MOVING IS A BITCH.

I’m moving this week and it’s killing me, so instead of bleakness and existentialism I’m instead showing you cat pictures!  A day in the life of a cat, as performed by Hunter S. Thomcat:

ignore this.  It's for a post.
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And in other news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by Sent Her Way.  (Men, avert your eyes.) From the creaters: “SentHerWay.com delivers tampons, pads, pantyliners for under $10 a month. You can customize by choosing the Brand, type and quantity you want.  We take the chore to the store out of your routine and we do it all with free shipping.” Slightly related: if I owned that store I’d call it “Oh, Stick It In Your Vagina” because it would be fun to answer calls that way. 

107 thoughts on “MOVING IS A BITCH.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I’ve looked into having tampons sent to me, because I think it would be awesome to open the box at my mailbox and proclaim loudly “OH GOOD, MY TAMPONS ARE HERE” for the neighbors. But I would love it more if the company were called “Stick it in your vagina” because that’s true, and truth sells.

  2. The #depressionlies is coming in handy… Sigh and breathe. Also the cat… and any Hunter S. Thomcat reference ever.

  3. Ugh, I feel your moving pain…I’ve been in my house over a year…still not unpacked. It’s a process people! I do love how you captured this move via your cat. Good luck with the move!

  4. We’re moving in 3 weeks.

    I like to play this game I call “procrastination”. I pretend like we aren’t moving until 3 days beforehand, then embark on full-on panic mode while it somehow all gets done.

    I hope.

  5. Hilarious. In the midst of stress I’m not sure if cats help, or hurt. You look at them, jealous that all they have to do is LAY there and judge. But just looking at them all relaxed and shit – sometimes wears off on you. Catch 22.

  6. I LOVE the idea of answering the phone that way. In fact, I might just start doing that – even though I have no affiliation with any kind of business that is related to things you stick in or up your vagina.

  7. Moving is never easy. I hate it. Basically because not only I need to reorganize everything once I open the boxes at the new place but also because I get tired half-way and end up leaving stuff in a box I’ll never open and will never know what’s inside. Although I do find some pretty handy stuff when I move, like last time, when I found a huge bag full of notepads. I don’t know where they are now, but I know they are here somewhere…

  8. Moving is the devil. Love the damn cat who CLEARLY isn’t helping with the move. I heart #depressionlies. You are awesome.

  9. I hate moving so much, I planned one of my moves to take place while I was pregnant so mmno one would make me move heavy furniture.
    My moving mantra: One box at a time.
    it will all be worth it in the end.

  10. #17 on the #depressionlies post hits home with me. I don’t have depression, but I have to avoid serial killers. I know, we should all avoid serial killers. But I used to be able to read about them, and I can’t now. I don’t know if it’s anxiety or what, but now I can’t read books or watch movies (true stories or fictional) without getting the scenes stuck in my head and wondering if one is waiting just outside of my range of vision. Going out to hang up the laundry can sometimes be very difficult.

  11. LOL….Hunter S. Thomcat lights.up.my.life!!
    Also that piece from Schmutzie? So totally relateable, in that my dad has been a bit of an asshole, which is why my parents are divorced right now. But I like to think that if he’d focussed on improving himself this way…. I dunno I might have had an actual relationship with him instead of the calls I get once in a blue moon (when he’s drunk)!

  12. I was thinking… and I’ve decided you should write a movie. I read that article you posted, “21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You’re Depressed”, and #17 of course mentioned your book. Since I don’t think I’ve ever re-read a book, but I always re-watch superb movies, you should do it.

  13. The entire reason I haven’t moved is that the thought of getting the house ready to list (it needs a new dishwasher, there’s some plumbing that needs to be done, a couple of ceiling fans have to be replaced, not to mention the major spring cleaning it needs) is so daunting, that to do all that stuff and then have to actually go through the move itself seems not worth it. Except, I really would like to move! I need to think of the process as a series of baby steps, I think, or it’s just too overwhelming to do any of it.

