It's part post and part pimp

in Random Crap

I saw this car parked in the street.  It has nothing written on either side, but the back speaks for itself.  I’m just not entirely sure what it’s saying:

No, you're not reading it wrong. This car says, simply: "WE MAKE SURE IT STAYS HOT AND WET."

What is “it“?  Is “it” vagina?  Because that’s the only logical thing I can think of.  Victor says maybe it’s a plumber and “it” is referring to “water” but sometimes you actually want cold water.  Did you ever drink a big glass of boiling-hot tap water?  Because it’s shitty and that’s when you actually need a plumber.

On an utterly and completely self-serving notice, GUESS WHAT I JUST GOT IN THE MAIL?

That's right. There's another cover BEHIND THE COVER. That's how awesome it is. You can rip off one cover and the book will be like "Fuck you, bitches. I'm still ready to party."

So, yeah, it’s a copy of my new paperback two weeks before it comes out.  And I’m giving it to you.  Because I love you.  But only one of you gets it so the rest of you should totally go out and preorder it right now because if you don’t buy it they’ll burn all the leftovers.  So basically you’re supporting book burning by not buying this book.  Probably.  I don’t really know what happens to books that don’t get bought.  They probably just go to book orphanages and look through rainy windows longingly.  Hard to tell.

Want the book?  Leave a comment and I’ll randomly select someone this week.

PS.  It’s vagina, right?  Right.  It’s totally vagina.

Updated:  Winner ~ Fiona  (Thanks!)

1,681 thoughts on “It's part post and part pimp”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. I TOTALLY want the two-covered, paperback version. And it doesn’t HAVE to be a vagina. Maybe it’s a mobile sauna. They’re all the rage in….oh…nevermind.

  9. That looks like no plumbing vehicle I have ever seen, so I am going with your guess. I also want that book!!

  12. ME ME ME! I have the hard cover, but if I could get the paperback, I could save the postage it will cost me to send my bff my book, and she’d have her own damn copy. 🙂

  13. Memememememe!!! I want the book!

    I don’t think it’s a vagina. But only because I can’t imagine who would need a truck that big for their vagina.

  14. I thought it might be for containing live animals until I read the slogan. Although, this could still be true.

  17. Maybe, just maybe it’s a hot tub repair man? But honestly, Vagina makes more sense. Have the hardback copy, but would looooove the paperback as well. Gotta read that extra chapter!

  19. Sadly the books that don’t get bought go to a bad place. They tear off the covers and throw them in the trash or send them back to the publisher. Not a happy book retirement home. My mom used to make me and my brother go in the dumpster and pull out bags of de-covered books…true story.

  20. What’s really throwing me off is that it looks like some sort of prisoner transport truck. The implications of that … oh boy.

  21. It’s probably Vagina. I would very much like the paperback version because of the extra chapter that isn’t included in the far more expensive hardcover, which I totally own. And is signed. Twice. Once by Jesus.

  22. Definitely vagina. Now I’m curious to know what’s in the van. Hmm.
    Also, would love that book

  23. i vote for me since i’m the first person to leave a comment. and i never leave comments for anything. of course by the time i leave my comment i probably won’t be the first and that will really piss me off.

    oh, well. please!

    p.s. there’s no phone number. advertising for hot, wet-kept vagina services would definitely include a phone number, right?

  25. It is vagina. And I’d like a book with 2 covers. I really hate it when my books are underdressed.

  29. I want to win a paperback copy of your book for 2 reasons. One, people keep wanting to borrow my hard-cover copy and I don’t want to lend it to them. They can get their own damn book. And two, I kind of resent that I bought the hard-cover version and now there’s a new chapter in the paperback version. So after I read the new chapter, I can loan the paperback version to my daughter and 17 other friends who have tried to sneak my hard-cover copy out of my house. Thank you in advance.

  32. Okay, so I actually LOLed at the picture and then showed my husband. He said, “Haha- obviously, it’s a plumber.” WHA??? I totally don’t get that inference but it must be a guy thing because I said, “That is what her husband said!!” I’m all incredulous over here…I can’t make the plumber link in my head. It has to be vagina.

  40. Ummmm….sorta looks like a Jesus fish on there too? Now I’m way confused. Faith? Or saviors? Do you want those things hot & wet? WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

  43. Water heater installation? Which, given the alternative, sounds pretty boring.

    But really, if you were going to have a truck that advertised your prowess with the lady bits, don’t you think it would be painted red or black or something? Something sexy, that subtly gets the point across that there’s more to you than just a sexy slogan.

    And yet- you’d still probably live in your parents’ basement.

  44. I’ve never understood those hot wet, towellettes Gail mentioned. I got bumped to First Class the only time I flew, since the President fucked up my connecting flight, and I felt so….Eliza Doolittle when they handed me the hot wet towel and I was all….”wtf do I do??” and I pretended to know, but I didn’t.

  45. I bought the hardcover digitally, so I need a paper version for traveling and eventual dissemination to an unsuspecting public via random placement

  46. I really hope I get the extra chapter. Also, this truck disturbs me. And not in a good way. There is nothing good that can happen as a result of that truck. Sorry, truck.

  47. Huh. The juxtaposition with what I assume is a Jesus Fish is interesting as well. Or is it some sort of alternative fish shape? Perhaps a shark?

  48. I want, no, NEED that book. I happen to collect paperback books with two covers that are given away free by the author. Right now my collection is at zero. 🙁

  50. I’m stumped. I can’t imagine it’s anything other than the gutter my mind is taking me.

    And book. I’d love the book!

  51. Maybe they left it vague on purpose, like, “It doesn’t matter what your ‘it’ is, we got that shit covered.” Kinda like a multi-purpose fluffer.

  52. I WANT THIS!!! Because i doubt that you will come to Toronto again… and i really want to see if my baby and are in the new chapter. Because we totally deserve at least an honourable mention.

  53. In bed with the flu, I’m pretty the new chapter (I already have the hc) would help me feel better more than anything else I have here.

  54. Yes yes yes I want it. OMG how I want it. Holy crap did I say I wanted it? Because if I didn’t say I wanted it, I sure meant to say I wanted it. Guess what? I want it.

  55. I’m a little bit afraid to know what that truck is really for. I sort of want you to go back and ask just so you can tell me, though.

  59. Hi, Read your book and loved it. I kept my boyfriend awake at night because I was either laughing too loud or trying to read him an excerpt. I used your book for a presentation on the use of archives in every day life for school (seeing as there are some pretty cool pictures in your book), and my teacher would like to know if it has been translated to French yet. If not, do you have the intention to do so?

  60. I am thrilled you got your book! I can’t wait to get a few copies myself,they make great gifts!! ;0) Thanks for being so inspiring and honest-it really helps a lot of people.

  61. Carpet cleaners, I say they are carpet steam cleaners. Which means vaginas can still be correct on multiple levels (yep , I want the book too!)

  65. Maybe a hot tub repair service? I don’t understand what else should be hot AND wet at all times…

  67. Maybe it’s talking about Florida or Georgia. I think they’re hot and wet most of the year. But probably vagina… PS: I’d love your book in paperback. 🙂

  68. Is that a Jesus fish on the right side? Because if it is then it’s totally vagina.

  69. I like the mobile soup kitchen idea that Amanda suggested – but vagina seems far more likely.

    Can’t wait to read the extra chapter!

  70. It has got to be vagina… I wonder if this person is driving around with a truck full of vibes and lubes and what not.. lol pretty funny. And thankfully it was parked, because I bet you would’ve crashed trying to take a picture of that thing going 80 on the highway

  73. Okay so maybe just maybe? They’re talking about manure…you know? animal manure? 😛
    Hot and wet poop you deliver to er…make Texas more fertile?! 😀

  76. If that is a plumber’s logo then I don’t particularly think it is a good one with the need for cold water I expect from my tap. However, mobile GYN services seems a bit far fetched. I don’t think they could get a license for that, or maybe they could. Bet that’s one of those state by state type decisions. And yes, book please!

  77. A REALLY poorly marketed food truck? For…steamed food? I got nothing. Keep away the children.

  78. The waiting list at my library is too long! Poor folk like to read, so please pick me.

  80. Maybe they are running an illegal mobile tea service. and I don’t just want that book, I NEED it! If I don’t get it, I can not be held responsible for my actions.

  81. I want it to be a vagina.

    But I’m thinking wanna-be food truck? I think ribs should be involved.

  82. I most definitely is vagina, what else could they possibly be referring to? And it occurs to me that if it’s something else, they totally should know better. I mean, do you expect the rest of the world *not* to go there?

  83. A plumber that only does showers? Mobile greenhouse? I would google it, but I’m sure I don’t want to see what else comes up. (Innuendo intended.) Thanks for the chance to win your book!

  84. Whenever I think of the question “What is ‘it’?” I think of the song Epic by Faith No More, which makes me think of the video for that song, which makes me think of a fish out of water thrashing for its life, which makes me sad.

    Give me your book.

  86. Maybe it’s a jacuzzi/hot tub repairman? I’d love to have a copy of your book. I bought the hard copy when it first came out and loaned it to a friend, who then loaned it to another, and so on around the office. Now I fear I will never see it again so I definitely NEED the paperback copy! Please *insert sad puppy dog eyes here*

  89. I’m too distracted to fathom what on earth “it” is because….is that a Jesus fish?!! The plot thickens.

  90. I am at a complete loss! Also, I want the book! I recently got some friends hooked on your blog. I also loaned out my hardcover book. I need the paperback as backup!

  91. Minds out of the gutter people. It’s probably just a hot tub. I’m ready for my book now!

  94. i think there should be a code, preferably magical in nature, that would allow me to read this “new chapter” without buying the paperback. i totally support you and bought 2 copies of the hardcover came and saw you at a costco in shoreline washington. i couldn’t stay and join the parking lot goodness cause of my crazy. i went to costco in a tank top showing off all my scars for the 1st time in public. then i had to go home. right away or some one might have died or something. thanks for the book. if you gave me a paperback one once i read this “new chapter” i would give it to someone…..
    Happy day

  95. I want that book … but I also want a book of just covers.. so I could rip off each cover and have it be like a disguise for my books… a book of book covers? is that too meta?

  97. I have no idea what “it” is, but if it’s vagina, I am worried about the size of the truck.

    Also, if I win the book, I’ll be so thrilled. A friend bought it for me for Christmas, and then it was stolen out of the mail. She and I were both heartbroken.

  100. Hot tub maintenence perhaps?

    Yes please for a book! Did you know that the Canadian versions DO have the extra chapter? We’re all pretty excited aboot that up here, eh?

  101. I’m thinking Jacuzzi?

    Whatever it is, the truck is uber creepy and I don’t think I’d want it pulling into my drive under any circumstances.

  105. My first thought had something to do with men in white coats coming for someone, but. . .

    I, sadly, have not read this book yet. It’s on my list waiting for some money to come to me unexpectedly. So please, please send me the book. I need it!

  106. Since I bought your book for everyone else this Christmas- I had no money left to buy one for myself! I would love your book & my birthday is too far away to wait. Please- I’ll send you pics of my taxidermy giraffe, Geoffrey.

  108. I pre-ordered your hardcover book and I bought your audio book so I should win your paperback. Don’t you think so?

  110. If it is a plumber, my advice would be to wear good fitting pants. Nothing is staying hot & wet if there’s a bare ass crack snaking your toilet.

  111. I’m trying real hard to think of what else it could be besides vagina….and I got nothing. On another note, I’d be super pleased to get your book!

  112. Either a vagina or they’re making some seriously ill-founded claims about tropical swampland.

  113. They totally want you to THINK it’s a vagina. They’re doing that to get attention. There’s the aura of mystery – you are dying to know “what IS IT???” Kind of like my blog title.

  114. I want the book! But I’m also adding it to my to-read list on Goodreads, so I remember that I’ve been wanting to read it for a while.

    It could be a waterbed repairman’s truck. Waterbeds just aren’t that cool anymore, which might explain why they’re embarrassed to paint the rest of the truck. Also, waterbeds make some people hot and wet, ifyouknowwhatimean.

  115. It looks like some sort of mobile murder truck….so yeah

    Oh, and I want your book, I need it in my life.

  116. I mean, orphans are great but I don’t think that they would appreciate the complexities of how awesome this cook is. I think it would be better among those of us who can share some experiences with you, or those who may be just a little bit crazy. Luckily I’m both of these things!

  117. Want. Wantwantwant. Please? I need a copy to complete my matching set of all the other versions I’ve bought!

  119. I kind of really want that book… You should take pity on me and my lack of richness. Also I want to rub the extra chapters on my face sensually. Not really. Or I could be serious. YOU’LL NEVER KNOW.

  122. Especially if it is vagina…I then would need to know who “we” is and what their methods are.

    Regardless if it’s cauaing this much thought/discussion must be a pretty effective slogan.

  123. I really want the book, but I have to say that Observacious (post 45) has the best possible comment. Can I be like an Oscar model and get to hand a copy of your book to Observacious?

    Faith No More FTW.

  124. Could it be a delivery truck for mail order sex toys ? Would love the book, I wouldn’t even rip off the cover, I promise.

  127. I want that boooooooook!! First I want to read the new chapter and then I promise to give it to someone else and proselytize for you. HA.

    Also maybe it was a hot towels truck. Hot towels are only good when hot and wet, right?

  128. I’ll probably go with vagina on this one, too. But looking at the back of that vehicle more closely, I think I see… is that a Jesus fish?? Too small for me to tell , but if it is, maybe they should consider changing the wording to read “WE MAKE SURE IT STAYS HOT AND WET – FOR JESUS.”

    I should probably stop commenting on blogs.

  130. book orphanages??? that’s so sad, i’ll adopted them all. there’s no reason for them to end up like voldemort….no reason at all.

  131. Hot and Wet? Does that mean a cold dry vagina is abnormal? Because I am pretty sure here in Canada my freezes up every time I go outside.. Please advise.

  132. Mobile Sauna, perhaps? Which naturally would keep all genitalia (outty or inny) hot & wet…

    Unrelated: I would love to win that book.

  134. I’m guessing it is what your audience thinks it is most times and there is a resounding scream of vagina here. If not that, maybe they work in hydroponics? Growing food takes warm water… can’t think of many that do well in really cold water.

  136. Pick me! I already bought the hard-cover version for myself and one for my sister, but I want the new chapter!

  138. soup? or vagina totally. I need the paperback. already have the hard cover but a whole extra chapter? must have….

  139. I was told I would be personally mentioned in this alleged “extra chapter”.

    Also – “hot and wet” refers to how Frank Drebin likes his roast beef: “Very hot, and awfully wet”, because obviously.

  141. I REALLY want to know about that truck! Sneak inside please! Oh, and a copy of your book would be SO AWESOME!

  145. Clearly you need to knock on the window and ask what they are keeping hot and wet. A girl must know these things!
    Carrie from Just Mildly Medicated

  146. It sounds like it might be a water heater contractor, but vagina is totally more fun. Reality is generally less funny. When I was in a hotel at Niagara falls, there was a freebie in the bathroom labeled bonnet de douche. which I though was a special hat that you wore when douching. It turned out to be a shower cap. Very disappointing.

  147. Maybe it’s a hot water pressure thingie. Oh and I don’t need your book because I’ve already read it a billion times on my Ereader but I want it as a present for my English professor. She would DIE if she read it.

  150. Books that don’t get bought get reported as not sold and have the covers ripped off them. Fortunately, your book is totally prepared for that circumstance so it’s not clear what effect this would have. I believe this means that people should buy all of them before your book destroys the entire publishing industry.

  151. I sure hope it means vagina, because that would be a very important service. No one likes a cold, dry cooter.
    Okay I have no idea, I just really want your book. I also wanted an reason to use the word ‘cooter’ in a sentence.

  152. You know what’s funny about books that don’t get sold? Bookstores rip the covers off and send them back. I’m not kidding. Seriously, it’s what they do.

  154. Oddly enough, whatever they’re keeping hot and wet must like to look out windows. Either that or it’s a safety precaution for the poor driver so he can check what the hot, wet thing is doing before he opens the doors.

  155. I just finished reading it on my Kindle and really loved it. Funniest thing I’ve read in a very long time. Three thumbs up.

  156. What if it is a plumber? I’m not sure if id think he really “dives in” to his work or if upon seeing a soaking wet hot plumber would make me think “advertising NAILED IT!”

  157. O3O (Big Eyes and Duck Lips yo!)

    I would totally love this book!!! Why??? Because my friend would love this as a birthday gift and I’m pretty sure I’d be promoted to the top of her friend list. I think this includes getting to sit by her a lunch and stare awkwardly at her and giggle until I get demoted again. But temporary promotions are the best?! Right???

  159. I think I am the last person in the world who hasn’t bought your book. Please, please, pick me!

  161. I bought your book when it was first released and have never cried-laughed so hard in my life!! Husband is now convinced I am a total nut!! Mission Accomplished Jenny!! I would LOVE to read the new bonus chapter!!!

    Oh – and ya, it’s totally vagina.

  164. If I win, I’ll have a perfect set of bookends… paperback and hardback Beyonce AWESOMENESS!

    PS: It’s totally vagina.

  167. I have no idea about that truck. I have sat at work for a good amount of time now trying to figure it out. So I guess I’ll get back to work while I wait for my signed copy of your awesome book! 😉

  168. Yep. Vagina.
    Love books!! Have the hardcover but would love to read the new chapter.

  169. Of course it is a vagina…it could not be anything else. I really want the two-cover book…it will go nicely with my single cover book….

  170. HVAC – or hot tub repair are the only real LOGICAL possibilities.

    But vagina is so much more fun. Especially with all those compartments on that truck.

  171. I’m not totally sold on vagina as the answer. I mean, there IS such a thing as *too* hot. Not that I would have any frame of reference whatsoever, since I don’t have one and I’m gay and they generally scare the shit out of me (hot or cold). I guess what I’m trying to say is, I totally deserve that free copy of the paperback! (Because I need something to make up for my lack of a vagina.)

    P.S. I LOVE YOU (starring Hilary Swank)

  172. I can’t imagine what they’d be referring to. The slogan makes you think vagina, but look at the truck! I wouldn’t want to ship my vagina in that.

    It looks like some kind of roadkill delivery service. They probably keep spatulas in the side storage bins.

    On the subject of the paperback book and its extra chapters… as someone who purchased the hardcover book last year, is there some kind of upgrade we can do? Get the additional content inserted somehow, for a nominal price? I don’t want to have to re-buy all the chapters I already bought, just to get the new bits…

    Cheers!

  173. Tropical aquarium pump and heater servicing unit. Complete with replacement fish transport units.

  174. This vehicle is hoarding a truckload of foreplay! Ever gone down a water slide when it’s not wet? Yeah. Moisture IS important.

    A paperback version of your book would be much easier on my carpal tunnel thingy (actually, it was just my thumb that hurt, but I don’t know what to call that. Except for “Sore Thumb Thingy”)

  177. I am going to go with hot tub repair man, because that is the only thing besides vagina that could be described as hot and wet.

    But on a side note I would stay away from that truck because it looks like something you would enter and never get out of…

  178. I would say a mobile burrito mobile!
    Would love a copy of your book 🙂 Long time reader first time commenter

  179. Um, OBVIOUSLY it’s a repair truck for your personal rainforest habitat. I mean DUH, doesn’t everyone have one in their house?

  182. Just saying hi! I have the hardcover, so if you pick me, please pass the softcover on to the next name out of the hat. Thanks!

  183. What if it’s a maintenance company for sauna/greenhouse combos? Those would definitely benefit from fulltime heat and moisture.

    *sigh* Pimp maintenance is so much more likely. I really can’t imagine what else it could be.

  184. I totally want a copy. I have plans to buy it, but it you want to send me one, I will still buy it and give it to someone….

  185. I don’t want to think about what IT is… whatever it is, it can’t be good.

    I also don’t want to think about those poor book orphans looking through rainy windows dreaming of a book parent dropping by and taking them to a beautiful new house with pets to snuggle up against and a pool to lounge by..

  186. Here’s the thing. If you pick me, I’ll totally rip the cover off just to make the book seem more gangster than it already is. And then, I’ll write the phrase “WE MAKE SURE IT STAYS HOT AND WET” on the cover. To make people wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
    Because that’s where I get my jollies.

  187. Maybe it’s a hot guy in your shower??? wait, i don’t want one of those! But I do want your book..of…awesomeness.

  189. I really need/want the paperback so I can read the new chapter. Then I can loan it to others.
    And it pretty much has to be a vagina.

  190. 1. I’m pretty sure the truck is part of an operation that cares for in-home jungles while you are out of town. I always wanted to have a jungle in my house but my frequent travel has made it impossible.
    2. I would really enjoy that double covered paperback!

  192. thank you! now i am thinking of what ELSE would be hot and wet. jeez. and if that IS a pimp mobile it’s like no other i have ever seen. tricky! i already have your book – signed by you! but i would LOVE another to give away to someone i know will love it as much as i do. 😀

  198. I need the new book because I loaned my copy and it’s still floating around being loved by all, I’ll never get it back and I need something…I get get out of my own way and need an anxiety savior. Can’t get out of my own way. <3

  200. “It” HAS to be Vagina, but what would you need a service truck for a vagina? Confusion at it’s finest. And I’d love the paperback! I already own the hardcover; I’ve leant it to tons of friends and family. (my sister currently has it and laughed her ass off) I need the paperback for the extra cover and extra chapters!

  202. Unmarked white semi-armored vehicle? There’s definitely no way there’s anything but equipment for filming some really dangerous porn in there.

  203. I would so wine, dine, and….date this paperback copy. I am literally willing to cheat on my kindle version of the book. There….I said it.

  205. Maybe a sauna repair service? Or the back of the truck is actually a mobile sauna… for your vagina. ?
    I could use a good read. Plus, you should have pity on me because I have poison oak all over my body and I am completely high on prednisone that I kept from my old dead dog. It specifically said “For animal use only.” I still feel itchy. What does that mean? I hope he doesn’t haunt me for taking all his drugs. I don’t think he would, but you never know.

  206. Googling that as a slogan or phrase leads one straight here! Nothing else comes up which considering the size of the internet is pretty amazing.

    I would like the book though. I only have the Kindle version.

  207. Yes, I do need the paperback version, because I loaned the hardcover to a coworker and I haven’t fucking gotten it back. Just knowing I own it isn’t enough. I need one in my posession AT ALL TIMES.

  211. The extra cover that can be pulled off is like when Tom Cruise pulls off his face, and you realize it’s just a mask and that underneath, it’s really an old woman, but then the old woman pulls off her face and it’s really Tom Cruise.

  213. I’m sure what It is. I used to have It, but then they changed what It is. Now what I have isn’t It and what is It seems weird and scary to me!

    Ok… just kidding (any reason to use a Simpsons quote). I actually never had It in the first place. Also, I jappen to like weird. It’s normal that scares me.

  215. I’m speechless – which really says a lot – no clue how that works (or what “it” really is).
    Paperback would be awesome since it has the extra chapter and now we learn an extra cover win/win! If I get it that makes it a win/win/win heehee!

  219. It reminds me of the air conditioning company here that has billboards of a woman who looks mid-orgasm and the words, “Your wife is hot” next to it.

