BUY MY BIRDFEEDERS

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Random Crap

On March 4th the paperback version of my book comes out.  It’s cheaper than the hardback and it has an extra chapter – which seems sort of unfair to those of you who bought the hardback – but on the plus side, you can buy the paperback, read the extra chapter (and the book club questions) and then give it to your fucked-up friend who probably needs it, or just leave it on the plane for the next unsuspecting passenger.

EVERYONE WINS.

The book comes out in a few weeks and you can order it now at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BooksAMillion, Target, IndieBound and more.

As I understand it, the new chapter is only in the American (checking on Canada now) paperback version so far but as a thank-you to everyone who has read the book or who plans on buying the paperback (THANK YOU!) I’m randomly giving away a bunch of Bloggess Geek-a-Week trading cards signed by me that you can use as bookmarks.  Just leave a comment and I’ll contact you if you win.

Also, in case you missed it, I’m going back on tour.  Last time I was on tour I got a brain in a jar and someone left a kitten on my table and we all had to be really quiet so that we wouldn’t wake it up (the kitten…not the brain).  Also, I gave a reading to several people in the Costco parking lot.  It was pretty glamorous.  You should come.  Seriously.  Please.  Don’t make me do this alone.

The Tour So Far:

March 5 ~ Paramus, NJ Barnes & Noble, 7pm

March 6 ~ NYC, Upper West Side Barnes & Noble, 7pm

March 7 ~ Chicago, Anderson’s Bookshop, 7pm

March 8 ~ St. Louis, MO, Left Banks Books “Drink Out”, 7pm

March 18 ~ Louisville, KY Barnes & Noble, 7pm

March 19 ~ Dayton, OH Books & Co., 7pm

March 20 ~ Cincinnati, OH Joseph-Beth Booksellers, 7pm

March 21 ~ Kansas City, MO, Rainy Day Books, 7pm

April 1 ~ San Francisco, CA, Books Inc. (in the Marina), 7pm

April 2 ~ Danville, CA Rakestraw, 7pm

April 3 ~ San Jose, CA Barnes & Noble, 7pm

April 4 ~ Phoenix, AZ Barnes & Noble, 7pm

PS.  Thank you.  Seriously.  Thank you to every single one of you who supported the book, told others about it, bought it for friends, asked for it at your library, shoplifted it, etc.  Because of your support the book has been made available around the world and I’m still getting emails from people whose lives were changed when they realized they weren’t alone in thinking they were a strange misfit.  None of this would have happened without you.  Thank you.

UPDATED:  15 winners have been notified, but I’ll be bringing a big stack of these cards with me on tour to give out as long as they last.  Please come see me?

1,073 thoughts on “BUY MY BIRDFEEDERS”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. YAY Paperback! I like the idea of leaving it for an unsuspecting…i mean the next person on the plane or train.

  9. There is this little place called Europe….can u be kind and come for a tour here?
    Got your book and you got at least 3 fans here.

  10. I saw you on your “hardcover” tour in NJ. (With Rosie O’Donnell) I would love a bookmark!

  12. Best bookmark ever. I’ve already re-purchased the paperback so that I can meet you in person at your signing. Yay!

  13. Geek-a-Week trading cards!!!!

    I still need to send one of the previous cards to my friend in AK, so she can get it signed for me by Marian Call herself.

    Did I mention I really really want one, even if maybe I already have this whole set already?

    Please

  16. I am just so excited you are coming to Cincinnati!!! I have the book on Kindle but will of course be buying the paperback version (extra chapter? Hells yeah!!)

    The only question left is what sort of odd thing can I give to you when you’re here…

  17. I’ve started telling people that I’m you, since you’re never anywhere near me when you are touring. So we’ve never been seen together, I’m the Clark Kent to your Superman.

  18. Yesssssss bookmark cards!! I bought my book way back when and have a signed bookplate, so these would add to my creepy Bloggess shrine.

  19. Jenny! Congrats on the paperback! I bought the hardback 🙁 (JK!) Much luck and have fun (?) at your readings!

  20. I loved it! I read it on my Kindle and laughed so hard before going to sleep the bed would shake and my husband would eye me suspiciously. When I would try to explain what was so funny, it never translated quite right. Finally, he got around to it and then I was the one annoyed by the bed jiggling. Bet you never thought of your book as a bed jiggler! Thanks for your honest and funny writing. I see myself reading it again down the road and discovering new things that I can connect to.

  21. I hope it is in the Canadian edition! And I wish you would come on tour to Canada. You should come to Saskatoon. We are the fastest growing city in Canada and Marilyn Manson puked and collapsed here. We’re special.

  22. I’ve read the book and got others to read the book. Will even try to make it to one of your signings as I have reserved the paperback immediately upon knowing it will be released.

  24. I bought the hardcover because I wanted an in-person one, but also bought the Kindle because sometimes I’m too lazy to hold open a book.
    And sometimes because I needed a free hand to stop the pee from coming out.

  25. I still haven’t gotten to read your book. A friend bought it for me for Christmas, but when she mailed it, it was stolen out of the mail. So I await the opportunity to read it. Maybe now that it’s coming out paperback I can eventually afford it.

  28. Oh and PS, I am totally buying the paperback, even though I already own it the hardcover and the Kindle version, because I am a book hoarder.

  31. I would love to win because I’ve always had card envy of my husband, whose mother never threw out any of his stuff. He still has his baseball cards. I’d love to win your cards, because I’d feel as awesome as he does then. 😉

  32. Most definitely going to get the new book. Probably going to read the chapter, then leave it in a public bathroom for the enjoyment of others. Probably a target bathroom, because im afraid walmarts a bit too illiterate.

    Also, you need to come to utah. I promise you wont go home a sister wife, unless youre into stuff like that.

  33. Oo! Please may I win because my Wnglish husband is convinced I’m you in disguise in London, and since I can’t get your new paperback here (hardback copy nearly destroyed with love already) I think these cards to let me read your book again whole I wait patiently for the UK to catch up is more than fair. Pleeeaasse?! Smooches!

  35. You should make the extra chapter available as a mini e-book 🙂 I’d totally buy that shit!

  37. Would love a bookmark. Already have it on hardback, ordered it on paperback for the Kansas City signing.

  38. I just finished your book last night. Had to stay up till 1 am because there was just no good stopping point. Wish you could come up to Canada for your book tour, I’d love to meet you.

  40. Having your trading cards would help make up for the fact that my mom got rid of the Star Wars trading cards I had when I was a kid. I had a paper bag full of them in the garage! (And I ate all the gum even though it was disgusting.)

  41. okay, now I need to buy the paperback…or maybe like 6 copies…just so I can leave them in random places!

  42. The only way this book gets better is if you are the bookmark. PICK MY NAME!!! 🙂 I would love this. As much as I love you, even. xoxo

  43. Never laughed so hard reading a book… EVER! Of course then I felt guilty over laughing so hard reading a book. I even recommended your book to friends and I almost never do that. Congrats on your success. I know by being so open and honest about your life you have helped countless people through theirs.

  44. Damn you marketing type ppls for adding something new to the paperback! *giggles*

    I <3 your card so hard! My Sonic hair dryer…

    Also I give what's the birdfeeder? I could only think of rat race and the squirrel lady… I don't know why.

  45. I will definitely have to buy the paperback, too, ’cause NEW CHAPTER! BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS! WOO!!!!

  46. Miffed once again that somehow New Zealand has been omitted from your book tour itinerary. Something we said?

  47. I am so looking forward to this. You, through both the blog and the book, have made me feel like a misfit who actually belongs. My family isn’t all that pleased with the new found interest on odd taxidermy though. (Did you know AMC has a show on competitive taxidermy? I’ve got to check it out.)

  48. I could use your trading card as a bookmark for my Bible. Because you’re just like Mother Teresa, only better.

  50. I might be that asshole who just reads the extra chapter in the bookstore. Ok, probably not. #probably

  52. You’re kidding me! Those cards are awesome!!

    By the way, I love the idea of leaving one somewhere for someone to find. Since I’m getting two new ones (I’m attending two book signings…) I may consider doing that. Or maybe I’ll give to someone I know. I don’t know. I have to think about it first.

  53. My iPod on shuffle at a recent dinner party belting out your request for a Harry Potter lightning bolt scar on your v-jay-jay sandwiched between some Les Mis and some Barry Manilow? Priceless.

  54. My iPod on shuffle at a recent dinner party belting out your request for a Harry Potter lightning bolt scar on your v-jay-jay sandwiched between some Les Mis and some Barry Manilow? Priceless.

  56. Winning would sorta start to make up for the fact that your book tour brought you nowhere near Dayton, OH. Sorta.

  59. I’ve already bought your book 3 times in hardback. What’s one more in paperback for the extra chapter? 🙂

  61. I paid two dollars for the first edition of your book; okay, technically I checked it out from the library and just racked up a bunch of overdue fines, the profits of which I’m assuming you never saw, so I’ll have to make up for it by buying the paperback now. (My bookshelves have become hardback-intolerant.)

  62. I feel as if the Birdfeeders reference is some elaborate joke or play on words.. and I’m completely not in the know. I even Googled it, and all I got was a whole bunch of “keep squirrels out of your birdfeeders’ articles… Which got me thinking: Why do we choose to feed birds and not squirrels? Who came up with this idea? Are the squirrels not hungry in the winter as well? What did the squirrels ever do to us?

    (Ha! It’s a really obscure reference to a Sifl & Olly episode. ~ Jenny)

  63. I need geek cards in my life! I NEED THEM! So please notify me as to whomever wins them (if it is not me), and I shall promptly go and steal them.. or you could ya know.. just give them to me and cut out the middle man? That’d be appreciated. 🙂

  64. It is really awesome that your book has been made available around the world. That’s quite an accomplishment. I’m probably going to buy the book… now. Or. One of these days. I’m going to buy it. Soon.

  66. I re-read your book anytime I need a laugh or reminder that no matter how crappy things are, they’re still funny as hell too. I’ve always been a misfit in my own mind, but never cared. Because I’m also a ROCKSTAR. Just like you, and just like everyone else.

  68. I need to buy the paperback, so I have a book I can let my sisters and family borrow. Hubby and I are still re-reading random chapters from the hardcover edition. It’s the kind of book you just don’t tire off 😀
    If you send those cards all the way across the big pond, I hope to win one 🙂 *crossing fingers like crazy*

  70. In here for the Geek-a-Week trading cards! Loved your book – recommend it to every book club that asks for recs. Because- we owe it to ourselves to read the book!

  71. My husband is just going to LOVE that I’m buying this book for the…5th time, lol. Oh well, he’ll get over it just like the 3rd metal chicken I brought home…

  73. I love the hard cover book, you signed it for me last year when you were in MA. thank you! My friends family and husband tell me I’m like you when I’m not taking my ADHD medication 🙂 Can’t wait to read the new chapter!

  78. Hmmm.

    I’ll buy the paperback, but I’m annoyed with Anderson’s in Naperville (aka the “Chicago” signing).

    I already have the hardcover and don’t want another copy. It’s even signed! And they don’t have the paperback for sale yet, so I can’t get a ticket to the reading. Wtf.

    Apparently I can come and listen, but not say hi.

    I may be approaching you in the parking lot to have you sign my paperback copy (once I get it). You’ve met me twice already (big red dress at Chicago public library in July), so that won’t be totally awkward, right?

    (Find me in the parking lot. Not a problem. `Jenny)

  79. I LOVE the book, and actually may have to get the paperback just for the extra chapter (and because then I’ll have a copy that I’m willing to let friends borrow).

    I also got the Geek a Week cards – If I win a signed card, I’ll send you my unsigned card so you can send another one out!

  80. I get all excited every time I go into my local book store in South Africa and see your books, I’m the weird chick trying to get a decent photo of them.

  81. Awesome! I bought the audio because I drive A Lot..and the I read the extra chapter from the hardcover at the book store …but I planning on buying the ebook so I can see all of the pics! Will it have the new chapter or should I just get the print version??

  84. If this is a repeat comment, I’m not really trying to stack the deck (HA, pun sort of intended) so that I win one of your trading cards but I wasn’t sure if my last comment posted and my computer is running really slow so it’s hard to see if I have a comment already so, to be on the safe side….

    I would really love your trading card! I bought your book on Nook but the pictures were really hard to see so I’m glad I have a reason to buy it twice! You’re awesome… hope to see you in Phoenix.

  85. I read parts of the book to my mom while she’s cooking….it’s how we “bond.” Except she ends up laughing so hard that flour ends up everywhere. The paperback will be perfect for her to read when she drinks her wine, but then I’m afraid the book will end up looking like the weapon used in blunt force trauma.

  86. I have hardcover version with your signature when you came to Portland Powells, kindle version, bought few for my parents and friends, and would love to have your softcover also. Pick me.. pick mee ….

  87. Oh…..pick me! pick me!
    I’m buying the paperback version and can’t wait to read it all over again……mainly to quiet down the new voice in my head…..she’s pissed she wasn’t around when I read it the first time……..

  88. There’s no way I’d hide one of those trading cards in a closed book! I’d display it prominently in my office! 🙂

  89. Was hoping you’d hit up an area close to home… No ATX or SA! I’m in SM, so I’d have tried to hit either one!

  90. My husband just asked me why it is that I have 3 copies of the book and the audio version and now need the paperback version. I told him because… he should go f’ himself. It’s so hard to keep these people in line.

  91. OMG! Trading cards!?!?

    I saw you in Annapolis, MD (also loved your renaming of MD for Neil Patrick Harris, thank you) and you made my year!

  92. Adding any more tour dates? I’d gladly come hear you scream ‘i have DIARRHEA’ again.

    That’d never get old.

  93. If my mom can’t find my hardback copy, she’s going to insist on buying me a new copy. I think I’m going to insist that she buy the paperback so I can have the extra chapter!! Then I can go to St. Louis and get you to sign it! Double win!! 😀

  94. No, silly. None of this would have happened without YOU. And, um, if we take a picture with our hardback, or we live in Canada (as some of us might be soon), will you send us a PDF of the last chapter? I don’t want to have to shop lift again!! 🙂

  96. I just bought my second copy of your book, and will be buying a third when the paperback comes out. Even if only for the extra chapter. Your hilarious honesty in both your book and your blog help me get through my tough times with a little smile. My grandmother is in ICU as we speak and this is one of the hardest weeks, but I am finding comfort in re-reading about Beyoncé.

    Thank you.

  99. I much prefer paperback to hardback, easier to tote around and easier to read in any position!

  100. I’m pretty sure I NEED the trading cards. And I have my fingers crossed that you add more tour dates, particularly near me!

  101. Yay for paperback, hopefully you will make it out to Florida so that I can get both of my copies signed. (I bought it for myself for Mother’s Day last year and someone else bought it for me for my birthday.)

  102. You know, I checked out your book from the library because I have a cheapskate living in my head saying “HOW DARE YOU SPEND MONEY ON THINGS!!!!!” (Hi, Mom!) and now I’m glad because I can buy this copy guilt free and with a free chapter on top 🙂

    Your book IS amazing, and I remember reading it in a hotel on vacation and being glad I was in another city because I alternated sobbing my eyes out and laughing with clearly psychotic glee.

  107. I hope I’m the next lucky person that gets on the plane and find a copy of your paperback in my little seat pocket next to my barf bag.

  109. Wow, those trading cards are awesome! Please sign me up for the drawing! How many times can I repost this?

    Also, I see that I am going to have to buy the paperback as well, darn it! Will there ever be a hardback w/ the extra chapter?

  111. I’ll have to get the paperback from the library. I have the hardcover already, but I’d love to know about the secret chapter 🙂 And a geek a week card? Peeeeeease!

  112. This is the highlight of my motivation for the day. I have expended all of my energy on you. Because you’re awesome!

  114. The Bloggess card would make a great bookmark, or… I could add it to my Cards Against Humanity set! And perhaps the cards could figure out how to procreate and create little twisted, geeky, Bloggess/CAH offspring!

  116. You know, I checked out your book from the library because I have a cheapskate living in my head saying “HOW DARE YOU SPEND MONEY ON THINGS!!!!!” (Hi, Mom!) and now I’m glad because I can buy this copy guilt free and with a free chapter on top 🙂

    Your book IS amazing, and I remember reading it in a hotel on vacation and being glad I was in another city because I alternated sobbing my eyes out and laughing with clearly psychotic glee.

    Also one of the reviews on Amazon has the like “am I chuckling at someone who may legitimately be insane?” And the answer is, of course, sure. But then, I’m pretty sure most of us here can be legitimately considered insane 56% of the time and really, that’s all that matters.

  117. Omg…I can’t tell you how much I need those cards! So much so that I am leaving a comment before crawling back into my hermit hole!

  118. You’re welcome. And thank YOU. I’m hoping that if I hang out at enough of your book signings/readings, you’ll come have coffee or go for a nice walk with me. A girl can dream.

  119. Oh yes! I would definitely love to own the cards. I could put them with my Van Helsing chick button and my Jean Louis the alligator pirate cutout.

  121. Is the extra chapter the same bonus chapter from the audio book?

    (Nope. It’s a totally different one. ~ Jenny)

  122. I helped crowd fund these Geek a Week cards because you were going to be on one of them. I’d love to have a signed one!

  123. I live in Canada. It’s cold here and there’s nothing to do but read. And make fun of celebrities, but that’s a pretty negative thing to do. Help me be more positive and send me some geeky trading cards, k? That would basically make you the Texan Dalai Lama. We both win.

  124. Once I move to a place that actually has a bookstore, I will most definitely buy it. I guess I could just take a road trip and get it, but I really need a reason to move anyway. 🙂

  125. A friend let me borrow her (autographed) hard copy of your book and I loved it! I will definitely be getting the paperback version for myself! Would love one of the cards! 🙂

  126. I love you! The cards are great! The book is great! You’re blog is awesome! I love exclamation points!

  127. I would totally LOVE to own one of the cards. And will most likely buy the paperback just to read the extra chapter eventhough I have the hardcover!

  128. So, is this a real chapter, or one of those like one paragraph chapters that isn’t really a chapter, but just a pretend chapter? 😉 Honestly, I loved the first edition so much, that I wouldn’t mind buying another copy, even if it’s just an extra sentence. Anything that supports me getting more enjoyment is totally worth it. 🙂

    I do have a real question… is the paperback edition with the extra chapter available as an ebook? I prefer reading on my Nook… so I’m just wondering if I need to get an actual physical copy or not. Of course, if I don’t have a hard copy, then I guess I wouldn’t need the bookmark… which I would like to have… hmmm.. problem solved!

    Thanks Jenny, for using your amazing problem solving skills to clear that up for me!

  130. I might just have to buy the paperback since I loaned my Hardcopy with the signed bookplate to my sister. AND I haven’t seen it in forever! I’ve been wanting to reread it again anyways… along with the 4 other books of mine she has.

  131. can you put the new chapter online, so that we hardback owners can read it….if not i will have to turn into a shoplifter

  132. so I totally already have the hardcover and the audio book and now I totally need to go get the paperback! please let there be the extra chapter in canada XD It’s the best pick-me-up book ever, you can’t help but laugh and feel like you aren’t alone in your weirdness <3

  135. I’m pretty sure it’s fate that your stop in Kansas City is during my spring break…SO EXCITED!

  136. I totally bought the hardcover and IMMEDIATELY gave it to my BFF when she moved bc i knew she needed it and i loved it so much i would have no problem buying it again. The whole extra chapter in the paperback tells me it was the smart move! Can’t wait!

