Subtle bribery

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Random Crap

I’m still in full tour mode (next stop Florida!) so to make it up to you for being MIA I’m giving out a signed copy of the UK version of my book and a signed copy of the audiobook (which includes an extra chapter, me singing the titles, and a blooper reel).  All you have to do is leave a comment saying whether you want the paper version or the audio version and I’ll randomly select some winners.

The UK edition is a tad more whimsical on the outside. Same guts though.

In other tour news, looks like I’ll be adding a few more cities to the tour so I’ll keep you posted on that.

I’m doing in-store Skype events if you happen to be in Cincinatti’s JOSEPH-BETH BOOKSELLERS May 9th or Lansing, Michigan’s SCHULER BOOKS & MUSIC on May 10th.  (They’ll have signed bookplates on-hand.)  Also, I’m signing books in person in Florida this Friday, and in Gaithersburg, MD on the 19th.  I’ll add some more dates soon, and then I’ll turn into a hermit for the rest of my life, so if you want a signed copy of my book you better strike now before I go into seclusion forever.

A huge thanks to each and everyone one of you for supporting me on this terrible and wonderful roller coaster.  I know there have been book shortages around, but the good news is that the books out right now are all first editions so if you can find one you’ve got a collectors item.  One that will probably really be worth something several decades after we’re all dead.

PS.  If you want to buy the UK version it comes out on May 10th and you can get it at Amazon UK, Waterstones, and Independent UK bookstores.

UPDATED:  Winners ~ Daryk Masterson and Rob R.  Thanks so much, everyone!

3,856 thoughts on “Subtle bribery”

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  7. I too would love the paper version – adorable (and AMAZING CAPE)! Good luck with the rest of your tour!

  8. I want the paper, the paper, the paper! (For some reason, an old rap song about the bitches! the bitches! the bitches! is now in my head. I should thank myself).

  10. paper version, so i can read it over and over again, because let’s just say, this book cannot be anything but awesome 🙂 really happy you wrote it.

  18. there’s a toss-up, right? I mean, on one hand I really want to physical copy so that I can keep it on my shelf after, but I want to hear the audio-book….

    flaunting wins out – physical book! please!

  19. I love the new cover, but I have been wanting the audio version since I read the first 5 pages. However did you (or whoever) read this aloud without laughing continuously? And please come to Chicago!

  23. I love that cover, but i’d have to say paper!! dying to hear the bloopers and have you read it to me 🙂

  25. Am about 3/4 through my digital copy… this book is hysterically funny… THANK YOU for making me laugh out loud (emphasis on ‘loud’) in inappropriate places! And for making it very challenging to explain to people why I’m laughing so hard.

  26. Would *love* the book version! So sad we’re going to miss you here in Atlanta!!

  30. Aaaah! I am so excited you are coming to Gaithersburg. I’ll be in line for sure to get to meet you. But I’d love to put my name in for the audiobook.

  34. Audio because I’m sure that the only thing funnier than your book is you reading your book.

  38. Paper please! So enjoying following all this craziness, as well as your best-of posts, as I am fairly new around here.

  44. Ok, book version please! Then I can start petitioning you to come over on the book tour…

  50. I have the ebook – which I am LOVING by the way, I text excerpts to my boyfriend during the day. Example: Me – “Homeless people just ate her pet duck daffodil!” Him – “Ha ha, glad you’re enjoying it.” Me – “EATEN BY HOMELESS PEOPLE!” Him – “Ok…”

    I would love the paper edition to give either to my brother who would love it, or to my grandmother who would be horrified by it.

  53. I would love the Audiobook! I’ve read the paper version and heard it in my voice, now I want to hear it in yours.

  55. audio, please. I love your voice. …um. ….not in a creepy way.

  57. Oooh… hook me up with the Audio version please! 🙂

  58. Paper please. Nothing like the tactile feel of a real book.

    Thanks

    Shane

  59. Wow, hard choice! I love the cover of the UK version, but I think I have to choose audio, since I’ve already purchased and read the US paper version.

  61. Paper version! I LOVE YOUR BOOK. I laughed so hard I unintentionally lost control of my bladder twice!

  63. I would get a huge kick out of the audio version…and who *couldn’t* use a huge kick now and then?!

  64. Wow! That. Cover. Rocks. Totally want paper (and a MA/RI stop on the tour? Or HI, I need to get back there anyways!)

  66. I’m already into the paper version and I would LOVE the bloopers and singing so audio!

  71. I just bought the Kindle version, and have spent much of the time either laughing hysterically or relating on some small scale. I would love to get the UK version 😀

  72. I would LOVE the audiobook. I’ve read the ebook version and am dying to know if your voice sounds the same in real life as I imagined in my head. 🙂

  74. Paper version for my wife! She channels you or you her. Or something.

  76. Paper please as I don’t think I can drive and listen to the book at the same time!

  79. Audiobook is awesome because my husband could listen to it at work and make everyone wonder what he’s laughing at!

  82. I would absolutely love a paper version, ebooks are good, but nothing beats holding an actual book.

  85. i have audio and hardback. so i suppose the UK version in paper.

  91. i long to hear your voice…audio me! (that hardback cover is tremendous, though.)
    did you add pittsburgh to your list yet? do it. you won’t regret it.

  92. I would give you my left flip flop for the audio version. I already am the proud owner of the paper one! 🙂

  93. I accidently bought the audiobook, I would love to have a matched set with a paper copy!

  97. I’d like the audiobook! I have a hella commute and listen to them three hours a day! Congratulations on your success. It’s wonderful to witness.

  101. Audio. I’m going to edit it to make the voice for the landmark GPS robot I’ll be designing for you.

  102. It’s so hard to choose…. oh I’d love the audio version more I think. I’m so sad I couldn’t come to Dallas for the tour, but gas is expensive and, alas, I am broke.

  105. I’ll take either! Oh wait, I have to choose? Fine, paper book it is then…Please!!

  106. Audio version! I think the only way this book could get more awesome would be to hear you narrating it.

  107. Oh my gosh why don’t the rest of the versions have that amazing font?!? I really want a copy, but if I win I’d really like the Audio Book.

    Also… you really need to come to Philadelphia!

  109. Oh, such a tough choice… I love the whimsical cover, but would have to choose audiobook if I get the option 🙂

  110. Audio version, please! Though that UK paper cover is pretty awesome.

  111. Audiobook would be AWESOME!!! I need to hear you read it, and my husband REALLY needs to hear it as much has I have talked about it and obsessed over it!

  113. Paper–only because words that make Mommy laugh don’t make CPS laugh when my kids parrot them.

  115. That is fantastic, as is that cover! We’re boring here in the US.

  116. Okay that cover is pretty awesome. Would love that version.

  117. I would LOVE a copy of the audiobook. I read the physical book in one evening. Couldn’t put it down. 🙂

    Also, Gaithersburg, MD? I’m in. That sounds like the best way to spend a Saturday. EVER.

  119. Audio please! Extra content means extra laughing, which means extra happy.

  120. I would love to hear the audio version! The voices already in my head would enjoy the company 🙂

  121. While I want the paper one for myself, I’d have to go with the audiobook. Because I have a friend who needs to read you (for multiple reasons), but she’s dyslexic so reading is a pain for her. So the audiobook will have to do.

  122. I’d love the audio version because I already have the dead tree version. And come to Seattle please.

  123. Audiobook, please! I’ve read the paper version (LOVED it, and the looks I got from people who saw me laughing hysterically while reading a book in the corner) and audiobooks help me to remain a peaceful driver in traffic 🙂

  124. oooooooo… fingers crossed for an audio book! perfect of listening to on my train ride to and from work every day. and on the shuttle bus too – when reading actual words can be upset tummy inducing.

  126. I’d love the audio version but even if I don’t win it, I’ll likely buy it.
    B&N was slooooow to get my copy to me so I just started reading it a couple of days ago. I find myself hearing your voice as I read, Jenny. It’s funnier than my voice anyway. Loving the book—I can’t remember laughing this much at anything I’ve read, ever. I may start using “Jenkins, you motherfucker!” as a random curse or punctuation in conversation. It’ll be awesome to watch people’s faces as they struggle to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!

  130. Papier. Because the UK version’s typography ROCKS! Just bought the kindle version to pass time while on bedrest with twins… yowza.

  133. Whimsical anglophilia is my middle name. It’s a mouthful and my initials are AWAB (no Kim Jong Il jokes please) but it fits. I’d be thrilled to get a paper copy!

  135. I would love the audio version. I must say though that I love the cover for the UK version.

  140. I would LOVE the audio version! It would be amgical to be driving down the street and listening to you read your book…oh the fun i would have and the fear the other drivers would feel <3 win win 😀

  141. Ooooh I like the font on the UK edition. As for paper or audio… I plan on buying myself the paper version, but I never would buy an audio version as much as I love them so…

    Audio! 😀

  144. I would love a paper version. I need to get my laugh on right now.

  146. So yeah, a first time for everything: commenting! Just came to say that your book is now available in the Netherlands (audio, digital and hardcover) on bol.com. Maybe some other Dutch folk reading this care to know. Or you might. I’m buying it, obviously. Yaaaay.

  148. I love both, but I’ll go with audio, seeing as I alread have two copies of the hardcover 🙂

  151. My paper copy is speeding it’s way toward my house now (oh happy day!), so I’d LOVE an audio version of your book!

  156. AUDIO!!! I already bought the book and will see you in Miami on Friday night to get it signed – woo-hoo!!!

  157. I would Love the audio version! Oh the fun i would have listening to it while driving and the fear the neighboring drivers would feel…its a win-win situation 😀

  159. I cannot WAIT to read your book – it should arrive from Amazon today. BUT if I could get the audio book too, that would be fricken amazeballs.

  165. Audio!! I finished the book in less than 12 hours so now I need something to listen to while I drive!! (and have all the other motorists on the morning commute wonder What in the HELL is wrong w/this chick?)

  167. OHMAHGAH!

    I’M KIND OF FREAKING OUT. I’ll be there in Gaithersburg!

    For reals. Boom. done. AWESOME.

    (also, I REALLY want to hear the audio blooper reel. I predict awesome.)

  168. Audio version please! And add Denver to your tour! 😉

  169. Am really enjoying my hard-copy (with pre-order book plate!), *BUT* I feel like I’m missing out on something by not having the audiobook….

    (This means I would like the audiobook. Just so we’re clear. ;-> )

  170. I would love the audio version. I pre-order my book moths ago. I haven’t seen it come in the mail yet.
    Are you going to come to Chicago to do signings?
    Hope so, also, I hope I have my book by then. hehe

  171. Audio. The only thing I love more than being read to, is being sung to. 😀

  172. Audio version would be so neat! (btw, just finished the part in the book about your dad throwing the live bobcat on Victor. I think I peed)

  173. That UK edition is so fancy. Paper please…so it can one up my US edition…and then they can play battle-to-the-death the bookcase version.

  174. The UK version is gorgeous! I’d love a paper copy. It’s my favorite book, ever.

  176. Oh man, I’d love a copy of the audio book. I can’t quite imagine the bloopers being funnier than the book, but … maybe they are as funny? Funny in a different way?

    I just finished reading the book last night. I read it as slooooooowwwwwwwwly as I could, ’cause I wanted it to last as long as possible.

  177. Oooh, I’d love the audio version! Hope you come to Portland or Seattle!

  179. Audiobook! Next book you need to get some pals to kick in on the audiobook, Wil, Geri, et al. Hilarity WILL ensue, or I’ll cut a bitch.

  181. I’d love the aduio as your voice is different in my head than in real life! Thanks Jenny, for being you.

  182. Paper please… Missing your blogs but am rooting you along your journey! Congratulations!

  187. Audio would be wonderful. Love the cover of the UK book though. You are amazing and you make my day everyday 🙂

  188. I would love to here you read your book in your voice. I’m sure it will add to the delight, so audio, please 🙂

  190. Audio version. I’ve already read and loved the book so there’d be nothing better than having someone read it to me!

  191. I would love the audio version! Wish I could’ve caught you at one of the Texas book signings. Alas … next time!

  192. I’ll take either one happily, but I have a slight preference for hearing you be funny!

  196. Audio . But if I win give it to someone else. I don’t want to be greedy .
    I can not stop myself from commenting. Free is my version of waving a red flag in front of a bull. Bought your book. (you would have to know me to appreciate what a compliment that is.)

  197. I want the audio version due to my ability to focus long enough to actually read. plus, i’m sure you have a GREAT singing voice 🙂 also, i have 4 kids. so i could use some awesomely vulgar language!
    Alisha

  199. I would LOVE to have the audio version. That way I could listen to it in the car, or the tub or I could play it for our 19 month old to get her started on the right track! Everyone needs to learn to love and appreciate The Bloggess from a young age!

  203. I would love the paper version. With a baby due any day now I’ll be having lots of late night haziness to muddle through with 2am feedings and all so having something to distract would be awesome 🙂

  205. Or Paper, because I am almost in need of a new home to store all of my books 🙂 I’ll swing EITHER WAY!! LOL

  206. I’d love to have the audio version. I can’t wait to hear the bloopers!

  208. Oooh! Audio, Please! Love that book cover, by the way. You rock!

  215. that UK version is SERIOULSY whimsical, but i think i’ll go for the audio, ‘cos it’s just awesome.

    i’m still Pretending to be Awesome… thank you for that HUGE piece of advice at your SF book signing!! i’m not writing a book, but a Master’s Thesis, which is probably just as scary. But that advice is hugely helpful. Hugely.

  216. crossing my fingers for a paper version – i’m on the waitlist at my library and it’s just taking TOO DAMN LONG

  218. I already have the (US) paper, but I’d LOVE to listen to the audio version. Would make car and train rides so much better, even if I embarrass myself laughing out loud (like I did this weekend).

  220. Audio, because the only thing in the world better than reading it, is listening to you read it to me!! Oh and I already have a paper copy 🙂

    Such awesome!

  221. Oh my god, I want the paper, because that cover is glorious. Also, I don’t think I can order from Amazon UK from the States, can I? I know when I lived in Japan, you had to have a Japanese shipping address to place an order.

    Will the audio be available for purchase sometime? Because it, too, sounds amazing. 🙂

  225. i love that you’re just above jim lehr on the gaithersburg book fest site. my librarian friend told me you were coming and i was **thrilled** until i remembered that i’ll be about 38 wks preg at that point, and the book fest is *just* beyond the 1 hr leash my dr has me on.

    i mean, unless you want me to have my baby in line to get your autograph 🙂 then you could just sign my kid 🙂

    so close, jenny … and yet so far away.

  226. I needed (another) excuse to come to Florida!

    Paper version would be awesome.

    (As would a trip to FL!)

  228. Subtle bribery indeed! It is overt bribery. Paper please. (feel like I’m at the grocery check out stand).

  229. Paper pleeeeeease!

    (And a ferret in a hat if there’s any going spare……)

  233. Since I already have the paper version (AND I LOVE IT), I’d like the audio version. It would make me furiously happy.

  234. OHMYGAH…Is the Gaithersburge event just a signing or will you be reading and saying stuff too? I don’t mean JUST a signing but in addition to the amazing event that is a signing, will you be saying stuff too?

    This is a real question.

    Also, audio version please.

  236. I would love the paper or audio–I’m an equal-opportunity literary fanatic. 🙂

  239. I would love to have the audio book. I already bought one for my son and his wife but I would like one of my own so I can get the bonus chapter.

    Aside from that, please come to Columbus while you are in Ohio. Pretty please with sugar on top.

  240. Ooh, ooh! Paper version, please! Unless it’s a UK version of the audiobook in which you attempt a British accent. Then I TOTALLY want the audio version.

  245. The audiobook would be my best friend ever. I would tuck it under my boob to keep it warm and sleep with it under my pillow at night. Thank you.

  246. Audio! Pretty please w/cute little mouse turds on it! You know, instead of that sugar thing….

  248. I love having the US and UK version of a book, but you have a pleasant voice. Audio it is. If I win. Because you picked me. Pretty please.

  251. Just pissed my pants when I saw the added Maryland stop. The good news is that I’ll be there. The bad news is that you owe me $600 for the ergonomic desk chair that’s now covered in my pee.
    (or the paper-version book)

  252. I want the paper. No, I want the audio. No, the paper. The audio. GODDAMNIT I WANT IT ALL.

    I’m still making my way through my fancy-pants first edition and I don’t want to finish it because I don’t want the book to end. So… if I can win this it would be awesome.

    Ok, fine, twist my arm, I’ll take the audio.

  255. I know your book schedule doesn’t revolve around my life – but if you’re in DC May 15th or 16th or May 23rd or 24th or 25th I’ll be super freakin happy!!!!

  256. Audio please. You definately need a Chi-town stop on your whirlwind tour. Just throwing that nugget out there. 🙂

  257. Love that you are coming to Gaithersburg, MD! Can’t wait to meet you!

  258. audio!!! to hear you tell the story would be AWESOME!!! I’ve already finished the book and i miss you.

  259. Oh such a hard choice – but I think I’d like an audio copy. And I would be wiling to find you a taxidermied nutria if I am chosen!

  260. I would LOVE the paper version! I can’t wait to read this!

    Also, while you’re adding tour stops, Tuscaloosa, AL would LOVE to have you!

  261. ??Wub bubble for you Jenny??? I’d love to have the audiobook for the blooper reel!

  262. Although the paperback looks amazing with that cover, I’m dying to listen to the audiobook, and since I’m poor, I haven’t been able to get it yet! BTW, way proud of you!

  264. I just ordered the book so I would love to have a copy of the audiobook.
    Though the UK cover is much cooler!

  267. Paper version!!! If you set up a tour date in Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, or Norfolk, VA; I shall grace you with my presence in costume!

  268. Audiobook, please! I just finished the hardcover today, and would love to hear you narrate this story yourself. Seriously still peeing my pants over here……..between your marriage proposal, and the laxative story, I thought I would die.

  269. Audio. Book. No, audio. I can’t decide!! I don’t care. Either. Audio. Let’s go with audio.

  273. Happy to have either one of them!!! I’m not picky! 🙂

  274. I would love to throw my name into the hat for the audio copy please! Your voice is very nice to listen to and it would bed fun to pretend you were telling stories directly to me!

  276. Please, ohpleaseohpleaseohplease add Las Vegas to your tour dates.

  278. Paper! I had to go to the hospital 2 nights ago after reading the first 4 chapters of your book. Really. Apparently intense laughter can trigger contractions. But they managed to stop the early labor, and my husband has confiscated your book for the rest of my pregnancy. Which is good, because I was totally considering naming my son “Jenny” if he were born that night.

  279. I’d love the paper. Thanks for being the bitch that makes me laugh! 🙂

  280. Tough choice!!! I think “the book” because I freakin’ love that cover – although the bloopers are verrrrrry tempting!

    PS So totally wish you were coming to STL!!!!

  281. Paper please! So I can lend it to friends and share the fun (or alternatively prop up a leaning table – that’s something you cannot do with an ebook)

  282. I would love the paper version. I am currently putting a little money aside each month so I can buy it before summer is over. No, seriously!

    Hope you enjoy the book tour in spite of massive hordes of fans. Oh, the horror 😉

  283. Audio, would love to listen to the sound of your voice over and over and over and over…..

  284. As I can’t read UK, I would love the Audio version. I understand Audio. Unless the Audio version is in UK, then I am screwed.
    Sigh.

    (Meant to be read in Comic Sans)

  285. I have already read my paper version twice (with it’s very own book plate – IN CANADA no less!!!) but would truly love to hear you sing.

    I would love to be the blissful winner of the audio book please. 🙂

  286. Although that is one sweet cover, I’ll take the audio version because I already have the book, which I can’t stop talking about and now my family thinks you’re starting a cult. Which you totally should. When you’re done touring.

  288. I would totally give up my eternal love for Sean Connery if I could have the signed UK book. Also? I would have my cat stuffed and given to you if you would add an Atlanta date to your book tour. I mean, he’s not dead. Yet. He’s a really crotchety, confused 14-year-old Snowshoe who like Doritos and biscuits with honey. But, as soon as he kicks off, he’s yours. If you come to Atlanta. Otherwise, no dice.

    BTW. You’re book makes me laugh. Really big, loud guffaws that cause my husband to wonder what the fuck I’m reading. But I don’t tell him, because it’s our little secret. Sssssshhhhhhh…..

  290. I’d love the audio version. I’d love to hear these stories in your own voice.

  291. Paper edition please!! I was so bummed out that I couldn’t get it here right away! Congratulations on your first book!

  292. Between FL and MD you should make a pit stop in NC so my book doesn’t feel left out 🙁

  293. I would totally want the UK version – because the typography on the cover is great!

  295. My husband informed me that I had better get him a ‘great anniversary present’ because he got the paper version for me.

    So I think turnaround would be fair and I should get him the audio version. I’d win bigger if I got the audio version for free…

  296. Audio, please. I’m in the midst of finals week for school and I should be writing a research paper, yet all I’ve been doing is reading your book. Such a good student, srsly.

  297. p.s. – you should swing the tour through Las Vegas… I’d be happy to join you in the restroom for drinks and laughs!

  299. Luckily i’m in England so i’ll get that when mine arrives can’t wait!! An audio version would be cool tho especially good for the journey to work. Sure you don’t want to.come visit here in good old England? I know a few fans who’d love you to sign their book!? 🙂

  300. Audio! I already have the e-version. A friend and I were bugging your Twitter a few weeks ago about coming to Georgia. Apparently you missed the memo. You make my heart smile.

  305. I’d love the audio version, to keep me company on my 800+ mile drive to Canada this summer!

  306. I’ve bought the Kindle AND paperback version! Love love love this book!

  307. I would really like the audio version, please. I can’t wait for you to get around to blogging about Dallas. that was…intense.

  308. I would LOVE a paper copy more than Copernicus loves plotting his most adorably horrifying homicides. Yes, more. And that really is saying a lot.
    xx

  309. Oh man, I think an audio version would be pretty cool since I already have the written version (albeit the US printing.)

  312. Audio please! I own the book and I cannot wait to hear you read it! <3

  313. Audio. That way I can pretend we’re bosom buds and continue stalking you very, very silently. In a complimentary, uncreepy way, of course.

  319. I would like the audio version, so I can listen to your wisdom while I “work out.”

  326. Paper please!! And a book signing in CA would be lovely, too!

  328. If it was anyone other that you yourself reading/singing, I would say paper, but given the circumstances — please please please please please I want the audiobook so much please please please!

  330. Paperback please! The UK cover is way cooler than the US version. 🙂

    Didn’t even realize there is an audiobook version. That had to have been a ton of fun to narrate. I’ll have to check that out soon!

  333. Ooh, ooh, paper please! And if you decide to extend your tour to the UK, that would be super too!

  334. Paperback. I just saw that you’re coming to gaithersburg and I am so freaking excited!!!! I’m totally attending the shit outta that book fair. And if I don’t win, I’ll buy a book anyway.

  336. Paper, please. Also, can I just say I’m sitting here wondering how in the hell you’re coping with the tour. I mean physically and mentally. I would be a total basket case. I’m such a baby when traveling. I need to go to bed early and not see people until the last possible moment. I’m tired all the time and I eat too much because I’m not at home where I can control calories. That sort of thing. How are you pulling this off? Aside from brushing your teeth with Clearasil, I mean.

  337. I’d love to hear you reading the audio version please.

  338. Would it be asking too much for the paper version and a stop in Chicago??! If so I’ll just take the stop in Chicago 🙂

  341. Hi! I just finished reading the book today and I loved it! I enjoyed reading the book during my commute and laughing like a maniac in the subway while people looked at me funny. I am not ashamed to admit that I also cried a bit in one part while I was walk-reading on my way to work. I have loved you for years and now I love you even more. Big hug.

  342. I would love the paper cover! This is a great book!! I’m reading it for the second time!

  343. I dig the paper version. 🙂

    Also, if one of those tour stops happens to be in St. Louis, I will make you cupcakes. 🙂

  345. Audio would be…different. I don’t generally like listening to books but you’re totally different and it seems like that would be an awesome experience.

    On a side note, you’re going to all sorts of weird states where I forgot people actually live there, but New England loves you too! Even if we never get to see you, I guess just know we totally love you.

  346. Both! Either! But really, the audiobook would be amazing. However, it may lead to injury as I flail off the elliptical machine at the gym while laughing uncontrollably. 🙂

  348. I would LOVE the paper version! That cover is awesome! I just found out that you’ll be in my hometown (Gaithersburg) but I wont be here that weekend and I’m pretty upset about it. A signed version would be out-of-this-world awesome!

  349. I’d be honored to have the audio edition of a book from someone who makes me smile and laugh more than 99.9999999% of the other people on the planet (including almost all professional comedians).

  351. And my head has just exploded with the difficulty of deciding between the UK version of the paper book and the audio version. The small scraps of brain left are murmuring, ‘audio.’

  352. I would love either one of them….and thank you…for making my entire DAY every time I read your blog. Today…I read the chapter on the post-it notes you left for your husband. I cannot stop laughing and people at work are looking at me strangly.

  353. Paper please! This is the most fun I’ve had reading anything in a very long time. 🙂

  356. Me me me mememememememe please! That would possibly help to make up for me missing your Dallas book signing. I would love to have the audio version, pretty please/thanks. I love that cover but I already have the book and would LOVE to hear you singing the titles and the blooper reel! And the extra chapter! Yay!

  357. I would adore the paper version, but would accept the e version. I’m hoping you come to Denver. I’m broke (on disability) so I haven’t yet bought it. WOULD LOVE SO MUCH TO WIN IT! It would make me tremendously happy! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! Also, I had a panic attack earlier today, and thought of you and felt not alone. Thank you. <3

  359. ATLANTA!!! ATLANTA!!! ATLANTAATLANTAATLANTA!!!!

    Maybe you should come to Atlanta, otherwise I just might not stop yelling…

  360. PAPER!!!!!!!!
    But.. I would forgo it if you would come to Canada. I would like it even more if you would come to Toronto, to my house, in my bathroom. We can hide in the tub together. I make good wine slushies and my hubbys a chef so he can slip us food under the door.
    Please, will you come to my bathroom.
    xo

  361. Audio if you read it. Paper if you don’t. Thanks…oh, and Will Weaton tweeted about you! Love that!

  362. that cover is AMAZING. I’d love the paper version 🙂
    I was dying to see you when you came to Los Angeles, but unfortunately I had to work that day 🙁

    Laura

  363. I would totally love the audio. If I don’t win, I will probably buy it.

  366. Oo! Mine’s a signed first edition. Now it’s extra special. 🙂 Friends of mine are totally going to squee that you’re coming to Maryland. And to Gaithersburg, not less. Needless to say you’ll find friendly faces to welcome you there.

    Print, if there’s still a running to be had. I really love the font on the cover. 🙂

  367. Audio, chickie! I want to hear you get your read on! Whoo hoo!!!!!!!!

  369. Oh I was thinking it was more like… tentacles than guts… but either way… it’s interesting. My dearling celestial sister managed to get me a copy of your book, signed by you of course, in San Antonio. Next best thing to seeing you IRL of course. So that’s the long way of saying I’d love the Audiobook 😉

    Shawna

  370. audio version purdy please…..i’d die to hear you sing the titles 🙂

  372. You had me at “singing the titles”… Audio version, please!

    Plus, I think I can argue with my fiance its relevance in our library when it’s the author’s voice reading the book… can’t say the same for Douglas Adams. 😛

  374. Even though that cover is awesome, I totally need to hear you reading some of those stories! So, I’m going for the audio book.

  375. wab <– that's sound in Klingon… I'd like the audio version please 🙂

  376. So the bff and I are driving down to New Orleans from Delaware this summer and the audio-book would be awesome for the drive down as we are both huge fans of yours.

  377. I would love the audiobook so I can listen to it on my Kindle Fire!

  378. UK Version – because of the kick-ass cover and I may have smeared peanut butter on my 1st edition US version. . . crossing my fingers!

  379. am i unable to enter said contest because i live in Ireland and not the uk because i would like the paper version to keep me company during my hour long poo that actually only takes 2 minutes but i can never quite make myself leave because the quiet, serenity and dampness of the loo makes it feel like a cave that I could forever hide in to forget about the weirdos lurking outside the door.

  381. as enticing as all the extra perks of the audible version are, I shot my wad on my new life here in France and don’t have a player. I would love a paper copy and I’d probably wet my pants if it were signed.

    (hey that paper version might come in even handier …)

    I remember you when …. did yourself proud, girl. and all of us, too. xx

  382. Definitely the audio! I’ve already purchased and read the paper version twice! Just read it twice, not purchased it twice…sorry 😉

  384. Paper Please! I need this! I read the sneak peek on Amazon and am in LOve!

  386. Paper…no audio…oh I don’t know. I have the US version of the print, but I love the look of the UK version. Okay, audiobook it is then.

  388. as awesome as the UK paper version is, I would like the audio book version!!! Please “randomly” select me

  393. audiobook by preference (I mean, come on, you’re singing the titles there!!!!!)

  397. I’m in the UK, can I play for the UK version of the book? 😀 I LOVE what they have done with the title!! Have fun on the tour — I wish I could be there!!!

  398. Any Jenny is good Jenny. Paper, please. But any Jenny would be fine.

  399. paper. Love the cover, already have the audio book. Sadly, we finished it yesterday. Husband thought the bonus chapter was the best chapter of the book.

  400. Sweet Jeebus, come to the midwest, puh-LEASE! And should I win, I would love the paper version, but I would shank an infant for the audio version as well. I’m not picky.

  401. OMG I was so hoping to get your book for my birthday but I didn’t so I was going to buy the e-book from my desk to read the second i get off work….. so Audiobook.

  402. I’ve been a lurker for a long time but my relationship with audio books is passionate, so please, please, audio, please. xo -Kate

  404. I really wish we had gotten that UK cover! So I’ll put my name in for the paper version.

  405. Getting a signed audio book would be the greatest thing since metal chicken statues.

  415. This is sooooooo hard to decide. I want the dust jacket of your UK book, I love the font of the title and your name. But I really like hearing things in your voice – so I chose the audio book. Pick me, pick me, pick me! P.S. Listening to your read a chapter at your LA stop (with Soliel) was really a treat.

  416. Paper please! The cover is sooo fun! (But as much as I reallly really do want it, I already have a signed US paper copy and a signed audiobook, and a signed “put a bird on it” bag, so maybe you should give it to someone who needs it more than me… plus in my head you are my best friend so i totally win)

  419. I would LOVE the audiobook! And maybe you could add at Tennessee stop to your tour? I’d even take an Atlanta one 🙂

  421. Put me in for the audio book please! I look forward to making my workouts, housecleaning, and car rides much more fun.

  422. Ohh I really want the audio one, because I know the out takes will be AWESOME!!!

  424. Although, I would also like the paper version, please, as the cover is different from the one I have.

  427. Audio!! While the UK cover of your book is awesome, who wouldn’t want to hear you singing chapter titles & a blooper reel? Also, it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to get to a signing, cos I’m pretty sure you’re not makin’ it to rural Virginia…

  430. Pick Me! Pick Me! Audio version, please, ’cause I have the print, and want to listen to you tell the stories in your own voice.

  434. Paper please! I love the cover. Congrats on being a New York Times Best Seller! You deserve it. My plan is to continue moving copies of your book to the front of every store I go in.

  436. I pre-ordered the hardback book and devoured it as soon as I was able. Would love the audiobook, because I imagine hearing you read it is the only thing that would possibly make it better!

  439. Ooooh! The audio version — I already have the paper version 🙂

  440. I would love to have the audio version. The book is awesome. You have no idea how many people I’ve recommended it to already. One immediately bought the Kindle version this morning after I sent her the links to a couple of your stories!

  441. Come to Seattle!!!!!
    Paper please 🙂 (Imagine that said with a snooty British accent; not a normal, working class accent, but some high falutin’ snobby accent. And I’d like a scone with a side of clotted cream please. I expect that comes with all UK versions.)

  442. PAPER!!! Man that UK cover is cool. Why are we North Americans so boring?!? Sigh. Oh well, it’s what’s inside that counts right? And *that* is funny as hell. Your book is getting me through bad patches with annoying co-workers. But my colleague across the hall keeps having to ask if I’m crying or laughing really hard. Usually it’s both: crying from laughing so hard. Thank you for this wonderful gift of laughter! (And yet sorry if I’m laughing at you, but you made me do it.)

  443. That’s awesome of you to give away the UK version. It looks amazing! I’m not putting my name in the drawing though because I think you deserve the revenue of a purchased book. 😀

    But ya, yet another example of your awesomeness.

  449. I would love a paper version! I wish you were stopping in St. Louis on your tour!

  451. UK version please… I appreciate all the extra “u”s they toss in there for good humour.

  452. oh and paper 🙂 there’s nothing like a book stained in yellow cheetos fingerprints!

  453. I would love a paper version. I have it on kindle, but you can’t exactly autograph a kindle copy. Well… you can, but it might make it difficult to read all my other books. 🙂

  458. Audio version please. I read the book already (kept my husband up with my laughin), and I only imagine that it will be that much better listening to you actually tell the stories.

    BTW, heard there is a shortage of Xanax because some new author on tour has been eating them like candy. Know anything about that? 😉

  463. I am totally a slow reader, but I am enjoying your book thoroughly. You are really courageous to be so forthcoming. Best of luck on the rest of the tour.

  464. Audio…it would be wonderful to hear you read to me. I hope Chicago is one of those dates that gets added.

  466. audio, pretty please. i don’t think i was done gushing uncontrollably at your NY appearance about how much i LOVE you. do i get points for not stalking you on 86th St. after the signing? 🙂 xxxooo

  467. I’ve already finished your book, so the audio version would be great!

  468. Tulsa! Tulsa, Tulsa, Tulsa! Come to Tulsa! Also, while the Brit cover is awesome, I neeeeeeed the audiobook ’cause I’ve never seen/heard a blooper reel for a book before. That and it is so going onto my iPod.

    Also, come to Tulsa!

  472. Would LOVE the audio! Already read it on my Kindle, but to hear it in YOUR voice would be beyond awesome!

  473. PS: My husband says “You’ll be bouncing off the f###ing walls if you get one from her!” in his adorable English accent. 😀 (I’m American! 😀 )

  475. Really torn. I love holding a paper book but with audio, I could listen in my car. Which is way safer than reading in my car. Okay, okay, okay. Audio!!

  477. Paper!! I so wish you’d come to NC/SC/GA area on this tour!

  479. The audiobook would be awesome just because you read it yourself!

  480. Also? I realized I can’t fucking spell.

    Ahem. First paragraph sentence should read: “Snowshoe who likes Doritos” and that second paragraph “you’re” should be “your”. This is why I leave the book writing to you.

  481. Audio, please!! That way I can laugh my way through the dishes and laundry and drudgery that is my glamorous life. <3

  484. Wow, winning this will be almost as statistically improbable as winning the next mega-millions drawing. That said, Audio, please!

  485. Did you read on the UK audiobook version or was it your alter-ego Persimmon Pennywhistle? I feel like I’d have to get into my UK character to listen to it (Basil Hogplum).

    Godspeed on the rest of your book tour young lady.

    Pip pip cheerio

    P.S. Now, I’m hungry for Cheerios. Thanks.

  486. paper please! audio defeats the purpose of the book smell, but is very good for the illiterate.

  487. I would love a signed UK paper version . I know I said earlier to give it to someone else if I won, disregard . I want it.

  488. I’m thinking sarcastic thoughts about subtlety, but would love an audio version! I already have the hardback and the Kindle :0

  491. After reading the book electronically, I’d love to hear the blooper reel. I’ve told my best friend if she doesn’t buy it soon, when I visit her in July I’m bringing a copy because she just has to read it. An audio copy would be an even better gift 🙂

  493. Audio book please! – I thought i had commented before but i dont see it 🙁

  494. AUDIO! I love singing and bloopers!! Is there bloopers of you singing… cause that may just be too much awesomeness for me…

  495. I’m sooo bummed. I arrived in Dallas last Thursday when you were doing the book signing, but I arrived too late to go. 🙁 And now you are doing one 4 hours from my house (in Miami), and I can’t go because of kid’s activities. Don’t you want to “swing through” Orlando, FL so I can get a signature, too?

  497. Want paper..please..pretty, pretty please..*sad-puppy dog face*I looked out the window today and saw my 70 something year old neighbor groping his 50 something year old (supposedly gay, but guess not) ‘friend’..I could totally use your book instead of eye-bleach.

  498. I would love to have the audio book! We have a road trip coming up and that would be so awesome!

  500. Audio!! Audio!! However, I worry if listening to it in the car would cause me to have an accident from laughing too hard while also yelling at my GPS to stop judging me. So maybe the paper back would be better. Safer, maybe…I don’t know. I’ll leave it up to you.

  502. I’d rather give you the money by purchasing a copy myself. Come to Atlanta, pretty please? With sugar AND sprinkles on top?

  503. Audio, all the way. I need to add a little (more) dysfunction to family car trips. It’s good for my kids to see what happens when bladders get old and are pushed to hysterical limits. Builds character. And, it’s really embarrassing to a 12 year old boy to see his mom pee her pants.

  505. Paper, no! Plastic. No, paper. Yes definitely plaper.

  506. OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! You’re finally coming kinda near me!! YAY! Now, I have to hitchhike to Gaithersburg… and I want the AUDIOBOOK!! :-*

  507. I already listened to the audiobook. Hilarious! I hope you make it to Boston!

  508. I would love the paper version ! This way I will have it to pass down to the next generation! I’ll find something dead and stuff it if i am chosen! or I’ll have my nephew stuff for you, he is good! Bribery works both ways!

  509. the UK version is so pretty! but i have the US hardcover and am dying to know what’s in that bonus chapter. plus I think your voice is sweet. And I imagine the only thing that could make your stories funnier would be you reading them.

    audiobook pretty please 🙂

  510. I would love a paper copy to give to my ex-wife (who is also my best friend).

  511. I almost threw my laptop and cancelled all plans on May 10, I couldn’t believe you were coming to Lansing! And then I read it was Skype (insert sad face). I suppose I could settle for the paper version of the book though to soothe my sadness.

  512. Of course I want the audio version… Singing Titles?? Bloopers? Who can say “no” to that??!!!

    Also.. Gaithersburg, MD??!! HUZZAH!!!! See you on the 19th!!! Yay!!!!

  513. audio! oddio! oddeo!

    –odeofun 🙂

    or something. OH JUST GIMME. TAKE MY MONEY WOMAN

  515. Wow, would LOVE to hear your voice on the audio book! It would be fun to share your stories with my best friend on our next road trip.

  516. I would LOVE to have an Audiobook! Having you read it will make me laugh even harder. And I couldn’t listen to it in the car and be laughing my ass off and freak people out. And then they would try to tune into the station they think I’m listening to, but they can’t because I’d be listening to you on my audiobook.

  518. Paper please!!! I would love to have a version of this awesomeness to put on my coffee table in full view of everyone! 🙂

  520. I would be beyond grateful for any version, and would repay you by having you sign the strangest thing EVER!

  521. Oh, it looks like someone had fun with the fonts on the cover of the UK version. I approve. I would love to have the UK book. (Not that I’m not curious to hear your audiobook. Do you have a UK version of your audiobook with you reading in a British accent?)

  522. I would like the actual book, because books on tape aren’t *really* books.

  524. So excited for the 9th! You spelled Cincinnati wrong but I forgive you.

  528. Audio, unless you have board books, with an almost 3 year old that seems to be the only type of book I can read, well except for tween literature (40 year old women hanging head in shame)

  535. Very disappointed you are coming to MD, but on Shabbat and I won’t be able to make it. Hope you will come back again!

  540. Paper version please because you’ve just reminded me why e-readers suck. I want my kids to be able to read your book when I’m dead!

  543. Audiobook!!! LOVED hearing your words in your own voice in Dallas!!!!

  544. The choice… It’s too hard! You’re making me think, and that hurts 😉 Have to go with the paper version, just ’cause of the cover. Congrats on all the success, you deserve it!!!

  548. The paper version, please, if I’m lucky enough to be selected!

  550. I need more whimsy in my life. Paper please! Thanks so much!

  552. The paper version just looks too awesome. Fox Mulder agrees.

  553. I would love the paper book, but the out-takes on the audio book would be great too.. But really, I’d like the paper book!

  554. I’m really torn. Bloopers AND singing? It’s tough to pass up. But I love an old fashioned made of actual paper kind of book. PAPER, PLEASE! And, also, Philadelphia, please.

