Don’t judge me. I come by it naturally.

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

Several weeks ago I bought a fascinator/hat from one of my favorite rogue taxidermists, Emily “Sending-me-road-kill-in-the-mail-is-a-good-thing” Binard, because it reminded me of Hamlet Von Schitzel from my book cover.

Sadly, I do not have a face for fascinators and so I assumed it would be destined to sit on a shelf forever, until I remembered my collection of old, thrift store finds on my wall.

Yorick now has a new home:

And for those of you wondering if James Garfield made the move…here’s the view from my desk:

This is what I do instead of knitting.  Don’t judge me.

************

And in entirely unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by the fantabulous folks at www.karmalot.com (Passcode: SENDKARMATODAY) where you can send and receive gift cards with your Facebook friends. Then you tally up all those giving and receiving activities as Karma points to see if you are more giving person or receiving person.   The app is available as both web and iOS app.  You should probably check it out.

163 thoughts on “Don’t judge me. I come by it naturally.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. The view from your desk is more interesting that the view from mine! I just look at painted, textured walls from my desk. Although, if I sit on my chaise, I see The Avengers. That’s nice to look at. 🙂

  3. My boyfriend is insisting that the animal in the bottom right of that group shot is a corgi. I keep telling him it isn’t but he doesn’t agree with me.

    (Ha! It’s a coyote. He got the first two letters right. ~ Jenny)

  4. I love the fascinator! I’d wear it, probably build a whole outfit around it 🙂

  6. Most people have a window to look out of from their desk….I think yours is more interesting

  8. I found one of my cats trying to stuff a field mouse this morning. And I now realise that the collection of pigeon feathers I’ve been finding in her out door house were to make said mouse an outfit.

  10. I’m rather jealous of your collection AND I contemplate dressing up my Dads taxidermied (its a word now) items. You know to give them that something extra. Or to scare the shit out of my Dad. You be the judge.

  11. I said to her..”Why kill a pigeon too??? You only had to ask and I would have knitted your mouse an outfit”

  12. Well, what if I judge you awesome? I figure that’s an okay judgey thing to do, but I’ll happily take correction if I’m mistaken. I could judge you Badass Queen of Widgets and Weirdos and feel pretty comfortable with it…

  14. Awesome. I would totally make clothes and stuff for mine… plus my bigger pieces would get pets. 🙂

  17. Taxidermy freaks me out. The eyes follow a person everywhere. Do you ever get freaked out by any of your taxidermy?

  18. I LOVE IT!! Makes me want to start collecting taxidermy or going out and killing it myself. Do you hunt Jenny?? Maybe we should plan a hunting trip in San Angelo!! 😉

  22. Haha, I began wondering about James Garfield RIGHT WHEN you wrote, “and for those of you wondering if James Garfield made the move…here’s the view from my desk.” Glad JG was able to make the move.

  23. I think after you die Victor should just open a haunted house, because obviously you’ll never want to leave and all your dead stuff will freak the shit out of everyone. Plus you’ll have a haunted [doll]house in your haunted house, like a universe inside a universe. Deep.

  24. Well that’s probably the best desk view one could ever ask for. And man those hats really are too perfect. I am in love.

  27. Oh man! That whole “fun sized” part of the David Blaine Street Magic video had me in stitches! Thanks for always pointing us in the direction of awesome things!!

  30. The fascinator on the doe head is amazing! That arrangement must really pull the room together.

  31. It’s like ancestral portraits, only better. I’d be distracted by making up new stories about them every day.

  33. You have been judged AWESOME! So deal with it.

    Really, I just look at that picture and think “I want one!” Too bad my boyfriend already said no… but then once I get my own office… hmmmm….

  34. This comment has nothing to do with this post so I apologize and this is a really pathetically shameless plug for my own blog but I thought that this would be something you and many of your fans would like to see. I went to the International OCD conference last weekend in Atlanta and saw the video posted on my blog. I met the guys who made it and i just got back a couple of hours ago from their OCD fundraiser in honor of their friend. This video about John Kelly really explains OCD, especially to people who don’t understand. I really want everyone in the whole world to see this video because then maybe people would stop thinking that my OCD or anyone else’s is a joke. I was hoping you could share this with your followers because I really want to help these guys get the word out and because I hope that someday I can live in a world where I don’t feel completely embarrassed or guilty for living my life according to my OCD. Thanks 🙂

  36. For deals: taxidermy has always freaked me out. Until I saw it in the hands of The Bloggess.

  38. I never thought I’d say this to anyone. But I’m jealous of your dead things. They all belong at a flapper party or something. So perfect.

  39. My better half saw the lead photo over my shoulder and said, “I wouldn’t be against having taxidermy rodents around the apartment.” Oh boy.