  138. Just got my tix to KC stop of the tour…..cant wait…one of the very few books that make me laugh out loud !!!!

  139. The thing that sucks about the tour is that none of them say Texas. We’re not all crazy. Promise. I mean we are, but we’re all not THAT kind of crazy.

  141. DAMMMIT! I bought the hardcover and didn’t get no extra chapter! I think in lieu of the extra chapter I should get a sweet ass geek card! (That almost said sweet ass feel card due to my asshole phone).

  143. I actually just lent my hardcover copy of your book to my son’s MT (Mobile Therapist) last week after he was having an exceptionally hard session. She had never heard of you before, which I thought was just the worst thing EVER and I had to immediately fix. She has the same awesome sense of humor as I do, so I knew that she’d love you. 😉 I can’t wait to find out what she thought of the book.

    Now I might have to buy a bunch of the paperback copies to give out as gifts… Maybe I can knit little tiny mice to give out with them?!

  147. So happy to see you’re coming back to the Phoenix area. I might have to buy a paperback just to get priority seating this time (as opposed to waiting 4 hours to get my book signed like last time) I’m sure my daughter would love a chance to get another picture with you.

    ooh! and… Pick Me! Pick Me!

  148. Can’t wait to meet you in St Louis. Your, the book (I will keep this and give my other copies away ) and DRINKS. What a great Friday night

  149. Can’t wait to meet you in St Louis. You, the book (I will keep this and give my other copies away ) and DRINKS. What a great Friday night

  150. I would love one! Also for you to tour Texas. And don’y worry there are plenty of people who will just have to know what’s in the extra chapter like me. So I will end up with two copies of your book.

  151. I need a bookmark. I have to use my husband’s hand to keep my place for now and he’s gonna want that back soon.

  152. Bought the hard cover for a flight to California from Boston. Sat next to a sweet older lady who was super chatty… until I pulled out the book and she saw what was on the front cover. Conveniently, she was sitting on my left, so for the entire flight, she got to admire Hamlet von Schnitzel in all his glory. She didn’t say a word to me for the rest of the flight.

    She clearly thought I was crazy. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.

  154. Dear Jenny’s publisher,

    Please make the bonus chapter available for purchase separately for Kindle and whatnot. My husband already thinks I’m crazy because I bought the hardcover, Kindle, and audio editions … he might leave me if I told him I was buying the paperback. I would absolutely pay .99, 1.99, 2.99, even 3.99 for a digital copy of the bonus chapter that I could hide on my Kindle 🙂

  156. I’ve already given two copies of your book to friends; I’m happy to keep spreading the joy! 🙂

  157. I swear your blog hates me now. Everytime I comment it messes up. Anyways, i will most definitely be buying your paperback and rereading it 😉

  158. Because the hardback was awesome and a paper back with an extra chapter is sweet action! Now, I would love some signed trading cards” oh! And a pony.

  159. I’m kinda wondering if the new chapter is going to show up in the eBook versions as well – that’s how I bought it when the hardback came out.

    Any plans for an updated eBook? 🙂

  161. Bookmark?! That would be placed right next to my tiny Buddha statue. Because you two remind me so much of each other. Or, yah, possibly a bookmark.

  162. Excited to buy and send this to my mom, who also battles depression. She’s in need of some good laughs 🙂 Thanks for your hilarious stories and for helping those of us without depression understand it a bit more.

  163. Fabulous! I love the trading cards — so very clever! Can’t wait for your stop in Dayton, and I’m hoping to make it, but I don’t deal well with crowds so I might not . . .

  164. A NEW CHAPTER!? Good thing I am traveling to the USA in a few months so I can pick it up. But I plan to rip out the new chapter and keep it for myself. My fucked up friend can buy her OWN new chapter. xoxoxo

  166. Geek trading cards… look more interesting that all those sports trading cards I see.
    🙂

  167. I love your book. Whenever I’m feeling down, I read it for a laugh. I’ve recommended it to everyone I know, or have met, or have walked past. I should just carry around a sandwich board sign at this point.

  172. You can never have too many bookmarks!

    Will there be a second second tour that brings you back to LA?

  174. The cards look awesome!

    I totally bought the book in hardcover, read it and then while I was re-reading it visited a friend that I decided needed to read it, so I gave her my copy and went and bought another one so I could finish re-reading it, but the paperback has a new chapter…. I might have to buy a third copy. 🙂

  175. Your remember that part in your book where you talk about teachers assigning it for reading? Yeah, that’s me. I’m trying to get my administration to buy a classroom set….

  176. I love reading your blog and your book. I suffer from depression and severe anxiety too, and when I read your blog it shows me that it is possible to get through. Thank you for being such a wonderful role model. I am still on the look out for a giant metal chicken with which to traumatize my bf 🙂

  177. Thank you for writing such an amazing book that has me laughing so hard I’m in tears! I’d love to have an autographed card to go with my book (as soon as I get it back from the coworker I lent it to – I can’t stop sharing it with people!)

  179. I bought it for my dad for Christmas. Apparently, he spent the next week following my mom around the house reading passages to her.

  180. OK. I am a sailor– really. All good sailboats have TONS of book shelves. While mine is a work in progress (check out my blog: http://www.svoctopussy.com), I would love to have some geek-a-week trading cards to use as bookmarks in all of my books. Including yours.

    And just think of the entertainment value… I mean, on a sailboat we don’t get cable (although we do get Netflix — and with it, access to the first several seasons of Dr. Who!)

    And, anyone who can make references to Sylvia Plath in a post about taxidermied shit rocks!

    Send me some of your cards! Don’t make me beg (although I am not above that).

    Cheers,
    Octopussy
    S/V Octopussy

  181. I have your book on my Kindle. Most things I archive after I read them but I keep your book at the top for when I need a pick me up or a giggle 🙂 I plan on buying several copies of the paper back for gifts 😛

  182. Missed you the last time you were in NYC. I won’t screw up this time. Knock ’em dead.

  183. I want I want!
    Also I bought the digital copy (and four hard copies you signed for me for my family, thanks!) and registered to get a signed nameplate, but all I got was an empty envelope from The Penguin Group. Took me forever to figure out what that was about, then I remembered who they were.

  184. My mom and sister have read your book because of me influencing them. :] I wish you were coming back to Colorado, so I could go see you again (I saw you when you were in Denver in August. It was the day I broke my foot. I will remember it for two reasons).

  185. I MUST own both the hardback and the paperback!! Now that I think about it I also need it on my kindle. Hmmmm… I may need to get a job to pay for all of them!

  186. I will miss being at the kansas city signing by 12 hours. American airlines refused to delay my flight for you. Said you were not famous like Beoncye…i so disagree

  189. I will need to buy the paperback for the extra chapter. I am sure it will be worth it, especially because I have the electronic version, which cannot be lended, but will be able to lend the paperback! I so hope the new chapter includes taxidermy.

  190. I love the hardback and actually left it sitting on a bench in hopes that someone will get to enjoy it as I’m buying the paper back (I want the new chapter all to myself). Xoxoxo luna

  197. Is the extra chapter the same as the extra chapter in the audiobook? I bought the hardback and the audiobook… just curious!

    Wish you were coming to central Virginia on your tour. I would love to meet you.

    I love the Geek-a-Week cards. What a neat idea to give them as a prize!!!

    (Nope. It’s a brand new one. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  200. My baseball team all got our own (very nerdy) trading cards when I was 10. I’ll trade you cards.

  203. I have to read the last new chapter so of course I will buy the book. And I would LOVE to have your play cards as bookmarks. Love you Jenny.

  205. I’m new to your blog! I heard you were kind of awesome. I think I heard right 🙂
    P.S. I so want to read this book!

  207. I would like to win. Please.
    I also want to absorb this extra chapter without having to actually read it. Reading is hard.
    Someone make that happen.

  210. Jenny,

    I listen to my books vs reading them. Are they going to release the extra chapter in Audio? Loved hearing your voice each day on my commute (1 hour one way….) You just made that hour seem to fly by….. Or maybe it was because I do drive a little beyond the posted speed limit….. just a little.

  211. I actually work with someone whose father has pet turkeys – none of them are named Jenkins – but her story reminded me of your book. Those turkeys must have been more well-behaved than your Dad’s because she actually picks hers up and hugs them. Anyway – it would be cool to win! Our book club read your book this past month and we all love it!!!

  214. Congratulations on your success with the book. It’s great and it’s nice to see someone deserving getting the attention and praise. Love to read your blog… always makes me laugh (usually out loud at the most inappropriate times, which are the best times). 🙂

  215. No visits to Oklahoma, eh? Texans. Jeez. I promise you we’re all fucked up and anxiety ridden here too.

    I’d adore the trading cards. I ‘m a daily checker-inner with you and Jen @ Cakewrecks.

    -MamaRama

  216. So want a trading card!! And will see you in April in San Jose!! SO. EXCITED. (and so is Fred, our rainbow-coloured caterpillar who you met in SF last year. i think it was the highlight of his year.)

  218. I already have the hard copy but I know several people who need your book in their life. I’m thinking awesome Easter gift since it’ll miss valentines day. The trading card does make the perfect bookmark.

  220. Ha! I’ll buy the paperback just for the new chapter and then give the Hardback to random people. Basically the same thing I’m already doing right now anyway. 🙂
    But: I think you should definitely send me one of the trading cards. Not for me. For my shrink. Who’s awesome! She ordered Beyonce in the Spring of LAST YEAR and still hasn’t gotten her/it. So I think she deserves a card. If I knew her address you could send it to her directly. She’d be thrilled. It’s a poor substitute for Beyonce but since I doubt you’d sign and ship her… a card might do.
    Think about it! I heard her recommend your book to another patient recently. She’s totally your anonymous PR person! And she needs some fairy dust! She was jealous of mine 😉
    Greetings from the South!

  222. Ooh ooh ooh! Trading Cards! Can’t wait to see you in Phoenix again! And this trip should be haboob free for you. 😉

  225. Jenny, I just re-read your book for the third time. I laugh just as hard and just as often as I did the first time. Thank you for the laughs!

  227. I’ll have to buy it to read the bonus chapter. I wish I could see you on tour! I’ve made my husband read your book in hopes of him understanding my anxiety more. He loves you now too!

  228. If the new chapter is included in the UK version I’m going to go to Waterstones and read the new chapter. I can’t afford to buy it all over again, sorry.

  229. Ordering the paperback – had two copies of the hardback so gave one to my sister – REALLY want to get the audio book just to hear you read it!
    Geek-a-Week? – sure put me in the hat.

  231. I have your book. Can’t wait to read it!! Hoping maybe one day you’ll pass through Tuscaloosa, AL for a book tour stop, too!

  232. Congratulations on the success of your book. I pre-ordered the paperback just to read the new chapter. My husband is going to wonder why I need to order the same book twice, but hey…at least it’s not towels!

  234. Love you, love the book, and I cannot tell you how often we refer back to Beyonce … the chicken of course not the singer…. Thanks for being you Jenny! Oh and I would seriously love if picked me for a book mark of awesomeness card. 🙂

  235. So, does the e-reader version have the extra chapter? I haven’t read it yet but it’s on my iPad, ready to go.

    Would love the trading cards.

  237. I read your book and could not believe how much we have in common (both Czech, from Texas, have crazy fathers who scarred our psyches with dead animals, hilarious sisters who share our adolescent scars, severe anxiety disorder, the list could go on.) I think winning an autographed card would be really cool. But it would have to say “Jak se mas” on it. 🙂

  240. Your book sits on the bookshelves with all of the other literary classics. You have encouraged our family to talk about things we wouldn’t have, before reading your book! Keep calm in this crazy world and carry on! Very cool cards, we need bookmarks – please send!

  241. It’s great when you can write a brilliant love letter to the crazy life you’ve led so far, inspire others, please editors, manager, agents and other corporate ilk AND make millions, right?
    Everyone wins, indeed.
    Great job, Jenny.

  242. I recommend this to my “crazy” friends as a reward and incentive. Best book ever.

  244. I’d love to get the paperback and read the new chapter, but I may not be able to afford it. Maybe I’ll buy it, read the new chapter, and donate it to the library. Justification is a beautiful thing : )

  245. Love those cards!

    Can’t wait to see you in San Jose! I bought the eBook so there’s not really anything to sign. I can bring you some wine though, or tequila – it’s your choice, really.

    Jen

  248. Please add Boston, MA to your book tour =) Also, I love your writing. It makes me laugh out loud and love that not everyone feels the need to pretend to be perfect, or cover up their real feelings.

  250. I would LOVE a trading card. And I can’t wait to see you in Dayton. I can point you toward the best bathrooms and therapists around the bookstore if necessary! Hugs from a fellow anxiety sufferer! 🙂

  251. Please update once you know about Canada! If I have to, I’ll “borrow” an American friend’s address, but I’d rather not wait if I can just pre-order it here. 🙂

  252. I’ll be buying the paperback! My hard cover sits in it’s special place on the shelf so that your signature doesn’t get tainted by my husband or kids so the paperback will give me opportunity to dog ear the pages like I want to (since my reading copy of the hardback, which I stole from my best friend, was absconded with by my sister, who is now a fan) Stay awesome!!!!

  253. I totally want a geek-a-week card! And now I have to buy the paperback for the chapter. Luckily I know someone who I want to read the book after:P

  255. You signed my baby (and a book), but I feel a strong need for that card. Also, you should come to Connecticut–or Rhode Island, I’d travel–and sign the infant again.

  257. Geek-A-Week rocks. You rock. Len Peralta rocks. Mavis Staples rocks. OK, I just threw in Mavis Staples as a non sequitur, and just to let you know that when I say “rocks”, I mean genuine rock-i-tude (on a level similar to Mavis Staples), and not some silly meaningless platitude I say to a lot of people. Although, I do say it to a lot of people.

    Be well and rock on.

  259. I missed your signing in Boston and the closest one this round is NYC. It unfortunately doesn’t work for me, but if it did I would make sure that you had something interesting and awkward to talk about for laters. Not like you don’t have plenty, but still. For funs!

  261. Oh.. I’d love a card! I’ve practically made a career out of never winning anything.. Here’s to hoping. 🙂

  262. My sister is raving about your book. She just gave it to my mom, and I plan on reading it too. Might have to buy the paperback book since I’m into travelling and will need light (literally) copies of books to amuse me!

  265. Well i am so buying a few copies of this then.One for me and two for random friends who will so love it.I already have the hardback but paperback with an extra is to much to say no too! ;0)

  266. I am so going to have to buy the paperback as a gift for someone, just so I can read the extra chapter. Fortunately, I know several people who desperately need a copy.

  267. Right off the bat, I see three of my fave geeks in that pic. Fingers crossed.

    And I may have to buy another copy just to give it to my BFF…

  268. It is such a great book, I recommend it to everyone I know. And if they don’t buy they may get it as a Birthday, Christmas, Anniversary, Valentine, St. Patrick’s Day, ect. Gifts.

  271. I splurged and bought the hardcover, but now that it’s coming out in paperback my bookclub is going to read it. They’ve been wanting to read it since it came out, but you know those book club rules: only paperbacks.

  272. I really think you need to start renting out Beyonce…I would love to have a giant metal chicken on my porch to greet my husband one day! Oh and I’d like to win something…maybe a pony 🙂

  273. I’m still not terribly happy that your “Kansas” stop isn’t really Kansas. Not that there’s much to do in the rest of Kansas.

  275. The book’s first on my list of post-most-useless-classes-ever reads. It should cheer me up immensely, as long as the phrase “ontological dignity” isn’t used. Then I may cry.

  277. OK, evidently my shameless pandering, promise to buy thirty (30!0 copies of the book, the fact that at least 3 of my co-workers have bought your book because of me, and the fact that one of my students is winning prose reading competitions all over Texas aren’t enough to persuade you to do a book signing in Austin, where I will but at least 3 more copies of the paperback (or maybe one hardback and two paperbacks, my mom deserves a hardback, but then she won’t get the extra chapter and I’m all conflicted).

    Just say it:
    * I, Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess do hereby confirm….oh what the hell, I am doing a book signing in Austin. There! I said it. Must go lie down now. Thanks.*

    *Shamelessly cut, pasted and deviously modified from a certain email….

  280. Could you please give us (or sell us) Canadians a copy of the new chapter. Maybe as an e-book. Assuming we don’t get it in the paperback version that is. I bought one of my best friends your book as her Christmas present. Love you lots.

  281. I would like to throw in my hat for these trading cards. :3

    Also, I heard somewhere that if one wants to see you on your tour, one must buy tickets. Is this true?

  282. I would love to use you as a bookmark! I would also love it if you could come to Vancouver, BC! Congrats on all your success and thank you for letting us weirdos feel good about letting it all hang out.

  284. I am currently scheming to attend the Louisville reading since 2 hours is not too far to drive to bask in your awesomeness. I mean Indy is just up the road, and it’s a bigger market and we totally love you here and you could have just as easily come here but it’s not like I’m bitter or anything 😉

    Oh, I would like a Geek card!

  285. I mean I would really love to be ON a geek card, but having your card is the next best thing!

  286. Will there be an ebook? And I really think you should visit Franklin, TN. That would be a wonderful excuse for a date night for my husband and me.

  288. Let me just first say, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy you’re finally coming to San Jose! It’s in my calendar, and I’m counting down the days. But now I have to decide, do I just take the hardback to have you sign (which already has the signed nameplate), or buy the paperback, which has the bonus of an extra chapter, but not the durability of a hardback. Decisions, decisions…

  289. Loved the book! *fingers crossed* The cards look really cool. You should create an APS superhero one 🙂

  290. You best give those to me. I finally moved your book into my cart and the price had gone up! And it doesn’t even have the extra chapter! I cried for days.

  291. I am so excited to read the extra chapter to your book! I would love to visit you on tour, but you don’t have any TX dates. Sadness 🙁

  293. I discovered you a few months back and read your book about a month ago. It was wonderful to find someone who I could relate to on so many levels. I read your posts to my husband and his comment is normally, that sounds like something you would do. Thank you for being so open and honest for the rest of us don’t always feel so alone.

  294. I will need to get the paperback for the extra chapter 🙂 BF didn’t understand why I was both laughing hysterically and crying while reading your book – would love to get a Geek a Week bookmark.

    Thanks Jenny!

  295. I may have to buy a paper back copy of your book because I keep lending it the hard copy and now I don’t know where it is. So I hope the extra chapter is in the Canadian version as well! AND Geek A Week Trading Cards??! WANT!

  296. Can I just say thank you so much for writing this book. I have the hardcover and give it to everyone to read. You have made me laugh to tears. And there are too many things I see that remind me of you or I think are effed up enough that you’ll like. Keep more coming!!!

  297. I wish I could borrow the book from someone but, I’m the only person around me who reads this blog religiously. I’m in the process of trying to change that…

  298. I’m newly unemployed, so I can’t afford to get another copy at the moment. :-/ I have the e-book, but eventually want to get a hard copy. I love your book so much. My boyfriend and I quote it to each other all the time. Having the Geek-A-Week card as a bookmark for my eventual hardcopy, would be icing on the cake. 🙂

  299. I. Need. These. Otherwise, my anxiety will keep me up all night trying to guess who else is in the pack of cards and trying to figure out if I know all of them and wondering if that makes me sufficiently geeky while simultaneously telling me that it’s ridiculous for me to be so anxious about something that has nothing to do with anything but doesn’t it really?

  300. Can’t wait until you come to Cincinnati! My sister and I are stoked! I would love a trading card, because then it could mingle with my Doctor Who Trading cards, which I just happened upon in a book store like a month ago… I was EXTREMELY excited!