  220. I’ve already purchased….four? …of your book in hardcopy for myself and close friends, an electronic copy, and the audiobook. The paperback would be an excellent addition to my collection. Just sayin’ 😉

  221. i’m too tired and depressed to come up with something witty for what that tagline means. but it if is a vagina truck, i’d like their number. i’ve been off my game for months. probably the depression.

  223. Vagina does make the most sense really…or maybe a water heater? Sauna repair man? Hmmm

    I want the book!! 🙂

  228. I’m going for Plumbing and HVAC technician, only because traveling medical doctors specializing in using pelvic massage to relieve hysteria don’t exist (anymore).

    And yes, I want the book.

  229. I would LOVE to have that book! I have the hardcover already, but I want the paperback just for the new chapter!

  232. I would love the book because my life is bereft of meaningful activity and my dad said he would give half his kingdom to anyone who could make me laugh.
    Not that I’m lobbying.

    Enjoy this awesome video that I had no hand in:

  233. I borrowed the hard cover from the library cause I’m too poor to buy it. I’d love to reread it and keep the paperback version.

  236. No phone number on the truck? Not knowing what it’s advertising is gonna drive me crazy….

  237. And my plumber just uses a regular truck! I want a plumber that makes the neighbors wonder what the, what??
    And of course, I want the book:)

  242. I would love to win a copy of your new paperback. It will be
    the little sister to my hardcover copy!

  247. I have the hardcover edition, but I REALLY need to know what’s in the extra chapter. I lie awake at night wondering . . .

  248. Maybe it’s mobile animal rendering?

    I would love a paperback copy of your book. I want to make it into a movie. And by “make it into a movie” I mean “rub it in to the people who haven’t read that new chapter”.

    jr

  249. PICK ME! If I don’t win I will be buying, but it would be nice to feel lucky for a change.

  252. I kind of want to know if it is possible that your vagina gets cold, like on the inside? Who needs someone to keep their vagina hot? Maybe dead people?!? But then again, what the hell is this for? Weird. I clearly need your book, it might answer some of my questions about life.

  255. I already have the hardcover, but I would gift the paperback to my daughter. I got you to autograph the first one to both of us, but she can’t have it until I die, and she’s miffed about that. And she’s 17. So…yeah, you can see the danger. O_o
    <3 you, Jenny!

  258. I am thinking it has to be vagina~~ other than cocoa what would you want hot&wet?? I am so happy that you got the paperback version of the book. I got to see you when you came to GA. So ok, seeing you is a relative term~~I was actually plastered to the window listening to you read and hoping that no one would see me/look at me having a anxiety attack with all the people in that store. 🙂

  260. I would love a copy!

    On a completely random note, I spent the weekend in bed with strep, and watched the first two seasons of Doctor Who. Now I’m completely addicted, so thanks for that.

  261. Swimming pool repair? Home delivery wash cloth service? Pulled pork sandwiches?

    But most likely vagina repair.

  262. Sometimes I have to avoid your blog so as not to suffer from pangs of hero-worship.
    True story. So what.

  263. pick me… pick me!!!! I have hardback with your signature when I went to your book signing at Powells bookstore, Oregon, and kindle version also. I’d love to have paperback.

  264. That’s totally a truck carrying male strippers! 🙂 Got to get the book! Congrats again! You are an inspiration for so many.

  266. I would love a copy of your book. I already have the hardcover, but it totally needs a companion!

  268. I wouldn’t have thought vagina but now that you’ve put the idea of it being a vagina out there I can’t imagine what else it could be. Hot tub maybe….water heater…maybe…but why would it have to be an unmarked van if that was the case? Maybe undercover secret organ transplants….

    Nope, just vagina.

  269. I always thought plumbers were akin to naughtyness. My husband always refers to “laying the pipes” in his sexy voice, so same same.

  270. I want the book… not because I need the book… I already have the hardback edition… but I want the book so I can leave it for some completely unsuspecting soul to stumble upon, and sit down and start reading, and totally fall in love with your weirdness, and realize that they’re not the only weirdo in the world… every weirdo out there should have that realization… and the world would be a much happier place for all of us.

    (So I just re-read that paragraph/run-on mess and realized that I need to cut back on the coffee… or drink more… it’s hard to tell.)

    Stay weird Jenny.

  271. I bought the book for my friend, but not for myself. I love you. Pick me.

    Also, I suspect that truck is a traveling Hell. Hell is most certainly hot and wet. That truck is Hell on Wheels.

  272. besides, it’s almost my birthday! What an awesome birthday present that would be. Just don’t ask how old.

  273. So, once upon a time, I was a public defense attorney and I had the following conversation with a client who was charged with prostitution:

    Me: So, if you were “just going to massage him,” why did you have condoms with you?
    Her: Oh, well, we massage THAT MUSCLE, too.
    Me: Really?
    Her: Oh, yes.
    Me: I don’t know if that will go over with a jury, because, where I come from, we call that a “hand job.”

    That truck totally looks like something one of my former clients would have come up with to run a portable prostitution service.

  275. like random, (mostly) unmarked vans, i enjoy random selections to win stuff
    having the hardcover, i can’t pay for the extra chapter
    🙂

  277. I googled it. Your blog is the only thing that comes up for “we keep it hot and wet.” So now, not only is that phrase forever part of my search history, but you are forever connected to vaginas. Not literally. Well, one literally, but not plural vaginas. I’m going to stop now. Please give me a book.

  279. TOTALLY a vagina. Tho i don’t know how i feel about having a man in a white truck with the emblazoned on the back coming to, uh, service. Me. Or something.

    Yay book!!!

  280. I neeeeed your book. It’s much more than a want.
    How about we trade? You give me your book (bc I’m broke) and I’ll make you some art?

  281. I want the book! I also want you to write a recap of your Dallas booksigning. How come you hate us?

  283. Before I saw the writing on the truck, I totally went “my vet has a truck like that” and then I saw the rather suggestive slogan and twitched so hard I have a neck-ache. I really don’t want to know what my vet is keeping hot and wet. Although MY vet isn’t in Texas, so maybe it’s just a weird Texas vet.

  285. Just wanted to surface to say hi, apologize for not being as dutiful a fan in the last year as I should have been (Austin apparently has placed dampeners on my world perception), and to say that your book is so awesome that whomever hasn’t read it yet needs to… yay super-speshal paperback version with two covers! Actually no… in light of your vagina truck issues today, they more strike me as literary labia for a textual funhole… that everybody has held… you know what, now this metaphor is disturbing me.

    Yay book!

  286. Unsold coverless books get thrown in the garbage/recycling. I used to work in a bookstore, and while this pains me some, when it’s 8000 romance novels, not as much

  287. Love your blog! Just got out of a 3 week coma and I’m recovering. Some new reading material would be lovely! Plus with time on my hands with my recovery I can push your book 🙂 lol.

  288. Here’s the secret to what they do…. they have sad-eyed book store employees rip the outer covers off, trash the rest of the book, and then send in the covers for credit. I know this because I used to be one of those despondent, woebegone people. It’s wrong to make book lovers destroy that which they love! And the B. Dalton’s I worked at was next to a Filipino grocer, and we shared the dumpster. So then those poor books got covered with fish goo. So very brutal!

  291. It’s about time someone created a mobile vagina service. I’ve complained about needed one of those many years ago.

  293. I tried to Google the tagline but it just gave me a whole bunch of links back to your blog, so obviously you’re the most important link on the internet now. Given the unbreakable glass look of the back doors, whatever it’s trying to keep hot and wet is also big and strong, so maybe a portable whale-washing truck? 🙂

  294. I already have a hard cover copy of your book AND the audio book, but holy balls do I want a copy of the paperback, too!!!!!!!

    Perhaps it is an alligator truck. You know, for all your alligator transportation needs. They do need to stay warm, after all, and I hear they prefer wetness. Or maybe there’s an entire rainforest frog ecosystem in there. And then, when the newness has worn off your child’s exotic pet, these people come by and pick it up, and as they leave you can assure your kid that, yes, they WILL keep Mr. Ribbit both warm AND wet — it says so right there on the truck.

  296. I’m glad I didn’t see that out driving, because I’d laugh myself into a ditch.

  299. I think it would have to be a hot tub maintenance/repair company.

    I can’t wait to see the book!

  300. The thought of some strange truck arriving to make my vagina hot and wet is so totally disturbing that I have to go with coffee service truck. Yes, that must be it. Oh and I would love the book to make all my friends uber-jealous.

  301. Hot and Wet…
    Hmmm….
    It’s either a vagina or maybe some kind of hot tub repairman? Or maybe he’s a hot tub time machine repairman who makes sure everything is in proper working order so you can go back in time and get vagina? Yeah, and that could be why there’s no phone number or other signage because anyone with a time machine would want to keep it pretty hush hush, I’d imagine. Pus, they’d totally want it to look like a hot tub so nobody suspected anything, so by keeping it hot and wet, that guy is really just helping you create a big time machine coverup.

    Or he’s delivering soup. Possibly tea.

    …That’s all I’ve got.

  303. Old tour bus for the band 112. Once again, Wikipedia comes to the rescue: “Hot & Wet is the fourth studio album by R&B group 112. The album followed the successful Part III album (which featured the hit single “Peaches & Cream”), with the club tracks “Na Na Na Na” and “Hot & Wet” which was produced by Stevie J.” I’ll let you look up the lyrics yourself.

  306. I WANT. You sold me at “it has another cover.”

    Also, I would like another chapter.

    Also, if you pick me, I promise to give my current copy to a poor, economically disadvantaged child.

  307. I would love to have this paperback edition. I already own the hardcover, so if it comes down to me and someone who doesn’t have one at all…I’d be cool with them getting it. Either way, loved the book…can’t wait to get the paperback, I need that extra chapter! 🙂
    Thank you for your consideration 🙂

  308. It’s totally vagina. Or hot tub. Which, for really large vaginas and really small hot tubs, might be the same thing.

  309. I need to win this book so I can have joy in my life. No pressure or anything. Just that, ya know, I don’t want my sadness to be on your conscience. I’m just looking out for you.

  312. i feel like it’s houston weather. it’s houston weather, isn’t it? i didn’t know they had a truck for that….

  314. I love love love your book!!!!! And I totally need a paperback copy to carry in my purse!!

  315. It HAS got to be Vagina’s…that or some lame pool/hot tub cleaning biz, which would be LAME.

  319. please, please, please go follow that truck, or send Victor, because I need to know what thats all about!!!

  320. I have the kindle edition and the hard-cover, I need the paperback to complete the set! 😉 (And, yes, it’s totally vajay-jay. Everything is always vajay-jay.)

  321. I have the hard cover but I want the paperback too! I can’t wait to meet you in St. Louis! I think that was a movie, but I didn’t even pre-plan saying it that way. I promise not to be this creepy when we finally meet. And go out to dinner. And you come back to my house in my white unmarked van with me and we just laugh and laugh because we realize we’re soul mates and new BFFs.

  323. I am totally voting for “vagina” although I am damn sure I wouldn’t want one that big. That would require “vaginal rejuvenation” and THAT is another matter entirely.

    Oh, and I want the book…not for me, but for my sister so I can be cheap and send it to her for her birthday. I already shelled out for the hardcover 🙂

  324. I can’t believe you didn’t go peek in the windows of the van to find out what was hot and wet…

    And I totally want the extra-chapter-included paperback! If I don’t win I may have to randomly steal the extra chapter from a local bookstore and tape it into my hardcover copy…

  332. It’s totally vagina 😀

    oh man!

    I’m due to have another baby in just over a month, I could totally use something hilarious to get me through the bleary hours up alone while everyone else in the house gets to sleep because I have a critter on my boob. Just sayin’. 😉

  333. Is there a sauna in the truck? Humidity control for the South? Creature from the Black Lagoon? It can’t be a giant vagina because male Republican Congressmen would have shut this thing down ASAP or accused it of advertising itself for a legitimate rape.

    I’d love the book, but I can afford it. Unless you sign it. Then I want it. But I’ll live if I don’t get it.

  336. I <3 vaginas 😉 in other news, I've already preordered your book, but you should still pick me because I'll share it with my friends 🙂

  338. I googled it to see if it would show up as someone’s business motto and we could get to the bottom of this. There were exactly two results, and both were for this post. Now I don’t know the answer AND I have to clear my search history!

  340. Don’t you dare give the book to me! I’m ticket #33 at Anderson’s in Naperville to come see you. I want you to look up from the cozy table, say “You’re number #33…I totally remember your post.” Because you have no intention of remembering ticket #33, but now, against your will, you find yourself saying, “Naperville. Ticket #33.”*

    *Because I can read your mind.

  341. A free copy of your book would make me hot and wet. But I don’t think I would put it on my vehicle.

  342. I used to work at the place where they ripped the covers off the unsold books and then sent them back to the publisher. It made me sad to go back to the cover ripping off room and I avoided it as much as possible. Unless I wanted something free to read, then I’d dig one out of the big discard box, but very carefully, because one of the guys who worked back there had stomach issues and would sometimes barf in the discard box. I found this out the hard way. Sad, but true story.

  344. Would book orphanages be libraries? Or used book stores?

    It’s too cold for them to look through rainy windows up here…frozen tundra blizzard from hell windows, maybe.

  346. I have no idea about the truck, but I do know about the unused books. Sort of. I work as a magazine vendor and at some stores I also stock books. Not cool books like yours, but much less interesting romance or suspense novels. The unsold items that I send back get shredded and recycled.

  347. Of course it’s vagina! Maybe I’ll be able to get you to sign my newly won book when you come to Louisville!

  348. I have no idea what that could be, so I’m jumping on the vagina bandwagon. (On a totally self-centered bandwagon, pick me! Pick me!)

  349. Ive read the book and its the funniest thing ive ever read! I giggled so much I cried and my husband couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with me!

  350. I was at the Long Beach Antique Market last weekend, and one of the booths there had two giant metal chickens for sale. At first I didn’t see any price tags, so I started to ask, “How much do you want for Beoncé?” But then I realized the two guys working the booth probably wouldn’t what I was talking about. Then I thought they probably wonder why they’ve started selling so many giant metal chickens (mostly they just sold Mexican pottery). And they probably wonder why all the gringos have started calling chicken “Beoncé.”

    (Oh, btw, a Beoncé about the size of a small child was $55.)

  351. I have the e-version and laughed until I cried reading it…I totally want to read the extra chapter…and yes, it has to be vagina

  357. I totally need this book! If you gave it to me you would be saving my husband from being badgered until he goes out and gets me a copy. Okay more like saving me from having to badger him until I have recovered enough to go to the book store to get a copy.

  364. Would love the paper back! Bought the hard cover but dying to see what other crazy stories are added!

  365. I pretty much need to win the book, because I bought the kindle edition when it first came out and those pages don’t smell quite as fresh anymore as I’m sure the paperback pages do.

  366. I don’t even know what to do with that picture. Maybe it’s a service for serial killers who are into necrophilia? I mean, it could be, it’s an unmarked van with the exception of the slogan…..

  368. Totally a vagina. I need the book with 2 covers so it can flash my hard back book that I own like a peeping Tom.

  369. Need to win this book for my mother in law who is having back surgery tomorrow to cheer her up while she recovers please please please…..also I would like to borrow it from her to read bonuschapt.to I

  370. Has anyone figured out what they do yet? Other than keeping it hot and wet, obviously!

  371. would LOVE a copy of the paperback – would start my paperback stock of books to give to friends (since I’ve been gifting the hardcover version since it was released). love ya!

  372. Iits a portable sauna, but they can’t advertise on the side, or you’d know there were naked people inside. Or a vagina. Probably a vagina.

  373. It completely means vaginas. Now if only the truck had their number on the outside. I could use a house call…

  376. So if there’s no company name & phone #, how do you contact them to help you keep whatever it is, hot & wet?

  377. Pick me, Pick me!!! I can’t wait to get my hands on that extra chapter I keep hearing about!!!

    Oh and I think the truck is a hot-tub party on wheels. Perhaps there is a full-on hot-tub party going on behind those closed doors? Kind of like those game trucks? or perhaps not… You’re probably right ‘its’ a vagina…

  379. Definitely vagina. But, like some other commenters… I’m more concerned about how vaginas relate to the already far too rapey (yeah, that’s an adjective now) looking prisoner vessel. I mean. Unless it’s like ANIMAL vaginas and they’re breeding them and there’s a pet brothel inside. Which somehow seems better and worse all at the same time. Closed off for privacy but secure so your pets don’t run away to get home before their wives notice they’re gone.

    Anyway. Now that THAT nugget of confusion has firmly cemented itself in my brain… I’d like to volunteer myself for the magical multicover (or single cover, or no cover- but preferably at least single cover) of the paperback version of your book! My hardcover version is floating around a house full of my friends. I took it over there one night and was all “I’ve brought a reading to share over dinner” which they thought was weird but went along with. Three hours later I was upset I didn’t bring my reading glasses because my eyes got too tired to read to them anymore. I had to leave the book behind for them to finish individually. I fear for it’s recovery.

  381. You must stalk that truck and find out just exactly what it is! I could be one of those stripper cleaning services, or a coffee company that makes house calls. I think I need a nap.

  383. Soup? Definitely want hot, wet soup. But that’s an awfully big truck for soup. And you know, you get that not-so-fresh feeling if your vajayjay gets too hot and wet. I’m pretty sure that leads to fungus in the wrong conditions.

  384. If you google hot and wet and truck you get a bunch of bikini car wash links. Or car wash porn.
    I also think it is for vagina repair.

  385. It’s a mobile Minnesota summer! You know you want to pick me simply because I’m made of awesome.

  387. I want it! My hardback copy had an unfortunate accident with swamp water (aka shit and dead body water) in Louisiana on my honeymoon. On the plus side, I got to see quite a few Hamlet von Schnitzel’s running around.

  391. Oh, you should totally pick me! I read your book and laughed so hard I peed a little. (TMI?) My daughter wanted to know why I was laughing so she read then SHE laughed. (but didn’t pee her pants because she’s only 18 and hasn’t had any children so she doesn’t have any trouble DOWN THERE like I do). Then she stayed up nearly all night long reading every one of your blog posts out loud to me.

  393. Noodles. Okay, maybe vagina and noodles. I need the book because if I make my crazy chicken sister return mine which I lent her months ago she may get even stabbier. I love her but I am not an idiot. Yet.

  394. Vaginas R Us.
    Vagina-Rooter.
    Snake Vagina (wait, that just takes me to another inappropriate place…)
    Stanley Vagina Steamer

  395. Obviously it has to be a vagina. But my question is: why would you need a big truck? To hold the millions of dildos? Or is there an entire football team in there, all sweaty and flexing? (ew)

  397. Was there a phone number? If you want “it” hot and wet, how are you supposed to reach them? Or do they randomly go door to door to make sure “it” is hot and wet?

  398. I bet it’s a hot tub repairman. Can’t you just picture his business cards? The cartoon captions would be so worth it. “I keep it hot and wet so you can to!”

  402. Kisses? Maybe it’s a mobile kissing seminar? I like hot wet kisses … just sayin’

  404. I don’t know. It has a Jesus Fish.

    So it must be something holy. Like, instead of “vaginas”, it’s “that thing down there.”

  405. Maybe it’s Fabio’s new motorhome…but the “we” stumps me because I thought Fabio works alone. On another note, I would LOVE to get your paperback because I bought a hardcopy when you came to L.A. and then I met this woman who was going to taxidermy school so I gave her my copy. Now she’s reading and laughing while stuffing dead stuff and I’m bookless.

  406. The truck could be hauling generic soup. Meals on Wheels sort of neighborhood help program. And you had me at Helmot Von Scnitzel. Hope you’re feeling better from your doctor visit the other day.

  410. Now all they need to do is paint the truck pink and we’d know for sure. But yeah, totes vagina help. What exactly they do…

  411. Oh, please pick me for the book!

    PS: Totally vagina. It HAS to be vagina, there are no other options (except maybe soup). But really, it’s vagina.

  412. I can’t believe YOU didn’t go ask. Seriously. GO. ASK.
    “You’re talking about VAGINAS, RIGHT?”
    Who couldn’t answer a question like that?

  414. MAAAAAYBE its a pool service company. I mean MOST people want their pools warm…shit i just totally effed up explanation. Nobody wants a hot pool, just a warm pool. Back to the drawing board.

  416. So does it help if you leave the most random comment? Because the number next to this comment is pretty random, mathematically speaking.

  417. It’s a street food truck. They make food to sell on the streets of down town. They have them all over the place when I go downtown.

  418. A burrito truck – delivering hot, wet burritos!

    LOVE your book – I only have it on my e-reader which means I can’t share it with my homies. I know they should buy their own, but how cool if I said I’d lend them my copy, which was *your* copy?!? 🙂

  419. I really can’t think of a better answer than yours as to what that truck helps keep hot and wet.

    And from working in a bookstore I can tell you that paperback books’ covers get sliced off and sent back to the publisher, while the coverless book body is either recycled or tossed in the trash. An orphanage would be MUCH better for those books.

  420. Oh, I’ve totally seen these before. These are remote Raves. Packed to the gills with bubble machines, glow sticks and Slip-n-Slides for your Raver-on-the-Go. Just pack you and a dozen of your closest friends in for a night of wet, hot awesomeness.

    Naturally, it wouldn’t have branding on the truck – you want to keep the Po-po off your scent.

  423. I just found your AWESOME blog last week. Not sure why I didn’t know about it before. While randomly perusing your posts, I was madly trying to come up with reasons to tell my co-workers why I was “crying”. They were really tears from trying to laugh silently, I’m just glad i didn’t start snorting.

  424. Jenny,

    I first read your book almost a year ago when my sister lent me her copy and directed me to your blog. At the time I was suffering though one of the most severe bouts of depression and anxiety that I’ve ever had and was preparing to take a hiatus from life as I knew it (my home and my husband) to stay with family 900 miles away while regulating to new meds and trying to take care of my then 18 month old. During that time your writing helped give me the courage and strength that I needed to begin to feel worthy enough to begin to care about myself and my health once again – to know that I wasn’t alone in what I was going through and that it was Ok to get help . I’ve shared your blog with others and have even given a copy of your book as a gift. Oddly enough, I don’t own a copy – but think I might need to treat myself to one of the new editions to celebrate this past year. THANK YOU so much for who you are and all that you have done for myself the many others you touch with your writing.

  425. My mother “borrowed” my hard copy and doesn’t seem to want to return it! I would love a paperback copy.
    Congrats.

  426. I would love the book! I do love the book… so really I would just like to own a copy!

    Also… hot tub repair guy?

  427. Does it not even have a phone number on it? Poor business practice, if it doesn’t. They could make the phone number just as intriguing.

  428. My guesses would run to: Septic tanks or saunas. Maybe hot tubs?
    Would love to win your book, thank you for the chance.
    Also, South American prehensile tailed porcupines make adorable sounds, even when they’re being cranky.

  429. I would love, love, love a copy of your book! Especially since I’m placing an order for 2 copies for 2 of my BFFs, whose birthdays are on March 5th! I love your website, cried hysterically as I read the post about the giant metal chickent, and can’t wait for more laughing-crying moments that you publish!

  430. Look, if you were running a mobile gynecological service, you’d want to be subtle about it, right? No giant cooch picture on the side or anything, just a little saucy tag line over the bumper.

  432. I would love love love the book!
    I’m surrounded by the chronically negative… I think it may be the antidote!

  434. Heated fish tank? Because nobody likes dried fish. Except for people who want to eat dried fish, but those aren’t usually kept in tanks. Anyone who’s eating their pet fish are just wrong.

