It comes around…and around

in more than meets the eye

It was the second day at Disney World when I realized it.  Hailey was laughing her seven-year-old ass off as Victor spun us on the tea cups until we finally cried whiplash.  The weather was gloomy and occasionally hurricaney (that’s a word.  Stop judging me) but we were at Disney World and so everything was magical.  Except in my head.  I enjoyed myself and I’m so glad we did it, but the second day I realized that my peripheral vision was fading and that’s always a sign that a bout of depression is looming down toward me.

I was fine the first day.  I was tired the next.  The third day I wanted nothing other than to stay in bed, but instead I faked it.  I still enjoyed seeing Hailey so happy.  I still appreciated being able to spend real time with my family.  I still functioned.  I’m still functioning.

Maybe this time I’ll be able to fool myself into staving off a severe bout.  Maybe it was just a fluke and it will all pass quickly.  Maybe I just postponed the inevitable depression that will hit me any moment.  I don’t really know.

But what I do know is that I’m going to be okay.  I know that depression lies.  I know that I’ll be in this black hole again and again in my life.  I also know I’ll see daylight soon.  The spinning continues…in both good ways and bad.

I realize how incongruous that picture is in a post about depression but it’s also pretty incongruous that some of the funniest people I know suffer from mental illness so all bets are off.

But there was one thing I wanted to share.  At one point the ride we’d been waiting on was closed because a terrible rainstorm broke out so we ran for cover and hid under the monorail for some shelter.  It was fairly miserable and all I could think about it how I wanted to be dry and in bed and how I felt bad for Hailey that she was stuck in a closed park with no access to rides and that’s when I noticed that she was having the most fun she’d had all day just jumping in the enormous puddles and catching rain in her mouth.  Rain that had dripped off the monorail and probably gave her cholera, but still…she was so damn furiously happy.  She took what came at her and made it into joy.

This isn’t a post about forcing yourself to just smile and “be happy” because anyone with true depression knows this isn’t an option.  Instead, it’s about the good things that can come out of the bad.  In the past 5 years I’ve received 20 emails that I keep in a very special folder.  They are all from people who were looking suicide right in the face.  They are all from people who are still here now.  Mothers and fathers and daughters and sons who are still alive because of this blog.  And not because of my posts.  They’re alive because they saw the incredibly response to my posts.  They saw thousands of other people saying “Me too.”  “I thought it was just me.”  “I thought I was alone.  But I’m not.”  And that – that sense of community – convinced them what their mind could not…that depression lies.  That you can find help.  That therapy and medication and support can change lives.  And I want to thank you for that.  I want to thank you from the family and friends of 20 people whose lives you saved.

And I want to thank you for reminding me every day that depression does lie.  I want to thank you for telling me that it’s okay when I have a week when I simply can’t be funny.  But mostly I want to thank you because there are 20 people out there today who wouldn’t be in this world if it weren’t for you.  There are 20 more of us.  And that’s a good thing.  So maybe there’s a reason why I have depression.  And maybe it’s to help someone else.  And maybe there’s a reason you do too.  And maybe you saved a life without even knowing it.  Thank you.

This post isn’t about depression.

It’s about laughing in spite of the rain.

It’s about laughing because of the rain.

861 thoughts on “It comes around…and around”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. First off: your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!
    Second: thank you for being such a wonderful writer. You make my day.

  3. I really admire your bravery. (Not only for being so open about your depression, but for riding those nauseating tea cups!) My husband suffers from severe depression and reading your blog has helped me understand what he’s going through just a little bit more. It’s made me a better wife.

    Twenty lives is huge. What we can accomplish when we stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and just decide to be open and honest never ceases to amaze me. Bravo.

  4. Depression does always lie. And you survive and I survive and so many others survive. We do more than that. We kick ass as much as we can when we can and bring each other along for the ride.

  5. You are so strong. It makes me sad how many people aren’t willing to see that it gets better. I’ve lost two friends to their own hand, and I’ve seen the devastation that follows. With a beautiful daughter like yours, there’s always a light to look forward to.

  7. I almost always leave your blog with tears in my eyes, mostly from laughing. Today it’s from crying, but a good cry.

  8. Just what I needed to read, as I feel myself spiraling down. I’m trying to enjoy or appreciate one or two little things every day, but I just keep getting that awful “What’s the POINT???!!” feeling. I need to remember that depression lies, and that it will pass. Thanks for reminding me.

    And you’re a brave soul to even take on Disney World. It’s my idea of one of the circles of hell. The things we do for our kids, huh?

  9. That is powerful! I love being a part of this community.
    I am crying as I read this because my Mom suffers from life long depression and I relate to you both; though I’ve managed some pretty fierce depression coping skills growing up in that environment.
    Power to you ALL!

  12. You are so awesome, as always. I can’t wait until I can actually see you in person – can I touch your hem?? 😉 (8 days and counting!)

  14. Your posts like this just make my heart feel like it’s going to explode. Both because of the people who have been helped and because you have such wonderful clarity about how impossible depression can be…but that it doesn’t have to be. Thank you.

  16. I love dancing in the rain.

    my brain lies, I know it lies, I’d like it not to but it enjoys it. we are never alone.

  17. Wowza. I just got chills. I am a “me too” – Thanks for making me feel not alone.

  18. I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again, you’re my hero. I love this crazy little community and I can’t thank you enough for bringing it together.

  21. Stunningly written… your daughter is your doppleganger… okay I know not by definition… but my god…. and thanks for giving voice beyond depression

  22. Rollercoasters are scary things but if you just get on and strap in, you’ll have the ride of your life. *

    We love you for your ups and downs. Thank you for sharing everything that you do.

    Excellent pictures of Hailey in the Teacups!

    *(If you swap a couple of the above prepositions and verbs around, you may also have the ride of your life…)

  24. Cholera? Clearly your brain is lying to you pretty badly, everybody knows that Disney monorail runoff gives you dysentery. Didn’t you read your “Oregon Trail’s Guide to the Magic Kingdom” pamphlet?

  25. Every time depression stomps my ass into the ground, I remember that you and this ungodly ridiculous community of people are all here, and all supportive, and all about giving depression a wedgie.

    I love you all, in that peculiar, broken way that we have.

  26. Simply beautiful. And thank you for the reminder…it pays to get furiously happy, and not the other way around.
    I also want to remind YOU…those 20 are just the ones who said something. There may be, and likely are, many more that haven’t said something.
    You, and then by extension the rest of us, change the goddamn world.

  27. My friend Yaya and I call it “the well”
    peering in over the edge, looking up from deep in it. The Well.
    Much love to you.
    xo

  29. I’m so glad you and your daughter have each other. You seem to be so hopeful in spite of what you have (and because of what you have). I love reading your blog and value your honesty as much as your humor. Thanks for sharing.

  30. The next time I see a puddle I’m gonna stomp it extra hard, just for you.

  31. “whoever said sunshine is pure happiness, has never danced in the rain” Seems fitting!! Thank you for another wonderful post!!

  33. My husband has cyclical depression and anxiety that flares up regularly.

    Through the years, I’ve gotten better at being supportive in a way that actually helps but I have to say, your posts have given me more tools. Even though it seems blindingly obvious that the voices of depression and anxiety lie, I never thought to *say* that to him… and now I do. And he’s started repeating it to himself when in the throes of a panic.

    So thank you for that. And for being so freaking hilarious in general.

  34. Thank you.

    I’m currently supporting someone as they go through a bout of depression. It’s so hard to understand – this helps me “get” a little bit how helpless he might be feeling.

    It breaks my heart that I can’t use some Disney magic to fix it…

  35. Depression lies, love endures. Bless you for the reminder and for fighting.

  36. Jenny, you are such a strong person and your daughter is the beautiful, wonderful, carefree girl she is all because of you.

  40. I love the four pictures of Hailey on the teacups. Thank you for being brave. Depression does lie and I hope if this is the beginning of another dark hole you end up in china very quickly. (I think this comment makes sense.)

  41. I’m crying now. Just *this post* at *this moment* for me. Because I’ve been staving off depression too. Because I write a humor blog, and yet sometimes pulling out the funny is the hardest thing. Because sometimes I fake it for my family. Because sometimes the only thing I can do is tell my husband I need to take another shower just to escape the anxiety. Thank you. Thanks for red dresses and silver ribbons and for building community among all of us who say, “me too.”

  42. I think some of the most fun I’ve ever had has been dancing in the rain or making a ridiculous prat of myself for the simple pleasure of it. Those furiously happy moments are what I hold onto whenever things lie me low (even when there’s ample external cause). Because of you (and all your fantabulous followers), I think “Depression, you lying bastard,” and continue on the struggle.

    So I’ll second those thank.

    PS. And those teacups are a blast, aren’t they? My best Disney memories involve Dad spinning us in those.

  44. Oh Jenny, you sweet thing. Depression does lie.

    Love you,
    Sandra

  45. dammit….now I’ve got something in my eye…*sniff*….

  46. Beautifully written and so very true. I have lost two friends to the lies depression tells, and I am completely determined to never lose another. Thank you all for that.

  48. Today is a hard day, a hard, hard, hard day. And this, right here, helped. Helped bring the tears I’m holding back to be strong, helped to remind me that sometimes the rain needs to be celebrated.

    Thank you.

  49. Whatever it is we all write about, I think the “Me Too” letters, comments, emails are what remind us it’s all worth it. And to have twenty of those? That’s the pinnacle right there.

    Thanks for the reminder that we can often see in our kids where *we* still have to grow.

  50. The depression I face has never been severe, but I understand the darkness all too well. My work also gives me the opportunity to walk with people in the darkness. Your humor and your honesty are refreshing and healing. Thanks for being there, in the rain as well as the sunshine.

  51. Ugh,wtf just happened. I am trying to recommend Post Secret as the sale of these books have gone to funding a national suicide hotline in the memory of a woman who killed herself after her baby died. This site is therapeutic,funny,sad,ugly,beautiful and maddening, And it shows that we are all connected-we all have secrets and joy and pain that burdens us. It is WONDERFUL,and a lot of school’s have adopted a project very similiar. When you deel the holw coming on,go to this site,the post secret fb /community pages and the beautiful youtube videoas people have been nspired to make. You may not feel better,but I PROMISE you won’t feel so alone…

  52. The Internet and the communities here was one of several things that saved my life when I fell down the rabbit hole some years back, and it meant so much to me that at first I wanted to create a community here as well, one that reaches out to others and says you’re not alone, but I quickly came to realize that there are days, sometimes on end, that I can’t bear to respond to blog posts, comments, messages, and that while a community may eventually become self-sustaining, it has to be nourished to be built in the first place. Also I apparently don’t know how to use periods. Anyway, I want to say thanks for being one of us crazies sane enough to make a place where we can pull together and pull ourselves up and lift each other up sometimes. I’m so glad to be able to contribute a little bit here and on Twitter, thanks for making a place for us to do that. And I really hope whatever tunnel you pass into next, whenever that may be, is a short one that doesn’t smell too dank.

  53. I love seeing pure joy on someone’s face. And, though I rarely comment, I do love the community on here – so supportive. I love just reading through the comments.

  55. Thanks for posting this. I’d love to say something pithy or profound but I think you’ve covered it all very nicely. Sometimes life is hard and it’s dark and you don’t want to get out of bed. BUT there are moments of such happiness that remind you that life isn’t ALWAYS like that. Stay strong. 🙂

  56. The fact that you save ONE person is huge. That one person can save one more person, and so on, and so on, and so on… I’m not trying to sound like that creepy shampoo commercial from the 70’s at all here. You do good things here, Jen. Seriously. You make us laugh, you make us cry, you make us laugh until we cry. But we hear you and we love reading you every single day. I may not speak for everyone (though I’m sure my family swears that I try to every time I open my mouth), but I’ll be happy to say THANK YOU for making MY life better.

  57. Thank you — thank you for your honesty, and for providing a space and forum that made it possible for 20 people (that you know of, and probably more) to find the community and support they needed at their most difficult times.

    Btw, cholera from the monorail rain sounds like a crappy souvenir.

  58. I love you.
    Like, a lot.
    And every time I get scared because I need to be open about my mental illness and I don’t want people to think that I’ m “crazy”, I remember how much relief I’ve gotten from reading your blog and knowing that I’m not alone.

  59. I suffer anxiety, and luckily not depression. But my parents made me feel guilty for not getting over it. I couldn’t drive, I would become terrified in large crowds, I would panic in traffic jams. I saw the toll it was taking on my husband, trying to help me and do all the driving. One day, I had had enough. Went to the doc, told him I couldn’t function anymore and told him no xanax. I have four kids and needed to be able to function. He put me on Lexapro. Three weeks in, the change was astounding. I could do things with no fear! I could drive, I could handle a shopping mall or an outdoor event. I will never be ashamed to take medication that I so obviously need. No matter how bad my parents try to make me feel. Thank you for shedding a light on the darkness that mental illness can be! Love you!

  60. I deal with depression as well. With help from medication I can make it through the day. When my meds ran out I spent most days in tears. I am lucky enough that mine is not severe enough to contimplate suicide, but it still hard to handle some days. It helps when you have a wonderful support system.

  61. I don’t know if I’ve written a response to your depression posts; I suspect not, but I have gotten to the point where I am comfortable talking about damn near anything with damn near everyone, so it’s not the big deal it once would have been. But in case I didn’t before, for all 20 of those email senders and anyone who hasn’t but maybe needs to:
    I suffer from depression. I have for most of my adult life. I tried to kill myself when I was 18. I am now 31. I am still here, and though I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be, that I and the world would both be better off if I wasn’t, I know better. Depression lies to me with my own voice, but I know when it’s me talking and when it isn’t, and you can learn to tell the difference too. You can learn to survive yourself. <3

  63. Thanks, I really needed to hear this. I’m going to fight against the lie that’s whispering in my ear today; turn my focus outside of myself and see that things are okay out there.

  65. The black holes. Over time and through experience I’m learning to create a “bunker” to huddle in during those periods. It consists watching a lot of TCM and napping, and sometimes sobbing into an old monogrammed hankie of my Dad’s. Re-reading all of Nancy Drew. Ice cream.

    For years I’ve wondered – if there is extra-strength Excedrin for really bad headaches, why not extra-strength Prozac for really bad days?

  66. Keep going, kiddo. Good for you for learning to recognize the lies and wait for them to pass. Your daughter is probably having WAY more fun at DisneyWorld because the rain is keeping the crowds down! Yes, it’s a theme park, but it’s a really clean, really well-run theme park, and to a child it is MAGICAL! Enjoy her enjoying it, and when the depression passes, you will have so much fun looking at the pictures and going over the memories!

    P.S. — I’ve always loved the teacups! Her pictures sum it up: Pure joy!

  67. After a horrible day yesterday where I just wanted to drink until I didn’t think about anything but the bottom of the glass (I didn’t) , and today where it seems like no one understands (they do), this post made me cry again, but in a good way. Depression does lie. People do understand. We are not alone. Thank you for posting this. It’s hot here and I wish it would rain so I could go out in it, and dance, and smile, and drink the rain from the gutter which would probably give me gutter-herpes. I love you Jenny-from-the-Blog, and thank you for posting things that make sense to us, and that make sense to no one else.

  68. Big Sniffs here! My BFF suffers and I have had small bouts myself. Sometimes it takes just one good thing to help you put your situation in perspective. So sorry you go through this and so many others have to. Its a wonderful thing to have people know that they can get help and see others who are in the same situation. You have been that for people and you have to be proud of that!

  69. You are awesome and you are like Mother Teresa only much Much MUCH BETTER! Thank you.

  70. THANK YOU!! For everything. Your writing. Your silver ribbons. Your red dresses. Your honesty. The fact that you make me feel so not alone. THANK YOU!

  71. somedays i get tired of pretending – of wearing that happy face mask so other people are more comfortable to be around me. you are my go-to blog. when i need to touch base with someone else who get’s me even though we have never met. being able to laugh out loud at some of your posts are just a bonus.

  72. I just want to point out the beautiful gift of joy that you gave your daughter. She’s obviously having so much fun! Keep going! You can do it! Because you’ve got a precious little girl who is having so much fun and that’s a helluva reason to power through if you can.

  73. I’ve never suffered with clinical depression, but my ex-husband did, and I learned a lot about it. I love this. I teared up. Thank you for opening up and sharing yourself.

  74. I don’t come here simply because you are funny (that’s a very welcome extra) – I come here because you are a fascinating and entertaining person, a person who isn’t simply here for the fame or the recognition. You are here because you are HONEST, you aren’t afraid for people to know you aren’t perfect (because none of us are!)

    The fact that your site shows the world it is fine to have issues, is a great gift to those lucky enough to find it, because the world is a terrifying place for the most simple and insignificant reasons. I look at things and where before I’d think to myself “I really cannot do this” – I now think “at least I don’t have my hand in a cow’s vagina!”

    Thank you, and thank you to everyone who has helped anyone with doubts about life

  75. You are beautiful. Inside and out (though, obviously, inside matters more). Thank you for this lovely post, which I am sure will help reach out to make others feel better yet again. xoxoxo to you for your awesomeness.

  76. While I love all of your posts and the funny pee-in-your-pants one are totally awesome, posts like today really do me so much good. I can get so bogged down in stuff that pulls at you and seems to chew chunks out of your soul, it’s easy to forget that I need to find a puddle to jump in during a rainstorm. Thanks for the reminder. Sending you warm thoughts that “this too shall pass” quickly.

  78. I needed this so desperately today as I sit trying to be ‘on’ at work, in an actual office, far from home and bed and comforting surroundings. I am where everyone thinks that everything here, that everything, is… right and inside I feel so wrong and so alone and so…singular, in a sea of faces and interactions. Thank you Jenny. Thank you Jenny lovers. Thank you.

  79. I’m sitting here crying because I’m staring one of the happiest moments in my life right in the face and all I want to do is get in bed and pull the blankets over my head. I hate anxiety, I hate depression, I hate having to feel like I have to fake it all the time. It’s getting bad enough that it’s causing physical issues, which is doubly scary for someone who worries uncontrollably. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. I needed that today.

  80. Normally your posts make me laugh until I cry. Today this one made me cry.
    Thank you for reminding me on a day I needed it that “depression lies”
    “This post isn’t about depression.
    It’s about laughing in spite of the rain.
    It’s about laughing because of the rain.”

    Now I’m smiling.

  81. I needed to read this 8 weeks ago… but now, at least I can use it for the future… thank you

  82. I just found you today when I did a “Most Awesome Blogs of 2012” search, and you are now on my list of “Sites that feed by blog addiction.” Ironically, the day I wrote the post below, I found your site not knowing anything about it … and then I read the post you wrote today and … well, I don’t believe in coincidences. Thank for the honesty.

  83. I’m going to bet it’s a lot more than 20. Some of us aren’t courageous enough to admit that we stare suicide in the face almost every day. I’ve never been able to say out loud that maybe prescribing me a bottle of ambien might just be the worst idea ever. Or that just maybe if I go off my diabetes meds and eat all the candy in the house that I won’t have to get up tomorrow, or ever again. You’ve taught me not to give in to lying voices that are almost constantly screaming in my head. This community of misfits has shown me that even though I feel alone, worthless and overwhelmingly sad that I have a tribe out there. I wish it would rain here just so I could go dance in it.

  84. This is beautiful.

    I’m so thankful that your loved ones are there, waiting for those blurred edges of the peripheral vision to become clear again.

  85. Your words are so helpful. I always find myself thinking the same thing of “me too.” Your daughter is gorgeous!

  86. This shit is hard. It always will be, I’m sure. But knowing that depression lies, and being able to tell it to shut its lying whore mouth are two vastly different things. I wish I could always see the light in everything like children, like Hailey even with a potential bout of the runs, seem to be able to. When do we lose that, that ability to just be happy with what IS? I value you, Jenny: your truth, your rawness, your honesty, your weirdness, your boobs…wait

  87. I used to think that people suffering from depression were possibly exaggerating. Then I went on Percoset for a ruptured disc and cut back on the dosage too fast (I went from 10 pills a day to 2)

    Holy fucking shit. By the end of the day I was having serious thoughts about downing the entire bottle of pills. I told my wife. We compromised and I took one pill to see if that would help – and the black cloud evaporated in about 10 minutes.

    I was able to take a pill and feel almost instantly better. I can’t imagine having to deal with this on any kind of regular basis. The reason I told my wife how I was feeling is because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I woke up the next day feeling the same way.

  88. I’ve always said that the funniest bitches I know are the one’s who have been through Hell and came out the other side. Blogging got me through depression, struggles with alcohol and disordered eating, and a hideously ugly “Lifetime Movie of the Week” divorce. We are all out there. We all have our shit. We are never alone.

  89. It does lie. I was just thinking that how great it is you have that filter that allows you to glimpse the crazy wild abandon happiness around you and know that you will come around to it again. In a way, your blog is handing that filter out to anyone who needs it. Pretty fucking cool.

  90. Your daughter resembles you so much. She has your expression and holds herself the way you do. She is beautiful like you. She just sparkles, truly.

    I hope it passes quickly.

    You are pretty amazing but I must admit the thing I am in awe of right now is that you came up with a tagline for depression! When I’m depressed it’s more like ‘gurgle’ or ‘don’t talk to me’ or ‘I hate myself.’ Not some life saving motto. So that’s just incredible. A life-saving anti-depression tagline. Words fail me.

  91. Fuck you, rain! DisneyWorld is no fun when shit is closed, except when you’re in the hotel bar and don’t know what time it is and can’t remember your own name.

    And triple fuck you, depression!

    And kids… well, they’re pretty great and magical.

  92. I sooooooooo love your courage, your heart and your spirit!!! <3 <3 <3!!!!!

  94. I love this post, because Hailey is SO HAPPY in all those pictures. She won’t let rain or weather ruin her trip. 🙂
    90% of the time when I’m not down, I like to laugh at myself. when things go wrong I try to find the funny in it.
    Last week I set the stove on fire. It was a huge surprise! Butter had fallen below the coil and then while I was BOILING WATER, the stove caught fire.
    But guess what? I overfilled the pot, and the flames caused it to boil violently, thus boiling over and putting out the fire! See?? It was like I PLANNED to put out the fire with Pasta water!
    My Husband was less amused by the fire… Possibly because I was laughing my ass off.
    I said if he wants to avoid it happening again he’ll get me a new stove. HE says he REFUSES to get me a knew stove, or I won’t LEARN anything. Bah.
    🙂
    Liz

  95. Gracious, you make me cry happy tears! Thank you for the joy 🙂

  96. I posted a link to a blog, Jenny and readers. A friend of mine is documenting people who have survived suicide, and she is doing it to remove the stigma that some with depression and suicide. The portraits are simple, as are the words, but the point is that everyone on that list is still here because of someone or something. It’s a beautiful and powerful story. I encourage you to check it out – because my husband also appears. He also suffers from depression and if he had followed through with his attempt, I would not be married to the most wonderful, supportive, kind, funny man that I am today. I would never have known him and my life would be distinctly different. Please, check out http://livethroughthis.org/ and see that there is a community out there.

  97. Just have to say that I not only adore Jenny & Hailey & all that, but also the others who post here. It’s such an uplifting thing to read and I admire all of you <3

  98. Two things: One, the thing about the peripheral vision being a warning sign is a total “OMG I though I was the only one” revelation and two, I’m driving 14 hours Friday to see my family and taking you on audiobook with me.

  99. Because of you and all of the lovely people in your tribe, I’ve been able to show my sometimes frustrated and bewildered husband that what I go through is shared by SO many others. This is one of those periods when I’m isolating myself and sleeping far too much and not concentrating enough on work (and I’m our only source of income right now) and all I want to do is sit around and watch stupid shows on TV like “Hoarders” because it reminds me how blessed I am to be merely anxious and depressed. But I refuse to let the lying SOB win. Because I know that even if I fall into the rabbit hole, I’ll climb back out again. Courage and peace to you, my friend. Take a week, or two, or three without any pressure from us…because we love you, and we understand.

  100. I don’t have depression… but I am in kind of a “down” place right now, and those smiling photos of your daughter and your description of her joy are a much-needed dose of UP for me. Thank you.

  102. You are such an inspiration. Thank you so much. I think any of us who suffer from depression know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. I’ve been writing for the past month about mine and I have gotten SO many private messages from friends and family who say they are going through the exact same struggle, people who I thought had it all together, who I envied because their lives were normal. Now I realize they are just like me. Crazy in the best possible way. Thank you for writing inspite of the rain… or because of it. Just put your cape on 😉

  106. Beautiful. Thanks so much for this. I am sharing it with everyone I know.

    Hold your head up and keep moving on.

  107. Just when I needed it most…thank you so much. You are so amazing. You have inspired me, and you have given me the courage to ask for help. I still have my days when I’m staring into those pits, and there are days when I’m in them. But, now the pits aren’t so deep…it isn’t as hard to climb out. Thank you for being you.

  108. I am certain that YOU have saved more lives than you know. You certainly changed mine. This blog, your incredible sense of life, changed my life. It saved me during a very dark time. Thankfully, I haven’t hit that scary bottom of depression where I wanted to end my life but I have been so lost in the dark that all I could feel was the sensation of drowning in life. When I found your blog I was most certainly in a dark place. Then I met Beyonce and I think that was the first time i had laughed, really laughed so hard that tears streamed down my face, in a very long time. Every week you make me smile at the very least. Even during those times when you “simply can’t be funny” your bravery and courage to share those painful moments gives me strength. YOU ARE AMAZING! <3 and hugs

  109. Depression lies. And one of the lies it tells me most often is that because I’m broken, I could only ever have a broken, screwed-up child, so I should never try. Seeing your daughter’s beautiful, happy face helps me remember that I can be broken without breaking other things and other people. Reading your words helps me remember that even if I have a broken child, she can be loved and supported and happy and there are people out there who will take care of her on the days that I can’t. Thank you.

  110. Thank you. For being open and honest and sincere and wonderful. My 13 yr old daughter has severe depression and battles the suicidal thoughts and lies. Each time it surfaces I pray for it to hit me and not her. And then realize that I can’t take it away, but I can be there to support her whatever way she needs my support. And then when it passes, my funny, beautiful, smart little girl is still there enjoying every minute of life that she can – because she can. I am more and more thankful every day that the world is starting to accept and understand mental illness. Hopefully the road for her will not be too hard, and the people that she meets in life will be strong and supportive. No matter what, she’ll have me – I won’t always be able to help or do the right things, but I will try and try and try.

  111. Dear Jenny, There are loads of ‘funny’ people on the web or where ever, but what sticks me to you is that you are also deep and authentic and intimate. Some of this is probably a result of your disease. I am so sorry you have this, and I wish somehow one day you will stumble on some way to keep it at bay, but it does also have a positive side. It seems you have used this suffering as a tool to grow your humanity. You have saved 20 people from death, but thousands (millions?) more for just feeling alone or like freaks. Lots of love! Niki

  113. You’re so right. Depression is a malfunction of the brain, not of the personality, and you and I and so many others are better than it.

    Also, this makes me think of when I was 3 or 4 and my dad realized, while I was on the teacups, that I had chicken pox. I probably infected every kid at the park.

  114. Stay strong! Sometimes you can fight it off, and sometimes you can’t, but either way you’ll make it through!

    I know that summer, a recent hectic schedule, and what I would assume is some (at least) stress from the new book can throw things off kilter. Yet, you describing the peripheral vision thing… that gave me goosebumps! I have that. And the light looks different– muted. And my nerves feel electric, and I don’t want to be touched. I never figured anyone else experienced anything like this!

  115. I came here expecting to read a post that would make me laugh. Instead I read one that was both tear jearking and heart warming.

    Thank you.

  116. The mere thought of riding the teacups makes me feel like yarfing all over my desk, but the look of sheer joy on Hailey’s face is absolutely beautiful.

    I hope this is a short foray into the darkness. <3

  118. These words are not enough, but they are all I have: thank you.

  120. I just love, love, love you. Thank you so much for making me smile even when I’m sure you don’t mean to…I mean, you don’t even know me. Thank you for calling depression to the carpet and telling that whore bitch liar what was it. Thank you for sharing yourself and your experiences with me day in and day out. I hope to have a strawberry hill wine slushie or 10 with you sometime. It’s on my bucket list. Oh, and your daughter is so cute it’s awesomesauce.

  122. Your courage in sharing your stories has helped me in getting on medication and not just bulling through my own issues. You have touched many, many lives, with humor as well as help. Thank you!

  123. Love the pics of your daughter.
    Another “me too” here. Depression lies AND it makes me think I’m the center of my world. Which can be a good thing, but Depression means it in the not-good way. Despite what Depression says, my misery is NOT all about me. Everything that feels so bad about me is only a fraction of my place in my whole world. You know how I know? Because the sun keeps rising. Because my dog keeps wanting me to knuckle-rub around his ears. Because my daughter and her daughter still love me. Because my other daughter, Alice, still likes to sit with me to look at old pictures of her. Including the ones of her in THE DISNEY ALICE DRESS A LA HAILEY!!!!
    See what I did there? Came full circle back to Disney. Because that is the true center of the world.

  124. I needed to hear this today.

    Today is a bad day, but I hope that tomorrow is better.

    Thank you Bloggess, for being a voice and being so fucking funny.

  126. 2zen2– Congratulations on both choosing to stay with us and for being brave enough to admit it here! I am so happy you made the decision to stay!

  127. Depression Lies. My new go-to phrase when the beast starts to creep back into my head. Thank you.

  128. I am bipolar. I rarely said it until I found your blog. I thought the world would hate me for it. So many people thought I was just an introvert because I didn’t go out places and I didn’t talk to new people often. I always thought my depression was the truth and my mania was the lie. Then one day I was searching taxidermy and BAM there you were in all your glory. I went back to your very first post and bookmarked it. Everytime I feel sad I hide in my closet and read your blog. I watched your youtube videos, I bought your book, this community of misfits became my people. I have left only one other comment on your blog and a few days ago I emailed you about the Miami naked zombie and I freaked out when you emailed me back. Only 2 words but you emailed me. Then I read this and realize how hard those 2 words must have been to get out. You can make that 21 people because finally I can say you helped me realize it is ok to be me. I am Amber, I am 30, and I am bipolar.

  129. I’m okay right now, but it doesn’t always last. Arms around all of you who are struggling right now. Depression lies. You matter. You all matter.

  130. Depression lies. The only truth is this: you are not alone. Someone, somewhere, knows you. They know the crazy depths we plunge to. They know the giddy highs. They know that there is no middle ground. They know that we long for and fear the middle ground simultaneously. And they love us anyway, or maybe even because of this. MISFITS FOR LIFE.

  132. A Post Secret video. Post Secret is a blog and the proceeds of the books made from these anonymous postcaeds have gone on to Fund a National Suicide Hotline. This is my favorite,and worth a watch to laugh an cry and realize we are all alone,together….

  133. Yeah, so I really wanted to kill myself recently. It’s such a razor’s edge. You’re spot on, and it DOES feel strange to keep going, especially to keep smiling, over and over again when the day is dark. I am consistently shocked and delighted-and glad I’m not dead- when the fog lifts and I come back to the world.

  135. I miss the days when splashing in puddles was as much fun as catching rain in your mouth. Thank you for sharing with all of us. Depression does lie – there is joy in a rainy day.

  136. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for sharing with everyone that depression lies. And that you can’t just snap out of it, not even in the Happiest Place on Earth. For those of us who have, and continue to battle with depression, it’s nice knowing that there are others out there. That we’re not alone. And that we’re not crazy for not being able to go get ice cream and watch a funny movie and get over it.

    I am proud of you for going out there and spending the day with your daughter even though it’s not what depression wanted you to do. I know how hard that is, and I know you don’t know me, but I am still so very proud.

  138. I recently had a HORRIBLE panic attack, one that washed over me like a tsunami wave and dragged me under. It threatened to take me out to sea. But I picked up your book, wrapped myself up in a blanket, and cried as I read.

    I’m crying as I write this. Your words and story kept me from going under. THANK YOU, for me and my family.