  301. Love the book! Have read it over and over again… causing my unsuspecting co-workers to wonder out loud what the hell i’m giggling at!

  304. Will my kindle update? I will totally re-buy if needed, but just wanted to check! Thanks for being you and making me laugh all the freaking time!! I would love a geek card that I could proudly display!

  306. Ooh! Will the extra special chapter be in the kindle edition?
    Love your blog… do you get tired of hearing that? I’ll be sitting at my desk reading it and a guffaw will suddenly explode from me. But it’s okay… they already think I’m nuts here.

  308. LOVELOVELOVE the book. Giggled myself silly over “CHALUPA!”
    Loaned it to my fiance. He finished (and loved) it and have now loaned it to my sister. I may have to buy the paperback so that I have a copy!
    Would love some Bloggess cards, but that’s not the important part. The important part is that you are wonderful and your book should be read by everyone! 🙂

  309. Have been waiting for the paperback forever 🙂

    Leaving a comment to enter because who wouldn’t want to be able to say ‘You need a favour? I’ve got the Bloggess in my pocket’, seriously!

  312. Paperback is pretty great, but I have the Kindle version so I can laugh like a maniac wherever I choose! Your book is beyond amazing!

  313. I’m in Tasmania (yes it exists as do Tasmanian Devils). I couldn’t find your book at the book store but I asked for it at the library and it was there already AND there was a wait! You are worldwide!

  314. Wish you were coming out to the Pacific Northwest for your book tour! Congrats for coming out in paperback!

  315. I adore your book. My best friend and I are planning on making your Chicago book signing (even though I live in Michigan.)
    Also, I recently got laid off before I could buy my best friend a nice Christmas present …so your trading cards would be a PRETTY AWESOME gift for her. Just sayin.

  316. I’m buying the paperback for my 15 year old daughter so she can share it with all of her friends and learn of the dangers of teen putting your arm up a cow’s vagina. You’re like an After School Special. So yes please on the trading card, though I’m not sure whether it’s for me or her. Does my answer affect my ability to get a card? Because that, whatever it is.

    Can’t wait to meet you in NYC!

  317. Any UK release date for the paperback/ extra chapter?

    True story: When I read your book, my mother was watching a very serious news show and I ended up having to leave the room because I was giggling so much!

  319. Love the bookmarks! If I win (uproarious laughing, followed by wheezing and coughing – I but rarely win), I will give the bookmark to my daughter who introduced me to TheBloggess and whom I gifted with the hardback. Thank you for all that you share.

  322. I’m gonna drive my pregnant ass an hour and a half to see you! By the way, I hope its okay with you if I have a baby in the library.

  325. I like to win! Am also looking forward to your paperback release as my sister bought it in hard back and moved to London with it before I was able to borrow it from her!

  328. I ever win anything and I don’t expect to for whining about but I wanted to comment… mostly I think you are awesome and I try to tell everyone I know about you…

  329. I absolutely LOVED your book! If you come back through Seattle I may have to buy the paperback just so I can have 2 signed copies. Though I may buy the paperback anyway. For the bonus chapter.

  330. I have an amazon gift card I’ve been holding on to since Christmas JUST for this. Yay!!!

  331. Like I could resist buying the paperback version. And extra chapter PLUS super portable. YAY.

    So excited for you, and all the people you’re going to meet on your paperback tour.

  334. I’d love cards, and more importantly I am looking forward to seeing you read in San Jose!

  335. *calls calls calls, calls from the public, calls calls calls, calls (thunk)*
    I have to admit, I own a copy of all of the Sifl and Olly shows.

  336. Ooo, me! I’ve bought two hardcover, the audiobook… *might* resist the paperback, we’ll see…

  337. Pick me pick me! I’m thinking yes for the paperback. Totally want to support you! 🙂

  338. Well, this time your signing in NYC is close enough for my son to walk as opposed to the long bus trip he undertook last time. I have sent him the schedule and since it’s near my birthday I think he will show up. I suggested he take some of his women friends this time so he doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb.
    Thanks for all the fun.

  340. You don’t have to put me in the drawing, I’m just disappointed that I am not able to get the bonus chapter because I bought the hardcover.

  341. Got my pre-order in…delivery March 5th…WooHoo!!!! I love your blog and you make me laugh so hard I pee my pants. Not a nice to to do to an old person…..

  342. I’ve only just started reading ‘Let’s Pretend…] (I received the hardcover for Christmas), and every time I giggle my husband wants to know what’s so funny, so I have to go back and read it to him out loud. Reading this way will probably mean it will take me twice as long as normal to get through your book, since I have to read it twice. Once to myself, and once out loud to my husband. Cheers.

  343. Let’s just both pretend I’m a regular commenter who usually contributes long & thoughtful responses to your posts & not just some bloke hoping for a Bloggess Geek-A-Week trading card. Deal? Deal. 🙂

    If it helps any, I did get your book and even attended one of your signings! You hugged me because my shirt said I was a Hug Ambassador. 🙂

  344. Tried to leave comment earlier, but the internets hate me… I want the new chapter! (And a signed card would be awesome too!)

  346. Me! Me me me! I would love a signed something I can use as a bookmark! (either that or I was just warming up for a solo or some sort)

  348. I love that Augusten Burroughs’ review is on the cover saying he read & enjoyed your book! It’s even better because you’re right next to him on my bookshelf… by you I mean your book and by him I mean 4 of his books.

  349. I found out about you through a friend of mine who said she heard about your book and it sounded as weird as me! I loved it and laughed out loud at it. Thank you for keeping me entertained.

  350. I LOVED the book, which I have for my kindle. Will have to get the paperback. Hope i win the trading cards!

  353. I can’t wait to see you on your tour! And even though I have it in hardcover, I definitely plan on buying the book in paperback. I NEED to read the new chapter!!

  356. Yeah – totally on board with the paperback copy! I “loaned” my hardback copy to a friend back in the summer (she was fighting breast cancer and I thought – hey – what better way to pass the time while you are tripping out on morphine than to read Jenny Lawson? You’ll be able to look back on it and think: “Wow. Did that really happen….or was I just that delusional?” heh heh) Anyway – Haven’t gotten the hardcopy back yet – I think it’s on a permanent loan. Maybe I can distract her with a paperback copy while I make a daring escape with the Hardback.

  357. Thank you for sharing your wonderful (Is that the right word? Oh well, sticking with it…) stories with us. Even re-reading for the upmteenth time, I snort in such an unprofessional manner that I get a seat alone on the bus! Thanks!!!

  359. I am definitely buying the paperback! I’m sooo poor, I’ve been waiting for it to come out! Thanks for the contest…and if you should find your way to Albuquerque, I for one would be excited!

  360. I bought the hardcover & audiobook for myself & pre-ordered the paperback for a friend’s birthday! So if I find one on a plane, I’m gonna be pissed.

  361. Thanks so much for the hours of awkward looks when I giggle out loud at work. It starts a LOT of awesome conversations.

  363. I am still sad that I never got to hear the audiobook extras, and now you tell me that you wrote another chapter, and IT’S ABOUT ME, and I have to buy another book to read it? Either send me a card, or come to Maryland to read to me. Gaithersburg was too far away last tour, and I had a thing, I’m sure you talk about it in the new chapter……

  364. I read your book. I loved your book. I made my husband read your book. He loved your book. I see your card. I would love to love your card. Pick me!

  366. I’m hoping to come see you on tour … I just have to find someone willing to go on a ten hour road trip … Which I’ve now done. So all that is left is getting over my anxiety … I hope to make it!

  368. I’m really looking forward to reading your book. I just recently discovered your blog and it really helped me just be more honest with who I am and not to be ashamed of things I had no control over. Just opening up on my blog has allowed others to open up to me. Turns out, I’m not alone! So thanks.

  370. So we can all be misplaced misfits together. I would love a new set of bookmarks. My Costco receipt is getting a little dog-eared.

    Kudos on going paperback!

  371. Ooooh. GaW cards. Woot!! Looking forward to the New Chapter. In case anyone else is wondering, Jenny is REALLY GOOD AT THIS, including the whole book tour thing. Truly. I’ve seen at least two best-selling authors at book signings, and The Bloggess wins at Book Tour hands down.

  372. I bought the e-book for my Kindle and a hardcover copy for my best friend as a birthday gift because I knew she’d love it (she did!) and now I have to buy the paperback 🙂 Unicorn Success Club FTW!

  373. Came to grab the link for this because I was talking it up all weekend at Capricon.
    Stayed for the trading card contest.

  374. Why do I always have to leave a comment? Can’t I just take one instead? New rule: if you leave a comment, take one with you to keep from disrupting the delicate balance. I’m gonna take comment #308 because: SASQUATCH! PS: I don’t get the obscure reference, but I have a feeling I’m not the only one who doesn’t understand how your mind works.

  376. I got it when it first came out, but heck, another copy would be just dandy. can’t wait!

  377. I spent one whole wonderful day reading your book in the laziest fashion. That means I was sprawled on the couch ignoring all responsibility while wishing we we’re real life friends.

  378. Imma buy the paperback and come to the reading in Portland that will be added to the tour. Obvi. Imma buy it in any format it comes out in. I’m pulling for a graphic novel next time.

  379. I bought the hardback instead of the kindle for the autographed plaque to stick in it. Then my little envelope came from Penguin Books and it was empty. So sad. But, really, the story of my life. 🙂 So, I’ll bite. Trading cards are cool, too.

  380. I love this book! I can’t wait for the paperback to come out so I can get copies for my friends. If we can’t be friends with you in real life, then we want to pretend we’re friends through the book. 🙂 I promise we’re not scary stalker types; we just love you.

  382. Oh bookmarks…I love bookmarks…

    I kind of hope they make the extra chapter available on e-readers or something. My bookshelves are full to the gills – including the hardcover of your book. *sigh* Plus rumor has it you have another coming out sometime…

  383. OMG, I am SO glad this is finally coming out in paperback because it was getting expensive buying copies for everyone I knew. This will be much cheaper!
    Though now I sort of feel I have to buy copies for everyone for whom I bought the original and then rip out the new chapter and give it to them with bookbinding tape so that they can tape it into their hardcover editions.
    Maybe this isn’t going to be the money saver I’d originally thought.

  385. Wooo free stuff! Also if i bought the kindle version of the book, is there a way of getting the new chapter? (Besides buying the paperback)

  386. Perhaps my e-book will magically update with the extra chapter.
    Perhaps Girl Scout Cookies will magically remove 50 pounds from my wasteline over night.

  387. “It’s a dirty story of a dirty man
    And his clinging wife doesn’t understand.
    Their son is working for the Daily Mail,
    It’s a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer,
    Paperback writer.”

    This is what’s in the new chapter, no?

    Cool.

  388. Pretty sure I’ll be a two book owner. And it feels a little stalker-y, so I’ll probably give one of them to someone less fortunate. Like my HR director. 🙂

  389. YAY! paperback. I’ll keep my hardcover in a place of honor and carry the paperback with me. It won’t be long before it looks as well loved as the rest of the books that “make the cut” to go with me on my adventures.

  390. I’m familiar with about a third of the geeks on the cards. Not bad, but I could definitely use some extra education!

  394. Awesome cards! Looking forward to reading the paperback : D. I’ve discovered that for my health and well-being it’s best to read your book in bed surrounded by pillows, with no food or drink to choke or drown on. This is especially true of the audio book.

  397. Jenny,

    My partner and I loved your book so much we have bought it twice so far, and I am sure we will have to buy the paperback too for the extra chapter. You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to misfits, thanks to your book, around the world! Keep being the fabulous woman that is you!! We hope to meet you on your next tour if you make it to Portland, Oregon, again.

    With Love and Admiration – Mindy Hillman

  398. I’m so sad that you’re coming to KC and I live so far away, Would ever consider coming to Hurley, MO, which has nothing of any interest in it since the mill burned down, the two cafes and the feed store closed? I could meet you at the bottom of our driveway, give you big hugs, and send you on down the road to places where there are actually things besides meth addicts, churches and humping dogs. That seems fair, I think. 😉

  399. I hope that the new chapter is available in Canada. On a related note, you should come to Vancouver, BC on your next (and every!) tour!

  401. I used my mostly (not really) hard earned money to buy your book, taught myself how to read (just kidding, I already knew how), and ignored everybody the whole time I was reading it (this one is true). Your book was more fun than Christmas.

  403. I’m so glad I got the chance to meet you at your signing here in San Diego for your Hardcover tour. Yes, it is great to know that I’m not the only fucked up weirdo in the world!
    The geek cards look awesome; I can’t believe I haven’t seen them before!

    Now….. off to plan ways of stealing the extra chapter of the paperback…..

  404. I saw a preview for the show ‘Immortalized’ and immediately thought of you. It’s new to AMC, you should check it out.

  405. I just want to say that you’re book is fabulous! True it makes me feel like I am not the only weirded one out there. But the best enjoyment I got was reading to my husband to let him see that there is other crazy fmilies out there besides mine. Granted no bobcats (unless you count the hybrid one i rescueswhen I was little)t i do have an uncle shot by a dog and an aunt at was shot by the stove.

  408. Geek-a-week cards….Yes please
    I’m not trying to sway your decision here or anything but so far I have bought 3 copies of your book (sadly none with the extra chapter, we are way behind the times here in New Zealand so probably won’t get it for ages) and have another copy to buy for a birthday present.

  411. an extra chapter?! no fair! now i want the audio AND the paperback to add to the hardcover (which is still in residency on my nightstand nearly a year on — because it’s awesome, not because I’m an incredibly slow reader).

  412. As a purchaser of the hardback book, I was trying to think of creative ways to put the paperback to use once I’ve read the new chapter. My initials thoughts were: a bird’s nest, a handheld fan, a really unlevel table leveler, a one-time use mop? Then I decided to Google it and realized that I am really not creative. But whoever this is is:
    http://www.thenester.com/2011/09/20-ways-to-decorate-with-book-pages-and-other-things-about-the-book-party.html

  413. I received your book for Christmas. It was the only thing I asked for. My husband and daughter would look at me as I was reading it, because I would just start laughing out loud. Loved it…

  414. Oooo, oooo, I need one of those cards! And the paperback works out great since I gave my copy to my aunt for Christmas. Then, if you reissue a hardback with the extra chapter,I will get that one as back up for the paperback. And naturally, I will need the audio book for driving.

  415. These trading cards are fantastic. Loved the book, looking forward to getting the paperback. Cant wait to see you in Paramus!

  416. I think you should persuade the publisher that you have to personal visit Canada on the account of missing chapter. C’mon, what could be more conducive for book sales than retelling it live?

  419. I really, reall, REALLY need that Geek-a-Week “bookmark” for at least one of my copies of your book!

    REALLY.

    😉

  421. Definitely going to be buying the paperback. After reading the chapter, I’ll give it as a gift. The people I’ve given copies of the hardback to LOVE it!

  422. Yes! I’m pre-ordering several copies to give out as gifts. That way I don’t have to worry about getting my copy back when I lend it out 🙂

    And those cards are beyond awesome.

  425. I like your ideas about doubling up. (I have the hardback.) Just read a review by someone in Australia. You sure do get around.

  427. I have every other American version, so I need the paperback to complete my set, right?

  429. How I would love the card! I feel like it would make up for not skipping my last lab of the semester to go see you when you were here (keep in mind, I’m the instructor, not a student) and because you appear to not be coming back to San Antonio this time around!

  430. So, i bought the hard cover and loved it, but i think i am just going to go in the store and read the last chapter there. Win Win.

    Heather

  431. if ever you make it across the border to canada i will be the happiest strange misfit of all 😀

  432. I’d adore one of your geek-a-week cards…but I have to ask if Wil Wheaton has one in that deck?

  433. I hope the extra chapter is available in Canada too – we love us some Jenny too! Can’t wait for your next book 🙂

  436. Ooooh yes! I want one! PLEEEEEEEASE!! Plus, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for coming to Cincinnati!!! Really, anywhere in Ohio — I would have traveled! I can’t wait to see you!!! And a bonus chapter, too??? YAY!!

  437. me please!

    I loved your book so much! My husband was very glad when I was done reading because my cackling laughter was keeping him awake.

    I also think our cats should marry, Jenny. Lily Mae and HST are made for each other! They both try to strangle us with love. They are also close in age and a bit “special”…Lily has OCD. But she’s lovey and beautiful and is Miss December on the SPCA’s calender this year.
    They won’t live together because I am NOT moving to Texas! They can skype each other.

  438. Huh…too broke to buy the paperback but I may cheat and read the extra chapter in the bookstore! Still loving my hardback copy!

  439. I think I deserve a Geek-a-Week trading card/book mark…..as I’ve given MANY copies of the hardcover to my suspecting friends (who are those that I send links to your blog to weekly), my unsuspecting friends, and my family members (who have long thought that OUR family was the oddest on earth. Clearly, we are only a close second….and I bow down graciously!) …..

    PS I went to our local independent bookseller last week to purchase 10 copies of the PB to sprinkle around, and was informed that I would just have to wait…..I’m such a horrible waiter, but I’m trying!

  441. Wish your book tour was coming to Alaska. But since the state tried to kill you on your last visit, I can understand why it didn’t make the list!

  442. Just a note to let you know that your blog brings me joy and a lot of laughs (and I follow you on twitter – so keep on tweeting!). You seem to be a crazy amazing person; you have a great attitude. Thank you. I haven’t read the book yet, but maybe I will now that it’s in paperback.

  443. Your book is amazing. You should come to Canada so I can come see you. I had to miss it last time because of stupid work… for some reason they expect me to attend if I want to get paid. bastards. I made my friend read your book, you are the coolest. Its unbelievably comforting to see someone else with similar conditions as me and accomplishing everything i want

  444. Pick me! Pick me!
    I’ve read your book, book clubbed your book, and read passages aloud to my husband and son so many times that they no longer cringe at the word vagina. Everybody wins. Love you. Thanks for your book and even more for your blog!

  445. So where does one get a ‘sonic hairdryer’ for their TARDIS (for that mater, where does one find a TARDIS?)

  447. I just bought the Kindle-version of your book. It was supposed to be my “pause book,” but that didn’t work out. You see, I am a Norwegian student studying English literature in England at the moment, and as I never even try to understand my own limits, I signed up for 4 literature modules this semester. 37 Novels in 12 weeks would normally be fine. One pause book (book to read in between studying) per 14 days – easy peasy… Then your book arrived.

    I’ve now pissed my flatmates off by laughing too hard, got told to leave the library once and completely neglected my studies. This led to a rather embarrassing discussion in class today, where I tried to argue that the main character’s caretaker was a vampire, while he was in fact a pedophile. I think even my teacher was impressed by the way I talked my way out of that one. Thanks <3!

  448. pick me please! I’ll even give your book as birthday presents for the next year!!! (not that i havent been doing that already…)

  449. Comment! Already have the book on kindle but might import it for the extra chapter, i know others that should read it anyway

  451. if you pick me to win the trading cards/bookmarks, i promise i’ll go out & buy the paperback!

    you know you could use any leftover trading cards as framed art in your haunted doll house, too.

  452. I’m sad you’re not touring near my town, but I can’t wait for the paperback version of your book! I had to check the hardback version out of the library and then circulate it around my family and friends. It was overdue, but my mom had to reread some of the earlier chapters. Apparently, they were ‘a lot like back home’. Looking at my grandparents in a whole new way…

  455. My sister and I both loved the book. Any idea if the new chapter will be updated to the kindle version???

    Otherwise, I will have to lurk in a bookstore hoping no one notices me reading it and then putting it back on the shelf.