    Also? I totally want your book. I already have the hardcover, but i want the extra chapter and the extra cover!

  438. I’d leerrrv a copy! Even if I don’t win, I’ll still buy it though 🙂

    Also, it’s totally vagina. Must be those two hot Draino plumbers from that sexy commercial… you know the one.

  440. I use to work next door to a bookstore and when they had books that did not sell they would rip off the covers and return the covers for a refund and trash the books in the dumpsters. I read and owned a whole lot of books when I was young with no covers on them.

    (Not to proud to dumpster dive for literature)

  441. I love your blog. So fun and interesting, you do have the
    Talent for writing.
    I just started to subscribe to your blog, I would love
    win the book!
    Thanks.for the chance. :*)

  444. I will give your book a loving home. I will take it on walks and feed it every day. I will never put it in a vagina plumber’s truck.

  445. My vote goes for saunas… maybe saunas specifically for vaginas? I mean, they could all use a good steam cleaning. I have your book in hardback so if I win, I’ll read the bonus chapter and pass this book along to my BFF.

  446. Can I just state for the record that I LOVE the idea of a clandestine vagina repair service that requires reinforced glass windows on their truck? For god’s sake, what the hell do they DO back there that requires reinforced glass? Anonymity, I can understand. No one likes to advertise that their hoo-hah isn’t exactly in working order. But … unbreakable glass windows? Do they keep a pet velociraptor back there to help you deal with your arid frigidity issues?

  447. If “it” is water than doesn’t physics make sure it stays wet, with or without the interference of a plumber?

  448. How much do you have to pay for a service like that!?!? because I’m TOTALLY paying it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  451. Hot Tub repair company? That’s the answer I came up with after thinking about it for a while… my first guess was obviously-vagina.

  452. I think you just found where all the fancy first-class-on-an-airplane hot towels come from! Or…vagina. That looks like a mobile porn set, actually, so I’m going to agree with you.

  455. Clearly it’s a gigolo. Duh.

    (Also: would LOOOOVE the book – my husband and I loved your audiobook version!)

  456. Why is it that I want that sign to secretly put on my husband’s car? Yeah something wrong with me. and I would love a copy if I’m selected!!

  457. I just spent three and a half hours at Urgent Care with my four kids under the age of 10. I used up all my wittiness to keeps the kiddos under control, namely using gems like, “knock knock?” ” who’s there?” “Your mom.” “Your mom who?” “No, literally, it’s your mom.” So you can see I obviously need your book … For sanity reasons.

  460. I was thinking mobile porno filming truck – you know, they have all the ‘props’ and gallon buckets of lube and that cheesy porno music, and they go around filming ‘on location’, but they can’t really advertise what they do….I’m rambling, I don’t know where I’m going with this *LOL*

  461. Oh, COME ON PEOPLE!!! Why does it have to be vaginas?

    *I* say it’s Mobile Hot Yoga. Which is super-boring, so . . . yeah. Vaginas.

  462. No idea on the riddle of the van lingo. Too bad I’m not still playing Everquest. I’m sure my guildies would be able to come up with a dozen different reasons for the text, though most of them would be X-rated or so bizarre that everyone else stopped typing on their keyboards for a few moments in a “WTF?!” response…

    Onto things I DO understand, a copy of the softcover edition would rock. I would actually be sending it to my ‘adopted’ soldier in Afghanistan, as I have the hard cover edition. Well, I’d read the new chapter first… THEN send it on. 🙂

    Thanks for the consideration and all the laughs!

  463. I have your hardcover, but since the paperback has an extra chapter I would totally love to get the paper version and read the new chapter…winning would save me some money. 😉

  464. Of course I want it… But I just bought TWO copies of your paperback so my best friend & I can stalk you when you come to Naperville, IL. Did I say stalk?! I meant MEET. 🙂

  466. I got a sweater for Christmas.
    What I really wanted was
    a screamer or a moaner.

    This pertains to nothing, but it came up when I googled the slogan from your truck.
    Love your book – I used to have a pet raccoon named Ralph who knew how to open screen doors and peanut butter jars.

  469. I am pretty sure getting a paperback copy of your book would cure my ruptured ear drum.

    That or antibiotics.

    Let’s find out! 😀

  470. It’s a wet bar!

    I bought a copy of your book and lent it to my daughter. I doubt I will ever see it again so I would really love a copy of the paperback.

  471. Definitely a vagina. Can I have the book now? I promise not to stalk you. Or I can if thats what you prefer. Really, whatever you want is fine with me.

  472. I would love the 2 cover book!! You are soo funny!! And yes it must be a vagina!

  473. Worst pimp-mobile ever. Where’s the gold? Where’s the leopard print? Where’s the shady guy with the big hat?

  474. It’s the opposite of vagina; it’s hot dogs. Looks like a food truck to me ….

  475. It’s only logical that it’s vagina. What concerns me is that whatever they need to fix said vagina takes up that entire truck. Just how broken is this vagina that needs fixing?

  477. Well, clearly it’s a Dexter truck, so that focuses the possibilities. I’m going for the blades of an oscillating bone saw. Eeeewww.

  478. Honestly, does it matter what it is they service? What I wanna know is how do I get myself into that sweet, sweet ride? And their business line…

    I’ll take the book if I can’t get the truck, tho’.

  479. I absolutely thought vagina first. But then again, who didn’t? Especially in this crowd.

  480. Pick me! Pick me! I bought two copies of your hard-cover book and you graciously autographed them for my Fun Sister and my friend MaryAlice. I need my own copy and two-cover paperback suits me just fine!

    Hot and wet. So many choices, most of which are naughty. Maybe they’re a 112 or Ludacris fan?

    http://www.lyricsmania.com/hot_wet_lyrics_112.html

  483. I’m more worried that whatever it is is being kept hot and wet against it’s will.
    Very excited for the paperback version. I love your book.

  485. I wonder: do authors sign nooks? I’m good with that, but maybe them, not so much. Better take my chance of winning the paperback and have something else, should you ever get near the sticks where I live. (honestly, I’d buy the paper copy if you actually did get out here two miles from where Christ lost his shoes)

  487. That’s an awfully big truck for fixing vaginas! I am a little frightened to be honest. Congrats on the book. I have recommended it many times! Thanks for all the fun!

  489. If you are right about the truck, then I want to see the inside. I envision red and pink fake fur oversized cushions, with velvet wallpaper. And maybe a margarita machine.

  490. I’m thinking they run wet t-shirt contests at bars. They keep them “HOT” and make sure the hot girls stay wet? I dunno … it is Texas, right?

    I would love the double-cover-extra-chapter-extra-special-early paperback version of your book! I might even share it and share the love. As long as no books are burned because I share it!

  492. I’d really love a free copy of your book, because I’ve been wanting a copy for forever but I can’t afford it. 🙁

  493. I am confuzzled by the mirror on the back .. is that for looking at said vaginas that are hot and wet because they make sure they are?

  494. I just googled “we make sure it stays hot and wet”. It wasn’t as interesting as I had hoped. Maybe that’s a good thing.

    A paperback copy would be fabulous because then I can stop lending out my hardcover! Congrats!!

  495. Are you going to keep us guessing as to what the second cover looks like?
    I want that book! I’ll die if I don’t know what it is.

  496. Totally a vagina service station. Why go out to get it serviced when they can come right to your door instead ;p And new version of the book, whoop!!

  498. If you say it’s a Vagina, then it’s a Vagina. Notice how I capitalized Vagina, it should be capitalized.

  500. I was thinking it was one of those portable BBQ trucks. Not that I’ve ever seen one in person. You want your BBQ ribs hot and wet, right? Moist, anyway?

  501. If you pick me, I promise to let all my friends borrow it after I read the added chapter (I already read it on my Kindle). But, I’ll only let them read like 1/3 of it so then they’ll be so enthralled they’ll have to go buy their own copy to find out what happens.

  503. So I’m hoping I win the book, kinda….I’m really entering for my wife (who LOVES your stuff) so she would be totally stoked to get the book. That being said, the (kinda) part – My wife reads in bed while we are going to sleep and more often than not I fall asleep first – until I’m awakened by hysterical laughter – all the time – so thanks for that 🙂

    P.S. I dig your blog too.

    Take Care,
    Chad

  505. Mobile Vag Van? Kinda like the dogwash guy that comes to the house? ROGER THAT!
    (Take note if the mirror placement in the back…whats THAT about?) 🙂

  506. Congratulations on finding the mobile pimp deliver service. You should win a prize. I hope I win the book. I have the hardcover and I gave 5 of them away as Christmas presents.

  508. My cat already says I abuse and ignore him totally AT THE SAME TIME.

    And then he interferes with everything I do by resting his head in my elbow and looking at me with sad eyes.

    But that’s okay, because he still can’t read the e-book copy of your book I bought. So I totally need the paperback. For the cat!

  510. They are totally spying on your vagina to make sure that you keep getting the most up-to-date yet relevant vagina spam emails that you are constantly bombarded with! Hey, at least they don’t want to make sure it stays “cold and dry” Nobody likes cold, dry vagina!

  511. That’s so awesome!!!! I don’t know what I would do without your stories! I would LOVE to read your book!

  512. Maybe its a dim-sum delivery vehicle. And by dim-sum, I totally mean vagina…. And I imagine that when you call them, they answer the phone like Joey from Friends, all “How you doin’???” in that creepy way….
    I would love the paper back, ready to party book to round out my Bloggess collection!

  513. If I had to guess…a traveling porn star refresher truck. Because guy porn stars are creepy and the girls just aren’t that good at acting. Or so I’ve been told.

    Please send me the book and I will worship you even more from afar.

  515. I just really don’t want to think about the situations that might call for an in-home, undercover vageen repair service. But then again, keeping it hot and wet doesn’t indicate it needs repair, per se, just that it needs… warming up, or moistening. So it’s a heated lube delivery truck! Yes. That’s it.

  518. Since I am almost married it’s too late for him to run when I read/laugh at totally inappropriate things. I definitely need this book! And it SHOULD come with a unicorn.

    And I think that van is totally a vagina cleaning service.

  522. Okay.. I Googled that phrase… YOU are the only thing that comes up. Good enough for me. I want the paperback version, Jenny. No, really. I do. Please – make it so.

    chow…

    not to be confused with Ciao… I’m just hungry…

  523. hot and wet? how ’bout apathetic and bitchy. yep, that would be me. until i get the book. then, while i won’t be hot and wet, i will at least be less hostile. maybe.

  525. Out of the billions who want this free, I’m posting on the off xchance my luck is actually working and I’m picked. If not that’s okay my cheeks are use to the tears.

  526. i swear if i don’t get the book this time, i’ll stop procrastinating and go out and buy it. which i suppose isn’t a good incentive for you to pick me, but oh well.

  530. If it IS vaginas then I’m a little concerned about the mesh cage covering the windows…

  535. I, too, Googled the phrase and can confirm you are the first–and only–3 entries that appear. Three cheers for search engine optimization!

  536. Since I don’t get to see you when you come to KC, I totally would love to win. I need a book to take to France! Did I mention I’m traveling with 21 high schoolers?! 😉

    And yes, it’s totally vagina. 🙂

  537. Could be ass. But that is definitely a hooker mobile. So it probably means either one.
    But that book would be fabulous , I may even leave it on a plane when I’m done.

  539. Maybe it’s a meals-on-wheels service. You know, old people can be crabby if their food isn’t hot…and if it’s dry they won’t be able to chew it with their dentures. If it IS for vaginas, I am terrified. Why is the truck so big? What would they need with all those compartments on the sides? How many tools do you…nevermind. And I’d like your book. I would like it even more if it got all in my face and called me a bitch with it’s dual covers.

  540. I totally need this! I bought the hardback and laughed my ass off throughout the whole book. I’m bummed I don’t get the extra chapter – would love to have this copy! Also, I’m SUPER excited to meet you in Dayton in March! 🙂

  542. I adored the book and NEED a copy of this paper back . Enjoy every blog post and have shared the brilliance that is you through facebook to all my favorite people !

  544. I need this book giveaway because I want to read it now but am too lazy to preorder anything.
    Please and thank you. xo

  545. Random truck signs and a free book? Sign me up! For the book, not the truck. I don’t have a place to park the truck. But I do have a place for the book!

  546. Maybe a sauna service or possibly a steam shower repair service…either way I am sure it is shaped like a vagina.

  547. It couldn’t be anything BUT vagina. I mean c’mon, they might want you to believe it’s a “plumber” but it IS Texas so they’re keeping up appearances. Etiquette and all.

  549. So….I preordered the hardback and read it cover-to-cover in about a day…including a couple hour flight where the other passengers couldn’t wait to get off the plane and away from me because I was trying unsuccessfully to contain my laughter and ended up sounding like a wheezing, asthmatic seal. I still have to order the audio book, because who -wouldn’t- want you to read them your own bedtime story? And now it appears I’ll be needing the PAPERBACK version because of the extra chapter. It seems I’ll need to create a library just for my Jenny Lawson collection. I’m okay with this.

    And, by the way, please come to Nashville on your book tour. Please. Nashville. Please.

  551. When I saw your note that it was coming out in paperback soon, I had plans to pick this up for my hard copy book to take with me on the Honeymoon in April. Maybe you’ll save me the effort (oh and that cash stuff) and send me yours?

  554. I have the hardback AND Kindle versions. This would totally make my collection complete!

  555. Maybe it is a mobile gynecologist van. Oh and I really want the book – pretty please.

  556. My first instinct was that it’s a dog washing truck. (Of course, that makes no sense. Who wants a dog that is constantly hot and wet?)

  558. they install hot water heaters for the gas company *nods* (though I do love the ‘pool boy’ theory) … and I would LOVE your double-covered, paperback of awesomeness. please <3

  559. Pick me. Please. I wish I could think of something funny or clever to say but I can’t…that’s why I read your blog. You up my funny quotient.

  560. I need the paperback so I can read the extra chapter! And if that’s not a pimp-mobile I don’t know what is.

  562. Maybe it’s hot tubs? I don’t know I’m just trying to think if anything that wouldn’t imply that a man in a white windowless van is working with vaginas.

  564. I am afraid to google ‘hot and wet’ so I am naively going to suggest orchid growers. Or pizza delivery.

  565. I think it is a hot dog truck. I think they steam their buns. Alternatively? Maybe it is a portable hot tub? Maybe those doors fold down into hot tub seats. Maybe? It’s a hot tub/dog combo. Hot and wet. done.

  566. I read the electronic version of the book and loved it, I like that the paperback has two covers but here is what I’m wondering? Are you going to be like George Lucas and his Star Wars movies and release the same book every once in a while and add new chapters or change the endings to stories and make us find the extra bonus material? or new special effects or behind the scenes clips? 🙂

    and I totally think it has to be vagina

  567. I wouldn’t mind having a copy of your book… Another one. I loaned my hardback to my mom and I don’t think I’m ever going to get it back.
    If you ever find out what that truck is about, I want to know. That’s going to bug me all week.

  569. To be honest. I really want to read your book.. But I’m so fucking broke and I don’t want to spend my cigarette money. 🙂

  570. Let’s assume it is vagina. The real question is whether or not it’s a clanky vagina and if any cats have been sucked up in it.

    My non-clanky vagina and I will be in the closet hoping I win the book.

  571. I want that book! I actually ordered the Kindle version but I can’t loan it to my deployed Navy husband who I think would LOVE this book as much as I did.
    (See what I did there, military guilt trip!)

  577. Love the book. Want the book. Yes, it’s vagina…I just wonder what they do in the creepy dark van to keep it hot and wet. Nevermind, I don’t wonder. I can picture it.

  578. Shoot, there are so many people who respond to you that I can never hope to compete. It’s making me feel all bad about myself. I’m probably going to have to do the only thing that makes sense…buy the book! Even my dorky friends have mentioned your book, as if I’m not cool enough to have found you first!

  579. Its a portable sauna of course – whenever did you see a portable vagina

    oh … !!!

  582. Now you’re just being ridiculous – books that don’t get sold go to live on a farm! … don’t they?

    Also I totally want – and deserve – that paperback because I feel distinctly disgruntled that I have now bought 5 DAMN COPIES of the original (4 hardcopy, one Kindle)! The extra chapter I haven’t read is taunting me with it’s paperbackiness! Seriously though, after reading your book and laughing so hard that tears were running down my legs, I have kept one hardback for myself, plus the Kindle version (because I don’t like taking my books out of the house because I invariably lose them) plus three for birthday gifts! Which were all very much appreciated by the way and all three ladies are now regular readers of your blog so you’re like welcome and shit. 🙂

    PUHLEEEEEEEEEEEASE?? O_O

  583. Vagina repair service. I love it.

    Also, cover within a cover?! You’re book is some serious Inception shit, Jenny. I need to have it. Again.

    See, Inception. Look at that idea you just planted in me. What wizardry is this?!?!?

  585. Maybe it’s door-to-door hooker sales. For people who are physically unable to drive down sketchy streets to find their own. Or too lazy. Whatever. No one buys encyclopedias, anyway.

  586. I passed on my hardback copy of your book to a friend to read and have not gotten it back. She’s a slow reader, so I might not ever get it back. But I knew that about my friend and totally still love her! I would treasure a paperback copy of your book! I’d never lend it out to anyone. In fact, I’d totally make a shrine out of it. xx

  587. ON another note, perhaps it IS pet grooming. I had to take my cat to the vet yesterday and she got a Brazilian.

  588. Definitely vagina.

    Also, I need this book so I can continue to lend it out to unsuspecting people. It’s great for determining who your real friends are. 🙂

  589. I need a copy of your book so I can torture my daughter with it. She loves your stuff and she’s 17, so any little extra bit of teenage-angst-control measures helps.

  590. Totally a guy’s car. Question: What words would “it” take to describe a penis? Cheap and fast?

  591. They appear to be darwin, and judging by the size…maybe it’s a whale? a hot whale…that is evolving into a vagina?
    Think on that.

  592. A quality fiction paperback gets sent back to the publisher for credit if not sold. They begin removing the author’s digits if there are too many returns.

  593. We had our septic tank pumped at our house and on the side of the guy’s truck it said “smells like money to me”. Bah ha ha! Love your blog! But yeah I think it is vagina.

  594. I love reading your posts they bring a smile to my face even on the worst day, also I am completely saddened that you will not be coming to VA…….But if I can get a copy of the book I can say I got one step closer!

  598. It looks like plumber truck, but that’s not an effective plumber slogan.

    I’m sad I already have the Kindle version and the hardback and now I’m missing out on the extra chapter. This is my sad face. 🙁

  600. Totally vagina! And I really really would love the paperback of this. I have the hardcover which has been read a million times already (and since it’s autographed by you it’s my most prized possession.) Currently battling an eating disorder and am basically homebound so your book + an extra chapter = major slice of heaven for me! 🙂

  602. Maybe they’re selling meat. All the creepy vans/trucks around me are always selling meat. As in, “No sir, I don’t want to buy a ‘lovely flank steak’ out of the back of your windowless panel van.”

  607. It’s a sauna repairman’s truck. Those are two qualities of any decent sauna and you would be very sad indeed if your sauna lacked either one.

  608. How broken is your neighbor’s vagina that they had to call a door to door repair service to come fix it? I think that’s the real question.
    And what do you send? Flowers? “Sorry about your broken vijay jay. Better luck next time!”

  610. I’m thinking it’s a gynecologist specializing in menopause. But then, I would think that.

    Other options:
    coffee delivery service
    hot tub service
    swimming pool service in Finland
    (are you in Finland right now?)
    tropical fishtank service
    mermaid cleaning service

    mostly, I think you’re probably right though.

  613. I can think of nothing but soup that you would want wet and hot. My husband is shaking his head.
    Read part of a chapter of a friend’s copy, and since she won’t share and I’m poor this week, I am posting a comment.

  617. I purchased the kindle version of your book, and would love a the paper back version! When I was a companion to the Doctor, he dropped me back in this time, JUST SO THAT I COULD WIN ONE! He will be back soon to retrieve me, as we have lots of running to do! 🙂

  618. Have no idea what “it” is but I can’t think of many things one could want to keep hot and wet…

    On a different note, you know what would be awesome? If just once I got one of the awesome things you’re always giving away so that one day I could say “Remember that time when I won that thing?” And my grandkids will say “Yeah, grandma, we know. You already told tho story today.” But I won’t remember because I’ll have Alzheimer’s and I’ll tell them all over again and I’ll send little Jimmy (or whatever his name might be) to go get it so I can show them. And then they’ll say they had already seen it a million times and I’ll tell all of them to just shut up because they need to respect the elderly.

    Basically you’ll be doing us all a favor. I don’t really know how me yelling at my grandkids will be a favor, but at least it will be entertaining, don’t you think?

    “Good times,” they’ll say one day, with tears in their eyes telling their own grandkids.

    And that’s how generations will come to know about The Bloggess.

  621. How could it NOT be vagina?
    Unless… maybe it’s a gynocologist on wheels? Like… “ladies is your vag broken? come to us! we’ll make sure it stays hot and wet!”

  623. It’s tea. Of course. Cold dry tea is just — leaves.

    (pick me pick me pick me for the book book book!)

    (please)

    (pretty please)

  628. I need that book!!!

    It looks like a food truck, but I don’t think I’d want what they’re serving.

  629. Vagina.

    Now how often do you get to post that as a comment and have it actually make sense?

  631. Two covers means it’s harder to take off the shelf in the rare case that your book doesn’t sell ’cause they totally have to rip the covers off b/f they trash them.

  635. I called my co-worker over and she said “That’s my Dad’s new truck!” (He’s a plumber.)
    I asked “Does his say hot&wet too?”
    No, no it doesn’t…. so jury is still out.

  637. pretty sure “vagina delivery service” is called something else. and nobody wants vagina repair out of a truck like that. maybe it’s a vagina servicing truck.

  640. They should totally park next to my mobile flagpole installation truck. It just says We Keep Them Long and Erect.

  641. i am gonna go with organ donair delivery service. or possibly donor. i guess the spelling is somewhat important in this context. which also explains why they do not advertise. who would want that lurking outside of their house, like some modern vulture?

  645. I’m halfway through the hardcover of your book but I’m imagining the softcover would be about a million times better to read. So I can let everyone know how the two compare as I’m sure you are asked that every 10 minutes. 🙂

    Putting my money on Sauna Repair van.

  646. My wife want’s to know if You and I are on a first name basis.
    It would seem I quote you. A lot.
    She will SOON understand.

  647. HOW do I get the NEW book jacket if I bought your Audio book??? tell me how sister? I can’t??? can I??? such as life… such as YOU discriminating against the audiobook readers of the world…. don;t you think I want a fancy dancy new book cover???… BTW.. write another book would ya??? I ran out of things to listen to…. sister!

  648. I don’t see my last copy of your book coming back to me – and I would love the paperback copy – especially if you would personalize it – your posts always make my day

  652. Well, they could be talking about 112’s fourth studio album, Hot and Wet… Which, now that I think about it, is probably mostly about vaginas…so…yup. Vaginas!

  653. Please say that you are going to sign that book for the winner…and that the winner is me. 🙂

    As for that truck….VAGINA! VAGINA! VAGINA!

  655. Also, does no one realize that the author gets *NOTHING* from a book that’s been destroyed?
    Buying a book without a cover is wrong on so many levels.