  139. This post brought tears to my eyes. You are a beautiful soul, and I can’t imagine what this world would be like without you in it. Victor and Hailey (who is adorable!) are very lucky people. Although I don’t know what it is to suffer from depression, I’ve had issues with other things, and it always helps to talk about it, and to find out that you aren’t alone. It’s inspiring that you are so open to talk about your difficulties and to share them with people so they know that they aren’t the only ones struggling to make it to the next day. You and your readers have blessed the lives of so many, and I hope everyone continues to remind themselves that no matter how bad it may seem, there are always people out there who wouldn’t know what to do without them in thier lives and will do what it takes to get them through their rough patches until they can enjoy the sun again.

  142. There’s great power to the knowledge that “It’s Not Just Me”… Knowing that you are not alone in situations where you feel like you’re the only person who has ever been in that situation is absolutely life-changing.

    There is no doubt in my mind that you and this community have saved more than 20 people… as someone else said, there are 20 that wrote and told you. There are 20(0?00?) more who decided to live but couldn’t tell ANYONE that they had even made that decision. Carry on, good Lady! The Tribe of Intellectual Misfits has got your back!

  143. Sweet Hailey! And way to go, mom! It’s pretty awesome you were able to push it aside so Hailry could still have the best time!

  144. I heart you, Jenny.

    Someone should ground Depression. Like, put it in the corner, take away its phone privileges and nintendo time until it changes its ways. I’m growing tired of its shit, and all the lying.

  145. And THIS is why I read your blog. You get me. You help me. I wish you were my next door neighbor.

  146. I just love all of you people.

    Depression lies. It always lies. And it’s sneaky, and sometimes manages to get other people (who don’t understand depression) to tell you the same lies. Gives it some veracity. They’re still goddamn lies.

  147. You truly are an inspiration to me. I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life. I have been alone for most of it. I’m a 33 year old single woman with no children. I work two jobs, own my home and car. I live in rural MN with no hope of ever finding someone to share my life with… So I work all the time because besides that, and reading your blog it’s about the only thing that keeps me from ending this endless cycle i am stuck in. Day after day, the same thing, work one job, then the second, then read, then sleep, then it starts all over again…. i’m weak, I have my down days, and I still think about just disappearing most of the time. No one would notice if I was gone… except maybe my employer….after all who would cover his ass while he’s gone?

  149. Depression does lie. God knows how wonderful it was to read that phrase here, for me, awhile back.

    You do help people – not just in providing a space on the web where others can go to get confirmation that they aren’t alone in what they are going thru, which is so great, but also because you make people laugh. I can depend upon you to make me laugh, and geez sometimes that’s unbelievably important.

    And yes, it is too so important. For everyone, not just those fighting what Churchill called the black dog.

    Which I hate, by the way, since I have two wonderful black dogs. Why he didn’t use black weasels or black moles or black slimy eels I don’t know. Black slimy eel, now THAT I identify with. Okay, I digress.

    It is amazing to me that your blog has saved 20 people. I’m honored to even read this blog, be able to write a comment. My mind boggles, my eyes tear up … I’ll think more on this later.

    What I’m doing here, now, is trying to send you waves of encouragement. Give back a bit in some teensy way.

    You’re not alone. Everything is going to be alright. Tomorrow is another day. They still make chocolate. Taco Cabana is not that far and they have a 24 hour drive thru.

    Vote for fluke.

    I remember after two weeks of horrific stress my now ex-husband planned this big trip to Napa Valley within 72 hours of my last law school final exam – no thought about where I wanted to go, or when would be a good time for me – and I went. Went without comment. Exhausted on the way, practically comatose and incoherent on the way back. The plane ride to and from San Antonio to San Francisco almost had me calling the men with white coats from those little handsets in the seats.

    I learned piles from that. Pile of events or stress or whatever. I avoid piles now. Reading this post, DisneyWorld is wonderful after all the book touring, tho I bet I had lots more wine in Napa Valley but a pile is a pile and geez. Hon, you need a nap.

    Cheese too would be good. Hey, what happened to that cheesecake eggroll? (Why aren’t you selling those babies on the site? You could be on QVC.)

    Enough. I’m rambling and I’m going to read this mess and decide whether or not to send it. If you get this, I will have overcome potential embarrassment and well, … fear (I’m writing OneofMyFavoriteAuthors here) … to try and throw in my own little attempt at making you feel better. To help you fight the Black Slimy Eel.

    Depression lies and it just flat out sucks, too. Fluke! Fluke is good.

    God bless you, Bloggess.

    PS Your child is beautiful.

  150. You are an amazing, wonderful woman and mother! And I love those pictures of Hailey. You just cannot look at them and not smile!

  152. Depression is an every day battle for me but knowing I’m not alone makes it bearable. Thank you for your honesty and for this great blog that makes me laugh and for bringing us all together.

  153. I’ve never commented before but I wanted to say thank you…reading your posts reminds me constantly that depression does lie and that there are so many others out there. Your red dress campaign was/is utterly brilliant and I love it.

    (I also love puddle jumping and love seeing how happy my son is to play in puddles too!)

  154. This post hit me right when I needed it. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone either.

  155. Each time you post a new blog I try into an excited school girl and can’t wait to read it. I just finished your book and I can’t remember the last time (if ever) I laughed and cried so hard over and over because of a book. The best part of it all? It isn’t how funny and witty you are (even though you are damn funny and witty.) It is because you are REAL! Your honesty in your writing does far more than entertain people, you inspire people. I have fought with depression most of my adult life, out of the blue my mother tried to commit suicide a year and half ago (thank God she is still here and getting the help she needs), now I am struggling with infertility issues. YOU and your writing have helped me face these issues head on. (I am sure many friends would look at me strange if they heard me say this. I hear it now “The big metal chicken lady helped you with depression? Are you using drugs and not the legal kind?”) But it is true. I just hope some day I can be brave enough to be as honest with the tough stuff on my blog so that by chance I too can help pay it forward in my own quirky way!

  156. As always, your honesty and and straight-forward views (without peripheral vision, apparently!) are always refreshing. It’s so important for everyone to understand that sometimes it’s ok to not be ok, and it you aren’t ok for too long, there are options. I think one of my biggest defenses is to always remember that things are temporary. It doesn’t solve the problem, but it makes it a little more manageable.

  157. I loved seeing the pictures on Twitter of Hailey! She looks so damn happy.

    Depression lies. If you need to lay in bed, then I say lay in bed. I don’t know what that deep, dark place is like but I am willing to sit with you while you’re there with a case (machine? bottles? cans? clap your hands?) of wine slushies.

  159. Next time I have a panic attack, I am going to go outside, set the hose so I can pretend it’s raining, and jump in the puddles and catch water in my mouth. I bet it works better than Xanax which turns me into a raving bitch for three days after I take it. Thanks for the great idea Hailey!

    And Jenny – thanks for the beautiful post. And to the 20 – so glad you are still with us. My college roommate is not and I miss her every day. To everyone suffering – even if you think no one would notice – someone would. Jenny would. I would. The rest of us would. We want you here. That’s true. Depression is lying, but we’re not.

  161. Your blog (and now your book) are my own little rain puddles and cholera-infested rain drops of happiness. So thank you.

  162. Just found my way out of one of what we call my “bad patches”. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for pretty much my entire life; the meds help immensely but every now and then they’re just not enough. Thank god my husband and two beautiful daughters are understanding and are always there when I come out the other side. Jenny, you’re a beautiful person and you’ve helped me understand just how not-alone I am :). Oh, and by the way, I’m a riot…

  163. i guess i’m one of the lucky ones — lucky ’cause depression doesn’t visit me or plague me like it does so many others. in point of fact, i refer to myself as High Priestess of Happy, Church of Yay, actually, which probably annoys the shit out of some people, but it’s true: i can’t help my Pollyanna Disorder, it’s just part of me. So it does me so much good to read you, to be reminded of how hard and dark and bleak things can be — to consider what is for me such a different way of being. Mostly I wish I could magically transport you to my house, to sit outside in the garden with me and eat cookies and drink tea with lots of sugar in it and just bliss out on how gorgeous things can be, on the outside of what’s going on inside our funny little minds. Big love to you for your courage and for always, always keeping it real. XO

  165. *sigh* I look at her and I remember what it was like being at DW when I was 6 and I want that back again. I don’t think I was quite as furiously happy as Hailey there; I don’t know that I really ever was. Not fully. Maybe. Shit, who knows. I’m 35. That was nearly 30 years ago. I can’t remember last month.

    Keep plugging, Jenny. We love you. You love us. It’s a big damn Barney festival of love.

  166. First, sorry about Beryl…we Floridians are used to that nonsense, but as Texans, you had to be gazing around glassy-eyed occasionally going “WTF’s all this wet stuff?!” Second, whose bright idea was it to plan a significant family vacation right after you gallavanted all over a small chunk of the US, spreading your life force? Someone who knows you should have stepped back and said, “wow, yea, nice idea, but you need to spend a week in bed first…and endure wine slushies on command.”

    We love you, Jenny! So many of us have been where you are and know that when all you can do is function, it is OK because eventually you will be able to do more than that…Sending virtual hugs from another silver ribboned sister!

  167. There isn’t a day where I don’t want to give you a probably inappropriate and lingering hug. Xo for fighting the fight and knowing you will dance in the rain again.

  168. You made me tear up. My husband suffers from depression. And you should know that reading your blog often helps him out of it, opens him up to the light again. So thank you.

    We had our honeymoon in Disneyworld. It’s an over priced but still very magical experience everyone should have…

  169. Oh my dear, that bitch depression lies and lies and lies – you are loved, and you are not alone. J x

  171. Amen…Once I finally accepted that no mother should be this exhausted all of the time, and that no one should want to hide at the end of the day in her bed, hoping for absolutely no interaction from anyone for at least 10 hours, I was able to accept the fact that I might need a little help. With the help of some meds and plenty of talking, I am a much better mother and wife. Not to mention, just feeling a ton better. Depression is a real illness that strikes without much warning. I have fought it on and off throughout my adult life, and I have to admit, it was one of your posts that actually helped me ask for help again. I am feeling happy and balanced these days. I know all too well that it will strike again, but I am ready to recognize it for what it is, and I have a wonderful, supportive husband and family. Hope you are feeling better soon, and thanks for all you do to make people more aware.

  172. Your daughter is totally awesome! Trust a kid to have fun when you think they possibly cant! As a person suffering from mild depression, and having a really hard time of it, I find it hard to imagine it being worse than what I have. It is pretty inspirational to hear you go through these bouts, and come out fighting. I love reading your blog. It makes me laugh, and it makes me cry. If you sink into it, and puch your way out, come see us! We will be waiting for you!

  173. Such a touching post, those of us suffering from depression know exactly how you feel. Luckily I was put on anti-depressants years ago and they work fairly well for me. I tell my docs they will wean me off them when they pull them from my cold, dead fingers. That is the difference they make in my life. It isn’t all sunshine and butterflies but it sure keeps the darkness at bay. Hang in there.

  174. First, I’d like to apologize on behalf of Florida for the hurricane-y weather. I cancelled my cable last year so this is my first hurricane season w/o the Weather Channel telling me what’s up, so let me just say, I was as shocked as you were to find my Monday full of random rainstorms.

    Second, you are amazing. I probably should have said this one first. I’m glad you find reasons to laugh in spite of and because of the rain, and I’m glad you’re able to remember that depression lies. And if you’ve got 20 e-mails you’ve saved showing that 20 lives have been saved because of your blog, I’d have to say that you’re probably number 21. You found a way to be yourself and to spread love and support to people who need it. I feel like your blog saved you just as much it it’s saved others, and that’s pretty spectacular. 🙂

  175. Jenny, you’re raising an amazing girl. You both are amazing. So glad you are who you are and that you do what you do.

  176. im glad you took the time to write even if you wernt quite feeling it. depression and anxiety is a tough thing and the higher stress your job/blog/just being your amazing self becomes the more it wants to rear its ugly little head.. but no matter what bring you down, you are a go getter and you have accomplished a great deal. just make sure as you are planning your next venture/signing/book you take time for yourself becasue sometimes a moment to breath and scream at the world is what it takes to keep us afloat.

  177. I know you won’t believe it when it’s said, but everyone is here because of you. It’s not just severe problems who you help, it’s the every day person too. Thank you, for being you.

  178. I love rain, but sometimes I have to remind myself that I love it. Kind of the same way that I have to remind myself that things will be okay and I’ll be happy again.

  179. Your openness and sharing about depression and other forms of mental illness and ripping the shame and isolation off them is so important. (And I just finished your audio book and I am seriously sad that it is over. It helped me laugh at life — and taxidermy — and has been my favorite part of my days recently.)

  180. Is it okay that I tell you that I fucking love you? Even though you don’t know who I am at all?

    We had a Disneyland day full of rain. Was one of our best damn days the entire trip. Sometime the gloom allows the awesome to shine through.

  181. I am simply humbled by your courage, your honesty and your words.

    Also, I will probably be pulled over soon for cackling like a hyena alone in my car listening to “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”

    Thank you for all of it!

  182. I have never had depression and I’m hoping I will never have. I am basically a happy person and realize that although I read you I will never really understand fully or relate exactly to what you say. But what I do understand are the huge efforts you make, the struggle and the fighting. And the courage. And for that I praise you, I stand up before you all suffering and send you all my love, my strength, my support and above all, my admiration

  183. This post is 5 kinds of awesome, Jenny. Thank you so much for being a depression spokesperson for us.

    When my depression hits, I remind myself that the things depression says are not only lies, but they aren’t even really about me – they are really just a symptom of a disease that I experience from time to time. At least, I try to remember that. When my stomach is sick, it throws up it’s contents (not my fault). When my brain is sick, it throws out it’s yucky stuff, too (also not my fault).

    Namaste,
    Kate

  184. I read this blog post today, and then I read it out loud for my wife & daughter. There were a few moments when I had to stop and collect myself, a fact which both touched and amused my daughter simultaneously. None of us suffer from depression, but your posts have given me an insight that more people should have. You and your blog commenters aren’t just helping those who suffer from depression. You’re helping the rest of us be better, more understanding people.

  185. I love, love, love the series of picts with Hailey spinning. Really cool. 🙂

    And thank you for writing a blog that makes us laugh in the face of our own depression. That folder right there is one reason this type of community is so very important to so many of us. And “depression lies” is one of the simplest, most accurate descriptions of what it’s like to live with it. “Don’t leave” is also very simple and yet incredibly powerful.

    Yay for splashing in puddles at Disney World! That’s awesome.

  186. Depression totally lies. Hailey is full of win. And I am just imagining all the bugs that must be swallowed every year by kids on Disney’s cups…

  187. You rock. You make me laugh. All. The. Time. Because of you metal chickens hold a special place in my heart. Be down if you need to be, just bounce right back up, because you make a big difference for all of us.

  188. This post threw me…the whole time I’m reading it expecting the F word or a joke. I got none of that, and yet I walk away from reading it feeling thankful that it is out there. I don’t have depression, have never contemplated suicide, and I have no children. But I thank you for writing about this and sharing because…well if I ever did, I would know I wasn’t alone.

  189. Today was a crying day for me. One of those days where it seems the entire world is on my shoulders and I would be crushed under the pressure. I cried, I stressed, I worried, I wanted to scream, to punish myself for being weak, or stupid or simply just not good enough to resolve all of my issues. After all of this, I gave in and fell to my knees and asked God to help me, so I didn’t have to do it alone….and here you ALL are. We are not alone in this. Thank you for giving us a voice. God bless.

  192. I don’t have depression and I don’t know much about it (though I can certainly share long stories with you about clinical anxiety) so I don’t really understand when it’s ok to be funny and make jokes and where it becomes counterproductive. What I have to say isn’t a joke anyway, it’s actually a very serious matter and, frankly, time critical. I wanted to point out to you that as you may be approaching a serious bout of depression we may or may not be at the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. See any recent headlines on MSNBC, CNN, etc. about the incident in Florida. I know it’s an issue near and dear to your heart. I just wanted to say that if you do find yourself in the holds of a crippling bout of depression, we’ll try to hold down the fort while you’re down but we’re going to need you if indeed the apocalypse is upon us.

  193. Thank you for speaking so frankly about depression. Too many people don’t understand that it’s so much more than just being “unhappy.” I am fortunate enough not to have depression myself, but I’ve seen what it can and has done to my best friend, and it can be terrifying. Just remember, Disney is a magical place – it even makes the rain seem like a plaything! The fact that you were still able to appreciate your daughter’s joy tells me that you’ll be ok.

    PS – I see Hailey is a pin collector! I have a rather large and embarrassing collection myself. I’d love to send her one (or five…)

  194. Thanks again love. It is like you write what is going on inside my head! And you are so right…community helps!

  195. Goodness your peripheral vision issues make me wonder if there are migraine-related issues to all of this. I know about wanting to stay in bed and wanting just as fiercely to get up and run around with my children. These days the latter win out and that makes me happy–but it wasn’t always that way–and it takes continuous work and faith to keep trying. Thanks for flying the flag my friend. Sometimes it’s not the most beautiful one, but it’s damn colorful.

  197. I’ve been a reader of your blog since I stumbled upon your Beyonce post and caused a scene in my office cube-land from laughing louder than the white noise they pipe in. I started following your blog because you make me laugh. I keep reading your blog because you are able to put words to what I feel way too often. I also suffer from depression and have toyed with suicide too many times (starting way back in elementary school I’m sorry to say). Thank you for showing that fun, awesome, normal people have this debilitating, hard-to-explain THING. This heaviness that causes every muscle to ache and my brain to become coated in storm clouds. But, I’m thankful to say, no matter how unbearable the weight is, the sun is ALWAYS lurking, waiting to come out! Beams of sunlight will soon tickle their way through the clouds to shine the truth that this bout of depression, like the last one and like the next one, will have an end. And when it ends, your blog is here to say “I’m struggling too” while also providing a source of hilarity for the sun beams to stream from. Thank you

  199. Sometimes the depression make the laughing better. Some of my best,most out of control moments of laughter have happened in midst of a bout of depression. I think that the “I don’t care” chemical releases the control that doesn’t let us fully laugh. We usually laugh politely and within socially acceptable norms. But sometimes we just let go and all the emotion is out in the laughter. And its good. Its exhausting, but its good.
    Its also rare. Because its hard to find the path to the laughter when you are caught in the abyss of depression.

  200. I love that you can shed light on depression to help get rid of the stigma. I know it makes me feel closer to others who suffer as I do. It helps us all.

  201. thanks for sharing such an meaningful post. My husband has also battled bouts of severe depression over the last 11 years, and it really does help knowing that others share the battle, and that we can all get through it. Hope that this isn’t a big bout for you, but just a little glitch **hugs**

  202. Your posts make me laugh so hard I cry. Then I share them with other people at work, who sit at their desks and laugh and cry. You are quite simply good karma rippling through the world. Thanks for being you and bringing hope to others by sharing your laughter and your hardship. You’re unique, but not alone.

  204. Hailey is absolutely beautiful. Her smile lit me up and that is JUST what I needed today.
    Thank you for being there for all of us. Depression does lie and you have reminded me that “every little things gonna be allll-right.

  205. I love this post and I love you. I’m praying this will pass quickly for you, and that you will trust what you know and hear and have learned from others and not what your mind and depression tells you. She is indeed beautiful, just like you.

  206. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere more than I feel like I belong here. Thanks to you and to all the commenter mice and even to all the lurkers for that sweet feeling.

  209. I know that this blog is one of the only things that helped me earlier this year when I was going through my small mental breakdown. I kept reading your blog and all the comments and thinking that if all these people can go through this kind of crap and still get up and make lives for themselves and their families, so can I. Your blog kept me holding on and kept me fighting for myself when doctors tried to say that I was imagining it or that I was just crazy. I knew that something was wrong and fought to get the help that I needed. I’m much better now, I have bad days, everyone does. But on my bad days I read this blog and the heartfelt posts about your struggle and comments from others are like a digital hug to keep going. And the funny ones are a reminder that I have to keep laughing. Laugh or cry, right? Love you and everyone else on here. {DIGITAL HUG}

  210. This right here? Is why I admire you. Yes, you’re funny. But you’re also human and you share that. You let us in to the shadows behind the smile. And you do it to help and to heal. That’s the best part of your work…your desire to help others learn to stomp in the puddles and remember the sun will come back out some day! Thank you for that, Lady!

  211. Godspeed Jenny. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for all that you’ve done.

  213. Thank you for being so honest about your depression. As someone who’s battled PPD as well anxiety, I’m always grateful when I see other kick ass women (yes, I said “other” because I am rather kick ass myself – thanks for noticing) coming out of the mental illness closet and leaving the doors wide open so that everyone can see that hey, it looks a lot like my closet except maybe there are more black clothes – and is that an emo wig? Providing a platform for people to say “me too” is essential. Everyone’s voice then adds strength to the choir. And before long, we’re fucking superheroes because we’re saving lives. 20 lives! And probably many more who didn’t email you because they were busy making soup or something (which is something alive people do, so that’s a good sign.)

    You don’t have to be funny all the time. Just be you. Be authentic, because authentic you is pretty great.

    PS: Your daughter is beautiful 🙂

  214. Your daughter is one gorgeous and furiously happy girl. And she is blessed to have you for a Mom.

    You gave me the courage to openly talk about my depression on my itty bitty blog. You have no idea that you did, but you did. So, thanks. And depression is a lying, hateful bastard. You have literally millions of people who love you and whose lives you’ve affected in a completely positive way. Remember that when it gets dark, because it’s true.

  216. You are amazing. You have made me laugh. You can make me cry. I cry because I’ve been there, because I know, because I’m terrified it’ll happen again. Depression does lie. Thank you for posting this!

  218. I can’t express how much I needed to hear that today. I’ve been having a rough week, month really. Thank you for always being so open and honest.

  219. Thank you!! I have mental illness and am facing a battle for my teen son’s health. He has a condition that will require brain surgery, but until then he suffers chronic pain. I was wallowing in a little freak out self pity party, and I still am, but I’m picturing you in the corner with me, giggling a little over guac and chips. Thanks again – couldn’t have come at a better time this week.

  220. That was the most eloquently put depression description I’ve ever heard. And so perfectly summed up. Thanks for the reminder.
    Depression, anxiety, combo-packs and hybrids of the two devils have been a part of my life for over ten years. I’m (slowly) learning to come to terms and trying not to let the tail wag the dog.
    Thanks, Jenny

  221. I am glad you have a Hailey in your life.

    I still haven’t been able to fully embrace the notion that depression lies, but I am too tired to argue against it. All I know is I hear those words on a loop in my head. “Don’t Leave” and it’s working. Good things have been happening lately. I am just waiting for the inside of my brain to catch up so I can enjoy them.

    I love the pictures of your daughter’s smile on her face. I can close my eyes and hear her laughing. It reminds me of those happier times and it comforts just enough to get through, so thanks for sharing.

  223. My peripheral vision fades when I’m anxious. Is it bad I’m happy we have this in common…?

  224. Thank you for your bravery in posting this. Having that courage to be candid and real is what helps so many others know they are not alone — and ultimately saves some of them. Thank you for that. I know how hard it is when people think you are so funny when you are just feeling in a dark place and very unfunny. It tires me to my bones during some of those times to try and fake it and slap a smile on my face and be the person that everyone expects me to be when nothing inside of me feels connected to that person.

  225. I have been there. I hate that I just think I’ve finally gotten to be “normal” and then another bout of depression creeps in, its insidiousness making it almost invisible until I just start to feel a twinge of something wrong. I just am more cranky, more tired, more stressed, I wake up early early with my mind racing the minute I am conscious. I hate it. But you are so right, there is help and it DOES get better. When it gets better, I appreciate it SO much, my life. And we just keep riding the ride.

  226. Aww she’s so cute and I’m glad that she was able to see beauty in the rain! I adore this blog post 🙂

  227. My words will be buried in the piles and piles of them left here for you, but sometimes saying it is the point. Your words and your courage inspire me in ways I’d forgotten, and for that I thank YOU. Giving a voice to Depression (how does it still have a stigma attached?!) is hard and beautiful and you make me want to add words to this battle so many of us share. Thank you for sharing the sides of yourself that linger along the darker edges…it’s recognizing that that gives people hope that they are just that…edges, and not the whole shebang.

    Thanks, Jenny. You kick ridiculous ass.
    All the best.

  228. Your daughter smiles with all her teeth, not just a peep of tooth. Wide, open lips for laughter to vault from, running loose. You’ve done well with her.

    And, you’ve done well with yourself. Depression is like that lousy, lying, money-borrowing ex-boyfriend that shows up every now and then, still wanting to punish you for walking away from him. Keep walking away, Bloggess. Crawl if you must, but keep moving away.

    Remember, you are admired.

  229. YAAAYYY!!! Glorious post. I am counting the days until you get better (this post was still funny, btw), and I am counting the days until your daughter makes a full recovery from her bout with Cholera.
    godspeed, antidepressants and anti-cholera meds.
    godspeed.

  230. Were you just there this past weekend? So was I! If you were in the Magic Kingdom on Saturday or Animal Kingdom on Sunday, let me know.

  231. Tears. Of joy, of understanding, of sorrow but not of shame. Thank you for always sharing the deep, dark stuff too. And then lining it with silver and reminding us that we can all help one another and, often, we don’t even know that just being who we are- flaws exposed for all to see- is sometimes the best way to be a superhero.

  232. This brought tears to my eyes…. in a good way :). I love you and your blog and this community.

    Also, Hailey has such a gorgeous smile!!! I love how genuinely happy she is in these photos. 😀

  233. Depression Lies, I have to remember that!! Thanks for the giggles, there are days that they help people, (me), get by! Your daighter is lovely!!

    Is it OK if I get a discount by ordering your book for my Kindle??

  234. I always read your posts out loud, and so often I do with a giant lump in my throat- like today.
    You always say the exact truth. Thank you.
    And fuck that lying depression. It’s not going to beat you or me.

  235. I am on the ledge. Figuratively, for the moment. I fear literally soon, but I have the bracelet & I wear it to try to remember what I sometimes know to be true—depression lies.

  236. Oh, I meant to say that I work there seasonally (like this past weekend), and if you took pictures with any characters on those days, to let me know.

  237. I took my three children to Disney at Christmas. Call it temporary insanity. I am a Type A+++++++ person, which means I wasn’t going to be happy unless my children RODE ALL THE RIDES, damnit. That was impossible, of course. On the second day, I realized my children were having fun just BEING at Disney, seeing the parades, seeing the characters and that the rides JUST DIDN’T MATTER to them. I stopped stressing and enjoyed our time, standing in lines waiting for the characters, watching the parades for the hundredth time and just enjoyed the time with the children, while we had it……

  238. Thank you for talking so openly about your struggles with depression. I lost my cousin to suicide several years ago, and I wish I could have found a way to tell him that depression was being a fucking liar and that he was loved and good and like a big brother to me. But he kept his head down and didn’t let my entire side of the family know he was struggling because he was ashamed. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, and you talking about it will help others–like those 20 emailers–to remember that depression fucking lies.

    Thank you.

  239. I’m totally going to misquote this: “Depression isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign we’ve tried to be strong on our own for too long.”

    This quote I know I got right: “We are not alone.” – X-Files

    : ( :

  240. You are amazing!! When I grow up I wanna be just like you! No, seriously…nevermind that I’m older than you…that has nothing to do with it! =

    Thank you…for your blog, your book, your frank open-ness…for being you!!

  241. This is quite timely. I just went to my Dr. today so I can finally get some medical help with my very draining depression. My kids would like me to be HERE with them, not laying in bed, or hiding online. I want to be present, so..wish me luck.

  242. Thank you for you and this post and this blog. I’m headed down into that dark hole again right now after being out for only a short while. The medication makes the times out longer but I still go back time and again. It’s scary. It’s unfair to my family and friends. My husband is scared of what goes on in my brain because he got a hold of my journal once by accident. My son doesn’t understand why Momma doesn’t want to or can’t play. one friend doesn’t understand that I can’t just think awesome thoughts. She doesn’t understand why I can’t think of my own self worth or see how I’m awesome because all I see is my mental disorders standing between me and other people. Other people don’t get me because of depression, anxiety, and bi polar disorder. But… I’ll help anyone at all. E-mail me: irishdncr83@gmail.com

  243. First off I have to say you have a beautiful daughter and I am glad she was able to enjoy the rain! Secondly, I have to say how much you move me with your honest posts. I do not have depression but I know people who do. I know the pain they deal with regularly and to see someone come out of the darkness that is cast over this and shed some light on the topic is truly wonderful.

    Thank you for being wonderful and for giving us tears, whether because you are moving us with your words or making us cry from laughter it’s all amazing.

  244. We are rebuilding each other through this blog. I have had anxiety and eating disorders strip me of ten years of my life. After two years of treatment I finally feel like I am coming up for air. I love this community that Jenny has nurtured and love that so many people are able to drop their feelings of shame and secrecy through this blog. The most amazing thing to me is that at our weakest moments we find reserves of strength that we didn’t know we had to help one another. We are strong in each other. We are far from alone.

  245. I really needed this post today. I did everything in my power to force myself to come into work today, but Depression is still hanging on tight and I feel completely empty. I want nothing more than to return to my bed and cry myself to sleep.

    I won’t. I’ll keep telling myself that Depression is whispering lies.

    Thanks.

  246. Beautifully put. You don’t give yourself enough credit for all the laughter you bring and the joy you help us find in the everyday. Thank YOU.

  248. Depression does lie, but it is not always so easy to realize that depression is talking as it just sits in the back of your head and whispers lie after lie to you and it is hard to hear, so you focus a little on it to hear what the whispers are, then a little more and more, listening less to the real world and more to the whispers that are starting to make more sense the more you can hear them, then suddenly you’ve leaned too far to listen in even better and fall over into the black hole that is depression.

    It is better when you can ignore the whispers and listen to loved ones, but not always possible. For those times that you are in your dark hole, just remember you are your own light and can see the handholds to climb out. Or get yourself some more friends to put the light back in your smile – saw this and thought of you: http://www.etsy.com/people/motil. She also has a Zombie Pinup page – http://www.zombiepinups.com/monique/. Good stuff. Made me smile. Hope it does for you as well.

  249. I read your blog almost religiously but I never left a reply before because I have no experience with depression whatsoever, and thank the gods about that! But today I am really moved with what you wrote. Thanks to you I can maybe have a bit of an idea of what this is, and thanks to you maybe some day I can help someone by saying something you taught me, so thank you!

  250. Your daughter is so damn adorable, which I’ve said like 50 million times before but it never stops being true. And you are adorable, too, even when you don’t feel like it. I’m so happy I found your blog, so happy you are here writing it, whether you feel like it or not. I failed at blogging because when depression hit me, I clammed up. I admire the strength and the courage it takes to talk when you don’t feel like it. You’ve affected so many lives, made so many people happy, and the world is a better place because you’re in it. <3

  251. First off, you have raised that girl to be wildly confident and beautifully happy! Second your blog has brought so many happy moments into my life. It has provoked so many thoughts and helped me understand my own mother and what she has pushed through to raise my self and my two fantastic little brothers. And it has inspired me to really work on my writing. I take so much inspiration from the writers I love and you’re one of them, right next to C.S. Lewis and Neil Gaiman. Thank you!

  253. This is so very true. You’ll never know the impact you have on someone with a seemingly meaningless touch, word, or in this case, comment. Both good and bad. Keep doing what you do, girl.

  254. I love those pictures of Hailey, she’s having such a good time!
    Thank you very much for being so honest about your depression. I think it’s important that we all talk to each other, inspire each other, remind each other that we’re not alone, that we’re not the only ones suffering… and that we can look depression in the face and come out the other side. Thank you for all you do and all that you are xx

  256. I needed this today. My 13 yr old daughter has started to self harm/mutilate and on Monday required a police escort to the hospital for evaluation. I am scared shitless not only becuase of her but because I am dealing with my own dark episode. Both of these things separately are scary, together they are daunting and has made me doubt whether or not I can get to through to the other side. I needed this today. I needed this today. I needed this today…..I am printing it out and will carry it with me so I can convince myself that we will both be ok because today, I just don’t know.

