UPDATED: The man deserves a damn medal

in no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap

UPDATED:  SEE BELOW…

Today is mine and Victor’s 16th anniversary, which is sort of insane. You might remember last year, when I declared 15 year anniversaries should be marked with unexpected giant metal chickens at the door.

This year I had to outdo Beyonce (the giant metal chicken, not the singer. I try not to compete with her) so I’ve been searching for something similarly unexpected to come knocking at the door.  I considered buying a giant metal egg because then when people asked “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” I could definitively say “The chicken” but it just didn’t seem BIG enough.  Then, after weeks of searching, I finally found the perfect thing.

Victor pretty much begged me to not get him anything because I think he was still trying to forgive me for last year, but then I finally convinced him that it was something awesome and so when the doorbell finally rang I screamed “OMG SHE’S HERE” and Victor was all “‘She?’ You got me a stripper?” and I glared at him because that’s the first place his head went, and then I went to answer the door and get his anniversary present.

"YOUR EYES DO NOT DECEIVE YOU. I GOT YOU A PET MOTHERFUCKING SLOTH."

 

Victor was speechless.

Probably because there was an unexpected sloth in the house.  People are hardly ever prepared for unexpected sloths in the house.

I tried to get Victor to hug the sloth and Victor said “no” and then he said some other things I can’t write here, and then he said I was going to get pee all over me, and I explained that A) these are the risks you take when you own a pet sloth and B) we were in luck because the delivery guy said he peed yesterday and they only pee once a week.  

BEST. PET. EVER.

Victor disagreed.  Vehemently.

Then I explained that getting a sloth hug could cure the most vicious of heartaches and then that sloth snuggled into my heart and made me feel awesome for the first time all day (because I was still sad that we had to put our ancient cat to sleep this week, not because I was sad it was our anniversary) and I may have gotten a bit teary, and that’s when Victor started to panic because he already knew that I had a Posey-shaped-hole in my life and that I was more than unbalanced enough to fill it with an unexpected sloth.

They should change "bear hug" to "sloth hug" because sloths give the very BEST animal hugs and you don't end up mutilated at the end of them.

Then Victor started to look a little sick and I admitted that the sloth was not his present because obviously I couldn’t be expected to keep up with a pet even lazier than me, because that’s like giving an alcoholic a bottle of bourbon for a pet.  Nothing good could come of this.  Victor was very relieved and even shakily petted Jilly-the-awesome-sloth until I told him that his real present was still outside.

Knock knock, motherfucker.

“I GOT YOU A BABY KANGAROO!” I may have screamed.  But I screamed it quietly and winsomely because I didn’t want to scare the sloth in my arms.

hop, hop, hop

 

Then the baby kangaroo jumped all over the house and Victor went into shock when it jumped into the house and ran right to the living room rug, and I was all “You know?  For boxing?”  And Victor was all “WTF?” and I explained that he’d mentioned wanted getting back into martial arts again and that I thought a kangaroo would make great sparring partner.  Then Victor just stared at me and I was all “You’ll have to teach him kung fu though” and then Victor just put his head in his hands because apparently he doesn’t have as much faith in his teaching skills as I do.

Then I finally broke down and explained that it wasn’t a real kangaroo and was only a wallaby, so it’ll stay that little forever and would probably be able to bring us drinks when we were thirsty, but only if we didn’t mind having the drinks splashed all over the house.

“We’ll have to invest in lids,” I explained.

Then Victor mumbled something about not feeling safe in his own house and I finally admitted that the un-kangaroo, Jilly-the-sloth, and the hedgehog hidden in my pocket were just on loan from the amazingly knowledgeable folks at Zoomagination, who were bad-ass enough to help me carry off this entire prank, and who taught me more about sloth pee than I ever would have expected.

Then we called Hailey over and she freaked out in the best possible way and screamed, “THERE IS A KANGAROO IN OUR LIVING ROOM ” and Victor and I both laughed at her glee and it was awesome.


And it was everything a 16th wedding anniversary should be.

At least in this house.

UPDATED:  It’ll probably get changed any second but this is a screenshot from wikipedia showing traditional 15th and 16th wedding gifts:

Awesome.

888 thoughts on “UPDATED: The man deserves a damn medal”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. Oh, man. That is better than the best thing ever. I wish I lived next door to you. Then I would see people delivering a sloth and a wallaby to your house, and I’d come play with them! (In my fantasy, I’m staring out the window at you like Mrs. Kravitz. “Abner, they’ve got a sloth next door, Abner!”)

  8. OMG, I totally want, no, NEED to do this to my husband and kids. God knows, given we have eleventy-billion kids (ahem, seven), he’d probably not even realize the extra animals, he’d just wonder if I skipped a haircut or two on a couple of ’em. LOL!

    Happy Anniversary, you crazy kids, you!

  10. That’s wonderful, Jenny. I’m glad you got some sloth hugs to ease that Posey-sized hole in your heart, even temporarily. Happy Anniversary to you both!

  12. BEST MOTHEREFFING PRANK EVER. OH MY GOD. I’M DOING THIS TO MY PARENTS FOR THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

    ALL THE ALL CAPS COMMENTS.

  13. So beyond awesome. How can you ever top a baby kangaroo/wallaby and a sloth? You can’t. Oh wait, you could recreate your entire wedding party in taxidermied animals.

  14. This is basically the best way you could have done this. The only question, I suppose, is what you’ll do next year …

    But thanks, I needed that.

  15. DonT keep the hedgehog! They get in your walls and then you end up punching multiple holes to coax them out….. Just trust me o. This one!

  18. Can I be the third person in your marriage? I’m just kidding. Kind of.

    Adopt me? I’m easier than a wallaby!

  19. This? Is fucking awesome.

    Happy anniversary, Victor & Jenny! (And Jilly and the wallaby and apparently a hedgehog in your pocket.)

  22. That is awesome! Happy anniversary! Sounds like you had an amazing time! 🙂

  23. Jenny you are the awesomest person ever. Enjoy your sloth and kangaroo/wallabe!! And happy anniversary!!

  26. If my husband doesn’t do this exact same thing for me on our anniversary, I’m getting a divorce.

  28. OMG! I’m crying from laughing so very hard. Victor deserves a medal, a 21 gun salute and (if its your belief) assurance of his place in heaven after this. I think martyr should now be spelled “Victor”

    And props to the people who helped you out. That was the best prank EVER!

  32. I love that you can still take ‘reaction-shots’ even while cuddling a sloth. That is some extreme multi-tasking.
    I really want a sloth. Or maybe just a hug from a sloth. Actually, maybe just hug…

  35. I’m so glad that your broken heart could enjoy a nice break! Now, I need you to find a way to get me that sloth because my sister and I are obsessed with all sloths and want to go to Costa Rica to the sloth rescue and live happily forever, covered in sloths and their once-weekly urine output. You should also research online about how they pee. They have to come down to the ground and get all serious and still and do their business. It takes like half a damn hour, but it’s hilarious to watch their little faces cloud over.

  36. You. Define. AWESOME!!!!!!! Your husband may try to forget this day, but your daughter will cherish it forever!!!

  38. Firstly, Happy Anniversary!!

    Secondly, my husband should be very, very, very worried, as this is giving me all sorts of ideas of what to do when our next anniversary rolls around. I may not go the sloth, wallaby, hedgehog route, but I can seriously see some hijinks of a major caliber going down. You have inspired me, Jenny Lawson! When, after all is said and done, he questions my sanity, and why I felt it necessary to celebrate our 10th anniversary with mini pigs, ponies, and a monkey (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) I will merely point him here.

  40. OMG you have done the unspeakable!

    You beat Beyonce to death with Sloth pee.

    Happy Anniversary!! can’t wait to see what next year’s brings x

  43. This is the BEST! Especially Hailey’s reaction. So now I know – 16th anniversary is sloth. And non-kangaroos. And pocket hedgehogs. We had our 16th anniversary in May, but we couldn’t go out and celebrate because Princess was sick and we had to cancel the sitter. So . . . now I know what our make-up celebration will be! Trip to the ZOO!!!!

    Love it!

    And hugs to you. I know it’s hard. I still grieve over my 19 year old kitty’s passing 2009. She was my college roommate. Sigh. I miss her. But I’m sure that she and Posey are galavanting around in kitty heaven!

  46. “and I glared at him because that’s the first place his head went”

    To be completely fair to him, he DOES know you…

  48. Glad the sloth didn’t pee, but I did reading this! You are awesome!

  49. That is the best anniversary present ever. I might have to do that to my husband. I think he already half expects to come home to a zoo one day.

  51. I hope Victor isn’t as good at pranks as you are; if he is, watch your back for the rest of the day. Happy Anniversary!

  52. Nothing will ever outdo that picture of his face! 🙂
    Happy Anniversary to the coolest, most patient couple ever. <3

  53. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore you (and not in a creepy stalker way)? Your sense of humor is infectious and I love how your brain works. Happy Anniversary!!

  54. So for your anniversary you got the Interwebs so many laughs we can’t breathe?

    Could not love you and your blogging anymore!! Happy Anniversary!

  58. I am truly impressed. You should do surprise planning for a living. Although you are already really good at writing and being awesome, so maybe that would just be overwhelming. Hoping you are feeling a wee bit happier today <3

  59. Fucking amazing. I’m dying a million deaths here for you guys. Congrats.

  60. This made me ridiculously happy. Truly. Happy Anniversary, you crazy kids!

  64. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore you (and not in a creepy stalker way)? Your sense of humor is infectious and I love the way your brain works. Happy Anniversary!

  65. Happy anniversary. Did he ever receive a present that was an actual present, not a non-present? (As in, no, none of these are your gift and THAT’S your gift.)

    Excellent prank. Truly excellent. And excellent gift for your daughter.

  67. Having a hard time trying to figure out what’s cuter: the look on Hailey’s face or you hugging Jilly.

  68. Just when I think I could not love you and your family any more than I already do, you post yet another story that makes me weep and laugh with joy.

  70. What an awesome anniversary! Happy Anniversary to you and Victor!

  72. Oh….my God! What an AWESOME anniversary pran– present!
    You guys are amazing! I hope your anniversary is wonderful, Jenny!

  73. Excellent! This world needs more people like you. Oh, and more Victors to balance the scales. Happy Anniversary.

  74. Happy Anniversary! (My grandparents were married on this day, too! It’s a great day to give up one’s independence, eh?) I am so glad this was a prank, because, well, the marriage might not have made it to year 17…

  75. This is just so fucking awesome and hilarious. I think you have outdone yourself.

    I’m not sure which facial expression is best: your smile as you experience euphoria while snuggling with a sloth in your arms, your husband’s dismay at the whole fucking scene (brings new meaning to the saying “Our house is a zoo”) or your daughter’s sheer glee and a kangaroo in your living room.

    You know you’ve just fucked over a whole bunch of couples, as one spouse or another is now going to say, in an annoyed tone, “You’ve never surprised me with wild animals before on our anniversary.”

    Sure beats my, Happy 4th, I was able to finally cut a big giant watermelon post, and kept all twenty fingers (mine and my sons, as we attempted to make a dessert….together). 🙂

    Enjoy the wild animals!

    Kathleen
    http://www.kathleenfordyce.com/

  76. You are the absolute best thing about the Internet. No contest.
    Happy Anniversary to you both. <3

  77. Spectacular. Truly. Such happy happy memories you just made for your poor suffering husband AND your dear child. 🙂

  79. OMG! Best Anniversary EVAR!! My huz came over wanting to see what i was laughing at.. he asked “is that a baby kangaroo?” i said “yes, it is.. what else would you expect from Jenny’s blog.” he was all like “ok, all you had to say was it was her blog” like that right there explains everything in your wonderful universe 😀

    Happy Anniversary..those pics are priceless. thanks for sharing your pranks of love with all of us!

  81. That right there is a whole new level of awesome.

    Also, I totally want an almost-no-pee-sloth!! Particularly after somebody peed on my bathroom floor last night (hopefully one of the dogs…somehow it’s less gross to clean up dog pee than husband pee).

  82. Second attempt, last time I tried to comment a sloth ate it.

    Right now Kristen Bell is threatening to cut you with a hang nail. Happy Anniversary to you and Victor.

  83. I did not think it would be possible to top Beyonce, but you did. I just tweeted you that you must get this to Kristen Bell, as she is a huge fan…of slothes! 😉 Happy Anniversary!

  84. If ever there was a perfect day to get sloth hugs it is today. Happy that y’all are having fun.

    Now you can say “At least it isn’t Sloths.”

  85. Awesome.

    My best friend actually got a sloth once. Two, actually. Her then boyfriend got them for her after she mistakenly pointed out that they were “cute” at the zoo. Unfortunately, it takes a bit of time to acquire a pair of sloth. And the relationship had already ended by the time the sloths showed up at her house. She had to build an enclosure in the garage and keep them for a few weeks until she could find a zoo to take them. Sloths smell in real life a lot more pungently than they do on TV or even at the zoo.

  86. My husband wishes you would stop doing these amazingly creative (my words, not his. His were “insanely out-of-left-field” things, and then blogging about them. It’s giving me ideas. ^_^ *grins*

    I love the way your mind works.

  87. Victor is the luckiest man ever! He may not realize it at times, but he really is.

  88. Too. Fucking. Awesome. I have already demanded that my husband buy me (ok, fine, I’ll make do with “renting”) a sloth and baby kangaroo for our next anniversary. His reply was very Victor-ish (basically saying “ummm, no.”).

  89. That has to be the truest definition of Sloth ever: When you can only be bothered to get up and pee once a week. Happy Anniversary, you two!!!

  90. Yep. That picture of Victor with his WTF face tops Beyonce. But Hailey’s photo and reaction is really awesome.
    Happy anniversary!

  92. And what the hell will you do NEXT year?! You’re setting the bar a little high, aren’t you?

  93. Can I love both this anniversary and last year’s anniversary posts?
    This year’s made me all warm and fuzzy inside (and I’m positive it wasn’t because of the mouldy cheese I just ate), but last year’s made me laugh so hard, I cried.
    Happy Anniversary, darlin’ and Mr. Bloggess! xoxo

  95. I just finished reading your book and loved it!! The conversations between Victor and you are hilarious. Happ Anniversary to you both!

  99. OMG, I almost wet myself with glee seeing this post, but then I realized I am a grown woman and cannot pee myself since only babies do that and only sloths do it once a week. However: Baby wallabies and baby sloths?! I fucking die of cuteness overload. Happy Anniversary to you and your tough-as-nails hubby!!

  100. This is so awesome!! How long do you get to keep them? It doesn’t matter, though, because it’s already awesome!!

  101. I just commented and then when I tried to post my computer got all shitty on me. I wonder if it actually posted. either way, you made me go from crying out of a shitty morning to crying from laughter at Victor’s face… thank you.

