One does not simply walk into Mordor and see an angry vagina.

in Random Crap

What it’s like being friends with non-geeky girls:

Friend: Why did you just send me a picture of an angry vagina?

me:  I didn’t.  I sent you a picture of a kick-ass cake.

friend:  No.  It was a hat.  With an angry vagina on it.

me:  It’s a cake with the Eye of Sauron on it.

(via Geekosystem.com)

quickly-becoming-not-my-friend:  The what of what?

me:  The giant, flaming eye.  From Lord of the Rings?

friend:  Really?  Looks like a vagina hat to me.

me:  Great.  Now all I can see is an irritated vagina.  You’re goddam contagious.

Friend:  Angry.  The damn thing is furious.  And why is it surrounded by Arabic?

me:  That’s Elvish.

Friend:  Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends.

me:  Sometimes I wonder the same thing.

369 thoughts on “One does not simply walk into Mordor and see an angry vagina.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. I get that from some of my friends too. Here, it is great. I walk among my people.

  5. Really? Because…I mean I can see someone not having read the books, but with how monstrously successful the movies were (hence the reason we’re getting the hobbit) I am astounded that she didn’t know what the Eye of Sauron was. has she been living under a rock?

  6. Or you could be looking head-on at a penis with an Arabic cockring. But maybe that says more me than I should admit. (OR IT DOESN’T)

  10. Note to self: now you have a good reason to watch Lord of the Rings.

    ANGRY VAGINA EYES FOR ALL.

  11. I thought vagina, too, till I say the funky lettering. Way cool job done on the lettering. I approve! Now go dive into that black hole vagina, girl!

  13. Oh God now all I see is an angry vagina.

    Is it wrong that I want to watch LotR now?

  17. Jeepers! 4:55am? It’s 10am here.
    Jennifer Lawson – get yourself to bed!

  18. When I first saw The Fellowship, and saw the Eye of Sauron, I about fell over laughing at the flaming vagina. I didn’t even realize that it was supposed to be the damned Eye until it was on screen for the third time, just kept wondering what a freaking flaming vagina had to do with anything. Yeah, sometimes I’m Captain Oblivious.

  21. Dude…being an L&D nurse and married to a dork, I have to say I can see both 🙂 And trust me, I have seen some seriously angry vaginas in my day.

  26. Now, every time I see a dragon eye, I will think, “Man, why does that dragon have an angry vagina?”

    Not OK.

  31. The only thing that would have made this better if they tried to build the tower under it.

    That’s XXX Mordor sex cake right there.

  32. Dude…being an L&D nurse and married to a dork, I have to say I can see both 🙂 And trust me, I have seen some angry vaginas in my day.

  33. vagina cakes! this could be a whole new line for the poor broke hostess peeps. The mini version will soon fill lunchboxes across the land. Let’s not talk about the fillings, k?

  34. Just asked my boyfriend what he thought it looked like. He answered correctly so I said “not an angry vagina then?” His response after peering a little closer “no, it would be more toothy”

  37. This is what my vagina feels like at this very moment thanks to the baby growing inside who insists on using my cervix for a trampoline! I will never be able to unsee this!

  39. “Friend” is not the only one to think so; see “Honest Trailers” for Lord of the Rings at 0:22. This is worth watching anyway, apart from the coincidence:

  43. I KNEW there was no way a ring could rule them all. A vagina on the other hand…

  45. years ago, while seeing the third movie my friend’s boyfriend leaned over that the very important hill scene when Sam is helping Frodo and whispered huskily in my ear… “Oh Mr. Frodo, won’t you be the Lord of MY ring”

    It ruined everything. And now it will ruin it for you.

    You’re welcome.

  46. Cannot be unseen now. The eye of Sauron is now going to be forever known as a big angry vagina.

    I mean I’m not a total LOTR geek, I’ve seen the movies, read the first book, but still knew it was from LOTR. I mean at one point wasn’t there a commercial for one of the movies that featured the eye?

  47. What does Elvis have to do with it? The writing is Elvish? Is this some kind of secret code from Graceland?

  49. Well crap on a cracker. Sauron has a coochie for an eye. No wonder he’s such a grouch. Can you imagine? He’s probably got orks poking him in the eye all damn day.

  51. Here is my question: What is her reference point? I mean, who’s vagina looks like that when angry???? I mean, my vagina can RAGE, but I have never seen it manifest that many shades of colors. IF that was a vagina (and I am kinda on the side of no) then I would call it less ‘angry vagina’ and more ‘leprosy vagina’.

  52. Omg …

    Whether it’s the Eye of Sauron or an angry vagina hat, I am so hungry and would love a giant piece of that cake.
    It looks so good, lol.

    Happy-whatever-occasion-called-upon-the creation-of-that-awesomely-awesome-cake!