  459. I definitely want the Geek-a-Week cards! I’m also a bit jealous that the paperback has an extra chapter. 🙂

  460. Trading cards you say?!?! Sign me up. I used to love to throw playing cards and hockey cards at the cats. Now, the munchkin is about to become the age where that will be fun for her too. They cats will love it as well. Woohoo!!!

  461. I’m lazy. Being lazy, I downloaded your book on my Kindle around four a.m. after having too much wine,while looking for something to do besides listen to my husband snore. Well, to be fair he might not have been snoring, but I imagine he was since he normally does. Anyhow, I never sleep (I am not on drugs, I just can’t sleep. I know, it sounds suspicious), so I downloaded your book and finished it that night. I think I should get an “A” for effort because I was also drunk. Drunk reading is HARD. Also, since I have no actual book and I live in Italy where I can’t buy your book and the postmen people STEAL EVERYTHING I can’t order it either. Well, actually, maybe if I could find someone to package the book in box of tampons, then maybe the bastards won’t take it. Anyhow, my point is that I could use the geek cards for other purposes that I’m not sure of yet, but could be after another bottle of wine.

  462. Show Seattle some love!!! Head this way on your tour (or at least throw a set of Geek-a-Week up this way maybe?!? No?!?!?)

  464. Oh! Cards! And yay paperback! Will definitely have to pick that puppy up when it’s out.

  466. Can I just buy the extra chapter, and attach it to my current copy like it was some kind of creature created by Frankenstein?

    Holy pickles, those trading cards look amazing. If you’d like, I could bribe you with pictures and/or stories of my adorable, ‘special’ kitty.

  467. I’m canadian I hope our version does have an extra chapter though I have my copy in he audio version I want to buy it for one of my messed up friends to read

  468. You mean I spent more money and I’m getting screwed out of laughs? That’s f’d up!

  469. Not sure what could be better than a geek of the week card featuring one of my web favorites.

  470. Awesomesauce!!!

    And you need to come closer to lower Alabama someday (pretty please with a taxidermied rodent on top)!

  471. YIPPEE…..I need bookmarks!
    And BTW….my husband also read your book (after I finished it) and his favorite word now is BASKETTI. Thanks, now it pops up all the time!
    Congrats to you…..you are a breath of fresh air, Jenny!

  472. Those cards are seriously awesome! I will probably buy a paperback copy of your book even though I already have the hardback. I musts have that extra chapter!

  473. Hell yes!! I want a card. I may even let you sit in my above ground tornado shelter, cleverly disguised as the TARDIS. Drinks will be served.

  474. Just LOVE YOU! I was given your book for Christmas and I have my teenage daughters reading it! They love it too! Every once in a while I will get a random text with a quote from your book 🙂 Love it! Thanks for your story!

  475. Cool Geek Cards! Yes Please.. OMG, Jenny. Did you see they have a new competitive taxidermy show coming on AMC called Immortalized?

  476. Ooooh…I already have a signed copy of your hardcover book, but…I probably need the paperback. Yep. Also, I need the sweet, sweet nerdy goodness of Geek-a-Week trading cards. They make me happy-laugh, as my husband says. 🙂 So fantastic!

  478. I love that you voiced the audiobook. You did a great job. Even though I had already read the hardback, hearing you read it made it so enjoyable. I can’t remember when I’ve laughed so hard. Can’t wait for the paperback with the bonus chapter. Would love the trading cards.

  479. OMG – love the Geek cards! Now i can replace the Bloggess stick puppet miniatures that I taped to my friend’s rear view mirror. Or just leave them and “vandalize” something else. Yay!

  480. Why is the title of this post “Buy My Birdfeeders” and there is no mention of birdfeeders in the post?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But I like prizes! 🙂 And birdfeeders.

  481. Oh, PLEASE sign me up for the geek giveaway! I am so psyched to get the paperback, as I missed you on your last tour. So I’m holding out hope that you make it to LA. Also, when you are here, you need to check out Clockwork Couture in Burbank, where they have a life-sized Tardis replica (sadly, not as big on the inside) sitting outside of their store. If you feel like just seeing it, you can sneak, take a picture and leave (no crowds to deal with!). If you feel a bit more adventurous, inside the store they have all kinds of steam punk jewelry and Victorian clothes. Kick ass.

    Also, I saw a plastic replica of James Garfield at Whimsic Alley in Hollywood. It’s a Harry Potter store (even has The Great Hall). But they also sell Dr. Who, Twilight, Hunger Games, LOTR and Hobbit stuff. And no, I make no money from telling you this.

  482. Just so you know, I ordered the Kindle version and so I am going to shoplift the paperback just to read the new chapter. Or maybe I will just read it in the bookstore and then leave a dollar in the back of the book I read from as compensation to the person that actually buys the book I use. I think that’s fair!

  487. If I buy another book-book, my house will collapse from the sheer weight of them all so will this super-new extra chapter be included on Kindle editions?

  488. You’ve probably heard, but just in case you haven’t, there is a new tv show starting this Thursday
    (Feb. 14) about taxidermists!
    Love your book; favorite part is the giant chicken at the front door.

  489. I loved the book. Even let my friend dead the 1st chapter on mykindke fire so she would get hooked on you & buy her own…..& she did. She is now a blogess reader & I’m getting her a t shirt for hrt birthday… thanks for being you!!!!!

  490. Well, I’m bummed about the extra chapter – and bummed that you’re not coming to MI. Bummer.

  491. Pick me!! Pick me!!! I bought your book on my kindle and didn’t get the extra chapter (throwing a temper tantrum) and NOT happy that San Antonio, Texas is not a stop on your tour (having another temper tantrum) Anyway, would love to get picked to use it as a bookmark, even though I wouldn’t need it for the kindle, so I will frame it instead, which is why you should pick me. -T

  492. Geek-a-Week? Hell yeah! I’m now glad that I haven’t gotten around to buying the book. Extra chapter! More Jenny!

  493. A) loving that you’re in Doctor mode on your trading card. That is epic.

    B) Since I bought the book on my e-reader when it came out, I’m just going to spend 10 minutes in Barnes and Noble reading the new chapter, laughing like a lunatic. In other words, my usual Saturday night.

  494. Love the bookmarks…and as my family gets me the pretty bookmarks every Christmas from Barnes and Noble that are metal and potentially a lethal weapon (turn a corner to quick and they fly out of the book) this would be awesome…and as a side note my son shot is first deer this year…the head is still in the garage as we have made a family project out of trying to preserve it…

  497. Loved it in Hardback and I will love it in paperback. And I have about 12 fucked up friends to pass it on to! Thanks for being transparent with your crazy so the rest of us don’t have to feel alone. XO

  498. Why in the fuck would you thank us?

    You’re the one who wrote that fabulous mother fucker. We should all be thanking you. It’s one of the best books I’ve ever read.

  499. Love the trading cards! Hopefully they will be on sale for us sad contest losers!

  500. Just yesterday I recommended this book to a friend! It’s funny every time. 🙂 I’ll be getting the paperback just for that chapter. That was some evil planning there…..

  501. Still wish you were coming closer to me, but I’ll settle for being able to afford the book. 🙂

  504. Stopped by Barnes & Noble and had them put an alert on my name so I’ll know when the paperback is in. I listened to the CD; it’s hard to drive when you’re out of breath from laughing. Just sayin’.

  505. I’m going to the KC book signing, where I will be getting one of your books! Do I get a card? 🙂

  507. No love for Philly makes me a sad panda 🙁 but I did add your book to my wishlist on Amazon and will be getting the paperback version much lighter to transport in my purse

  508. LOVE your book! I read it for book club…yeah I have a lot of effed-up friends, go figure. I also teach 8th grade, so your particular brand of effed-up humor is just what I need on a frequent basis. Oh, and I shared it with other middle school teachers, so today’s youth probably doesn’t stand a chance with us teaching them…

  510. Oooh, awesome cards! Also, I bought your paperback in England and it totally hasn’t got any new chapters. Which you just said it wouldn’t have. But still. You know. No. Okay. Coffee?

  511. I’d say I forgive you for not coming to Vermont but I never expected you would in the first place so I was never upset with you so…I acknowledge that no one wants to come to Vermont for a book signing and hope your time in more awesome states is…fine.

    /passive aggressive comment

  512. I can’t wait to get your book!!! I’m glad I waited so now I can get the extra chapter.

    Thanks for making my morning each day! I love your blog!

  514. New chapter? Woo-hoo! Guess we can read it for our “book club discussion” AGAIN! (excuse to drink a lot of wine and leave the kids with the husbands) Spasms of laughter = abdominal training, right?

  515. I just finished listening to your audio book last night and I might be in love with you, my dear quirky friend.

  516. If I buy the paperback will you sign that AND my original hardback when you come to Ohio? I was reading your book on a plane and LOL several months ago- the woman next to me kept trying to move away from me. She must have been a humorless old Hun- I need depends when I read your blog and comments!!!

  517. May have already been suggested in some form or other, but how about a low cost kindle download if that chapter for those of us who bought the hardcover (and people may buy it to check you out and when they see how freakin’ hilarious you are, then they’ll turn around and buy the whole book, so you’ll get their money twice–serves them right for not having more faith in you and buying the hardcover when it first came out).

  518. I am SO buying the paperback too. Now come to the Philly area on this book tour so I can get this one signed too!

  520. I bought the book on Kindle – and then was irritated at my Kindle (because it’s the cheap one) that I couldn’t see the pictures very well. So I DEFINITELY plan to buy the paperback. Probably multiple times so I can share you with my friends!

  521. Cannot wait to get the paperback, read the extra chapter, then pass it along to one of many friends who need it 🙂

  524. Thank you for the time you put in on this blog. It always makes me look at things a little differently, and it’s nice to get out of your own head from time-to-time.

  525. I was reading excerpts from your book to my sister as she was driving. We had to stop because she was laughing so hard she couldn’t concentrate on driving. I think she has a whole new view of human resource departments now!

  526. I am amused that you’re thanking people who shoplifted your book. Also, I read the title of this post and initially thought it said “buy me birdfeeders” and I wondered why you wanted a ton of birdfeeders.

  528. Definitely glad to find I’m not alone. For years I have said “I got on the wrong bus, and ended up on THIS planet. Now I seem to have misplaced my ticket.”

  529. You really need to consider coming to Detroit. I mean you are in Ohio for gods sake and we are much cooler. That said, I can’t wait to read your book. I am also going to get a copy for my son.
    PS I need plenty of book marks and I would need more if you came to Detroit.

  530. Jenny,
    Every day I check your blog for updates…it’s seriously like the highlight of my day. (Your twitter feed rocks too) Everyone at work knows when I’m on thebloggess.com cause they can hear my laughing! 🙂

    But seriously, Jenny….as a woman who has lived with anxiety and depression for the past 20 years, all I can do is say THANK YOU SO DAMNED MUCH for making me laugh when nothing else can.

  532. Oh, pleeeeease pick me! I have been struggling with the most crippling depression lately, and could really benefit from *something* going my way.

  534. Ooh… These would look good next to my Star Trek TNG and Dr. Who trading cards!
    Can’t wait for the new chapter 🙂 See you in Cali!

  536. Your book made me laugh so hard, there were a few times I was worried there would be a pants-wetting incident. I’m glad to report I am still a fan and not incontinent! Crossing my fingers and toes that I get my hands on some trading cards.

  538. Please come to St Augustine, Florida. Last time I made my friend drive from North to Atlanta to Buckhead. I was excited to get my book signed but jealous my friend met you and I didn’t

  539. Love the cards! And your book!

    I was re-reading it while waiting for jury duty. Partially because it made the time go a lot faster, but also in the hopes the someone would see the large chapter titles on the screen and keep me away from an actual trial. LOL!

  542. comment, comment, I love you, comment!

    My 17 year old, chose the 1st chapter of your book for her Forensics Contest. She memorized it, performed it, and won 3rd place!

  544. I lent this book out to a co-worker ( I don’t lend out books! People abuse my babies!!) Your book made me cry from laughter so many times! Absolutely love it!!

  546. We just moved from Cincinnati to Rochester, NY. Had I known that your book tour would stop in Dayton and Cincinnati, I probably wouldn’t have moved. Congratulations on the paperback edition! I can’t wait to pick up another copy.

  547. My hubby will be purchasing your paperback book for me as part of my Valentine’s Day gift (I already have the hardcover, but the only way to go to the signing in St. Louis is to buy a ticket that includes a book…and two drinks! Win!)

  548. I adore your website and loved reading your book. I actually bought a copy for a friend just so I would have someone to talk to about it. She loved it too!!

    The best part of the website is that it helps me keep perspective on the icky crap going on and that sometimes that voice in our head lies to us. Unless it’s talking about chocolate, then it never lies 🙂

  549. This book was life-alteringly funny…paperback will make lovely gifts for my friends who need their lives altered! 🙂

  550. Since I already have three copies of your book: won a preview copy on Goodreads, bought the hardcover, and the audio book, I’m not sure if I’ll invest in the paperback. (I may just go to the bookstore and read the new chapter in the coffee shop. Don’t judge). Anyway, I’d still love to have a “Geek of the Week” trading card for a bookmark. I see you still haven’t added “Wolverine” to your tour schedule yet. Hope your publicist gets on that tout suite.

  551. I can’t remember if I told you this before (I’m old, give me a break) but I helped advertise your book too. I was reading it at work (at lunch, honest!) and was laughing so hard I was having trouble breathing. OK, apparently I wasn’t precisely breathing at all but making whooping sort of noises. Since I am old and retiring in 140 days (but who’s counting…OK apparently I am), my co-workers thought they should call 9-1-1 or offer asthma inhalers. I was able, by way of primitive hand gestures, to kibosh that idea, and eventually communicate that I was laughing, not dying. I showed them the book and gasped out “very funny!” then went to the bathroom to change my undies.

  552. I already bought the book once, so I’ll just pirate the extra chapter…

    …and by that, I mean talk my sister into buying herself a copy and steal a peek at the extra chapter. I’m not sure how pirates will be involved, but I’m not making any assumptions when it comes to you Jenny.

  554. Loved your book! Read the ebook over Christmas Break & laughed so very hard! Looking forward to Bloggess trading cards. Thank God for your blog – I need something to keep me going until your next book comes out.

  555. Buy the paperback version, too?
    That would make two copies for me.
    With three you get eggroll?

  556. What the what???? You have trading cards? That is awesome! I already have tickets to come see you in Illinois! #10 and #11 watch out!

  557. Just got some rough test results back from the doc, and I was a little bummed….until I got on here and read about you thanking me for shoplifting your book. For the smiles you have given me, I will be happy to shoplift TWO copies of the paperback! 🙂 Thank you, Jenny….you make me smile on my darkest days.

  558. I loved your book and I plan on buying it in paperback. I just wish your tour was passing though my area.

  562. So… I tried to see you iin Chicago last summer while I was visiting there but tickets were sold out.. So now, closer to home, I’ll get to Phoenix to see you.
    Thanks for letting us all know that the best way to be successful is to be yourself!
    LOVE YOU! (not in a creepy way, but a “you’re so great” way)

  564. I heard about your book when my best friend called me, in tears. She read one line from it to me, and I nearly fell out laughing. I was traveling across country, moving by myself, and I downloaded the audiobook at the next wifi hotspot. The entire drive we voice messaged each other “have you read this yet?” “did you get to this part?” “oh, holy hell… just wait until you meet Jenkins”. It made a long drive a whole lot more bearable. That was almost a year ago, and I’ve stalked friends and family with requests to buy your book. They are always glad they did!

  566. Okay…I bought the hardcover-PREORDERED…then bought the Nook version…then bought the audio on itunes…if I win a card I promise to buy the paperback to complete my Bloggess collection and then we both win!

  567. Oh! Me! Pick me!

    Incidentally, I recently talked a friend through a crisis and into a treatment facility. I told him what I learned from you: Depression lies.

  568. I pre-purchased the kindle edition and loved it, but I’m looking forward to reading the paperback because I’m really old fashioned and like holding books in my hands.

  569. Is it selfish of me to want a Texas stop set in place for your book tour considering that you live here? Or are we Texans just supposed to carry around a copy of your book and stalk you? I’m sorry, I was late to the Bloggess party, so I wasn’t around for the first tour. I don’t know the proper etiquette for stalking in this regard.

    I’m totally dedicated now, though, so if I’m supposed to just mosey around the state looking for you in random places, just say the word.

    P.S. I’m totally harmless. I’d probably just stare or awkwardly wave if I did see you.

  571. Definitely sorry I moved out of the Cinci/Dayton area, but awesome bookmarks would be a great consolation prize. 😉 Your blog is brilliant, the book is absolutely hysterical, and you are an inspiration. 🙂

  572. I was just going to get the book from work, but I may now have to buy it for the new chapter. I’d love the bookmarks. I collect them!

  574. Oh holy shit. You replied to me in my comment. I’m squeeing. I think I just peed myself.

    I’ll see you on March 7th, and it really can’t get any better. Get to see Jenny, then I get to go to Florida to see the Detroit Tigers in Spring Training. OMGOMGOMGOMG

  576. I would like to have a Geek-a-week card! I bought your premium signed book ($125) and your regular retail priced book (and likely will get the paperback as well.) The reason the premium one was so expensive was because before I knew you were coming to NC, I had my cousin in San Antonio go to a bookstore where you were making an appearance and get a signed copy for me, which he then mailed. When I sent him the money for the book, I also included little gifts for each of his three children which meant I could not use a business sized envelope. So packaging became larger along with shipping costs, and I didn’t want him to think he was my own personal procurement center, so I threw in a little extra for his trouble and the cost of gas. Did you see how big San Antonio is? That’s a lot of driving, for which I was extremely grateful. Anyway, I was thrilled that I got a signed book in Charlotte AND you signed my Weasels Gone Wild picture for me. The Geek-a-Week card would be a nice accompaniment to my WGW picture. Hang in there on this tour. Do it for the Gipper. or the stripper. I’m not sure how that quote goes. Flipper?

  577. I am so terribly excited to see you in Chicago! I actually tried to go the last 2 (I think?) times and couldn’t. I totally bought 2 copies of the book for the signing so I can give one to my best friend for her birthday.

  578. Pick ME!!! Pick ME!!!! I just cannot WAIT till you are in San Francisco. Geek crush alert!!!! *not, NOT stalking* just sayin’…

  579. <3! Love the book, and can't believe I missed you when you were in San Antonio. (One of the few times I was out of town.)

  580. I will be driving 3.5 hours to see you in Paramus, NJ on March 5. I can’t wait!!! You totally rock (and if you can add a few more stops, say Philly, Baltimore, or even Harrisburg, PA, that would rock even more.)

  581. My mom bought me your book for christmas. She broke down and read it before she gave it to me. Its crazy how much your dad is like mine. Reading this blog is the highlight of my week. Thank you for being so awesome.

  586. Oooh, I would LOVE a geek-a-week card! How fun. Any chance you can stop off in San Diego again? I missed you on the last tour. 🙁 Actually, maybe I’ll plan a trip to Phoenix…that way I can meet you AND avoid seeing the in-laws who are planning on being in SoCal at the same time…Genious!

  587. I’m going to have to buy the paperback because I lent me hard copy to a friend and then she lent it to a friend and the friend “lost” it. And by lost I think she likes it and decided to keep it, so she’s an asshole with good taste.