  656. I like the tea idea, but vagina is certainly more interesting… and I totally can’t wait to read the new chapter in your paperback! But I might need to borrow it from the library since I don’t think my husband will let me buy any more new books until I read the piles of existing (but unread) ones I have here. 🙂

  657. I don’t understand why it’s so unbelievable that it’s an undercover vagina repair service that makes house calls. Also, for, um, my friend, you know how to reach them?

  659. Pick me!

    That’s really all I have to say. I’m just one of your many silent blurkers.

  661. I can’t imagine anything I would want to keep hot and wet other than my vagina.

    Your book would make my birthday the best birthday ever 🙂

  663. I’d totally dig getting that book because for some reason I still haven’t bought it and if I get it, I totally promise to put it at the top of my to-read list. Although that might be a problem because I have a book on WWII in the Pacific to read for a class. But hey, I could attempt to your book as one of my sources. Maybe?

  667. I am sure you are right that it is totally vagina. My wife and I would love a copy of the paperback so we can read that extra chapter. The hardback was great and I want to see what you have added.

  668. I totally need that paperback. I bought the book on Kindle the first time, but I really want to have a touchable one. Especially since my 2-year-old thinks Hamlet Von Schnitzel is pretty freaking awesome.

  671. It seems completely obvious that it refers to vaginas. However, I will need to know a little more about the “who” and “how” before I make a service call of my own. . (Plus hopefully I might be too busy reading the new chapter in the paperback version of your book to have time for that.)

  672. Who would ever rip the Hamlet von Schnitzel cover off??

    I listened to you read your book (got the audio version from the library). Made my commute AWESOME, but the day I listened to you overdose on ExLax terrified a rapist was in your house… well, I had to sit in the car a full five minutes in the parking lot at work before I could compose myself enough to go in. I would LOVE a copy of the paperback to have as my very own!!

  673. I would love to win a copy of your book, especially with the extra chapter since I can’t get it in Canada! (We seem to be against extra chapters or something)

  674. Hot Tub repairman?
    Or Vagina Repairman?
    Or Vagina Tub Repairman? Man they must be rich to have a tub specifically for their vagina.

  678. It’s OBVIOUSLY a secret burrito restaurant.

    PLEASE GIVE TO ME YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM. Because I have seriously need to learn how to pretend LOTS of shit never happened ….

    LOVE YOU

  679. Oooh, I absolutely need a free book. Especially this one, because then I can read it again and leave it on the shelf with my other books and it can keep them company, and they can gossip about what that van is for. I’m going to say it’s a mad scientist who has perfected a weather control ray and goes door to door renting it out for people to use for their gardens.

  680. I’m totally picturing the inside of that truck to be the most amazing hippie love shack mixed with a “massage” service place. Yep, definitely talking about vaginas.

  681. Would love to have another copy since I lent out my hardback version and have yet to see it again… I hate when that happens. A backup copy would be greatly appreciated!

  682. I’ve lent out both copies of your book in hardcover, and I suspect I’m never getting them back, so I obviously need the paperback now. 🙂

  685. I’m willing to trade a pair of Rainbowlicious Unicorn bookends for that book. Oh wait, I don’t have them anymore. Still, I’d love this book.

  686. I totally thought it was animal control before I read the caption, but the only animals that would need it hot and wet are butterflies and why in the world would you need a giant white van that looks like it could transport prisoners for fragile little insects??? So for lack of a better answer I have to agree with you, your neighbor called a vagina repair man … I don’t want to know why tho.

  687. I will take the book and I will love it and hug it and call it George. As for the van, clearly it is a mobile petri dish maintenance van. I would venture, given the advertised parameters they may well service vaginas on the side, especially in this economy. Can’t be too choosy. Congrats on your book.

  688. I desperately want a copy of this! I have the hardcover copy, but I need this one so I don’t miss out on the new stuff!

  691. I’m not sure what “it” is, but I want the book and I also have questions about something I heard when passing through the room where the guys were watching reality TV. “If you want to go after something in a hole, you gotta smoke it out with Napalm.” (I hope my OB/GYN doesn’t watch Duck Dynasty.)

  692. HOLY WET VAGINA MOBILE!! That is funny and frightening, all at the same time.

    BTW, I would LOVE to have this copy of your book!!! 😀 Pppppllleeeeaaaase? Please! Please! Please!! Or does begging not work in your house, either?!

  693. Looked at the van and thought plumbing, then I read the back and my mind totally went that it’s the start of a porn flick. So, I think you are right and it’s vagina.

  694. I am thinking maybe it’s soup…..I do not enjoy cold dry soup….although it could be one of those odd soups that is supposed to be cold, but they aren’t for-real soups, so they don’t count. More importantly though, if it IS vagina, I want to know what is inside that truck…..

  695. I like someone else’s comment about how it’s an undercover vagina repair service. It’s not like people would want to advertise that they need their vaginas repaired – right?

  697. It’s like one of those signs that was originally written in another language and then translated with BabelFish.

  698. A hot, wet vagina sounds awfully uncomfortable and potentially dangerous. Like you’d have to blow on it before enjoying. *shudder*

  699. I have actually bought 2 new hard cover copies already, but I gave them to friends. I need another copy.

  704. I’m really confused between hot, wet and the Jesus fish on the back of the truck. Maybe instead of a vagina truck it is a loaves and fishes delivery truck?

  707. Would totally love a copy of the book. And maybe it’s a mobile gigolo – you know, with disco-ball and waterbed inside those doors.Or yeah, maybe just a plumber/repair guy. But I like mobile gigolo better.

  709. Maybe it is a personal lubricant service…… They stand in the corner and when things start to become a little dry they provide the lubricant!

  710. Please throw the book in this direction, so it won’t have to go in a nasty book orphanage!
    And yes, it totally is Vagina.

  712. Just like most Jeopardy answers, it’s probably vagina.

    i would like the paperback, since i lent out my hard copy to my cheap* friend.

    she’s not really cheap, just underemployed right now. i’m sharing the love.

  714. Would totally love to get a chance to read your book. Maybe it’s for tropical terrariums.

  716. I would love to get a copy of the book directly from you. If I don’t I promise I’ll buy a copy.

    Thanx!

  718. It’s totally Vagina. I can’t imagine or think of anything else it could be.
    We love you too by the way. <3

  720. I’m sure they do maintenance on tropical fish tanks or terrariums. . . yea that’s it, something like that.

  722. Pretty sure it’s a hot tub / sauna repair truck. But vagina is close enough. What is a vagina, after all, if not a fleshy sauna for your penis?

  723. I loved your blog, and then loved your book even more when it came out. While my heart is full of Bloggess love, I feel that I could make even more room for this amazing double-cover paperback. Especially since I lent my hardback copy to my parents and it has since disappeared (I suspect my mother of hoarding it).

  724. My first thought was “Hey that looks like a dog-catcher truck” but that makes even less sense than a plumber. So vagina it is.

  730. My first thought was fire department but that would be “We find them hot and leave them wet”. Probably hot tub but vagina would be better

  733. Who wouldn’t want a 2 covered version of your book?! Pick me! Pick me please!

    I sincerely hope it is a plumber because otherwise one might assume the large truck contains a vagina that is somehow either too large or physically unable to hitch a ride with its owner. (And how big would that have to be, do you think?!) And that thought right there, is just down right disturbing.

    Or maybe they are delivering soup to your neighbours. Although, on second thought, why would they need to clarify that the soup is wet. Is that a Texas thing? Dry soup is sooooo 1987.

  736. It’s totally a vagina servicing company. Utilized frequently by women whose husbands are out of town or not putting out enough. Generally women call but occasionally a confident man who wants to make sure his wife isn’t actually “cheating”, but wants to send her a little love will hire them to provide the service he can’t while he’s away. It’s kind of like a secret society though and you’ve just blown the lid off of it by posting their truck on here. Service can be at your house or in the truck. They’re mobile. But that’s why there’s no other markings.
    I loved your book. I borrowed it from the library when I read it though, so I totally need my own copy.

  739. I NEED this copy….due to the fact that every single copy I purchase I end up giving away to someone who has never read you

  740. I just feel like that’s a service I don’t necessarily need as a vagina owner-operator. I mean, how the hell hot do I need my vagina to be? Also, I’m pretty sure I need a free book, so feel free to make that happen. Thanks for your awesome blog!

  741. Totally vagina. Also, I really want this book! Yes I own it in hardback but I want that extra chapter, darn it!

  742. My money is on water heater. Or possibly waterbed. For some unknown reason when I was 10 the bed my sister and I shared was a waterbed (the old fashioned 70’s kind that was just a big bag of water). My sister, who was always cold, slept by the bed’s heat controls and would crank that baby all the way up so in the middle of the night you’s wake up so sweaty and hot (see hot and wet) like you were sleeping on the belly of a fat man with a fever. Then I’d belly crawl around the bed and turn it down to low and we’d wake up like we were sleeping on an iceberg. Not to mention if anyone moved you’d fly through the air. Lesson: don’t ever share a waterbed.

  743. I think it’s for sauna repair… maybe… Or vagina. I have a friend that just got hers repaired. She calls it “rejuvination.” Her vagina not sauna. Pick me!! I want that book!

  744. It’s vagina. Though for some reason, I thought maybe it was pavement, but why would you want to keep pavement wet? I suppose when you mix it to pour it on the ground it should be hot and wet, but it’s CLEARLY not a pavement truck, and I don’t know why you’d need to advertize that, anyway. I imagine contractors have connections and don’t hire pavement guys based on oblique bumper-sticker advertisements. It’s just where my brain went. Also, I would love to read your bi-covered book. Thank you.

  745. Ooooh, ooooh. *does best impression of that dude from Welcome Back, Kotter* Oooooh, oooooh. Mr. Kotter, Mr. Kotter, pick me!!!

  747. Will the Kindle edition update with the added chapter, in which case you can give the copy to the next name in line, ooor, you could just tear out and send me the missing chapter, and forward the rest to the next happy contestant, oooooor maybe just put the extra chapter up in a post, and we early-adopters can get caught up with v1.2 THAT WAY! 🙂 what evs…

  748. Jacuzzi repair? IDK, but I would totally be worried if that truck was in my neighborhood…

  750. DAD GUM that was a lot of scrolling to add a comment!!! PLEASE PICK ME!! I want your book 🙂

    I thought that was a dog catcher’s truck. I don’t EVEN WANNA KNOW after reading the back tho.

  751. Woohoo – I would love the extra chapter – so yes, I need this book. Ely North’s comment is my favorite, so I will agree with her.

  753. What the hell is Victor thinking? Of course it’s not a plumber. Yes, they might be able to fix a hot water heater, but water is wet all by itself. You never have to worry about dry water coming out of your shower head.

  755. Will you be signing the book as well? Although, come to think of it… I do have a signed bookplate from you that I was unable to slap onto my copy of your book, since I bought the Kindle edition. I need a place to put my bookplate!!! Pick me!!! 🙂

  756. Would *love* this book.. but if you end up not picking me (like everyone else did in gym class all thru school, and so on..) I will just have to go buy another copy. I just can’t leave them in sad orphanages looking out rainy windows, and under threat of being burned alive.

  757. Why so many comments mentioning an undercover burrito truck? Who would want a wet burrito? Would love the book though, thanks for the giveaway!

  758. A hot chocolate distributing van, perhaps! Since it has been raining & snowing both today I would certainly enjoy a visit from that van.

    I’d love to win a copy of your book! As a college student I rarely get to do any fun reading anymore but I would certainly abandon my academic pursuits to read this if I had it!

  760. I can’t come up with anything except vagina. I mean, the Venn diagram of things you want hot and things you want wet is pretty slim? Spaghetti? Soup? Showers? None of that makes sense in the context of the murder van. Oh, maybe it’s murder. I guess you want murder wet, although hot gives it sort of an ick factor. But it could be a murder niche market, I guess.

  761. Vaginas scare me. Terrify may be more more on target. Paperback books and penises do not.

  765. I would really really really really like a copy of your book because it is my birthday on Saturday and I am awesome. *big winsome smile*

  766. I totally want the paperback copy of your book! I ordered the audiobook the first time around, but I totally want to see the special bonus chapter you get with this one!!!

  767. I totally didn’t know that vagina repairmen made housecalls! Wonder if they can take care of my infertility issues…

  768. There is nothing BUT vagina that would fit with that sign.

    Book love! Count me in on the random selection 🙂

  769. It’s fucking marshland, you idiots. Or vaginas. (Because it doesn’t say SOFT and wet, which would mean Prince was inside.)

  770. So is it vaginae attached to women or just a big vat of vaginae? Because I have a problem with one of those. I just can’t decide which. And also, PICK ME! I bought the hardcover and loved the crap out of it and I’d love to bless a friend with your hilariousness. Yes, that is my attempt at flattery how observant of you to notice.

  772. I want that extra chapter!

    It totally looks like animal control. So maybe it’s pet vaginas? Are they called vaginas on pets? I always sucked at biology.

  775. Because I have a migraine while trapped in a car with two nine year
    Olds and a four year old that are all belting out Taylor Swift’s “Trouble”.

  781. Hot tub time machines??? Ooh, ooh, or maybe a sex surrogate?? They’d want to keep things hot and wet, right??

  782. That truck is definitely suspect. I suggest trailing it, perhaps whole wearing a large hat and dark sunglasses.

  783. I would think the wet part would kind of be “duh factor,” too. I’ll take a tall glass of dry water…no. No I will not.

  784. I would love a copy!
    And maybe it is… but then I question why they advertise it at all? It just screams come arrest us! 🙂

  786. Even upon not winning your book, I will buy a copy. I have no guesses regarding the hot wetness of the vehicle. Google was no help, none. It only offering pet and plant care tips and 10 ways to look good when you wake up in the morning. Those helpful hints and a direct link to your blog; go figure.

  789. I would love to have this paper back book! I have 3 reasons why:

    1. I own your book on the kindle
    2. I own your book in Hardcover
    3. I also own and have listened to (numerous times) your audiobook.
    4. I also frequent your blog

    So, I think this makes me an excellent supporter of you and your awesomeness and I will be sad if I don’t get it. BecI want to read the extra chapter! And I already read/listened to three versions of your book!

  790. I have the hardcover, the Kindle version AND the Audio CD. OBVIOUSLY, I totally need the paperback. So whether or not you choose me (and you totally should, because geez! Just how much money am I supposed to give you Jenny? REALLY) I’m going to buy the paperback. By the way.. your book is the only book I own more than one copy of. This might me a lot or nothing. You decide.

    Also.

    Vagina.

  791. Is that a Christian Jesus fish on the back too? Because that makes it even more inappropriately funny…

  793. I bought the first from audible and laughed so hard I cried!! I would LOVE the paperback — I WANT THAT EXTRA STORY!!!

  794. I have no idea, but it sure is dirty! We have a local septic tank pumper (I think) and their truck says, “Yesterday’s meals on wheels.” They always do the Christmas parade. It’s pretty gross.

  795. I was thinking it might be a plumber’s truck. If not, it’s totally vagina.

    I’d really love to have a copy of the book to give to my daughter. She’s really depressed right now, and I think reading your book would lift her spirits a bit! (Plus, I want to read the extra chapter, since I have the hardcover.)

  796. I can’t type anything funny because I’m laughing too hard about the truck. I’d LOVE the paperback!!

  799. Honestly, I can’t even begin to think what that truck might seriously be for, but it kind of creeps me out all the same. Please, can I have a paperback book to go with my Kindle, audio, and hard cover books? (There seem to be a lot of us with multiple formats of your book out here.)

    Counting down the days until you’re in Dayton!

  800. I love your book. So much so that I own it twice. You heard me…twice. I’m dedicated like that…and forgetful…cause I bought the book with the intentions of reading it and then going to your Portland signing to have it autographed. Then I spent so much time reading it that I left it at work (cause why work when you can read). I then had to purchase a new book at your signing just to receive your signature. Now I have a reading book and a pretty book no one touches. Then you annouced the paperback would have an additional chapter and my husband got all snipy about having three copies of the same book (even though it is not the same…new chapter, duh). Long story not so short…I have been banned from your “new” book. I say you should show my husband who’s boss and give me a copy of your “new” book.

  801. Maybe the van is full of strippers or it’s a prostitute delivery service. Guaranteed hot and wet.

  805. Totally a vagina!!

    I checked the hardcover version out from the library and loved it! Would love to win the paperback version.

    Stay awesome 🙂

  808. Oh MY!! BTW, loved loved loved the WTF Evolution link. Made my day, which was otherwise shitty. I would love a copy of your book to give my Mother, since I already have 2 copies of the hardcover, and I am giving my friend Cindy the copy we get with our tickets to your book signing in Kansas City next month (Squee!!!).

  809. The truck kinda scares me…but you on the other hand make me laugh so hard my sides hurt! I would love a copy of your book!

  811. When I did a google search on “we make sure it stays hot and wet” it put your web site first so I think this truck has something to do with you.

  815. OH! Also! Your interview with Jen Lancaster at the bottom of the page selling your book on Amazon made me snort and spit my latte’ a little. There’s nothing that comes from your brain that doesn’t immediately compel an emotion in me. It’s frightening and awesome.

  816. Looks like you found the original mystery machine. Also, I’d love an advance copy of the paperbook, though I’ve already placed my preorder on amazon.

  817. Seriously though, why isn’t door-to-door gynecology a thing? Just hop up in that creepy van and get your lady bits checked out!

  818. It must be a prostitute delivery service. Plain white truck for discreet door to door service, for all her satisfaction needs. It’s the mail-order-sex-toy equivalent to the plain brown wrapper.

  819. Maybe the truck is for chicken wings? When I worked at a bar in college, people used to say things like “I want a dozen, hot, all flappers, extra wet.” I always giggled a little. Or a lot.

    Also, I’m hoping that my mere mention of extra wet hot flappers will make you decide to give me the book. Because my Kindle died and with it, my only copy of your book. Pretty please?

  822. That is totally for vagina. I just want to know what they have in there. Is that truck full of Chippendales?

  823. All I can think of is vagina… Mobile prostitution van?? It’s a classier service…

  829. I had your hard copy and loaned it to my sister who took it to work and when she quit working there she forgot to bring me the book and now I don’t have one – so PLEASE let me have this book! And I cannot imagine what in the world the truck is doing, can’t wait to find out!

  831. Hot and wet. I keep thinking and I can’t come up with anything other than a vagina! I’m not sure that it applies well to anything else. You should knock on the door and ask him what he keeps in there. 🙂

  832. That slogan sounds like a recipe for a yeast infection. Or maybe you’re right. It’s about vaginas.

    I would love to read your book.

  836. I feel a little bad leaving a comment because it said “808 Comments” which looks like “BOB Comments” and now I feel like I’m invading his territory. Also now it’s not going to be talking about BOB anymore, it’s going to look more like BOg, and who wants to hear from that guy?

    But yes, I want the paperback. I have the Kindle edition but I want to read the new chapter really eally badly.

  837. I TOTALLY need this book…I bought the hardcover, and read it not once, but twice, and laughed harder the second time…gave it to my best friend Katy at Christmas time, because, get this, I couldn’t find another copy at that time. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! that means millions of us out here have enjoyed the shit outta you. I now follow you on your blog…BUT I NEED ANOTHER COPY OF THIS BOOK…and truthfully, now that Christmas is over, I’m broke! Please Please Please have mercy on me. Thanks. And thanks for the million smiles!!

  838. I have the e-book, and my best friend has the hardcover that i got her for her birthday and now we must complete the set!

  839. Another vote for vagina repair.
    Is there a phone number on there anywhere? Cos I’m afraid the curiosity is going to eat me alive. Plus, what if I need vagina repairs at some point?

  840. My question is this. Why does something that is hot and wet need to be kept in a large truck-like-thingy with TINY CAGED WINDOWS! That shit is dangerous, that’s why. I don’t even want to know what it is that they are trying to keep hot and wet and contained so securely.

  841. Of course it’s vagina. My question is the chicken-wire glass in the back to keep something in or to keep something out? Is it for incompetent cervix or a chastity truck?
    Of course I want a book.

  844. My vagina is cold & dry, too bad there is no number on the side of that truck!! Seems like poor business practice.

  845. I bet if you would have opened those doors you would have found a portable hot tub containing three to five overweight men with lots and lots of chest hair, all named Sergei.

  848. It could be a plumber, that only deals with hot water! “Hey, you’re water’s too hot? You gotta call the cold water plumber. I don’t do that shit.”

  852. I totally want the book! But, on another note I saw that it was Copernicus’s 540th birthday today and wondered how you were celebrating?

  854. i feel like the answer could also be “spaghetti” because even though you can eat it cold, it’s better hot. and with sauce ie. wetness.

  855. My first guess was water heater repair, but vagina seems more likely.
    I hope I get the paperback. I had the hard cover and loved it so much that I immediately mailed it to my friend so that I could share the hilarity (?) with her. Now I want my book back!!

  856. I want the extra chapter. Can’t you scramble some electrons and send it to the ebook owners?
    The only thing better than a bloggess post is the comment left by her followers

  857. Do the book orphanages look anything like the orphanage in the Shirley Temple move “Bright Eyes”? I am almost ashamed of how heavily those movies are imprinted upon me. Almost. Animal cracker?

  858. There’s a plumber in my town who’s slogan is “ladies don’t let that drip keep you up all night any more!” It’s probably a moral plumber obligation to be a certified creep.

    P.S. I really want that book. And the chicken. But I’d settle.

  859. ME ME ME ME ME ME!!! I totally deserve this Brand Spanking New Dual Softcover book because….. uh….. because I’m Canadian and It has an EXTRA CHAPTER that I don’t have in my hardcover edition! So, yeah….
    And yes. Vajayjay. That is all.

  865. See, I have a digital copy already, but I doooo need to acquire something for you to sign when you come back to Toronto. Because you *are* gonna come back tor Toronto, right? Aaaand once I have money again I plan to get the audio book because I want to hear the outtake reel!
    Also, it will be the most badass book on my shelf. All the other books will be sitting there, wishing they were half as awesome… Party.

  866. Unfortunately, google searching “we make sure it stays hot and wet” didnt provide any leads. All I got out of that was some sketchy history on my work computer. Free book me please.

  868. I would love a copy of your paperback so I can think of how witty you are and not the vagina truck.

  870. I just knew I’d be the clever follower that found that phrase on the Internet, leading me to some home delivery service *ahem* “satisfaction guaranteed” pimp mobile. (I’m picturing life-like vajayjays in the back of that truck, they drop off your choice and they pick it the next day.

    Alas, the search engine brought me to your blog. Twice.

    Also, my BFF is broke and could really use a copy of your book. I’d loan her mine, but it’s mine… plus we are both really bad at returning borrowed items, so I would never see it again.

  871. It is totally vagina! I was so happy to hear you are coming close enough to me that I can come see you. You are awesome and don’t ever forget it!

  875. Vagina’s definately the first thing I thought of.

    P.S. I just wanted you to know that I found your blog around Christmastime after a friend shared the wonderful story of Beyonce with me and decided to reread your whole blog from the very first post to the present so I would know your whole story (it’s hard to word that without sounding like a stalker) and today is the day I finally caught up!
    I just thought if I was going to read your blog I might as well know the back story. Your posts brighten my day and I can’t wait to read your book!!