  53. My coworker see me laughing as I’m reading this post.
    Coworker: What’s so funny?
    Me: Are you familiar with The Bloggess?
    CW: Kind of
    Me: Are you familiar with Lord of the Rings?
    CW: yes
    I show her the picture and tells her that your friend says it looks like an angry vagina, She dies laughing and understands why I could contain my laughter. And also understand whyI I asked the 1st two questions HAHA!

  54. That TOTALLY looks like an angry vagina with Arabic around it. I can see it and people are right… It can’t be unseen. Kind of like that one thing from KFC where the Colonel has a huge head and a tiny body. I’m still scarred by that.

  55. Funny, I also saw a vagina hat surrounded by Arabic before the LOTR came to mind.

  57. Come on. We all know that there’s no such thing as an un-angry vagina, so she’s kind of right to see that. I think she’s probably a better friend, because she’s obviously on the lookout for angry vaginas, therefore she’s able to warn you before you walk into one on the street, or in your backyard, if they often frequent BBQs and such.

  60. if it were a hat with an angry vagina on it, where would you wear it?
    an angry gynecologist convention?

  62. OMG!
    I can never watch LoTR again and not see an angry vagina.

    Its like when EDI in Mass Effect 2 was ruined for me when a friend said she looked like a digital vagina. (EDI was voiced by Tricia Helfer who played Cylon 6 in Battlestar Galactica).

  65. The one, true fire-crotch.

    In the land of Whore-dor, where the shadows lie….One vag to rule them all, one vag to find them, one vag to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.

    Gives the Led Zepplin Mordor thing new meaning (In the darkest depths of Mordor, I met a girl so fair…)

    (I am seriously a nerd and I am not ashamed)

  66. It is my birthday and this is *the* best birthday cake EVAH! Bwahahahahahah! Imma make my husband go buy me one since he hasn’t gotten around to that yet.

  69. If you’re taking applications to replace that “friend,” and I use that word loosely- and I use the word “loosely” in a comment about vagina cake- I would like to submit a friendsume… that’s like a resume to be your friend (I put the ish in English). We would get along famously. Except that I’d NEVER want to be famous. And you totally already are.

  71. When I explained to my friend what bothered my six-year-old self about sock monkeys (the red part on their tuchus being horizontal and what did that even mean?), she said, “I’ll never be able to look at Sauron the same way again.” And that made it all okay.

  73. while, I have never seen an angry vagina, I have to disagree with Jess. leprosy, I thought was more of a white flakey condition. coconut would be a better decoration for leprosy. I would say this vagina looks rabid or on fire?

  75. I never thought I’d say this, but perhaps your mind is not enough in the gutter…..
    (I see angry vagina, too)
    (or what I imagine the Big Bang looked like)

  77. “Vagina hat” is my new favorite phrase. It sounds a bit like a mashup of Canadian prairie towns–“Regina” meets “Medicine Hat” in the ultimate battle of angry gynecology.

  81. Yeah, it’s a vagina alright. I know. I have one hanging on my wall at home: a painting of a screaming-red bell pepper cut in half. And it looks just like a vagina. So we hung it in our kids room.

  84. Wow… out of breath! I’d show this to the people I’m house/dog-sitting for if they ask what the hell I’m laughing about hysterically, but they just won’t get it.

  87. When my wife and I saw Lord of the Rings, she asked what the flaming twot was doing over the mountain and what did a flaming twot have to do with hobbits? Now I can’t look at furry hobbits without wondering why and how they pissed off the flaming twot… dammit!

  89. The fact that she would question getting sent an angry vagina by you would be the first red flag of friendship.

    Your other friends accept cats getting sucked in your vagina without comment. Just sayin’.

  91. No wonder Sauron was such a party pooper. That looks itchy! The Fellowship could have saved a lot of time and many lives with a tube of topical cream.

  92. OK, I must have lost my geek mojo. I totally saw a volcano and thought this was supposed to be Mount Doom.

  93. I was also wondering about the writing on the side of the vagina… 🙂 of course I have seen LoR but still didn’t even remember the eye… I am such a bad fan, or a pervert, either one.

  94. I would wonder about a friend that didn’t know about THE EYE OF SAURON! I’m not sure if they could stay my friend. They would have to have some really excellent other qualities and/or benefits. (though in her defense, Angry Vagina Hat is an awesome description of the cake and would make a most excellent band name.)

  95. I really should not read here when I’ve got a baby sleeping behind me. Ssshhhh! Cranky baby is not amused by Eye of Sauron Cake or Angry Vagina Hat.

  101. I gotta know, what flavor was it….please be red velvet…please be red velvet….

  105. So, basically Sauron was so cranky because he had “vagina eye,” eh?

    I dunno. Sounds a lot better than pink eye…and I never heard of anyone setting loose the Ringwraiths and unleashing the Uruk-hai over a little conjunctivitis.