  14. Jenny,
    If your cats are anything like mine, and hate, hate, hate having to ride in the car, then you’ll understand that because my husband never takes them to the vet, and I do, and I know how hideous that car ride can be, that the most memorable moments of our last move were waiting until everything was out of the old house except the cats. So they were already riled up.
    We go to get them, and I try to prepare the husband, that this is going to be a traumatic ride. He doesn’t believe me. How bad can it be? he asked. (Silly man.)
    We’re in two cars. I say we really want to get on cat in one car, one cat in the other. We have a cat carrier, but they freak out and hide at the sight and fight like crazy not to get dumped inside. So we’re just going to toss them in the car and tough out the ride, only about 15 minutes.
    Well, he captures one, get it in his car. Ignoring my advice, when he captures the other, he just puts that one in his car, too.
    I tried to tell him. Man wouldn’t listen.
    He’s still traumatized by that ride, both cats yelling like he’s never heard them, climbing all over him, sinking their claws in.
    Just saying… if Victor’s been bad for any reason…

  15. Love those dogs who cannot handle it! So flippin cute! And yes, moving does suck the big one. Best of luck to you all.

  16. I love the pictures… Must be nice to be a cat.
    Also picture 3 looks familiar, but seems to be lacking a unicorn horn… 😛

  17. I’m impressed you even had time to post cat pics. I absolutely detest moving. Unfortunately, I’m probably getting ready to do it anyway.

  18. I can’t imagine moving all of the marvelous, fragile stuff you have every two or three years. Perhaps this will be your last move?

    Thanks for the great links.

  19. We’ve been in this house almost 10 years and now have three children who were not here originally. One one toilet. We need to move, but that’s a lot of work I’m not looking forward to!!

  20. When I was little, my mom’s cat used to jump into the boxes we were packing. We had to make sure we didn’t accidently close her in one a fair amount of times.

  21. I misread the yard sign at first. I thought it said “this house supports awareness” which just sounds awesomely vague.

  22. Moving IS a bitch. That’s why I’ve told my husband we’re staying in this house at least 20 years before I’m packing again.

    Moving tip: Always check that there are no cats in your boxes before you seal them up (they’re helpful little bastards, aren’t they?).

  23. Every time I read about your moving, I get so upset and I tell my husband and he gets upset too. I don’t know what would happen to me if I not only had to move so often, but wasn’t consulted about it either? Ragies. That’s what it would be. Ragies ALL THE TIME.

    You’re a better wife than I am, I guess.

  24. Thank you for acknowledging that birds are people too. I have parrots, and when I refer to them as my children, people think I’m crazy. But if other people talk about their dogs and cats like kids, it’s totally ok. Just because my child has feathers instead of fur doesn’t make her less important!

    Besides, my feathered children are brightly colored, can ACTUALLY tell me they love me, and can ACTUALLY tell solicitors to “fuck off or I’ll cut you”. 🙂

    Hmmm…. maybe I took that too far…. and that is why people think I’m crazy……

    But, Birds Are People Too!!

  25. when i think about moving i think that i don’t really hate my house that much. good luck. hope the living and dead animals all survive (and all the humans, too).

  26. I hate moving, too. I’ve been in this place for 18 months. Never unpacked the wall art or chachkas because I didn’t want to stay here. Now I’m looking to buy a place of my own, so I consider myself half-packed! It’s a glass half-empty or half-full kinda thing. By the time I move and get everything unpacked, all the stuff I missed will be new all over again!

  27. Happy that I’m not currently moving. Moving sucks. Unless we were moving to Alaska and then I’d be like, “Fuck Yeah! We’re moving to Alaska!” You know, because it’s super far away from everyone we know. 😀

  28. Dave Barry was right

    Just burn the whole house down rather than pack shit.

    And witg all that insurance monies think what you could buy on ebay!

    Note: Remove cats before arson…er…accidental napalm spill.

  29. You really need to watch the 1988 Czech movie “Alice” as in Alice in Wonderland. OMG. It is amazingly creepy. It’s full of animated strangely taxidermied animals and animal bones. It’s on Netflix right now.

  30. P.S. Do not call you insurer to ask about stuffed crocodile cover copays.

    They record that shit.

    So if you do call, disguise your voice and put a moustache on Hunter

  31. Every time I move to a new place, I swore that next time I am hiring professionals. Unfortunately, I have never been able to hire big burly men to do it for me. *sigh*

  32. I think Disney speaks for all of us when it says that ‘Everybody wants to be a cat.’

  33. Moving does suck. If I ever have to do it again, I’m going to get rid of most of my stuff first, for serious. Maybe I’ll just take the books. And furniture, I guess. Furniture costs more than clothes.