  555. I totally want the audio book – with how funny this book is, I can only imagine the bloopers!!

  557. I would love the audio version, please! Can a Cdn win? Would love to hear the bloopers and especially your voice!

  559. Audiobook! Unless you want another one of my dreams to die. Like my other dream where I get a dead rat and name him Boo Rat-ley. My fiancee refuses to buy me one.

  561. I would love to have the paper edition 🙂 …you’re fabulous, keep up the good work!!

  567. Paper, audio, you calling me to read it to me over the phone, whatever!

  568. I would love the audiobook. In your own words and voice:)

  570. Wow, that is an awesome font! On the off chance I win the drawing, I would prefer the paper version please.
    Thank you.

  572. I’m intrigued by the concept of “in-store Skype events”. Hopefully I can get my Cincinnati friends to go see you.

    I’d love a copy of the audiobook!

  576. I really do wish that you would add a stop in the Seattle area! I can’t make it to Michigan!

    Do we have to be in the UK to try to get a copy of your book? I’d go for audio, if I’m allowed. 🙂

  578. I finished the audio book yesterday… it was wonderful and I am totally hung over now.

    I would like the paper version please.

  580. Could I please have the audio version? I’ve already preordered the uk print copy months ago so then I could listen to your dulcet tones in the car as well as read them. this also means that whatever happens I’m shortly going to be reading your awesome book so its win win for me anyway!
    Also having the audiobook would enable me to make others listen to you and I can continue my campaign to make sure as many people as possible know how awesome you are!

  581. Audio! I want to hear you tell it in your own voice. (Almost done with the paper version and loving every word!!)

  582. Paper please! My sister already stole my copy with the bookplate in it. I don’t think it’s coming back.

  583. I’d la-la-love a copy of the paper version of your book! <3 You rock, Jenny. Happy touring!

  584. I NEED the paper version. Also, Augusten Borroughs ??? SERIOUSLY?? I adore him.
    Also? Please come to Gainesville FL. I wish I could tell you it’s amazing and wonderful…wait, I CAN. Because I LIVE HERE.

  587. I’d give my left arm for the audio version, please. Also? I love you. You’re so pretty. Still choosing randomly? After all that sugary sweetness I just poured on you there? I didn’t think so. 🙂 So thank you in advance. It’s our secret. *wink, wink*

  588. I never win anything cool, but i’d love the audio version. The bloopers and you in general would cheer me up. Life’s been hell lately. <3

  593. Audio!

    But more important, you should come to Salt Lake City!!! Pretty, pretty please?!?

  594. A British accent in my head would only make your dressed dead animals more fancy. Could I have the UK book please?

  596. Please come to Milwaukee, or at the very least, Chicago on a weekend. But really, Milwaukee is so much friendlier.

  597. I….I…um…? I love anything and everything british….butbutbut… I think I want the audio version. With the singing chapter titles and the honey guzzling, and zomg he outtakes. Audio!

  598. Decisions…decisions…hmmmm
    Hit me up with the paper if you pick me. Please & thanks!

  599. Ooooh, could I please get the audio version? Thanks for making my commute FUN! 🙂

  600. I would love to have the audio version.I was so bummed that I missed seeing you when you came to Austin because I had a raging migraine that day (making it the 6th out of 7 days that week – and people wonder why I fight depression too).

    Oh! And I just found a lady who is making me a ring that will say, “Never give up.”

  601. I’d like the paper version, but I’d take the audio version too. I just really need to get my hands on this because I can only begin to imagine the awesomeness of it.

  603. Oh, my. That cover, it’s fantastic. The paperback would be lovely!

  604. I bought the e-book, so I would love either, but if I have to pick one, I’ll go with…this is really difficult…okay, I really like having UK book editions, but I’ll choose audio!

  606. Already have the hardcover, so I need the audio to fully surround myself!

  608. Audio book please! I already have a paper version and a copy on my kindle…plan on buying the audio book anyways if I don’t win one. 🙂

  611. Audio would be lovely. I would die to hear the story of Beyonce as told by the actual perpetrator… 🙂

  612. Audio would be fabulous, pretty please! And I agree with “Katie”-post #339… come to Chicago or any of its western burbs! (Our May book-club is your book BTW!!!)

  613. meeee meeee meeee!!! 🙂 I’m so proud of you! I LOVE YOUR BLOG and I can’t WAIT to read your book!!! Paper is the new…err…old…uh… I would love and cherish it no matter what society is deeming paper books these days 🙂

  616. Paper!

    That UK cover is mighty fancy. Suitable for tea in white gloves.

  617. I would LOVE the audio book! Is there any chance you’ll be bringing the tour to the UK?

  619. I would prefer the audiobook, but would love either. Since you apparently shun any locations that aren’t famous for being sunny, looks like this is the closest I will be able to get to having you sign something for me.
    I would make a comment about lady gardens and excess rain or something to dazzle you with my wit, but I know my husband already questions the wisdom of my having access share my crazy with others via the internet. I will instead just cross my fingers and back away slowly, in a non-threatening manner.

  621. OMG I thought it said ‘I’ll pick some whiners” not winners 🙂 I immediately thought HEY THAT’S ME! I CAN WHINE WITH THE BEST OF THEM…..

  623. Paper, please! I’m on the wrong side of the country for your tour, or I’d be there.

  625. Since I have already read my copy and lent it to an unsuspecting friend, I woul love nothing more than to have an audio version……..think how I could mess up my 10 yr old playing it in the car!!

  626. Audio!! I love listening to authors read books about themselves… brings more life to the stories!!

  630. I would like the audio book! Also, I wanted to mention that you should consider adding Chicago, Indianapolis, and/or St. Louis to your tour…so I can actually come see you ^_^

  632. I would LOVE to have the paper version!!! You are so frickin’ hilarious, I about pee myself everytime I read a blog of urs. Thanks for making me think I need depends. Have fun on your tour, sorry I missed you in Houston. 🙁

  634. Well, at first I was thinking paper. But when you mentioned the singing, I had a change of heart. GIMME YOUR MUSICAL TALENTS IN AUDIO FORM.

    Please?

  636. Paper, please, since it’s the traditional gift for the first anniversary…

  639. I would LOVE the audio copy. I’ve already read my book twice and still can’t get enough. When does the next book come out? 🙂

  640. I would love to have the audio book! I have the book…my awesome husband bought it for me for my birthday 😉
    I now read it out loud to my husband and kids!! Would be so much better if you could do it for me…lol!

  641. 1) Why must you be in Maryland on the weekend I’m out of the state? WHHHHHYYYYYYYY?

    2) Audio book. I’ve already read the paper-version, but I’d love to hear you sing.

  643. Paper! Unless we’re playing rock, paper, sissors, Spock. In that case, I choose Will Wheaton reading the paperback.

  655. I’ve mean meaning to order this on amazon. But I’m waiting till school is out so I can become safely obsessed without failing out of college. I would LOVEEE the paper version.

  657. Oh Jenny. If I could receive a print copy of your book, I think that I would be the happiest man in Arizona. Or at least in my house in Arizona. Please. Pick. Me.

  660. I would LOVE a copy of the audio book!! My boyfriend and I are leaving soon on a 10 day cross country, well several states anyway, trip and it would be a blast to listen to you while we are driving!!!

  661. As much as I love a little whimsy now and again, the blooper reel on the audiobook sounds too good to pass up.

  663. I’d love an audio book, please, for an upcoming road trip. Can’t wait to hear the outtakes and blooper reel and you singing. Thanks in advance for picking me. 😉

    Tricia.

  667. Before you turn into a hermit, please come and do a book signing in the UK, you’re awesome! My bathroom isn’t that big, but you’re very welcome! No taxidermy though… and no ghosts, but you could go and visit the London Dungeons and I bet there’s some super cool stuffed animals here too!

  669. I’m a new reader of the blog and I love it – I would love to continue my adoration in a print form.

  670. I’d love a copy of the audio book! Wish you were coming to Denver.

  672. I would love the paper version. Ebooks are ok, but give me paper anytime!

  673. I’ll be there on Friday with my bestie to meet you in person. SOOO Excited!!
    Anyway, AUDIO Please, cuz that way I can listen to it instead of having to
    talk to my husband!! Totally worth it =^..^=
    LOVE you and what you do!!!!!

  677. Paper, please! I love the UK edition cover! (Not that I don’t like the US edition cover!)

  679. Given that Amazon’s Lasership somehow “forgot” to deliver the copy I pre-ordered, a hardcopy to bring to the FL signing would be much appreciated. Thanks, Bloggess!

  680. paperpaperpaperpaperpaperpaperpaperpaperpaper! Paper, please!
    Also come to Virginia!? I NEEEED my book signed.

  681. Paper version for me! And if you could add a Cleveland, OH, date, I promise to bring a good friend with lots of cool dried up dead animals for you to sign for us 😀

  684. Well, I’d like either, but since I work in the printing industry, I’d better say “paper”.
    But I love singing! Audio!
    I’m so torn…..paper……no, audio…..no, paper!

  686. Audio version! I would love to hear these tales in your own words, not to mention the blooper real ^_^

  690. Oh goodness, decisions, decisions. I think I’d like to hear you reading it, although that cover for the UK edition is very tempting.

    Also? Please, please, please come to Massachusetts. I would take time off from work to come see you, even if it means driving in to Boston, something I loathe doing.

  694. Ooh, ooh, Paper, please!! I’m loving the buzz around your tour!

  695. Audiobook, please. It would make my drive to and from work so much more interesting. 🙂 And I could laugh aloud at your hilariousness instead of screaming at the other drivers. I can be that crazy person laughing and singing alone in her car.

  696. Audio version please. I’m so glad you coming to Gaithersburg. squeeee!

  697. The paper version is so cool even my cat wants to read it.

  698. Here’s a thought: UK book tour? I will be in London and Edinburgh in June. I would come to a book signing and hold up crazy signs and shout at people on the sidewalk that they HAVE to go in and hear you read and do all sorts of other supportive stuff if you make it over there. Also, I’ll take you out for a pint afterwards. And I would be happy to win either, should I be so lucky. But, frankly, I would be even happier to take you out for a pint.

  703. I have a feeling I’m working on collecting your book in every format. Would love to hear the audio version!

  705. Tough call. Even though I love that cover (it reminds me of The Book of Lost Things) I have to go with audio.

  706. Great googlely-mooglely! I need the audio to hear you sing the title!

  709. Audio! How else will i get through summer road trips? if i threw in a bottle of tequila would you choose me?

  715. Ooh, as much as I would love the UK version, I think I have to go audio. I’d love to hear you tell these stories in your voice!!

    I would love for you to come to Kansas City.

  716. Hard to choose between the two, but I choose the UK paper edition, please. Because I’m old-school like that. Thank you for being such an inspiration!

  718. Would love the audio version! I just finished the book and gave it to my mother so she could finally understand what goes on in my head, as I suffer from depression and anxiety disorders, too. Thank you for making me laugh at myself. 🙂

  719. I would love to have the audio book. Have already kept hubby up laughing while reading the paper version. Keeping us awake laughing while we listen, on our trip to TX, will be even better! P.S. I’ll be watching for interesting roadkill.

  723. I want a copy of the audibook! Singing the chapter titles? Awesome.

  725. I want either, but I think I’d prefer the audio version to make my dog walkin’ more entertaining.

  726. Paper, please!!! Looking forward to seeing you at a signing!!! 🙂

  727. I’d love the audiobook. I’ve already read it (it was wonderful) but I’d love to hear you read it!

  728. I want the audio version so that I can forget that I’m listening to it with my 2nd grader in the car and then he can ask me some random question about vaginas while at dinner with his grandparents. That’d be awesome.

  729. Would love the audio version to HO w my other collector editions!

  730. SWEET! As a book conservator, I’ll always go with the paper version 🙂

  732. I’ll make a trade with ya. No free book but can you stop up in Philly burbs after Gaithersburg?

  733. Ooh, I love that UK version! Very swirly! And I’ll make one more plea (possibly not the last one) for you to come back to California, ideally to San Jose: please please please please please oh please come back!!!!! I’ll wear my 11-year-old daughter’s Tardis costume to the signing if you come! Here’s a picture of her in it so you can see I’m not lying about its existence: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jausel/6296341218

  736. That’s some serious whimsy!!!

    Also, I was lucky that my friend happened to be in Houston and you signed a book for me (cuz I missed your signing her in LA, still kicking myself for that)

    so thanks! and happy touring!

  737. Oh yes, I definitely want the audio book. But, that cover is splendid!

  738. paper version – love whimsical! Thank you for talking straight about depression.

    ‘nough said.

  739. The paper version would make my day! And why just coral gables? There’s a lot of other interesting bits in Florida, and up here in Gainesville you can barely turn around without finding some kind of preserved alligator. Just saying.

  740. Paper version!!! 😀 I hate audiobooks, but you make yours sound tempting.

  742. Audio… I’ve got the paper version already and loving it. I laughed so hard at one point red wine shot out my nose & ruined everything in a 5′ radius while I was reading. In fact, I think you now owe me for a new shirt, jeans and comforter for my bed. And a bottle of wine. I mean some of it was wasted after all and that was awful. And we can’t be wasting good wine. Ok, so it wasn’t good – it was mediocre but wine is wine. 🙂

  743. I’d love a copy of the audiobook! I already own the paper version, and it is awesome! 🙂

  744. Hey, no fair writing sob stories to try to win it! Okay then, I’m taking the low road and throwing my sob story in the pile w/ the others. Lost my wife then my mom several years ago. Then I lost 75% of everything when a tree fell on my house in ’07. Then, Lost everything last year in Joplin Tornado. Since then, unemployed w/ PTSD. Yesterday, I lost a filling (no insur or Medicaid or anything) and found out that the homeless boy I took in infested my home with bed bugs so the exterminator made me toss some of my books, including yours! (These deets can be verified by Vevice.) (In yo face, Other Sob Stories! In Yo Face!) I hope you won’t give them out based on sob stories, though. I hope it’s random. If nothing else, please help me bring the phrase “Jive Turkey Sucka” back. Thanks.

  745. I’d love that audio version! And a swing through Alabama. . .

  746. I’ll bite (figuratively, but maybe literally if you’re really really nice) for the paper version.

  749. Paper please! It would be such a nice treat considering I’m cranky because this morning a guy trying to sell smoker bbq’s at the evil costco asked my boyfriend if I had ADD because I wandered off to look at cheese during his presentation. Can your bbq make cheese? no? well FU bbq & accusation slinging salescreep. Actually, I feel better now. internet stranger therapy rules.

  751. Audio please 🙂

    I am thoroughly enjoying the e-book version…but…I got distracted by Fifty Shades of Grey. And so now I am alternating between the two…and sometimes I have to try to remember whose vagina I am reading abouts. Yours or Anastasia Steele’s. It’s all very confusing.

    So. The audio version would be super helpful. Then I could have double the vagina.

    I should probably stop commenting now.

  754. Much as I would love to put the UK and US versions next to each other on my shelves, audio version please. ^_^

  755. Audio version, please! I still want to buy the “paper” version to keep you at the top of the Kindle list!

  756. The audio book!!!! Then I can play it while I’m outside gardening, and make my neighbors wonder what I’ve been smoking when I laugh maniacally every other sentence. Also Carl, my giant alien statue who lives on my front porch, can listen, too. He’s a big fan!!!!

  760. Oh, that paper copy looks so good! I have the audio version, and love how you sing the chapter titles, some in chant form.

    Oh, and just a reminder – Minneapolis is waiting with baited breath to see if you can be convinced to travel north. I’ll bring nachos.

  762. I have the US paper and audio and feel the need for the UK paper so I can have a complete set.

    My husband asked “What’s next? The Bloggess: The musical?”
    I told him you sing the chapter titles on the audio and it’s AWESOME.
    – That night I dreamt we went to The Majestic to see the performance.
    (You, or the actress playing you, were very good by the way.)

  765. I’d want both! But prefer Audio since who has the time to actually sit down and read with a 4 month old requiring tons of attention. This way I could listen while feeding, changing, entertaining said spawn.

  767. audio version. I’ve got the book. I want to hear the blooper reel.

  769. I’d love to hear it in your words, bloopers and all but Ima book designer, I have to go with PAPER, LOVE THAT TYPE.

  770. I have been saving my pennies for the audio book, this means a lot because I really hate pennies.

  772. Paper, please.

    I cant believe your signing books in Gaitherburg, MD. I moved away from there 8 years ago. Come to Orlando.

  773. Ahhh I would love the audio version! It would make my LIFE!

  774. I want both honestly. But if pressed, I would have to say the audio book is my priority. Since I already have a physical copy of the book. If I manage to make it to your MD signing I’ll be in full belly dance gear fresh off a gig in DC. So prepare yourself for that. 🙂

  775. Aaah crap I can’t decide! Probably means you won’t pick me because even *I* don’t know what I want. Gah!! The bloopers is tempting me…I’m gonna go with audio (and HOPE my kids aren’t listening in the background!) 😀

  776. Oh, I’ve got to have the audiobook. I need a better voice than my own in my head when I read the actual book.

  777. Please, ma’am, if it’s not too much trouble, I would LOVE the printed British version.
    And ^5 for saying Lady Garden on CNN 😀

  778. I want the audio version just to hear you sing the chapter titles….that and I already own the book. 😉

  779. Jenny,
    I’m in Kauai. There is no new book store on the island so there’s really no hope of a book tour date here… I would really love a paper version of your book. I’m suddenly seeing a downside to ebooks, because how to I get them signed? A signed photo of the book? A signed photo of you holding the book? By the way, after your whirlwind book tour you are really going to need a Hawaiian vacation, except this time come to Kauai!! Because we’re better. And we have roosters. Okay not metal ones, but live feral roosters running loose. So hopefully you won’t miss dear Beyonce nearly as much. Aloha.

  781. paper please – and you NEED to come to Rhode Island. I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown and then your blog appeared in my facebook feed… Just what I needed!

  786. Audio, please! I have two paper copies and the ebook for my Kindle. Also, come to Minneapolis! We have lutefisk and food on sticks! And more theaters per capita than any other city in the U.S.!

  789. Well, since I have the Kindle version and the hardbound is on the way, an audio book would complete my collection!

    I’m thinking of giving one to my pastor. She would seriously get it. She fairly regularly mimes giving birth, complete with a finger-in-the-cheek popping noise at the end.

  791. I’d love the paper version so my wife will give me my Nook back. And I could attach my hand-signed bookplate and everything.

    So when are you coming to Phoenix? You flew over top and probably didn’t even wave last time.

  793. I am going to London so I really need the UK version of the book 🙂

  796. Either would do! Please add Little Rock to your tour. Thanks!

  802. Audiobook PLEASE! Our stuffed scorpion Dorthy and I would love to listen. OK, it’s just a beany baby, and not an actual stuffed scorpion, but come on, it’s Dorthy!

  803. Oh the things I would do if I had a paper copy of your book… reading it features highly on the list. Building a shrine shows up too.

  804. Would love the audio version! I was reading some of the laxative od portion to my 95 year old grandmother and she said it’s always good to find a book that can make you laugh like that. She can’t see well enough to read now but her hearing is like a hawks. Wait, that’s seeing right? Hawks see well? Ok hearing like a kid who you don’t think is listening while you’re spilling secrets to your best friend. Yeah, hearing like that!

  806. I would love a paper copy…not because I don’t want to hear your singing, but I’ll be out of work for a month and I need something to keep me grounded! That UK cover…Yeah it’s amazeballs!

  807. Either!!! Mama loves surprises :)!
    PS Pleeeeease come to the Pacific Northwest!

  809. I went to buy the UK version the other day and got upset it wasn’t out yet so UK version pleaaaaaase

  814. Would LOVE the audio! Had to get the Kindle version and waiting for a hardcover copy too!

  815. Audio, please! I am SO loving the book, but I now I want to hear you do voices. Then later, interpretive dance 🙂

  818. Um…I’d really, really, really like the audio version.

    Do you speak in an english accent in the UK audio book? Because that would be doubly worth it.

  819. I would be happy with either one! Really, it is a difficult decision for me. I never win these things anyway. I’ll never give up though. Some today, I too may be a lucky winner. But I’m so not holding my breath for it (because I like to breathe).

  821. While the audiobook, would certainly have my laughing until my sides hurt, my children might whine because they can’t hear their Justin Bieber while I listen to your hilarity. So I think a a paper copy of the book would be perfect, then I can laugh hysterically and they won’t have any clue as to why; I might end up with a vacation to the nice place with the men in white coats this way…

  824. OH… oh god… Um… INDECISION!!! Audio? Or actual book… either? Both?

    if I have to choose… Audio. i think. but yeah. Thanks for bringing my clinical indecision up to the surface 😛

  825. I want the paper version please!! I <3 it so much!! Thank you Jenny!! 😀

  826. Audio version PUHLEASE! I devoured your hardback by convincing my husband to go on and roadtrip AND drive, therefore leaving me with 6+ hours each way to pretend I was alone with your book. Now that I’m back to reality, I would love the audiobook, it would make the endless hours at the gym somewhat more bearable.

  827. I would really love to hear to sing;) I cried laughing at the ‘I Am the Wizard of Oz of Housewives’ chapter!

  830. Would love the audiobook! Though it may be dangerous, if I had a hard time not peeing myself reading your words to myself, I can’t imagine the strength it will take to hold it in if you’re actually narrating it to me. I doubt my husband will appreciate me waking him up with my laughing as I listen to it during one of my insomniac cycles only to find that he’s now becoming drenched in my urine, too…
    Wish you would add Seattle to your tour!

  833. I would love a paper version! (Still on the library waitlist …) And everything is better in “British” – for example, awesome lettering! Glad to see that your name now contains an adequate measure of whimsy.

  834. Dear The Bloggess,
    Hellooooo…Where is Indianapolis or Greenwood or Louisville on this tour? They’re practically on your way home. Besides, we have lots of ummmm, is roadkill too insensitive? Bet we can find a critter or two that can be custom tailored to fit in with your menagerie. And folks here are very hospitable. Not chain you in the basement hospitable, but offer you some good food and sweet tea. I’m from California so sweet tea is diabetic coma over ice to me, but I understand it’s popular here and with y’all in Texas, too.

    Thanks for the much needed smirks, smiles, giggles and guffaws.

  835. Moral dilemma: support my amazing partner, who has earned her Masters in Forensic Sciences, at one of her two commencement ceremonies in DC (knowing I can still make the second ceremony even if I skip the first, but also that she can probably kill me 100 different ways without leaving a trace) or go to the book signing in Gaithersburg? I need a TARDIS. Or a cloning machine.

    Should I randomly be selected, I would love the audiobook, although I’d be happy with anything that isn’t law school reading at this point.

  836. Congratulations on all of your success with your book! It is well-deserved. If I am the lucky winner, I would like the hard copy of the book 🙂

  837. Just ordered one from Amazon UK Thought Granny needed one.

  839. Paper, please. Somehow I’m thinking the audio version probably shouldn’t be heard by my kids who are always in the car with me.

  841. Would love a paper copy! And how is your little one handling the book tour and mommy being gone? Is she freaked out and/or excited for you about all of this, or just completely and utterly bored by the whole thing?

  843. Real books are best – then, when I drop in the bath-tub because I’m laughing too hard, it’s still usable! Also, I can’t look at stuffed critters the same way again…

  844. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for deciding to come to MD!!! I can’t wait for 5/19!!!!

  846. Audio please! I have the hardback version – and one can never have too much of a good thing!! (Plus this way I can listen to the book in my car). Yes I know, it would have made more sense to just BUY the audio version instead of the paper version to begin with, but my enthusiasm got the better of me. Thanks!

  847. Paper..who wouldn’t want to look at a picture of a mouse in costume everyday?

  849. that cover looks like its going to attach itself to my brain and turn me into a mindless zombie. Definitely paper version!

  850. I’ve already read the book, so now I would love to HEAR it! Would love to own the audiobook!

  851. THE UK PAPER VERSION IS FANTASTICAL !!! And of course, Hamlet von Schitzel is wonderful-looking as ever. c;

  852. I would love the audiobook version! I spend 3 hours a day in the car, so any form of entertainment, especially one that I know will be HILARIOUS, is right up my alley.

  855. Paper! I bought a first edition so I will donate one book to the free library movement if I’m selected. If you haven’t heard of the free library movement, check it out. Very cool.

  857. I would love the audio version! I already have a paper version, which my friend had you sign for me in San Angelo. Apparently, all my left ovaries are belong to you. (My doctor will be relieved, because we’re all kind of stumped as to where it’s been.)

  859. OMG!!! I was so sad I missed you when you were on the east coast and my state’s been added on! So happy and going to try to go! 😀

    And I’d like the UK book! Sadly, I don’t have much use for Audio ; ;

  861. I am going to have to go with paper even though the audio would probably be fun. I always miss stuff when listening to audio books because I zone out.

  862. I would LOVE to have the paper version!! I have been reading it on my Nook (I pre-ordered it). The pictures just aren’t the same on it!
    PS – Thanks for making me a laugh so hard on an ongoing basis! It is very much appreciated!

    PPS – My husband keeps asking me why I am laughing as I am reading. I keep telling him the book is funny! I’m sure he wants me to be more specific but he can read it himself!

  866. Please for to come to Minneapolis. It would probably be the most awesome thing in the world if you did. A close second would be getting the audio version, as I’ve already blown through the hard cover. And will do so again.

  867. I would love a paper copy. I have already listened to the audio book on audible I signed up just for this book! You read to me before I feel asleep every night for a week. I loved the book so much and really hope you add a tour date that i can go to. I need to meet you and thank you for helping me on my road to recovery for my anxiety.

  871. Ooooo, I love the UK cover! Awesome! If you select me; I want the paper version.

    XXOO

  872. I would love, love, love a paper copy. You make me laugh so hard I cry and crawl out of bed, even when I totally don’t want to face the world.

  874. Paper edition!

    While I’d love the audio too, I get really confused by audio books. I forget to listen, and it all goes horribly wrong.

  875. Audio, please. Have already read my hardback copy! Best wishes as you continue on your Tribute Tour. Fingers crossed for Atlanta…..

  878. Paper please….and thank you, if I win.

    I do so wish you were coming to Minnesota…then I would play hooky from work to go see you. That said, I suspect you are drawing huge crowds wherever you go.

    BTW, I was thinking that you’re like our version of Erma Bombeck who said outrageous things to our mothers in her column, and made each one think she was not alone in her crazies. Mores that pity that Ms. Bombeck is not alive to see you, her literary progeny, take wing and soar!

    I’m just thinkin’………………………..

  879. I would love the paperback. You are seriously amazing! (yes i added that to make you feel good and score points LOL) You really are though 🙂

  882. I would absolutely LOVE the paper or audio version!!

    I know that you dont know me, but i still wanted to say thank you for this blog. I came across your blog several months ago through a friends posts. You have helped me so many times (yes, I sound corny, but I’m still gonna say it). Thank you for the helpful honesty and for the laughs that help me to feel less flawed. I always leave your writings with a needed laugh. Thank you thank you!!

  883. AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION! AUDIO VERSION!

    So, um, in the event that I win the contest, I’d like an audio version. Please.

  884. Yes! Gaithersburg! No need to enter me…just s excited you are coming to me! Ahem, I mean my town

  889. Audio please. I need to hear the chapter titles being sung; my life won’t be complete until that happens.

  890. I would love the paper copy! Also, you spelled Cincinnati wrong, but everyone does 😉

  891. I would have to say audio – I have a really crappy commute that usually involves sitting in traffic watching people read novels the size of law books (I kid you not. Almost walked up and tapped on the window, “I realize that we’re practically stopped, but you are operating a moving vehicle and not at the library!”). The audio copy of the book would make me laugh so hard the other commuters would wonder what I’m on.

  893. And while we’re at it, I’m still trying to figure out the thinking behind the UK version’s cover font. What are the curly things? Curly hair? Tree roots? Entrails from a taxidermy experiment gone wrong? I’m so lost…

  894. I really want a paper version.

    I have it on hold from my library, but theres a fuckton of a waiting list and even though I’m the head librarian of my branch I can’t bump myself up the list. Well… I can, but that would be using my sexy librarian powers for evil, you know?
    Paper, please…. pleeeeeaasseee.

  896. I would love to have the audio version so more than one of us can enjoy it at the same time. Also…you singing the titles? Awe.some.

  897. I would really love to get the audiobook… I was debating pre-ordering both and then my boyfriend looked at me sternly and I backed-down and just got the paper version. I really want the audio though!!!

  899. I would love a copy of the paper version! Hope all is well on the tour!

  900. I would love a copy of the audio book. But I already bought the paper version and I’m a cheap ass so I’ll probably only get it if I win it here. So pick me! Please, please, please.

  901. I’d love to have either version! Paper, you go to bed with me. Audio, we do it in the car. You choose.

  904. Audiobook!

    Also, is it too late for one of those nifty signed bookplates? I totally had to wait until Uncle Sam sent me my measley tax return to buy your book. That’s right- of the $50 Uncle Sam gave me back, $15 of it went to what might be my favorite book ever!

  905. I want the Audio version!!! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SING THE CHAPTER TITLES!! MUST HEAR SINGING!
    Please… the very nice lady keeps NPR on at my work place and I am about to lose my skittles. I need something else to listen to! PLEASE!

  906. I have SO MANY books (including my pre-ordered copy of your book!) that my husband would KILL ME if I asked for the UK copy. So I really want the audio book please! Also, I could put the disk in my car, and say something like “Hey, hun, I want you to listen to this song I like.” But really, I’ll turn on a part of your book I want him to hear and he’ll be TRAPPED!!! Sweet revenge when he runs from the room when I read aloud from your blog 🙂

  909. I can’t wait to read this book, I would love the paper version. I would prop it next to my stuffed rat. It’s not a real rat (yet), but I’ll find a real stuffed rat and read your book to him!

  910. I would love the audio since I already have the kindle. Also, thank you so much for the book plate. I am totally blown away and have absolutely NO idea where to stick it. It’s currently my gold star on the refridgerator, and I won’t let anyone take it down.

  915. I would love the audio version. 🙂 I can only imagine the awesomeness that is you reading the book aloud.

  918. I keep meaning to buy your book and just haven’t yet. I’d love a copy of the paper British version though if you feel like you need to get rid of a few.

  919. SIGNED!!!!!! Your book has bonded my mother and me together forever! We have now taken to buying really ugly chickens for the other and hiding them randomly around the others house. Good times, good times.

  920. I’d love the paperback version, but since I unfortunately cannot come see you in South Florida this Friday due to being unemployed and spending my most recent unemployment check on rent, utilities, and groceries (fucking adulthood and lack of a job, don’t even get me started on having to defer my student loans…oh wait, that was a good thing), I can’t afford to make the 8 hour drive from Tallahassee. So I’d prefer your audio book, that way I can listen to it and it’ll be like being at your signing! Also factor in the fact that I’ve got your signed book plate and pictures of you from the internet that I can Photoshop myself into, and it’ll basically be like I met you in person!

    I wish you all the best of luck this Friday. I wish like hell I could be there, but the good news is that since I can’t go, I’m available for a call-back interview for a job I’d love to get, so in a way, not being able to see you will most likely get me a job! I should be thanking you instead of bitching b/c I can’t come see you. So thanks for helping me get a job. I’m holding you directly responsible.

    And hey, if you’re feeling charitable, you should tell some of the people you meet in Coral Gables that FSU is a far better school and has a better football team and better marching band than UM. You’ll piss people off and make me happy! But then again, you’ll probably get shot, so maybe don’t do that after all. And see? I just saved your life. I think we’re even now. We’ll just call the audio book a “gift.”

  921. Paper because turning pages is cool…almost as cool as bowties.

  929. Ooh!!! I’d LOVE the paper version! The wait for the UK version is slowly killing me and several of my friends!

  932. Why is everything “Euro” so much cooler than what we get in the US? Paper, please.

  938. YES PLEASE! I would kiss your toes. Unless you are like me, and hate toes. In which case, I’ll kiss the bodily part of your choice.

    (Paper!)

  941. You’re probably sick of me posting comments on your blog by now, but I’ve made up for it by pushing your book on everyone I know and blogging about it. Because it is awesome! And I think it helps people. Also, I would like the UK PAPER edition, please! 🙂

  942. You make me laugh and cry – Most Definitely would love the audio book so I can hear you sing the chapters – what with being a karaoke whore and all myself.

  943. Eek! You’d make us pick? We can’t say “both”? or “either one”?

    I guess if I have to pick one I’ll go with paper, because I am in a horrible backlog of audio book listening right now. But I’m game for the audio book.

  945. Audio, because I’ll need something to keep me from running my car off the road on the way to Bar Exam Prep classes this summer.

  948. audio, please! I preordered two copies from amazon and they have yet to arrive and I’m DYING to read your book. so sad amazon…

  949. Audio, please. I can listen to it then donate it to my library so it can keep company with the paperback we have on the shelf. 🙂

  950. How come UK gets the cooler cover?

    I’d love the audio so I can hear you singing the chapters. Plus, when you read the chapter in LA about the cleanse, it was even funnier (as if that’s possible) than reading it. I really want to hear you reading the Beyonce chapter, because that chapter annoys my husband probably as much as it annoyed Victor when he opened the door, and I could play it for him when we’re in the car and he can’t escape. 🙂

  951. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
    PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PIC
    AUDIO PLEASE AUDIO PLEASE AUDIO PLEASE AUDIO PLEASE AUDIO PLEASE AUDIO PLEASE AUDIO PLEASE…..

    SORRY, I HAD TO MAKE MY COMMENT A BIT OBNOXIOUS – HOW ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO PICK ME AMONGST ALL THE OTHER AWESOME COMMENTS?!?!?! I LOVE YOUR BLOG, YOUR BOOK, & YOU! YOU CRACK ME UP!!! I WOULD LOVE TO WIN THE AUDIO VERSION SINCE I ALREADY HAVE THE HARDBACK. NOT TO MENTION, I’D LOVE TO HEAR YOU SING THE TITLES!!!

    CONGRATS ON YOUR SUCCESS!!!!

  953. I would love a copy of the audiobook, since I already have the ebook. You need to come to the B&N in Easton, Columbus, Ohio. We have you on our ‘Booksellers Recommendation’ shelf!

  956. What a horrible choice! Singing titles or awesome book? I choose the paper and have crossed my fingers.

  960. I’d love the UK paper version! That cover is fantastic. Do publishers not think Americans appreciate WHIMSICAL FONTS?

  962. My boyfriend’s family is from Lansing. It’s kind of a hell hole. Have fun!

    I’d love the audiobook since I already have the book book.

  963. I would love the paper edition please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and if you don’t…I’ll still buy it

  965. Hello dear. You should come to New Orleans. That is all.

  967. I’m in the U.S. but if I can participate I prefer print but would be happy to get either print or audio!

  968. an audio version would be awesome; then when I’m having a conversation with you, it will be like you’re answering back and won’t be so weird for the people around me (not that I do that)

  970. It’s only been in the last few months that I’ve had the pleasure of following your blog, Jenny (thanks to catching up on Wil Wheaton’s blog), but it’s been a blast and I’m thrilled that the book is doing so well. Speaking of, I’d absolutely love the paper version thereof.

    I wish you were coming to my part of Florida… travel safely!

  974. Hi Jenny,
    I regularly read your blog and checked out your book on Amazon. I’m a cautious buyer, so I’ll probably look at it on Amazon about 10 more times before I buy it. Anyway, I’m not writing to you about my own inability to commit (to books. I just got married to man and didn’t put much thought into it). I’m letting you know that Amazon’s (mostly unhelpful) “Frequently Bought Together” feature lists your book with “50 Shades of Gray,” which I’m pretty sure is the bondage book I heard Renee Montagne awkwardly discuss on Morning Edition. NPR should lay off the bondage talk, at least while I’m having my morning coffee.

    Looking forward to your book (probably).

    Mandy

  975. Ok, um, this is like choosing your favorite child. Actually, never mind, most days that’s a pretty easy decision. One of them is always pissing me off. Or both of them, in which case, my favorite child is our dog. So, I’ll go with…the paper version!

  977. Paper….So my American copy can have an English buddy (plus, my American son is engaged to a British girl, so I really think I need a matching set for them to read simultaneously!). Love you!!!

  978. As lovely as the cover is, I would LOVE the audio version. Must have the bloopers and singing!

  980. Audio!

    Is it strange that I was disappointed that I didn’t have to wait at all at the DMV this morning because it would have given me a chance to read your book??? I’m pretty sure that was the first time in history that that has ever happened!

  985. whilst i think the UK cover is brilliant.
    the very thought of hearing *you* ready your story has me salivating.

    so, pretty please, randomly select me. and i will find a way to send you a copy of the movie COMA.

  986. If it’s the UK version…are you speaking on the audiobook with an English accent?? If so, I want that! 🙂

  987. Audio! Mostly because I’m a broke bitch but also because broke bitches got to work and I can listen to it while I work for The Man.

  988. Paper please. The font makes it look prettier than the US version >.<

  991. In the immortal words of a woman I truly admire….HOLY SHITSNACKS!! Paper pretty please! 😉

  993. I would love the audio version!I can imagine the only thing funnier than reading it would be hearing you read it.
    It’s a delightful book, happy and sad and so very strange. Love it.
    That cover is awesome.

  994. It’s kinda like answering the “paper or plastic” question at the grocery store. Or not…..
    Paper please!!
    Congrats on the book & tour, savor every moment!!

  995. I would love the audiobook!!!!! 😀

    Also, you should come to ND! There is really nothing here, besides flat land, buffalo ,and the birthplace of Lawrence Welk and Josh Duhamel. Oh, and the city Fargo: where the famous movie Fargo was not filmed, Seriously you should come!! I can guarantee you would be safe from woodchippers. 😉 Or, you should go to MN, they have a giant Ox and her equally giant owner. XD

  998. I love that we get special treatment just because we’re British 🙂 I will definitely be buying this!

  1000. The audio FOR SURE! So I can play it for the infants at work. So they’ll become super hilarious.

  1001. Paper please….or audio is great too! I’m not too picky!

  1004. I’d love an audiobook, but I’d also love to give you my money 🙂

  1006. Audio! I listen to audiobooks in the car to keep me from getting ragey at traffic. Having one that will make me laugh would be such a bonus!

  1007. I would love the audio version! I don’t want to miss a word of you!

  1008. OMG I want this in my library so much. Either really….but let’s say audio?

  1009. I have already read the book, so I would love to hear the extra chapters in the audiobook!

  1013. AUDIO! BTW, I saw a sign at The Hangout in Gulf Shores, AL this weekend while on vacation that made me think of you. It read, “This hasn’t gotten weird enough for me.”

  1015. Id love the audio so I can laugh till it hurts while driving to see my Mom.

  1016. Yay! If I win the UK book, I can get it from you in Gaithersburg! So excited that you are Maryland bound.

  1017. Paper version please!

    BTW, when are you coming to Boston for your book tour? Pretty please with Marshmallow Fluff on top?

  1018. Tough call! But I would love the audio version as I already own a print one:> Safe travels!

  1019. I want I want I want! I have to say the paper, but only after much deliberation since it’d be hilarious to hear you sing the titles. Plus, bonus material!

  1023. Paperback! Paperback made like singing cards, so every time I get to a new chapter, it’s you singing the title.

  1024. I would LOVE the UK paper version to add to my collection (of one US version). I have already burned through that book once – and I am certain to read it again shortly. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Come to the Mall of America in Minnesota! The weater is nice here this time of year and I would LOVE to meet you!! Thanks for your generosity!

  1026. sold out in areas?? Good for you! I have the Kindle version, but would love a hard copy signed. I finished the book last night and laughed out loud thru the entire thing!! Well, except about Barnaby Jones Pickles. 🙁 I run a pug rescue and didn’t even know you owned a pug before I bought the book. I can’t wait for book two!!!

    And, I am recommending your book to everyone I know!

  1027. Does the UK version have “u”s inserted in words or what?

    Paper copy, please. But I will cross out superfluous “u”s.

  1028. Audio! Because I only like to read books in their original language.

  1029. I would love the paper version. Why do the British always have better fonts than we do?

  1030. AUDIO, AUDIO, AUDIO (of course in a sing song voice.) Please!
    Also would love for you to travel north for your tour, say Minneapolis or Chicago!!!!!

  1031. *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* You’re going to be an hour from my house! I will get to come see you!

  1032. Are you reading in a British accent? ‘Cause I definitely want the audio version.

  1033. At approximately 3000th on the list, you most likely won’t even see this. BUT, here’s the kicker. I would love EITHER paper or audio. I’m flexible that way. I can either read in bed (oh, the pleasure), or listen in my car, saving me from ranting at idiots.

  1034. Paper!

    Please come closer to Vancouver! Or Seattle – it’s close too and you don’t have to cross the border.

  1035. Paper please! Or audio is great too…I’m not that picky!

    Mwah!

  1038. I think I am in shock! I can not believe you are coming to Gaithersburg! I was extremely dissapointed that you weren’t coming anywhere near DC and NOW you are going to be right down the stink’n street and not an HOURs Metro ride away! SOOOOOOO EXCITED!

  1041. I love the cover on the UK version but I would have to go with the audio version so my husband can hear the whole book, not just the portions I read to him.

  1042. Ummm……… both? Paper! No, Audio! No, Paper! Gah. I can’t resist extra content, so let’s go audio!

  1043. Audio, please! Though that cover makes me think H.V.S. is joining Hogwarts. I’m intrigued.

  1046. I want alllll of the things. Mostly the actual book though, then I might come to your house and get you to read it to me… not really though cause that would be creepy. But you can come to my house in the uk…I’ll make you food and buy you taxidermied animals that have died from natural causes and we can take them on outings to stone henge… winner
    Love you
    xxx
    (p.s. that’s love you in the friend sense, don’t be getting any ideas tharrrr)

  1051. I would love the audio book! I already have the actual book…but I can’t read and drive at the same time….but I can listen!!!!! 🙂

  1052. Audio, please! And wait…what? You will be in MD on the 19th???? I think I feel a sick day coming on…..(even though I have no idea how far the bookfair actually is from Pa., and I get lost easily….) Hmmmmm Hubby will take off too, and drive me…..I have spoken It will be SO! (Now to tell him about my little plan…..)

  1053. Hello! Hope you have so much fun on tour! I would very much like the UK version of your book. I pre-ordered your US book and ran around like crazy when it arrived. I plan on buying the audio when I’ve save up enough. But to have a copy of the UK would just be wonderful. If I don’t win, that’s ok. I’ll just save more and see if Waterstones would ship a copy to the US. It made my all-time favorite book list and I’m on a mission to get a copy in the hands of everyone I know (and random strangers on the street). Love you! Take good care of you!

  1055. Feeling random today, so leaving a random comment – audio, please.

  1059. prefer paper but I’m NOT Picky, I’ll take audio – can’t wait to read (or hear) it!!!

  1060. Ok, I’d totally take either. Unless not choosing disqualifies me from entering. In which case, umm . . . how bout the audio?

  1062. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that UK cover……HMMMM

    Audio!
    I have the eBook
    I have the US Hardback
    I need the audio so I have the “set” 🙂

  1063. Oooh the audio version would totally rock now that I’ve read the paper version!

  1065. I would lovelovelove an audio book….bring on the bloopers, singing, and extras!

  1066. I am so mad at myself for getting the book instead of the audiobook! I preordered so I could get a bookplate but I have been super busy since it came so I haven’t had time to sit down and read it. I could have listened to it 10 x by now and I LOVE audiobooks, especially when read by the author. I guess all of that is my long way of saying that despite already having a book with a bookplate, I sure would love an audiobook too but because I’m very busy right now, not because I’m greedy.

  1067. Audio book, please! But I do love the cover of the UK version!

  1071. AU-DI-OOOOOOO I totally want the audio copy…that sweet voice of yours, talking about being INSIDE a gorram deer!!!! win and win

  1072. AUDIO so I can accidentally click on the book on my iPad with the headphones inserted but not in my ears. Then, I will hear a voice and wonder if a Goddess is speaking to me or hoodlum teenagers are lurking outside in the street.

  1073. I would be thrilled with EITHER!

    I’m not picky. Well. I am, but not about that.

  1075. Paper, please! (Though I’m really hoping my kids have gotten me a copy for Mother’s day.)

  1076. I would LOVE the audio version of your book, because I do taxes and boofkeeping for a living and my eyes hate my guts at the end of EVRY. DAMN. DAY.

  1077. AUDIOooooooooooo *singing loudly in my head* I needz it. Plz?

  1082. I would love, love, love to have the audio version – title singing? bloopers? I call it perfection.

  1083. While I’m really intrigued to hear you singing the titles, I think the paper version is more enjoyable to read through. Wishing you were coming to a signing in Orange County, California so I could come see you…

  1088. Please pleaaaaase I ould love a copy of the paper version!

    Kimberly

  1089. Wow, there’s a lot of people here who want your book Jenny, I know you’d never pick me, but I’d love the paper book, since I can’t really afford to buy it. Thanks for reading this anyways.

  1092. since i already own the paper version (two copies, actually…and one bookplate), audio, please.

  1093. Yippee! Gaithersburg, MD is only 1 hour from Baltimore! I. AM. SO. THERE. Love you, Jenny!

  1095. LOVE the UK cover but I’ll have to buy it here in the UK, would love to put my name in for an audiobook!

  1096. I’d very much treasure the paper one, jenny lawson.

    I’m actually so jealous that everybody in the states already has it. It would be great if you came to London for a signing I’d totally be there and be a fan-girl. Thank you so much for being such a kind soul, Jenny.

  1097. Would love the audio version! Fingers crossed one of you additional tour dates is in Seattle!

  1098. I would love the paper version. Maybe my border collie Piper could be in your next book. She’s not dead yet but I’m waiting patiently….she freezes when I get ready to throw the ball assuming the to be immortalized pose. Love your blog-can’t wait to get the book. Ooh ooh pick me pick me!

  1102. Oh I would love both, but if I had to chose, I will pick the audiobook. And please come to New England if you are scheduling more dates.

  1109. I would love a paperback version of the UK edition!!! Pretty, pretty please!!

  1113. Either! But since I already have the not-as-floofy American version in paper form, I’d like to hear the bloopers in the audio version. That way I can hear your voice as I read along. It’d be like you’re here with me.
    Oh, and I also hope your additional tour dates include Seattle! WE LOVE YOU HERE.

  1116. I totally dig how the cover the looks like it was painted and Hamlet drug his little mousy fingers through the ends to make the squiggles. I so want the print version. Please! 😀 (I have the US version and am about half way through it. But if you come to a city remotely close to me I will be buying another to have you sign, and to help you retire faster. The Midwest needs to see you before you become a hermit.

  1118. ooh, paper! no, audio! no, paper!

    okay, paper…. Yeah… the book for sure. even though i’ve already read it. and i also own the audio.

    signed,
    fangirl

  1120. Jenny, I was so bummed you didn’t make it to Lubbock while you were in West Texas! I was even shopping for the perfect roadkill for the occasion.

    ps. Paperback

  1123. oh my glob – an audio version of the book would be awesome!

  1124. Plastic……I mean paper please. Sorry, for a second there, I thought I was in the grocery store .

  1127. I bought the hardback yesterday. I would love the audio. Thanks!!

  1128. If I emailed a picture of myself holding a picture of Nathan Fillion holding twine, would that improve my chances of getting the paper version?

  1133. The audio version please! I can’t wait to listen on my MANY MANY roadtrips this summer!!

  1135. I adore the font on the cover of the UK version.. but seeing as I already have the US version (read and now being read by my niece), if I were selected I would prefer the audio version.. I may have to buy that just to hear you sing.. lol

  1140. Would LOVE the paper version! Such whimsy! Also…Gaitherburg, MD is pretty close to Washington, D.C..hinthinthinthinthint

  1142. Paper, because that cover should totally be here in the US!

  1144. Audio because I’ve already read the book.

    Applauding your braveness going on tour because I do know how much you probably want to scurry home and shut out the world. You’re my heroine!

  1146. Audio- I already have the paper version so I could follow along!

  1147. o0o0o. I would love an Audio version!

    What a wonderful problem to have….book unavailable issues d/t selling out!! WOOOO WHOOOO!

  1150. Please add a stop in Pittsburgh! I would totally use my valuable vacation time to stop by and get you to sign my book!

  1151. PAPER!!!! I am totally coming to see you in Gaithersburg!!!! Woohoo! Totally made my day!

  1156. I would lurve the audiobooks because I already own the hardcover and I really, really want you to come to the Twin Cities, MN because everywhere else you got is too far away from me. I’ll bribe you if that’s what it takes.

  1158. Audio… Love your voice! Both your writing voice and your speaking voice! Audio book=bonus hawsumness!

  1160. I would love the paper copy of the book. I am so excited to have it launch over here. I would take the paper one into work, let people read a chapter and then snatch it out of their hands and say “mwahahahaha – buy your own copy as it is all as awesome as this”.

    Thanks

  1162. I want them both! But if I have to choose, I choose the paper version. LOVE that cover.

  1164. I just bought a signed hard copy from The Book People in Austin, but I would so love an audio copy. I use audiobooks for running, and I am IN DIRE NEED of your hilarity to get me through my long-distance training. I hate running, but exercise controls my mood disorder. So, you see, I need your book for health reasons. DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR FANS’ HEALTH?

  1166. I have the book & LOVED it! Are you coming to South Carolina!!!???

  1168. Audiobook please!

    If you need any tour suggestions, I live in Providence (a very quirky city), but would travel to Boston if you came there. Either one. New England wants you!

  1172. Although the cover is wonderfully whimsical, I think the only thing better than reading your book is hearing YOU read your book!!!! Audio book most hopefully requested, please!!!!

    (Your book has been a great thing to bond over with my husband— I’ve read him many of your blog posts over the past year or so, especially when it involves Victor, and he knows how enamored I am with your writing— so he bought me your book for our 5 year wedding anniversary! [yay!] He hates to read himself (gasp!) so instead we’re kinda reading it together— when I hit especially hysterical parts, I’ll read them to him. We went to bed sooooo late the first night, just laying in bed together giggling like idiots after reading about Rambo and his Jams!!!!!!! I’m so jealous of your writing and my husband says “You need to write a book, too. You’re just as funny! Jen, you can be just like Jenny Lawson! You even share the same name!” Sadly, we don’t share NEARLY the same amount of talent— I could *never* write like you!!!

    PLEASE Keep writing, Jenny!!! I already can’t wait to read your SECOND book and I haven’t even finished the first! I’m reading it in little snippets b/c I’m already afraid for when it’s going to be over!

  1173. I would love the paper version, I just finished grad school today (yes!) and for two years I’ve been looking forward to reading a relaxing book instead of textbooks

  1174. Audio, please. I have a paper copy, a Nook copy, so audio would round me out nicely. I less than 3 you so much.

  1175. OMG Gaithersburg! You are coming to my neighborhood! ACK! Can’t WAIT to see you there! Though I will have to leave my husband at home – as I’ve been reading out loud to him from your book, he simply told me to tell him if you ever decide to divorce Victor. I told him that it’s obvious that you and Victor are perfect together and you’d be a fool to divorce him, but just in case he plans on using his John Cusack looks for nefarious purposes Imma gonna make him watch the kids.

    Oh, and the audiobook would be just too fabulous.

  1176. Paper please! And I hope you come to Nashville so my Juanita statuette can meet her mama!

  1178. I already own a hardback copy of the book, sooo the audio! I bet it is even better when read by you. Bloopers sound great, too! 🙂

  1179. I would love to get an audio copy of your book so I can listen while I walk my puppers. Thanks and keep writing!

  1180. Paper please! and I am soooo excited to see that you are making the trip to Maryland! I was sad I wasn’t going to be able to see you on tour.

  1182. Paper version please. Wish you were coming to the Phoenix metro area too.

  1183. I love that cover, but, I couldn’t pass up the singing 🙂
    Audio for me, please *grin*

  1184. Would love the paper version so I could read it in my head or maybe even aloud with a British accent.

  1188. Paper please! I can’t resist that fancy title font!

  1189. Gaithersburg? You’re coming to GAITHERSBURG? (Excuse me while I go shriek with joy for a bit.)

  1190. Paper please 🙂
    I feel like I’m telling this to the bag boy at the grocery store. But they don’t use them anymore 🙂

  1192. Audio please! Would love to hear your stories told in your very own voice 🙂 Congrats on all your success. Well deserved!

  1193. I SOOOOOO need to get that audiobook! I’ve read the hardcover book already but MUST hear YOU reading it! And SINGING too?!?!?! Squeeee…damn…I just drooled on myself…

  1194. I’d love either but the audiobook sounds awesome! I’m in Australia so this would make up for not being able to see you on tour!! 🙂

  1195. I would love the audio version of your book. But if I do not win, I will soon be buying it on my kindle. Thanks!

  1196. Please please please can I win? I think I would love the UK version of the book, because I love British lit. Wait, does it qualify as British lit? And I would read it outloud to my cat in a cockney accent. (Not really. I just wanted to type the word cockney.)

    But I also want the audio version because my commute is an hour and a half each way every day. So, um, either will work for me!

  1198. I would love the audio version so we could listen to you tell you stories.

  1200. Audio please! I read the kindle version last week and laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. I was on a plane and I think the guy next to me thought I was having some sort of fit. It was a bonding moment.

    Jen

  1204. So guess what? I just won a book today… ‘A Teeny Bit of Trouble’! First time I ever won anything from a blog, or pretty much anything else for that matter, (except the time in 1985 when I won 5th place in a sweepstakes which was a box of stationary)… Just think if I won your book too! That’d be incredible! I’d be thrilled with the paper version, unless that lessens my chances and you’ve given out all the paper versions and are only looking for the audio versions, I’d be thrilled with that too. Thanks! loving your blog. Little Bit

  1206. I would love the audio book. Hearing you sing some of it? would be amazing!

  1207. I will bribe you with zombie paper dolls for the audiobook! Actually, I was going to send you those anyway, but I’ll procrastinate marginally less. I’m bad at bribery

  1208. What’s better than your book? I thought “Nothing ever” would be the correct answer, until I learned you sing on the audio version. Please pick me – audio!

    Adieu,
    Adios,
    Audio!

  1209. Paper version! 🙂 I’ve been finishing up my counseling internship so haven’t been able to afford/buy/read it yet…

  1211. Audio please. Having the book is fabulous enough but having your voice would be even better. 🙂

  1212. Oh man. So hard to choose!

    I think I want to go for audio. I could use some giggles in the car.

  1216. I would love to have the paper book. You know, if fortune favors me. 🙂

  1218. The paper version, please!! I already have the audio version 🙂

  1219. Paper- because I’d much rather be holding the book when I laugh so hard I pee my pants so that I don’t have to fully* explain why I just peed my pants. It happens more often than you’d think….

  1220. Audiobook! Although as a bonus, I think you need to sing your own version of the “If it’s Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium” song…

  1222. Audio ’cause I want to remix your voice into one giant curse and use it as my ringtone. Technology rocks!

    Oh and you rock also! Congratulations on your book. You deserve all the success in the world (or just enough to avoid a panic attack – your choice).

  1224. Paper.
    Wait, make that audio.
    No, oh I can’t decide…Both.
    Just surprise me!

  1232. Wait change mine to paper, I just read that you sing on it!!!!

  1233. Some people would say my whole life is a blooper reel… you can probably relate. I know this because I’ve read your book. I would like the audio version, please.

  1236. Oh paper please. I love love love this book. Snort out loud funny. Pee your pants because it’s so funny. thank you.

  1238. I would LOVE the paper version. Does it come with a giant Beyonce? Of course Beyonce would go on my sister’s front porch. Ha!

  1239. Pick me! Pick me!!! This never works. I don’t know why I try so hard. P.s. paper copy would’ve totally rad. P.P.S. I’m seriously bidding for a Tacoma/Seattle tour stop. P.P.P.S. You know….I will feed you PASKETTI! You can just have the book signing at my house. We gave plenty of off street parking. BLARGH! I honestly need to just give up.

    Did I mention that I was home sick today? No? I should be better by the time you come over, though. Kthanksloveyoubye. Love, Carm

  1241. Yours is the only blog I checked every day, twice a day sometimes. I love it. If I am down, you make me laugh. And, since you are hilarious naturally, the bloopers (out takes) have to be super great, so I would love to win the audio version. Besides, I could go to sleep to it at night. I’ve only listened to Harry Potter about 539 times at night. I need new dreams.

  1243. I would love a hard copy (I’ve got the audiobook already, but it just doesn’t look as awesome on a book shelf…)

  1245. Paper.
    Wait, make that audio.
    NO, oh I can’t decide…Both.
    Just surprise me!

  1246. OMG! I just finished your book last night and NOW I REALLY WANT THE AUDIO VERSION. I mean, extras, you reading, bloopers?! Please choose me!

  1247. I mean AUDIO, change mine to audio, I was not in anyway implying that you would not be a talented vocalist. I would love to hear you sing. Also, please, please, please come to Atlanta!!

  1248. Audio, please!!! I already have it on my kindle and I need to stop reading it in public places. People shoot me weird glances as they see me laughing so hard tears are running down my cheeks… they are not sure if they should help me or turn and walk away quickly. At least with the audio version I can laugh hysterically in the privacy of my own car and maybe the people in traffic around me will just sort of move out of the way and I can get where I am going a little faster and in a much better mood 🙂

  1249. Oh! Pick me…pick me….pick m e!!!! Paper back porfavor 🙂

  1251. I would lurve a book book copy! Just read the iBook & find its difficult to share the love as I won’t be parted with my iPhone . This is NOT a massive promotion for Apple I promise

  1253. Oh sweet Jesus I want to hear you do the audio version. Mostly because I want to hear you imitate Victor, and I need to hear the Beyonce story straight from its source.

  1255. That’s a tough call. I must pick audio, because really? Singing the titles sounds awesome. But can I get it wrapped in that whimsical UK edition cover?

  1257. Although I love that extra whimsy I can’t say no to extra audio!

  1258. I already bought the paper (though it would be nice to have the UK cover), so I’m gonna choose AUDIO. I assume you’ll be reading with a British accent, so it’s win-win.

    (I hope I win!!)

  1259. AUDIO!!!!!!!! That way it will be like you are right there telling me the stories in person!!!!!!

  1261. I have both the audio version and the print version. I have never wanted to spend more time in my car than I have while listening to your book. I’ve been trying to convince every person I know, and a few I don’t, that they need your book because it’s just that freaking awesome. And if I get a choice, I would LOVE to have a signed copy of your book.

    Also, can you come to the Seattle area, pretty please?

  1264. I would LOVE a copy of the audio version… my commute is 2 hours 20 mins one way, which is horrendous, but also gives me lots of time to listen to books on CD! :o)

  1266. I have to choose one or the other? I think I’ll choose the audio but wouldn’t say no to a paper copy either 🙂

  1267. WANT WANT WANT the audio!! I squealed when I saw my city (and you totes can’t be blamed for spelling it wrong, lots of t’s and n’s) but then I thought… Skype? Will this be worth it? Because I went to JB to meet Ree Drummond and WOW, it was packed and hot and we were there for HOURS. Since I already have the signed bookplate (which, why do they call it that?) I’ll have to give this some thought.

  1269. Could I get the paper version if I promise to buy the audio version? (I already have the US book, would like to completment it with the UK version)

  1271. Paper 🙂 Love tangible copies of what I’ve read & loved!

  1273. I prefer the paper version, but who am I kidding? I’d take either one!

  1275. Audio please – heard you sing in LA and would love to hear more!

  1277. Commenting like a flaily commenting thing!

    Dead-tree please – because then I can send my US version out like the traveling red dress, except for the part about it not being red or a dress (ok, it sounded better in my head). Because I want to share this with all of my friends who are too broke to buy. Like a scholarship except with more dead animals.

  1278. Ooooooh, I like that cover! Paper! I don’t listen very well, so reading would be better for me!

  1279. I would love the paper version. What an awesome font!

  1280. I want to be sung too! Audio for me. Love the book, and loaning it to my mother when I see her next! Jenny Lawson, bringing families together whether they like it or not! 🙂

  1282. The downside of pre-ordering your book as soon as it was an option, is that I had to wait what felt like forever to get it in my hands and I was so excited about finally having it that I devoured your book as soon as I got it, so I’m now in need of one to actually read.
    I would love to also have the audio version so I can hear your stories told by you in your actual voice, not the weird muppety one I made up in my head (because I’m HORRIBLE at impressions, and also, I’m congested…on account of eating so many books on account of Cookie Monster ruined my impulse control lesson as a child).
    Thank you, and by the way (not said as an afterthought in the least), I’m so very excited and happy at the amazing success that your life & stories have brought you in the form of your super awesome hilarious picture filled book!
    YAY!

  1283. I would like you to come to the UK and do a signing tour. If you do, i recommend you do a signing at the independent bookshop where my friend works in Southport, because you’re great and she would love you and it would be incredible to meet you. Afterwards, we would take you to the pub and buy you alcohol. This would also be amazing.
    Failing that, please can I have the audiobook? Then we could listen to it in the pub and dream of what might have been. Thank you.

  1287. My book won’t be worth much to collectors in the future, I dragged it everywhere to read it whenever I got a chance. Audio please!

  1288. Paper version please – because everything will be spelled correctly (as opposed to all the dropped u’s and zees instead of zeds in the american version).

  1293. Although it would be kinda funny to have my two year old quote lines from the audiobook at daycare…I would like paper please. 🙂

  1294. Oh, please, a copy of the audio book. My husband would love it if I would stop reading sections of your book out loud when he’s trying to read the Economist, so I’d just play you reading out loud instead. (I read some of the HR section to my doctor yesterday … well, he did ask me why I was laughing so hard in the exam room by myself.) I’m sure some of the bloopers would be a perfect addition to our outgoing phone message this election-primary season, too.

  1296. Yo quiero el libro de papel. Y un taco. Quizas una cerveza.

    (Because I enjoy paperback books, tacos, beer, and sounding smarter than I am.)

  1300. I would LOVE a signed copy of your book because I bought a copy and I think it must be a defect – instead of a signature there’s a booger on page 49!!!

  1301. I would so love to have the audio version! I just finished reading the paper version, and I loved it so much that I’m going to read it all over again!! Thank you so much for writing, for being you, and for sharing this amazing journey. Love Love Love.

  1302. Paper, pretty please. I have it on my iPad because I’m inpatient and couldn’t wait for it… but I want to be able to see it on the shelf, too, and be reminded of how wonderful it is every single day.

  1306. I would love the audio version. I am a sucker for a book that I can “read” in the car. Soo much driving makes me go insane. So a little of your humor on my trip would be wonderful!
    Thanks.
    Heather

  1307. I’d like the UK version. And I wish you were actually appearing at Schuler’s in Lansing! First, because there’s so little to do that’s interesting around here anyway. And second, because your recent posts on depression have been very timely for me and I’d love to thank you in person. Regardless, have fun on the tour!

  1308. I would love a copy of the paper version! Otherwise, time to put it on hold at the library…

  1309. Paper would be fabulous. I’ve ordered the US version already but with me being a Kiwi, it’ll be easier to read it if it’s written with an English accent.

  1312. As tempted as I am by the UK paper version, the audio version is screaming my name 🙂

  1313. I would love a copy of the audiobook because it would be all kinds of awesome to imagine you were reading me your book as a bedtime story. Also, then I could sit in the tub and listen to you read instead of taking the chance of dropping the book in the tub (because that’s JUST the sort of thing I’d do… not on purpose, but because my cats are constantly underfoot and like to come and try to nap on me whilst I’m in the tub, which interferes with keeping books from becoming soggy).

    I promise I’d keep the CD player away from the tub because electrocution by audiobook is just way too weird for a death certificate entry.

  1315. Who would turn down a copy of this work of brilliance?

    Audio please, since I have a paper copy already.

  1316. I said paper and I forgot to add my info…

    So paper please! Also please come to Seattle!

  1317. oooooooh love the cover of the UK version……….I work at a library and have everyone(as in select co-workers) reading it so we can quote from it and then laugh uproariously………

  1318. I’d love the audiobook, but if I win please send some adult diapers too. Urine is so hard to get out of car upholstery, and with how much I’m going to be laughing I just can’t risk that.

  1322. I hope this is not just for people in the UK because I would LOVE audiobook … I already have nonUK actual book.
    I hope not actually going to Michigan doesn’t mean that Minnesota is for sure a no go …. Although if you came to MN you’d probably go to the twin cities and I hate crowds … but I’d still try to go!
    I’m also not much of a commenter because I’m not funny, I don’t feel I have anything new to add, and I have horrible anxiety about people judging me for what I say … With a blog like this I don’t know if you read all these comments but I want to say a few months ago I found your blog from Wil’s twitter and have been reading from your first one and finally caught up yesterday. Thank you for writing … Some posts have made me cry, others think, and most laugh. Also, due to my insomnia, it’s fun in the middle of the night waking up my husband because I’m laughing so hard and my husband is confused/concerned and asks if I’m laughing or in pain …. I just say yes because I’m laughing so hard I’m in pain. Really though thank you … even though I have the best family and friends, I usually feel so alone and while I still can’t shake that, because part of me feels like this blog is so wonderful that it’s not real and my brain is just making it up, but I feel somehow alone but yet less alone.

  1323. I would love paper please! I have been looking for it at the library but none of the libraries around me has your book yet.

  1324. I would love the audio book version although it may be dangerous to listen to on my commute!

  1325. P.S. Would you like to come over for dinner after the MD event? You’re even welcome to stay overnight in the guest room where Dr. Pants and his wife K.C. stay when they’re in town. Just putting it out there (she said hopefully)…

  1326. Oh, I would love, love, love the signed copy. Or the audio book. I wish you were coming to Louisiana!

  1334. That is the most awesome cover.. why didnt they do that for all the books ! Love it.. Paper for me!!

  1336. I would love a paper version. I’m a new follower and am absolutely in love with your blog. I have to get caught up on everything I’ve missed!!!

  1337. Oh and I bought the book for my birthday last week !!!! Cant wait to start it

  1339. I would love to add the UK version to my original on my bookshelf. It was a wonderful book, Jenny.

  1340. I would like the British version because I have the book and then had to buy the audio when my children wouldn’t leave me alone enough to read it so I would also like a book plate for my audio version that I didn’t realize I was going to have to buy when I signed up for the one for my pre-order.

    Also I have to travel back and for to the UK for work so a British version would be very appropriate.

  1341. UK paper version please!? You know, audio is good too. Would love to hear you read your own stuff even if it takes the minuscule possibility of my chance to audition as the reader. Yep, I am one of them that reads aloud for a living – sometimes with accents! English mouse ones even 😉
    Congratulations to you and thanks for writing this book.

  1343. I would love the paper version because I have the Kindle version now (that I fucking love) but I would also like the audio version for obvious reasons. So if I should win, surprise me!

  1344. I’d sell at least one of my appendages… and, perhaps, even my child for the book!

  1346. I would love the audiobook, then I could listen to your book while I drive to work… though that might be dangerous and I would crash from laughing so hard and then they would have to name a law after me about the dangers of listening to your audio book while driving.

  1347. I want the print one because I can’t decide if those are tree roots or squid tentacles. I’ll need to do a scientific study on the real thing, please.

  1348. Audio! Audio! I want to hear the bloopers! Also- come to MN!

  1350. Paper Version.

    P.S. I’m so jealous of you! You’re living the dream.

  1351. I would LOVE a UK version! I already have it on my Kindle, but I NEED a hard copy version as well! 😀
    Cheers!

  1354. Tough choice as I’ve never heard you sing, but paperback, please. Love the UK cover! Your book was so fabulous. I was trying to read sections of it to my 14 year-old daughter (an even bigger fan than I am, and she loved you first) and I was laughing so hard, I had tears running down my face…barely able to breathe. Luckily, she understood.

  1356. Would love the audio version! I could lend it to my husband, and he could listen to it in his headphones at work…causing a great ruckus and many a stink-eye from his attempted silent laughing, which usually sounds like hyperventilating. And who doesn’t enjoy that, no?

  1357. Audio version! I already bought the hardback version, and I’d really love to hear that extra chapter! 🙂

  1358. I just want you to come to Oregon on your book signing…sigh

  1360. Audio, please….you reading me to sleep each night just sounds ducky!

  1361. I would love to win the paper copy. I was at the Dallas signing but through s series of unfortunate events, missed actually seeing or hearing you.

  1363. Audio please please please please please please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  1365. ohhh i would love to have the paper version! I can not wait to get a chance to read it.

  1368. Oooh tough call! I’ll go with the audiobook as I’ve already read the hardcopy and hearing you read aloud sounds magical!

  1370. I already bought the paper version but I’d definitely like to add the audiobook to my collection so I can hear bonuses and bloopers! And I know it’s a total shithole, but why didn’t you come to St Louis anyway? I don’t want to be here either… so you could show up and we could hate it together.

  1373. I’d love the paper version. And if you want to do a UK book tour I will supply a list of bathrooms to hide in, xanax, good pain killers and tea. Also there are no cougars in the UK, just little kitties with attitude.

  1374. It’s a tough choice . . . . the UK paper version looks really cool, but I already have the book, so if I’m one of the lucky winners, I’d prefer the audio version because I want to hear you sing the titles!

  1375. I’d love the paper version! Good luck Jenny! I hope you come to Baton Rouge, LA!!!!

  1382. hey, i’m not picky… if you’re givin’ em away, i’ll take what i can get!

  1385. definnitely the audio book. We love to listen to audio books on road trips and, come on, *singing* the titles makes it practically a ‘sing-a-long blog’, which is always awesome.

  1386. YAHOOOOOOO!!! I will see you this Friday at Books & Books in the Gables…so excited for you to see my coffee mug (which will make total sense on Friday!!)

  1389. I would love the paper copy..but instead I will buy it, and you can sign it when you visit Gaithersburg, MD on the 19th.
    AND I’ll send in my 11 cents for your kids!!
    YAY!!!!!!

  1390. Paper. And please for the love of all that’s holy please tell me Salt Lake will be in your book tour!

  1393. PAPER because it’s better than plastic.

    Also, I can’t see you on Friday when you’re in Miami because I’m sick and most likely I’ll cough and forget to cover my mouth because I’ll be so excited and then get you sick and that would suck. And then the guilt would set in on my part.

    If only I could find a bubble big enough for me. Maybe I’ll see you after all. If not, I’ll be the crazy yelling your name through a bullhorn as I do drive-bys of the the bookstore.

  1394. OMG I would love the paperback copy! Look how awesome that cover is!

  1395. Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I am sosososososo happy for you! I am lucky enough to already have your book, but I would DIE of excitement to have the audiobook!!!

  1398. I don’t think I’ve got a jello shot’s chance of survival at a bachelorette party, what with 1300+ entries ahead of me, but the audio version would make my day, especially if it includes the outtakes!

  1399. I’ve already read the paper version & LOVED it! I would get a real kick out of hearing you sing the titles, and a blooper reel too? Fan-freaking-tastic!

  1400. Please oh please oh please oh please I want the audiobook! I already have the paper one and I have read it in one nap (the nap being my little boy’s nap…)

  1404. Dang, why does US get al the boring stuff? Not that your book is boring but WOW that UK version is SO COOL!! Hmm, I already have the US one and a signed bookplate (yay!!) so I think I would pick the audio version. I would then sneak it in my husbands car for his commute. Then I’d have to hide a camera to get his reaction when it started playing at 4:30 in the morning… heehee

  1406. I would love to tear off the cover and frame it, so the paper version please!

  1408. Gaithersburg? That’s more than an hour away, but damnit, you’re worth it! Oooh, and I’m off work that day. Joy of joys!!

    I have paper so I’ll choose plastic… I mean, audio.

  1410. I’d love a hug* or the paper version of the book.

    *I know hugs are hard to ship so it can be a mental hug*

    *Mental hug: a hug you just think. Not a crazy hug, but if you wanted you could do that too.

  1411. PS- if you add atlanta and need any guidance on lodging, eating, gathering venues, etc., i’m glad to help! have lived in the city for 15 years (as opposed to those bloggers who say they’re in atlanta but are really in the suburbs and exurbs).

  1412. The audiobook would be fantastic. And I really love your book! I have never gotten to see my brain on paper like I have now, thank you Jenny, thank you!!

  1413. I’d take the audiobook version just to hear you singing the titles… it’d be my wake up music…

  1415. it’s a very Alice in Wonderland-y cover. or perhaps Tim Burton-y is more accurate. either way…I absolutely LURVE it! paper please.

  1416. What can this Texas native do to make you add a stop in Kansas City? You tell me what kind of taxidermied animal it will take, and I’ll make that happen. Or perhaps I can offer you the bronze “Medusa-Head Barbie” bust-on-a-pedestal I made? Definitely one of my prized possessions. (Also, it poops WAY less than my first-born, so I think it’s prolly the better deal.)

    Also, if I happen to be the random winner, may I please have the audiobook? I’m a sucker for singing chapter titles.

  1417. I would love a UK version of your book. I’m going to buy your book anyway though, for two reasons. First, you’re hilarious and I want to read it. And second, because I know what those panic attacks can do to you and I’m so proud of you for being out on that book tour. So proud!

  1418. Would totally love to score the UK Paper Edition!!
    Shine on! You are beautiful!!

    xoxo,
    tb

  1421. Plastic! Oh, crap. Paper! Screw it, either! Don’t care, as long as it’s sent with love, or photos of dead animals dressed in people clothes.

  1422. Paper…no, audio..no, paper…definitely paper…or audio. You choose! I would LOVE either one.

    P.S. You must come to Colorado. Especially if you have never been to Casa Bonita:
    http://www.casabonitadenver.com/

    I once heard it described as what would happen if Disneyland had sex with Tijuana and left the goofy-looking bastard child to fend for itself in a random strip mall on Colfax (which is the street you head to if you need a hooker in Denver). Basically it is made of awesome and if you came to see it I could meet you and get my book signed. If I do not hear from you I will assume you are adding Colorado to the book tour. Don’t pull a Nation Fillion!

  1426. I’d honestly be happy with either, but I’d rather have the audio. I’m so not an audiobook person, either, but I want that blooper reel.

  1429. Audio book please!!!! I love to listen to them while I walk my dog. I tend to choose comedies, so get lots of looks as I laugh/snort down the street.

  1432. An Audio one please!
    i’m so glad that you are signing a few UK ones 🙂
    Awesome!!

  1437. I’d love an audiobook–MUST hear you singing titles! So glad you’re coming to Gaithersburg. Hope to see you there!

  1438. i traveled all the way down your page for a PAPER book!!!!! I WANT I WANT!!!! UK PAPER EDITION!!!!

  1439. audio would be rad, though I think I am way too late to the game… can’t hurt to try, can it?

  1441. I preordered from amazon UK when it was possible, so you know what? I would like (if picked) a surprise! Either would be lovely, but I think hearing you speak would mske the book come to life. But I wouldn’t want the book to come slice because that would just be dangerous. I mean, some books are intelligent, others are evil and some are just plain weird. I wouldn’t want to live in a eorld were books ruled the earth.

  1443. Paper book, please! More portable, so I never have to put it down 🙂

  1445. OMG, fangirl squee – you’re coming to my stomping grounds. I will be at the Gaithersburg appearance. So so happy about this. If you need a shoulder, or a wine slushie, I’m the girl for you.

    As to the give-away, I’ve already purchased 2 books + the audiobook and am listening to the audiobook on my iPod as I drive – you’re living with Victor in a tiny one bedroom right now. I would love the UK version. (The font is excellent!)

  1449. I’d prefer the paperback but would be pleased to receive either one!

  1450. I want the recorded one sooooo bad. I have a feeling my local library probably doesn’t have it yet…or any other book from the bast 20 years.

  1451. The audio version please! That way I can listen and laugh anytime and anywhere and no one will know why. 🙂

  1452. I would love to be the lucky recipient of your most amazing journey in hard copy please! I may be your biggest (or maybe only) fan in the Yukon…or Yukon,our government recently declared that the “The” is no longer valid when referring to [the] Yukon or [The] Yukon Government. They also dropped “Territory” becuase they felt like the Provinces got all the goodies and the Territories were the orphans. So I am in Yukon [Territory]and would greatly appreciate a copy of your UK version, if not for any other reason than our government is slowly getting rid of our words.
    Affectionately,
    Susan

  1453. Wow, I would not say no to a copy of the audiobook. I have heard it is fantastic, and though I suspect I would have to listen to it somewhere when I was *not* driving or operating other heavy machinery, I would love to check it out!

  1454. I love you! and your book! And I’d love to win the audiobook (since I have the paper version already, and drive a lot).

  1455. if wishes were horses, there’d be one heading your way with me on it so i could meet you on tour! but alas, i would have to settle for the Audio Book! 😉

    i think i’d look scary in riding pants.

  1456. I have to make a bid for the audiobook, mostly because I want to hear the bloopers. Also because I’ve been listening to books more than reading them lately, and it’s quite enjoyable to be read to.

    And it certainly sounds like you’ll need some down time after all this! You’ve earned it!

  1459. I would love the audiobook, but I guess I have a one in a million chance of winning….

  1461. My mom already got a hard copy for me in San Angelo (complete with your signature, so special!)…but I commute 60 miles round trip everyday and would LOVE the audio version, too!

  1462. oooh the UK version is soo pretty I’d totally pick the Book!

  1463. I’ve already read the book, so now I NEED the audiobook. The only way I could enjoy the book more is to hear it in your own voice!

  1466. I would love either version! I thought I pre-ordered the book because I totally signed up early to get my autographed book plate thing, but then the book never came. It was weird, maybe they didn’t want my money? Regardless I still have your signature on a sticker and should I ever begin my own collection of small, stylish, taxidermied animals I would finally have a place to stick that sticker. Or I could try to buy your book again. Or you could mail me a stuffed mouse! Either way we all win, because I’m from Texas and that’s how it works.

    PS – I’m from Houston and live in LA now and reeeeeally wanted to come to your book tour, but I was out of town that weekend (Coachella, yo)! Thank God I found solace in the sticker with your name on it in cursive.

  1467. Paper version, if you please. (said in my best British English, so I’ll be ready to read it with an accent when it arrives!)

  1468. Paper! I really enjoy reading your blog — it cheers me up every day!!!

  1471. I’d love a copy of the audio book but I also believe you should stop at Philadelphia. We on the east coast love the book too!

  1472. Please, please come to Orlando!!!

    (Paper or audio. I’m easy to please… most of the time.)

  1473. Paper please!! Also, come to Sacramento! When you were in San Francisco my two friends and I weren’t able to get there for your signing and we literally cried while drinking wine, and wearing a red dress (we weren’t all wearing the dress, we alternated…). There is pictorial evidence of each one of us in the dress, which I will show you if you come to Sacramento.

  1476. a book! in print. so i can look at it and be reminded of your awesome-ness 😀

    *ooh oohhh!!! pick me!! pick meeee!!*

  1479. I would like to have the audiobook, please very much. Thank you.

  1480. I love the cover of the UK book, but I would really like the audio version. Then I could knit while I listened. Assuming I’m not shaking too hard from laughter.

  1481. Jenny,
    I would love either/or… you decide. But what I would love even more is if you were my next-door neighbor and we could go drunking together. I would help you with your taxidermied dioramas. We could do a Shakespearean series. All of the bard’s plays as performed by woodland creatures. Think about it…
    Still laughing at your fabulous book,
    Anne

  1482. Audio please as the paper version has already been ordered xoxo

  1484. I would love a copy of either, honestly. I’m a big audiobook junkie, but I also read an equal amount of physical books.

  1485. Book shortages kind of sounds like a good thing for you… lots of sales!!!!

    I would LOVE to have the audiobook version since I already bought the regular US copy and I would love to hear the extras and outtakes. Plus my husband will never get around to READING but I bet he would love your book if he could listen to it on the way to work.

    Thanks, Jenny!

  1486. Hi Jenny,

    I’ve just started reading your blog and I would love to win the paper version of your book – the UK cover looks fabulous.

    Melissa

  1489. I would LOVE the paper version. The audio version is probably cool too but I like to make the little voices in my head take on roles of the people in your stories. I was going to your Coral Gables show on the 4th but since I’m having “female surgery” (don’t ask!) on the 3rd, the doc thinks traveling 4 hrs so soon might be pushing it. Anyways…LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog and hope to see one of your shows soon! xoxo

  1490. Paper, please!! I think that its being a UK version means that it will have Canadian spelling, perhaps? And on that note, will you please come to Canada? PLEASE? We’re friendly up here. Mostly.

  1492. I’ll take the paper version then read it to my wife. She wants the audio version. That way, we’ll get a twofer.

  1494. Ooooo, such a tough choice. But I think the audio book wins because it would be great to hear the bloopers. Also, could you come to the Philadelphia area? That would be really awesome.

  1497. Why on earth do the English get the best things? The Lord of the Rings, the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Terry Pratchett, and this cover?

    Want paper…..!

  1498. Wohoooo! UK version out soon.
    Right, so if I win this one I would like the paper copy pretty please.

    Hope you’re doing ok.

  1501. paper, so i can carry it around and people can see how awesome i am for reading the bloggess! =)

  1506. Paper version! I love the UK cover! BTW, was at Target today and they had ONE copy left….ONE! Must be selling well!

  1509. I love the UK cover! It’s amazing! 🙂

    And well, I already have a paper version of the book, but I’d love to be able to hear you singing the titles!

  1511. I would really, truly, absolutely, positively LOVE a signed paper version of your book. Since the closest stop you will be making to my area is about seven hours away, I believe this may be my only chance to get a signed copy of your book.
    I already have a special slot in my bookshelf prepared for you. It’s next to Neil Gaiman. I figure since it’s the UK version of your book and Neil is from the UK, it just makes sense. Your books can hang out all the time and talk with British accents.

  1514. The paper version would be awesome! I love the text, alone!

    I suggest postcards with the UK cover. I’d buy some.

  1518. goodness, commenter one thousand three hundred and seventy eight unless i’m too slow tying and end up being 8 thousand 5 hundred 18!!!! guess lots of like minded folks are overcome with your bribery. free? sure, i’ll go lie on those train tracks…but seriously, i bought the book so that’s mine, all mine and i don’t wanna share. so if selected, ya right!, i’d love the audio book, that i can share with a smile and proof of identification. continue having a most excellent tour. big hug you famous author!

  1520. This is one of two books in the whole world that actually made me laugh out loud in my lectures…when i probably should have been working 😛

    It’s that addictive! I got the kindle version but i’m hoping to get the paper version soon. I much prefer paper versions you can hold, but i couldnt wait for delivery 😀

    Thank you so much for writing it, It’s amazing when an author can ellicit that much emotion from so many people. And don’t listen to any meanies, those dressed up animals are the best toys ever, i mean stuffed ones are cool and all, but who can say, when they make their toy come to life, that it actually DID come to life at one point 🙂

    and not in a zombie crawling up the stairs to eat you way, more a happy wild life with kids way 🙂

    I dont even mind if i dont win for once, you made my homesick at university days so much brighter 😀

    thank you

  1522. pick me pick me. I already have mailed a hardcopy present and have mine on kindle..but would love this!
    Hey. big question..how is Victor handling all this?????? NOT easy to do I suspect. But he sounds pretty cool. Thanks for the joy you bring so many of us!

  1527. Today has been exceptionally difficult, but a paper copy of your book would certainly makes things better.

  1530. Paper!! I love books, real books, not digital ones! (audio books are ok but I prefer to caress my books, lol)

  1531. I’d love to have the paper version so that I can read it and lend it to my friends, which will think I’m a weirdo until they realize they are, too.

  1532. audio would be a dream come true 🙂 I read my kindle version in one day and got no work done because I was too engrossed. On the bright side, when I got caught at my desk I managed to pass the tears of laughter off as distressed trauma tears and distract the boss from the fact I was reading a Kndle at my desk. The audio book would let me relive it more subtly, with secret headphones 🙂

  1533. Paper version, I would give it to my daughter, I have already read it and am still laughing. When I was a kid my grandfather was a Oklahoma cotton farmer, we had a creek where we fished to supplement our groceries. We caught perch and catfish mostly, whenever my grandpa would clean the catfish my brothers and I would always fight over who got the float (for city folks, this is an air bladder that the catfish used to regulate depth) it’s fun to play with in a galvanized bucket. When I was a kid i thought this was totally normal…. When I grew up I was like WTF??!! Were we seriously so poor that fish gut was an acceptable toy? My Grandpa would walk the fields before plowing and we always got baby bunnies, my grandma would color their ears with food coloring so we could tell them apart. We grew up with tadpoles, and frogs, horny toads, what a great childhood!

  1535. I’ve just discovered this blog. It is wonderful. I’d love a paper copy of your book 🙂

  1537. Audio!! Then I could listen to it before bed, like an awesomely insane lullaby.

  1539. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a paper version please! Also, I should mention that the UK version comes out on my birthday. Just sayin’.

  1542. Audio Please! I want to hear you sing! I saw you in LA…wonderful event and great people…your book is amazing – read it in one sitting….

  1544. audio for me I have your book and my mom’s eyesight isn’t so good anymore and this way she can enjoy you as much as I do 🙂

  1545. Audio please! I’ve never owned an audio ok but the promise of bloopers is too awesome to pass up! I finished your book last week and not since reading ‘Lamb’ have I laughed out loud while reading a book. Your blog does it to me several times a week though.

  1546. I’d love a copy of the audio version, since I’m getting old nand it’s hard to read anything that’s not on a computer screen. Thanks!

  1549. Audio then I’d have a full set plus I so enjoyed hearing your reading on the book tour

  1552. Audio!!!
    I’ve been telling everyone about how awesome your book is… honestly never laughed so hard in my life!

  1555. Audio book, please! I love your book, and it kept me company when I was traveling a couple of weeks ago…it also earned me strange looks from my aisle mate on the plane when I couldn’t stop shaking from laughing so hard. I am so very happy for you and all of your success. 🙂

  1556. PAPER PLEEEEEEZE!! LOVE LOVE LOVE PAPER!!!!!!!!! Are you coming to Arizona?

  1558. I would so love to have the audiobook! I’ve been trying to justify buying it to myself sinc eI already own the hardcover.

  1560. Paper please. Not that I wouldn’t love to hear the chapters read in SONG but I have three small children and would not be able to listen to the audio version over the sound of their playing? fighting? no… definately, probably playing. In other words, it’s TOO LOUD over here. (Plus, I love curling up to read a book when it’s finally quiet.)

  1561. I’d live the audio version!

    Also, please come to Minneapolis. 🙂

  1563. Paper version! Also you’re going the wrong way – you need to come to Southern California, not Florida!

  1564. In the middle of reading the book now (love it), but would love to hear your voice reading it to me so I can truly become the creepy stalker I’ve always wanted to be. So, I’d love the audiobook.

  1565. Since I’m deaf, I’m going to have to say the UK printed version- although I really, really wish I could hear you singing the chapter titles. (And not just because I’m, you know, deaf.)

  1566. Hi, Jenny,
    What are the chances I’d be fortunate enough to receive the Eight-Track version—–I mean, the audio version?. That would be so awesomely amazing I tell ya’!

  1567. I would love the audio version please because I’m thinking my eyeballs are misfiring as they have told the grey matter upstairs that Nathan Butswaddle Fillion hasn’t come to any of your readings.
    Needing eye transplant I guess, wondering since dogs and cats live such shorter lives than us that maybe people should be put on their transplant list instead…quick need book so I will stop rambling.

  1573. Audio, oh audio, please! If it’s anything even remotely like your reading in Houston on the tour, I’ll lose 5 pounds from laughing so hard that I’m crying.

  1575. I would love the UK version. That cover is so awesome! I have been looking to see if you come my way.

  1576. hi! I’d love an audio version, if you can send it all the way to the UK? Also can you send yourself to the UK too?!?! We’d love you to come here! (yes I’m speaking for all of the uk here) my best friend has bought me a copy of your book and is going to try and get it signed when you go to Florida- for my birthday present… I can’t wait to read it!!!

  1577. I LOVE the U.K. cover. I want it in my life. Pleeeeeease.

  1578. Wow, I’d love a paper copy, and i hope that an added stop is in Phoenix. On that note, I have a really large bathroom if you do come to Phoenix and need somewhere to hide 🙂

  1581. I would love the UK version. That cover is so awesome! I have been looking to see if you come my way.

  1582. Jenny, I wish I could have made it to the book signing when you were in LA, but well life happens and I couldn’t. It would be fantastic to get a copy (in paper) of your UK edition.

    I have to tell you, you keep myself and a few friends giggling at work rather frequently. I’d say we people are starting to give us weird looks, but we already sort of get those.

  1584. Ooh!! Audio please!! I do many long car trips and would love to listen to your book on tape!! ( and add it to my collection of your works which I currently have both in hardcopy and on my kindle since I wouldn’t share with my husband…)

  1585. As much as I love the cover of the paper…I would LOVE the audio version! I want to hear the extra chapter and blooper reel.

  1587. Oh, please, yes, me! I would love the audio book!!!!!! On car trips, dh and I listen to them and he’s gotten hooked on your blog, too! Please, please, please pick me! I’m the one waving both arms and jumping up and down! I think it would be a lovely Mother’s Day present for me. I want to win!!!!!

  1588. Paper version please! Thank you! Please come to Portland, OR home of Portlandia!

  1590. I would LOVE the paper version, pretty please! (with cream, sugar, and a cherry on top!)

  1591. I love that we’re considered a more whimsical country to sell books in 🙂 I’d like a whimsical paper one please!

  1593. I would love to have the audio version. That sounds awesome, especially the part about you singing the titles and including bloopers!

  1594. I already have the US version, and while I think the UK version looks just fab, the truth is I want the singing-Jenny titles and blooper reel! Oh, yeah! 🙂

  1598. I’d love the paper copy to go with the e-copy I’ve already read! Fun and amazing read!

  1600. Ummm…. so I forgot to add the part where I want the AUDIO version… Or, Jenny, you could just come to my house & sing me the titles in person, if you’d rather. My bathroom’s small, but the acoustics in there are great.

    🙂

  1601. Late to the party as always I see I am…anyway…I’d love the audio…mostly because I’m pretty sure your intention was to send me one anyway considering you didn’t come to seattle.

  1603. For the first time ever, I think I’ll go with audio.

  1604. Paper, please! Love the script on the front. It probably breaks some arcane publishing law here in the U.S. …..

  1605. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!! I LIVE IN GAITHERSBURG!!!!! I am SOOO SOOO SOOO happy that you are coming to my area. And like I mean REALLY my area! I live 10 miles from where you will be!!! I AM SO EXCITED! YOU MADE MY DAY! Okay. I’m done yelling. I scared my cats. But they still love you! Ohhh….what can I bring to have you sign? I’m also a baker! Would you like treats? I am so excited!!!

  1608. I’d Love the print version as I’m dying to see the pictures mentioned in the audio version!

  1612. I would love, love, love the audio version! Then I could listen to you at work! 🙂

  1614. UK Paper please! I don’t want to have to wait another 8 days for it to come out here! That’s like, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGEEEEEEEEES!

  1618. Wow that cover is great! But I’d like the audiobook – you’d make road trips awesome!

  1619. Jenny, nothing would make me happier than the Audio version – that way I could hear your sweet voice pulling me out of my stress-induced coma – or talking me into one – whichever is fine with me.

  1620. Paper please! Almost done reading it on my Kindle, but nothing beats a hard copy!

  1623. paper, of course. I’m one of those wierdos that collects REALLY old books and tend to sniff them when I pull them off the shelf to read them. Unless the Nook starts coming with a “scratch and sniff” cover, I think I’ll stick to the real deal, thankyouverymuch.

  1628. Oh, I would dearly love the paper one. I already purchased the US version and the UK copy would make a charming companion for it! Real books smell good…and they feel good…and…the Bloggess makes me guffaw, even on the my snarkiest/gloomiest days!

  1629. Paper for me, and I soooo hope you are adding Raleigh to your tour!

  1630. While I’m sad to not meet you for real in person, I can say I’ve been to an exclusive Skype book signing (and watch people’s faces wondering how that even works) and hopefully I can take the time to get out and see you!

    Audio please!! Because I loved the posts showing you in the recording studio (and already have your paper book) and want to hear you read everything!!

  1632. Audiobook please. Because I just know you are going to come to Atlanta and sign my hardcover book. Right?

  1634. I would love Love LOVE a printed copy to stare at lovingly and have tea parties with!

  1635. I’ve got both, so if you pick me, go on and pick someone else. But squee! You’re going to be in Gaithersburg — I can actually come see you! Yay yay yay!!!

  1640. And one other thing. If you choose me to win…and I should win because I forgot to even WRITE which one I would want if you chose me…since I was so excited I get to have you sign my book! I would choose the audio version. And…I just bought your book again *I have it on my Kindle* and I want a hard copy for you to sign. Also I’m bringing my tiny Beyonce. And maybe some pictures of her in Italy. She had a fun time. I’m done now. Can’t wait to meet you at the book signing. OMG I SHOULD BRING TWINE!!! *since I’m a Chef you know…*

  1642. well, since I bought the book yesterday (and started reading it at my gyno, very appropriate first paragraph btw) i think i would like the audio version, which i will have to hide from my children. I’m almost done with the book and i’ve decided i’m going to give it away when I’m done with it for several reasons: 1) it is not the kind of book that should be left on a shelf getting no love. I’m thinking I will give it to either, Tiesha (girl from church), April (sister in law, aka the devil woman, whom i can’t stand but who’s alley this is right up, though I would rather shove it up her ass but that might piss off my brother…), or my new swap partner. Most likely the last one. AND 2) I know if don’t get it out of the house then when Russ starts to read he will find it and start quoting it and then one day when I am taking JoJo to Sunday school the door will be closed and she will say “Knock knock, mother fucker” and I will die. Of embarrassment. Or laughter. or both. Or embarrassement caused by my own laughter at my 4 year old saying “Knock knock motherfucker” or some such shit

  1643. I would usually yell for the real book – no question! But I have to say the idea of extra stuff and you singing the titles is pretty appealing too….. and I do a lot of listening to books as I travel. Okay, then. Audiobook it is!!!! Since I just discovered you, your past stories are still deep dark secrets to me, so I am looking forward to reading the book and getting caught up =^..^=

  1644. Pleeeeease pick me! I’d love the audio copy. I gave you the bracelet at your signing in San Antonio (which I’m sure you will treasure forever and it somehow makes us BFF’s for life).

  1646. Jenny, I love you so hard! You make me laugh on a regular basis (probably the most “regular” thing about me), but you also have the ability to make me sob uncontrolably. Your depression blogs make my heart hurt, but are ultimately uplifting as you come back out of the spiral. I was first introduced to you through Beyonce. My brother and uncle now proudly sport “Knock-knock Mother Fucker!” t-shirts at Christmas! I wish I had bought one for me! Can’t decide between paper and audio. Love the tangible paper, love hearing you read your own writings – then add in bonus chapter and blooper reel. Aaagggh! Flip a homeless person and send me either one!

  1648. I would LOVE the audio version!!! Hearing it in your own voice would be amazing. :o) PICK ME PICK ME!!

  1649. A boston date would be fabulous. just sayin. this is fabulous and i would be honored to have it.

  1653. OMG! I love the UK cover so much! Congrats on all the success & I want the paper. 🙂

  1654. ((Singing Loud and Slightly Off-Key)) I’ll take the audio book, please!

  1656. I am SO furiously happy that you are coming to MARYLAND! And I totes want the audiobook….because the only thing funnier than reading about the dead squirrell puppet in the cracker box, would be listening to you tell the story. And now I must scour the internets for the perfect dead animal to wear to the book signing….

  1657. I’m not picky, I would love to get either. But probably prefer paper.

  1658. Paper please! I finished the audio version the other day, and would LOVE to see the pictures you described, as well as show it off on my bookshelf. I have to say, listening to you read (and sing!) was amazing, I was so sad when it ended. More, please!

  1661. AUDIO AUDIO AUDIO!

    Please save me from my duller than dull day job enhancing high school yearbook photos!
    (though now that i know there’s an audiobook i’ll be looking to buy that in the near-soon either way)

  1662. I want audio, my wife wants paper. I say we need a video version, but Ill take anything i can get.

  1664. Hmm, the audio book would be a riot I’m guessing so I’ll vote for that. I loved the book, read it in a weekend and laughed until my stomach hurt, so thanks for that.

  1667. paper version please!!! I hope I win – fingers are crossed, toes are crossed, starting to cramp…

  1668. I would love to win the audiobook version. I always enjoy a good song 🙂

  1670. Paper version! Jenny, you are awesome! For real! I get so excited whenever I see your book in a store!

  1672. I’d love an audiobook so I can ‘hear’ you in your own voice. I’m reading it right now on my Nook and love it. It is a hilarious and random book.

  1673. I would love a paper copy! Hope you are loving the book tour & please please please come to the UK. <3

  1674. I would love love love the paper edition of your UK book. You are awesome 😀

  1675. I’d love an audio book so I can ‘hear’ you tell your wild and great story in your own voice. I bought the book on my Nook and love it. Note to self…do NOT fall asleep while reading in bed. Otherwise expect a very rude awakening on your face as your heavy nook falls in your face! Not pretty. Nor is the swearing and crying!

  1680. Audio please! 🙂 I I am reading the hard cover version right now, even though I should be studying for finals, and absolutely loving it. You make me laugh until I cry and for as fucked up as my childhood was at least I didn’t have to survive the shitstorm of 1983. I hope you are feeling better and I will gladly invest in the audiobook if you don’t choose me because I want to have that much funny available wherever I go.

  1682. Audio, as I would dearly love to hear you read the “Dear Victor” post-it notes that make me lahugh until stuff comes out of me every time…

  1685. OMG you are coming to Gaithersburg!!!!! I don’t care if it is my daughter’s birthday (she has one every year after all ) I want to be at your reading. I will be your personal tour guide. Oh gee. Also, I’ll take the audio version thankyouverymuch,

  1687. Audio! Because I love to hear your voice & accent! You ROCK & you’re getting closer to Indiana, I’m still keeping my fingers crossed. My gramma car of a Buick Pk Ave can’t make it to Cincy anymore! LOL.

    Keep on Truckin, and I’m all ready in your hermit cult. We have plenty of room.

  1689. Oh, audio, most definitely. To hear your melodic recitation to the awesomeness that is the book, which I devoured in one sitting… dreamy! Plus I’ve already passed the book on to further your goodness!

  1690. Much as I am intrigued by the extra stuff on the audio version, I’m still a sucker for paper. Unless you are asking me for paper or plastic, in which case that’s a different thing entirely.

    Best wishes for the rest of your tour. Go get ’em!

  1691. Audio would be awesome. I’ve already blazed through the now Collectors item of paper.

    You’re awesome for doing this! Thanks!

  1695. would love the audiobook. Please come to Rochester, NY. Pretty please?

  1697. PAPER please!..I just ordered the UK and the audio CD.. I’ll listen to the Audio as we drive to Gaithersburg to have you autograph the paper version!!! You rock!!!!! 🙂

  1703. I would LOVE the paper version! Please please please please please?

  1704. I love the whimsical fontage, but I’d like to hear you sing, so please pick me for the audio version. Pretty please.

    Congratulations on your book success! <3

  1707. Audio please. That’ll help my two hours of drive time each day and it would liven up the carpool!

  1709. I would love the audio version!!! Since I’m kind of a nomad and am constantly in my car (and halfway through the paper version and LOVING it!), it would be nice to have something to listen to! And, sadly, none of your dates for book signings match where I happen to be.

  1712. Audio Please
    (but really, I’d be thrilled with either one! That book cover is kinda cool!)

  1713. Ooh! Audio Book please! <3

    (BTW – I hope you come to Denver!!!)

  1715. Audio please, kind lady!!! As I already have a paper version I’ve read TWICE NOW. Even though I’m supposed to be studying. Awesome.

  1717. I’ve already bought the US paper version, so AUDIO! It’d be funny to listen while on a walk around the neighbourhood, laughing out loud while by myself would be hilarious.

  1721. Holy Crap! That’s a lot of comments! I would love to have the audio version.

  1722. Print please! And maybe a trip to Chicago? I would totally call in sick to work for that 😀

  1725. I would be so grateful for either version, but I think audio would be best. I’d love to have people wondering why I’m laughing in my car. 🙂

  1727. Audio please! As much as I love the British dust jacket, I already have the American version and I’m sorry, but I can NOT pass up singing chapter titles.

  1731. I’m old fashioned and would love a paper version of your book.

  1733. I would like the audio book! PLEEEEEAAAAASSSEE! Also, TOUR STOP IN MA!!!!!!!!!!!

  1734. I would love a signed copy of that audio book– please, please, please pick me!!!!!

  1739. Hmmm…. I have a pretty boring half hour drive to and from work so the audiobook appeals to me, but I love the weight of an actual book. I guess I’m not picky and either would be cool with me!

  1740. I have to go with the audio. I have the feeling it would leave me crying from laughing.

  1741. Well audio please because because I’ve already purchased 3 copies of the hardback so I’d rather listen to your bloopers!

    I can’t wait to see you again in Gaithersburg! I’m so going to start a fan club for your groupies! Unless you decide that I’m a crazy stalker and have me removed from the property. Then I’m just going to cry…

  1742. Considering I’m number 1689 and have no chance of winning, I will say audio while being delighted that you are coming to Gaithersburg!

  1744. paper version please. I hope to get my book plate soon. I’ve never received it.
    🙁

  1745. Paper please! Then I can stop worrying if my sister will lose my copy!

  1747. Oh, paper, s’il vous plait. I love the font on that book, it has a Gorey-esque quality. Wonderful!

  1748. Audio, please. Then I can play it at home and in the car for my husband who “doesn’t see what is so funny.” If you ever come to the metropolis of Cleveland, Ohio we would love it!

  1751. paper, please. the cover made me all tingly in my no-no places. i can’t help my reaction to fairy-esque fonts.

  1754. Now that I’ve thought about it.. maybe the audio version. I think I’d like very much to hear what you consider bloopers!!

  1755. North Carolina is lovely this time of year. Come sign some books and see! By the way, I love the cover of the UK version.

  1756. I want both.
    But that sort of bullying and selfishness will never get me anywhere, I know. So, I will throw my name in the PAPER hat.
    Thank you for being awesome!

  1758. Ooooh, I really like the cover of the UK version, but since I already have an American copy with a signed bookplate (thanks!) I’ll go for the AUDIOBOOK! Also, please come back to New York or that general area!!

  1760. Paper please! I love the UK edition cover…it makes me happy just looking at it, I can only imagine how happy the inside would make me!!

  1763. I am random. Totally. Which makes me perfectly suitable to be randomly selected as a winner.

    PICK ME.

    I want the UK book so I can read you saying “colour” and “raaather” and “crumpets and shit, ya’ll”.

    What a hoot.

    Question: does the English version come with a stuffed Corgi?

    Because the Queen tweeted than she is missing one.

  1764. Ooh – that paper one looks lovely. I’d love a copy of that version. I’d also love to have a book signed in person, but I’m in Canada. You’re sure you can’t be persuaded to add a few Canadian stops to your tour?

  1765. Truly fabulous, Ms. Lawson – I am in awe that you’re out there and rockin’ this tour HARD, leaving your comfort zone so very far behind. Audio please.

  1766. I would love the paper version. That cover font is kind of perfectly badass.

  1767. Audio please, madam Bloggess! I want to know what that blooper reel is like.

    Also, I was trying to tell my mother about a chapter in the book, and no matter how many times I said Bloggess or Jenny Lawson, she could not remember who you were. Until I said “Is this your penis?” in a deep and manly voice, at which point she went, “Oh! The HR chapter on the funny blog.”

    I thought you might appreciate that “Is this your penis?” is how at least one senior knows you.

  1770. Audio please. I can’t even fathom how much more awesome the book would be with you reading the book to me

  1772. I’d love the audio version! I’ve been telling anyone who stands still near me to buy your book.

    P.S.
    I read “The psychopath on the other side of the bathroom door” chapter last night… while in the bathroom. Almost choked trying not to laugh and wake my husband!

  1773. there is nothing better than Jenny singing, the audio of course!

  1775. what’s with the Brits trying to be all fancy with their fonts?! I’d like to have a paper version, because I already have one that I’d like to keep pristine and first editiony and then a second one where I can be all OCD and write in teeny tiny writing so that when the zombie apocalype comes and I die because I run slow and then they (the English, of course, who were saved from the zombies because of their fancy fonts) find my writing in your book and wonder who the weird chick was that was writing in the other weird chick’s book and I’ll become like the anne frank of the post-zombie apocalypse world. All thanks to you.

  1776. Oh, that UK cover is lovely! I’d take the paper =) And soooo can’t wait for you to come to Maryland! I was actually- literally- bouncing around work at 4pm when I found out. People musta thought I’d been hopped up on caffeine or something!

  1777. I’m feeling greedy and I really want both, but I do love the whimsy of the art on the book so I’ll go with that. I doubt you’ll get around to reading down to 1700+ in the comments section, but I just want to tell you that I would love love love to see you have a reading in Denver. I went to see Cheryl Strayed (Sugar!) at the Tattered Cover a few weeks ago, and it would be a great place for you to do a reading too, imho. Think about it.

  1778. Paper, por favor! 😀 I guess I’m just a traditionalist like that… sort of.

  1781. Paper Version!!! Read the US version cover to cover!

  1784. I would LOVE a copy of the paper version! I’m super excited to read it (my friend bought it and said she got crazy weird looks while reading it on a flight b/c she spent so much time laughing her butt off). I’m still waiting for her to ship me her copy since I can’t seem to find it at my local bookstore anymore…must be awesome b/c they’re all sold out!

  1785. Totally in love with the UK version of the cover. 🙂

    Last night was devastating. After leaving at a cliffhanger in your book (after the ‘don’t tell your parents’ chapter) the night before, I was going to read many more chapters of your book before bed…Well, I just so happened to take this sinus/cold meds and it totally knocked me out flat. But tonight! I will be on to read more of your book. Favorite chapter so far? The one I mentioned. I love all of it so far including the rather large footnote. I have chuckled out loud so many times. <3

  1787. I would like the paper version because I like to pretend you are reading it to me but your voice sounds like Isaac Hayes instead of what it normally sounds like.

  1788. Hi Jen,
    I have a copy of your book, obviously a first edition, but I would love to win a copy for my daughter who introduced me to your blog (and who owns lots of your brilliant work, but not yet your book).

    hugs

  1795. I would love an audio version of your most excellent book. Thanks for the chance for a freebie.

  1796. I would love to get the audibook – I can only imagine what the blooper reel sounds like : )))

  1797. Audio! I am such a sucker for bloopers, and I spend 2.5 hours in my car each day commuting. I promise that I will pull over if I start laughing hysterically and possibly wet my pants, so that I don’t cause any accidents. (Unless you want the publicity, then I will totally cause an accident and give you the credit.)

  1803. oh please please let me enjoy the audio book! I sit in front of a computer for 9 hours a day issuing insurance policies and I would love nothing more than to startle those around me with my cackling!

  1804. I normally prefer paper, but in this case? Audio all the way!

  1810. Audio! I would live to hear te extra chapter and blooper reel!!

  1812. Those Brits sure bring the whimsy – but I think I’ll need the audio version for the extras pretty please.

    And come to Atlanta will you? We’re nicer than you’d think

  1814. Audio. I have the digital version and I’m laughing myself silly but have been considering getting the audio version so I can have you read it to me. 🙂

  1818. I would love the audio version.
    Also, I am still waiting for my signed bookplate to arrive….

    Half way through the book and have woken hubs many times with stifled gawafas. I did notknow that there were other people who did weird things when anxious, or with social anxiety. I hear a non audible static, then start blathering about inappropriate subjects.

    Rock on with our bad selves! Mental illness is fun. B-) I don’t know how to sign off…

  1819. Audio, since I already have the US paper version. (but the UK cover rocks the socks off the US version…) Especially since MN isn’t on your tour list – so I may have to buy the audio version anyways to have anything like the tour experience. (I think I need to get one of those i-Dogs that move to the sounds played through them, and pretend its really you.)

  1824. Jenny, I would be honored to have either option you are offering! Please come to Vegas!!

  1826. How come they get the the EVEN BETTER cover? Dang Brits! I would so dearly love to hear you read your book. Most audiobook readers have funny accents, but you would normal, like a Texan! I was so upset when I didn’t get to go to your Austin signing. The audiobook would almost make life worth living again. (P.S. My dad is convinced that you took reader submissions and that I must have given you a lot of ideas. He says there is just no way that some of that stuff is “universal childhood experience”. I told him he really cheaped out by giving us just a big steel barrel to “swim” in instead of a couple of bathtubs in the yard. He said to take that up with my mother. Guess who’s getting an early morning visit from a Beyonce-look-alike for Father’s Day?)

  1827. Hardback (paper version) PLEASE!
    All hail the goddesses of randomitude that the signed copy will wing its way here to Eire soon!

  1828. I would love the paper copy not hollowed out, as I am very particular on the dimensions of the hollowness.

  1829. I’m only a couple of chapters into the physical book and can tell it would be awesome to hear this read aloud! So audio version for me! Oh, and I understand you even so much better now, hee hee! Wow!

  1830. audio! i assume you sound like a mouse dressed in a cape, am i right?

  1831. Audio, please.

    Also, question about your signing rules in Gaithersburg. I have the electronic version of your book and I don’t really want you to sign my phone. 🙂 Can I bring something else to have signed or are they pretty strict? I would hate to bring my stuffed crocodile stapled to a piece of driftwood all the way to Gaithersburg just to make him stay in the car.

  1833. Oh PLEASE Heaven’s Above let me be randomly selected for the audio! Herniated neck disc makes reading the paper one painful … but I’ve been sticking with it. Part the time I’m in pain from holding the book, the other part I’m in pain from laughing my guts out. My husband doesn’t know whether it’s the drugs or the pain or that I’ve just finally lost my mind altogether. THANK YOU for being FABULOUS!!!!

  1835. I would LOVE the paper book. I can’t do audio books, I totally zone out, I am totally a visual learner lol. Bet it is awesome though! 🙂

  1836. Both? Seriously though the audiobook. I have the ebook and would love to hear it out loud. God knows *I* can’t read it out loud with out crying with laughter!!

  1837. A cruel mistress indeed to make us choose between the awesomely clothed paper or the awesomely read audio – alas, if I must choose between the two equally superior forms of media I would choose *Audio*, please, thank you!

  1838. Audio, I would love to hear your inflections in the stories.

  1839. WOW With all the comments I’m sure I won’t win but it would be awesome to win an autographed paper copy of your book!

  1840. Paper please!! I pre-purchased the Kindle version on the first day you could, devoured it immediately upon receiving it but am sad i don’t have a “real” book!!!

  1841. You know, I don’t normally do audiobooks, but singing titles? Blooper reels? Yes please.

  1842. Audio, please!
    Will there be a second book tour? You need to come to Seattle. Please!

  1843. Paper please! I already have the audiobook (which I’m saving for a rainy day).

  1844. Tempting as the thought of having you sing the titles to me while I’m driving in the car, I think I better go with the hard copy. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! 🙂

  1846. PAPERBACK! PAPPPPPPPPPPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BBBBBBBACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I erased most of my exclamation marks, I don’t want to come off as irritatingly desperate for attention.
    But I kind of am.
    *********PICK ME***********

  1848. Paper please, I already own your audio!
    Please come to Calgary Alberta!

  1851. Audio please! I already have the paper! My mom is currently reading it and laughing until she almost pees.

  1855. SNAUSAGES!!

    Pick me!!! Pick me!! o Please! o please! o please! pick me!!

    Paper!!!!!!

    Just picked up your hard copy today and I. can’t. put. it. down.!!!

    o Please!! o Please!!! o Please!!!!!!!!!!

    FORK!!

  1856. I would love the audio version! I’ve already flew through the paper version, but I’d love a copy I could “read” when my hands aren’t working properly.

  1857. Paper please. And I agree with at least one person up there, please come to the Chicago area! It would be super duper amazing to meet you. (The irony of this request is I am FROM Texas, and just moved up here.) Just missed you by like 4 years.

  1858. Either would be fantastic – unless you’re planning on coming to Sydney, then I’ll just wait…

  1860. OMG! paper…i hope i win, i want to read your book, but i totally can’t afford to buy it right now 🙁 on the plus side, if i don’t win, i will end up buying it eventually…so…you know…

  1861. Wave to me as you pass Charlotte NC. I would love an audio version BTW…

  1863. Oooh, paper! I love love love the cover of the UK version.

  1864. I have never won anything so if I was lucky enough to win something as seriously fantastic as your book I really wouldnt care which form it was in. I would just be insanely grateful! Audio might have the edge though just cuz I would get the experience of hearing it 🙂

  1865. I would love the paper one. Oh wait, is there an option number 3??? What would be really awesome is for you to a personal live reading to me with the squirrel puppet your father made you when you were a little girl. Ventriloquist style! While sitting on my giant metal unicorn (yes, I really have one). What would be more awesome than THE Bloggess sitting on my unicorn with her hand up a squirrel’s ass, trying to ventriloquize her entire fucking book. Nothing, that’s what.

  1866. I would love the audio version!
    PS I am socially challenged and can relate to so many of your stories. One of my best includes a dinner party with my husbands coworkers. Uncomforttable silences a basically taunt me and dare me to say very unsettling things. During the inevitable silence at this party I took the silences challenge and started talking about a study I heard about masturbation. I’m not sure why my husband didn’t smother me that night but he didn’t….even though I did ask him in front of everyone how many times he does it a week.
    oye

  1868. Oh gawd, oh gawd, oh gawd – I would DIE for an audio copy – you will sign for me, yes? and please?

  1869. So hard to choose. . . But I would love the UK printed copy! You are the funniest person around, Jenny, never stop!

  1871. please, please bring your special brand of crazy to Seattle!!!

  1873. Paper…because the hardback and ebook I have just aren’t enough. Also, I’m all about some whimsy…

  1880. I’d love to have the audio, have tons of time to listen at work. Plus, bloopers? Sweeeeet!

  1882. I would LOVE the audio version!! Then I could listen to it on my drive to work and laugh my butt off!!

  1885. Can I just say yes and get both? I thinknid prefer the print copy.

  1886. What would be nice for Jane and I would be for your book tour to be expanded to include Kansas City so we could buy another copyat Rainy Days (independent bookstore) and hear you in person.

  1889. Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, please 🙂 PS…Canadians need some of you…for real! <3

  1894. I saw your book at Target the other day, unfortunately I couldn’t afford it 🙁 Would love a paperback copy…
    Curse you rent payments! Curse you!

  1895. I’m terribly jealous of how whimsical that cover is! I would love to win the audiobook. Thanks!

  1898. Looking forward to reading your book – I prefer the paper version please…

  1900. It’s so great that you’re adding more cities! Maybe you’ll stop by Minneapolis/Saint Paul? 🙂
    I’d love the paper version!

  1901. beggers can’t be choosers and I’m begging so I’ll let you do the choosing:)

  1903. I wonder why they’ve done a different cover for us over here in the UK? Your American cover is so much nicer.

    Oh, Paper, please!

  1904. Paper version please (though I’d love to hear you singing the titles).

  1906. I’d like the audio version so I can listen to funny stuff in the car.

  1909. A tough call on paper vs audio, but really, you just can’t go wrong. Paper, please!

  1911. Please?

    PLEASE?!

    PLLEEEAAASSSEEE??!!?!?!?!?!

    (Why yes, yes I did go all Skeksis on your booty. I wanted to be a Jim Henson creation when I was a little girl. Since I’m obviously a real person and not a Jim Henson creation, the only thing that will keep me from feeling like an utter failure is a paper copy of that book…. Please?)

  1915. Definitely the audio, as I already have the paper version. I’d love to hear your blooper reel! I finished reading the book last night, and was a little sad when it ended….

  1918. Ooh! Tough call… I think paper though, please. Or audio.
    No, definitely paper. 🙂

  1919. Paper. Always paper. I have to be able to bring it anywhere and everywhere.

  1920. Paper. ^_^ I’m also glad to hear that your book signing is going pretty well! Right now I’m working in Korea so…kinda impossible to go.

  1928. Audio Book for me please!

    (as an under achieving High School Senior I am obligated to avoid reading at all cost though I believe I may make an exception for your book in the likely case that I do not win the Audio version)

  1932. If I win, may I please have the audio? I promise to use it only for good! And by good, I mean putting the speakers in the toy TARDIS, and pretending that you are chillin’ with the doctor. There may also be a cape involved. And Turkish food. See- good!

  1933. audio so I can look even crazier when I go for a walk laughing my arse off while Boo walks beside me doing his best impression of a helicopter.

    WE SHALL HAVE THE FOOTPATH ALL TO OURSELVES!

    Which we totally would in the US cause you guys don’t have footpaths…

  1935. I love your book! I would love to win your audio book!
    Thanks for your bribery! Whoever wins will be very happy!

  1937. Paper, audio – I ain’t picky – I just love reading your stuff!

  1939. I want the audio book so you can entertain me while I drive across the country this fall.

  1945. Is the UK version written in a British accent? If so, I would LOVE a copy! Lol

  1947. I would very much like the hardback version, if I were lucky enough to win! That cover is awesomeness.

  1950. love you, love that cover (!), and would love paper, please.

  1951. Audio or paper? Seriously? That’s like asking me which of my kids is my favorite!!! Okay. I’m going Audio
    >.< It would be to fun to share my head with you….

  1955. I would love to hear you read it!!! Audio please.
    PS: could you please please please come to northeast GA so I can get you to sign my copy and meet you in person??!?

  1956. Audio!!!! I already own the book… and I love it!

    Wait, is the audio a recording of you reading the book with a British accent?

    Audio!!!!!

  1959. I love the Potterization script on the cover.

    I’d rather hear you read it though…and singing titles?!? Yes Please!

  1962. Audio!! Would love to hear that blooper real! Plus I have a 8 hour drive to Cleveland coming up soon and could use some entertainment!!

  1967. I would love either version, but I’ve been told that I really want the audio version by a friend of mine who just bought it. She thinks you do a very good job of reading your book. 🙂

  1970. I’d love the audio version. My work lets me listen to books on tape, and damn if this wouldn’t make my day so much better.

  1972. paper or plastic? wait. is this the grocery store? am i lost?

    love you, do i have to pick? PAPER, ROCK, SCISSORS!

    well if paper can beat rock, PAPER! cuz rock’s a bad ass, and scissors is too busy being stabby.

  1973. I’d love an audio book copy. I read the print copy to myself in two days, now I want to hear you read it!

  1974. I would love, love, love the audio! After all – I fainted at your book signing in Dallas. It was like going to see the frigging Beatles for me!! <3

  1975. It would be so awesome if i could get a paper version!!! I would love it. I would grant it a place of honor to it on my bookshelf. I might even consider finding some bowing, worshipful taxidermied mice to pay homage to it in a little scene on my bookshelf. They would kneel there, perpetually showing their deep devotion. How random is random?

  1979. I would love the paper version so I could show my friends your awesomeness.

  1981. I would love a copy of the audio book so that, in the unlikely event that I outlive you, I’ll have the audio equivalent of your voice stuffed and mounted.

  1983. I would love either one but I do love holding a book in my hand so I’m going to say paper.

  1987. I’d love a paper version! I was so angry when I had to work late and missed the Dallas signing!

  1988. Paper please. I have ADD with audio, I think. BTW, I just listened to your sample audio, and blood definitely has a smell. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or has no sense of smell.

  1990. I am so excited that you are going to be in the DC area that I don’t CARE if I win anything (but audio, if you pick my name). See you in Gaithersburg…YAY!

  1993. That wasn’t subtle at all! 🙂 Paper copy please… There’s something about paper that is so much more real 🙂

  1994. Come to the west side!!!!! Portland Oregon… we’re all weird up here! Kind of like Austin, but greener and with volcanoes. 🙂

  1995. I would love the paper, and can you please come to Milwaukee???

  1996. Jenny, I read often but never comment. I read your book and was almost escorted from MetroNorth train for laughing loudly in the Quiet Car. I don’t know you personally so this may be weird or seemingly patronizing, but I’m very proud of you. Well done, you! And well done, Hayley and Victor!

  1997. I would love the audio book! Why aren’t you coming to Chicago?!?!?!?!

  1998. Ooo, ooo!

    The audio book.

    The UK version.

    Idunno. I want them both. We’ll probably have to flip a coin!

    Congrats on your second printing!

  1999. I’ve read the book (a-maz-ing) and would love another copy to give to my daughter. Paper please (pretty please with a cherry on top!).

  2000. Paper obviously. So much easier to show of to my envious friends with.
    I only just found out about you, and now my life is enriched.

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