  102. I read this out loud to Preacher and he walked over to see the photos and said “OMG IT IS A WALLABY!” before we even got to the wallaby punchline. I told him he ruins everything and this is why I don’t get him sloths or hedgehogs. He said I was an epic failure for never bringing a wallaby home. He. Wants. The. Wallaby.

    Happy Anniversary!

  106. Hailey’s photo is pretty freaking epic too. I just have to say. And I had hubby sit down to read this cause he was looking at me like I am SERIOUSLY psycho and not just my normal psycho. All he could say was that that sloth was UGLY. BOO ON HIM! That sloth is one of the cutest damn things I’ve ever seen… and now I’m aching for a sloth hug. Guess my two crazy little beagles will have to do instead.

  107. Happy anniversary! This is the best prank ever – especially suited for your personality! Your husband’s look made me laugh the most. Of course he believed that you actually purchased these animals rather than just borrowing them, because you’re that kind of awesome.

    I thought you got a puppy, when looking at the thumbnail picture on your facebook link.
    I thought “oh, how cute – a new puppy to mend her broken heart” but then I came here, and went OMG. WTF?
    I would never, ever hold a sloth or any other wild animal in my arms – I’m afraid of all animals other than cats and dogs – but you look so happy holding that sloth, I am very happy for you! and your daughter’s reaction is priceless.

    thank you for sharing this great story with us!

  108. You are so fucking rad. I wish the whole thing had been on video because… HEY THIS IS CRAZY WE GOT MARRIED, SO HERE’S SOME WILDLIFE, CAN WE KEEP THEM MAYBE?

  111. Well, now I can never get married again. How will I ever top these totally insane, totally awesome anniversaries??!! Heck, even birthdays and Halloween will pale in comparison to this one. Thanks a lot BLOGGESS!!

  115. Awwwe, happy anniversary Jenny & Victor! Well played prank, and the delight on Hailey’s face, priceless. Many more happy, spontaneously wonderful years to come!

  118. Oh my gosh! You are absolutely the coolest person ever! I would love that for an anniversary!
    Victor and Hailey’s faces are both absolutely priceless! 🙂
    Happy Anniversary!!! 😀

  119. OMG. You’re right. Best wedding anniversary. Ever. Happy Anniversary, you two! (And the sloth hug pics are so freakin’ awesome.)

  120. This was exactly the kind of happy I needed today. Happy Anniversary!

  121. I couldn’t possibly love you more. This is the best thing I’ve read all WEEK!

    Happy Anniversary! 😀

  123. Thanks for the laugh with my morning coffee! I think I will invest in some sloth hugs in the future cause you look so delighted with that lazy thing in your arms. Perfect!

  124. Seriously, your 17th anniversary is going to be impossible to top, but its going to be SO MUCH FUN trying.
    Maybe a barrel of monkeys?
    XO your amazing.

  125. A sloth! I am so outrageously jealous right now. Have to say Victor is an odd man – who on earth wouldn’t want their very own pet sloth? Happy anniversary.

  126. I’m coming to live with you. You don’t mind, right? Your house must be so much fun! All I have are 6 cats, 2 dogs and a bunch of fish that like to play dead.

    Happy Anniversary!

  128. Totally awesome! I would LOVE to get an anniversary present like that! Which makes me insane probably. If insane means totally bad ass awesome. Ironically we were just discussing Beyonce with a friend last night who hadn’t read the story. Now I have 2 awesome posts to share with her!

  131. Am I the only one who wondered where in the hell you’d gotten a fully-articulated taxidermied sloth? I was both relieved and a teensie bit disappointed that this one is still on the mortal coil, because a fully-articulated taxidermied sloth would be awesome!

  132. Best. Anniversary. Ever. My husband would have killed me if I pulled something like that. Which would have been totally worth it.

  134. I LOVE YOU!!! This is the exact reason why I come to your site on a daily basis just to see what amazeballs stuff you have come up with for your family to enjoy!

    I am positive at this point that Victor loves you beyond his own understanding and Hailey will have the best stories to put in her book, “Yeah it happened even though Mom pretends it didn’t”

  137. I’m making my husband read this so he’ll stop bitching about the pet parakeets I bought last time he was out of town. Thank you for giving him perspective.

  138. This is awesome! I wish one day I could be cool like this & pull this caliber of a prank on my hubs! Happy Anniversary!

  139. I’m going to have to search all of your anniversary posts because when our first comes up, Kelly needs to be shocked out of his shorts. You know how to do that, clearly.

  140. This post literally made me squeal out loud with glee. Also, the second picture of you with the sloth is the cutest damn picture ever. Just sayin’.

  141. I am laughing hysterically. And unlike a sloth, menopausal women pee more than once a week. I must now go and invest in depends. Thank you for totally rocking my day!

    May you ALL have many amazing years in front of you.

    Edie

  142. This is absolutely amazing. And I’m aching inside from laughing so hard at Victor’s reactions. And I’m crying a little bit because now I really want a sloth to hug.

    I bet if we all had hugs from sloths once a week, our worlds would be a little happier. I say dr’s start using sloth hugs as ways to cure depression/anxiety problems. I know it would make me feel so much better.

    I have to say though, Hailey at the end brought it all together. That is just a wonderful response!!

    Happy Anniversary Jenny!

  144. I already said it on facebook but, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! You two are way too cute of an odd ball couple. My SO and I aspire to be as close as you are. Ok, we already are, but not as odd. Ok, maybe we are, but we’re not as good at it. And we don’t have the money to be so whimsy! Some day. Some day. Anyway, HAPPY 16th!!!

  145. Holy cannoli! I didn’t think it could be done but this really might outdo Beyonce. I stand in awe…. and now I want a sloth. I just have to make sure MPH (My Poor Husband) doesn’t see this before I find one and hide it somewhere in the house… like on me… and try to convince him it’s an anamatronic accessory!

  146. This is so great..so , so great. I have always responded to the ..”what animal would you be?” question..with GIANT SLOTH of course!! No predators.. no predatating..hanging out in the trees… sleeping all the time..RIGHT??? I used to add that the only downside was pee running down my neck but NOW??? I know better…NO DOWNSIDE.

    My sympathies on the loss of Posie….losing our pets is so difficult…I miss every one of mine still…You gave her a great life..take comfort there.

  147. You are absolutely awesome! What a great idea! And you look so sweet with that sloth in your arms. I’m glad you found something to lift your spirits!

  148. Today is my birthday and laughed so hard that I wept while reading this to my kids. THANK YOU FOR SUCH A GREAT BIRTHDAY MORNING SURPRISE! I freaked out when I thought you actually got a sloth and screamed “SO JEALOUS!!!” Sloths are so adorable. This story has to go into your NEXT book. So sorry about Posey but what a wonderful anniversary. LOVE YOU!

  151. What a FANTASTIC idea! That sloth looks like she is giving you a fabulous hug! Great idea and great prank!

  153. Just remember….. A hug is a strangle you haven’t finished yet. Just saying’…..

  155. “Knock knock, motherfucker” makes me laugh every.single.time.

    Wallaby knock knock – even better.

  156. Brilliant! Happy Anniversary! I’m so glad to finally see a picture of Victor, and very happy to see a smile on your face today!

  158. Sloths! I love sloths! I have a picture of me cuddling a sloth but I need more sloths in my life! This is awesome!

  159. I am laughing with tears rolling down my eyes! What a great prank and your daughter will never, ever forget this. Happy Anniversary!

  160. And see, now you can bring home three kittens and he’ll be like “yay, fine.”

  166. Victor must have the world’s strongest heart because he hasn’t died from shock yet.

    Living in your house must be so fun – unless a person shares Victor’s temperament. 😉

  168. Oh, Jenny. Those pictures of Victor and Hailey? Priceless. Beyonce is probably jealous beyond words: both the giant metal picture AND the singer.

  169. My husband would have peed himself in glee had I gotten him a sloth or a wallaby. I think he’d be getting up every morning at 5am to play with them and he’d cry when he had to go to work, but when he got home they’d be best pals and all would be well.

    Please let my husband not see this blog. Our cat wouldn’t appreciate either of these things.

  171. The look on your daughter’s face… priceless. Victor? Looks terrified. Probably best anniversary prank ever. I wish my husband had a sense of humor !

  172. Seriously best EVER anniversary gifts/prank. I would give nearly anything for a sloth-hug, so may leave my laptop open to this page, hoping the hubs stops by, notices, gets the hint. Chances of that happening? Nil. But you never know…
    XO

  173. 😀 I would love it if my husband ever came up with something this creative and fun to celebrate our anniversary! You are some-kinda-awesome, Jenny. Sorry to hear about Posey.

    I totally want a sloth hug now.

  176. You are so incredibly awesome! Victor is a lucky guy. Happy anniversary you two!

  181. So when you told Victor that these gifts were only loaners, he was both relieved and grateful that he wasn’t getting an anniversary present? Brilliant financial plan!

  182. That is epic! Granted, I personally take pranks about as well as Victor, but that’s pretty amazing.

    Well played, madam.

  184. Happy Anniversary!! This is the best prank I’ve heard of and it’s giving my friends and I all sorts of ideas. *raises my cocktail to you*

  186. I am so sorry about your cat. I’m so glad you found a sloth to temporarily bring you happiness 🙂 Also, Kristin Bell needs to see this post, because that girl is obsessed with sloths!

    p.s. Does Victor have a PTSD support group in the area?

  188. MOST AWESOME THING EVER!!! Wish I would have thought of it. I just celebrated my 17th anniversary in Feb. As always, you ROCK!

  189. YOU ARE MY MOTHER-FUCKING HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have stamps and coins and statues in your honor!!

  190. So sorry about Posey, he seemed like a good little Golum/Cat, very sad. I hope he found peace, and his precious.

    Also, NUH-MOTHERFUCKING-UH!!! I am now officially living my life by WWJD; WHAT WOULD JENNY DO? My for realsies end goal in life is to have a bunch of land with Zeedonks, Wallabys, Nigerian Pygmy Goats, Peacocks, and now I NEEEED more than anything an unexpected sloth in my imaginary menagerie! You are living my dreams, and while slightly envious, I love you more today than I ever have…

    I did just acquire a JagUar, but it’s the auto variety, not feline.

  192. I’m reading your book & read the chapter about you getting married less than half an hour ago, so reading about your awesome anniversary prank is kind of extra surreal. Of course, that could be the heat melting my brain (man I dislike the Summer). Enjoy the rest of your anniversary & The Forth of July.

  193. This was a great, fun prank. Love your daughter’s face. For next year: you know they’ve come a long way with animatronics, right? Shouldn’t be that hard to find a robot velociraptor and have it set up on your doorstep. You can tell your husband, “go look outside!”

    And when he does, the raptor will scream and lunge for him, but stop just short of his throat. Then your pre-recorded voice could say, “Surprise! Happy Anniversary! I got you a dinosaur!”

    On another note, what with cloning sheep and whatnot, you’d think we’d have cloned dinosaurs by now. Should look into that, the lessons of Jurassic Park notwithstanding.

  194. i am adding you to my list of blogs to read. omg is right!

  196. Oh my god. That is the best thing you’ve ever done! I mean. . . that I’ve read. Maybe you’ve done better things, but if you have. . . holy hell, how high is the bar for the rest of us weirdos???

  197. Happy Anniversary!

    You have awesome taste in gifts. Will you pick out my birthday presents from now on, cause my family sucks at it.

    Nothing like a sloth hug to make some of the heart hurt go away.

  199. Oh gal…LOVE it! Kudos for “borrowing” the animals instead of buying. Who wants to clean up wallaby turds on her anniversary?

    Oh…also…Happy Anniversary! Does Victor have an also-unflappable single brother? 🙂

  200. Happy anniversary!! I love the sloth gift, and the un-kangaroo and Hailey’s face is priceless. Your next book must be a marriage how-to guide!! I’m officially demanding it!

  201. Omg, that is the absolute best!!! Can I pretty please come live at your house???

    I am so sorry to hear about Posey. I got very teary eyed reading that he is no longer with us. He was a total star!!!!

  202. Best 16th anniversary presents ever! I only have 6 years to wait for my sloth!

  204. Happy motherfvcking anniversary, Jenny & Victor. Sloths, not-roos and hedgehogs, INDEED.

  206. OH! I forgot that I was also gonna say that I never realized that the 16th anniversary was sloth!!

  207. That is so many colors of awesome. LOVE.

    Also, when did ‘amazeballs’ become a thing? Because two of your comments IN A ROW say this word. I need to be on top of all the hip stuff so I can spaz my kids out. Of course, I will NEVER be so hip that I get a sloth, a kangaroo and a hedgehog to come over for an anniversary party. (And somehow that last part sounds like it would be the beginning to a really dirty joke, but I’m just not able to pull it all together.)

  208. I am dying right now. Victor’s face is priceless, as is your daughter’s, although in an entirely different way. So great!

  209. I actually just cried because I was so mad at you!! I have the biggest obsession and love for sloths and I was so upset to see you hugging one because it’s my dream. I’m so jealous lady. I still love you though because your blog is awesome and brightens my days.

    Even if you do get to hug a sloth and I don’t.

  210. I am laughing my ass off right now. You guys are awesome!

    Happy anniversary to you and Victor!

  213. Your husband’s expression is hysterical and your daughter’s picture just made me grin. You give the most awesome presents!

  214. OMG! BEST Anniversary story EVER! EV-ER!!! There’s no way you can top this next year. You are so friggin’ FABULOUS Jenny! Thanks for rocking our world. Hope you have a wonderful anniversary. : )

  215. Happy Anniversary Jenny and Victor! Thank you for this post and the laugh out loud belly laugh! So glad I’m not at work today…peeing in my chair at home is much preferable than peeing in my desk chair at work. Just when I think you cannot be more amazing, you go and wh0op me up side the head with a SLOTH! Epic!

  216. You have just opened my eyes to the possibilities that this year’s 21st-iversary will bring for my husband. It may be our last, but I will go out with style!

    Happy anniversary!!!

  218. Oh my goodness, when I saw the first picture I wasn’t sure if it was real, but then the second picture (with the head in a different position let me know it was) and I yelled out, “holy s#%@, she really got a f!$^&%*( sloth.” That is so awesome that you got to experience those in your home for a while; every time I see them on TV I want one but know that it would probably not be a good idea because I am not sure our other pets would take very well to me constantly hugging a sloth because I don’t think I would ever be able to put it down.

  219. Happy Anniversary!!

    This has been an intense couple days for you!! Sadness and laughter, stress, and danger. I hope today is pretty much just filled with hugs and happy.

  220. Definitely the best kind of anniversary gift I can think of! Who doesn’t want to hug a sloth? They are so adorable and slow and naturally hug you. I don’t know how Victor was so skeptical of the idea.

