Don’t Blink

in Random Crap

Today I’m in Danville, CA  on book tour.  Come see me?  Please?

And while I’m gone this week I’m sharing “weird-things-I-took-pictures-of-with-my-phone.”

Today’s picture comes from my kitchen counter and is entitled “Someone-Needs-To-Stop-Watching-So-Much-TV-and-that-someone-is-probably-me.”

Did you know that if you scratch a banana it'll brown in that pattern within a few hours? Because it will. Did you know that I owe my grocery store a huge apology? Because I do. Also, have you ever seen a wall of bananas that all say "THEY'RE WATCHING." on them? Me either, because I always get asked to leave before the lettering starts to show up.

124 thoughts on “Don’t Blink”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. This is much untapped joy, and with a minimum of effort or equipment. Well-played, Jenny and Bananas….well-played.

  4. You need help writing on the bananas so you can get an awesome picture like that!! I volunteer to help! 😀

  8. That’s brilliant. I may have to start writing on my housemates’ bananas just to watch then freak out when the letters suddenly show up 😀

  9. I snuck into the office across the hall from mine and did this to her bananas. Very funny. But she instantly knew who did it. I’m not sure what that says about me…lol.

  10. To get the full creepy effect you should also scratch eyes and grinning teeth onto some of the bananas.

  11. Oh man the fun I could have at Walmart. Seriously. Would you like to buy some half priced bananas with some seriously obscene writing on them?

  17. you just took bananas to a whole new level! i’d never thought to do this outside of the home. THANK YOU.

  20. My kids are gigantic Dr Who fans. I’ll be grocery shopping Sunday while they are at their dad’s. Yes. The bananas shall frighten the children…. MWHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  23. Aw, yeah, my husband is going to be so freaked out tomorrow. And I hate bananas, so it’s like a cool way to get revenge on them for being so awful. Like, they’re your puppets now. Your minions. Your fruity minions.

  24. I did this a while back and wrote: “These are not the bananas you are looking for”

    I Wrote a few words on each one. My husband looked at them and said “You are so weird.”

  25. I’m totally going to have to practice writing ‘one ring to rule them all’ in the fiery script of Mordor. I think that would look awesome on a banana.

  26. Priceless. You realize that there’s going to be a pandemic of communicating bananas now, right?

  27. Do you know how to say banana in Portuguese?
    Like this: Banana.
    My cousin taught me this, when she was about five years old.
    Can you do a Brazilian accent? It really adds something.
    You’re welcome.

  32. I’m in love with Doctor Who and now I really want to make a trip to the grocery store, just for this purpose. You are so darn smart.

  33. Scratch the bananas, go shopping. Come back later and watch people read them. Fun-o!

  34. well, I know what I’m doing today…. thanks for the great idea! I promise not to blame you when I get kicked out of my grocery store.

  36. WOO HOO! I will be seeing you tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I won’t be bringing a banana though.. We are going to Z Pizza for dinner first, so there could be leftover pizza, but no bananas. 😀

  38. I’ll write my next book entirely on bananas in the store. Then, though I still won’t get published, at least I can claim my writtens were purchased by hungry fans. And I read aloud when I’m done, so I can say I did a reading in a major metropolitan area. So thank you, for salvaging my career.

  39. I know everyone is running out to write on bananas now. I think I will play the opposite and go see how many bananas will have writing on them now that this was posted. You can also take a needle and thread and run it through the peel so that when your kids peel the banana it’s per-sliced. They think this is cool.

  42. You crack me up. Our book club just read “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened” and loved it. I have to be honest I’m behind so I’m still reading. I’m now you’re newest follower.
    So when will you be in Houston, TX? Okay so maybe I should ask if Houston is on your tour?

  46. When I was in primary school every child brought a piece of fruit with them for snacktime, generaly an apple, a banana or a mandarin orange, but you weren’t allowed to leave them in your bag because they didn’t want them to go rotting, so you had to put your fruit (and any additional snacks) on the fruit shelve, and then some other kid would take your carefully selected perfect banana and you’d be stuck with their rock-solid green one or mushy brown one. So I always wrote my name on my banana with pencil in the morning before putting it in my bag, and by snack time my name would be there clear and brown.

  47. My aunt used to have a cat who liked to nibble on bananas, he’d never get all the way through the skin but he’d leave marks that looked like braces so it was a toothy smile looking at you from the kitchen counter. 🙂

  48. I think we should all agree to immediately go out and write Don’t Blink on the bananas at the grocery store. It could become a phenomenon across the country. Everyone would wonder what was happening and what it means. Is it a sign of the end times? The walking dead zombie apocalypse is coming? People across the nation will fear bananas and their price will lower. All of us will get bananas for free while everyone else walks around with toothpicks holding their eyes open afraid to blink for fear the bananas will rise to power!

  50. That’s kind of like when I go into the craft store and in the pen section I write “Don’t Blink” and “Doctor Who?” on all of the ‘try the pen out’ pads.

  51. I’ll see you tonight! Do you need me to bring you anything, like bananas or something?

  55. Great idea, and I don’t even need to go to the grocery store, since my mom eats bananas every day, 🙂 tomorrow morning she will see a message from me for sure.

  56. I grew up in San Ramone, which is just outside of Danville. I’m so Bummed! I wish I was still living there so I could come see you…then I’d quickly move away as I think I would have gone totally bat-shit crazy living as a teenager or adult in that little town. Is there any chance you’ll come to the Las Vegas area? Ever? Luv U!!!

  57. This is why I love you. You inspired me to leave a message for my boyfriend on his banana (not a euphemism.)

  59. Messages in bananas…totally worth the mischief charges.
    Note to self: Don’t leave messages in the organic bananas in case they make you pay for them…that could get expensive.

  60. There is way too much awesome in this picture. It led to about five different thought spirals starting at what it would be like to have The Silence and Weeping Angels in the same room to making friends at the grocery store by scaring them senseless through fruit(because anyone else who is scared by Whovian fruit has to be a friend right?). You’re pretty much my hero.

    Just like Carolyn, I’m SO upset that I don’t live up in Danville anymore. I am still seriously contemplating taking time off work to make the 5.5 hour drive from San Diego out to Phoenix though. You are that amazing and truly bring joy to my life through your writing. Thank you so much! Have fun in Danville!

  61. I love the messages in the banananananananas. Every so often I will write messages on them and make my husband shake his head at me and laugh.

  66. I watched “The Angels Take Manhattan” on Saturday. Sadness!

    It’s very unfortunate that my son HATES bananas.

  67. This is fantastic. I can’t wait to start leaving secret messages at the grocery store.

    “The cow flies at midnight. Bring a shovel.”

  68. You breathe funny.

    Urm, that was supposed to mean you’re so funny it comes as natural as breathing.

    Not that you breathe funny, because I’ve never heard you breathe and that would just be such a weird thing to say …

    Never mind. Got a banana?

  69. Hehehe… thanks for the tip. I did not know bananas did that. I think I will go to my grocery store and add a few “Don’t look behind you”

  70. You didn’t scratch “Buy My Book, Pretty Please”?

    Your publisher will be so pissed.

    And remember, don’t leave home without your banana.

  72. First, I will write Leave the Gun, Take the Banana.

    Then, after that practice run, I will began inscribing the lyrics of the most creepy song ever — The Police’s I’ll Be Watching You — on all of the bananas in the grocery store. I assume that I’ll have to create some kind of diversion — perhaps “accidentally” knocking down every produce display on my way to the banana area (I could pretend to be a ballerina lost in my music who just cannot. stop. pirrouetting.) — in order to buy enough time to terrorize the potassium-loving public with Sting’s tales of stalkery.

  74. If it were my Grocery Store, I’d stand there and help you…

    Please to be remembering – You are good at it!

  76. i CANNOT believe you are in my home town and i’m in freaking NYC. so not fair. why did i move here!? so i could miss the bloggess i guess. i’m an asshole…

  77. I had no idea you could write on bananas like that. Now I just need to figure out what to do with this information.

  79. Quit Staring might work. You can actually prevent a straight man from eating a banana by staring at him while he tries to eat it. It also helps if you make notations in a notebook as he does so.