  106. peeing my pants! Only you. Now that’s all I can see is angry vagina. And ask WHY it’s so angry.

  111. well, if you need any friends who get the geeky stuff, I am available….and it does sorta look like an anatomically incorrect angry inflamed vagina…maybe it’s mad because it doesn’t have a clitoris.
    I’d be totally pissed too.

  113. That can’t be unseen, but I don’t think LotR has been ruined for me. If I ever watch them again with friends, I’m just going to get weird looks when I start laughing uncontrollably.

  116. If that was my vagina, I’d be getting a penicillin shot or something. Maybe it’s the result of a bad wax job. Anyway, I’m having a hard time getting that picture out of my mind. I think I need a long soak in a bubble bath …

  118. To her point, though, had Sauron been female, I’ll bet her vagina would have been very angry all the time. Because, think about it: Mordor and lava and all that crap nearby all the time. The environment would have been hot and moist and yeasty, full of Uruk’hais in the making…infections would NEVER GO AWAY!
    So perhaps the Eye of Sauron is just a larger representation of the infectious and violent nature of all of Mordor and the potential vagina that could have lived there.
    But to have that on a hat? That’s just lame.
    If you feel you’ll soon have an opening in your friend roster, I’d like to apply for the position. In fact, you should probably post the application here on your blog because I’m rather sure many people will want to apply. And that would make Sauron’s vagina happy.

  120. Technically… if that’s the inscription from the ring it’s The Black Speech… and Elvish is Tengwar… but the cake is awesome!

    (Leah. Please be my friend. ~ Jenny)

  121. I love all your friends here. I always leave here feeling so much better then when I got here.

  122. Isn’t the vagina angry because it’s noisy and sucked up HST into it? If I were a vagina and noisy, I’d be angry; add having a ginger kitten inside with its sharp claws and I’d be furious.

  124. I’ve always thought the Eye of Sauron looks like an angry vagina. I thought it was a statement. Or just unfortunate.. And I’m a totally LoTR fan/nerd.

  126. I’m not alone!

    I’ve been calling it the Flaming Vulva of Sauron ever since I saw the first movie and had no idea why there was this great flaming vulva in the sky.

    (Andrew is strangely resistant to this interpretation)

    I feel vindicated now.

    Catherine, who does *not* have a dirty mind, but honestly, I can’t see anything else in that image, and certainly not an eye.

  132. One Cake to rile them all, One Cake to spurn them,
    One Cake to bring them all and in your vagina burn them

  133. You had me at ‘angry vagina’
    of course, I may never be able to watch Lord of the Rings quite the same way again.

  136. Ahhh…Lord of the Rings has an angry vagina…NOW I have a truly GREAT way to mortify my household of teenage boys when they torture me with the LOTR marathon. BREW HA HA!!!! Well done, Jenny.

  137. I’m going to show this to my husband the next time we’re arguing and yell “You have made her angry!” and see if he laughs or walks out of the house. It takes a lot to make him walk out of the house, but this at just the right moment might finally make it happen *fingers crossed* haha

  138. The script is elvish, but the language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter in this place.

  142. OMG, that is just too fucking funny.

    kudos to whomever it was that said it would be a good name name. off to recruit musical teenagers. . .

  143. That looked like dangerously inflamed vocal folds to me. Does this mean im growing up since i can relate to what im learning? Ew.

  144. Dear Jenny,

    I have to ask…
    How good does that Angry Vagina Eye of Sauron Cake taste?

    My Guess: -> However Good It Damn Well Pleases.

    …and one Angry Vagina Sauron Eye Cake to rule them all…

    -Tony

  146. The secret behind how Sauron dominated the Kings of Men has been revealed!

    Oh, and also my wife and I were walking through Howe Caverns years back. When we got back, we were looking through photos and noticed that one looked a bit X-Rated. Yes, there’s a big vagina cave in Howe Caverns. For some reason, they don’t point it out on the tour, though. I chalk that up to bad tour guide training. (In case you want to see it, my wife blogged the photo years back: http://www.theangelforever.com/2007/07/anatomy-of-a-cave/ )

  148. CONFESSION: I know I said it LOOKED like a vagina cake and it so does, but also, I’ve never even seen the LOTR and actually have no interest in it. Just sayin’

  149. This is what comes of not requiring Elvish to be taught in schools.

    I think we need a petition.

  152. The elvish gave it away. Your friend needs to get out more.

    Uh, does that make me total LoTR nerd?

  153. My nephew had this on his Facebook page and I thought it was a va-jay-jay too. He corrected me and said … “it’s the eye of Sauron … get with it please.”

