Where I was this week…

in Random Crap

I don’t have a weekly-wrap-up for you today because all this week I was recording the audio version of my book.

I gargled half of a honey-bear just to sooth my ravaged throat and sang show-tunes to the baffled producers in an effort to convince them that this book should be a musical.  They were unconvinced.  I also demanded more cow-bell and they brought me hot tea and a sandwich to sober me up.  A free sandwich.

All in all? I’d call that a win.

PS.  I get home this weekend so I’ll be back to posting real stuff soon.  Pinkie-swear.

PPS.  The audio producers said that I’d managed to create one of the most impressive set of out-takes and bloopers they’d ever witnessed, and that it might end up in the audiobook because otherwise no one else would believe them.  I’m choosing to take that as a compliment.

 

 

247 thoughts on “Where I was this week…”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. My mother and I have already pre-ordered the audiobook! I’m very excited to hear it (especially if outtakes/bloopers will be included!)

    And free sandwiches are the best sandwiches.

  6. Compliment. I think I’ll buy the audio book just for the outtakes. You’re so full of blooper win I can hardly stand it.

  7. This is awesome! Also, I covet that purple sweater. I like purple. And sweaters. And awesome necks like that. (The sweater, I meant. Yours is nice too, but I shouldn’t covet that. right?)

  14. And this is why we love you.

    Everything is better with honey, music, and outtakes need to be -all- over you tube

  15. I don’t normally buy audiobooks but in this case I may make an exception, just for the outtakes.

  18. I am surprised you would trust the honey bear to soothe you. Honey bear don’t give a shit. As you can tell, I am in dire need of tea and a sandwich.

  19. I can’t wait to have something new to listen to on car rides! I love Harry Potter, but there are only so many times I can listen to the same 7 books over and over until my husband stabs himself in the ears with those audio CD’s. And I really love those CD’s.

    I anxiously await your Audio Book!

  20. The Outtakes should be their own release and cost as much as the audio book…

    You will make a FORTUNE!!!

  22. Even though recording is a lot of work, it’s very rewarding when it’s all done and magically put together. Used to narrate little history documentaries and spent many hours in front of the mic. Be it on a much smaller scale. Congrats!

  27. I CANNOT wait for the book to come out. I preordered my copy but now I’m going to have to get the audio version too just for the bloopers!!!

  29. Also, I imagine this book will be similar to Jen Lancaster’s stuff (Such a Pretty Fat, Bright Lights Big Ass) which is awesome and now I think I should also go try an audiobook of hers.
    There goes my Amazon bill. I’ll tell husband it’s your fault. Sorry.

  30. Wha…WHA-WHAT!?!? A FREE sandwich!?!? My fecund heart flutters with glee at such a concept. It almost makes my free coffee I got from the creepy six-fingered man in front of me at Starbucks pale in comparison. Almost. Well, actually more than almost, because I only got him to pay for my soy latte after consenting to let him smell my hair. What? It was FREE coffee!

  33. Please tell them your audience wants the bloopers almost as much as they want the book, and to consider them a preview of sorts for the sequel. That is, if the world doesn’t end. Cause that could happen if it turns out the Mayans werent just fucking with us.

    Although at the speed of TheBloggess, you may have enough for a second book by June.

    Mwah.

  34. I hope you had a good time, even if it was hard. It’s pretty rockstar of you, you know.

    And now its time for wine slushies

  35. I already have a pre-order in for the print edition, and now apparently I NEED the audiobook, too! Especially if they include the BLOOPERS!!!

  36. Must have outtakes! I’ve preordered multiple copies of the book, I’ll gift five times as many of the audio books, if there is an outtake track, too! Damn, I could have used that today!
    Knock, knock, motherf&@ckers! The book is on it’s way!
    Go, Jenny!!!

  38. I am absolutely 100% getting the audio version of the book. I love listening to funny people read their books while I’m driving around town all day for work. I cannot wait….so when can I get it??

  39. So many questions. Was there not a wine slushie machine in the control booth? Why isn’t the coverboy in there while you read? HAVE YOU LOST A BUNCH OF WEIGHT? How did you get so skinny? And more importantly how long will the book be on audio tape because I have no way to play stuff at home and will need to plan a trip to somewhere of that distance to listen in the car!

  40. I was only planning on buying the regular book, but if there are bloopers, I’ll buy both.

  41. You are TOTALLY channeling Whitney Houston in “The Bodyguard” at the end.

    “And IIIIII-eeeee-aaahhhh will always love youuuuuuu….”

    Now all you need is Victor to take you home.

  44. You go girl! I hope they include the singing too. You are full of awesome. Rest your voice and settle in at home, but please keep writing (no vocalization required).

  48. You should charge a super premium for the outtakes! Or, maybe release the outtakes separately. I’d totally buy them!

  50. I need to hear those outtakes! Also, kudos to you for doing this when you knew it was outside of your comfort zone. As always, you are my hero!

  51. I’m just impressed that you dressed so nicely for an AUDIO-book. All in all, you just look very grown up. Do you feel like you’ve ARRIVED?

  53. I misread Lori’s comment (no. 14) as saying, “all-over-you lube,” and thought in a startled manner, ‘what kind of audio book IS this??’.

    I’m almost disappointed that it actually isn’t some kind of erotica (I’m, you know, ASSUMING that it isn’t).

  54. Can’t wait to buy it. I love audiobooks and yours is bound to be one of the most entertaining.

  58. I believe you were asking for a sandwich just the other day. Winning!
    (good lord, did I just make that reference? I am ashamed)

  59. Free lunches are awesome. Honey bear gargling is even awesome-er.

    (Also, I have that EXACT same purple sweater. And I’m wearing it now. You have great taste — though you don’t need me to tell you that.)

  62. I’ve always wanted to say that I gargled a honey bear while playing a cowbell. That is totally going on my bucket list.

  64. There is no way for you to know, but my one resolution was more cowbell for 2012. I strongly dislike audio books, but if there is cowbell….I will seriously think about buying it.

  68. Long time reader, first time poster. Just wanted to say that I am really looking forward to your book! (I haven’t pre-ordered it yet *sorry* but that’s cool, ’cause I said so).

  69. I’m with Amy Lynn- you absolutely MUST include the outtakes and bloopers on the actual audiobook. It’s perfectly in keeping with your blog, at least.

  71. Were you wearing stripper shoes at that mike? Because it totally looks like it calls for stripper shoes! Also, I concur that the outakes and bloopers should be published separately! It would be so awesome and imagine the fun we could all have screwing with people who ride in our cars!

  72. If they won’t include the best outtakes and bloopers, I won’t buy the audiobook. I’ll just buy the real book. But then I’d have to read it out loud myself and make up my own, lame outtakes. I’M NOT AN ARTIST! Give me their reality for the last week; I demand it.

  73. I don’t buy audio books (my hearing is going down the drain) but if they put the bloopers on a cd I would totally buy it.

  75. I just wanted to say that I have been out of Internet contact for about a month now. I have not missed checking my e-mail, trying to keep up with work, constantly being annoyed by people on facebook, or accidently reading horrible news stories that I wish weren’t true, but I have missed reading your posts… so much that I literally could not wait to get my Internet connect to catch up on The Bloggess. You are a hilarious, inspirational woman and I am SOOOO happy Beyonce brought us together 🙂

  79. Out-takes and bloopers? That settles it, I’m going to have to get both the hard copy and the audio book.

  80. OH MY GOD!!!!! I soooooooooo want the out-takes and bloopers!!!!!! I have already pre-ordered the paper copy of your book, but I PROMISE to also buy both the Kindle and Audio versions if they put them in as bonus tracks with the audio book!!!!!!

    Were there enough exclamation marks in that? I don’t think there were …

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  81. Yes! Bloopers must be a part of the audio book. I’d pay extra for that too!! Although I think we need a visual with the show tunes. MORE COWBELL!

  83. Awww! You look like you’re having so much fun! I just starting following you, but I smile every time I visit.

    Thanks!

  85. It just made my Friday night to see a new post from you! It’s good to thaw myself out by the warmth of your wit when it’s so fucking cold up here in northern MN!!!!!

  88. I will totally purchase your blooper tape. Totally. I might even purchase your book.
    P.S. You are funny. No, really. I mean it. YOU. ARE. FUNNY!

  89. I have your book all ready to be downloaded into my Kindle when it comes out…but I swear to GOD *Or Beyonce* that I would buy the audio version as long as they put the bloopers in. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE!!!!

  90. Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease BLOOPERS. I would be 350% (approximately) more likely to buy the audiobook if it included bloopers!

  93. Yours maybe the first audio book I ever buy, just for your voice and the outtakes. For reals.

  94. I totally do not believe those are unretouched photos.

    Because I JUST KNOW you did this recording session wearing Wolf Blitzer.

    With Beyonce on cow bell.

    I look forward to those photos.

    And to the ones of the paramedics.

    And police.

    Because this is YOU we’re talking about.

  100. Sooooooo brilliant! Now I will have to buy BOTH! You got me at “more cowbell”. . .

  101. I think they could charge extra for a version with outtakes. (Also, you are so darned cute in those photos! They should put them in the audio book. At least a recording of someone talking about them.)

  102. I will take one blooper reel and I’m hoping there is a hardback version of the book 🙂

  109. Oh for fuck’s sake. I can say all day that you are awesome or that you deserve accolades and all that shit, but you not only won’t buy it but you won’t believe it.

    I will say this though. I envy you like how fish envy mudpuppies.

    Totally a compliment. Trust me.

  110. I’ve already pre-ordered a copy of your book, and was toying with the notion of buying the audio-book… if it has bloopers, that will definitely push me over the edge into buying for sure 😀

    I’m so proud of you, you’re amazing 🙂 That’s a LOT of honey.
    Also, a lot of reading /HUG

  111. Yes, I’m adding my voice to the blooper vote. And, yes, I will have to add the audiobook (and the blooper track) to the print book, which I’m adding to the Kindle book – geez girl, you should make a bazzillion dollars just on all the different versions. I’m also buying the DVD when they do a movie version of your book, but please don’t let Julia Roberts play you, OK?

    And, way to go! I know we don’t know each other, but you feel so much like family. it’s like I’ve got a cousin who’s become famous. And no, I’m not trying to be a sycophant, or a psychopath. I’m just really proud of you, girl. You deserve this success!

  112. I umpty-umph the vote for bloopers and outtakes. I’d definitely buy the audiobook if those were included. I can’t wait for my dead-tree edition to arrive.

  113. Just wanted to say that I have spent, like, at least eleventy hours out of the last… lot of hours reading your blog backwards because I am starting from now. I can’t stop. Thank you for the smiles. 🙂

  114. I already buy DVDs mostly for the extras, deleted scenes and bloopers. Bloopers from Jenny? Priceless. We already read half your posts aloud to each other, because they’re even funnier that way.

  115. If they don’t sell those bloopers as either part of the audiobook or a separate product, your publishers don’t understand you or your audience. It might outsell the print book.

  117. I hope that the outtakes are included somewhere! That would be awesome. And yes, now I really do want the audiobook as well as a bookbook copy.

  118. I’m only not going to follow your blog because of the clown porn thing at the top. I have no problem with porn. It’s clowns that scare me.

  120. You need to get that alligator bustier someone mentioned on twitter, it screams you.

    Audio booth pictures are super flattering. You look even better than usual. I think all of us need recording studios in our houses for MySpace style pictures. (I can’t help it, that’s what I still call them in my head)

  123. LOL! I was just going to buy the book, but now the audio book is very tempting! 🙂

  124. I would like to buy a copy of the out takes… I would buy it simply for the out takes!!!!

  125. I think I’d call that a win, Jenny. Maybe they could make a separate audio book of the outtakes and sell it too. Then there would be more Jenny to love!!

  126. It makes me sad that all your devoted commenters want to hear the outtakes of you making mistakes. Revenge, perhaps? Jealousy? A need to see you fail? Well, hear you fail? I, for one, WANT TO HEAR YOU SINGING THOSE SHOW TUNES. OMG I think I would pee myself from laughing.

  127. You totally should take that as a compliment!! I’ll bet all the stuffy people they get in there to read for the audio books are all serious and boring. And then they got you in there to read for the audio book and you were a complete breath of fresh air for them!! 😀

  128. You seriously don’t think any of us were surprised at that PPS, do you.
    It would have been more surprising if you hadn’t……..
    Now, this thing about gargling with the honey, heard on BBC radio this week that American Honey is so sterilised, cleaned, sifted and re sifted that by the time it reaches you, that all the hard work the poor little Bees have put into it, has been taken out. You need to expose that shit and give them a piece of your mind

  129. This post makes me furiously happy. I can’t waobok!it for the audiobook!

    Have no idea what happened in that sentence, but I am leaving it that way.

  130. So proud of you for doing your own recording! Where can I stalk, er, “find” you for the release party?????

    (Also, I say this with so much love . . . but your hands look sore. 🙁 Did you have a bad flare-up when you were on the road? I’m so excited for you; but the mom in me wants you to promise that you’re taking care of yourself & being kind to your aching joints.)

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  133. If you were to publish one version without the bloopers and one with, and charge twice as much for the latter, it would still sell at least double the amount of the first.

  136. So cool! I too, demand a copy of the bloopers – I can only imagine. Glad you’re back. Take it easy on that honey bear…

  137. I have already ordered the book and rarely buy audio books. But with you voicing your book and the hope of those fantabulous outtakes I will be buying this audioboook. Tell thos producers WE WANT OUTTAKES!!!!!

  139. There better be bloopers on the audiobook! I must hear these! The producers cannot tease us like that, unless they plan to follow through…

  140. I will definitely be buying the audio book and REALLY hope that it has the bloopers 🙂 tell them your fans demand it!!!

  144. Bloopers are the best part! Congrats on making it through the week and heading back home.

  146. LOL! I hope your throat feels better soon! From the sounds of the other comments here, those bloopers could be the big money-maker here! =P

  148. An audio book should totally come with out-takes, preferably at the end of each chapter. You could be a ground-breaker here.

  150. “The audio producers said that I’d managed to create one of the most impressive set of out-takes and bloopers they’d ever witnessed, and that it might end up in the audiobook because otherwise no one else would believe them. ”

    Okay, THEY wouldn’t believe them if they hadn’t been there. But your audience/readership/worshipers/ready-to-mobilize-army?

    Yeah…we’re kind of *expecting* that. I assumed the audiobook wouldn’t even be the actual book, it’d just be hours and hours of you talking about very, VERY random stuff and explaining why you didn’t just read the book, and it would be approximately twice as long as if you’d just read the book in the first place. And I was still totally gonna buy it. 🙂

  151. That’s marketing genius. Everyone who preordered the book will also order the audiobook just for the bloopers.

    Congrats again, Jenny.

  152. Every single day while I am working, I take a minute to check to see if you have posted anything new. Obvioulsy, you don’t have time to post every day, but every time you have a new post you never fail to make me laugh out loud. Thank you for making my coworkers think I am a crazy person! And also, thanks for bringing a smile to my face on even the crappiest of days! I can’t wait to get your book (and maybe even the audio version if there are awesome bloopers…)

  153. There’s a lot I would do for free food. Or maybe the list of what I wouldn’t do would be a much shorter way of putting it…
    I absolutely want the outtakes audio book!!

  155. Any chance you can post the bloopers here? You can do a mini-blog series featuring your outtakes and then just coast on that. That is, if you “own” them. Do you?
    Can’t wait to read (or hear, if I’m feeling lazy) your new book!!

  158. You better have done my voice exactly as it sounds in my head…..all breathy and calm, like an early morning. Not like a raving lunatic, how it sounds in everybody else’s heads.

  160. i was just going to buy the actual book. if there are bloopers/outtakes on the audio book, i’ll buy that too. QUESTION: where is jean-louis in all of this??

  161. Ow. Ow ow ow ow…… Ow! I think I sprained something I didn’t even know I had laughing at your pps. Ow.

    Thanks, I think.

  163. That is so awesome! I want to find a reason to use the phrase “I gargled half a honey-bear.” And maybe they can make the bloopers a bonus chapter. Congratulations!

  164. I never buy audiobooks. Don’t even get them for free from the library. But include those bloopers and you have a sale!

  166. I have never purchased an audiobook (I did listen to a bit of the Twilight one in the bookstore once but the fake-mopey-teen voice made me stabby), but I will definitely be buying this one. PLEASE OH PLEASE include the bloopers. If you could convince them to put a taxidermied mouse on the front cover of the book, i know you can make this happen, too.

  167. Congrats! I’m sure you did great, and I hope they really do have an extra disk with bloopers!

  168. Outtakes are always the best part of any recorded venture…that’s why I do everything in one take…to preserve the outtakeness in the thing everyone will see or listen to 🙂

    So excited this book biz is really happening for you!

  169. I definitely think they should release an unedited, untouched version of the original recordings as a bonus item when you purchase the actual audiobook. I’d buy it! If you’ll loan me the money until my hunch-backed brother straightens up.

  170. Audio books are the best for travel. This would give me an excuse to go see family in Louisiana. Who am I kidding? Go gambling in Louisiana. It MUST have bloopers. It simply MUST!

  171. Don’t have much time for reading, and have never, EVER bought an audiobook because frankly listening to someone else talk for that long would be almost torture in most cases….but I might have to make an exception for yours. Congrats 😀

  172. I’m surprised you couldn’t convince them to turn the book into a musical. I was convinced right away…but that could have something to do with the fact that I didn’t actually hear the singing.

  173. Ooohhh….A MUSICAL!

    You’re gonna have Beyonce’ on Broadway yet. I just know it.

    I can NOT wait. Seriously not.

  174. I will definitely be getting the paper copy, the electronic one (to keep the paper one nice and neat) and the audio version. Hopefully, with more cowbell. Please, please, Jenny, convince the Publishing OverLords to include the bloopers and outtakes in your audio version. I would even pay extra. The cat can just eat dry food that month.

    I CAN’T WAIT!!!

  175. It just wouldn’t have been worth the price of admission as a musical unless there was VICTOR! (insert jazz hands here)

  176. Reading a book out loud is harder than it looks. I’ve been reading books for the blind recently and I can’t say how many times I screw up just trying to read a simple sentence. And then there’s the time where I was about to start recording but right before I hit record released probably the largest belch I’ve ever had in my life. Kind of sad not to have caught that. Might have brought some entertainment to the blind.

  180. Now I have quite the predicament, do I buy the hardcover or do I buy the audiobook and have the pleasure of having you read your book to me.

  181. Victor will find there will be no living with you if the bloopers make it to the NYTimes Best Seller List!

    I’m dying to know…did you at least take Copernicus with you for good luck?

    strangles,
    the WP

  182. Please keep us updated on whether the bloopers actually get released in some form. I’m already planning to buy your book, but for the bloopers, I would totally buy the audiobook too.

  183. I started reading your blog this past September from the beginning and this is the first time I have been up to date with you. I hate to be mushy but your constant furious joy and messages of hope were a contributing factor in saving me from myself lately for that I thank you. Please don’t ever change. Also, I am totally jumping on the book/audio book bandwagon.

  184. Seems unanimous, Jen: you’ve made voracious, blooper-hungry monsters of your entire posse. Tell the powers that be to get on it.

  185. Oh please pretty please release the outtakes! If I had to choose between the actual book and the outtakes, I would have to flip a coin.

    Do those guys know how lucky they are to spend the day with you? They have “…and then she…” stories for weeks!

  189. A free sammich? Shoulda held out for a trailer and the hot-young-actor of your choice to serve it to you.

    The sammich, I mean.

    Unless you really wanted something more then that, too.

  190. I already pre-ordered the paper copy but I am SO getting the audio book. I didn’t know it was going to be YOU reading it?! That’s AMAZING!!!

  191. I don’t normally buy audio books but if they include the bloopers, I’ll buy both the audio book and the Kindle version.

  192. Ohholyshitsnacks! We JUST got back from buying our first EVER cowbell and I sat down to read your blog, only to find you requesting more cowbell. *cue spooky music here* We bought it for an upcoming Sadie Hawkins Dance at our swing dance club, because people won’t shut up when we’re trying to make announcements so we thought it would be a good way to handle that, starting with introducing it at the Sadie Hawkins dance and then continuing to use it for that for all our other dances too.

    Love you always!

  193. That second photo made my day.

    I’m probably wrong, but in that moment I picture you hitting a high note in an acapella version of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.”

  194. I usually don’t get into audiobooks, but I would SO SO buy this – maybe even multiple copies – JUST for those outtakes.

  197. I am an audiobook fiend. I listen to them all day at work. I’m REALLY stoked that you took on the reading. It’s amazing what a difference the reader can make, and having the author read their own work is always a treat, not that I don’t love Wil Wheaton doing, er, I mean reading, John Scalzi.

  198. Definite comliment. Jenny, you need a “like” button. Next to every single sentence you write. I would have “liked” several in this post! (It just kept getting better and better.)

  201. Okay, as I and thousands (millions?) of your followers have stated before, this is so cool, I am so excited for your book… and now especially on audio, as that is how I do much of my “reading” as my job involves driving anywhere from 10 to 20 hours a week, so books on audio are a big part of my day and week… and now yours is on the list. woo hoo!!!!!!!