  81. This isn’t really a comment, but a message to you. I was at the event last night, and you very sweetly accepted my input, but it really is worth saying again. The people in your tribe clearly ADORE you. The crowd was throbbing with the intensity of their adoration. As I said to you last night, I am an extrovert – I’m a fucking trial lawyer! – and the intensity of your tribe would have scared the LIVING SHIT out of ME! I honestly can’t imagine how it must be for you, and, not to sound condescending, but what a brave, brave girl you are to be showing up at these things. So take a deep breath. Because in their eyes, you clearly can do no wrong. Truly. You never need to get “better” at these things than you are right now. Because if you can show up off your head from the meds and booze, tell folks that, and have them hooting with empathy and delight, sister, you have arrived. And if the reading part is the most stressful – outsource it! Call one of you new friends up to do the reading part – can you imagine someone’s delight in getting to do that? And if self-care looks like stopping this book tour, your tribe should understand that too. Take good care of yourself. Warmly, Lara

  82. This is a message because, I don’t know where to put this… Hi I was reading your book and I was thinking omg you must be a friend of mine or stalking me. Because if you went to college with me you would understand. So I FB messaged my college friend and I said hey have you read this book? And she said yeah it reminds me of us… I said I know. Then she told me she has met you because you guys have a mutual friend so neat. Anyway I don’t know who the mutual friend is but I applaud you for your humor and keep up the good fun work. It is so great growing up in the out of the ordinary. I’d explain, but then I would also need to write a book. Basically I can sum it up: home surgery and medical experimentation and dressing up poultry.

  83. The kids I work with (middle schoolers) sometimes do cooking activities. They have one that uses bananas planned for Monday. I think I’m going to scratch messages into them that encourage the kids to behave. God knows our disciplinary efforts don’t make an impact…

    I don’t think the takeaway from this post was meant to be tips for how to troll 11-year-olds, but that’s gonna be my takeaway.

  86. I’m saddened… I didn’t realize we had to buy tickets, I would have…. I hope we get to meet you.

  87. I am totally going to do that to those bananas next time at the flea market.

    Wooooo, I won a digital camera on Twitter @WeddingAdvisor. Go there for a chance to win yours!

  88. Oh. My. God. If I go to the grocery store…and write naughty things on the bananas…and come back a few hours later…and get in trouble…can I blame you?

    Also, I just bought a Keep Calm and Don’t Blink Shirt. It makes me happy in a weird way, especially when people who have no clue ask about it.

  89. I think we need to make low-impact stamps with tiny little blades so that we can stamp bananas quickly, before management catches on. Thoughts?

    Also, I think you should come to Wisconsin. Just saying. I’ve had a shitty month (the last one, that is. I know this one just started) and I need some damn good news for once. Then again, I’d probably just hide in the closet and not even go to the bookstore…

  90. the banana post was the first post I read on here… and I still can’t eat a banana without laughing. Because of the things I wrote on them, too… you taught me well, Jenny, you taught me well.

  91. So I totally have to retract my earlier sentiments of disgruntledness. First off you were totally awesome to come out and do autographs and pictures for those of us standing in line who didn’t know we needed to buy a ticket.. then the poor dude who worked for the bookstore who was out in front dealing with those of us who wanted in, but didn’t have a ticket… hearing us beg and plead, and someone offer to fight him for a seat… well.. he took pity on our beggings of PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can we just stand in the doorway so we can hear????? Well, anyway, he let us in!! So, it was awesome!!! You were phenomenal! I’m so glad to finally meet you in person, so now i won’t feel quite so stalkerish. Thanks for taking pity on us.. I was so debating going to San Jose, but I would have had to drive back to my tiny one blinking light town to feed my kittens. I left them home alone for their very first overnighter to come see you, so hopefully they didn’t burn down the house while I was gone. I can’t wait to see them in the morning when I drive home. THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME!!! (and for reminding me to take my meds, cause I had totally forgotten until you commented about waiting for yours to kick in, so I totally reached into my purse and took mine.. yay for my blood sugar being under control and for me not feeling icky. Anyway, thanks for signing my book, and totally making my evening!!!!

  93. Very much a fan of this new feature!

    (Can we do this with other fruits that age so obviously? ARE there other fruits that age so obviously? I don’t like bananas but I really want to write mysteriously on food now.)

  94. Did you hear that David Tennant is coming back as the Doctor? Woo to the who!!!

  95. I tried to come see you. I mean, wow you were in Danville! Also knew nothing about buying tickets though. I almost didn’t make it (just a touch of anxiety) but glad I tried because even though I didn’t get to hear you talk, I did get a photo with you and a signed post- it. So a big thank you! 🙂

  96. I love writing on bananas, usually to freak people out. My favourite is “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I’m really an apple”.

  98. I totally forgave you for the ultra cool red purse when you pulled the monkey out last nite. i figure, you never know when you’ll be attacked by a bobcat or the loch ness monster. and as we know, monkeys can be mean. and diseased. and by diseased i mean infected by researchers. so if attacked you could throw the monkey. sorry PETA. ( no i’m not) in Utah there is the place called monkey mesa. where they used to launch monkeys off the mesa to figure out how to eject test pilots from planes without having their necks crush from the g-forces. the man who explained it to us told my 9 yo that, once a monkey did that you couldn’t put him back with the other monkeys because he would tell them not to go…. i can’t decide if that was cool of him to say or if i’m a bad parent for even thinking it was cool. ps i was the person in the back that clapped out of turn and had to run for her life at the end because people just don’t realize that leaning over you like that that uses. up. your air. oxygen deprivation notwithstanding i’m glad i came.

  99. Have fun in Danville! I live near by but not able to see you. It’s a quiet upper middle class town. Not that exciting, but it has a nice mall nearby. Hope you are able to get some fun time in SF.

  100. So I typed in a wonderful and witty apology for my complaint earlier in this section of comments.. but I did it on my friend’s laptop, and when I submitted it, it took forever.. and must not have gone through. ANYWAY, you were fantastic, thanks for coming out to do autographs and pictures for those of us who didn’t realize we needed a ticket!!! Then the bookstore ended up letting us join you, so those of us who hadn’t abandoned hope and left got to go in!! I will come up with something witty for another post, I just got home though, and my kittens (who had their VERY FIRST night home alone so I could come meet you) are demanding some attention.

    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  101. i’m going to have to check out the banana displays whenever I go to the store. If I see writing, I will know there are Bloggess fans in the area.

  102. Definitely going to the store early in the morning to do this. Then popping back in later in the day. 😀

  103. Okay, I’m so confused. Should I be looking out for the darkness, or should I keep my eyes on the angel? Which one? Which will lead to my imminent peril?

  104. Bwahahahahaha awesome.

    I’m soooo going to do that, and freak out my husband.

    And, Run You Clever Little Boy And Remember.

  111. I think I need to go to the grocery store now… How fun to scratch words in then hang around and watch people react when messages suddenly appear on the bananas they’re browsing. I’m going to have way too much fun with this.

  112. This reminds me of the time I was with some friends in an old abandoned hotel and there was a message painted on the wall that said, “YOU WILL BE THE LAST ONE UNTIED.”

    I bet whoever wrote that is still laughing. Or in prison.

  114. try actually writing on a banana with ballpoint pen sometime. it is so pleasurable, you’ll want to throw out all your paper and just use bananas.

  115. Is this a crime? Like banana battery?

    Consequently, a banana battery is what is needed to operate my yellow scooter with a banana seat.

  117. What a fabulous idea! I’m going to write “Let Me OUT!” on a banana the next time I going shopping.

  118. I just watched this episode! My husband judged my parenting skills because I was trying to get my toddler to check and make sure there were no killer statues in the bathroom before I’d go run her a bath.

  124. I just had to leave a note to say THANK YOU!!!! for banana writing.

    My little girl is going through a tough wee time at school just now – being 4 and all – so it makes her day when she finds a banana with her name and hearts on it in her lunch bag.

    See?
    You’ve used your powers for good.
    🙂

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