  156. RE: 120- though the language IS the Black Speech, the script or characters used to write it are Tengwar, or elvish. The Black Speech was a language created by Sauron for the use of his servants but he did not create an accompanying writing system, instead using what was already available to him. Stopping before the geek takes over completely now.

  157. My husband wanted to have “One ring to bind them” put on our wedding rings. I told him the Black Speech of Mordor was not going on my wedding ring.

    We compromised and have “May all stars shine upon your path” in Elvish. Yup. Geeky.

    Despite my geekiness, I’ve still always seen FLAMING VAGINA every time the Eye of Sauron shows up on screen.

    Of course, I’m also a pervert, so that might be why.

  158. Once the suggestion is made it really can’t be unseen. It’s an angry vagina. That’s what it is now. That’s what it always will be.

  160. Welcome to my life. My friend thought “Frugal” was the name of a LOTR character. And anytime I mention Nathon Fillion everyone’s all “Oh, Castle” and I’m like “No Bitch, Cap’n Reynolds”. I feel bad for people who have no awesome in their lives.

  161. The post was awesome! The comments are really good too! There could be a whole blog section of just the comments people leave. Really funny!
    Thanks fort the laughs.

  166. How in the world could she think that that was an angry vagina hat? I’m not the biggest fan of the Lord of the Rings and even I know that that is the giant flaming eye!

    Related: When my husband took me to watch the movie, I was one of two girls in the entire movie theater. Now that’s commitment!

  167. So let me see if I get this right from the movie…. Every time Frodo ‘put a ring on it’, he looked straight into an angry flaming vagina? Doesn’t speak highly of Tolkien’s view of marriage!

  173. laughing like hell over here…so I brought just the picture up on my screen and called out to my son, about 6 feet behind me on the couch to look at the cool cake…he said “looks like a vagina”. Mind you, we’re both big LOtR fans…too funny 🙂

  174. Because nothing says “happy birthday” like having the Eye of Sauron on you, except for possibly a flaming vagina? Seriously, either one would be a rather disturbing birthday greeting.

  175. Hahahahahaha. This was awesome. I love the other comments as much as the post. Freaking awesome! I will never be able to look at the eye of Sauron again.

  177. 156, Jessica, I was totally going to mention that.

    It’s an odd bit of synchronicity, I’m way Lord-of-the-Ring-ing right now. I just got the Lego LotR video game, which made me need to reread the books, and guessing that I’ll be watching the movies again when I’m done. Huh. Go us, Jenny.

    (I love that I’m being corrected by a bunch of girls. No sarcasm at all. The fact that there are so many chick-geeks out there gives me hope for humanity. ~ Jenny)

  179. Totally getting this cake for my birthday, going to a restaurant and insisting they slice and serve to me.

  180. Tolkien geek heaven and an odd version of the vagina monologues…can it get any better..I am laughing so hard its turned into a cackle…..

  183. I’m sure there’s 50-thousand offers to take that sorry-lame-not-worthy-ass-bitch’s place… But… PICK!ME!PICK!ME!!!!

    I mean, if there’s an opening…. I’d be willing to serve.

    I give like that.

    (blessing bow)

  184. Don’t worry, we and our far-too-extensive knowledge of LOTR will rule the world eventually. Or at least the interwebz. Really they’re the same thing.

  185. I was just talking with my fiancé about angry vaginas — you know, like you do — and said, “Oh, that reminds me, I have to show you a post when we get home. It’s by that woman who wrote the really funny book about dead squirrels.”

  186. Also. “Lord-of-the-Ring-ing” = my new favorite verb. I will do my best to use it in an email at work tomorrow.

  188. And here The Lord of The Rings bored me to tears (when my husband made me sit through all the movies while sick with the flu), but this brings a new meaning to it for me, lol!!

  192. I just showed this to my dad and he thought it was an infected vagina at first too.

  194. It could be worse! Here in my state in Australia, one of the local councils has a logo that looks like a vag: http://www.boroondara.vic.gov.au/

    How is it that not one person on the design team noticed it? Or did they notice it but not know how to bring it up? “I might be wrong here, but I am just a bit concerned that the logo looks like a graphical representation of a woman’s genitals. Anyone else? Or is that just me?”

  195. That actually looks like an eye hat to me. I don’t really see the cake thing and I’m choosing not to see the vagina thing. Its an eye hat cake.

  196. Think how awkward it would have been if a friend sent you a similar looking photo and you’re all:

    You: “Oh, wow, an Eye of Sauron cake!”
    Them: “Um. What?”
    You: “The Eye of Sauron! From Lord of the Rings?”
    Them: “Um, NO. That’s a pro-feminist statement hat. We’re all wearing them at next week’s Angry Vagina Rally.”
    You: “Then why’d you put Elvish on the side? Are there going to be angry Elves marching with you? If so, I’m IN.”
    Them: “NO, that’s not ELVISH. That’s a decorative chain of oppression that we’ll break through the power of the Furious Sisterhood of Vaginas Working Towards Equality and Betterment.”