  34. Did you steal this from my blog because I’m pretty sure I blogged it this way, only not near as funny and with pictures of my husband driving across the country with a bird on his shoulder and a pic his ridiculous cat barrier that was actually built for small humans, not cats. I will totally use said useless cat barrier from this day forward on my two boys, who are 26 and 28. God, how great it would have been if I could have had it since they were born. I think I also took pictures of my pets trapped in a car for 1600 miles. Dang.
    Oh, wait, this is about your move. Yes, I do agree. Moving is a bitch.

  35. The only good bits about moving, are that you get rid of stuff, and you aren’t obligated to unpack everything the first day. I have two boxes left from my last move.

    The fact that I moved in mid 2008 is irrelevant.

  36. Not to be a downer, but it is inevitable, I guess… But… Last month when I moved my cat got sick and died. I’m glad Hunter S. Thomcat is alive & healthy and able to entertain. It helps with my own depression about my little George. Good luck with your move & may the kitties live long and prosper!!

  37. In the new house will your office already come with walls? Or will you have to wait and tape them out on the floor again?

    Also Hunter S Tomcat rocks the world but I Miss Ferris Mewler… They should get equal time on the blog so Hunter S who already seems a bit full of himself can’t tease Ferris “haha mom put ME on the BLOG again clearly she loves me more” just seems like something he might do ya know.

  38. I have moved a lot 35 times, so I am an expert. Give each room in the new house a number. Then you number the boxes and furniture to go to the rooms. Makes life very easy for the moving company and everything organised for you.

  39. I want to move but I don’t want to move. I want to be able to magically transport all my stuff without having to work. Oh, and also myself. Because what use is it to be able to magically move my stuff if I still have to get on a damn plane?

  40. If you and David Sedaris teamed up to write a book, I’m pretty sure it would be called “Objects and Animals I’ve Counted After Locking Myself in my House on a Saturday,” and I’d buy 11 copies but then one more for my cat to make sure I purchased an even number.

  41. Hang in there Jenny! I totally understand how moving can effect someone with depression and anxiety. Just do what you can and lean others to do what you cannot. It takes great strength to let go, but try. I will be keeping you in my thoughts during your move. Also, remember to have your meds on hand!

  42. Take care that you don’t lose a cat in the super-fun, packing box playground of champions. I have. Had to open 30 boxes back up to find the pissed-off cat. It all worked out though. By the time I’d repacked 30 boxes, I was pissed off, too.

  43. LOVE HST:)

    Also, I just wanted to say that I was in the bathroom at work, and I realized that you may hide at the bathroom at some social events, but I literally hide in the bathroom at work every. day.

    And also. I just got engaged! I know you are all like, “…and we care, why?” But I just needed to tell a group of reasonably sane people that wouldn’t immediately ask about the exact color shade of the roof of the reception hall’s awning in order to make sure it doesn’t clash with the OHMYGOD WHO CARES.

    🙂

  44. Uh oh. You are on a wild roller coaster ride with the move. I really, really hope you have a lot of help. Moving is exhausting. Looking forward to the move from the cats perspective. Hope it all happens quickly and as painlessly as possible.

  45. So we sold the house…..yaaaay. Now we have to pack, and I’m married to someone who has kept his high school text books for over FIFTY YEARS so you know how much “stuff” we have….Boo! And now we’re having trouble finding a place to live, because the people that bought the house won’t let us live there anymore and want us to move. (How fair is that?) My next move is into a coffin, I swear.

  46. I can’t believe you are moving so close to being on your book tour….that is a lot to have on your plate at one time! Where are you moving to? Something better?

  47. ‘Send it Her Way’ will be my new favorite store (although I like your name better) – I had a whole under the bed storage tupperware container full of that ‘stuff’ in college that I made my mother buy before I left for the year – I was too embarrassed buy them myself (however an entire container under my bed full of that, not a bother, apparently?) And I still run from register to register waiting for a woman to be on the other side to ring the sale (eh – I’ll never grow up and how could I have not thought of this store myself?)

  48. My teenaged daughter will ask in the car on the way home from church, “Daddy, we need to stop at the tampon store!” Not even a little bit embarassed. Then she shows him all the pretty primary colors they come in now. Like crayons. I love that she is totally okay with it and thinks everyone else should be too. Pretty every single woman on the planet did it, does it, or will do it, so why all the secrecy?

  49. I have two small moving boxes in the pantry labeled “CRAP DRAWER.” They have been moved to three different houses since they were packed in 2001! It’s shit like Richard Simmons’ “Deal a Meal” cards, dead batteries, Snoopy bookmark, keychain with my nephew’s picture and random coasters. STILL PACKED.