  591. So, I told me friend about Beyonce the metal chicken an then she fell in love with you and she brought me your hardcover book for my last birthday as well as her own copy (the best BFF EVER) and last week she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer (which sucks so much that calling it a douche canoe doesn’t even come close to describing cancers ‘doucheness’) So my BFF is awesome and will be reading lots in the coming months of treatment and NEEDS some bloggess love in the form of a signed Geek of the week card, please. Also I wish I was making this shit up but I’m not and this request is what I can do for her.

  592. I could be your stalker of the week. Have your hardback version. Then my super cute roommate/husband asked me to put some crappy mystery audiobook on his ipod for long distance runs (as in “running”, not “the runs”). Instead, I downloaded your audiobook for a fun surprise for him. And you are totally “mysterious”, so I’m pretty sure I got the genre right. Now he likes to tell me stories about his “friend Jenny” when he gets back from his runs–which is nice that he likes you now since I bought him an 8 1/2 foot big metal chicken for our 15th anniversary last year and I think he had some pent up issues about that. Couldn’t find a 5-footer, so I had to settle. I added uplighting on the chicken, btw, and it looks amazing. The neighbors love me. Can’t wait to see you in KC…to complete the trifecta with the paperback version. Thanks for the laughs.

  593. I’m going to get the paperback version when it comes out. Because I’m broke and cheap and I need to read your book.

  594. You owned the Doctor look, you are now forever immortalized as a female Doctor – Go Bloggess!

  595. I bought the Kindle version. Read it. Loved it. Laughed. Cried. Some of it hit way too close to home. Great job!

  596. I have never seen these cards before in my life – they are so awesome! No wait, they are shoooo awshum! Love your writing and ability to create laughy, funny stuff. Please for writing a new book?

  598. I’d just like to say : box falls out of the sky, man falls out of the box, man eats fish custard, and look at you, just sitting there!

  599. Yay! I missed the first book tour so I am so excited your doing another! Also I’m super excited for the bonus gift of an extra chapter. I can’t wait! Thank you!!!!!!

  600. No, THANK YOU for being the perfectly awesome person you are and for being a huge champion for those whose need it most!

  601. An extra chapter AND a chance to win some Geek-a-Week trading cards?!?! Today just got so much better.

    And many thanks to you for letting all of us here know that we aren’t the only “oddballs” in the world. 🙂

  602. I convinced my whole family to read your book. You are a great author, and incredibly funny!

  605. Ooh! I want a geek-a-week card signed by you! In fact, I may have to go buy myself a whole set…

  610. I am almost through with the book. Love it. Laugh hysterically every time I pick it up, which I desperately need right now. Thanks for writing it and cheering me up! I am fixing to get laid off from my job.

  611. A new chapter? YAY now I can get it signed when you come to the Bay Area AND get a new chapter! 😀

  613. You mentioned my idea 🙂 (even if I didn’t inspire you, I still feel fancy) oh, and I don’t want a card. I just want you to know I love you <3 platonically, in case asexual teenagers scare you with our nonexistent romantic advances. Also, the library number is my favorite for fancy mathematical reasons. And also because of the library.

  616. I WANT THE CARDS. BAD. Please come to Denver. You might have heard that weird stuff happens to wild animals here, too. AKA the elk shot by texting police officers. You would fit right in.

  617. I LOST my first book. Worse yet, I lost it AFTER I put the signed sticker in it, the thing called a bookplate for some reason I haven’t figured out. So now I REALLY have to buy the paperback and get you to sign it here in Cincinnati!

  618. I started reading your book while waiting in the airport security line. Within 5 minutes I was shaking so hard with suppressed laughter that I was worried I wouldn’t be allowed past the ID check. 🙂

  619. I`ll see you when you get to Dayton! (and if I win the trading cards, I can have you sign those, even some random ones if you wish! )

  620. Your book was the only thing I asked for the whole time leading up to Christmas. I didn’t even ask for a new vacuum after ours prettymuch blew up.. I just used my tiny stick vac that had also broken but continued to run after I used postage tape to reattach the chunk that fell off of the canister housing after sucking up a huge garden spider and then realizing he wasn’t coming out of there without a fight and cracking the plastic while frantically trying to flush him down the toilet. Needless to say, I received your book in hardback Christmas morning, read it in a day and a half, and would absolutely love one of your trading cards to use as a bookmark when I get the paperback for the bonus chapter. I passed your book on to my mom. She and I are from Tomball, TX and her cousin has a cat that had kittens with a possum. i just misspelled that, but I’ll try and find the picture to increase my chances of winning. Congrats on your book!

  622. Yes, please. And thank you for being you. It’s good to have f*&ked up “role models” because life isn’t a hallmark movie and we are all a little insane now and again.

    I’d use the signed card for good and give it to my best friend; the one person on earth who gets me and gets you.

    Keep being awesome.

  623. Love your book! I think my hubby thought I’d gone nuts since I laughed so much while reading the book:)

  625. I was thrilled to be the first person at my local library to get the pleasure of reading your hilarious book (fucked up as it may be). I find myself telling everyone how funny it is, and that they must borrow it, before I realize that I don’t have my own copy. So yes, I will most certainly be purchasing a paperback copy – HURRAH!

  627. Pick me! Pick meeee! But seriously. Just wanted you to know you are my hero. For reals. You and Caitlin Moran. Who was introduced to me by you. So I guess that makes you the meta-hero…?
    (P.S. Are you a fan of Regina Spektor? Because if so, GODDAMNIT I WILL BECOME GAY FOR YOU. Too strong? Sorry, you and Victor. Come to Boise soon please!)

  628. So excited for the soft cover! I got my hard cover signed by you when you came to Canada. I am hoping the extra chapter is in the Canadian version too. It would be even better if you come to Canada again so I can get my soft cover signed too!!

  630. YOUR GEEK-A-WEEK CARD IS NEXT TO JEN FROM CAKE WRECKS GEEK-A-WEEK CARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BRAIN CANNOT HANDLE THAT MUCH AWESOMENESS, EVEN IN A PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  631. i was going to ask you what birdfeeders you wanted me to buy. then i decided to just roll with it.
    if i can work up the nerve, i’m going to come and see you in cincinnati.

  633. I haven’t bought the book yet and so I look forward to reading it! And what awesome bookmarks! Thanks for such a fun giveaway!

  634. I’ve bought two hardcovers so far, got one signed, (remember me, best friend who saved your life? At least thats how I asked you to sign my book) and I’m sure I’ll buy a paperback. I might need professional help.

  635. So I listened to your audio book while helping my uncle out folding paper at his factory. my only other coworkers was a (nonenglish speaking) hmong couple. I was laughing soo friggeden hard while listening to it on my headphones that i was keeled over with gut wrenching laughter over my folding table. They kept giving me horrible glares and gestures through out the whole book (which just made it way more funny). At one point while in tears I hit the sensor on the table that caused a medal rod of glue to slam down on my arm. It hurt and was sticky but I just laughed all the harder. Thank you so much for sharing your memoirs! I found them to be simply unforgettable. Every chance I get, I tell ppl to buy your book! Thanks again! Please write another book!
    Venessa

  636. your book made me cackle out loud at my therapists office, she was terrible and I dumped her, so you win. or at least I think that’s how this works.

  637. oooooooooo pick me, pick me!!!!!!!!! maybe it will make up for not coming to Calgary, Canada!!! xo!

  638. I should probably buy the paperback now that I’ve lent out my hard cover to all my no-good friends and it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting it back any time soon. The more the merrier!

  639. You’re coming to Kansas City–not only on a day that is good for me, but during my spring break, when I don’t have to worry about studying. So. You’re just ten kinds of awesome. I’m going to get a paperback for it–excited for the extra chapter; read the hardback from the library.

  640. Wow. You do realize you just did something most other authors haven’t done before. I mean, besides being awesome. You pulled a stunt like the entertainment industry does to sell more movies. Maybe your next book should only start with 5 chapters. You could drag it on FOREVER!

  643. My comment is awaiting moderation, which is nice, because the world needs more moderation. As Cicero said, “Never go to excess, but let moderation be your guide.” And in the wise words of that other great philosopher, Lindsay Lohan, “My motto is: Live every day to the fullest – in moderation.” I promise I’m not really a stalker. Just a fan. A fan that likes trading cards. And now I’ve probably triggered the “awaiting moderation”-bot again using the “s” word again. Poo.

  644. I still have the picture I got taken of you and me when you were in Portland on my phone, makes me happy when I see it! Good luck on your next tour and take care of yourself! We all love you!

  645. Good news, Jenny and all you Canadians…just checked the Chapters/Indigo website and it DOES in fact advertise the new chapter! So at least we Canadians can get THAT since Jenny’s only touring the States right now! Come up here to The Great White North, Jenny…have some Beaver Tails, play some hockey, build an igloo with us, eh!!

  647. Thank you Jenny… for your courage in telling your story …and with such humour and warmth… that the rest of us are empowered to say, “we too are unique, a misfit, wonderfully warped and utterly fabulous”
    Love,
    Christine

  650. I have the hardback and the audio, of COURSE I need the paper back to complete my set! The “bookmark” would top it all off perfectly.

  651. I loved the book!! I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma. It’s good to know Texas is just as crazy. You didn’t have a story about an armadillo that lived under a trailer that would suck worm out of your hand but Jenkins was just as good…

  652. Thank you, jenny. I missed you when you were in Portland due to social anxiety, i hope you come back so i can try again.

  653. Yay for giving away stuff after making me buy more stuff!

    I have the hardcover… but now I have to buy the paperback too. If I can actually force myself out of my house this time for the tour date, will you sign both? Or if you get too overwhelmed, you can come hide in my house with me if you want. I have two orange kitties who will help keep us company, and one black one that will stalk and glare. That should make you feel at home, right?

    *Prepares a music list to calm the lying bastard for the tour date day*

  654. I bought the hardback book but I am still going to buy this one. 🙂 Maybe one day you will make it to an area near me in central Florida or I will be closer to a place you are visiting and I can get you to sign them, in the bathroom of course. Thank you for letting all of know that we are not alone. Not only in mental illness but it pure awesome akwardness.

  656. I’m new to your blog and am HOOKED! I just read all the way back through 2011. So sad I didn’t know about you earlier. Would you care to add a stop to Utah on your book tour? 🙂

  658. Those cards are fantastic. I’d also like one for Cakewrecks, but I guess I’ll have to spam a different blog for that.

  661. I wish you were coming my way again! I had to miss you last time because I was sick and selfishly wanted to keep my germs to myself. I can’t wait to buy the paperback copy!!!

  662. The South African paperback version came with a prescription for antibiotics. So thanks, I guess?

  667. I adore you and your quirkiness and I need to win because my knitterfriends and I have a thing for quirky hilarious books and such.

  668. awe bummer no Upstate NY or PA signings happening yet… Meeting you in person is on my bucket list, so hopefully you do more signings in the future…

    Glad your book is doing well… but really did you ever have any doubts? You are hilarious!!

  669. We’ll be there in San Fransisco to see ya. Although I still think it’s just an elaborate April Fools joke and when we get there it’ll just be Wil Wheaton sitting at a table collating papers.

  671. So excited for the new chapter! My fiancé and I love your book and recommend it to everyone we know!

  672. YES! Paperback & extra chapter for less?!?! *pulls out wallet* So psyched you’re going to be in SF 😀

  673. If we don’t win the cards…will we be able to buy them ?

    Oh, pretty, pretty please with pink glitter?

  676. I feel like a pusher or could possibly be your pimp, for all the people I’ve shared your book with. Id never make you share your hoeing money with me like a pusher or pimp, but trading cards would be cool! Just saying…

  677. My copy of your book seems to be on permanent loan to everyone I know! Which could be a good thing, cause I almost wet myself when reading it, and this is embarrassing when I am in public…. Can’t wait for your second book!

  681. I probably shouldn’t post this on a contesty post with an abundance of comments, but I just want to say thank you for talking about depression and anxiety like it’s a way of life. I was just reading a blog where this person was all, “I never understood why people take medication for anxiety or depression and I used to judge, but now I know why, and I’m sorry for judging,” and then three sentences later, they talk about how they’re all fixed now and have sorted out their problems (unlike the rest of us who are too [judgment goes here] to do the same?).

    Anyway, we fight it and fight it and tomorrow may be the hardest day yet, but thank God we can be honest about it. Thank God we know it’s something we have to deal with and consider in everything we do because we’re fighters and we refuse to let it become who we are or even pretend that it isn’t at least partly responsible for who we’ve become.

    Sure, I hope you kick anxiety and depression’s ass for good, but even if you don’t, even if I don’t, it doesn’t matter. We’re still awesome even with it.

  682. Me, me, me! I have a signed hardback, but I sent a copy to my daughter and she NEEDS a signed bookmark 🙂 When are these cards going to be available to us fans? PS: We are in the UK, if you are only mailing in the US then I will bow out gracefully…well, as gracefully as I do anything. BUT we still need those cards, soon xx

  684. The hardback was fantastic, going to have to get the paperback too. The trading card would be like… Orgasmic.

  685. I will see you in KC. I have got tickets to 2 previous events there and had to miss both of them. I’ve got a good feeling about this one.

  686. I bought the book to read on my kindle. How about selling the extra chapter the same way?!

  688. No need for the thanks – your book was fan-fucking-tastic! I’ll buy it again. 🙂

  690. Having bought your book as a e-book, I guess this is an awesome way to insire I get a paper copy. Well played Bloggess! Well played.

  691. I borrowed the book from a friend in book club, which by the way is the book this month! I will be getting the soft bound copy. I can relate entirely to your book and have read many chapters to my husband who at first did not want to hear it, then found himself laughing uncontrollably then saying “hey, that sounds like us” We very much have a relationship like you and Victor. Thanks for the laughs, Robin Bird. No that is not a code name, a secret squirrel name, that is my married name. I have the fortune or misfortune depending on how you look at it to fall in love with a guy named Tony Bird and married him, thus Robin Bird. You are welcome!

  692. I bought the book for my Kindle and am having buyers remorse. I want the new chapter! Wonder who needs a slightly used copy?

  693. LOVED your book and will buy it again in soft cover just for the extra chapter! The trading card is awesome and the curlers make you kinda look like princess Leia!

  694. I bought the paperback-version (none other available) through amazon UK last year, and now feel totally cheated!
    No pretty hardback to help stabilise my tables and no extra chapter – I was robbed, ROBBED I say!

    And I need more bookmarks- my wife is tired of finding little snippets of newspaper everywhere in the house (ok, bathroom – where else do you get some free time to read in peace?) because they are:
    A:small and available bookmarks
    B:too small actually and fall out everywhere
    C…and then I need another one
    D:…and another one…It’s a vicious circle!

  695. LOve you , love your book and I would love to get the trading cards. I can see the cards framed .

  697. Couple of things: 1) I read an excerpt from the vagina chapter to my husband last night. We decided he would get the lightning bolt and I would get a cloud. Or an umbrella. Or maybe a lightning rod (although that might be better off with him…). Anyway, now that that’s out of the way… 2) I really understand how you felt during pregnancy. I don’t have that disorder that you do, but I have a history of lung blood clots so I had to do 2 injections of Lovonox every day in my stomach. The worst part was when the bruises turned all sickly yellow/green. That’s not the only part in the book that I related to, but I completely sympathized with you on that. I just wanted to let you know that. 🙂 I would love a bookmark, but even if I don’t win, you’re awesome! (And your book makes me laugh so hard that I snot)

  701. Bookmark! I NEED me a book mark, see. Very badly. Otherwise all of my books will have the scarlet letter of books for age to come. That being the folded dog-ear corner, of course. I was actually unaware of the scarlet letter of books, until I borrowed one from my sister and she pummeled me mercilessly for it.

  702. No…..thank YOU. Thank you for writing your book, for writing your blog- for having the courage to show people that strange misfits are not only perfectly good people, but in fact are some of the best people out there. Thank you for being our Emperor of Weird. You rock, Miss Lawson.

    Oh and even though I have the hardcover, I am SO buying the paperback because
    A) I will not let other people read that extra chapter without me.
    B) It says “New York Times Best Seller” on it and well, that is just awesome.
    C) You got a freaking endorsement from Augusten Burroughs!! That is just way too much amazing for one book.

  703. Your book has been by far one of the best of books I have read for years. Thanks for putting your stories out there for everyone to read and relate to.

  704. Is it unhealthy that I felt pangs of unbridled (only they were “bridled”? because I didn’t act on them. Mind you what would I have done really…) jealousy over the geek-a-week cards?

    Is it wrong that I wanted desperately (only not actually desperate in the sense that I didn’t do anything about it – but only because I don’t know who to beg or offer blow-jobs to) to see my own character printed on one of those cards?

    Is it sad that this is what my life has come to? Don’t answer the last one. Please.

  705. I LOVED the book! I passed it on to my boss who also loved it and passed it on to her daughter! We are single-handedly getting everyone in America to read your book, but with only one copy sold….sorry about that!

  706. Holy crap! I want a geek a week card!

    Also I’m super excited you’re finally coming to Kansas City and I can’t wait!

  710. Feeling a little cheated on the extra chapter. Is it cheating if I just read it at the bookstore without buying another copy??

  711. i’m still sad you arent really considering the invite to my home. I have cats. it’s like we were separated at birth. but only by many years, different mothers, different states- all technicalities.

    I WANNA WIN

  712. Hey, so what about a tour up here in Cananda… Show some love to your fans up here… I promise we’d make it worth your while.

  714. I get the giggles every time I think “Frankengyna”. It kinda pops into my head during pap tests, the Dr was like “what the F***”.

  715. I am thrilled that the book has gone to paperback. Probably not as thrilled as you are, but still. Are you buying more strange/interesting stuff on eBay than before the book ?

  722. I would really like some Geek cards. Please! Also, in your picture on your geek card, you sort of resemble Lilith from Cheers/Frasier. I think it might be the suit. I totally mean this as a compliment. Do I win? Is this a weird time to ask you about visiting Colorado on your tour?

  723. me! me! pick me!
    i have no good or witty reason for why you should pick me.
    other than the fact that i want it.

    please?

  724. I’m coming to see you when you’re in Chicago! I bought your hardcover, and now the paperback, and I’m considering bringing a Beyonce statue for you to sign…..and of course I need trading cards to use as a bookmark.

    I promise not to leave any sleepy kittens on your table. Unless you want me to.

  725. I love you, love your book, would so love to meet you at a book signing but you are not coming anywhere near me (FL) this time around (planned strategy?). However, a Bloggess trading card/bookmark would soften the blow a little… Either way, I still love you and you make me laugh a lot ~ so thanks!!!

  726. Who looks at a hair dryer and thinks, “Ooh, this could be a little more sonic?”

    No, wait, actually that would be genius. Would it do my hair for me?

  727. You know I have to get the paperback! I have to see the extra chapter. 🙂 And I just loaned my hard cover to my son’s girlfriend. We were on the subject of taxidermy and whether or not she would allow it in her house. My son seams to think that having it would be awesome. I told her to read your book and then make an informed decision! Evil of me right? hahaha. And she has depression and anxiety issues too. So I told her it really is a must read and so funny you won’t be able to contain yourself! My husband chose that moment to walk into the room and say, “are you talking about the book I wouldn’t let you read at night?” Yes, he banned me from reading it in the bedroom because I’d wake him up snorting. 🙂

  728. I love your book, and read most of it to my husband, because he couldn’t figure out why I was laughing myself to tears.

    And geek of the week cards? Just cool.

  731. Love the book; love your blog. You make me laugh on days when I want to cry. Thanks for being you!

  732. Pick me! Pick me! I love those cards!

    Also, I read the ebook on my Kindle…wondering if you can sell just the new chapter on Amazon? I would totally buy it.

  737. I love bookmarks! You should come to north Florida on your book tour, if nothing else then for the people watching. We’ve got some good ones down here in the redneck riviera! 🙂

  738. After receiving my signed book sticker when the hardback came out, I can hardly miss the opportunity to see you in person AND own another copy of the book! Looking forward to seeing you in St. Louis!!

  740. I’m bent out of shape that you will be on tour near me when I’m going to be away having dental work done in a 3rd world country (you only think I’m joking).

  741. Please send a bookmark to me. I love to read and I find you entertaining. Not as in, I like watching you eat paste entertaining but kind of.

  742. I’m going to have to buy two copies. The friend I’d loan it to never returns my books. You make my day every time I stop by to read. Thanks!

  743. My hubby ordered me your paperback as a “late” valentines day gift. can’t wait to read it!! each time you post, it’s like christmas! but with dead animals under the tree…

  745. I shall then be the owner of two hardcover and one paperback editions, therefore insuring that there is always a copy ready to lend to my fucked up friends when they need it. Huzzah!

  746. I read the hard cover version. I meant to review it for my blog but recently realized that I never got around to it. Of course, it’s been a few months since I read it which means I need to read it again before I can write up a review. (Just to get some details right… I don’t need to reread it to remember that it was hilarious and I loved every page.) Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to convince my wife to read it. (READ: Endlessly annoying her by fixating on her reading your book.) So far I’ve been unsuccessful. Partly because she’s fallen in love with e-Books on the Kindle or iPad and partly because I think my constant, annoying “You should read this” statements are making her not want to read it. I pledge to wear her down and get her to read it, though!

  749. Who needs 3 copies of LPTNH? THIS GIRL. Just wish the paperback tour brought you to DC … oh, and hello signed Geek of the Week cards!

    CRASH

  751. I’ve given this book to so many people, it was just great. Looking forward to reading the extra chapter.

  752. Love the cards! Love the book! Wish you were coming back to Seattle though! I missed you last time because I can’t read apparently. I read the dates and times wrong so I requested the wrong time off work. Go me. 😛

  753. I got to meet you in NJ, wish I could meet you again this next time around, but I’ll be at work. I’m looking forward to your new chapter though! Thanks for all the laughs!

  754. I wish you were coming back to Denver but it’s ok 🙂 I am buying the paperback just for the extra chapter 🙂 thank you for making me smile, giggle and all around being happy 🙂 love yourbblog posts and I recently got my friend and husband involved in reading too. Thank you 🙂

  755. Well, looks like I need to get the paperback copy for that extra chapter. One day they will make a gritty Breaking Bad-esque show about my addiction to your blog, and the side effects are weird dreams about squirrel corpse puppets and vaginas which sounds terrifying to those that haven’t read, but hillarious to us who have.

  756. I will buy another and I will not leave it for someone else! I will keep it and love it forever. It can be my emergency back up copy that I can carry around in case of a bad day!

  758. I would love one of your cards!! And I love that you have the Jen Yates one from Cakewrecks displayed right below yours 🙂

  759. Your publisher is brilliant. I will have to purchase the paperback because I can’t stand missing out on the extra chapter. Now I will have your book in both hardback and paperback. Hell, I might as well download it on my Kindle too! Oh well. It’s a small price to pay for the amusement that it will bring.

  760. Ha! Guess what all of my friends are getting for Arbor Day, National Maritime Day, their birthdays, and Christmas! Spread the paperback love…wait, that sounds dirty.

  761. Loved the book, can’t wait to read the new chapter! ^^ I hope it will make it to Europe as well!

  763. I love you and I love your book. I’ll probably buy the paperback, too. My husband read it on his trip to Ireland and said, “I can see why you like her…she’s inappropriate and says ‘vagina’ a lot.”

  767. I want to win please. And I really want your book tour to come closer to NW Iowa. I’ll settle for Omaha, NE. Kansas City is closer than your last tour, but come on, small towns in the Midwest need you! 🙂 As a new library director, I quickly added your book to our collection because it rocks, and others need you. Not that I’ve been to west Texas, but I’m certain Iowa is similar. Please please please please please….

  768. ME! Memememememememeee!!! Pick ME!! You made me love you with Beyonce, and then the Sloth and Kangaroo stories. Hope you have some fun on your book tour.

  769. Trading cards?! That’s hilarious. I now want to make them of all of my friends, or maybe just the awesome ones. I preordered your book from Amazon and am anxiously awaiting its arrival…. 🙂

  770. OMG. You have your own trading card?? And to think I knew you when you were nothing but the PR Agent for the Blessed St. James Garfield. Well, I didn’t really know you. But I read your blog. And I tweeted at you. That passes as “knowing” these days, right? And St. James Garfield is blessed and that’s almost biblical and that adds a whole new dimension of “knowing” you which is probably best we don’t think about too much…

  773. Please come back to Maryland!! I was so sad I missed your signing last time you were here. We can hide in the bathroom with wine slushies and dead animals. It will be fun!

  774. Monday we buried my grandma in the freezing rain just days after a blizzard. It was the fastest graveside service on record, with one family member staying in the car to keep warm and off the ice. Grandma, who didn’t want to waste money, was in a simply pine/cloth covered casket and I couldn’t help but love the clear plastic cover she had on. It was like a giant old ladies rain bonnet.

    Afterwards the six of us went to the local diner for breakfast – where my Mom and Aunt agreed that Grandma wasn’t buried in the plot she paid for but this one was better and already dug so everyone wins.

  775. Ooh pick me, pick me! My kids always steal my bookmarks, usually when I’m at a really good part in a book — I think because they like to hear me scream when I can’t find my place again. This, at least, would give them something new to steal.

  777. I’m a geek-a-day kind of girl…I’m way to geeky for just a week…but would love a card anyway! I can use it while I sit in Barnes and Noble and read the extra chapter because I own the hardback edition already. And made my family read it as well. But I won’t be sharing the card with them. It will be all mine…..

  780. Really hoping the Canadian version has the extra chapter…..waiting for it to be available, then purchasing as soon as possible!!! Love it!

  781. I loved your book and bought six more to give away as gifts. Although I don’t suffer from depression, I know so many who do and all of the people I sent your book to do deal with their own personal form of it. They’ve ALL gotten back to me and have all fallen in love with you as much as I have. You rock. Your book(s) rock. Your blog(s) rock. Thank you for rockin’ our world!!! Oh, and I’d LOVE one of your cards as a bookmark. :o)

  782. I’d love to win an autographed The Bloggess Geek a Week trading card! Today is the one year anniversary of my blog, “The Jousting Life”, so it would make a nice anniversary present from one very successful blogger to one aspiring blogger.

  783. Just finished it and am already plotting who I can gift it to. My eldest daughter the foul mouthed, tatooed social worker is #1.

  784. A thing, a thing, a free thing! I need that, especially since it has your likeness! Loved the book, and even though I bought the hardcover sans extra chapter I don’t feel like I got the short straw. Also, regarding your post about random people un-following you on Twitter, my Twitter name gets me RANDOM messages from German bronies – written in German, which I do not speak – how cool/messed up is that!?!

  787. Have you selected winners yet? Last time I won anything was in third grade – colouring contest. Worked my ass off. Borrowed markers from a classmate because they were fine felt tip and I couldn’t finish with the shit thick crayola ones I had. Bottom line – I won a sweet Care Bears binder. Care Bears picture was on the front. I didn’t win Lot of Heart’s binder or anything. That would have been awesome. On an unrelated note – I got my dog from the shelter and that was her birth name. We now call her Moo. Oh – I’m buying the paperback book. I got the first one on my iPad from the Kindle store. I want to dog ear corners and write in it with a pen and highlight it with a real highlighter. I hope I randomly win.

  789. Holy shit! It took FOREVER to scroll to the end of the comments from my phone! As for the newest version of the book… Why WOULDN’T I want another copy for myself?? Lol

  790. Now I get to pay it forward, book style! I’m gonna get the paperback, read the shit out of that new chapter, and then leave it somewhere it can be useful, like soup shop where all the angsty teens get lunch, or the my gynecologist’s office. Thank you!!!

  791. omg, these geek-a-week cards are uh-mazing! The Penn & Teller is frighteningly accurate. And the Wil Wheaton leaves me speechless…

  793. Wait, Writer/Doctor? When did that happen. Woah, I think I missed something. Damn it! Ooh, something shiny… what was I saying?

  794. I’m debating between Cincinnati (which I’ve finally learned how to spell properly) and Louisville (which I’ve always known how to pronounce properly). Of course, they don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Oh, and I have lots of books, so I could use MORE bookmarks.

    Feel free to make a side-trip to Lexington while you’re in the fine state of KY, so I don’t have to battle my anxiety to drive out of town. Here’s a fun fact: William Shatner lives just west of Lexington in a town called Versailles, and I’ve heard it rumored that he visits Joseph-Beth (the bookseller you will be visiting in Cincinnati) from time to time. No lie.

  796. I’m contemplating coming to see you in either Dayton or Cincinnati, but why can’t you come to Columbus, too? Or should I just suck it up and drive the little bit, since you have already come so far?

    Hmm…this is weird.

  797. I absolutely love your book. I am contemplating on reading it again, so I don’t have to stop reading your thoughts… OR you could just make it easy on me and write another book 🙂

    Thank you again!

  798. Since I am positive that you have been desperately trying to figure out a way to gain my forgiveness for not coming to a city close to me, I suppose that I could consider accepting one of these cards as an apology. The pain has been great but I could forgive you and we could be besties again. Ok maybe we will never be besties but I can dream right?

  799. I can’t wait to read it! I am the odd sort of misfit who doesn’t like hardcover books as much as paperbacks, and I didn’t have a job until relatively recently. So now that THAT’S worked out, I can’t wait to buy it!

  800. I’ll take a card, not that I need it as most books I read are on my tablet.
    But hey I have your hardback book and got screwed out of the extra chapter so you owe me one, Right ?

    Love your style of BatShit Crazy.

  801. I loved your book and annoyed my husband by laughing out loud while I read it. First book I ever had to stop reading because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t read the words. Needless to say, I had to share. I bought the book for my best friend and convinced another friend to read it. She passed it onto her sister who struggles with depression, and it has done great things for her. I also managed to get my husband addicted to your blog! Thanks for just being you Jenny!

  802. I totally want one. Mabe it will help with my depression over no longer being able to use my standard username, danalynn227 due to MY NAME having a naughty word unit that is now block by a bunch of sites….wtf.

  803. Those cards sound awesome. I read your book in ebook format and Me enjoyed it. Will to get it again to read the extra chapter. I saw beyonce Beyonce’s skinny Floridian sister the other day.

  804. You make laugh out loud so often,thank-you so much! I have shared your blog and book with many friends. Can’t wait to see your new book.

  805. I want a Bloggess trading card! HOw cool would that be! I do have your book btw. Read it. Loved it. Keep it safe on my Kindle. 🙂

  806. I purchased the hardback three times for three different friends (almost bought a fourth but thought you might think I was stalking you), and I can’t wait to finally own my own copy. We plan on seeing you in Cincinnati and can’t wait!

  807. After reading it last month, I suggested that my book club read your book this month. I am looking forward to a lively and fun discussion:)

  808. Jenkins, you motherfucker is my favorite chapter (so far). We just had jumbo quail the other day for dinner. I was reading it at work laast week (during my lunch hour, of course!) and was weeping with laughter. I am pretty sure my male co owrkers just thought I was weeping. My sister got me reading your blog and was so excited your book was coming out. She died of cancer right before it was published and did not get to see it. So I bought it and am loving it. I needed the laughter. And the weeping. Thanks.

  809. OMG!!! I want! I want! I want! That way I can say I own a piece of a celebrity! Ok, a signature of a celebrity…unless you’d like to spit on the card as well? Oh and as a side note when ever I see a metal chicken I yell “Knock, Knock, Motherfucker!” Most people give me a smiling nod but others seem offended…go figure?

  810. Hell, ya! New purchasing to happen! So far, I’ve;

    -bought 3 hard copies of the book (one for me, one as a gift, and one to loan out…)
    -recommended the book as Christmas presents, one of which I know ACTUALLY. HAPPENED. I was THERE!
    -bought it as an ebook via Kindle. Or iBooks. Something. I just know I can read it in words on my iPad.
    -bought the audio book. (Hello, Victor? I’m going to be a large contributor towards Hailey’s higher education. You should be very, very nice to me.)

    Jenny, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for being you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share you with my mom, my sisters, and other assorted girlfriends (although, now that I’m thinking about it, I have a few guyfriends that would probably enjoy your book as well. Could you add a montage?). You make my heart happy.

  812. I bought the nook version of the book I wonder if I can buy a book twice on an e-reader or maybe just the extra chapter I will have to look into it or call and annoy the people at barns and noble which ever sounds more fun I’m thinking the phone call….

  813. I get to see you on March 19th and I’m so excited! I’m dragging my mom and sister with me! The 3 of us are taking the day of work and driving into Dayton. Which technically isn’t that far. But we’re making a day of it. And I figure there will be a huge line just to get into where the signing is. Really, we are leaving the night before, bringing my dad’s tent, and camping out in front of the store all night. Remind me to tell my mom and sister this plan somewhere around the 18th of March. (Most of this comment is true. Except the tent. I don’t do tents. It’ll be an open air, foam mattress with a down comforter. Or we’ll be leaving a few hours before the signing, in time to get dinner in Dayton and then go stalk the book store until 7 and then you from 7 on. Is it really stalking though if so many people will be there for the same purpose? I wish I knew what to have you sign. Your book seems too obvious. I mean it’s a book signing so clearly I need to bring a toilet seat or a metal chicken or an eggplant or something. Or a banana and a toothpick. But that won’t keep long. Unless I photograph it.)

  815. I remember when my Mom, whilst we were in a bookstore, ran off to the humour section and popped up with a copy of your book, insisting she had to read me a section. Which she did, quite loudly. It was the part about the pet raccoon latching onto your sister’s face. My mom and I giggled in a bookstore next to a bunch of overpriced purses holding a book with a mouse dressed as Hamlet on the front. Needless to say, I bought it.

  817. Long time follower, first comment 🙂

    In it to win it. “It” being the Bloggess trading card, in case that wasn’t obvious.

    If you ever come to WA state, I’ll be first in line!

  818. I’ve been wondering if you’d watch that new taxidermy show on tv. I forgot we aren’t friends in real life.

  821. Paperback? Extra chapter? But I still haven’t gotten over the British version being so much swirlier.

  824. hmm .. I buy a paperback version weeks ago .. german amazon.. but it was in english .. and now I’m confused .. but to be confused is quite normal this year.. I hope .. hmm..

  825. I adore your blog. It wasn’t until last year that I was introduce to your blog from my sister. She told me when ever she was having a bad day she would come and read your post about the metal chicken to cheer herself up. Since then I’ve not been able to stop reading.
    Please bring your book tour to Australia. I’d come and I’d make sure you filled the room!

  826. I never win anything

    You’re like my biggest fan

    No, not that, I am Stan, or not.

    How did that tape get out of the car?

    Send me the Cards and I’ll Tell ya!

    You’re welcome………. to put an extra chapter in the book for the US, what’s it on Exercise?

  830. I am taking vacation to see you in Dayton. Because you are that awesome. And I am dragging at least 5 friends along with me. Because they agree you are that awesome.

  831. Sure do wish the Waaaaay down South could get a visit. Super Sad Kitty eyes (I’m emoticon challenged. I don’t really understand how to work them).

  833. Loved your book Jenny…when you wrote about feeling homesick for your childhood resonated with me. Thank you for sharing your experiences. They make me feel a whole lot less lonely knowing there are others out there who’s thought processes are just as strange and wonderful as mine 🙂 Have a great time on the next leg of your book tour and come visit us on the east coast of Canada would you?

  834. That would be an awesome bookmark! Thank you for being out there, writing books, blogging, tweeting.

  835. You know what’s awesome? You’re coming to St. Louis, AND the ticket for the event, comes with TWO drinks, AND it’s down the street from my house so I don’t even have to drive. Totally acceptable to get f’d up at a book signing right?

  836. Congrats on the success of your book! It’s one of the few where I’ve actually LOLed. Or if I was reading it in public, do that weird-internal-laugh-scrunched-up-face-trying-not-to-burst-out-laughing.

  838. LOVE your book – still in the process of reading it. Not gonna lie, I love how you talk about your anxiety. Helped me gain the courage to get some help. Keep it up!!

  839. Yay new edition! Congrats on all your success.. and yes please to a geek-y card for a bookmark – my son keeps taking off with all my bookmarks.. I think he’s eating them. Or making an insanely lopsided card-house type of structure.

  840. I read it twice and laughed and cried…then I loaned it to my Mom who never gave it back…now I just cry.

    (I want my book back, Mom!)

  842. I was reading your book last year when I was in the hospital waiting for surgery. The last part I read was about the smoking unicorn, then they gave me the ‘happy juice’. If you’re going to be knocked right out and half naked in front of a room full of strangers, you might as well be dreaming about asshole smoking unicorns, right? Hope we get the new chapter here in Canada, it’ll be worth it!

  845. Since the drawing is random, it really makes no difference what anyone writes, but I will say that I scared a few fellow passengers because I snorted when I tried to keep from laughing out loud while reading your book on a plane trip to Florida. And that was on my way to a funeral. Sorry, Jim.

  846. Awesome book, Jenny. My best friend gave it to me, and I have bought copies for two other friends. Hope to see you in Texas for your book tour!

  847. They’re like Garbage Pail Kids, but adults. And for specific actual human beings. No doubt there was a real Jenny Genius. I identify more with Jiggly Jennifer myself – she’s like the jello version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

  849. I bought the ebook for myself…sent a hardcopy to my friend in Canada and one to my friend who’s spending a year in New Zealand (bless her heart). I have single-handedly ensured you are in three different countries. I’m kind of proud of me.

  850. i’d fucking love these cards.
    and i have your book, but in hardcover. if i am honest and say i probably won’t buy the paperback, can i still have the trading cards? don’t make me beg.

  851. I am SO excited this book is coming out in paperback! Pre-ordered for sure! And would love a card because you are totally awesome!

  852. Yeah, I was a little hurt about the extra chapter! Can you just email it to those of us who can prove we bought the book? 😉

  853. So, I pre-ordered the hardback for my sister and me; I bought copies (at independent bookstores) for beloved friends, and now will be ponying up for the extra chapter in the paperback. I missed you on tour when you came to DC (I was there for 8 months, and you came the ONE weekend I was in California!) Now, I’m echoing the “come to Europe” call…I’ll even fly up from Kosovo just for a signing! I know you’d go over big at Forbidden Planet!

    But my logistical brain (no, that is not a typo) wants to know what a Bloggess Trading Card trades for…I’ve got a few Geek a Week cards around here somewhere…somebody make me an offer!

  854. Those cards are kind of cool! Although I was secretly hoping they were postcards. But that’s because I have a postcard obsession.

    I bought your book and took it with me on our honeymoon last year. Well, I bought the eversion, so it arrived during my honeymoon. I read it on the plane ride home. My husband says the people sitting near us kept looking at me funny because I was laughing so much. Thanks for that. Fun times.