    See? It could have been worse.

  198. Showed my hubby the post…he informed me that he had thought about getting a tattoo on his ankle of the Eye of Sauron. He has a small scar above his ankle and that would be the center. But now he can’t do that because who wants an angry vagina tattoo?

  199. I am laughing so hard that I’m crying….too bad we can’t ‘ like’ other comments too…some of y’all are just too hilarious 😀

  202. My question is why do you see this as a vagina? It’s not like I see mine on a regular basis. I’m not that flexible. Or have I missed some critical part of personal hygiene…

  203. I feel exactly like this with most of my girl friends (and guy friends to be honest!). I fucking love that cake!

  205. Earlier today, I had an email conversation with a friend of mine about pig intestines. I don’t know why anyone would bother having normal friends.

  206. Yeah its totally an angry vagina. Guess that means I am abnormal, sarcastic gasp. Which reminds me, hubby shot my holiday/ mutual bday party cake idea down. But I have to share the awesomeness of my idea in cyberspace. Kitty gritty cake. White cake with white frosting but that has black icing mixed in so it is gray, topped with those huge sugar granules for litter like texture, and almond rocas on top. Awesome scale? 1,000!

  208. So this is where the cat ended up after hiking in the closet? Is the angry vagina related somehow to the noisy vagina? I’m having trouble keeping all the vaginas straight. I’m very tired.

  210. I’m a Lord of the Rings geek with a husband who knows literally NOTHING about LOTR. So the Eye of Sauron cake became my Rorschach test for him. First glance: “a flower.” (He’s artistic…maybe he meant “flower” in the Georgia O’Keefe sense). Second look: “a butt hole.” So, vagina or anus, Sauron will now give me the giggles. Thanks a lot, non-geeks!

  212. Note to self; Don’t read blogposts until AFTER second cup of coffee
    First, Angry Vagina cakes and then comment # 198 Vaginas with road rash @_@ Imma go hide under bed…would vodka in the coffee be okay at 7am?

  215. At first I didn’t think it looked like a vagina because it has no clitoris but then my sister pointed out that maybe that was why it was angry.

  216. Ha ha….yes comparisons between the two have been made forever….cos Tolkien was scared of lady bits. Which explains why there are so many hairy dwarves…

  218. I’ve always thought it looked like a vagina, from the first time I saw it (the eye of Sauron I mean, not the cake).. I thought there was some deeper meaning to that, maybe Freud could have made something out of it.

  228. First, that cake is super awesome!! That took some talent and it’s awesome! Second, yeah, you gotta let people go when they see an angry vagina instead of the Eye of Sauron. Wow. Just, wow.

  230. J’ai montré mon chef d’oeuvre aux grandes personnes et je leur ai demandé si mon dessin leur faisait peur.
    Elles m’ont répondu: “Pourquoi un chapeau ferait-il peur?”
    Mon dessin ne représentait pas un chapeau. Il représentait un serpent boa qui digérait un éléphant.

    – Saint-Exupéry, “Le Petit Prince”

    Some people.

  233. I sent this to you last night on Twitter.

    http://t.co/WWzoSDdr

    I took this while sitting at The Cheesecake Factory 2 weeks ago to show my daughter who is crazy about LOTR. I was, all, “Look, honey…it’s the Eye of Sauron at the Cheesecake Factory.”

    But after reading this post, I see that I was simply surrounded by vagina mood lighting.

  234. This reminds me of the time I made the mistake of asking my daughter why a restaurant was named The Pink Taco. She let me figure out for myself what the name was slang for, and I don’t think I could EVER eat there.

  235. Well, just try to imagine that it explains a few things. I mean, if you were essentially a kind of demi-god and got reduced to spending a couple eons as the incarnation of a vaginal yeast infection, you’d be pretty pissed off, too.

    I’ve got no comforting explanation for your choice in non-geeky friends, though. I’m sure you had a reason.

  236. Thank you for that. I’m laughing out loud in the car dealer/service center waiting room getting odd looks.

  237. I’ve never read the books and I’ve never seen the movies but my first thought when I saw the photo was ‘DAAANNNGGGG this bitch made a raging vagina cake! We could so be best friends in real life.’

  238. Well, I was going to tell you it’s the Black Speech, but it looks like a few other people beat me to it. Awesome cake, though!

  239. @Ellie Di #6

    Not just a penis, but a 3D penis (in b4 “comin’ at ya!”).

    As if there’s anything worse (or more demanding of attention) than an angry vagina. Or, for that matter, a noisy hiking one.

  242. That would be perfect to have at one of the V-Day Performances…especially for the Angry Vagina skit!!

  245. I’ve decoded the text around the cake… It says:

    ‘Be sure to drink your Ovaltine’

  247. OMG. I think I just peed myself from laughing so hard. That is EXACTLY what talking to my bff is like. And yes, even with how successful the films are – she has never seen the movies. She’s never even seen STAR WARS. I simply cannot imagine. lolol

  248. This is crazy but my friend and I had almost the exact same conversation yesterday! This was our conversation (I’m the non geeky friend):
    me: so i just logged into your blog
    and the first picture that popped up totally looked like a vagina
    haha
    friend: bahahahaha
    its the eye of sauron
    lord of the rings
    I’ve never thought of that before
    but now I will never be able to not think of it
    me: haha! sorry

    blog post i was referring to:
    http://iliketodocraftythings.blogspot.com/2013/01/time-to-get-creative.html

    apologies from a non-geek! PS: This is the first time I am commenting on the blog but I read it all the time and I LOVED your book!

  249. I can’t decide whether your friend is awesome or awful… I mean, who wouldn’t recognize Sauron? Idiots, that’s who.

  250. I’m impressed that I knew EXACTLY what it was the minute that you wrote ‘mordor’ in the title.
    Besides, I’m betting if there were any vaginas, irritated or angry or otherwise, in Mordor, Gandalf would have totally combed the knots out of his beard and Frodo might have shaved his feet.

  252. As soon as I saw the photo, I knew it was the eye of mordor. A split second later, I thought, but it also looks like a vajayjay. A real funky vajayjay….. LOVE IT! LOVE YOU! Good stuff.

  254. That’s okay. I see boobs when I look at most light fixtures. My husband thinks I have issues; I think he’s just not admitting that he sees them too.

  255. I would have to agree with the vagina comment… it looks like something out of an STD slide show in high school! 😉

  256. Of course it’s the Eye of Sauron!
    Hubby & I almost named our dog Frodo, because his tail curls up so you can always see his butthole, therefore it looks like he’s always being followed by the Eye of Sauron. We resisted though and went with the much more dignified name of Dogasaurus Rex.

  257. That is one kick ass cake!! I love cake but I really dont know that I would be able to eat that. I think I would have to just freeze it and look at it. But seriously, I dont know that I could be friends with someone who thought that looked like an angry vagina.

  261. Man! Now all I see is an angry vagina. If you had taken the picture at a 90 degree angle difference, I probably wouldn’t see the vagina and I would totally see they eye of Sauron. Except that now all I see is an angry vagina. It’s a vicious circle.

  262. See, I’ve read all the LOTR books and all I see is an angry vagina, too. A really inflamed, angry vagina.

  263. I love your blog, and I love the comments on your blog. But now I want cake and I don’t care what’s on top of it!

  264. When I first saw the cake I was cool…Eye of Sauron. Nice Elvish to boot. But after reading your post all I see is an angry vagina. I’m a lesbian and now that cake scares me, lol.

  265. Great, now whenever I watch LOTR, all I’ll think about is angry vaginas. And I’ll probably crave cake too.

  266. Today I had to set up a verbal password to my bank to confirm my identity in the future, the word I gave them was boring but I think if given the opportunity again I’d pick “Vagina” as my password because nobody is ever going to guess that’s the word I picked and I figure if fraudsters actually managed to figure it out & say it to the bank all the power to them for going that extra mile!

  270. so i am gonna guess you may have gotten this comment before but here goes. you used the word vagina to much. i went online at my public library the other day and their filter wouldn’t let me look at your blog. i was all what the heck? and had to go find the librarian cuz that had never happend to be at the library before, being blocked by a filter. so now all the librarians think i was looking at porn or something. thanks! 🙂

  271. But admit it, you’d totally eat a slice of that angry vagina cake. I would because, hell, it’s CAKE! I don’t really care what it looks like. ‘Course looking at it like that brings a whole new meaning to a moment on the lips. *snicker*

  275. Many people with vaginas have been angry with me, but I have never seen an angry vagina.

  277. The vagina of power, my precioussssssss…. Which makes me wonder if Sauron was a woman. It would explain many things in male-dominated Middle Earth

  280. So…I want to know what happens when you eat the Eye of Sauron. Seems risky, but I really like cake!

  281. “The Angry Vagina now turns to Gondor, the last free kingdom of men.”

    “The Angry Vagina forged in secret, a master (nuva)ring, to control all others.”

  282. Ditch her. Anyone who hasn’t heard of Sauron isn’t worth knowing.

    At the risk of being serious…

    I think reading ‘Vagina Dentata’ or similar into the Eye is actually fair enough! For a start most eyes are horizontal, Sauron’s is vertical. Jackson’s films have a history of themes, whether intentiional or not, to do with dealing with female power, particularly that of the Mother.