  876. I would love a copy of your book. Yes I know were to buy it and yes it is very tempting but I have no money right now and it would make me very happy to receive a copy for free but better yet a copy from the person who wrote the book would be like getting a candy bar from Willie Wonka himself. It it the same as the store bought one but better because he gave it to you for free. Thanks!

  877. I already pre-ordered your book, so I should receive the free copy because:
    1) I am supporting your drug habit
    2) I am a greedy bitch–so we must be related
    3) This is a picture of the back of my truck, which you are posting without my permission. Lawsuit to follow. Free book will exonerate you.

  886. Will you come back to San Antonio on your paperback tour? A friend and I have bonded over your book and we want to see you together! A second option is joining us for craft night. that or we will hang around the middle of your town until you decide we’re awesome enough you’ll hang with us. I mean, really, your town has trucks that service vaginas, why wouldn’t we hang out there?

  887. It’s an Italian Beef cart. Sorry to burst the hopes of all the horny men out there, but that’s how ya order those in Chicago. 😉

  888. I’ve bought 3 copies of the hardcover (1 for me, 2 for friends) and definitely NEED the paperback! I can’t not know what happens in the bonus chapter!

  889. I totally don’t have time to read all 871 or so comments before mine, so someone may very well have pointed this out, but did you notice the “Jesus” fish on the back of the truck?! Though it’s hard to tell if it’s the standard religious one or the tongue in cheek Darwin one. Just thought that was interesting. And also…the truck itself. Eww.

  890. I’m not sure why my comment above (# 866) is “awaiting moderation.” When the hell have YOU ever been moderate? Fuck off!

  893. Damn you, woman, and you’re added chapter! I have this book in hardcover, and would love it in paperback, so I could impress my friends with my two-fisted reading techniques. But that extra chapter is the main reason I will get this regardless.

    And of course it’s a vagina. What else could it be.

  894. I’m willing trade for it! I get the book, you get a picture of my child in her favorite Doctor Who shirt standing next to my van with Doctor Who sticker, and Doctor Who vanity plate. 😀

  895. I’m commenting so that I’ll be in the running, with nearly a thousand others it seems, sheesh Jenny!! Seriously though, I’m probably like, the only girl in North America who hasn’t yet read it so…(raises hand) me please!!

  898. I love free books. I love your book. Ergo, I’d love your free book squared. Or 2X. (I really hate algebra.)

  899. Soup?

    You should volunteer to work on the truck—might make a great bonus chapter for the revised, expanded edition of your book.

  900. Pick me…Pick me….I have my Kindle copy, but I keep buying and giving your book away….Promise to keep this one to myself…and be totally selfish…and if someone wants to borrow it, I will be all…Hell no…step away from the book….
    I am pretty sure you did find the one and only “post menopausal Vag repair” truck

  901. Totally want the book!

    Options for the van:
    – Vagina (obviously)
    – soup
    – tropical rain (but how can they make sure? How?!)
    – laundry (but not the fine ones, they only go pn 30C, which isn’t that hot. Or dry-cleaning, which is, well, dry. It is hot though, I think)
    – fever (especially the sweaty, drenched bed kind. Eew. And double eew for them making sure it stays that way)
    – Pee? That starts out hot, but gets real cold real soon. But not with these people, apparently. eew again.
    – A showering supermodel (ha! I thought I was just getting more gross ones)
    – you know, it looks like a kidnapping van. So, is waterboarding with hot water or cold?

    I give up, it’s probably someone deliberately trying to confuse us all. Or a hot tub repairman.

  904. Can’t help to giggle every time you use the word “vagina.” Wife and I would love a copy of the book as the library wanted thiers back.

  905. Vagina Smagina, all I can think about is the chapter I missed by rushing out for my hardcover edition, Now I must win this copy, because, even though he loved your book, he will kill me if I buy it twice.

  906. “My vagina is neither hot nor wet. Does that mean my vagina needs a plumber?” BAHA. I don’t know this “Nikki” person, but she’s my new best friend.

    Also, I would like your book!

  907. Pleeeease, pleeeease, pleeease, I would love to have a double-covered, extra-chaptered paperback copy to join the hardbound model in my “most favorite” books collection.

  909. Was listening to your audio book in the car today. Specifically the chapter ‘my vagina is great, thanks for asking’ (i’m not sure if i got that right word for word). Anyway now that i’m seeing this post all i can think is that they do some kind of vagina repair or maybe specialty vaginal cutting during childbirth. I wish there was a phone number because i’d love to call and find out.

    I preordered the paperback last week. and even though i already have the hardcover i can’t wait for it to get here!

    Also, usually i read all of the comments before i post anything because they’re so funny and also because i don’t want to repeat something identical to someone else and make you read the same thing like 50 damn times BUT there are currently like 871 comments and i just can’t justify spending my entire day at work reading all of them!

  911. Look at all the room in the back of that truck. That’s enough room to do whatever it takes to keep a vagina hot and wet.

    Don’t ask me how I know. It’s not from personal experience.

    Okay, it’s totally from personal experience. Enough said.

  912. Mobile bath house most definitely!!

    I love your book so much that I made all of my bootcampers listen to it while I made them work out. Besides wanting to share the laughs, really, it was self-serving because I didn’t want to stop listening. Now who deserves that book???? 😉

  914. Pick me, pick me! I’d love a copy of your book. I want to re-read and re-read. And it’s totally a vagina.

  916. I laughed at your book’s biznatch two-cover slap-down because my hubby told me this weekend that my response to any movie/show’s ‘go-fight-win’ moment is “too right bitches” or “take that bitches”. He’s right. I think he’s secretly hoping for more of a Jenny Lawson-esque “motherfucker” out of me, but he settled when he married me, I guess. I bought your book on my kindle, so I have no cover at all. And my sister bought your audio book rendition on her ipad. (We laughed tears btw.) I’ll have to have you autograph one of my kids or something if you ever come around these parts (MPLS, MN) again.

  920. There is no way I would get in the back of that truck for vaginal repair or reconstruction, especially if it was being performed by some tweaking plumber.

  923. It’s totally vagina.

    I already pre-ordered your book and will see you in Naperville, also known as “Chicago”. But if I win the book I plan to donate it to a person who could use a good read but who can’t afford to buy a book. So if I win, please write something awesome inside the cover(s) for that person to laugh about.

  926. I am pretty sure vagina is the answer to all of life’s questions. If not the last 22 years have been a lie.

  927. A truck that big is totally for a geyser vagina!!

    I would SO love that book with your signature!! Please!!

  929. Vagina, definitely vagina. My question is, why would none ever need a mobile fluffer? I mean, are there fluffer emergencies in the porn industry? Like maybe the porn star isn’t connecting with her fluffer and the directer is under a time crunch and they need to get the scene filmed, stat, so they call in the “big guns”? But see that doesn’t make sense because wouldn’t they already have the best of the best working on location? I’m so confused.

    I want that book.

  931. I would love to win the book! I still haven’t read it yet and I’m dying to.
    Thanks for the giveaway!

  932. Reminded me of an actual company in South Bend, Indiana: K-Y Excavating.

    They had a similarly snappy tagline, but I can’t recall the genius at the moment.

  933. Didn’t read all 900+ other comments but its a donut machine repair man. Hot donuts, wet sugary glazed! Gotta be a huge demand for that. I know, I’m a genius! Would love to read that extra chapter! Summer is my reading time. Laughed at the pool so much reading your book, I’m sure they thought I was intoxicated. And I might have been.

  936. IT is totally Vagina… but what really creeps me out is the wire on the windows… Just weird, for a vag repair guy to have. Oh well.

  937. My first thought after reading the back of that truck was porn. I don’t know why my brain went there. I guess for the same reason that yours went vagina.

    Would love to have the paperback of your book! My hardcover copy is packed up somewhere and I have no idea what box it’s in.

  938. To Victor: If that’s a plumber advertising that he can “keep it wet” then what is “it”? Water? The plumber says he can keep water wet? Who the fuck does that plumber think he is? God?

    To Jenny: If the “it” is vagina, then I hate to think of the stray hookers they pick up in that truck.

  939. Hot tub time machine! Which would, if immersed, cover the vagina, too. Would love he paperback from you….have the otiginal! Made my husband read it and his concern for me grows…..

  940. It is for vaginas. It’s a new franchise called “Vaginas R Us”. They are test marketing and that’s why no ID on the truck. I’m presently in training to become a “hot and wet technician”. We are also going to service giant metal chickens on the side.

  947. I need this book just because it has the extra chapter and it will prevent me from standing in the aisle of a bookstore to read the chapter in a book. Hot and Wet…I can only think of a vagina. Is that a bad thing? BTW just a big FYI, I saw you plug in the magazine Real Simple the other day! Way to go!

  949. Want! and that is the most creeptastic truck in the whole world. It screams “I belong to someone who steals children and/or Women!” Just sayin. Lends new menaing to “layin some pipes”? ok thats all i have.

  951. Pick me pick me! I lend my book to everyone and would love to have one that I know won’t get stolen//hoarded//”lost” =]

  952. maybe it is a mobile bio-terrorist lab? I think Anthrax and the like need to be hot and wet, or moist maybe.

    I know postage all the way to OZ-traylia is lots but i would love your book in book form. I currently have it in iBooks but I feel like i am cheating on real books reading tablet form , so please help me stop feeling like a eco-friendly whore. I wanna go back to being the regular kind. (book reader not whore)

  953. I like that there is no phone number on the truck. I’d totally call to see what services they offer!

  954. Maybe it’s a Giant Salamander Support Tank and someone is keeping them hot and wet to keep them super alert so that they can take over the world.
    Giant Salamander Invasion Support tank is my guess 🙂

  958. It’s a scouting van for the all new reality show, Pimp my Vagina…or hot tub .

    I think Lets Pretend this Never Happened would make an amazing reality show…kinda like Candid Camera but actually funny to people over the age of 7.

  963. After reading your book in hardcover, I was totally comforted to know that I did not have the most messed up childhood in existence! I need to paperback to let my kids read it and see I’m not the only crazy person!

  964. Maybe a sauna installation company? I have two copies of your book already, but I want one more for a friend

  966. I think mobile OB/GYN that also brings you coffee. I mean, if you are going to have someone all up in your vagina, they might as well bring you a nice Espresso Mocha, with extra chocolate, and creme brulee sugar.

  967. I wanted to write something really witty so you would be like, “Oh my God, she totally gets the book!”, but I can’t stop thinking that it must be vagina. It’s giving me thinkers block.

  968. I have no idea what that truck is for, but it scares me.

    I’ve already read your awesome book, but it’s on my Kindle, so I can’t loan it out. I’d love to give the book to a Texas friend – she’d love it!

  969. lol I definitely think that was what the truck was talking about. I can’t wait for the new chapter in the book I think I have reread the book at least 3 times this semester!

  971. I work in the public school system, so I can read REALLY well, but I’m too poor to buy books. And I’m super nice and have a 19 year old cat that sounds like a pterodactyl when she meows. And I have no metal chickens, but I’m very fond of my wooden duck. That’s all of my compelling reasons for a copy of your paperback. And congrats!!

  974. Definitely mobile gynocology van. Unfortunate that there is not a contact number or website ….

  975. Interesting to note that more people want a copy of your paperback than want to discuss their physical ailments with you. I opted for both. Yay me.

    PS–Tea? Maybe they are a mobile high tea service? Door to door Chamomille?

  978. I would very much like your super special advanced paperback copy of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”

    Also vagina was my first thought as well, and I wouldn’t go near that truck or let anyone else near it just in case.

  979. You mean you didn’t knock on the door of the van?? And now we’ll NEVER know? How could you?
    Pleasepleaseplease, I WANT a copy!

  980. It has to be…there is absolutely nothing else you want to stay hot and wet. I’m just sayin’

  982. It’s definitely a vagina…. and also my Fiance would LOVE to have a signed copy of your book. Awesome wedding present??? plz!!

  985. Eee, how exciting!

    I think its a van full of dog noses, because they should always be warm and wet shouldn’t they? Or is that cold and wet? Wet and a temperature, anyway.

  986. Ooo, if I win the paperback, I can read the hardcover in one hand and the paperback in the other, and people will be sure that it must be the best book ever written, and then they’ll all go out and buy it. See? If I win, I’ll make you money.

  987. Pick me!

    MEEEEEEE!

    On a totally unrelated note, it’s totally about vages.

    IF you notice, there’s that little mirror thing on the back of it. I’ll bet a box of Milk Duds that it has that 4,000 degree light the gyno shines on your vag during the girlee visit. On closer examination, I believe I see leg stirrups attached to the inside of the doors. Yep. Vaginas.

  988. You can be my twin. The way you use ur words (its like looking in a mirror) but i am prettier. Not saying you are ugly in anyway because u probly are really pretty. Anywhale, Luv ya and get posting!!

  989. too bad we don’t know a cop who can run that license plate and help us figure it out. wink wink

  990. I can’t wait to see you in march!! I’m dragging along my sister and mom. We all loved your book and i’m hoping to snag my very own copy!

  992. Desperately want to read your book!

    Desperately want to know what’s in the van. I googled it but got a whole lot ‘o’ nothin’

    I can think of things l like hot and wet (chicken soup, the beach, showers) but not why there’d just be a cryptic van! Not even a phone number!!

  996. It is totally vagina.

    Hat thrown in the ring for the book! I even have a reason!

    My mom and I are pretty much best friends. She and I both have very similar senses of humor, and we have both had truly sucky lives. You book improved my life, and I believe it will improve hers.

    BUT SHE CAN’T HAVE MY COPY, DAMMIT.

  997. Gee, I wonder what their rates are and if their service is covered by my homeowners insurance?

  998. I recently bought your book but I wouldn’t mind the new edition so I can give the old edition to my sis (and spread the awesomeness).

  1000. I agree, vagina for sure. I mean duh.

    And I so totally want your book!! Plus I’m way poor so…you’d be helping a poor person, kind of like charity really.

  1001. I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t prefer my vagina to stay “hot”. That would get rather uncomfortable after a while.

  1003. I think it’s a roadkill pick-up vehicle. Keeps the freshly dead, well, fresh. Until it is delivered to the chinese restaurant, where they add msg and you eat it. You wouldn’t really advertise that on the side, they like to fly under the radar.

  1004. My MIL needs that truck. Or possibly a new saddle for her washing machine. Either way, she needs to relax like nobody you’ve ever met.

  1010. It’s totally vagina, I mean duh.

    And I really want your book! Plus I’m poor so you’d be helping a poor person, kind of like charity.

  1013. It’s probably a vagina recovery vehicle that reunited lost vaginas (you know the sad looking ones they print on the side of seedy milk cartons) with their owners.

  1014. Dude, my kitchen tap only has hot water. If I want cold water, it’s coming from the bathroom sink.

    Hey, rent’s cheap. I’m calling it “charming.”

  1015. I love your book so much that I have already bout 4 copies for friends. I would think that there should be a buy 4 get one free policy. Just Sayin.

  1016. I need the new copy of your masterpiece! And I think it’s a lube truck…. I hate cold lube!

  1018. I would like the book and I hope that you do not discriminate against Canadians..because that would make me sad and I would have to drown my sorrows in maple syrup and poutine

  1019. I would like a copy of your book so that way you can sign it during your book tour. As to what the truck was about, I was thinking swat team but that makes no sense. Oh well.

  1023. It’s a vaginal refurbishment truck for old ladies …..clears away the cobwebs etc.

    As for the book…..ME please… old lady who cant afford to buy it!!!

  1024. I loved reading your book –
    Owning a copy would certainly make me smile –
    I’m curious about that extra chapter too.
    Thanks!

  1025. Well, I can tell you this much, as a Texas resident I can assure you that they will have to get new metal license plates this year, the ones on the vehicle are “discontinued”.
    Also, they claim to be a Christian company, as they are displaying the proud Christian Fish Symbol.
    Christian fish = Vagina.
    Hmm.
    ~Amy

  1027. I don’t have the hardcover version yet, so I would LOVE to win this paperback version so I can finally read it all the way through.

    The employees at Target looked at me funny when I read it there. And now it’s not on the shelf anymore.

  1028. Maybe it’s one of those biospheres that were all the rage back in the 90’s? I mean, those needs to stay hot and wet, right? So you can grow food and.. I dunno, wear jump suits?

  1032. kinda scared to know what that truck is all about, such an odd shape too. . .Love your book and good luck to all in winning it 🙂

  1033. Vagina was certainly the first thought I had! And I’d rather live in a world where it couldn’t possibly be anything else 😉

  1034. I would love a copy of your book. Although, when you come to AZ, I’ll probably have to buy it anyway, but then I’ll just bring a friend. Google says the only thing that needs to be hot and wet is wool. Google might be on drugs today.

  1037. A weird-looking plumbing truck. Looks more like animal control, but that makes no sense at all. >_<

  1039. I have a depressed friend who needs a chuckle right about now, and I have my copy on my Nook.

  1041. Holy moley, talk about influx of comments. You should let me win the book because I already bought your book on kindle and now I feel cheated that there’s secret stuff (is it an additional chapter?) in this paperback book and that makes me sad. And I bought a copy for three of my brothers and also my best friend. So if you give it to me, I can tell them how awesome the extra stuff is and they’ll just HAVE to buy it.

    Money in your pocket.

    Plus, we’re totally twins. I have the same mental problems as you, except I’m also bipolar and I’m not famous. Would you not give your OWN TWIN SISTER a copy of your book!?

    Do you want me to remove you from my will? DO YOU!?

  1042. Getting this book would sooo complete my collection. I already have the hardback.

    Wait. What do you mean, “everyone here does too”?!? *sigh* Umm…. Tactic number 2.

    *ahem*

    Please? :0) I know it’s by random pick, but it never hurts to be polite.

  1043. Maybe BBQ, that should be hot and wet.

    I’d love to win your book for my wife.

    PS. I make some pretty rocking BBQ sauce, and would totally trade sauce for a double cover book.

  1044. Ohhh…pick me, pick me. I’ll give you three amazing reasons: one, I love vagina fix it trucks. Two, we have the same name (much like half of every high school in the 90’s..it’s like a wierd cult). Three, I’m a cheapo & I love free stuff! I’ll be waiting…love you blog, thanx for helping me torture my hubby by reading it to him with tears in my eyes. Umm…he’s not a fan.

  1046. Totally vagina.
    Sorry, I’ve had a bit to drink. Hard day.
    This helped me more than that did. 🙂

  1047. I’m thinking water heaters because you want the water in your water heater to be hot and wet, but it does seem so specialized, so maybe hot tubs. Or some kind of orgy service since it isn’t advertised on the side. You know, discreet. Feel free to let me when your book in soft cover edition. That would be awesome.

  1048. I know you said you’d select someone at random but you should select me because I shelled out for the hardcover and loaned it to someone who never gave it back. So as you can see, I NEED a new copy. Thanks.

  1049. It can’t be anything but vagina…but who needs a truck that big for their vagina? Is it a whale’s vagina? And what’s in the truck? Is it Jake Gylenhaal and/or Ryan Reynolds, shirtless, carrying a bouquet of fresh lilac and some hand-crafted Belgian chocolates? I’m just sayin, that would get the job done…

    PS, I’m unemployed and broke but I was planning to buy your book anyway, because yay book! But a free one would work much better for my “budget.” Thanks for doing this, whoever wins!

  1050. If there’s a number on the truck you NEED to call and find out what it is.

    NEED TO.

  1051. I know I’m not the first person to address it, but I totally noticed the Jesus fish too. Now I’m really not sure what to think.

  1052. Best slogan I ever saw on a vehicle – it was a Septic Tank roto-rooting company van that said “your sh!it is our bread and butter.”

  1053. Best slogan I ever saw on a vehicle – it was a Septic Tank roto-rooting company van that said “your sh!t is our bread and butter.”

  1054. The random gods need to let me win this book…or if they’re going to be jerks about it, then you just need to pick me – because I’m growing a unicorn hair out of my effing neck AND my doctor found a cyst on my thyroid this week. (But he says we don’t need to do anything about it because it’s not the “bad kind” of cyst…so it’s like I’m carrying an alien baby around in my neck.)

    Winning this book just might give me the strength I need to carry on. 🙂

  1056. Oh Wow! In fiver hours you have over a thousand comments!
    Pick meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
    Hot and wet? How about:
    A van full of hot surfer dudes
    A steam cleaner
    The US water polo team
    Congrats on the paperback!

  1058. I had a hard-cover copy of your book which I lent to my aunt, and months later I still haven’t got it back 🙂 Not sure I ever will! She’s obsessed with it! That’s why I’d looooove to win your paper-back copy!

    And that truck is bizarre. I have absolutely no idea what on earth it’s for!

    Love Chloe

  1059. I want it! (The book, not the truck or your vagina or whatever else you were thinking.)

  1060. Me! Pick me! Not for any super cool reasons except that I REALLY want it. I can hide paperbacks from my 2 year old much easier than hardcovers…it may sound odd, but it’s true.

  1061. I borrowed your book from a friend having no idea what I was getting into. I absolutely fell in love. I would love to win a copy of this book!

    Also… I think this is a early version of the love vagina bus. Maybe just waiting to get its paint job?

  1063. It’s totally for the va-jay-jay. Who wants a cold dry one?…not me! 🙂 But, thanks to nameless creepy truck guy, he can solve your delicate “V” cold dryness issue!

  1065. I can’t help but hear the word “moist” when I read that, and no one wants that. No one. Unless you’re talking about cake. Then moist is truly palatable. Otherwise…not so much. But then that brings a whole new range to “having her cake and eating it, too.”

  1067. I used to work for a book store and what happens to many of the books that don’t sell is the covers are ripped off and everything is thrown into a dumpster. Apparently (I was told at the time) for the same amount of paperwork the books could have been donated to those in need.
    So buy Jenny’s book or wait a year and go dumpster diving behind Barnes and Noble, whichever.

  1072. It reminds me of those white vans that the city has to pick up road kill. Although if it IS a road kill pick up van, that makes the “hot and wet” message a lot more sinister…

  1073. I am trying to think of anything else that it could possibly be. Blank. I don’t think there is anything else that fits that description! Vagina.

  1076. I know I was supposed to post something for some reason but now that I’ve finally made it to the bottom of the page I can’t remember what it was. Now where did I put my glasses?

  1078. Oddly enough, you know what they do with paperback books that don’t sell? THEY RIP OFF THE COVERS and send those back to get credit for unsold books from the publisher, and then they’re supposed to destroy them. Of course, since your book has a cover UNDER the cover, they will try to sell it again, so you’re sort of supporting stolen property and black marketeering. Sort of. Anyway, that’s my story, and it’s sticking to me.

  1081. You are the most awesome person ever! (Do you really read all of these comments?? Because that would make me crazy)

    (I’m already crazy. ~ Jenny)

  1083. I picked up my cat today from getting declawed/deballed and I think he hates me now. My heart was broken beyond repair (unrelated to the cat). And it’s snowing and will be 9 degrees soon. I need a good read. Please.

  1084. You should totally pick me because my name is Lisa, you know, like your sister and although I never wore a school mascot costume I did have to suffer the humiliation of wearing an ICEE Bear costume (the head smelled like dirty gym socks) and an inflatable Jelly-Belly costume at a job I once had in the 80s. Not at the same time, mind you. So, see? I totally deserve the paperback book. Totally. I’m still traumatized by the ICEE Bear experience because the head was really heavy and teenagers used to try to knock me over. Of course you said you’d pick randomly but it’s ok, no one needs to know it was a pity choice. See? Everybody wins. Also, the inside of the ICEE Bear head was kinda hot and wet… see how I tied that in there? Yeah, I’m awesome that way.

  1085. Totally ready to read it again especially with a new chapter! More! More! I want more!!!!

  1086. Did you ever get to see the rest of the truck? Is this a riddle where we’ll get to learn the answer eventually?

    P.S. I’m giving away a book, too, but it is not getting the thousands of comments yours is. Maybe some people are scared off by the title (The Big Book of Bondage). Yes, it’s smut, but I want to assure you that so far (and I have not read the entire book, so this is not a guarantee), there is no clown sex.

  1088. P.P.S. In case it wasn’t obvious, the other tie-in (ba-dump-bump) besides book giveaway is vaginas. The book is chock full of ’em, which means I’ll use extra care with packaging/shipping.

  1089. Oh my…yes, mobile vagina maintenance vehicle.
    I’d totally love a copy of your paperback book!

  1090. The other Megan Fox wants a copy of this book, please. The ‘real’ Megan Fox might also want one, but I honestly can’t speak for her.

  1091. So… it’s like a “Brothel to go”?? Or the “Truck of ill repute”?? How odd…. mostly odd you’d see that there, and not here… where prostitution is still LEGAL! Hmmm… Oh, and I’d like that book… JUST so I can get your signature! <3 *and the extra cover, and the extra chapter*

  1092. Can’t imagine what else it could be.

    Do pick me! Can’t wait to get my hands on the paperback. With 2 covers, no less – woo!

  1093. I need this book because I need it and if you don’t give to me I’m gonna have to buy it

  1094. I can’t think of a better way to read the book a second time!! Ps. It’s definitely vagina.. Anything more reputable would have just put it out there right?

  1096. It’s a pimp truck and you are pimping your book?! Nice!

    Maybe you could slap the “extra” book cover on the sides of the truck for quality advertising?

    🙂

  1098. totally gina, totally want that book, the one at my local Library is always out and has a HUGE wait list

  1099. I would totally love that book because who doesn’t want a book written by someone who can totally spot vagina repair on a van!! And because one book by you is never enough 🙂

  1100. totally gina, totally want that book, the one copy at my local library is always out and has a HUGE wait list

  1101. I totally want this book .. I bought the eBook for myself, but I’d love to give this to my family to pass around… yes, I want to whore you out to my family.

  1104. Ok, then… my question is this… IF this vehicle’s purpose has something to do with vagina… are they a delivery service? A repair service? A servicing service? Male strippers? Female strippers? Mobile sex therapists? Maybe it’s a pimp’s delivery service and he delivers men to his working girls? (Dude doesn’t want to get caught so he makes a call, leaves his car in a parking garage, the pimp comes picks him up, delivers him, he gets serviced, then gets a ride back to his car? Yeahhhh, I’m probably way overthinking this)

    Because you would think if it were any sort of legitimate (you know, not ILLEGAL) business they’d have the business name and contact info all over the truck.

    Ok, back to the pimp thing..maybe it is an semi-incognito escort service and the ladies “make sure it stays hot and wet”… I’m going to be up nights thinking about this… Maybe a copy of your book would help me pass the time!!

  1105. I’m pretty sure that your blog has made me, on several occasions laugh myself stupid! I would definitely love to read your book!

  1106. Me, me, me, me, me, me!!!!! *takes a breath*

    By the way, your hardcover is still so popular at the library, I STILL haven’t gotten it yet! Last I knew, I was #225 in line for it! (And yes, they have more than 1 of your book – they actually have 20!)

  1111. I’ve forced so many people to buy this ebook that I was thinking of finding a way to make a commission but winning this would do nicely. But mostly so I can then start forcing people to buy it. It’s a vicious cycle that drives me nuts but your book sales will benefit!

  1113. Found you randomly…and I am picking your book for my April book club. Just so you know, I am hooking you up with with 12-16 new booze hag literary bloggess followers!

  1115. Would love a copy of the book. Been a fan for a long time, still haven’t bought a copy. It’s not because I’m cheap or anything, just lazy.

    As for the van…well, the mesh on the doors suggests that they’re concerned that whatever is in the van might get out. Whatever it is, it’s rather large too, judging by the size of the compartment and the width of the doors. The multiple lockers and whatnots on the side are evidence that whatever it is, it requires either a variety of paraphernalia to operate and/or ride, or several different types of food (and lots of it).

    All that in mind, a picture is beginning to emerge…”hot and wet” is referring to the climate inside the van.

    This van is obviously used to transport large and probably dangerous sub-tropical beasts. The bumper sticker is simply their way of reassuring their clients that whatever murderous animals serve as their cargo, they will want for nothing in terms of comfort.

  1117. This is an angry post. I can’t believe you didn’t investigate this truck business further! You know that the kind of people who follow you are crazy, and I am one of the those crazy people who will think about that stupid truck for days and days!!! WHY!! WHY!?! WHY does it say that??? What are they selling??? Is it a joke??? I don’t have enough time right now to go through 1105 replies to your post to see if one of your followers has an answer but Thursday, on my day off, I will be back. Oh yes….. I will be back.

  1119. If I could figure out how to post a picture I would post two of different trucks that drive around my town. One is a landscaper and has “Because everyone likes a well-trimmed bush” as their motto, and the other is a construction company with ” Wilmington’s Erection connection” on their cranes. Love it.

  1120. I would love a copy of your book, and if I win it, I won’t feel so bad when I read it instead of doing work!

  1121. I totally got your book on my nook, so I need a hard copy to put on my ‘favorite books’ shelf.

  1123. I’ll be getting a copy of your book regardless, but it would be nice to get it for free. Thanks for loving us!

  1124. So, I just googled “we make sure it stays hot and wet” , and I got 8 links to your blog. That’s all. Which means that you have some kind of mobile vibrator show room trolling your neighborhood. I can’t figure out if that’s a good thing.

  1125. It’s obviously another oatmeal delivery service. Who wants cold dry oatmeal? ya bunch a sickos.

  1131. If you ever find out what that truck is referring to, please share. I’m trying to think of every possibility, but not coming up with one. i really hope I’m lucky enough to win your book, but as popular as you are with over 1000 comments, probably not likely.

  1133. What confuses/scares me the most about that truck is that it looks like the vehicles animal control uses….

    And I am crossing my fingers, because your book is on my wish list and no one has bought it for me yet (those bastards)!

  1135. White vans with no windows always creep me out. White vans with sketchy slogans are creepy cubed. If it had some spa graphics on the side, it wouldn’t be so bad. Reminds me of a carpet cleaner company in our area that uses the tag line “we did your mom!”

  1137. You’re teasing me! I left a comment to win the geek a week cards and didn’t win. Right this very second I have a one in 1124 chance of winning…hopeless. If I don’t win the book ( which I have the Kindle version of but want this one) can I win a xanax?

  1138. I’d love a copy, even though I already have the hardcover! I’m dying to know what the new chapter is.

    Also, maybe it’s a hot tub repair service?

  1143. First of all I’m seriously sleep deprived since my one yr old is teething so my first thought was “dishwasher”. My second thought was those lucky MFers are getting their dishwasher fixed! (My dishwasher is still in the garage .. )

    PS: I know dishwasher makes no sense. OMG I’m such a mom. I’m off to bed.

  1144. How “hot” are we talking about because I prefer my vagina at a normal temperature and not scalding. I would assume that would never be a good idea. No one likes a scalding vagina. I can think of zero instances where that would come in handy…

  1146. I would love the paperback, with the extra chapter! Like I said in a different post, I have the hardcover. But what the hell, I’ll go for a set!
    BTW – did you see the Whosounds TARDIS Speakers?? I thought of you as soon as I saw it!

  1148. Oh, me! pick me! I want to read your book, but a fit-throwing toddler means I haven’t been to a book store in months.

  1149. it’s totally vagina. there is NO. OTHER. explanation for it!

    love your book – i have the hardcover version and am a little bummed cause i want to read the bonus chapter! maybe i will win it…..then i can! woo!

  1150. I Googled “what stays hot and wet”

    Oh. My. God.

    I did *NOT* think that through …

    Thank goodness I didn’t ‘Google Image’ search!

  1153. It’s a neighborhood hot toddie truck. Kind of like an ice cream truck, but instead with hot toddies for adults. Or maybe for kids too, there does seem to be a lot of underage drinking going on these days, and now you’ve discovered the root source. Either way, I want to live on this truck’s route cause it’s cold out and I’m thirsty. What’s the neighborhood.

  1155. 1. It’s totally vagina.
    2. I would like your book.
    3. Please don’t get the first 2 confused.

  1161. Maybe it’s a delivery truck for transporting donated organs. They work better if they aren’t dried out, and maybe they like 98.6 degrees better than being iced down in those germy little lunch coolers.

  1162. So I found a long hair growing out of my chest today but instead of freaking out I just thought you and how awesome you are! 😀

  1163. I love this book and think everyone should read it, including me a second or third time.

  1165. Lets hope its a really sexy, hung man who’s job is to drive around and make sure all the women in the neighborhood are “hot and wet” . That would be cool!

  1166. I would love a copy of your book! I read, a lot, and so I run out of new books all the time and eventually read the same ones a thousand times, put it back on the shelves, and then proceed reading it again for at least 500 more times before setting it down again. I love your blog so I am sure I would love your book!

  1167. I totally thought vagina, and prison inmates. It looks like con transport vehicle. I’d love your book, I promise to rip off the cover just to say “fuck you, bitches!”

  1174. i am not greedy so please don’t consider me for a free book because i have pre-ordered it already.

    the truck is driven by nuns who drive the midnight streets looking for hookers to help by sharing a little gospel, some hot soup, complimentary condoms, clean needles, and free HIV testing…

    or it is a mobile vagina tune-up truck.

  1175. Congrats on the paperback. I’ve convinced my book club (of very uptight middle-aged women – unlike me who is just very middle-aged) to add your book to our roster. It’s pretty amazing, actually.

  1177. I totally also tested gravity yesterday, and then my dog reminded me of that by cracking her skull off of the bruise that hasn’t even had the decency to turn blue yet. And just so that you don’t have to retest it anytime soon – it’s still working. With a vengeance.

    And a part of me would love to be chosen for the paperback, but I think I should buy the paperback and read the extra chapter and then give it to my friend who has fallen under your spell of awesomesauce because she is fantastic and she deserves to read your book so that we can laugh and talk about it while she’s helping me build furniture in a post-break-up grrl-power moment, once she’s back from Costa RIca. So don’t worry (plus, I’m in Canada and postage would be more) but I wanted to post a comment and say woo-hoo for the doubly-covered, extra-chaptered paperback!

    Also, the truck looks kind of suspicious, what with it only having that tag line right near the doorways in the back, so that makes me think that it’s up to something no good. Maybe it’s trapping desperate housewives who are hoping for a vagina-repair man only to find they’re being sold into soccer mom slavery, having to shuttle British children to soccer (commonly referred to as football) practice so that they can produce another David Beckham.

  1178. Please send me the book! I have a husband who has depression/anxiety/agoraphobia/social anxiety, we are one shy of a half dozen children, I’m overworked, I think fezzes and bowties are cool and I’m knitting the exact replica of the fourth doctors scarf for my daughter.

    I NEED THIS BOOK because my husband gets all the good drugs!

  1179. If you give me the book, I’ll sell it after I read the extra chapter and give all the money to charity

  1180. I would love a copy of your book to give to my brother. I don’t want to give him mine!
    Stacy

  1181. One of my cousins used to bomp around in a nuclear truck complete with hazmat and nuclear signage. He bought it second-hand from uranium prospectors who had used it to collect samples from the deserts. He really loved it because it was a 4WD 2 tonne truck. He never had any children though.

  1182. Eeeeeep, want! Also, please come back to Portland and do another awkward reading next to the young adult section of Powell’s. Pretty please?

  1183. I’d like a copy of this book! I only have the Kindle version and need a hardcopy for your autograph at the book signing in March, and I don’t want you signing my Kindle because then people would think that I stole YOUR kindle. And I couldn’t live with the reputation of being not only a Kindle Thief, but a New York Times Best Selling Author Kindle Thief. That’s just unforgivable.

  1184. I have already made plans and re-arranged my work schedule to be at the Louisville, KY book signing event! I look forward to having my book signed whether I pay for the paperback version or not (I already own the hard-cover but I’m so wanting the paperback since it has the new chapter)!

  1186. Do all of the paperbacks have the double cover deal? Cuz if they don’t, then I really want this one. OR I at least want a picture of the second cover.

    Also, cold vaginas suck. Also when you sit just right and half of your vagina falls asleep? Not fun.

  1189. I have no words. But I want the book, please. Even though I have a signed hardcover already. Because what kind of farm team would I be if I didn’t collect all the editions?

  1190. I was going to say it was a hot water heater, but a Jacuzzi sounds more likely. That being said, my mind went where yours did.

  1191. It’s totally vagina (which I just had to add to my keyboard dictionary on my phone!) and I totally need that book because I’m already using your hard cover to “keep it hot and wet”!

  1193. My guess is that truck’s like the Tardis, but instead of it being Dr. Who it’s the Pimp, traveling through time and space providing incognito brothels for all intergalactic needs. Or it could just be a really stupid plumbing slogan. I prefer to think of it as the first option.

  1194. To all of you that say “I would love to read your book!” Aren’t you just a little embarrassed to admit that follow the goings on of this funny, funny woman and you have yet to read her book. You don’t deserve it, you cheap bitches…go buy the book. Geez, it’s like you guys are fake admirers. Here’s what you do…get your little tin can…rip apart a cardboard box, preferably brown or tan and write on it with a dull, almost out of ink BLACK marker…”Need money to BUY Jenny’s book, so I don’t appear to be a fake admirer”…stand on a corner and at least make an effort to BUY her book…..sheesh!

  1195. Already bought the book. Just send me the new chapter, please. Also, my guess is: soup.

  1197. Sauna? Maybe a sauna.

    Re books and what happens if they don’t sell: At least back in the late 80’s when I worked for a computer bookstore, the covers were “stripped” (removed) and sent back to the publisher for a refund – the covers were “proof of non-purchase”, I guess. The books themselves usually went home with employees.

    So that your book has two covers is *awesome*, because if that practice still happens, it means the employees can have a book with the “party” cover.

  1200. Absolutely it’s vagina. Anything else isn’t worth thinking about. And anything else that needs to hot and wet AND have a support truck…… I’m not going there.

  1204. Simply can’t imagine… what…that truck… You have to be right. It can only be… Yes.

    I’ve read your book and loved it. I would love to own a copy—especially to read the extra chapter!

  1205. Reasons I need a free book: I’m broke. I’m a broke-ass grad student trying to get my Master’s in Counseling Psychology while working a full time job with middle schoole kids which is equal parts fun, exhausting, and “whoa my gawd!”, plus working a job I don’t get paid for (aka “Internship,” except I have to pay to enroll in the internship experience, so actually I’m paying to have this job.) And I just spent my little bit of self-allowed “mad” money on more nail polish because I’m addicted and SOMETIMES I JUST NEED TO HAVE A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS MOMENT

  1206. Truth be told, I just couldn’t wait for the more economical paperback of your book to come out, so I borrowed the hardcover from the library. I was absolutely, totally, and completely NOT disappointed. And now, to find out that the paperback contains an entirely extra chapter of amazingness… I need it.

  1207. Going to preorder right now, but would love your copy so I can pass on to my sister!!! 🙂

  1209. I totally do not recommend doing a generic search for “WE MAKE SURE IT STAYS HOT AND WET.” Some pretty intense stuff pops up when I tried it–I think I might be a little too naive (all the more reason that I need your book!) because I just was NOT expecting those results to show up, at least not on the first page. Seriously, I thought some viably reasonable explanation would be in the top 20 results at least!

    Now to read some of your old posts to hopefully force out all remaining naivety.

  1210. A WHOLE F*%^#+£€>#G TRUCKLOAD!

    I would love a copy of the book with two covers…. please.

  1212. Tropical fish tank maintenance? There’s the religious fish there too or maybe it’s one of the silly knock off scuba ones etc. need your book badly. Have the book on tape but Allstate’s gonna raise my rates if I keep laughing so hard I’m crying while driving. They never say anything about laughing and driving, it’s got to be as dangerous as texting!

  1213. I really want the paperback. I’ve read your book (minus the new chapter) 3 times on my nook. I WANT to read the new paperback chapter. Who am I kidding? I want to read the whole thing again in paperback while on vacation in Mexico so people will walk past me and KNOW how awesome I am because I’m reading YOUR book! Thanks in advance for making me awesome!

  1214. I want the book! Because I need something to distract me from exactly how they keep the vaginas hot and wet with that weird mobile vag truck. Although, it is always nice when vaginas don’t have to travel to be serviced.

  1216. Yes, it is totally vagina. You have to come to some other locations! The Lehigh Valley, PA area boasts many colleges, and lots of people that you would like!

    We already have the hard copy of your book. It helped calm me down before cataract surgery. Major panic attacks!!!! My hubby is the best!

    Are you considering a kindle version? I love my kindle!

    Have a great day!

  1219. I loved your book. and i started following your blog which inspired me to keep a private blog (i can’t afford a domain yet) also:
    why did the octupus giggle ten times?
    you gave him ten-tickles…

  1220. Woo! book me!
    So maybe this is a mobile vet service to be sure your dog’s nose is the correct temperature and hydration level?

  1221. I want that book!

    As for keeping it hot and wet……I agree it’s probably a plumber. However it could be in reference to soup. Soup is only good if it’s hot and wet. Have you ever tried to eat dried soup out of the package. Um neither but I imagine it would be disgusting.

  1222. This post only brought up this morning’s trauma of the gyno saying she would do a “wet mount” on me. I reasoned that at LEAST this sounded better than a dry mount.

  1223. I totally want that book! I loved reading the hardback and I HAVE to read the extra chapter. And the only other idea I can come up with other than vaginae (ok so I wrote vaginas and spell check says the plural is vaginae…who knew?) is maybe something to due with hot tubs, because you want that hot and wet, right?

  1227. So back to my comment about vaginae, I am a classics major and had to look this up. Vagina is actually a Latin word meaning ‘sheath’. For example: Gladium v?gina proripere. To draw a sword from the sheath hastily. Latin is so delightfully dirty sometimes, which makes it fun.

  1228. I don’t know why, but barbecue is what I think of as hot and wet. And I would love to have your paperback. I have the e-book and the hardback, plus I have bought multiple copies for friends, but I have to see the new chapter!

  1229. give me the book.

    Don’t they keep hot dogs hot and wet? Like in all that hot dog juice at the vendor on the street? And it’s sort of the antithesis of vagina.

    Just give me the book.

  1231. If it’s vagina, I’m really frightened about what’s in that truck.

    Also, I really need that copy of the book. I bought myself a hardback copy and loaned it out, and then I’ve bought two other people the book, and my copy still hasn’t come back yet. But I really can’t afford to buy the book a fourth time. Plus, ADDITIONAL CHAPTER! So, you really, really, need to randomly pick me to be the winner. REALLY. 🙂

  1232. Who’s the little mouse on the cover? If we read the book, do we get to know him as well? Hope so.

    Send a copy of your book my way! I appreciate your humor.

  1233. I’d love the paperback! This will complete my collection since I already have your ebook and the hardback. One happy book family.

    As for the truck – mobile gigilo.

  1237. I so totally and completely would LOVE to have a copy of your book! I discovered your blog a few weeks ago and have spent all of my free time reading the entire thing. I’m currently on page 49 which is December 30, 2011. That’s right. Zooey Deschanel is singing to me as I type this. And I’m at work. Don’t tell my boss. 🙂

  1238. I totally *want* the double covered paperback. Already have the kindle version that I’ve read at least five times…but….OMG, squee!! new chapter!

  1241. WANT.WANT.WANT!!!!! The new paperback version. I have purchased 10+ copies of the hardcover for EVERYONE (almost) in my life—so I really want a paperback copy. PRETTY PLEASE????

  1242. I feel teased…between the ‘hot and wet’ and the secret second cover. I won’t for help with the first (I’ll just google a local version of that truck) , but maybe you could give me the book to relieve the second.

  1243. Totally thought of you today when one of my students asked me why I use the word “vagina” and “not any of them other words……cause like, miss….you be knowin lotsa stuff”…..:)

  1245. I wasn’t going to get a paperback copy, but now all I can think of are the poor little orphan books that I need to take home and snuggle. Now I have book guilt. Thanks.

  1251. Maybe it belongs to a sex therapist! You know, your friendly neighborhood travelling sex therapist! That’s a thing! Is that a thing? That should totally be a thing.

  1253. Totally vagina. I’d love your book, pretty please! I need to know what’s in the new chapter!

  1254. Well it doesn’t exactly look like a rock 70’s sexmobile, but hey let’s go with vagina anyway. Oh and please sign me up for the book, because I was stupid and allowed my friend to borrow my copy and I’m NEVER seeing that puppy again.

  1257. Hot and Wet… Could be plumbing, could be vagina/vacuum repair, or possibly a portable porn delivery service.

    My husband thinks it’s a 24 hour Redneck Seafood/Roadkill service.
    “Armadillo – It’s a Lobster You can Run Over With Your car!”

    This is TX after all.

  1258. So, I am probably totally NOT going to win, but I figure I’ll try anywho. With my luck, which is worse than anyone elses’ that I know, I’m more likely to have a piano fall on my head. But it’s worth the shot. And the risk of having a piano fall on my head.

  1259. Could be mud delivery. You know for mud soaks, mud baths, mud wrestling…. But yeah, it’s probably vagina.

  1260. I would LOVE a copy of your paperback. I already have the hardback, of course, but I would really like the paperback so that I can loan it out to people. And a paperback is easier to mail. And I don’t have to be all “have you finished reading because I really miss my bedtime stories courtesy of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”. I’m not snippy.

  1264. I haven’t posted on here before even though I have read all of your posts, but I would love a copy of your book, so here is my post.

    Also, it is totally vagina.

  1265. Not a snowball’s chance in you know where that I’ll win this, but I just had to sign in for the sheer joy of being comment 1201. So glad this came out in paperback, now I can afford it. Plan to preorder.

    And it worries me that the vaginamobile has wire-enforced glass on its windows. Just what are they doing in the back of that thing anyway???

  1269. I think we may be future BFF. It would be awkward if I didn’t have your book prominently displayed. So,Forget random. Pick me. ! We can still be friends if I don’t win . Maybe.

  1270. It’s so obviously a mobile hot tub/sauna/vibrating massage bed. You know, for gigolo emergencies.
    GIVE ME THE BOOK. I HAVE EARNED IT WITH MY STELLAR WIT.

  1271. Um, can we just talk about the dog catcher style bars on the windows? Because if “it” is vaginas, it seems like a rape mobile. Also, the multiple side doors. I do not want the “it” to be vaginas AT ALL.

  1272. Victor’s idea of a plumber seems a little strange considering that, you know…water’s always wet, isn’t it? Well, in most situations. I suppose you could argue that ice isn’t, but then I’ll pour ice over you and start screaming ‘IS IT WET? IS IT?’ because I think you’ll find that ice goes wet within like, 2 seconds of being taken out of the freezer.

  1275. Obviously a mobile vagina doc. Rationale: 1) There is a dude standing on the roof of the truck who is probably wearing headphones, dancing and holding a sign to flag down “patients”. 2) The curious “rearview” mirror mounted to the back of the truck. The purpose is obvious. 3) Chicks can’t resist a canted roof. SOOOO many decorating ideas.

  1276. I am thinking it is totally a vagina!
    Also, I would really love my hardback copy of your book back from my mom, so I totally need to win this!! I had her listen to the audio book on a trip and now she won’t give back the hardback copy!!

  1277. I would love a paperback edition of the book because then I could one at home and when one at work- this one would fit much more discretely in my office and thin enough that I could hid it in pages of “research” when I about to tear my coworkers heads off and need a good laugh or break from my reality. So please. save me and save my coworkers. 🙂

  1278. 1) Is the second cover of the book the German one where Hamlet von Schnitzel is a vampire? Because anything else is going to be vaguely disappointing.

    2) At least one comment says that vaginas never need a truck that big, but they obviously have never seen “Eye of Sauron” sized vaginas. THOSE vaginas definitely need big trucks to service them.

    I win!

  1279. No idea. I was thinking hot water heaters but no one specializes in hot water heaters, do they? My brother is a plumber and he doesn’t have scary wire embedded glass windows on his van.

  1281. I’m 99% sure it’s vagina. I’d be 100% sure if they’d used the word “moist” instead of “wet” though.

  1283. There is a door in Melbourne coming up from the Parliament train station that I should photograph. It has a sign saying ‘This door is alarmed.’ I keep wondering why a door is extra-worried, but maybe it’s all the government cut-backs – maybe the door will be out of a job soon, or it’s children – presumably locker doors in schools – won’t have cover for first aid due to education cut-backs…

    You just wanted a random comment, right? 😉

  1284. I thought the same thing as Ellen at #35 – mobile coffee seller. (that’s where I read up to before I had to comment)

    Hmmn Hot and Wet, nope I really don’t see the plumber thing. Maybe spunk, spunk is totally gross when it’s cold.

    Holy fuck obviously it’s a Secure Sperm Donor Delivery Service!

    Boom!

  1286. I want!! (the book, not the truck)
    Though I’m not sure why I need a website to comment. Sadly I don’t have one anymore but I’ll put the link in anyway since it seems to be required.

  1287. Maybe it’s the Southern Summer Weather Service People? You know like the opposite of Jack Frost, and regional?

  1289. Pick Me ! Choose Me ! Give Me !
    Why? The books costs almost two times its value in Indian Rupees if I buy it here in India.
    Don’t you think your sisters who reside on the other side of the planet deserve to read your words?
    Pleeeeeeazzzzeeee ! 🙂

  1293. Cold vaginas are bad; well only if you want to fall pregnant. Or maybe not – maybe a cold vagina is good cos you DON’T wanna get pregnant.

    That’s what my Traditional Chinese Medicine guru told me anyway. Not sure if she was talking about how guys want to be all warm and cosy when they… you know… or just that temp is good for baby making.

    Oh wait… no that was uterus. WARM uterus good for baby making; cold uterus not so good.

    Ignore me.

    Unless you’re going to send me the book (I’m in Australia, you probably don’t want to pay the postage); then PLEASE don’t ignore me.

    #sonotcomingacrossasfunnyasitwasinmyhead

  1296. Hey,
    I am from India and I’ve been following your blog since the past year. I just want to say, that your posts make me smile and are full of life. Just a few days back, I was rambling all about your blog to my father and then I urged him to go check it out when he has time. So the same day, I get a call from him while he’s working in the office and he’s thundering incomprehensibly over the phone. I think it was something about the words ‘fuck’ and ‘vagina’ in your posts. He was mighty pissed that I follow a blog which features so much profanity. I told him simply, that’s why she’s awesome.

  1302. Well, I was going to make a comment about the book making me all hot and wet, but then I’m a guy, so that would just be awkward…..

  1304. Please pick me….why? Because I am hand delivering my UK copy of Let’s Pretend (the original single cover) from North Yorkshire England to my Mom in Texas. She loves books, is weird (but I love her despite it), and like me shakes the piggy bank hoping to find some book monies. It would be cooler if you sent the new one to her and then when I see her we can read bits to each other and laugh together. Oh by the way, it’s been nearly two years since I have seen her… so reuniting over your book would be awesome balls.

  1308. I bet that is a truck with a barbequed pig in it! I want the paperback. LOVED and laughed all the way through the hardcover. Want the paperback for my daughter.

  1310. I would love to win your new paperback book! I am going to buy it for everyone I know this year for their birthdays! I can’t wait to read the newest chapter! Hope you are doing well! Oh, and that van totally has a bed in it! Or on a G rated note, maybe it is a vet who specializes in dogs. Their tongues should always be hot and wet…? Totally plausible lol

  1311. Maybe it’s a food delivery service for vampires. Blood is hot and wet, right?

    I would love to have the two covered version of your book.

  1312. I would TOTALLY love to have the new paperback, of which I’ve been awaiting its release for some time now! I want the updated bits in the back! (Wow, that sounded a little ‘hot and wet’…!)

    If I DO win the book directly from you, could you personalise it~? I’d love to have your autograph in the front, but even more, I’d like Hunter S. to at least rub his face against it, if not nibble a corner. (I had a cat named Dione that ‘personalised’ all my paperback books this way–with a delicate chomp on at least one corner. She also did that to all my mailing envelopes and my photographs. She was an equal-opportunity paper punch!)

    Greyson 🙂

  1314. I’m ALL about getting the double covered edition of the book! On another note, that truck totally belongs to a Texas-style male stripping service, “Howdy ma’am, I understand you’re having issues with your plumbing?” I’ll check the phonebook to see if also serve the Greater Austin area

  1316. I would love love love a copy of your book! Especially with two covers. But I would never let one get ripped off. It would be a travesty . . .

  1317. Damn that gravity is working today. I want the book. I have the hard cover and would love to have the softie with the new material. You make so many of my days better.

  1318. Okay, I’ll take a book if I’m the ‘lucky’ one, but I really would rather know more about that truck….
    that is so strange.

  1320. I am really longing for your book. I just bought it in audio because It is not available here (here = the Netherlands). I

    Pick me! Pick me!

  1321. You probably wouldn’t choose me because I’m so far away. Right? On the other hand I live in the city where they film Doctor Who. You should totally deliver it in person.

  1322. Here’s my post so you can hopefully randomly choose me. I deserve it 🙂
    Also, I think he’s a hot tub/Jacuzzi repairman…

  1324. Totally vagina.

    P.S. I borrowed the CD version of your book from the library (I put in the request that made them order it in the first place), and I have to say you do a FANTASTIC job narrating it. I damn near lost control of my car laughing so hard.

  1325. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t want it in my lane way! I do however want your book.

  1327. Plumbers don’t fix vaginas? Damn. I’ve been getting my annual checkups from the wrong guy for years.

  1329. Hmmm… I tried googling the phrase to see what I could find and I came up with a list that inluded pet care, soothing a crying baby, and dying your hair. Honestly, after that I don’t even want to know, LOL.

  1330. I, personally, would stay away from that van.
    Also, i NEED to know what is in that extra chapter!

  1331. Only in Texas and it’s probably a bread truck knowing Texas Or the reason for all the humidity. I would love to get your book.

  1332. My daughter lent me your book last summer. I had a long wait in the airport so I started reading it – big mistake. I started laughing so hard that tears were pouring down my face, all the children were staring (beach airport) and adults were slowly moving away from my seat. I had to go back to my normal, ordinary mystery because I couldn’t see anyway! I loved every page and am sorry my daughter took it back. I will be ordering my own copy. You make me laugh every day. Thanks!

  1334. I hadn’t seen the writing initially so I thought you were just saying the back of the truck looked like a vagina… I was really worried for you there.

    The best part is the plumber probably didn’t even realise how porny his slogan is, and all the neighbourhood kids just giggle whenever they see him…

  1336. LOL, I’m hoping it has something to do with plumbing…or spas. Would LOVE to get your book!

  1340. IN answer to what happens to your paperbacks that do not sell… …It’s horrible. It’s a good thing your new paper back has 2 covers because that’s all that is left of a unsold paperback. Bookstores strip off the covers and send the covers back to the publisher for credit towards other publications while the newly beheaded/defaced remnant gets a trip to either the dumpster or the recycle bin. However, I am sure this is not the fate for yours.

  1342. It’s totally vagina. Although, how big is the vagina, that they need that big of a truck? Or is it just filled with a bunch of hot and wet vaginas? I want your book.

  1344. I want – I really really want it!

    Hmmm, I’d do a google search, but I’m at my work computer & lord knows what the search results would do to our server……………………….

  1345. I am dying to read your book & would love the copy you have here!! (Except that you probably shouldn’t pick me because I’ll end up going out and buying it anyway.) Oh, and it’s totally vagina. There’s nothing else it could be, except maybe armpits.

  1346. Look at you with your big, bad, double covered book – you rock!
    And everyone should do whatever it takes to be whole.
    And it’s TOTALLY VAGINA. There is nothing else it could be.

  1347. If its just vagina, why does it have to be locked up behind steel doors with wire over the windows?

  1349. I would love a free copy of your book! I read a copy from the library so I won’t have a book for you to sign when you make a stop in Louisville, KY 🙁 Unless you’ll sign books other than your own…like a dictionary?

  1351. Mobile stonecutter? Soup service? Vagina really does seem most likely. I would take very good care of that book!

  1352. Hi! I am not entering for myself but for a friend who is raising money for a breast cancer walk. She was recently diagnosed herself and with some friends is raising $21,000 for the Weekend to End Women’s Cancer walk in Montreal, Quebec,Canada. She is hosting an online auction and would LOVE to be able to auction off an item from you, The Bloggess herself.

    Her auction site is: http://outrunningthecloud.tumblr.com/auction so you can see that she is legit.

    Fingers crossed that my name is picked…I will donate your giveaway book to her auction if I win.

    Keep smilin!

    Doris Clark

    (I’ll send her a copy of the autographed hard-back that she can auction. Emailing you now. ~ Jenny)

  1353. This is so awesome! I have the hardback so, sorry, won’t be buying the paperback. But wish I could. Congratulations!!!

  1354. You totally make me laugh, and judging by the way you think I’m pretty sure we are long lost relatives.

  1355. I would love a copy of your book (and I should probably by the paperback version)! We purchased a copy for my MIL when she was diagnosed with cancer because a) the title is super appropriate, b) I opened it, read your dedication thingy and laughed and c) ummm, I don’t know if there is a c. A and B should be sufficient enough.

    Did you ever find out if the Canadian version gets the extra chapter? Or will I catch up on blog posts and find the answer?

  1356. They don’t call it plumbing for no reason…. But we do know evolution is a lousy engineer.

  1357. Trucks with things written on them that make you say “what the fuck?!!?!?!” are awesome! So is your book!

  1359. What happens in the truck, stays in the truck.
    Happy soft cover! If you look very closely, Hamlet is doing little happy feet.

  1361. And the best part is that the truck looks like a prisoner transport vehicle. Wrap your head around THAT!

    Book me, baby!

  1362. Creepy unmarked truck!
    I also want the copy of your book for the extra chapter (plus I typically like paperbacks more than hardcover books so I can give that copy to a friend! She will be so psyched!)

  1363. I think unpurchased books go to the dollar store to die. It is sad to see the books that end up there.

  1364. Did you put a picture of a vagina on the secret second cover of your book? Now I really want that copy!

  1365. I need this book! Please! My computer hates me. 🙂

    I was thinking there must be a legal explanation for what they do- steam room repair, green house builder, etc. But then I realized that if it were totally legit, it would say what the heck they do on the side of the truck!

    In conclusion, it’s totally vaginas.

  1366. In my part of the world, i would have thought it had something to do with cement, but I don’t think Texas has much problem with cement freezing before it cures, so yeah, I really don’t know.

    Book though. Much awesome, and I will be picking up a copy once they hit the local book stores. Probably a new copy of the hard cover as well (hard cover books, just look so swanky on book shelves you know, where paper backs are the ones you read on the bus, not that I ride the bus, not that there is bus service where I live, except school buses, and I am too old for them, but that’s beside the point)

  1367. I honestly can’t think of anything else I’d want to stay hot and wet. 🙂 Maybe my hot water heater? But vagina is more logical I think. 🙂

    While I have your hard cover, I’d love the newest version to read the extra chapter! 🙂 And it would be a great gift too. So if I don’t win it I will have to buy it. I’m thinking about breaking down and buying the audio too. Just to hear you reading your own book would be worth the price. 🙂

  1368. It’s a throat doctor.
    Right now the huge trend is food from a truck. Don’t ask me why, but this is super popular in big cities and even small dinky towns like my own.
    So after seeing the success of the food from a truck deal, Doctors got together and were all like..We love making money..let’s go buy a truck and get even more people to buy Tami Flu when they don’t even have the Flu…Cause these pharmaceutical (had to spell check that one, twice) companies that keep us in business need us to push as many drugs as possible.
    So they are basically saying they can keep your throat hot and wet because who wants a cold, dry throat…
    Or a vagina for that matter. But seriously who is going to get their vagina checked out in a parking lot… OK bad example..
    Ok seriously that would cut their business in half because only women have vaginas..for the most part.
    🙂

  1369. Whatever you do, do not peep in the truck’s windows. You know that some things cannot be unseen. Also I love you!

    Marci

  1370. Jacuzzi repair service? Nah, it’s probably referring to vaginas.

    I would love a paperback copy of your book! Also recently read How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran and saw your endorsement on the cover. +10 awesome points.

  1371. I already have a copy, but if I had TWO copies I could send one on brief forays to other people’s homes without worrying I’d never get it back!

  1372. Totally seems to be a vagina repair truck, but I’m concerned about why they need such a large truck of tools to do repairs. Unless you get in the truck to get repaired, then I guess it makes sense. Don’t look in the windows though, you’ll never be able to unsee things.

  1374. barbecue. No one likes cold dry barbecue. But I’m sure some weirdo out there likes a cold dry vagina.

  1376. Oh, pick me… please pretty please! I know I didn’t come up with anything witty to say, but I would really love to have the book. 🙂

  1378. Just for shits and giggles I googled it. The first two result are you. 🙂 After that, the first page of results is mostly tips on how to keep your pet or baby warm in winter or cool in summer. Frankly, I’m a little disappointed. So I need that copy of your book to cheer me up!

  1380. Well, “We make sure it stays hot and wet” could be an awesome slogan for a Vegas party bus. The vehicle in question doesn’t look like it can accommodate a stripper pole in the back though. Maybe it’s a little person party bus. Maybe it’s an emergency Viagra delivery van. Maybe it’s a sex lube sales vehicle. “We got your Pina Colada, your silicone based gel, your Boy Butter, your strawberry-kiwi. Don’t be shy, step right up.” Whatever it is, it is a hell of a story prompt photo. Keep up the good work.

  1381. I need the multiple cover version of your book so I can have a cover to share with my dog & then one just for me! Please & thanks! 🙂

  1382. It’s a soup truck. If you don’t like it hot and wet, then “NO SOUP FOR YOU!” And they love some Jesus, peace out.

  1395. So, I need this book because I bought the Kindle edition and, frankly, it looks like shit on my bookshelf. And you do want people to see it on my bookshelf, right? That’s where all the happening books are.
    PS. VANGINA

  1396. The greatest thing about this whole vaginal plumber tangent is the google metrics that will come from it. You will get click throughs from people searching “hot, wet vagina” and that is the gift that keeps on giving.

  1397. Maybe it’s for some bitch sadistic personal trainer. Stay away from exercise that stuff makes you hot and wet. AND the back of the vehicle looks like it can haul you to the hospital. (But I think the comment VANGINA) is hilarious!!

  1399. Sadly, I think it’s for something boring like water heaters. Like a true nerd I Googled the letters “KUV” which are under the Jesus fish (which I think actually might be a Darwin fish). It’s the model of that particular cargo truck, and they actually mention using it for things such as water heaters. One of the options is to have a mini crane installed in the back. Which, if it is for vaginas, is a bit creepy (what about a vagina truck isn’t creepy?) but it is nice to know that they cater to all sizes.

    I’d love a copy of your fantastic book.

  1400. Vagina makes sense. Or soup? Maybe it’s a soup kitchen on meals?
    LOVE the book….and am super excited to read the new chapter!

  1403. OMG! I just laughed out loud at this and co-workers all want to see what I’m laughing at… they then just stare at me as they realize how twisted my mind really is cuz I find you hilarious!

  1404. Totes vag.

    You should pick me because I impulsively bought the kindle version of your book, and now I need a (tangible) loaner copy to be like a Jenny-Bloggess-Seed spreading the gospel that is LPTNH throughout my countryside.

  1405. Just wanted to say thank you Jenny! Whenever I’m down and going through rough times (which seems like a lot lately), I can always turn to you to bring my mood up. Thank you for making the world laugh with every story you tell, every ridiculously funny Victor moment, and every Hunter S. Thomcat picture post. You are a wonderfully gifted person, thank you so much for being you!

  1406. Unless it’s somehow a rain forest-upkeep service, I would agree with your conclusion. I really, really want a copy of your book because I’m cheap and trying to avoid buying something that I actually want SO VERY MUCH that I may spend some of my much-cherished dollars on an actual copy.

    But yeah, please pick me. You make me so happy, book or no book.

  1407. “It” has to be “vagina” – because I certainly dont want a cold and dry one.

    I would also love a copy of your book!

  1408. Of course it’s vagina. Has to be. There is no other logical explanation. Also? Would love the book 🙂

  1412. I had no idea there were so many of us called Liz around here, so just wanted to say that the Liz at #1282 (who has taken all day reading the comments & still didn’t make it all the way through) is a different Liz to any/all other Liz’s that have commented. Also, to try and avoid further confusion, I’ve changed my posting name to avoid such further confusion.

    Bee Tee Dubs – are people outside of the US in with a chance of getting the free copy of your book *hopeful look*.

  1414. Its a mobil enema service..Hot and wet would be better than cold and dry..especially from a 300lb man in overalls!!

  1415. Didn’t even realize that there was give-away associated with this particular blog post until I started reading the comments. I guess was too distracted thinking about the meaning of the fish-like symbol on the back. WTF? There has to be a correlation with the slogan, don’t you think?

  1416. It must be a mobile DJ service with a built in shower for when you just don’t want to look, smell or feel like Ke$ha anymore.

  1418. Sooo I just discovered your blog about a week ago, and you are HILAROUS!!! I have your book on my list to get from the library but HEY, if you want to be kind and give me a copy instead so I don’t have to wait for it, I wouldn’t complain. 🙂

  1419. I need the paperback copy since my dog thinks ripping off book covers is a game. Then when I want to read a funny, upbeat novel I accidently pick a tear-jerker. So in order for me to NOT cry at inappropriate times, a book with two covers is a necessity. Either my lab hates me or she seeing me weep makes her feel better about herself. The topic is still under debate.

  1421. I am leaving a comment, and I think the truck services those deep sea vents where those bizarre tube worms live.

  1422. If they were not under cover, ummm getting under cover. They would have signs on the side saying, “Gigolos we come to you?’ Or is it with you? Oh oops.

  1434. You should totally read Shadow Of The Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Because then you woud know what happens to those books.

  1436. I WANT your book! Your book tour isn’t making any stops near me and this is the next best thing!

  1438. I really want your book, I’ve been waiting for the paperback so I can afford it, and now, a BONUS chapter! Bonus!

  1439. No matter they’re keeping hot and wet… if they’d have bothered putting the company name on their truck they could have gotten some amazing free advertising from people taking pictures of their slogan!

    Do I have to say I want the book to be eligible? Seems like I should so… yes, I want the book! 🙂

  1441. Speaking of hot and wet, I would like to invite your book to join me in my bathtub. I’ll lock the door so that we will not be disturbed.

  1442. Is that a Jesus fish on the vaginamobile? That can’t be right. I can think of nothing that truck could functionally “keep hot and wet” that I can rectify with a Jesus fish.
    Oh, and I want the book. Because I bought the hardcover, which was a complete rip-off because it doesn’t have the bonus chapter and it only has one cover. But mostly because I gave it to my sister-in-law after I read it and now she won’t give it back. And I want to read it again. But I won’t buy it because I already did that once. Unless there is a coupon. I totally buy anything with a coupon.

  1443. Favorite moment ever on a road trip….in a gas station convenience store with my mom and two siblings about 13 years ago. Looking over “food” options. Notice the signage below the hotdogs…”Hot buns in drawers”. Yeah baby! Spend WAY too long laughing hysterically with my mom and siblings and still whip out the phrase at completely inappropriate moments during family gatherings.

    Also, I really want to win your book.

  1450. Please !!!!!!!!! I spent all my money on paper to write super kinky mattt smith fanfic involving a creepy white truck:D

  1451. I agree with Adam, fish delivery maybe…but odd there is no business logo on it or number.

    Make my year, let me be the chosen one that gets two covers.

  1453. I’m guessing it’s a hot tub repair service. Because I am a very pragmatic and not hilarious person. Isn’t that tragic?

  1454. I really think I deserve a copy because I already own the hardback and the nook version so it sucks and makes me feel stabby to have to buy the paperback to read one chapter. But I’m desperate and obsessive enough to buy it and then give it as a gift.
    Luv ya
    Brenda

  1455. I totally need a paperback fir the extra chapter. I have every other one memorized. Can’t wait to see you in Dayton on the 19th!

  1456. One more thing Xanax is great , it makes my sister fun to be with. I’m a Setraline girl myself.

  1457. This comment has multiple points because i’m wierd that way.

    1. now i’m going to have “hot and wet vagina” stuck in my head when I go back to work. ‘I see your problem, you need to send the hot and wet command to your vagina, I mean cisco ngx 3650.’

    2. this is hilarious. I just pre-purchased 4 copies. 1 for me and 3 for other wierd friends.

    3. your book is perfect for reading aloud in bed. of you significant other is also wierd. She loved the navigation chapter.

    4. the only part which seemed a stretch was. “really? that many penis pictures? really? people do that?”

  1458. I’m watching South Park right now and you are better than South Park. I think the van is a kidnapping van, DISGUISED as a vagina van, just to scare people off. Its probably full of candy.

  1460. You should totally give me that book. It’d be like a late 21st birthday present to me. What’s better than your book and booze? Nothing. That’s what.

  1461. It’s totally vagina. And I want the book. (FYI I’ve never typed the sentence “It’s totally vagina” before) (FYI I’ve now done it twice)

  1467. Oh man – pick me! I’m a little OCD and I’m sad about how bad my luck will be bc my comment will be #1457, and surely I wld win if this were an even numbered comment. But I’m commenting anyway. And if I win I’ll get the book and a weird kind of indirect therapy.

  1470. Maybe it’s the sexiest damn fish money can buy and it’s a comin’ in yer oven soon!
    Whoa, I have no idea what I wrote just then… sorry.
    …pick me anyway and I’ll see what I do about getting u some video of that fish. xo

  1473. I’m pretty sure ‘it’ is always a vagina. And I’ve already read your book but since it has TWO covers, if totally read IT again.

  1474. It has to be something to do with food, but what kind of food is wet? Burritos? This comments page froze my computer while at work, I will most likely get fired for surfing the web. What will I do with my time off…?

  1475. So, what’s really odd, is I live in Illinois, but I feel like I’ve seen that truck before…So, a touring vagina maintenance troupe? I really don’t know. Please give me your book!
    <3

  1477. I want this book so I can give it to my daughter who is your BIGGEST fan. Oh hell…I lied. I have going to keep it and she can get her own damn copy.

  1478. Skanky Sauna limo?? (spell check doesn’t think Skanky is a real word)…and I MUST HAVE your book!! –have it on kindle but that’s not the same 🙁

  1479. I’m trying to think of something witty to say so as to catch your attention and MAYBE you would pick me to have that copy of your book.
    However, I just got home from work…as a secretary…at a school….where I am around kids.
    ALL. DAY. So…my wittiness is exhausted; so…just pick me, please?

  1480. The car says nothing, because cars don’t talk.
    The bumper is obviously taunting the car with it’s filthy mind and innuendo
    (…as bumpers are want to do).

    I have no idea what I’m talking about anymore…

  1481. I’m going to vote for…. Water heater repair/installation. Although… Those doors look at little cage like, so maybe its to repair very angry vaginas??

  1483. We briefly had a food truck here called the Pink Taco. Its motto was: “Put your face in it.”

    (Me want book!)

  1484. I thought it was animal control until I read the sign…which made it really disturbing.

  1487. I was just referred to your blog today by a friend who just loves Beyonce. I’ve laughing like crazy and now I see you’ve got a BOOK coming out! This is too perfect…

  1494. I think there’s a whole pig roasting in that truck! Like a gigantic crock pot on wheels.

  1498. After reading your blog I have decided you are my idol. You are hysterical and I look forward to reading your boom.

  1500. Totally just finished your book. Loves it. I caught myself laughing loudly in public. Not a big deal. I must share it with my friends. I bought on my nook because I couldn’t waNowit for the papnow I want an actual physical copy.erback.

  1501. Maybe they travel around serving hot, wet soup to people. You probably missed out on some amazing soup. Or you luckily avoided gross things. I’m not sure which.

  1502. So I am a mom of 5 and a wife of 17 years. I NEED some humor added to my crazy, fun but sometimes depressing life. PICK ME!!!

  1503. Well, my first thought was it was a giant latte machine. Shows you I need to get my mind into the gutter and out of my fave drink.

  1504. Totally a vagina! That was the first thing that popped into my head!

    And I’d love the book! I borrowed the hardcover from the library and haven’t purchased a copy yet for myself. 🙂

  1505. It’s TOTALLY vagina..they just aren’t allowed to print that.

    BTW, your blog makes my day brighter…every time.

  1506. I am a cheap and selfish bastard. I totally want to financial support you and your metal chicken, dead animal, wine slushy habit, but then it would take away from my own needs, like Skyrim and Grumpy Cat merchandise.

    In closing, please consider me for a copy of your book in paperback. Thank you.

  1509. WANT IT!! I feel like a poor Indian asking for a way to get access to your book every month!!!!! Is this the only way?!?! PLEASE?!?!?!

  1511. Maybe they work on hot water heaters? Not that it matters, really. I just want to win a copy of the book! Woo!

  1515. That is fantastic! Vagina is the only thing I can think of 🙂

    I thought of you as I was watching this video a few minuets ago, I actually came to your website to look for your email address but I saw the van and had to comment. The message is a powerful one, as is the message on his other video.

    Congrats on your book coming out on paperback. I read on my computer so I don’t generally buy books on paper, Your book was the first one I bought in years; I couldn’t pass it up and I’m glad I didn’t.

  1516. Totally a Vag (us down under call it a vag)!
    I want that book, but I bet you won’t post it this far!!

  1517. Am I too late? I just saw this, damn husband and his non-weekend-y days off…..

    Also, speaking of him (that guy I married), he just finished reading your book. The hardbound one we got from the library. He loved it. Not surprisingly, he is very much like Victor. Because ya know, I’m a whole helluva lot like you. (Except for the cat part, and the Texas part, and the taxidermy part, and the, well still, you get where I’m going with this.)

  1518. This is the second place today that I put up a comment and it disappeared. I’m starting to think it’s me. Shit. I hate that feeling.

  1523. Did I miss my chance? It’s totally not my fault….this was my week:
    Tuesday: daughter has 26 minute seizure….yeah.
    Thursday: my MacBook crashed…just boom. Gone. Sob.
    Sunday: my house caught fire and had to evacuate a special needs child which is not easy of fun and it was about 10:30 at night and maybe 15 degrees minus the windchill.

    See? I NEED this!

  1524. I would LOVE to have a copy of your book! And, I just have to share – started watching Doctor Who on Netflix because of you, and I am completely and utterly addicted now. Just watched the Journey’s End episode and almost cried hysterically. LOVE it!

  1525. My Mom stole my hardcover she lives 1500 miles away, so I won’t be seeing it any time soon. My depression could be cured with a paperback.

  1528. I freaking love your blog and shenanigans. I bet this book would make me laugh and I love laughing!! 🙂

  1529. I don’t have any sob stories, although I did “lend” my hardcover to a friend many months ago. She said she hasn’t finished reading it yet. How can that be? I’ve preordered the paperback but would love to have the double cover version just because you touched it. I would put it in a shadow box to preserve it forever!

  1530. Seriously…. It’s vaginas. But what’s in the van to keep them hot a wet? Steamy towels? Vibrators? The cast from Magic Mike??

    Oh, and I want the book. Because its better than Xanax……

  1531. Got my copy right after it came out but did the ebook thing. Hoping to see the second cover and the extra chapter in my mailbox soon.

  1532. I would love a copy of your book! and with an extra chapter!? come on you should totally pick me. I borrowed my sisters hardback copy to read, between my narcoleptic episodes (true story) on the LONG long long drive from Ohio to Georgia, and am currently holding it hostage. I am a new fan of yours, I very much enjoy your stories and writing style. I was laughing like an idiot the whole time i was reading:o)

  1533. Please tell me I’m not the only one who is genuinely sniffling and sad at the idea of a book orphanage. I just…the poor, abandoned books…nobody loves them, and they…ok, look, I work in a library, I am going to college to hopefully be a librarian, I’ve been attached to books ever since I can remember, so I know this whole post seems corny but I’m starting to tear up now.

  1537. Just read your book while on a plane this week and laughed out loud several times…but the best is that freakin’ ex-lax story – I was crying. People were actually trying to comfort me and I’m like No, it’s so funny and I have tears running down my face from cracking up.

    Can’t wait for your next one!

  1539. I know when I look at that truck I totally think – “Hooker Wagon”.

    I would love to win the paperback 🙂 Thanks!

  1540. I got to thinking that maybe it is the solution for those that need Xanax. I mean, some of us have washing machines that are really energy efficient and quiet… I’d likely just get sweaty because my laundry room gets hot, and then my arse would stick to the top of the machine, and that’s not going to solve my anxiety, but rather make me panic about being stuck to the washing machine and needing to call in the firemen to get me off… OF THE MACHINE… and trying to explain why my sweaty nude rear end is sitting on top of the machine in the first place. Seems easier to take Xanax or just call in for the services of these dudes… I mean, they have a truck n all – seems legit.

  1545. A former colleague’s husband had a food trailer. In the food trailer he sold some kind of submarine sandwich. His ad said you could have it hot and wet, and as spicy as you wanted. Maybe it is a sandwich truck.

  1548. My husband and I DIED laughing (literally, mouth-to-mouth was in order afterwards) reading your book! I’ve been trying to explain to him for years why I didn’t fit in with his upper-crust family and through the many examples of banter between yourself and Victor, I was finally able to relay my point.

    Example: I read him the story of the escargot spoon, and he laughed hysterically (I think in disbelief) and then gave me that, ‘I totally see why you love The Bloggess’ look. A couple of days later, we’re back to the ‘I don’t fit in with your family argument’ and this is what ensues…

    Husband: “I don’t understand why you don’t think you fit in with my family”.
    Me: “Remember that story I read you the other night about the caviar fork? THAT’S WHY! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CAVIAR FORK LOOKS LIKE!”
    Husband: ::staring blankly and smacking head violently into a wall:: “The story was about an escargot spoon. But you don’t eat escargot with a spoon, you eat escargot with a fork. AND YOU EAT CAVIAR WITH A SPOON, NOT A FORK!”
    Me: SEE?! HOW WOULD I EVEN KNOW THAT! I’VE NEVER EVER SEEN CAVIAR, MR. FANCY PANTS!”
    Husband: Stares blankly. Walks away. Never brought up the fact I don’t think I fit into his family again.

    The Bloggess- Helping marriages stand the test of time through sick and twisted, mutual understanding and lots of shouty capital letters. (You have my permission to used that. You’re welcome.)

  1549. Have you been hanging out with George Lucas again? You know we’ll buy it cause we’ve gotta read the new chapter!!

    Definitely a hot tub rapair truck.

  1554. I just finished reading a book and now I’m looking for another to read. May as well be yours 😉

  1556. Looks a bit like a food truck, so I’m thinking BBQ? You want your BBQ to stay hot and wet (well, in places that like wet BBQ instead of dry rub BBQ, but dry BBQ is just wrong and those states should just GTFO)
    (I actually don’t even care for BBQ, I just like being opinionated)
    (Actually, I really like BBQ “sides” like collard greens, etc, does that count?)
    (Parentheses)

    Dammit, I already got your book, should’ve waited for paperback! Actually, no, I couldn’t have waited any longer to read your book. Maybe I should just get the paperback as well? Then, if I leave one copy in my other purse I can still read when I’m on the pooper?

  1559. Scrolling all the way to the bottom on this comments list make my fingers hot and sorta wet. Yeah, true story!
    I didn’t realize that your paperback is not already out. I just looked it up on Amazon. 🙂 And came here to look at your book tour schedule and here, you are giving your book away. I do not want your book to be burned, pls give it all away from those horrible burners.

  1562. I’m just going to believe it means “Vagina.” Anything else would be disappointing!

    Would love to throw my name in for the book! But I also wouldn’t mind donating some cash toward it and buying my own damn book. win-win!

  1565. wtf is wrong with you people?!?!?! Clearly this is the MOST amazing portable lock-down party bus, where things (including vaginas, but not ONLY vaginas) are kept hot and wet.
    Like duh.

  1567. honestly, i have nothing smart to say, but i’d love the book. just consider me another suck on society.

  1568. I’ll join in with the majority and say it’s got to be about vaginas. This is my first comment referring to a vagina.
    And I could really go for a copy of your book. Thanks!

  1569. I keep it hot and wet.

    A book would be pleasurable to throw at my cat. Or husband. Or cat’s husband. Or soak up my/cat/husband’s collective piles of vomit.

    Whatever.

  1570. I’ve been looking for your book in the stores around Pearland, so I could take a picture and send it to you, but so far, nada. So if you send me the book, I’ll take pictures of it all over Pearland, and probably never send you a single one, because I suck at follow-through. But I would be totally grateful forever, because I love you!

  1571. Random comment. Too depressed to be clever. Totally support xanax-powered parenting, though. Have the old book. Want the new one.

  1572. “We make sure it stays hot and wet”

    -Coffee transportation vehicle for caffeine addicts
    -Volcanic lava for sale
    -Bloodmobile without coolers
    -A truck filled with copies of Wet Hot American Summer (maybe Redbox doesn’t carry it…)

    I’ll probably continue thinking about this all day. That’s advertising genius right there.

    Oh, and I would love a paperback copy of your book 🙂

  1573. Are you still accepting comments? Will you accept my comment? I am commenting because I would like to win a copy of that dern funny book of yours.

  1574. I never thought I would find vaginas funny!!!
    Yours has me cracking the hell up!!!
    Love you. Thank you for being here!!!

  1575. I think it’s funny when my husband says “chicken down” when he is trying to make a point on a work call.

  1580. Maybe it’s a soup truck??
    Send me your book!! I loaned my hardcover and I fear I will never get it back!!

  1581. Well, it’s Texas…so brisket? Or some other form of barbecue? Also, I am in England for the semester, and there is a depressing lack of your books here. But I brought my hard copy, and have read it aloud to my new friends. Totally the best way to make friends.

  1582. Also, I have Dermatillomania, which is basically Trichotillomania’s bestie and I was wondering if you have found anything that works for you to stop. Thanks.
    Kelsey

    (Putting my hair up in a tight bun discourages me from doing anything to my scalp. I also cut off my fingernails when I’m in a spiral. Also, holding ice until it hurts or snapping rubber bands against my wrists if nothing else works. ~ Jenny)

  1583. omg pick me pick me! ok, i know you won’t, guess i’ll just have to buy it myself.

  1590. I love you, and I would totally buy the paper back, but I’ve already bought your book 3 times. So it’s like overkill to buy it 4 times right? That being said, I like free things. In the shape of books.

  1591. That would be a very strange plumbing service. Inviting the plumber into the house “I hope you make sure mine stays hot and wet”….. yeah, srange.

  1598. I want your book!

    Also, pretty sure unbought books end up at Big Lots and Dollar Tree. I see all kinds of interesting things there.

  1600. Jenny, I totally need this paperback. Right now I have your hardcover on loan from the library, I’m only halfway through it and the library is being a bit anal about wanting it back. Normally I would say “screw it”, keep the book and let the overdue fees ride but I’ve already racked up $9.95 in fees on other (and much less amusing) books that I didn’t quite get around to reading and if I go over the $10.00 limit on fees the library will refuse to loan us anymore books and my kids will probably flunk out of school and work in low paying jobs for the rest of their sad lives. Hey, but it’s up to you. No pressure.

  1601. I agree with Victor on this one. Guess they’re not too worried about advertising. I have your book on my Kindle and in hardcover, so I need to get the paperback edition.

  1602. As a new mom, the only thing hot and wet near me is baby barf. So.

    I’d like your book please?

  1603. I don’t care about vaginas, wet or otherwise, (ok, I’m mildly concerned with my own.) I just want your book! I laughed out loud reading it more than once in public!

  1605. Please please please! Pick me! I recently found your blog and read through the archives. I would love to read your book!

  1607. that car is definitely scary…I’m not sure I would get too close, lol. I’ve already got the hardback, but love the double-front paperback!

  1608. I live in Australia and we get hot (ok, warm) water all the time in Summer. I’m British so it’s very weird . I’m used to tap water freezing my teeth off in February. I feel a bit like I’m sucking off a radiator.

  1609. You make my day. And not in the threatening Clint Eastwood. I want to read your book with my vitamin X in the laundry room.

  1610. Yes, it’s definety a vagina. But what the hell happens in this car? We’ll never know.

  1611. If it is a vagina, what the hell is in the back of that thing?

    And I want the book! 🙂

  1612. Only thing I can say about that car is, WTF?!?! I actually find it to be kind of frightening, like it’s a serial killer’s car, and the hot and wet involves some bizarre torture method he implements in the back.

    Okay, I guess I had a little more than WTF to say about it.

    Thanks for the giveaway. Sure hope I’m the winner. : )

  1613. Y’know, even if you sent me a copy of your book, I would have to buy another one, because the one you had touched (I assume) would be in a special case like a game-used baseball or the shroud of Turin.

  1614. I totally need to read your book again because the first time around I think I missed the part where you talked about your vagina.

  1616. me me me me me please, I live in the dark depths of Iceland I need some entertainment up here, and double covered entertainment would be even better

  1619. Oh. My. God. I LOVED the first book so much I bought 3 copies and have farmed them out to my HS students for independent reading. I can’t wait to see what’s new in this one!

  1620. It’s gotta be VAGINA! I can’t wait to share the pic with my twisted girlfriends! Hope I’m a winner in the book give-away…

  1621. I personally prefer hard over soft but hey, either one is good. That applies to covers too.

  1622. Unsalable books usually get recycled. About 50% of books are made from recycled paper.

    That means that if you don’t buy her book, it might be recycled into something terrible. LIKE TWILIGHT.

    So seriously, buy her book y’all.

  1623. As for the truck – BBQ maybe? But vagina was definitely the first thing that sprang to mind… because, yeah. OBVS.

    Also, I’d love to win a copy of your book because I love you and haven’t had time to go get it yet. Well, I haven’t NOT had any time to do anything, I just chose to lay around and watch Rupaul’s Drag Race instead…. sorry.

  1625. I NEED a copy of your book. Because I keep getting in trouble for snort-laughing out loud when I’m reading your blog at work, and my kids want to read over my shoulder when I’m crying in laughter at home. So I need your book so I can read – and more importantly laugh – in peace. 🙂

  1628. I was thinking it was sex. It’s a hot and wet sex mobile. That sounds good, yeah?
    A paperback version of your book would be fun to have. To go with my metal chicken mouse pad and poison magnet. I have to collect things little by little. Your book would be a nice addition…..

  1632. I don’t know if you’ve got a radar for such things or if your town is far more weird than mine….but this is awesome.

  1633. I want your book NOW! Please? I couldn’t afford the hard back with my puny B&N gift card. Help me, I’m poor.

  1634. I gave the hardcover version of your book to my mom for the holiday, but I’m holding out for the super-sexy double covered extra-chapter frappe version.

    And a mobile vagina repair service sounds reasonable.

  1635. Well, I’d say that was a successful marketing campaign. For both you, and the white truck. Well done!

  1636. Well, it’s clearly about vaginas. That’s a no brainer. But is it the van that keeps it hot and wet or is it what’s inside. The last thing I need is the van making a mistake and running over my lady bits…

    Also, I would LOVE a copy of your book!

  1638. Jenny: Want the book?
    Me: Yes!
    Jenny: Leave a comment and I’ll randomly select someone this week.
    Me: Is it to late to comment? Hope not. My hardcover is packed up and in storage in Colorado and I miss it. Also, Is this random enough? Pick me, pick me! :

  1639. Would love to have the paperback b/c after I read the hardback it was passed to someone else so they could laugh hysterically also. I swear I have never laughed soo hard in my entire life as when I was reading about some of your life events. As for the truck…..I would love to know what business it is really for. I am surprised the DMV hasn’t made them cover that up.

  1640. My phone won’t let me comment on your blog because it’s a vagina so I had to crawl out of bed and come all the way upstairs to leave this comment. Which I then realized is for the best since while I was at it I Google searched my suggestion and urban dictionary assures me it wasn’t what i thought it was.

  1642. So not sure i would want my vagina hot and wet all the time. That just seems uncomfortable and really inconvenient. You would have to make sure to never sit on any thing fabric. Seriously… Pretty sure permanent hot wet cooch is something that needs to be checked out. So yeah, i don’t really comment on blogs… Pretty sure it is clear why at this point but i could not pass up a chance to whole myself out for your new book. I have the hardball which i plan on passing to my best friend next time they visit Austin. Plus… A new chapter!(btw… Typing on a phone with lag issues and autotype sucks balls. Seriously. I had to type cooch three times. But my dedication to the word would not be thwarted.)

  1643. Hey Jenny. I got the funniest and saddest image of a book orphange. Also yes it is Vagina. Wait i put orphanage and Vagina in the same comment now I really am going to a bad place. Jenny keep up with the blog it really, truly does help me through the rough days. So thank you for that.

  1644. Yaaay, finally! I’ve been waiting for the paperback as a hardcover is just too damn heavy to hold with one hand while I lie in bed reading it. It’d be even better to print your book on wallpaper so I can give my poor hands a break.

  1645. Totally mobile vagina repair. Oh & I’d love to win your book. I own the hardback but a new chapter, really? I have to have it!

  1647. Would give away any degrees of separation to Bradley Cooper (current man-slut) of LA it seems, or anyone else for that matter, to: A: have a gander twixt thy new covers! AND; B: discover the humble story of the genesis of today’s mighty Bloggess! Keep on rockin’ it and being true to who you are!!!
    Whoa: MY 1st EVER fan letter!!!! Just blew MY mind!

  1648. Just discovered you via Real Simple magazine. Was about to see if your book is available for download, but free is good too. 🙂

  1649. I would love a copy. I’ve been waiting for the paperback, actually. If it had come out a month ago it could have been by birthday present, but noooooo. :/

  1650. I just wanted to say I am totally with you on it being a vagina…first thing I thought of! Not sure if that makes it better or worse,

  1651. I really want a copy of your book! If it was signed, I think I would probably pass out from excitement. Probably.

  1652. And here my first thought was that it was a hot-tub repair truck.
    Maybe I need that book to help me learn to be more creative, call it a self-help book of sorts. Think of it as therapy, Jenny.

  1653. Of course, another possibility is a hot water heater repair truck.

    …… This is going to bug me for days, isn’t it?

  1654. I don’t know why the first thing that came to my mind was sausages.
    Not that they are wet or anything, just maybe juicy.

  1655. I don’t know why the first thing that came to my mind was sausages.
    Not that they are wet or anything, just maybe juicy.

  1656. I’ve recently started reading you and you make me laugh and laugh. I hope I win your book! If not, I’m still totally buying it.

  1657. My husband was suppose to buy me a copy for a Christmas gift. It’s still in the cart. A paperback book would be great (and get him off the hook).

  1660. My first thought was vagina, and when sharing this with the unsuspecting man-friends of my fiance, it’s unanimous in our home.

  1663. Currently listening to your book now! It basically saved my marriage on an 11 hour drive last weekend. We were laughing way too hard to kill each other!

  1666. It’s totally vagina. If not, then I am assuming it is talking about an asshole. But I don’t want my asshole hot or wet.

  1667. Is it still “this week”? I’m always behind in my reading. Plus I loaned my signed hardcover copy to my GBF and he didn’t return it, so I need another one.

  1668. I have already pre-ordered the book. x2 . Because my daughter is now a huge fan. But I could totally use another one, because my mother is sort of adopting you too.

  1669. I’m sure your guess is spot on.

    And I NEED a copy of your book….my book club friend is too stingy to lend her copy to me and I’ve been too poor to buy books for myself lately. (I know, woe is me, she said, as she typed comments to The Blogess on her iPad…) Hopefully the local bookstore is hit with a clue-by-four and manages to stock your paperback in a timely fashion…

  1670. I figure my luck has to turn around at SOME point. So I’d love a redundantly covered book. And it probably is a hot tub service, but vagina makes the most sense.

  1671. Did I miss the draw? I’m basically just posting a comment because I’m curious to see if you’d actually post a book all the way to Norway. If I got randomly selected, of course.

    (And yes, my first thought was also vagina. The second was something like “how inconvinient, wouldn’t a tube of lube be a lot less hassle than calling a big white van when things start.. uh… ‘cooling and drying’ in the middle of the act?”)

    Like your blog 🙂

  1673. wow, did they take one of the vans from the Dollhouse and paint it black….now there is a van that transported some vaginas in it’s time

  1675. I have no idea if its a vagina, hot tub, or a giant vat of chicken noodle soup. Either way I’m doubled over laughing in class, and my professor is glaring at me. Please give me your book. Because I’m in college. And Canadian. The book please.

  1678. Prob too late to post but I read EVERY comment, so I’m making MINE. Don’t know why no one has said this; it SO obvious. The truck goes around delivering LPTNH books. I has to be undercover so no one suspects the contents & it’s not mobbed. Hence the wire on the windows, in case someone looks inside. If the contents IS found out, it makes all of us fans, hot & wet… OK, vagina : )

  1679. Hot tub service!!!! Gotta be. Didn’t even think of it until my friend mentioned she needed to clean and treat hers.

  1681. I just ordered the book. I got it for my Nook so it’s more expensive than a paperback and you make more money. Yay!

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