)! I think I would have to add Stephen Colbert, Stephen Fry (From QI ) and last but absolutely not least, my favorite astrophysicist, Neil DeGrasse Tyson because – all that brainpower- Whew! Gets me all worked up just thinking about it!

  418. Ugh, I can’t pick just one person, sorry! In no particular order:
    MC Escher
    Octavio Ocampo
    ee cummings
    Bette Midler
    They Might Be Giants
    (And maybe Mother Theresa, but only so I could point out your blog motto to her and snicker. And then do penance for it, for obvious reasons. I honestly think M.T. was pretty cool)

  420. I would bring:
    Maynard from TOOL
    Trent Reznor from NIN
    Nathan Lane
    Kevin Spacey
    Michael C.Hall
    Dracula
    Lucille Ball

  421. I’m going to go with Emma Thompson. She always seems like she’d be really funny and all kinds of awesome in real life. 🙂

  422. Hugh Jackman, because he’s funny, he can sing, he’s a great entertainer and apparently he’s also very smart and a great conversationalist.

    But honestly, all of that is less important to me than the fact that he is smokin’ hot. And I just want to have dinner with him so I can look at him worshipfully for a few hours.

    Gerard Butler, for all the same reasons.
    Ditto for Mike Rowe.

  424. Okay, I was going to say Zach too (yeah, we’re on a first name basis). Also, Chelsea Lately would be great. Wait, that’s not her name…Chelsea Handler. We need to have someone there that will get sloshed with us and talk a lot of shit. She’d be perfect. Is Colbert still on your shit list or can he come? We also need someone who is witty, sardonic, and completely “inappropriate” and “offensive.” How about Sarah Silverman? …someone who will get naked and/or act slutty? Any of the real world kids should do. …humor coupled with dance skills. Do you think Conan and Ellen are busy? Then at the end of the party, after a few, when I start feeling really intelligent, I would love to speak with Warren Buffett. Do you think he would have time to stop by? Oh, and the husband will probably want to tag along too. Anyway, I’m happy you’re hosting because my house is dirty.

  426. Ok most of mine have been picked but here is who i am sending invites to:
    NIkki Sixx
    Alan Rickman
    Gary Oldman
    Ricky Gervais
    Eddie Izzard
    Red Green
    Russel Brand
    THia party is fonna ROCK!

  428. Thanks for not inviting the K people. I feel like I should bring some famousish writer, but the person I really want to meet is Victor.

  429. I’d definitely add Seth Meyers, but he would have to be sitting at the SNL Weekend Update desk making fun of all the other guests there. I’d come, no matter what year the party is in, just sayin……

  430. Bert Keeter, Eddie Izzard, Tim Gunn, Sean Connery, Sarah Palin, Andrew Biersack of Blackveil Brides, Seals and Crofts, Angie Harmon and last but not least the Bloggess.

  433. I would love to have: Craig Ferguson, Stephen Fry, David Tennant, Jim Parsons, Gerald Butler, Michelle Obama, Maya Angelou, Eddie Izzard (love him), the Dalai Lama, and Sandra Bullock (fellow southerner, no pretenses).

  434. Marcel the Shell. But only if he sits on Christopher Walken’s shoulder the entire time.

    Also, the Kardashians, but only if you put them at the little kids table with Zach Galafinakis. And make sure he doesn’t shower for at least a week. And the double rainbow all the way guy. Because I think he’d be fun to mess with. Ooooh, and put Marcel the Shell on HIS shoulder. After giving them both LSD.

  438. Yours are much better. I hated Barb’s list. Trump, seriously? Pippa was #2. Don’t get me wrong, I love Pippa. Not as a fascinating person, though. More like the hot sister of a princess.

  440. Ahaha, I was picturing a toaster that left the bread with a portrait of Poe instead of Jesus as they usually seem to do. The real Poe Toaster is so much better!

    I honestly don’t get the fascination with Pippa M. I mean she seems perfectly nice but what has she done that is so intriguing or interesting? That is an honest, only slightly rhetorical question.

  442. Sweetie you had me at Eddie Izzard. We could compare shoes and makeup. I’d bring Dame Judie Dench, John Cleese or Frank Caliendo. Or Ron White.

  443. Since we’re clearly allowed to exhume, I’m starting off with Mitch Hedberg. Please seat me next to him as I’d like to trade sunglasses with him. Also, since I saw Teller listed above, I suggest we invite Penn so we don’t hurt his feelings. He can sit on the other side of me. Plus, those two released a book a while back that could make for some incredible fun at the party. http://www.amazon.com/Penn-Tellers-Play-Your-Food/dp/0679743111

    Oh, and can the entire cast of Arrested Development also be seated at my table? I love each and every one of them like family and want them within food-flinging distance.

    I’ll bring a Waldorf salad and that strawberry taco cake pie you’ve been craving. Is there a dress code?

  445. Definitely The Lock Ness monster..Big Foot and the Lock Ness might throw down for the best no-one-knows-if-they-really-exist best brawls of all time on VH1

  446. Probablly these kids:
    DeGrasse Tyson
    Jeb Corliss
    Bill Nye the science Guy
    Robin Williams
    Kevin Smith
    Leornard Nimoy
    Brian Greene

  449. Your list plus Amy Sedaris, Stephen Fry, and Oprah, but only because I want to see your other invited guests throws dinner rolls at her head when she starts to proselytize.

  450. Apparently we are like two peas in a pod. Twice this week my co-worker has read a post of yours and exclaimed, “That’s you too, Inelegant_Life!” Because while our lists would be wildly different, this line is me to a T: “Who I’d Invite to the Most Interesting Dinner Party Ever (but then probably hide from in the bathroom because of my anxiety disorder.)” I would also be the one to put the wrong year on my ornaments, except I would have gotten all Martha-fucking-Stewart and HANDMADE a half dozen ornaments with the wrong year. Thanks for yet another fabulous post.

  451. Joss Whedon. Definitely him. Although I’d probably then have a ginormo panic attack due to being in the same room as him and promptly pass out.

  452. Nathan Fillion and Eddie Izzard at the same dinner party would be awesome, but would it be too awesome? Would the universe implode if you had such a concentration of awesomeness at the same party? A black hole of coolness that obliterates all else in the universe? It would be scary, but so very cool at the same time that it might be worth the risk.

  453. Willie Nelson
    Tom Baker – the 4th Doctor
    Vincent Caso
    Jeff Lewis
    Sandeep Parikh
    Amy Okuda
    Robin Thorsen
    Felicia Day
    Sterling Malory Archer
    Lana Kane
    Malory Archer
    Cyril Figgis
    Cheryl Tunt
    Pam Poovey
    Pam Poovey
    Ray Gillette
    Woodhouse

  454. Well I agree with @linzlovesyou that it would be nice to have Ryan Gosling there but I’d want him to come as his character in Lars and the Real Girl.

    Emily Mortimer from the same film and my girl crush.
    Robert Duvall
    Anyone named Hermione
    Barbara Kingsolver
    Christopher Guest
    Javier Bardem (if Ryan can’t make it)
    Nora Ephron
    Maybe Debbie Reynolds or Edie Gorme
    My son as an adult so he could tell me not to worry so much about his appalling lack of pre-algebra skills

  457. Jason Bateman
    Diane Keaton
    Morgan Freeman
    MIke Rowe
    Viggo Mortensen

    And Caroline – Capital One Vikings FTW!!! Love it!

  459. i would have to say john f kennedy and johnny depp.. oh and add nikola tesla… i saw him on modern marvels the other night and he was amaaaazing.

  460. Yay for all the folks that mentioned Tim Minchin. He should be playing in the background throughout the evening and anyone who doesn’t pilk at least once should be asked to leave. Also, since you are in Texas you must invite Willie Nelson. The stories he could tell would be amazing and I’m sure he’d bring treats to share, if you know what I mean, because I’m not sure he can help himself.

  461. I’m totally behind those who said Tim Minchin, Carey Elwes, Jim Parsons and John Cleese.
    To add to my list from 150 comments ago or so, I would also bring my boyfriend’s best friend Grant. Because he’s a scamp.

    Also, if we’re allowed to invite dead people, I’m going with Vincent Van Gogh. And a translator. Because I’m pretty sure Van Gogh and I don’t (didn’t? Wouldn’t? Wouldn’t.) speak the same language.

  464. I’d bring Mary Roach (great sense of humor and she’d have fabulous stories), Jessica and Heather from GoFugYourself, Neil Gaiman (of course), Jason Segel, and Melissa McCarthy.

  465. Captain Jack Sparrow, and not to be confused with Johnny Depp. Unless it’s Johnny Depp dressed as Jack Sparrow, then yes.

    So we’d need a ton of rum but half way through the party hide it all in my room so when he ask “where has all the rum gone?” I can say “Oh, let me show you!” and take him to my room and…yeah…lovely…

  466. Did anyone invite Storm Large? She would definitely be on my list… otherwise the list is looking fan-freaking-tastic.

  467. Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Molly Lewis
    Jonathan Coulton, Paul & Storm, Adam Savage, Wil Wheaton, maybe Peter Segal
    China Meiville, Paolo Baglipaluchi, John Scalzi, Jay Lake
    Alyson Hannigan, Alicia Witt, Christina Hendricks, Jewel Staite (Okay, I admit this is just the smoking hot red head contingent for the party).
    Kevin Spacey, Clint Eastwood,
    Jenny

  469. That dude from the Key of Awesome and maybe some other YouTubers doing live Epic Rap Battles of History and parodies for entertainment. Caroline, you’re right on with the Capital One Vikings. And I agree with some others: Patrick Stewart, but only if he performs his one-man A Christmas Carol dressed as Jean-Luc Picard. Craig Ferguson. Stephen Colbert (and might as well have Jon Stewart tag along as the grumpy sidekick..hehe). DEFINITELY the chicken Beyonce (not the real one). And LZ Granderson.

  470. At the “dead” part of the table Peter Sellers, Jack Lemmon and Tony Randall and at the “live” end John Cleese, Rowen Adkins, and Wanda Sykes. (And Jesus; I totally agree that Jesus would be a lot of fun at a party. Plus, you’d never run out of wine!)

  472. I’m glad Eddie Izzard is on your party list.

    I would add Patrick Stewart, Morgan Freeman, Mike Rowe, for their sweet, sweet voices, and Neil Patrick Harris, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost. Oh, and Penn and Teller! Can we resurrect people, like Fred Astaire and Catherine Hepburn?

  473. I dunno… the kardashian’s are fascinating. In the sense that a train wreck is fascinating. Even if only in the sense of trying to figure out why they’re famous.

    Actually interesting-of-themselves for her annual interviews, I’d look at Michelle Pfeiffer and/or Diane Keaton, Roy Disney (Walt had beautiful dreams, but his brother Roy performed miracles to turn the crazy pipe dreams into a viable reality), James Michener, any well-spoken solider who’s had 4 or more tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, that soldier’s spouse/family, I’d second Mike Rowe (love him!), Elizabeth Dole, Stephen Colbert…

  474. I would love to have dinner with the now-defunct cast if “Whose Line is it anyway?” especially Wayne Brady. Oh, and Robin Williams. The episode where he joined the cast was so funny I couldnt breathe from laughing so hard.

  476. Nobody here has probably ever heard of him, but I’d bring Tony Parsons, the British non-neo-advaita guy (NOT the British journalist of the same name), because he’d fuck with everyone’s minds (including mine) more than anyone else. I also understand that he really loves gourmet food, so it would be great to see what he’d say about the strawberry taco cake.

    And I second Craig Ferguson, but I want him to bring Geoff as his date.

    Jesus would be great too – I could ask him his opinion of the GOP candidates.