  50. I hate, Hate, HATE moving. That is all. That is also why I have lived in the same house for over 20 years.

  51. Are you taking the chicken? Of course you’re taking the chicken, right?

    The last time I moved with a cat, I put her on my lap, the moving truck passed us and the cat peed on my lap, rendering the clothes I was wearing and the car itself utterly useless.

  52. I wish moving was easier. I hate it. Most of all, I hate the shit that I had forgotten that I collected and the fact that even though I had forgotten to collect it, I still *HAVE* to keep it…you know…CUZ I’M GONNA DO SOMETHING WITH IT GODDAMMIT!

  53. I’m odd…I LOVE moving. I think it’s part of my depression…the “starting over”. Good luck with your move! Have FUN exploring a new place! Thank you for posting the article “21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together…”. I don’t feel alone when I read your stuff and to see there are so many others out there who GET it, makes me feel good!! <3

  54. And as for mother of the year awards, I won one year. I took away the kids’ Christmas. I mean, it’s not like they didn’t know it was coming. We didn’t just meet….they are familiar with my work…FYI

  55. Having searched for “mantis” and “death”, not coming up with any search results in the comments made me a little sad deep down inside. ONETWOTHREE…DEATH! distracted me to the point of going through the entirety of TheOatmeals comics and blog posts. I thank you. I doubt my boss does.

  56. I have a tiny Yorkshire Terrier who thinks she is a horse. She rolls around on her back like a mad thing. Other times, she pretends to be a cat and purrs when you stroke the back of her eyes. She’s a bit mental really, so she fits in well with the family.

  57. I found your book through Audible, you were top 4 of “Humor” search. I liked the cover, so I googled you. And here I am. 3/4 way through your book and loving it!! Congrats!

    Woman_on_Pause

  58. Oh and by the by, the only way someone could make me move is if they handed me a pez dispenser filled with xanax and four very large moving men with a moving truck. Without any of those, no sir no ma’am. Good luck, moving is horrendous.

  59. Why are there no photos of cats in boxes? Moving, right? Boxes around? There must be cats in boxes.

  60. Great gods, you HAVE been busy. Life, she ees crayzee. And sympathy for your moving situation – (I loathe moving,) but at least you have The Internet!

  61. I just moved this past November. Moving truly is a bitch. If I could find her, I would slap the hell out of her, but I think she’s still in one of the boxes I stuck in the back room.

  62. If Beyonce needs a new home, I would like to offer mine. I could foster her so it wouldn’t be like giving her up completely!

    (Ha! I could never leave Beyonce behind. He’s leaning against the back porch of the new house. He lost a leg but he’s still standing. ~Jenny)

  63. Ahhhh, moving stories. Imagine moving with a Mortician. Every time we’ve moved, I find stuff that doesn’t belong to us and think “Why in the Hell should I be packing this?” But yet – I keep packing this stuff. I’m convinced that’s why some of the places we lived were haunted. They were Ghost hoarders – wanting their stuff back. http://www.lifeasamorticianswife.com

    – Lynne Houston

  64. Just wanted to thank you for linking to the tips… it was a good read, as was the rest of the chain of posts leading to it (even if the original happy people habits was a little infuriating).

    Was part of why I finally decided to start a blog myself, actually 🙂

  65. So I looked up your political yard sign, because yard signs are prohibited in our neighborhood, and apparently I’m on some kind of crusade to see how far I can push all the covenants (um, yes, we do have a 9 foot big metal chicken in our backyard because last year was our 15th anniversary and I couldn’t find a 5 foot chicken–my husband “thanks” you, by the way). Since no one batted an eye (the neighbors love him–the chicken, not my husband, although, I’m sure they’re fond of him, too?), I figured a great yard sign would be welcomed, as well. Then I read the reviews of your yard sign:

    “It was exactly what was needed for this church. Size was right for their frame. The old sign was hand written and hard to read from the road.”

    And I thought, wow, Jenny really has the support of the church community (I did see you at your book signing at a church in KC). And now they are buying her signs. And they think her signs are EXACTLY WHAT IS NEEDED for their church. Nice work. 🙂 But I’m unclear which side they would be displaying. “This House Supports Awesomeness” or “Birds Are People, Too.”

  66. Haha “Moving is a bitch”, this is a killer subject! I’ve just been through one, we’ve moved over a week ago, so I totally get what you mean!

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