  855. I am leaning out what is posing as a window (there is no glass) of a treehouse just to get one tiny bar of reception on my phone. My ‘Victor’ has kidnapped me under the guise of a holiday to get me away from technology and get back to nature. Nature my ass. There’s a goddamn 3m python circling the shack! So believe me when I say I nearly fell out of a tree when I finally got enough reception to log onto my Dearest Bloggess. I have your book and even bought the audio cd to hear you read it (I listened to it on the plane). Even though hearing James Earl Jones say “vagina” would have been a riot. So, I’ll probably fork out for this next edition with the fancy new chapter, but wouldn’t it be a giggle if you chose me for the Geek a Week card whilst not supposed to be near the internet? I think so. Please reward me for my devotion. I promise to send pics of Monty (the python) if I survive. Did I mention there’s no coffee here? They claim the dandelion tea they serve is a coffee substitute. I assure you, it is not.

  856. Those are the cutest danged things ever. Now to decide if the price of a paperback is worth an extra chapter….hmm….

  857. Those geek of the week things are awesome! I’m reading the book right now and love it. My mom got it for me and she told my brother that it was a book about a mouse. I think it’s better that way.

  858. I love me some affordable books! I’ll keep an eye out, and promise to nab it at the first possible opportunity!
    Pick me pick me! 😀

  859. Wow, a giveaway really brings out the comments, huh?! I bought, and read, and loved the hardback, and gave it to my mother for her birthday, and gave it to my creative writing lecturer who is now making it a required reading. Now I’m sulking about the mystery chapter, but a prize would help!

  860. Tossing my name in the hat. I ended up puking through the Dallas tour stop and my mom and new friend helped me “walk” to the car. Good times…I hear. There are some random pictures that were on my camera the next day.

  861. Hi Jenny! We have the hardcover and kindle version and THANK YOU for the bookplate!! Would love to read that last chapter…hope the raccoons are in it 🙂 Let the fairy godmother we say hello!
    Amy & Jeff

  864. Damnit! I paid the big bucks (normally I’m a tightfisted bibliophile and get my fix at used bookstores and the library) for the hardcover, and there’s EXTRA in the paperback?! I’d already loaned it to my only/best friend (she loved it) and tried to get my mum to read it . . . . After the first couple of chapters, she put it down and asked if the author was perhaps bipolar. Now I must wrestle with my conscience . . . Buy the pback? Part w/beloved hback? Hide one behind some other books in my library? Ack!

  866. You are all that is good in the world.
    I am in a book club. I picked “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” for our January read, after we all saw “Les Miserables” in December (because, seriously, we weren’t going to *read* that tome during the month of door-buster sales and cookie bake-offs). Let’s say your book rang the new year in right, with lots of wine and enough raucous laughter in my living room to keep my kids up til nearly midnight.
    Thank you for being awesome.
    (And if you pick me for those Geek cards, I’ll have a real quandary: I’ve got a baby brother and a husband who would “need” them, but I may just keep them for myself!)

  867. Here’s what I just posted to FB: “I think I MAY have a slight case of fangirl-itis. So I first bought The Bloggess’ book “Lets Pretend This Never Happened” on Kindle b/c I wanted the instant gratification of immediate delivery. THEN she came to Tempe on her book tour so I HAD to buy a hardback copy for her to sign right?! (I did consider having her sign the Kindle but decided that lacked a certain je nais se quoi)…. Now shes coming out with a PAPERBACK version, AND coming back to Phoenix AND THERE’S A WHOLE NEW CHAPTER IN THE PAPERBACK VERSION. … I’m seriously considering buying a THIRD copy of a book I’ve already purchased TWICE. …. I may have issues…”

    Congratulations. Not even Harry Potter has managed to get me to buy more than 2 copies of a book (my husband and I don’t share well) but you just might! 🙂

  868. I have never laughed as hard reading a book as I did yours. My husband was regularly in hysterics with tears running down his face, unable to catch his breath. That made it twice as entertaining for me.

    You deserve every success. Enjoy the ride.

  869. Sweet – paperbacks are my preference anyway. I want to win and will come to Paramus and show you the secret parking spaces at the local IKEA where you can load up on cheap furniture and meatballs. win-WIN

  871. I love you. It makes me feel like a stalker some days! But I do, you’re awesomeness has helped me when I had less than awesomeness. <3

  873. May have to buy a paperback copy to give to my sister, but I’ll definitely read the new chapter first!

  876. I found your book by accident while shopping before Xmas. There was a stack of them at Books a Million. I noticed the title, checked the chapter titles, and could not live without it. Since then I have given seven more copies to friends and relatives. I wanted to devour the stories in one sitting, but I decided there was a better way. I read a chapter or two every night and laughed myself to sleep for a couple of weeks. Thank you, thank you, thank you. The only thing wrong with your book is it ended.

  878. Congratulations on your success. It’s well deserved.

    If I win, I promise to sign a card with a cartoon picture of me on it and send it to you as well. Seems only fair. I’m expecting it may make an appearance in the next edition of “People Nobody’s Ever Heard Of a Week”.

    I’m serious, though. I’m totally sending you that picture.

  881. Card would be awesome gift for my wife… Congrats on all your success as of late.

    Book was awesome!! Congrats on making it to paperback as well. Sorry, I only got the kindle version previously.

    Did ya ever think you would one day be here talking about you and having people all over the world hanging on for every word!!!

    Well done indeed!!!

  882. I have personally bought 8 copies of this book… One for me which you signed and I am now afraid to touch… Two for friends so you could sign them which they so better not be touching! Others for random people in my life and also the Audio book… And since apparently you seem to be the only person I have stalkerish tendencies too I will be buying the new soft cover book so I can actually pick up the book and read it plus there’s more stuff more stuff you wrote in of course I need it. My girlfriend told me never to write you this was after I drove into Boston sat in a crowded bookstore with a migraine so bad I had to use the bathroom next door for well I did! She also said you would think my shirt was weird but I told her you would love it and if I was going to wear it anywhere it would be in a group of Jenny loving fans because I would be among my people.

    Anyways your book keeps me positive when the depression of this idiotics mind of mine tries to kill me And tells me that going to home depot to buy a chain saw is a good idea… Hey did you know your partner can bring a picture of you into home depot and have it posted this woman is not allowed to buy a chain saw or any sharp electronic cutting devices. Well she can and this girlfriend right here can tell her she’s the meanest person on earth post to facebook and have everyone of MY friends agree with my girlfriend which is unfair because they are my friends too and somewhere in there I got banned from using scissors and am only allowed to use kiddy plastic spoons with blunt edges. I think it is unfair of people who have not had a migraine for 9 months to judge my shopping habits and my mature response was to 😛 out at all of them and go back to bed because since I couldn’t have a chain saw what’s the point of being awake and then I ended up in the hospital on narcotics and meds and they all got random drugged up text messages. Wow tangent

    Anyways I’ll buy your book cuz now the one with your signature is like sacred And incased in glass!

  883. As soon as I saw this heading, I knew it was Precious Roy!! Precious Roy, Precious Roy, Making lots of suckers out of girls and boys! (doot!)

    See you in Chicago!!

  884. I loved the book. LOVED. And I would equally love (no, well, maybe a little more) one of those Geek-a-Week cards so I could carry you around with me everywhere.

  885. Speaking of reading it on the plane…I was reading your book on the plane from DC to LA and I laughted so much the lady next to me thought I was insane. That’s pretty typical, but never mind that. Thanks for helping make a long trip bearable. Also, I’m going to miss the tour because I’m moving back to TEXAS. Woo Hoo! ..I’m coming mosquitos! Keep the light on for me!

  888. Pick me! I love your book and have made everyone I know read it!
    and………. I have my very own Beyonce on the front porch, only his name in Colorado is “Meredith”.
    Wish you were coming here:(

  890. Dammit, I already gave out the hardback to everyone for Christmas. Maybe I can give the paperback out as an early “Ides of March” present

  891. I already bought two copies of the hardback for both me and my friend 🙁 I guess I’ll have to find some other way to read the new chapter…Anyways, I love the book and I love your blog! Congrats on your success! Desperately hoping I’ll be able to see you on tour!

    Thanks for writing and for reminding us all that it’s okay to mess things up sometimes 🙂

  892. I <3 your book. It helped (or distracted) me from studying for my 3 hour oral exam to continue my PhD studies. p.s. I passed so it all works out in the end!

  893. Loving that my two favorite bloggers (both named Jenny) were in the same Geek a week deck! If I win, I could upgrade from my laminated Beyonce bookmark!

  894. BTW, I have been on the wait list for the audio version for over a month through interlibrary loan. Western MA has 16 copies in circulation, which is unheard of! Usually there are just a couple audio books in the whole system. But 16 is clearly not nearly enough for the demand. So, just so you know, the book is still RED HOT! I’m hoping eventually NLS (National Library Service of the Library of Congress) will make it available.

  895. I just finished listening to the audio of this book, and I loved it. Funny story though, during the outtakes, and the introduction to the vagina drinking game, I heard you say “Penguin pays for the booze,” and I was a little confused at first. Was this some slang/idiom I had never heard before, like “shotgun!” or “last one in’s a rotten egg?” Is penguin the last one to the bar? Having a visual mind, I pictured a life-sized penguin trying to waddle to the bar while all his friends were shouting “Penguin pays for the booze!” and he was like, “you guys are all assholes. If this bar had ice for a floor, you’d totally be buying every time.” But then you said something about Penguin Publishing (which I totally should have gotten since I’m an English major and all), and my penguin-at-the-bar-paying-for-drinks fantasy went out the window. Where would he even keep his credit cards, anyway? I felt a little dumb, and quite frankly, disappointed, because I could picture myself the next time I was out with friends proclaiming “Penguin pays!” and then being all like, “you guys have never heard that before? Are you new?”

    Anyway, I totally think it *should* be slang, and I’m all for getting it started. Who’s with me?

  896. If I win, I will give this to my friend *to accompany her new paperback*. You think YOU are a misfit, smarty pants? She’s got Erlin. Worse, she a *fainting* Erlin (a Ferlin), which means she faints at completely random and inappropriate times for no apparent reason. Yeah, that’s right. Like a GOAT.

  898. I love the Doctor Who card.

    I have already turned three people on to your blog and your book and they think you are hilarious.

  899. le comment.

    But seriously, you need to do a book tour in Canada so my wife can meet you.. and my mother in law, and possibly my roommate but shes a bit squirrely so maybe not her..

  900. The Bloggess Trading Cards?! A total keeper. Imagine their worth in a few short centuries. If priceless is “you will never, in your lifetime, be able to afford this”, then it would also be true for “worthless”, right? As in “you will never, in your lifetime, live up to its worth”.

    (btw – I *could* be the ONLY Canadian with Blogess Trading Cards – what a triumph would THAT be?)

  901. Well, at comment 901 I can’t imagine I will win such a prize to keep me in the know of the book I am consuming. But I will certainly tell you how much your blog means to me! Thanks and thanks.

  902. Just finished reading this book. Now I realize that not only do I need to seek medical attention (for laughing so hard I hurt myself), but that I should probably seek intervention for the random thoughts that seem to free flow through my brain at odd moments …. Well more like all the time, but hey, who’s counting?
    Thank you Bloggess. For making this crazy world seem not so large and full of people who aren’t as crazy as me.

  904. I’d love to have a card! I really want to read the extra chapter but I already bought the hardcover! Argh!

  905. I am sure 403 people said this before me (but honestly I only read about five comments before this) (okay, three), so I am going to ask. No LA dates? Please, please, please!!!

  907. Loved the book and when it was my turn to choose the book for our Book Club, I chose it. Your book is going to be a real challenge for two of the women — but it is time for them to have their mind opened. A friend and I might drive the five hours to Phoenix for your reading. Oh, did I mention, I would love a paperback copy to match the hardbound copy I already have.

  908. You are my HERO! Truth! I need that card…no matter what the shit throws at me every day, you make me laugh and give me hope. AND make me feel less alone in my PTSD anxiety ridden paranoid state. You are NOT alone either. You are welcome. Word.

  909. When I read the chapter about your sitting in the bathroom while someone/thing pushed notes to you under the door, I laughed so hard that I snorted, and for so long that my husband woke up and called 9-1-1. Okay, he really asked me nicely to shut up. But I couldn’t stop. I still laugh every time I think about that happening to you. I can’t even imagine how I would have reacted to a stranger passing me notes under the door when I could absolutely not save myself without making the situation even worse. Thanks for the everlasting laugh.

  910. Loved the book, going to have to buy the paperback for the new content and really like the idea of leaving the paperback somewhere for an unsuspecting person to read. Great Geek a Week cards, would love a new bookmark.

  911. As someone who just bought the hard cover AND is Canadian I can assure you I’m okay with this.( In fact I should probably be apologizing for SOMETHING, but I just don’t know what yet.)

    Irregardlessly (is not a word but is suiting here) you’ve written a fucking amazing book, You write like I think which probably means I need some sort of doctor to be seeing me but I don’t even care because 2 days ago I honestly didn’t know you existed and on this particular lonely Valentine’s I unceremoniously bought you as an unwilling date with a bottle of malt whiskey and survived the night.

    ~your new creepy fan
    (do you even possibly read all these comments.. hot damn?)

  912. Jenny!! Your book was my pick for our book club this year. I am mediating it Wednesday. This Wednesday. 2/20. It would be super-amazingly-awesome to have those book club questions.

    I’m not squeamish about bribery. Just saying.

  913. I love your book! Not finished reading it, yet, but I can assure you that I’m slacking off on writing papers and studying for tests just to read a few extra words.
    And I told everyone I’ve ever met, and their family, to read your book!
    The way you write is like the monologue in my head and it makes me smile and laugh to realize I’m not the only one out there.
    Your book – your story – is a huge inspiration to me and little by little, every now and then, I’ve let my crazy out and it felt good 🙂
    So, in summary, great book! and I’m totally buying the paper back and giving the hard cover to someone else to read.
    Love,
    your new and faithful fan

  914. I’ve never wanted anything in baseball card form, until you! You are my total hero. I can’t wait to read the new chapter!

  916. I am dismayed, nay, shocked to find that there is no geek card for me. True, I have never done anything of any note but I have been very quiet (subtle?) with my geekness. I just amble through life and spread geekness where I find life needs it. If ever there was a person who felt odd and out-of-place in the middle of this madness we call life on earth, it’s me. Perhaps there should be a card for all the unknown geeks who I’m sure teem over the surface of this planet. Love your work Ms Jenny. Come to NC sometime.

  917. I’m sitting in a lounge in Pearson airport in Canada midway through an eight-hour layover, and like a greedy idiot I finish my book. After a minute, I remember yours, and I *literally ran out to get it*. I figure you should know that this has now happened at least once.

    ..though I didn’t find it. Because the universe wants me to be fiercely bored today, apparently.

  918. Jenny, I am wondering when you’ll come to Atlantic Canada? I can guarantee that you’d get a full houe in Halifax 🙂 we all love you here!

  919. So I bought your damn book. Snuck up on me at a moment of mindlessly surfing (sites I had already bookmarked) and was forced to combat boredom by reading it. Thanks for that. And thank god it is in an electronic version so I can actually read it without granny glasses.

  920. Am I too late to get in on this??? And also SQUEE my 2 favorite bloggers in one picture well sort of… If I am too late for this I’m mad at myself and if I’m not too late I’m still mad at myself for not already owning this set… Here is to my 2 favorite bloggers Jenny the bloggess and Jenn from cake wrecks and epbot who give me hope that being strange is strangely normal 🙂

  921. Does the Kindle edition include the extra chapter? Just considering all my options here.

  922. Ok, so I just finished reading the Kindle version of your book and so now have to purchase the paperback version so I can read the new chapter! I have not laughed this hard at and with a book in a long time…that being said…you SO NEED to write another book!! Until then, I will settle for the paperback version!
    Thank you!

  923. If I win, I hope to have you sign it, and my copy of the book, which I have to wrest out of my sister’s hand before she leaves for Midland, TX, in San Jose!

  924. Bought the book for Kindle and started it over the weekend. Loving it! I, too, fell out of a moving car (driven by my Christian Scientist grandmother who sang hymns to me all the way home after retrieving me from the gutter) so of course I howled while reading that story.

  926. Just finished your book, but found it awkward to be laughing so much I had tears steaming down my face. My family kept asking, “What? What?” But I told them they need to read it themselves. Especially my husband who will appreciate my less crazy than your responses to life. I think. No offense. Truly. You’re inspiring.

  927. You should probably take a detour through Anchorage, AK. Then I’d be okay not winning a book mark (assuming I don’t win.)

  929. I WAS PROMISED THERE WOULD BE BIRD FEEDERS IN THIS POST! WHERE ARE THE BIRD FEEDERS?! WE CAN’T BE FRIENDS ANYMORE!

    (That’s a lie. 1) because you don’t >actuallyactuallyactually< stop being your friend. 2) because I'm going to disregard fact 1 and just go on telling myself that we're BFF's and forgive you for promising to sell me a bird feeder but selling me a book instead. But ONLY because it's a good book that gives me a serious case of happy even when the world pushes to up my dosage of sad.)

    (I don't think any of that needed to be in parenthesis. Oops.)

  930. Oh holy shit! DID YOU SEE THE BLACK MAGIC YOUR BLOG DID TO MY COMMENT? It should read ‘because you don’t actually know me so we can’t actually be friends so I can’t actually stop being your friend’. Instead, your blog said “HUMILIATION VIA EMPHASIS OF REDUNDANCY!” and inserted >actuallyactuallyactually<

    …why is your blog censoring me and how do I make it stop judging my vocabulary choices?

  931. My sixteen year old daughter LOVED your book. (Yeah, I know, I’m going for mother-of-the-year… ) She is an extremely reserved kid with an anxiety disorder who occasionally dips into depression. That poor kid suffers. In spite of that, she dances competitively (and beautifully!) and is her younger sister’s favorite person in the whole world. At a dance competition in January she read your book cover to cover between her competitions. And, yeah, she walked away from that competition with medals and a trophy!

  932. Maybe it’s a delivery truck for transporting donated organs. They work better if they aren’t dried out, and maybe they like 98.6 degrees better than being iced down in those germy little lunch coolers.

  935. I literally grew up in a mystery book store. Great for knowing how to bury bodies, not so go to reading the classics While my husband doesn’t understand, I have no problem buying two of the same book. Plus, it’s an awesome book to share!

  938. <3 your book – it's literally kept me sane over the last couple of months. Whenever I get overwhelmed at just how fucked up my life is, I re-read a chapter in your book… I figure if you could survive all of THAT, what I'm going through won't kill me. Although most days it feels like it.

  939. You’re AWESOMELY FANTASTIC. I can’t wait to read your book! After a friend recommended your blog and I found out that your book was coming out soon in paperback (with an extra chapter!), I decided to hold off to buy it in early March. Also, did I tell you that you’re FANTASTIC? Because you are. 🙂

  941. I am only on page 66 of your book, but I have already recommended to pretty much everyone I know (including the mom of one of my 3rd grade students, so I might lose my job over your book, if it turns out that she is easily offended!!!) I can’t remember ever reading a book that has had me laughing out loud, to the point of tears, so many times. Congrats on all your success.

  945. Because this irrational thing I have about flying, I’ll not visit you ‘over there’, but should you ever come to Amsterdam, I’ll have your back.

  946. Why you no like PNW?? Please come to Oregon! Specifically, Eugene. Let our weirdness embrace you.

  949. You’re welcome for all the nice things I have said about your book and the many people I have recommended it to. :p It was my pleasure.

  950. Really wish you’d come to San Diego! I was hoping the last book tour but nope.

  953. How you do all of this, I have no idea. I need enough meds to kill two small horses to board a plane. And my memory is left WIPED for at least a few days following, so…even though I’m doing better… baby steps. And as things usually sound a lot less lame in my head (obviously), I will just say that I love this blog and loved your book so much that I gave each of my best friends a copy for Christmas. And they all loved it as much as I did ~ as I knew they would. Called me laughing I don’t know how many times, long distance *rolling* laughter. So, there ya go. Too bad I can’t just come to you myself sometime, as I live just north of Austin…and it’s not like Texas is big or anything. But I’ll definitely be with you in spirit. Wherever you are. (See? Lame.) But no doubt: Others will be there in throngs, telling you how much they adore you and how brilliant you are. No alone possible. And before I get too emotional I’ll just say thank you. I won’t tell you how inspiring you’ve been to me or how much happier and healthier I am because I quit beating the shit out of myself and playing the shame-game I’ve been a part of all my life. I won’t tell you that. Nor will I tell you how much progress I’ve made since, or how truly grateful I am to you for being such a big part of that. Nope. I’ll just sign off and wish you safe travels and lots-o-fun. Oh, and more sweet kittens, of course. Never too many of those.

  955. Please, for the love of all that is sacred, come to Portland. We’re stereotypically weird. You belong with us. Don’t fight it….

  957. thanks for identifying which SF Books Inc. I just got their March schedule and read through it (with a magnifying glass) and you weren’t in it. Hah – April Fool’s! You’ll be at the top of next month’s calendar. I’m going to try to come to both SF and SJ but it will depend on energy level.
    Not realizing it didn’t come out til next week, I’ve been very annoyed with Target and Costco for not having it in stock.
    If you think you’ll have the energy for it, there are SO many things to do in the bay area. For example, the Pez museum in Burlingame, very close to SFO airport. They have the WORLD’S LARGEST PEZ DISPENSING MACHINE. Bet your agent didn’t know about that one.

    Map: http://www.burlingamepezmuseum.com/map.html

    http://www.burlingamepezmuseum.com/big/

  958. Im bringing my hardback copy to your signing in San Jose. I would love to meet you!

  959. See, procrastination pays! I kept putting off getting the hardback and now the paperback has an extra chapter. Win!

  960. Man. What do you have against Indianapolis? Every city around us, but no love for Naptown! *giving you the stink eye*

  962. I was out of town when you came to Minnesota! Please come baaaaaaaack!!! (Rochester, MN is lovely in the spring 🙂 )

  963. I am so upset that you can go to Louisville and not Indianapolis??? Seriously I wanted to share the time my Dad packed us kids in the station wagon to chase down the tornado……damn I should get a card for that!!!

  964. Dammit! I should’ve waited for your book tour announcement before taking my trip to Louisville! Now I won’t be able to go back and see you because of that damn restraining order….

    Well, the trading cards should assuage my pain!

    XOXO,

    Eric

  966. Seriously Jenny, I love you.. And although it’s *totally* unlike me to complain (yeah, right), could you get Any Farther from me in a city in which I live. Hehe. Looks like it’s Desert Ridge on the 4th for me.

    Breathe and enjoy your book tour. You’ve already done it once – you can totally rock it again!

    Kisses!

  967. Well, geez. You started your tour too far away from me, and you’re moving even further away. Are you trying to avoid me?

  968. Awww….next time come to Connecticut….pleeeeeeease! It’s not so far from New York or New Jersey. And there are alot of rich people here(not me). I’m sure we can get lots of them to buy your book!

  969. I love you book and I will be buying the paperback also. Wish you would visit Kansas!

  970. Dude. I love your book and would drag everyone cool I know to see you if you were coming to Dallas!!

  972. I’m traveling from California to Florida starting March 1st, with no urgent requirement to arrive in a timely fashion, but will going roughly a thousand miles and perhaps a week or more out of my way qualify as fannish devotion or stalking? Perhaps for both our sakes I’ll just buy the book and pray lots of people who live close by show up for all your tour dates. 😀

    I’m a little surprised that you live in Texas but didn’t score a stop in Austin.

    Regardless, all the best to you!

    Sincerely,
    Jesse Markham

  973. You should come to Bentonville Arkansas 🙂 Would LOVE to go to one of your readings or tours!

  974. your tour arranging peoples hate nashville. don’t hate nashville. come to us. come to your southern peeps.

  975. I missed your Washington DC-area stop the first time, and now I’m kicking myself. Every day. I think, “How did I miss her?!” and I kick myself. What are the odds this self-punishment could convince you and/or your tour manager to swing by the Nation’s Capital again? If there’s anything I could do to sweeten the pot, consider it done. Except a private tour of the White House because last time I tried that, Secret Service was not amused. But for the record, Busboys & Poets serves some remarkable sweet potato fries. JUST SAYIN’.

  976. What about Indianapolis?!?! You are going to be in all 3 states closest to us, might as well stop here too! 🙂

    But seriously, My co-worker Stephanie and I love love love you. You give us hope on a bleak and dismal day. When we are having “one of those days” at the office, we always find joy on your blog and pass it along to our friends, in hopes that their day gets better; or their idea of humor is just as messed up as ours.

    Please come to INDY!

    With much love and support (I bought your book) 🙂

    Micah and Stephanie!

  979. Not sure if should be honored or pissed off that NJ is first. R u just feeling sorry for us? Seriously, ur book made me snort on the train many times!!

  980. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease come to Seattle again so I can give you another wind up toy that doesn’t work and tell you you’re awesome!

  981. No love for MA? I see how it is… -sniffle- I’ll just sit here and order a book and pretend I’m not sad.

  983. Please, please, please, PLEASE come to Austin so I can tell you how amazing you are in person. And that I feel like I am reading my our journal when reading your book. Yay for being west and central Texas raised! <3

  984. I’m excitedly waiting for my copy of the paperback (which I ordered a few weeks ago already). I didn’t realize that it had an extra chapter but now I know … But I’m in Canada so I won’t get it. I feel a bit cheated. Probably almost as much as those people who bought the hard copy. Also, are you planning on coming to Canada? And I would love a card too!

  986. I did buy your book… but I didn’t want to.

    I had borrowed it from the library and it mysteriously disappeared. I never even got to finish it!
    So I had to buy it to replace it. I assume this was all part of your plan.

    I’m also assuming the last part of the books had unicorns, so don’t ruin that for me.

  987. Oh I recognize that asking you to come to Utah would be madness. It’s Utah. I know. But Oh I would really like it if you would. If you did, I promise I would tell you about my REAL LIVE ENCOUNTER WITH ANN ROMNEY AT THE BEAUTY SHOP. Stuck in the beauty shop three feet from Ann Romney. I needed a Xanax Salt Lick in my bedroom for about a week afterward.

    If you would promise to come NEXT time, then I could tell you about whether or not ANN ROMNEY WEARS EXTENSIONS BECAUSE HER CREEPY OLD HAIR IS FALLING OUT BECAUSE SHE IS SO MEAN AND EVIL. I know I am not supposed to be political here. But I understand not wanting to come to Utah. If a relatively (weird) normal person like me can get stuck in the beauty shop by Ann Romney for two hours, it’s clearly a dangerous place to do a book tour.

    But you will have my support wherever you go. I love the book. It makes me feel like someone understands.

    xo Pal

  988. You go to Paramus, NJ via Newark Airport, what do they just book you the wose places in the world to be in March? I grew up in New Jersey I don’t want to say North Jersey is New York City’s Toilet, but, North Jersey is New York City’s toilet. Now Seattle, is where God weeps over the beauty he hath created. So when you are in Seattle and it is raining, those are God’s tears and the occassional Angel’s tear. So in the grand scheme of things where would you rather visit, New York’s Toilet or the place where God and Angels weep at creation? (and we are allowed to smoke pot here legally that is how much God loves us)

  989. *sigh* no one ever comes to Vermont or New Hampshire.

    Why yes, I’d love some cheese for my whine.

  991. Hoping to be there in Chicago, bringing my daughter. Can’t wait 🙂

  992. Hey,

    I bought your audiobook and LOVED it! Since we don’t use book marks can you record a sound byte that says “STOP HERE!” and upload it as our free book mark? Of course I wouldn’t mind a real book mark, but you aren’t stopping in San Diego. What aren’t we good enough for you. 😛

    Clydene

  993. I’ve only read half of your blog and i can’t stop laughing! i am most definately going to buy tghis book.
    I’ve just started a blog of my own please check it out and tell me what you think 🙂

  994. Let me know if you ever make it to Charlotte NC.
    I just started reading your book the other day . You are too much.
    I hope you write more 🙂

  996. My taxidermied squirrel “Something Something Nutmeg Something” and I are looking forward to seeing you in “Chicago” tomorrow! I mean…there’s no rule against bringing taxidermied squirrels into a bookstore, right? Maybe he should wear his formal tuxedo and top-hat…

  997. I know you already came to Maryland, but you should come back. I have a taxidermied alligator backscratcher for you. Let me know what else I should provide to make the deal a little sweeter.

  998. Could you pleeeeeease add a tour date to southern California? I can’t go to northern California because all my anxiety lives there.

  1000. I meant to go to the signing today but my depression got the best of me…Either way I just wanted to thank you for writing, it always puts a smile on my face and come back to Chicago soon!

  1001. *awkwardly waving hands in the air because of an inability to formulate a legible string of words that form a witty comment

    *sighs

  1002. Welcome to St. Louis!! It’s a big giant cluster fuck…you’ll enjoy it. I hail from here and it’s been better

  1005. just finished your book. still laughing. because of you I STARTED A BLOG SO I CAN GET IT ALL OUT TOO!
    XOXOX
    me

  1006. AAUUGHHHHHH!!! in louisville on monday, and i work a late shift!!!!!! AAAUUUGH i say!!!

  1007. Do you really expect us to believe that you will be in SF on April 1st?

    (I expect to show up and have no one else show up as an April Fool’s Day present to me. ~ Jenny)

  1009. I lost count of the number of people posting here that want you to come to Colorado. I don’t care if you come to Denver or here, to Colorado Springs, where I am. How much CASH should I fund-raise for to get you here? I will start a campaign.

  1010. I love you so much! You give me hope. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and, as you can imagine, it has been such a trial. Your book and blog have kept me amused. Again, thank you for being awesome.

  1011. Reading it at the gym, laughing hysterically.. Getting weird looks. Should I tell the unsuspecting 70!year olds about vagina popcorn?

  1012. Your book was the first book I read in years, besides children’s books. Except it wasn’t really a book because I downloaded it and read it on my iPad. You reminded me so much of my college roommate. She would wake up in the morning mad at me because I had been stupid in her dream the night before. Has that ever happened to Victor? 🙂 can’t wait to read the next one.

  1013. I want to read your book! Guess I will have to buck up and buy a copy if I don’t win.. but still- winning it would be better!

  1014. That would be a fairly creepy set of bookmarks! If I win I will purchase the paperback and pass it along per instructions. Imagine the wonder and awe of the passenger on the next flight as they keep everyone awake with their raucous laughter!

  1015. Just finished your book and loved it. I laughed so hard at work while reading it (on break or lunch… Mostly) that now I have a list if people who are wanting to borrow it cause they’re too cheap to buy and to lazy to get down to the library. Went straight to your blog after to see where you were touring and all I can say is what the hell? All this stuff about Texas and no your location here yet? Or did I miss it? I sincerely hope I haven’t missed out and that maybe your just waiting until a better month? My fingers are crossed.

  1016. Not to get all Deathy, but the book has made the rounds in my cancer recovery support group. Some people actually popped stitches. Thanks for the levity!

  1017. I got the e-book of the first one so I *must* get a copy of the paperback! Wish you were stopping in Portland so I could get it autographed! I missed the hardcover signing because I had a night class. =(

  1022. And if I win, I will forgive you for not coming to Utah. C’mon. I’m a poor college student. No money to drive out of state right now. Sad day. I am weeping at my desk at work. Maybe. Or maybe I am just watching Animal Planet’s puppy cam. It’s hard to say.

  1023. I might not kill for those cards, only because I don’t think I have the ovaries to actually kill someone on purpose, but I would be willing to scare the shit out of someone for them.
    I’m serious. Just point me in the direction of someone who needs a good scare.

    Also, please come back to Toronto-area Canada! I missed you the last time you were here because I’m an idiot, but everyone deserves a second chance, right? Right?

  1024. You are awesome and it’s so great you’ve written this great book. xo

  1027. Thank you so much for writing this book; I really needed to read such a wonder and now it is my mission in life to make everyone I know read it.

  1028. What are the odds of you coming to Korea??? Seriously. You’re awesome. I love your blog and book. Thank you.

  1029. I can think of a few people I’d like to give your book to just to see their expressions when they started to read it (evil laugh…)
    however I’d have to selfishly keep it for myself 🙂

  1030. My husband is a geek and I always love to find unusual geek paraphernalia. I think a bookstore is a great idea. Can’t wait to buy the paperback.

  1031. I am so, so, so, sad that I am going to miss you in Kansas City! I was STOKED when you announced your schedule and then I realized that I am going to be out of town on the 21st! 🙁 🙁 🙁 I very seriously contemplated canceling but I had already paid for the hotels on Hotwire and the 21st is right in the middle of my trip. Boohoo.

  1033. You should come to Michigan. Not Detroit because that would be dangerous. But some were near that like Ann Arbor.

  1034. I am sad that you are not coming to Austin; however, I will continue to buy your books and gift them to friends who need a laugh. You are one of the funniest people I’ve read. Thank you for sharing your humor, stories, and pain.

  1035. I can’t believe that you skip right over Denver. We have a literate population and everything! Have to say, I feel cheated.

  1036. Loved your book. Have read it twice now. Enjoyed your reading at Book People. Might have to go spend some time at the store to read the new chapter.

  1037. If you were coming to Montreal, you definitely wouldn’t be alone because I would be the first one in line and I know that we would get along fabulously!

  1038. Please please please come to Colorado Springs (I could drive to Denver, and will if you are there, but lets face it – Colorado Springs would really work best for me)! Your perspective makes life soooo much more fun!!

  1040. I’m sooooo excited you’re coming to KC. My husband had a stroke 7 months ago so I don’t get out much except for work but when my friend told me you were coming I knew I had to find a way to be there!!!!!! I cannot wait!!!! I have been counting down the days!!!!!!!!!

  1041. You’re going to Northern Cal & Central Cal on your tour, but NOT Southern Cal? Whaaaaaa, what the f^ck? What’s wrong with L.A.? We LOVE you here! (Well, MY book club loves you!)

  1042. If I win one, I’m sending it to my bestie in Canada because I wasn’t able to get a second book for you to sign at your tour in Maryland last year 🙁 Instead I mailed her a copy of the book for her birthday and now I feel like she needs a signed bookmark to go with it!

  1044. I will definitely see you in Danville on April 2nd. Do I ned to bring a stuffed animal??

  1045. Agh! I wish I could come meet you, but the closest you get to Pomona, CA (aka SoCal) is San Jose, on the second day of classes for the spring quarter. Alassssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

  1046. When are you coming to the DC metro area (MD and VA)? Oh hell, I’d even got to West Virginia to see you again! Roooooad Triiiiip.

  1047. Think about adding a date for your super cool book tour … in Telluride, CO. It’s (almost ) on the way home from Arizona to Texas. Saturday, April 6th in Telluride at Between the Covers would be some fun…. well fun for us anyway. And what a great excuse for visiting jaw-droppingly beautiful Telluride Colorado. Book store Girl

  1048. So wish I was going to be around to see you. Your blog more often than not makes my day. Have a most excellent book tour lady.

  1049. Ok so when are you planning to come to Abergavenny?

  1051. I have read a total of 3 books in the past 10 years and yours was one of them. That’s pretty great in my book! I love your no-holds-barred, fuck-’em, free living way of life. It is great and when I’m down, your book always puts a smile on my face! Thank you! XOXO

  1054. 100% wish you could have made it to Tucson. I know we aren’t that impresive here in the desert but my sister and I would scream our support out.
    -Tlyndal

    (hope the rest of your tour is smooth and exciting in all the right places)

  1055. So “Geeked” about meeting you on Tuesday, that I may meet you again on Wednesday!

  1056. COME TO THE DC AREA PLEEEAAASSSEEE. I essentially pass your book on to people like a Jehova’s Witness spreads the word of God.

  1058. You HAVE to find a time to come to Portland Oregon. Powell’s Books is INCREDIBLE and I would rally a ton of fun women whom I have SOLD on your book. One was laughing so hard while reading it on the stair-stepper at her club she was worried about what the people around her would think and had to post on my FB page thanking me for how much she needed a good laugh. Seriously, your book is the funniest book I have ever read and am dying to hear you speak in Portland Oregon!!

  1059. This site appeared on my Facebooky thing. The masthead is a photo of a woman wearing curlers. In her hair.
    Since no self respecting woman should appear this way am I to assume that this is a fake website? Or have I assumed incorrectly? This person simply has no self respect?
    Please advise.
    With worm on tongue I await. With baited breath.

  1061. So I have seriously told everyone about your book!! It is amazing and can always out a smile on my face, you know those books you can read more than once? You hit that category!! I try to explain to people parts of your book and they always look at me crazy, it’s part of what I love about the book. A,axing job and all I can ask is CAN YOU MAKE ANOTHER BOOK??:) always looking for a good read

  1062. GET YOUR PEOPLE TO BOOK A ATLANTA VISIT! We are wacky here and appreciate kindred spirits. Am reading “Let’s Pretend” for second time – just as good and just recommended it to my friends on a girl trip while in San Diego. Very relatable in many hilarious and terrifying ways. Keep up the excellen writing!

  1063. Just started your book and here’s a little factoid that would be wise to follow…. don’t read it at work or the constant laughing may result in security being called to your cubicle.

  1066. Thank you for braving the cold of Kansas City for us tonight. You were just as amazing live as you are in your book! My ticket number was too high to wait in line to meet you in person, but I was really glad to have gotten to see your presentation tonight. Good luck in the warmer climes of California next week!

  1067. Hope you enjoyed KC as much as we enjoyed having you here, people came from Omaha, Nebraska, and Tulsa, Oklahoma, just to see you. Wow! Have fun with Zombeyonce. (Zombie + Beyonce)

    It was a pleasure,

    Kyle
    P.S. You looked smashing in the Choir Robe!

  1068. I just heard you were in KC today. But you were here yesterday. CURSES! I wanted a signed copy of your fantabulous book! But now I’ll have to mail order one and it will probably be signed by some kid in China in a book-signing sweatshop where they pay them one nugget of rice for each signature but only if they got it right! Curse my not being able to remember what day it is!

  1069. I traveled for work long enough to know it is a (mostly) curse and (kinda) blessing. Thanks for coming to Kansas City. I swear our weather doesn’t usually suck this much after St. Patrick’s day. I know it would be easier to be home with your family. I loved meeting you and am so thankful you took the time to come to KC. You have inspired me and so many others. You talked yesterday about feeling like an imposter. You are NOT an imposter. Thank you for reminding me I a not an imposter, either. XOXOXOXO

  1070. Thanks for making KC (MO!) a stop on your tour. I was one of the last ones left in that auditorium and I wanted to say thanks for staying all night to sign books. If I was as tired as I was, I have no idea where you stored all that energy to stick around signing books for over 3 & a 1/2 hours! I loved that you were so at home with us that you slipped into something “comfortable”. I truly enjoyed my evening and just wanted to say thank you.

  1071. I’m so mad at myself!! I can’t believe I missed you when you were here in Kansas City!! My friend bought me the kindle version of your book for my birthday and I totally wanted to meet you!!! UGH!! Missed my chance!! If only…

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ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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