  477. Ernie Cline, because he is so unabashedly geeky. And Wil Wheaton did the audio version of his new book. BTW – I just googled Wil Wheaton and “Wil Wheaton collating” came up in the top ten google suggestions – good job Jenny!

  479. Ooo good question!! I would have to put a lot of thought into my list, but I’m sure it would include:
    Frank Sinatra
    John and Jackie Kennedy
    Liz Taylor
    Pippa Middleton
    Nicholas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni
    Robin Williams

    Also, I agree that Barbara’s list is ridiculous. Not her best year by far!

  480. Ooo good question!! I would have to put a lot of thought into my list, but I’m sure it would include:
    Frank Sinatra
    John and Jackie Kennedy
    Liz Taylor
    Pippa Middleton
    Nicholas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni
    Robin Williams

    Also, I agree that Barbara’s list is ridiculous. Not her best year by far!

  481. I think Miriam Margolyes would be good value – she tells great fart jokes, and she could play off of Eddie Izzard as well as possibly draw Gaiman out of his shell once the wine kicks in.

    Include Emma Thompson because she’s witty, classy, yet funny in a down to earth way – and because you always need someone who can cuss in French at a dinner party; I believe Emma would excel at this.

    I think adding Noel Fielding is a given – he’s mellow yet so horribly eccentric Victor won’t know what to make of him…especially if Noel finds your tin foil in the kitchen…

  484. Well you’ve already got two of my top choices on there (Neil Gaiman and Eddie Izzard), so let’s see… I’d probably add Bruce Campbell, Stephen King and the cast of The Walking Dead!

  486. Ficional: A shitload of people from the Mother/Earthbound series, Alice from Alice in Wonderland, Madotsuki from the game Yume Nikki, Emily Strange and some of the people from the storys that i write (At least, i HOPE their interesting…)

    Real: Terry Pratchett, You, Me (Hopefuly), My mom, Alot of the people i meet in the S.C.A., and my friend Skyler.

  487. I don’t think I’ll be inviting Amanda Palmer to any of my dinner parties, because she’s an misogynistic idiot, but I think I’ll invite the rest and especially you!

    If you’re not sure why Amanda Palmer is a rather toxic creature, googling “Amanda Palmer disabled feminist” is a good way to get started. Basically, for her “Evelyn Evelyn” act, she dressed up with Jason Webley as a conjoined twin and invented a bizarre backstory in which they pretended to be the illiterate victims of child pornography, rape and social avoidance problems who had been ‘discovered’ and ‘rescued’ by Amanda Palmer. At this point, a lot of feminists, disabled people and people with mental health issues said “Wait, what? Amanda Palmer, we thought you were cool! This isn’t a very funny joke, and it’s making us uncomfortable!”

    Amanda tweeted “setting aside 846 emails and removing the disabled feminists from her mental periphery, @amandapalmer sat down to plan her next record.” She also went on national tv and mocked “disabled feminists from the internet” who were trying to take down poor, beleagured Amanda Palmer.

    Thanks, Amanda, fuck you too.

    But the rest of the people on your list are rather magnificent.

  489. Jason Statham, for sure. Frankly, you had me at Eddie Izzard. Building a henge are we? What a fabulous idea!

  492. D.B. Cooper = Awesome!
    Bigfoot = Awesome!!

    So, not sure where to actually find who I want to attend, but I want a real, living & breathing, from out of this world (galaxy, universe) alien being that can somehow speak our language to attend. That should be doable I think, right?? 😀

  493. My Uncle Serop, Ann Rice, Joe Manganiello, Nathan Fillion, Judy Blume, Carrie Fisher, George R. R. Martin, Queen Raina, Michelle Obama, Helen Thomas, J.K. Rowling and Jim Parsons.
    ***Since Wil Wheaton is already on the list I would make both Wil’s and Jim’s attendance contingent on them being in character as Evil Wil Wheaton and Sheldon Cooper for the entirety of the party.

  494. No one, no one can explain the history of the world quite like Eddie Izzard! What a talent! Put me next to him at the table!!

  497. Casey Anthony. Because every dinner party needs that ONE guest that everyone can gossip about. Then we can all get drunk and openly judge her together! Nothing like *drunkenjudging* bonding time to bring people together!

  499. Since you picked Ray Bradbury, I get to pick William Shakespeare. And Groucho. And Mel Brooks. That’s all I really need. And Jenny Lawson, of course.

  500. Jamie, the very worst missionary, who is my second favorite blogger after you! (and I’m not very churchy, but she’ awesome!)

  501. Graham Norton should really be on the list as well. And if we’re gonna invite Stephen Fry (earlier comment), shouldn’t we invite Hugh Laurie? But only if they come as Jeeves and Wooster….

  502. I did not think I could love you more. And then you invited Amanda Palmer to your imaginary dinner party. I am now obligated to have your children.

  503. People who are alive: George Takei, The Dalai Lama, Laurell K Hamilton, and George R.R, Martin. (The last one would be invited only so I could lock him in room with a typewriter ala Annie Wilkes until he finished the Fire and Ice series. If I have to wait nearly a decade for the next book….)

    People who are dead: John Lennon, Anne Boleyn, Jesus

  505. Kid Rock. Cousin Eddie. (to make the rest of the guests feel all klassy and shit.)
    Seth Meyers 😀 because he’s cute AND funny.
    Sandra Bullock, because she’s just so likeable.
    The Thirsty Traveller dude. He’d know the best drinks.

  508. For the dinner entertainment:

    The Honey Badger, who definitely knows what and what not to give a shit about, gets locked in a bathroom with Barbara Walters. Honey Badger can then enlighten Babs on what people give a shit about and can explain the difference between fascinating people and her list.

    Randall, of course, would provide commentary.

    Then Stephen King and whoever did those Twilight “books” so Stephen can explain what readers expect from writers.

    Again, commentary by Randall.

    After dinner, I would be happy to be at the feet of Patrick Stewart and Alan Rickman, listening to them talk while curled up with Mike Rowe.

    I’m going to go shower now.

  509. You totally need Ron Wnite there. I’d add Jon Bon Jovi to to rock out some Christmas songs and Josh Groban to round out the more traditional carols. Chrostopher Walken and a cow bell. George Clooney because not only is he good to look at but he’s quite the jokester. Betty White because throwing her in the mix is guaranteed laughs. And I’m thinking Charlie Sheen would make it interesting to say the least.

  510. Jonathan Coulton, and Paul & Storm, and Adam Savage, and Jamie Hyneman, and Wil Wheaton! And my awsome friends, Gene and Doug. You don’t know of them…but you should!

  511. I love your list. There are some really amazing suggestions above too (Mae West, David Bowie, the Sedaris sibblings, Pierre Elliot Trudeau, etc.).

    I would add Zadie Smith. She’s awesome and hilarious and I’m sure you would hit it off.

  512. I bet I’m the 500th person to say you are at the top of my list! But it would be such a cool party, we would invite Joss Whedon (interesting) , and Nathan Fillion (possibly sans a shirt) and JJ abrahms so we can ask him how someone who is so good at coming up with shows can suck so much at ending them (ahem alias ahem) and my little brother who once carried his life savings of $473 dollars around in a metal briefcase in stacks with $20’s on top, just for the fun. And Marie Curie, because you know, women in Science (awsesome) and Jostein Gaarder (author) And I think we can invite the Pioneer Woman But I will totally tell her it is a potluck. Oh and Probably The barefoot contessa for the same reason.

  513. If we can include those living or dead, I would add Madeline Kahn (not alive) and Rowan Atkinson, Steven Fry, and Hugh Laurie (all very much alive and intelligent and funny and interesting!)

  515. I know Zach G. and can state unequivocally that he doesn’t talk to anyone. He’s one of those people who just stares at you until you walk away.

    Also, DB Cooper was just officially pronounced dead so he should sit next to Zach.

  516. Banksy
    Lyle Lovette
    Willie Nelson
    Jill Psmith (aka Twisty Faster & her obstreperal lobe)

  517. OK – the conditions: First, this party would have to be at your house since although I also have a back yard more than an acre in size, it ends at a creek and I don’t want any drunks drowning in my back yard. Second, all the folks on the list would be invited to bring their spouse/significant other/main squeeze/date. So, just because Amanda Palmer isn’t on my list doesn’t mean she’s not invited to show up with Neil. Finally, because it’s at your house, you and Victor and Hailey and Ferris Mewler and anyone else you wanted would automatically be included.

    My Most Interesting Pary List:
    All 3 of my siblings (because they are awesome both sober and shit-faced)
    Neil Gaiman
    William Gibson
    Stephen King
    Wil Wheaton
    Josh Wheedon
    Peter Jackson
    Samuel L. Jackson
    Craig Ferguson
    Tina Fey
    Betty White
    Whoopi Goldberg
    Wanda Sykes
    George Takei
    Neil Patrick Harris
    Anthony Bourdain
    Hillary Clinton
    Willy Nelson
    Lady Gaga
    Dali Lama

  519. Because most other people I would choose have already been mentioned (Nathan Fillion, Hugh Laurie, etc.) I’ve decided that we should make sure we have a time machine handy so we can invite really cool now-dead people like Edgar Allen Poe, Hitchcock, and Tolkien.

    Oh, we should invite Peter S. Beagle too!

  520. Terry Pratchett, of course. I adore both him and Neil Gaiman, and to have both of them in the same room would leave me tongue-tied to the extreme. Except that I would have so many questions that I wouldn’t be able to stay silent. Oh well, heart palpitations are good for you, right?

  521. danah boyd – she makes me think deep stuff and stuff.

    BTW: I’m a little creeped out that you know I watched the D.B. Cooper episode of Numb3rs last night on Netflix streaming…

  522. Due to my panic crap, I’d be hiding in the bathroom with you, but I’d be torn between inviting:
    A. 9 people from different countries who each speak a different language and 1 drunk translator with severe Tourettes.

    B. Leonardo Da Vinci, David Lynch, Tim Curry, Colin Firth (dressed as Mr. Darcy, of course), Andy Samburg, The crazy scientist Dad from Fringe, Chesire Cat, Sophia Patrillo (from Golden Girls), Archie from All in the Family and Buck from U.S of Tara 😀

  523. Alan Rickman is a great suggestion, but then I’d also like to suggest Charles Dance. If those two ganged up on him they could _totally_ take James Bond. And possibly Batman.

  525. I don’t want to ruin your dinner party list or bad-mouth people who aren’t around to defend themselves, but I invited Bigfoot to dinner once and he was an enormous jackass. He didn’t bring anything and he ate our cat. Vegetarian my ass.

  526. Jameson. The whiskey, not the person (is there a person? i’m so naming my future son that.) Social functions give me hives.

  527. The Dos Equis dude. Only he’d have to be in Dos Equis guy mode because he’s probably boring as shit in real life.

  528. Well, 2010 OR 2011, it’d have to be Charlie Sheen, drunk or sober as the day is long. Because tiger blood would make a GREAT hostess gift at a dinner party and anytime there’s a lull in conversation, he’d say something no one could understand. Instant conversation starter: “What the hell did Charlie just say?” “Something about mudbloods?” “No, something about tiger blood again.” “Oooh, he said there’d fudge for dessert!”

  529. Robert Rodriguez, Bill Hicks, Maya Angelou, Salma Hayek, Jeff Dunham’s Walter but not Jeff Dunham, Marsha Brady, David Thorne, Kevin Smith, Betty White, Adelle, and Newt Gingrich, but not as a dinner guest – as the pinata. What is a dinner party without a fucking pinata?

  531. I’d definitely invite Leslie Hall. She is hilarious and could serve as our musical entertainment. 🙂

  532. Allie Brosh and Kurt Vonnegut. What good is having a dinner party if you don’t invite Kurt Vonnegut! You’re welcome.
    PS. And a pinata-good suggestion Grace!