  257. I’m so tired of the pills and people who treat me like I’m going to fall apart at any moment. Worse – the people who look at me like I’m some sort of repulsive freak because of my depression and mania. They all love me when I’m funny and manic and falling of the cliff. Some love me even more when I hit rock bottom because it gives them something to fix. I saw how manic depression effected my Dad and how he never told anyone he was manic because of the shame. People thought he was a character with a lot of hobbies. He wasn’t. Those were the manic episodes when he couldn’t control himself and his mania manifested into thousands of dollars spent on new “hobbies”. Now I worry about my kids. Which will be doomed to carry this awful illness. I already see the signs in my eldest. The medicines are a love hate relationship. They keep me going and help the darkness recede but I am forever tethered to those little pills. I am no more in control of my life on them than off of them. But I’d rather live this way than not at all. But I can relate. Sometimes – when I’m at the top of my game is when the damned disease hits me the hardest. And then I feel worse because I worry that I’m ruining the moment for everyone else. What’s it like to be on the other side? To be someone whose body & mind don’t betray them? To not have this constant see-saw. I wonder if it is peaceful and sunny. I would envy that.

  261. You are blessed with many gifts Jenny, not the least of which is the knowledge that you’ve saved the lives of those 20 people. And we are blessed that you share that knowledge, furthering the spread of goodwill, kinship, and love. Many of us will never know the impact we have had on others in our lives; how every small choice may change our course – or someone else’s – forever. What a gift to know that because of your honesty, bravery, and eloquence those 20 (and likely countless others) have chosen hope.

  262. I’m so glad that your little girl was able to have so much fun despite there being no so great weather. I’ve been thinking about you guys and how you were doing! I know that you’ll be okay because you know that you’ll be okay. You’re an amazingly strong woman that I look up to more than you know. I hope to see more pictures soon and Jenny, always remember that life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. I think Hailey’s got it down. I just love you and your family. Keep staying strong, girl. Much love and happy thoughts your way. *HUGS*

  263. Amazing writing; even more amazing insight. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I’ve struggled with depression for 20 years or so, and still can’t admit it’s a mental illness. It’s just depression, so what? You have helped me so much to learn to look at my difficulties in a different way. Thank you for that. And thank you for this post. As others have said, there are probably many more than the 20 people who wrote to you who were saved by your blog.

  264. I have been feeling a spiral myself lately, trying to fight it. I should be out tonight with friends for a special night, I just could not rally. I didn’t even really want to try. So I will jump in bed early and hope it is better tomorrow. Thank you for being you, for helping us all know we are not alone.

  265. ROCK ON! (Hey, I’m a classic rock DJ, itsa what I do!) And you, my darhlink, rock! Now, go eat some Pizza.

  267. I have bipolar disorder and my husband has chronic depression. We don’t talk about it to anyone else, because they would think differently of us. It would hurt our business and personal relationships.

    When people hear that someone famous and creative has a mental illness, they think it’s okay, and “normal” for a celebrity. When they hear that a non-celebrity has a mental illness, they think they’re crazy, unreliable, and should be locked up. Thanks for being one of the people who is working to rid us all of that stigma.

  268. You made me cry. Thank you.

    I’m almost through your book right now and loving it. Sure, its making me laugh, but I also appreciate knowing that I’m not the only one that struggles with relating to people. It feels good to know.

  269. Thank you for writing about depression for those of us who do not have it. Until reading your descriptions about what it feels like I have to say that I had NO idea what it must be like. For those who are continually sunny, it’s good to know how the other half feels.

    Also this explains why my blog is not funny and just barely interesting at all!!

  270. Much, much love. To you, to me, and to everyone else who needs it.

  272. Me too.
    I never thought there were people out there like me but now I know there are so many. I choose to live without meds because I hated the way they made me feel so I just hope the bad days outnumber the good. I am learning when the depression kicks in and trying to combat it but it never really works so I sleep till it vanishes. It never really vanishes though. It’s like herpes. You can’t always see it but it’s waiting to come back.

  274. I wish I could give you a big hug and make things better but I know from personal experience that it doesn’t work that way. You are an inspiration to me and make me feel like I can be proud of just being who I am…weirdness, sadness, illness and all.

    Thank you

  277. I was one step away from a highway and massive, fast 18 wheelers..no one would notice another big bug smudge on a truck, no one would care…but who would care for my animals if I did take that step? So I turned around and walked back down the driveway…and the warmth of my cats and called the VA for help.
    It is a daily fight, and your book has helped a great deal…it makes me laugh!!!
    PTSD sucks, as does depression and anger over MST ( military sexual tauma).
    I keep going because I will not give up to the Beast…I will fight every day, because life is about learning to dance in the rain!!
    Thanks for your post today and all the wonderfully understanding replies..It IS nice to know I am not the only one!
    Take care!

  278. Depression does lie. It’s like anti-rose colored glasses. I’ve learned to really appreciate the little things all the time, but even more so when I’m dealing with a bout depression. The little things that make me smile even the smallest smiles, because it’s still something to push back against the gloom. I search out pretty things & funny things, listen to happy or silly music (old Saturday morning cartoon theme songs are amazing for this), and I try to act goofy, even if I’m all by myself or hanging out with the cat (how she puts up with her weird mother, I’ll never know). Part of how I dress myself has a lot to do with my depression, because I will totally wear a silly tee or green eye shadow, because it makes me feel happier and I am a firm believer that wearing nail polish in whatever shade you want is a form of color therapy that you can take with you anywhere you go.

    So keep doing what you’re doing, because you’ve got the right of it. I always say that I may not good at getting myself better faster, but at least I can let other know that they are not alone and tell them what I know in hopes that it will help them as much, or even more so, as it helps me. It’s a little something that I can do that makes me feel better.

    PS: Next time it rains here, I think I will run outside to jump in puddles & catch raindrops on my tongue. I haven’t done that in a long time, though I did run through sprinklers often when walking how from late night grocery shopping & I do like walking in the rain.

  279. It’s very natural to have a really low low after such an incredible high like your book being published and being on the NY Times Bestseller list. I was wondering when that might hit you.

    Like you said, depression lies. It’s amazing how many people have come out on your blog and said yes, me too, keep going, you can do it. And your video log helped me so much. I cried when you said you wanted me around (yes, I took that personally!)

    Hailey looks incredibly furiously happy and for that, you can bask in the glow of knowing you are getting motherhood right.

    Sorry about the hurricane. It really sucks when you plan a vacation and it gets rained and hurricaned out.

    Keep on taking that next breath. It will get better again.

  280. thank you. all i can say is thank you and me too. i too can be funny and crazy and silly- that is my natural and healthy personality. however, sometimes i’m just hiding, surviving, drifting. very few see my pain. thank you for making me feel like i am in good company.

  283. Recognition. That’s what I (and so many others) have when we read this. I’ve been following this crazy tour you’re on and thinking, she’s got to be f-ing exhausted. At the end of every semester (grad school, PhD, teaching, single Mom, mid-law suit with douchy ex, blah, blah, bs) I collapse and get depressed — in spite of the great meds that work well the rest of the time. Crawl through because I know that I’ll eventually be fine again.

    I’m also reading your book right now for comic relief and inspiration. You keep thanking “us” for it … but I’m thanking you for IT! I haven’t read anything non-academic in over a year now and this has been a giggling breath of (snorting) wheezing air 🙂

    See you on the other side of the black hole. Solidarity, sistah!

  284. No one can be funny ALL the time, and, honestly, that would probably just piss us off anyway. People are entertained by funny. People CONNECT with real. Thank you for being real and open and vulnerable with us. Thank you for helping people see they aren’t alone. I hope you have more magic than darkness in the coming days.

  285. “If we’re ever going to see the rainbow, we’ve got to stand a little rain” Yes I stole that line from a song, don’t bother suing me I don’t have anything

    I just want to again, say thank you Jenny and friends all. Thank you for saying ‘me too’ and showing each and every one of those people that this is a problem that effects people everywhere, and it lies to all of us who had it move in with us. At least, as bad as it can be, we aren’t alone.

  286. I have been to Disney World 3 times in September and once some time in the summer. I have NEVER been to MGM Studios without having to buy a Mickey Poncho. I love those damn yellow ponchos.

    PS a rainy day is the perfect day to go to a water park. Virtually no lines and more water. word.

  287. I adore your daughter. She’s this adorable person because her adorable parents teach her how to be adorable. She is strong. Like her mom. Like her dad. You all are.

  288. That is beautiful. I don’t have you audience but I am trying to do the same thing on my blog (well besides get the word out about my children’s stories. I have a section dedicated to my depression and anxiety issues that I have only recently begun to tackle. I’m better than I was, but not were I was a month ago, and have felt a little slip over the last 24 hours. I just haven’t found the right combo of meds yet. Its a frustrating game. But I blog openly for that reason I want to help people and I know I already have. I also want to destigimatize this. Depression lies, anxiety lies even more,a nd my fake it till you make it smile is just a big lie itself.

  289. I’ve adored you from afar for ages (not like, in a stalker way, in like a normal blog-following way, lol), and I preordered your book because you’ve made me laugh to the point of spitting out liquids at my computer on multiple occasions. I came to your blog when I saw someone post on Facebook your article about Beyonce. And, I kept reading because a) i thought you were hilarious, b) I love your consistent use of curse words, and c) reading how you and Victor interact made me think to myself “I hope that one day I have a marriage like that. One where one day starts with an argument over towels and ends with one of us buying a giant metal chicken because…that is funny…that is a life worth living.” I had no idea at that time that you struggled with depression. Since then, I’ve been amazed countless times, not as I expected, at your humor. But, I’ve been amazed at the good you’ve done for others from this platform. I’ve been amazed at your bravery for sharing something so deep. I’ve been amazed at the red dress project and the silver ribbon to make others feel good about themselves. And, most importantly, I’ve been amazed at the education I’ve received from you about depression and its effect on others. My father committed suicide when I was 17, and I’ve often wondered what he thought, how he felt. I wish that he could have read your blog. Thank you so much for your post today. It moved me to tears and compelled me to comment for the first time. I feel like I’m getting some insight into something I thought was lost forever. You are wonderful.

  290. I’m so glad I found you and your Blog. You’ve helped me see that I’m not alone and that other people think/feel like me. I love that you’re so open about yourself and your depression. I’m open about mine in a passive/aggresive way. I constantly “joke” about my “shiny object syndrome(SOS), or all the “voices” in my head etc in the hopes that someone will come to me for help. I climb on the soapbox once in awhile too so I can help others. I’ve been sharing your page to try to help educate others, people who don’t understand and people who are in our same situation alike. Thank you for being YOU and keep up the great work!

  292. You’re so honest, and you bare your soul and let others know they are not alone. You’re truly an amazing and inspiring person. I’m crying happy tears knowing I’m not alone.

  293. Shit…I have so much to say but I’ll just leave you with this…thank you so much. I am so glad you understand how much your words and this community do 🙂

  294. I’m fighting it off today with all my might. Thank you, Jenny, for your reminder that depression lies. My tears right now aren’t such a bad thing.

  295. My daughter helps me through my depression. Sitting on the bathroom floor, tears streaming down my face, thoughts of nothing but ending the pain and pills and razors…. it’s overwhelming. Then I remember her face. Her hugs, her words of love. She’s my rock. She’s my strength. She’s my reason to get up every day, whether depression has pulled me down or not. I might go back to bed after she’s off to school, but without her, I would stay in that bed. Without her, I may have put those pills and razor to use by now.
    Sometimes it seems I’m faking it for her sake. And I probably am, but I think that’s what is supposed to happen. Sometimes faking it means making it. My daughter’s joy is my cure.
    Thank you my beautiful Girl. You make the sun shine.
    And to you, Dear Ms. Bloggess – you will be ok. You ARE ok. And that’s enough. x

  297. Thank you Jenny. You are such a source of light, even for those of us who aren’t trapped in the darkness. My spouse just recently admitted that as a teen, suicide was a very real possibility. When the darkness came back last year he tried meds, but the real change didn’t happen until he was able to discover the cause (gender identity disorder). Thank you for shining a light into the darkness for those of us who are searching for those lost in it.
    My Defining Moments post is about how my husband’s transition to female and how she found a way out of her darkness.
    Again, thank you. You remind me to be furiously happy too.

  298. I finished reading your post and hid in the bathroom to cry. I’m another of those “me too”, depressed, anxious and terribly shy. When I started reading you, I was well past my suicidal phase, but you’ve helped me in other ways…
    I’ve always been afraid of being a mother. How could I take care of another human being when I can barely get my arse out of bed? Will I be a horrible mother? Will my children hate me? Seeing the smile on your child’s face gives me a hint of hope. If you have overcome your mental illness to raise such a beautiful, healthy, brilliant and happy child, there’s a chance I can do it too.
    Depression is a liar. I can be a good mother.
    Thank you, Jenny. <3

  299. While I only just started reading your blog recently, I am so moved by what you have to say – from the funny to the serious. Thank you for being brave enough to put yourself out there, you are saving lives because the things you talk about truly resonate with people.

  300. I have anxiety but I wouldn’t call it depression, although it makes me depressed. To have written a sentence like that I guess I have to have SOMETHING wrong with me.

    You are a fairy with a magic wand and you can change yourself because you changed me. Thanks for being there.

  301. You should know that your blogging inspired me to publicly blog about my depression and it has made a tremendous difference in my life. And I second the notion that some of the funniest (and smartest) people I have ever known suffered from depression. I think it is due to a couple of things…first, madness often accompanies genius. It’s as if there is some Icarus rule that keeps mankind from being too smart so that they are often “gifted” with some form of mental challenge. The second thing is that the depressed, IMHO, are brutally honest with themselves, never cutting themselves any slack. While that makes it harder to break free from those horrible downward spirals, it also allow us to access those pithy, hysterical nuggets of wisdom that can only be found in deep introspection. How’s that for looking at the glass as half-full? It will only last about, oh, another five minutes, but I will take what little, periodic optimism I can scrounge up. Thanks again for inspiring me and making me laugh–that last is worth more than gold to me.

  302. It’s just that sometimes that guy is a really good liar. May your depression be short in duration and low in intensity. xo

  303. Those of us who don’t have depression will never know how you get the strength to have depression instead of letting it have you, but we are eternally grateful that you are stronger than the hand life dealt you.

  304. Thank you so much for posting this. You honestly and frankness about it all makes it so much easier to talk about. i don’t talk about it much, I just act like the stupid cliche clown so that no-body asks if I’m ok. So Thank you for being so awesome.

  305. The thing is, there are more than 20. Twenty happened to write you…there’s no telling how many didn’t.

    {{much love & puddly hugs}}

  306. Posts like this are pure art. Jenny, you are the muse and oracle that so many of us thought we would never find. Thanks for verbalizing the wonky emotion factories that go on in so many of our heads. Please continue to be a pure and honest medium.

  308. I’m so glad you openly blog about your struggles. They have made me feel like I’m not alone on more than one occasion. You actually inspired me somewhat to blog openly about my struggles with depression, OCD, PTSD, and anxiety. You’ve made me realize that I should not be ashamed of my mental illness. It’s not something that defines me. Yes, it’s something I will struggle with every effing day for the rest of my life, but I’m so much more than my mental illness. “Depression lies” is 100% true of depression, but so hard to remember when you are living it. Thank you for reminding me of it. I’m going to write that on a note card and put it on my fridge.

  309. Joy is so tenuous. So is life. Sometimes it’s all you can do to cling to one. One day (or hour… or minute… or agonizing second) at a time.

  310. We love you for being you. With all the travel, book signings, meetings and now this fun trip, you can only be “up” for so long. We will travel this journey with you and hopefully you’ll know we’re here. may that knowledge help the depression lose some of its power, so that it doesn’t last as long or take you as far down. In the meantime, we’re here. Funny or not.

  311. Very sneaky of you to post your own childhood photos and label them your daughter just so we would all get on here and tell you how adorable she (you) is (are). Seriously, those eyes, those cheekbones, that smile, the tilt of the head? ‘Fess up.

    Oh, and, it was confronting that fact that death would mean never seeing my wife again that kept me off the edge long enough to get help. I hope being with your beautiful daughter and long-suffering 😉 husband will help you as well.

  312. Thank you so much for your posts. I have not personally been struck by depression, but my dad, my uncle, my cousin, my brother have. You are helping those who suffer from it know they are not alone, and those who don’t to help understand those who do. I’m going out to get your book tomorrow (I have no chance of getting it at my library – there are something like 40 people on the wait list for it now). 🙂

  313. Don’t you hate it when you see the depression coming? Ack! Sometimes it’s almost worse. Way to push through and be there for your daughter and husband. Sometimes that’s the hardest part. I’m bummed you aren’t coming near my city b/c I would love to meet you and your awesomeness!

  314. Here’s the thing. Depression can decide to drop in at the most inconvenient times. You acknowledge it, knowing it won’t leave until it’s good and ready, but the thing that is so freaking fantastic is that you can also see the exquisite joy on your daughter’s face, and you will make sure that joy is what rises to the top.

  316. You move me to tears with your honesty. You are such a strong, positive voice for people challenged with depression. So glad you can find fun in the rain.

  317. I have only recently discovered your blog but I have read your book. I’ve been tempted to comment but this post has pushed me over. 🙂 Struggling with depression and social anxieties is horrible to live with. It is a struggle but I move forward for my kids too and some days that is the only reason. I’m glad there is someone out there that understands and love this blog for this reason. If you can do it, I can do it . Oh, and I grew up with JRA on top of all this too. Arthritis is horrible at any age.

  319. Yeah, depression-lately feeling low energy, shame filled, not wanting to do anything, and basically dark. Staying up till the wee hours and sleeping the day away. Out of control of my life. I know I can get out of it, but it’s hard sometimes. If I get a chai latte that helps elevate my mood. Or take my neighbors dog for a walk is great. I don’t feel like doing much of anything, and all of the things I’m suppose to do stare me back in the face. I haven’t gone grocery shopping in like 6 mos., too overwhelming for it’s Costco, Trader Joes, and Target I have to go to. I’m suppose to get a new phone but I don’t want to do all the research it takes to get one. Oh, well, this state of mind will pass-I am in counseling personally, about to do couples counseling, and do family conseling, for my boyfriend’s 14 year old attempted suicide a month ago. And he seems always so happy go lucky. Take care y’all!

  320. I have so much admiration for you for not allowing depression to steal your joy as a mother.

  321. Thank you sweet lady. How wonderful it would be if you could spin in a teacup until you couldn’t stand,then stagger out and just puke the poison right out of you. Look down on it and say “Take That depression, and hey, when did I have corn?”

  322. I’m crying… because my brain has been playing tricks on my for weeks. little things that 3 weeks ago were easy are a giant chore for me right now. There have even been a couple of times that I got int he car to go somewhere and by the time I was at the end of my street, I couldn’t remember where I was going. I’ve been hiding it… because I MUST have some kind of horrible, never-before-heard of brain tumor and I’m going to die.

    But really, these are my signs. And you just threw another out there…. a big flashing neon one that just says “LIES”

    I’m going to try to keep THAT sign in my sights until I see the other side.

  324. I love that your daughter is wearing an Alice costume. All little girls should want to be Alice. She was curious and had an adventure.

  325. 1. You are amazing and wonderful.
    2. I’ve learned I can’t even read the comments before i comment. I get too distracted. You have amazing and wonderful commentors.
    3. Hailey is adorbs! i love other people’s kids…. cause they’re cute and funny and I don’t have to pay for college.

  326. I am so appreciative of you. Instead of crawling inside the black hole, you share your troubles with us. It really is amazing to see how many people relate and feel the exact same way all the time. But in today’s society, the judging and comparing make it difficult to express our true emotions. Thank you Jenny.

  328. I think you’re amazing!!! You are one of my idols. And you’re pretty. And it WILL get better.

  329. Your child has the most beautiful smile in the world. I mean it’s like a freaking SUPERPOWER!
    Still fighting the black cloud. Every awful I think…will this be the weekend when I give in? Then I wake up Monday morning and try for another week. One day at a time I guess.

  330. That gave me chills. I agree, you’ve built an amazing community here. Yours is one of the few blogs I take the time to scroll through comments. They’re always so meaningful. Kudos to you, Jenny.

  331. This month, I witnessed a stranger’s suicide attempt, got dumped, had to move, was late to work twice, and was in a car accident. That covers the first week–I won’t bore you with the details of the rest of the month, but suffice it to say my life has been like some horrible farce for the last several weeks. As someone who has been in that dark pit for a while, let me tell you–your blog is one of the beacons out of it.

    Thank you.

  333. thanks for the post. i wish it didn’t feel like it won’t end. perspective is good.

  334. Never ever underestimate the power of your words and the belief that you are who you are for a reason. I’m sure you’ve saved many more lives than you’ll ever realize. Keep being the joy that you are, just as you are!

  336. I love your post. I am a longtime reader, but a once in a blue moon commentor. I struggle myself with depression, and it is so hard to explain to friends and family, why I can be absolutely fine some days, but others I physically cannot make myself do anything.

    Your post brought tears to my eyes, because I feel like that so many days. I will push through it because I love my kids more than anything in the world, so I push it deep down inside of me and ignore it as best as I can, because of them. You are inspirational Jenny. You really are.

  338. Love your blog…hang in there…and ….do you know Heather Armstrong…you should meet…but of your are hysterical in the face of …everything!

  339. Thank you for writing this post, Jenny. I’ve been struggling a lot with my own mental illnesses lately and I re-read your depression lies post(s) when I’m feeling like this to try and get through it.

  340. Interesting, this is the first time I’ve ever read anything by you. A friend told me about the website last night and sent me the link. I’ve since been reading all through it, but the humor is, I think, that much funnier knowing that you are a real person with real issues. I can’t wait to read the book!

  341. 1) Amazing pics of your daughter! She radiates joy!
    2) If you haven’t read the blog ‘Diary of a Mad Woman’ (not mine, I’m not self-promoting right now) then you SHOULD! She’s brilliant and she writes about the aftermath for her and her children after they found her husband had committed suicide. A terrible story but she also is someone who will save lives.
    3) Sending prayers and warm wishes that you can quickly return to your usual wise-ass self who we all adore.
    <3

  342. My son makes me feel the same way, he is wonderful about reminding me how to be in the moment and find joy in everything.
    On another note, I love your serious, not funny posts too 🙂 You inspire all of us!

  343. I am feeling very teary and I’m usually like that after reading your posts because I was laughing so hard. You are such a beacon of light and so much of that is because you know the darkness. I think you are extraordinary and your daughter is so very lucky to have you for her mother.

  344. Thank YOU, once again…and I highly recommend a large, colorful beyonce tattoo on your calf–it’s seriously hard not to at least giggle when you look at it, no matter how crappy everything else seems (and yes, I have a large, colorful beyonce tattoo on my calf–because hey, it’s gonna be SOOOO much funnier when I’m 80 and it’s all wrinkley…)

    and BTW, it doesn’t wash off in the rain…enjoy the vaca 🙂

  345. This is why I love this blog, the raw honesty. Thank you Jenny <3

  346. Thank you, Jenny. I’ve been having a really bad anxiety morning (you know, the ones where you can feel something bad on the horizon or you’re anxious and nervous and you have no idea why?) and feeling stuck in my head and alone.

    This post reminded me that I’m not alone. That there are people here, in our little internet community, that can honestly say “I know exactly what you mean. THAT FEELING SUCKS”. That helps, more then I can say.

    And the beautiful smile on Hailey’s face helps too.

  347. The friend of a friend took her own life yesterday. My friend is so angry at her friend for not being able to talk to someone, and for leaving her two daughters without a mother. Because of your blog, I can understand how dark one can feel and the feeling that there must be something better somewhere else. Hopefully my friend will get over her anger because we never know the turmoil in someone’s head.

  348. I am sitting here crying right now because while I do visit your blog for some comic relief, this is the message I needed today as I am slipping closer to the edge of my own black hole. I have everything to be happy for, to live for, but we know the darkness doesn’t differentiate. I needed to be reminded that Depressions LIES today. Thank You… be well.

  349. Thank YOU for being here and joining us together! While I do not suffer from depression, I suffer from anxiety. I know what it is like to have a panic attack where you feel that you will die at any moment, where you have an out-of-body experience watching yourself crumble into a sobbing-screaming pile of a human and not being able to do anything about it. Mental illness is a bitch but people like you and this community makes the going better. Thank you and you keep on fighting!

  351. Today, my therapist taught me a tactic. When my thoughts are spinning and I’m spiraling down, pretend a Stop sign flies up at my face. I’m to take a deep breath, then name off 10 things I’m grateful for. If I can’t do it, I pretend that I live in Haiti or some other less fortunate place. I can at least be thankful for clean water and showers. It’s easy to sink into the pit. Your honesty helps us all fight it who need to fight it.

  352. I cried reading this post. I honestly, literally cried. You are beautiful.

  354. And this is why I was so sad to find out that when you will be in Chicago…you will indeed by so close, yet so far away. I was one of the few lucky enough to get tickets to the Lit Fest event…only to find out I can’t go due to family obligations. There were even evil little thoughts of: Well it is a shower for me…They can’t really start without me – can they? I can go, be a total fan girl, then go on to the family gathering and then go home and curl into a ball for the next week. Instead I am going to give the gift that keeps on giving – no, not the clap, I am paying forward my tickets to the ladies who introduced me to your blog. I have been a mental health crusader for 15 years now. I still have some very dark days. With those years of not giving in have come wisdom- yes this is a soul sucking moment, dear Lord do I feel alone, but if I can get out the other side: someone can benefit from this.
    You help me do that. I love wearing my Depression Lies T: I get a few weird looks, but I get even more high fives, and enough “where’d you get that?” to warrant me wanting a Bloggess.com business card template. I’d say we are all part of the League of Injustice…once an official cape pattern is chosen we can star being caped crusaders…Though you already got a cape from a fan. hmm. I’m not sure of my chances of being the random recipient of a cape. Perhaps that may be another evolution of the Red Dress Project. I can see it now…a rag tag mess of folks, in their cape-y glory, spreading the word: Mental Illness is nothing to be ashamed of. Rather than coming out of closets…well for me it’d be getting out of bed. Perhaps they should be capes made out of old quilts. I digress. I watched my mom, my grandmother, a few aunts, my father, countless friends all try to cope in silence. I have been diagnosed since 1985 with depression. I was 10. I have walked through metaphorical fire for more than 25 years. You were the first person that I was introduced to that was as open about their struggles as I try to be about mine. I applaud you. I applaud your fans, without whom I’d be in the dark. I wish I could high five you in Chicago this trip, but alas it would seem I need to wait for my cape. Safe Travels & here’s hoping you like Chicago.

  355. Thank you for sharing. As someone who also suffers from depression, it helps to read other’s frank but positive accounts of coping with it. I think the more we talk about it, the less the stigma will persist.

  356. Jenny, you don’t have to be funny all the time because when you are funny I wet my pants and I don’t think my furniture can take much more of that. Just before I read your blog I realized that I had taken a personal day from work today because I needed the time alone. I needed the time alone so get centered and turn off the cacophony in my head; or at least turn down the volume. You see, in my head there are thoughts that say I am fat, ugly, old, stupid, worthless. I know better. I have a good life full of people who love me dearly, respect me, even admire me. Depression lies. It lies lahk a dawg as we say in the South. But depression also never quite shuts up, does it?

    BTW-your daughter is so beautiful, and her joy is wonderful. I know you know that, but I wanted to say it anyway.

    Hug yourself. Hug others. Keep spreading the word about lies, and keep saving people.

  357. I’ve never posted on your blog before, but I read this one every time there is a new post. I wanted to share that I was depressed and suicidal on many occasions when I was younger. Even had myself committed once for a 72 hour hold to try to hang in there until the worst had passed. Years later, I was doing better and working graveyard shift in an ER. A woman was brought in and was crying so hard that they had to put her in a wheelchair to get her into the ER. No big stressor, just profoundly depressed. My job was to get her name, address, insurance info, etc before she went back to be evaluated. After I had gotten everything I told her the doctors would be out to take her back shortly. Her adult daughter had wandered off to make a phone call (no reception in our waiting room). She had calmed a bit, and when I looked at her, I saw myself at my worst all over again. Making the phone call to stay alive for just a few more days. She looked so lost and lonely. I told her, “I know exactly how you feel.” She looked skeptical. I said, “I don’t know the particulars, but there comes a point when it doesn’t matter what it was that set it off. The bottom of a hole is the bottom of a hole…. doesn’t matter how you got there.” She looked a little hopeful. She asked, “How did you get out?” I said, “Hell, I don’t know! Time. Patience. Talking, thinking, anti-depressants. Changing my mind about myself. Limiting my stress. Love. Who knows?” I took her hand across the counter and I said, “You just have to wait it out. It doesn’t stay the same forever. I promise you that.” She broke down again and tears were streaming down her face. I said, “I swear to God, if you wait it out it will get better. I did. But if I had ended it all then, things never would have had the chance to change. I’m thankful I hung on. You will be, too.” She squeezed my hand so tight. The charge nurse came out to get her. I never found out what happened to her because we can’t access patient records once they go to Psych. I hope that she hung in there. I hope that we all do.

  359. I have a mild episodes infrequently but insomnia is ever-present. Some nights ago I felt myself sinking and your phrase “depression lies” popped into my head. By repeating that, I was able to battle through the “sadness” (ha) and felt like I could fly the next morning. With just that one little phrase, you have armed me for the fight!

  360. It’s women like you that give us all something to believe in you know…and to have hope. Thank you for your bravery in this post!

  361. When my parents took me to Disney World, we waited in line for what seemed like decades for the Dumbo ride. And then, when my turn finally came, my Dumbo wouldn’t fly. I yanked on the joystick to no avail. All the other kids’ Dumbos were soaring in the sky, and mine was barely hovering two feet above the pavement. Well, 5-year-old Me threw a tantrum so epic that it earned me another go-round in a fully functional elephant. But I could have handled it more gracefully. What I’m saying is that when my Dumbo gave me lemons, I didn’t make lemonade by contracting a disease by drinking rainwater dripping off the monorail. At a young age, Hailey’s on to something big: happiness, and probably cholera.

  362. This is one of the most touching things I’ve ever read. Thank you for writing it. And thank you for sharing those marvelous pictures! Can’t look at that face and not smile.

  364. That’s what keeps me going. Seeing the pure joy in my sons face over something so simple. Here’s to 20 more people knowing they are not alone.

  365. I have similar issues and have learned. It rained so hard at Disney that even though we had ponchos (been before) my son’s pants and mine were falling down (thank goodness for old school yellow and blue ponchos). We laughed all the way to the buses in the pouring rain! Things are NEVER perfect and that is what makes great stories. Isn’t that is what life about? Great stories that we treasure forever, albiet good or bad. Our lives are just the stories we make. I don’t always like my stories while we make them but they are always awesome after!

  366. I feel on top of my own depression. I haven’t had an episode in a couple years. Meds are finally lined up properly.
    To all of you that said, “me too” to this post—Hang in there. Sometimes, it’s one minute at a time. One day at a time is just too large a time frame.
    Jenny, you’ve had a long couple months. You’ve done so well. Thanks for being open and sharing ALL of it.

  367. Wow – I sure needed this post today. I am so…impressed that you can see the beauty and joy around you even when you’re pushing back darkness. I’m still learning how to do that. Usually, the darkness pounces on me and I suffocate, trying hard to focus on just breathing and simply can’t see anything other than darkness.

    I often wonder, is it best to try and fight it off or just to ride it out?

  369. It’s always moving to learn that your actions or your words meant something so much more than just what you thought it would mean to a person. I’m proud of you, Jenny, for posting and helping those 20 people see they’re not alone…and I’m proud of those 20 people for helping you see how much your words, your actions and your strength means to them. And to us. You keep thanking us, but, Jenny…thank you. Thank you for being so incredibly you. You mean a lot to all of us.

  370. I was having a bad week last week. I’m having a better week this week. “Depression Lies” is quite possibly the single greatest combination of words I’ve ever read on the internet, and last week would have been harder had I not ever read it.

    Your daughter is adorable and clearly wise beyond her years.

  371. Depression does lie. . . a lot. There is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is very very small.

  372. This day is how you know you are winning, or at least not losing. Most people without depression don’t even notice the joy around them, or right in front of them for that matter. They gripe at the slightest downturn, like a rainstorm, too blinded by their own self imposed tunnel vision to notice the rainbows. The fact that you noticed the rainbow (Haley), through the fog of depression, tells volumes about your state of mind when down. When fighting the dark, you still look up to see the stars when most clear headed people don’t even know there are stars to see.