  41. While that hat looks divine on your doe, I’m thinking it would look even more so on Kate Middleton, a.k.a. the Royal Womb. Can’t you just picture her wearing that next Ascot racing day?! Just a suggestion.

  43. My mom: “Well, that’s one way to dress up your husband’s dead deer.”

    BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! My mom doesn’t read your blog, she looked over my shoulder when she walked by.

  45. OMG – thank you! My son and I had a good and much needed laugh at your dressed or should I say trussed up friends. Don’t stop – you are awesome!

  47. Thank you for the post, you are AWESOME!
    The doe now makes me think of Miss Kitty…..from Gunsmoke.

  49. The view from my desk is just a framed saying: “I Sniff Books”.”
    It’s true: libraries smell excellent: all book-like.

  50. I think you’re really missing something by not having James Garfield and friends animatronic like the frickin Tiki Room! Think of the stories they could tell.

  51. I can’t believe how magnificent I find your taxidermy wall. Especially the pig. He’s so fancy.

  53. I think the doe needs a pearl necklace now, the bow is too day time casual to go with the facinator.

  55. I’m not sure any person – including Kate – could wear that fascinator as well as that deer!

  57. Wow. The fascinater hat with dead animals actually looks good on the does. Don’t knock knitting it saved my ass from years on the couch being pumped with drugs I’m allergic to. Not that drugs are bad. They have their place just not for my body. The wall does look interesting I gotta say. Glad you blogged about the dead animals as I know a few guys who collect dear heads. They love your wall. Seriously, try knitting.

  58. I think the deer looks totes adorbs. The fascinator suits her to the ground. Or the wall. Well done. x

  60. Maybe more people would be interesting if they looked at that view from their desks. Also, I think that there would be less corporate depression. So maybe you should start a campaign for more taxidermy in big office buildings.

  62. The fact that it’s a hat is a little terrifying, but the colors are quite beautiful. Just sayin’

  63. Aaahahaha. I just snorted wine through my nose. Burns like a bitch, don’t judge me.

  67. My husband is going alligator hunting next month. We live in Alabama and 50 hunting tags are given out per year through a lottery system (so it’s kind of a big deal he has the opportunity). With your apparent affinity for dead animals, if my husband kills an alligator, what are your ideas for taxidermy and/or accessories made from said alligator? I’m thinking a cummerbund or suspenders, koozies and a hand towel holder made from a paw. Other ideas different from the regular boots and belt fare?

  69. Love it, love it all. Would you consider having portraits painted of them? I’d love to do it 🙂

  71. Is that James Garfield’s petrified flat penis in the lower left corner of this fabulous display?

  73. I guess Hailey’s already got plenty of material for her memoir “Let’s Pretend All These Dead Animals and Dolls Aren’t Looking At Me.”

  76. I find the hats, mustaches, hair etc make the animal heads look less weird on the wall, take that pinterest.

  79. The view from your desk is so perfect in every way that it is clear you are a design diva!!!

  80. Only YOU would have your own “rogue taxidermist” and a place to put that particular fascinator. I love that about you.

  81. I always thought I wasn’t a fan of taxidermy … you have helped me with this. I am NOT a fan of stuffed nekked animals. Apparently if they are cleverly adorned, I’m a fan. … that may extend to live animals too … and humans as well. Unless they are senior citizens … seniors at nude beaches are the best!!!! They own it … oh wait this is your blog not my tangent … sorry.

  82. Pure class! If you took up knitting and behaved, I don’t know WHAT I’d do with myself. 🙂 <3

  83. The hat is heaven. Duchess of Cambridge heaven. You should replace the guy who gave Princess Beatrice the pretzel hat as royal milliner. Really. I’m not kidding. Do I look like I would kid about something like that?????

    Heaven. The hat is heaven.

  85. What a fabulous office wall. The hat adds the extra something special.

    I started crying watching the Doubleclicks’ “Nothing to Prove” video. It really hit a nerve because I too have had some of those comments said to me. Because I’m a girl, clearly I know *nothing* about video games, comic books, etc, and I’ve been told I should stick with the “girl” games and “girly” comic books. Very cool and powerful video, and what great lyrics. Plus, double bonus points that the awesome Adam Savage (love Mythbusters) AND the fabulous Wil Wheaton were both in it. Those powerful women showing off their geek, and I’m totally proud to be a part of this tribe. Fantastic. Thanks for sharing it!

    And speaking of tribes, I recommend this article. A friend shared it with me not too long before you started talking about being part of a tribe: http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/07/18/the-health-benefits-of-finding-your-tribe/

  86. You know that fascinator really makes the whole outfit. Makes her eyelashes look long and luscious.
    And I love the moustache on the cougar (?), but not sure the gun belongs under the taxidermic animals…
    might be considered ‘poor taste’ in some circles. No judgment though.

  88. oh, she looks stunning in that “hat”!

    Don’t know that I’d want to look up into James Garfield’s nostrils all day, but it’s a nice arrangement otherwise 😉

  91. I already like hats, so I figure I just need to appreciate taxidermy so I can recreate a wall like this.

  93. As someone who knits (and crochets) I think your hobby is better. ;D

    But did your DOLLS make the move? Where have you got your lovely BJD’s stationed now?

  94. I cannot even begin to explain how much I love the wall of dressed up animal heads. Partly because it sounds weird but then again this is a safe place….

    Also, did anyone else get a “Snape dressed as Neville Longbottom’s grandma” vibe when they looked at that fascinator? Because I know I did.

  95. Oh my! That wall! I love it… Your fascinator has the perfect new home… hmmm. We have a few spare deer mounts laying around (One actually wears a paper mustache, and is aptly named Senior Mustache… my kid is awesome) that I could “cool” up the playroom with. LOL. Love love love.

  97. This is awesome! Thanks for the shout out and pic of the yorick hat in action…I love to see how people enjoy my work! Anyone who wants to see my latest creations as I turn them out can follow me on Instagram @ebinard
    Thanks Bloggess!

  100. Like it was made for it.

    (purposefuly let vague, to make ye wonder 😀 )

  101. And sort-of-double-posting, but in the mean time I checked out your 8 lb uncut cocaine store, and fell in love with the Depression Lies necklace. There’s a whole PhD thesis in the meaning of the 3 options (square/round/locket), but I’ve only had 1 coffee yet, so instead of producing the thesis, am thinking of a seminar. This is a call for papers 😉

  103. I think this fascinator would look great with your face, and I’m pretty sure Pippa Middleton has the same one.

  105. I need to go buy a house now, so I can send your card as moving announcements.

  109. @Sara Hamil – “Also, did anyone else get a “Snape dressed as Neville Longbottom’s grandma” vibe when they looked at that fascinator? Because I know I did.”

    I didn’t, until you mentioned it. Now that’s all I can think about. Well played.

  110. Serious question: how do you keep your taxidermied pieces from getting dusty and gross?

    (I blow on them. It sound ridiculous but if you blow on them once a week it keeps all the dust off. Also, central Texas is much less dusty than West Texas so dust isn’t as much of an issue as it can be in other areas. ~ Jenny)

  112. Clearly, your office must be displayed in some fabulous modern hunting /home decorating magazine. Sort of like Better homes and gardens meets the wilderness. There must be one out there. If there is, your readers will find it! Or, maybe you should start a hunting/home decorating magazine. You could call it Living Wild or Animal Circle or …

  113. Thanks for posting the cosplay video. That was awesome! My fiance and I went down to con and actually saw the giant robot. He looks good in the video but it really doesnt do him justice. That thing was huge! Also, saw one of the guys with the presents (2:42) on the street and yelled to him “Hey! I like your package!”. He laughed and yelled back “THANKS!”. It was awesome.

  115. I love this! You have, in fact, inspired me to start accessorizing our coyote. The first outfit was a strand of large silver beads with purple reading glasses. Now it’s sporting a large 70’s party afro wig and multiple leis.

  118. My fiance took a look at that last picture, cracked up, and said how awesome your all is. Yeah I found a keeper!

  120. The bobcat-lookin’ guy with the pince nez and epic mustache looks like Toulouse-Lautrec. He needs some taxidermied syphilis.

  121. How the hell do you not have the DEVO RACCOON from her etsy shop??? How is this possible? That thing is like 50 levels of awesome!!! YOU HAVE TO BUY IT!!! It belongs with you. I know it is a lot of punctuation but I felt it was needed. Hugs!

  123. Would it be weird to blow up the picture of what’s above your desk and hang it above mine?

  125. My hubby took one look at that fascinator and wanted to know who would put a dead bird on their head. He didn’t even see the mouse until I pointed it out.

  127. Love that “nothing to prove” video…..as my 3 yr old girl who loves to dress up as a princess pointed out when choosing Spider-Man flip flops. “Even girls can like Spider-Man!” Yep, that’s right!

  130. For the first time ever I am seriously sad I didn’t get my dad’s water buffalo head (no Daddy was not a water buffalo but he did take one to the local taxidermist after he shot it). I don’t kill animals (on purpose…although I did hit a squirrel the other day and need vodka to recover) so I didn’t keep any of the animal heads that used to terrorize my friends during sleepovers. But if I had a fascinator to put on one…oh yeah…I think even Daddy would have approved…

  135. Found an owl pellet a couple weeks ago. I think it has finally dried out. Hoping to find a few mouse skulls in there so i have some (or at least one) to send to you. We can wear them on chains like best friend necklaces. I will keep you posted on my progress of digging through the owl shit.

  136. Not to take attention away from your festive headpiece but mushroom kitten is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in ages (possibly need to get out more) – thanks for the laugh. 😀

  137. Hi. Love the new addition to your wall family. I love taxidermy too!! Just finished your book…it’s the first book in a long time that’s had me crying with laughter. Thanks for writing it. It’s excellent. Been recommending it to everyone.

    Dawn xx

  138. Ok.. so I get the company’s workers compensation policy and since I’d shopped it last year to get it down I was perturbed to see the bill higher. I see this little category where the change is and its insurance gobbledegook so I google the phrase and read up on it. (A total BS charge btw!) But on the bottom of the page I see this link… “Cats are A**holes” ~ Zazzle and I realize you’re so popular on Zazzle they use YOU as their marketing platform! I hope you’re getting a gift basket out of it! 😀

  140. Seriously, what is the thing in the lower left hand corner? I read the comments SOLELY to ensure I was not the only one who thought “penis” immediately upon seeing it. I wasn’t. Please clear this mystery up.

    (It’s a paper-mache gun made by a parade float designer in the 80’s. ~ Jenny)

  143. I collect Venetian theatrical masks. My husband hates them. Thus they live in my office, where he doesn’t have to see them.

    After reading this post, I sent him a screen shot of your wall, with all your gorgeous friends? pets? (I don’t even know…). The email said “I know you hate my masks, but it could have been much much worse for you. Appreciate baby.”

    Thank you for being you Jenny. My sympathy to your husband. Not really.

  144. Hi Jenny. I love your wall! While we’re waiting for your next book (I’m counting on you here) maybe you could publish a coffee table photographic book of weird and wonderful taxidermy, or a children’s picture book using your wee wall friends as character inspiration! Love your work 😉

  145. Of course I went to the etsy shop that sells this lovely fascinator, and now I want the butterfly-mouse-fairy thing on her page. It’s adorable! It would totally live on my desk and freak out patrons who don’t appreciate mouse fairies!

  147. I don’t judge, but I confess that I am fascinated that your wall decorations don’t cause you more anxiety. I am also fascinated that your wall decorations have more style than I ever will.

  149. I assume before she was given the fascinator, the poor doe felt woefully under-dressed compared to her companions.

  150. 1. great wall! but I could never work under that, i’d be freaked out by the eyes and then i’d start talking to them and asking them questions….

    2. If James Garfield, your james garfield, not the dead president, started a twitter feed, I would totally read that. every day. for notes on how to live my life. from a dead boar. that lives on your wall. I need a james garfield twitter feed.

  153. My FIL is a big hunter. I’d love to decorate his mounts with crazy hats and pearls. I don’t think he’d see the humor in it as I would.

  154. hi from Turkey 🙂
    i am reading ur book and that is great
    congrats..

    my one day accually like that
    step 1 : wake up 08:30
    step 2 : breakfast 9:00
    step 3 : take shower 9:40
    step 4 reading your book 10:00 – 12:00

    i like u very much but also i wanna meet with ur crazy father 🙂 or may be i dont want i am not sure..
    say to hello pls ur family and take care Jenny :*

    i wanna say so much things but my english not so good i am sorry for that

  155. hello Mrs Lawson,just want to say thanks…here’s the story….acouple weeks ago I was shopping with my girlfriend and as is normal for us when we’re done getting all the things we need she goes off and looks for smelly candles that make the house,well smelly,and I brouse the book section to keep me out of her hair and preoccpied,I came accross your book,I don’t know why I opened it and started to read,I think it was the picture of Hamlet van Schnitzel?? not sure,anyho…I was sold at the introduction and after realizing at 43 I can count on 1 hand how many books I’ve actually read cover to cover(I have a low attention span) I thought what the hell,buy this one and promised myself to read it cover to cover,finnally done and it was worth every page!!!! now I can count on 2 hands how many books I’ve read cover to cover,so thank you and keep up the good work 🙂
    ps…pretty sure my first lsd trip was funnier than yours lol

  156. The fascinator is wonderful! So is the taxidermied heads collection on your wall! (I think it’s the accessories that give it it’s “punch”!) 🙂

  158. I think your post on the “card for any occasion except maybe funerals” was hilarious. Perhaps, that is because I work at a cemetery and I’d customize it for all those less fortunate relationships I’ve had.

  159. OMG! I just moved to Houston from Ohio, and every time I drive past a taxidermist down here, I think of you. Why are there so many fucking taxidermists in Texas?! And is it all of Texas, or just the Houston area? I think Houston has a taxidermy problem. I had never seen one in my life, anywhere in Ohio or on my travels, until moving here. It’s a thing I wonder about.

  160. This looks like a gang of Taxidermy Teddy Boys/Girls; they look like they are going to mess some ish up and look fancy doing it, damn it!

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