  221. Happy anniversary to you and Victor! You are truly one epically awesome person. Victor and Hailey are extremely lucky to have you. 😀

  222. Happy anniversary! I surprised how unhappy he was, I’ve been saying I want my house invaded by exotic species forever. Except, I also want said house to be invaded by animal keepers as well. Maybe you should have just “given” him the zoo? Less stressful for him since you could point out he wouldn’t have to actually take care of the animals.

  223. So um… yeah, I guess you forgot my birthday back in May. It’s cool, I don’t mind that I didn’t get a zoo…. or at least a hedgehog in my pocket…. I guess you didn’t know that we’re best friends now cause I said so. You owe me a zoo. I’ll be waiting for the ring of the doorbell 😉

  225. Oh. My. God. I was laughing so hard, tears were flowing! I absolutely LOVE this prank! If I could pull that on my kiddo? I totally would. But, she is such an animal freak, she wouldn’t let them leave.

    Kudo’s to you!

    Happy Anniversary!

  226. Outstanding. The sloth hug pic is the most heartwarming thing I have ever seen. And I’m sure you scared Victor out of a year’s growth. BONUS!

  227. Oh, I’m so glad you had some extra furry hugs to warm your heart today! Happy anniversary, and may we all strive to be half as creative as you!

  228. Happy Anniversary! What an awesome wife you are, obviously you got Victor Halley’s reaction to the kangaroo in the living room as a present. Obviously Victor is an awesome husband for not just packing up and leaving when the sloth arrived.

    I’m sorry for your loss. We recently lost our 19 year old cat and I know it’s not easy.

  230. I checked out Zoomagination’s website. Victor should just be happy you didn’t go with the boa, tarantula or Madagascar Hissing Cockroach!

    What on earth are you going to do next year to top this? He should be afraid. Very afraid!

  231. You are definitely your father’s daughter! (That’s meant to be a compliment.)

    Happy Anniversary!

  232. What an awesome anniversary gift, even if it was a prank. I want a wallaby and a sloth for some sloth hugs.
    Happy Anniversary!

  233. Why can’t I come up with such awesome ideas? I need to hire you. My 20th anniversary is in two months… 😀 (…and I’m very sorry to hear about Posey. BTDT, wore out the t-shirt *hugs*)

  234. Tervis makes cups with lids. AKA “grown up sippy cups.” AND you can personalize them now (but the Tervis people have to approve the design so watch your damn mouth.) You’re welcome.

    Happy 16th anniversary! What a great gift!!

  235. Happy Anniversary to you and Victor! It is mine and Superhubby’s anniversary as well, wish I was clever enough to pull off this prank! Victors reaction is priceless! Enjoy your stories immensely, hope you enjoy your day!

  236. You are too amazingly awesome!! Your husband is so lucky to have a wife who would go to so much effort to make an unforgettable anniversary. I need to go wipe these laughter-tears from my eyes now and try to figure out how you will top yourself next year (can’t wait to see!)

  237. the greatest and best thing I’ve ever seen.

    You know what else? when I finished your book I held it to my chest and rocked back and forth with so much sadness that it was over. I was depressed. Then a still small voice reminded me of your blog and I wasn’t sad any more.

    I was still depressed, but that’s because my psychiatrist is an asshole.

  238. Jilly-the-sloth and I share a name! My name’s missing the “the-sloth” part and people usually call me “Jill” or “Jillian.” But I am still very proud to have anything in common with such a huggably glorious creature.

  239. Well, damn, Jenny. I thought Beyonce would have been hard to top, but you pulled it off… you crazy (in a good way), awesome woman 🙂

  240. I just peer a little… then I promptly said to Eddie “Our 11 yr anniversary is coming up. People in Texas celebrate that with llamas and Platypus.”

    So if he contacts you, I’ll need you to be a voucher.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  242. I would like to move in with you…I can cook (not well, but sort of), and I would have to bring my 3 year old daughter with me. I could probably have my husband stay elsewhere and we could visit him every once in a while. Your life (and blog) are hilarious and so. much. fun! Thanks for making me laugh out loud after a bad night!

  243. My husband said that those were two very badass presents and Victor is a very lucky man! He is jealous 😉 Happy Anniversary you two!

  244. Best. Present. EVER. My daughter woke out of a deep sleep to see if I was laughing or crying when I read this. We want you to come live with us.

  245. I absolutely love the idea of pranking your husband for your anniversary!! Happy 16th anniversary!!

  246. I have never wanted to be married to you more than I do today. I could live to be 200 and no one would ever bring me a sloth and a baby kangaroo.

    (Remember that ‘Friends’ episode where Joey tried to use a thesaurus to make his letter to the adoption agency sound even better and he ended up signing it Baby Kangaroo Tribiani?)

  248. This post makes my heart happy!! Yay for anniversaries and healing wounds with animal love! I hope you all got some good snuggles in and I kinda wish I had been there to play too, b/c having a house filled with Jenny, Victor, & exotic animals sounds like good times!! Happy anniversary, you two! 🙂

  249. Oh. Em. Gee. That is awesome on so many levels.

    I used to work at a zoo. I took care of two two-toed tree sloths, along with a variety of other critters. They were awesome. No wallabies, though. Good thing too. They’d probably get tired of me talking to them in the worst Australian accent ever.

  250. Happy Anniversary! This is the second BEST anniversary gift ever. (The first is Beyonce – there really is no way to top that shit!) So jealous of the sloth hugs.

  252. I feel like a dick now. All I got for my husband on our 20th anniversary last week was NOT a divorce. Thanks.

    That is awesome though.

  253. Happy Anniversary! That was an awesome prank. And Hailey is so much like you in her love for animals. My kids would have thought they were stuffed and then freaked out when they moved.

  254. Sloth hugs looks AWESOME! Great prank! Happy Anniversary!

    When should we petition the Vatican to make Victor a saint?

  255. Love it! I needed that laugh this morning. And Victor is totally lucky to have someone to play such awesome pranks on him! I do think perhaps you should have bought some towels as a back up gift, though.

  257. ::: slow clap ::: Only YOU could have come up with a gift that amazing.

  258. The only problem I have with this post is that, given your love of all things taxidermied, it’s difficult to tell if the sloth and wallaby are alive. You know, because of the lack of video. It doesn’t seem fair for you to make me read on your anniversary.

  259. Happy Anniversary! Life at your house must never be boring. My favorite part is the amazing picture of Hailey. She will grow up able to cope with even the most unexpected circumstances.

  260. Happy Anniversary! Nothing like that has ever happened in my house, and probably never will – or who knows, maybe it will. Glad to see you having some laughs! Enjoy your holiday!

  262. I thought the metal chicken was great but you have outdone yourself! Unbelievable!

  263. According to my wife, I am the sloth input house. I think she jumped to that conclusion, which sort of makes her a kangaroo. Ok. That was a fail. Happy anniversary anyway!

  268. OMG! This is so COOL! I would have LOVED to have seen the look on his face. I am STILL laughing. You so ROCK! Thank you for a much needed laugh!

  269. Next year maybe Christmas in July, Motherfucker! Yes, of course a musical, featuring the 12 days of Christmas with hired talent in plush suits ringing your doorbell. It culminates with carolers singing “Knock Knock Motherfucker” to the tune of Here comes Santa Claus.

    But sloths are way cuter.

  270. First of all, Happy Anniversary. Secondly, You are amazing! Not only did you scare the shit out of your husband on your anniversary, but you gave me the biggest fucking laugh I’ve had all year. Victor and Hailey are so lucky.

  273. You are of the awesomesauce. You need to join us at our Whedon Studies conference in Vancouver next week!

  274. As great as that pic of Victor is, the pic of Hailey is even better. I love it. You totally win at anniversary gifts/pranks.

  276. The picture of Victor is excellent, but the picture of Hailey is priceless. You are an amazing soul Jenny and totally know how to celebrate an anniversary! Knock, Knock Motherfucker…indeed.

  280. Well done, Jenny! I’m already the sloth in my house, but the real one kicks ass! Hmmm…My 10th anniversary is coming up.

    P.S. LOVED your book!

  281. “I tried to get Victor to hug the sloth and Victor said ‘no’ and then he said some other things I can’t write here, and then he said I was going to get pee all over me…”

    Jenny. You’ve spent sixteen years with a man who threate… oh, SLOTH pee. Carry on.

  282. My Steve (z”l) and your Victor would have had a lot to talk about. They would’ve been fast friends.

    Our anniversary would’ve been Monday….35 years….so you and Victor are still newbies! Happy, happy anniversary and many happy returns of the day for you, Victor, and even for Hailey. Keep the laughter rolling; it’s always the best medicine.

    Hugs to you all from the tundra!

  284. YOU have to be the most amazing and funny person EVER!!!! This one just takes the cake. I was reading it at work and literally BURST out laughing. I laughed so hard I cried (literally, tears streaming down my cheeks). Co-workers thought I was nuts until I relayed the short version and asked for the link (which I gladly shared).

    Thanks so much for being THE BLOGGESS – YOU ROCK!!!

    Tammy – St. John’s, Newfoundland, CANADA

  286. That is the best anniversary present ever!! I would have loved to hold a sloth and had a kangaroo jumping around the house. I do think my husband may have had the same reaction as Victor though!

  287. Happy Anniversary Jenny & Victor!

    Yesterday I was sad about Posey and today I am laughing about Sloths, Wallabys and Pocket Hedgies! Thank you SO much for sharing your life with us! My POSSLQ says that he bets that picture of Victor’s face is probably a reflection of how Victor looks on the regular. At least Victor can never claim that his life is dull!

    Kudos on the 1st 16 years and hoping that the next 16 (and all the rest) are amazing, as well!

  288. Marvelous! Happy Anniversary to you both. And thank you for the awesome day-brightener…you rock!!

  289. That is AWESOME!!! Best Anniversary ever!

    Happy Anniversary, Jenny! You rock! (I have officially used all my exclamation points for the entire month of July.)

  290. Best. Blog. Ever! My sweet 16th anniversary is the 6th (Friday), cannot imagine pulling this off but would love to fuck with the Hubster!hehe

  291. Our family lost our cat Joe this week, so when you talked about sloth hugs I wanted one 🙂 Kudos on the prank and the story, I haven’t laughed so hard since Beyonce showed up at the door and I searched Texas for a metal chicken of my own!

  292. Happy Anniversary to you guys,it happens to be our anniversary as well.18 years today.Oh and the birthday of our girls Yellow labs.They are 10 today…Have a great day….

  293. That was way awesome and so much better than when I got a new dog when my hubby went on vacation and then was pissed at me for like 2 weeks!

  294. OMG I never laughed so hard in all my life! Your husband’s face is PRICELESS!

    Girl, you are an amazing woman! Wishing you many many many more HAPPY ANNIVERSARIES!

    Your Anniversary made my day!

  295. One of our local pet stores breeds and sells sloths. They were on Anderson Cooper. Apparently he has a thing for sloths. Amazing prank! Happy Anniversary!

  296. My husband would never do this because he’d know I’d want to keep all the animals and would be heartbroken when they had to leave.

    Happy Anniversary, Jenny and Victor! He might deserve a medal, but I’d argue he’s damn lucky, too!

  297. So much awesomeness in this post I can’t stop smiling…the glee on your face mid sloth hug is happy making but Hailey’s face is the look we would all love to give our kids at least once or hopefully twice in their life. Hilariously done and many more happy anniversaries to come

  298. Oh, love. Just love love love.

    Also, happy anniversary!! So elated you’re able to have a fun day, after the earlier sadness.

  299. hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha.
    that’s really all i can say. awesomeness.

  303. I’m glad I know you well enough know to not only swallow my drink, but put my glass down before I scrolled down to the picture of you holding Jilly. You have the best anniversaries ever! And I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to decide which is my favorite photo of all time, Victor’s befuddlement/horror/shock or Hailey’s pure joy!

    Oh, how I wish I could hug a sloth!

  305. I loved this!!! Although, you have set the bar far too high for me. What began as a semi-joking conversation during our long distance relationship about getting a sloth (and what his or her responsibilities would be during the zombie apocalypse), I decided the perfect Valentine’s Day present for my boyfriend would be to adopt a sloth. I did one of the honorary adopt a sloth programs and he received a picture of his own sloth, who he named Envy, and an adoption certificate. You cannot imagine the shriek that I let out when I saw you holding a sloth for Victor’s anniversary gift. I love you and my boyfriend loves you, too.

  306. This was almost, I say almost ( a millimeter or less ) as good a post as the Beyonce’ affair. You crack me up.

  307. Happy Anniversary! I don’t want to encourage a love affair with the sloth, but you do look radiant in those photos.

  310. Victor should be happy you didn’t get the tarantula and hissing cockroach. As ever, Hailey is adorable. Well done, you.

  311. I share these with my husband, who is somewhat victor-esque in responding about the things you do, and all I can say to him is sloth sloth sloth sloth sloth sloth sloth wallaby. Happy 16th. and many more to come!

  312. I read these things and I think, “She has the BEST ideas!” Then I read them aloud to my husband who mostly wants to know if Victor needs a place to stay because he *totally* sympathizes with Victor and would offer him a safe haven from the crazy if he needed it. Not that there’s less crazy here, just that Victor wouldn’t have to share a room with it.

  316. Damn it, i love you. Almost as much as i love sloths. And there u are, hugging. Oi!

  317. Oh, and my owen wants to hug your victor, cuz he gets it

  321. BEST. MOTHER.FUCKING.ANNIVERSARY. PRESENT.EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

    No Seriously though this is amazing!!! How did you do this? Would they do it for me? Because I need to know.

    ASAP.

    You're amazing though, can I live your life for a day?

  325. Ah, nuts! You messed up. Sloth is 17 years; Llamas are 16. Now what are you going to do next year?!

  332. While reading this I realized I had the same look on my face at Victor does. I do not think another soul could pull that prank off. Happy Anniversary!

  337. Absolutely loved this story, I didn’t think that your could top last years but you have in truly amazing style!! Check my blog out a joshuanaden.blogspot.com

  338. “And it was everything a 16th wedding anniversary should be…At least in this house.”

    Especially when the peeing started, I imagine.

  339. Do you have a house cleaner? or a second home that you just use for pictures? Your place always looks so well kept. Or clutter free. Yes that’s what I got from your story. It was very nice. Happy Anniversary! You have taught me a valuable lesson about sloth pee as well. I thought that keeping wild animals (unless dead and stuffed) seemed like a pretty irresponsible message to send. Much like bunnies and chicks for Easter presents, do not give sloths for anniversaries. What did they think of the hedgehog?

  340. Yet another reason why you are so awesome…and insane, as in ‘insanely awesome.’ Our 22nd anniversary is coming up in a few months and I’m thinking an ocelot for one day would be cool. Sure, it might tear him to shreds but they look so sweet. Hell, just the WORD ‘ocelot’ sounds cool.

