Coyote Not-So-Ugly

in Random Crap

Conversation with Victor when he came home from a business trip:

Victor:  Jenny.  Seriously?

me:  What?

Victor:  “What?”  There’s a dead fox on the wall.   That’s what.

me:  And she looks awesome.  And technically it’s a coyote.  Honestly, you should have seen her before the makeover.

Victor:  Makeover?

me:  She was significantly less foxy before the wig, makeup, false eyelashes and assorted accessories.

Victor:  *sigh*

BEFORE. (I had to take her into several stores to find the perfect hair color and accessories. People were all "IS THAT A DOG'S HEAD IN YOUR PURSE?" and I was like "No. It's a coyote and she's been dead longer than I've been alive so stop judging me.")
AFTER. (I haven't settled on a name for her but I'm leaning toward "Penelope Vanderpelt.")

me:  She turned out so awesome that she decided to take a bobcat lover.

Victor:  And that explains the dead bobcat on the wall.

BEFORE. (As with almost all of my quiet pets, he came from a flea market. He practically screamed at me to buy him.)
AFTER. (Yes, I'm aware that the hat looks ridiculous. It's almost impossible to find a good top hat for a bobcat to wear. I'm still looking.)

me:  I haven’t figured out his back-story, but I suspect he speaks with an English accent and says “biscuits” instead of “cookies”.

Victor:  Huh.

me:  But he’s a passionate lover once the hat come off.  Which it does.  Mainly because I don’t love it and I’m still looking for a better hat.  This is his third hat.  Whiskers O’Shaunnesy does not have a face for hats.

Victor:  I’m going to bed.

me: Someone called earlier but I couldn’t pick up the phone because I was working on Mr. O’Shaunnesy and so I just hit “speaker” with my elbow and yelled “I CAN’T PICK UP THE PHONE BECAUSE I’M SUPERGLUING A MUSTACHE ON MY BOBCAT.”

Victor:  Who was it?

me:  I dunno.  They hung up on me.

Victor:  Shocker.

me: I’m sure it was a telemarketer.  Anyone who called us on purpose wouldn’t be shaken by that kind of a greeting.

Victor:  One day when I run for congress this is all going to be very hard to explain.

PS.  On a surprisingly related note, a ton of you have asked if I’ve been watching Immortalized on AMC.  I have, and I’m a little in love with Takeshi Yamada, who makes me look totally normal and makes “hairy trouts“ (which are –surprisingly– not sex toys).  It’s even possible that I might get to be a guest judge next season, which would be awesome because in my mind all the AMC shows are shot in the same neighborhood and that means that I could probably just sneak over to the Walking Dead lot and beg them to let me be an unpaid background zombie.   EVERYONE WINS.

PPS.  Vaguely related:  These are auctions I’m currently fascinated with on eBay.  Most are older than I am and one has been through some sort of terrific fire.  They all look as if they’ve just been shocked with a passive-aggressive surprise party given by everyone they’ve ever cheated on.

"Oh, my God, Frank...what are you wearing?"

I have a problem. Someone stop me.

415 thoughts on “Coyote Not-So-Ugly”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. Whiskers O’Shaughnesy is the single greatest mustachioed taxidermy bobcat that has ever lived. Or. Uh. Not lived? Whatever.

  4. Ok- I can see two coyotes and some sort of cat. The other is…. um.

    Heck- if I saw that in real life I’d call CSI. That thing is horrible.

    (Two coyotes, a 60 year old wildcat from Asia and a fish head. A terrible, terrible fish head. ~ Jenny)

  6. JENNY! How did you know i was having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?! I so desperately needed this. Thank you for your shenanigans, they brighten the day for those of us without the balls or ability to have such fun in life.

  7. The one in the bottom left corner looks like the sort of face an old church lady would make, if she caught you doing the Walk of Shame.

  8. My daughter was looking over my shoulder while reading this post. I am not sure if she is more disturbed you post these pictures or I regularly read your blog. Since she’s a teen and completely off her rocker with the hormones, I am pretty sure it’s a compliment for both of us.

  9. Okay, no stopping….at least not until you wrangle that…wolf?…on the bottom left.

    It needs to be dressed in grandma’s nightcap, and have a glint of hunger in it’s eyes that can only be satiated with a red riding hood.

  12. I told you about the bear, “IT WILL EAT JAMES GARFIELD” and I warn you the same about these. Especially in a pack. Don’t do it.
    (See if you can get hold of Holly Gaiman, @Neilhimself’s daughter about a hat for Whiskers O’Shaunnesy)

    I think the idea of Victor running for congress is an awesome idea. If he can cope with you, he can cope with Texas politics. In fact, I think he should get busy on that, so we can elect him president PDQ.
    Can you imagine you as First Lady?
    Oh, drat. That’s the big drawback, it would mean truckloads of anti-anxiety meds for you, & they’d probably make your arthritis flare.

  13. Dude you should warn us about that demon in the very last pic. Almost lost my shit…

  14. The first one is Penelope’s husband, the one under the husband is the husband’s brother, the one to the right of the brother is Penelope and Whisker’s love child. The burned out husk is a former lover that someone killed and then torched.

    You have the makings of a hit soap opera here!

  15. But, if we stop you, who the hell else would buy this stuff from flea markets?? You’re not crazy, you’re good for the economy!! (see how that one works on Victor)

  16. I don’t know why, but the eBay animal in the top left caused me to burst into laughter. His face is just so hilariously wtfuddled.

  19. Penelope looks so foxy!

    I’m sure you were right, it was a telemarketer. Maybe I should start answering my phone like that when they call me. It seemed to work really well.

  20. I suggest you go for the ebay item that looks like it has been through a fire. So many possibilities for costuming and makeup there. Also, it looks a little like what my mother-in-law served for dinner on Sunday (wherea 10 minute intense conversation centered around which of the three remaining bananas my son was eating)

  21. I came here to tell you to stop because you asked us to on Twitter. But now that I’m here I’m wishing we were friends so I could talk you into giving me Mr. O’Shaunnesy. Or is it Sir O’Shaunnesy?

  23. I am deducedly and teddibly distressed that you do not have a picture of the two of them on the wall next to each other. Can you please comply with this request?

  24. Love Whiskers O’Shaunnesy and the unnamed coyote…but love your purse even more!!!

    (Thanks! It’s from Epiphanie and it’s not made of real leather, so technically it’s like I’m saving animals. Sort of. ~ Jenny)

  25. I’m laughing SOO hard and just wondering how you haven’t been picketed by PETA yet?!? I realize you did not kill these animals, but I would figure they would want them to have an ethical burial or something? Meanwhile, the coyote and the bobcat look SMASHING!!! I never thought I would see taxidermy and think, “OMG THAT’S GENIUS!” But… I just did.
    Victor’s reactions are priceless. Deadpan never looked so good when discussing taxidermy!

    There is no way I would want to see you stop this, it’s awesome! Some addictions are worth keeping.

    (I’m – surprisingly – a card-carrying member of PETA so I think they probably think that it all equals out in the end. And since I only buy pieces that are crazy old or that died of natural causes I think they prefer to focus on more important things. Also, I’m way to ridiculous to picket. ~ Jenny)

  28. OMG I may have peed just a little from laughing. You are all kinds of awesome, I would quite like to have you in my purse..though not dead obviously.

  31. I think the burnt one would require you to explain a lot….I guess it all depends on whether you want to talk a lot about it. The first cross-eyed wolf-dog looks interesting. The others look like bad taxidermy to me. Which would your Dad choose?

  35. I will be very disappointed if you do not get your hands on the derpy coyote twins considering the sheer genius you display with your accessorizing.