    As you were…

  283. OMG – what an introduction – my ribs hurt! I had just gotten an email – The Daily Dose from Powells.com – touting the book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir. The description was sufficiently interesting (and Neil Gaiman’s positive comment so compelling) that I figured I’d better investigate further. Before hunting down the book I figured I’d start here. As soon as the picture appeared I was hooked – I mean who wouldn’t love an Eye of Sauron cake, right? Then I started reading… still giggling, both at the blog entry and the comments. I think I may have just found a new place to while away the insomniac hours 😉

  284. My husband and I threw a Valentine’s Day shindig last year and asked people to bring food inspired by love. A friend made a dark chocolate cast of her vagina and put it on top of a chocolate cake. Unforgettable!

  289. That is a LOT of work for a cake. But then again I’m one of those people who would subsist entirely on microwaved vegetables and fruit if left to my own devices. SO lazy.

  291. I’m a new reader and just started reading your blog. OMG, that’s hysterical. I can totally see why your friend thought that. LOLOLOL…

  292. My beau said “that’s really handy for that bakery that already has a cake mold for the angry vagina, they can start making Eye of Sauron cakes too!”

  294. Life is too short to hang out with the LOTR uninitiated.
    Funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Thanks for that.

  295. Be prepared for a plethora of random…

    1) that gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “fire crotch”

    2) I’d be evil too if I was a flaming ugly ladyhole

    3) I bet the vag eye of Sauron has at least 7 STD’s from the looks of it

    4) Does Sauron’s bossy-ness and overall bad mood stem from PMS?

  296. I dunno Jenny that’s EXACTLY what my vagina looked like after my vulvectomy and radiation. Could not be more accurate. I’d give your friend another chance.

  297. Have you seen the thebrainscoop on YouTube? I think you would love it! Lots of taxidermy animals. Although I don’t know if it was all ethical.

  299. This is the national cake of New Zealand.

    The image is on our flag and the $100 bill.

    Kudos to your hat-cake maker.

    Few people know that Sauron was an angry girl.

  300. Clearly it’s a “pocket vagina”. It’s bulkier than the ones normally on sale in groceries. But this specific one, you use it the same way Mickey Mouse handled the ship rudder wheel in that famous, old cartoon, sure you’ve seen it at least once.

  301. True story. I just showed this to my BF and he said “it’s a cake with a vagina on it”.
    Thankfully he knows what the eye of Sauron is.

  303. LMMFAO, I did see the Eye of Sauron at first, now all I see is an angry vagina. Thanks for that. lol

  305. the elvish writing is SO impressive.

    But I am now considering why the Eye of Sauron looks like an angry vagina.
    there should be a really good feminist story behind that.

  308. My husband’s birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I want to get that cake for him so badly!! How awesome is that cake??

  310. Okay, I would have recognized that for what it was. But the angry vagina hat, surrounded by Arabic, is really just a whole lot funnier.

  311. And now, I shall never be able to watch Lord Of The Rings again.
    That’s a lie.
    Legolas is beautiful.

  313. hey Jenny,
    this is totally random but I know you can relate to that and it is horrible/funny/sad at the same time. I miss the nice/cranky lady who died and always signed from Mary the ACCOUNTANT or LIBRARIAN. Please don’t think I am crazier than I am, you know who I mean, right? Anybody? Love, Laurie F.

  314. I thought it was a scary dinosaur eye like in Jurassic Park. I bet there’s a market for angry vagina pastry. It’s like a get well cake for STDs. Or, a “ha ha, I gave you the clap” cake that you can send to your ex. Either or.

  315. That would explain SO MUCH about Sauron. Life is obviously tough for a transgendered ruler of Mordor.

  319. Just I started to read this post, my husband looked over my shoulder and instantly said “Is that an Eye of Sauron cake?” Classic.

  320. Maybe what you’ve got here is an eye AND a vagina! … but then you could have seen that one coming…

  321. So…I definitely can’t unsee the vagina thing.
    However, I knew what it was right away when I first saw it. I love LOTR and definitely want this cake…and to learn elvish.
    The whole thing is just funny though; I’ve had a similar conversation with a friend on LOTR things.

  322. This officially means LOTR is the second most intellectually stimulating porno I’ve ever watched…

    Turns out the Norwegian porn industry is very informative; it’s like Sesame Street, with genitalia!

  324. We suspect that may have something to do with Burmese Pythons, not Sauron.

    It’s the last thing you see before the python inhales its last girly bite.

    Which is why you should never go into the Everglades to catch pythons.

    Duh.