  202. My youngest son and daughter-in-law listen to books while driving to and from work together. I’m so getting this for them as a present. I hope the don’t wreck the car laughing. By the way, I keep sensing them links to your blog posts and their computer lies and tells them it’s porn and won’t let them open the link. I think their computer is a douche-canoe or something. So when we are together, I have to hand over my phone so they can read your blog. Do you suppose their cd player in the car will say this is porn as well?

  206. Dickish browser is eating my comments or I’m spam posting like a rat fink.

    Cujo von Smuttypants.
    Dude can’t have sassy britches like that without being called on them.

  207. If they don’t put the bloopers in the audiobook, they’d better give you the file to put on this blog. Like a lot of people here, I’d probably get the audiobook just for the bloopers.

  211. I’d call him Cocka-Cola.

    Someone might have said that already. You get a bazillion comments! TL;DR. 😛

    You make me happy. You are awesome. Ciao!

  212. Dang it! I clicked on the wrong link and didn’t look at what I was doing an now I commented on the wrong post and have embarrassed myself on the interwebs. 🙁

  214. They MUST include the bloopers on the audio book. If not, they need to prepare to face a tsunami of the tears of all the dissappointed blog readers.

  215. My boyfriend NEEDS that chicken. About 6 months ago, he introduced me to your blog, mostly to give me a better way to deal with my day-to-day than screaming “My coworkers are ASSHOLES.” The experience introduced a whole new set of favorite phrases…like “Knock, Knock MF” and “Feeling Stabby” and also a new game called Guess Who Tweated This. The only way to properly thank him is to get him his very own big metal chicken from Texas. I will name her Mother Clucker, and she will be loved…and he will know he’s loved…and the kitchen will be pretty.

  216. I plan to make both of my libraries buy the print and audio editions, especially now that I know you read with honeythroat. That’s not a porn term, btw. It’s just a literal description of what happens when you gargle honey.

  217. these pics are awesome, and i can’t wait to produce an audio version of my book (not yet finished). you are my fabulous inspiration! 🙂 x

  218. Must… have… that… book! Is it available for the Eiropean market, a´s I live in Sweden?

  219. I’m in favor of publishing the out takes as a separate release. More money for you, without having to do more work. Seriously, I wanna hear the out takes.

  221. So I was already going to go out and buy/read your book (because who the fuck doesn’t read a book they just bought) but now I want to listen to the audio book too. Which causes a dilemma. Should I read the book first in what I think is your voice in my head, then be corrected listening to the audio book, or should I listen to the audio book first so I can get a sense of your voice then read it like that in my head for double the pleasure? WHY DO YOU MAKE THINGS SO DIFFICULT WITHOUT TRYING???

    It’s ok. I forgive you.

    For now…

  222. PUT THE OUTTAKES AND BLOOPERS IN!! You could put them on a bonus CD and call it “Let’s Pretend That THIS Part of ‘Let’s Pretend This Never Happened’ Never Happened”. See how that fits together so well? Proof that you HAVE to get them to do it! HAVE to!

  223. please know that should my place of employment start going through my search history they will find “stuffed duck, dead duck looks alive, taxidermy duck, musicals, how to write a musical, musicals starring ducks?, taxidermy scares children?”

    This is all your doing, Lawson.

  224. Sandwiches taste better when made by someone else. Free sandwiches made by someone else taste BEST! I would so pay for the bloopers. Actual money. American Dollars, even.

  226. Oh, could it be like the Special Double DVD Blue Ray Extraordinary Featured Commentary with Behind the Scenes footage movies packs that I like to buy? Like you can buy the book, or you can buy the audiobook or you can buy them both or you can buy the audio book with the extra outtakes? I would pay good money for them all.

  227. I cannot frigging wait for this….
    Wait this is the Bloggess’ site after all…so I what I really mean is I cannot FUCKING wait.
    Whew that’s better.

  228. If I was the proud owner of that lovely chicken his name would be Cockley Seamus Shanuessy McClemmons O’Hare. He would sit on my bookshelf and most likely scare the shit out of me every morning. Love your blog, it makes me giggle at two in the morning 🙂

  229. We often demand more cowbell here too! Gotta have more cowbell…. Can’t wait for the book.

  230. Hey, while I’m sure that honey tasted good, it really doesn’t do much for a “ravaged throat”. An old opera trick — I know it’s disgusting, but it works — is to gargle vinegar. You’ll have a voice for about 45 minutes. Try lowering your normal speaking voice a couple of tones to cosset those poor, abused cords, and DRINK (water, juice, tea, soda — your choice, EXCEPT excessive alcohol, by which I mean — and I know you’ll look for a definition here, so nice try! — about 8 oz. of wine OR a 3 T of Scotch in a hot toddy.) Of course, you can still eat all the honey you desire…

  231. I am on the edge of my seat waiting to get my paws on a copy of your book. I’m aiming for an autographed copy! Congratulations on the book! I’m sure it will be crazy successful.

  232. OOOOooo! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!! Bloopers!!! Because Big Bang Bloopers just aren’t funny enough.

  233. Dude! Is it going to be like a Read-a-Long book??? I had Bambi and The Hobbit as a kid. I could not WAIT for the “bong” so I knew when to turn the page!
    Wait.

  234. Jenny – I have the BEST name for the mini-Beyonce. If he was mine o’ mine his name would be Cock Knocker. So do I win already? MUST.HAVE.COCK.KNOCKER!!!!!

  235. Jenny – I have the BEST name for the mini-Beyonce. If he was mine o’ mine his name would be Cock Knocker. So do I win already? MUST.HAVE.COCK.KNOCKER!!!!!

  237. If they add the bloopers (not like a 2 minute segment but maybe it’s own CD) I honestly would by a copy of the book and at least 3 copies of it on audio (1 for me, 1 for my parents and 1 for my best friend). And I’d probably make people buy.

  238. Since I don’t have a real browser at work, and the comments page for the Great Giant Metal Chicken Contest post is already 4,400-odd comments and counting, I can’t open the page without Incompetent Explorer (take THAT nameburn, motherfucker) crashing like a little bitch. I wish to make a comment and say that I would love that giant metal chicken with a passion that burns inside, and that I would name her Abigail McGillicuddy. Hopefully it will count here.

  239. Oh, and I don’t know why it says I recently posted that thread. Must be the most recent thread on the site. ‘Tis true I’m an atheist, but I didn’t say that.

  240. I don’t usually like audiobooks because I like to make up my own voices in my head (not the voices in my head – two completely different sets of voices … and now I feel like I’ve completely screwed up this explanatory parenthetical … anyihearvoices), but I think I might make an exception for your book. Especially if there are outtakes. I haven’t been this excited for outtakes since I stormed WalMart the morning of the DH Pt 2 DVD release.

    My mom is also super excited for your book. Which since you don’t know her, doesn’t mean much (other than the fact that another person is excited for your book – which is exciting! Right?). But I do know her, obviously, and she’s more of a Chicken Soup for the Soul kind of woman. Except I showed her your page on Amazon, and she was all “Cute mouse.” So I had to explain the backstory, and I was getting really excited and gesticulating wildly, and by the time I was finished, she was like “Sounds good, I’ll order myself a copy, too.”

    P.S. I’m not usually this all over the place, but yesterday was National Peanut Butter Day and my friend brought me a family size bag of reeses cups to celebrate, so I made peanut butter cookies and topped them with reeses cups. I’ve had 6 of them this afternoon. My brain feels like a ping pong ball inside my head.

  241. I pre-ordered your book from Amazon forever ago and today I was on there just checking on some of the things I have saved for later. Their recommendations for me, based on previous views and purchases were your audio book and a Fisher-Price Medical kit for kids. Funny? Yes. Appropriate? Very. Disturbing? Only if I didn’t love you in that totally un-creepy fangirl kind of way.

    Also, I am pregnant and may or may not have peed a little I laughed so hard.

    Thank you for brightening my day, every day!

  244. Can you make the rights to your audio book available to United? That would have made my 14-hour flight yesterday SO much more bearable, though I imagine my seat-mates wouldn’t have enjoyed the laughter. But that’s what noise-canceling headphones are for, right? I have some, so should everyone in business. 🙂

  245. I am generally not a fan of musicals unless I’m watching a Disney movie or Grease (obviously), but I’d actually PAY to see your book made into a musical…and not illegally watch it on the internet. Promise.

  246. I’ve already bought your book but I’m now even more excited for the audiobook. And that’s quite impressive of you, because I don’t like audiobooks. Though it does mean I can put it on my iPod and listen secretly at work and thankfully I’ve already got my coworkers to find it normal when I randomly burst out laughing, so really, it would be wrong *not* listen to your audiobook at work.

  247. Nothing- NOTHING- makes me happier than to know that YOU are the voice of your audio book! I couldn’t be more excited unless I had won mini Beyonce!!!

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