  36. The picture on the bottom left looks remarkably like Charlie B. Barkin from All Dogs Go to Heaven. So, therefore, he sounds like Burt Reynolds. I’m pretty sure that makes it a mandatory purchase.

  38. No doubt flea marketeers in your area, while searching for new stock when they come across similar items immediately think to themselves, “I wonder if Jennie would be interested?” The green-eyed cat needs to be on Walking Dead.

  39. LOVE what you did with the bobcat! excellent choice, you’ve got skills! i think you’ve encountered what we all do when we find our calling the “not enough space/husband is unappreciative and suppressing my inner genius” crisis every artist hits when confronted with having to choose between their love of the craft and room in their home. my suggestion is you invest in a bloggess museum we can all visit and/or make contributions to (for the love of dead animals – killed humanely) CLEARLY their is a market for bad ass taxidermy with pizazz! i think your book tours should come with a taxidermy traveling museum bus? Im seeing something like “Lynard Skinned Nerd” painted on the side? im sure you can come up with something better. ill anxiously await your arrival!

  40. Dang…….
    I don’t have anything I can add, but it
    seems polite to say “hey,” and let you know
    I came by. Also, you make me laugh, and
    also I finished reading your book, which also
    made me laugh. Oh, I guess I did have something to
    add: thank you, Jenny.

  43. Please tell me you’ve been to the Buckhorn Museum in San Antonio. It’s something right up your alley. And something Victor would complain profusely about the money spent to see the exhibits, so win-win.

  44. You’re problem is that Whiskers truly doesn’t have a face/head for a top hat. However, I think he could rock the shit out of a derby hat.

  45. Have you tried a bowler hat? I think that would fit the shape of his head better.

  46. Your only problem is that you are awesome. (and thanks for sharing it with the rest of us!)

  48. As a diehard Sweet Valley High reader as a wee gal, I’d like to offer up “Lila Howler” as a potential moniker as well.

  49. Oh. My. God. I love the bob cat and his dapper mustache. Also for some reason I really, really want that coyote from ebay. Also, ‘silent pet’ thing. Kinda creepy. Like you murdered them all creepy.

  50. OMG this is incredible. Strange, but incredible. And you realize that you now have thousands of people out in the world who think of you when they see taxidermied animals, right? It’s like some sort of freaky mind control 🙂

  55. Love Penelope Vanderpelt and Whiskers O’Shaunnesy. What a couple!

    The only other names I could come up with, that might fit her, would be Mildred Vanderpelt, or perhaps Meryl S. Vanderpelt…I can see a little resemblance to Meryl Streep

    My poor attempt at stopping you from buying the other four creatures:
    The top left one looks like all he can say is “huuh?” The bottom left looks like he’s constantly in fear, you’ll grow tired of his incessant Eeek-ing. The bottom right one looks like she’s been whacked a time or three too often, she”ll develop jaw issues from having to chew all her food in her left side of her mouth, in addition to being traumatized into a serialkiller, be miserable and try to kill you at every possible moment you’re not paying attention. The top right one, I’m afraid I have no idea what it is, sorry 🙁

  59. Omg cute purse! *googles Epiphanie to see if I can afford to copy you*

  60. Congratulations on Ms. Vanderpelt and Mr. O’Shaunnessy. You truly have a gift. Of the 4 photos below, I’d take a pass except for the lower left. That surprised wolf (or coyote?) looks like he just walked in on his gal Penelope in an amorous embrace with Mr. O’Shaunnessy. Yes, Jenny, you should get it. It adds tension and completes the whole terrifi-taxidermic story!

  62. If you stopped with the taxidermied friend frenzy, I’d be kind of frightened to see what would come out to fill the void. I think this way is best for everyone, even Victor whether he likes it or not.

  63. The green eyed lady you’re thinking about on eBay is missing the large rock it mistook for a field mouse, thus taking out the upper and lower fangs on the right side. I think that qualifies her for a discount as “incomplete”. LIKE YOUR SOUL WILL BE WITHOUT HER.

  64. No one does coyote makeovers like you, Jenny. You should open a salon.

    Every coyote needs a purse like that. Really. They’d probably get so much joy out of those purses that they’d stop chasing after cats and dogs.

  65. My father in law has a stuffed coyote that my daughter and niece are obsessed with, we call him Eddie. I’m going to share your picture with him to let him know that he may just come home one day to Eddie dressed as a lady, I love it.

  66. The first coyote looks like my Aunt Trudy. The second coyote looks like my Aunt Trudy after too much red wine…..

  67. See, now I don’t feel so strange for putting Mardi Gras beads on my husbands deer head (they stay there all year long) supplemented with various seasonal apparel….like Santa hats and such.

  71. I’m sure someone already said this but I got too lazy to read through all the comments and there aren’t even that many yet.
    ANYhow – The only part of this that confuses me is Whiskers O’Shaunnesy having an English accent when his name is incredibly Irish. The Irish can sound just as genteel (mostly) as the English (sort of…except for when they say “Poh-TAY-toooes”), you know.
    But the rest makes perfect sense and I think they are fine additions to the family, though I think I’d aim for Victoria over Penelope because Victoria sounds more like vixen and that would just make more sense since Whiskers is named Whiskers. Right?

  73. I am LOVING the surprised look on the lower left dogs face… well technically they all look surprised, but he’s got the eyebrow surprise happening!

  74. I think you could start your own business, “flipping” taxidermist animals. Fixer-uppers to perfection- no problem.

  75. The trouble with your bobcat there is, he needs a bowler. I know, fine line, but that ‘cat ain’t got no head for a top hat. He needs the subtly roundiness of a bowler. Then he’ll scream with all the charm of Bat Masterson. He probably also requires a sheriff badge.

  77. Reading this post makes me so very happy, and if it’s possible, I love you even more.

  78. what in god’s name is that second picture (of the last 4)? Is that an eyeball I see. Is that the inside of a rotting buffalo head? That’s my best guess.

    Also that baby leopard thing looks totally freaked out. Probably because it’s sitting right under the rotting buffalo head.

  81. Fabulous. Don’t EVER stop! On a side note, perhaps Mr. O’Shaunnesy needs a Bowler Hat instead of a top hat. Just a suggestion. Thanks for the smiles and laughter!

  82. You have made me want to start a “silent pet” collection as well. I wonder what type of conversations my husband and I would have.

  85. I can almost see Whiskers in a Sherlock Holmes kinda hat, definitely plaid, and I’m feeling a curvy pipe in his mouth also. That wild Asian cat is a no-brainer, clearly needs to be the FIRST thing you see as you open the front door….

  86. This is fantastic. And the bottom left one is a keeper, the facial expression is priceless. Do it!

  88. “One day when I run for congress this is all going to be very hard to explain.”

    I’m thinking this might be your next Zazzle t-shirt.

  89. I love you. I was never a fan of taxidermy until I saw your makeovers. Now I have to avoid ebay in case I do something rash and have a conversation with my husband that sounds like one of yours with Victor.

    Srsly. Big ol’ girl-crush.

  90. Top Left Wolf… officially my favorite. He looks like he just heard something crazy (reminds of what Victor must look like once in a while) or smelt something odd.

    *love*

  91. This just reminded me…we had the fur of a bobcat, including the head, on the back of our couch when I was a kid. Kinda like you might put a throw blanket on the back of your couch…if your blanket had a head. It never seemed weird to me, but now I’m wondering. That’s not weird, right???

  92. I love how you make my obsessively collecting Thor stuff look semi-normal. 🙂

  94. I love this…I love (possibly) Penelope Vanderpelt and Whiskers O’Shaunessy. I love his moustache, and I have no doubt you will find him the perfect top hat. It exsists and you seem to have a knack for finding awesome! This just made my entire day and, as usual, makes me wish we were real life friends.