    Best memories are unplanned. That looks like an awesome one, in spite of that depression-fucker showing up for the party.

  373. Gosh, I just adore you & your family. I’m so glad that you’re storm has helped others see some light on the other side of their own storms, even if it’s temporary or comes in bursts. You’re amazeballs!

    Also, totally reading your books right now and highlighting! funny things! like “poop bubble,” etc. *giggle*

  374. My husband is starting to climb out of a huge pit of depression the likes of which we had not seen in a long time. We’re starting to see joy again and after the dark times he’s had, I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

    Depression lies. That has become a mantra in our house. Your blog doesn’t just help the people who are depressed, Jenny. It helps the people who love them too.

  375. Thank you so much for this post! I’ve been fighting depression and anxiety (one begets the other, inevitably) for over half my life and see so much of myself in your words. A smart person told me “don’t believe everything you think”; a different way of saying “depression lies.” Until I REALLY believed that, I had no hope for life. With the help of great counseling and magical meds, I can most days go to bed without praying that I will never wake up again. I can keep the beast at bay and focus on the little happy miracles that life bestows. Like your blog. Like Hailey’s awesome smiles. Like your wonderful community here.

  376. U just “get it”…so very special. May the impending storm pass quickly for you , then u can splash in the puddles with Hailey!

  377. Your blog has brought me so much happiness, from Nancy, to Beyonce, from Wil Wheaton to the Christmas one of your followers gave my family something to celebrate, but the most meaningful posts are the ones that I identify with. This is one of them. It makes me not feel broken anymore, it makes me feel normal. Like a human being, vulnerable, and joyful, and loving. Thank you, for everything you’ve accidentally given me. Seriously, quit dropping knowledge bombs or I may have to start paying you.

  378. You will never know all the lives you have touched. If 20 have written you… Think of all of those who haven’t… Your blog always makes me smile (sometimes through the tears). And sharing it with a friend has helped her find her smile in the dark places.. and know too that depression is a dirty liar! Keep just being who you are… For you are truely beautiful and I believe living your purpose!

  381. Everyone wonders why I don’t mind my 1 hour – 2 hour commute. I use it to cry. It’s the only privacy I have. I don’t care that random strangers see me crying on the stalled interstate as we slowly crawl by each other in the morning. So me and the music and the tears. Yes, depression lies. Yes, there are reasons for the tears, but depression makes it so much more tragically awful and harder to deal with. Meds, tears, traffic, and knowing that I’m not the only one. So we get through each day. Finding friends and reasons for the next day even if they’re on-line. Thanks Jenny.

  382. Well. Fucking. Said.

    Also, how the hell did you take pictures spinning on the teacups?!? Just the thought makes me want to vomit.

    *shiver*

    Stay strong… This too shall pass.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  383. Thank you again, and thank you for the posts and the courage (and the dead weasels). You are a light, even when you don’t feel it, so probably I am one when I don’t feel it, too.

  384. Jenny, Once again thank you for being so real and open and honest. You touch my heart! I don’t have depression, at least as far as I know, but I am pretty certain it gallops through my family. You are so uplifting, thank you for the reminder that there are no rainbows without the rain, thank you for being that bit of sunshine that causes the rainbow! You rock!

  385. I’ve never noticed my peripheral vision closing in. I have really good peripheral vision, so now that I know the narrowing vision could be a warning sign, I’ll have to watch for it. Thank you.

    Still here in my mid-forties despite life-long severe chronic atypical depression and some other fun axis II stuff.

    And thank you for the phrase “Depression lies.” That’s something I can hold on to, with both hands if necessary.

  386. I have never heard it said so well! Thank you for sharing your story. Your daughter is beautiful! And I love the smiley-laughy-beside herself with glee pics from the teacups!

  387. I will admit it. I believe I am in that file of yours. And as I feel a sever ass kicking coming my way, I always think of you and what you said. DEPRESSION LIES. When I feel the darkness creeping over me (as it is right now) this is a mantra I repeat to myself over and over and over.

    Depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies, depression lies.

    As a matter of fact, I believe it will be my next tattoo. To always remind me. Depression lies. I love you Jen.

  388. I was just diagnosed with PCOS, one of the symptoms of which is depression. It came at me slowly, so slowly that I didn’t realize what was happening, but then for the past several months while I was waiting on a diagnosis, I couldn’t seem to really enjoy much of anything. I’d get horribly, irrationally angry and then burst into tears for absolutely no goddamn reason. The only 2 things kept me sane: my wonderfully, impossibly patient husband and the knowledge that I’m not alone. Thank you so much for all of your posts. Now that I’m on medication to balance out my hormones, I feel like a fog’s been lifted and I can finally say THANK YOU.

  389. “She took what came at her and made it into joy.”

    That should be a shirt, or a religion, or something.

  390. The biggest lie that depression tells me lately is that if I just lay down and take a nap, I’ll feel better. I try try try to remember that it’s my actions that lead me out of depression: that I don’t feel better and start doing things; I have to do things and eventually I feel better.

  391. incredible post. you are such a gift to others. you are beautiful inside and out! and, your daughter is so precious. what an amazing gift she is, too – to you! huge smiles sent your way.

  392. I’ll speak to you as the daughter of a father who suffered severe depression the entire time I was growing up. When I was young, I remember thinking some of the things he did were odd (like staying in a dark bedroom for days at a time) and I didn’t learn the full extent of it until I was in my twenties. I’m not sure why they never told me what was going on but I’m sure they were trying to protect me.

    From what he Dad has told me, many, many years after the fact, it was a very dark place indeed. I’m sure he would have appreciated a website like yours where people are honest and open about their depression. His was a time when NO one talked about it, because if you did, it felt like admitting some sort of “weakness.” To me, sounds it like an extraordinarily lonely place to be. I can only imagine someone reading your words or comments and thinking “I can get through this.” While I know those words can’t erase the darkness, they sure can give you hope. And maybe that’s just enough light to get you through to the other side.

    Thanks for your honesty and heartfelt posts – they help me understand what it feels like to suffer from depression. While I can always have empathy, I can’t know what it truly feels like. It takes guts (and a real set) to put it out there like you do – the good and the bad, and the hilarious. So thank you.

  393. You do help people, Jenny. You use what you have to make life better for other people. Depression is not a gift. But how you use yours, that, sweet lady, is a gift.

  396. Depression always lies, but even when we know that it can still take someone else saying it to remind us that what we’re feeling/thinking isn’t true. I’m so grateful to people like you who’ll stand up and talk about what it’s like, and to the people who stand by their loved ones with mental illness to help them get through those dark episodes. Without all of you, there’d be many more of us gone.

  397. It’s a great reminder to all of us that depression is an evil motherfucker that doesn’t even care that you are at the happiest place on earth. Stay strong, momma.

  398. I’ve been in treatment for depression (and anxiety, and PTSD, and OCD, and…) for about 40 years. About 15 years ago I entered a day treatment hospital for several weeks and found a really good doc who was finally able to find the right combination of meds to keep me from sliding all the way into the black pit of despair. I still have bad days, but I no longer have non-functional days. I know that not everyone is able to achieve this, but I hope for you that you might. However, what you say is so true–depression DOES lie. And you are an incredibly inspirational women, in addition to being a great writer and funny as hell when you want to be. Stay strong.

  399. First, let me start by saying thank you Jenny for your blog, your honesty, your smiles. Your daughter is simply gorgeous as her mother.

    Secondly, I would like to reach out to Amber #128 who has bipolar, and tell her she’s not alone. I too suffer from bipolar — for 40 years. I have severe mania and depression episodes, mixed episodes, and anxiety disorder. I never wanted to admit it to anyone, not even some family members. There’s such a stigma with bipolar, because it is classified as a mental illness. I have been hospitalized for the severity and almost lost my life, and my marriage over the illness. But, I persevered when something tragic happened during vacation while out of the country, and I vowed when I returned back to the states, I would begin cognitive behavioral therapy for 1 year (no interruptions) + see my psychiatrist + take my medicine, and really just a whole host of things like exercise. I mean, *really* exercise. Eat veggies, take particular vitamins and socialize outside the home. I took up golf and joined a ladies bunco group. Forgive me for writing a short story here, but heck, I’m a writer! Yikes!!

    My energy levels soar like a neutron collider: accelerate wildly into compulsive thoughts that inspire me to step out and sign up for the National Orchid Society and the Dracula Society of Romania while the shower water is still running. Powerful manic episodes stimulate intense creativity. I’ll write on a screenplay for a few hours, a few days, and then abruptly start a children’s novel. By day’s end, I have moved to painting what could very well be described as “vomit on canvas,” or join the Naval Reserves in a grandiose unrealistic moment, and other shameful unmentionables. Chasing a wad of dog hair with the sweeper could very well be the apex of my afternoon. All the while bouncing from one thought to another like Wild E. Coyote with a flame to his butt. Sometimes mania inflates my self-esteem to a dangerously high-risk level.

    When I’m down, I refer to myself as “bottom dweller.” When I’m bottom dwelling, I hide from friends and family including my own husband. No social event is attractive enough. These total withdrawals from society can occur at any time including summer vacations and Christmas dinners. Self-doubt and agitation are the plague of bipolar.

    Unpredictable bouts of crying can hit during an Alzheimer’s commercial, or while listening to Barry Manilow’s song Mandy. Fear can settle in, and the phone goes unanswered and the house becomes a permanent refuge. It’s an effort to listen or form logical sentences. Daily routines are neglected, from eating, sleeping, or showering. The slightest whisper can ramp up into a disturbing noise that jangles nerves to the point of nausea.

    We can get through this. No one should suffer alone. Love you Jenny. Now, let’s all go to Disney World (back in Jenny’s case) and create magic!

    xoxo – Carrie aka “Wildcat’s Wife”

  400. You are so brave and have helped so many people. Hailey is so beautiful and so lucky to have you as her mom.

  402. Thank you. I struggle with depression and have for more than 20 years. My husband does to. I live in fear that my daughter (also 7) will too… I see things in her face, expression, and eyes sometimes that seems hauntingly familiar. “Depression lies” has become my mantra thanks to you. I struggle through therapy, figuring out my symptoms and early warning signs. Today was a tough day. I yelled at both my kids when I didn’t need to. But the sadness and frustration in me was just too much to bear. Tomorrow will be a better day. You being here also makes today a bit better too. Thank you.

  403. Twenty lives saved? But that’s only the start of the people you saved. That’s such a beautiful thing.
    I tend to say you have to find your happiness. It’s out there for everyone. Sometimes you need help finding it, and thats why it’s so great to have people like you in the world.

  406. Of course I had to read this on an incredibly hormonal day and tear up like a motherfucker.

    I absolutely love your outlook on life. And I love the joy on your daughter’s face in these pictures. Love all around and praying that your bout of depression goes by fast.

    Also, my cat wants a date with Ferris Mewler. She is willing to look past his lack of testicles.

  407. Women who suffer from depression also have the most awesome breasts. I know that’s true because I have a tremendous set of hooters, and so do you.

    I think the depression is the price we pay for having great racks. Imagine having those babies, AND getting to help all those people. It’s not fair to everyone else, really.

  408. Jenny, you have given me hope so many times when I had none. You always have the right words at the right time, even if that particular word happens to be ‘Douche-Canoe.’

    Thank you so much. From all of us.

  409. I’m sitting here watching my husband play with my puppy and reading your blog and realizing you are, as usual, so right. Carpe Diem, and all of that. I have depression and fibromyalgia and discovered a long time ago that if I wait until I feel good to do stuff then I would never leave my house. I love you Jenny. Thanks for being real. I read your book last week and my sixteen year old daughter is reading your book right now and loving it. Keep up the faith.
    Michelle

  410. This is an amazing post. Your daughter’s smile is infectious!

    Ever since I read the words “depression lies” on your blog, it’s gone into my catalog of mantras for my negative self. I think you have a powerful way of helping people, even when you aren’t at your best.

    I hope that you feel better soon.

  411. Every day is a struggle for me to get out of bed and make it through another day. Some days I lose the struggle and spend the day sleeping.
    I hate to sound like this, but people who don’t live with depression don’t get it. I have people tell me all the time “just get over it” and “think of all the good in your life”…I know I am more blessed then some. I try to look at the glass half full. But I can’t seem to ever fully do that. Good days for me are okay days for “normal” people. I don’t have GOOD days.
    Wtf is even the point of this comment. Idk other then to say thank you for bringing a smile to my face sometimes. I swear if we lived closer we could be friends. That just made me sound kind of like a creepy icky person, but for shiz, as socially retarded as I am, I still think that.
    And like my Twitter comment to you said – you are amazing for teaching your child to dance in the rain.

  413. This is just what I needed to read right now. Perfect timing. Thanks.

  414. Your phrase, “Depression lies.” has become one of my mantras to help me get through the tough times. I really appreciate your blog. Thank you.

  415. Thank you for stating so elegantly and simply what I have never been able to explain. My gratitude for your book, your humour, your humanity is endless. You have given me courage to fight back, because depression lies. I read somewhere that “the world is full of broken people”. At this moment, I don’t feel quite so guilty about being one of the broken ones. It could happen to anybody and it doesn’t have to ruin my life. For the first time in years, I feel like maybe I have a chance. THANK YOU.

  416. I’m a therapist, so I’m legally obligated to point out that therapy blah blah blah anti-depressants more blah etc etc etc. BUT. you are SO FUCKING WONDERFUL. you bring tears to my eyes. you are a role model, in your humor, and your depression, and your ability to cope with the depression, and acknowledge when you’re not able to fight it off. but mostly in your honesty. thank you for being you. and for helping so many other people, who take courage from your courage.

    also Hailey is incredibly lucky to have parents like you and Victor.

  417. I am so glad you were able to see your daughter’s joy even while in that black hole. I am glad you are alive and that you write so beautifully.
    Thank you,
    Lisa

  418. One of my favorite memories was made the day my Dad took me to a baseball game, and mid-game it got rained out. I sat there, surrounded by soggy peanut shells, and had the biggest grin on my face. My Dad let us stay there, in the rain, hoping the game would be able to start up again. I was a child. We have to find a way to hold onto the talent we have as kids to embrace the things that could spoil our day, week, months, and take our time back from the rain and use it to make ourselves happy. How do we lose this skill? Someone, figure that out.

  419. Bless you, darling. And thank you for sharing another part of your beautiful self. My father was horribly depressed and threatened suicide all through my childhood and up until the day he finally passed (from natural causes). I was 37. That’s a long time wondering if and when it was going to get me, too. Well, it has. I haven’t escaped its grip. For the past month I have had my own battle and the physical pain that comes with it. Just yesterday I thought to myself “if it’s going to be like this I seriously don’t want to go on.” But I’m better today. Happy even. The highs and lows don’t make any sense to me. But I have to trust all will be okay. And that I am worth it.

    Thank you for being a humorous, and most important, a bright and honest light in an often dismal world.

  420. Bravo. Well said and I am glad you shared this. You are right, you are brave and you are just perfect the way you are. Thanks for sharing the ups and the downs with whoever is lucky enough to come across your blog.
    carry on.

  421. I have no words for this post. It was powerful and meaningful and amazing. Thank you, thank you for sharing your struggles, your outlook on a gloomy day, and the insight that depression does lie. It lies continuously. But more importantly thank for sharing the amazing fact that we can help each other. That we aren’t alone. Thank you.

  422. I so needed this post today. I suffered from a severe clinical depression almost four years ago, and have battled daily anxiety since. I’ve recently found myself taking Xanax more frequently than usual (though still within my prescribed daily dose), and it wasn’t until I read this post that I realized it’s not just anxiety: I’m hitting that depression well again. I haven’t fallen over the edge, but I’m definitely looking down and noticing the darkness. I know I can pull myself out and see the sunlight (ironically, I’ve been doing this lately by planning my family’s own WDW trip, to take place 6 months from now), but this post has made me acknowledge that I am, indeed, facing depression. That alone is oddly helpful, because now I know what I’m fighting, and I know how to fight back.

    Depression again. That lying bastard.

    I’m totally going to join my kids and dance in the rain next time. I may not feel like it at that moment, but I will not let this lying McLiarson win. Thank you so much for your candor, and for helping me see what’s going on around me — and that although it is around me, it’s not ME. I will do this!! We can all do this. Thank you, thank you.

  424. I wish I was brave. But if I was, I might not be here either. I just want to thank you for your words. They are so true and so hard to remember. Depression lies, but it makes it look like you’re telling yourself the true. It’s slippery and hard to grab a hold of. But we keep surviving somehow, don’t we?

  425. I just had a record breaking low two weeks. Thank you for this article. It brought tears to my eyes. Good tears. You’re beautiful. Keep sharing. Xo

  426. Thanks for your bravery and your honesty and for making us laugh. Depression does lie and it comes up behind you and apps you on the shoulder unexpectedly and at the damnedest times. It’s nice to know we’re all in it together.

  428. It’s the daily stare down of the demons that constantly undermine self esteem, support systems and coping mechanisms. It’s knowing that others feel joy because of the rain, and constantly battling to get back to that sense of balance. And it’s simply knowing that there is one brave enough to voice the pain, and in turn open communication for the rest of us to be reminded that we are not alone. Because sometimes family is not enough, but the hug from the stranger on the corner provided enough acceptance to get us through to the next stage. Thank you for being the hug, I so desperately needed.

  429. Sometimes I’m able to laugh because of the rain. Sometimes I’m overjoyed it’s raining. But not lately. It’s too much rain.
    And, PS I live in the desert.

  431. I’d never heard that phrase “depression lies” until I read your blog. It’s so true, and a phrase I will always carry with me to show myself and others the light at the end of that black hole.

    Just finished your book, and now I’m feeling a little bummed that it’s over. I hope you are serious about there being a book 2!

  432. Hailey’s sheer joy at being there makes those pictures magical.

    I hope it lets go of you soon — you mean so much to so many of us. I want to meet you just to hug you and thank you for being there. Write funny when you can; we’ll be here no matter what.

  434. You are my hero. You make me laugh, you make me cry… I always think that if people knew half of what goes on in my head I would be locked up forever. I’m not as brave as you, I can’t share that part of myself with anyone. I just wake up each day and muddle through as best I can. I check in here often, hoping to find a little pick me up. Keep doing what you do because you are awesome.

  435. it does get better. you don’t have to keep being a patient. sometimes you have to be your own parent, the one you need (ed) to the freaked out little kid inside. sometimes you have to let yourself off your hook first so you can get the other stuff off. others can only give you tools you have to build your own ladder to climb out of your illness. you prolly don’t believe me and that is OK just keep on keeping on. it will change. really. i am there.

  436. I’ve struggled with postpartum OCD since the birth of my daughter 2 years ago. Most days I didn’t want to live. It’s a hell that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And although it sucks that others deal with the same sort of issues, there’s comfort in knowing I’m not alone.

  437. You are amazing. I thank God for you every time I read your blog or pick up your book. Pinky-swear. Thank-you, Jenny Lawson?

  438. Love this blog and enjoyed the hell out of your book, most of the time you make me giggle. Thanks also for today’s post. HUGS!

  439. 20. Is surely just the tip of the iceberg of people still here and people comforted by the wonderful peek you give us into your mind. Love your outlook and your words.

  440. It is hard to understand when you can still feel joy and yet want to be dead. I am not actively suicidal, but at the same time I feel as if I don’t want to be here. I have moments that are joy and yet the dark can still come in. I am trying to say I understand completely.

    By the way, your daughter is beautiful.

    Katy

  441. Damn…don’t I absolutely completely understand. It’s a battle I have fought for years…and it was made worse by a disabling injury 5 years ago that leaves me emotionally crippled with pain. I fight it. I force those smiles. I love my kids – my only joy. I keep fighting. I know…

  443. My Middle School best friend took her life Wednesday. She was surrounded by people who love her and need her and tried to help her. She was a dancer, and rescuer, and a giver… And Depression lied to her. She struggled with easting disorders and depression for almost 30 years. She lectured to thousands of teen girls about body image and the lies that we tell ourselves about how we’re not good enough… and although she helped thousands, she couldn’t help herself. And the world is a little less wonderful with her not here. I wish she could have found you. Maybe she’d still be here too….

  444. Amen, sister.

    Saw this online in a writers’ workshop description: “Contrary to popular belief, writing funny doesn’t mean sacrificing depth. On the contrary, for most literary writers the comic impulse is inexplicitly linked to tragedy.”

    Light and dark are always wrapped closely around each other.

    Your precious child looks like you!

  445. It might be more than 20.

    I posted a link to your “don’t go” video on my Facebook page.

    It inspired one woman that I know to finally take the step to get the help she needed – help that I wasn’t aware she needed so desperately.

    Another friend who is dealing with terrible depression and some other health issues that limit the meds she can take, and who has been inpatient hospitalized twice in the past year? She has that link programmed into her calendar so that every few weeks it reminds her to go watch it. It is helping her slowly crawl up from depths I can’t even imagine.

    So yeah, probably more than 20.

  447. It does get better.
    Beaming you good thoughts.
    Barb in Minnesota

  448. what an amazing post… and so true… sometimes it’s hard to see the light when you’re in the midst of a depression bout … and going on twitter or to blogs and seeing the others and getting the support makes all the difference in the world.

  449. I love that you wrote this. I have had bouts of depression. But my problem lies more severely in the area of anxiety, which is closely related to depression (and sometimes leads to it). I get bad anxiety and sometimes terrible panic attacks. And when that happens, I tend to spiral downward. More anxiety. More panic. More depression. And the one thing that helps is to just accept that this is part of who I am. This will pass. I will ride the storm. And It’s okay to feel this way. Fighting it can backfire. Accepting it and letting it enter can sometimes, in and of itself, keep it from entering.

  450. Jenny, you are remarkable in so many beautiful, astounding ways. And I suspect there are way more than 20 peeps around these days because of you. Cheers to that number growing by leaps and bounds. And thank you for being honest and sincere and not the least apologetic for who you are. And BTW, Hailey couldn’t have chosen a better Mom. Hang tight – we’re all spinning alongside you!!

  451. I didn’t see the take-home message as being laugh because of the rain. I saw the take-home message as being that true courage can be found in the seemingly smallest of gestures.

  453. I just want to echo that you’re not alone. I have chronic depression, and although I’m ok right now (my meds are working very well), there’s always that little “what if I can’t stave it off” floating around in the back of my mind. Depression runs in my family, so at least I have relatives–and a very understanding hubby–who get it (what depression is like). So you’re in my thoughts. And if you ever want to talk about it, I’d be happy to chat.

  454. I tried to kill myself in February. I wish I had read this post before and maybe I wouldn’t have. Great post!!!!!!

  457. Great post. Thanks so much for your honesty.

    A few months ago, you inspired me to write honestly on my own blog about my struggles with depression. And now my teeny tiny little blog is helping a couple more people realize they are not alone. And maybe some of those people will talk about their depression on their blogs now.

    It does indeed, come around and around. In a good way.

  458. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
    I’m currently struggling with an approaching depression relapse. I can feel it creeping up, despite the meds. Every morning the bed keeps calling me back. Sometimes it wins; sometimes I do. I’m tired of the seemingly neverending cycle – counselling, medication, more counselling, more medication. It’s exhausting. Even more tiring is the act I have to put on for everyone else – the jokes, the antics, the smiles, the smartass comments. Because no one wants to be around the fat depressed woman.
    Thank you for brightening my day – I need every little ray I can get my hands on.

  459. First – She is a beauty.
    Second – She looks just like you.
    Third – Stanley the Squirrel definitely needed his own chapter and I definitely needed that laughter.

    Thank you for giving us everything.
    xo

  460. When I was young my grandma used to take all of us cousins to a theme park every year. The most memorable time was the year we went to Magic Mountain and it rained and all of the rides closed. I don’t know why I remember that one above all of the others, but we all had an amazing time and eventually it stopped and we all got to ride again.

  461. Jenny

    Bless you for being you — wonderful, amazing, courageous, laugh-out-loud-funny, uniquely special you.
    At the risk of sounding too religious — the kingdom of God is not only something in the future, some place where God, and not this world, gets the last word — it is something people are called to work to bring about in the now. Thank you for your courageous efforts to bring about God’s kingdom of love and belonging here today.

  462. Thank you so much for your honesty and for keeping it all so real. One of my friends from high school lost her father to suicide over the weekend, and it breaks my heart to feel that he believed the lie. He didn’t see how it could get better. I am so grateful that you and your readers are able to keep it real and expose the truth that depression lies. It doesn’t last forever, and there is something to stick around for. Thank you.

  463. Me too! I feel like I am always fighting with that freaking cloud hanging over or around me.

    I give you mad props for going on the tea cups! I would have been sick for days!

  464. SInce the last two trips with my family to Disney World coincided with my being physically ill (throat infection last time, ear infection before that), I know something about smiling thru things. I wasn’t going to be the one to bring the family vacation down. But on the subject of depression, this is a very real and powerful thing in my life now. I’ve finally found the strenght to get help. It was hard: the very things we need to do to fight depression are made almost impossible by depression. Right at this precise moment, I’m feeling lost. And then this tweet comes along linking to this article and it was probably the thing I most needed to hear. Thank you.

  465. Buddy…I wish that you were my mommy…except that we are (aprox) the same age and all (I envy y’all that have chillin’. Where’s my baby/kid.chillin’) Godd luck with that.

    Heart,

    Kriss

  466. Do y’know, one of my most favorite moments from the last few years came on a day when depression was lying. It was throwing just about everything it had at me.

    And then it started to rain. Not just a little bit of that misty “I’ll be a real raindrop when I grow up!” kind of rain, but RAIN, pouring down in sheets. And it hit just exactly as I got a short break at work. So I did what any responsible grown-up would do.

    I ran…RAN…out the front door of my store, out from under the awning, and threw my arms wide as I lifted my face to the torrential downpour. And in that moment, I was furiously happy. In that moment, depression COULDN’T LIE TO ME ANYMORE.

    Find some raindrops today, sweet friends, and enjoy them. 🙂

  467. great post.

    i wish your blog would’ve been around 12-13 years ago for my friend Leslie – she believed the lies.

    20 people saved is well just fucking amazing!!!!

    thank you Jenny Lawson
    thank you

  468. My husband comitted suicide a year ago. We have 3 kids, 10, 5 and 2 yrs old. I spent the first few months trying to figure out how we could all die too. It was a horrible place to be and prior to that I never understood depression because I’d never been that low. I still don’t understand it, really, because I still love life and I’m determined this won’t define us. Don’t give in to the dark cloud.

  469. You are so wonderful and I know together we are strong enough to make it through this crazy journey we call life.
    P.S. Ronald Weaseley with the wig is making me think of Harry Potter Puppet Pals and the video where Ginny cuts her hair and Harry has Ron wear a bow to practice asking Ginny out and then can’t tell them apart. Just thought that might make you sorta smile.

  470. Dang…I really needed that today. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  471. Beautiful. You always inspire me. And it’s true, some of the funniest and most intelligent people I know suffer from depression as well, including me. That’s not to say I am funny or intelligent. Whatever. Fuck that. I’m a hilarious genius.

  472. *nods* I am a “me too” as well. I have lived with depression for over thirty years, sometimes just to spite it. I live with an anxiety/panic disorder where my startle response to a loud noise scared the shrink doing the eval. Sometimes all you can do is look depression in the eye and flip it off. Sometimes all you can do is go take a nap. “It gets better” is the hardest thing to remember, and the most important thing to keep hold of. Thank you for reminding us, and reminding us we’re not hanging out here on this creaky limb alone. =)

  473. I love your writing and it is very brave of you to mention your depression despite your successful career. It gives others hope! Thank you

  474. Jenny, your story moved me today and the images of your daughter are truly joyful.
    Here’s to “the raindrops” and your incredible honesty straight from the heart.
    With appreciation of wonderful you Jenny!

  475. Your photos of your daughter are so beautiful and joyful. It’s a lovely counterpoint to depression.

    Lately I’ve been counting it as a victory every time I resist the urge to curl up in a ball in a corner somewhere. I feel very victorious today. Depression lies.

  476. Thank you. Again. And again and again and again. Your blog is a place I go sometimes when I want to ignore the world and escape into the computer. I found this link through twitter: http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/10/it-will-be-sunny-one-day.html and I saved it as another weapon against those days that attack me just by being there. I hope it helps if you need it, or if anyone else needs it I hope they see it here or somewhere.

  477. I’m grinning and crying at the same time here. One of my fondest memories is dancing in the rain with my girl in a torrential downpour after 2 weeks of a super hot spell. Our neighbour actually came out and joined us and we had a blast. It’s days like that that I embrace and sometimes cling to by the fingernails. It gets better… not always fast and never for ever, but it will pass. Remember we’re all cheering for you.

  478. I sit here reading this post, with my “Never Give Up” pendant on that I have not taken off since I got it for my birthday, shedding a tear not out of sadness, but out of understanding. Aside from my own battle with depression, a friend of mine committed suicide on May 1st. Most of us did not know of the anguish he suffered. I wish so much he would have said something, shown something, but he didn’t. He kept his depression hidden, and it cost him his life. Now the rest of us are left with so much loss, confusion, and pain. Thank you for speaking out about this terrible, evil illness that robs so many of the joy that life can bring.

  479. I adore you! Hang in there. Know that you make the day for so many people. We live for your humor, irreverence and insight. Especially if it involves cursing. Really….fuckin’ cursing. Xoxo

  480. There are a lot of us out here. And you are the place we come to congregate. To give and receive strength and hope and little light balls. Funny isn’t necessary, it’s just a fantastic bonus. Real is all we ever want when we come here. Love you.

  481. I want to reach out an give you a hug. I have been a regular visitor to your blog for several years now, and over that time, I have laughed, cried and been in awe of your talent, your humour and your gift for expression. I cried today as I feel like I may just be beginning to understand the torment of my severely depressed mother. I have been angry and confused by the depression that haunts my mum, and I am constantly at a loss as to how to help. Your blog, with your insights and those of the other readers, is opening my eyes. Thank you.

  482. It’s so good to be reminded that you’re not alone with depression; that other people are going through the same things. And the fact that so many lives are still here because of that sense of community…that’s just amazing.

    Thank you for sharing so much of yourself here.

  483. Yes. Depression is a mutherfuckin’ liar!!!! I felt it pulling at me today (as it does whenever I’m about to get my period- thanks mother nature for this once a month time of obnoxiousness) but was at least able to tell myself that depression lies, and it’s just hormones affecting my brain.

    Thank you for speaking out- ALL of you. We do this together.

  484. I just want to thank you for being honest. Your honesty helps others be honest about their struggles. As someone that suffers from depression and anxiety, your honesty inspires me to be more honest, whether that be with my husband or therapist. Also, thanks for making me laugh. Because somedays, that is what I really needs. Just a lot of laughter.

  485. Yep, right there with you. I was off work over the weekend and spent the majority of it curled up on my couch, aside from a couple of panic-stricken trips for food. I kept telling myself, depression lies, this isn’t forever, it does get better. And I made it to work today, and am feeling closer to normal.

    This song has always reminded me of my journey through – and beyond – depression:
    “The Cave”
    Mumford & Sons
    It’s empty in the valley of your heart
    The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
    Away from all the fears
    And all the faults you’ve left behind

    The harvest left no food for you to eat
    You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
    But I have seen the same
    I know the shame in your defeat

    But I will hold on hope
    And I won’t let you choke
    On the noose around your neck

    And I’ll find strength in pain
    And I will change my ways
    I’ll know my name as it’s called again

    Cause I have other things to fill my time
    You take what is yours and I’ll take mine
    Now let me at the truth
    Which will refresh my broken mind

    So tie me to a post and block my ears
    I can see widows and orphans through my tears
    I know my call despite my faults
    And despite my growing fears

    But I will hold on hope
    And I won’t let you choke
    On the noose around your neck

    And I’ll find strength in pain
    And I will change my ways
    I’ll know my name as it’s called again

    So come out of your cave walking on your hands
    And see the world hanging upside down
    You can understand dependence
    When you know the maker’s land

    So make your siren’s call
    And sing all you want
    I will not hear what you have to say

    Cause I need freedom now
    And I need to know how
    To live my life as it’s meant to be

    And I will hold on hope
    And I won’t let you choke
    On the noose around your neck

    And I’ll find strength in pain
    And I will change my ways
    I’ll know my name as it’s called again

  486. You’re so much more than just funny, Jenny. Funny can’t sustain someone for as long as it has sustained you and your fan base. You are alive. You face life exactly as it is. You don’t censor yourself or write to make others happy. That’s why you’re one of my heros. That’s why I come back to this blog.

  489. I appreciate the sentiment here, and even I just gave someone anti-suicide advice two weeks ago. The difference (in my mind) is that she has a young son.

    I am heading down that suicide track currently. I call it future suicidal. Not to boast, but I’m intelligent. I’ve had generalized anxiety and depression for 20 years. I know their tricks. But something came to my realization this past year. No therapy and no drug will fix my depression. It is strictly derived from lack of money, lack of having my own life, my own place, etc. This would have to be fixed for the depression to clear.

    Problem is, here’s what I’m facing after 20 years: I have been denied disability, twice. I get no aid (other than food stamps, which last 2-3 weeks for 2 people). I am penniless. I can not find ANY single way to earn money. Therapy, which I now have after 7 years of trying to find it at no cost, is not changing anything. Society, which is to blame, is not going to change. I can not change society.

    I have been unemployed almost 10 years. I have been intimately alone, without even a hug, for 15. I’ve had one girlfriend. In high school. I have nothing to offer a woman my age (40). I have issues and tastes that make it unlikely I’ll find someone to be with, ever.

    I have no money. No career. No purpose. No identity. No love. I’m facing life alone. I have no life. No ability to do anything. I don’t like what most people like. I don’t get along with men. I never meet anyone to make friends. I can’t volunteer (same reason I can’t find work, my anxiety). I’m facing a lonely, pointless existence with no aid… and no hope.

    I’m not suicidal. Not now. But in another 5 years? 10? When I realize it’s true I’ll never have sex again? Never have a career again?

    Things will change at that point. And since I never got to be with someone, never had kids… It will be as if I never existed a few moments after my death.

  490. Dear, dear, Jenny & every single person here who is fighting this thing:

    Just repeat it, like a mantra, that it is all lies, the things depression would have you believe. I know this is not something that you don’t know. I know you know this. But it can’t hurt to have someone outside of it say it too, right?

    Much love and strength and hope to anyone who needs it.

  491. I don’t know how to tell you how much this post was needed right now. I am struggling so much lately trying to dig out. I have ok days, I have bad days and I have REALLY bad days. Having 4 kids I have to always put on the ‘happy front’ and it is exhausting! So Thank You for being open, honest and willing to post this stuff. I’m trying to make myself remember your line … “depression lies”.

  493. Thank you! For all of the laughs and the tears, today included. This last year has been very hard, because I can’t find a full time job and my daughter is graduating high school. Between the college apps and trying to figure out where the deposit will come from (much less rent and food!) and not having insurance for myself, I’ve found myself cycling in and out of depression. The worst time was when I caught myself thinking that, since she isn’t 18 she’d be a ward of the state if I died and the state would pay for college. I made myself talk to my sister at that point so that I would have someone watching over me to make sure I didn’t get to the point where I actually wanted to kill myself. One thing that has helped has been you, Jenny. You’ve made me laugh and cry, but most importantly, you’ve been there to remind me that depression lies. I hope you are able to stave off this episode. Enjoy Disney World and your family every bit you can! **Hugs**

  496. im a “me too” … I suffer from Dysthymia (type of depression for those who dont know, as i didnt before my diagnosis) I regularly go into a black hole and have even gotten to the point where i realize there is an episode on the way (my current feeling) and this post and subsequent comments have made me #furiouslyhappy 🙂 the best one I saw, “whoever said sunshine is pure happiness, has never danced in the rain” is perfect. thank you!

    btw the book was amazing 🙂

  497. Depression is a lying bitch. But sometimes, I think, it tells you “You’ve been too busy, you need to hibernate, so I’m gonna turn off your energy for a bit”. And even a lying bitch sometimes has a valid point. Take care of yourself. Have fun at Disney, but do take some time to rest too. We can wait till you have the energy to be funny again.

  498. thank you for speaking so frankly about your experience with depression. i too suffer, sometimes more, sometimes less, and being a member of the AA program, know many, many people who do as well. i found this post on fb just as i am scrolling through, just having come back from a meeting where there was so much sadness and loss over a friend’s suicide last night. it is such a struggle for so many, thank you for being you, for being so brave, and so wonderful!!

  499. Thank you!! I have only just recently found your blog and have finished your book (getting ready to relisten to it with a friend on a road trip). Depression does lie! Your post today comes at such a perfect time for me as I’m feeling a slip back into it. I’ve struggled with it all my life and I can say that reading your blog posts, listening to your book has been so refreshing and fun! So thank you Jenny, thank you for being you and sharing all of you, humor and depression, with us so that we know we are not alone!!!
    Your daughter is a beautiful little girl!! It’s amazing how they teach us as much if not more than we teach them!!

  500. I can feel it coming for me like a frieght train, barreling toward me. the smothering darkness of yet another potentially serious bout of depression. i never know if it’s going to be worse than the last time, but i always assume that it is. i won’t take the medications, they just make me feel worse, and i’d rather feel something than nothing, even if it is the awfulness of wanting to die. and i feel increidbly alone in this. and basically i am. isolated. cut off from myself. hiding (or trying to hide it) from my friends. estranged from my family, and even now without a therapist to talk to. and i feel it coming for me. and somehow, it makes me feel the teensiest bit better knowing that someone else “out there” is fighting along with me. not fighting for me. not fighting for my life, but fighting for their own. and it makes me feel like maybe this time it won’t be as bad as the last time, and maybe i can weather this, yet again. and i know that you say depression lies, but i believe the lies. i beleive that i am worthless, and unloveable, and ugly, and detestable. and that’s my own cross to bear i suppose, but thank you for fighting, and not giving in and not giving up, cause in some weird way, it’s helping me to hang on.

  501. Ah Jenny. Once again, you dazzle me. I want to be you when I grow up. If I ever get around to growing up… At 26 and not finished with my undergrad degree, I loathe myself to a moderate degree, but on days when I read your posts, I sometimes think I might end up ok. You make me want to stop hiding and tell the world depression is not a sin and it isn’t contagious. And so I whisper it to the internets in my blog. And maybe someday I’ll shout it from the rooftops like you, Ms. Bloggess. Thanks for being the leader of the Unicorn Success Club.

  502. This brought tears to my eyes. every word, so true. Thank you for being so honest and open. Thank you for bringing the darkness into light. Thank you for capturing it SO perfectly- I am forwarding to my (always supportive) husband so that he can maybe understand just a bit more…

    hugs and comfort!

  503. It lies? I’ve always thought of it in terms of differing layers of a wet, heavy blanket. Sometimes, they are dark and impossible to see through and other times, it just makes the light dimmer.
    This is a new version to think of.
    How to separate the lies from the truth?
    How do you know the where the separation is?
    At what point do you realise the lies?

  504. Hailey is so beautiful. Her joy in those photos is tangible, contagious. I would imagine she can turn your mood a bit brighter even on the hard days, just experiencing that joy.

    I don’t comment often, but I needed you to know that on those days when my fibromyalgia has me unable to walk without assistance, when depression is eating at my psyche… those are the days that your blog brings me a bit of joy. Or a lot, truth be told… You’re an inspiring woman, precisely because you DO know what it’s like, the pain and the depression, and yet you keep going.

    So yea, thank you. Thank you for reminding me that depression lies, and that there will be good days following the bad, even if I have 35 bad days in a row, #36 could be the best I’ve had in ages. Thank you.

  505. I struggle with mental illness. I’m Bipolar II and Borderline with all the lovely things like severe depression and anxiety that go along with it. In fact I’ve been in a year long out patient treatment program that has helped me make great strides since my husband’s death from cancer 2 1/2 years ago.

    I started reading your blog when I felt healthier.

    I am now in a in a severe bout of depression.

    Ok, that sounds bad…lemme ‘splain!

    I’ve just come off of an anti-depressant and we’re messing around with my mood stabilizers so right now I’m struggling…big time… but it’s not ’cause I started reading your blog, I swear!

    Actually your blog makes me laugh even when I feel the hopeless feeling creeping in. You make me laugh even when that gray pall of depression colours everything I see.

    But more than anything…even more than the laughter…I see that I am not alone.

    I see that it’s temporary.

    I repeat your words, “DEPRESSION LIES”.

    Everything may not feel ok right now but the place you’ve created here feels like a safe place to come and smile or just feel the support of all those other people who type two simple words:

    Me too.

    And yet we are all still here.

    Thank you.

  506. At first I was all, L Why her daughter dressed like a polygamist?” Then I was thinking maybe that’s why you’re feeling depressed. Polygamy is seriously depressing. Then I realized she’s totally Alice in Wonderland. So it’s cool. And on a more serious note I’m saving this post for my dark days. Thank you for being brave enough to write it.

  508. Wow, what a beautiful post. Thank you for your words. This was my first trip to your blog, looking forward to many more reads.

  509. And you make twenty-one. and tomorow will be 22 and so on…………GOOD People surround those who are in harm or distress. It is our make-up and I thank God each day for the complete strangers that have passed in and out of my life that GAVE ME A NEW WAY OF SEEING THINGS. A perspective that some really shitty things happened to me and I was not at fault and had no power to stop it. Today I do have that power. I am the one that protected that little girl, me. Not from harm but was kind to her and with the ability to get lost in one’s mind to block out the pain. That little girl will always speak to me when instances arise that are similar in feelings and it is my voice now that calms her iwhen she kept me close.

  510. This week has been one of the biggest struggles of my life. I have talked myself in and out of killing myself dozens, if not hundreds of times. I’ve always had depression, but it was never like this. All I could think about was how alone I was. Thank you for this post. Thank you for making me realize that I can keep fighting.

    Thank you..

  511. Fuck it! I just took my evenin meds & decided that I need to buy a small metalpig with wings. Maybe I’ll call her Neiccy or Beloved. Life would be easier with a small metal pig . 🙂

  512. Awesome Jenny. It IS about laughing, no matter what the reason. (Sometimes, we have a good reason, sometimes we have to make one up. Whatever the reason, laughter is all good.) And your daughter is adorable. I thank you for your willingness to talk about it, and to let us all know we’re not alone.

  513. Oh my. I first want to thank you for your blog and your fighting spirit, and thank you to all of your readers who take the bit in their teeth and post comments that DEPRESSION LIES!!! and that we are not alone!

    I watched my beautiful mother fight anxiety and depression, and now I do, too. I was incredibly lucky to seek help very early in my adulthood, somehow knowing to lay the groundwork for later by trusting and talking to professionals, even though I seemed to be “normal” at the time. Or so I thought. I was told I had latent anxiety and depression, and that if I ever felt it was starting to interfere with my normal functioning, I should seek help. I was shocked by this diagnosis, but sure enough, there came a time fifteen years later…

    …The pamphlet listed twelve signs of depression, and if you have this many out of the list (I forget what the magical number was) you should get help. I counted eleven-and-a-half, because I was not REALLY suicidal…was I? GLORK! After four weeks on Paxil, I got out of bed one morning, took three steps, and STOPPED dead in my tracks! I realized I had been thinking that it’s time I got out of bed and found out what good things would happen this day! Whoa!

    It is now twelve years later. They will only pry the Paxil away from me from my cold, dead fingers, but I still have bouts of depression. I am so glad I found your blog when I did, because now I suspect that MENOPAUSE is a lying bitch too, but we will get through it, har-dee-har-har!!

    I am sorry this is so long. I am sorry I didn’t blog this instead of comment here. But I am NOT ashamed to say I love you even though we have never met! You are my super-hero!

    (PS: Do we have a name? Lady Gaga has her Little Monsters….Jenny’s Minions?…Jenny’s Little Chickens?…)

  514. You beautifully put into words what so many of us can’t seem to say. Thank you for sharing your world, and your wisdom, with us. After reading your blog and your book, I am reminded that I am not alone in this and it will get better. It is about laughing and picking yourself up again and again and again.

  517. I love everything about this post! Especially the word “hurricany”. <3 I love you!

  518. And thank you for providing a warm (and hilarious) place for those of us who don’t suffer from depression, but have a loved one who does. It also helps us to know that we aren’t alone either.

  519. My wife has depression. I am a man. I want to fix things. I can’t fix her depression.
    I really loved this post and our daughter loves to jump in puddles.
    I don’t cry often, but wow, what a blubbering idiot I was just now sitting on the couch by myself.

    Keep writing.

  520. Other than some post-partum depression, I’m not that knowledgeable about depression. I have a hard time understanding it.

    I do know a bit about suicide though. My best friend killed herself one day with absolutely no warning.

    It’s a devastating thing to go through. It’s truly a blessing that there are 20 people out there who didn’t give in and stayed to fight the fight. I know they have the luckiest family and friends!

  521. I admire you and the fact that you state that depession is a lie. I myself have been in and out of it for way over 30 years. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel…and every day I keep reaching for that light…Strive for happiness…

  523. As end of school year approaches each year for my kids, it’s not grades that matter, it’s fact that they made it through another year without any indications that they may suffer their mom’s lifelong fate – they have been spared being afflicted with mental illness. Last week we celebrated kid #2 graduating high school and are preparing for her to leave for college end of summer. Sadly this school break for the 2nd year, I am unable to spare them living with my untreated illness – but especially the difficult challenge I’m faced with daily in my inability to cope with life’s circumstances. But, they have been the best of medicine through all the years of figuring out what was really wrong with me and how best to take care… Their smiles, laughter, companionship… unconditional love keeps me here.

  524. I don’t think I believe in “reasons” for a particular person to have depression because that starts to feel like some kind of fucked up plan to me. I don’t like the idea that any one suffers from depression as part of some higher power’s plan for them to, at some point, form a part of someone else’s support network, I know that wasn’t Jenny’s point and I am a long time lover (only recent commentorator) of the blog but I don’t feel like that is ever the best way to view it.

    I do believe in the power of a support group though and know that when I pulled back from the edge of the abyss and decided not to kill myself some amazing people in IRL and on the internet supported the everloving fuck out of me. I have no doubt that this community performed the same function for others who stood where I stood. I’m not glad others had to go through huge amounts of crap to be able to relate to how I felt at that time but I am glad that they shared their experiences with me when in mattered. Their generosity is matched only by my gratefulness.

  525. Wow…sad and beautiful all at the same time. I just had a friend of mine leave, who suffers with depression and right now she is so happy! She has found someone, who she just found out has bipolar…and the reason she visited me was to ask me if I knew much about someone with bipolar that lives in a house that you cannot move in. He is also a severe hoarder, where you walk in a maze inside his house.

    I decided to look for some inspiring stories to send to her. This one certainly touches me, even if it doesn’t relate to her situation.

  526. I don’t know if I’m one of your official 20 but if not, please add me to your file. Seriously. I had a very bad day a couple weeks ago and the only thing I could think through the mess was “depression lies” and I stayed up late and cried and watched your video. And the next damn day I was fine. That bitch does lie, she does. Hey – your peripheral vision loss … could it be related to migraine auras somehow? But instead of migraines, you get a bout of severe depression??

  527. I’ve been there too lately, sensing an oncoming depression. Sometimes I wonder, when I feel the darkness seeping back in, if my expectation that depression is inevitable is fueling a cycle in my brain. Maybe if we looked at the inevitability of being well again with as much excitement as we look at being depressed again with dread, it would come on just as strongly.

  528. You are wonderful. Praise the Lord for 20 lives saved. And yes, there are 20 more. And 20 more. And 20 more. The potential impact is infinite. Thank you for being here in the good times and the bad.

  529. I just needed to say I know this and I love to hear it repeated because knowing it and accepting it aren’t always the same. Depression lies. There is always a way forward.

    Good luck, hope this bout doesnn’t last too long 🙂

  530. It is quite obvious on Hailey’s face that she very much appreciated your effort hanging in there while at Disney World. She’s absolutely adorable smiling in the dress in the rain 🙂

    I hope your time in the black pit of doom is a short one. will be sending strong happy thoughts your way. *hugs*

    Thank you for being there for so many. You are such an inspiration.

    PS! My daughter just started reading your book. She is laughing so hard, now everyone she’s sharing a house with wants to read it too. It won’t take long until this book of yours can be found in all languages on earth, I’m sure of it!

  531. I agree wholeheartedly.. my depression was a horrible bastard that was eating me alive, and I drank heavily just to make myself survive, and I tried to take my own life , I cut and bled and nobody cared , I tried to gas myself in a car, it almost worked except someone or something pulled me out. Things improved by steps when I met my husband..he would sit down in the corner with me and tell me I was worth it, that I was loved, and that people would care if I left. I started to feel strong and confident again, I stopped drinking to bury my pain and I started talking about the way I felt. I have bad days still..sometimes bad weeks..but when I found your blog and read the posts, I knew that I wasn’t the only one fighting that battle anymore, that there were other people who fought with those same demons and they were winning by inches,each time beating them a little more, and I realized that while I am not always well in my head, I am not in that illness all by myself with nobody to turn to. If it wasn’t for my husband, I would be dead, but if it wasn’t for this blog, I would still feel like I was alone. I’m so glad those 20 people are fighting the depression with us..each time someone gives up we all get a little weaker ..so it’s worth the fight, for all of us.

  532. Maybe it’s because I just came out the other side of a 3 year long depression, not my first, and cos this one nearly killed me, I nearly killed me…and it wouldn’t have been the first time I tried…but I didn’t. I’m still here, I won this one! And I am crying so hard that I am shaking…and they are tears of happiness and relief! THANK YOU for helping me realise I won again…cos depression lies, it lies a lot and I didn’t believe it this time! 😀

  533. I’m rather new to this blog and had no idea that you suffered from depression, and yet I am not surprised. All of the most interesting, funny and creative people I know invariably seem to suffer from various mental issues. To think that you and your community have saved 20 (no doubt even more than that) of these gems makes me cry with happiness. I have luckily never experienced depression, my demon is anxiety, another well versed liar, and it was such a relief for me to find out how many suffer from that as well. Not being alone lessens the pain and fear a lot!

    Thanks for just being you!! 🙂

    PS: Although I hate that the first thing one usually comments about girls is how they look, but to hell with it; you’re daughter is such a cutie!

  534. I do so admire your strength and your ability to say what we all feel inside but cant seem to find the words. I was staring it in the face a couple of years back, had even picked out the -place and the method but i was convinced by a close friend to talk to somebody and ensure i was making the decision properly and clearly. I’m glad i did. I didn’t climb that bridge and i have continued to feel better. I still have dark days but that’s the point, i still have days. Some of them might be dark but some are great. Depression is a sneaky beast but if you can hold on in one tiny corner of your mind to that fact, that it lies, that it befuddles….. you can resist. Thank you for giving voice to what so many can only scream in the silence of their minds xx

  535. I really needed to read this right now. Thank you Jenny and all the twenty emails and all the comments.

  537. Life is not always funny, satirical or full of irony. Sometimes its just life. You are exhausted I am sure after your tour and just trying to enjoy downtime with your family. I don’t dare say that I know you but in general, people put a lot more expectations on themselves than anybody else does. Relax and rest without fear that anybody expects more than you expect of yourself, because I am pretty sure everybody else but yourself is expecting you to relax. We all understand the ups and downs and a lot of us have experienced the heartbreak of somebody that decided to get off the ride. Their legacy is not only the pain they leave behind but the absolute imprint of selfishness and destruction in their wake. Our forgiveness to them lies in that their loss leads to teaching that no one, and I mean no one, is allowed to hurt the people they love like that. Which is why anyone left who has ever felt such pain or witnessed such loss should realize whatever evil, deep dark thoughts are making them think that is a right path or a path of peace should step back right away. We don’t live for ourselves, we live for those around us. Your hilarious website and even more vital, your beautiful daughter is a perfect example of that. Have a wonderful and so richly deserved vacation with your family.

  538. Yes you are correct. Sometimes the people who are nearest us have a hard time understanding what we are going through because they just don’t get it. It’s not their fault. But I absolutely believe in the miracle of the support system of all of us depressed people out there, and voicing things out – the way you do, the way some of us anonymously but publicly do – and it helps. Just reading your posts AND the responses. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone in this. That I am not as abnormal as I thought I was.

    I actually told my boss about what I was going through. And he was all “You of all people? I would never have thought in a million years you were depressed.” And you’re right. Depression lies. And we all try and fake it sometimes, most times. I think it’s mostly because of the people we love, so they’re a bit more insulated from the black hole.

    Anyways, too long now. But thank you for being an inspiration Jenny. And thanks for being the way, the medium that we can all be a community 🙂

    Much love, Me xx

  539. Two thumbs up! Another well indeed post that can surely catch everyone’s attention…

  540. Thank you. I was not lucky enough to read this blog the last serious bout I had, but I did have SOMEONE. My dear father in law who read my mind and knew what I was thinking. And his support is why I’m in this world today. However, his loss is one that has the world grim again, and knowing that although the circumstances for our pain are different, the fact that I do not suffer in solitude helps.
    RIP Larry. I will forever love you for the father you were to me.

  541. Jenny,
    I want you to know that because of your book, I have finally, after years of thinking about it, am writing a book from my journal entries. I am 40 pages into it, typing like a madwoman all of those entries that I put my heart into many years ago after the death of my husband. Although I have thought about it for several years, I just never thought that I would have the energy to go back through and read all that pain. I’ve realized after over a week of typing that it is therapeutic. 🙂 Thank you again for your book and for this blog, you have changed my outlook on life in so many ways.

  543. @beccaann: I see Jenny’s “depression support network” not as part of some Higher Power’s detailed plan (that she should suffer so as to help others), but as Jenny’s response to the situation that she finds herself in. Just as Hailey took the rain she encountered at DW and turned it into a joyous thing, her mother takes the rainstorm she finds herself in, and transforms it into something which helps others (and herself as well, I suspect.)

    “It’s about laughing because of the rain.”

    Also, WOLVERINES!!!

    ~EdT.

  544. I’m like Hailey–always trying to find the happiness in seemingly bleak situations and laughing in the rain. And loving the teapcups! They always made my brother sick, but I could spin and spin and spin without a care in the world.

    Reading your blog has helped me understand more my friends who do suffer from depression. I may not have to deal with depression in my own head, but I do deal with it in my friends’ heads. To them and all of you who suffer from depression, please tell us when you start to fall into the hole. We are here for you, but we often don’t see the signs until you’re deep in the hole. We may not be able to keep you from sliding into the hole, but at least we can get a rope down there to help you with the climb out.

  545. Thank you. Thank you because in my dreams lately you have been my friend – because in my waking life I feel as though I have none. Thank you for making me see how insane I am when I scream at my husband for something the rational bit of me knows doesn’t matter and then hide in bed or the shower so I can cry.
    I just turned 33 and I find my life to be unbearable. I had been making it through this past 6 months thinking maybe 33 would be better, but just before 33 I lost my 3 closest friend in one fell swoop. They turned on me, with my best friend screaming at me in a hostile and unapologetic manner and making me cry in public – in the name of business.
    So it seems my only birthday gift this year has been too be too poor to pay bills, being so incredibly overwhelmed I don’t want to do the one thing I truly love (theatre) , being so depressed I don’t want to be alone but when my husband is around I’m mean to him and the treasonous loss of the person I thought I could trust more than anyone else.
    Thank you for sometimes being the only thing that can make me happy.

  546. Thanks for your words. I’m at the edge of the dark place this week, and this post has caused me to look up and out, rather than down and in.

  547. Thank you from all of us for being our voice when we cannot find the words. You know….some of the funniest people I know suffer from depression too! In fact; I’m darn funny…or so I’ve been told. Your daughter is beautiful and so is mine..in fact we’re all beautiful darn it! We WILL keep fighting, keep getting help, keep taking our meds and keep going for our families, our friends and ourselves. You rock girl!

  549. Thank you so much for this. My eyes do the exact same no peripheral vision thing too when I get really depressed and I’ve NEVER heard anyone else describe it that way. All of the things you mention in here like reframing the situation or expressing gratitude are great depression busters too but I find I really need the right meds and all of those tools to keep it at bay sometimes. I wish you much rest and care and keep telling that lying bastard of depression that he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

  550. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing with your minions. I love the pictures of Hailey. All hail The Bloggess. Thank you for all that you do and cause to happen.

  552. I love you Jenny! This post came at just the right time for me. I can’t really go into it all on a public blog, but my life has been spiraling lately and every day is a struggle to get out of bed and live. I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes, realizing that there ARE people out there who get it. That thought alone is enough to keep me from tipping over the edge.

  553. “I realize how incongruous that picture is in a post about depression.”

    I think that incongruity is a perfect demonstration of the horror of depression. That you can be surrounded by those you love the most, in the middle of what should be a joyful experience, you may even successfully be wearing a figurative mask and laughing it up with everyone else… and yet inside all is dark, you are marking time, struggling to get past this moment, then this moment, until the night comes and you can escape into sleep.

    Above, Ann begs her friends to let her know when they’re heading toward the black hole so she can help. My advice is, have that conversation with your friend when she’s well, because it’s when you start to get sick that you often, cruelly, resist asking for help or seeking treatment. ask her what the signs are that she’s sliding–does she begin to isolate herself? Overeat? Undereat? Stop participating in things she normally loves? Does she get angry easily? (Anger is a symptom of depression.) One of the smartest things I ever did as a person with clinical depression is recognize that the sicker I get, perversely the less likely it is I’ll seek help. So I empowered some select friends and family to confront me when they saw the signs, and remind me that, when I am well and thinking logically, I KNOW I need to go to the doctor as soon as I start to have symptoms.

    Now you don’t have to announce your symptoms to the world on a blog, but I am so grateful that Jenny does, because if she has the guts to share her greatest vulnerabilities with us all, we should all realize that we can do the same with our best friend, our spouse, our doctor. And that outpouring of support that Jenny gets–that’s for all of us, too. I don’t know if I’m one of Jenny’s 20 emails, but that damn metal chicken and Victor’s words “[Quitting] might be easier, but it wouldn’t be better” held me together one day last summer long enough to call a crisis line when I was experiencing the scariest moment of my life. And for each of those 20 emails, I believe there are many, many more who have found solace and strength from this ongoing discussion, this shining of light on an illness that affects so many, but that so many suffer from in silence.

  554. Beautiful girl, she makes me want to go out catching raindrops. Lady, you are truly special. I agree with you, this wonderful blogging, Facebooking and Tweeting community is all about support. But nobody would be able to comment “me too” if you didn’t post as honestly and eloquently as you do. Seriously dude.

  555. Jenny-You inspire me so much. Your blog and all of your followers make me feel part of something so much bigger then myself and the depression I suffer from. I have been in the darkest depression of my entire life lately and I went searching for blogs that could help me “fix” it. I came across your blog, I can’t even remember how now, and I laughed. I realized I laughed out loud for the first time in months. I needed something more then some expert telling me if I did this or that, I could fix myself. You, and your ability to face the truth of depression, and embrace it, and find humor in some of the most fucked up situations, brought light to me again. You and your followers have shown me that I am not alone, I am not broken, It’s okay to not be perfect. You are loved Jenny. You are respected. You are not alone. I will light a candle for you, sending positive energy your way, to help light the way out of your current depression.

  556. I could feel one coming on too – after a great weekend, and no good reason. I have many times looked at my miracle girls and wondered, why can’t I just be happy? What is wrong with me?

  557. holy moly. I just started reading your blog, and this one almost made me cry. I have depressive episodes, and a constant low-grade depression fever, but take meds. I still have break-thru days, that the meds can’t suppress completely, and it took me so long to realize what you just said, that depression lies. It tells me there is no hope, no happiness, no answers, and that no one would understand what I was feeling because it doesn’t make sense.
    Thank you for your blog.

  558. How can you not smile looking at her on the teacups? Personally, if I were on the teacups you’d have a picture of me slowly turning green then exploding.

    I do not suffer from depression, but I do suffer from anxiety attacks, IBS (which was much harder to deal with when I was in the Army), and ever-increasing OCD. Its so embarassing, forcing your husband to turn the car around just so you can make sure that you put the garage door down, because if you didnt then someone will break into your house, then they will steal your guns, then they will shoot a cop with YOUR gun, and maybe it will be YOUR husband because he is a cop, and then he will be dead, and you’ll be alone, and then the house will foreclose, and it will all be your fault because YOU left the garage door up and then and tehn and then.

    And of course he doesnt get it, becuase brains shouldnt work that way, but they do. OR mine does, and becuase of this blog I know that alot of other peoples brains work this way too, and just knowing that makes it less embarrassing.

    So thank you.

  559. I’m in total awh at how you handle things! And so glad to know that it is possible to get through those times of depression! I love to read your blog and your book – you give people great joy in everything you say! Feel better friend!!!! Thank you for being you and honest at all times. You make me laugh!

  560. You are so awesome. SOOOO awesome. Your blog is the first place I heard “depression lies”. It has become my mantra on days when I feel that I’m insignificant. Thank you and thank all of your readers and commenters. (commentors? Damn it, spellcheck! I know what I want to say!)

  561. When my attacks come on I feel like I have a black cloud over my head and whichever way I turn, I can’t get out from under it. Now I know what it is, I know to ask for help to get me over it…. and I know it will disappear as quickly as it came and the sun will shine again.

    It will pass.
    x

  562. Thank you once again Jenny for talking so openly about your depression. You continue to help a lot of people with everything you do, and by being able to write about this stuff that so many people suffer from silently. I wish I could have made it to your book signing in Houston – I would love to meet you someday. You inspire me.

  563. Depression is SUCH a Liar! A Liar-liar-pants-on-Fire!
    And to it I quote the immortal words that Valerie yelled at Miracle Max…
    “Humperdink! HumperdinkHumperdinkHumperdink!!!”
    Your writing is a way to shout down the insidious whispering of Lying Depression and your voice helps so many others.

  564. I have suffered from depression since childhood. Nothing terrible happened to me (that I know of); it is just a chemical imbalance. Because of my experience, I was quick to recognize the same symptoms in my son. He is 8 (almost 9) and takes an anti-depressant every day. It has helped – the psychiatrist was alarmed that he knew exactly how he would kill himself. Again, he is only 8.
    I tell you this to let you know how you have helped. I have told him (and his brother, and my niece) that when he feels hopeless and that special kind of sad, to remember that his brain is lying to him. It has helped. YOU have helped.
    Thank you.

  565. Thank you for this post. I’m another depressive and your posts about depression are always helpful to me. Pictures of a beautiful child laughing sure help a lot too. 🙂 Probably the most important thing a depressive can remember is how strong they are, how they’ve been plunged into the depths over and over and still managed to make it back to the surface. Take care.

  566. THIS post, this one, is the reason that I LOVE you. The reason that we all love you. More than any book, article or witty, Beyonce-type thing you can do. This is real. xoxo Laurie F.

  567. I hope you know that even on the days or even during the weeks where you think you’re “not funny” you make me smile, and you make me want to try harder and fight through another day. Thank you.
    Also, thank you for sharing those wonderful photos of Hailey at Disney, she has a contagious smile!

  568. Oh my goodness… Hailey is SO happy! It’s just radiating from her!! What a cutie! And her dress is adorable!

    I also love that all of this innocent childhood happiness is juxtaposed with the fact that this has been a life-saving blog for people suffering from depression. It really drives home the fact that you just can’t control when this stuff hits you.
    Looking at the pictures you’ve included would make anyone who’s never had depression think, “How could depression hit you while looking at that little face?!”… but the fact is that it does, because it’s a bitch, and I really applaud you for holding it in as best you could.
    For me, nothing has really illustrated just how uncontrollable depression can be, until these pics. Confessing how it attacked in the middle of a day where obviously every activity was overflowing with joy (even a rain storm), and including the pictures of your daughter caught in the middle of childhood bliss, really drives home the whole “Wherever, Whenever” attack mode of depression.

  569. You know what I love about coming to your site? I don’t know whether I’m going to burst out laughing, or get a hug. Or both. Thank you.

  571. Hi Jaym up on comment 49?(or something close to that)
    You aren’t alone. You sound sweet and wonderful and the kind of person I would like to meet or at least be friends with. I hope you see this and realize that 15 years is too long without a hug. I wish to give you one, so come over here and get one. We are family here on this blog and we all love you the way you are, because we realize that we aren’t perfect either. Sharing this smile to you. 😀

  572. Big friendly-stranger-but-not-in-the-creepy-way hugs. Remember that depression evolved with our bigger brains to help us filter out stimulus so we can ponder. The world is a technological wonder because of depression. Good you know it will pass -life is in flux, it has no choice. So, as Mary Oliver says, let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

  573. Jenny,

    I too have suffered most of my life with depression and anxiety. I love your blog and you really help people. I wanted to suggest that you look up Deplin. It’s a form of folic acid that gets past the blood brain barrier and helps depression. There are no side effects and it is the only thing that has helped me in 30 years. Hang in there. We love you.

  574. <3 I think these are the first pictures that i've ever seen of Hailey, and one thing stuck out: She has your smile. Your incredibly wide, infectious, smiling-to-your-bones smile. The kind of smile that even when you feel epically shitty, seeing it reminds you that this feeling? This really crappy awful thing your feeling? It's only temporary and there IS happiness even in the darkness. Hang in there. It's so great to feel a little less alone in these situations. Thank you for being truly you.

  575. So interesting that this was your post today. Last night I had a dream that my crippling depression was back. I couldn’t get out of bed, wouldn’t talk to anyone, wouldn’t do anything, just felt NOTHING, which was the worst part of it for me, the overwhelming “MEH” I felt about absolutely everything.
    Thank you for sharing what we all feel inside, the good, the bad and the really strange.

  576. Love love LOVE. Love this. Love you. Adore you. In that I promise I’m not a creepy stalker kind of way. Thank you for sharing.

  577. depression is an asshole. we are all in it together. keep blogging. we’ll keep reading and feel a little less self loathing when we realize we’re not alone.

  579. Next Friday, I will be taking the day off from work to drive 2.5 hours to Portland, Maine with my brother (plaidfox – was your comment of the day once and it kicked a$$). We will then take the train into Boston and then take the T to Brookline. I think our train back arrives back in Portland around 1:45 a.m., then the 2.5 hour drive home. I’m not trying to impress anyone with this post – but I’m trying to re-iterate, dear bloggess, that you are so worth it and that we cannot WAIT to meet you and hear you read your book. Thank you for being a voice for so many of us – your words have helped my family to understand what my brother and I go through. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. <3

  580. I am soooooooo NOT surprised that you would have a bout of depression now. The adrenaline crash after being on book tour for so long has got to be HUGE. That alone would take down anyone—-everyone. I would think it would be pretty akin to PTSD for you. I’m glad you were able to fake your way through it at Disney for Hailey.

    My Childperson, her Husband, my one-year-old Grandchilperson, Grandchildperson’s best one-year-old Dude friend and his friend’s two Moms are all at Disney right now. They inadvertently chose Gay Days week, and that’s fine with everyone except for the fact that it will be extra crowded. But if they had realized it any sooner they would have had t-shirts made up (just to confuse the hell out of people). My son-in-law’s would have said “Husband.” Each Mom would have had “Wife” and each kid would have had “Child.” Imagine that group coming toward you on Gay Days at Disney—–Husband, Wife, Wife, Wife, Child, Child. It’s especially funny to us because it is true—they’re just not all HIS wives. People wouldn’t know whether this was some sort of gay combo or he was a polygamist!

    Plus, the boys coincidentally have the same first name too. I won’t use their real names here, so let’s say “George” just for the sake of this. They already had matching Disney t-shirts made for the boys with their names on them before they left. So they could just go with Husband, Wife, Wife, Wife, “George,” “George,” and tell people that in Hubby’s family, the first born to each wife is always named George. So they’re still waiting on George #3 from the third wife……

    I swear, I’d love to see people’s heads spin from that. Son-in-law could pull it off without laughing too.

  581. Love you Jenny. And your brilliant, sparkly daughter. Don’t go away. We all need you exactly how you are.

  582. Sending so much love your way – I needed this post today, too.

    Just gotta remember that Depression’s pants are ON FIRE.

  583. our first trip to Disney World was just like that ~ it poured down rain, we got kicked out of the pool at the Nick Hotel for lightning, and when we finally got “slimed” it was in the pouring down rain ~ and we had a blast. But, we are from Seattle, so the warm rain was a huge step up for us lol Anyways, I wish your book tour would come to the Northwest so that I could give you a hug ~ Depression is a lying B and Anxiety is her evil twin. Thank you for being such an inspiration <3

  584. Depression is a stupid, lying asshole that doesn’t care how fabulous life is and how beautiful our daughters are. Maybe one day researchers will finally get our brain chemistry figured out well enough that we’ll have a treatment that works 100%, but, in the meantime, hang in there, sweet lady – thousands are pulling for you.

  585. Thank you so much for this and all of your posts. I am glad that despite the weather Hailey had a great time and that you got to experience her joy with her. I hope that the liar goes away fast and that you get to enjoy your family and this exciting time in your career. Your words and those of the commenters have made my life a much better place.

  586. Thank you for this post. I remember the first post I read of yours was one about depression. Your willingness and bravery to tackle these once-taboo issues is amazing. As is this community where everyone is so supportive of one another!

    How can you not smile looking at the sheer joy on Hailey’s face? And is that an Alice in Wonderland dress she has on? That lucky little beotch. I want one. 🙂

  587. This is a pretty amazing post. Thanks for your honesty and helping me understand depression better. Being open and vulnerable and truly yourself is a hard thing to do and you seem to do it really well. Thanks for the inspiration.

  588. Under The Bar

    To wake in the morning, no dreams ahead
    To cease to wonder, relinquish the awe
    Of reverence for life, to defy God’s Law
    And face the fact you’d be better off dead.
    To sour from bittersweet surfeited
    Yet starve in the (m/s)addness of your mind’s maw
    Cornered, though you fight with red tooth and claw
    Collapsing, the hour brands you instead
    The Lowest Common Denominator.
    Another statistic destined to fail
    Though hope resists and the heart cries, “Traitor!”
    Still love strives and your soul begins to rail
    Against all odds, your Will stumbles and reels
    Rising in pain, the phantom limb still feels.

    Luceafarul

  590. I’m glad I found your blog and that you are so open about this disease. I hate that it is still a fairly taboo thing to talk about and most people just can’t understand it. I struggle so many days and the loneliness of it is awful. I often read your blog when I need a smile so thank you for that and for all of it.

  591. My kids drive me to drink on occasion but then they’ll say something or so something so fabulous that all suddenly seems right with the world. Hailey sounds like a great kid, 7 year olds are a bit special, I’ve got one of my own who comes out with some corkers!
    I too suffer with depression and anxiety, and you, madam, are also (a) inspiring and (b) good to read for a cheer up and friendly word when I’m surfing the web at night cos I can’t sleep. Like now:-).

  592. Oh, I’ve worried about you over the past couple of months, with the whirlwind of work and attention. I know it’s awesome, but it is so stressful too. And that is so you to spend your time off giving something wonderful to your daughter instead of just curling up in the dark to recuperate.

    I wear my “Depression is a lying bastard” shirt proudly. You inspire me along with everyone else. Take care of yourself, wonderful creature.

  593. When my peripheral vision starts to fade, it is a sign that I am focusing too much on the stuff inside my head and not enough on the world around me. And when I start paying too much attention to my own ruminations, imaginations, and anxieties, I stop engaging with people and with life. That’s where my depression comes from. This is my experience – I don’t know if it’s yours too.

    It’s great that you can recognize when you are starting to disengage. You have an awesome family and some wonderful people in your life – I hope that when you start to feel depressed, engaging with them will help you to get out of your head and away from the isolatedness that leads into depression. It helps me – I hope it will help you.

    BTW – I kept finding myself laughing out loud while reading your book. I can’t remember the last book that made me do that.

  594. I have chills. Thank you.

    I hesitate to write because there’s no way I can tell you something more inspired or eloquent than any of the ten bajillion other commenters have, but then I decided that you should probably know just how many people you reach. How many people you touch.

    I wouldn’t say that I have depression, but you have helped me understand it. Now I can understand where people are coming from when depression is lying to them. You haven’t just helped me; you’ve helped them too. And those 20 people? Maybe you’re right that the commenters saved their lives…but YOU wrote the post that facilitated the comments. You facilitate life and happiness and reality and whimsy all at once. Thank you.

  597. You may not read this but incase you did, I wanted to tell you that you have saved my life as well. I dont talk to many people about what my depression tells me and what it makes me think. Many of my family and friends say that its all in my head and I’m fine. Im not fine! I have a two black eyes to prove it. Ive never hurt myself before. Days seem worse than others. I come to your blog every day b/c here I know that Im not alone and I read and re-read your posts. I watch your video on depression over and over. Like I said I know you may not read this, but incase you do, there are really no words for me to express my thankfullness.

  598. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

    My husband and I both have varying degrees of depression his is far more severe than mine. The difference is I have the tools (through many meds, and years of therapy) and my coping mechanisms kick in instantly when life happens. Right now we are dealing with my in-laws invading our lives and the havoc that is creating in our marriage. My husbands coping mechanism is to shut down completely and I feel like I have to make him happy again. This causes me to become emotionally exhausted and I end up in a more severe state than him.

    I have read this post over and over and I am thanking you because it has reminded me that I cannot fix everything (control freak much?) and that sometimes you need to allow things to work themselves out and pass on their own. You have helped me to better understand my husbands emotional state and to realize I am forcing him to “be” happy solely because I don’t want to see him depressed (how selfish huh).

    You are an inspiration and I am grateful you are among us on the interwebs!

  599. My kids remind me everyday that joy is there if you just bother to look. They show it to me when I’m too blind or absorbed in something else to see it. I have someone in my family who has suffered with depression for over 40 years and sometimes I find myself playing the part for her that my kids play for me. We’ll talk on the phone and I can hear the darkness in her voice and I will say something little that will make her laugh out loud and for a moment I can hear her spirits raise…and it makes me hope that the little moments like that help drive out the darkness.

  600. “This isn’t a post about forcing yourself to just smile and ‘be happy’ because anyone with true depression knows this isn’t an option”

    Yes. Such truth. And still, every time that 2 ton gorilla is sitting on my damn soul, I feel guilty and weak, because I am not smiling and “being happy.” Which, funny enough, does NOT help with depression.

    Thank-you for continuing on, for being open and honest about this, for crying foul on the shame that so often accompanies depression. You are truly a light.

  601. I needed this today. I too have chronic depression, and lately have had to switch medications because I’m attempting to get pregnant. The new medication isn’t as effective and I’m having some difficult days. Every little spark of light helps. Thank you, Jenny, and thank you, other Bloggess commenters.

  602. How do I get out of the hole? Is depression really lying if the good days are vanishingly rare?

  603. Thank you for this post. I am sending good, positive, hopeful vibes. I have been there as well, and I know that I will be again. So today while I am strong, I send you my strength.

    You make me smile nearly every day – especially today when I admire the beautiful perspective that makes you so uniquely special. Thank you for that.

  605. Depression is the black bird pecking away, endlessly at a soul. But somehow it is important to remember people count on each of us. Our kids, our spouses, our family, the checkout person at the grocery store whose day just got better because you complimented her, the helpful person at the bank had a better day because you thanked her. The dog did his happy dance when you got up. The cat pretended to ignore you but really cares. These are the important parts of life. You are needed whether you realize it or not.
    You book makes me laugh. You are needed by SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many people.

  606. I feel like its posts like this that make you the most wonderful person on the internet. You’re funny and random, but when posts like these come up they remind me to be mindful of my own depression. I know depression lies, but its so easy to forget. I’ve only just recently started coming out of my counselling appointments /not in tears/ and I’m beating this thing for what feels like the millionth time. Little reminders on a blog I frequently visit helps.
    Thank you for being the wonderful person that you are.

  607. Aww. I was going to wish you blessings as you try to pass through this bout, but it sounds as if you already know how blessed you are despite all you face. Strength in numbers.

    My SIL suffers from depression as well. It’s hard on the people who suffer along with her, but I imagine it’s a million times harder to suffer from it. I’m grateful for relatively good health, and I’m grateful for your enormous sense of humor in the face of adversity. Still, my wish for you is that the drugs and other treatments are helping more than they are hurting and you find yourself laughing in the rain too.

  609. Mi amore, you are an amazing woman. I have made my own “anxiety lies” and “furiously happy” braclets to wear as needed. I will gladly share pictures once I get the happy one finished.
    AND Survival Straps has made Ribbon straps, and they have silver! http://www.survivalstraps.com/ribbon-collection/silver-ribbon.html
    Now you can have a reminder that depression is a lying bastard who deserves to be punched in the gnads AND have a handy bracelet in case you need some paracord! It is a wonderful product! And they give some of their proceeds to Wounded Warriors, who also suffer heavily from mental illness and need to be reminded that sometimes your brain is a lying sack of shit.
    Love you and all that you do!

  610. It’s incredible to think that the person we rely on for so much humor on a daily basis has depression. But you’re human after all… and welcome to the [depression] club. I’ve had many of the same days you just described. You are certainly not alone.

  611. I swear, depression is the crowned king of asshole mountain. Fuck depression. Fuck it with the business end of a cactus.
    I know I’ve said it before, but I’m all about repitition. You are insanely brave and intensely beautiful for sharing your experiences with this. Thank you for doing what you do.

  612. Love it. Thank you for this.

    Also, I just bought your book off Amazon and am saving it for MY vacation next week … vacation reading! I am so excited!

  613. I love comment #510: “Life is better with a small metal pig.”

    The depression is most likely the book and book tour, honey. I’m sure you know this. A writer’s life is fraught with this kind of thing. Fraught fraught fraught—such a useful word.

    I recommend watching Alan Rickman drink tea. That man’s a miracle.

  614. Man, getting to the bottom of this page was rougher than walking around Disney. Having lived in Florida my entire life, I know it’s a bitch and a half.

    I’ve suffered from depression and, sometimes, manic behavior. I cognitively know that it’s a lie, but in the moment it… is… so… damn… hard. It is exactly how you described it- peripheral vision fades and I find myself at the wrong side of a long tunnel separated from everyone and everything I love.

    The reason that the funniest people you know are also those with the hidden mental illnesses is because crying only makes it worse (via the sympathy which only exasperates the situation) and laughing is the only organic way to get those tiny highs in the hole we’re living in that keep us from filling in the top with dirt. The dirt doesn’t have to be organic, just the high because last thing depressed individuals need is manure/fertilizer stinkin’ up the place. Man, now that would suck. ^.^

  615. Thank you. I’m sending this to my daughter. She needs it today. And thank you for Beyonce, by the way. I’m still looking for mine.

    Much love to a total stranger . . . because if you weren’t here, if those 20 people weren’t here, if the ones we don’t know about weren’t here, then there would be so many holes, empty places, vacuums, dark pits, questions, guilt, and more in the ones left behind who love you so much. We all need each other.

    I know, because my uncle took his own life because he couldn’t bear to think of living on without his true love WHO TOOK HER OWN LIFE, just days before he did, because she couldn’t bear the thought of living out her life with a disease with which she’d just been diagnosed. Here we are 48 years later and I still miss him. My Dad misses him. Their children miss them. When we’re in the pit, listening to the lies, we don’t think of the ripples in the pond and who is going to be affected by them down the road. So thank you for your honesty and your willingness to to share. We all can bless each other.

  616. Trying not to cry, beautiful post. I wish I would have found you years ago as it took me a long time to get help and I feel like I “wasted” many years to depression. I try to focus on the good and that I DID finally get help! I too have stared suicide in the face but managed to talk myself into living each morning. Thank goodness for that!

    I know what you mean about peripheral vision. I think it’s good that there’s warning signs because often I don’t notice them until it’s too late.

    Just wanted to say hang in there!

  617. Your willingness to talk about your struggles with depression is one of the reasons I felt safe to post about mine. Thank you for saying out loud what so many of us have hidden from the world for years. I’m in a good place right now, but I know not to let me guard down because it always has the potential to return. Keep fighting and sharing. You are more amazing than you know.

  619. Keep writing. Keep being honest. Keep making people laugh their heads off. Keep looking at your daughter’s luminous smile. Keep fighting the good fight. We’re all out here. You’re never alone. Even when you’re naked. ~Jen

  623. Well, to be honest…Di$ney makes me depressed no matter the weather or mental state. I live within driving distance, and I can think of 1000 other places I’d rather be, and that includes the dentist’s chair and maybe the stirrups, if the speculum’s been pre-warmed.

  624. I hope this time it is short and mild. Keep breathing and you will come out the otherside.

    Thank you for your honesty. My therapist asked me yesterday if I could see that my “issues” make me more interesting not worthless? And I couldn’t absorb what she meant until I read this post, that you are more for having these challenges and not less. I have a hard time feeling anything but ashamed about things, but maybe if you can I can too.

  625. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed, even when I’m not in that dark pit, because I know that I will face it again and again and again. But then I remember: I survived it again and again and again. So just remember, beautiful girl, that you will kick its ass this time, too….and again and again and again.

  626. one more voice of thanks.

    also – love the alan rickman tea-drinking link from Victoria just above.

  627. For me the worst thing is being fine one day and waking up the next day in a funk. The inability to feel or care. The inability to write the good stuff. And I forget I have depression so that when it hits me I wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Like the medications I take are for something else. Of course several of my meds are for other things, but the zoloft, it’s there for a reason. Duh.

  628. Thank you and may the force be with you in the dark times. I can relate, I’ve been there listening to the lies and trying so very very hard not to believe them…telling people is hard, there are very very few people I’ve ever shared with and I thank you for being very public and honest about your depression.

  630. Thank you for your honesty. I enjoy laughing out loud at some of your posts, but I appreciate these types of posts just as much (if not more) because it shows that there is hope.

  631. I recently started reading your blog but did not know that you suffer with depression. Thank you for speaking out about it and showing everyone that is is not a dirty little secret like so many people think. I was always taught to put on my happy face and that is so exhausting. It is wonderful to read the comments and to know that so many other people are feeling what I’m feeling. Thank you!

  632. I lost my brother to suicide. He was one of the funniest people I know. I’m glad to hear your blog has made such a difference, keep laughing.

  633. You’re more than just a humorist. You are a person who is going to have the down days. And that’s just a part of the whole YOU. And I love the whole person that is you.

    Did you hear me? Let me repeat that:

    I Love You SO VERY MUCH. (In a non-scary/creepy/stalkerish way.)

    I just think you’re marvelous, and I am so glad I found you in the great big internet.

  634. You just filled my eyes with the most wonderful tears..which for once aren’t embarrassing.

  635. Jenny, I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again..and again…and (forgive me) again. Another amazing author/blogger at the Gaithersburg Book Festival said that the difference between the two of you is that your readers LOVE each other, while hers seem to hate each other. We are a tribe. Thank you for bringing us together. We truly do love you and each other.

  636. Thank you. And you’re welcome.
    You ARE loved – by me and a fuckton of other people, some of whom are just a little off center and some of whom are downright crazy. You know, YOUR peeps.

  637. I’ve struggled with depression for nigh 20 years. But I’m almost 50 years old so I’ve got a lot of coping tools in my tool bag. That doesn’t make it suck any less but at least I’ve learned how to get by and still care for my family when it flares up. My husband’s 15 year old daughter, my step-daughter, was hospitalized last week for severe depression and suicidal thoughts. She’s still there and everyone involved is sick with worry. My husband and the child’s mother are on great terms and still co-parent and cooperate beautifully. I have great hope for his daughter and I think she has a strong support system. But I wanted to let you, Jenny, know that I told him to tell her that depression is a lying bastard asshat and that it tells you over and over that you CAN’T when you bloody well can. He reported that she laughed when he said it and it made her feel a little bit better. Thank you for giving me those words and in turn giving them to her. Thank you.

  638. Screen’s getting all blurry. Damn Windows.

    Depression does lie, it’s the lyingest liar in all of Liarville. If it were a princess, it would be Her Royal Highness Princess Lying Liar von Liarhampton-Crumpetfingers of Greater Whappington-on-Rye.

  639. Jenny-Don’t ever forget that you have people who love you. Complete strangers who love you! Hugs to you and all the others out there.
    And also if you see this and wouldn’t mind getting the word out for this lady:
    Charity Print Sales

    Lee Daniels is feisty, loving, friendly, a magnificent professional writer and fine art photographer. She’s an elementary school teacher who continues to teach, love and praise others. She was recently diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. Because of her health situation she’s unable to get out and take pictures. Like most independent photographers she doesn’t have health insurance. You can imagine the stress and pain this would cause. Lee is a fighter. Let’s help her win this fight.

    We are a community of photographers who are providing our photographs for a special price to benefit Lee Daniels in her time of need. All proceeds from the sale of prints in the gallery below will be donated to Lee Daniels to help her with the medical costs of cancer treatments. The prints will be sold and fulfilled through SmugMug and Bay Photo Lab.

    +SmugMug is allowing us, the photographers of +Google+ a weeks time to upload one picture each that will be up for sale over the course of one month. The proceeds of these pictures will go directly to help Lee Daniels in her time of need.

    http://plusonemagazine.smugmug.com/Pages/Charity/23262973_4Sgv4t

    Thanks 🙂

  640. Aw! That made me cry a little … but in a good, hopeful way.

    I WANT to believe the depression is lying. I WANT to believe that there are people who love me in this world and can see the worth in me even when I have spent months as an isolationist zombie version of myself. I WANT to believe I have a future. Right now, it’s incredibly hard to believe those things, because every ounce of the evil in this disease is seeping into the cracks of my broken mind, poisoning it with negativity and shame. Shame over wasted potential … but on a smaller scale just shame that I wasted food, or messed up at work and stuck my foot in it, or that I didn’t brush my damn teeth, or that I haven’t been able to open a pile of bills because then I have to face life like a real human being. I know pride is, well, prideful. And I know I should humbly ask both God and the people who love me for help, but the whole thing is just so humiliating. It’s embarrassing to know somewhere in the back of my mind that I am a smart, loving, and capable adult woman … who has become a lump of blah.

    But the good news is that I WANT to believe what you’re saying. I really, really do. As scary as it is to face myself in the mirror again and pick up all the pieces of myself I’ve misplaced, I WANT to find the strength to do it. It would be so much easier just to curl up in the fetal position until everyone has forgotten who I am, but the right decision is rarely the easy one, I think. So today I shampooed my hair, and ate a ‘real’ breakfast and put on my brave face. Here goes nothing. 🙂

  642. When my son was in 4th grade, I chaperoned his end of year field trip to Hershey Park. Half way thru a very fun, roller-coaster filled day, the skies opened up. Torrential downpour, lightening, closed rides, a loooong sprint through it all back to the buses. I thought he’d be terribly disappointed that the day got cut short. To this day he refers to it as The Best Field Trip EVER. Kids are awesome.
    Try not to feel pressured to be funny when you don’t feel like being funny. You don’t always have to be the entertainer. Some days you just don’t have it in you and you need to try to give yourself a break on those days. Ride it out. We’ll be here when you get back.

  643. I may or may not be in your precious folder of “20.” But I should be. hugs.

  644. Oh man. Not only do I love reading your posts, I also love reading your commenters:
    Siress Yorkie (comment #605), I couldn’t agree more! You made me laugh out loud.

  645. The thing that struck me the most about this post is realizing that your serious posts always have the highest number of comments. It says a hell of a lot about this gaggle of weirdos. It’s really easy to read a funny post, laugh & maybe leave a funny comment. To take the time to send heartfelt messages to uplift & inspire others or to make comments that can make us laugh in the face of such a serious topic, well I think that proves that your blog has created the best gang of batshit-crazy fuckups the likes of which have never been seen before. And it makes me proud to be able to identify & relate to said fuckups so profoundly. Thank you for being so brave & creating a forum for others to be brave as well.

    Fuck the hokey pokey, being the best kind of weird IS what it’s all about!

  646. I share your posts and shared your book with my teenage daughters and I plan to share this post as well. Laughing in spite of the rain/Laughing because of the rain is such a wonderful mantra for those nasty times when all you want to do is think about things tomorrow. Thank you for saying the things that I have in my brain but can’t put into words.

  647. As someone who spends most of her time plagued with insecurities about needing to be funny, you saying that you need some time to not be funny resonated with me in a really personal way that I haven’t been able to describe to anyone before. I was raised to make people laugh, to only get the attention I needed required me to be funnier each time I saw them. Feeling the need to ALWAYS crack jokes for every friend and boyfriend left me with bouts of depression. “Would they like me if I didn’t make them laugh?” “Am I worth liking if I don’t?” I spent my dating life trying to impress men, then when I did, wonder why I still felt so lonely.

    I’m getting better about it. My boyfriend now let’s me feel at ease to just be myself, funny or not, and that helps quite a bit. I try to only write jokes for avenues that I feel comfortable with, and this blog has made me determined to start my own. Sometimes still, I wonder what I’m worth if I’m not entertaining other people. But now that I’ve read that the funniest person I’ve ever read has some of those feelings sometimes, I’m not going to mentally punish myself anymore or think that needing a “break” from being funny means that I’ve lost something vital about myself. Thank you so much for helping me.

  648. I’m praying for you and your bouts of depression. You inspire me, Lady. You keep me plugging away at my novel…even if it’s only one paragraph at a time. And so far, even on the bad days when my kids are fighting and tattling and driving me insane and I’m questioning the wisdom of my decision to quit drinking, I still haven’t murdered all my characters off and replaced them with shiny vampires who have 50 shades of hot monkey sex.

    Your daughter is SO beautiful! Keep strong. Depression does lie.

  649. ugh- one of my daughter’s friends- 13 years old- killed himself a few weeks ago. i only wish he had had an outlet- middle school is hard. it’s also hard to know how to deal with the aftermath. my daughter says everyone is ‘just trying to forget about it.’ i know her middle school had counselors available for the students, but a few weeks pass, then it’s ‘back to normal.’ i told my girl all the things a parent should- ‘you can always talk to me, don’t ever think it won’t get better, etc.’ but is that enough? if adults struggle mightily, how in the world can we better equip middle schoolers and young people?
    you don’t need to answer- i’m only posting because suicide, depression, bullying hit close to home recently. thank you for doing your part- using your blog- to help the hurting.

  651. Thank you for all you do and all you say. Since finding your blog I have been able to remember that the darkness will fade & the light will shine again.

    I appreciate all you do, you make me smile when that is a very challenging thing for me to do.

  652. I’m trying so hard to hang onto those two little words, in the hopes that they can save me. Right now it is really hard, I’m not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel, and giving up seems so much easier.

  653. I just typed in your website to tell you that I saw your book at chapters a few days ago and thought it was so crazy and cool to read your blogs and see your very own book right in front of me. And then i Read this post and thought, wow! you strong woman. Sometimes I feel the same way and it sucks. The worst part is that i am a compulsively positive person and to still have those bouts of depression makes me wonder why I am not capable of controlling it. Its frustrating that it comes in waves. But it is also a relief to see that someone that is as famous as your are, that has a book published in chain-bookstores and have…600 comments on one blog post still has the courage to say that you have depression. That means a lot. Thank you for letting me and everyone else know that not everyone is perfect. No matter how much success we have.

  654. to paraphrase a mediocre sci-fi flik: you aren’t crying because it’s raining; it’s raining because you’re crying. turning a puddle into a playground is something we should all strive to do, at least part of the time.

  655. I only recently began reading your blog and instantly became hooked. I am half way through your book and have been late coming back to work from lunch twice this week because I can’t stop reading half way through a chapter.
    If you come to Jacksonville, FLorida or St. Augustine, FLorida, I would SO give you a monkey skull. And that is NOT a sexual innuendo… a for real monkey skull, because I LOVE your writing and it has made my life better.

  657. I’ve noticed that sometimes after a bout of good things, depression is more liable to eat me. It’s almost as if the good stuff uses up my capacity for happiness and leaves me with a deficit. You’ve been having a lot of amazing stuff happen, lately. It sounds odd, but maybe you should baby yourself a little to recover from all the good stuff. Maybe a nice hot bath? I’d suggest a new mouse but that might be too exciting.

  658. Know what? You are strangely hilarious, but I love you when you’re serious too. I love your blog because you are the real deal, weasels and all. There should be a Bloggess parade, but we all get to walk in it and throw candy and wave at each other.

  659. The upside to being crazy is that the nuts are always the most interesting people. I take solace in that because I’d rather be anything than vanilla. Keep on doing your thang gurlfran. Love.

  661. And this is why your blog will ALWAYS be the top of the list when I click the ‘favorites’ button. Because some days, more than I wish to count, I need this blog. Keep being you, and thanks for letting us be us. I’ll see you on the light side of the tunnel- we’re waiting patiently with big hugs =)

  662. I LOVE HAILEY’S DRESS!!!! i didn’t know you could buy Alice-wear. I’m going to Disneyland THIS MINUTE dammit. (and of course, keep fighting the good fight, soldier–you are the bomb!)

  663. You and I are totally worth the most outlandish red dress we can get our hands on.
    As someone who is locked in a major battle with the lying beast, and because it is raining outside right now, I think I will go out there and jump in the puddles and catch the rain drops (and possibly cholera) with my tongue. This will piss off the lying beast and maybe he will go away and leave me alone again.

  664. Thank you, so much.
    You are my only connection within the depression community, and you are so many miles away (I’m from the UK) but still, you remind me of the light at the end, if I just wait out the spiralling.

  665. Thanks for a courageous message. I needed it. It is not raining here and depression has lied to me today, but I will keep your words in mind.

  666. Thank you…so much more I could say, but it all comes down to Thank You for your words.

  668. I want you to know how much reading that depression lies really helps. I was having a bad weekend/week. I started feeling like a worthless freak because I couldn’t be happy cleaning my house or with the fact that it was clean. I felt tremendously unhappy about it all thinking that I am broken because I hate doing any of that stuff. I’m good at it but I hate it. I kept feeling like I was being forced to be someone I wasn’t and that when I complied no one noticed, cared or loved me anymore for it. Then I thought about what you said about depression lying. I realized what was going on and weathered the storm. Today I feel better than yesterday and infinitely better than the days before. The important part is, like you say, to see past the lie and find your way to the other side.

  669. wow. i was actually thinking about this the other day. I was “forced” to go to a VW car show by my boyfriend. He also wanted to sell stuff at the swap meet, so we were hanging there for like 40 hours…ok like 5 but still…I actually had a good time. I made the best of it. Normally I would whine by the 2nd half hour, but for some reason I was ok.
    It’s funny how depression can sneak up on you. I am part of this study on bipolar disorder and i got interviewed by this lady and she was asking me all sorts of questions and i realized that I never had some sort of cycle, I didn’t know when it was really coming or when it was leaving. I just prayed for it to leave me alone.
    I hope your depression passes like a gray cloud in the sky and turns into a sunny day for you soon.
    hugs,
    jacky

  670. I really appreciate reading these posts after my little dude’s recent diagnosis…at least I have a teensy bit more insight into what he must be feeling. You’re my homie, yo. Give yourself a kiss on the tip of your nose for me.

  671. A little late to the comments here, but just wanted to add that there is always hope. I suffered with depression for over 40 years, but it’s gone and has been for five years and it’s not coming back. I don’t know why, no lectures or sermons to give. Yes, it does lie. Yes, it can go away. I’m so glad I didn’t go through with the endless suicide plans.

  672. I grew up in Seattle, and spent most of my life in the Northwest, so I am well-versed in rain. My experience is that it is not the rain on your self that is unpleasant, but the rain on all the stuff you carry around. Rain on clothes or glasses sucks. Rain on hair you are worried about keeping fancy sucks. Best solution? Don’t care what your hair looks like, get naked, and go out dancing in it when it rains. It is delightful. I can’t be certain the metaphor holds up…but I think it does…either that, or I am just a general proponant of nudity.

    Clothed or not, keep your head up.

  673. Thanks for articulating it so well. I think on the bad days, I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. Then the day comes when I’ve “turned the corner” and I know it will be OK. Thank you for showing it so well.

  674. Knowing that the hole is temporary is key. Knowing that depression is like the ocean’s tides which can overwhelm and typhoon and destroy but will always, ALWAYS recede if given the right amount of time and patience is what gets me through my lowest moments. Also, knowing that it isn’t really ME. The way I feel right now? This is me. The way I will probably feel in a few months when my sunshine is gone and pressures become greater and stress and depression will crash over my head again? That is not ME.

  675. So I read this comment:
    “Erin May 30, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Your posts like this just make my heart feel like it’s going to explode. Both because of the people who have been helped and because you have such wonderful clarity about how impossible depression can be…but that it doesn’t have to be. Thank you.
    Erin recently posted..Hoarding Glass Jars”
    and my brain (which is often co-conscious) read that Erin’s glass heart was going to explode – which is way worse than depression. I mean an exploding glass heart could take out a lot of people.

    I probably shouldn’t read when more than alter is out. It makes for some messed up sentences. Erin, I’m glad your heart is not made of glass or literally exploding.

    Sunshine

  676. Wow. I was just feeling incredible alone and lonely- not the there’s-no one-here loneliness, but the my-family-is-in-the-next-room-and-still-wouldn’t-notice-if-I-died loneliness. How timely to be reminded that I am really not alone in the world. Thank you! And thank you for writing a book that made me laugh so hard that I gave myself an asthma attack and puked (and, no, I’m not making that shit up).

  678. I told my mom that the reason my daughter wasn’t as giddy as the other grandchildren is because she has depression. My mom told me to give her a tylenol. sigh

  679. @ tracey, I agree that knowing the hole is temporary is important, but the critical thing for me was realizing that it was a hole. I just kinda thought “everybody feels this way, everybody secretly reacts like this, life just basically sucks,” until one day I somehow had enough of a glimmer of hope to make an appointment with a therapist who spent months teaching me that my hole wasn’t in fact the whole of life. I still struggle with accepting depression as a physical disease and not just a reaction to “the new normal” modern life, but at least I know for sure that there is something better out there.

  680. To recall all the times, in all the different years, that I thought I had this thing beat once and for all…only to find myself back at the edge of the cliff.

    “Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.” – Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:5; Babylonian Talmud Tractate Sanhedrin 37a

  683. It’s like a roller coaster. When I get back to the top, everything is ok. But now I’m back on the down hill. It’s a terrible ride. I just want to jump off. I’m holding on. White knuckles. Sometimes I wonder if it’s possible to hurt yourself so badly before anyone else can do it to you. I think, you’re an adult, stop acting this way, don’t hurt your own self… I owe it to my child to stay here. I’m glad I’m not alone, but it sure does feel like I am.

  684. I’m not even sure if you can/will read this many comments, but I just wanted you to know that your daughter is absolutely adorable. These pictures made me want to ride the teacups and laugh hysterically, and not care that I am 30-years-old and would probably throw up afterward. I also love, love, love that she is dressed Alice, who didn’t need a prince to find bring her “happily ever after”.

    Also – our book club is discussing your book on Sunday (6/3), and as the host I should probably have some sort of “question guide” ready. But of course, I don’t. So if I come up with something by then I’ll be happy to send it your way as a cheat sheet you can send out to every other book club member that has gotten kicked out of the living room for laughing too hard during Hard Ball with Chris Matthews. Thank you for being so awesome… and brave… and real… and… please come to Indianapolis! 🙂

  685. Jenny, I just saw the dr Monday and had a med adjustment and I know it takes a while to kick in but just the HOPE of something better made me feel better and your post did the same thing. I was depressed the last time I was at Disney and it was even more depressing because I felt like everyone was judging me: “How DARE you be depressed in the happiest place on earth?” Anyway, I hope you emerge soon.

    P.S. I am going to see your BFF Wil Wheaton tomorrow, I am assisting the photographer at the Origins Game Fair here in Columbus, OH. I’ll tell him you say hi.

  687. Jenny, in so many ways you made me who I am today. I’ve spend 33 years convinced I was “wrong”. That what I was going through made me….broken. Not lovable. Not wanted.

    YOU Showed me that it is a liar, thank you

  688. make that 21 (and counting, i’m sure). I found your blog at the perfect time in my life.

    I make people smile for a living, even when I don’t want to smile myself, and I would like to think that a lot of us do this work. Perform this miracle for others. You are nothing less than a miracle worker …. if for no other reason than you keep people smiling. You can save the world with one smile. 🙂

    (your daughter is adorable!)

  689. You hang in there, Crazy Lady. The cycle will come around and you’ll enjoy the daylight again soon enough.

    In the meantime, understand that this post of yours is perhaps the most inspiring one I’ve read on this topic in a VERY long time. Thank you.

  691. I don’t have depression (or any other mental disability that I KNOW of), but I know many who do have depression and I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like for you. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it better. Instead, all I can say is that 600+ comments in, you are loved and we are grateful.

    Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

  694. I can’t offer much except a hug and gratitude that you got to enjoy that wonderful time with your family!

    I lost my job (again) today – but you and some Doctor Who keep me laughing and focusing on moving forward to tomorrow.

  695. Depression is a lying piece of shit and you are amazing and wonderful. That’s all. Hang in there.

  696. This is my first time reading your Blog. I was in a very dark place. I wasn’t thinking of “that” yet, but I knew that if I didn’t reach out, I would start thinking about “that”. I posted on my facebook page that I was really, really down and asked for some prayers. I normally get 2-3 people who comment on my depression posts. I also post information on depression for others. My “really down” times usually last about a week or more. To my surprise, I had 48 responses. Each person reaching out to me with prayers and/or support and that I wasn’t alone. Some people wrote that they understood because they also suffer from depression. This has never happened to me before and I sat there and cried as I read each one. Then I saw that I had a message. It was from my niece Shannon. It was simply a link to your blog. Thank you for what you do. I have plenty of reading to do here.

  697. Kudos to you for being so real and honest. I try to be so with my depression issues but EVERY TIME it knocks me down. I completely HATE myself most times. I need to internalize your sentiment that DEPRESSION LIES!

    My depression usually triggered by PMS or a long winter. Or nothing at all.

    Hoping you crawl out soon. We love you 🙂

  700. Definitely had tears in my eyes when I read this post. Hailey is absolutely adorable! Thank you for all of your posts and your inspirational words on Depression…. I couldn’t have realized what a liar it was without you… You are my hero 🙂

    And if that Depression Monster clamps down… We are all here for you… And like you said, “You’re not alone”

  701. Really loved the photo series of your radiant girl rotating like a whacky smiley planet in her teacup! Beautiful. That together with your poignant words reminded me of the many moments I have as a complicated mom where intense heart-flipping love for the joyful being in your care coexist with sometimes devastating emptiness. And how you can’t say that to anyone. Thanks for saying everything!

  702. I love you, Jenny. I love that I found you via Wil Wheaton. I love that I can share your posts on my Facebook page when I feel it’s appropriate. I love that my friends do that, too.

    I’m currently riding a high wave (real employment does wonders for me), so all I can do today is thank you for posting this beautiful story of your adorable child finding joy in her world even as you’re struggling. I thank you because you are made aware of joy, because even through your bouts, you keep your eyes open. I know you know it, and I thank you for reminding me and others that DEPRESSION LIES.

  703. Disney makes me depressed – one giant gift shop with extra long lines.

    We never had enough money to go – back in the 70’s – when i was a kid.

    Finally at 35 with 2 kids and a tv show – off I went to dwell in the kingdom of magic.

    On it came – the big black dog ” even here – it snarled – EVEN HERE U CAN’T B HAPPY? WTF RO?”

    A trip to montclair NJ will fix u right up . I will bring cupcakes .

    Urs in the funny/depressed as a lifestyle

    Rosie O

  705. Maybe you should put me in your suicide folder. You rock my freaking planet. I stay on for my kids, but feel like an alien every single day. Never fit in. Never made the grade, but aways, always the expectations.I am a writer and a mother like you, but unlike you, I hide my fears, my depression, my insecurities and my complete, well, frankly, ineptness. So you are where I look to find I am not alone. It’s as though my brokeness is almost validated. And I will stay another day.

    So big fat kiss on Beyonce lips.

  706. Jenny, I sit here with tears in my eyes and say “thank you”. Depression is a lying bitch and sometimes her hostages aren’t able to fight back. I have been that hostage on so many occasions. Usually, it is my child/children that some how remind me that life isn’t nearly so bad. However, while I am in that hole I see nothing else..that tunnel vision gets worse and worse until either I will die or force myself to crawl painfully on hands and knees out of the darkness. THANK YOU, I am not alone once I return to the light. Thank you for letting me know that over and over again as I read your blogs.

  707. Your post and the rainstorm of Reader Comments afterwards are equally beautiful. I hope you’re out of the latest hole soon.
    The proverb goes: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass – it is about learning how to dance in the rain.”

  708. ” I know that I’ll be in this black hole again and again in my life. I also know I’ll see daylight soon.”

    Yep. Since seeking treatment, when I get depressed I can say “Okay, this sucks, but it’s not permanent.” And I believe me.

  709. You are wonderful, and you make this world a better place. Thank you.

  710. I originally found your blog through my sister, who posted your cards for mental health awareness month or some such thing, since she’s the only member of the family that hasn’t been diagnosed with one or two, unlike the rest of us. Not because she doesn’t have any, but she can’t afford the insurance to go see.
    Anyway, since then I’ve been a major fan, partially because I think you’re screamingly funny, and partially because I applaud and support your efforts at defrauding mental illness (depression is a lying bastard.) So anyway, I’m halfway through reading your book a second time, (and halfway through a bottle of whiskey) when I hit the chapter discussing anxiety. Being in the frame of mind that whiskey gives, I start thinking about my own travails with my anxiety disorder. And I start thinking that I rate my friends based on this: those who’ve seen me before an attack, those who’ve seen me during, and those that stick by me after one.
    And while I’d originally set out to congratulate you, I now realize that part if the point of this is thanksgiving for my best friend, the one who stood there while I screamed into my phone, scooping bug-infested garbage into bags with her game face on, and I screamed and cried and called myself worthless and she hugged me and called me ‘sister’. [I am now crying uncontrollably; may I be struck down if I ever forsake such a friend as this.] Today I let her down, and I’m ashamed, but I know she’d understand .. while she’s dealing with a hard breakup and needs HER friends, today the bipolar said, “No, better not leave the house today.” And I didn’t even realize it until now, that though she’s not ALWAYS there, she IS ALWAYS the one who comes through when shit hits the worst. So some of this is drunken guilt and some of this is PURE APPRECIATION, while we salute everyone who survives mental illness, I suggest we doubly salute the family, and friends, and the professionals that help save us from ourselves on a daily basis. My family has kept me alive, my friends that support me daily, and thel professionals that show me where my next foot should go.. I think I’m generally considered well-medicated, since I’m responding to the drugs and generally improving. Major kudos to my family for loving me despite everything. Major kudos to my friends, the ones that still come around. And major kudos to my therapist, who has seen way more than enough years to retire, who stays within the public system *because she’s just that awesome.*
    So with mental health awareness, let’s be aware of who helps us through, eh? I could never only give credit to my own strength, when I know there’s a whole backup system behind me

    Oh, and I totally wrote this before I read the May 30 post, synchronicity, I guess we were on the same page…
    Anyway, 690-something posts, I hope this gets seen.

  711. My girlfriend writes. she’s funny & brilliant & a Grammar-Nazi who will not tolerate anyone using the word “party” as a verb. She has started a blog of her own and I once made the flippant remark about being another Bloggess she said “No, I’m not Jenny Lawson. If cats wore pyjamas, Jenny Lawson would be pyjamas!”
    You do amazing things. For people that you will never meet & wee in turn are able of doing the same.
    “Be the cats pyjamas”

  712. I really needed this right now. <3 You are awesome and I have to keep remembering that depression does lie.

    Also, anxiety is a c****.

    <3

  713. I know, for a fact, there are more than 20 people who are still alive because of your posts. Thank you for simply being you.

  714. Is there any chance you can add a G+ button the blog, so many times I want to share your wonderful posts with my friends over there.

    Oh… and me too. Suffered from severe depression most of my adult life (now 42) had suicidal thoughts and times when I didn’t think I’d be able to cope. But it’s the laughter that kept me going… Most of my friends think I’m very funny… the funniest person they know, I’ve done stand up comedy in the past until a severe bout knocked my confidence.

    But even in the darkest times, I’ve tried to find humour in things, things to make me laugh.

    Now I consider myself very lucky… I’ve met a wonderful girl from the US and am very much smitten.

    I only discovered your blog about a year ago, and I’ve probably been back and read it from the start now… it’s opened my eyes a great deal. It’s made me feel part of a wider issue… and I think you for that.

  715. I’m always the 600+ commentor! (It could be a word!) How in the world can you possibly keep up with all the people who admire you? My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours…I think everyone needs a little extra when tackling Disney. (Who uses a giant rodent for a mascot anyway?) I trust you’ll return home, pocket book successfully emptied by said rodent and that all will be well soon. Hailey is precious! Hope your day is amazing! c

  717. Thank you for being you. I just read your book this week. I am so much more honest now, about my anxiety. And I’m like twice your age, but not. But it feels like it.

    I’m now totally comfortable talking about how zombies might eat us in our new neighborhood, and that’s why I have a dog. Or saying that my cats keep the aliens at bay. BECAUSE THEY DO.

    Hoping the Princesses don’t eat you. 🙂

  718. I needed to read this. Laugh because of the rain. We’re in a new phase of grieving our daughter’s reality (she is mildly special needs, but we hope for a somewhat “normal” future for her). We’re realizing there will never be a point without meds, tutors, or therapists. Hell, we’d be happy with just 2 out of 3. But this will never end. I’ve written the book outline of how we discovered her unusual list of challenges, and have started the medical research (my background). BUT, I am a comedic writer, much like you. I refuse to write a maudlin special needs book. On my blog, I laugh because of the rain…thank you, thank you. That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to say in my head.

  719. Peta is right: Normal does not exist. I get depressed, I have panic attacks, and I know no one who doesn’t have some sort of thing, whether a personality “quirk” or full-on “mental illness.” I don’t believe in normal. It is drizzling and foggy in in DC today, and I love it!

  720. Thank you, Jenny, for your honesty and willingness to share. You have given us all a great outlet to talk and share as well.

    Thank you to all the ones that post replies! You are all so wonderful, I love reading it all!

    Youth is wasted on the young…but maybe we can step back in time with them every once in a while (and catch cholera in the rain).

    :^)

  723. Thank you, Jenny. I spent Memorial Day weekend being perfectly miserable and miserable to be around. Your posts remind me that (even when I can’t stand myself) others still love me enough to put up with me. My husband actually said to me, “why can’t you just be happy?” The answer is, I don’t know. Sometimes I am. But not today. I wish I could get over the feelings that I’m broken. I can’t admit that I am not “healthy” like other people and get professional help. That would be admitting there’s something wrong with me and I can’t do that. At least I have meds. But it’s a roller coaster ride. And I hate roller coasters. They make me barf. So do spinny rides. Yuck.

  724. Depression is a liar and a bitch. You are an amazing woman and have a gorgeous daughter. Keep dancing in the rain – and I shall dance with you.

  725. Facing sadness today. I have been sad most of this week. My depression can get crippling, but it makes it better to be reminded that it’s a big fat liar-head. Thank you.

  726. As someone who has migraines, I will lose peripheral vision 20 to 30 minutes prior to the onset of the brain pain. I wonder if the newer or even older migraine meds might help you. I want you happy for my own selfish reasons. With love and no little hope,
    Oldman

  728. Thank you for writing this post. Depression is something I’ve been struggling with for years, and it is always helpful to have a reminder that I am not alone.

    I was in the WDW parks this weekend too. Even the Happiest Place on Earth can’t shield you from depression though. I’m glad you were able to recognize and enjoy the joy Hailey felt. It’s simple things that I rely on to get me through.

  729. Chris Hardwick said it all in his book, The Nerdist Way: You don’t have to believe everything you think. I have some mysterious most likely autoimmune disease that the doctors can’t pin down that causes severe global pain every day, plus I have bipolar. Last night I was in so much pain, both physically and emotionally. All I wanted was a hug from my Mom and a promise from her that all would be okay. She’s not a touchy-feely person so that kind of thing is rare. It made me irrationally feel unloved and incredibly lonely. I stormed up to my room crying and sat there wailing and thinking, “I’ll just swallow all of my vicodin and other meds and just make this all go away.” Then I thought of people like you and Chris and remembered that there are so many people that feel the same way I do. That struggle all the time with severe pain and depression and still find a way to make it through. It’s so amazing to know you’re not alone in the struggle. Thanks for being so open about your struggles. There should be so many more people who are open about their emotional pain, because it truly keeps others living on the planet instead of dying for no real reason. Thanks so much. Seriously.

  730. I wanted to tell you how much I understand. Life just sucks some times, when really it is great. I hate the low I feel most days, and I fake as best as I can, and some days I just cannot. Seeing our kids getting the best out most anything really helps, but even some days it cannot.

  731. Oh God, thank you.
    I have had a train wreck of a morning. I felt that spiral coming again. The one that tells me that I can do no right, that everyone either hates me or is indifferent to me. The one that makes me want to curl up in bed and never wake up.

    Those damn teacups make me sick. I throw up just looking at them. My head can’t take being thrown around like that. The one time I was on one of those spinny rides, my only thought was, “It’s going to be bad, I don’t want to puke! I’ll never survive!” Then I puked.

    I’m on medication. I’m in therapy. I have a pastor who is active in trying to help me realize my worth. Still, the demon comes at the slightest thing, turning everything I know around. All I do is hold on, try to find the happy, the one focus point. My daughter, my son, my wife, anything.

    I hate this ride. I just want to puke and get it over with sometimes.

    Thank you for this post. You didn’t stop the ride for me, but you did point out that it is a ride. It will stop and I’ll walk off. I might be woozy for a half hour or I might have puke down the front of my shirt, but it’ll stop. I don’t have to enjoy the ride, but I can’t make it through the ride.

    Enjoy your well earned vacation. I’m going to go buy a book with a dead mouse on it. I hear it’s good for burning.

  732. Disney is a magical place. The corporation itself is not perfect by any means but the parks are simply magical. They invoke something in children that very few places on Earth can reproduce. They learned to bottle joy and release it into the air there long ago. I’m very glad that Hailey had such a great time.

    I don’t personally suffer from depression. I have low points like anyone but it is not personally one of the challenges that I face in my life. However, I have various loved ones that do have to deal with the lies and your words as always are very uplifting.

    Most of us obviously don’t really know you as a human being. We know the persona presented here in your writing. We know the you from your book and various media appearances. The vast majority of us are always going to be many steps removed from the real you. That is simply the nature of fame and celebrity.

    However, the small sliver of you that you share has touched so many of us. You remind me so much of my family and friends. As you said in a previous post, you consider us one big community of misfits. The honesty that flows through your writing is impossible to fake. You are impossibly you and we all love you for it. Whenever you are feeling down I hope you think of your comments section and use us to fight the lies.

    I hope all the laughs that this life can offer will find you again very soon and will continue to find you time and time again. You deserve every single one.

    PS – Hailey is beyond adorable.

  733. Wow, I really, really needed to read this post this morning. I have struggled with moderate-to-extreme OCD and anxiety for the past five years and it brings with it horrible bouts of depression. But you’re absolutely right; depression lies, so does OCD and so does anxiety. In a world where so few people understand the reality of mental illness, it was a breath of fresh air to read this post. Thank you so much!

  734. You are truly an inspiration to many whether you try to be or not and you handle it really well. It is NOT EASY t put yourself out there but in doing so, the bravery you show induces a feeling in others to be open and share their dark moments as well. I think this is the key to NOT spiraling as far for some… realizing that there is an outlet for them to express their feelings to others and to accept the kind words that come from other people’s comments.

    I wish I could write like you, for you are really and truly a help for a lot of people, and I hope you get more good days than bad days to enjoy the good things that are sure coming your way.

    Keep being YOU!!! It seems to be working!!

  735. I adore you.
    Your daughter is beautiful.
    Watching a child catch raindrops and radiate joy is seeing a light in the extreme darkness of depression.

  736. Just remember that it will pass. And that years from now, when your daughter is all grown up, she will be able to look back on your posts and understand just how truly amazing you are for overcoming these things. You are so brave for sharing your struggles with all of us. It really does help to know that we are not alone in our own personal struggles.

  737. I’m sitting at a Starbucks with tears streaming down my cheeks and I just don’t care. I also have a huge smile because, how could I read this post and not? I don’t suffer from depression but I deeply love someone who does (so I sort of do too, by proximity) and have learned the truth that Depression Lies. She loves your work (and is how I know about you) and I’m grateful to you for the weird, hilarious and reassuring presence you have in our lives. Also, my stuffed armadillo Sam is a huge fan as well.

  738. Thank you – once again – thank you. I just went camping with my husband this weekend. I had the bouts of “this isn’t good enough, I should be happier”, I SO HATE THAT. And you know what I did? I keep saying to myself “DEPRESSION LIES” and then kept going. You did that for me. And you keep doing that for all of us please.

  739. Good on ya, Jenny! Sometimes that is the best we can do. Being aware of the slide downhill and recognizing there ARE hand holds to grab onto. Grabbing on, holding on for dear life, is a positive action. Its taking charge of yourself and your outlook. Its NOT giving in… Here’s to a good day, even if it didn’t seem like it would be.

  740. Thank you. I needed to hear this. I am currently in the black void of depression. I sit here looking at my 5 month old son, trying to play and be happy with him. He can’t understand what is wrong with his mommy, but he senses that something is. It makes me cry to think about what he must be feeling. My fiance stayed home from work yesterday with me. He tried to help me, but he still doesn’t understand that he can’t force me to feel better. But it helped having someone here to communicate with. Despite his best efforts, I am not out of the void. I visited your blog for the first time all week and you told me exactly what I needed to hear. You reminded me of the happiness within the void. You reminded me of the illusion of depression. How it makes you believe your reality is horrible and a disaster. My life is better because of your strength. You share your pain despite it and it makes the world brighter. You are a gift to all of us who suffer in the dark. Thank you.

  741. I’m going to try and NOT creep you out, Jenny, in case you read this, and I don’t want to be all, “OMG we’re sooo similar, I like looooove your work” because that’s annoying. But true. Crap. While my dad wasn’t a taxidermist, he could have been, we did have buffalo hides in the yard and creepy wooden effigies to scare away Jehovah’s Witnesses and girl scouts. And who would know my having my dad set off gunpowder bombs would NOT impress my friends? It impressed me. I dunno. I could ramble on for pages and pages and pages about how we seem kinda similar and its creepy but cool but that would make me insane so I’ll just shut up.

    But regardless…hmm..I didn’t shut up…I enjoy your work and your wacky life makes mine seem…just as wacky, but more acceptable.

  742. You’re brilliant, your daughter is adorable, and I love you. Thank you for writing this.

  744. I had postpartum depression last year (on top of my chronic Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I still have depression flare-ups. Some days I just can’t take care of my son because all I can do is hide and cry. But with medication and an excellent therapist, I am learning how to cope and even enjoy life. For all of those out there who say “I’m depressed ‘for no reason,’ you should know that there is always a reason, even if it’s not an external event (like a break-up, death, etc). Often it’s chemical. It can be treated! Seek help and you can find your way. You can do it!

    Telling a depressed person to “just snap out of it” is like telling a drunk person “just decide to be sober.” This is a real illness with real underlying causes. Learn about the facts, and it becomes less mysterious. It becomes less scary. It becomes a real thing. And you can fight real things…and win.

  745. You are extremely brave for opening up about depression. I find myself wanting to hide from the world from time to time and I use reading as an escape. I just finished your book and you have an amazing talent for writing. Thank you for sharing your story.

  746. Thank you… a lot… these past few weeks for me I’ve been in a total funk of depression and I’m having a more difficult time than usual bringing myself out of it. This post (and your blog as a whole) is wonderful… ‘depression lies’ is basically my mantra these days, and your wonderful humour and total self-acceptance for the crazy lady you are has actually made a significant difference to my own confidence (and self-acceptance for the crazy lady I am) and happiness.

    Those pictures of Hailey spinning are magic.

  747. Get lots of good rest before next week! Depression lies, but it sucks the energy right out of a soul. I send prayers and good vibes your way.

  749. Well I don’t really post, or comment, blog or self publisize, however I do read your posts and I think you are so lovely and funny.

    You also have been doing too much and need at least 3 days at home with nothing doing.

    Oh and stop eating Bread, it makes you feel rubbish.

    I hope you feel better soon.
    Rob

  750. Hi Jenny- Thank you for your blog. I’m sorry for your suffering but what a silver lining! I believe you’ve been given a gift that can help change the collective consciousness of our nation regarding depression and mental illness. More personally, I’ve been able to share your blog with many friends and family members for whom I believe it will make a difference. Every one has been touched by depression. You are a truly a phenomenal woman. Much love to you for all you’re accomplishing and all that you are. Sincerely- Sandra

  752. This belongs on a mug or a shirt or a metal chicken: She took what came at her and made it into joy. That made me smile.

  754. Me too, Jenny, me too. What I don’t get is how I can get through some terrible things and then all of a sudden, when I should be happiest, it hits. It’s comforting to know that there are people who understand.

  755. Oh, Miss. I am right there with you. I have two beautiful, smart, funny boys. A 3 year old and a 4 year old. Yet, there isn’t a month that goes by that I don’t want to curl in a ball and spend the day in bed. I have reasons. Everyone has reasons. But not everyone ELSE understands that sometimes just getting dressed is a triumph over feelings of inadequacy.

    Keep being good to yourself. You make the rest of us feel better.

  756. your daughter looks a lot like you, she is beautiful. you both are.

    thank you for your honesty and bravery, it helps a lot.

    Elisa (Italy)

  757. Now I now why this happened. You were at Disney World & that’s why funny shit like this happened. “A Disney World tourist caught a squirrel holding up the monorail. The monorail driver had to slow down to a crawl, keeping anxious riders waiting as he was trying to be respectful of Snow White’s beloved animals. As shown on the video, one bold squirrel decided to take the most direct GPS route. He probably had a Garmin on him and picked, “avoid tollways”.” Here’s a link to the video: http://www.imperfectparent.com/topics/2012/06/01/squirrel-vs-disney-world-monorail/

  758. So true. I call that looking for twinkles. Keep living your dream, doing what you do, and making a difference…with swears and all. 😉

  761. I heard your interview on NPR and decided I had to come check you out. I’ve struggled with depression all of my life – so much in fact that I went through 8 sessions of ECT this past March. It helped, it actually did – but my memory has suffered for it. My husband doesn’t really understand depression. I think I’ll ask him to start reading your blog 🙂 Thank you for being so open and posting about the hard stuff. And THANK YOU for braving an interview on NPR or I would have never known about you!

    BTW – I got married in my red dress 🙂 Second marriage.

  762. Yup yup yup. You don’t HAVE to be funny all the time. When you can’t, we still love you, because you’re still worth reading. Depression sucks, and anything you need from us to get through it? You’ve got it.

    Plus, OMGHOWADORBSISYOURDAUGHTERINTHETEACUPS?

  763. I wish there was a love button I could click on people’s comments . “onions , damn onions in the office’ “21, the number is 21′ and the two others that said it was 21 . So 23 and counting . Jenny , you Rock!

  765. I was brought to this post by a great and cherished friend. I just want to say thank you. My friend has suffered with this damn disease for years. We have known each other since 8th grade, we are now 21. Growing up, I always knew there was something wrong but I didn’t know how to approach or bring up the subject. Just a few months ago, she told me and two other close friends that she has been depressed and tried to commit suicide a few times. We were all shocked. I couldn’t imagine not having her around. After she told us, she started to get help. Going to therapy, group, just talking to us more about it. I could really tell that she was slowly getting better. She knew she would still have bad days and that not every day was going to be good. I remember meeting with her one day, she let me read an entry in her journal. She said that she actually wanted to live and that she has never felt that way. A few months passed, we met about every week to just talk. That slowly stopped happening and I hadn’t talked to her for a month. Just this week, we met up to talk. Without giving too many details, she has not been doing too good. As I sat there and listened to her talking about her appointment with the crisis center earlier that day, I had no idea what to say to her to make her feel better. She ended up showing me your book and told me to read this post. After reading this, this is exactly what I was wanting to tell her, I just didn’t know how to say it all. She is a big follower of yours so I know she is reading this: You will be ok, not every day is going to be good, you will have bad ones. Just get through the bad ones so you can live to see the good days. There are good days ahead, I know there are. You’re not alone! I love you, friend. 🙂 And Jenny, thank you for this post. There’s one more person here today because of you. Not JUST because of you, but for little reminders that she isn’t alone.

  766. You are just incredible. I have several loved ones who suffer from depression, and your humor, eloquence, sensitivity and bravery are inspiring. My prayers are with you.

  767. You are amazing and strong and I am so thrilled to be able to share a small part of your life on this blog. I got online hoping to hear your thoughts on the inevitable zombie apocolypse – but instead you turned the tables on me (again! you keep doing that) and instead brought happy, hopeful tears to my eyes. You’re right – depression lies. You are going to feel better and we will all be here with you through it all.

  768. So glad you’re holding up and working through your depression.

    IMHO (from reading your writing) you’re an amazing, witty, funny, deeply wonderful human being who’s brought a lot of laughter and wit into a lot of people’s lives. Throughout, you write with such candor and directness and bravery and truth that it rings true and is a delicious pleasure to read.

    All good things to you –

  769. I’m having one of those bad days you talk about all the time. This one was brought on by various things. Most importantly a call from the doctor saying he needed to see me immediately to discuss test results. I don’t handle news like this well, and trying to function “normally” at a new job while suffering in my mind this was was no easy feat. I forced myself to the doctor, with friend in tow, because I also don’t handle doctors offices well.

    Anyways the end result is I’m convinced I’m dying, have to go in for more tests and having one of my worst mental break downs to date. Even the drugs aren’t working like they’re meant too. I just need to breathe.

    Someone out there want to tell me they’ve gone through a severe panic attack of their own?? That they got through it?? I need to not feel so alone.

  770. Bloggess, you keep thanking us, and I understand the gratitude and humility, but without YOU, we would have no central point to get the laughs that lift us up, and the honesty of your posts like this that don’t make us laugh, but remind us to hope.

    To bring so much joy to the world (and I’ve referred friends to your book who now read your blog) you take the time you need and do what you have to do. We love you.

  771. Jenny,

    As I sit here peeking out from the afghan I have wrapped around my head, in the throws of despair, you make me smile. And so does Hailey. Thank you.

  772. Sometimes it can be so hard, in the midst of depression, to realize that it will end. That’s where it gets me…I feel like it’s going to last forever and I am doomed. Posts like this remind me – take it one day at a time!

  774. Hi Jenny,

    Just wanted to say how much I enjoy your blog not only for the humour(Canadian spelling!!) inside of you but also for the great insight into depression, oh and the amazing array of stuffed wildlife. I was at my local Chapters up here in Calgary Canada and I saw a huge display with your book! I wanted to take a photo for you but every time i took my phone out the staff were on me like hawks, so imagine as you can an entire wall of your book and me smiling feeling like an insider because I follow your blog.

    Thanks for the great Disneyland post, we all need to remember to play like kids again and enjoy the rain in our Alice in Wonderland dresses a little more often!!

    take care

  775. What a wonderful, wonderful post. You manage to articulate just what I feel but could never express as beautifully and thoughtfully as you. Reading this blog for me is so much more than just laughing my ass off (though there is a LOT of laughing my ass off) – it’s feeling a community. It’s knowing, when I feel bad, that there are hundreds, thousands of wonderful, funny, intelligent, vivacious and goddamn mighty people out there feeling the same thing and battling through it, and that I’m not alone. Reading your wonderful, wonderful blog and all the comments left by your wonderful, wonderful readers has kept me strong when I’ve felt most alone. There are marvellous people out there, and they come together through you. And there are marvellous people out there who are battling difficult things, things I sometimes feel like I can’t talk to anyone about, who come together here and keep each other strong and give each other hope. So thank you, Jenny, and thank you to every lovely reader – you help me more than I can express. You’ve helped me to stop beating myself up about having bad times, and you’ve also helped me to remind myself that the bad times will pass, and I will be furiously bloody happy again, because mental illness does not define me. We’re brilliant and we’re strong and we’re damn funny, and mental illness will not keep us down!

  776. What a brilliant post Jenny! “This post isn’t about depression. It’s about laughing in spite of the rain. It’s about laughing because of the rain.” – I LOVE that analogy!

    My own story is along a similar vein – mine is about laughing in the face of the black dog, dancing with the black dog, taking the lead – and winning, winning, winning! Keep fighting the good fight. Mark x

  777. Thank you so much for being so candid. I love that you always can make me feel better. I have felt a weight on my chest for a couple weeks now, & it is not my boobs this time. I have been struggling , & not really knowing what it is I am up against. I appreciative everything you do, & are. I feel like this post was almost written for me with the week I am having. Thank you so much.

  778. This post really moved me. I am watching a family member suffer from manic phase which a depression phase is sure to follow. It is so difficult to watch. He tries to keep as much distance between us as he can. I appreciate you sharing your experience; I feel like I gained important insight. Thank you.

  779. So grateful I found you! You make me laugh and make me stronger :). Today’s blog is going on my mirror so I will be reminded everyday. Thank you!

  780. you prolly wont read this as you have almost 800 comments, but I too like many others suffer from depression. I have for about 15 years now..It sucks. I also just recently got hit with panic attacks. Nothing worse.
    I finally went to a doctor (a naturopath) and she gave me some natural stuff. Not voodoo shit either..actual stuff my body needs to counter balance everything. The side effects of the other drugs were way worse..the weight gain alone depressed me beyond words. The therapist I was seeing in combination with the natural meds was like a 14 year old boys wet dream.

    I cant tell you how much the medicine I am on has helped..night and day.
    im sure you have everyone telling you but it helped me. i dont write about it on my blog, but its true.

  782. “Depression Lies.” That is a powerful, powerful statement that can help so many. I am going to use this to help others (and myself). Thank you.

  783. I’m on 2 antidepressants and I’m still sad. I love your book. Please write another one. You help me. A lot.

  784. As the person said before this you probably won’t read. Today I am depressed, Yesterday a little and the day before. I can feel it coming on. My deal is that what my depression tells me is the same as what my head tells me when I’m not depressed. Just when I’m depressed it hurts so much more deeply that I don’t want to feel it any more. The only living thing that will miss me are my cats. My husband will but not for too long, then he’ll see how much better off he is. That’s it. I can’t think of another person that my not being here will affect. That’s my reality, my story, everyday, depressed or not.

  786. I love you, Jenny. (And now I hear Forest Gump saying that ’cause it was just on TV) Here’s hoping the depression didn’t full bore bear down on you. I so enjoy this blog and really, really enjoyed your book. (Although, snickering and mute donkey-face laughing while reading it did net me many strange looks from those around me. ) Having grown up near Devil’s Backbone and enjoyed many rural experiences similar to what you describe in your book (no dead squirrel puppets, though) I feel you are a kindred spirit. Rock on.

  787. <3 *loves* seems I always read one of your posts when I need it most!

  788. I’m sure there’s no way you can read all of your comments, but that’s ok. I’m struggling through a “spell” of depression right now myself. Last weekend was really bad, and I was scaring myself a little and I just kept telling myself over and over that “depression lies” It helped me get through that deep valley of feelings. You are my Sherpa! Helping me get out of the valleys and to the peak of being furiously happy! Thank you so much.

  790. Please talk more about the depression. I’ve only just found you but am…spiraling into the pit and can’t seem to find a way out. How do you get through the pit period?
    How did you find Victor who was willing and able to deal with these pit experiences?
    I’m sinking and want so many things and don’t know what to do.

  791. why is it every time I read this blog I cry. I haven’t read anything of yours in three months (or so) and here I am….crying. I guess I need to build an immunity

  792. Jenny, you are such an inspiration.

    I had my first bout of depression at university and it was a living hell. Since then I’ve learnt ways to deal better with the fog when it comes down again, but it still sucks, and it still lies.

    I have always been quite open about it, and I used to feel bad about that. I was the girl who embarrassed people by talking about her crazy, instead of hiding it. It’s hard to explain but I felt like I should be ashamed of it, but I always ended up blurting it out.

    Two things happened recently that made me realise that I was wrong. Firstly, finding this blog and secondly, a friend at work reached out to me. He’d been suffering depression in silence for months, and because I’d been open about my experience he felt he could talk to me. He didn’t want to tell his boss, or his wife, or speak to his doctor. I realised that if It wasn’t for me being open about my experience, he would’t have had anyone to talk to. And I know it’s helped him, in some small way, to here someone say “me too.”

    So I wanted to thank you, not just for making me feel like it’s ok that I have depression, but that it’s ok to be open about it. I now feel proud that on my good days I can talk about my bad days, to be one of the people helping to chip away at the stigma of mental illness by bringing it into the open. To be just a teeny bit as awesome as you. X

  793. Jenny, thank you so much for this post. I suffer from depression also and reading yours posts and having you talk about it has been so much help. Recently I got genetic testing for depression and it has helped my treatment considerably. My psychologist and I learned from the test that SSRI’s won’t work on me and that I am genetically disposed to relapse and treatment resistant. I have changed medicines and added some things that have helped bring me back around. thank you so much for being you.
    P.S. I love your book, I have been laughing my ass off

  794. It’s amazing how powerful just knowing that other people are going through the same thing can be. It took me years to open up about my depression – I was becoming more and more introverted, hurting myself more and more and driving away everyone who cared for me for almost 2 decades, until eventually someone close to me took me by the hand and literally brought me to the door of a support group meeting. I started ‘recovering’ since then and have yet to look back. I’m still plagued by my depression and I’m not sure I’ll ever be without it, but knowing other people are going through the same thing and having people who understand what it feels like to listen to me, and for me to listen to, I know it can be done – you can always survive until it passes, and you don’t have to become a slave to those feelings. Your blog has been a huge part of that healing process for me too – something I can read to make me laugh and remind me of how lucky I am to be able to do so at the same time. So thank you for that.

    You know, it’s only because of your blog, and your video about mental-illness, and the stories of other people’s successes that I gained the courage to find myself a psychologist and begin having regular sessions with him. I had the support group, but it was a lot more comfortable to go there and talk about ‘what happened this week’ than to talk to someone about where my life is going or the things that are terrifying me or how to seriously tackle my self-destructive patterns. But I took the risk, and (admittedly after 4 people who were all completely incompatible with me) I found someone I genuinely like the company of, and who has already managed to make a significant improvement in the intensity of my panic attacks. Here’s hoping the depression will eventually subside along with the anxiety.

    It CAN be done – depression is just like a school-yard bully. It feels like it’s going to last forever, it feels like it’s your whole life… but eventually most people graduate out of school and go on somewhere else and the bully never gets seen again except maybe at reunions, and if you’re really lucky, they’ve made nothing of themselves and suddenly you’re the cool guy who went out and did something. Maybe. At least that’s what I’m hoping – both about depression and the bullies. My reunion is coming up.

    Also, on a completely tangential note – Hailey has most excellent taste. I’ve been a huge fanboy for Alice in Wonderland since I was a child. I’ve got several editions of the books, art works, DVDs of the Disnery versions and other versions (although I hate the Tim Burton version with a passion, he butchered my beloved Alice!)… Hooray for Alice!

  795. funny, the blog post of yours I’ve ever read and its bout depression. my husband stared down suicide a few times, only the immense guilt of leaving me alone with the kids kept him from following through. I guess Catholicism is good for something 🙂 When he goes through these periods we call it “looking through blue-colored glasses” because no matter how good things are, he can only see what’s wrong. But it will pass, it always does if you hang on long enough {{hugs}}

  796. ‘Some of the funniest people I know suffer from mental illness’ no truer words have ever been blogged.

  797. Depression is a black hole, a quicksand of the soul. I fight it with my humor blog and as you say: “She took what came at her and made it into joy.” Ah, that it could be that easy, tooooo! Some days, it is…

  798. This has to be the most beautiful blog post you’ve ever written =)

  799. This is my first time commenting here but I’ve been a longtime reader. I just want to say thank you for writing these posts and thank you for just being you!

  801. Jenny, I passed along your post and here’s a reply from my friend:

    I think this is going to help me a lot. I’ve never thought of depression quite like that, but she’s right. Depression is a big fat liar!

    When I’m down, I let all my insecurities and hurts balloon into ginormous ugly monsters that lie to me and I start believing them, even though I know I shouldn’t.

    I think it will help me if I can remember not to believe the tiny, obvious lies depression starts with. Once it gets my attention, I let it blabber on until I’m not able to filter out the lies anymore. But, now that I can actually see it for the evil monster that it is, it will be easier to protect myself. Thank you, for sharing this post. The Bloggess has made me laugh many times, but now, she’s helped me tremendously.

  802. I want to thank you on behalf of your daughter for doing everything you can to limit the amount that she suffers from your depression. I was raised by a mentally ill woman who was not able to do so and my childhood memories of Disney are not joyful. She isn’t old enough or wise enough to say it to you, so I will…. Thank you. It means a lot.

  804. You make me so much less ashamed to have a mental illness. A lot of times I hide it and push it to the back of my mind, because I like to forget that I’m messed up. This makes me look forward to all life has to offer instead of just lying in bed, like I would like to do most days. I have a Depression Lies bracelet taped around my backpack strap. I hope people who have seen it have taken it to heart. You should be so proud of yourself for being so strong and inspiring so many of us to work through it, as well as providing a place where we can all see that we’re not alone.

  805. The worst parts of my life have made me so much kinder, stronger, and grateful. I still fall under the clouds now and then, but the storm of depression has given me access to rainbows I might otherwise overlook. Keep fighting the good fight, Jenny.

  807. Jenny,
    You inspired me to write about my depression and post it to my friends on facebook the other day. It was really hard but I believe it might be the second step on my journey to recovery (the first being medication… gotta love those drugs). I’d love to send it to you, but I don’t know how comfortable I am with just posting it on here, or even if you’d be interested/if you’d even read it. It was kinda my slap in the face of the world (well, my small, friendly world) and also my belligerent manifesto. My plan of action for the first baby steps to beating this. If you’d like to read it, contact me. It seemed to make a difference for me. Either way, none of us are alone and I’m really grateful for all you’ve done, even if most of it has been accidental. 🙂

  808. That’s how it feels for me too – like my peripheral vision is fading. I described it that way in a post last year but I’ve never heard anyone else say that. I know just what you mean. I’m losing it again now. Just trying to find the energy to dance in the rain.

  809. Thank you Jenny.

    Laugh because of the rain – that’s how I feel most days. I laugh because I am here, I laugh because I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I keep on laughing, because sometimes there is nothing else to do and crying just makes my face yucky and tires me out more. So I laugh.

  810. I just finished reading the book– I laughed so hard I peed my pants (several times) and only because I have just as many anxiety and depression issues.

  811. I wish that my uncle would have been able to read your posts. We lost him over a year ago to a combination of depression and alcoholism. He committed suicide in January of 2011. Thank you for your honesty and your humor.

  812. Ummm……..does anyone else think the guy in the rain slick on the second picture looks like a guy in a chicken suit……? o.o

  813. Thank you. For bringing this community into being. Thank you for being amazingly wonderful, silly, honest, real and most of all for sharing.

  814. As someone who has suffered from depression for years, all I can say is , “Thank you”.

  815. Thank you for such an honest and moving story. I was almost in tears thinking about it during my older son’s cub scout outing this weekend. I finally came out of the fog last night before it was too late to enjoy any of it. There is nothing more precious than being in the moment. Congratulation for your victory and your courage to share.

  816. Thank you. As someone who has suffered from depression for years, and who’s been told over and over again that it will pass, thank you. It doesn’t pass, but it does get easier dealing with it.

  818. The pictures of Hailey laughing just cheered me up so much; what a lovely girl she is. And what a lovely person you are, to share your best and worst moments with us all. I’ve just been given your book for my birthday, and I’m so looking forward to reading it.

    From this corner of England I send you love and greetings.

  820. I don’t know how else to let you know… I’m reading your book. I think I might have mentioned before that we are a little bit alike. You got the “funny” gene. I did. NOT. Anywho, I die laughing All. The. Time. And I’m boring my one friend who I keep reading excerpts to – because she accused me of being a snob in college….. I was scared shitless just to walk to class much less make eye contact with someone else. I keep hoping that she’ll understand (we now work together after not ever knowing each other for 20 years). But, to the point, my mother suffers from severe depression and anxiety disorder (and probably bipolar, manic and sociopathic… who the hell knows because she won’t go to a good dr to get better). Pretty sure she has NEVER had a friend in her life. (great role model, eh?) So now she has COPD, is even more of a hypochondriac, and just wants to die. She has dx herself with impending blindness (which I correctly told her was retinal detachment), lung cancer (ummm, no, this is what COPD feels like), and who knows what else (she doesn’t have the internets to tease her with dx). She has threatened suicide 5x this week alone (she has almost succeeded 3x since I’ve been alive 45 years – one time I carried her to the hospital where she was in a coma for 2 weeks). She called a few days ago and said she was done. D O N E done with the pain. I read her some paragraphs from your chapter about the panic attack and leaving the restaurant. Also the never trusting women who said they had livelong friends. She said something like “that is you! that is me! How did you find that book? How does she know how this feels?”

    I’m all – I don’t know mom, she must have crawled in your head because of course you are the only one in the world who has ever had these emotions – ever. in. the. world. But 2 days later she dug out her buspar and is taking it on top of her just switched to (without dr’s knowledge because she fired him) zoloft (I told her the prozac was probably activating her anxiety).

    Anyways – just a few of your words delayed the death of a 68 year old woman who has tried to smoke, vomit, and drink herself to death along with a few serious pill popping episodes. I mean, how cool is it that you gave her hope? Depression LIES dammit! And anxiety is the devil. I. LOVE. YOU!! (maybe she won’t call me 5x a day next week)

  821. Here’s something to entertain you…

    If you haven’t seen this one yet, then be forewarned that you’ll want to run and grab a beard guy t-shirt!

    or if you’re in a zombie mood then this article is a fun read… http://www.snarkland.com/2009/08/25/do-zombies-poop/

    http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/46154/do-zombies-poop-an-investigation

    and there are actually a ton more out there – if you are interested!

    Love your stuff!

  822. Beautiful.

    The pictures of Hailey laughing and smiling so big are just perfect. They are the small things in life that make us keep going. They are the things that remind us that life might not be fair, but that we keep going and we keep enjoying life and laughing because in spite and because of the rain.

    I say make huge copies of those pictures and hang them up where you can see them every day. And I know, you can see them live in your child’s face and it’s so much better live, but those pictures are so much more than that. They are Hailey’s message to you that no matter what there’s her. And you’ll look at them and see you fighting and see life blossoming in her smile and you’ll smile back.

    Thank you for entering my life. Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for teaching me to be furiously happy.

  823. About forcing yourself to smile… I went through a depression once, which (for a fluke) was triggered by real world shit and not just the fact that the depressions decided to pop up and take over my brain for a month. It got real bad, like hiding under the covers all day bad, with no health insurance. I attacked it by (to start with) looking myself in the mirror each day and making myself smile and say banal “I’m happy” type things. It got to where it felt like I was just baring my teeth. It didn’t make me happy, but it did make me feel interested in bearing my teeth and growling at the girl in the mirror. Because aggression is better than depression. I got angry, and aggressive, and growly, and that’s what started me slowly back on the train to non-depressionland

    So, forcing yourself to smile isn’t always awful. But it doesn’t make you happy.

  824. Thank you – that’s the most honest post about depression. It does lie. It lies a lot. And while you say lives were saved because of the people who post – community and support is so important – your blog and your voice is what facilitates these comments. You are making lives better too. Thank you.

  825. Oh wow…you were there when my cousins were. They went to FL for his brother’s funeral and stayed to visit family and hit Disneyworld. You didn’t happen to see a couple talking in sign language that had 6 kids playing in the rain, did you?

  826. First – Get those 4 pictures blown up and framed in a row like that and put them on your wall. NOW. Seriously. You will be so glad you did.

    Second -You are amazing. Keep on chugging – in a Thomas the Train sense, NOT a beer bong sense. I know you are more of a martini girl. 🙂

    PS – my friends would probably not recognize this post as mine since I don’t have kids and don’t drink. But I love you anyway.

  827. How amazing to contribute to the continued existence of 20 people. To be honest about personal experiences is such a brave thing. When I started talking about my deep, dark, horrifically embarrassing secret (I’m a sugar addict, shhhhh) I found out there are tons of folks out there dealing with the same thing. And all those years I thought I was the only one. Sharing your stories and letting people know that they aren’t the only one is a beautiful and powerful thing. Thank you for being brave enough to entertain us and give us faith by sharing your challenges.

  828. I’m sure no one will actually make it to comment #828, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to say “me too”. I’m available for commiseration if needed.

    Blog on, Bloggess. 😉

  829. could you explain this to my graduate studies advisor and my committee chair? because every time depression and anxiety comes up, I get suggestions to leave the program “for my health.” yeah, because being kicked out of your lifelong dream career because you have a mental illness is healthy.
    and I’m worried I’m in the middle of a bad bout but am blaming it on different tiring things (shopping etc) every day. But I don’t want to admit it, at all.

  831. Not only are you an inspiration to me but you have just proven that you are an above and beyond, amazing mother.
    You let her dance in the puddles and enjoy herself, disease from run-off or not.
    I would take my hat off to you if I were wearing one.
    If you ever stop writing, it will be a sad day for so many. Please remember, even through your depression and anxiety, that you give so much to others and we need you now. So don’t go anywhere.
    Thanks,
    One of your many “biggest and most loyal (like take a zombie bite for you) fans”

  832. My husband found this online and can’t stop giggling about it. Cats away! Artist turns his dead pet into flying helicopter after it is killed by a car – http://tinyurl.com/7xoowup. Our friend reminded me that you and/or your father would totally love to see The Orvillecopter!

  833. I accept that I will be on meds for the rest of my life mostly because I cannot stand the thought of breaking the little spirits of my children. I fight your battle and I root for you (and me!) daily.

  834. I am so glad I forced myself to log on today. I am currently awaiting a miscarriage to start, a state I’ve labeled Hell’s Waiting Room, and for the first time in what seems like forever, I smiled. A real smile. A smile in the rain. My husband and I have tried for a baby for 7 years. We’ve gone through it all IVF’s and even a surrogate, with no luck. Out of the blue, we are pregnant. We were thrilled but now we are waiting for the miscarriage to start. I have struggled with Bipolar II for a while and so with this fresh new hell, it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you so much for your blog and book, some days it really does take a raccoon in Jammies to bring a little light to the darkness.

  835. Jenny, I can honestly say that you have helped me. Without you, I would’ve kept my depression a secret. I would have made excuses to not go out because I was depressed or because my medicine wasn’t working. Without you, I would have never spoken up and suggested combination therapy with my pills. I’m doing so well because of you. I’m at a high right now, but I know my low will come. And when it does, I know where to turn. Because of you.

  836. It makes me so happy to see someone writing about this in such honesty and beauty. You are helping so many people wake up to another day. This post was hard to read today, One of my close friends just took his life on Friday, he was such a wonderful amazing individual, im so lost now…I wish I could have read him this. Please keep writing and making people smile.

  837. I wear To Write Love On Her Arms shirts on a regular basis and without fail every time I wear one, someone will stop me and ask about it. So I explain, and I say that part of why I wear them is to spread the message and the story. It’s also one of the ways I remind myself that when all I can see is a black hole, that there are people that I love and who love me and that when my moods turn they’re still going to be there.
    It took me a long time to be able to talk about my depression outside of a select few people, even now it’s something I only disclose to people I absolutely trust, but I’m getting better at it. Your words (and those of everyone else on this blog) help me so much. bless.

  839. Count my name among the many…

    This last week has been nothing but me trying to convince myself that things aren’t so bad that I should be this down in the dumps about life. Too often, and this week especially, I leave the interwebs when I’m feeling like this so I don’t bring others down with me at the same time.

    I forget that, despite not having the kind of control I wish I had to just smile and feel better with a snap, that these interwebs are full of people who GET it.

    It’s a good reminder that it’s not just me who feels like this. And a little confidence that I will feel better… I always do, eventually.

    I just hadn’t thought to go jump in a puddle yet. And what an excellent idea it is. Thanks Hailey. 🙂

  840. You always manage to reach out and touch the deepest parts of my soul – and I’m sure there is some pagan porn out there that starts much the same way but that’s beside the point – so thank you. I loved getting to hear you speak in Gaithersburg and you’ll always be my mental health hero 🙂

  841. This was very encouraging, thank you, Jenny. I do have suicidal thoughts. My life isn’t unbearably tough… I’m just easily put down and tend to be super scared of just about everything. It’s nice to hear what you have to say about depression. It’s very uplifting. Love you, Jenny!!!

  842. Sometimes I think the posts you write are designed to meet me right where I’m at in life. A lot of people say that about God. And I think it’s probably true in religion for some people too. In my case, it’s true with you. I desperately, desperately needed this today. I needed to be reminded to take what life throws at me and make it into joy. Today, I choose joy. Thank you, friend.

  843. Wanna hear something funny? I am alive today because the medication I tried to overdose on was expired. Four years later, that makes me laugh. Four years ago, I thought I’d never be able to laugh again. Now here I am, laughing about my failed suicide attempt. Talk about full circle. 🙂

    Thank you for being so candid. Thank you for bringing this illness to light. Thank you for taking life by the horns, but realizing that it isn’t always easy. Thank you for making me laugh, and making me realize how important it is to laugh. Thank you for having so many amazing followers that make ME feel better when no one else can. Thank you for a book that makes me laugh out loud. Thank you.

  845. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Not for the fact that I’m sitting at my desk at work with tears in my eyes, but definitely for this post. Depression is so isolating that it’s easy think you’re the only person feeling this way. It IS a lie and that seems to be the part that I was missing, just because it’s strong and loud doesn’t make it true. Okay, I’m crying again so I have to sign off. Thank you again. So Much.

  846. I wish there would have been some people back home last summer who read your blog and the comments on posts like these ones. It’s heartening to know that some people have been able to turn back because of you and your readers.
    For the others, we miss them every day.

  847. This is beautiful. I now know what I will say to my Father when he’s held down by the darkness. It is a LIE!

    Also, thank you for bringing so many wonderful people together here. I’m grateful to have finally found your blog (because of another awesome woman). Your book is laugh out loud funny, too. But you already know that.

    Back to the subject at hand: I was reading David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech yesterday and stewing over how many people depression has stolen from us. Family, friends, and sometimes most importantly, strangers play such a huge role in saving amazing human beings from the grips of depression.

    Hold hands, look both ways and jump in the puddles! Don’t believe the lie.

  848. Depression does lie. Never believe the lie. I saw a quote the other day that’s actually from a TV character, but I’m going to try to adopt it as my new mantra so that when I’m forced to ride the bipolar roller coaster, maybe the drops won’t be as bad: “When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead! ~ Barney Stinson” … I *am* awesome, despite my illness. It’s not always easy to control the mood swings & unfortunately, I’m more prone to the depressive side of things, but I always emerge vowing to be stronger and more awesome. Thanks so much for sharing your journey with the rest of us. It’s always great to know that we’re truly not alone. <3
    p.s. I was in Florida last week & it was the end of a bipolar coaster ride. I was there by myself & actually had the best time in the world because I chose to be awesome. By the end of the week, I was taking pictures of myself using a tripod & the camera timer and nobody would ever know that I was just emerging from the darkness. I was even throwing popcorn at the camera to make it look as if someone else was taking the picture. And I was laughing as I did it. It rained on & off all week and yet, I can still say it was one of my best vacations. Ever <3

  849. I am not sure if you will read this after 848 comments but I want to thank you. I have been dealing with “I am afraid to get mail from the mailbox kinda neurotic tics” and the occasional what is the use of this life I might just let myself fall from these stairs. It has always been difficult for my husband to understand. He always told me to get over it, which I bravely tried which made it even worse. He has now almost finished your book and told me he understands now, which is a compliment to you for telling him that I am crazy as hell but it is okay. If you will ever come to a book signing trip in Europe I want to tell you in person you are amazing!

  850. Hello ! I just discovered your blog and saw this entry today. I’ve been suffering depression for a very long time, I’ve been in therapy for years and had to take pills, I grew fatter and fatter …
    And then it stopped. I started to feel better, I could enjoy myself a little, then more and more. I could have projects again, I could reach goals, and feel just fine and secure about what was coming next. I could stop to take pills.
    There’s a day when you know for certain you’re done with it. It’s finished. You’ll have bad days, you’ll be sad. But you know you’ll be able to cope. Perhap’s just because you know you don’t believe in those lies anymore. One day, you can see the twisted thoughts for what they are. False, incongruous. You think right again and can through them away without a second thought.
    That feels GOOD.
    This comment is just a way to tell you you’ll be fine. I could and we’re a lot out there who won the battle. It seems impossible at times to accept that idea, when we just feel that it can only get worse. But a lot of people found a way out. Perhaps not the one they looked for, being fine is often looking at things in a different way and accept to change one’s goals sometimes, and adapt them to the new person they are.

    I just regret this illness isn’t just considered for what it is by others. I think there’s a lot to do about it still, to explain that depressive people aren’t weak nor lazy people. That being tough with them doesn’t help. At all.
    It would make the road to get out of it less hard.
    But depressed people are tough and can bear this lonely road. With help (talking in therapy cured me, taking the pills kept me alive during the worst periods) because this is hard.
    I hope you’ll see the end of your depression soon.

  851. I’ve been going through depression pretty hard these days. This helped a lot. Your pictures are a celebration of joy and your writing shows deep understanding. Thank you.

  852. “It makes me sad how many people aren’t willing to see that it gets better.”

    It isn’t unwillingness. Prolonged daily misery can be so overwhelming that it’s impossible to see that it gets better. People wouldn’t kill themselves if feeling better was simply a matter of willpower.

  853. I’m behind on my Google reader and happen to come across this post today, just the day that lying bitch Depression has decided to stop by for a visit. Thanks for reminding me that this will pass. I think I may put in an alert in my phone to come up for the next couple days to remind me again.

  854. I really never knew anybody else felt like me until I started reading your blog. I always thought I was entirely alone. The OCD and the depression make me feel so damaged and unlovely. I am amazed that someone as zany and funny and winsome as you loses her peripheral vision too. I love love love having a tribe even though I do not ever comment. Your posts have made a difference for me. Thank you for the hysterical laughter and the tiny baby steps toward accepting my own brokenness

  855. What I wish for most (aside from a magical cure) is a new name for clinical depression. Since the one term covers both the temporary, everyone-experiences-it-now-and-then kind and the medically diagnosed you’ll-have-this-in-your-life-forever kind, people tend to confuse the medical condition with the just-passing-through condition. I don’t wear my clinical depression on my sleeve; however, I have no problem talking with other people about it. I proudly admit that I take medicine that keeps it at bay and that I intend to continue treatment until I drop dead. There’s no way I’ll ever go back to that half-life existence. Help is out there. It may take time and you may need to go through several different medicines before you hit the winning one, but it can be treated. It *should* be treated. Life should not be painful — it doesn’t have to be.

  856. I’ve just subscribed to your blog and have been going through the archive reading your posts and thoroughly enjoying your humor and bare-faced look at life. This post made me stop. Seven years ago I was in the darkest place I’ve ever been in my life. Everyday, sometimes every hour, I had to convince myself that ending my life was not the answer. I had no money, sometimes no electricity or water. I would sit or lay on my bed and scream while crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. I’m telling you this because I also read that you recently lost one of your four legged children. I did as well. Dominic adopted me 20 years ago now. He helped me through every rough spot I ran across. First divorce, house fire, and he was there during my second divorce and the subsequent black-hole I was living in. Every time I was crying or screaming or lying there too exhausted to do either anymore my little baby boy was stuck as close to me as he could get. His little face looking at me with such unconditional love, looking at me with eyes that could speak volumes, was the only thing that kept me from ending it all. Some people may scoff, but I know and now that he’s gone, when I feel that darkness coming for me I just have to remind myself that he saved me for a reason. I just have to keep going to find out what it is.

  857. Just “going” to Disney was depressing to me! I, not the kids, left crying the park several nights! Thanks for your post which helps me realize I’m NOT crazy or ALONE!

  858. I would first like to say that this is by no means hostile, but what the hell are you talking about? You have a blog about essentially nothing, write an entry about the periphery of depression, “it lies” yet offer nothing substantial on how to deal with it. I’ve suffered from manic depression for 20 years. I’ve gone through what could be called a horn-of-plenty of drug medications, tried killing myself twice in the last year, and all the “support” people say is “it’s a lie”, or “you’ll get through it”. No, I haven’t gotten through it, if anything it worsens the older I get and gets more vicious each and every time. It does NOT get better. This is like having chronic back pain, it’s immobilizing, horribly painful, effects every part of your life, and is contained ENTIRELY in your head. You can’t to your torso and say this part hurts. You can’t say point to your knee and say this is where I’m depressed. You can only point to your soul and say this is where it hurts. A lot. If I were to “come through it”, I wouldn’t know what it felt like NOT to be depressed. Certainly some days are better than others, but it’s always there.

    Depression doesn’t just go away with a trip to Disney or taking hipster pictures of your kids, no more than lung cancer goes away if you went to the Olive Garden. No one takes it seriously and there is nothing serious about a blog that mopes through an anecdote of a bad cliché to Disney. High school girls write this kind of crap in their notebooks.

    When I look at the world I see a lot of bullshit that we collectively brought on ourselves. The whole human race. I don’t have any solution for it. It and everything it represents sickens me and makes my our dark cloud grow more intense and distasteful. There’s no “coming out of it”: that’s the lie. Taking my own life is the only prudent solution because then I am no longer part of the hypocrisy, the fabric of human tragedy and stupidity that exists around us on a second-by-second basis.

    (You sound like me when I’m at my lowest points, but I write things like this to remind myself that – at least for me – that low, angry point doesn’t last forever. Different people do different things to make the pain go away and for me it’s writing. And drugs. And anti-psychotics. And lots and lots of shrink visits. I hope you find what works for you. ~ Jenny)

  859. You are an amazing person to have the courage to share your life with others,,,and your daughter is a sweetie. My mom has severe depression and chronic pain. She gets attacks of what i call “invasion of the body snatchers”. I live many hours away and usually only talk to her on the phone when she has this but this weekend, my kids and I have been here to see it first hand. Usually when she gets it, she is in bed for 2-4 days with intense pain and sleeps. This time she put on her tough mask, as you did for your family, and pushed through. When mom gets this, the pain is so bad that she swells up, she slurs her words and can hardly move. The reason I am sharing this is I have chronic pain from a back injury 3 yrs ago but not the depression. I cant imagine having both. My mom is my hero. I am 38 and she is the strongest person i know. She always pushes through. For mom, I think it is her family, her faith and her dogs that get her through. Kudos to all of you who have this. My heart goes out to you
    Lana

  860. Jenny, reading this post made me cry for you, and for me, and for my friend who bought me your book! And your book totally helped 2 of us laugh through dark times. Mental illness SUCKS!! Thank you for sharing with us and we’ll share with you! Sanity is a group effort!

  861. I’m not diagnosed with depression, but have suspected for a while that I have something related- perhaps I’m bipolar, I have no idea, the thought of seeing a doctor is too frustrating. And I feel like I’m just tagging onto the bandwagon, like it’s just me exaggerating over a simple case of the dumps.

    But when you wrote about your peripheral vision starting to fade… you know, that makes me feel a little less like I’m ‘faking it’. Because that’s what happens to me, exactly. When I hit a low, when I feel like I’m about to fall off the edge of the world, something happens to my eyes. I can’t really see properly, and I can’t focus on people or things. It’s like there’s a sheet of scratched glass between me and the world, and while that glass is metaphorical, the effect on my vision is literal.

    I didn’t know that was something that actually happened to other people. Thanks for sharing that.

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