    Thanks for inspiring me. I’ll make sure to tell him it was kinda sorta your idea.

  341. I’m completely crying/laughing. I’m visiting my parents who are in the next room and they have to think that I’m raving mad now. Best. Gift. Ever.

  342. I managed to contain myself until you mentioned the hedgehog hidden in your pocket and then I spent the next five minutes cleaning apple and cinnamon oats of the keyboard after I could no longer contain my hysterical laughter. Brilliant way to start the day! Happy Anniversary 🙂

  343. Also, please don’t mistake this for my condoning people to go out and kill and stuff wild animals. That’s not very responsible either. Unless you are hunting for already stuffed vintage ones at a garage sale. That’s ok.

  346. Brilliant! I just came across your book at the library and it was awesome. I have felt in the past that I am too weird to be normal, so it resonated with me in alot of ways. I just HAD to check out your blog. I plan on checking out previous posts as I have the time. This one is great. I have to say your husband has a wonderful sense of humor. Congrats on your 16th Anniversary! P.S. You should SO get bumper stickers into your shop.

  347. Awe-inspiring. I am in awe and oh-so-inspired! You are seriously amazing. Congrats and condolences to you both.

  348. Oh my goodness. At first glance, I didn’t believe Jilly was real. (You photograph an awful lot of taxidermied creatures; it was a fair assumption.) But then I read it, and saw the wallaby, and you have MADE MY DAY!
    Also? Acquiring live hedgehogs is now the top priority in my birthday party planning. (Alice in Wonderland theme. But, in case you’re listening PETA, I promise not to play croquet with them.)

  349. hrmmmm… just read this aloud to my husband. Our anniversary is next Thursday. Hrmmmmmmmmmmmm… Sloths give the best hugs, eh? Must keep that in mind.

  350. I was introduced to your blog last year, by Beyonce (oh, you know what I mean) and I laughed all the way through that post. I laughed all the way through this one, as well. I kept laughing, and thinking, I’ll stop any minute now but I just kept on laughing, and I only stopped laughing when I reached the end. And then I had to go back and look again at the not-baby not-kangaroo and I started right back up.

    Bravo!

  351. love this! Surprised you outdid the giant metal chicken, but leave it to you! Happy Anniversary!

  352. I had a major panic attack this morning, my anxiety is kicking my butt and then I come on here and I LMAO, because you are the best therapy ever. Thank You. And A very Happy, Happy Anniversary to you and Victor.

  353. Not that I would ever, ever, ever wish this for anyone….but should Victor ever meet an untimely demise, please marry me. Even if you’re not really in to girls, cause I am only curious, at best…but I think we would have so much fucking fun. 🙂

  355. this is so fucking cool! Happy Anniversary. Hubby and I just celebrating our 13th!

  357. I am so jealous right now, I can’t stand myself!!! Happy Anniversary!

  358. Sloths look like they were created for the sole purpose to give epic hugs… you both look so happy in that picture.
    This has to be the best prank I’ve ever heard.
    And CONGRATS on sixteen years 🙂

  360. You make me feel positively normal. Which is really saying something. Although if I were abnormal in the wonderful way that you are, I wouldn’t mind being so strange.

  361. I love EVERY DAMN THING about this post. I am SOOOOOO pranking my husband with a fake pet for our next anniversary….

  362. I am filled with amazing Lawsbian Pride!! I can not think of a better anniversary prank…I can’t wait to see what happens next year!

    Happy Anniversary you two! Here is to many more years of pranks, love, commitment and crazy!!

  363. Ishbel and I have been married thirty six years or is 37, I’ve lost count and had some great anniversaries but I now know what I want for the next one, a visiting menageries, mind you we get that when all the grandkids turn up…..

    Love this, Happy Anniversary and here’s to many more

  364. What the fuck, all I got for my anniversary was an iPad!

  365. OMG, I wanna be married to you! Well, not that I’m gay, but if you are, I will switch team for you. ( So far I only offered that to Angelina Jolie)

  368. I AM SO JEALOUS! Sloths are so cool. A house full of unusual animals would be so much fun. Happy anniversary.

  371. I love you! Happy anniversary! Could you please let my hubby know that a sloth or a baby kangaroo would be ideal for our next anniversary?

  375. The picture of Hailey is amazing!! Have an awesome anniversary (as if it could get any better than a sloth).

  376. I just wanted to say that I absolutely loooove the brains that you and Victor have between your ears! You make me feel very human and warm and fuzzy. I grew up on a farm in South Dakota and love animals … I embarrassed my Dad once because when I was awarded the “Blue Ribbon Poultryman of the Year” honor, I told the reporter that I talked to my chickens … when it came out in the Farmer’s Weekly front page, the headline was something like “Boy Talks To Chickens” and Dad’s farmer friends in town razzed him about his son. Ha!

  378. Oh Jenny, you are too awesome!!!!!!! On my way to work today I was listening to your audio book (I’ve already read the paper version twice but I had to have both) and I listened to the “Married on the 4th of July” chapter and I was like, “I totally need to wish Jenny and Victor happy anniversary!” But I work on a ranch riding horses all day and don’t have a smart phone, so I had to wait until I got home and then you had already posted this about your anniversary so everyone remembered and I wasn’t special for remembering your anniversary, but it’s ok because it sounds like it was an AMAZING anniversary anyways. So, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! This is too long and you probably don’t read this far down anyways, but even if you don’t read it, I’m wishing you a happy anniversary 🙂

  380. That was the best blog post I have read EVER. I have laugh tears in my eyes.

  383. Damn! I have to wait 9 more years before I can get a sloth and a wallaby? Shit. I’m sorry that in the first photo my mind went “OMG she got a dead stuffed sloth for Victor, he’s going to have a fucking stroke” – I’m glad that they were alive. Best. Prankaversary. Ever.

  384. ya know, i really didnt think you could top beyonce or copernicus but this might just be the funniest thing you have ever written. well done jenny, well done! happy anniversary to you and victor and yes, that man really does deserve a freaking medal lol.

  385. I have to admit, I reacted like Victor for a second.
    “Oh my God, she DIDN’T!!”
    And then…”that’s kind of fantastic”
    I love that this group helped you with your prank, and happy anniversary!

  388. FYI: I read your metal chicken article (based on your post) in Ladies Home Journal last night and almost crapped my bed…..and there were fresh sheets……I would have been mad at you if I did crap ’em.

    Also, your knockers look great in previous post.

    Kisses,
    Jen

  390. Happy anniversary! Glad to know that anniversary 16 is the anniversary of the sloth.

  392. You guys are absolutely….freaking….awesome. No lie. 🙂 Happy Anniversary.

  393. That picture of Victor?

    PRICELESS. I’m not sure I have ever laughed at anything more than that! His face tells so many stories. So, so many stories.

    His face could write a book. About you. His version. OHMYGODYES! Victor needs to write a book in his version of living with YOU!!

  394. I’m glad that there is someone out there willing to do the things I think of. Happy aniversary!

  395. I LOVE every photo you posted. You look so happy and beautiful. Victor’s face looks just as I imagine every time you talk about him. And you have to love that beautiful joyful child look.
    Happy anniversary.

  396. Well tell Victor to put another shrimp on the barbie and some sloth pee in the billabong because it’s time to party hearty.
    I have to ask, how do you know the sloth was
    , you know, alive, because they move REALLY SLOW and they could have spring loaded arms for hugging.
    It’s like how do you lnow if a possum is dead or just playing possum?
    This is important because if you stuff a live sloth, PETA will be all over you like a bagwana.

  397. OMG this is freaking HILARIOUS. I LOVE that you did this. My husband would shit a ton of bricks if I did this, which is a great reason to do it. I don’t know if we have a Zoomagination around here. They need to franchise, pronto. Happy anniversary!!!

  398. This is the best anniversary present/prank EVER! You’re a genius!

  399. Damn, Now I have to tell my wife that I want sloths and some penguins for our anniversary. Four years on July 15 (and my nieces birthday). Also it’s the last day of the Obon festival in Okinawa Prefecture, Japan where I was born, and Obon celebrates the ancestors of the Japanese and is celebrated by visits to the cemetarieswhere they clean the bones, tidy up the gravesite, and then have a nice little picnic. anyway happy anniversary. watch out for wallaby kicks. cheers!

  400. I had a pet kangaroo when I was little. She was awesome – except she liked to pee on my dad’s face while he was sleeping. I don’t think he liked her very much.

  402. Sing it! Sing it with me! You know, the Flintstone’s anniversary song!
    “Oh, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
    (Mine is on the 28th btw.)
    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

  404. Congrats on your anniversary, and each of those photos of the three of you are priceless!

  405. Absolutely priceless. The look on Victor’s face….holy hell. I laughed SO hard. Thank you. It has been a shitastic day and I needed that. Have a wonderful anniversary!

  407. I am in AWE of your astonishing amazingness! In AWE. (And I also now want a sloth hug, obviously.)

  410. sloths4mentalhealth.tumblr.com there is a silly story behind this but even without it it’s still funny.

  412. Best anniversary gift EVER!!!!! I just wonder after Beyonce and this how would you top it next year?

  413. My boyfriend is currently sitting next to me in tears… of laughter. I am thinking how disappointed would I be to findout they are only on loan. That IS the best anniversary present ever.

  414. I just googled “Sloth Rental Augusta” and it referred me to Phish’s 2012 summer tour. Stupid hippies.

  416. That is incredible! The look on Hailey’s face is adorable, she’ll never forget that day! What a great experience for you all. Excellent mid-hop picture too!
    I too lost my beautiful cat Posy in December. She was 18 and made of awesome. She was quiet and dignified, most unlike her owner. We had to get her put down too. I still can’t believe I got to have her for so long, I’m so grateful.
    And yes, OF COURSE it should be sloth hug. I hope it was as amazing as it looks!

  418. Wallabies are great, except when you are hung over.

    My mother is a zookeeper, and when I was in college I came back to my hometown one weekend without telling my parents. I went out and did what college kids do, got silly drunk with a bunch of friends. I got a ride to my parents house and went in and crashed on their couch. My dad got up at 4:30 in the morning to get ready for work and he let the Wallaby, which my mother was hand-raising, out of its cage. It found me on the couch, passed out, and decided to have a treat and start licking the salt off of my toes. This managed to awaken my from my stupor, but it was dim in the room, and I didn’t expect to find a Wallaby licking my toes(who does?). All I could think as I groggily woke up was that there was a giant rat eating my feet. I screamed, Wallaby freaked, Mom and Dad came running into the room wondering who was screaming at the Wallaby. A fun weekend for all!

  420. At first I was speechless. Then I almost peed my pants first from shock and then from laughter. Now I am just completely jealous of Victor! I want to pet the sloth and the kangaroo. He is so lucky!

  421. Happy Anniversary Jenny & Victor!!

    You have the bestest ideas ev-ar! I plan to steal them and use them on my OH in the near future – of course – it won’t work on him because I usually end up reading your blog to him when he asks why I am laughing (read most of your book to him too).

    ((((Hugs to both of you))))

  422. I’ve never been super patriotic but on this Fourth of July can I just say that we live in the best country on earth, a country where you can pay someone to bring a sloth to your home AND A SMALL KANGAROO (I don’t remember how to spell the real name of what this is and I’m too lazy to scroll all the way up to where you mention it, it starts with a ‘w’).

    America. Fuck yeah.

  423. Jenny!!!!!

    I love your pics – so much joy! – and omg that means I have been reading your blog for a year now, as Beyonce the giant metal chicken was my very first one. Happy Anniversary to you both. May you live as long as you love, and love as long as you live xxx

  425. I can’t get over the shock on Victor’s face. He must have been devastated. Happy anniversary!

  428. I can’t wait until my 16th anniversary! I’m totally printing this one out for my husband.

  429. Yes, he does deserve a medal…..but so do the folks at Zoomagination for making this prank happen!

    Happy anniversary!

    I wonder what the 20 year mark will bring?

  430. so my husband read this today, while in the ICU, 9 days post double-lung transplant. and then he looked at me, terrified…. because he totally knows that some strange animal is going to greet him when he gets home in 4-6 weeks… i have some time to plan!

  431. I want to be in on the development meetings when they make your life a movie. Also, I keep thinking (I know, too soon) about your daughter finding the love of her life and bringing them home to meet you.

    You know, this prank only worked because it’s not outside the realm of reality for you to get a pet sloth. I totally could see you doing that. And they do seem like awesome pets, because once a week peeing is awesome.

    Happy anniversary to you and Victor.

  433. This is definitely the most awesome anniversary present and will obviously become the standard for 16 years. There will be “Traditional,” “Modern,” and “Jenny Motherfucking Awesome.”

    Also, you know Posey was looking down on the exotic circus creating chaos in your house and laughing her ass off.

  434. Considering your absolute reluctance to me helping you adopt a free donkey (aka burro), in fact saving an abandon one, I would have been shocked, shocked if this was for real. Besides costing less, as in FREE, a burro is kind of like a pony (and who doesn’t want a pony) and it can carry things, like groceries. Also great for Christmas manger scenes.

    Also, you should consider a pet goat. Great at trimming those hard to reach places on the lawn, although a wallaby is a close second. But they don’t eat trash like a goat does.

  435. Jenny – If I were single and you were single, I’d marry you just for the anniversary adventures!

  438. Oh. My. God. This is the best thing EVER. I am so jealous of you and your sloth hugging ways. Is it true that sloths have moths that nest in their “fur” (is it fur all over their bodies?)

    p.s. I wish I only peed once a week, I can just imagine all the things I could get done with that extra time.

    Oh and happy anniversary you two! 🙂

  439. Not gonna lie…. it took me half this article to know if that sloth were alive or stuffed. The pee finally convinced me.
    Happy Anniversary!

  440. omg that is probably the most awesome prank EVER. Victor’s reaction was pure gold. Hope you had fun! Happy 16th wedding anniversary! 🙂

  441. I’m thinking, “you got a sloth? Don’t you need a license for that?” and then I saw the wallaby (I knew it was a wallaby because – the feet).
    What a fantastic way to celebrate an anniversary. Happy Anniversary to you and the amazingly patient Victor.

    Also, my 8-y-o son wants to read your book for the swears and Beyonce, the giant chicken. I told him he has to wait till he’s 12.

  442. Awesomely inspirational as I am staring nearly 40 years in the face and the usual dinner/friends surprise is waaay old. I say da man needs a gift kangaroo. Never look a gift sloth in the mouth!

  446. My anniversary is Sunday. I’mp retty sure I’m getting a necklace, and giving a composter. Dear lord, please let one of us show some imagination and give the other a wallaby. Also, Happy Anniversary!

  447. I think I’m comment like 2,324 but I just wanted to say, Victor is EXACTLY like I pictured him to look like. 🙂

  448. I am so glad you got a sloth hug or two to help you with the Posey shaped hole in your heart.

    Also? My first thought when reading this was, “Wow, it’s legal to have a Sloth in your home in TX? They must have some really lax animal control laws.” It never even occurred to me that you’d borrowed/rented them. Well done.

  449. I am so doing a version of this on my husband one day…only it will involve chickens, a pig, and some sheep (by then I hope horses are no longer an issue for him). He is freaked out about the though of us having any livestock and I have begged for chickens.

  450. Sounds totally normal to me!

    It is nice to see you smile, even if Victor wasn’t 🙂

  452. The picture of Victor had me laughing so hard I nearly burst a blood vessel in my eye. Well done, lady.

  453. Ummm. I get unexpected sloths all too often… so…. What exactly do you feed them? I’ve tried just tossing $20 and some Nutrigrain bars at them, but they keep coming back. Granted, they enjoy themselves in the compost pile, but mostly they are a nuisance. If it wasn’t for the fact they are faster then me, it would BE ON. LIKE GODDAMN FUCKING DONKEY ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.

  455. Thank you for providing the brightest moment of my day and the only laughter! Holidays are often a struggle for me, but apparently not as much when they coincide with your wedding anniversary. Happy Marriage to you & Victor.

  456. Happy Anniversary Jenny, I can’t wait to see what you do for April Fools Day! LOL

  458. Even better if you had gotten him SIXTEEN sloths (slothem? sleuth?) and anti-kangaroos and hedgehogs!!!! Just kidding, you are my HERO!!!

  460. What a fantastic anniversary – congratulations to you both. Can you see Hailey explaining to her fiancée in a few years time ” …………and then Mum got Dad a sloth, a wallaby and a hedgehog for their 16th anniversary, and Dad said………………..”! poor guy (or girl) – what he/she has to live up to!

  462. I love you! (Not in a gay way. lol) Loved lasts year’s gift also! You rock!

  464. Sorry but this one blew it for me. This kind of objectification and exploitation of real, wild, exotic animals that do not belong in peoples homes, even temporarily makes me very angry. I will not subject any of you to my usual rant on this topic, just saying you lost much face and rank with this prank. Live animals are not playthings.

  465. Crazy. Love. It! Oh hugs of hugs!
    You are simply beaming with joy!
    And I agree with all the comments about partners being afraid. Be very afraid …
    That means you Christopher.

  466. You are awesome! Victor is a lucky man to get such interesting gifts on your anniversary.

  468. Brilliant and funny! And I don’t blame him a bit for falling for it. Of course, it would have been even more believable had the pets been taxidermied.

  470. Your blog makes me laugh so hard that I pee my pants.
    So I need one of your “It’s not my pee” t-shirts; except I need the “not” crossed out.

  472. OMG! I kept waiting for you to say “haha just kidding, they’re all stuffed” or something, but real is way better! Happy Anniversary!

  473. Fabulous surprises!! Happy 16th anniversary to all of you!!

  477. I don’t comment very often, but this is THE. BEST. DAY. EVER!

  480. Our anniversary is in six days, and you are a tough act to follow. So, I’m gonna just give my husband pictures of what you gave your husband. Get us something awesome again next year, because this makes shopping much easier.

  486. Thanks! I needed a laugh-I had tears in my eyes. I would love to have you as a neighbor too-what a blast! Though they probably wouldn’t/couldn’t deliver a sloth AND a wallaby here in Alaska.

  488. Lookit Hailey in her friggin cute little pink Chanel-like blazer. how cool is this child?

  491. I just about died when I got to the bit about sloths only peeing once per week. Jenny, you are a true original. I salute you and your pranking ways. Happy anniversary.

  492. I think I love you guys!!! The look on Victors face is priceless! And now I want to hug a sloth..she is adorable. Happy Anniversary to you both.

  494. OMG Jenny this is totally your chance to get a picture of Kristen Bell holding a random object! You had a sloth and she loves them. Plus she seems like she is down to earth enough to do it.

    Jilly the sloth does look awfully huggy.

  495. I used to love you, and then you hugged a sloth, and now I kind of hate you. Why have you done this?

  498. LOVED THIS STORY !!!

    You live a wonderful live, even with all the ups and downs. Happy day for you and Victor.

  502. Happy anniversary! My husband is very insistent that Victor needs a support group. I keep trying to tell him that Victor is a willing contributor to the inanity, but he still insists. I think he just wants a support group for himself. And is wondering if he’ll still be able to find a giant metal chicken in five years.

  509. What a great prank. I’,m truly impressed; but at the same time mildly disappointed.
    Our 30th anniversary is in 10 days and I was going to make Doug get me a lemur or perhaps a giraffe.
    I figured if you could do get those for 16 years I could certainly have one of those for 30 long years.

  510. I love you. Thank you for posting this! We had to put our sweet dog Ripley to sleep last Thursday after 12 and a half years together. My husband and I have both been complete wrecks. I’ve just stopped randomly bursting into tears as I walk through the house, which is a lot since I work from home. Our 2 year old doesn’t understand where Ripley is no matter how many times we explain that her body stopped working. Anyway, this is awesome and made me very happy. Losing a pet is terrible, and having a wonderful partner is amazing and helps so much. And, your child’s joy can really help you through it. So, awesome on you. Well done! In summary, you are a punk. I approve.

  511. Just when I thought that your posts couldn’t get any funnier…you go and do this. I seriously think that you need to make a Victor shirt with random sayings underneath because his expression is priceless.

  512. That’s fantastic – I dread to think what will happen for your 17th celebrations, though. Happy Anniversary. 🙂

  513. I love you so, so much. I mean this in an entirely platonic and merry-snorting way.

    I think you should write a Complete Guide to Proper Wedding Anniversary Presents — I mean, you’ve already got two years awesomely defined, eh?

  514. WOW!
    This is the BEST PRESENT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Victor SHOULD be grateful! I mean you made the perfect choice…looking at zoomagination and picturing having a Tarantula or a boa in one’s living room… 🙂

    NO seriously – FUNNY and CUTE and all that

  517. a sloth sounds like a wonderful pet to me – pee and all.
    Wonder how they get along with dogs…

  519. Brilliant! See, you did it right. I got my first husband a man-eating tiger and it didn’t work out half as well for him. For me, it turned out just perfect — I couldn’t stand him — but for him…

  520. I needed the laugh this post provided in the worst way. Thank you so much for what you do!

  524. This is probably one of the best posts I have read over the past year!!! reading and laughing, my BF asked whats so funny……how can you explain???? Love you Jenny, you totally ROCK!

  526. The look on Victor’s face made my day! Happy anniversary!

  527. You are amazing…I first thought the sloth was stuffed…then I realized it wasn’t. Then the wallaby and I thought you’d gone off your rocker…So funny. LOVE Hailey’s expression!

  528. What a great anniversary! I had to think though that you are creating a problem (or a blessing) for your sweet daughter Hailey. She is going to get married thinking that the 16th anniversary is the year to give exotic animals to your husband. Awesome!

    Oh, and Happy Anniversary to you and your wonderfully patient husband!

  530. I’m actually surprised that Victor can still be shocked by now! Isn’t he used to your shenanigans yet?

  532. “NOBODY EXPECTS THE UNEXPECTED SLOTH!!”

    Wow. I want a sloth hug now.

    (Hailey’s face is amazing – you’re the most awesome mom ever!)

  533. Happy Anniversary! So cool, the joke you played on your sweet, long-suffering hubby. So his present was really that all the pets went home at the end of the day? Really love Hailey’s face in that pic!
    So very sorry about Posey. I was time, but that doesn’t make it any easier. 🙁

  534. I. I want a sloth. I really do…

    ANYTHING that has that amount of valleity (excellent word ‘Velleity’ type it in to google for the def. a forgotten word, sadly) anyway… that amount of valleity must be filled with awesome.

    And to pee once a week? Oh that MY wife should give me a pet that pee-ed once a week.

    Re: Wallaby. As an Australian I can vouch for the following. Wallabies are cute as cute can be, but the offset is that they shit EVERYWHERE.

    On balance though, with the lack of sloth pee it kind of evens out.

    Yay for the Zoomagination folk. Epic.

  535. Sorry about your cat. That is sad.

    But Happy Anniversary or should it be ….Happy Slothiversary? or Kanga Anniversary? Not sure. They all sound good.

    ( ps best joke on your husband ever. The look on his face is worth the price of admission)

  536. Please tell me that you’ve seen Kristin Bell on Ellen talking about her obsession with sloths. If not, you need to look that shit up.

  537. I guess when you are a NY Time best selling author you can do shit like this. While the rest of us, might be lucky enough to get a bat in our house on some hot summer night or a squirrel that might wonder in because my wife didn’t close the damn door.

    Oh and Happy Anniversary… 🙂

  538. You must love him an epic amount to have gone through such an effort with this prank! Well done Jenny!

  539. First of all, Happy Anniversary! I think your prank was probably the coolest anniversary prank ever (and quite possibly one of the first I’ve ever heard about), and I must remember it for later 🙂
    Secondly, here is a totally random link to a taxidermied turtle with wings… I found it on etsy and immediately thought of you, and my younger days of Super Mario… http://www.etsy.com/listing/95629217/mario-brothers-koopa-paratroopa-trophy?ref=tre-2720463865-15

  541. Damn. I thought the brakes and new rotors (I think that’s what they’re called) for our 24th anniversary last week were pretty special. Now I realize he should have gotten me a freaking sloth or marsupial. All I know is 25 better be big. Really big.

  543. I LOVE Victor’s speechless face. Pleeeeease tell me that this was genuine, and someone was on hand to capture it in the moment.

  544. Welp, you are amazing and you win life. I *also* squealed with glee when I saw you snuggling a sloth.

  545. this is beyond awesome. now i’m excited for your 17th anniversary and i’ve never even met you.

  546. Reading at work…cannot LOL ….Laughing (silently), turning red and shaking…their gonna think I’m having a Seizure.

  547. I just cried, laughed, and may have almost peed myself! I so pictured me doing this to my husband. Everytime you post a conversation you have with Victor, my husband comments, “God, that’s us. I can’t believe there is someone as crazy as you out there. Someone should warn people, the world is not safe with two of you”. How did you give them back? I would want to keep them, especially the sloth! I need to find one to hug me too! New mission…I do have an anniversary AND a birthday coming up!!!!!!! Hmmmmm
    Diane
    PS ~ Sorry about Posey. I lost my Ramseys’ almost 3 years ago and still get teary.

  548. Wow! Sounds like you had way more fun on your 16th anniversary than I did on mine. Anyway, happy anniversary!

  550. After the “Beyonce” blog, I laughed for days and shared with many…this totally tops that! I was home alone, reading, laughing out loud, crying I was laughing so hard. I laughed when reading, 10 minutes after reading, and all day whenever I thought of it! The joy on your face while holding the sloth and the surprise on your daughter’s face are priceless! Thanks for the laughter!

  551. Hmm, wonder what i can arrange for my folks 50th wedding anniversary later this year!! Now you’ve really got me thinking!! Loved this!!

  552. Okay, I’ve laughed at many of your blog posts, but never this loud, out loud, and for so long. That is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Your husband totally deserves that medal, maybe even a parade with his new pets. Just awesome.

  553. Your creativity, as usual, confirms my unworthiness. Does Victor REALLY still fall for your shenanigans though, after sixteen years??? One would think he’d know better by now… 😉

  554. 1 – THIS WAS NOT A PRANK! How was getting a Sloth, Wallaby, and a Hedgehog a prank? That was the best gift, EVER!
    2 – Please send your SWH deliveryman to the MD as soon as possible. It’s not good to pee only once a week. Convenient, yes, but healthy, not so much. Unless he, too, was a sloth, in which case, nevermind….
    3 – Who pooped on the floor – the Wallaby? Victor? or the SWH deliveryman?
    4 – Why no pictures of the Hedgehog?

    My daughter is leaving for college in a few weeks. You can have her room. Bring the animals.

  555. I’m so jealous! I’ve been needing a sloth hug in my life lately.

  556. AWESOME gift ever!! Hailey’s face is priceless! Just priceless!! What memories you are giving that child! Much love to all of you! Animals in y our Kingdom, included.

  557. A medal indeed. It sounds like you had a great anniversary! And that sloth looks really cute, actually. Why don’t people keep them as pets?

  558. Holy crap! That is just…. freaking AWESOME! Question though, how one earth are you gonna top yourself next year?

  559. According to Hallmark, the traditional 16th anniversary gift is Sloth Pee and a Kung Fu Wallaby. Way to follow the guidelines!

  560. You are twisted – in the best possible way. Happy anniversary.

    P.S. – Sloths are awesome. They always look happy.

  561. And my husband wouldn’t even let me get the miniature Dachshund I wanted!

  568. This is precisely why you have been married for 16 years… Congratulations and well done on the magnificent prankery xx

  570. I’d be amazed if Victor could teach that wallaby kung fu. They have very short attention spans, I hear. Always hopping from one subject to another.

    LOLZ

  571. You give me so much hope. I love it – this is the best anniversary stories I’ve ever read! Keep pranking and please, never stop writing! xoxoxoxo

  572. adding ‘get hug from a sloth’ to my list of things to do before i die.

    happy anniversary jenny and victor!

  573. I’m a little sad the sloth was just a prank. I was doing serious fist pumps for you when I saw the picture. And it’s such a pretty one – not covered in moss like most of them seem to be!

  574. I’ve never read your blogs before, I just happened to this one on suggestion from a Facebook Friend.
    I like your writing style. I liked this story, funny and unexpecting. good stuff.
    I could have done without the WTF’s and curse language, but that’s just because that’s not my style. Still, I’ll have to visit again because the writing was worth it.
    Happy Anniversary Stranger, thanks for sharing.

  575. Lucky for you traditional anniversary gifts stop after year 15 and skip straight to 20, but the non-traditional gift for a 16th wedding anniversary is apparently Silver Holloware. I’m not exactly sure what that is, but I’m thinking you could name either the sloth or the wallaby Silver Holloware and call it a day! The non-traditional anniversary gift for 17 years is furniture, I’d recommend buying Victor a coffin couch because Lord knows that one day he’ll need to lay down and he may never get back up, then you could just close the lid and send him packing, easy peasy!

  576. You are awesome! I would love to have been in your house to see your husbands face and your daughters face – two completely different reactions – the horror and the delight. Well played. j

  577. Happy anniversary to you and Victor! It’s wonderful to see the huge smile on your face in the photos with the sloth. Way to make sure the 16th is an anniversary you’ll never forget. 🙂

  578. This. Is. Amazing. I hope you got some video of you freaking out in a way that would make Kristen Bell jealous! <3 Happy Anniversary!

  579. Okay all my life I’ve been called weird, odd, even certifiably insane (thank you Dr. Smoots), but after this post I bow before you, Jenny Lawson, the Queen of all that is uncomfortably, extravagantly, fetch-my-dart-gun, Bizarre!

  580. If Victor was a Democrat I’d take pity on the guy…but since he is not…a monkey added to that mix would have been nice.

  581. Definitely the best anniversary gift ever. And, knowing you, I believed it there for a moment.
    How will next year stack up?

  582. Happy anniversary! when my partner and I reach 16 years, I’m so copying this. I’m not convinced she’ll handle it as smoothly as Victor but you’ve prepared him well over the years.

    “At least in this house.”

    You’re a modern day Lucy and Ricky. Only better. 🙂

  583. Oh man, I am so jealous!! I have always wanted a pet sloth. They are so addorable and now that I know about the whole pee thing and hugs, I want one even more!

  584. Just when I thought you couldn’t outdo Beyonce, you made me laugh til I cried. Victor doesn’t even know how lucky he is–that was awesome!

  585. I am so impressed! And I was COMPLETELY jealous when I thought you really did have your own personal sloth. Still jealous you got a sloth hug, that is awesome. Great prank-aversary!

  586. BEST ANNIVERSARY PRESENT EVER! If I were still married and had an anniversary, I would definitely do this. …and in fact, I may just do this for myself.

  587. You made me laugh so hard I hurt myself. No, not in the usual place.

    Thank you.

    p.s. I’m so sorry about Posey.

  589. You are awesome! Victor is awesome! So glad you have someone like him! Happy anniversary!
    Anniversary #18 is Monday for us… but, I think if I did this to my hubby, I’d not live to see Anniversary #19. JK
    🙂
    But it’d be funny as hell anyway!

  591. Dude, my 16th anniversary is tomorrow. I was going to bake a cake. Now I feel really lame. I don’t think I could ever compete with your awesomeness. Happy Anniversary!

  592. BEST. PRANK/GIFT. EVER!!!!

    And now I seriously want a Sloth Hug. All day. I want a sloth. Maybe a baby sloth because they’re so damn adorable! And pee once a week? Brilliant! I just know my hubs would love that! I think a sloth hug would be a great 12th wedding anniversary and I have plenty of time (’til January) to get this planned. Thanks for bringing these idea gems to our attention Jenny! You’re the best!

  594. I love the present updates. I hope I can be lucky enough to hit the Giant Metal Chicken & Sloth/Kangaroo/Wallaby years.

  595. So, not only did you pull off an epic prank, but you seek to redefine the standards of anniversary gift-giving?

    This is why you are awesome. You win The Internet.

  596. Dear Jenny. Please post the traditional gift for the 36th anniversary (when you get a minute). I’m looking at that one in less than three weeks.

    Hugs,
    PW

  600. Damn woman! He DOES deserve a medal. I’d have been divorced years ago.

    Also, can you keep sloths as pets in Texas. ‘Cause it’s a no no in New Jersey.

  601. I KNEW IT!! Now I just have to somehow convince Boyfriend to marry me just so I have an excuse to buy a pet sloth sixteen years from now.

  603. Ha! Anniversaries will never be the same! I may consider getting married now.

  605. Judging by the look of utter adoration on your face, I think you should keep the sloth!!

  606. How is it you don’t have your own TV show yet? I mean, this stuff would be absolutely HYSTERICAL on TV!!! A sloth? A kangaroo?! Priceless! Hey, your own Mastercard commercial!

  609. And this is why you are the cherry on top of my life. I’m so happy my friend Pierre sent me the metal chicken blog post. My life has never been happier!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

  611. OMG Victor’s face was bloody priceless! Is that the same face he gave with the Giant Metal Rooster? My goodness woman. My 7th anniversary is coming up and I was just going to do something sweet. But now it just looks like chump work next to this! Back to the drawing board.

  612. oh god DAMN YOU jenny, he’s a god damn lucky man!! i’m so jealous!! i try to desperately convince my husband that a monkey tea party for either my birthday or aniversary is like the most thoughtful bestest present ever. he strongly dissagrees. he’s all “monkeys will eat your face and they throw poop”. so i always tell him “not if you don’t feed them xanax and wine, and if you’re being a shithead the monkey’s smart enough to point that out by throwing poop at you to inform you”. i wish we were best friends. i would buy/ rent/ steal fun presents for you, because i get you. i got a big fat nothing yesterday for my aniversary. nothing says I’ love you this much” like a big ole fat case of nothing. that sloth is awesome.

  613. Holy Crap…this whole post is so full of awesome, I don’t know where to start. All I can say, is you can give me presents any day 🙂

  614. Hahahaha! You’re taking over the world, one anniversary at a time…

    Also, that pic of Hailey is so ridiculously fantastic, it makes my ovaries hurt (in a good “aww that’s so cute” sorta way). 🙂

  615. I’m so not reading this to my beloved! He already wants a sloth LoL I’ve already had to convince him a black cat is “as good” as a panther. 🙂

  616. The thing about that chart that really gets me is the first three years. It’s like, U.S. was all “Paper is clearly ideal to celebrate the first anniversary.” And the U.K. is all “Oy! Fuck off, wanker, cotton is obviously first! Paper comes second!” Then we fought a revolutionary war to settle the differences, which resulted in both sides agreeing that, whatever first and second were, leather – CLEARLY – is ideal for the third anniversary. Since that’s about the time when you need to “spice things up.”

    Happy anniversary AND independence day.

  618. And look! For your 20th anniversary you can expect to receive an entire country! (China)

    That sloth hug looks awesome and the look of pure joy on your face is a thing of beauty.

  619. I am going to NOT show this post to my boyfriend. And then, years later, when we get married, he will be surprised with a zebra and an ocelot.

  620. Didn’t think you could top the metal chicken, but you have. Thanks for making me laugh and snort – people are staring and I don’t care. You’re amazing.

  622. Now this was awesomeness at its best! I bow to you oh great Bloggess! 🙂 Thank you for sharing such a wonderful day! I’m so glad you were able to have such a wonderful mayhem filled day!

    I guess it’s only fair that we share your joys as well as your heartaches! My heart still goes out for you and Poesy. i’m still morning the loss of my 12 year old pug we had to let go of almost three weeks ago. I’m not sure when it will get better or when I will think of her without crying.

  624. I was so very sad reading your last post about Posey…

    …and then this fabulously crazy, feel-good post absolutely filled me with joy and laughter! Happy anniversary, Jenny!

  625. I just had my 15th anniversary and got a crystal vase- where is my metal chicken????!!!!!! WTF. I want a metal chicken. Clearly my husband does not know the correct gift to buy. I might have to trade him in for a sloth.

  626. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The Bloggess taking her rightful place in the annals (not to be confused with anals) of pop culture history!

  628. I am in awe of you. Really and truly. If I tried this, my husband would promptly expire, which would spoil the anniversary IMHO.

  629. Priceless. This post almost made me wish I was married just so I could have so much fun at someone else’s expense, but then I remembered anniversaries meant husbands, and now I’m not longer wishing I was married. I do have kids though, but I don’t think they’d let me give them back so then the prank would be on me.

    Great job!

  630. If there’s anything cuter than a picture of you cuddling with a sloth, then I don’t know what it is.

  631. Hi Jenny! I just wanted to let you know that 1)this post was awesome and funny and I loved it and also that 2)I just nominated Let’s Pretend This Never Happened for an Alex Award, which is chosen each year by the Young Adult Section of the American Library Association for the Ten Books Written for Adults with High Teenager Appeal. I am sadly not on the committee that will actually get to chose the winners, but I do work with teenagers and think it stands a good chance!

  632. So I bought the book and read about Beyonce and said, “holy crap! I want a chicken!” my husband said, “good luck with that,” and forgot it. Until I SAW one on the side of the road and bought it. Today, I read him your 16th anniversary blog. He is very, very afraid.

  634. My 16th anniversary is tomorrow 1996 was a great year :). Maybe I’ll get my husband a sloth too, since Wikipedia says that is gift for 16th anniversaries… BTW I can’t believe it has been a whole year since we were introduced…we owe it all to Beyonce (the metal one, not the real one)! (BTW I laughed so hard at those posts I cried and couldn’t speak to tell my husband why I was crying). So Happy Anniversary to us – thank you for sharing yourself with us!

  635. Just when I thought there was no POSSIBLE way you could top Beyonce, you go and do this. YOU ARE MY FRIGGING HERO!!!
    I want a sloth hug even more than a frozen yogurt topped with gummy bears (which I’ve been longing for, for over a week).
    P.S. Victor’s expression is hilarious.

  636. LOVE!!!! <3 <3 <3 !!! I hope my husband looks up a bloggess gift guide before our next anniversary … what could make a girl happier than her husband's gratefulness that she isn't installing tetanus-inducing-lawn-art???

  640. You are amazing. Everyone should have as much fun as you. Thanks for the smiles and big laughs today. <3

  642. You are so freaking awesome!!! How did you not scream out- “it’s so FLUFFY!!!”

    Is there a “The Bloggess Guide to Gift Giving” that one can buy? Could be your next book!

  643. It’s going to be so expensive next year when you have to buy him the People’s Republic of China.

  644. I should say that bonus points are to be awarded for use of the word “winsome.”

  646. OMG, that is awesome– I thought the giant chicken was awesome but this tops it. Can’t wait to see what you do next year.

  647. HILARIOUS! My husband threatened divorce when I unexpectedly (without asking him first) brought home a Golden Retriever puppy last August. I can only imagine his response if I tried this stunt.

  648. Aw, congratulations Jenny! I loved that you are still having fun like this after 16 years. The picture of Hailey made my day, I can only imagine how fucking excited she was, so fun. I can’t wait to send this post to my 32 yo girlfriend that told me 2 weeks ago that she thought sloths were mythical animals. Love to you always.

  649. Of course! My family has never been one for “traditional” gifts past the second year of marriage, of course until the 15th and 16th year because, let’s face it, those are just AWESOME gifts.

  650. It had been changed back by the time I looked, so I reedited. I have a feeling we’re going to get that article locked so it can’t be edited 😀

  652. That is waaaay better than when I had a hissing cockroach at the Bronx Zoo named after my husband for Valentines Day! Well played indeed!

  653. OMG. Those were some of the cutest animals ever. I am jealous of Victor and Hailey. And sometimes I wonder if you can possibly be a real person because you do the things that other people don’t even dream of doing except in their wildest fantasies (and even then, possibly not). Happy anniversary! I am so glad you all enjoyed yourself so much. I know that one baby sloth hug cannot fill the Posey hole in your heart, but I’m glad that you were still able to take in all this joy and love.

  654. Happy anniversary!

    I could use a sloth hug. Vicious heartache that needs healing 🙁

    This is such an amazing anniversary exchange. I wish I were married to you!

  655. ooo…didn’t mean to sound creepy in that “wish I were married to you” thing. I just was meaning that I really like the way you celebrate things 😛

  656. LOVE it! AND…. it just reinforced this mornings life lesson that I shared with my kids!!!! (Wikipedia should not necessarily be your primary source and always check more than one resource)

  657. This is so totally awesome. We recently celebrated our 22nd anniversary, which we dubbed the Nixon anniversary after I tried to show someeone how long we had been married by holding up my index and middle fingers of both hands in a V sign to make 22.

  658. Re: the update: Here’s how I imagine things will play out in the future. People will drive down the road in our neighborhood and see two (yet to be purchased) very large metal chickens in the front yard, side by side. One will turn to the other and say, “Oh, honey, isn’t that sweet? They’ve been together at least 15 years.” Then the other one will turn to them, grab their hand, look them in the eye and say, “that’ll be us one day.” It’ll be a heart-warming moment. One they’ll cherish until they too get their own pair of giant metal chickens.

  659. Ever since I saw Steven Tyler with his sloth I’ve been promoting the fact that I needed one too. My husband thinks I don’t understand the difference between “need” and “want”. I do understand. Oh, I DO understand and I certainly do NEED one. Everyone needs one, especially now that we know they only pee once a week!! Thank you for the added ammunition for my argument.

  660. Never have I been more jealous of you than I am right now. I’ve always wanted to hug a sloth. My 17th anniversary is coming up and I think your list failed to mention that 17th anniversary = mermaid. Of course NOAA just officially declared that mermaids don’t exist (liars), so I’ll have to settle for a fairy or maybe a Pegasus.

  661. Happy Anniversary! Love the pictures. (I tried to tell my husband that the traditional 6th anniversary gift was an ipad. He did not Buy it – literally or figuratively.)

  663. It’s a shame that a) we’re both already married and b) both straight because I would TOTALLY LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER WITH THIS KIND OF ANNIVERSARY GIFT LIST.

    Victor is a lucky, lucky man, even though he doesn’t realize it. I’m so jealous. My husband always buys me some shit that plugs in and helps with either cooking or cleaning. As if I am happy about THAT. (My anniversary is at the end of the month….I’ll probably get a fucking vacuum.

    Happy anniversary.

  665. The adorable picture of your daughter is worth all of the WTF’s Victor could come up with!

    Happy Anniversary!

  667. This is absolutely adorable, and I love the expression of joy on your face while holding that sloth. That expression seems mandatory when holding a sloth, otherwise YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

    They really only pee once a week? I want one.

    I also showed this to my darling dearest, and he laughed. When we get to our 16th anniversary I’m pretty sure this needs to happen.

  668. The Wikipedia entry is hilarious. You have very industrious fans. And yes, Wikipedia has changed it back already.
    🙂

  671. Jenny, in all seriousness, I love you. Far more than people I even actually know in real life. You are so much fun, I would give anything to be your bud. Plus, I love Victor and Hailey because they’re awesome.

    Happy anniversary!

  672. OMFG! Laughing my ass off here…almost peed my pants! I am at work and not being on task right now!! I am thinking I need to only read your blog at lunch:) This was seriously AWESOME! Thank you for cheering me up on my faux Monday (I realize it is Thursday, but after a day off then back to work…ugh.)!

  674. You set the bar so high for the rest of us, Jenny.

    And now I’m also tittering that I get to give my wife wood for our 5th anniversary this year.

    And because I just said tittering.

  676. Now that you mention it, sloths are perfect pets. They just sleep all day (I assume) and pee only weekly. I’ll take two, please!

  677. You made me freaking cry like a little baby because you are the most AWESOME (in the truest sense of that word) woman on the face of this planet and several others. Even in the midst of heartbreak.
    ….seriously? Only once a week?

  678. That is the most awesome present ever!!! Happy Anniversary! Can’t wait to see what 17 bring!! 🙂

  680. OMFG…..This is amazing. My anniversary was last week and I wish I could have done something like this. Please tell me you kept all of these gnarly pets!!! 🙂

  682. In the middle of me trying to add “legitimate-ish” references to your wiki entry, someone far less fun edited it back.

  686. Apparently you’re going to have to come up with a way to somehow make him the ruler of China for your 17th wedding anniversary! That’s going to take even more planning than procuring a sloth and a baby kangaroo!

  687. My mistake… you have 3 years to figure out how to obtain China. I did not read the list carefully enough!

  688. That’s so awesome. I just don’t really have words! Except that is fantastically awesome!

  691. Yay, our 15th anniversary is coming up, I get a Giant Metal Chicken! She can be friends with our iguana made out of rebar named “Rebar”. We’re not as creative as you, Jenny!

  695. I have a friend who doesn’t get around the internet much. I sent her a copy of the original Beyonce post (which in my mind is the “Knock, knock, motherfucker” post because when I read it I laughed until I cried. I just sent her this one. So, your anniversary posts are now a tradition for others. I think you should have your own holiday.

    Happy Anniversary!

  696. I could not but giggle when I read that the 5th anniversary gift is “Wood”, and it doesn’t describe. My husband will be so excited thinking he does not have to go out and buy me anything, that he’s got the gift covered. Hahahaha!

  697. Happy Banana Mercinary!

    WHAT? You don’t call it that and take pictures of smiley bananas and exchange them??? You guys are TOTALLY missing out.

    The pic of your daughter barely containing her inner OMFG is awesomesauce. THAT is what bananas are for.

  698. This couldn’t have cheered me up more! Going through such a tough time at the moment but you never fail to make me smile. Happy anniversary. P.S is there anyway you could keep the sloth, the cuddles look very therapeutic.

  699. I hear my husband laughing in the office. Then I hear “oh poor Victor”. I know he’s reading your blog.

    I just want to thank you for making me look slightly less weird in my husband’s eyes.

  700. 16th anniversary is childish glee. The truest present of this post is that look on Hailey’s face.

  701. I was having a really crappy morning. My son was cranky, I was running late, the MBTA CLOSED the parking garage I normally use and the next nearest one was inaccessible. I had to go home, drop off the car and restart my commute using the bus for the portion I normally drive. By the time I found myself on the train I was looking at being a good two hours late to work.

    Then I read about pet sloths and a small child finding a kangaroo in her living room.

    And suddenly all was well with the world.

  708. I say with total respect and admiration. You are the craziest mofo on the planet. I totally want to hug a sloth. Happy anniversary, and I’m very sorry about Posey.

  709. Every child should be able to shriek “THERE IS A KANGAROO IN OUR LIVING ROOM,” at least on one occasion.

  713. Sorry about Posey. Pukey and Whiny clearly felt a disturbance in the force. Nice follow up to Beyonce. Now to start planning for next year.

  714. After circulating the story among my friends, the consensus is that you are, without a doubt, the Coolest Mom On The Planet.

    And Victor does indeed deserve a medal.

  715. Oh my god, my first comment on one of your articles but that has to be THE best anniversary gift EVER!

  717. I had to put my cancer riddled cat to sleep a couple of weeks ago so last friday I adopted another cat who turned out to be sick and died on Tuesday. I need the phone number of these zoomagination folks! Sloth hugs sound like just the ticket!

  719. OK, so I doubt you read all these – in between the sloth and wallaby and raising a kid and being an eminently successful writer, who has time?– but I’d like to point out that everyone in the comments is talking about what an awesome memory you made for your daughter (OK, not everyone, because, you know, I work for a living and there are about 3,000 comments here already, who has time to read this stuff?) but all I kept flashing on was the dead squirrel pet from your book, and I know the wallaby wasn’t dead (neither was the sloth, and I assume the hedgehog was alive as well), but I’m just waiting for your daughter’s book, because… damn.

  721. So pleased to find all these creatures weren’t actually stuffed. (Sorry, first thought offence there).
    Adore the effort that went into this. Did you have some meds handy for your husband… he can surely NEVER complain he is bored with you. Funniest thing I have read since….well, since Beyonce.
    ?
    BB

  722. while I think your traditional gifts list is awesome…i am quite worried about the effect you have on my wife…i am sure you have given her some very bad ideas for our next anniversary! oi… but really if you are going to give a pet… what could be better than a sloth? Who does that? double oi…

  724. So I showed my mother this post, and her exact words were “This woman is truly warped… and she reminds me of you.”

  725. The best prank of all would be if you cooked that mother fucker! Sloth Tacos

  727. I just found this blog, but I think we would be totally best friends. And I am so getting my husband a sloth in May. I missed the metal chicken, though I did consider a large metal owl when I was out grocery shopping on my anniversary.

  728. I want to be hugged by a sloth!!!

    I think that picture of your husband needs to be submitted to the OED for placement next to “WTF.”

  729. Okay, this was so funny that when my husband asked why I was laughing like a hyena, I could not stop laughing long enough to tell him. Or to breathe.

  730. This post made me laugh so hard I almost peed myself, and then made me remember a thought I had while reading your book and doing the same thing: Your book needs to have a few pages at the end that are little perforated cards directing people to your website. That way, when I’m reading the book in a public place and laughing so hard I can’t breath, and someone looks at me like I’m crazy and asks me *what* am I reading, I can just hand them a little card. And then continue reading / not breathing. Everyone wins.

  732. Awesome indeed. Everyone should be so lucky to have a spouse like you.

  733. Picture of Victor dumbfounded and speechless – exactly as I imagined he’d look like in this type of situation.

    Knock, Knock Motherfucker indeed.
    Best anniversary gift ever. The gift of unpredictability with an edge of mayhem. Love it.

  736. Ah, but I await with baited breath and overwhelming curiosity as to what Victor got YOU for your anniversary……

    Of course, you set the bar pretty high there. It would sure be hard for him to top this or even come close for that matter.

    I do just want to mention for future reference that bears “give good hug” too.

  737. Hate to say this but you may have to kill Victor before your 20th. I don’t know HOW you are going to get him the entire country of CHINA for your Anniversary.

    Perhaps I should have more faith though. If anyone could do it, it would be you!

    Happy Anniversary hehe. You are awesome 🙂

  738. You are too much! Thank you for the constant laughs (and the giant metal chicken obsession…my husband will never forgive you.)

  741. Well played……………….Remind Victor had he not given you such shit over purchasing towels this might all be a figment of your imagination……………………………..Happy Happy Happy

  743. Jenny! Best. Presents. Ever.. Glad to see that look of joy on your face to help heal your Posey-grief. Does Victor realize how lucky he is? You two are a match made in heaven (where, I suspect, there is absolutely no giant metal chicken shortage. Like, at ALL. but they might be a bit more censored up there. As in, “Knock, Knock, motherfu…..um…. St. Peter”!

  744. That surprise was better than Nathan Fillion with twine! Awesome!

  745. Next time I forget to get my husband an anniversary present (or you know, spend all my money on nail polish so i can’t afford to get him a gift) I’m going to do this. And then I’ll be all Just Kidding! And he’ll be so happy that he won’t even care that I didn’t get him a present.

  749. This is the best way of breaking the news to someone that they are getting socks again this year.

  750. Your husband is possibly the luckiest man in the world. Because of the present you DIDN’T get him. You are made of awesome.

  751. Thanks to this post I was able to correctly guess that a sloth takes 2 weeks to digest its food. That enabled me to win the round of Quizzo at a local bar and get a free drink.

  753. First of all, Happy Anniversary a day late!!! Second, now I want a sloth hug. Are they anything like Sid firm Ice Age? 😉

    Best anniversary story ever. Although the Beyonce story link being sent to me by a friend is how I found you. I’m thankful to my friend Cindy for introducing me to your blog. 😀

  754. Can I just skip over the linen and fruit and go straight to sloths and wallabies? I can get fruit any time. And it gives awful hugs…

  756. well…you did it. You were able to “outdo” Beyonce (the chicken, not the singer). I didn’t think you could (and Beyonce is still my favorite post), but now you’ve spoiled your husband and he’s going to be EXPECTING something to outdo the sloth/baby kangaroo. Given that it’s you, I’m sure he won’t be disappointed! Wishing you happiness for at least 16 more years!

  757. The only reason I’m not sharing this all over Facebook and with everyone I know, is so I can totally claim the WTF factor for our upcoming anniversary….Mooohooohahaha . I LOVE you!

  758. OMG I had to scroll down FOREVER to get to the bottom of the comments so I could leave this one! Anyway, post more photos of the sloth, she’s adorable!!!! Best anniversary gift EVER. Wish I was married to you.

  759. OMG I had to scroll down FOREVER to get to the bottom of the comments so I could leave this one! Anyway, post more photos of the sloth, she’s adorable!!!! Best anniversary gift EVER. Wish I was married to you.

  760. I have to admit that I’m surprised at the photo of Victor. For some reason, I always pictured him as looking like the dad in “Fun Home”.

    Stop looking at me like that.

  761. I just want to make sure you have a correct understanding of the 20th year gift. Otherwise a lot of Asian people are going to be pissed. I’m not sure Victor would know what to do with an entire Communist nation, anyway.

  763. You should have gotten him TOWELS. 😉
    Happy anniversary!

  764. You are an inspiration to us all.

    Seriously.

    Never thought of pulling a prank on my husband like this. But it would be so perfect.

    Also perfect?? The priceless look on your daughter’s face!

    Happy 16th.

  765. You’re right of course. People are hardly ever prepared for unexpected sloths in the house. Freaking brilliant. I can’t wait for my 15th and 16th year wedding anniversaries. I might be receiving a divorce though…

    The End

  766. Dear Victor, just in case you were wondering, we all adore you and secretly wish you were ours. Happy Anniversary to you both!

  767. You totally forgot to mention that the wallaby was apparently named Dezarae. Which just takes the whole experience to another level, in my opinion.

  769. Jenny, it is not nice to make 56-year-old women laugh so hard that they have to do frantic Kegels. Give a a girl some warning, k?

  770. Just finished your book…omg, where have I been…in a pit? Now I’ve found your blog – and I am doomed…or blessed…dunno.
    Pet Sloth! yes, best pet ever, however, I am a knitter and am now seized with the urge to knit a set of leg warmers … perhaps a wee hat… I’ll get over it…

  772. At first glance, I thought you also changed the 8th anniversary to say Booze! My 16th anniversary is coming up, but I don’t think I get a sloth or a wallaby…maybe a hedgehog, though.

  773. Jenny, Now I’m reaaaaaly pissed at you. I was listening to your audio book on my lunch break when I realized how Fucked up you are…. and how we have way too many things in common. So… that must mean I’m fucked up too. Here I went on 35 years of thinking I was clever and perfect and now you made me realize that NO… I’m just crazy bananas… (not that bananas are crazy, they are actually very mellow, and yellow… like safron, like that song… shit… going back to the point…)
    You broke me. And now you made me see that my last anniversary was unproperly celebrated. We had no joeys, no sloths (besides the hubby. It’s ok, he doesn’t read blogs). We just made jokes about my jar collection of animal body parts and had a nice dinner.
    Any warnings for what would be the animal of the year for our 17th??
    In only two hours you broke me twice…. This is way I should be freaking working and not reading your blog.
    Or…. maybe we are both not fucked up…. I think is everyone else with a problem…. there, I can breath again… But I’m still going to be careful around you. If you come up with new revelations I’ll just turn off the monitor….

  774. 1. I feel ridiculous that I only now discovered your blog and Beyonce.
    2. I wish I had half as much creativity as you. My life would be so much more… WILD.
    3. I want a baby kangaroo! And because I grew up with Winnie the Pooh, of course I’d name it Roo. 🙂

    And I’m sorry to hear about Posey. I’d fill the hole in my heart with a cuddly sloth too. And my husband would probably tell me I’m the most awesome person in the world for bringing home a sloth. So now I’m off to find a zoo group in my area that will let me do something like this!

  776. Please tell me you tweeted this link and tagged @IMKristenBell!!!

    Also… would you marry me? Because you seriously give the best anniversary gifts EVER.

  777. Maybe I got divorced because he never gave me a big metal chicken or a baby kangaroo, nevermind I was only married for 9 years so it didn’t apply then.

  778. This is truly amazing. My fiance won’t let me have a dog but he never said anything about a sloth! Done and done!

  779. You should probably share this post with Kristen Bell since she has an insane love for sloths.

  780. This is the first thing that made me laugh uncontrollably in a week. I write this from my little brother’s hospital room. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor last week and has had two brain surgeries since then. He’s only 23. Thank you, thank you for helping me take my mind off of it for a little bit. <3

  783. I didn’t see this until today because my wi-fi was being a big baby, so I only got the updated version.

    As cool as the whole story was, and as amazing as it is that Zoomagination let you do that, the best part is the evidence of your AWESOME, WORLD-CHANGING SUPERPOWERS!! Because Wikipedia is the source of all knowledge for so much of the world, immense numbers of people will now be given giant metal chickens and sloths and baby kangaroos for their anniversaries.

    Sweet.

  784. For our 14th we got a brick. And it isn’t an ivory brick.
    But it is somewhere near the entrance to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, so that’s something. Actually, a pretty cool something.

  786. I imagine Victor with that look on his face pretty much all the time. And that sloth IS the cutest. Gift. EVER!!

  787. Yep the Wikipedia page is back to “normal”, and, likely because of this awesomeness that happened, they put the page into “protected mode”. 🙂

    Happy Anniversary!

  788. Wonderful. Happy Anniversary. You 3 are lucky to have each other.

  789. You’re probably never going to see this because there are 779 comments already, and this is way tl;dr, but Wallabies are WAY COOL.

    My brother lives in Tazmania, and I went to visit him about 3 years ago. We went to a park where there is a top-10-in-the-world beach. You have to either hike 3 miles over a mountain or 7 miles around the mountain or take a boat to get to it; we only made it to the top of the mountain pass and turned back because it was getting late, and people coming the other way said it was covered with jelly fish, but from 1500 feet above, it was stunning.

    Anyway, in the parking lot (the closest place you could drive), my 6-yo niece was eating an apple and handed the core to her mom. She is notorious for devouring every edible bit of a piece of fruit. (For example, most kids eating watermelon stop in the bright red part. Julia cruises right past that, through the pink, and the white bit right down to the hard green rind.) So there was virtually nothing but stem and seeds in this apple core.

    Just then a wallaby hopped up, totally tame, had obviously been working this parking lot for years. It demanded food and people to scratch its head. My sister-in-law handed it the apple core and some granola-head guy said “Another wild animal destroyed.” My brother said after “I have never agreed with someone so much and hated them so much at the same time.” My sister-in-law just got very defensive about the tiny size of the apple core (“It was a Julia core!”, she said) and wanted to hit him.

    The wallaby got its full of petting and hugs from us and wandered off to mooch from other people.

  791. Best anniversary gift ever.

    And best (maybe SECOND best?) husband ever, for being your enabler. In giving you an anniversary to celebrate ths way.

  792. I am on the hunt for a big metal chicken for next fall. In 2013 we will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary and we shall have a big metal chicken! The sloth, though? That is just beyond all I could imagine having for our 16th.

  793. What a great idea!
    Such a joyful, fun way to celebrate!
    I hope it filled in a tiny bit of the Posey shaped hole in your heart.
    Best to you and yours!

  796. Have to add, my husband was called sloth in HS because he could sleep through anything, and everything, and did.

  797. You made my day!!! This is the first time I’ve read your blog, and I must say… I think I love you!!!
    (Not in a creepy way.) Congratulations and happy belated anniversary!!
    You rock, truly!

  800. Sorry for the multiple posts and incorrect spellings. I am currently distracted by the song “Rehab” by Amy Winehouse on I Heart Radio. I have never heard this song before, and think it’s a bit sad, given her situation. Now, I go to bed.

  801. I loved Beyonce, and the sloth/kangaroo gift is awesome as well.

    But to be honest, the thing I noticed most about this post is that it included a current picture of Victor. I think the only pic I’ve seen is from your book where you described going to his mom’s the first time and your were afraid to touch the couch cushions.

    Well, and the wedding picture, of course.

  803. The part that made me physically LOL was Victor’s face. I’m sorry, Victor. You have the patience of a saint. But seriously. I expect anything and everything from the bloggess. You, well. What can I say?

    Happy Anniversary!!!

  804. Hey that was a great wedding anniversary present….but top this, my wedding present was a burning body, no crap. That pretty much started the trend for the next ten years…..I need an editor!

  805. Has it yet been pointed out that your sloth looks like a smaller version of Chewbacca?

    Put your hair in those Princess Leia braids, dress Victor up as Hans Solo and you’ve got Halloween (and a really good greeting card) completely covered.

  806. You are the coolest gift giver EVER, even if they were prank gifts!! Pure genius. I have a long day of work and travel ahead of me, this totally made my day. Oh and I want to hug a sloth, I just can’t imagine how I can arrange that here in the middle of nowhere NY where I live.

  807. That was AWESOME!!! My 16th anniversary is coming up in Sept. Can I borrow your sloth and baby kangaroo?

  808. The best part is that for you this is perfectly plausible and Victor knew it! Please post pictures of the hedgehog if you have any. I miss my daughter’s pet hedgy, Humphry, who absolutely adored her and lived to the ripe old age of 15.

  809. So, um, where exactly does one buy a sloth and/or a wallaby? Or were these merely rented for the prank? And if so, where does one rent them?

  812. Very cute BUT! Can we use correct English? It is no “Mine and Victor’s Anniversary” It is either our anniversary or Victor and my. If we don’t speak and/or write correctly, how can we expect our children to do so? Sorry, but it’s a pet peeve

  813. I am ever grateful that you are a year ahead of us in anniversaries. I now know what to get Pat in September for our 15th and now, apparently, 2013 is taken care of, too!

    You are so helpful!

  815. so I told my hubby how your hubby got a sloth for your anniversary… and he goes “like on the goonies” now that’s a present…

  817. I am approaching my 30th anniversary to a guy who held an emesis basin at my head while the nurse held a bedpan at my ass as I puked and crapped my way through 23.75 hours of labor with our first-born son. Then years of being the uncrazy one to me and four sons — so I nominate him for two medals.
    Your gifts to Victor and the associated glee of your lovely daughter made me laugh until the tears ran down my legs.
    xo

  818. I love the picture of Hailey because of the unreserved joy in her face! Also, all pets should pee once a week.

  819. Dante Gabriel Rossetti had two goals in life that were somewhat contradictory. One was revitalizing Christian art. The other “was to indulge his hedonistic impulses to such an extent that his fellow Victorians would faint.” Rossetti achieved this by—along with other examples of appalling debauchery—”filling his ramshackle house with exotic pets such as kangaroos, armadillos, and wombats.” (via Neatorama)

    Dude—you’re in good company.

  820. #1: I never thought you could top Beyonce..wala, you did!! #2 I never knew you could rent animals by the HOUR…Do they have this in Indiana!? I may have to find out. #3 I don’t believe there is anything cuter then a sloth or a wallaby, but to have them together..wonderful!! #4 Your daughters face (and Victors) are priceless. Neither will ever forget this day. Happy Anniversary!!!

  821. My husband and I will be celebrating 9 years this year. Is it okay if he gets me something from Pottery Barn? Does that count?

  822. What a FABULOUS memory your daughter is going to have! I would have been shittin kittens, as well! The most exotic pet I’ve ever had in my home was a ‘possum. Not as pleasant as a sloth.

  823. Isn’t Sloth one of the seven deadly sins? You gave your husband a deadly sin for your anniversary?

  824. This is the cutest blog I have EVER read – kudos to your adorable and fun loving imagination, as well as the looks on your man – LOLOL. And, of course, your little girl’s glee is priceless. Cheers to your day, as you’ve certainly made mine!

  825. This is why you rock at what you do! I still want you to get a big metal egg though because that shit about “What came first”…made me pee.

  828. Victor’s face in that picture is HILARIOUS! Best. Gift. EVER!!

  829. Holy crap how I have missed you – not because you’ve gone anywhere but because I have – must visit more often! Animal farm insanity wins every time. Of course we have kangaroos hopping down the main street here in Sydney so, ya know, that’s kinda average (haha, just kidding people, really, no roos in the streets, it’s a city, really…). Anyway, ever in awe of your evil brilliance and how cool is Hailey’s reaction! Happy Anniversary Jenny & Victor 🙂

  830. Crap! Our 16th anniversary was on June 22 and I DID NOT get him either a sloth or a wallaby or a hedgehog! I am such a bad wife. Next year, I hope you will post sooner (maybe as a surprise, because it looks like your anniversary is later). Perhaps you should message folks ahead of time and we can all submit pictures of how it went at our houses and compare notes. . . .

  831. I’m so sorry about your darling cat. But anyway, that was an awesome joke to play on Victor! Although I feel I should recommend that wallabies are actually awesome pets – I got to have 2 baby wallabies (until I moved from the area) and they were adorable. Hailey would love one, I’m sure. You should get her one.

  832. OMG! That is the best present ever! 🙂 I now totally want a sloth and / or a wallaby. 🙂

  833. I bet he was just sweating… thinking OMG, we have a Sloth, what the hell am I going to do…

    A Kangaroo (wallaby), awesome. I really must consider that for my kids birthday, she would FREAK.

    Since we are about to hit the 5 year anniversary next year… Maybe I can get her a wooden sloth and/or wallaby.

    Jolly good show!!! lol

  835. I’m gay but would ask you to marry me right now if it weren’t for Victor. (he looks big and could kick my ass) I want you to plan my next event for sure. Hilarious!

  837. I honestly cannot choose which picture I love more…the two of you with the adorable hugging sloth…or the picture of Hailey squealing in delight over the kangaroo in the living room. it’s almost too much SQUEE! for one blog. I’m Squeeing over here!

  839. 1st off – Congrats on your 16th wedding anniversary!!

    In regards to your metal chicken…. I was just in Ada, Oklahoma and I saw a garden shop that had those metal chickens. I asked my girl friend, who I was out there visiting, if she would mail it to me if I bought it…. yeah her husband didn’t think it would be possible. But I never thought I would actually see a big metal chicken like yours…. oh and they had a big metal donkey too. Not sure if you are looking for one of them to keep the chicken company or not, but I can get you the address. lol….

  840. Holy Crap ! This was so funny I think I’m the one who’s going pee ! ! ! ! ! !

  841. Happy Anniversary! Your relationship can now legally drive while illegally texting while driving! YAY

    If you do get an egg, you should name it something like “Indigo Poison Oak”.

  842. I know I am late in the game and I am a relatively new reader BUT OH MY GOD I THINK I LOVE YOU. Happy anniversary.

    I *wish* we had something like this in Australia. Best I can find are those kiddy zoos with the farm animals and as much as I like baby goats… they are nowhere near as cool as sloths.

    You are a champion pranker.

  845. Reminds me of Edward Gorey’s The Doubtful Guest “It came 17 years ago and to this day, it has shown no intention of going away.” Happy Anniversary!

  848. Jenny:

    First of all, your book was fucking hilarious. I peed myself a few times as well as shot snot out of my nose several times while reading it. At one point, my husband asked me what was so funny and as I tried to explain he started laughing as well.

    Next, I vomited a little while looking at the photo of your hugging the sloth not to mention imagining that kangaroo hopping all over your house probably shitting and pissing everwhere. Its running through my mind that you and your family should probably get some sort of bloodwork and/or tetnus shots. But, I have to admit that was a fabulous prank you pulled on poor Victor.

    FYI, I know we would be great friends if you ever met me since we are both so fucking hilarious. I’m not a stalker by the way. Anywho, keep up the funny writings and you should make a mint!!

  849. Your wikipedia edits have disappeared but if you look right now, Deer Sperm is the gift for 10th!

    (Sorry if this is mentioned earlier in comments but I haven’t read through them all)

  850. I just looked at the wikipedia list and Deer Sperm is still at #10. Why do I suspect you had something to do with this?

  851. I soooooooooooooooooooo need a visit from an unexpected sloth!!!!!! How awesome is your 16th 😀

  852. This is the first time that your blog has made me sad (other than sad health issues, but there always seems to be a hopeful aspect to those posts.) How sad and awful for these animals. Please stop exploiting animals for your pleasure. And please stop blogging about it and therefore giving others the idea to do the same. The sloth and the kangaroo would really rather be living in their natural habitats with their own kind. They were terrified to be ripped from where ever they came and to be transported to your living room. How sad.

  853. i think that gift table was made up. you added the sloth part….faker.

    and I now have rediculously high expectations set for our 16th next year….yeah….thanks.

    i’m thinking honey badger.

    however…my wife reads your stuff daily. it brings her peace and it reduces her yelling at me. thank you.

    you realize you have a potty mouth? good christians are shaking their heads at you….in the side to side “you’re a sinner” bad way i mean.

  856. After reading I realized that there are 2 types of people: those who react to your anniversary actions by saying YOU’RE CRAZY and those who will react by saying YOU’RE AWESOME.

    I would love to do this, but I have animal excrement issues that would probably stop me.

    Personally, I think your CRAWSOME.

  857. I’m still laughing! Read this post on my phone while on a road trip w/ friends. It’s a miracle we didn’t wind up in a ditch, we were laughing so hard. Hailey looks completely delighted!

  858. That is absolutely hilarious. For a while I was wondering if a sloth was actually the sort of pet you can have.. and how funky it would be to have one hanging off the curtain rail to freak out visitors…

  860. Wow.
    Never would I ever.
    Wow.
    I thought that I was creative in the sense that I would do something that would knock the socks off of my nonexistant significant other but this, this here, has to take the cake.
    Who thinks of something like this???
    I would FREAK (being as I am not an animal person) if I were to ever see a sloth hanging from someone’s neck. I was actually astonished that this didn’t evoke more of a reaction from your husband, has he grown accustomed to your shenanigans? This is something that I will surely share with others because it is pure genius.

  861. OMG you are HILARIOUS. I have no idea HOW Victor puts up with your brilliance, but he does deserve a medal.

    Luckily you did not get him a clown stripper for your anniversary because that would be traumatizing. LMAO

  863. When my aunt saw this picture, she exclaimed, “that sloth is STRANGLING Jenny!” I tried to reassure her that it was hugging you, but then she explained it was a slow motion strangle.
    So, thank you, for Copernicus, who will forever be the reminder that hugs can end deadly.

  865. That is so great! I’ll take one of each, please. I just sent the link to the post to my boyfriend with the subject: Behold Your Future.

  866. I just found this blog and wish you were my friend!!! I spent 6 hours in April with the sloths at the sanctuary in Costa Rica and it was the happiest day of my life- pure sloth heaven! And yes, they are absolutely the best huggers in the animal kingdom! I envy your family life- what a total nut you are! 🙂

  867. First I was all, where the eff is she getting these damn animals, and then I was all…Ooooh!
    I wish Man Dude would react that well, I think he would just do a grunt/laugh and ignore my huge efforts.
    I don’t know what else to say except…thank you!

  868. I’ts three weeks later and this still makes me laugh so hard I spit milk out my nose. I’ve found you have to be married (or have been married) to truely appreciate the look on Victor’s face. I laughed so hard when I first saw this that I thought BEST. PET. EVER. was the end of the post. I didn’t even know about the wallabe until my bf mentioned strapping the drinks to it’s back.

    Congratulations on 16 years and thanks for the laughs!

  873. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you
    wrote the book in it or something. I think that you
    can do with some pics to drive the message home a little bit, but
    instead of that, this is excellent blog. An excellent read.
    I will certainly be back.

  874. And to think I actually Wikipedia-ed that to double check. I was disappointed when I didn’t find this list mostly because if I ever have a 15th anniversary the ONLY thing I would want would be a metal chicken. Just throwin’ that out there.

  880. This week was my 16th wedding anniversary and this awesome post was my anniversary present. You and your family’s expressions are priceless. I got a much needed laugh. Thanks

  881. OMG and I thought “knock, knock, motherfucker” was the top of the iceberg.
    And I was so wrong (wiping tears of laughter away).
    You’ve surely set standards for wedding anniversary surprises and I’ll have to think
    hard for the next three years to come up with something similar for our 16th anniversary.
    And also a tribute to your husband, he’s a tough one (well he has no choice, has he).

  882. So I just googled, “what to get my husband for 16 year anniversary” and THIS is what came up. LOL. Okay would LOVE to do this… but well, its been done, so i guess I can’t 😉 (whew… cause not sure I could really pull it off).

  883. This is spectacular!!!! Are you available to hire for birthday pranks? 😛 That Wallaby is so cute! I got to cuddle wallaroo (Kangroo/wallaby hybrid) Once, they cuddle like puppies!

  884. I’m so glad to read your post on getting your husband a sloth and a kangaroo for your 16th anniversary. I gave my husband pictures of miniature donkeys in his birthday card – you should have seen his face when he opened the card and I told him that was what I was getting him for his birthday. And I keep threatening to give him a baby goat for his next birthday. His response is always: “Debra, no more animals!”

  885. I’m jealous! I want a sloth hug SO MUCH. Why does something like this not exist in Chicago? I NEED A SLOTH. ALSO A FENNEC FOX. AND A RED PANDA.

  886. I just pulled up this old post because it has sparked a serious sloth-fest in a facebook running group I belong to. I started it by posting a sloth pic as one of my profile photos and some people then commented. And now, because we are runners, we have taken it way to far and everything is all about the sloth. And I blame this post. Because this post makes me laugh til I pee every time I read it. So i share in the insanity because I’m giving like that. I felt the need to tell you that you started a sloth epidemic in a running group. And also, you’re my anniversary gift hero.

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