  96. Whiskers needs a bowler hat. Something a bit smaller and closer to his head. I think that would look the best of all hats.

  98. I think her name should be Howly Golightly.

    And Mr. O’Shaunnesy, while dapper in his top hat, really needs to get his tam o’shanter on. If he were full-body, he’d be a kilt wearin’ kit.

  99. I wonder if you should sorta ease them in on Victor? Like…like your Dad and the giant bear he hoisted to the top of the garage when you visited?

    Re: O’Shaunessy–I do believe Robert Winthorpe O’Shaunessy would be the perfect name. And for the coyote, Millicent Beckwith Chardonnay (Millie seems to have a teeny drinking problem–she’s glassy-eyed.)

    Bottom left ebay carcass looks like their over-eager golden retriever, Frisbee. He has a thing for disc golf. 🙂

  100. I’m going to venture a guess that you don’t really want to be stopped. In fact, Victor probably added that last line when you were in the bathroom or something.

  101. Holy Lord. I would be disappointed if I called you and got a different greeting. I think the two if them make quite a handsome pair.

  102. I’m no hat expert, but have you tried a pirate hat? He would look very Captain Hookish, minus the glasses. If not, your top hat is too smooshed, maybe one that’s more you know like Daniel Day Lewis or Prince William?!

  103. I’ve been looking at employment ads for what seems to be an impossibly long time this morning and decided to come up for air (because all the ad-looking was starting to make my eyes hurt) and found this post.

    Magnificent!

    And when Victor runs for office, I want a job in the campaign office. Seriously, THAT is the job I’ve been working toward for my entire career!

  104. I have to echo the others; you’re far too good at this to stop. In fact, if you could teach a class on how to wig up a coyote like a boss, I’d take that.

  105. Jesus Taxidermied Christ. I’m also not a stuffed animal fan, but these are hilarious.

  106. The bobcat clearly needs either a Bowler or a beret – *not* a top hat. You’re welcome.

  108. For some reason the coyote head in your purse reminded me of the time I had a cucumber sticking out of my purse. I’m sure this is related somehow. Also, now I kind of want to see an arrangement of a coyote head AND an cucumber in a purse. If there isn’t already, there really should be a tumblr or something containing just pictures of non-standard things in purses.

    I have to say, Mr. O’Shaunnesy is the most dapper thing I’ve seen all week. Seeing as I have a painting of an otter in a bowler hat and suit on my living room wall, I think that’s saying something. Maybe. As for hats, have you tried a fez? I realize fezzes have been overdone lately, BUT I have not seen a dapper bobcat (or any bobcat, really) in a fez, yet. I think it would suit him. If you need a bobcat sized fez let me know, I can get you one (I made a few for some monkey robots I’m working on). I guess a bowler would fit him too, but I can imagine a bobcat sized bowler hat might be tricky to come by.

    Good luck with the accessorizing! 🙂

  109. Awesomeness. I marvel at your level of comfort with being so awesomely weird! <3

  110. Everytime I stop by, I’m all-yea, I know what to expect from Jenny. Then BAM! You hit me with unexpectedness, which is probably why I keep coming back for more. And then, right at the end you give me The Cat. With the eyes that are too big for his face. Did they run out of eyes his size? The image keeps flashing in my brain like one of those videos you’re watching and some zombiface takes over the screen and screams at you and you fall off your chair. Well done.

  111. I am TOTALLY going to have to dress up our coyote! To date, all he’s worn are mardi gras beads. I think I’ll accessorize him and see how long it takes DH to notice. I guess that means I’ll have to name him too.

  112. That hat totally needs to be steampunk. The rest of his look is already there!

  113. Penelope Vanderpelt resembles the Big Bad Wolf In Little Red Riding Hood, when he’s dressed up as Grandma!!! I love it. Thanks for the heart belly laugh. You are AWESOME!!!!!!!

  114. My in-laws live in “Woodbury,” and might know some people to help 🙂 The town is actually called Senoia, Georgia.

  116. Problem? No. A very interesting, entertaining, and distinct hobby? Yes. Please don’t stop! Your blog always makes my day.

  121. Love Penelope and Whiskers! What a smashing couple!

    The bottom four….uh, yeah. The two on the right kind of scare me a little.

    The two on the left are absolutely adorable. The top left looks like the slow relative who can’t quite comprehend what is happening. I love him! The bottom left has the look that you get when you think you look really good and then you catch sight of yourself in the mirror and you are all “WTH?!?!?! Somebody swapped my head while I wasn’t looking!”

  122. It may simply be that Whiskers O’Shaunnesy hasn’t got a face for TALL hats. Perhaps a nice bowler hat? I hear they come pre-dipped in the scent of bad boy revolutionaries–just the thing to make a genteel lady coyote throw caution and tea sandwiches to the wind for a romp with a Irish bobcat.

  123. Jenny, this is absolutely my favorite thing right now – that is the classiest looking coyote and bobcat I have ever seen, and while I would never consider taxidermy previously, I would totally rock those in my house. I just thought you should know….

  124. I truly think you are bringing out the real personalities of these animals. I LOVE IT!

  126. I would have sworn that mangled one was a chewed-up squirrel sitting on a rotten log. I still don’t see it as a fish.

  127. I am truly loving the accessories you’ve chosen for your lady coyote…She looks ready for a spot o’ tea.

  128. Oh oh oh! I have a top hat that would be perfect! I’ll locate it and figure out how to send you a photo.

  130. I love your blog so much. At some point, you should totally start a museum and charge admission for your silent animals. That way, you can support your habit, errr art!

  132. “supergluing a mustache on my bobcat” is now going to be my go-to euphemism for…oh, for so many things.

  133. Has anyone suggested (and I kind of can’t believe I’m getting involved in dressing a dead bobcat but…) a doll top hat? It’s miniature-ness would be amazing.

  134. I guffawed! You gotta check out the fish heads video from way back….

    fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads…
    But I seriously can’t tell that pic you posted is a fish head…

  136. YAY! I love a happy ending! It’s like they traveled through time to be together once again. Or maybe not. Either way, it’s like you’re the Yente of taxidermy, Jenny. Matchmaker matchmaker make me a match, find me a fox, catch me a cat…

  137. The wolf in the top left picture is super cute. He looks like a bumbling Disney character. Are they sending money along with the fish head? Are they really asking people to BUY that???

  140. Penelope Vanderpelt & Whiskers O’Shaunnesy made my day! They should join you on the book tour.

  141. Hmmm….. methinks if his name is Whiskers O’Shaunnesy he’s probably speaking with an Irish accent. Therefore, he would probably look smashing in a tam o’shanter! 😀

  142. That coyote in the bottom left hand corner – he is a cartoon character coyote model. You can just tell by his expression! He has a nemesis out there somewhere. Jenny you need to find him!!!

  143. Would “Gloria” Vanderpelt be too obvious? She doesn’t look like a “Penelope” to me. Meanwhile, that little Asian Leopard cat (I assume that’s what it is) is horrifyingly bad taxidermy! As someone who has Bengal cats (descendents of ALCs), I can say that it would help if the eyes appeared to be pointing in the same direction…

  144. Victor seriously needs to run for president someday. I say this simply because I think it would be fantastic to have you as a first lady and, I think it would be amazing to see how many “quiet pets” you can fill the white house with. Love the new additions! I look forward to seeing their Valentine’s day cards for next year! LOL!!!

  146. Everything is so funny and bad about this and I am grossed out and laughing, and it’s all so awful and this has to be the best caption ever for bad taxidermy: “They all look as if they’ve just been shocked with a passive-aggressive surprise party given by everyone they’ve ever cheated on.”

  147. I notice someone else made this suggestion but I just had to chime in with my vote for Whiskers to sport a bowler.

    I will have nightmares about wild-cat-marble-eyes. Holy crap.

  150. For the love of all that is holy do not buy that cat-thing in the bottom right corner. It is freakishly scary!

  153. I dated a guy in college who looked frighteningly like the one on the top left. Uncanny!

  154. What is going on that top right eBay auction? You said fire? I don’t even… I can’t… Are you sure that isn’t just road kill?

  155. You must be a Stephen King fan. 🙂 Good gawd woman. I would have freakish nightmares if any of those were hanging on my wall!

  156. I vote for number one purely for his expression and wonky ears (top left). I can’t tell WTH number two is (top right), number 3 looks like he had a back alley facelift (bottom left), and number 4 (bottom right) just creeps me the hell out 😉

    Perhaps a proper fitting top hat for Mr. O’Shaunnesy could be found at a doll store?

  157. I really wish the flea markets in my area were as exciting as the ones in yours. I think I live in the wrong part of the country.

  158. Penelope Vanderpelt looks soooooooooooooooooooo much better since the make over. You did a good job. But that top hat is ridiculous. Try Amazon. Amazon has everything. Sorta like Google.

  159. Jenny you are my kind of crazy… growing up my grandmother had a pair of deer heads mounted on the living room wall… from my dad’s hunting days (cause there was no way my mother was letting them in her house)….
    And as god is my witness … EVERY holiday my grandmother would dress those deer up… Christmas they got big red bows, santa hats and rudolph noses…. Easter they got Easter bonnets and flowers…. Halloween they had awesome costumes… one year they were aliens all wrapped in foil …one year one was viking and the other was a witch…. This is how I grew up… you rock… no giving up the good fight to save bad taxidermy!

  160. I believe that the bobcat is crying out for a fedora. Or possibly you are in need of a second lover for Ms. Vanderpelt, one who would wear the fedora and speak with an Italian accent. Has this already been addressed in any of the previous comments? If so, I do apologize. I am commenting on the run!!!

  162. The last photo reminds me of a criminal minds episode where the killer used the eyes of his victims for the animals ……creepy

  164. Victor can never run for office (much like me and how the guhment will surely find out about all that ill begotten welfare. At least I buy healthy foods) because of you. Has he thanked you for saving him from a life of public hostility in the name of Congress? Wait…

  165. I’m not into taxidermy and yet every time you post something like this, it makes me want to have some dog heads of my own on the wall to decorate. I dig the half amused/half bewildered expression on the wolf/coyote/whatever dog head in the upper left of the 4 you posted. My hubby would be pleased to get a dog head in the mail.

  166. What about Consuelo Vanderpelt? You could call her The Duchess of Marlborough when necessary. No one wants to upset a wealthy duchess.

  167. I was reading this on my phone and my eyes are tired and I could have sworn the caption under the one of you and the bobcat at the flea market said “He practically screamed at me to BURY him” and I was all “that is the least likely thing Jenny would ever say… I’m so confused”

  168. OMG. That last picture screams “MY PRECIOUS” (it’s the eyes, I think).

  169. I never really know if I feel bad for Victor or happy for you, or both. I’ma go with both. Poor Victor, still surprised after all this time, and hooray that you have managed to doll up not just one, but *two* post-vital pets and made them look classy. Kudos, madam.

  173. Is it weird that my first reaction was “I totally want that red bag?” I keep meaning to buy it, but it’s always sold out when I look online.

    And maybe a newboy cap for Whiskers?

  174. WHEN am I going to learn to put on depends before I read the post. I have to go change now. Thanks a lot Jenny!

  175. tee hee! ~snickers~ I LOVE that you took Madam shopping. She looks amazing! Great work with the false eyelashes and the sassy wig.

  177. Do NOT get the fish head. I don’t think even you have that much magic. BUt you absolutly HAVE to get the two wolves THey can be the disapproving family of Sir O’Shaugnessy. I’m not sure how that would work , maybe he was adopted, and they’re all like” We gave you the best oppartunities , and you bring home that hussy?” and he can be all like” YOu don’t understand ……..OK I have taken on your personality and that is scary.
    Seriously though, you are awesome, and you HAVE to get that shirt made for Victor

  178. While Whiskers is a fine example of an English gentlecat (gentlebobcat?), I think Top Left Wolf is a better mate for Penelope. He already looks awed by her stunning ensemble.

  179. Ypu’re right, not a top hat Whiskers needs a bowler or maybe a jaunty straw boater

  181. I think you just found my new obsession. I’m afraid you will have to look somewhere else for help on stopping.

  182. The stuffed vulture perched on my guitar stand wears a hat from a party store. It is a small top hat with an elastic chin strap. I bought it for New Years Eve, but it fit him so perfectly that he wears it year-round. The point is: try your local party store for top hats in assorted sizes.

  185. I would love to come over for coffee or drinks one day 🙂 Something tells me we would have a blast. Love the coyote and her purse. Awesome.

  187. OMG. I think I just bit through my tongue trying not to laugh out loud while at work. I should know better.

  188. She looks more like a Cecelia to me. Cece Vanderpelt. Much more refined, yes?

  189. You should totally get one of those steampunk mini top hats. For the bobcat. Or for you, whichever. I imagine everyone would look more dashing in a steampunk mini top hat.

  190. Walking Dead is filmed not too far from me in Georgia. My husband has been a zombie on the Walking Dead a few times, even.

  191. My husband can’t decide whether to be relieved that yes, there are stranger people than me, or worried that you’re my idol.

  192. That first quiet pet on eBay is my spirit animal. Yes I’m certain of it. That is my facial expression in life.

  193. Maybe….you should have a monthly limit? Like, only 3 “silent pets” a month? I dunno. They’re not in my house, so I can admire them just fine!

    Take that telemarketers!

  195. Whiskers O’Shaunnesy needs an old school golf cap. Would still go great with the glasses and the mustache.

  196. You must purchase all of those options, except for whatever that abomination is in the top right hand picture. Also, Mr. O’Shaunnesy looks very dapper. I would definitely invite him for tea and a game of Scrabble.

  198. It’s the open mouth that always gets to me – what are they about to say???
    Do we really want to know??

    Perhaps it’s best they are locked in eternal silence!!

    Kathy

  199. The hat needs ear hole gut into it. Like Johnny Fedora & Alice Blue Bonnet.

    Ps that fish head is terrifying. I had to look really close and really hard to figure it out and MY GAWD.

  206. you dont have a problem, just probably becoming a little more like your dad each and every day 😉

    read your book (finally this last weekend). you are awesome. period.

  207. Jenny,

    I think both Penelope Vanderpelt and Sir Whiskers look fantastic! It looks like you are feeling pretty good again! Happy for you!

    Take care
    Marietta, (Wife of the one Victor bosses around)

  208. omg…you have got to name her Penelope. first of all, that’s my kick ass name. second & perhaps more topically, that’s what Tina Fey just named her baby. so that’s like 1 degree of separation (or maybe 3…whatever) from Alec Freaking Baldwin!

  211. The two wolf heads need to be be a set. It just needs to happen. The one should have a speech bubble that says “orly?” and the other should have one that says “yarly!”
    Because that’s what I picture wolves saying to each other.

  212. The one on the top left – I can totally see that on your wall. Love the facial expression. He’d fit right in. What does Ferris Mewler think?

  214. That Bobcat looks way too much like the Russian blue “I Can Has Cheezburger?” cat.

    A bit British though.

    “I can has Salisbury Steak and a Digestive Biscuit?” perhaps?

  215. I would love to do something like that to my husband’s scraggly old deer head mount……..he’d kill me though. LOL Good job, these are really cool!!

  217. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! They are so lovely and belong together!! Have you thought about needle felting him a top hat? You would be able to really manage the size and shape and even how the opening fits his head! I only thought of it as I just learned to felt in October and had a blast making little witches’ hats and pilgrim hats… that i tried to get my cats and dogs to try on… unsuccessfully… Elastic is not their friend…

  218. omg, that coyote is fantastic!! ps – the cat with the bite out of its lip looks great.

  219. Girl, you totally make my day! I hate ( not really) to encourage your ‘addiction’ but I truly think you must have the cross-eyed coyote from ebay! What in the world that fire-damaged thing is I do not know. Thanks so much for all of the giggles 🙂

  220. Oh my. You are the queen of taxidermy. You get it honest though, right? I love your picks. Not the mundane deer head with glass eyes. You get some fun. Carry on.

  221. Because of you Jenny, I too now have the desire to purchase all the dead things!!! I just need to get over my fear of dead things and then my house can be as cool as yours.

  222. The makeovers are amazing. Go into business, right now!
    (The before and after pics should sell the business alone)

  223. OK – I’m pretty sure I peed a little bit reading that one. The head in the bag? sigh. Why don’t my friends ever do shit like that? p.s. You could write a children’s story about “The Bobcat’s Hat”. Keep it PG.

  224. Darling, Penelope looks *fabulous*. However, I think Whiskers should maybe try on a deerstalker, just to see.

  226. First time commenter. I FINALLY remembered to come read your blog! All of my cowokers at a well-known chain bookstore are in love with your book…we have a massive goal to sell x number of your books through the summer.

    I’m loving the top left auction piece. I love what you’ve done with Penelope! She looks mah-velous!

  227. I know WHY the hat looks incorrect. Your bobcat is clearly Irish.. and that.. it NOT an Irishman’s cap. I would go for something in a Bowler.. think 1910 upperclass Irish.

  229. I adore Penelope and Whiskers. You did a fabulous job dressing them Obviously you need to see a hat maker about a hat for Whiskers.

    On another note, the orange cat (I use cat loosely… is it a cat?) in the bottom right corner freaks me out and I have made my husband promise me that we will not stuff the dog when she passes. Mainly b/c I couldn’t afford it, but also because its ever so creepy. stuffed Wild animals vs. stuffed household pets–wild animals win every time.

  230. I am constantly amazed by the number of dead things you find at garage sales… I can’t find that kind of shit in NJ….

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  231. Yes, you have totally crossed the line. Whiskers should not have a black mustache. He’s a ginger! He should have a reddish-brown ‘stache. The black is just jarring. I’m sorry to be critical, but sometimes you just have to speak up for the greater good. (Just ask Dumbledore.)
    Penelope OTOH is gorgeous. I must admit that I thought she was adorable and winsome au naturel (what can I say? I’m a dog person), but you have accessorized her perfectly, and her hair and makeup are great, too.
    Maybe it’s cuz Whiskers is kinda a dude? You need like “Queer Eye for the Feline (and Dead) Guy” or something, I think.

  233. Reading this is so much more entertaining than all that work I’m supposed to be doing. Thanks! And I’m certain the bobcat needs a fez.

  234. Um, no on the ebay. No, no, and no. While the bobcat and the coyote look whimsical, silly and fun, these guys just look like the psycho version of The Little Rascals. You’re better than that Jenny. 😉

  235. My love for you just reached critical mass. Seriously, this post is brilliant, you don’t have a problem – you have furry, dead solutions.

  238. absolutely the best makeovers EVER. . . If I ever visited your house I would never want to leave. Maybe you can talk Victor into buying a second house for just visitors. It could be The Bloggess’ Museum of Furiously Happiness. . .or The Furryously Happiness Makeover Museum.

  239. I honestly could never hope to find this many taxidermied animals in my life.

    But I tried to bargain with Gander Mountain to get them to sell me their decorative family of stuffed otters. They would not back down from “no.”

  240. I live near where The Walking Dead films, and they will totally let you be an extra, and even pay you to do so. A ton of people I know have done it. Just come on over to Georgia!

  243. “(Thanks! It’s from Epiphanie and it’s not made of real leather, so technically it’s like I’m saving animals. Sort of. ~ Jenny)”

    I’m pretty sure that putting a dead animal head in it kind of cancels that part out.

  244. When I nominate you for a Pulitzer Prize — and trust me, I WILL nominate you — I will use this line from today’s post as an example of your hilarious brilliant writing:

    “They all look as if they’ve just been shocked with a passive-aggressive surprise party given by everyone they’ve ever cheated on.”

    LOVE IT!

  246. every time I read one of your posts with the various and sundry creatures, I think these guys would make great characters in a fantasy otherworld type oriented book. Or a children’s book – you know those grimms fairy tales were full of morals and things and talking coyotes and weasels. Anyway – first time commenting – loved your book and the blog.

  247. I so feel you on this. I was lucky enough to procure a full-sized bobcat from a thrift store and put it on top of my carport with the hopes that it would scare away a mockingbird that screeched outside our window at 6am. But alas I felt GUILTY for leaving the thing outside when it could be gracing our presence in the living room. I’ve never looked back.

  248. Your blog never fails to make me happy. I’m on vacation and I still feel the need to ‘catch up with Jenny’.

  250. I think I missed the point of the post. I spent most of my time trying to figure out what kind of purse that is lol. Either that or I’ve been reading it so long that carrying an animal head around in a purse is ‘totes’ ordinary.

  251. Try an English Riding hat. Look on Etsy for Riding Hat and skip the modern, round ones. It’s like a short top hat, sometimes with a pointed front.

  253. I have this very specific laugh turned wheeze that alerts my husband to the fact I’m reading you blog. He just rolls his eyes, shakes his head, signs, and tells me to breath.

    I think my husband and Victor would get along. In fact, if Victor had been at the Dayton signing, I totally would have had him sign a copy of your book that I could give to my husband.

    Then my husband could develop his won wheeze/laugh.

    Heh, speaking of Dayton, ironically my blog post linked below is about that. Awesome! You should read it because I vaguely remember calling you a Goddess, I think. Don’t remember. I wrote it a week ago when I was high on Bloggess.

  254. Whiskers O’Shaunnesy is quite dapper. I suspect he’d be able to pull off a fedora.
    Also, that first wolf is beautiful, even if he does look a bit mortified.

  255. I don’t know how you do it, but every single thing you name is the greatest name on earth. Until you name the next one. Bravo. Also, I’m wondering if smaller spectacles would make it easier to find Mr. O’Shaunnesy a new hat?

  257. Ok, so I know she’s YOUR coyote (whatever) but it’s just obvious that her name is Anastasia Prudence Falsebottom – of the Gloucestershire Falsebottoms, of course. The eyelashes, the long nose. Definitely Anastasia. She’s “new” money.

    Her betrothed’s name is Horace Aloysius Snarlton the Third, Esq. His father spent the family fortune on opium so he must marry an heiress.

    You are right about Horace. He’s a freak in the bed.

  258. I have narcolepsy and was looking for something that would keep me up at night. Thanks for these images.

  259. I’m not one to go ga-ga for dead things nailed to the wall, but I have to admit there was an observable and quantifiable distinction between the ‘before’ versus the ‘after’ in each of your subjects.

    Yes. Yes, you do have a problem.

  260. Also, in the purse picture the coyote looks almost masculine. I think you have a drag-queen on your hands. Which is fabulous, btw. I trust you will be supportive in her needs. You are fairly open minded, after all. Just assure her it’s safe to come on out of the closet, and the internet understands her needs to express herself. At least this corner of the internet does. Anyone who doesn’t simply doesn’t belong here. And it’s wonderful she found such an understanding lover so early in life. So many struggle. But I suppose in a coyote/bobcat love nest, there is no room for anything but acceptance. Hey, you love who you love!

  261. I have honestly never wanted to visit your house more. I want to rent you as a friend for a week. I’d take a day. A drunk day at a flea market.

  263. OMG – I LOVE the lovers. Though you are right, Mr. O’Shaunnesy is in need of a different hat.
    As to the auctions you are obsessed with? The two on the left are completely understandable, but I may never, ever get over the nightmares caused by the creepy kitty thing on the bottom right. And what in the name of all that is holy (or holey) is the one on the upper right?

  264. You inspire me to get a hobby… so I decided to become a hatter of little hats. I think my parents will be so proud I finally found my calling.

  265. See what your father the taxidermist has done to you? I”m sure he’d be happy to hook you up with all the silent pets you desire. Although why you desire silent pets is beyond me! Maybe get a live one this time? You know, to honor the memory of Barnaby Jones Pickles. Come on Jen, come to the live side.

  267. I refuse to stop you because you are perfect. Vincent knows this as well, he just doesn’t have the words to express it.

    Shine on you crazy diamond!

  270. Is it weird that I kind of just want to come tour your home? I feel like when you die, it will make an amazing taxidermy museum…

    Also, you should just buy all four of those things. Those faces are too priceless to pass up.

  272. I love reading your blog. The post about conversations between you and your husband are my favorite. 🙂

  273. You are fantastically talented! I can’t believe you can make those things look that good. I wish I could unsee the ones at the bottom though.

  274. Whiskers O’Shaunnesy is crying out for a bowler hat. It will set off his head at a jaunty angle and will be perfect for him.

  276. Can Whiskers 0’Shaunnesy be a barrister who calls his glasses spectacles? I’d also like Penelope to be a socialite hiding a dark past and a wicked case of herpes.

  278. You know, to be totally honest, I have never gotten your taxidermy thing. I was always like, “ok Jenny whatever” and reading because you’re so funny. After I read this post, I was like, “Seriously? You find those things on ebay? What?” and I went to ebay and entered taxidermy animals just to see, because I thought I’d have to search and search, and I didn’t even get down the whole page before I was going, “I can have a stuffed MOUNTAIN GOAT for only $600?? No freaking way!” So I just wanted you to know that I’m starting to get you now. I’m a little afraid.

  279. It feels wrong that your new quiet pets look better ‘dressed’, which I think says more about me.
    And with the red purse and canine head I’m sure there’s a Red Riding Hood joke in there somewhere …

  280. That will teach me to read before bed….that last pic can not be unseen…ever….

  282. I can’t help wondering how differently The Godfather would have turned out had you been the recipient of the horse’s head at the beginning of the story.

  283. I would expect Whiskers O’Shaunessy to be a pompous jerk… you know, all pretentious and snooty. But when I check his choice of outfits, I see another side completely. White collar and black tie, but no shirt? That scoundrel wants to be a Chippendale’s dancer! Now we know why Lady Vanderpelt took a shine to him. How thoroughly scandalous!

    By the way, is she a “KYE-oat” or a “kye-OAT-ee”? I always wonder about that.

  286. Is that a red Lola Epiphany bag that you’re Cayote miss is riding in? I certainly hope so. And I hope you’ll send them that photo. They’re always so excited to see what sort of adventures people have with their camera bags.

    (Yup. And I totally sent them the pic. The inventor is on of my closest friends. ~ Jenny)

  287. I can see the TV show already. It would be like Gok Wan’s “How to look good naked”…except you’d be restoring manky taxidermied animals and giving them back their sense of confidence, fashion & sass. I’d love to see what you come up with for that trout head.

    Preach it, girlfriend.

  289. Is it just me, or am I thinking Mr. O’Shaunnessy really does not need the top hat at all, but more of a Sherlock Holmes cap type thing? And maybe a pipe? Although that might be bad for his health…

    Happy Wednesday, and Happy Life for letting us have Jenny in it.

  290. I know you said that the glob on the top right is a fish, but…but…who on God’s green earth would eat a fish that looked like that? I thought it was a burnt up piece of a small sofa. And I think Caliente Callie would be a great name for your coyote woman. Because she is how we say, muy caliente!

  291. I found you when a friend lent me your book – I laughed so much at certain parts I was making snorty noises. LOVE your blog, cannot believe no one told me about it before. Penelope Vanderpelt is definitely the right choice, name-wise. I have my own blog where I have pics of my son’s bushbaby dressed in outfits, I find it perfectly normal to dress up stuffed animals. It would make my day if you took a look at my blog – there are lots of bushbaby outfit pics, promise – with accessories too…

  292. I think ur kinda funny, but u do realize that for everyone of those that u buy, someone will kill and stuff another one, and your followers will likely want to imitated u. I don’t think it’s responsible.

    (I only buy pieces that are extremely old or were ethically taxidermied – died of natural causes, already dead, etc. But technically my dad, uncle and cousins are all taxidermists so I’d be hypocritical to say that I judge people who hunt and mount pieces. It’s not for me, but I support other people’s right to eat and stuff animals even though it makes me a bit uncomfortable. ~ Jenny)

  293. I never use the word awesome but this is awesome. In other news Penelope looks suspiciously like the wolf who dressed up in grandma Ridinghood’s clothes – which would make her a coyote masquerading as a wolf masquerading as grandma. And then the universe exploded.

  295. I totally think that Whiskers O’Shaunnesy needs a trilby. Oh and I think a beret would be perfect for the wildcat.

  296. I may or may not have peed myself reading this and then seeing the suprised quiet pets at the bottom. HA HA HA HA HA AH….

  297. Well, I certainly cannot stop you. Especially considering I have one of the very same bobcat heads hanging in my house, less the moustache and hat, of course…at least for now. Mortimer Snerdcat has scared the beejeezus out of many a guest at our hacienda.

  298. I agree with the other comment, Sir Whiskers O’Shaunnesy (I am pretty sure he is a “Sir”, if not a “Lord”) needs a bowler.

  300. OMG! I’m dying. And I thought I had it bad with my husband’s two deer mounts in our basement. At least he doesn’t dress them up. I’m sorry, but I have to admit, your husband’s got it far worse than I do! LOL.

    Love the post.

  301. I just want to know in which room these quiet pets are hanging. Are they in the living room next to the fireplace so they are noticed by your guests as soon as they walk in, or in a more discreet location?

    (The living room right as you walk in the house. That’s how much I love them. ~ Jenny)

  302. Jenny, thank you so much for this hilarious post. I’ve been sitting in my pjs and feeling down because we have a stupid 10 inches of snow on the ground even though the overgrown rat in PA promised us an early spring and because I’m feeling overwhelmed and my dad is sick and in general I’ve been wondering why everything seems to be getting worse. But your post and pictures made me laugh until I snorted and I feel more like myself again and I’d probably just stay in my pjs all day If I hadn’t gotten photographic evidence of just how much pearls and a cute purse can perk a girl up. Thank you.

  303. You remind me of Beatrix Potter sometimes. A crazy whacked version of Beatrix Potter. I seriously love you both and appreciate the joy you bring!

  306. Uhhhhh, wow. It’s lucky you don’t get escorted (nicely of course) to the looney bin when you walk around with a dead coyote head in your purse.

  307. You did such a great job on Penelope that I want to be your next make-over subject!

  309. Are you married to the top hat idea?? I’m thinking bowler might be more flattering Or go a whole other way with a summery straw panama style. Such a lovely couple, well done!!

  310. I love it! The one on the bottom right looks like a bad web-cam shot for match.com – maybe he’s just waiting for you to hook him up, too. <3

  311. NO ONE STOP HER! Sorry to yell, but for reals, don’t stop her. Ever. Also the lower right hand picture looks like any of my cats when interrupted while using the catpan.

  312. Look….. I know it’s just an ANIMAL…. But still, isn’t it a kinda undignified way to treat the dead?

    (I guess it depends on your point of view. I see dead coyotes strung over fences in Texas all the time. It’s disturbing and makes me nauseaus but coyotes are considered deadly pests in the country and people react in weird ways. I’d rather see a coyote in the wild, but if it’s already been dead for longer than I’ve been alive then I have no problem giving it a new life and loving it. Different strokes, I guess. ~ Jenny)

  318. I used to read CNN on my working-lunch break. Now I read you. Increased risk of choking on food, but worth it. Not only do you have the best posts, you have the best fans. Really #108 – you have a fez left over from some you made while making monkey robots? Does the whole world have a more interesting job/life than mine? Also I would vote for Victor even though I am Canadian and not eligible to vote in U.S. elections. Well, I’d buy the t-shirt for sure.

  320. I think the problem may be that Whiskers O’Shaunnesy really has a face suited more to a bowler than a topper.

  321. Introducing Joyce Penelope Wilhelmina Frankenpelt, aka Jane Fox.
    A sexy name for a sexy beast 🙂

  322. That bobcat in the bottom right picture is going to give me nightmares!! SO CREEPY!!

  324. … You are awesome. I know you know that, but I still had suspicious that maybe I was just crazy… NOW I know I AM crazy and you are awesome! I think the bobcat is ready for his date.

  326. Oh Jenny. That cat with the green eyes gives me the willies!!!! Penelope and O’Shaunnesy are really cute though. Where do you come up with those names?

    I feel like a kindred spirit – we have an old Halloween butler guy (papier mache or something) that has been in our house for too many years to count. We just put hats on him for change of seasons/holidays, or pins like “kiss me I’m Irish.” His name is Ed and he’s kind of part of the family (the part you don’t talk about-haha!!).

  327. Those makeovers are FABULOUS. Makes me want my own taxidermy false eyelashed up….thing.. hanging on a wall somewhere. Thanks for making me actually laugh out loud, well, more like cackle out loud.

  328. You do! You do have a problem, but since the only one who really needs to worry about that is Victor (unrelated – my daughter has an “amoreux” named Viktor and he has been faithful to her for two years – they’re almost nine years old)

    and Victor seems to be able to handle it by going to sleep, I’d say you can bid away.

  331. Lindsay#16 I am using your word: wtfuddled is perfect.

    Jenny, I’d vote yes on the wolves, and no on godzilla’s cousin the ugly fish head. And throw Victor a bone, tell him you’ll skip Madame Kitty just for him. But really it’s to keep me from having nightmares. Those eyes…

  332. Jenny, Jenny, don’t you know that these things could come to life in the wee hours of the morning??? I had to get rid of Laurel and Hardy statues I had that I loved because I’m convinced that they were in a slightly different spot in the morning than the night before. Just sayin……..

  337. Seriously… the four of them make me feel like I’ve done something horribly bad. Something much, much worse than I could even imagine. And I’m _sorry_ surprised-taxidermy-animals, I’m _sorry_.

  338. While all of the dead animals are still a little too fucked up for me, (you know not growing up around them and all), if that’s what it takes to be able to answer the phone yelling, “I CAN’T PICK UP THE PHONE BECAUSE I’M SUPERGLUING A MUSTACHE ON MY BOBCAT.” I’m open to it.

    Tears. Miss Bloggess, I bloody spewed tears on this one.

  339. Jenny I so agree she needed the eyelashes and the wig, now she looks TOTALLY AWESOME!! OMG! You should consider making more of her and selling them, I would probably have to buy one or ten,. and then I would need to take more meds but I love the awesomeness! hehehe and I agree that HE speaks with a British accent!

  341. Oh. My. Goodness. I just knew there was a reason that I felt the need to click on my Bloggess bookmark today after a pretty rough week. I was rewarded with fantastic new friends. I have never before wanted to locate my own quiet pets and dress them up. Hmmm… my Dad does have a couple of bucks that are just languishing in the basement. Maybe they need a makeover.

  342. LOVE them! But I think Victor feels jealous. Perhaps he needs a fluffy friend of his own. You should show him the ghastly doll I just rediscovered and blogged about. He will probably insist you send me thousands of dollars to purchase her and place upon his pillow.

  343. Have you looked into Mini Top Hats for Mr. Whiskers? I think a mini may be perfect for him. Possibly even look into a mini bowler hat.

    And your coyote is absolutely beautiful! I love her makeover.

  344. The top hat is all wrong because he needs either a bowler hat or a panama hat. I’m not sure which.

  346. I’m telling ya- you can find this stuff cheaper on http://www.shopgoodwill.com You have to look harder but it’s WAY cheaper.

    xoxo Thank you for making me laugh so hard today that I totally wet my pants. Then I had to go home from work because of the Shame Factor. xoxo

  348. I LOVED your book (anxiously awaiting volume 2!)…and what I have read on your blog, you continue to CRACK ME UP! Is there a way to sign up for your blog so I get emails with your new posts or do I just need to check it daily? If there is a way to sign up to receive emails about your posts, I must be stupid (or drunk) and cannot figure out how. PLEASE HELP!

  353. Ms. Vanderpelt is fucking awesome. You made her so beautiful, it is certainly not surprising that she has found a lover – in fact, it is only surprising she has one suitor. I think you must rectify this situation. She needs to have some more to choose from. She’s not likely to settle down with the first cat she hooks up with, no sir.

  354. I’m not sure that one in the bottom grid (the top left one) was ever an animal to begin. You say fire, I say alien.

    And whatever you name that coyote, it better be worth the eyelashes. I’m surprised she took a bobcat as her lover, because in my part of the desert, coyotes eat cats. Well…forbid love, I guess.

  355. Thanks for the tip for getting rid of telemarketers. I’m going to start practising. There may be a few hiccups along the way as my family, friends and local GP get used to my new greeting, but in the long run it will be worth it.

    Also, I’d vote for Victor if he ran for Congress.

  356. I am normally just a lurker here on your site, but today I had to comment. My two year old, Hailey was sitting in my lap and when it got to the picture of you with the bobcat, she exclaimed, “that’s you!” When When I told her it wasn’t me, she was very confused. She pointed to the bobcat, and asked, “that’s a cat?” I nodded yes and then she said slowly, as if I were stupid, “Thats you…”. We repeated this about three more times before she shook her head and gave up. I just had to share. Ok, back to lurking now.

  357. Have you considered giving Whiskers O’Shaunnesy a monocle? I really think it would add a splash of panache and he does have a certain je ne sais quoi. He has absolutely spent a few summers in Paris about which he never speaks, but which is apparent to Ms. Vanderpelt in the boudoir.

  358. I’l l stop you… AFTER you get the last one pictured. HE MUST BE YOURS!

  359. OMG, I totally snorted looking at those pictures. Tried to pass it off as a sneeze to my co-worker. Holy cow, your coyote and bobcat are awesome! I saw you when you were at the Barnes & Nobel in Paramus, NJ and while I was walking around killing time before you arrived, overheard a girl asking someone who worked at the store “Do you have any books on do-it-yourself taxidermy?” Guess who also apparently had come to see you that evening? 🙂

  360. You need to stop. NOW.
    Seriously the coyote and friend are brilliant.But what IS that thing top right?
    Worrying.