  325. Actual conversation, verbatim, with no prompting:
    J: Hey Sean, what do you see?
    S: (with screwed up face, possibly because he is trying to watch TV and I am totally annoying him, or possibly because he has “age related vision changes”, aka “he got old man eyes” and he cannot clearly see the computer screen from where he’s sitting) “It’s Sauron’s Eye. Why? What am I supposed to see?” (With the confidence of someone that is ALWAYS right:) “It could be a vagina, but it’s the Eye of Sauron.”

  326. Oh, no, the Lord of The Rings will never be the same again…
    But, I have to say that the cake is pretty awesome! And, yes, I must be in the geek category because all I saw was the Eye of Sauron until I read the rest of the post!

  327. My 9 year old knew exactly what it was and is now begging me to make one for his birthday!

  330. oh my god. i don’t think i’ll be able to eat cake for a while. that’s a good thing though. i need to lose weight. what do you say when you cut that cake anyway? “who wants the slit?”

  334. Maybe the Eye of Sauron was an angry vagina all along? It would explain the rage against all men, grudge-holding destructiveness all because it’s crabby and can’t fucking find it’s fucking favorite ring.

  335. I just asked my hubby, who is an expert on LOTR, vaginas, and cakes, to identify this, and he IMMEDIATELY said “It’s a Lord of the Rings cake with the Eye of Sauron on it. Can I have a piece?” I am assuming he meant a piece of the cake.

  337. When someone gives me a cake I just say : Thank you. There is always time after you leave to say, What the fuck?

  338. Ok, someone needs to make the ‘angry-vagina-with-Arabic-writing’ hat. Fuck, I’d wear it. They’d be all like, “huh, that looks a bit like the eye of sauron on a cake” and I’d be like, *no* it’s my angry vagina hat.

    do want.

  343. I think if my vagina looked like that I’d be hot-footing it to the gynaecologist!!

  347. I dunno. I think you’re a kick-ass cake decorator, and if I lived closer I’d definitely hire you. We have several birthdays coming up in March. Not sure an angry vag would work for the kids’ parties, but it might for my brother-in-law’s.

  351. Damn you Ellie Di, now I have to go looking for a cockring with arabic writing on it!

  353. Now I need to go watch Lord of the Rings again! I always saw an eye because I knew it was supposed to be an eye. Now I might think it is an angry vagina.

  354. Dear God! I needed this today! I was feeling blue & stumbled upon this treasure & now I feel I can scrape myself off the couch & make something of what is left of today!
    Thanks for the hilarious post!

  355. Hmmmmmm… just about _every_ body part looks like a vagina if you stare at it long enough from the right angle. Eye. Ear. Mouth. Bellybutton. Armpit. Knee…. Eye of Sauron indeed

  357. My 8 year old just saw this photo and said “Awesome Lord of the Rings cake, did you make that, momma?”

    Unfortunately, my eyeballs only see a brightly painted, very angry vagina. In the vagina’s defense, she’s looking pretty hot. Must not have given birth.

  358. Okay, when I first saw this picture on Pinterest, ALL I saw was the Eye of Sauron… Now all I can see is a furious vagina!!!…

    The one vag to rule them all!

  361. And now I will never be able to look at LOTR the same again!

    Thank you The Bloggess’ Friend!

    *throws hands in the air angrily*

  362. Thanks, now the eye of Sauron will always make me giggle like the 12 year old I am. And I’m going to have to explain that to my husband, with the English degree…who study Tolkien…this is wrought with peril.

  363. I, um…I kinda didn’t know what that was either. I totally saw a hat with an angry vagina.

    And then later the day I saw this, a friend of mine shared a picture of the same exact cake. I have two options here…pretend I actually know what this is, now that it has been clarified for me…or act like a total child.

    I commented with the link to this post…

  364. My sister ruined every giant peach water tower I’ll ever see as well as the fruit itself. You see, in Clanton, AL, there’s an enormous water tower that is a giant peach. I always thought it was just so nifty…loved eating peaches…then we drove by it one day and Mikki says, “Wow…that’s got to be the biggest vagina I have ever seen” now I can’t even bring myself to eat the fruit…it cannot be unseen, I feel your pain…lol. I’d attach a picture of it, but it won’t allow me…so here’s a link to the best pic I could find online…umm…enjoy?http://blog.al.com/goforth/2007/02/peach_water_tower_clanton_alab.html

  365. In fairness to your friend, you sending someone an angry vagina does seem entirely plausible.

  366. I can completely understand. This type of conversation usually takes place between me and my younger, hipper sister. Thankfully I have enough geeky friends to balance out the ungeeky people I am related to 🙂

  367. I am a labor and delivery nurse in school to be a Midwife AND a Lord of the Rings fan so this post was completely written about my life! LOVE IT!

  368. I was trying to decide if it was Eye of Sauron or an Elder Scrolls Oblivion gate. Vagina never occured even though today I had a coil fitted and it probably should have 😉

    *geek high-five*

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading