And that’s why twitter exists. For pictures of unicorns snogging.

in Random Crap

Remember yesterday when I said that getting a morphine-drip was like being frenched by a unicorn?  Well, it’s sort of been stuck in my mind ever since and so this morning I tweeted this out:

Random assignment for bored artists today: An illustration of a woman making out with a unicorn. #artforawesomeness

The responses were astounding and they helped me to find, lose and then find again my faith in humanity.  This is why twitter exists.  This is why we’re here.  Because there is such great joy in embracing the bewildering art of taking a joke way, way too far.  Thank you for taking that journey with me.

And in case you haven’t followed it on twitter, here are just a few of my very favorites.  (Click on the pics for links to the artist’s awesomeness.)

You guys are weird.

Never change.

151 thoughts on “And that’s why twitter exists. For pictures of unicorns snogging.”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. I saw the tweet earlier. It’s amazing how you can motivate people to do weird things. WOLVERINES!

  13. It is true you can’t un-see things. Oh… My eyes…

    I’m sure just reading this post is getting me shortlisted on some government list – and I only looked at half the tweeted images….

  14. I love that we live in a world where this happens somewhere other than the torn back page of a trapper keeper.

  19. Unfortunately, since I am allergic to morphine, for me it is like rolling around in fiberglass while making out with a unicorn who is into erotic play which involves asphyxiation. Draw that, interwebz.

  22. My unicorn is all, “we never talk anymore…”

    There’s a life goal I can finally cross off my list, Jenny likes a picture I drew!

  24. Ah the conundrum of Unicorns only loving virgins, inevitably rendering them rejected non-virgins.

  25. Fabulous art assignment. Now for those of us who don’t draw, can the next one be a poetry assignment? Cuz something MUST rhyme with unicorn.

  26. yeah, I skew a little more x-rated,, so was hesitant to join in. I need to check back on twitter…

  28. omg. i love the one where the horn pokes her in the eye. awesomeness. these drawings need some t-shirts.

  30. I love the varieties of talent, styles, and mental quirks revealed by the drawings. You, Jenny, are the Patron Goddess of the Interwebz. What you ask, you shall be given. Except for Nathan Fillion holding twine because that would make your goddessness much, much too powerful.

  37. You are awesomely, sometimes disturbingly inspiring! Please don’t ever change because you are my hero 🙂

  38. Here’s a bear…with a Crotch Unicorn. (Yes, I ended up on the Dark Side of YouTube one night…)

  41. Wow. I’m jealous because I have no art skills at all. All I can draw is stick figures and it would just look like they were trying to start a fire.

  42. My friend Kelly and I (you met her at the NJ book signing; she gave you Dr. Who balls or something) frequently spend our time sharing Unicorn stuff with each other on Facebook. She used to hate Unicorns, you see. So I’ve been using Behavior Adjustment Therapy. Or maybe just irritating her. Whichever. But I’ll tell you, searching “Unicorn” on Etsy can take you down a scary scary road….

  43. Damn. Again I find myself wishing I was on Twitter so I could be part of awesomeness like this. Alas, I’m certain no one cares about my rambling thoughts, so no such luck for me. I love that you have awesome fans that do have Twitter!! 😀

  45. Matthew Gerber’s is by far the most disturbing. Kudos Matthew for your darkly disturbed mind.

  46. Back in May 2012, I remember chatting about THIS VERY TOPIC, because a girl at a party was wearing a Star Wars/Unicorn T-shirt, so I mentioned a radio spot Taco Bell had at the time, where alleged customers voiced their opinions about a new product (I think it was the Doritos-flavored taco shell), and one man gave an over-the-top performance, saying, “It’s like french-kissing a unicorn!” I wonder if Taco Bell advertising came up with this idea first, or did they get it from somewhere else?

  50. I’m so glad I could be here for the birth of a new fetish. Now when I say “Someone, somewhere has done/fantasized about that” I can go to sleep secure I’m still right.

  52. MATTHEW WINS!!!!!!!!!! Not only does it fulfill your request but it is a brilliant illustration of my first kiss. He WAS a unicorn………….. in my mind anyway.

  53. Those are great!! I haven’t been on twitter at all in the last 24 hours due to work. I really should be on there more.

  55. I watched that you tube video Amanda L. posted on here and that is just weird… But awesome unicorn pics.

  56. I thought the girl in Matthew’s was wearing a party hat for a moment. That is a terrible, awful, disgusting, amazing party hat.

  59. I think my favorite is the unicorn who’s not sure he’s into it. In my head, I’ve decided that if you catch a unicorn, you get one wish, and the woman wished to make out with the unicorn, but the unicorn’s all, “Okay… I mean, I could cure cancer, or give you millions, but… no? You sure? All right then. We’ll do… that thing. With our tongues.”

  63. I just have to say that this has made my day. And possibly added to my overburdened roster of nightmares. I’m not sure whether to thank you or send you my therapy bills.
    let’s go with thanks. It saves on postage.

  71. I followed this all day, and the thought that occurred most was awe and a bit of fear at the amount of power you weild.

    Then the mad scientist kicked in and I wondered just how much you could convince people to do simply because you said so. I think that for the sake of scientific posterity we need to investigate further.

  75. You guys…. seriously. If you ever decide to take over the world – or even start up a new city – i’m so with you all.

  77. uhh muhhh guuhhhdd. Jenny you and your twitter-ers are fucking awesome. love love love the inspiration AND the interpretation. <>

  78. oh the one with the horn basically going through the head, reality check on just why this wouldn’t work.
    Besides unicorns not existing of course.
    But yeah,… I have these pain pills for me back and well, mellows me out enough my husband sounds like Barry White.. seriously. My back feels good enough for sex and well.. let’s get it on.

    (and.. writing this I now realize, “Yes I did take one so I can get a good nights sleep which I should be doing instead of posting about how taking prescribed meds makes me jump my husband”)

    I’m really going to miss the whole Barry White thing after my operation to fix that darn disc.

  84. This may ostracize me from the group here but, I hate unicorns, mermaids, fairies, glitter, balloons, clowns and confetti. I’m not sure why, I’ve had a crazy life. I got punched by a midget once. I’m not proud. Okay, now that I’ve got that off my chest, good night.

  85. Yay! This must be the sweet taste of success that has thus far eluded me in my life. 🙂

    P.S. Yes, I did draw that on my phone, but I sort of cheated since it has a stylus.

  88. Is there a medal or an award for best use of the internet?
    Cos you surely just won it!

  90. I saw that someone posted that this is the historical peak for Twitter and that it’s all downhill from here. Does that make “Frenched the Unicorn” the new “Jumped the Shark?”

  92. I am sad that I do not know how to tweet. I am a so called cartooner and you sick bastards passed me like I was tied to a tree! I’m so proud of you. All y’all are qualified to ride my bus, I drive the very special bus.

  94. Whoa! Unicorns snogging girls. Having a flashback to a recurring dream I used to have as a teenager…except replace the unicorn with a chicken and the girl with my great grandmother.

  100. These are full of such win and awesome. I think my favorite is the one by @laylalockstar – so adorbs!

  104. It’s amazing how you can rally the troops! Celebrities and The Doctor with twine, frenching unicorns… What’s next?

  106. You know what creeps me out more than the drawings? The girl in third drawing looks like me… so now I know what I’d look like frenching a unicorn. (Also, just noticed my last post title includes “unicorn.” Fate?)

  107. Some of those images I cannot rub from my eyes……. 🙂 Thanks for being you! And for the perfect way to start my day.

  109. You know I’m never going to be able to unsee this again, lol. I might actually have to break my only use twitter once every six months ban to start following you. I did notice all those ladies are a touch on the manish side, or is that some sort of sick side effect from making it with a unicorn?
    -Gina-

  110. I like the one by SeriousMarcia the best. Lady Attercop’s cosplay sketch was cool, too. I admire all of these though. I could draw the unicorn, but my people look like demented aliens.

  116. Do you realize what an awesome power you wield? I’ve never seen anything like this.
    In other news, you just made my entire morning.

  117. I saw this on twitter. I came so close to sketching this but there was no way my hands could create the awesomeness that was in my mind. It was all very Lisa Frank.

  119. Wow so many awesome creative people, and I think Roxie comment above has coined a new phrase.

  120. is it wrong that i liked the top one by matthew gerber the best? that shit made me laugh out loud. like LOUD.

  122. Is it cray that the first two illustrators had nearly the same vision. Though the second one is all staring at the viewer and saying, “Yeah, that’s right baby. I’m frenchin’ this chic.”