  361. I loved the coyote story you told at your book signing, so it makes me SO SO happy to see it in the um… flesh?

    Also… fish head… I couldn’t see it til you said what it is, now I will never unsee it. Especially in my nightmares.

  362. I see Mr. O’Shaunnesy in a stylish toupee; something that’s parted in the middle and flattened with oil.

  365. Try as I might I cannot figure out what that top right thingy is in the last four photos. I would also like to unsee the very last photo. I am realizing now how many of my cats I could have preserved when I was a kid.

  368. 1. My first reaction (before reading that Whiskers O’Shaunnesy was his name) was that he looked like a Sir Topham Cat – and then I immediately realized that I watch WAY too much Thomas the Tank Engine, and me and my husband desperately need a baby-free date night before my brain turns to complete mush.

    2. There’s a Boston radio station that has a bit called the Bracket of Awesomeness, and the other day the topics were Gandalf, or when your baby sleeps thru the nite. Gandalf is pretty awesome and all, but I had to go with the baby – tho it’s always possible that Gandalf could not only make your baby sleep thru the nite, but do awesome shit like sparkle and make shit float. Then you could whore your baby out to neighborhood circuses (those exist, right?) and quit your job because who WOULDN’T pay to see a sparkling baby who makes shit float? Now I’m rethinking my answer.

  370. I’m thinking old Whiskers needs a bowler rather than a top hat. And you should know that now whenever I head out shopping my husband yells after me “no towels!!”

  373. Jenny–
    You are f*#*ing hilarious! I love the animals on the wall and their new personas! Love the names too! Don’t change anything and don’t quit; although, some of those choices below are a bit, well, um weird.
    You had me laughing so hard after a hard day at work that I couldn’t see the computer screen because of the tears!!

  374. I know where Mr. O’Shaunnesy’s mustache came from! I think this makes me his aunt or something. He looks very dapper.

  375. I have to say I would be generally unhappy had my husband brought something like that home and wanted to hang it on the wall.

    But I love the way you’ve dressed it up and totally made it look so AWESOME! So awesome that it actually kind of makes me wish that he would bring some funky (or even not so funky) taxidermied animals home and then I could dress them up and have them on my wall, and we would have to keep them because he brought them home and insisted we hang them up. It’s probably a good thing that this will never happen, 1) I think that’s just too much work, but 2) mostly because they’d look way worse. Your guys look sophisticated, mine would end up looking like some trampy hooker and a pimp.

  376. I normally hate and fear taxidermy-ed animals. But I rather love yours after you make them well dressed and dapper.

  378. Clearly the lower head on the left is laughing. Whatever his adoption price is, is totally worth it. How could you not giggle everytime you look at him?!?

  380. Top left wolf needs a butterfly on his nose. Or a tiny winged unicorn… possibly ridden by a fairy, with butterfly wings.

  381. You must get the top left one. The top right one im still trying to figure out what exactly it is. It looks like a tree stump or something. The lower right one is sort of frightening. The lower left one is pretty cool to. I vote top left though.

  382. I shop at a lot of antique, no not antique, I mean junk stores. Places where the nooks and crannies are crammed with all kinds of treasures. Since reading you blog for the past couple of years, I’ve found I actually stop and check out the taxidermy-ed critters. Lord help me, I have even wondered what outfits would be best on some of them. Is there any hope for me?

  383. The bottom coyote could be Victor’s icon…for those days when he comes home and is surprised by the latest box in the mail.

  384. I cannot stop laughing at the look on the face of that animal in the upper left corner. I have to keep coming back to look at it again and again. If you don’t buy it, I may have to.

  388. Jenny, you absolutely must get the floppy ear dog on the top left corner. He is awkwardly *adorable* and if I did long-dead animals in my own home I would want the shit out of him (not literally…ew). You must. own. that. dog.

  389. Love your stuff, I have a wind jammer for a boom mic made by Loved to Death in SF, I traded a Bettie Page funeral program for it. Thanks for liking our post.

  390. I can’t breathe laughing at the super surprised “pet” pictures at the end of this post. I’m really hoping you end up giving one or more of them a good home.

  392. You had me at… “Is that a dog head in your purse??”

    Your treasure hunts are my favorite posts. Ever.

    I would rather go flea market shopping with you than meet the president or Channing Tatum.

    Rock on.

  395. I don’t have the patience to read through all the comments, but how has nobody stated the obvious? Besides a better hat and a more dignified name, that bobcat requires a MONOCLE, not a pair of glasses!

  396. 3 out of the 4 choices you are bidding on are hilarious….but instead of a ‘silent pet’, is the top right hand selection a ‘flat pet?’ it looks like scraped up road kill to me. (not meant to offend, but what is that one?) you have dressed the others well….

  397. Now you just need a swamp booger. Ex :

    https://www.google.com/search?q=swamp+booger&hl=en&rlz=1C1ASUC_enUS527US527&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.44442042,d.dmg&biw=1920&bih=955&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=fi&ei=ZLxXUemgItil4AOa5IDADQ#imgrc=3MUDcfGJ2Lj3hM%3A%3BwXU5bI2jFL9gBM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.swampboogers.com%252Fuploads%252F1%252F3%252F2%252F3%252F13238957%252F6973605_orig.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.swampboogers.com%252Fgallery.html%3B1066%3B800

  398. Now THAT is a coyote I would be proud to have on my wall, and I don’t even like dead animals! Also, try Hobby Lobby or some such place to a Bobcat Hat.

  400. I think she looks more like a “Floo-Agnes PumpHandle” to me, but Penelope is good too!

  401. Love them. Don’t want one because husband man would leave me for someone slightly less crazy. 🙁 BUT I did find a tutorial for making an appropriately sized Top Hat for Whiskers.
    http://www.fleecefun.com/mini-top-hat.html

    And even though husband man probably really would leave me I kinda want to carry a coyote head around in purse….sigh.

  402. I think you need a deerstalker cap for the bobcat…like the one Sherlock Holmes wears.

  403. you are amazeballs! you make me laugh! I’m so going to have a competition with my husband and give his orax that I named Garth a foxy looking lady friend. lol

  404. My Dad has a stuffed Great Horned Owl. Magnificent thing! I will try to get a photo to send to you. We call him Horny.

  405. About the top hats…Not sure if anyone mentioned it or not, but try Michael’s or another local crafting shop. They actually have different sized top hats (tiny to big) that you can embellish or just leave plain ; I’m assuming that they are for those that like to craft doll outfits and not dead animals, but what ever works.
    Sadly, I know this because I have no life and I bought for one of my Corgis that I dressed up for Christmas. I must admit he looked quite dashing with the ribbon and the holly I added to it. Now if I can only find a monocle for him that would stay on….

  406. I never thought I’d ever say something like this, but the mascara really does a nice job of accentuating the coyote’s eyes…

    And “quiet pets”…just love it. (And you.)

  407. What. The. FUCK… is the ball of misery at the upper right of these four?

    I tried to take a closer look but the green(ish) eyed veloci-feline below it kept looking at me like I should go away.

    So I did.

  410. Skip the fish head… you would spend so much time explaining and dressing it that you would miss too many other great auctions!

  411. New answering machine: “Sorry, I can’t pick up the phone because I’m super-gluing a mustache on my bobcat. Leave a message!” I have never been so excited to decline people’s calls ever!

  412. Whiskers O’Shaunnesy does so have a face for hats. He just needs a bowler hat, that’s what.
    God has put you here for a reason, for sure.

  413. Whiskers O’Shaunnesy does so have a face for hats; he needs a bowler, that’s what he needs. Keep doing God’s work.

  414. You should totally go into business making taxidermy animals that look like people. This totally reminded me of The Wind in the Willows. I would buy!

  415. This is still the article I send people when I want to introduce them to your work!

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