  533. Surprised you don’t have Chuck Testa on your list. I think you’d enjoy a lot of his insight. And purchase his lifelike dead animals to play some kind of joke on Victor and then write about it here for my reading pleasure (Beyonce the chicken holds a special place in my heart).

  535. You would make the list (of course) along with Chelsea Handler, Ross Matthews and Ozzy Osbourne (we need someone other than myself to make fun of).

  537. I realized last night I forgot Christopher Moore, which apparently I can’t live with, as here I am again. So there.

  538. Whew, list is so long it’s taking forever to get through it. So I don’t know if anyone has said Weird Al yet.

  542. Joni Mitchell, Tom Waits, Terry Pratchett, Christopher Moore, Leonard Cohen, Robin Williams as Popeye

  544. Wow, most of the people I would invite have already been invited by others! But I will list them anyway. 🙂
    Paul McCartney (Because he’s just awesome!)
    Steve Martin (I always said he would play my dad in the movie about my life)
    Robin Williams (He’s funny as hell in any situation)
    Caesar Milan (My idol!)
    Conan O’Brien (an awesome host. He can announce the courses as they come in a funny and awesome way)
    Julie Andrews (my idol since I was a kid. Love her!)
    Dolly Parton (Don’t judge! She’s so down to earth, can laugh at herself, and just plain awesome)
    The Bloggess (Of course! We need a Zombie attack drill!)

  546. Would it matter who you invited besides me? We’d both be in the bathroom fraught with anxiety regardless.

    You: Can you believe they came?
    Me: I KNOW!
    You: Do you think we should go outside and say hello?
    Me: No, I think the giant “Welcome” sign you put on Beyonce is enough.
    You: Do you think they like the taxidermy mouse place holders?
    Me: How could they not? And they get to take them home, too.
    You: I know, right?
    Me: And the waiter (you’d have it catered so you could blame someone else if they didn’t like the food) in Wolf Blitzer? Inspired.
    You: Do you think any of them are offended? Like, they’re PETA freaks or something?
    Me (cracks the bathroom door and peers out): Nobody’s splashed him with paint or anything, so I think we’re good.

    And we would spend the evening doing our nails and sneaking glances from our bathroom fortress while alternately directing and begging for more wine from the caterer.

    Who would come to our dinner party? Who cares. The only one I’d see is you.

  547. Silversun Pickups
    Hugh Jackman

    …And I have a solution for the sober vs. drunk Queen Elizabeth. Seat her next to BCISLEMAN at the beginning of the evening and then just slide her over next to you toward the end!

  548. Kristen Bell. I’m utterly fascinated by the way she looks exactly the same as she did when she played Veronica Mars without looking like she’s turned into plastic. Plus, she effing hilarious.

  550. Oh this is an easy one.
    1. Zooey Deschanel
    2. Allie Bosch
    3. Joss Whedon
    4. Tina Fey
    5. Tracy Morgan (don’t tell me that wouldn’t be hilarious.)
    6. Amy Poehler
    7. Florence Welch
    8. Amanda Palmer
    9. Mindy Kaling
    and last but not in the least bit least,
    10. Neil Patrick Harris.

    Oh. And you can come too. Maybe.

  551. Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter.
    Fo Sho.
    Awesome that you’re inviting the Poe Toaster. I knew I liked you for a reason. 😉

  552. Kermit the Frog (any muppet, really) and James Earl Jones. I can’t believe you didn’t include him. (Oh, wait, are you still pissed he’s not reading your book? Right, right. I bet Henson Studios could make you a Darth Vader muppet, though.)

  554. I know D B Cooper……..well, maybe not the dude that jumped from the low flying jet. I feel like I know Traci Lords…………intimately…………….doh…………maybe I could crash the party and invite Alice Cooper instead of Alice Walker. And of course, any list without me is truly no party indeed…………just sayin’………..

  555. I’ll fifth the vote for Misha Collins. Dude tweeted earlier today when a posted a naked picture on a horse. He keeps his word, and he’s funny. Oh, and Seth Green. mmmmmmmm

  556. SpongeBob SquarePants. I spend most of my day with him already thanks to my 3-yr-old and his insatiable appetite for Bikini Bottom adventures.

  558. I thought Barbara was starting down the path of dementia, but I much prefer your logical explanation that this was the joke draft.

    My dinner party would have to include Beyoncé, the giant metal chicken. Because she certainly made MY year more interesting.

  559. Don’t you want to invite Nathan Fillion so you can at least get him with some twice? I mean, we may have to hold him down and wrap the twine around him – but at least you can check that off your bucket list.

  560. And I just realized that I wrote “get him with some twice”…. I’m not even sure how to analyze that.

  561. Oh Oh! Can I come? Not as a guest of course…but as a servant or body guard. I would body guard the crap out of Hamlet von Schnitzel! I mean he should technically be at the dinner party and well…who would be there to keep people from just taking his ass? Me! That’s who!

    Also, being there to see the haunted dollhouse in all it’s eerie glory would be an honor…because I like tiny things (really I do, it can’t be explained).

    Oh and I’m not crazy or anything. Not that you would be thinking that but it’s always nice to end stuff on that note just to clear things up. See this is me -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTZ_OZ2vd2c talking like a normal person and everything…so it’s like proof and everything.

  562. Temple Grandin and John Elder Robison. Because what’s a dinner party without a couple of brilliant autistic people there to completely ignore all the social rules, and yet be completely fascinating to talk with. (I love that in conversation Temple asked if I would prefer for her to look at or listen to me, as she cannot do both at the same time.)

  563. 1 Ellen Degeneres & Portia de Rossi (power lesbian couple)
    2 Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka (power gay couple)
    3 Wil Wheaton & Anne (power geek couple)
    4 The Bloggess & Victor (crazy couple with the power to make us laugh)
    5 Nathan Fillion (who has to dress like Malcolm Reynolds)
    6 Best Friend (because I can’t do anything without her)
    7 Adele (who was rather quite funny in an interview I saw and can sing for us)
    8 Graham Norton (who is hilarious and will make Adele not feel like the only Brit)
    9 Jackson Rathbone (who can sit by me and do all my talking for me because I’m shy and he’s gorgeous)
    10 Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who can REcord the whole thing)

  565. I like your party. I would have to include Eddie Vedder. I’m sure I’ll think of some others soon though, but by then I’ll be too busy reading all the other comments to comment again. I’ll bring the jello shots, because jello shots make any party more fun and I make EPIC jello shots. 🙂

  566. Neil Fucking Patrick Harris belongs at the top of the list. He’d be the whole shebang of entertainment.

  569. I’d invite Craig Ferguson provided he was in character as Sid the Bunny the whole time, because every party needs a cussing cockney bunny.

  570. Um, is this a Christmas party? Because if it is, and you didn’t invite Santa, someone is going to be reeeaallly ticked off. And, you know what they say about Christmas payback….

  572. Fuck yes Eddie Izzard. I’d bring Matt Bomber. He’s so pretty…And gay. Why does he have to be gay?! It makes it harder to force him into marrying me. Also Matt Smith and Adam Young. Two possible husbands. And David Tennant. I think I’d be blinded by all the pretty.

  573. Any dinner party with you, Bloggess, would be the most fascinating dinner party in the world!

    But we’d have to take turns hiding in the bathroom because I have anxiety too.

  575. I say Johnny Depp…cause you need some eye candy right? But then now that I think about it, he would probably turn up his nose at the invite and say something pretentious like: Dinner? With normal people? Ha.

    So for someone really cool…Ellen. No….she stopped being cool when everyone started loving her. Ricky Gervais. Nah…he takes himself way to seriously.

    Um…I….pick…me. Boom. Blew your mind right? I am very interestingly awesome. True story.

  576. Just when I thought I couldn’t love you more, you throw out a Jonathan Coulton reference. Well done. Can we invite him too? And Hugh Jackman for eye candy purposes? 😛

  577. Nascar champ Tony Stewart
    Drew Barrymore
    Candice Olson, so she can help me redesign my kitchen
    Terry Fator and at least one of his “friends”
    Ron “they call me Tater Salad” White
    Sarah Jessica Parker, cuz maybe if I met her I’d “get it”
    The Olsen Twins, for the same reason…

  578. This is an obvious addition that should already be on there…
    I’m quite disappointed you didn’t put it on there originally.

    Isaiah Mustafa, a.k.a. The Old Spice Guy.

  579. Honestly, your commenters are freaking hysterical! Like the guy who didn’t want to bad mouth Bigfoot? I’m trying not to giggle too loud in work people! A little help.

  580. I don’t know if anyone has said this one yet: Helen Mirren. I bet she would be interesting.

    Also, regarding the Queen of England being drunk: I’ve noticed that in a lot of photos, she’s holding a wine glass filled with clear liquid (gin maybe?) And I saw a documentary about her once that noted that at all official dinner parties, when everybody else is served their wine, the Queen is always to be served her “special drink.” And it is always a wine glass filled with clear liquid (in addition to the water goblet.) So I don’t think you’ll have a problem with getting the old gal drunk. I bet she’s a riot when she lets her hair down, and can probably drink most of us under the table.

  582. I would invite Tegan and Sara, my favorite Indie band. I mean who doesn’t love a couple of lesbians who happen to be twins! Doesn’t get much cooler than that!

  584. Matt Smith

    Patrick Rothfuss

    Ellen Kushner

    Scott Westerfeld (and maybe I could redeem myself for pretty much drooling on him at Comic Con)

  586. You had me at Neil Gaiman….

    I hereby accept your invitation, and will be bringing Hannah Hart (of My Drunk Kitchen). I recommend laying in a stock of red wine & letting her do some of the cooking. (It’s not like anyone is coming for the food, right?)

  587. Dean Winters(UH Mr. Mayhem via Allstate not actual mayhem but that sexy guy that plays Mayhem), Sean Connery and the Dos Equise most interesting man in the world for “his words carry weight that would break a lesser man’s jaw” He also has a pet cougar.

  588. Kevin Smith
    My friend Jen because two hilarious Jennifers would be AWESOME and I think that the two of you may be my long lost sisters because we share the same sense of humor and she is a crazy cat lady.

    Stephen Frye (the man is hilarious…and british)
    Wilfred(the dog Wilfred from the show…in costume and character)
    Chuck Norris because nobody is going to start nothin with Chuck around.
    Jason Momoa for eye candy.

  589. I think we should add “Mayhem” you know that guy from the insurance company TV ad? I like that he’s all dangerous all the time.

  592. Johnn Deep (he is fascinating and easy on the eyes)
    Steven Colbert (to see if he is still funny with out a team of writers)

  594. Alfred Hitchcock or Edgar Allan Poe. One of those. Since you’ve already included Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer. But as the main dish, I think we should probably kill and eat the Twilight movie ‘actor’ trifecta. Please?

  595. I am not sure if he could hold his own against Zach Galifianakis, BUT. I’ve been obsessed with health care reform crusader Wendell Potter this year. http://www.wendellpotter.com . He’s one of those 1% guys who has seen the light and become a crusader for good. Awesome!

    If he couldn’t come, I am guessing that the former head of Medicare, Don Berwick, is available, since he just lost his job. He has an unnerving habit of deeply understanding every problem put in front of him, and also of always grouping solutions into threes. So that could make him a good drinking game participant in some fashion, I believe. He sounds pretty righteously angry these days about losing his job and about how ludicrously expensive healthcare is. If we can keep him from going dark on that stuff, it’d be awesome to hear more about how he’d like to fix it, as well.

    Thank you for the chance to think about awesome smart people I’d love to spend time with! Such a bonus that you’d be there too.

  596. I don’t mean to brag….. but I’d have to bring myself.
    Or…. Tim Tebow.
    Or…. Jim Morrison.
    Or…. Maybe Bradley Cooper… but that might not because you’d have no where to hide because I’d be totally banging him in the bathroom…. so maybe not Mr. Cooper.

  597. Woah….Bigfoot *and* Shatner. I’m so there.

    I second the nomination for Allie Brosh. Worst case scenario: there is a lull at the party, so you and Allie arm wrestle for title of Funniest Blog. 😀 😀

  598. Gary Oldman
    Louis CK
    Ellen DeGeneres
    Amy Sedaris
    Ira Glass
    Dan Savage
    Samuel L Jackson
    Chan-wook Park
    Michael Caine
    Stephen Frye
    Allie Brosh

  600. That medium from tv, Lisa Williams, so she could ring up the dead people for us. And we could all wear red dresses with wolf blitzers– it is winter, after all.

  603. Fergive me if I repeat any (I don’t always read fer detail well on the interwebbinesses…):

    Yellow Thunder Woman (lead singer fer The Bastard Fairies)
    Caprice Crane
    Chelsea Peretti
    The musical duo of Garfunkel and Oates (Kate Micucci and Riki Lindhome)
    Patton Oswalt
    poker pros Daniel Negreanu and Jennifer Harman
    cellist Zoe Keating
    ‘Naked Nerd” Kat Curtis
    Ruth Gledhill (religion columnist fer The London Times)
    Arianna Huffington
    Bonnie Raitt
    Melissa Etheridge
    Reba McEntire
    actress Ellen Page

    (…hang on a second, I think I got my “Celebs I’d Like To Make Mad Passionate Love To” list mixed in here…)

  604. First off, I would NOT bring this Lean Cuisine cause this bitch is too hot. So, I hope you’ll be serving something delish.

    I’m torn between two.

    1. Kim Kardashian – I loathe her, so hear me out. I’d only invite her because it would bring everyone together. All your guest would be making eyes at each other and whispering, “Who brought HER to this shin-dig?” Total party closeness.

    2. Anyone OTHER than Kim Kardashian – Like even a wet sock would do. No explanation needed.

  605. I’ll add my votes for David Tennant and Nathan Fillion and Anthony Bourdain (especially if he helps with the cooking), and Stephen Frye.

    I’ll add in my boyfriend (because I just could not bring myself to attend a dinner party with Anthony Bourdain and NOT bring my BF), the guy who draws xkcd, and Jeremy Clarkson (maybe all 3 of the Top Gear guys, although it might be hard to find something Hammond will actually eat that’s not a fast-food burger, and you need something James May will not be able to stop eating, lest he attempt to monopolize the conversation).

  606. Jon Stewart and Patrick Stewart, but only if they fight over me. Also, I am determined to spend my time in hell with Jon since he is going there and I’m pretty sure I am too even though there isn’t one. You can’t blame an atheist for not wanting to be overly bored after she dies and becomes nothing. So, I think Jon Stewart is my solution to that minor inconvenience. Oh there I go again…completely off-topic…sigh.

  609. The grandma from Parenthood the movie who gives the roller coaster as life speech.
    Except she’s most likely passed on…still more interesting than the Kardashians.

    And what would you serve? Cocktail wienies?

  610. Alas, I would have invited Christopher Hitchens, but sadly he died yesterday. To the time machine!

  612. Love this! Jon Stewart would have to be at my dinner party. And Neil Patrick Harris.

  614. Dave Barry, Stephen Frye, Stephen King, Camilla Parker Bowles, Andre Norton, Ayann Hirsi Ali, Jim Wright, Michelle Bachman (just for comedic relief), Bill Maher, Craig Ferguson, and Richard Dawkins.

  615. I second Mae West, and The Golden Girls. I say we add Terry Pratchett because not only is he satirical with a dark sense of humor disguised by playfulness but he is descending into dementia. Pratchett with dementia has GOT to be even cooler than when he started (dear Mr Pratchett- from what I have seen you are dealing with that in a wonderfully graceful manner) plus he is friends with Gaiman so there should be shenanigans of some sort. Also, Chuck Berry, who is still alive and no one pays any attention to him anymore and I am sure he would come out with something vulgar and delightful.

  617. Terry Prachett, Stephen King, Harlan Ellison, Sean Bean, Jane Austen and Rebecca West. I may be crowding the table, but no one will be bored.

  619. Aside from you, Victor, Beyonce and Copernicus?

    I’m with the guy who suggested Nathan Fillion and Eddie Izzard. That is a dinner party made of WIN.

  621. So many awesome suggestions….but here goes:
    Jon Stewart, he just makes “news” funny even tho it mostly makes you want to cry
    David Tennant, because he’s full of awesome
    Maya Angelou, she’s my hero
    can Modest Mouse play music at this party?
    oh, and Luke Wilson, he’s friggen adorable

  624. I second a few of the suggestions:

    Jesus (yeah, ditto about the wine provision!)
    Tom Waits
    Simon Pegg
    Kristin Wiig
    Ricky Gervais
    Kevin Smith (he might as well bring Jason Mewes)

    ..and I’ll add a few more:

    Andy Kaufman (and Jim Carey should be there, doing his AK impression)
    Tom Green
    Harry Houdini
    Tracy Ullman
    Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
    Noah
    Orson Welles
    James Spader (he and Shatner can sit on the balcony together)
    Stephen Root
    Phil Hartman

  628. I call dibs on the seat next to Tim Tebow, though, I’m pretty sure it would just be a private party with the 2 of us in which case it really wouldn’t matter where I sat as long as he was naked and I had a bottle of massage oil ready.

    For a dead person, I’d invite JRR Tolkien so he could teach me to speak Elvish.

  630. Frank Caliendo but he has to change and be a different “person” every half hour. OH, and my friend Melanie because I won’t know anybody and I’ll have someone to make fun of all the people at the party on the way home. 🙂

  636. I can’t think of anyone LESS fascinating than Katy Perry (and her awful songs/voice) or a Kardashian. I think Barb has gone senile in her old age….

  637. For those of you that have made it this far, here is my list:

    1. Liam Neeson (oh god, the accent)

    2. Dave Matthews (not only can he sing, but the dude can tell a story. And he’ll bring the green)

    3. Heather Armstrong (dooce!)

    4. Hannah Hart (My Drunk Kitchen….good call commenter #585)

    5. The cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (in character, of course)

    6. The Swedish Chef (bork! bork! bork!)

    7. The Ab Fab ladies

    8. And, since there are at least two other hockey fans on here, Sidney Crosby

    9. Lorelei and Rory Gilmore (and someone to keep me up on all their random pop references)

    10. The Dude (more green)

    I, for one, am thrilled that the majority of your commenters have RSVP’d. Even if none of our celebrities show up, this is bound to be a rockin’ good time!

  638. Soooo much more fascinating (especially with Vi Hart)…… No question that I would definitely attend your party (if I was invited of course) and send “regrets” to Barbara (she seems to have lost her mind)

  640. I met Ray Bradbury once at a talk he gave at a college in Illinois. This was about 15 years ago and he spent a good ten minutes bitching about how nobody goes to the library anymore, and that how this internet thing really sucks.

    I guess Ray didn’t have a problem with the stinky homeless who hang out near the periodicals.

    He also then mentioned they inked a deal for a Fahrenheit 451 movie starring Mel Gibson. Guess that didn’t work out. Probably for the best.

  642. Might be random for your crowd but whatever: I’d love to hear a conversation between Viktor Frankl, Arthur Schopenhauer, Ludwig Wittgenstein and HH the Dalai Lama. With a side of Anton Von Leeuwenhoek and Louis CK. And Eleanor Roosevelt. And Marie Curie. While sitting on Dave Grohl’s face. I’m just saying.

  643. Am I totally lame for not knowing who most of those people on your list are? It probably means you won’t invite me, right?

    As for Barbara’s list, I just… There are no words. The Kardashians? Really? I suppose one could argue that they’re fascinating precisely because they have no talent and yet they refuse to go away.

    As for who I’d bring… JK Rowling.

  644. Fantastic list! I’d add Jim Parsons so that he & wil could crack us up.
    John Green
    Maureen Johnson
    Scott westerfeld
    And my dead pick– Jane Austen

    We wouldn’t really have to talk. We could just all eat while we read.
    Best. Dinner. EVAR. 🙂

  646. i would totally invite Dr’s 10 and 11. also, the guys from Top Gear because i find them hilarious. honestly there is no one i find less interesting than the khardashian clan. i mean really your famous for no reason other than you are obnoxious rich peeps.

  647. In addition to the many fine choices already offered:

    Sandra Day O’Connor (I met her once — personable, smart and she must have loads of stories)
    Chrissie Hynde
    Ringo Starr
    Jon Hamm
    Caroline Kennedy
    Tom and Lorenzo

  649. Easy. Steve Jobs’s ghost.

    And myself. I would work really, really hard to be fascinating enough to attend this party. It just might be worth it to invite me.

  651. Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin, and I hope I could convince JFK to stop by for dessert with Jackie and her amazing wardrobe.

  652. Nathan Fillion…. cuz.. yum.
    Ryan Renolds… cuz well.. yumm.
    Stephen King .. I’d love to pick his brain
    Patrick Stewart .. just to hear him talk.

    this would be the best party, ever.

  654. Neil Gaiman is a sure thing. J. k. Rowling because I want to know how her brain works. Rachel Maddow (yes I am that rare thing, a liberal democrat Texan). And for eye candy, Jack Harkness from Torchwood even though he’s gay and way too young for me.

  655. I believe Bigfoot is a vegatarian, so that might be a problem. Also, D.B. Cooper would be a zombie. Michael Chabon would be a good choice to sit next to Neil Gaiman. With the Shat present, you’ll need another huge ego to cancel his out—may I suggest Stephen Colbert?

  656. oh hell, I’m definitely there for Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer. Have been a fan of hers since the first Dresden Dolls album, and his… well, for a while. I would add Stephen King–although he strikes me as somewhat of curmudgeon, I’m totally enthralled by the way his mind works.

  657. The Kardashians, Barbara Walters? Really?? *sigh*

    I’m glad you included William Shatner. I love him, whether or not he’s handcuffed to a humanzee.

    I’d add George Takei, Joss Whedon, and Stephen Colbert.

  658. I haven’t read all the suggestions yet, as it takes a while to go through 629 posts. However, I’d like to add Rachel Maddow and second the inclusion of Neil Patrick Harris. Also Stephen Colbert. And Prof. Tyson. And maybe President Obama and the Yarn Harlot. That is all.

  660. Is there a limit on how many people can come to the party? Because there are sooo many I would love to invite. Neil Patrick Harris (he seems to be a favorite already), Ellen DeGeneres, Dr. Who (all of them), Craig Ferguson (because I LOOOOVE that Scottish accent!), Troy Polamalu, Jude Law, the entire Monty Python troupe, Nathan Fillion, and that hot werewolf dude off of Grimm. That should do until I think of some more. Can’t wait for the party!! I’ll bring the Jack.

  661. Let’s include Jareth the Goblin King and Ludo (but only if he doesn’t call the rocks), so Bigfoot will have someone to hang with. Also, M. Night Shyamalan, Jackie Chan, Will Farrell, Bono, and Kermit the Frog. I second Emma Thompson and Queen Latifah.

    Nobody tell Barbara Walters, or she’ll bring her friends ruin everything!

  666. All if your people plus:
    Joss Whedon
    Neil Patrick Harris
    Jason segal
    Alan rickman
    Zooey daschanel
    Helena bonham carter!

  668. Jane Goldman and wossy
    Slash
    Whedon
    Helen Mirren
    Nerdist
    Juliette Lewis
    Moffat
    Gaiman
    John Lassitter (sp?)
    Nick Park
    Tim button and Helena Bonham Carter

  669. Of your guests, I heartily approve of Neil Gaiman and AFP, and Bill Shatner,three people I’ve always wanted to meet. I guess this boils down to who we’d dearly love to meet, because that’s what’s fascinating….to me, at least!
    My list:
    The three aforementioned, definitely
    Top of my list would have to be Barry Manilow, just because I’ve wanted to meet him since I was 11.
    Doug Jones
    Stephen King to brainstorm with Neil Gaiman
    Joe Montana
    A lot of you have mentioned people who are no longer with us, and if that was on my wish list I’d have John Lennon and Ella Fitzgerald
    Kevin Kline
    Scott Bakula
    Alec Baldwin
    Dustin Hoffman, but only if he’s drinking, because I met him once when he was, and he was infinitely amusing
    Ryan Gosling we’ll throw in for some eye candy.
    Katy Perry we’ll throw OUT because she annoys me in the extreme.
    Craigory Ferguson, possibly the funniest man alive, but only if he also brings his puppets.
    Wow, I would have to get a new house to accomodate this dinner party! 🙂

  670. And I missed David Suzuki, who is a modern-day hero. We’ll throw him on in there too. 🙂

  671. 1) Mark Zuckerberg (so I can stab him in the eye with a crab fork)
    2) Eric Clapton
    3) Billy Connolly
    4) Kris from PrettyAllTrue
    5) Father Benedict Groeschel
    6) Aaron Sorkin
    7) Peter Jackson
    8) A Hobbit to be named later
    9) Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerruh Jones (so I can stab him right between his weasel eyes with a steak knife)
    10) Pamela Anderson. (Because, duh).

    Just email me directions to your place, Jenny. And a round trip ticket from Auckland would be lovely.

  672. 1. Neil deGrasse Tyson (astrophysicist), plus one
    2. Malcolm Ingram (filmmaker, podcaster), plus one
    3. David Mitchell (comedian, actor), plus one
    4. Rebecca Watson (blogger, feminist, skeptic), plus one
    5. Sasha Baron Cohen (comedian, actor), plus one
    6. Terroja Kinkaid (YouTube’s TheAmazingAtheist), plus one
    7. Brent Butt (actor, comedian), plus one
    8. Guillermo del Toro (filmmaker, novelist), plus one

    I traded my last two choices for a plus one for each guest. I think that’s fair.

    I probably missed some people I like, but I’ll catch them at the next one I guess.

  673. Robert david jones, alan moore and a guy named sting… Oh and one of them girls with large breasts and tiny wieists

  674. Sir Terry Pratchett, because I want to listen on a conversation between him & Neil Gaiman as they make plans for the Good Omens movie.

  675. Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, so he can back talk Wil Wheaton and ask him Star Trek questions, etc.

    And yes, Neil Patrick Harris.

    And while you’re at it, throw in Jason Segel and the Muppets.

  676. Penn has to come too! He let me grab his ass once!

    Other than that…you’ve already got Neil on there, and he saved my life. Maybe Russell T. Davies cause I’d like to pick his brain, and his Doctor Who pulled me out of one of the worst depressions ever.

    Oh, and Jason Mraz.

  678. David Lynch
    The ghost of Eleanor Roosevelt
    Anne Sexton
    jeannette winterson
    Garbage including BB and Veela
    Tegan and Sara
    Beth Ditto
    Cate Blanchett
    Sylvia plath
    Virginia wolf
    Cokie Roberts
    Karl Marx
    Bugs Bunny and Daffy
    Paulo Coelho
    Etta James just to say thank you for the gift of her beautiful voice and to wish her the most peaceful ending possible
    Dorothy Allison
    Starhawk
    Emily Dickinson
    Fu Hsi
    Hilary Clinton and ply her with wine until she reveals all her truths…
    Mary Magdalene
    Einstein
    Woflgang Amadeus Mozart
    Janet Fitch
    Dorothea Dix
    My mother back when life held value and she was happy or at peace
    Wilhelmina W. Witchiepoo(from H.R. Pufnstuf) and she has to bring here vroom broom
    Kermit the Frog and Animal
    Tigger and Eeyore
    The Bronte sisters
    Audre Lorde
    Alice Walker but i think someone might already be bringing her so she can stay longer now
    Ubaka Hill an amazing percussionist, poet, songwriter, and drumsong orchestra
    Whitney Cummings
    Stephen Colbert
    Susan B. Anthony
    Edgar Allan Poe
    Harriet Tubman
    Mr Bill(from SNL)
    Michelle Tea(sister spit and writer)
    a few random unknowns because getting to know new people can be fascinatingly fun.
    Gilda Radner
    Aaron Sorkin
    Cin Salach(grand slam poetry winner, spoken word, musician)
    Lisa Buscani as she makes me giggle so hard i almost pee
    Alice In Wonderland and the Cheshire cat
    and so many more we would need one humongous fucking mansion or mansions…
    so I will end with anais nin.

  679. My first stop here. Thanks for the good read, this is great fun. Here’s my 2011 guest list:

    1. Whitey Bulger. There is nothing like adding a well-connected, Machiavellian, hardened criminal to the mix. Hiding all those years! Imagine the secrets and skeletons he could spill after a few glasses of bubbly and a promise of freedom…
    2. Also, because her list is intolerably trite and boring, Barbara Walter owes us some extra entertainment… she should be made to come dressed in an outrageous party gown created by fashion/costume designer Chris March.
    3. Heck, he’s funny, I’d like to see Chris March at the party too. He may wear whatever he wants.
    4. I’m going with Craig Ferguson as well. He’s seen it all, he’s wise and witty, and he cracks me up. He’s my official Scottish American Ambassador. A great party should have an ambassador.
    5. Best selling author Ann Patchett. She’s got a new book out, yet, I’m still mulling over her Bel Canto, which I read years ago. I’m sure she’s got many more marvelous stories to tell and I’d love to hear a few first-hand.
    6. How about TV voice over guy Erik Thompson? I’d feel incredibly intelligent speaking with someone who sounds… so… authoritative. In fact, why not a room FULL of voice over guys. He should bring his friends. They could narrate a party video.
    7. No gathering is complete without a couple of Housewives from Bravo. Pick any three… perhaps, one who can cook would be nice. She can bring some finger foods. Regardless, you are guaranteed cleavage, high heels, big hair/hair extensions, shameless plugs for personal gain, some BOTOX, as well as verbal barbs, physical shoving and pushing, dinner tables overturned, and, at least one nervous breakdown. Apparently, we are all entertained by this kind of behavior… so, go with it. They’ll be great in the party video.
    8. Progressive Auto Insurance’s “Flo,” aka actress Stephanie Courtney, is a breath of fresh air and a must-have guest in my book. How could you party without her? Maybe she could bring her bobbleheads as party favors.
    9. Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and her astronaut husband Mark Kelly. They deserve a good party.
    10. If she could only be here, Elizabeth Taylor deserves an invite. For all her marvelous films, her iconic beauty, sensational lifetime experiences, many big-name husbands, charitable contributions, and most of all, for her orgasmic, world-class collection of fine jewelry, including the many, many pieces that just made for a “jaw-dropping” world-record breaking jewelry auction. Talk about a legacy…

  682. My #1 pick would be Bill Clinton because I just know that guy knows how to liven up a party. Besides, isn’t there always “that guy” who spends the entire evening hitting on all the ladies at a party?

  683. jon stewart. and the second brother darryl from the newhart show. the second one was cuter.

  684. I’d invite Oprah (because she’s jesus),Anthony Bourdain, the mythbusters,Helen Killer from regretsy,Zach Galifianakis, Meryl Streep,Chewbacca, the Chupacabra,and of course; YOU!!!!!

    GREATEST PARTY EVAHHHHHHH!!!!!

  685. Vaclav Havel, even though he is dead, because he was cool enough to start a revolution and name it after the Velvet Underground. (And also cool enough to stare down a lot of Soviet tanks.)

  686. Hmm. I have 3: actor Alan Tudyk, writer Terry Pratchett (who wrote Good Omens with Neil Gaiman, so it works), and writer Christopher Moore. Those 3 I know for sure would make excellent dinner party guests. All 3 are hilarious.

  688. Christopher Moore! for the sake of all that’s worth dying for!!!!!1 (High drama following 1st cup of coffee)
    Also! DICK CHENEY to be used as the party pinata.

  689. Great idea! First I’d invite @dcurtis. He is a world traveler and Superhero! Then I’d invite all my childhood heroes, John Wayne, The Lone Ranger, Robert Horton, Tonto, John Ford, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and of course Clint Eastwood and what’s a party without Chuck Norris!!! I can’t wait!

  690. Taylor swift because she’s old enough to drink now and I want to know what went down (no pun intended) with John Mayer.

  695. That guy from “Storage Wars”, Darrell Sheets. Mainly because I want to see him wearing a festive Christmas wife-beater undershirt, complete with pin-up girl tattoos. Strategic seating is a must: next to Queen Elizabeth, making awkward conversation about how much her fancy hat is worth, would be hilarious.

  696. i think will ferrell and john c. reilly would be a ton of fun. and i’d invite martha stewart, because i’ve always wanted to meet her and she could help decorate. i’d like to be seated in jake gyllenhal’s lap, please.

  697. Tina Fey WITH Alec Baldwin (but only if he stops playing Words with Friends long enough to entertain us)…and how about Jon Stewart? You might want a spiritual miracle worker…like Tim Tebow? seat him next to Lady GaGa…imagine that conversation….

  698. Obviously, I’ll have to throw my dinner party on a different night, because I’m also inviting Neil, Amanda, Wil, and Eddie. To continue the guest list: Jensen Ackles (and his wife), Jared Padalecki (sans his wife), Alan Rickman, Judi Dench, Ian McKellan, Nick Stahl, and you if you’d like to come!

  701. My husband says “Batman! oh what’s his name?” “Bruce Wayne?” I interject, “No” says he “The real Batman”
    “Oh, you mean Adam West?” ‘YES! That’s the guy.. him and the other actor we like…” (I just look at him and blink as we like dozens of actors) “you know the guy with the big chin and the deep voice?” ( I knew he didn’t mean Leno because that Lantern Jawed Freak creeps me out) so I guess “You mean the guy who plays Kronk? (In the Emerperor’s New Groove) Patrick Wharburton? ” “Yes! That’s him”. “Okay I’ll share your wisdom with the Bloggess”

  703. Your list is SO much better. I love Zac G. Barbara W. must have been smoking crack while getting sodomized by a donkey when she wrote that list. WTF!?!?!

    Should you invite me, I offer to have a three way on the dinner table with Bigfoot (hopefully that thing about foot size as a tell for penis size is true) and Shatner while the monkey watched and smoked a loosey.

  705. It would be interesting to see a spreadsheet that lists all the people who have been suggested and the number of times each one was suggested.

    I’d make one, but I’m up to my elbows in spreadsheets for work…and I fear that one more spreadsheet just might kill me!

  707. I’m going the ‘bring jesus’ route. He can stay in the kitchen, but someones gonna have to be in charge of the endless (water into) wine and food. 2 fishes to feed a crowd? Imagine what that man’d do with a whole roast!
    And I think he and tony bourdain would make a great couple.

  709. I’m gonna bring k.d.Lang and Elvis….we need music.

    Then I’m adding, Mr. Ed and Alvin & The Chimpmunks…… I don’t care they are not PEOPLE>…..they can still converse!

  710. johnny depp, chris pine, karl urban, simon pegg, aaron rodgers, graham harrell, michael crabtree, george clooney, sean connery, jon stewart, tom skerritt, sally fields, gena rowlands, ryan gosling, rachel mcadams, ed from extreme makeover home edition, leigh anne tuohy, james earl jones, portishead, torI amos, eddie van halen … i should probably stop fantasizing about a celebrity dinner and work on the blasted novel that i’ve been “writing” for the past decade or so.

  711. I’m adding David Tennant to your list so we can have someone delicious to look at. You’re welcome.

  712. Lady Gaga, because she’ll most likely arrive wearing something yummy to eat.
    Wanda Sykes, whether she’s drunk or sober (because you never really can tell)
    Paula Abdul, she’ll probably have lots of pills on her
    Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, just because
    Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter in character (any character)

  714. Damn. I would kill a puppy to get a seat at that table. Seriously. Just point out the furry little fuck and I will kill it.

  715. Jenny,
    This is going to be a sappy comment, so brace yourself (blame the Jack Daniels and easy accessibility to my iPad). I just want you to know that I empathize with you on many levels and wish you only the best of health…both physical AND mental. :). Your blog is usually the most hilarious part of my day and I so appreciate your snarky, sarcastic, and often insightful humor. Thanks for helping us mere mortals find the humor in everyday lives.

  716. So the thing about dinner parties is that you can’t have all super interesting, funny people with Type A personalities. You have to invite people who are simply listeners. Or are really stupid and can’t really join in conversation, but can make stupid comments thereby providing fodder for the intelligent and witty people in the room. I would be included in the “idiot” group, along with Rick Perry, the dumbasses that have married any of the Kardashians and obviously Barbara Walters. Best. Dinner. Party. Ever.

  717. Ok, when you said DB Cooper, I totally thought you were talking about DB Sweeney (from the movie The Cutting Edge) and then I had the lightning flash thought that you were extra cool because you were the only other person who remembers who DB Sweeney was and then I didn’t feel so alone. Damn that google check…

  718. My list: You, Norman Reedus, Peter Dinklage, Christopher Moore, Elphaba, the cast of Bridesmaids, Barney Stinson, Lucrezia Borgia, Janet Evanovich, and Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs.

    Note: Lucrezia Borgia has to keep her hands visible at all times and isn’t allowed to touch anyone’s food.

  719. There is a sweet list cooking up already. I didn’t read all 715 responses so far, so I hope I have some new people:

    Andy Wharhol
    Mozart
    Charlie Bewley (he makes me laugh)
    Molly Ivans
    my husband – has a ton of good stories

  720. My friend just texted me the best link ever of Patsy & Edina from Absolutely Fabulous discussing the idiocy of the Kardashians.

    So, I want Patsy & Edina. Also, Junot Diaz.

  725. David Thorne…..I can’t access his website, what’s up ? I would love to spend an evening with David Thorne, and if he can’t make it David Sedaris and his partner and ask his sister Amy be the party planner.

  726. Brian Williams – dude is smart and funny and would be helpful in steering the conversation.

    You had me at Teller and EDDIE FREAKING IZZARD. Love. Them.

  727. can i bring people back from the dead? if yes, then julia child. and nikoli tesla.

    if no, i will be sad. and i’ll bring jenny crusie. martha stewart (what can i say, the woman fascinates me). vladimir putin. jim butcher. definitely sitting next to betty white, regardless of who i have to kill to do so.

  728. I’ve never posted before but after reading your guestlist I thought I should tell you to reconsider inviting Bigfoot (ugh, hope he’s not reading this…). I have him over for dinner every once in awhile and seriously…he smells pretty awful, like he’s never heard of a shower before or something. No amount of baking soda could absorb that odor. Plus he’s not much of a conversationalist and there have been several dinner parties that he’s spent in the bathroom. Now I don’t know how many bathrooms you have in your house but unless you have more than 2, you’ll either have to be hiding in a shared bathroom with Bigfoot (talk about claustrophobia) or you’ll have to get a porta-potty…or maybe some Depends for the rest of your guests. Don’t get me wrong, he’s absolutely awesome…he’s just more of an introvert and feels most comfortable around close friends. Now Yeti on the other hand has phenomenal grooming habits and what a charmer…the stories he can tell! Plus he’s collaborating with Disney and has a ride dedicated to him at Disney World which he can get you unlimited fast passes for. Of course it’s your party so you can invite Bigfoot if you want to (It’s My Party parody…?), just thought I’d share my experience with you. If you’ve already had Bigfoot over your house before and know all this then just disregard.

  729. This is one kick ass party! I feel the need to chill it out a little- this is my zen party list:
    Jeff Bridges
    The Dali Lama
    Bob Ross (the happy-tree-painter)
    Dr. Cornell West
    I imagine having tea with them when I feel stressed and upset. Perhaps they could have a table in the bathroom.

  731. Dead or alive?

    Craig Ferguson
    Torey Hayden
    Gilda Radner
    Fannie Flagg
    Bette Davis
    Anne Sexton
    Tim Curry
    Dixie Carter
    Betty White
    Mitch Albom
    V.C. Andrews
    Madeline Kahn
    Princess Diana
    Patrick Swayze
    Carrie Fisher
    Henry Cho
    Kathleen Madigan
    Kathy Griffin
    Bonnie Hunt
    Natasha Richardson
    Alan Rickman
    Janis Joplin
    Brett Butler
    Charles Nelson Reilly

    We’d have to go to a restaurant though 🙂

  733. Queen Elizabeth can come, but only if Patrick Stewart comes, too. Because he has to do a karaoke face-off against Shatner and the chimp, with Wil Wheaton refereeing. And then Queen Elizabeth gets to pretend to behead the loser with a ceremonial sword while Wil collates papers in the background.

    Winner gets to pose with Beyonce, Ferris Mewler, and Victor, looking annoyed.

  734. Queen Elizabeth can come, but only if Patrick Stewart comes, too. Because he has to do a karaoke face-off against Shatner and the chimp, with Wil Wheaton refereeing. And then Queen Elizabeth gets to pretend to behead the loser with a ceremonial sword while Wil collates papers in the background.

    Winner gets to pose with Beyonce, Ferris Mewler, and Victor, looking annoyed.

  735. Marilyn Monroe and Gizmo (from the Gremlins) and my deaf Boston Terrier puppy McGee.

  736. I haven’t seen Tori Amos on this list yet. If you have Neil Gaiman, then you should include her. My husband suggests Conan O’ Brien, Barack Obama and also some guy that is famous in business, but he can’t remember the guys name. Well, that guy’s son. I saw that someone DID mention Danielle Ate the Sandwich, which I wholeheartedly second. Also Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein of Portlandia fame. And because I love my friends, I would like to include Greg Nibler and Sarah X Dylan of Funemployment Radio (as well as their intern Kenny B). They have met and interviewed many interesting and hilarious people. Oh, and I have always wanted to meet Drew Barrymore and Queen Latifah. OH OH, and the guys from the podcast Mysterious Universe, Benjamin Grundy and Aaron Wright. They would keep some conversation going! Plus, they would love to be seated next to Bigfoot. And I know that I mentioned him a couple hundred comments ago, but I don’t want him forgotten, EDDIE F’in VEDDER. Because he is awesome, and we could play ukuleles together and that would make me *SO* furiously happy (of course Danielle can’t play with us, because she would totally upstage me. NOT COOL Danielle). OH, and if we invite my husband and his other friend Gavin, then they can get together with Greg Nibler as the band Courage, which would be totally EPIC. GAH, I need to get this party planned, STAT.

  737. Let’s see…

    Alive?
    Richard Dawkins
    David James Duncan
    my dad – great stories, always

    If it doesn’t matter if they’re alive…
    Jesus (not because I am all churchy, he can bring the wine)
    Douglas Adams
    JRR Tolkein

  739. Also John Malcovich. But only if for the entire party, whoever is close enough to engage in conversation just keeps repeating ” Malcovich, Malocovich, Malcovich (etc.)”

  740. I’ve met teller. He’s awesome. I also got my husband on stage to do a trick with them. Ummm…Catherynne Vallente, Joan Rivers and the Mythbusters.

  747. I would bring Tim Minchin, Miranda Hart, Darth Vader, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Jen and John from Cake Wrecks, Copernicus ( Go homicidal monkeys with snout disease!), and all the British Royal Family so I can laugh at them. Oh, and all the Official Xbox Magazine team, as they are funny and satirical. On second thoughts, maybe all these people in a confined space with Copernicus could be ba- AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!
    P.S: I forgot Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer.

  749. Well shit. As I was saying, there are far too many comments to read, so I don’t know if anyone has mentioned Joss Whedon, but I would bring him.

  750. Dearest Jenny~
    I live with chronic pain — some days are worse than others. On the bad days, like today, I cave and take my pain meds. Which often makes for its own kind of frivolity.

    Reading your list of people, I saw Doodling in Math Class, but read: DROOLING In Math Class. Naturally, I clicked on that one.

    As usual, you brightened my day. Happens every time I come here.

    Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

  752. This afternoon, after decorating my purple spray-painted Xmas tree with its black crows and purple lights, I was putting the final touch on its purple branches…my Elphaba ornament…when I realized that my totally-most-fascinating-2011-dinner-guest-in-the-world…

    Elphaba from Wicked.

    Prevail~Tattoo Girl (sending Goddess blessings, Light, and Magic flowing strongly your way)

  753. LOL,

    I like your list better, especially DB Cooper and Traci Lords. Anyone would certainly have a lot of questions for them. I question bigfoot, just for hygiene reasons. Maybe Amelia Earhart instead.

  754. I can’t believe that Viggo Mortensen has only made one other list this far along. Not only does he put SEX in sex appeal, but he’s smart and artistic. And he’s sexy. Did I mention that he is sexy?

  755. Dr Oliver Sacks to keep you company in the bathroom while also avoiding the other guests. (Have you read “The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat”? Because if not, you need to.)

  756. Dave Chappell. Philip Seymour Hoffman.The Bloggess. Victor. Beyonce (you know who I mean. And if zombies are allowed:Jane Austen.

  758. The Doctor.

    Doctor Who?

    Precisely.

    Which Doctor?

    4th (Tom Baker), 10th (David Tennant), 11th (Matt Smith).

  761. Wow, just wow. You’d have to pay me a lot of money to attend a dinner party with Barbara’s 10. Yours, on the other hand, I’m all in! And I’m totally bringing Spider Robinson.

  763. Tom Collichio…Colekio?…coleco?…Coseiko?…Coleekio?

    The bald guy from Top chef with the funny last name, and he has to cook for everyone, only they have to be real sized portions for real people, and not Ken and Barbie portions from tv.

    Colliquioal….koeleekyoh….kaleechial…..

  765. Bill Bailey
    Santa Claus ( so I can beat him to death and take back the name he unmercifully stole from me.And let my cousin’s daughter sit on his lap)
    My Mother (because I wuv her)
    Your Mother (because I wuv her)
    Bob the Builder
    My Virginity
    Miranda Hart
    Graham Norton
    Neil Cicierega
    Michio Kaku (because no dinner party is complete without the co-founder of string theory)
    Josh Homme
    Myself (because I overuse schitzophrenia jokes)
    Mike O’connel( the writer not the other one)
    You
    Nigel No Mates
    Guy Williams
    Drew Neemia
    Copernicus
    J.K Rowling
    Derek Landy
    The Candy Man
    Mother Teresa
    Amanda Scruggs
    Carri Corbert
    Athena

  766. So many fabulous people! May I add Ray Stephenson, so I can drool pathetically on him? And we should invite Steve Brust (author). Joe Jackson, the musician. The Dalai Lama.

  767. Joss Whedon, Hank and John Green aka the Vlogbrothers, Hugh Laurie, the cast of Arrested Development and . Many more, but almost all have been mentioned including Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman <3 Oh, Emma Stone, Steven Moffat, Benedict Cumberbatch, and James Nesbitt. Shigeru Miyamoto, Nobuo Uematsu, Michael C Hall, Jim Parsons…oh so many! But all better than Barbra's list. I wonder if they held a gun to her head =/

  770. I’m a rather shy violet, but I would love to be a wallflower at this party! The following people may be able to drag me out of my shell though…

    Josh Groban (he’s hilarious… seriously)
    Emma Thompson (the most perfect woman ever)
    Collin Firth (brilliance)
    Garou (google him if you don’t know who he is; you won’t regret it)
    Mary Louise Parker
    Tim Gunn
    Padma Lakshmi
    Vince Flynn

    This was fun, Bloggess! And if it makes you feel any better, I mess up the years all of the time. I’ve been writing 2010 as well. Life is flying by! Who has time to keep up with the changing number?

  771. I’ll second the cast of Dr. Horrible (even Moist), and add Mike Doughty because he writes the best songs ever.

  773. Barbara Walters Tells Kardashian Family: ‘You Have No Talent'( VIDEO)
    Huffington Post

    saw this today…thought of your lovely dinner party. I know you’d be much more polite!

  774. Okay, my ten people for my Dinner of Craziness Tomhooliganism:

    Patton Oswalt
    Maria Bamford
    Chan Marshall
    Feist (just to see if she and Chan scrap it out)
    Jesus (come on … interesting people? You’ve GOT to have Jesus! “So, what’s it like having REAL super powers?)
    Jenny Lawson
    Jenny Larson (neighbour of mine growing up. not super-interesting, but the name similarity is nifty, and it will be a real zani-fest when people go to find their place-settings!)
    Dave Chappelle
    Louis CK
    Tig Notaro

  775. I just wanna be seated between Eddie Izzard and William Shatner. Then, any other attendees would be superfluous.

  777. Your list kicks-ass for sure. Now those are fascinating people. What has happened to Walters in which she considers her list “fascinating”? Really, by any stretch of the imagination, how are they fascinating? (Maybe one or two of them might be). They’re a bunch of people, most of whom probably can’t or don’t read, they have very limited views and their opinions are mostly based on sheer ignorance rather than any thing approaching evidence or facts, and I’m sure their average IQ is below the average American IQ (which is also lower than developed country average).

    Maybe she should have included Paris Hilton, Prince or whatever he calls himself now, or one of the other many flash-in-the-pans-and-no-substance fluff that is tossed at us. How about including Charlie Sheen? sighhhhhhhh. You want fascinating, you go with the writers, the inventors, the scientists, the statesmen who travel widely, those who work in places few humans venture, maybe an astronaut or two (surely a Kardashian can’t be any more interesting than someone who has walked on the moon or circled the earth for months at a time?). At one time I might have considered Walters fascinating but if this is her idea of what fascinating is, it speaks poorly of her ability to recognize fascinating when she sees it which means she’s probably not very fascinating herself.

    But Jenny on the other hand….you are so totally invited to my dinner party (bring your guests, Beyonce, but leave Copernicus at home).

  778. Sir David Attenborough. You simply must invite Sir David Attenborough. He’s the definition of fascinating!

    I second the invite to Benedict Cumberbatch. Seat him next to Alan Rickman, and get a double-dose of their swoon-worthy accents.

  780. I love Eddie Izzard! I wish I can work with him someday. Also to your very colorful and interesting list of people, Lady Gaga would be an interesting addition. If for nothing else, to add some color and vibrancy to the dinner table with her attire and her open minded and sometimes ditsy conversation.

  781. There’s a guy (or really flat chested woman) who runs by my house on the running trail EVERY WEEKEND in a full spiderman costume. I’ve always wondered what in the name of god possesses him to do that, and have always thought he’d be fun to have a drink with.

  782. Just moi, and that should just about take care of the Guest List. Notice I didn’t include my ‘real’ name, just to keep you & others at this Most Interesting Dinner Party Ever guessing.
    Need time/date.
    ps; better order a $#!^load of Port-O-Potties, since you will be occuping one for a long time.

  784. funny you should mention it. just blogged about a group of women with whom i would like to drink gin. a certain bloggess was invited to the soiree. Here’s who else is coming: kristen chenoweth, better midler, rita moreno, eleanor roosevelt, dolly parton, the rest of the cast of “steel magnolias”, julia child and ree drummond. i invited ms. drummond because we’ll need snacks to soak up all the gin. i don’t want julia to have to feel obligated to cook. in any case, stop on by if you are in the neighborhood.

  785. I’ll bet BW’s list is the “Ten most fascinating people of 2011” that will agree to be on the list and profiled on the show.

  786. Jo Rowling. Plus every HP character lives in her head, so you get all of them too! I love a bargain.

    I judged the county social studies fair last weekend, and there was a project on Bigfoot … guess who won? Speaking of, is it rude to ask Bigfoot if he’s a cannibal? Because these kids suggested that the reason no one’s found a dead sasquatch is because they’re cannablistic. Who knew?

  787. OMG! Has no one thought os LIZ Friggin’ TAYLOR?
    What an evening THAT would be. You could have Sir Isaac newton there and he’d be
    totally silent listening to that fantabulous broad.

  789. Oddly, I just submitted a list to my friend. Here was mine….

    Okay.. on my list…..
    Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen
    Jenny Lawson-The Bloggess
    Allie Brosh- Hyperbole and a Half
    Matthew Inman-The Oatmeal
    Ninjas

    Okay…Off my list….
    The Monitor Group
    People who pray at federal luncheons
    People who don’t see the value in becoming a ninja as a profession..and choose something stupid like Race Car driver.

    It was pointed out to me that I would never know if the ninja’s had arrived…since they are indeed ninja’s. Im still okay with it.

  790. I would be hiding in the bathroom with you. I would add Dan Savage, John Linnell, Madeleine Albright, Johnny Depp.

  791. My ex-boyfriend Stephen. Strange as it sounds, when I think of people that are fascinating, he immediately comes to mind. He kinda looks like if a fat Ben Affleck, John Cusak and Jason Lee had a baby. He will probably forget to take his meds that day so he can be on the manic side of his manic depression… which means he will be charming. He will also probably show up late and moan over the turkey while he eats. He will also take off his shirt for a box of Little Debbies. This is not exactly desireable. If you get him to talk about his life he will tell you how he is a felon that is married to an abusive Lesbian. Like I said… fascinating.

    I would also like to bring Ryan Gosling, so in my RSVP I can write F*CK YEAH, I am bringing Ryan Gosling. We will dress in matching plaid.

  793. Definitely agree with David Tennant! Ryan Gosling too so he can tell us about his band – they are great! OH! And Stephen Fry 🙂

  794. If you’re going to invite that many stiffs to the same dinner shouldn’t you include at least one embalmer?
    (honestly I thought a few of them were dead until I checked)

  797. As a sociologist, I’d like to see what would happen if we brought in some of the dead sociology theorists. Top one that comes to my mind is Karl Marx: wow, wouldn’t he be the life of the party?

  799. Even though he is dead and buried, I’d dig up his corpse and bring Admiral Byrd. Is it wrong to have a serious crush on a dead dude?

    Alive, I would say Chuck Yeager.

    ~cheers
    K

  802. I have to co-sign nearly every single one of the previous suggestions (I’m glad someone invited Michelle Obama, because she’s awesome, and I want to see the dress).

    I’d add Phyllis Diller to that list, because she’s a genuinely funny lady, and that phenomenal laugh of hers would get your whole party in a good mood. Better than a ‘shrooms/ecstasy smoothie.

  804. I would add two of the dead: Poe & Dickens.
    Eliezer Weisel (for more intellectual conversation along with the above mentioned).
    Then I would just add a bunch of random British people because they have snarky humour & really who can’t appreciate a load of snarkiness?

  805. Barbara Walters would most certainly NOT be on my list. Or any sports people. They are so boring.
    But I would include Ralph Macchio. The young version.

  806. Even if you just had Eddie Izzard…it would be the best dinner party (of 2) in the world…

  809. Colin Mochrie from Whose Line is it Anyway… He’s clever, funny, and from what I can tell, genuinely nice. Whoopie Goldberg comes to mind too, for the same reasons.

  810. Colin Farrell. Drunk or not. …I’m not sure if there would be a choice by the end of the evening… not that it would matter 🙂
    And Cesare Millan. So I can badger him to come and fix my dogs. Or at least the really simple puppy.
    And Katherine Hepburn. She worked with everyone and had the best stories.
    Bill Willingham and the Fables. (If we can invite dead people, why not fictional characters?)
    Dennis Leary. If he came with Jon Stewart. That last interview had me gasping for breath.
    YES, and definitely NPH!
    And Maxime Bernier.
    How many people do I get to invite anyway?

  811. I’d invite Ryan Reynolds for the yum factor.
    Oh, and Angelina Jolie, for the yum factor.
    And Jim Parsons, in character of course.
    And Marilyn Manson, because he’s got a little ‘je ne sais quoi’ and is super bright. Really, no shit.

  813. I don’t think I could possibly add anyone else to that list. Ooh, I lied. Patrick Stewart. Him and William Shatner could argue about who was the better captain.

  814. I would have been here sooner but I got directions from Bugs Bunny and took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. Who wouldn’t want to party with a rabbit that can do, say, be anything/body? I have to say all these people would make me nervous so you can find me in the hall closet because the bathroom is taken.

  817. Favorite “Doodling in Math Class” episode? Stiff competition, but I have to vote for Infinity Elephants.

  818. Chuy from “Lately” so that he can be the celebrity endorsement to help repeal the Dwarf Tossing Bill down in Florida. Get all the little people back to work again!

  819. Love this list – not much to add to this amazing mix of merriment, but it might be fun to throw Joss Whedon, Betty White (if you can catch her), and Laurie Notaro. PS so happy you are cancer-free.

  821. I would love to invite Joss Whedan and Steve Moffitt. Can you image what great ideas would come from them sitting down for an evening with Neil Gaiman?

  822. Molly Shannon, Peanut (Jeff Dunham’s puppet), Sheldon Cooper, Stewie, Madonna, Betty White, Jenny Lawson, Johnny Depp, Betty Crocker, Albert Einstein, Marilyn Monroe, Elton John

  823. Pingback: math was never this cool | But Mostly Hers

  824. I would add Dan Savage – he started the “It’ll Get Better Project” with his partner – he’s a sex advice columnist in Seattle and on top of everything he’s funny!

  825. I’ll pass on Katy Perry… can we invite Laurie Perry instead?
    I’ll bring the wine.
    (www.crazyauntpurl.com)

  826. You had me at Neil Gaiman. Then you went and added Amanda Palmer and Eddie Izzard, and now all I want to do is come to the dinner party at your house.

  827. Re: #817. God yes, how could I have left our Betty White? I want her as one of my two best friends. Along with you, (Jenny) of course.

    Also Carol Burnett, Harvey Korman, well hell, just the whole cast of Carol Burnett, plus Steve Martin and all of the Wayans brothers and sisters.

  828. If it’s not to late, I’d like to add Danny McBride, Chris Lilley and David Sedaris to the list.

    Oh, and whoever wrote the scripts for Dawson’s Creek. Seriously, I’ve watched an entire season in 2 weeks (it’s being aired nonstop on the only English language channel I have access to), and 10 years later I still don’t understand half of what those Capeside are saying. How many 15 year olds actually talk like that?

  829. I’m sorry, but William Shatner would never make my list … I still think he had something to do with his wife’s drowning -> too reminiscent of the O.J. debacle.

    I would like to suggest, in his place, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant or even better Karl Pilkington (<-god I hope I spelled his name right) they might be able to all fit in his chair.

    Anyhoo, I'd probably be in the bathroom with you! I'll bring the Lysol if you supply the h'orderves!

  830. Are you still reading these? My submissions are Christopher Moore, Maya Angelou, and Dave Matthews. I would also invite the rest of the band, but Dave would be the only command appearance.

  831. Jenny – All I want for Christmas is a way to comment to other people’s comments on your blog. Your readers crack me up!

  834. I would have to invite my two roommates (ONLY if highly intoxicated though). The entire night would be filled with confusing conversations like the one I woke to this MORNING (yes, it was roughly 9:30am, and they were both drunk off their tails. I suspect they shall both be needing new livers soon, or perhaps theirs are both so pickled by now that they will last for eternity. Also, I am always VERY disoriented whenever I first wake up.):

    Roomie 1: Julia, you look sooooo pretty today, girl!
    Roomie 2: Yes you do, Julia! Let’s see if we can find something for you to eat in the kitchen.
    R1: How about some milk? Umm…we also have some tuna…
    (I assume Julia is a friend who is maybe a bit down and having a bad day. Tuna at 9:30 in the morning did rather confuse me, but I figured if, at 9:30am, my roommates could tolerate liquor, maybe Julia could stomach tuna. Then the conversation takes an interesting turn.)
    R1: Oh. Em. Gee! Julia! Get off the counter! Are you seeing this??! SHE IS ON THE COUNTER!!! JULIA! Get your ass down RIGHT NOW!
    (I assume at this point Julia is also intoxicated.)
    R2: Oh gosh! Where are you going Julia? Julia?! Holy crap she just went under my bed!
    R1: Oh, get her out, get her out! She’ll poop under there!!! She’ll POOP!
    R2: What. The. Frickin’. HECK? Why-what-you-gahhhh! She just frickin’ PUKED under my bed! JULIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
    (Maybe EXTREMELY intoxicated??)
    R1: Julia! I am sick of you! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!

    This was a wonderful way to be introduced to Julia, the stray cat we have apparently adopted. Who the crap names a cat Julia? It just doesn’t sound cat-ish-y.

  835. Holy shitrockets! I think I just learned some math from the doodling girl. At least I know what a fractal is now. And have some kick ass doodling options for meetings will make me look all kinds of smart. And help me stop concentrating on getting all stabbity on the douchecamels with whom I work.

  838. Paul Rudd and Ryan Reynolds. That way I could see them together and FINALLY decide which will be my movie star boyfriend! (And don’t worry – after the party, I’ll stay and help you clean up.)

  841. I would love to see Billy Connolly, sit next to John Cleese, across from Dr. Horrible as he skeems to get into the Evil League of Evil. And lastly Dracula, on a full stomach of course because it’s just poor taste to eat your guest.

  842. Please bring Holly Hunter and her angel “Earl” – I don’t know his real name, but I’m fascinated with the show – now that it’s been cancelled on TNT :(…….. I’ll bring fried beyonce chicken.

  845. I love her list. There are many I would repeat on a list of my own. However, giving it some thought the guest list of my fascinating dinner party would include: Emily Bazelon, Geraldine Brooks, Stephan Colbert (I thought about John Stewart but Stephan can really sing so provide entertainment giving him the edge), Stephan Fatsis, John Hodgeman, Rachel Maddow, Moby, David Plotz, Hanna Rosen and Tom Waits. I really wanted to put the Sporkful guys on but the pressure food wise would be huge.

  847. 1. Nathan Fillion (because he is funny AND SEXY)
    2. Alex O’laughlin (because he is so very sexy)
    3. Mathew McCounaughy (because he is so very sexy)
    4. The entire cast from The Big Bang Theory (because I’m curious if they really are nerds and funny)
    5. Jim Gaffigan – because he is freakin hysterical
    6. Christopher Walkin – Not sexy but cool
    7. Tina Fey – because she is funny and awesome
    8. Alec Baldwin – because when he is not being completely ridiculous in real life, he is funny on TV
    9. Steve Martin – because he plays a MEAN BANJO
    10. Tim Dorsey. Because he is my favorite author.

  848. Returned to read comments & have to say I love this post & all of the comments!! So much, I came up with a *brilliant* idea! Let’s have a weekend destination getaway … beach, mountains, desert, you pick your favorite Bloggess (because of course you’d be the hostess) and invite everyone listed here, along with commenters! There’d have to be multiple venues; I’d need a session with the POTUS, FLOTUS, Bill & Hill, musicians, actors, comedians, writers, where you could go from room to room mingling with the different groups. Then at night there’d be big galas where everyone eats, drinks, dances and then the next day, all of us bloggers will blog about who people hooked up with. You game?

    Btw, Merry Christmas to you, Victor & Hailey! May it be very bright, like you:)

  854. Wil Wheaton, Felicia Day & Nathan Fillion because we have proof they party hard (there’s a photograph on the internet!) plus you and Lisa Galaviz and I think I would swoon from the sheer happiness of it all. I even promise not to bring tea, because I know that Lisa loves her some oxidants and I don’t want her screaming “Oxidant Killer” at me all evening.

  859. Author Christopher Moore…former WWF Wrestler The Iron Sheilk and this guy I saw on the streets of Key West who dressed up as Spider-Man and played the Sitar.

  861. I’m going to go w/ Minnie (as her character in The Help). So she can stir shit up. But, only if she isn’t allowed to cook or bring any actual food to the dinner.

  864. I would assume she’s on here somewhere… but I’d invite Small Wonder. She’d be a blast and totally rock the party. Also, Neil Patrick Harris. Because he makes me wish I were a gay man and that would make for a great drunken sobfest.

  866. Patrick Stewart…but just to do the narration of events ….and let me shine his head.

  868. I was going to say Anthony Bourdain, but so many other people suggested him I have to change my mind, because I’m that kind of person. And now I’m spending way too much time trying to think of someone unique than trying to think of someone who’d actually be interesting to eat a meal with, so I’m sticking by Bourdain, and we’re going to McDonald’s because it would be funny, and then we’re playing in the play place but I am NOT taking off my shoes and sticking them in that little plastic cubby death trap because that is how you get a disease and also how your shoes get stolen.

  870. Definitely Wil Wheaton in a furry outfit (a la The Guild.) Also loves the girl in Doodling in Math Class, but only if she can draw that fast in-person.

  872. I got lost in all the comments. Invite everyone listed so far, and add Phil Platt /@badastronomer because he has a sense of humor, sense of wonder, and he’s smart. I also am dying to meet Bruce Campbell who is the greatest B movie actor who ever lived.

  873. Ron Weasley. Well, I guess I mean Rupert Grint, but he should act like Ron Weasley. He should bring his wand. He can bring Harry Potter, too. Voldemort is not invited. I don’t like dining with with a snake in the room.

  874. okay… here are my dinner guests:

    Rachael Ray (but only if she has duct tape over her mouth because her voice makes me want to punch her right in the face): because hey… someone’s gotta cook and it certainly isn’t going to be me

    Sherrie Gahn (google her): because I think she rocks.

    Lady Gaga: because she freaks me out but I heard she can party.

    Ryan Gossling: because I would love to just stare at him all night.

    The guy that held that Xbox Kinect for me on Black Friday rather than selling it to someone else. It really made our Christmas. I think he should get a dinner made by Rachael Ray out of the deal.

    Charlie Sheen: the fact that he is still living is amazing and well, I heard he can party too.

    The Cullen family: more food for me

    Ellen Degeneres: because I would like to pick her brain about this whole vegan lifestyle

    My husband: because to me, he is the most interesting person that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

    The Bloggess: to keep me company in the bathroom while I am hiding from everyone.

    The CEO of Molly Maid: What? Someone needs to clean up.

  875. Neil Patrick Harris–he does magic!!
    Craig Ferguson–hilarious, and has an awesome accent.
    Wil Wheaton–obvious
    Brian Williams
    Stephen King
    H.Jon Benjamin
    Jim Parsons
    Jim Gaffigan
    Neil Gaiman
    Damian Lewis
    GRR Martin
    Wil Smith
    Betty White
    Aisha Tyler
    David Thorne
    George Takei
    Adele
    Daniel Tosh
    Ellen Page
    Queen Latifah
    and both Beyonces (human and chicken)
    🙂

    Bruce Campbell

  877. If this is a magical dinner party and we’re allowed to bring fictional guests, then add the Doctor, the entire cast of Archer, and the Bluth family. It’d be an absolute disaster, but it would probably be a hilarious disaster.

  878. Re: “Doodling in math class”
    Thank you SO MUCH for that link. That woman is AWESOME.
    “Maths communication” is somewhat of a passion of mine, and she does it so well.

  879. I would invite…

    Jason Segel
    Seth Rogen
    Melissa McCarthy
    Guy Fieri
    Chuck Klosterman
    Jon Stewart
    Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall. Only because I still have a crush on him from when I was 9. 🙂
    St. Vincent
    Leslie Feist

    The Bloggess, because this blog is fantastic and she has the guts to speak about things that are still taboo in some parts of the country. THANK YOU!

  880. I’m gonna go with shallow here and pick Hugh Jackman because he’s just so darned good looking and I like to look at something lovely when I eat. Then…. my husband, Mr. Snarky…. because he’s just so damned funny and brainy! 🙂

  881. I just LOVE LOVE LOVE that you put Neil Gaiman as your #1!!!!!

    I’d bring Julius Malema (just cause I don’t understand how someone can be so stupid and so clever at the same time …)

  882. I freaking LOVE Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, and have since Square Pegs and War Games, respectively. I just know if they had dinner with me, they would love me too.

  884. I know I missed the post when it was topical, but I would totally want to be at a party with the Poe toaster. Most awesome choice!!! <3

    Love your posts, each and every one!

    Claudia

  885. Unwinding events that you shouldn’t miss. Magical and unforgettable experienced wish I could also. Very simple but memorable evening nigh for fictional guests.

  886. I met Ray Bradbury once he was a little mean actually. One of my memerable moments when i blurted out “we had to read fahrenheit 451 in school . He said “i don’t write books to have some teacher pick it apart” i figued since it was required reading he would have been happy to have all those students read and buy his books. CRANKY OLD MAN
    E

  887. 1) Michael Sheen in his Lucian outfit from Underworld
    2) Richard Armitage in his Guy of Gisborne clothes
    3) David Tennant as the 10th Doctor
    4) YOU, Jenny, because you rock and would undoubtedly bring up inappropriate topics when there were lulls in the conversation.
    5) Chris Hardwick
    6) Jason Dohring (he’d have to promise to not try to convert us to Scientology)
    7) Seth Green (Seth and Chris and David would have to promise to keep the nerd quotent down to just pop culture references and not be allowed to actually discuss quantum physics or math or anything)
    8) Ian Somerhalder/Alexander Skarsgard/Peter Facinelli<–any hot vampire will do, I'm totally not picky.
    9) Some nice, tubby chick who is pleasant but non-threatening. One, we need to balance out the male-to-female ratio so that it doesn't look like I'm totally on the hunt for a new manwich 2) I need someone kinda homely to make me look hotter.
    10) It'd only be polite to invite Jesus, but I suspect he'd cramp my style, so I'll pick John Barrowman. That's pratically like having another girl at the table, except he'd totally be willing to make out with anyone at the dinner for 2 minutes in a closet, so I'd have a 10% chance.

  888. Jason Dohring is off the invite, because I realized Karl Pilkington needs to be at this table, and he doesn’t understand Scientology.

  890. I. Am. Bringing. Dalek. Sec. And no one can tell me otherwise. Because I would have Dalek Sec exterminate them with his laser-arm-cannon-whisk. Of course, he would probably exterminate everyone else at the party. Everything would be going great, and then I would show up with a murderous octopus in fancy robot armour that makes it practically invincible. And it has access to weapons. And hates everyone and everything. In retrospect, this is probably a terrible idea.

    It would be really, really interesting though.

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