  123. Wait, you haven’t seen Sarah Silverman kiss the Serenading Unicorn?

    (Minute 3:15 if you don’t want to watch the whole video)

  124. ackkkkk – the horn thru the forehead was where my mind went too. kinda creepy.
    Thanks for being here. I check in from work when I’m having a particularly shitty day and you never fail to make me at least snicker(doodle).

  126. Hot damn, I would have guessed that the girl should be the unicorn and the dude be making out with her. Clearly I’m the minority on this thought – but I’m also the unicorn. EPIC Ah-ha moment, someone call Oprah!

  127. I think the important part in all this is to remember that the cos-play sketch could become its own fetish (with pictures and videos). There’s already ‘pony play’ this would be ‘horny play’ maybe? (Although that may be its own fetish already. I don’t really want to check)

  128. I knew there had to be a reason for Twitter. It all makes sense now.

  130. Love it!
    I’m very new to twitter & trying to figure out just what exactly is the point. Thanks for showing me!

  131. i SERIOUSLY LOVE the unicorn poking the girl’s eye out. while being a” not so very artist” rendering, it’s truth speaks volumes. that = artforawesomeness.

  132. I think I may know your blog too well. Because I didn’t see the hashtag or any comments regarding your blog. I just saw a picture of a woman kissing a unicorn and I tweeted the person saying “I bet you follow @TheBloggess and yes, she does.

  134. That second drawing reminds me of Eric Northman for some odd reason.

  135. lmao All of the nose-licking and not-touching-tongues! These are so great(ridiculous), especially the Matthew Gerber one.
    (Yeah, that’s already a fetish. I refuse to say how I know that, though. Just… just blame the Bronies and Furries I know.)

  141. I just adopted a fat Italian greyhound, shes a great dog who has great taste in books….she ripped up my copy and I would love a new one PLEASE!!

  142. I needed to inform you that someone is selling a mini verson of Beyoncé. What is pretty sad is my daughter was asking “Who the hell would buy that”. And all I could think is…Jenny. This little guy is $10. Go get em!

  143. I feel so inspired after seeing these drawings! If I was an artist, I would mold my interpretation out of clay, and then I would mold my reaction to the molded interpretation.

    I would call it “Unicorn Fondling and Flattery.”

    I think I have an internet crush on all of these artists, but especially Marina Rose Martinez, mostly because she drew it at the bank. I wonder if they thought she was drawing threatening photos, since the unicorn’s “corn” (not to be confused with horn) could be used as a weapon.

    Marina risked becoming a fricking felon just for your contest. Now THAT’S dedication. I wish I had such dedicated fans…or really just fans other than my husband and my mom.

    You’re a lucky gal, Jenny. A lucky gal.

  145. That is pretty amazing…wow! Amazingly, I would have never even thought about being french-kissed by a unicorn, but now that I have seen those images, it is all I can do to not wonder. I also see some artists took it to homebase, which is definitely above and beyond any unicorn’s normal duties…be thankful for that.

  146. Wow. … these images are like an awkward love child of “My Little Ponies” and “The Godfather”. Except the presence of the horse (or a portion of said horse) in the bed in “The Godfather” had a clearer message. These images make me wonder if the message is to wear a raincoat or it’s better to be threatened by crime lords rather than be violated by my little ponies.

  148. As a bi guy, this set of images is all the sweeter because “unicorn” in sexual deviant circles refers to a hot, available, bisexual girl who is attracted to both you and your partner. (In all honesty, I think horned horses are more common.)

  149. Because I cannot draw a stick figure without it looking like it has a huge, leg-length penis, I had my 13-year-old daughter draw you a unicorn make-out picture, and then realized that it gave me tangible proof that I was a horrible mother. Worse, when I came to tell you how horrible I was…my own internet “parent controls” prevented me from opening this post, which means that I have her drawing picures for a website that I block her from viewing, which either oddly redeems me, or means I’m going to hell…it’s a crapshoot.

  150. Oh My God! Jenny, long time reader, first ime commenting…

    I love your blog! You have made my husband and I laugh to the point of tears.

    Had to let you and @MatthewGerber79 know how great his drawing is. Really, All of them were gret, but Matthew… I was laughing so hard, I cold barely breathe. Thanks!!

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading