I didn’t eat anyone that I know of.

in more than meets the eye, Random Crap

So…yeah.

That last post.

I don’t even know where to start except to say “Thank you.”  Thank you for making me feel less alone.  Thank you for giving myself permission to have as much compassion for myself as I do others.  Thank you for reminding all of the rest of us that we’re each fighting our own battle and that we deserve more than just a few days of I-AM-KICKING-ASS happiness a month.

I’m still reading the comments.  I’m still trying to figure out a solution.  I’m still looking at the books and goals and therapies you suggested.  But the one thing that seemed to come out more often than anything was the fact that we judge ourselves by incredibly high standards that are unattainable or which are impossible to keep up without crashing.  We remember the things we didn’t do well and seldom congratulate ourselves on the things we do fantastically.  Even in success we don’t give ourselves the chance to really appreciate what we’ve done and what we have.  And that’s why I’m going to do two things.

First, I’m going to lower the goddam bar, because right now it seems so high that it scares the shit out of me and I get paralyzed and I end up accomplishing nothing.  Instead, I’m going to try to set more attainable goals.  Instead of “finishing a book” I’m going to “work on a chapter”.  Instead of cleaning out the garage I’m going to clear off my desk.  Instead of staring at the 320 things on my To-Do list, I’m going to spend the day answering the emails I’ve been avoiding.

The second thing I’m going to do is to celebrate my small victories and scratch out all the things that make me unable to see them without shame.

This year I lost 42 pounds, but I’m still really overweight.

I went to the Parent-Teacher meeting and I was the only parent who didn’t know anyone there.

I got invited to speak at a lot of conferences but I turned 90% of them down because I’m scared to talk.

I’m writing my second book but it’s different from my first and maybe people will hate it.

I have to take a shitload of drugs so that I am normal.

And then there’s this:

Last week a woman asked if she could buy one of my weekly-wrap-up spots to promote her zombie-game kickstarter but I turned her down because I didn’t have any spots left.  She thanked me anyway, and then she sent me one of the cards they’re working on for the game.

It’s a motherfucking zombie me, y’all.

(Zombie art by Tommy Arnold)

And as I looked at it I realized that maybe I’m not that great at being a person, but I’d probably be a kick-ass zombie and perhaps I’m just in the wrong occupation.  Then Victor pointed out that “flesh-eating zombie is not an occupation“, but I assume he just thinks that because he judges work based on paychecks rather than on personal fulfillment, and then I told him that he just didn’t understand because he’s a Republican, and he countered that even Democrats usually recognize that being a zombie is not a vocation to strive for, and that’s why I’m looking into becoming a Libertarian.  Regardless, looking at that zombie portrait I realized that if I was a zombie I’d be out eating people right this second, and that would be a shitty thing to do.  It ruins everyone’s day and is probably not sanitary or covered by insurance.  Plus, I assume people taste gross.  I had steak tar-tar once and I thought I was going to vomit on the plate, and I ended up cooking each piece with my lighter and I almost set the tablecloth on fire.  The point is, even if I accomplish nothing today, I didn’t eat anyone.  That is a win.  For everyone.

The bottom-line is, there’s something very nice (and vaguely Stuart Smalley) about affirming something you accomplished and also recognizing something awful you avoided.  I highly recommend it.

I’ll go first.

This week I wrote two pages in my new book and I don’t hate them.  Also, I didn’t eat anyone.

Now you.

PS. The zombie-kickstarter game people didn’t pay me anything for this and, in fact, I ended up sending them money to fund their project.  This might seem generous, but keep in mind that they sent me a zombie portrait even after I told them that I wasn’t able to help them at all.  Sometimes kindness just begets kindness and just keeps going.  And sometimes that kindness needs to start with yourself.  Be nice to you.  I like you.  I will not eat you.  (Unless you want me to and we’re starving to death on a deserted island and you’re already dying of something.  Then I might eat you.  But I would cook you first.  Because you are worth it.)

790 thoughts on “I didn’t eat anyone that I know of.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Today I didn’t get dressed and I have eaten mostly bread with ginger curd on it, but I did wash up some dishes and make a list of all the things I’m going to achieve when I start achieving things next. And I didn’t eat anyone, and I didn’t set anything on fire or drop half a grapefruit skin on my foot and squeal because it felt like brains (that was yesterday). So I’m chalking that up as a successful day off from overachieving.

  2. I went to the Parent-Teacher meeting and I was the only parent who didn’t know anyone there.

    ^ this was me yesterday if you sub “Parent-Teacher meeting” with Ballet Lesson. ALL the other mothers in the room talking to each other and asking about how the lake was and then talking about their 3 year olds in Montessori PreK and I felt like shit because A- I didn’t know ANYONE and B- my 4 year old isn’t in PreK at all, let alone Montessori. So there’s that.

    But both of my kids were good enough they didn’t make me want to pull my hair out and I actually did get to play with them and enjoy the evening. Even if they did eat chicken nuggets on the couch and I ate beer for dinner.

  3. Your post from yesterday was so the story of my life that it made my heart hurt, but it made me feel better about myself, too. Awesome people have massive doubts. Awesome people have to take medication to be normal and still spend days on the sofa, like me. Awesome people are still awesome.

  4. This week I cleaned up a phenomenal amount of bodily excrement from multiple sick mammals and I really feel like maybe I deserve some sort of award for not completely losing my shit.

    Also, I’m a libertarian. Zombie is totally an occupation we recognize. I’m pretty sure it’s listed under “Food Service.”

  7. This week I didn’t hurt myself. I took a couple naps, showed compassion, patience and tolerance during two very difficult moments and didn’t eat marshmallows straight out of the bag because my craving for sugar got the best of me. YAY ME!

  8. Today I confirmed that I get to move out of my shitty apartment and into a nicer, newer, brighter and shinier apartment. And I didn’t scream at anyone at all to make that happen.

  9. This week I started a new short story for the first time in years and it might suck and even if it does suck that’s okay because it’s something new. I hardly even hate it right now.

  10. Today I put on dirty clothes to go out for lunch with my friend, but first I hung up artwork I’ve been to lazy to hang for months (ok, ok, over a year. Shut up.)

  11. I find this web site super-helpful for attitude-correcting realism. http://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com It’s aimed at people who need help getting their physical environment clean, but I think the methods can be adapted to just about any project. Hugs!!

  12. Today I had lunch with my sister, we didn’t fight. I made someone at work laugh. I didn’t eat anyone. A very good day.

  13. Today I started an FAQ for myself at work so I don’t have to keep asking the same questions over and over. Last night, I actually washed some dishes. The cats haven’t starved and my child is healthy. Oh, and I paid my rent on time 3rd month in a row. I’m on a roll!

  14. today i stayed in my pajamas and bathrobe all day. because i could 🙂 and i refuse to feel guilty about that!

  16. Today I held my phone under my chin while pulling up my pants and I didn’t drop it into the toilet. Twice.
    Also, I put on makeup.

  17. I was nominated for PTA President this week, and eventhough I know I won’t win, because I’m the “weird mom” and all the other moms hate me – I’m still kind of proud that my kid’s teacher thinks I’m cool.

  18. Today I couldn’t get a single dentist to accept payment plans since I’m currently jobless and broke and in an incredible amount of pain – but I didn’t take my anger/frustration/shame/pain out on my fiance when my bi-polar walls got broken down. I did cry though and that’s okay.

  19. This week, I have accomplished a pile of tiny things and finished off some big ones. I have not yet called anyone an asshat to their face.

    Oh, and you’re following me on Twitter now, so I feel special from that. (Not allowing myself a comment about stepping up my game now that you’re reading…another victory).

  20. I’m with Amber – I lean Libertarian and Zombie is totally valid as an occupation.
    Also I did the photography part of my job this morning without rationalizing how I could just as easily do it tomorrow (well, I did a leeeetle rationalizing but I persevered)(also persevered in my head looks like pre-severed which makes me think of Dexter and then back again to zombies).
    Also ALSO my kids made it through the week alive so I feel good about that accomplishment.

  21. Speaking of zombies, today I finished translating a bad zombie movie which I am viewing back now for quality control purposes (my job sometimes is awesome, like when I had to spend hours and hours staring at John Barrowman or Alexander Skårsgard, who tend to be naked a lot) and I was not viciously scratched by my kitten for no reason like yesterday. Instead, I catnapped with my older, way more proper cat Sammy on the recliner and we both enjoyed the blanket I used to cover myself with. Tomorrow I’m gonna go look for a wig for my Halloween costume because I’m gonna be a fierce drag queen (hey, all those hours spent watching RuPaul’s Drag Race and Drag U were educational after all! Who knew?)

  22. Even though my kids are driving me crazy, I did not lose my shit at them and didn’t duct tape them to the wall.

    Wait, cross out the “didn’t duct tape them to the wall” part.

    I am kidding.

    Maybe.

  23. I cut myself some slack and don’t feel bad about it. I have a mostly weekly column and with the first week of school I just couldn’t finish it so I wrote to them and was honest and everything is shockingly fine. I mostly predict Armageddon.

    I am thankful for your honesty.

  25. I told my children I loved them many, many times (even if I was short tempered at times). And I paid bills! I just have some weird thing about hating to simply sit down and do it, but I did!

  26. Today I went to work. I also listened to entire album of Rodrigo y Gabriela, which I discovered yesterday thanks to Chookooloonks, and it made me so dancy.

  27. Awesomesauce follow up, and one I really needed.

    Today, I have worked on my walking stick project and posted some stuff on my tumblr, my friend the Professor of Rhetoric told me something I wrote was really good, and I also have not eaten anyone. Woot! wins all around I would say.

  28. I managed to get through the whole day without having a panic attack about my current relationships! I’m even happy today!

  30. I didn’t projectile vomit green pea soup at anyone this week………. there’s that.

    This is so difficult! 🙁 It’s a very worthy exercise though and I’m going to try and employ it next time the self-esteemasuarus rex kicks my ass. Thank for sharing your affirmations.

  32. This week I let several extremely hurtful things that were said to me go because I knew that wasn’t what the person that said them really meant. And I haven’t beaten myself up today for having too much anxiety to answer yesterday’s post. So yeah. Go me!

  33. Today I worked on two things that needed working on without freaking out about them.

    Also, I avoided having homicidal tendencies while riding the bus, so lots of people managed to get to work without dying.

  34. Today I’m working in a bathing suit top because I forgot to do laundry and I have no more clean bras. BUT I made my husband laugh with my theory that he dropped a carton of eggs because they were evil, sentient eggs and that we were better off not having to eat them. So that makes my day a success.

  35. Please, can I send you one of these? It’s a Morse code necklace with your own words… and I think it applies. It’s enough that you are you, and it’s ice cream on the cake that we all get to read your blog and feel like we know you even when we’ve never met you. (Well, I guess I did get to meet you at a book-signing once.)

    I teach college classes, and reading your stories has made me a lot more sensitive to what my students might be going through when they start to struggle with class. Thank you, and on behalf of my students, thank you more.

    https://www.etsy.com/listing/154860257/morse-code-red-dress-necklace-in-honor

  36. Today I walked the dog and arrived to work on time. That’s what I have for today….

  37. I have a list of ways to be kind to myself:
    1. Tell people no when I need to make room for my own needs.
    2. When I discover a behavior/though/feeling/feature about myself that I don’t like, take it simply as information, not judgement.
    3. Nurture my harsh inner voice as I would an injured child.
    4. Don’t compare myself to others.
    5. Replace negatives with positives (which is a lot like your shame exorcism list above).
    6. Remember that perfection is an illusion.

  38. “…Then I might eat you. But I would cook you first. Because you are worth it.) ”

    I had no idea how much I needed to hear that today. Thanks.

    Back attcha.

  39. I came to work, I critiqued a chapter for a writer friend, I’m looking over one of my own that is not shit. I’m filling out an application for a book signing event that is expected to draw a lot of attention, so they won’t have room for all the authors who want to attend. I probably won’t get picked, but at least I’m making the effort to fill out the application.

  40. I have made no meaningful progress whatsoever today, but I did manage to get a gift for the birthday party my daughter will attend tomorrow. That’s all I really needed to do…

    (I’m pleased to hear you sound much lighter in spirit today – and you lost 42 pounds? That’s amazing! I can’t wait to read all the pages you didn’t hate, too. I didn’t eat anyone either, but I find that a pretty easy thing to do.)

  41. Okay, I did eat someone today, but it was only one and they had it coming. I will endeavor to go the entire weekend without a repeat. Otherwise, I unpacked two boxes from the move, got two loads hauled up the impossibly narrow stairs, a load of laundry on the line, and a load of dishes in the drainer. And dog pee cleaned off the washer.

    All in all, this is shaping up to be a winner of a day.

    Terri

  42. Today I walked for an hour with two good friends and then instead of rushing back to our lives we stopped for coffee and talked for three more hours. Then I came home, ate a healthy lunch, and finished writing up information for a project I’m doing that terrifies me– but I’m doing it anyway.
    This was a particularly good day and I haven’t even had a nap yet!

  43. Today I gave blood… not to a vampire, but to a blood center, where I know it will go to help someone (not just perpetuate the vampire race).

  44. At a CBT course I took for anxiety they taught us the mantra, “Aim Low” I try to remember that whenever I’m going into a failure-spiral. Try is the operative word, but sometimes it helps to pull me out.

    This week I finished a story I wrote by the intended deadline. I didn’t eat the entire bag of M&Ms that is currently in my cupboard. Or murder anyone.

  45. This week of managing the chaos of five kids back in school and a husband recovering from mo-fo EYE surgery and me, having this killer autoimmune bullshit that makes me want to Thelma & Louise but I don’t…

    I took it upon myself to take two full days of doing glorious SFA. I sat my I’ve-earned-this-ass on the couch and even watched TWO zombie movies. Very apropos, eh?

  46. Today I’m nauseated and hurting and feelings like a fucking basket case. I keep apologizing to the people around me for having to put up with me. But it’s NOT my fault and they love me anyway so I’m going to try to stop doing that. I will also strive not to eat anyone, I think I can do that from bed. =)

  47. Jenny, you are … ALL of us. We ALL have this tendency to look at everyone else and think they have their shit together because their clothes look great and they’re thinner than us and everything looks great on Facebook, but guess what? Facebook is the biggest farce ever, and they all have the same doubts as us (unless they really ARE just that shallow and rich, but I try not to let myself go there). I tell myself that they are probably looking right back at me and thinking, now why can’t I be as cool/thin/hip/funny/pretty as THAT lady? They just don’t show it; just like me– so I just pretend I’m cooler than them, because I’m rocking cut-offs and flipflops whenever I FEEL like it, (so there:P). Even though I secretly know I’m the same dorky kid I always was, I pretend I’m not, and tah-dah, no one can see it– so, we’re even.

    I didn’t eat anyone lately either, except this bitchy customer yesterday who I was happy to eviscerate online, which made me feel SO MUCH BETTER. She wouldn’t have tasted good anyway, she was so bitter! lol Keep on not eating people– you’re doing great! stef

  48. Once again, we all love you, Jenny.
    Won’t you do the same?
    As for me, I’m walking away from writing because my career has crashed and burned worse then the Hindenburg. Doing so has left me more time for my awesome family.
    So there you have it: I’m not going to kid myself any longer and my daughter gets more time with her dad.
    Win-win, no?

  50. Today I didn’t tidy up the house or do anything productive… and i’m totally okay with that.

  51. Something accomplished: wrote a blog post tribute to my stepmother who just lost her fight against MS.

    Something avoided: When my hypochondriac and paranoid coworker complained that her non-organic banana was probably covered in pesticides, I refrained from telling her bananas contain natural radioactivity, EVEN THOUGH she would probably have run out to buy a radiation badge to monitor her lifetime banana exposure.

  52. I love the idea of breaking down a brief to-do list into smaller parts so that you can feel accomplished for each part of a bigger task. For example, “1. Eat ice cream” becomes 1. go to the store, 2. buy ice cream, 3. go home, 4. put it in your favorite bowl, 5. eat ice cream. FIVE whole things to cross off! What a wonderful set of accomplishments.

    This week, I’ve been complimented on doing a wonderful job at work at least three times. And I’ve worked at least a little bit on my novel every day.

    Small victories. We are all wonderful people.

  53. Today I woke up, I enjoyed being me and didn’t kill anyone. I managed to not overdraft my bank account this week and I am starting a new job next week. Things are looking up. Thank you for helping us all realize we aren’t alone! ^5!! =D

  54. Today I found a crochet pattern to try for a new moogle, got dressed, went to the used bookstore (and found both movies I wanted), dropped off a timecard, and returned sheet dividers at staples. Now, I’ll see how far I get on laundry and dishes… and then crochet.

    All of you are inspiring, and it’s amazing to not be alone…

  55. This week: 1) I didn’t max out any credit cards 2) None of my CRC’s (Creatures Requiring Care – includes my son and my two dogs and sometimes my husband) starved or dehydrated 3) I committed to the attendance of a social gathering despite it being a huge pain in the ass to attend because I know that in the end, I will be glad I went and 4) I didn’t actually gain any weight. I mean, I didn’t weigh myself or anything, I’m just guessing. But I feel pretty confident in the guess. All in all, I’m pretty sure I kicked this week’s ass.

  56. I also didn’t eat anyone today. I also watched Project Runway and Duck Dynasty. Hey, you gotta start somewhere. At least I put on pants, well they’re kind of pants. Maybe I should say at least I covered up my ass.

  57. Today I read a book for class and put away the laundry that’s been sitting on my floor for over a week.

  58. Yeah, I’ve noticed that I set impossibly high standards for myself, too. Standards that I don’t apply to anyone else. I’m trying to stop.

    I didn’t eat anyone today, either. Go us!

  59. I made it to work every day this week, even though my hips feel like they are being ripped off due to being 9 months pregnant. AND I didn’t tell my boss off at all this week, which is lucky for him (and me because I kind of like having a job and getting paid). (=

  60. Wow. I just read these two posts. So, I had a 6-figure income, then my husband died, who’d been sick for years and got really, really sick towards the end so I was holding on to this hi-pressure management job AND helping my husband put on his shoes and button his shirt before I left for work. After he died, I fell apart. I took some time off work, and when I was ready to go back, it was 2008 and there were NO JOBS. And because my husband told me I knew nothing about finances and I believed him I didn’t budget anything and I ran through $100K insurance settlement, lost my house, ended up living with friends, then moved up to the mountains to live on the property of a woman who was absent for the first three months, then when she arrived I found out she was crazy, and not in a good way like you and me, and I had NO money, not like some people have money in the bank and say they have no money, but like I had $2 to put in the gas tank to drive 30 miles to go get my food stamps because all I had in the pantry was some spaghetti and some eggs. No sauce, just spaghetti. And I didn’t have the money to continue taking Prozac. I had written a book called “Oops, You’re Dead” about surviving surgery, but no agent wanted it even though anyone who needs surgery needs to read this book. So I was far away, I had literally no money, and spent most of the day napping or reading books.
    Then I started doing gratefuls. Every day I HAD to find 10 things to be grateful about. Most days it was really, really hard, especially in the beginning. I was reduced to being grateful that I can see (which I am, but when that’s number 3, you’re life really sucks). But every day, I had to find 10 things to be grateful for. And I started looking for things to put on the list because the list was really hard. And my boyfriend took me away from the crazy lady by saying he’d move in with me in another town and pay my rent. And I went to therapy to find out my husband sucked at finances and that making a budget is not that hard. And I found a job because the economy was getting better, and my boyfriend put our move to Chico on the credit card. And I started working again, and paying off my debts, and getting back on track, and working out even. All because I had to list 10 things every night that I was grateful for, and because I wanted to get my life back on track. Then I started making mottos: No More Drama (the way you have no more drama is to take care of yourself, all the time, up front, every day. Put gas in the car instead of being freaked out that you’ll run out of gas. Take your meds on time. Eat.) So I started taking better care of myself. And finding 10 things I was grateful for every day. Then I started working on getting all the crap-ass critical voices in my head to SHUT UP. I would think something positive and then think something that was critical – like you with your list where you crossed out stuff. ALL THE TIME. So I started telling those voices to Shut UP, and it’s been working. It’s been three years 5 years, and now I’m back at the top of my game professionally, I make a great salary again, I paid for my boyfriends’ rent for as long as he paid for mine, and I’m still paying back the credit card debt, but I’ll be clear in less than a year. My current motto is: I’m too old for this shit, which I came up with because I was worried that my new fiction writing will not be good enough. I’m too old for this shit of not believing in myself. I’ve found it’s a great motto because it applies to a lot of other things in my life. I’ve had those days when I didn’t have enough energy to change the britta filter. And now things are amazing. And I appreciate my life. It’s still a process, but it’s AWESOME, and for me the grateful thing really worked, but you have to stop the voices that degrade it. My boyfriend made up this rule that he would do gratefuls, but he had to be greatful TO somebody, and I said, “why not just be grateful?” and he said, that would just like being glad, and I said, what’s wrong with that?
    I love your writing, I love your honesty, I love your community. Stay strong and know that you are loved.

  61. Today, I tipped my waiter 100% at lunch after quietly observing so many other patrons being RUDE. Regardless of their tip, it doesn’t cost anything to just be NICE. I also did yoga for the second day in a row. I only made it 35 minutes into an hour long practice, but that is 5 minutes longer than I made it yesterday. I also didn’t eat anyone. I attribute this to the yoga. 😉

  62. “Be nice to you.” – that’s a very important thing to remember. Yet so easy to forget.

    Baby steps are huge accomplishments. I break my to-do list down every time it seems to be overwhelming and make a rule of three items a day being accomplished. Sometimes a good day is 1) put forks away 2) send one email 3) spray paint starfish

  63. today I never got out of my pajamas…my friend came over and there was laundry clean and dirty all over the house..(she is a neat freak) and I didn’t care.
    My son stayed home sick from school and had puked on the carpeted stairs the night before. I threw a towel over it until I could get to it today. Its my hubbys birthday and you know what..instead of cleaning up puke and taking a shower..I made him lasagna for his b-day and a key lime pie for dessert..cause in REAL life sometimes you just gotta step over the puke a couple of times and know that you will get to it..and you will live..I am pretty damn happy that I am not one of those put together moms that have to be perfect all the time cause DAMN that has got to be a lot of work and I would rather drink a glass of wine and watch dr who with the hubby than clean up puke any day or make sure my house is spot less or everybodys laundry is folded and put away..THAT SUCKS!!…..so kudos to loving what you can do and not hating what you can’t ……………..cause dammit..your worth it.
    Have a BEAUTIFUL day!! 🙂
    Karin

  64. This week I have not called anyone a douchebagasshat… yay me!

    My biggest accomplishment though was getting my son to do his chores and his punishment (for not cleaning
    the bathroom and bedroom for over a month and for not putting away his clean laundry) done without him stalling, crying, telling me I hate him and that he’s going to run away… another Yay Me! and Yay Ryan!

    No one said raising a teenager was going to be easy, but there are some days I wonder if I’m going to make it through… especially when there is Math homework. *12 pages of Pre-Algebra homework induces massive brain trauma in woman who graduated 20 yrs ago… her last words were- What is this new new math… percents to fractions to decimals to the ___th power, integers… help me… KABOOOOM… More on that story at ten.* I just don’t get the new new math. They make it harder so that we older ppl can feel moronic again and our kids can justify not wanting to do their homework… that’s what it is.

    BTW, Zombie you is wickedly awesome.

  65. I completed our computer allocations which have been on my list for the last three months. And I have NOT reached an age where fart jokes are no longer funny. 🙂

  66. Today, the cat and I enjoyed a Harry Potter movie marathon. Some might not think this is a big deal but since I think the cat is out to murder me, this is a huge step towards us living together without killing or attempting to kill one another.

  67. And just like that you turn your thinking around. Today is my birthday and The Bloggess commented on my blog, so pretty sure the Zombies are coming! 😉 This day is made of awesome.

  68. I loved what you wrote about crossing off the half of the sentence that brings you down and works to chip away and negate the good part of the string. We all need to do that.

  69. Not only have i not killed anyone or quit my job in a rage, i sat down and documented the entire process of how to do my weekly metrics. Four handwritten pages. But at least now it’s documented for 1) if i get hit by a bus, 2) when i do finally quit in a rage, 3) i can show this to my boss and go THIS IS CRAZYSAUCE and hopefully get the ball rolling on some more automation of this shit.

  70. Today I made my bed, showered, got dressed, and made myself a bow tie necklace (because bow ties are cool). I did not write any job applications, brush my hair, or eat something other than a chocolate bar for lunch…but if I put away the laundry covering my desk, I’ll call today a win.

    And thank you for your post yesterday. As someone who fails at being a functioning human (let alone a proper, successful adult) about 98% of the time…it was very reassuring to find out that everyone else pretty much fails too.

  71. Today I didn’t shame myself for sleeping in and the kids missing the bus. Or the fact that we delivered fast food breakfast sandwiches because we didn’t have time to cook anything. They still ate, they survived and no one screamed at us.

    The best part about small goals is that when you fix to do something small and it gets done you feel awesome. By the time you accomplish a goal that’s too big you’re exhausted, or you made yourself sick trying to achieve it. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.

  72. Let’s see: Mindless, violence-prone, thinks brains are for eating and not thinking with… maybe zombies ARE Republicans? 🙂 You have to think that they would be opposed to Obamacare, since it would heal people rather than render them food-adjacent, but on the other hand, I have to think that zombies would be anti-2nd Amendment, so maybe you’re right about the Libertarian thing.

    I am in awe of the fact that you have written a book, maintain a kick-ass blog AND write columns AND raise an amazing kid WITH an equally amazing husband. I work full-time in a job that I like (most of the time), and my husband is definitely amazing, but I don’t have the discipline to write, and I don’t have a child to worry about (my stepdaughter is 23 and self-sufficient and pretty kick-ass herself, so she doesn’t require my daily attention). Never doubt that you rock.

    My house currently looks like a dorm room. One of these days we’ll clean up from the most recent move and figure out how to maintain some civilized level of neatness, but today is not that day. And I’m (mostly) OK with that.

  73. Today I put on my jeans and found shoes for two out of my three children to wear. That, my friends, is called a parenting win.

  75. A friend of mine posts “one simple thing” on her facebook page every day. It could be eat fruit that day, or be nice to someone (don’t eat anyone today??). I don’t always do the “one thing” but it’s a nice concept: we set ridiculous goals for ourselves way too often. What’s wrong with my accomplishment being “ate a box of chocolates while watching Dr. Who ALL DAMN DAY”?

    NOTHING. That’s the right answer. 😉

  76. Today, in the aftermath of discovering my 15-y/o son was looking at Internet porn, again, I decided to not be that “nice” mom anymore who caves in too easily on the consequences for my children’s misconduct, that mom who always wants to believe in her children’s ability to keep their promises, and become that mom who can accept the reality that they are teenage boys, who think with the small head now, and institute a state of Martial Law here at home. This is going to be hard because I want them to “like” me and not “like” their dad better, the dad who never has to deal with “real life” with his sons. I am doing this for them, because I love them, and because obviously the other parenting method does not work with teenage boys.

    On a brighter note, I got out of bed and showered. I also didn’t eat anyone. BTW that Zombie picture is AMAZING!

    ADD, anxiety, and depression can be crippling…I understand, as I too live with them every day. I pray to the Universe that you just keep swimming, Jenny! You have an Army of supporters out here that love and admire you for all that you do and for keeping it real!

  77. Today I have given myself permission to take the day off from trying to do anything.

    I am really glad I commented with the massively overly long comment yesterday because even if no one else read through the whole thing, I reminded myself that I am not lazy, I am just fighting my own battle with my body to try and recover my health. Unfortunately it did end up causing a migraine that lasted from while I was typing the comment all the way through the middle of the night sometime I am not even sure of.

    I still have some head pain, so being on the computer may not be the brightest idea, but it was important to me to know if you were doing better, and I am glad you are, and I am glad you are trying to acknowledge the small victories. Sometimes it feels like those or the only ones we have, so we have to celebrate them whenever we can.

  79. I went home sick today, something I never do for myself, and actually went to the doctor. Yay strep for making me take care of myself!

  80. I went to the meeting I was dreading last night. I packed my bag for the gym ( but left it at home by accident – I SWEAR) and I didn’t eat anyone. WIN!

  81. Yesterday I gave my boyfriend a hug and a kiss for being so understanding after the tough exhausting week I’ve had. I knew once again how lucky I was to have found him.

  82. I dropped my son off at kindergarten today wearing an inside out baseball cap. I didn’t tell him he couldn’t wear a hat in school (which would probably crush him since he likes his own “oddball” style) , which I think is the rule, but because it’s inside out…. and in my eyes, that means it’s like the opposite of the disrespect that hat wearers are trying to convey. He’s all like, hey, look in my hat, on my head. You’re welcome, I like you too.

    And I don’t have any plans to eat anyone today. I mean, the day is still young so I’m not going to make any promises. But still… baby steps.

  83. I didn’t comment on the post yesterday because I am one of those “feels like I am kicking ass” most days of the month. Today I was planning to have a moderately kick ass day and then I got the call that my grandmother had passed away. I am now comforting myself with some deserved ice cream and trying not to think about writing up comments for her funeral. The point of this ramble is to say that even we “got it all together and taking on the world” sorts can get dropped to our knees on a moments notice. It’s so true that we should treat everyone with kindness because we have no idea the battles others are facing.

  84. Today I didn’t trade my child for a stick of gum, and I also brushed my teeth and washed my hair. It’s a damned Christmas miracle.

  85. This week I completed a spreadsheet that took me 15 hours but I FINISHED it. Dammit.
    And I didn’t accidentally trip over either of my kids, and I didn’t entirely and completely melt down when my son was mad at me and said he wanted to be in a different family.
    And I made a halfway decent dinner this week that every member of my family ate (a pretty big accomplishment in our household).
    Yay me. Now I want to sleep.

  86. Every time I come here and read your blog I think to myself what a blessing you really are…you just need to believe and if it takes baby steps, then we’ll all hold your hand along the way.
    You make me smile on the shittiest day, in fact, you are AWESOME at it.
    Hugs to you and yours

  87. Today decided on paint colors for my sons “big boy room” and took the rooms measurements to figure out how much paint we need.
    I cleaned my living room so it was presentable for parents dropping daycare kids off even though the kids are going to pull them all back out anyway.
    And! (A huge accomplishment for me) I ate breakfast even though I felt aweful from vomiting all moning. I’m pregnant, not hung over. I have hyperemesis, like Kate middleton did. And still manage to keep myself, my unborn child, born child, and 4 other peoples kids alive everyday. I guess that is something to be proud of too.

  88. I just folded and put away laundry in spite of breaking my toe this morning! I didn’t snap at my husband when he annoyed me.

    I’m one of those annoying people who periodically does something flashy that you might find on Pinterest or Facebook like a cool costume, a funny Christmas card, or an adorable pregnancy announcement. Then, I feel guilty because people think I have life figured out and that I’m super happy because of the highlights they see online. They have no idea how hard life feels for me most of the time as I battle depression and anxiety. I do those “highlights” to feel better about my sad life. This is the confession of that person online who makes you jealous and self-conscious. Don’t compare your worst moments with their best ones.

  89. Those are great behavioral goals! Thank you for this post AND the last.
    I haven’t had a cigarette in 5 weeks, hurt myself in months, and I’ve gone to all my classes this semester. Also, I haven’t eaten anyone.. being gay, this is actually something to work on.

    On the subject of kindness and coping, I tend to hide in bathroom stalls before and after my classes listening to either cheesy calming or pump-up music. This morning I was caught out and awkwardly explained why I had been head banging to Whitney Houston. Instead of mocking me or ignoring me and fleeing, the girl who I’d just scared told me she did exactly the same thing AND complimented my smooth dance moves. Coming away from any social interaction with a positive feeling? I am rooting for you and me and everyone out there tearing themselves up


    The cynical voice in my head says “Yeah Whitney Houston is a great role model” but the one I’m going to listen to says “Girl can take tragedy and turn it into a happening gay club. I’m going to do that too!”

  91. I took the dog for 2 walks every day, while working full time, and the kitchen is still picked up.

  92. This week I started a new blog. I’d deleted mine in February and while I don’t regret it because it was time, I did very much miss writing.

    I called my doctors office and fought for what I need and even thought they gave it to me, I also managed to find myself a new doctor.

    I got up, showered, got dressed and worked today, instead of staying in bed and watching Bones on Netflix, which is what I wanted to do since it’s my new find (turned it on for the first time on Saturday…am now halfway on season two) show that I’m obsessed with and need to finish all eight seasons like now.

  95. I wore mfing grown up clothes to work today because I was chairing a meeting of people waaay higher than me on the work totem pole. I look fabulous. The meeting was quick, smooth and painless.

    I’m having a good hair day too.

  96. Today I went running (OK, more like waddling) with my husband. I only half a small bowl of potato chips. Actually LESS than half. And I worked on feeling LESS like an imposter. Thank you for that.

  98. Isn’t it awful how hard we can be on ourselves?!? I feel like I never accomplish ANYTHING, even when I’ve spent the entire day re-folding laundry that my 2-year-old threw all over the den and cleaning up chocolate pudding he stole out of the fridge and painted our kitchen with while I was re-folding said laundry. Hubby just doesn’t get it and seems to think it’s just as easy as washing/drying/folding/putting away a load at a time because he’s never spent the entire day home with a whirling dervish of a 2-year-old and had people expect him to not only keep the bottomless pit fed and clean, but also to keep up the house, AND accomplish an 8-hour day of schoolwork!

    That said, I frequently put pants on over the shorts I slept in so that I can take my 7-year-old to the bus stop, my hair is lucky if it sees shampoo 4 times a week, I haven’t bought myself any new clothes in years because I can’t stand the thought of trying to get into a fitting room while I have my sons with me, I joined the PTA last year but never attended a single meeting because the thought of being judged by all those alpha moms made me break out in a cold sweat, AND, you can pretty much put money on the fact that at some point during the school year, I’ll forget to sign and mail some forms for my son’s school, so they’ll have to send me another copy and call me to remind me about it.

    Don’t let your brain trick you into thinking you are any less awesome just because you aren’t capable of the impossible…we all love you for who you are!

  100. I didn’t eat anyone either. I haven’t cried today. I color-coordinated the shit out of our vacation calender. I found a neat app that suggests restaurants to try. I’m going to snuggle my nephews later and maybe even get dressed up and go out to a bar (not with my nephews; they’re 17+ years too young for that).

  101. I just printed out “even if I accomplish nothing today, I didn’t eat anyone.”in a fancy-schmancy font and put it on my fridge. It speaks to me.

  102. This week I didn’t whack anyone up side the head…even though I interacted with many that deserved it. Also I did a bunch of other stuff, but it’s the notwhackingpart of which that I am most proud.

  103. I broke my kneecap but still went to work this week (from my laptop, in bed) and brushed my teeth this morning.

  104. Work was managed, go me! I canned a bunch of my tomatoes into delicious relish, and I kept my two goals of not sitting for more than 30 minutes at work (unless I had to due to the nature of work (not surfing the ‘net)) and not going to restaurants. I made it to the gym twice, and had two days of bike commuting.

    Random happy yesterday. I saw a lady running for the train & she missed it. (that’s not the happy) In the process, she dropped her beautiful scarf. I was able to re-unite them. It sucks to miss your train, you shouldn’t lose your scarf to!

  105. Today, I didn’t cry when I found a cockroach in my living room (first time I didn’t cry when finding a roach!)

  106. I’m so glad you’re being kinder to yourself today. I wanted to comment yesterday but I saw more than 2,000 comments and thought, “How can I compete with that?” And the truth is, I can’t. I’ve read Michelle Brower’s rules for writers so much I should have them tattooed somewhere, but the big one is: don’t compare yourself to other people. It’s a lesson I’m still working on. I spend a day working on an essay and count it as an accomplishment, and then it gets rejected and I think that I’ve wasted a whole day with nothing to show for it. What I realize in my good moments is that I tried, and trying totally counts. I tried today, and I’ll try tomorrow. Yoda’s little green ass is completely wrong: there is SO try. I hope you keep trying, too.

  107. This week, I helped people brew beer, and that made them happy. I did not intentionally make anyone’s day worse.

  108. I got through this week without breaking down and weeping or hiding in my bedroom. And that truly is an accomplishment. I’ve got shit going on, yo. (I really shouldn’t even joke about talking like that. I can’t pull it off).

    I remembered my dentist appointment and went. I made some progress on selecting a paint color for the kitchen and I’ll pick something by the end of the day.

    I got through it. I’m here. I’m not too cranky about it and if I get through next week, my life may look more normal. That will be a wonderful thing.

  109. Hey hey! I never comment but I always read today I want to post. For the last four years my new years resolution has been “be kinder to me”. I work on keeping the bar a little lower everyday and not discounting all the positives for one small negative. I find that if i work on being kinder, when I find myself being negative you can’t really give yourself shit for being negative…defeats the purpose of being kinder to yourself LOL. If you realize in the moment that you’re not being kind to yourself you just have to stop. Some days that’s easy, some days it’s hard and it’s always a work in progress. My favorite saying right now is “be careful how you talk to yourself because you are listening”. (Don’t grow your own monster by giving it strength.) I figure I’m probably my biggest cheerleader so if I wouldn’t say it to someone else I need to stop saying it to me. That being said it’s not all unicorns farting sparkles and rainbows either!

  110. Today I didn’t eat anyone either! In fact, I didn’t eat anything at all because I’m taking antibiotics for a sinus infection and they are totally messing with my stomach. The good news, I didn’t poop or barf on anyone out in public and I might have a lost a pound or two to boot!

  112. You. Are. Amazing.
    So proud.
    Keep not eating people and make not being a zombie your *bitch*!

  113. Today I went to work, and it is super stressful and so far I haven’t cried. So that is a win. And I didn’t scream at most of the people I was tempted to scream at, also a win!

    And now I am going to enjoy some chicken.

  114. I took my daughter for a walk instead of letting her watch Dora all day.
    Not sure if she sees it as a win, but it was totally a parenting win!

  115. I decided it was stupid not to take credit for ALL the really good work I was putting into a major project at work. Usually I defer to the team, and say we all did it together, or cover someone else’s ass when I’ve had to jump in and do their shit because they fucking didn’t.

    So, today, I stopped doing that. I said, “Yes, I did this. All of this. And it’s good.”

    I can also say I didn’t eat any people. Wins all around.

  116. I don’t know if this is the right place to say this, but I feel silly commenting on a years old post.

    So I just wanted to tell you that you are totally awesome and also to thank you because I have been really struggling lately and feeling like everything in my life was Just Too Much and that the abyss of depression was opening up behind me, ready for me to fall back in. And then last night, I remembered that depression LIES, and I came on here and printed off a bracelet, and I wrote it on myself instead of getting out the knife to cut myself and I feel a lot better for it – the abyss is still there, but I think I have a rope now, and I every time I feel myself getting overwhelmed I remember.

    And oh my god I swore I wasn’t going to cry whilst I wrote this so I’m stopping now. But thank you. A lot.

  117. I dressed casual for work today not because it’s Friday but just because I just wasn’t up to a skirt and heels and makeup and shit like that, and so far I’ve gotten 3 compliments on how hot I look. Not “it’s sure hot outside you look hot” hot but “you look HOT” hot.

    AND I sat down last night and finished an outline for the novel I got one chapter into over a year ago, so now that I have an idea what it’s going to be about, I can continue writing it.

    AND I went to a comedy open mic in San Marcos last night that I’d never been to before and even though there were only other open-mic comics in the audience, I didn’t give up and walk out but instead went up on stage when it was my turn. And I made the other comics laugh. So, I’m going back next Thursday.

  118. Today I went and picked up my race packet for the Color Run 5k (in portland oregon tomorrow!). I don’t run anymore, but i’m going to walk like a champ! Plus I bought a tutu and some madonna-like, neon mesh gloves… so i’m going to sort of be awesome now!

  119. I work as a substitute for my local school district. But not just any sub, I’m a classified sub. That means anything NON teaching. No degree or certifications. I’m a sub for the local student monitors and lunch ladies and special need Paraprofessionals, and pretty much the lowest of the low at the school. Wanna know how many people look you over or look down on you??…. Because not only are you an uneducated slag beneath them, you’re also just a SUBSTITUTE. You’re not even going to be there tomorrow, or the day after, or even a week later, and there’s no reason for them to play nice.

    And yet… today I succeeded at finally getting a real position (part time!) with a real school, because I made them see how valuable I can be. I worked myself to exhaustion every day I was at this school, for an entire year, and during the summer I applied to every job they posted, to which they denied me every time. Finally this year, I’m subbing there again, and I finally got the job.

    I may not have the social requirements to look good in an interview, but I have everything needed to work this job, and work it well. And there’s nothing better than finally being ASKED to stay there on a permanent basis.

    It’s not much, and it’s certainly not enough… and it might not even sound like what this post is about….. but that’s what I managed. Now lets see whether I can manage this job without screwing it all up. 🙂

  120. Today,
    I showered and dressed and went to my Mawmaw’s funeral. I didn’t have any panick attacks.

  121. I was only 5 minutes late to work. And I took time to talk to a friend of mine when I became overwhelmed with thinking about my recent breakup from the 6 yr relationship with the guy who I thought was the man of my dreams but was in reality was not.

  123. This week I made a therapy appointment.

    I had been trying to find a therapist who takes my insurance for a long time. And I gave up more than once when no one had evening availability. My husband and mother have pushed me to do this for years and I resisted. I don’t know why. I’ve been in therapy before and I know I like it. But making that effort and finding someone was really hard this time. And I got discouraged. Frequently. I must have “started my search” six or seven times. This time I didn’t give up. It took me more than two months of calling people three days a week to find someone. And I don’t know if we will click. But I have an appointment for Monday, and with that I have hope. I will be ok.

  124. I adopted an elderly cat this week. Also, I managed to put on pants before supper, though I still haven’t gotten around to putting on a shirt. I also made another Kiva loan, but I don’t know if it counts because it didn’t require me to talk to people.

  125. I went to IKEA to return some stuff and get components for other projects to get finished– something I’ve been avoiding doing because (1) the wee ones would have had a fit but more (2) my energy was zapped to hell. But they were in school and I was able to go and drag my mother who needed to be walking anyway. I, too, refrained from eating anyone even if the lady in the elevator (who was a bit of a mean nutjob) would have totally deserved it.

  127. Didn’t eat any people today, but I did have a job interview. That all by itself was enough to do for today.

  128. This week I sorted out the paperwork to start the statementing process (required to get my autistic son the educational support he needs.) This week I managed not to completely lose it after surviving a 7 1/2 week summer break from nursery with an adorable but wilful bundle of energy and mischief.

  129. I went to the dentist and got a cavity filled. As far as I’m concerned, I have met my quota for adulting today. I also have not eaten anyone. Yet.

  130. I ate something green. Something that was SUPPOSED to be green, rather than something that had turned green from neglect.

  131. Today I slept in; and rather than feeling guilty about not waking up to can tomatos before work at eight, or exercise like Bootcamp friggin’ Barbie (you know “that” friend) I successfully cuddled all three of my cats without choking to death on cat hair.
    And I fed the tomatos to the chickens. Because they needed vitamins, and not because I am a lazy bum. Really.

  132. Today is Rosh HaShannah, the Jewish New Year, that will begin 5774. I managed to get dressed and go to shul even though it sucks without my husband.

    In all of those 5774 years, no artist has ever lived who has not doubted their own ability. No artist has ever lived who hasn’t at one time or another, thought he/she wasn’t a fraud/phony/bad at art/bad at relationships/bad at living. And no artist who has ever lived has had great amounts of confidence and/or self-esteem. Any artist who hasn’t gone through the above gyrations is probably a lousy artist since good art comes out of the whole expressive/depressive experience gestalt thing.

    That said, while we might all be grotesquely normal _for artists_, it doesn’t make expression any easier. However, your “to-do” looks pretty good to me…but hey! I’m an artist. Whadda I know?

  133. Dear Lowering the Bar,

    I swear your 2 past posts were my this week’s Thursday 11 a.m. 58 minutes therapy session, and maybe you were secretly hiding under Christy Mc34567’s semi-tidy desk with the no longer lucky, dying bamboo on it that I gave her as a present earlier this year because I am convinced she saves my life every week. If I were to catalogue my multiple mental illnesses and consnarted past mistakes here it would read like a book, and I want to write a book anyway and be rich and worthy of the snobby literary world, so I won’t bore you until later when my book is finished. This leads me to my uber self effacing visions and obsessions of me on most days. I get it. I want to accomplish so much, and I always want said accomplishments NOW. But the problem is I don’t do a damn thing to write a book, stop drinking Diet Coke (again), lose weight, swim and walk more, and take a tad of risks. Thus, my therapist (whom I make teary-eyed often with my talk of my own self loathing) lowered my bar. By next week I’m to do something small, something I find “not good enough” and then call her after said life event is accomplished and leave her a message. I wanted to wake up early today to go walking and do some photography, but I stayed up until after 2 a.m. watching Dexter, so by the time I was planning on doing my minute, though presumable enjoyable ditty, the weather became shitty because I live in Florida. I will try again tomorrow. With all this being said, read, a long ramble, I have decided to write “little by little” (with my cupcake smelling pen) on my hand everyday. I’m far too broke to get a tattoo of these 3 words, so my sweet pen will have to do. I get it. Maybe write 3 words on your hand everyday and join me in solidarity to someday feel like we rock at least 11 days a month. It’s a step. Deal?

  134. Today I finished the last chapter of the book I am editing. I get a paycheck now, but if we are talking about “life-affirming” work that we love to do, and that makes us happy…I did some awesome Facebook status updates while listening to Ronnie Milsap and Conway Twitty.

    I sometimes wake up and wonder what it would be like to have a “normal life”. I get a little sad thinking about how my child will remember me in thirty years. Will he remember the good days, or the bad? Will he remember the small victories I had, or will he just know Mommy struggled with some “things”. I get a little sad when I see someone living the life I want to live. But more often I am sad for the things that I will miss out on because my mind tells me that I can’t do it. When I am standing on the back of the boat on the lake, I want so badly to dive over the side and rush to the bottom, hit my feet into the rocks and come back up gasping for air. Instead, I put my life-jacket on and I slide of the back of the swim deck. Maybe next summer I think.

    Perhaps there is a reason we are all this way. Maybe time will tell us why, but for now, doing a load of dishes, and not killing my tomato plant is keeping me content. And you all. I like you all, a lot.

  135. I blame commercials. Until all of us were subjected to the relentless onslaught of images featuring shiny, happy people in light-filled, impossibly clutter-free homes trying to sell us stuff, we measured ourselves against other normal joes just trying to get through their lives. Now we’re all filled with shame and on anti-depressants, and yet no one has a perfect life like on tv.

    When my friend and I were both unemployed a couple years ago (as opposed to underemployed, as we are now), we would call each other everyday and say one thing we were thankful for. It could be pithy or stupid, didn’t matter. Even “I’m grateful I pooped today,” counted. Stupid as it was, it helped a bit and usually made us laugh.

    Today I’m grateful the guy at Taco Bell mistakenly gave me Dr Pepper instead of Diet Pepsi, because it was f’ing delicious.

  136. 2nd comment to you ever…commenting two days in a row…and not eating anyone. Frankly I think I am done for the day.

    You are everything awesome in this world. I heart you.

  137. Today I got up. I was late for work, but not as late as I was yesterday.

    Tomorrow I will not get up until I really, really want to, and only because my back hurts from staying in bed so long. I’m going to luxuriate in the delicious decadence of it like a hog in slop. I will not regret it once all day.

    I will consider cleaning my bathroom, but if that ends at wiping down the counter, sink and faucet, you can either use it and shut up or use the bathroom I make my kids clean. Although I’m not sure you can tell the difference…

  138. This week I managed not to have a panic attack over the tightness of the current household budget. I have remembered to eat something every day (I have a terrible habit of forgetting to eat that I picked up during childhood and which was re-enforced during twenty years of working in food service). And I managed to write a couple of pages in my current Work In Progress.

  139. Today I took my daughter to the playground and managed to carry on a conversation with someone I didn’t know. And I also said something sucked balls, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but it’s huge when you’re working on not worrying about what people will think of you if you say what you’re really thinking.

  140. I kept up with my grading…i teach at a college and even those its only week two, i am typically behind at this point. Also, on Monday I managed to avoid calling a family member bad names by just avoiding them at the family get together for Labor Day.

  141. Today I got out of bed and showered before venturing in public. (struck-through: I did not put make up on which makes me look sickly and feel bad about myself.)

    Today I told my bio kid and foster kid how much I love them, (struck-through: though I worry sometimes that each will secretly assume I love the other more for various reasons I can’t wrap my head around or control).

    Today I talked to my neighbor politely at the school bus stop, (struck-through: though each moment I had to frantically determine if my small talk was considered ‘normal’ and whether I was ‘doing it right’ with all the appropriate eye contact and facial expressions..).

    PS I work in small tasks each day. For example I never say anymore ‘i need to clean the house’ and instead I say ‘This morning I will take the dirty laundry off the floor of the kids bathroom’. This is how I keep myself from trying to achieve TV commercial parenting and cleanliness skills. Like in every cleaning product commercial their house is *already* spotless. I mean I could so clean a house that was *already* clean, no problem.

  142. This week I survived being a solo mum for the whole week, with almost no tears.
    Admittedly, with my husband now being away for the weekend, I am off to my parents house for the night for the support, but thats totally self-care right there, I need the company!
    And thats some awesome art. Awesome.

  143. Today I took my kids to the park and drove home even though I have a nasty migraine. I let the 10yo choose the music we were listening to, even though I’m turning into a radio control freak. I checked my work email. I haven’t eaten OR thrown up on anyone. I actually sent people emails with information they wanted after telling them that I would send them those emails. I pushed the girls on the swings even though I’d rather sit with the moms and talk to them. Did I mention I had a migraine? And I talked to AND emailed people?!

  144. Wow,I am so grateful for these two posts. This week, I took my daughter to ballet where I knew some people, but felt like I didn’t know a single person. They all talked about carpool from our school to ballet and even though I kept speaking up, we got left out – we live in a different neighborhood. Came home and cried hysterically to my husband and wondered why it is I can’t seem to make friends with the moms in my daughter’s class. My husband said they are “stuck-up bitches.” I think it is a pattern and it has something to do with me – I am a really nice person, though, and really do try. I do have some other friends.

    Today, I successfully made it through having my mother come over to do the laundry since I’ve been sick (for the 10 jillionth time) and not argue with her. Now there is a first!!
    Hang in there and thanks again for posting what most of us can’t! It makes the rest of us know we aren’t the only ones.

  145. Hey, thanks for not eating me. I appreciate that.

    Can I just say.. you are an awesome writer. Whatever you have to say, you say it brilliantly.

    That’s all. As you were.

  146. Woohoo for just looking at what IS. And loving it. 🙂

    The other thing I would add – we all impact everyone else in some way – positive or negative. YOU impact a ton of people positively – again, by making us laugh, and by being authentically you (and by not eating us, which we all very much appreciate). So, you did that. I am not sure that many people could say that (not the eating part, but the impacting and making people laugh part).

    Yay!!!!

  147. Yesterday I walked to the farmers market even though I felt icky and by the time I got there I felt much better. Today I am making dinner for a friend’s birthday (which is probably going to turn out full of fail, but I’m trying!)

  148. Today, I found the courage to call my bank and see exactly how well I did with my finances–and I found out my hard work literally paid off.

    I narrowly avoided having to move out of my house because I couldn’t afford it by finding what is turning out to look like a great roommate situation. He signs the papers after work, and I’ll get to start saving for my trip to Scotland properly.

  149. I took my dog to the vet for her check up – I’ve been scared to go because we were just there 2 weeks ago when our other elderly dog got super sick and she had to go to sleep. Very hard to go back but I needed to make sure our doggy that we still have is all good and will be with us for a long time. Bailey was 15, blind and couldn’t use her back legs, then got really sick. She was a sweetie. Shelly (Shellbutt) is 14 and can’t hear but everything else works. Both are pugs, the sweetest doggies in the world.

  150. Oh! Yes! And I took a shower THREE DAYS IN A ROW. And even removed my chin hairs. I’m totally rocking this hygiene thing.

  151. Crossing out the shameful parts of your list is a fantastic thing! Yes, recognize the things you do. Critiquing is for another day.

    And all the comments about things achieved are making me cry. It’s so happy-making to see everybody patting themselves on the back in this horrid society that insists on constant shame.

  153. I’ve been a prickly bitch to my bf a little this week, so I’m going to give him a bit of a break this weekend. Lowering expectations is a good thing. Too many or ones that are too high lead to resentments, and that’s not healthy. Tomorrow I plan to stay in PJ’s all day and take care of my back, hopefully calm down my fibro flareup.
    That zombie artwork is bad-ass….you’d be like the mighty Queen Zombie or something. That is some awesome artwork!

  155. As a libertarian zombie, I would like to announce that yesterday I got into a car accident for which I was subsequently ticketed, and I did NOT lose my shit. Probably because of new meds, but still. Two years ago I got in a much less damaging accident and damn near had a breakdown.

  156. Today I got up and ran 4 miles in the dark before work even though I really wanted to drink coffee and play computer games. Today I didn’t feed the troll (that negative voice in my head that tells me I’m an imposter and fills me with guilt).
    “Don’t feed the troll” has become my mantra.
    p.s. Yesterday you mentioned people who run marathons in your description of “those people who have all their shit together”. I can tell you for me, I run because I don’t have my shit together and it’s the best escape I’ve found. I guess it’s my Dr. Who. Bet that’s true for most of the people you see that way.

  157. Glad the comments had the desired effect. Plus you are followed by an incredibly clever, kind, hilarious, and awesome community. Of course, you deserve this community. Today I did four good deeds so far, but it isn’t even 2 p.m. yet. Working on 10 per day.

  158. Today I went to work and wore a toddler’s pants as a hat. It made everyone laugh. My co-teacher took a picture of it. That made her smile. I made people smile today. That makes me happy. I will get the picture from my friend and share it. Look for it in twitter y’all. My handle is kermitmama. Hope you all smile too 🙂 thanks for making us all think about what we can do and what we did do.

  159. This week I finished sewing my very first dress (I’ve been working on it for weeks!) – yippee!
    And I totally avoided eating anyone. But if I had eaten anyone I would probably have made cake to go with them – look at me being all domestic goddess and turning into my grandma….

    Seriously though Jenny, well done for lowering the bar – it gives the rest of us permission to do the same. Maybe we’ll all end up happier for it! 😀 Thanks for not eating me! Love you xx

  160. This week I started a workout plan and I have stuck with it every day! I’ve also written 1750 words in my novel, applied to two jobs I might actually be qualified for, made progress on two websites I’m hoping to get off the ground, and started research for a Cracked article I’m planning to propose. Holy crap. I didn’t realize I’d done so much. Nice.

  161. Today I went to yoga, and I kind of didn’t suck. I also contacted two new interviews for my radio show. And if that isn’t enough, I didn’t take it personally when the checker at the grocery store didn’t recognize me. For the twentieth time.

  164. More and more often I feel like I’ve blown, wasted, or ruined every opportunity I’ve ever had in life.

    Maybe it’s because I’m about to turn 40 and I haven’t accomplished squat. I’m in over my head in debt (trying to buy a little happiness here and there), including student loans for a degree I have not used. At all. Ever.

    I’ll stop whining and feeling sorry for myself now, before I break down at the office.

  165. The only reason I know other parents is that my kids insist on having friends. And I even like a few of those parents … so win for me!

    A baseball player is considered *very* successful if they hit a third of the balls pitched to them. So I consider myself a success I win at parenting that often. Some days are better than others but it all averages out.

  166. Today i ate something. I almost always try to follow my optimistic statements with caveats too. Like, today I taught myself how to knit (if you can call that lumpy thing in the corner knitting anyway.)

  167. You totally forgot that you invented “arsonistic”. As a word. As a thing, it’s existed a long time.

    As for me, today I didn’t have an anxiety attack when I got blue pen on me. That’s a win, ladies and gentlemen! 🙂

  168. I did not eat anyone either. I think humans would taste too salty for me anyway. I’m trying to watch my sodium intake.
    Does getting laundry done count? I mean, the machine does most of the work, but I had to sort it, put it in there, and then pull it out again.
    If not, I cleaned up my bedroom. Well, the mess was mostly on my husband’s side but STILL. And I fixed a flagpole. That’s not a euphemism.

  169. All you people that have shared here are fabulous! I’ve loved reading these. It’s made me feel happier. Thank you to the commenters and to Jenny. We all walk around in our quiet personal worlds and sometimes think we are alone. We arent. Honestly, with many of you, I wish we could sit for tea and conversation together. I’m sure we could be friends. Maybe even watch those perfect mommies together and realize we are perfect in our own weird way.

    Today, I appreciated people on the Internet that I don’t even know.

  171. My success: I got the kids (and myself) dressed first thing this morning! Woo hoo! Also, I didn’t punch anyone in the throat.

  172. I feel a little down for NOT being here yesterday and not being a vocal part of our tribe. BUT, it is awesome that this tribe DOES exist because it gives us all something to come and get comfort in.

    My accomplishment for today was asking for help. I don’t ask for help because that means I have failed. But, I asked for help. And no one has told me I am fucking worthless yet. So, maybe, that is not so bad to ask.

    Hugs to you Jenny. You, and all the rest of us who have our own illness and therapy and things, are bright and gleaming from a distance, but not really SEEN. When you get close to us, you see the cracks in the china, and THAT makes us individual, and unique, and beautiful.

  173. For the record, I’d also like to say that the Zombie picture is AMAZING. I hope someday someone makes a zombie picture from my likeness.

  174. Okay. This week I finally finished your first book. The house is a fucking mess, but….
    My (arshole) husband said, ‘its about time, weren’t you reading it for like years, I thought I would have to help you read!” I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t throw the book at him, I just smiled.
    Yeah! To not reacting to him, and ruining my day.
    I can control my thoughts. I am a good person. I am smart. I can smile. Its all gonna be alright.

    Oh. And then I had a massage, and it hurt like hell, and she told me my body was too stiff, and too this, and too that. BITCH! I hope her next client is a big hairy, pimple ridden zombie!

  175. In the last week, I had not one but TWO red-eye flights across the country which resulted in two stints of being awake for 36 hours straight. This put me in a very zombified state. (I didn’t eat anyone, but I did eat three bars of Lindt dark chocolate.) Somehow I managed to work the rest of the week despite massive sleep deprivation, and I’m rewarding myself with a deep tissue massage after work tonight. Bring on the weekend!!

  176. I took my son to school…made my bed…and for SiriusXM radio to straighten out my account (now that is what I call winning). The old cats didn’t eat the new cat and he didn’t eat them…and I ate only half if the brownie that I wanted to eat all of. I get to have a dinner date with The Cutest Boy in the World (aka my 15 year old son)…thanks today I look at today as a “good” day and not a wasted one…

    Oh and I didn’t go all crazy ass on the pool repair place even though I have been asking for day scores them to show up…and they still haven’t…I guess I can say i was also “nice” today

    Your blog is oxygen to most of us…as much for your humor as for your honesty…thank you so much for being The Bloggess…my life is better because I have “you” (in the form if this blog) in it!

  177. Today I managed to:
    * Come a bit further on the webpage project for a restaurant I’ve been working on. I hope they’ll like it.
    * Help my therapist with lots of things she actually needed help with 🙂 It feels great! Just great!
    * Make a good tasting dinner.
    * Buy toilet paper. We were out off course, but I bought new before we HAD to…

    That’s it. But it’s a lot 🙂
    I’m having a good day!

    And I didn’t eat anyone either.

    Anita

  179. It is so nice to realize I’m not alone, that we’re all cheshire cats around here.

    It’s made me a little tearful, in a sad/happy way.

  180. I came home early from work today, instead of powering through my migraine. My voice is MY voice, NOT Julie Andrews’ NOT Janis Joplin’s – it is MINE – and I can sing. I got inspired by other peoples’ writing instead of feeling not ‘good enough.’ I wrote. And I wrote yesterday and the day before that.

  181. Today I wanted to stop, but I kept going & I’ve discovered saying this as a mantra: “Just keep moving.” helps me tremendously. Little things layered upon themselves turn into bigger things. xo

  182. Out of curiosity, how much would you charge for an ad, if the ad was to advertise that I have a foster animal looking for a family? I am slightly concerned that my daughter is training the dog to be her head evil henchman.
    On that, I am happy today, because I have only cried once over the fact that my child is quite possibly one accident involving toxic radiation away from being a super villain. Seriously. She is frightening. And not even a year old.

  183. Not only did I not eat anybody today, I didn’t kill anyone in any way ! (I’m a nurse so that’s always a possibility )

  186. Remember when we were kids on the playground and making new friends was as easy as saying, “Hey, do you want to be my friend?” Yeah, then you grow up and things become a lot more fucking complicated. Except, today, I decided that they SHOULDN’T be so damned complicated. Today, I approached a friendly acquaintance of mine, someone I always thought merely tolerated my presence at group gatherings (because that’s how I think everyone views me…”that annoying chick who we can’t get rid of”), and I asked her if she would be my friend. She said yes. We are going out for Mexican food tomorrow night. Also, I didn’t kill anyone today.

  187. I worked on a story that will become a book that will become my thesis project. And I started an essay to submit to my school’s literary review magazine. I also brushed my dog and hugged my cat, scratched my goats ears and didn’t kill my neighbor’s dog even though he peed on my tires.

    I win the week. Or at least my week.

    Also, Jenny, you need to add one thing to your list of accomplishments. You made us all feel less alone.

  188. I have house-guests arriving tomorrow and I’m not in a panic as I got done the houshold-y stuff that you have to do when people are coming. (Like make sure they aren’t going to stick to things and have proper stuff to eat.)

    And I didn’t eat anyone…although the day’s not finished yet…

  189. You are brave enough to ask for help. Which is really, really brave. Also, I adore your altered victory statements. I’m going to see how I can use that.

  191. Yesterday I told an almost-stranger that note he wrote on Facebook was really beautiful and struck a chord with me. He’s a friend of a friend, and our mutual friend keeps telling me “YOU GUYS WOULD GET ALONG SMASHINGLY!” and Self-Doubting Erin goes, “But he seems really cool and I’m just this weirdo.” But I told him I liked what he had to say, anyway, because I did and it made me realize our mutual friend was probably right. I think we’ll get along and maybe even if I am a little weird, it’s ok. He’s probably a little weird, too. The best of us are, I think.

    I also didn’t eat anyone. I strongly considered it, but I didn’t.

    Thanks for reminding me–ALL of you here, not just the divine Ms. Lawson–just what amazing company I’m in. Love to each and every one of you. Really. Thank you.

  193. I came to this game a little late and have not read your 1st book and I’m dying to read your second. If it looks like this blog- absolutely!

  194. Today I got up, took a walk and did some laundry. I did this in spite of having a hysterectomy last week, and losing my child last month.

    The accomplishment is more germane in light of the second circumstance than the first.

  195. I did laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, and packed to go on a weekend trip to Chicago. I rarely travel. I’m going with someone else, and I don’t really know where we’re staying or even what we’re doing. In other words, today I’m preparing to go way way out of my comfort zone. I don’t even know the zip code for the zone where I’m going. There might be zombies.

    Taking on something that scares me usually makes me feel better about myself in the end.

  197. Today I didn’t yell and anybody and I didn’t cry, despite the awful night I had last night. I think that that is a small win!

    I will now reward myself with lots and lots of candy and a Friday night in bed.

  199. Yesterday I realized that I can still be love even when I am bring psychotic.
    Today I went to a funeral and I spoke to people even though I am terribly shy.
    And the biggest accomplishment, I didn’t get struck by lightening after saying “shit” at church.

  201. This morning I got my anxiety ridden 9th grade daughter to understand that no one will judge her for wanting to get out of Honors Physics and AP US History. Her schedule got changed today and a cheerful bunny walked off the bus this afternoon.

    Also, I made a very kickass version of The Melting Pot’s Fiesta Cheese Fondue to celebrate. It’s a shame I don’t drink beer because the recipe called for 1/2 a bottle.

  202. Today I perfectly folded a fitted sheet. The second perfectly folded fitted sheet in a month. Can I add that to my resume under Accomplishments? ; )

  203. apparently those To-Do lists we write, that run off the desk and curl up in judging piles on the floor while we try to avoid eye-contact, are really terrible awful things to have. I read that the best way is to have one piece of paper for the day, and draw a line on it. Above the line you write one, two tops, of the ABSOLUTE MOST IMPORTANT AHHHHH thing/s above the line, and 5 or so below the line, and the above-line is what you do that day. If you do it, then go to the other ones but that one is the top priority secret agent high security bamf that you have to finish that day–or something

  204. I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to your last post…and I’m so grateful that the posse got it out there. “We’re harder on ourselves than we should be”…all the things you’d said about you…applied to me too. Not feeling like a good enough wife, mother, teacher, derby player, air breather….it all just sucks. And then I spiral into the darkness and then the anxiety comes – “if people knew their kid’s teacher was this dark, they’d try to get me fired” and on it goes….Thank you for the positive follow up and the reminder to treat ourselves with some of the kindness we give others.

  205. I woke up. I didn’t sleep all day. Actually went out to lunch with a friend. Today gets a check mark plus. 🙂

  206. As much as I love your curlers I’m glad they are not in your zombie hair.

    Today I loved me some PEANUT BUTTER POP TARTS and felt no guilt.

  207. This week I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything with my life, and everyone else was doing something with theirs. But instead of stabbing myself in the neck I got the fuck up and went to work and processed 468 tubes’ worth of samples. We are trying to defeat the disease that killed Freddie Mercury, and every time I hear his song The Show Must Go On, I feel like there’s at least kind of a point to what I do, even if I am just a glorified drudge. SOMEONE has to do the work, you know? We can’t all be leaders and planners and shit. Some of us have to get behind the bench or sit at the hood and do the fucking pipetting. Because I hate that so many people had their lives ruined by this goddamn disease, and none of them deserved it. Viruses aren’t bigoted. They’ll go after anyone, and they are just mindless sacks of genetic material trying brainlessly to propagate themselves…

    ….now that I’ve said that, it occurs to me that basically viruses are zombies. Great.

    So now I have realized that I am actually fighting A WAR AGAINST ZOMBIES, with a pipettor, and that is pretty fucking awesome.

  208. I forgave one of my best friends for breaking my heart. He crushed me and although I vowed to never speak to him again, I have been seeing to many signs (terrible things have been happening around me) not to try and let go of the pain and move past it.

    I’m doing my best.

  209. I put one load of laundry in the washer. Also, when I dropped the bowl of leftovers I was going to have for lunch on the ground and it splattered the fridge and floor with enchilada sauce I cleaned it up immediately instead of letting it sit until a dog licked it up.

    I have dogs. In the house. I wouldn’t just wait for a random dog off the street to come by, invite it in the house and hope it likes enchiladas. That would be crazy.

    What I am saying is that I really hope you remember to keep the bar low. My desk is a mess, I have unpacked boxes from TWO moves ago, I have stuff on my to do list from five years ago and no, I don’t have an organic garden in the backyard. And yet, people think I have it together. My husband once bought me a Wonder Woman pez dispenser because he thinks I’m awesome. When I feel like an imposter, I remember that he and our daughters think I rock.

    Low bar = Good. At least if you are planning to jump over it. Because if you are planning to limbo, a low bar is a serious challenge. You could slip a disc or something.

    Jen

  210. I can’t imagine how you’ll manage to read and mentally process the thousands of comments you’re getting. I haven’t even read this newest post but I didn’t want to be more than 3000 comments down the list.

    I could snivel about how me and my life are worse (“post” Lyme syndrome = chronic fatigue, mental illness, anxiety, fibromyalgia, arthritis, and lots of shit). I do very very little. A good day is when my hemmoroids don’t bleed. I could list the ways you keep the world bright by using your energy and humor and how you manage to blog and twitter and be friends with incredibly kick-ass people. But at the moment, I just want to thank and applaud you for standing up to that Other Mommy Blogger who dissed you at BlogHer years ago. I only heard about that kerfuffle this weekend. We all have our issues but you are always kind. Always. No matter how your life is going, you don’t try to hurt people. I can read your blog on any day, no matter how I feel, and know I won’t feel worse when I’m done. And now I’m going to call my doc to schedule my gall bladder surgery that’s 14 months overdue but I’m a coward and there’s another way you’ve helped me: made gall stones something that can be laughed at. You help keep us grounded. So even if you only “live” a few days a month, and I do know how that life feels, you give us mother-earth energy all the time. Goddess bless the Bloggess!

  212. I managed to get to and back from my grandma’s funeral without totally losing my shit. I dyed a wool cape I bought at a yard sale last year. I spent time with my friends yesterday. I made clothes for my niece’s lala loopsy dolls. I publicly shamed a rental car company. I called the guy who’s fixing the brick on the side of my garage where I hit it with my car a few weeks ago.

  213. You hit the nail on the head about tackling problems in smaller chunks. I used to have these long to-do lists and I’d end up feeling like a loser if I didn’t accomplish everything on them, even if I did ALMOST everything. Now I try to start the day thinking of the three most important things I need to do that day, do those, and then anything else is just gravy. It’s good to aim high, but a dose of realism does wonders for my self esteem.

  214. Wow, my comment yesterday included upgrading a fear that I’d eat my own hand out of loneliness to eating someone else’s instead. I now see the error of my ways, and am making kimchi instead. Happy to see that the love-tsunami crashed your server, and happy that you’re going to lower the bar for yourself. That way lies sanity, and the ability to enjoy simple pleasures instead of yelling at their not-enough-ness.

  215. Today I cleaned off the table that has been covered in craft junk for over a month. I listened to music turned up really loud and danced around while I was putting things away. I made fruit “ice cream” for my kids’ afterschool snack. I avoided crashing my bicycle or the car, and I, too, did not eat anyone today. We are having pork for dinner, though, so I think Wilbur is missing a few ribs.

  216. Love that you took what you read and got the exact right thing you needed out of it. That’s brave as hell. Add that to your list of accomplishments for the week.

    I went on a super-fun day trip with my kiddo and ran 1/10th of a mile two days in a row.

    Also, I didn’t eat anyone. Guess I was in good company.

  217. Today I left a fight before it started with my ex-husband. Which is HUGE. I left a FIGHT BEFORE it started. Let that sink in. Huge. And I almost bought expensive sugar online, but didn’t. I don’t know if that’s a win, but it’s what happened.

  218. Today I backed my car into the pile of mulch sitting in our driveway and the wheelbarrow that is being used as a weight on top of the tarp on top of the mulch slipped and left a big scratch on my car. But compared to the huge dent from when I hit a huge cement pillar in a parking garage a few months ago, it’s not that bad.

    Today at work I made a pillowcase for charity. On a sewing machine, which I have never used, and a serger, which I never even knew existed.

    Today someone on this thread used the term douchebagasshat. Which I am totally stealing.

    Today I am going out with my husband to watch a movie in a friend’s front yard. And might drink a little too much and then have sex with my husband. Which is good for both of us. And will make him forget about the scratch on the car which doesn’t really fucking matter anyway.

    Today I will tell my daughters that I love them and they will hug me and tell me that they love me too. And that is awesome because to them I am the best mommy in the world. Period.

    So all in all, it’s been a great fucking day. I will figure out tomorrow when it gets here.

    Just keep swimming Jenny. You kick ass. As a zombie and otherwise.

  219. I wore a bra to drop the kid off at school EVERY DAY THIS WEEK! Can I get a fist bump?! I like to set that bar nice and low…the better to go sailing over the top every freakin’ time. Also, regarding Pinterest, if only my life resembled 1% of my Pinterest boards. Lots of pretty photographs & eye candy over there but not a lot of real life. A real woman, of worth and value, is the one brave enough to leave the house occasionally without looking like she just stepped out of a Bobbi Brown ad.

  220. I tweeted something mean about my mother in law… BUT I resisted putting it on Facebook. She’s not on Twitter so … win?

  221. You MUST remember how many days you turn around for some of us. I have dragged out of bed and felt hopeless and then read your blog and laughed so hard I cried. This has happened on more than one occasion. You turned my day around and it became brighter. You are living proof, and make the while “depression is a lying bastard” statement believable for a lot of us. You are an inspiration for most of us. Keep on keepin’ on, Jen. We need you.

  222. I left the house today, and went to a La Leche League meeting yesterday. I talked to actual people other than myself and my cat, and didn’t watch netlfix for a total of 3 hours!!! Plus, I learned some cool things about producing milk and feeding a human with it! I also managed to not offend anyone, and have been amazingly patient with the horrendous experience that is being 8 months pregnant in Texas heat and looking for the closest parking spot. Being pregnant through an entire Texas summer is an accomplishment I should be proud of.
    I’ve been really good at finding good deals on baby products, and informing myself on all aspects of the pregnancy/labor/newborn care process. I’m awesome at research.
    I’ve also started coming out of lurker mode when I read awesome blogs…
    Also, I have not eaten anyone, despite waking up bitey often, being constantly hungry (8 months pregnant), and people walking around taunting me with their obvious deliciousness.

  223. Today I went to work despite it being day 5 of a brain crushing headache. I might cook he chicken I thawed out for dinner, or we may have cereal, I haven’t decided yet. Yay me.

  225. Also I know this is short notice because of product cycles, etc., but could you pls set up a kickstart or something so we can all cosplay you for Halloween even if we don’t have the energy to pull together an awesome costume? I want to join Jenny’s Traveling Red Dress Zombie Flash Mob but I don’t have anything to wear! What we need here is a commercially produced costume in a range of sizes!! 7 weeks til Halloween?

  226. I tucked in my son before leaving this morning for work.
    I sounded temporarily sane in a meeting.
    I managed to drive to and from work without killing anyone or falling asleep at the wheel after working too many hours.
    I took a nap today.
    I played a game with my daughter on her tablet.
    I finally read an IM from last Saturday.
    I laughed at the laundry pile (it needed to be shown its level of importance).
    I decided I do not care if my daughter’s teacher likes me – its not about me.

    I appreciate the last post and this post. We make lists, we cram too much in one day, we think everyone else has it perfectly done – they don’t – and those that really do, they don’t seem happy at all. If the world was perfect it would not be fun (a zombie told me that). We only get one life and there will always be a list (I think we should have more fun lists)….. my accomplishments for tomorrow:

    -sweat (actually go outside to do this)
    -eat (cause cheese is good)
    -read something (a good book or blog would be nice to clear the head)
    -talk (yelling at my kids is a must!)

    I think that will do. Everything else will be a bonus!

  227. Yesterday was one of my kick-very-much-ass days for this month. I got my 1000 word quota written (and less than half was namby-pamby bullshit!)(I think!), I edited one chapter of my edit-stage novel and one chapter of a novel I’m first-reading for someone. I also ate beans for dinner while my husband texted me pictures of the awesome burgers he was having at work and I didn’t actually turn into the wicked witch of the west (for very long!)

  228. Accomplishing anything that you can check off your to-do list actually releases endorphins. I’m guessing these are the endorphins caught in tuna nets and you get to release them back into the wild! Yay you!
    Today, I met with clients and got to visit a friend in the hospital. And I didn’t eat anyone’s brains… that I’m aware of. I’m guessing there will be repercussions if I did.

  229. Today I got up early so I could spend time scratchingy dog’s tummy before I had to leave for work. I didn’t judge myself for a full ten minutes after took my meds. I told my inner panel of angry, judgy assholes to take a break & let me breathe. I took a shower & didn’t feel ashamed because I was a huge person in a tiny shower. Sometimes the things that I do are making sure that I don’t do something harmful & that’s all I can accomplish in one day. I get maybe 2-3 days a month. I’m glad to know that I’m not alone. And I’m glad to say that I would definitely cook you if it came to that. Because you’re worth it too.

  230. I also didn’t eat anyone this week. I did cry when the pressure from going to College as not a 19 year old caught up to me. Along with the pressure from work, clubs I’ve joined (to pad my un-padded resume) and the pressure of trying to learn French and speak it out loud- which completely terrified me. But then, after the earned cry, I calmed down and relaxed and just took it minute by minute. Now, the week is over and voila! I’m not dead, not eating people nor exploding like I thought I would! I can take that.

  231. This week I cleared out 1 of my bookshelves and reconnected with one of my cousins. For me that is an accomplishment.

  232. I bet you could be the best zombie ever and it would be a great occupation so don’t let the political views tell you any different.

  233. Your blog is one of those things I get excited about, because it’s REAL and it’s FUNNY and I can RELATE to it and it makes ME feel less alone in the world. I think many people feel the same way about your blog. And I thank you. We’d be kick ass zombies, but it seems pretty gross.

  234. Dear Vicki J,
    You are my hero. Yes ” Have perfectly folded a fitted sheet.” should be the first thing on your resume.

  236. Yay us! You rock Jenny. Don’t even hold yourself to working on a chapter, go for a paragraph and let it build.

    This week I showed up for work EVERY DAY even though I am super nauseous and have morning sickness. I started work on a research project that I have been putting off, and I dealt with several irate clients and didn’t cry!!!

  237. Today I got out of bed….even though I mostly just messed around at work and didn’t accomplish much! However, I made a coworker laugh so hard we were both glad we didn’t have a beverage!

  238. I was sitting here feeling bad because I haven’t gotten any shopping done this week because I am working a crap-ton of hours that I don’t even want talking to people who are almost always wasting my time and also I didn’t even wash my hair today because the dishwasher needs to run and cold showers make me squeal.

    But now I am going to take your advice. I DID help some people who actually needed it yesterday, like the guy who was robbed trying to put his store’s money in the bank night deposit box and comforted the scared confused old lady who I spent a precious 15 minutes (a very long time to tie up an emergency line) with on the phone while she was terrified of the (non-existent) man looking in her window. I did not sailor cuss anyone after hanging up the phone from them (well, not YET this week I do have 2 more shifts to work) and also, I DID NOT EAT ANYONE. 🙂

    Thanks for the lift, because I have to go back in 3 hours and I really didn’t want to…

  239. This week I didn’t beat myself up for not working out. And I am actually ok with this. And I haven’t yelled at my kids all week. Small things. Small things multiplied makes big things.

  240. It gets better. I have clinical depression and have been on medication and I started therapy a year ago.
    And I have worked to lower the bar for myself, and even though it doesn’t work all the time, it’s gotten easier.

    Today:

    I ate a chocolate chip cookie instead of a person and enjoyed every crumb.

    I wore a skirt today and felt pretty.

    I scooped the cat box.

    I got to go to work.

  241. This whole idea of “normal” is really bs. People are all different and life isn’t static so we all run a range of different behavior from day to day. Some of us have moods and brain chemistry that is more problematic than the average person (myself included, have Aspergers, still adjusting to getting back on a mood stabilizer lately). Like to think I’m doing better than I have been in the past, but some days are good, some days are bad, sometimes both in one day, but that’s life. I don’t usually say a lot in conversation because parts of my brain run faster than the parts that involve speech and talking just doesn’t work as well as I’d like. I don’t consider myself shy anymore, but tend not to socialize because I think my geeky brain just doesn’t have that much in common with the average person.

    Breaking larger tasks into smaller, manageable bits is good idea. Projects are all completed one step at a time anyway. The important thing is to not let yourself get overwhelmed to the point you don’t get anything done. I know that can be a problem if you have an overactive brain like mine that tends to think about things too much. This anti-seizure medication I’m taking helps with that. I don’t have seizure problems, but I do border on OCD with some things and it helps keep my mind from overfocusing on the wrong things.

    Basically, most people don’t have things near as together as they appear to on the surface. If you could get a more intimate view of their lives you will find we all have issues and struggles we wrestle with every day. Just realize that no one has a perfect life; there is no such thing. In real life, a fairy tale prince or princess would still have to eat, excrete, would get hungry, tired, bored, lonely, anxious and all the other things that go with being a flesh and blood person. Your life does not have exclusivity on any of these, even though it may feel you do. I can see plenty of things about your life I’d envy. If you could see my love life you’d find it breathtakingly empty. You are way funnier than I am and seem to have plenty of people who think you are just adorable. It’s easy to discount the things we have and focus on the things we wish we had. From where I sit you have plenty to appreciate and be thankful.

  242. Today was awesome for two reasons:
    1) I sent my client three articles and wrote a thousand words on my own project.
    2) I showered and it was FABULOUS.
    Bonus reason:
    3) I read this blog, and yesterday’s, and a crap-ton of comments, and was reassured that I am not alone in the mire. THANK YOU.

  243. I started filling out job applications though I haven’t worked in 3 years and I’m terrified of leaving my babies with someone. But I need out of the house. A happier mommy will make for a happier home. Right?!?

  244. It is Friday and my desk is still clean! Do you hear me? It is Friday and I am not buried by the mountain of shit that usually accumulates on my desk by Tuesday at noon! When you combine that with the fact that I did not go batshit crazy on my new boss, no matter how much she deserved it, I’m considering this one of my most successful weeks in the history ever.

    P.S. Betsy, you are my idol. I have 2 very best friends that I would not trade for anything that you could dream up. They are my sisters in the truest sense of the word and I honestly cannot imagine how lost I would be without them. BUT, they both live too far away to see on the regular. I’ve often wondered, how do you date for friends? Thank you, Betsy for showing that it can be done and it might be terrifying, but it can be amazingly simple also.

  245. Today I made two phone calls instead of ignoring what needed to be done, because I’m terrified of the thought of talking on a phone. (Good news: one of those calls got my art into a gallery next month)

  246. My therapist friend calls it “approachable increments of infinity.”

    Today I made a phone call I’ve been dreading, answered a few emails, watered the garden, fed the dogs and the fish. took a walk, and made a big pot of spaghetti sauce. And the day is still young! This, with bad fibroid cramps and on my “day off.”

  247. This week I got out of the house and interacted with people. Thank you for being honest and open; it’s so good to know I’m not the only person that finds life terrifying so often.

  248. I save my son’s text messages that say “I love u too” (that’s all they say, just that). On bad days, I re-read them all over again. It helps.

    This week I made it to work every day even though I wanted to stay in bed with the covers over my head. Today I brushed my teeth and remembered to put on deodorant. I made some people at work laugh. A customer told me I’d been very helpful.

    Today I linked to a cute kitten and called it a post.

    And I haven’t eaten anyone yet.

  249. This week I got my farm ready for winter. I ordered and stacked firewood. I booked a whole bunch of jobs for myself for this month to stave off poverty. I found two pairs of kick ass cargo pants that fit me wonderfully and bought them without regret. I picked out which project I wanted to be my Nanowrimo project for this year. I helped my husband can tomato sauce and applesauce. I enjoyed the hell out of fall.

  250. Today I finally paid the phone bill, juuuussst one day before it was overdue, and which I have been avoiding for a week because the phone company annoys the shit out of me. AND I DIDN’T EAT ANYONE EITHER.

  251. Today I managed to get out of bed, despite struggling with an epic bout of depression. Also: after suffering a rather humiliating twitter incident yesterday, I didn’t let it scare me away from twitter. I am allowed to be human.

    Speaking of being human – I also didn’t eat anyone today.

  252. Today I finished the scrape off the popcorn-replaster the ceiling-prime-and paint process on one of my bedrooms. Yes, there are three more to do – but I did this one LIKE A BOSS.

  253. Today I did not join a gym. But I also did not prevent anyone else from joining a gym, which was really nice of me.

    And, when my four year old picked up the ipad and started playing Pet saga (or whatever that game is called) I let her even though “Oh My God, I have to wait HOW long for more lives????”, And I didn’t buy more lives ( you’re welcome husband!). And I did not get mad when she was way better at it than me. Not out loud at least.

  254. Today, I read this post and yesterday’s post while at work and managed to hold in the tears so no one would see me cry tears of joy that I am so not alone… I will need to work on making better lists of what I did right some other time.

  256. Today I ate all the wrong things for my diet and now I feel like crap and I’m grumpy as all hell, cried, argued/discussed with my family about scattering the ashes of my dad, and cried some more. On the flip side, I managed to not hit snooze over & over and dragged my ass out of bed 10 minutes earlier like I had hoped I would this morning. So tonight I’m going to spend the evening with my dogs, they never piss me off, and they don’t judge me – in fact they love me more when I’m wearing some of my supper by accident.

  257. I used to make daily to do lists and never finished them. I felt like a failure. Now, I make ‘wish lists’ and consider doing any of the items an accomplishment. If I do anything that is NOT on the list, I add it so I can cross it off. After having survived an illness where I was given less than 1% chance to live, I figure every day I wake up on top of the dirt and not under it to be a successful day. Everything else is a perk.
    I did eat the son of a sow today. He was tasty.

  258. I do not have enough patience to read all the comments, so please forgive if I am repeating something said previously. On your worst days, be aware that you are bringing a smile to me and many others. Even if you are not able to accomplish anything, you are providing a bright spot for many people. And I hope your next book is different; don’t revisit what has been done before. Thank you and Victor for sharing your lives with the rest of us.

  259. I think everyone feels like they suck sometimes. I’m glad I am getting a chance to be a grandma to try to improve on how I did with my kids when i was too young to have them.

    This week I cooked dinner for my elderly widowed neighbor and I vacuumed up all (well most) of the cat hair on my carpets. Carpets + cats = bad idea. go with tile or wood floors.

  260. I like this success story post and comments! Yay us!

    Okay, I did no work yesterday. So far today I’ve done no work. I am very behind on this project and will have to discuss with manager next week. It’s just a freelance gig, and my first since I returned to the city, so I fear that I will lose this and get a bad rep.

    BUT: I went to a doctor appointment today. I picked up prescriptions for my housemate/BFF and for me. I’m being nice and considerate (he went to the ER last night and discovered he has kidney stones). I still have time to get some work done, even an hour or two.

    And at therapy on Wednesday, we actually discussed the idea about aiming lower. Because my parents got bent out of shape if I didn’t get straight A’s. I don’t have to be the best at anything but being myself. Just doing what I can is pretty darned good.

  261. today I wrote a list, and completed things on it.
    I knit some on my baby’s blanket

    A few friends and I call list making “small manageable goats”
    it was a typo from goals. I like having small manageable goats better.

  262. Today I made $60 even though my head is exploding with mucous and I really just wanted to stay in bed.

    …Also I didn’t eat anyone. But no promises on the future, since whatever I have could very well be some sort of mutated zombie plague.

  263. I love you!
    Today I didn’t eat anyone either! I didn’t even kill anyone (even though I sort of wanted to…) AND (thanks to you) I supported a really cool Kickstarter! A successful day, I think!

  264. BIG SMILE 😀 and i love the scratch out list idea…i think i will incorporate that into my own inner rebuttals of self-criticism!

  265. I read about ten of these and started crying sorta happy tears. What a wonderful amazing idea.
    Today, I exercised and got painful bodywork done, even though I’m sad that I’m still in pain after doing that for so many years, and packed a lunch and didn’t have coke or wine for lunch.

  266. I don’t like Zombies… I KNOW. I’m probably in the wrong place, but that… THAT is a kick ass zombie. YOU are kick ass.

    Today I got out of bed, made sure my kids made it to school, made it to work, and made it through the day… I could have easily stayed in bed this morning. This evening, I am going to try and NOT look at the piles of stuff that needs to be done and focus on enjoying my FREAKING FRIDAY.

    Have a great weekend!

  267. This week I figured out how to zoom/pan pictures in Adobe Premiere. I have avoided crying today even though I really wanted to since I failed an important exam.

  270. Today I renewed my husband’s car registration, beat a jawbreaker to death on my desk, and shared the jawbreaker.

    I didn’t burn down any cities!

  271. I had a bunch of neighborhood kids over at my house for half the day and it was awesome because they are awesome, and also I’m trying to start my own Etsy business making handmade cat and dog collars, and I sewed SEVEN cat collars while having a horde of awesome yet yelling kids rampaging through my house eating popsicles.

    So I think that is pretty awesome.

  272. Ach. Fine. Affirmations. But only because you invoked the spirit of Stuart Smalley.

    This week I only napped once during the work day.

    Yesterday I walked on the treadmill instead of napping.

    This week I got all of the laundry done.

    I managed to make the chocolate cake last all week instead of devouring in two sittings.

    I did not read my father the riot act, though he richly deserved it and I really, really wanted to…but I did stand my ground against his passive-aggressive manipulations and lies.

    I hate affirmations. But this kind of helped. Thanks, Dr. Bloggess!

  273. Also I ate ginger snaps and that wasn’t an accomplishment or anything, but they were delicious and only like half of them ended up in my bra.

  276. I finally got my friend her wedding present, less than 2 months after the wedding. 🙂
    I have a plan of attack for the next change I want to make in my life, even if I don’t know if I’ve got it broken up into small enough steps. 🙂

  277. Today I budgeted all day. I find it soul destroying but useful. I found lots of errors (I made them all by myself!) Now I can fix them. Yay, me!

  279. I went grocery shopping, showered, and have stayed at work all day. That to me is an accomplishment!

    Also, did not eat any people! Way to go, all of us!

    Awesome picture! Better than a LOT that I’ve seen 🙂

  280. I have nothing to say except you are my hero. I don’t have any diagnosed disorders, but that is just a technicality. I think you rock and I can’t wait to see what you have to say next. You rock lady!

  281. Today: I helped 3 students get their classes figured out even though it’s summer and I’m officially “off”.

    I’m a single mom with two teenagers who are great, responsible and love to spend time with me. So time I spend playing Magic with them or watching our favorite shows is NOT wasted – I don’t care what anyone says.

    I made plans to get together with a friend tomorrow instead of isolating myself.

  282. You are perfect, just the way you are.

    My accomplishments today were all selfish but I’m very okay with that. I got my hair done and my nails done. That’s enough.

  283. I transposed the “out eating people” section of this and was very confused for a minute imagining zombie lesbo threesomes and have the weirdest boner right now.

  284. I made a plan to go out to lunch on my birthday, even though I’m not really interested in my birthdays, because I know my wife and friends are.

    I also went to the bank, even though it’s Friday and the line was a million minutes long, and then treated myself to my very favorite, wish-I-could-eat-it-everyday salad.

  285. Also..funny…I just referenced Stuart Smalley for my narcissism posts.

    This week? I was able to only abuse my ambien A LITTLE. And worked instead of tweeted at work 25% more than normal. That’s all I got.

  286. I used my Stubborn Powers to get a customer service representative to actually help me resolve an issue instead of keep reading from their script.

  287. (“Lower The Goddam Bar” WBAGNFARB, too.)

    You ROCK.
    And you’re right: you’re not alone, and the TOUGHEST thing we hafta do
    is remember to be as compassionate to ourselves as we manage to be for others.
    “Physician, heal thyself” is usually the big challenge.

  288. Today was a good day. I didn’t get much accomplished, but it started out with someone handing me two bananas and asking me to help pull a prank on a coworker. That led to a singing gorilla showing up at work. Then I received a photo of another coworker wearing a sombrero. Then donuts magically appeared at my desk. All in, I didn’t need to do a damn thing to make today a good day. It happened around me and I’ll accept that as a win.

  289. I love you, Jenny. You make me smile, and that’s the best gift you can give anyone…except maybe a pony. Or a unicorn. Anyway, Yay you!
    Today I wrote two, not one, but TWO pages of my script.
    Today I didn’t feel overwhelmed when it got busy at work…or whelmed in any way. Yay me!

  290. I don’t usually comment because you get so many thousands of comments but today I feel the need to say, “I’m so glad you exist.” And that’s for entirely selfish reasons. Also, you make a kickass zombie.
    Thanks for everything.

  291. Today I didn’t cry when my daughter’s teacher stopped me in the hall after school to tell me she is concerned about my 6 year old daughter’s anxiety and how it is affecting her in class. I just nodded and listened and said “yes, that is concerning” and then went home instead of having a complete breakdown at the thought that I have passed on my anxiety to my daughter as well as my two older sons.

    Today I loaded my dishwasher and swept my kitchen floor.

    Today I left my house on purpose and went for coffee with a friend for the first time in months and I sat in public with her and we chatted like normal people do. And it was really nice.

    Also, I did not eat anyone.

    Thank-you Jenny.

  292. I love this post. I think being honest and your most vulnerable is the most courageous thing we can do. And the most important.

  293. You’re an inspiration to people like me. I have lots of internet friends but I don’t have a real IRL friend other than my husband. They just switched my meds because I had lots of anxiety and no motivation on the last one. It’s lots better now. My laundry room is clean. I love your sense of humor online, even the times that I can tell that you’re joking through the inexplicable pain. There’s days when it’s all I can do to drive my kids to school and make them dinner at night.

    I never know the other band parents at my son’s high school. Hubby’s Mom was the head of the band boosters but there’s no way I can even volunteer because the thought of interacting with that many people at once scares the hell out of me. I worked for years with my ex and as a single Mom because I had to. I’d do it again if I had to but I’m a SAHM now. I see you and read the comments on here and I know that I’m not alone on the days when I’m fighting a panic attack at a school function.

    I saw a deer head a a thrift store today. I’ve made my husband swear that he’ll buy it next week when he gets paid. He will have a top hat, monocle, and vest and shall be known as Col. Everett Hornsby III….. My husband’s read your blog too and is very afraid of where this is going. LMAO!

  295. You are brave and wonderful and seeing the hundreds of comments yesterday made me feel much better about myself, and also wish I could befriend all of those people. But only internet-friends, because I’m not going to leave my house or anything. Someone might eat me.

  297. I got to the bank. I know you stated you were not impressed with bank getting to in your last post, but that is really hard one for me. So deal with it I GOT TO THE BANK and am really proud of me and Rachel from a couple comments up. I am proud of her too. We go to the bank. (by bank I really mean ATM, no one wants to go into the bank and talk to those people). Also I managed to no yell at too many people today and avoided name calling (out loud) all together.

  298. Today I blew of all of the things I should have been doing and did the things I needed to instead. I spent time with my girlfriends and their assorted small children. I spent time with my man, just hanging out and enjoying each other. I spent time with my son, not just doing homework but actually chilling together. I made dinner that was microwave pizza and chocolate milk and it was delicious. And now, I’m heading out to see more friends. Because sometimes I need a day where I’m reminded that I am loved and missed when I hide out in my house.

  299. Today I finally had the balls to stop being paralyzed by how a former friend trashed my feelings years ago and look another friend in the eye and tell her I love her. And it felt great!

  300. GO TC (#60) and GO JENNY!

    Today I convinced the recycling company to give me a 75-cent credit for not picking up my recycling on the right day (background: they have missed it — and my neighbors’ too – 5 of the last 7 weeks, and the one week I didn’t call, the can stayed on my curb until the next week — when they didn’t pick it up again). Yay me!

    Have you ever read Anne Lamott? She’s very good at talking about being nice to ourselves and also about the harrowing process of writing. And she’s a little loony too. You might enjoy reading some of her stuff. I don’t know if she tweets, but you can follow her on FB, if you want to try her out.

    Hang in there, Jenny … I feel pretty kick-ass most days, but as one of the other commenters said, even we can brought down in a moment’s notice. And I spend more time than I wish I did comparing myself unfavorably to other (skinnier, smarter, social-ier) people. Also, I am not really into zombies, but even I love that portrait of zombie you 🙂

  301. Today I realized that bursting into tears for no reason is a great way to get brinner in bed while my husband wrangles the children. And I didn’t scream at said children (that was yesterday).

    And I didn’t post on your last entry, but I realized long ago that we just assume that other people have their shit together. Sadly I think those who seem so perfect are often the ones who are hiding the biggest flaws. I’ll take my visibly messy but totally real life over that any day.

  302. Today has been my most productive day in almost a month. I managed to do some promotions for an event a work and deal with a group of people who came to pick new art for their office building.

    I am rewarding myself tonight with some quiet time alone with an audio book and one of my zillion knitting WIPs.

  303. Today I crossed straightening out the pantry off my To Do List. And in the process I found about $100 worth of various gift cards my husband had left in gift bags and boxes. Score! Finders Keepers rule is in effect 🙂

  304. (Try this again, crashed while posting last time.)

    Today I wrote a “crappy poem” ™. I haven’t written in YEARS.
    Also, I had a good talk with myself, and looked at all my accomplishments and what a good life I DO have.

    Your post yesterday was the inspiration. 🙂 (posted on my blog!)

  305. Wanted to join the thousands in responding yesterday, but really just couldn’t find the words. Like others, I recognized myself in some of your comments.

    Something really stuck out for me in yesterday’s post. Unlike some others with mental illness, you are actually self aware enough to recongnize your problems, your current limitations, AND you are trying to find ways to constructively COPE and find the right TOOLs to live a life with or in spite of them. I find that great. So many people sadly never, ever get to that point. So KUDOS to you!

    And regarding the affirmations in today’s post. It reminded me of something I started as a joke but then became more important to me. Not saying this would ever work for you or anyone else, just an unexpected thing that later helped me. You just never know what you may latch onto that helps.

    So, I work in corporate america. And in corporate america, you sometimes have to do things that do not add value and are really stupid. Because many managers in corporate america like “processes”. So one day during a crisis, I had to fill out some paperwork. The paperwork did nothing to solve the problem, but it was a required. I usually suck at shit like that, but I “was in the zone” and the bs was just a flowin that afternoon. After hitting Submit on the page, I raised my hands in Victory like Ed Hochuli signifying a touchdown (my biceps don’t look as good as his) and declared my Awesomeness to the world. After work, as a joke, I went to Hobby Lobby and picked up a band and some of those lettered beads and made a bracelet declaring Full of Awesome. And started wearing it at work. It became a running joke (on purpose, it was fun). But somewhere along the way, it became a talisman for me and it was important that I wear it. If only to remind myself that I really was Full of Awesome even on days I most certainly did not feel Full of Awesome.

    Those bead materials from the stores are not exactly high quality and after it broke numerous times, I never did get around to making a new one. But (lord this sounds cliched), at some point I didn’t need it anymore. Somehow I had adjusted to the idea that yeah, I am FUCKING FULL OF AWESOME!
    and don’t forget that you are TOO!

    (and if anyone I know ever runs across this, they will think I’ve been eaten and replaced by space aliens because I don’t get touchy feeling in public)

  306. Today I stood up for myself. My friend said I was a “silly, silly girl” because I don’t want to attend a free dinner/dress up thing done through work. I said “I’m not silly, I have anxiety and I need to honour my body.”

    It was a win.

    Ps I’m 31, I think that means people should call me a woman or lady or even ma’am (*shudder* I take ma’am back that ages me ????) instead of ‘girl’.

  307. I watched this today and your goals made me think you might like it
    Eat Frog First

    Also I think if you were a zombie people would probably taste good to you!

  308. Today I got my 2 oldest children to and from school without getting in a car accident while driving my new to me minivan, I loved on my two year old, and continued gestating a 38 week fetus, successfully. I also bought and consumed a cherry lemon slush from Sonic. Winning.

  309. Just know that every day I check my computer multiple times to see if you have a new blog entry, and every day it makes me laugh and always makes me happy. You are always amazingly open and candid, and I really appreciate that! Today I brought birthday treats in for my sons birthday to school, and got his gift bags and everything ready to go for this weekend…I did not however get a cake, or even think about getting one, and I wonder if anyone will notice?
    Also, I too did not eat anyone 🙂

  312. Today I got my kids to and from school, finished a book, read a short story and started reading another book. I did 3 loads of laundry and vacuumed the house in between. I made it through the week without wanting to hurt myself and I even managed to sleep through a night. Sadly I find it harder to come up with positives that I have done and I can write a book of everything I have messed up or not finished. I will continue to try to notice the positives and not beat myself up over the rest.

  313. Today I worked outside cleaning out and prepping a flower bed that I’m turning into a memorial garden for my cat of 12 years that I had to euthanize due to illness not quite 2 weeks ago. I’ve made a good start and know it will end up being a pretty little spot. I’m also thinking of restarting my blog. I didn’t get up as early as I intended today, but if I had I might have heatstroked working in the yard midday, so win.

  314. Today I fell off of the proverbial wagon and did cocaine all day. I’m ok now but wasnt so ok earlier. I guess we all have our demons. They just all react/behave d ifferently. Thanks for your honesty.

  315. Today I watched old “Monty Python” with 8-year-old son and laughed like an idiot.
    It made me feel SO MUCH better.
    You should try that.

  316. I’m not sure how to cross off words from my phone, so just imagine that anything in parentheses is actually crossed off. Today, I overslept but took care of what I needed to before work anyway. I am proud of myself for getting to work (even though it’s only a temporary job), and treated myself to a cab because it’s a cold rainy day outside & I was having enough trouble getting out the door w/o having to contemplate uncomfortable shoes & the long wak from the bus stop to the store, not to mention the cold damp that would sit w/ me all day. I managed to ack enough food for the day (even ugh some of it is not as healthy as I would like). I remembered to feed all the animals, thus avoiding the disaster of fish death or pathetic dog eyes. And I forced mysel plans w/ friends even athough I’m exhausted & just don’t feel like being all that social (because of course, being at home & depressed is SO MUCH BETTER…not). I’m calling today a win, (even though I kinda feel like giving up).

  317. This week I worked my full work schedule the majority of the time. I also did the dishes everyday and started in on some deep cleaning I’ve been putting off forever. Oh, and I went to the dentist and the doctor. Seems like boring stuff but looking at all that I’m proud of myself! Go me!

  318. Last night, I danced in the pouring rain and then went grocery shopping looking like a half-drowned but cheerful rat. That means I went outside AND provided breakfast for my family. I got 100% of my children to school on time, and more than zero people in my family are wearing clean clothes. I did NOT punch anyone, get pulled over by a cop, or break one single thing ALL WEEK! Let’s all ride the awesome train!

  319. You are a brave soul. My admiration for your honesty continues to grow. And yes, I am certain you would be a stellar zombie.

    And thank you for cooking before eating.

  321. Today I didn’t call in sick to work, despite feeling like the world was ending because I left early on Wednesday and I had SO MUCH TO DO. My boss was gone and my meds ran out and I could not fucking concentrate for the life of me so I said “fuck it, I’ll do it on Friday.” Then I realized that I also had stuff to on my Friday list so I was going to have to cram two days worth of stuff into one and I was already behind and holy fuck how was I going to finish?

    But I went to work. And I got everything on my to-do list done.

    So now I’m going to go get a salted caramel pumpkin shake because I fucking deserve it.

  322. I haven’t eaten anyone today (yet). Also, I finally bought faux fur fabric so that I can make the tribbles I’ve been talking about making forever. I totally haven’t made them yet, but I’m halfway there now. 🙂

  323. I think I am going to try this too. I’m pregnant and if I don’t take the pills that I am not supposed to take daily, I pretty much spend the entire day in bed. And even when I do take it, I am heading to bed by 7 at the latest and I’m not even home from work until after 5. It’s a miserable existence that will prove itself worth it in the end. Instead of thinking the house is a mess, I am going to tell myself that I filled out all of the first day of school paperwork and had it returned the very next day. I also picked some things up last night. And we’ve brought in half of the plants from outdoors now that it’s cold out. I am accomplishing things!

  324. I love that your sentimental and squishy blog posts still make me laugh my ass off. Because most of the time, if you read a squishy blog, they’re just squishy and make you (er, me) slightly uncomfortable – like having squishy underwear. No one wants that. So, thank you for being you. I don’t know of anyone else that can pull it off.

    Today, I spent some real time with my daughter outside of our cubicle life. And, I didn’t freak out about being broke.

  325. After an unsuccessful week of job hunting and making job search calls that have yet to be returned, I will take stock of the little things this week:

    * I hooked up a new printer

    * I have remained calm while attempting to learn a new computer operating system and how to use a touchpad instead of a mouse

    * I reached out to a handful of friends that I have withdrawn from in this last round of depression

    * When I was unexpectedly given a large gift card and someone close suggested that I put it towards a new, more modern TV, I instead have made the decision to use it towards an exercise bike and maybe lose the 20 pounds I have put on this year.

    * Okay, I have not actually BOUGHT the exercise bike yet, but I got a tape measure out today and measured to see how big a bike I could buy- yes, I MEASURED!!!

    * My other big accomplishment today has been to cast on 60 stitches to my knitting needles. This will eventually become my very own multi-colored Doctor Who Scarf. With my knitting prowess, it should be ready in time for the Doctor’s 75th anniversary, but it will be finished!

    * I have also begun to share my thoughts in this comment section after a few years of lurking. This day I have not signed in as Anonymous. I’m still using a pseudonym, but I’m sill trying.

  326. Today I swallowed a stitch marker. It is little, rubbery, red, and in the shape of a heart.

    I have crafty poop in my future.

    I also got up this morning – so that helped. And I took all my normal on schedule, which also helped.

  327. Today, I went out in public several times and I did not have to consume any Xanax, though I did drink a pumpkin beer when I got home. I washed clothes, and gave the dog a bath, and this time he did not punish me by pissing on my bed. AND, tonight, to compensate for the two pounds of cheese stars that I ate yesterday, I will have a healthy salad. And another pumpkin beer.

  329. Today I made a to-do list for each of my children and trusted them to get it done without me.

    Instead of micro-managing them, I went to lunch and Costco with 2 of my dear friends and bought myself a really amazing coloring book. (Actually I bought 3 really amazing coloring books because you never know when the need to color something will happen)

    Yesterday, I wrote a response to your blog. Today, I let me husband read my response. So now there are 2 people in the world that I’ve shared my writing with. A first for me.

  330. Today I went to work. I work as a substitute teacher, so it is way too easy to tell the automated calling system to shove it, or to ignore the call altogether. So I took a call and worked today. Then I made a kindergartener cry. I know that’s not technically a good thing, but she cried because I wouldn’t let her run across the room and instead made her stay where she was seated.

    Also, I changed the sheets on my bed and threw the dirty ones in the washer and ran the dishwasher.

  332. Not nearly as self affirming as everybody else’s post but I have to mention that you make a pretty hot zombie. That’s probably an oxymoron, them being dead and all, but still.

  333. I think you should have an Instagram where you post pictures of your cats when they’re being silly. I don’t Twitter – because I think it’s weird. . but pictures of cats with captions – HILLARIOUS!!

    Love ya – you’re awesome!

  334. This week I got a job! Very few hours, but it’s something I know I’m going to enjoy.

    I also ate a salad for lunch and then didn’t eat an entire box of wheat thins in one sitting! Yay healthy!!

    Congrats on the accomplishments, Jenny. And thanks for bringing us all together here. Reading these comments by all these amazing people has made me feel like I have so many friends and kindred internet souls. 🙂

  335. Jenny, the way you struck out those sentences spoke to me. I do that sort of thing all the time and seeing how you made each one positive – I think I can try that now that you’ve shown how. Hell, if I practice, I may even start to believe it. You’re helping people out all of the time just by being you and I thank you for being here. So glad I discovered your book and blog!

  336. I got through another week of working FT, and taking care of my family. It certainly wasn’t perfect, but it’s Friday, everyone is relatively happy, I’m done with work for the week and I’m enjoying a glass of wine. That’s going to be a win for this week.

  337. You. Are. A. Joy. You. Are. Pretty. Darn. Amazing. And. Common. And. Outstanding. You. Are. Not. Alone.Social. Media. Is. A. Facade. ;>)

  338. I honestly think you are a most amazing woman. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your honesty and open heart. The permission it gives others to speak out about their own stuff is fantastic. And today, I didn’t eat anyone either. Good day all around.

  339. I haven’t killed my sister yet. Even though she’s a brat and keeps being here when I want her to not.

    I have tons to do and I’ve yet to panic! I’ve even done some stuff. Not as much as I’d like… but something.

    I got my blog up and running and I’ve been having loads of fun with it.

  340. Actually, I was going to comment on the yesterday post, but you realized what I was going to say anyway: if you are not meeting your own expectations for good behavior, then either change the behavior or change the expectations. Changing the expectations would most likely be easier, especially since no one else has those expectations of you anyway.

    If your ups and downs are like biorhythms (remember those?), then check your scale for the up and down.

    negative max value should be “I died” or “I killed someone else”. Don’t go there.
    positive max value should be “I saved someone else” or something equivalently super positive. Try to get there.
    then figure out what a good “meh” value should be (zero on the scale). “no one died, I continued existing as a comatose slab of flesh in a bed”.
    Positive activity goes above the bar based on how much activity and how positive the activity. Eating (so you continue to be healthy) should always be ABOVE zero.
    Not feeding yourself when you could should be below the bar.
    Eating AND feeding the family should be above the bar, above just feeding yourself.
    Not eating AND not feeding the family should be below the bar, below not feeding yourself.
    etc.

    Post the graph somewhere and see if you can beat yesterday’s value by adding one more positive thing or swapping a small positive for a larger positive.

    Personally, I find value when I’m overwhelmed in making lists of things that I need to do or have someone else do, and then take immense pleasure in crossing it off the list when it’s done. Even if it is just get to the damn bank and deposit that check my sister gave me last week (which I did today).

  341. Today I did TWO loads of laundry, and I applied for a job. Woho me!

    And I only had about five tablespoons of the mint and belgian chocolate icecream I discovered yesterday and saved for today (only on weekends, go me!), then I put it back in the freezer. Now that’s what I call an accomplishment!

  342. I have air conditioning for the first time in 11 days, in Arizona, I am thankful for that. I went out of my way to be kind to others. I finally opened all of the packages that came in the mail, the accoutrements for my new life with MS. I didn’t give up today. I made plans for tomorrow. I decided that I am a zombie, but not the home wrecking, oops I ate your wife Marjorie kind of zombie. My MS is causing my immune system to (insert long and boring “scientfic” explanation), aka eat my braaaaiiinnnnz. My husband argues that I cannot be a zombie because I am un-undead, therefore I am merely cannibalistic. Semantics.

  343. Today, I sat on a log and watched people fish. Didn’t fish myself, and actually had a bit of a panic, but I was out, in the sun, by the water, and that made for a good day.

  344. Today was a good day for me, because I went to the dentist and my teeth cleaning was normal and good. No new cavities to fill. 🙂 I’ve got some spots they are watching closely, but the fact I don’t need to see them until my next cleaning, is awesome. So today was good.

    How that makes me feel accomplished is that it means I’m doing something right when brushing my teeth.

  345. This week, I got back to writing, For Me, because I love it. I’d been too afraid to try for years.
    Yesterday, I made my friend laugh while I held her hand as she went through one of her worst fears.
    Today, I took my daughter to get shot.
    With a vaccine, which, I’m not sure is a win, but I got to send her back to school 🙂
    Tomorrow? All of my kids will have lived to be a day older.
    That’s a win 🙂

  346. Today I finished writing an essay I’ve been putting off all week. I didn’t feel bad about myself once, but the day’s not over yet.

  347. I spend most of my days…minutes….seconds worried about what people think about me and convincing myself that I am the butt of all jokes in the world. I feel crazy every day. I AM crazy some days. I am a full time professional with two small kids and instead of playing with them and loving on them as much as I should I stay wrapped up in my head convincing myself that they are probably not better off without me here. Thank you for being you. You have gotten me through a fucking terrible rough patch lately. Your honesty is so refreshing. Comforting. Normalizing.

  349. What is this being an accomplished adult thing? I get stuck if I think too much about what I should be doing or should have already done. It’s like an endless self-chastisement loop that gets in the way to actually doing anything. Baby steps and rewards. It’s taken me years to get there, however.

    I got up early enough to take a shower before I got my daughter up. yay!
    I ate a big salad for lunch instead of snacks, and I ate *only* one serving of ice cream.
    I decided to not stress about cleaning house for a surprise house guest. If the kitchen table is cleared and they have clean sheets to cover the couch, it’ll be okay. Then I turned down another friend’s request for a playdate because I had enough on my plate already, and I didn’t feel guilty about it, either. (That is huge.)
    I made progress an online kids consignment I have been meaning to do for years, and I managed to not scream out loud when the printer was being fussy while printing out the required tags. I let my daughter have the cardboard box that I was going to carry everything in to play with instead, I took the time to snuggle my geriatric cat. and I smiled rather than grumped when my husband made a bad pun to cheer me up.
    Next up, clearing off said kitchen table and the floor underneath it. If I’m ambitious, I’ll even sweep. Whoohoo!

  350. The first week of school kicked my ass because we’re trying a new latchkey thing and i totally made the wrong decision and my kid is going to have years of therapy because there was a thunderstorm when she was supposed to walk to the bus.
    I’m forgiving myself and i’m going to stop beating myself over the head with it.

  351. Therapy seems to be working and for the first time in a long while, I can actually see some progress. Instead of focusing on the big picture and hating myself for not accomplishing a damn thing, I got a few chores done this week, spent time with my husband, and actually wrote something that seemed to really make a difference even though the idea of writing it made me super nervous.

  352. I have thought of you all day – so I’m glad to see this post. You nailed it exactly – we DO set the bar too high for ourselves – and, I’ll be honest, social media feeds into that with the “perfection” that is posted on every possible outlet. We have to learn to be okay with the fact that we didn’t get out of our pjs today. Or that the only reason we got out of our pjs was to go to the store to ensure the wine supply would last through the night. We have to be okay with the fact that no, the kitchen floor didn’t get scrubbed, but I got to play with my child or make my husband laugh – that they knew THEY were the important things in my life. We HAVE to learn to let go of what isn’t so very important and focus on what is important.

    At work today, I stumbled across a link to an article that I had saved a while ago that I *almost* forwarded to you – but didn’t (and, of course, I don’t have access to at this very moment-yes, I am kicking myself about now) but it was basically the same premise – only stated far better – live for today. Focus on the now, the what DID get accomplished – not the what didn’t.

    Oh dear God – this must be the longest comment I’ve EVER left ANYWHERE – so I’ll shut up now. After I tell you, once again, this is something we all suffer from…needlessly. Now, if we can just realize that.

  353. Today I didn’t organize anything, or clean anything, or send out my resume anywhere, but I did meet my kids at the bus stop and give them a snack that they liked when they got home. And kissed my husband like I meant it when he got home (after bitching about the bus stop for about 5 minutes first, however).

  354. Today I managed to speak to someone in person without my wonderful husband or a friend there as back up, go me! (oh and also didn’t eat any one – which being a vegetarian is probably a good idea), and I need to thank the friend that pointed me to your blog (you know who you are!)

  355. I went to a Meet the Staff BBQ at my kids school and sat by myself as far away from everyone as I could get. Depression is kicking my ass today.

  356. Today I took my meds without flinching, and finally accepted that I was born 150 mg of antidepressant short and no amount of talk therapy, berating myself, crying, etc. will solve a physical deficiency. Peace!

  357. Not an occupation? Seriously? How about crime fighter who protects the environment: You take out the bad guys and EAT them to get rid of the bodies (or at least most of it…)

    Only if you need to cook them first that might slow you down, but then you could write a cookbook – a zombie crime-fighter cookbook.

    Now what could Victor find to fault in that?

  358. This whole week I got up before my family and walked for 45 minutes, this is huge. I have noticed Im less cranky, not by much. Im so dang proud of myself.
    I made an appointment and got a great hair cut.
    Im so thrilled to hear your working on your next book, just can’t wait.

  359. I passed my life/health/variable annuity license exam on the first try–with an 88% pass rate. So, now I get a raise.

    I went to my daughter’s swim meet.

    I was a shoulder to cry on for two of my closest friends who are having marital problems.

    On retrospect, this week wasn’t too bad.

  360. I volunteered at a food bank today with my work colleagues, and talked to people I didn’t know all day. Then I went to a barbecue and MINGLED. Not as much as other people, but still I mingled. I had social anxiety all day, but I didn’t let it get in my way for once, and I’m proud of that.

  361. Our accomplishment for the day: We did not make slippers out of our old, senile, and incredibly noisy cats today.

    But that’s probably because they slept a lot today.

  362. And a serious accomplishment as well – I did a second round of review on 6 modules for a training course that I’ve been contracted to do. I thought it was going to take me two weeks, and it looks like it’s going to be 3 days of work instead.

  364. this week i haven’t washed ANY dishes. or taken out the trash. it’s a tiny bit smelly in here, but i’m ignoring it.

    what i DID do is have some really great days with my students. we’re doing work that they seem really engaged in. and we’re reading a really fun book that is making them crack up (Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great). and seeing THEM have fun puts a smile on my face. 🙂

  365. Jenny, you are amazing! I needed yesterday’s post as much as I needed today’s. Thank you for writing. I feel less alone.

  366. This week I have started a local geek meet (which terrifies me but I’m looking forward to it at the same time) and I drew a picture of my 4 year old as a superhero.

  367. I exercised. I hand watered the two trees we planted last year (thanks, drought!). I cleaned out the veggie drawer that was growing new forms of life. Which maybe that makes me a vengeful god for destroying an entire new form of life rather than a good thing I did?

  368. I haven’t read all the comments, so I apologise if someone has already suggested it, but I can recommend http://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/ as a great resource to help.

    It’s primarily about sorting your physical surroundings, but can be applied to anything. Plus there’s swearing! Not as in oath-taking but cursing. In her own words “There will be many f-bombs.”

    I want to finish by thanking you for your blog. As someone who doesn’t suffer from depression or anxiety, your honesty allows me to gain some understanding (and therefore more compassion) for those that do.

  369. I am glad you heard what we were saying. I agree the bar is too high. I am fighting to apply for jobs because failing paralyzes me.

    What have I done worthwhile this week? This week I turned 30 and I actually managed to enjoy it without breaking down over the fact that I am 30, living with my parents, and unemployed despite fighting my ass off in my profession. I am proud of myself for enjoying my birthday. I guess that counts as avoiding something awful too. I didn’t have a break down or panic attack.

  372. Even though I haven’t made any sales yet this month, I made 15 new mini book pendants for the craft show I’m doing next weekend, which raises funds for a library as well as Soroptomist International, a group that helps women and girls succeed in life.

  373. My .02 cents: I just caught up on 2 weeks of Bloggess posts. It is Friday. I have no kids, 2 dogs and 1 husband. I should be able to hold it together because of my “lack” of things to keep me occupied. But, I can’t. I see all the things I have failed to do. I can’t even find my “to-do” list. I locked myself in the bathroom twice at work and cried, then tried to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror.
    I thank you so much for reminding me that I’m not alone in feeling like a failure at living life. I just need tto be gentler to me.
    I do things well, and I should make those things my “to-do” list.

  374. You lost 42 pounds this year?!? Holy fucking shit, dude. That’s like twice as much as my kid weighs. You lost two (very small) people. That’s badass.

    Also, yes, some people will hate that your new book is different. Those people can suck an old banana, and many more people will love it and even if only like 6 people love it out of every 25 that read it, you made a difference to them and that’s cool. I would KILL to be working on a SECOND book. (Well, not a person. But I would kill a zombie. But not Zombie Bloggess, hopefully.)

  375. Had a Dean come and escort a student out because he was cursing me out today. Did it with impeccable grace and calm demeanor, and afterwards my class settled down and learned much better for a while.

    Then the copiers broke down and I missed a deadline, and I got grumpy. But you know what? I didn’t suck today, and I’ll be ready for the new week when Monday rolls around like I always am.

    Time dump the grump and celebrate a little.

  376. It’s funny that you should say “I didn’t eat anyone today” because there is only one useful thing that ever came out of my mother’s mouth that brings me comfort. When things seem too scary I hear my mother’s words in my head “Nickie, they can’t eat you!” and somehow, I don’t know how, but it calms me down…because they can’t eat me. Even if I get really pissed off and tell them to, still, they cannot and that makes things suck a little less.

  377. This. All of this. I read your blog regularly and never comment because I feel like a big dork and really does anyone really care what I think. This post though and the last. I feel like I have my shit together a handful of times in the month. I am a mother, a wife, a full time university student. I frequently feel like I have no idea what I am doing, that I am not as intelligent as others around me, guilt in that I can’t help out at the elementary school, take my kids on vacation on a whim, keep dust off all the damn things. I feel like the biggest impostor in the world and that someday someone will revoke my grown up card.

    I have come to realize though that I have to look at the daily accomplishments. I got dressed today, my kids played with each other nicely, I plowed through a ton of homework. Thank you for the new post. The reminder to celebrate our daily accomplishments and to lighten the hell up on ourselves was perfectly timed and much needed. Thank you.

  378. Today I did not say the mean things I was thinking to a person who disrespected me and my profession. I gave my students my love and understanding. And I gave three dogs a flea bath.

    I manage my anxiety and depression…so, I get what you are saying. Love you like you love others. You deserve love. And, thanks for the laughs and smiles. We are not perfect, but we are pretty fucking awesome.

  379. In regards to the last post.. I tend to disable myself with discouragement. Cleaning the house always feels like a MAJOR accomplishment, and that’s usually JUST THE FRONT HALF! I don’t even have the mental health issues to blame! I might have a small case of social anxiety, or clinical depression.. but nothing compared to you… TRULY, you impress me with what you accomplish with your confessions and struggles! LOVE YOU!!!

    In regards to THIS post, I actually repeat what I did get done a LOT! I feel successful this school year cause I’m not turning into “mommy dearest” EVERY morning getting my girls ready. I feel successful when I actually feel HAPPY to see them after school, instead of worn out, and exhausted. I tend to feel like a crappy mom.. but I remind myself that all three babies are healthy, fed, clothed, and happy. They sing all the time, and they laugh A LOT.. at the end of the day, they want to hug and kiss me good night, and they tell me they love me… I can’t be that bad. 🙂 Neither can you!! <3 Perfection is boring, anyhow!

  380. Read The Hobbit with my boys for two hours instead of doing math. It felt better than being rigid about our schedule and everybody was content and engaged.

    Went to my dr today and took control of my health. Told him what we will be doing going forward.

  381. I’ve spent the last few days teaching myself to hoop dance and I’m quite proud of the tricks I’ve learned even if nobody will watch me or be proud of me.

    I did not eat anyone, human or other. 8 years veggie and while I think about eating people’s faces from time to time I’ve got great self control. If I can walk away from bacon I can walk away from eating someone’s face.

  382. I made my husband laugh. My dog was happy to see me when I got home. It’s a good day!

  383. Hmm, things I accomplished this week. I cleaned up my yard, which I’d been meaning to do all summer. I was super nice and helpful to numerous rude clients. Biggest of all, I finally pulled the plug and decided to put my house on the market and start looking for a new one, something I’ve been dithering over and terrified of since my husband died a few years ago. And you know what? Now that I’ve made the decision, I feel better. I am NOT freaking out over the realtor coming to do an eval on Tuesday. What gets cleaned before then gets cleaned, and what doesn’t, doesn’t. If I don’t get around to cleaning my baseboards (for the first time in ten years), it is not going to lower the price of my house by $20,000.

  384. Every night my brain pops up every single human interaction I’ve had for the last week and tells me how stupid and awful and fail-ey I was at that interaction. If I try to change the channel, it’ll start bringing up all my human interaction fails for the past few years instead. I have this game I play where I blow them up. The scene that’s playing on my memory tv? I blow it up. Picture a nuclear explosion, mushroom clouds, kaboom, and I make the “p-khoooowwhoooosh” noise too if I have to. It makes the embarrassing pain go away.

  385. I did not beat the sh!t out of anyone.
    I have not called my husband an idiot all week (OK, maybe just not to his face.)
    I finished almost all of my tasks on time at work.
    My 3yo told me I am her best friend.

  386. Well. The bar is too fucking high. And who put it there? We do. We do it to ourselves every day. And for what? What do we think will happen if we actually ever hurdle this bar? I have a sinking feeling that there will not be a sexy dude waiting to give me a damned medal, or a group of perfect mothers waiting to induct me into their club. It’s all one cruel hoax, and I’ve had enough.

    What did I do this week? I don’t know. Let’s just go with what I didn’t do.

    This week I did NOT look like anyone I saw in a magazine, not even for a minute. This week I did not clean my bathroom, or cook dinner one time, or force my kids to play outside more. I didn’t go for a run every day, I didn’t eat a single piece of fruit, and I didn’t go to sleep one night without a trazodone. I did not quit my job (I work for my parents), I didn’t leave my husband (it’s been a rough patch), and I didn’t make anyone cry (that I know of).

  387. I sit in those curriculum nights/open houses for my kids’ school and I don’t know a damned soul. Even though my kids have already been at this school for a year. Plus? I never remember names. My kids met these two girls who moved in up the street who are their age. They play constantly. Their mother always says to me, “Hi Heather! How are you?!?!” And I’m all, “Um, fine. How are you…?” and those dots are her name that I can never remember. Or, I do sort of remember. I think it’s Kim. It probably is Kim but I’m convinced that even if that is her name, and I call her that, she’ll fuck with me and say, “OH! Who’s Kim? My name is Karen!” and the next time, it will be some other K word because all the people hate me.

    I get it. I have three chapters written in my book. My erotic fiction book. Yeah. I like it but I’m too scared for anyone else to read it because it’s sex (whisper that word, please, because I’m embarrassed). So, yeah. YOU GO, GIRL! We’re all proud of you no matter what and if your book makes me giggle and smile and nod my head only 1/3 as much as this blog? It will be awesome.

    My sex scenes on the other hand? *Cringe*

  388. Today in Australia we all have to vote. It’s only 10:30am and my family is already done. That is pretty cool (and I voted preferentially, which meant I could vote for a good party without wasting my vote but had to number 27 boxes in order, which is hard).

    Yesterday, home from work due to hazardous depression levels (hazardous to the kids at the child care centre where I work) I had a pretty pleasant day and wrote over two chapters on my book. That’s an awesome effort. Also, I had been smart enough to notice in advance that things were getting bad mentally, and already had a medical certificate ready to go, and had crossed the truly depressing hurdle of telling my boss that I’d be sick, and why.

    Louise Curtis

  389. Today, I FINALLY finished making the final exam and sent it in to be printed just in time – and I did not curl into a ball of panic. I just pushed through the stress and kept a level head.

    I loved seeing you scratch out the things that were preventing you from celebrating your victories. You should do that more often. I should too. Thank you for reminding me of that.

  390. Today I took a bath and washed and braided my hair. I got dressed. I washed most of the dishes and made pumpkin bread. I tried doing zentangles for the first time.

  392. What a beautiful thing you did, crossing off the SHAME aspects of those sentences. Did you breathe today? All day? Win!

    Seriously, I do work as an intuitive, so I get lots of opportunities to see how people function and what they do to stop themselves from functioning. Number one is all that self-talk that goes on in their heads, unencumbered. If I could suggest one thing to you, I would say to censor everything that goes on and on in your mind, to the point that you are paying attention to everything that you think. When you hear yourself think anything that is not kind, is shameful, or that you would be unwilling to say to someone else because it reeks of something negative, tell yourself to,”Cancel that.” You don’t have to replace it with something positive, at least not at first, just do yourself the favor of observing your thoughts. It’s actually very hard work but once you get the hang of it, it will be with you forever. Then just breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 8…and keep doing it until you can hear the silence in your head.

  393. An artist friend of mine just posted, “Back out to the studio, I’m putting a do not disturb sign on my peace of mind.” I think this is great advice for smart, creative people, such as yourself. After spending literally an entire night awake, stressed out and berating myself for not getting things done perfectly and faster at my job, and for struggling to help my high school senior make good class choices, and my failure to make it to calling hours for a close friends’ brother’s funeral because I was trying to perfect things at work, I think this is advice I need to take. When my perfectionism kicks up my anxiety and leads me into a downward depressive cycle where my mind tries to convince me I suck at everything, and then ratchets up the potential for this becoming a reality by preventing from sleeping- I think it’s time to try something new. In the future, I’m going to try visualizing hanging a “do not disturb” sign on my peace of mind. It’s worth a try.

  394. Today (and last night) I talked to a friend whose 11 year old son was just diagnosed with lymphoma. I can’t imagine the pain she is going through but I’m learning that all she needs is a good listener, a shoulder to cry on, and a good meal for her other kids while they are at the hospital. I can do that.

    Also, today is my parents’ 45th wedding anniversary. And 9/11 is my mom’s 70th birthday.

    That kind of stuff makes me not sweat the small stuff. Life is good.

  395. Today I got dressed and actually went to an appointment with a gallery to drop off work. I’m still amazed it happened.

    p.s. YAY ME. YAY YOU.

  396. Modern society is incredibly adept at making all of us feel inadequate. I think that we compare ourselves to others’ artificial selves on facebook and in other venues. Our own accomplishments and lives can not live up to the carefully scrubbed and crafted images that we are presented with. I find it helpful to pay attention to my small circle of friends who share their actual lives with me. We support each other in our compromises and recognize our small daily victories. I hope to become confident enough to not to feel judged all of the time and to stop judging myself so harshly. STEP #1 Internalize what I have just commented on and try to tune out all of the “perfect” images that flood my brain and make me feel little. THANKS FOR YOUR BLOG AND YOUR HONESTY!
    PS I am going to send this even though I am already worried that it is too rambling and self indulgent My my first step in ignoring that critical inner voice.:)

  397. Today I vacuumed and spent quality time with my son. Also I got paperwork for being a homeroom mom and I was overwhelmed but felt better after talking to another mom.

  398. Oooooo…this is sort of like HLB engagement questions! I’m good at this 🙂

    I, too, went to one of my kids’ parent-teacher gathering! I’m going to pat myself on the back a couple more times…I meditated! This is really hard for me. Sitting still and emptying my mind is virtually Herculean. And we were on time to school today! Yay! A first for the year 🙂

    I successfully stepped back from a potentially disastrous living situation. Not with zombies.

    I LOVE how much solidarity and support you received on yesterday’s post. Warms my heart so thoroughly.

  399. Alright so, one day about 2 years ago I took a new drug for the first time
    (this isn’t going where you think it’s going)
    I fought really hard for it, because I believed it would help me. And it did, the first day or two. That first day, especially, was really awesome. (Drug was Nuvigil) I was wearing the Cape of Getting Shit Done. I didn’t care how fucking insignificant it was, I was writing that shit DOWN. I was MAKING A LIST. And so, I made my list. I was so proud that I filled every line on one of those little 5×7 legal pads. Loaded up the washer? GO ME! Emptied the trash can? CELEBRATE! I kept that list. Subsequent lists weren’t as impressive.
    I’m thinking we should do that. Did you make breakfast? lunch? dinner? TOTALLY COUNTS. Write down anything you do beyond vegging out in front of the tv or playing facebook games. Answered 4 emails? Nope. You answered the email from Karen. Next line: You answered the email about the whatever. Stretch it out as far as you have to.
    Then look at the lines and know you did some stuff today. And that that was enough. And if you didn’t? There’s always tomorrow. Write down “Kept myself alive” and consider it a win for the day.

  400. Despite the fact I have had a pressure headache all day, I did NOT snap at anyone who came up asking me stupid questions (“there are no stupid questions”).

    I have not eaten all the cookies I just baked before eating dinner. And I will endeavor to not eat ALL of them after dinner.

    I did not buy a lot of candy and junk when I stopped at World Market this afternoon, but instead bought what I came for and only ONE bottle of wine. Go, me!

  402. Today, I ordered the cake for my daughters’ birthday party. Which is tomorrow, and they almost rejected my order because it was less than 24 hours’ notice, but *they took the order* and made me promise to order three days’ ahead of time next time. My daughters will have a My Little Pony cake and Avengers gift bags with Spiderman bubbles, and they’re so excited they peed a little, and I got all warm and fuzzy inside. And also a little grossed out. But I also didn’t eat anyone I know. Yet. Vodka is in the future; we’ll see what happens then.

    So much love and sunshine for you. <3

  403. I drove to my dad’s apartment to pay his rent and check his mail before going to visit his 90-something stroke-victim-self at the rehab joint where I helped him remember how to read a book [but didn’t stay to visit long enough]. Then I went home and took a nap [instead of going to the gym]. I wrote a chapter title and one sentence of my next book [instead of writing 2,000 words].

  404. Today I took a 10 minute break from work to lie in the sun by the water so I wouldn’t start yelling or crying or cry-yelling at people. And tomorrow I’m probably going to kayak on a gorgeous lake while reading a book, and I will hopefully forget about my stupid stressful job. Yay.

  405. On those days you are feeling small, you can look at that awesome zombie superhero portrait of yourself and channel your inner badass.
    And if you decide to eat me, please do kill me first. Please don’t microwave me as I am claustrophobic. Perhaps a rotisserie rigged over hot coals and some hickory smoke. Oh, and don’t forget to cook me to an internal temp of 170°. I wouldn’t want you to get food poisoning.

  406. Everyone feels inadequate, trust me! I’m a hairdresser and people tell me everything and trust me sister you are not alone! My accomplishments this week?
    ~I stopped Netflix instead of watching Sons of Anarchy all day like I don’t have shit to do. (Didn’t do said shit but I didn’t watch SOA all day)
    ~I didn’t punch anyone in the face. If anyone knew how often I want to punch them they’d realize it’s a win!
    ~I did not start my day with vodka instead of coffee. I’m not an alcoholic but I do deal with the public so vodka before 9am is really tempting sometimes.
    ~Last but definitely not least…I did not tell my friend she’s selfish little See You Next Tuesday as I listened to her rant. My husband and I have been trying for 6 years (which she is aware of) yet she insists upon whining EVERY TIME I SEE HER about how hard it is to have 3 little ones under 5. BOTH pregnancies were accidental including wonder of all wonders a 2 for 1 with the twins. All of them are happy and healthy kids that are amazing well adjusted with zero behavior or health problems. Her husband makes enough for her to stay home and she’s still got the audacity to whine about how it’s so hard when I would give anything to trade places.

    They’re not big wins but I count ’em anyway. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You are more amazing than you will ever give yourself credit for. As my wonderful husband says, “Welcome to the club, it’s called Everybody.”

  407. Depending what I’m dying of, you maybe shouldn’t eat me anyway. I would hate for you to make the sacrifice and then catch whatever disease I’m harbouring.

    I’m sorry I didn’t reply yesterday – you had so many messages I didn’t think one more, by a crazy Australian lady you don’t even know, would matter. But I want to say that you’re one of my favourite people ever, and I mean that in a genuinely non-stalkerish fashion. And it’s because in addition to being one of the funniest people I’ve met on the internet, you’re human and real and flawed. You are my reminder that I don’t have to be perfect — and I wish that you could be your own reminder of that as well.

    I loved your list of things with the parts crossed out, I hope that it continues to be helpful for you because dude. Those bits you crossed out, they don’t even MATTER. (I mean, they do, because clearly they upset you, and that matters… but yeah.)

    So, today I went and voted so I don’t get a fine, even though I’m mentally not well lately and had to drag my boyfriend out of bed at silly o’clock in the morning so we could do it before it got too busy.

    Also, I didn’t wave a knife around to get rid of the crowds of people who were voting. I think that’s quite an achievement because there were more people than I expected given that it was 8:00 on a Saturday morning and really, those people should have been in bed still, and not setting off my PTSD and making me WANT to wave a knife at them to scare them away.

    Also, I did not eat anyone either. Yet.

  408. Today, I painted, b?u?t? ?I? ?a?l?s?o? ?a?l?m?o?s?t? ?b?r?o?k?e? ?m?y? ?n?o?s?e? ?w?h?i?l?e? ?m?e?s?s?i?n?g? ?w?i?t?h? ?m?y? ?e?a?s?e?l? , because I am an a?c?c?i?d?e?n?t?-?p?r?o?n?e? ? artist.

  410. PTA is a soul killer. Seriously. I had to stop even trying because my mental health was suffering. And when I tell people that, half of the time they’re all, “OMG me too!” And they’re so relieved someone is talking about the secret soul-killing that we all feel guilty about resisting. Even though it’s EATING OUR SOULS. I’m only half joking here. You are so not alone I can’t tell you.
    Also, my 11-yr-old struggles with anxiety and depression, and I tell him, “depression lies,” because you taught me to say that when things are hard. You do meaningful work in the real world, every day.

  411. Today I got a stomach bug in addition to bronchitis. But in the process, I’ve lost 3 pounds ’cause I feel too crapy to eat anything. Or anyone.

  412. Today I managed to get out of bed and be semi productive even though my fibromyalgia made me want to rip off my own arm and beat myself with it. I also managed not to eat anyone.

  413. I don’t know why knowing people at PTA is important to you… But believe me, give a fake name or they will vote and make you President when you are absent one meeting. It happened to me because I showed up more than once after we changed towns during my kid’s 3rd grade. And I gave them my real name, never dreaming of the betrayal to come. And it was for a system wide French Immersion program with 1000 kids, nine schools, and a bunch of French speaking teachers who would sometimes think I could speak French because my husband and child can. So I was president for two years because nobody wanted to be it, then I was Vice President for two years because the president kept setting meeting dates then going out of town. So I was de facto president. Finally my kid aged out of the program and I was off the hook. Even if they seem cliquey they are looking for new leadership blood. Don’t give them your real name!

  415. I’m not even slightly depressed and I STILL only feel like I’m not totally failing at life a few days a month. I think it is a side-effect of being ambitious, not of being a loser.

  416. thank you for promising to cook me first cuz there’s nothing worse than undercooked meat….yuk

    PS: you make an awesome zombie

  417. Yesterday my husband had a bicycle accident that left him battered, bruised and with a sprained left, middle finger. It was awful to see what shape he was in when I got to him and I admit I was a not very pleasant combo of scared, angry and wifely concern. Today, as I was driving him to work (said bicycle is now modern art instead of transportation), I asked him how on Earth he sprained that finger. Did he flip off the world as he tumbled through the air? He told me when he landed he hit with his fingertips first. I sarcastically asked if he was trying for a cartoon thing where you spin through the air, land on one hand and then bounce up yelling “TAH DAH”? My husband looked at me, looked down, smirked, and said “Spiderman”. We dissolved into laughter and giggled all the way to his work. I gave him a big loving, kiss good-bye when he got out. My day was a winner before I even got to work.

  418. I love this idea. Today, I went to work (training) on the other side of the county, during rush hour, and arrived early!! I did not stress about my daughter or my hubby. This is a HUGE win for me.

  419. A week ago, things kind of broke for me, and a friend pointed out that I play roles instead of expressing what I need. I do the Perfect Wife, Perfect Mother thing and swallow what I’m really feeling. So I’m working on that, and this week I’ve tried to be honest with my husband and friends about what I’m feeling. My first instinct is (and probably always will be) to hide behind a role, but this week I did a pretty good job of being a not-perfect me.

  420. Today I finished my sparkle violin. (Weird old violin that had no future making music anymore so I covered it in jewels. Looks cool in my store window and I’m proud of it.)

  421. Oh! OH! Also, I had buffalo wings for lunch and DIDN’T DROP ANY SAUCE ON MY SHIRT. I am ROCKING this “grownup” thing.

  422. The back pain that often lays me low has slightly abated today. That means I was able to do shit. Made a batch of red wine chocolate sauce that tastes like sunshine and rainbows all mixed together with unicorn wings. Did THREE loads of laundry. It’s still sitting in a basket somewhere, but it totally counts. Mixed up a batch of peach wine slushies for not particular reason except that it sounded even better than the red wine chocolate sauce. Then I proceeded to make dinner. Amaze-balls! I think this means that tomorrow I have permission to do nothing. You know, the usual.

  423. You know, if a “real” person spoke to us the way we talk to ourselves, we would have punched that bitch’s lights out years ago. That’s my go-to. If someone else said it to me and it made me want to hurt them, it is not okay to say it to myself. Well, there’s that and my other rule: Don’t eat other people’s babies. I tend to set my bar low…

  424. I recently read about SMART goals to set fr yourself to help with depression. Every task that you wish to accomplish should be
    Specific
    Measurable
    Attainable
    Relevant
    Time limited
    This way when you do accomplish something it leaves you feeling great about yourself and the task you have completed. I’ve been trying to implement this new strategy to help alleviate some of my anxiety revolving around my inability to complete most things I start.

  425. Today I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a few months and I gave her my full attention…no phone, texting, or FBing while we visited. I was totally present with her.

  426. I’ve lost 63 pounds this year, and I did not hit my mother in the head with my crowbar, ANY of the many times she deserved it this week.

  427. The squeaker in my daughter’s copy of Pat the Bunny broke, and she always seems upset that she can’t make the ball squeak. So I ordered a replacement on amazon and was able to fix that page. Just finished a minute ago, so the glue should be dry by the time she wakes up in the morning.

    New goal, loose 42 lbs in the next year! Though I’m gonna try to break that down. Current goal, get my BMI down below 30 before my birthday at the end of October.

  428. when i messed up today, i just started over. i didn’t call the day a “wash” and begin again tomorrow, or more conveniently monday.

  429. I worked the concession stand at a high school football game and didn’t once yell “Are you fucking kidding me?!?!” at ANY patrons. I DID, however, serve a particularly bratty kid a bowl of cheese sauce with a few fries in it when he repeatedly yelled “Extra CHEESE!!” over the counter at me as I prepared his cheese fries. I’m not good with the public.

  430. Today I also didn’t eat anyone. And I got over my shyness/social anxiety enough at work to thank a couple customers for being so kind and adorable. (They were elderly and still so in love and the husband told me I couldn’t possibly be old enough to be carrying around the bottle of wine I had in my hand.) They seemed genuinely thrilled and very pleased that I had mentioned this and I like to think I made their day as much as they made mine.

  431. Every time I woke up at 3:14 in the morning this week (which would be every night but last night) I thought about the blessings in my life rather than all the things I was screwing up.

  432. Kefir. Drink kefir every day. Its fucking beneficial bacteria. I bet you have a fan who will bring some kefir grains to a book signing or event. Kefir will kill bad bacteria in your gut. Then they are dead. And cant zombify your brain anymore. Seriously. Bad bacteria eat your brain. Then you feel sad. Pathetic. Anxious. Shameful.

    Research the gut brain connection. Kefir has, more than once, rescued me from deep dark depression. Go for the real deal. Find someone with a culture and get them to share. Dont go for the stuff at the grocery store. You will get hooked. Believe it.

    This week i rode my bike with my kids to school. Even though i really didnt want to. By day three, it started feeling good. The morning sky is gorgeous. This week i also checked the mail, which ive been avoiding for, um, far far far too long.

    Best wishes.

  433. Don’t listen to Victor (like you ever do). If you are going to be a zombie, you should be the best zombie that you reasonably can be. He probably doesn’t think that “Mom” is an occupation, either, and it totally is. Today I kept my kids alive. I even managed to cook dinner. Sure I just made quesadillas on the griddle, because the range is still in the middle of the dining room, but I didn’t order pizza again. It was a hugely successful day.

  434. What’s that quote… Talk to yourself like you would talk to some one you love? i think i could spout all those little sayings that i (and most of us) have been told over the years. Sometimes those sayings can kinda help… Today i made it through work, and no one got hurt. Always remember the little victories
    Hugs

  435. Is it just me, or does that Zombie kind of look like you, Jenny?

    Kudos on the pages. I’m trying to work on more and I’ve managed only to just sleep more.
    Head high. I’m sure most people will think your book is brilliant.

    Waiting patiently 🙂

  436. Long time lurker, de-lurking to send you all a hug and a thumbs up. I am halfway through a PhD on exactly this topic – how women negotiate their own, and society’s, expectations every day. It’s called “How much is enough?” and came from many conversations with friends where we all felt like we weren’t enough in some (many) ways. Every day, every minute that you all just carry on, get on with whatever you need to do – work, parent, curl up in bed, cry, eat ice cream – you are enough. This is a fabulous community. Thanks, Jenny.

  437. Jenny and tribe-mates – You are all just wonderful. Thank you from the bottom of my toes to the top of my head. (I’m 6ft, so that’s a lot of thank you!)

    I also did not eat anyone today. Or punch someone in the face.

    Juleah B – brilliant idea. I’ve just written it on my mirror with a wipey marker.

  438. Today, I advocated for kids – including my own. And I cooked dinner.

    I’d also like to encourage KayLa. I had hyperemesis with both of my pregnancies. You are doing great if you can stay hydrated and stay out of the hospital. Taking care of extra kids? You. Are. Amazing.

  439. I baked and frosted a birthday cake and made a dessert and a macaroni salad and did the dishes (twice!) and cleaned 2 bathrooms. I went to Target, took 2 kids to the park and kept them all alive. We are having a party here tomorrow and I was looking around at the so much more I have yet to do (and some of which I won’t do so people will look at my house and wonder what is wrong with me and why can’t I clean it effectively? It’s because I have 5 kids and I really hate cleaning and mostly don’t care except when I do.) So I did a lot today. And I did not eat anyone. And I said “no” when I needed to.

  442. Chiming in late, but I can totally relate to what you describe in your last post. I also work on lowering the bar to “did my whole family survive the day?” which so far has been YES. Winning! I was also going to suggest Brene Brown, but I saw that 22+ people already did and you’re BFFs. So, no new suggestions from me, but just hugs and a huge huge big fat “I can totally relate.” Hugs! And onward!

  443. I got the first chapter written in my book! Plus I’m currently watching my toddler sleep in his high chair, and that totally doesn’t suck. Big hugs for finding some light in the dark, Jenny!

  444. Do you like ham? Because I’ve heard that cannibals say humans taste a lot like ham. So if you’re into that, you may make a great zombie one day as well.

  445. A couple months ago, I decided the main bathroom needed redoing. (then put off starting it because I was sure I would fuck it up) Last week I got it mostly painted and even patched some drywall. I will finish it this weekend. And it is looking WAY BETTER than it was.

    I got the pieces for the bowl potholders my daughter wants me to sew for her cut out today, and didn’t cut myself with the rotary cutter!

    Watching the 2013 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction, I saw Dave Grohl come on and it made me happy.

  446. Today, I took on an intimidating software update at work and didn’t panic at the complete change of EVERYTHING I know. Everyone else had a day or two to work with it already, but I wasn’t there until today.
    I also made a difficult decision regarding the treatment of my depression and anxiety… Something I couldn’t bring myself to do for 2 weeks.

  447. Today, I refrained from sporking anyone.
    I am sure there was other stuff, but that was a major accomplishment. So imma celebrate it.

  448. Your blog is kick-ass, and “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” is kick-ass, and I own two copies of it. I can’t wait for your next book, even if it doesn’t turn out as kick-ass as your first one, I’m looking forward to it. Also, lots of the best people struggle with mental illness, like Robin Williams, and Vincent Van Gogh, and even Abraham Lincoln. I hope you continue to be kinder to yourself. Because you are worth it 🙂

  449. Today I sent in sample chapters for a book I was asked to do for a large publisher. I already have the gig but I think they wanted to make sure I didn’t misspell my own name (it’s been known to happen) or recommend biting people (that happens too, so sue me).

    I avoided chickening out and telling myself I wasn’t good enough to have a career as a writer. 🙂

    We’re pulling for you, kid. And I think you make one badass zombie.

  451. Today I finished off a box of skinny cow chocolate ice cream bars…. less calories than my usual Hagen daz or Dove bars. Big win!
    The tips on what to focus on & setting realistic expectations are so helpful to me, thanks! There were days in my past when I didn’t want to live through the day. I think it’s pretty funny that others around me thought I had it together. I didn’t even know what”it” was! Meds, counseling, etc have helped me get out & live. Still some gray days, but now i just let others know what’s going on in my brain;-) We all need to be more honest about where we are, so we can be kinder to ourselves & each other.

  452. “Serving Humanity” <– IT'S A COOKBOOK!

    Anyway, I like this idea.

    My small success for the week: Having John Hodgman reply to a mustache-related tweet I tweeted at him. (Hey, baby steps, right?) [And actually, this isn't technically a "success" so much as a "really cool thing that John Hodgman did that made my day." But I'd like to think that it's because I kick ass at acknowledging people's deliberate facial hair. Baby steps.]

  453. That portrait totally deserves a spot on the wall in your office!!

    Someone told me this one years ago, and it stuck:

    Everyone’s FINE
    F ucked up
    I nsecure
    N eurotic
    E motional

    Dunno if it’s relevant, or helpful, but I’m always good at sharing, so…

  454. love this. and I love your heart. permission to eat me if you promise to cook me first. (oh, and i’m sure you like Mexican because everyone likes mexican, right? ;o) I commented on your previous post and then I got to thinking about your line about the unpacked boxes. jesus how my boxes stare me down. and I always wonder – am I the ONLY one on earth who has all these pathetic boxes in my house? it gets me down a lot because it’s so overwhelming for me. we painted and redid a bunch of stuff in our house (for which I packed all our photos in boxes) THREE YEARS AGO. I still do not have all the boxes unpacked. it makes me feel like shit, but I just can’t seem to get out from under it. I got major work done a few weeks ago and I felt like a million dollars. one small step for mankind, one huge motherfucking step for me!

  455. I cleaned out the sink and started finishing up the kitchen (we moved in 3 months ago, and still half of everything isn’t put away).
    I had a good time with my older daughter this evening. I didn’t lose my shit at anyone today, not even my nearly-4 yo when she had one of her random I’m-losing-it moments, or my husband. Mostly. OK, nobody’s perfect.
    This is a good thing. I need to start writing these down at the end of every day. Going to bed on a positive note is so much nicer than going to bed thinking of everything I didn’t do…

  456. You have no idea how happy your posts make me. I am grateful to see you pop up in my newsfeed. Normal does not exist, and it’s nothing to strive for. Unique is better than anyone’s idea of normal could ever be. Keep going! Just keep going.

  457. This week I had a job interview and I think I kicked ass at it.

    Sure, it pays less than my current job, but if I get it, I’m probably 1000% less likely to randomly burst into tears at work.

    Also, today I made two small children very happy, because I had a large, empty, cardboard box in which they could play.

  458. This week I got dressed in something other than sweats, did my hair, and did basic makeup! My husband said a few times “wow, why are you all prettied up”? Instead of saying to myself “wow I’m that dumpy day to day?” I said “Thank you for saying I’m pretty honey” and gave him a big hug and a kiss! I also did my daughters hair twice (its a fete), and I’ve been able to write daily blog posts and have taken down my caffeine intake!

    I meant to say, one of the things that boosts me on bad days is you. We can’t really afford any sort of therapy and I worry about when I run out of my zoloft prescription in the next 4 months but I’m trying to stay positive. What I love about you is you flat out say “god this sucks” and its nice to know that someone so crazy and that makes me and my husband laugh gets through it and manages to uplift others. You are fantastic. I know you hear it a lot, but reading your blog is sometimes the best thing that happens to me all day.

  459. When I read, ‘Is it Just Me,’ my answer would be about a minute or two per week. One day a week will hold one or two of those precious minutes in which I feel okay. Lots of times I skip a week or two. I am saying that here because I think there are already over 3000 comments on that post. Also, after reading that post, I had a burst of inspiration to start listing all of the things that I can see as kick ass about my self, things I usually ignore because I am so focused on how bad I suck in most other ways. Then I read this post and saw your list. Maybe I will make a list of my awesome things and post it on my blog.
    I can say one thing that has helped me reduce the number of panic attacks I have had lately. It was something I found in a place I never expected. I was reading this book, a kind of book I would normally never read. I read it because of the way I heard someone else describe it. It wasn’t a self help book. It was someone’s memoir. And it had nothing to do with the things I struggle with (agoraphobic / panic attack issues). But reading this man’s experiences, and, more importantly, experiencing how he looked at the world, helps me to stay in the moment and not be freaked out all of the time. The book is called, “The Heart and the Fist.’ By Eric Greitens and I am probably spelling his name wrong.

  460. You are an awesome zombie. And you’re like Bruce the Shark in Finding Nemo who is in a support group with other sharks who don’t want to eat fish.
    And you are funny. You make me laugh and Dr. Bernie Siegel says that laughter is like jogging for my heart.
    Congrats on the 2 pages! This is a quote about writing that I love cause it is soooo true:
    “Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.” -Gloria Steinem

  461. I slept in late and didn’t feel guilty about it. I dragged myself to the gym and cleaned 1 out of three of the bathrooms. I washed the shower curtain liner instead of throwing it out and buying a new one.

    I can’t think of anything kick-ass, but these are my small starts. It’s all I got but I’m pretty proud that I had something to add. That in itself is pretty cool.

  463. ….and I just noticed that my last post was #453 but yesterday when it was everyone listing how much they, too feel “less than” I was about in the 2,000th of posts.

    c’mon peeps….If you got up this morning be content! Breathe. Love yourself.
    It’s not easy, believe me, I know..I struggled, too.

    I love this little group, btw……

  464. Jenny – don’t ever change. There are thousands of people in your corner and I am proud to call myself one.

  465. Ok, I’ve commented maybe three times (counting this), but I forgot to mention last night that you are the Red Dress woman. OMG, if I do one thing half that incredible for other people in this life or any other, I will rest on my fucking laurels for evah. AND you do the backpack thing for the kids. And I get to come to this site and relax in the oddity that is me and celebrate that you put that shit to paper (so to speak). So keep crossing out that BS your brain tries to feed you. The world is better for you. And the tribe – it’s not so small.

  466. New angle on zombies – read “Warm Bodies”. It’s a movie now, too (which I haven’t seen yet), but I came across the book and it is SO GOOD. Maybe you don’t have to eat people.

  468. There were so many responses to your blog yesterday that i wasn’t sure my input would even make a difference also I believe you got a lot of great answers anyway. I was told that on a bad day you are doing amazing if you manage to get one thing accomplished that day. One thing if that means a page, a paragraph, a sentence then ‘good job’. I don’t care if it sounds like Stuart Smally or not, if it allows me or others to feel a tiny bit better about myself it is worth it. I was an undiagnosed depressed PTSD eating disordered addict. I only startesdgetting help after I crashed and burned due to my addiction. I got help from my self medicating and attempts to off myself through drugs. I got to the point that I was either going to lose weight or die trying so I decided to use crack. I didn’t lose weight. I didn’t die. I am only now (seven years of sobriety or clean time later). Am i statibg to realize we were brainwashed. Women are worth more than just their appearance. I am not my illness. I am not my weight. My worth is no longer based on what I did or did not eat. If i choose to exercise i have decided that i will be doing so because it makes me feel better mentally and emotionally. I only brush my teeth two weeks before i go see the dentist. Thank my good genes my teeth are pretty solid. Shower when I feel I have to (sponge bath sometimes). I only have a few kick ass days a month. Anyway thank you for sharing some of your life with us. Much love from your fan, Lisa

  469. I don’t know if you will read this but maybe someone will and it will help them because I try to remember this when I am trying too hard to be perfect at everything. Years ago William Stafford who was Poet Laureate of the US told someone that he wrote a poem a day. The person he was talking to marveled at that and asked him how that was possible. He replied. “Lower your standards”.

  470. I was a little bit nicer to myself today, and that was good.

    As for this part: “Be nice to you. I like you. I will not eat you. (Unless you want me to and we’re starving to death on a deserted island and you’re already dying of something. Then I might eat you. But I would cook you first. Because you are worth it.)”

    I am already on record (right here, on my friend’s blog: http://www.according2robyn.blogspot.com/2013/08/yeast-bread-falling-robyn-straley.html) as saying I will go first in the zombie apocalypse. I do not have what it takes to get out alive. Just enjoy me, ok? No waste.

  471. I finished my dumb-shit, mind numbing, waste of time progress notes for my fucking job that I hate (but I am grateful for because we have a place to live and clothes and food. Hear that universe? Gratitude – not just bitching and complaining for a change). Ok, so it took me two days to finish something that probably could have been done in maybe four hours, if I could just focus my mind to do something that it thinks is stupid and and a waste of time and probably uses so much paper it wipes out a small forest every month. Anyway. They’re done. I also felt depressed and like nobody gives a shit about me and wanted to just WALLOW in it. Ya know? But I didn’t! I called a friend and we went out for dinner. Yes. We bitched and complained and whined about out jobs over our vodka tonics. We talked about how death fucking scares the hell out of us. We talked about how in the hell could we be this old and still not have accomplished jack shit? We talked about how in the hell could we ever trust men again after having both been so badly betrayed? But, I went instead of sitting at home keeping up with the dumb shit rich Kardashians on a Friday night like a loser. We had fun and I even dressed up a little bit. I even went into Anthropologie 10 minutes before they closed, just so I could annoy the hell out of the clerks, and to look around, because really? Who can afford that expensive shit? Plus! I washed my hair. That is three things I accomplished today!

  472. I missed the party yesterday, but I’m glad I read these two posts, because I’ve been thinking about emailing you but I didn’t because I didn’t want to be a bother, but now I realized I can just leave a topical comment. I keep thinking about how I spent ages 24-27 with undiagnosed depression and how very little I got done then and even though I am better now I feel like those were ‘lost years’ and how I could be so much more awesome by now if I didn’t waste all that time.. And I’m not happy with how things went, and even less happy that I keep thinking about it now, even though I know I can’t change the past.

    But now I’m thinking that it’s unreasonable to expect to be a superwoman now, and even more unreasonable to expect that from past-me. I didn’t eat anybody, so there’s that. Also I kept my cats alive, and grew a basil plant one summer. I’m going to make myself think of more things later.
    Thanks.

  473. there are two things I want to share with you. yesterday, after I answered your question about being normal I took that answer and posted it on facebook (cause I have a 17 year old daughter and I want her to know what normal is also) and I got two really good responses.
    The first is from my daughter: …. and then there are those days where you get to come jump around in a giant puddle with your fam, and you realize that life is about these amazing, spontaneous moments! When you are 100 years old youre gonna look back and not remember your house being a mess, but that one beautiful day when your kids werent fighting, everyone was happy and there was a giant puddle right in front of your house that you got to watch your kids play in without a worry in the world!!! its the little things that make the world spin! love you!!
    (we had a major storm yesterday and our storm drains were backed up, the kids had a blast!)

    the second is from my step-mom: I remember feeling that way when I went back to work and M,J,&M were in grade school. So, I adopted a “living things first” philosophy. Saturday morning I would start by watering plants, clean the bird cages and give them fresh water and food, groom the cats, and give the dog a bath. Something about those activities gave me peace and clarity to be able to prioritize other things and spend time with the people in my life and feel good that I had at least done what was most important. I love the sign that says “My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.” You go girl!l

    My daughter went through a major depression last year (got that from me) – even though she doesn’t realize that’s what it was and didn’t believe me when I tried to talk to her about it (cause I’m mom). But she’s come out the other end with this amazing view on life. My step-mom doesn’t have any mental issues … so yeah, it’s normal 😉

    OH, and that is a kickass zombie picture!!!!

  474. This week I showered and put on make-up four out of five days. I took my recycling to the recycling center. I refigured my budget for the next three months. And today I put myself in two different uncomfortable situations because I really wanted the benefits that were offered once I got past the uncomfortable feeling. And you helped. Thank you.

  475. This week I somewhat successfully waited with patience to find out if I will have a place to live when I move out of my apartment. I worked all of my scheduled shifts and was able to focus enough to do my job. Then I came home, slept nearly everyday, and the dishes still aren’t washed. But that’s okay. If working and sleeping are all that I can manage now, then the dishes will get washed at some point, I’m going to open the curtain to let in some light, and it will be okay. And I didn’t eat anyone’s brain out of their living body, so I guess I have been productive after all!

  476. Today I didn’t have to tell one damn’ kid to cover up their boobs or their underwear. That’s a measured victory from yesterday. Boom.

  477. I made it to work and school every day this week.

    I avoided smoking. Haven’t had one in 2 years.

    As to your last post it depend on the week. There are weeks when there is nothing but trying not to die. Then there are weeks that are great. They tend to follow one another. But I come and I read and your blog and you make my world a better place. So thank you for teaching me that depression lies. So do bi-polar and PTSD by the way… Love!

  478. I missed my psych appointment, but it is OK. (I think she is really getting annoyed now)
    I finally got something to organize my medicine box in the bathroom and trew some stuff out. Only to wake up to find that my spouse came home with a space organizer and lotts of little bins and drawers to put stuff in. He is pretty awesome.
    I took the kids to the zoo.(I told them I was gonna take them for the last 3 weeks)
    Have even managed to commit to helping a teacher in the am for a few days while her aide is in vacation. (she gave me a box of donut holes as a thanks. Since I didn’t want to eat them all, cuz that would really blow my perceived diet, I gave them to the crossing guard and he was totally stoked).
    I got to pull out 5 rows of knitting (I HATE going backwards in a project). I still don’t know how this will work out. This project is in time out so I don’t go all postal on it.

    Boobs out, head up, have a great weekend.

  479. Today, I didn’t sit at my desk and cry in frustration. I even managed to speak with a government agency (or three) and get through some overdue paperwork.

  480. I sat in the records office of the cancer hospital waiting for some files while the woman next to me told me about the last six months she and her family have practically lived there. I was able to help tell her about a place for her kid to skateboard and a rec center for her to escape and relax a little so they could all forget for a minute what reality was. It was one of those rare moments when I know why I’m here.

  481. Today, we made it to the park and went to the market. We took 2 1/2 hour nap together. I got word that I didn’t waste 2 years of my life on a project that would never see the light again. And we saw my husband’s brother for the first time in over a year and my 2 year old son who barely knows him, could not have been more excited. This was one of my few good days.

    Also, I didn’t eat anyone.

  482. Yayy! I love you.

    This is what furiously happy is all about right? Knowing that there is one less person in this world, in the people-who-want-to-eat-me list!

    This week, I fulfilled one data requirement at my job, really well.
    Also, I cracked the second stage of a competitive exam. Now onto the third.

  483. I applied at 2 places for a job this week. Even though Im not sure I can do both school and work at the same time. And that is ok. I also joined 2 meet up groups to try and meet people. I have been living here a year and I have 0 friends as of today. But now that I am actually working on this crippling anxiety I hope to meet people.

    It is a promising start.

    I also didn’t try to eat anyone. Its too hot to eat much.

  485. Things I did today:

    I decided that I will not kill myself. I did that at about 3:30 this morning. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I made it.
    I decided that I will get another cat. Yes, Tripoli died, and I will never not miss him, but Tess is still here, and I think she needs a friend.
    I had a great sandwich for lunch (hey – small victories, ya know?)
    I had a wonderful conversation with a guy that I never would have ever talked to had that crackhead crazy dude not assaulted me a month ago.
    I realized, at least for a little while, that I do matter.
    And I decided that I’m going to keep trying to live for another day. I do this every day, and every single fucking day, it’s not an easy decision.

    And I just saw Tlyndal’s comment about boobs out, head up, and was reminded of my friend who died (I miss you, Loo) who used to always say, “chin up, boobs out.” So thank you Tlyndal for that because it’s good, IMO, to remember those you admired.

  486. I could have written this post if I was able to be that honest with the whole world. I love your writing and always tell friends “You gotta read this. She’s me on steroids.” But it breaks my heart that your depression and disorders and adhd and general constant level of “kill me now because I suck and my life sucks and fucking thing I’ve ever done sucks” pretty much parallels mine. Yeah, it’s imposter syndrome you got there. Had it all my life, through two master’s degrees and two books and a successful career. When is somebody going to see me for the loser I am. I used to have no days when I felt half way successful. Then a couple days a month. Then 5 or 6. I’ve been in cognitive therapy for years and besides all the other shit I take, I take four antidepressants. But sometimes I have a whole week when I actually feel good. Don’t lay down now, Jenny. Don’t. A week isn’t much, but if you can’t get one you can eventually get two.

  487. I went to a department party for my husband’s work. I didn’t ask him one time if I could stay home. I made an appetizer that everyone loved and it not only wasn’t vegan but it had bacon and I didn’t apologize to the granola’s.

    I was asked how I like being retired (since I haven’t worked for 8 years) and I responded that I love it instead of getting defensive about why I am not working. I was a professional and now I could my day as an accomplishment if I put a load of clothes in the wash.

  489. “I had steak tar-tar once and I thought I was going to vomit on the plate, and I ended up cooking each piece with my lighter and I almost set the tablecloth on fire.”

    …Best quote, ever….

  490. This week I managed not to delete my facebook site. God I hate that site. But apparently I NEED it cause what is a blog without social media? No blog at all, according to the blog gurus. Gah, I really can’t stand facebook.

    Oh and just a little advice that I use, my husband told me to think of those negative voices in my head as being a bully version of myself. So whenever I start to think about bad things or talk badly to myself, I yell at my bully to go away and stop being so mean. She goes away and is slowly learning to stay away.

  491. Accomplished: So far, four bouts of exercise, three of them self-motivated.
    Avoided: Rescheduling or otherwise chickening out of physical therapy.

    So many wonderful comments. Thank you, all.

  492. Today I made Bourbon Apple Butter & Apple Jelly with Lemon & Lavendar (we’ll ignore the boxes of fruit I should have gotten to also).

    Not only didn’t I eat anyone, I didn’t even chew on the not-very-helpful-customer-service-rep that it took me 4 phone calls to connect with (I hate circular automated systems with a burning hot passion!)

    And for the record, you’d make a kick-ass zombie!

  493. This week I was told my reports were “awesome”, and even though I tried to diminish that by adding a ‘but’, it felt good to have my work get recognized. And then I left work a couple hours early for no reason other than because I needed it.

  494. Today I made it down the corridor to the bathroom to shave and brush my teeth, did my exercises, and researched a comment for your previous post that I’m going to write as soon as I finish this one.

  495. This week I managed to purchase new outside doors for my house along with matching hardware AND I got all of it home and unloaded into the garage. During the door shopping trip, my friend, Andrea, and I had a fantastic nerdy conversation with the gentleman who helped us get the new doors. I also managed to avoid falling down any stairs. For me, this is a major win.

    Oh yes, I also didn’t eat anyone!

  496. I also did not eat anyone today!
    Today I ate all the healthy foods I was supposed to eat, and none of the crummy ones that tempted at various times.
    Also; 42 lbs1?!?!?!? That’s a ton of pounds to work at losing. Celebrate your successes!! Have a dance party with the cats, or something less pointy maybe.
    Cheers!

  497. I managed a whopping 2.5 chapters this last week!

    …it came at the expense of my linguistics class homework. (Which, considering I signed up for this class as a research option for the creation of the world/language in my book… yeah. Way to go me!)

    I may or may not be lettering in dumbass, with a minor in can’t prioritize for shit.

    But at least I didn’t eat anyone, either. (Mostly because they wouldn’t stop running long enough.)

    <3 Hang in there. 😉

  498. Normal is a vastly overrated metric anyway. I settle for functional.

    This week I drove from DC to Fort Worth TX, and an in the middle of driving back. I got my sister in law and her fiancé while there, and they are coming to live with us. I have so far managed to not kill either of them, tho the fiancé is really trying my patience. I asked for what I needed tho, (a private place to sleep from the friend we’re staying with, so I can have some alone time and regain sanity points.) Recognizing and asking for what I needed are both really big deals and I am very proud of myself for them, and it is not a failure that I needed time away from them.

  499. A couple of years ago I received an email from a friend containing the link to you. His comment was simply “I thought you may like her as you can probably relate”, or something like that anyway as I too must take xanex and things get foggy. Regardless, I’ve stalked your site ever since and totally wish I was your neighbor (in a non-creepy way of course). When I read your post the other day I breathed a sigh of acceptance as I too struggle with “Good vs. Bad days”. So for the first time in quite a while I told myself it was ok and I wasn’t the only one who doesn’t get out of pajamas or mop the floors as often as I should. Thank you, and your readers who also comment, for making me feel a little less like a failure 90% of days and congratulating myself for even the smallest daily success. Xo

  500. As I read about your life and read the comments here, I gain a better understanding of what I am dealing with. I am not you. I am reasonably well adjusted and do pretty good and am generally not afraid of anything or anyone. Who I am is your husband Victor. Him I know. I have a poor tortured soul who has been a type 1 diabetic for 42 years and has anxiety and now menopause and hormonal depression to go with it. We have dealt with a host of all the things that go with it, and I am here to tell you, IT IS OK WITH ME!!! We have been together for 23 years and I have had many nights of screaming low blood sugar comas and crushing bouts of depression and anxiety attacks.
    Where I am going with this is here: While you are giving yourself a break from yourself and your self-criticism, give the ones around you a break from the self loathing about being a burden to us. It’s bullshit. We are not masochists and you are not more than we can or want to handle. You are special and WE CAN FUCKING SEE THAT!!! so stop apologizing and thanking us and just give yourself a break. The shit looks much worse from the inside than from the ones that love you.
    Dave
    P.S Give your ole’ man and your kid a hug and don’t explain.

  501. Today I …

    Didn’t listen to my inner shopping demons and saved money.

    Packed for my move tomorrow and slowed down and had some tea when I felt overwhelmed instead of freaking out and having a panic attack.

    Had less anxiety than I’ve had all week (it’s been really nice to have a day without constant heart pounding).

  502. New idea for your shop: a shirt with backwards text that says BE NICE TO YOU so that you can read it in the mirror.

  504. Today I didn’t wake up til noon. I didn’t get any of my graduate studies homework done or any books read. What I did do was take a day for myself, attend my therapy session, look at bridesmaid dresses, brush my cat, and break away from an unhealthy friendship that has been splintering for the last 5 years. And I also didn’t eat anyone, and that’s a win for everyone, because I totally feel like biting people sometimes. Or telling them to bite me. One or the other.

  505. Long time reader, first time commenter. Just wanted to say thank you so much for posting this. I’m only a sophomore in college, but already I’ve had struggles with depression (runs in the family, yay) and I think I may have social anxiety. Thank you for showing me that my emotions don’t define me, and that sometimes it’s ok to do nothing. This post has been the last push I need to go and seek some professional help. Because crying myself to sleep, even though it’s only once in a while, is not ok and I deserve better. Thank you for everything you do and I hope you continue to do it for a long time.

  507. > Instead of “finishing a book” I’m going to “work on a chapter”

    What also might help: allow yourself to write for just half an hour. You are allowed to stop after half an hour, no matter how far you got or if you got anything at all.

    I’m not a writer, but this used to work for some tasks I’d rather have avoided.

    Also, I think I read about a writing software some time ago that deletes what you have written if you don’t add to it within a certain amount of time. Sounds terrible for me, but if it works..

    (if you want me to try and find it again: @manuschwendener)

  508. So far this week, ( my week starts on Wednesdays) I was actually able to get up before noon today and took my Mum out for breakfast and shopping for pet food before I took a 2 hour nap and went to work till midnight. It was actually nice to go out and do some shopping while the sun was shining!
    I’m hoping to get up before noon again tomorrow, Hell, maybe I can make a habit of this!
    My body seems to need 10-12 hours of sleep to function ( any less and I’m a zombie) but then I get to the point I can’t sleep at all for a few days. It feels like a catch 22 but I keep trying to work on it and figure it out!

  509. Today, I finally admitted I need some meds to help with the anxiety and depression that I have lived with for my entire life and that nearly killed me two weeks ago. I also did not eat anyone, or punch anyone in the face, much as I wanted to.

    Thank you, Jenny. You are awesome.

  510. http://youtu.be/litXW91UauE

    Okay…. it’s kind of a commercial, but it’s worth watching. We really do judge ourselves more harshly than others do. I think you are on the right track but trying to balance your judgments, as I’ve been doing it for a long time and it’s how I have pulled myself out of many downward spirals.

    Keep on…. in YOUR own way.

  511. Whoa, it’s like we share a brain sometimes. Every Monday, I end my Tweetchat by asking everyone to celebrate something they accomplished. And for as long as I can remember, I’ve been yelling out “I DIDNT KILL ANYONE!” to everyone’s amusement. Also? Sometimes when I’m feeling like no one (including the dog) listens, much less obeys, I walk outside and command the big ol’ oak tree to “STAY!” That ol’ oak tree is surprisingly obedient.

    It always makes me feel better. That, and celebrating that I didn’t kill anyone. Again. Yet.

  512. Okay. I got this sudden, weirdly high fever last Friday(the first day of a four day weekend). I had heard that if you had no other symptoms, then let the fever fight whatever it was fighting.

    By Sunday night, the fever had not yet been victorious, which worried me that it wasn’t a normal fever, but one that signals the beginning of Zombie Disease, which is how the whole Zombie Apocalypse got started, which would make me “Patient Z”, which would also make me the modern day equivalent of Typhoid Mary, which really freaked me out because…my name….IS…MARY!

    So, now I’m assuming I’m all doomed to die and eat brains and stuff, when I realized that I have the power to put a stop to the ZA (that’s what us Zombies call it. We’re pretty hip like that) right where it starts–with ME!

    I warned my husband of my suspicions that this fever was really Zombie Related, and (in what I hope was a bittersweet, yet loving moment for us both), I told him that if I should die before I wake, I pray to my love, my head to take.

    At that point, I closed my eyes and prepared to never wake again (depending on my husband and his manliness), but I couldn’t. I couldn’t fall asleep because that whole, “If I should die” thing would make a GREAT tag line for a movie poster for a “Dramedy/Zom-Rom/Com” and that I should probably copyright it or register it with the WGA.

    Then, I fell asleep; woke up and was not a zombie.

    That’s my accomplishment for this week: I totally didn’t turn into a Zombie. (Um. The “lack” of doing things can be an accomplishment too, right?)

  513. I not only did the dishes (who but me &my ninja doesn’t have a dishwasher!), but I washed the bed linen in less than a week due to my ‘med-induced’ (really gross) sweating issue…who knew that ones neck could sweat?! Bonus part…stupid cricket, encountered in the basement while laundering the bed linen, jumping all over & at times at me (whoa!) got his/her freedom in the great outdoors. It’s what I do…keep a glass & a piece of cardboard handy…just for picking up & putting those little critters back outside where they belong & away from me.
    What I avoided…or, more aptly, I chose not to do a negative thing: I did not look in the mirror today & call myself a nasty, but funny, name. I’ve had this huge ‘moon-face’ for a couple of months, due to the ‘good/bad/ugly’ drug, Prednisone. I smiled & told myself my real face would be back soon…mind you, I still looked like a puffer fish with a smile on. 😉 Trying.

  514. I love you. I think that apart from like, my parents and friends and stuff you might just be my favourite person in the whole world (Amanda Palmer is a close second). And I know that everyone must feel crap sometimes and I KNOW it’s not right especially if it’s someone as wonderful as you feeling that way.

    The fact that you have thousands of readers who love you, in my opinion, means that it’s OK to not know the other parents. They’re probably not cool enough to read your blog anyway. Please don’t feel like a failure.

    If it makes you feel any better, as a stupid teenager I’ve spent lots of time feeling miserably dumb because I want to be a writer and I haven’t published anything yet. Which is…really, really stupid.

  515. I tried to write a response on the last post, but your awesomeness caused the page to either crash or run really slowly, so everything I wrote got erased and then I had to go out so I didn’t have time to rewrite the new one. In a nutshell, in trying to formulate a coherent response I realized I was starting to feel better. At 39, I haven’t felt that my life has been particularly successful. Failed theater major (massive stagefright), Master’s in Teaching but unable to get a permanent position, professionally I’m a failure. I met and married my paraplegic husband and moved to England away from all my friends and family, and it hasn’t been easy. After four years of being off meds, I decided to start again because the stress of life is way too much for me to handle right now. Unfortunately, eight weeks of hell later, I realized that the Zoloft that used to help me so much four years ago was giving me the most debilitating panic attacks, nausea, you name it. Now switched to something else, but in that eight weeks, I realized that acceptance of your situation and trying to be as nonjudgmental about yourself and others is the key to survival. I have a lovely husband, a roof over my head, food in my belly, money to afford small luxuries, supportive in-laws, and a whole hell of a lot of people who are glad that I’m around. Small realizations like my husband will never be superhusband, or that people in London are supercranky all the time and to give thanks to the small amount of people who are actually pleasant. And when I walk into my 19 month old daughter’s room every morning, and I see her sunny smile and hear her say good morning mommy, I know for damn sure that I’m doing something right….

  516. Thank you for this. I laughed and had to explain why, which was good. Which reminds me that a lot of your achievements are invisible to you, and that is probably true to some extent for all of us.

    Especially ‘Thank You’ for your determination to get a new and better perspective. I feel successful very rarely, but I enjoy those times. I do not spend much time reflecting on why I do not feel successful the rest of the time. Easy to say. Your examined life is a good thing, but hopefully you will be able to assess yourself and what you need to do with judging yourself so harshly. You certainly seem to be moving in the right direction.

    Love and Peace.

  517. i got up early twice this week. that was good.

    i avoided getting completely stressed out and losing my shit in the grocery store when my 3 year old was behaving like a little fucktard.

  518. Zombie Bloggess has amazing hair. 🙂

    Today at work I focused on what I could get done and not what everyone else “should be doing.” It frees up a lot of energy.

  519. Great idea with the goals!

    I’m the same way, setting the bar way too high and putting myself down when I don’t reach it. So for the last few months, my goal has been to get one thing done every day. One. If I get more than one thing done, great, but as long as I get at least one thing done, I can sit around looking pretty (still working on actually believing that part) and that’s ok!

    Just know that even on those days when you don’t think you’re awesome, there are a ton of people who think you are. 🙂 Fer reals. In fact, you started following my dad on twitter the other day, and the first thing he did was forward the notification to me and all I could reply with was “So jealous!”. Cuz you are that awesome.

  520. So you mentioned that sometimes you don’t think you’re a great person. Well my take on that is, you are great at being you. You are the only person that can be you, no one can accomplish being you better than you can. Many people may want to write like you, be funny like you, etc. But that ain’t happening cause you are you and no one can take that away. You are the most splendid, fantastical YOU. So actually… that’s what is truly important. And if you can remember that through all the ups and downs, then you’ll be just fine, better than fine actually. Trust me (even though you don’t know me). Cheers! Here’s to YOU! 🙂

  521. I have “big picture” issues – the big picture freaks me the hell out, so I have to break it down to manageable chunks. I know this about myself but of course I still forget.
    On the other hand sometimes it’s the details that freak me out. The unknown is scary and I hate change. There’s a lot of change at the moment and I’m having to deal with it (4 year old about to start school and 3 week old baby, best friend moving away ).
    I know I have ridiculously high expectations and use the word SHOULD too often. I’m working on it.
    My husband gave me a mission this week: to just get me and the kids through it (my first week on my own with the two kids as he was going back to work). After a difficult first day, because I tried to go out in the morning, I am now just trying to be “calm mum” and if I achieve other stuff that’s a bonus.

  522. I made it to work every day, even though I’m fighting a cold and a major R.A. flare due to the fact I can’t take my immune-system-suppressing medicine when I’m sick.
    I did ALL of the laundry.
    I said, “Yes” to an invitation to Rebels and Redcoats and am in the middle of sewing my very first 18th century gown, which is going surprisingly well considering my status as an amateur seamstress.
    I went to the bank with my mother to take care of some family business.
    I successfully handled a seriously behaviorally disturbed probably mentally ill but undiagnosed student without losing my cool or even raising my voice, and got a hug from him at the end of the day. He trusts me now, and we’re going to make it through the year as a team.
    I managed to keep on top of the dishes and avoid the hellpile of stink that has a tendency to develop in my kitchen during R.A. flare weeks.

  523. Today a man at work told me to calm down when I was already in a perfectly neutral state of being. I didn’t kill him. Anytime this happens, I pat myself on the back for being generous as fuck.

  524. I can relate to failing to live up to society’s standards of what a responsible adult should be doing. Kudos to you for finding even a sliver of positivity! If you find any spares, send them my way.

  525. When someone turns you into a zombie, there is something right with the world. I’m jealous, as I am still merely one of the living

  526. Today I didn’t write or create a vlog, which was a huge downer. But I did leave the house. I made dinner (for once) that came out of an actual pot…and I went grocery shopping. I wasn’t in a car accident, and I got out of a really tight parking situation. I also did not eat people.

  527. Yesterday (because I’m reading this on Saturday), not only did I do some of the laundry, but I washed two of the big PITA pots I needed for dinner as I was done with them. And I really truly verily don’t care that the remainder of last nights dishes (and, yes! one more pot) are still cluttering the sink this morning because I didn’t empty the dishwasher before I went to sleep.

  528. After reading your last two blog posts, today I was able to look in the mirror and call myself a sexual assault survivor. No more letting movies and TV shows make me feel like a “phony” because my assault wasn’t as dramatic or violent as they show.

    I also took my art supplies back out of storage. I might not even be close to being called a good artist, but “I” like to draw and paint and color and make things. I live to be creative and I realized I was the only one stopping me from ENJOYING being creative again!

  529. you lost 42 pounds….wow good for you!
    i made choc chip muffins today
    i did two loads of laundry
    and didnt look out the window and wonder what it would feel like to go splat.

  530. This past week I took some personal sanity time. And I didn’t feel even slightly guilty about it.

  531. You are very inspiring! Your advice is great, I love the bit where you crossed out the negative parts! Also your humour helps give us all happy moments and helps us through our weeks! Without your crazy stuffed animal stories what else would make me laugh so hard! You are awesome!

  534. I monitored the first post because it was interesting to see how people came in so quickly to say ‘me, too.’ Now the invitation is to say what you did right and felt good about, and the response isn’t nearly so strong – that says something about our willingness to talk about how ‘bad’ we are vs. the stuff we do well. I almost didn’t post this because it seems so small but I feel good about it so I’m going to in the interest of doing something that doesn’t come easily.

    I’ve become better about my bill paying in the past year. Yesterday I thought I was going to have X in my account for the next two weeks, it turns out it was less. However, it’s still enough for us to live on, to get groceries and gas and in the meantime we’re caught up on bills. That in and of itself is a difference from, say, five years ago. I woke up feeling good about that, like I’m in command and control of my life and nobody else is.

    I also didn’t eat anybody. (Maybe a new t-shirt in the store?)

  535. I saw one of those internet meme photos once that said something along the lines of “We judge ourselves based on everyone elses’ highlight reel.” It’s true and I try to remind myself of that. Particularly lately, when it seems like NOTHING is going right anywhere in my life. That’s mostly the anxiety talking. And I just continually think “if I were better, I would have this…” “If I were better, I could be this…” instead of thinking of all the ways I’m actually quite awesome, thank you very much. And so are you. For the record.

  536. Have you tried listening to Byron Katie. Her story is amazing she was so depressed that she was sleeping on the floor because she did not deserve the bed. She has a process of dealing with negative thoughts that really works. It’s called the work. Google her she has tons of free stuff.

  537. first off, every time you write you make all of us deliriously happy and/or really give us good stuff to think about. so every blog is an awesome with awesomesauce win. (and i got that phrase from here and use it , so thanks for that too). second, even when i do good things, i also mentally write the shit that needs to be crossed out like you did. I am in a profession that can be stressful and also unpredictable, i am caring for my MIL who moved close by who has alzheimers, and then I have my 2 kids and husband, and 99% of the chores to keep us going. plus i am way too hard on myself and my family. and i am not nice about it. so, i spread (no) joy wherever i go. it’s a wonder they haven’t put me out with the trash on a sunday night. when i get stuff done and my husband gives me praise, i brush it off saying ‘someone had to do it, so i did. no biggie” and he points out that nobody else DID do it, or was willing to even try and do it. I rarely credit myself the wins, just say, yup, had to be done, and now it is. God help me if i do it even a tiny bit wrong, then i tell myself i suck. so, my goal is to keep and share the good stuff, and cross out the words that usually follow the word, but…..

  538. I had to come back here again to say after reading so many of these posts I feel a little bit of wonder. We are the same. Our circumstances can vary wildly, but we are all making our way in the best way we know how. Some of these stories are incredible to me, the things people have dealt with. And to read these responses makes me feel so so much less alone in my head in a way that surprises me, because I wasn’t aware how badly I needed that. But I did, apparently.

    And also I believe we are entering a glorious new age of not eating people, and years from now they’ll trace that back to this post.

  540. Recently I noticed (because my neighbor pointed it out) that in my head, when someone else does something wrong or badly or doesn’t do it at all, it’s just a mistake. Or a problem. Or whatever. But when I do the exact same thing, I consider it an unchageable flaw in my character. The neighbor who noticed this said “I honestly don’t understand how you get to that. It’s like you think 25 steps deeper than you need to.”
    That’s the difference between my brain and hers, I guess. But maybe not everything that I don’t totally excel at isn’t a character flaw. Maybe.
    My goal for the day is to do one thing really well. Even if it is just to water my lawn exactly how much I want to. In fact, I think that’s the thing I shall do.

  542. I made banana bread, and then my four year old daughter and I ate it for dinner, because I didn’t have anything else planned. We lived and then ate the banana bread for breakfast too. Banana bread is really good and my daughter loves to cook. I think I lost track of what I am supposed to be writing about.

  543. Today I only ate the burger out of my KFC meal. It’s a step closer to clean eating yo’. You are so inspirational Jenny, every time I read your posts, it brightens my day. You are like the sun and that’s pretty fucking impressive.

  544. To you and all the other people who lost weight: HOW DID YOU MAKE THAT HAPPEN? The only way I can see myself losing weight is to wear one of those “Silence of the Lambs” masks & a straitjacket.
    Apparrently that is against our stupid corporate dress code.

  545. I have been reading your blog since I found your book on vacation two summers ago. And for that long, I’ve been afraid to leave a comment because I’m not witty or funny (and I don’t have a website, I’m lucky to be able to find yours!). But today I’m commenting. Go me.

    I love the honesty and humor that you infuse into your writing and I’m excited to read your next book even if you’re worried it is too different.

    This week, I managed not to rip anyone’s head off even though I really felt like it for a couple of days. I worried about my health, and then I worried about being worried about my health because maybe I’m a hypochondriac (but i don’t think so, so then I worried about what other people think for a while). I have kept a boy, a dog, and a cat alive and mostly happy. I made it to work everyday, albeit late. Today I will clean my house and do something interesting with my son. Like always, I’m living as best I can–some days I’m better at it than others.

  546. I took all three of my small children to two estate sales (separated by a twenty five minute drive during which I only got minimally lost. Defined by the fact that I knew where I WAS, just not how to get where I wanted to BE), and a thrift store. I also convinced the guy who bought the one sofa I went through all this fresh hell to obtain to sell it to me b/c he really only wanted the chairs. And then I got him to load it into my van. For free! And it fit in there! W/ three kids in carseats. I’m still a little woozy 🙂

  547. What am I accomplishing? 1) I didn’t physically assault an abusive client this week (I work in a veterinary hospital), 2) I’m fostering a feral (as in, she wants to flay me slowly until I die) mom cat so I can socialize her kittens for adoption (she’ll be spayed and returned to her colony), and 3) I’m bottle feeding 4, 4-week old kittens that were orphaned last week when their mom was hit by a car and killed.
    Many people give me the stink eye for doing what I do for cats and kittens because they think I should be supporting what they support. Those people can suck it, because it’s a lot harder to keep a tiny, fragile kitten alive and well than it is to write a check. I AM A KITTY SAVIOR (having a hell of a time getting them to bow down and worship me, though. They just want another bottle and to cuddle.)

  548. You ALSO helped a LOT of people, including me, so double win you! I also did not eat any Body, so win for me-I’m gonna use that, I know you won’t mind!

  549. Some of what you describe is that you procrastinate. Procrastination is, counterintuitively, one of the main traits of perfectionism. (I am one, too, so I have totally bought into this.) You can’t start something because once you do, it has to be done ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY, which seems overwhelming, so you avoid starting. I felt so validated when I learned this. I’m not lazy, I’m a freakin’ PERFECTIONIST, which few people can relate to because they are, let’s face it, just average. I cannot clean a room without moving all the furniture and vacuuming the bottoms of the chairs, vacuuming and washing the baseboards, and getting on a ladder and dusting the tops of the ceiling fan blades. When I clean a room, it KNOWS it has been cleaned. But all that effort is hard to face, so I put it off. That’s probably more than you’ll read, so I’ll stop here. But own your PERFECTIONISM, because you clearly are one.

  552. 42 pounds? Holy crap, congrats!

    I got a second interview for a job that will alleviate a ton of my family’s financial worries. Even if I don’t get the job, I’m over the first hurdle.

  553. Just spent 2 hours looking at Pinterest stuff that I can’t afford and won’t ever have time to do. It occurs to me that I might have spent this 2 hours making homemade zucchini bread or starting the laundry, but since my kid woke me up at 6:30am and since she is fed and has sunscreen on today, I will call that a) a win and b)a run on sentence. Thank you for helping a fellow mom feel normal, Jenny!

  554. Jenny, I am so proud of your latest accomplishments, and I LOVE that you are crossing out the bits that negate them! Good on ya!

    I have already weaned myself from returning compliments when I get them and just saying “Thank You” instead, because I’ve learned that a reciprocated compliment is usually insincere and also devalues the FIRST compliment. Because of THAT lesson, I don’t usually attach a negative to my small victories, so I hadn’t realized that you might. So thanks for that confession, and keep up the good work of celebrating EVERY success, and by crossing out the negatives, you ACTUALLY double those successes!

    So far today, I’ve had a bowl of cereal instead of eating a person. I think I might have a good day! 🙂

  555. A couple of years ago, when my depression and anxiety were getting bad again, a friend of mine said, “If your best friend came to you and told you they were feeling this way and were trying hard to be better, wouldn’t you treat them with sympathy, compassion, and love? Should you treat yourself at least as well as your best friend?” And I’ve asked my therapist a number of times, “It’s so easy for me to love other people and see how amazing they are. Why is it so hard to do the same with myself?”

    But here’s what I’ve accomplished lately:

    * I’ve made a lot of notes on fiction writing and gotten really inspired to write more.
    * My girlfriend and I forced ourselves to have a difficult talk. While we didn’t resolve anything, we still got our feelings out in the open and acknowledge that something has to change.
    * I didn’t murder and/or eat anyone. I didn’t set any bombs off anywhere.
    * I hung out with a good friend and we dyed my hair purple.
    * I’ve gotten used to the new meds I’m taking, upped the dosage of lamictal, and continue to feel better mentally, emotionally, and physically.
    * Written song lyrics for an album that will probably never actually be recorded. But I’m doing it anyway. Because why the fuck not?

  556. Someone who either doesn’t know or doesn’t care made a bad decision about something that will seriously impact my students. I was able to get over my anger and outrage, re-capture my enthusiasm, and make my classroom kick-ass for the students who DO get to enjoy it. My classroom looks better than any room I’ve ever had. I am organized. I am ready. And my school year is going to be awesome.

  558. I haven’t updated it in several days (something I’m currently feeling a failure about), but my blog is all ABOUT this. (It is my linked website above, Grateful Little Victories.) I realized last year that I was getting lost in being a person with chronic illness and disability – I couldn’t do SO much that I used to be able to that I felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING. I decided that I would start writing down a ‘little victory’ every day – something I did, something I accomplished, sometimes something I *didn’t* do – because those victories matter just as much as the big, mountain-moving ones. Sometimes my victories are big ones, like “I completely scrubbed down the bathroom” or “I went to a con with friends and didn’t have any major flare ups of any of my medical issues” and sometimes they’re not. Sometimes they are very little victories, like, “I took a shower” or “I got out of bed and didn’t fall or dislocate any joints in the process” or even “I chose not to do $specific_thing because I anticipate that it will negatively intersect with my issues” (that last one looks an awful lot like “sitting on my ass, doing nothing” from the outside, though).

    I’ve got a very specific combination of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, primary immunodeficiency (IgG selective subclass deficiency), severe asthma, and fibromyalgia, so a good many of my cards center on those things, but I try to make a fair number of my cards a bit more universal, in hopes that someone else will find them helpful.

    I helped someone out in my online game, spending a couple hours taking him through a couple of group events that he needed to progress, and I only snipped at him a little bit when he called my character fat.

  559. A good friend of mine tells me that we are always comparing Our Worst Self to everyone else’s Best Self. She also reminded me that forgiving myself for being Human is the first step. Since I haven’t quite done that yet, I’m not sure what amazing journey that first step will take me on, but I promise to let you know when I find out!

  560. Ok I literally held back tears sniffing through reading this whole post because it was titled the last post…

    Next time I will check to see if there is an important post below it before I hyperventilate that your leaving…

    I was gonna leave you a post on the other one but you got 3000 some odd to weigh threw and to be honest nothing I say will probably help. But I just wanted you to know I panicked completely at the title to this post! I hope you found some good answers in the other comments. I only know how to “give advice” by sharing what I been through and know so it would have been long and you would have though crap this chick is crazy so. 🙂 hope today you are feeling a bit better. And remember we out here love you

  561. So glad you’re feeling even slightly better! You have a wonderful group of supporters. So, you’ve got that going for you…which is nice (Caddyshack!).

    As I come from a family of addicts, philanderers, possible sociopaths, my bar is set extremely low. It has helped me a lot, realizing I could be like that, but am not. So today, I haven’t gotten high around my kids, I haven’t left my kids, I haven’t cheated on my husband, etc etc. I know that’s sad and all, but I cut myself tons of slack as a result. (Those poor children, though, right? It’s an impossible situation that I cannot fix, though. Also very sad.) My kids are safe, my marriage is safe, my life is good. Everything else is gravy.

    So anyway, as we say in my family, good on you. Kisses.

  562. I’m thrilled to report that yesterday (it is Saturday now)
    – I went to a work meeting. Even though I’m only part time and it probably wouldn’t effect me.
    – I did not stop to get a blizzard even though I’m having a weird fit of addiction to them right now.
    – I did clean the travel grill as promised- for a cookout Saturday.
    – Hubby and I spray painted the giant Green S (& put it over the garage) to show our MSU pride while living in KY. (been sitting in garage since 4th July)
    – Had couch time with the dogs.
    – Saw a MOVIE? (wow)
    – went grocery shopping for said cook out today.
    That was a totally rocking day. Most days are – got up – ate – taught an hour class – sat on couch rest of day.

    AND I totally didn’t eat anyone – or let my Bulldog eat anyone. (Only their shoes are in danger)
    That was the nice part. Thanks for the Vent-able posts this week. 🙂

  563. This is a link to a TEDTalk about using alternate reality games to battle depression, suicidal thoughts, and chronic diseases – even terminal illness. I thought of you when I saw it yesterday. And especially when I saw you in your post today as a zombie. Check it out. And maybe check out the game she developed, SuperBetter. It’s worth a shot.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jane-mcgonigal/watch-now-1up-your-life_b_3876195.html?ir=TED+Weekends&ref=topbar

  564. This year I gardened…I paid the local farmer money in the spring and drive by weekly to pick up the produce he gardened for me.
    This week I cleaned my house…I paid my little old lady friend who doesn’t have enough Social Security to live on to come spend a couple hours 3-4 times a week to clean up the mess that I can’t seem to make myself take care of. She LOVES to clean…a completely alien notion to me.
    I scheduled my university test and am studying and will pass it!

    PS. How is it possible that you post a blog every couple days? My last blog was in April? or May? (But it was kick ass awesomesauce!)

  565. Awesome.  Keep that in front of you.

    Your last section reminded me of something that I recently realized.  I’m an atheist, so I don’t believe in miracles or amazing shit ‘just happening’. But.  I DO believe that WE all have the ability to create miracles for other people, or be their supportive catalyst to help them do better.  (Catalyst should NOT be confused with catapult here, no matter how awesome the mental picture is).

    So yeah; it may be that your purpose in life is to make all of us better. And you succeed at that constantly.

  566. Hi,
    Let me say that I was overwhelmed by your last post because I saw a lot of me in your post. I too feel that I have not accomplished much in my life even though many tell me that I have. But I won’t bore you with details. My manager’s son is now in the hospital with similar symptoms and I told her what I wish to tell you , there is hope always. Thank God for drugs! But it is difficult and there is still a lot of stigma attached to mental illness. I want to thank you for your honesty and to tell you that your writings bring a lot of joy and hope to many people.
    Also, the PTA is overrated, attend what school events you can and don’t worry about the rest;my son told me he was grateful that I was not an intrusive suburban mom hanging out in school continually. As far as deadlines and projects, my husband and I have been living in our home 30yrs and have yet to paint the upstairs bedrooms. I have learned to love the cracks in the walls. I think baby steps is the way to go. Finally, again thank you for your humor and unique point of view. I did love the zombie picture(very sexy). Skinny is overrated and after working in a dress department for a year, I think women should embrace there body types whatever it may be. Still I myself hate my stomach and lack of derrriere.
    Again you are loved ,
    Brenda

  567. This week I didn’t cry after a woman blamed me when she misinterpreted a sale ad.
    This week I called about a miscalculated bill without stumbling over apologies.
    Today I woke up on time, showered, and finally dyed my hair.

  568. This week I had a birthday. That means I survived another year. I gave myself a shower AND brushed my teeth on my birthday (big deal for me because I have a condition where being upright is very difficult). I didn’t feel like crying on my birthday even though nobody else remembered it.

  569. Jenny-

    You are fucking awesome. Truly.

    I practice law for a living and write chick lit for fun so I do a TON of reading–online and elsewhere. There is nothing out there like your voice. I’ve always been dismayed at the general lack of support women offer one another, especially in the workplace. Not here. Love it!

    p.s. the piece about using a lighter to cook your steak tartare? Brilliant.

  570. Well, I work as a bartender with a degree (my fault) and I don’t drink(court ordered, sorta). I just recently lost my best friend of 10 years (put my dog down) and I cry a little every day when I think of her.

    To say I lack motivation is an understatement, I lack motivation for life. However, every day I don’t stab someone is a win (for them and me) and believe me there are plenty of candidates.

  572. long time reader, first time commenter only because you get so many I feel like a shrimp in an ocean. 🙂
    ANYWAY, I had to respond to this one because how you are celebrating victories is AWESOME and something I want to steal and do! You are right, our bars are too high. We only focus on our “failures”. I LOVE how you wrote your success and crossed out the negative part of it. FUCK YEA. I’m doing that too. And hopefully I’ll beat myself down less often, and allow myself to breathe, and BE, and maybe, just maybe soar a little. Thanks for your honesty, Jenny. You Rock.

  573. I got out of bed within 15 minutes of waking up.

    Your keeping the victory and physically crossing out the negative comment spoke to me.

  574. I like to write my New Year’s Resolutions in retrospect of what I accomplished the previous year. Then I cross everything off on January 1st and know that I am a total Rock Star. I think this year I will add a column of all the sucky things I didn’t do. It will be twice as satisfying.

  575. Many years ago, right before I turned 40, I went through a tremendous (presumably mid-life) crisis. I had accomplished much in my career and had many people who cared for and respected me despite my horrible personality swings. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see any of that and spent my time trying to figure out a way to kill myself that would have as little impact on others as possible. Fortunately, one of those dear friends saw through all my shields and helped me get to a therapist. It has taken many years of therapy and medication, but I am now much better.

    It is still morning, so I can’t actually say what I will accomplish today, but I plan to:
    Take care of my needs
    Ignore work emails (it’s Saturday)
    Enjoy being with friends, even though it means I have to be in crowds which always makes me freaky.

  578. this week I took a “mental health” day off of work and made fried zucchini from my mothers recipe.
    They were delicious.
    I made WAY too many as I’m the only one in the house that will eat zucchini willingly, so I gave a plate of the fritters to my neighbor. She’s still alive and acknowledging my presence, so I guess she like them.

  579. Just thanks. For this and the last post. Thanks for having the courage to say it aloud so I know I’m not alone.

  580. I saw a “some e cards” posted on FB that said:

    All those Mums who are on Pinterest, making rainbow spaghetti and homemade playdough…
    I’m all like “I had a shower today and kept the kids alive – Go ME!”
    The moral of the story is try not to compare yourself to others.

    I generally don’t give a good shit about what others think, but hte only ones that can make me crazy are my family. Strangers? Fuck them. Having said that, I will compliment you for getting up every day and trying something. As my daughter suffers as well from crippling depression and anxiety, I know how hard it is and I applaud you.

  582. The shiny coiffed picnic basket wielding PTA moms are cracked and fucked up too. They just hide it with alcohol, unhappy marriages, adultery, neglected children and people they pay to make them look good on the outside. If that’s your definition of ‘together’ then you need a new dictionary. I’d rather be human and a visible mess than a fake success. You get better friends by being real. You’re doing better than you think you are.

  584. Hi, I just want to say–cultivate awareness of the dialogues you have, we all have within ourselves. We learned them, the model from our parents or caregivers who only wanted to give us a way to stay safe within the family/culture. Second, as a culture we don’t value the quest to know ourselves, who we are and what our purpose here is, so we can’t do what would make us happy. Example, I told myself that I couldn’t spend the day cleaning my house–I had other things, HIGHER things that I had to do as well. (This from a person who hardly notices her house beyond the survival basics) That SO flattened me and gave me pain that I did nothing for the majority of the day. I’d had two GREAT days of teaching–the first two. Pure excellence–they kicked my ass, I was so exhausted. Very rare to have two.

  587. Honestly if you get through like 20 of the comments on your site a day, I think you deserve a prize cause wow there are a LOT of comments O_O and Holy crap you lost 42 pounds, that’s amazing! Power to you!

    I used to have the days where I felt like I was useless and I wasn’t getting anything done, and then I was reading through your blog one day and you had posted how you get really depressed and you say “Well I didn’t get out of the house today, but tomorrow is another day and I’ll try again then” I have really high anxiety and I’m dating an extrovert so I spend a lot of time telling him “I can’t today, too much anxiety” and reading your post made me feel like “Yeah, I didn’t get out today, but the other people that went out and did stuff, aren’t battling severe anxiety and I can’t measure myself to their yard stick, I have to measure myself to my own yard stick” So I realized, that I will do what I can today and then get up and do what I can tomorrow. I’m going to take life in little bites and just try to be the best me I can be at that moment. Maybe today I won’t get out of my bathrobe, but maybe tomorrow I’ll go to a store and talk to a sales associate and not have a total freak out. It’s important when you’re living as a mentally ill person to take “basic existing” as a triumph because the people that aren’t mentally ill don’t have their brain trying to sabotage them.

    Your “basic existing” and writing a book and blog about it has helped so many people. Your experiences with mental illness and your life has changed other people’s lives. It’s a fact, not luck, not an accident, YOU have made a change in the world. Honestly that’s enough of a pass that you should be able to say “I think I’ll stay in bed and eat cheetos today” and not feel a touch guilty because someone, somewhere is reading your blog and/or your book and “I’m not alone, someone else feels like this too” and that feeling is priceless.

    Also the fact that you spend time with your daughter everyday is awesome and I know she appreciates it. Even if you’re not like “all the other moms” I’m sure “all the other moms” don’t hang out with their kids every single day. That’s an accomplishment. Remember that because depression lies.

  588. Today I went to the hairdresser and while she berated me for how long I had gone between dye jobs, I just ignored her because I managed to drive myself to the hairdresser without having a panic attack. My hair and eyebrows might look a little bit better now but inside I am a lot happier because I had the guts to go do it and everything was ok.

  589. “Then Victor pointed out that “flesh-eating zombie is not an occupation“, but I assume he just thinks that because he judges work based on paychecks rather than on personal fulfillment, and then I told him that he just didn’t understand because he’s a Republican, and he countered that even Democrats usually recognize that being a zombie is not a vocation to strive for, and that’s why I’m looking into becoming a Libertarian.”

    omg hahahahaha I can relate to this and it pleases me TY!!!

  590. Today I didn’t say mean things to my manipulative, abusive mother. But it’s only 12:25, so I’ve still got time to blow it.

    Also? “Mother Fucking Homemaking” is the only Pinterest board with which I feel comfortable. http://pinterest.com/jjkeith/mother-fucking-homemaking/

    Let’s add “didn’t end a sentence with a preposition” to the list of shit I accomplished today.

  591. I wanted to comment on your last post, but I read it on my phone and it’s kind of a pain (plus there were already abut 1500 comments!). I too am seeing a Cognitive Behavior therapist, and at one of my first appointments she had me write down everything I did in a typical day. It really helped me to see that even on my hardest days, I am doing something. Also, I keep reminding myself that people generally don’t post their mistakes on pinterest, or on their blogs. So comparing myself to them is fruitless (i don’t always listen to myself, but when I do this helps).

    Ad for this post….Yesterday was my baby’s first day of Kindergarten. Instead of crying when he left and spending all day anxiety-ridden (like I did with my oldest 2 years ago), I was able to feed off his excitement and be totally happy for him (and enjoyed the quiet house). Then at lunch with my hubby, I did not eat everything just because it was there and end up feeling like I would burst. I ate about half and took the rest home! (I almost never have leftovers, so this is big for me!) Also,I didn’t eat any people!

  592. I loved seeing your list like that. It was so striking to me (no pun intended) because I do that shit all the fucking time. I cleaned the toilets (but the house looks like shit and I didn’t get to it). I cooked something new (and it tasted like ass and I had to throw it away). I’m going to endeavor to rid myself of the shamey mean bits.

    So my accomplishments are bifurcated by day since it’s only lunch time (and I just got up).
    Today I slept in until 10:45, which I NEVER CAN do (god I want to but almost never can) and I feel well-rested for the first time in months. Fuck yeah. Today can’t get any better than this.

    Yestrday I also didn’t eat anyone, but it was hard, especially at work. But every time I wanted to rip someone’s head off and have a feast, I reminded myself that since he’s an ass, he probably tastes like ass, and no one wants to eat that shit.

  593. Ah, complex equivalents.

    If __________ then __________, when the two sides of the equation aren’t even related, much less actually equivalent.
    The best therapist I’ve ever worked with helped us (workshop) do a lot of work shaking loose the faulty premises and um, illogic of the thinking behind such assumptions. Seeing both phrases on their own is a good starting point. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about this work, and I’m tempted to dig out my old notebook and see if any of these lessons actually made it onto a page I can decipher. Some of it is just word play, but I did find it quite useful in shaking loose a few demons.

    Oh, and zombies? Best case scenario, no matter how kick-ass, you’re still dead, smelly, and probably lethal to others.
    When I’m dead, I hope my body has sense enough to just lie there and rot in peace. (and pieces) I also hope other people will let my body do so without feeling the need for additional scientific, alchemical or spiritual interference.

  594. What was a small accomplishment in my life yesterday? It’s more of an everyday thing for me — I knit a bit more on another pair of socks for my husband. He loves my handknit socks. He gave away all his storebought socks and wears nothing but my handknit socks now. At first he thought handknit socks would be too hot and didn’t want any at all. But I knit him a pair anyway because I love him and I express my love with socks. Now he expresses his love by requesting socks in specific colors/styles/patterns. Because he loves my socks. It’s a small thing, maybe, but it’s really big for me. Every time I finish another pair of socks for him, I know he’ll love them and wear them. So even when I’m feeling like crap, I can manage to knit a few rounds because it only takes my hands and it shuts up the negative voices in my head for a little while (they’re too busy counting stitches to criticize me the way they usually do). So it’s a win/win/win all around.

    Now I need to go knit a few more rounds on the purple socks he asked for. (Purple!) In the pattern he loves the most. (He loves socks with patterns, not just knit/knit/knit/knit for 20,000 stitches per sock!)

    Yesterday, unfortunately, I fell asleep too early to go outside and watch the space launch from Wallops Island, VA. We could have seen the rocket from our back yard if I’d been awaken. So I guess that’s still on my to-do list. But hey, there’s always another space launch, right? I’ll see one yet. So I have to cross Saturn V and shuttle launches off my list. That’s okay. Space, the final frontier, we’ll keep going there.

  595. one thing that helps me sometimes…I read a long time ago: ANYTHING WORTH DOING IS WORTH DOING POORLY. In case you are, like me, a person who waits to do things until they can be done perfectly.
    another thing… the Japanese have a philosophy called ‘wabi-sabi’ which is finding beauty in the flaws of a thing. Not making everything exactly the same and “perfect” but celebrating the beauty of the differences and the ‘one-offs.’ I love the very idea of it which goes against much of our societal ideals here.

  596. I didn’t yell at my new neighbor who has had it in for me since DAY 1. I’ve lived here for 3 months and she hasn’t said one nice thing to me yet. Her kid, (or maybe it’s a rented kid because it’s not there all the time) was throwing rocks at my glass door…which was making my dogs bark…which she doesn’t like… I just stared at her through the glass door and shook my head. Sorry I called the kid “it”, but I can’t tell if it is a boy or a girl…

    And I didn’t eat them either…so there is that…Yay me!

    Oh yeah, I emptied a box…

  597. First of all — Victor is a Republican???

    Which has nothing to do with the two things I thought to write you. (Addendum — there turn out to be FOUR.)

    It seems about 3000 people have written you the same two things. First, something we do easily and without much effort we consider “worthless.” As in, you write a blog and post almost every day but I suppose you think it’s — well, it’s just something you do. And, yes, lots of people do, but percentage wise, not all that many people of the billions of people on the planet. It’s an accomplishment but you don’t see it as such because maybe you don’t “suffer” enough over it.

    The second point is that someone is always doing more than we are — not necessarily better, but more. I have a friend who speaks five languages. She was brought up in a bilingual English/Italian home, went from kindergarten through high school to a French language school, from there Spanish was very easy to pick up and then she studied Russian in college. When you or I or anyone says to her, “Good grief, fluent in FIVE languages” she responds, “Well, yes, but my brother speaks seven.” Are we never good enough?????

    The third point is that being busy isn’t necessarily being productive. And that leads to the fourth point which is that the appearance of not being busy doesn’t mean something isn’t percolating and frothing and coming into being.

    And maybe you will post someday on why Victor is a Republican because I would sure like to hear the arguments.

  598. After being unemployed and depressed for two years I have decided to apply to do a Masters.

    Wish me luck.

  599. Hi Jenny,
    Just for the record, I feel like we are friends. I mean, I hang out with you every day, I have a picture of us together (at Rakestraw Books in Danville, CA), and you generally read my mind.
    So, can we just pretend that we are sitting in the living room having a chat? I keep a little notebook with me that contains my list of things to do. Every couple of days, I transfer all the things on the old list onto a new list (with a new date), and add the things that have accumulated that I need to do. So. “Fix water on Almond tree” has been on the list SINCE FUCKING JUNE. (Let’s ignore the split infinitive, shall we?) So, in the time it has taken me to write it over and over and over from one list to another, I could have fixed it.

    I used to be a high school teacher. And without sounding like an asshole, I was a really good one. At the end of each semester, I would ask students to evaluate me as a teacher. In 9 years of teaching, I got probably 1,190 glowing “you are the best teacher I ever had” kind of notes. And I got 10 “I think you talk too much about That is just not logical.

    Ahh… if only logic ruled our lives!

    -Patty

  600. Today I recognized that reducing my depression meds at a time when I am a)moving and b) doing hospital clinical rotations for school was not a good timing choice. I’m proud that I recognized this and decided to go back to my normal dose before my depression spiralled out of control. It’s hard to admit that depression can take such a firm hold of your life, but I am proud that I was able to take back control.

  601. Keep up the Stuart Smalley-ness. Look where it got him — the US Senate. Not that you need to strive for that. I think people expect senators to do public speaking and stuff. You just keep blogging and writing and not eating people. I call that a win.

  602. Today I drank coffee and commented on your blog. That’s it. But I’m ok with that because yesterday I moved my mom to a nursing home, and that sucked.

  603. This week I was brave and gave my friends a 6/10 gift. When we first had our baby they brought a lovely batch of minestrone. It was awesome coz she’s a chef. I wanted to return the favour and did six lasagnes in foil trays. I even did lots of veggies in there so they’re standalone meals. But they got burned on top. D: I have them anyway (with good quality compensatory blueberry muffins) and cut myself some slack because they’re good friends and only the top 10% of some good food was dark brown, not charcoal, and I remember I was grateful for all the food I didn’t have to make. And they were grateful!
    I also didn’t grind my teeth to dust when I couldn’t get a break this afternoon – I avoided a panic attack all week, I voted but the douchebag still got in, I went for a relaxing walk but found two dipshits driving their peewee motorbike through our teeny bush land, and two favourite cafes had closed before I’d gotten an hr to myself this week… But I went home, got the car and drove to a cafe for a cuppa and the paper and reasoned that a term of an awful government should galvanise the left to get it the fuck together. See? Chosen attitudes and silver linings. Sometimes it happens.

  604. @Jess…be sure to use the “real” duct tape…the knock-offs do not have enough sticky and people can get loose too easily.

    Today, I progressed getting a new hard drive for a friend’s computer tested to make sure it will work well for her. She was given this system, and told that it worked great until the original owner’s son dropped it…then, the hard drive would not work any more.

    I am trying to keep going in spite of finding out this week that, unless some hard financial decisions are made, we will be bankrupt by next year, and, will probably lose the house and property we have been working on for several years now. Since I cannot work…all the cash I had is tied up in this, and, I may lose everything. It is also hard to bear because it is out of my control. It is just not where I thought we would be at this point in time.

  605. Okay, accomplishments . . . well, I started high school and made it through the first few days without having a nervous breakdown during school hours. I guess that’s pretty good.

  606. Today I managed NOT to buy underwear with the description: “buy them for the non-cubic, human-shaped object of your affection today! (Note: It is perfectly acceptable to be the object of one’s own affection.)” because I can’t really afford them.

    I recently started back with my counsellor and this was the exact topic that we covered in my last session (being nice to yourself not underwear). I realised that along the way I had told myself it was unacceptable to be positive about myself and she pointed out that if I’m allowed to have all the negative thoughts that drag me down, then logically of course it is ok to say positive things to myself too.

    This is my first comment on your blog but you have repeatedly reminded me that I am not alone, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  608. Years ago I learned that nothing that I did would ever be good enough for my mother. I grew up feeling rather inadequate. Within a day of visiting her, I am reduced to tears. Seriously, someone I grew up with (our fathers worked together) won a Nobel prize a couple of years ago (yes, like dancing with the King of Sweden Nobel Prize), and my first thoughts upon hearing this was “How long will it take before my mother calls.” I live in a different time zone so it took her a couple of more hours.

    Most people haven’t found their passion. You have. You have accomplished so much. Very few people’s lives are as wonderful as the facade that they present to the world. I have one of those “Facebook friends” who is always posting about her wonderful life and wonderful husband and wonderful over-programmed kids. My sister and I think that she secretly drinks. BTW – I go to open house at my kids’ school and I don’t know any of the parents either. However, I have lived in this town for eight years, so I really don’t have an excuse of why I don’t know anyone. I haven’t eaten anyone this week either, but then I am on a diet.

  609. So RELIEVED to know you would cook me first!….whew…shows the proper respect. Thank you.

    As to that other stuff…yes…lower the bar on the success-limbo-game contest…goodgawd, you are a published SUCCESSFUL author! You are in a category not many will EVER reach. Enjoy!

  610. I was supposed to spend this Saturday translating at least 3000 words, so that I’d have a chance to keep my translation deadline, but I didn’t even open the file, even though it means I’m facing another 20-hour-long workday next week, as work seems to have that irritating propensity to pile up, instead of dissolving or doing itself (preferred option). However, I let my boyfriend take me out for a walk, which means I DID put real clothes on, which is some sort of achievement on a I-want-to-cry-curled-up-in-my-bed day, and I DIDN’T crush his car later in the evening, though the reverse gear works funny, and all sorts of accidents, from a minor fender-bender to a lethal collision with a lorry, were totally possible. Let’s say I avoided killing myself or a nice family in a silver volvo. By any standards – this must count as an achievement.

  611. Dear type 1 diabetic friend who takes a shitload of drugs to feel normal…
    Wait, Dear congenital heart defect friend who takes a shitload of drugs to feel normal…
    No, that’s not it. Dear mental illness friend who takes a shitload of drugs to feel normal,
    That’s right, they are all things your body does wrong that you didn’t pick and can’t control. You are awesome! I love you! I get it. No, really. I call them the head bastards. They suck and it’s a constant fight to not believe them. A fight I often lose. Hang in there on the shitty days and know you are not alone when you can’t function.

  612. Today I looked after a friend’s kids, convinced them to help clean the house, and then they played while I read a book. Also did some dishes. So basically I’m a rockstar today and can now read more books/Internet.

  614. A lot of us are unrealistically hard on ourselves, me included. I forgive others for things far worse then trivial things I have done that I harp on internally and can’t forget. .Just a couple of observations about what you said:

    This year I lost 42 pounds, but I’m still really overweight. You look great.

    I went to the Parent-Teacher meeting and I was the only parent who didn’t know anyone there. Look at your daughter – you’re a great parent.

    I got invited to speak at a lot of conferences but I turned 90% of them down because I’m scared to talk. Talk is overrated. Attend the conference incognito and just listen. Or dance.

    I’m writing my second book but it’s different from my first and maybe people will hate it. People probably hated the first book too. We call them dicks.

    I have to take a shitload of drugs so that I am normal. Define normal.

  615. You are amazing. I wanted to comment on your last post but I didn’t want to be comment 5000000 that said the same thing as everyone else. So now I can say the same thing, just on a different post! Genius. Anyway. Point is, I generally feel like a successful “good” normal person maybe 2 times a month. And everything you wrote just felt like it was coming from my head and I know those types of things are hard to write about but I think its great that you do. And I know it is really helpful to me.

    And I do a lot of negating the positive myself, so even trying to write something and not feel like its a lie is hard but I guess, I did go to an interview even though I had mono and felt horrible! So that’s good? I guess?

  616. Positive thinking zealots irritate the hell out of me – bad things happen to people regardless of how positive their thoughts are. I prefer kind thinking. Kind thinking means I know a lot of what happens in life sucks, but there is some good stuff too, and I want to be a person who makes things better by being around, rather than worse. So half the time, I get it right, and the rest of the time, I’m as human as anyone else. I think you are under way too much pressure, the kind we can’t even imagine, that comes with great success, and you saying no to some things (or most things) is you being kind to yourself. That’s just good self care. I think what we all want more than anything is for you to feel safe and loved, and if that means you have to build some high walls and set some firm limits, kind people will support you. You are teaching us all compassion and courage. That’s a really awesome life mission. Plus you’re funny as hell, and that’s an amazing gift. Take care of you. We’ll be around.

  617. Here’s the best part….you are surrounded by people who love you AS YOU ARE, and you accept you AS YOU ARE, and who will support you both emotionally and with wine AS YOU ARE.

    You are amazing. No further discussion needed.
    xoxoxoxo

  618. This week I started exercising. I have yet to find those mythical endorphins those lying fitness whores swear are real, but I didn’t vomit from the exertion either.

  619. It’s been a very rough week & a half and I have no idea if this will make any sense.

    I read somewhere some line about a very successful person and his take on the To Do List. To paraphrase, because I can’t find it my hasty search, at the end of every day he wrote down whatever he did that day and checked it off to show that he did everything on his to-do list.

    Basically, instead of writing down what you think you should be doing, write down what you actually did and get your sense of accomplishment that way. Or to paraphrase another thing I read/heard, you shouldn’t “should” on yourself – it’s not pretty.

  620. I spent an entire day on the computer reading blog updates on Big Brother (oh my, but I was very judgy), diy blogs, recipe blogs, shopping on line for birthday presents and reading emails. I did eat and wash a few dishes, but that was it. I started to berate myself for frittering away my time reading judgements written by people about people, reading about projects that I will never in a million years attempt or cook. Then I stopped and thought, you know what? I really enjoyed all that. I had a good time today! I let myself feel happy about that. Within that parameter, I have occasion to feel happy most of the time because I do that a lot.

    The awful thing I avoided was reading the news.

    One last comment is that I cannot know “exactly how you feel”. I do know depression, but nothing like your depression. I can empathize though and feel compassion. Phrases like “chin up”, “don’t be so hard on yourself”, “give yourself permission…” and “think positively” don’t do squat. While they are meant to be encouraging, sometimes you can’t do it even if you wanted to. So what if you don’t accomplish something fantastic or noteworthy (and who is to judge what qualifies as that?) to achieve success. You got through the day. Your family is under the same roof. They love you. You didn’t hurt anyone. Sometimes that can be quite enough.

  622. Today, I went on a job interview for a part time job and I totally rocked it. That, and I totally didn’t spit on or bite my interviewer!

  623. Today I texted with a friend whose husband killed himself nine days ago. They have a six year old son. I hope that I can help her.

    On 11/28/12 my sons’ life-long best friend, Ray, was murdered by his cousin. We loved Ray..almost as much as our son, Seth, did. On 1/9/13, our 41st wedding anniversary, we got a call from a friend of our son informing us that no one had been able to reach Seth for almost two days. My husband went to Seths’ home and found him unconscious. He’d had a stroke. On 1/11 we removed him from life support and he left this world for his next adventure on 1/12/13. Seth was our only child.

    I struggled with depression and anxiety prior to these events and, of course, I still do. However, I’m doing better than I could have hoped thanks to the outpouring of love and support from friends and family and my ever-growing practice of gratitude. I have much to be grateful for and you can’t feel true gratitude without being lifted up. Today, I read this:

    http://www.gratefulness.org/readings/grateful_joyful1.htm

    PS- Even when I’m having a rough day, I can read your blog and laugh and learn and I look forward to that. Thank you Jenny, for helping me!

    Love, from the bottom of my heart, Karin <3

  624. I get anxiety about the grocery store, but today I went by myself, and when I dropped a box of cherry tomatoes and they promptly exploded all over the floor, I didn’t cry OR leave my groceries, I told someone, apologized, and still got my food! Now I have healthy food for the week!

  625. I am just catching up on this (been too distracted by the federal election to enjoy myself) but I highly recommend Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and the book “The Happiness Trap” by Dr Russ Harris. It totally changed my life – along with regular therapy from an ACT therapist (love her, oh my goodness I love her). I am still struggling with anxiety and depression (alhtough the depression is under control thanks to my meds. Yay for meds!) but I have reclaimed my self, and I can do stuff now.

    Hang in there, I’m hoping the very best for you!

  626. Keep writing keep writing keep writing. In all honesty I think you’re in the best profession for dealing with mental illness. I’m trying to figure out how to get there myself because 9-5s don’t understand “Sorry I didn’t com in yesterday because suddenly I couldn’t leave my house. Why didn’t I call? What, and use the TELEPHONE?” shudder. As if you couldn’t tell, social anxiety here.

    PS don’t think my blog post’s title means the post is mocking mental illness. It’s actually the opposite (eventually).

  627. When I made my to-do list, the number one thing was “make a to-do list.” So when I was done, I got to cross the first thing off. Success!

  628. This week I wrote a few pages of my next book and didn’t kill my husband when he made me fix the house insurance debacle. Not killing my husband is a good thing. I have four kids. They need their father. I wish I’d thought of getting an add for my kickstarter BEFORE it failed. Live and learn.

  630. I call my feelings Imposter Syndrome all the time! It just feeeeels like I don’t bond with people like other people do, or it’s just weird that there isn’t anything useful that I want to DO with my LIFE and blah blah blah. The worst part is the fact that I have to plan a sort of wedding, and I can’t bring myself to call it a wedding because weddings are what happen to pretty rich women in movies. Same with passionate love. Passionate anything.

    I haven’t done squat today because I am frreeaaakkking out. Tonight I am going to drive (aaah!), meet some girls for drinks, go to a country club/bar I’ve never been to, sleep on someone else’s floor and hope my car isn’t destroyed while it is parked on the side of a dark street or break down or something while I’m driving or crash into something. I am hella freaking scared, yo.

  631. Today I added stars to all of my paintings. Am I ripping Van Gogh off too much if I just want to call the whole series, “Starry Night?”

    Also, when I’m dead, I’ll donate my body to your job. Zombies need brains for food and you can taxidermy the rest of me. Sound good?

  632. I had two migraine headaches this week and I didn’t eat anyone.

    Thanks, Jenny. I needed this.

    P.s. You need to add “Zombie Babe” to your resume.

  633. Love the Zombie portrait. And I really like your idea of writing down the accomplishments and crossing out the exceptions. I’m going to try that.

    Today I took my dog to the vet and found out her lump was not cancer. That makes this a very good day, no matter what else may or may not happen.

  634. So, I just watched this TED talk, and it made me think of all you guys, so I wanted to throw it up here. I think this has some really interesting implications for the treatment of depression and social anxiety. The information about what your body does to heal you and protect you as part of the stress response is particularly interesting (though she doesn’t get into that until the middle/end).

  636. This month I am completely behind on housework, all my personal projects, and I’ve been avoiding talking to people despite the fact that they want to be nice to me.

    But my accomplishment is this, I had a baby, and I survived the process DESPITE my body trying to literally kill me one week later. So I avoided dying, and created a human… So I’m going to try to stop feeling so guilty for dirty dishes and unreturned emails.

  637. You are my hero. Know that. Thank you for empowering me and for making me laugh so hard my sides hurt. You are a gift. Mmmmmmmwah!

  638. I totally read “if I was a zombie I’d be out eating people right this second” as “if I was a zombie I’d be eating out people this second”

    Should I be ashamed that my first thought was, if that’s how zombies would just start the process, the zombie apocolpyse would be a lot more fun, and a lot less shovel-y?

  640. Today I was totally selfish and I love myself for it! I did all my favorite weekend things that provide instant gratification (mowing, cleaning, cooking) stepped back and thought yeah, I did that. So tonight I can sleep in my bed knowing I took care of someone very special- me.

  641. Peter Walsh is my idol for organizing/cleaning. I suffer from some serious “Donna Reed” inspired housekeeper/mother/wife guilt. I mean the woman wore pearls through everything. But one of the tips Peter had was to set a timer for 10 mins. and clean/organize for that amount of time. Then you could stop. It’s amazing what you can get done in 10 minutes. I apply it to a lot of other areas in my life now, otherwise I become overwhelmed and nothing gets started or everything gets started and nothing gets finished. It’s my secret super-power now. Sometimes I set it just to give myself 10 minutes of peace. “Mom, can you…? When the timer goes off I might have a minute.” It’s working for me. It makes me be kinder to myself because I can do just about anything for ten minutes. And when the bell rings I’ve accomplished something, even if it’s just restocking all the toilet paper holders. They’re more important then people realize…..Until it’s too late…

  642. Okay, so, I am mentally “normal” in that I function in daily life without any meds or psychiatric aide. And every single day I have to stop and consider if I’m acting my way through my own life. I question EVERYTHING about myself: my love for my husband and children, my sanity, everything. Part of this is because I just naturally question shit (like, do I actually exist or am I the really boring figment of someone else’s imagination) and the other part is, I did a shit load of acting in middle/high school. I did ALL the drama class stuff. So, y’know, I have to wonder if I just kick major ass at this acting shit.

    The other thing is: for the first time in 13 years of marriage (and 37 years of life, lol) I’m making an effort to truly keep my house clean. I tell my husband it’s because we left 90% of our clutter in storage when we moved to Korea (military), but really? It’s because I am intimidated by the pure niceness of the Korean people who run everything here and I’m afraid they will all show up at my house one day and look around and judge me. I am apparently fine with being judged by my fellow Americans, but I ca’t handle the thought of Koreans being sad at my lack of housewifery skills.

    Also: my children have no baby books because all the (real) photos of them as babies are in a haphazard mess in several boxes. And I just really don’t want to organize them.

  643. I am a professor and am in my second year of teaching. I feel like an imposter most of the time, and student evaluations each semester don’t help matters. I have this poem framed in my office to remind me to be kinder to myself.

    “Love After Love” by Derek Walcott

    The time will come
    when, with elation
    you will greet yourself arriving
    at your own door, in your own mirror
    and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

    and say, sit here. Eat.
    You will love again the stranger who was your self.
    Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
    to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

    all your life, whom you ignored
    for another, who knows you by heart.
    Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

    the photographs, the desperate notes,
    peel your own image from the mirror.
    Sit. Feast on your life.

  644. Today I got an abstract submitted for a presentation. And I didn’t take a sledge hammer to the wall trying to drive out the squirrel that’s decided inside a wall is good place to live.

  645. I am far too introverted to be a good zombie. I’d starve to redeath. Actually, once in a while I kind of crave being around people, but it only lasts a short time and then I need a people detox. Oh my gosh! I’d be a bulimic zombie. I live that your posts make me think through the important things.

  646. I want to say thank you to you, too. For making us not alone.

    So let’s see, what did I accomplish this week? (Also, do you know how nice it is to say week instead of day? Seriously, kudos for that). I got everything turned in on time for my online classes. Something awful I did not do– I did not flake out on my friend’s party just because there were a lot of strangers speaking another language.

    We should do this more often. Maybe I should keep a journal, do this every week. Remind me that maybe I am an okay person the way I am, even if I do need some help along the way.

  648. First of all, I love you. Not in that whole, “I love you so much I can’t live without you so I’m going to follow you around and do everything you do and maybe you will notice me and love me back” stalker way, but seriously, you are like the way cooler and more famous version of me. This makes me happy, because you are not afraid to intersperse some reality into your completely hysterical posts. Basically, you either add some joy to my day, or you make me feel like I am not alone in the way I feel, because I feel just like you do!

    I had a garage sale this weekend, because it’s 9 million degrees outside and sweating is my hobby (oh my God it was so miserable). I happened to have business cards out because it was the easiest way to give someone my phone number, and, well, drum up some business. Anyhoo, this lady got a really weird look on her face, and said, is your name Blankity Blank?!?!? I instantly went into panic. My first thought was, oh my God, did I mess up her life in some way? Does she work for the Court and they’re talking about how I don’t know what I’m doing? (I’m a brand-new lawyer… it’s terrifying.) A million other things, all about how bad I must suck or must have screwed something up rand through my head before I said, haltingly, “yes?” She got all excited and said, “That’s so COOL! That is my maiden name! I’ve never met another Blankity Blank before!!!!” SO, yeah, I’m crazy and stuff. I freaked myself out over having the same name as someone. So stupid.

    I have people in my life who occasionally tell me that I did something really cool by going to law school, and becoming a lawyer, but all I ever think about is all the things I screwed up along the way. I’m a little ashamed to admit that reading that you, and lots of your other readers, do the exact same thing. I’m certain it’s something I need to “work on,” but for now I think I will just sit back and feel better knowing that across the world are other people who feel this way too, even if they don’t show it, so thank you for your openness and honesty, and please know that no matter how bad you feel at any particular time you are most definitely not the only person who is feeling that way.

    I related news, I am 95% certain that all Pinterest ideas are a product of Photoshop, Martha Stewart, or Satan. Nothing else makes sense. And I’m sorry this is long and rambly. Apparently I should have popped an Adderall first.

  649. Jenny,
    Thank you for writing a second book. I cannot wait to read it. And if you write it for yourself, all of us who love you for being you will love your second book just as much as your first one.

    And thank you for not eating me….yet. Wait till I swim in barbecue sauce before you do.

  650. I tried to leave a comment on the previous post, but it wouldn’t load. Basically I suck at reading your readers’ comments, because there are too many of them and they all say just what I would have said, but better.

    But as clinical psychologist (ooh!), I seriously doubt you have a personality disorder. I mean, we all have parts of a personality disorder; but you have an apparently-healthy relationship with an apparently-sane person, you sound like a good parent, you write a kick-ass blog — it’s unlikely that anyone with a serious personality disorder could pull that off. (Of course I can’t diagnose anyone over the internet, I know that. It just pisses me off that so many people assume that whoever told them they have a “personality disorder” knew what they were talking about. “Personality disorder” means your personality doesn’t work. That’s not exactly subtle.)

    As for depression and anxiety, I try to practice what I preach, which is mindfulness. (Technically, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression.) It’s a form of meditation, which is easy to learn to do since there’s no way to do it wrong. (I love that part.) In the end, it teaches you to be okay with not being okay. Which sounds simple, or just stupid touchy-feely psychobabble; but it’s the only thing I know that cuts through the infinite loop of shame-about-shame and anxiety-about-being-anxious and self-hatred for being depressed. Takes a lot of practice to start seeing results, but then it gradually makes life less out-of-control, and more just tricky to handle. Ask your doctor for a referral.

    p.s. I know you didn’t want us to tell you good things about yourself, but I’m always impressed that someone in so much pain can be so honest and brave and generous. You’re amazing.

  651. This week, I got done more then I didn’t get done. Since both lists (done and not done) are big, I am going to roll with the done and we will see if I can even remember what I didn’t do last week for the next week. All good. Peace and Love, people. Peace and love. Or something. Maybe since we all live in Texas, I should just wish for less sweat, instead of peace and love. Yea. Less sweat.

  652. this week, i studiously avoided mentioning things about my two children (each of them unburdened themselves to me with a secret. i have not divulged those secrets…because the time is not yet right for me to be able to talk about them) to my mother, even though i wanted to.

    this week, i bought some clothing that FITS me instead of buying clothes that i WANT to fit me. (i’ve gained weight due to f’sking medications.) and i look GOOD in that clothing, too.

    this week, i said nice things to people, just to see them smile and feel better about themselves. THAT habit, i want to continue. *hugs and hugs* and i hope the habits you’re making in being kinder to yourself are ones that you carefully cultivate, too.

  653. Die Vampires Die was hilarious, as I was at the local Vampire Ball last night.

    That I nearly didn’t go to, as I tried on the lovely dress that my mother doesn’t like (as it is awesome, therefore cannot be near me), and it didn’t fit and I felt awful even though I’ve lost 10kg of weight in the last 6 months, and I thought I wouldn’t know many people there and the people I did know wouldn’t want to talk to me. You know the drill. It is all encompassing and doesn’t shut up. I’m getting better at telling those stupid voices to go away, they are not telling me the truth, but they can still get me into a foetal anxiety position for 2 days.

    We fucking excel at making ourselves feel bad. You’re not alone, not in the least. Your stories help remind people across the world that they are not alone either. THANKYOU.

  654. Today I kept both my kids alive. I went to the grocery store for more food when I was totally exhausted and just wanted to sleep. I showered. I wore my Keep Calm and Don’t Blink t-shirt and comfy yoga pants today. I made plans for tomorrow. I didn’t eat anyone. I didn’t yell at anyone.

    Thanks for sharing your life. It has been such a help to me. I hope someday to be so helpful to someone else.

  655. Today I wrote from the place that is me. If no one reads it, I’m OK with that. If those that do read it do not like it, that’s OK too.
    Thank you.

  656. i live my life by lines from movies and TV shows. My excuse is that at the age of 59, I am in school and maybe trying to get a degree in film, but it’s mostly because I have a hard time having an original thought. In an episode of “Northern Exposure”, a Native elder (sitting in a sauna) said, “Movies are the white man’s myth.” That’s my other excuse. I tell you all this as preface to a line in a movie I dearly love, called “Matinee,” about a movie promoter during the Cuban missile crisis. Ok, that’s probably a little irrelevant. But the movie promoter, played by John Goodman, who is just plain a wonderful story-teller, tells a young teen-age boy, “Adults are faking it, kid. We’re all scared.”
    And that’s me. I fake it really good. I get up every day, and I get dressed. I don’t have kids at home anymore, and i don’t work everyday any more. But i get up and get dressed. And by this age, I know just exactly how big an accomplishment that can be. Because there have been plenty of days in the last 59 years when I couldn’t do that. My kids are raised, they are not in jail. That’s probably the biggest thing I have done, but still, it’s good. I don’t believe people when they tell me I have done a good job. I am beset by doubts and fears and shame. Wake me up in the middle of the night, and i can tell you just what a terrible person I am.
    But remember. We’re all faking it. Sometimes it’s good to remember that we are ALL faking it.

  658. I had a good day, and really, that’s enough.

    But man oh man, do I think that print of you as a zombie is beyond awesome! You’ve been cosplayed and you’re a zombie icon! Not shabby, my dear, not shabby at all.

  659. Leave off the but. Just force yourself to change the comma to a period and stop. Try it.

  660. Hi everybody!
    I’m new here—just finished your book and I haven’t had a book that made me laugh so hard in YEARS.

    I’m right there with you (and all of you commenters) on your struggles. Depression, anxiety, ADD and a recovering alcoholic sober for 19 years.

    I am a pretty successful single lady of 52 but I seem to keep making sure I am f*****g up several things so no one gets any expectations of me actually being normal. Hence my name here—it really is the House of Squalor, folks. I have 7 cats. ‘Nuff said.

    My accomplishment this week was taking a trip to Vegas with one of my best friends and not trying to weasel out of doing stuff we planned to do. WOOHOO.

    Thanks for letting me share!!!

  661. Since I didn’t see the “Is it just me?” post until just now I’ll post my comments here.

    Do I feel successful? Not in the traditional sense, no.

    I have had a chronic, disabling illness for 20+ years. Not only am I unable to work or exercise I also can’t do lots of normal stuff. Even stuff that the average couch potato could do is beyond me on most days. The first 15 or so years I thought I did pretty well handling my illness. But over the last 4-5 years it has been getting harder and harder for me.

    When I judge myself against “normal” people then I fail. Every. Single. Day. 100% of the time. Zero days of feeling successful.

    What helps me, especially on really bad days when my symptoms (physical issues) are acting up, is to make up a “To Do” list that matches my abilities. For example,

    * Get out of bed
    * Shower
    * Dress
    * Eat
    * Put dishes in dishwasher

    And if I am able to complete 3 or 4 out that list of 5 things (taking a shower is too hard on bad days) then, Whoo hoo! I’m a success!

    One other tip is at the end of the day I add to my list anything that I’ve already done (Hey, wait a minute, I also brushed my teeth! And I made two phone calls!). Then I can cross them off as done.

    I know this comment sounds like a joke to people who are able bodied but it’s totally serious. I have days where I feel like the most useless person on earth. I ask my husband how he can stand having such an albatross (me) around his neck. (He’s very supportive) I have to come up with these kinds of mental tricks to keep me from spiraling into depression.

    Here’s a link to a cartoon that has helped me on those bad days:

    http://intentblog.com/sometimes-its-okay-if-only-thing-you-did-today-was-breathe-illustration/

  663. I read that as “if I was a zombie I’d be eating people out”. The sentences following made me think you probably weren’t performing oral properly.

    Also, I made oodles of lattes tonight, made $20 in tips, cleaned seven coffee pots and bolted home so I could finish homework.

  664. This week I worked four days. In. A. Row. Okay, maybe they were half days…or a few hours each day, BUT, I didn’t get so overwhelmed that I had to shut down and crawl into bed once. Major. Accomplishment. Personal note…I have been seriously struggling with all of the stuff I don’t get done and that “what’s wrong with me??” voice has been kicking my arse, so thank you for your post. Once again, you have saved me. <3

  666. The hardest part is knowing my limitations. I think if more people would accept that we wouldn’t feel like we did nothing. I got sick four years ago, and am now disabled. My limitations are huge, and I have pretty bad anxiety panic attacks (leaving the house is one of my least favourite things). Now I try to be proud of little things I can do when I feel not bad.

    Things I feel good about doing in a day: I responded to some comments on my site/facebook/twitter. I cleared out my junk email. I check the mail from the mailbox. I remembered and was able to eat breakfast AND lunch. Cleaned off trash from my night table or the side table where I sit on the sofa.

    Little things that make me super proud: I windexed the bathroom mirror (I can’t clean the whole bathroom). I paid at least one bill (nothing makes me feel more like an adult than paying a bill). Baking something. Writing anything, even if its just a paragraph. I like signing a few of those online petitions (sometimes they do make a difference, but then you end up with even more email). I try to donate something to a cause I support every month.

    Big thing that makes me feel like I did something: Doing anything that gives me panic attacks and being ok (lots of xanax basically), like going to a friends birthday, going to target, the zoo on a weekend, the movies,

    Last months proudest moment: Being photographed. My partner and I just participated in the butch-femme project by Wendi Kali, so nervous I thought I was going to be sick for days.

  667. Today I scheduled three weeks worth of blog posts so I could step away from my blog for awhile. Something is nagging at me to focus my energy elsewhere, and I want to honor that.

    Do you ever step away from The Bloggess and just allow yourself to be Jenny Lawson for awhile? As wonderful as it must be to have a bestselling book and thousands of blog followers, I imagine it must be a lot of pressure, too.

    Oh, and all those people you compared yourself to in your previous post probably wish they had a thimbleful of your sense of humor. It’s what keeps you sane.

  668. Today I’m going to try and be a little more lenient on myself. When I walk past that mirror I shall not shudder, when I get dressed I won’t say I look like a ‘dogs dinner’, when I go out on the street I won’t say ‘what’s wrong with me now, everyone is staring at me’. Today I shall do my best to stay positive about myself.

    Let’s see what happens and thanks for prompting me to do this via your post.

  669. Okay, 3300 comments on the last blog post… I figure I might have more chance of this one getting read at number 660-something on this post.

    I was thinking about exactly this the other day, when I read your post where you put up pictures of your office. Because your office looked awesome, and so totally organized and together… and my first thought was one of such utter jealousy! My writing space is a never-changing pile of boxes and papers with just enough floorspace to turn my chair around. The shelves I never finished putting together are leaning up against the wall, holding up the bits of table I never finished putting together, which in turn are holding back the bits of dolls house I will undoubtedly never put together.

    I have lived here for over two years. I have a blog that I haven’t touched in about that same length of time. I wrote and self-published a book this year, only to take it down off Amazon within a month. I look at other people who write and think they must be so much more successful than me in part because they don’t have piles of bank statements and old shopping lists all over their desks. And probably because they don’t take their shit down when they’re scared.

    But, despite all of this, I’m happy.

    The fact is, after spending most of my adolescence and adulthood suffering from Depression, I never thought that I’d be able to live this same life, failing at these same things, and yet still be happy. I had such big dreams. It burned me up inside that I never seemed to be able to reach them. Other people seemed so much more successful. So much more energetic. Just so much more…

    One of the key things I remember from my Depression counseling was the statement that Depression exists where someone’s goals and their reality seem too far apart. Change the goal, and you start to feel a lot better about the reality. And it’s funny, but as I started to reshape my goals, it began to become a lot more evident to me that the people I was comparing myself to were no more happy or together than I was. We carry around these illusions that other people’s lives are better, in part because it’s a handy tool to beat ourselves about the head with.

    When I first spoke to my brother about the fact that I was looking at self-publishing a book, he laughed and told me that I’d never make any money at it… Yet I knew right away that making money wasn’t the goal. The goal was to write and be read. And in that goal, I was successful. I will also be successful again. In the meantime, he will continue to make money the goal of his life, and never be quite as happy as me because he can never have enough of the one thing he pursues.

    I’m afraid that I don’t have an answer as to how you stop making such comparisons between your life and others’ (obviously because I still do that myself from time to time). All I did was start cutting myself some slack, and forcing myself to find things that I was grateful for (every day) and achievements that I was proud of (every day). After 6 years, it becomes a habit.

    Is that an answer? I’m not sure. But no, it is not just you.

  670. I made myself care minutely about voting for the election, and I managed to form an opinion based on my core beliefs.

  671. This week I changed the sheets and put away some laundry. I did not strangle my children in the library when they were running around like maniacs while I was checking out books.

  672. I found a little something to keep you busy and make Hailey smile: http://www.lakeland.co.uk/dw
    Doctor Who bakeware. Marvellous. Would make them for my daughters but possibly there’s just not enough glitter involved in being a Dalek.

  673. So my first thought was, what do you mean you’re not good at being a person? And my next thought was, honey, you are a person. Being a person is a default thing. If you’re not a cat, fish or other you are a person. Maybe you mean you’re not sure you’re a good human being? Well here’s the great thing…the fact that you are asking the question almost ensures that you are a real live human being….further confirmed by the fact that you spend an unusual amount of time on the gerbil wheel over thinking and criticizing yourself.

    So, welcome to the human race. You are human and humane.

    And please be kind to Jenny.

    P.S. Don’t forget to breathe.

  674. Glad you’re feeling better 🙂

    Which makes me think of the old saying: “Keep on trucking.”

    Except that I want to replace the word “trucking” with “keeping it real”.

    All that to say, KEEP ON KEEPING IT REAL. (It’s your strength.)

    Hugs 🙂

  675. Re second book: I went to a book signing by Bailey White and she said “I’m working on a new book but it’s different from my other books and y’all will probably all hate it.”

    That book was “Quite a Year for Plums” and it is by far my favorite of hers. Yes, it’s different from the books that made me a fan. It’s better.

    Write whatever you want, girlfriend.

  676. Want to say my therapist should give out your book/blog as a form of therapy its like either your all oh my life is not that bad …or finally Im not alone…Im the later ; ) thank you…laugh out loud funny book, and yet sad … But thank you…it came just in time!

  677. See what I mean the first comment is not what you asked for, but I derailed…Im the later for sure…you will need to find the aforementioned comment to get it…any way I guess personal accomplishments are finding your blog, and I did leave the toilet seat up for the dog, because the water dish is ceramic and I hate carrying it 4 feet to the sink then back to the mat so theres that…Im so glad Im not alone…

  678. So after reading your previous blog and having been put back on my anxiety meds for…well…life happening; I dream pt I married myself. As in I stood before all and said my vows. I promised to love, honor, cherish, protect and care for me, in sickness and in health.

    Felt kind of ridiculous until I said it out load to my hubs. He just smiled and hugged me and said we should probably all make those vows to ourselves.

  679. Today I’m going to work, to set up an auction for this Saturday, and will be selling some of the things people won in the bid book that they didn’t pick up yesterday. I’ll also be asking for more folders to expand my auction files, because the store auction is MINE now. Mine, mine, mine.
    I’m pleased with what our store and our company do with the money we make in the auction: we put more people to work.

  680. Well, in that spirit: today I finally dusted the coffee table and I didn’t pick a row with someone who was being a bit of a shit. That’ll do, I can let the rest of the day slide now. I could get used to this.

  681. I stayed in bed all day because I am not well and I didn’t even feel guilty. Not at all. Win!

  682. This week I was able to send my daughter to Kindergarten for the first time with school supplies that I was able to purchase myself. I am also getting over the fear of sending her on the bus alone. My business is growing almost daily and each day, I’m a little more hopeful about my future. I am able to spend more one-on-one time with daughter number two, which I am thrilled about. And also, daughter number one was able to make it to her 5th birthday (party today, birthday tomorrow). Only 4 more years until I have to keep my promise to take her to Disney World…

  683. Jennie, thank you for being my therapy. Knowing that I am not alone in this. Thank you.

  684. I got dressed every day this week. AND I took all my meds. AND I actually went to work too.

    It has been a very very very tough few weeks….

  685. Yay for cutting yourself a break. That’s a lesson I need to learn.
    Also – no matter what your next book is about – I’ll buy it. I loved your first one so much because it made me realize that I’m not alone. We’re all fucked up in our own ways, but that we’re all still really cool. I’d love to thank you in person one day. You are truly awesome and I’m so glad I found someone that’s fucked up in the same ways as me. 😀

  686. I’m bookmarking your last post so’s I can read through all those comments myself. There’s some good stuff in there!

  687. I don’t know if people like me. I’m in my 50s and I’ve decided that if they’re nice to me, that’s good enough. Everyone doesn’t have to like me. If they think I’m stupid or annoying, I don’t need to know.

    And if they’re not nice to me, fuck ’em. I have people in my life who I know love me, and that’s good enough. However, I’m starting to think that the reason so many people are not nice is that they think everyone else is judging THEM. When really we’re all so busy checking our own belly buttons that we don’t even notice.

  688. I’m still laughing at the vision of you cooking each piece of steak tartare with a lighter.

  689. This week I got up, I showered, I went to every class I was scheduled for. I didn’t do all my homework, but I went to every class and participated as well as I could. I went to therapy & I was honest about some shit I didn’t want to be honest about.

    And I finally started to read the Harry Potter series, which I’d always put off due to so many textbook/school assignments. But taking some time here or there to read these wonderful books gave me a chance to disappear into my imagination for a while. It’s helping immensely.

  690. Jenny, you are amazing.

    I sincerely hope that your good days outnumber your bad, but that even on the bad days, you’ll be able to look back at comments like this one and to look at the people who love you who surround you and realize just how much ass you kick. Like, I can’t quite quantify the amount of ass you kick because I think that goes into a level of physics and/or calculus that I never actually took, but if I had to guess, it would be somewhere around eleventy vagillion percent of the available ass. That’s how much you kick. <3

  691. Earlier this year I decided that at New Years we all set goals that are way unobtainable, so my New Years resolution this year is simple: Do not be on fire.

    Thus far I have accomplished this goal spectacularly. I kick ass at not being on fire.

  692. You’re doing alright. If I were to give unsolicited advice, I’d advise you, or anyone else (like myself, for instance) to strip away everything and every activity that prevents you from succeeding in the one area that will still be important and worthwhile twenty years from now. Your family. Thirty years from now. Forever. It’ll always be your family.

    Hell, in twenty years, we won’t remember what a blog was.

    Even if it’s for a short time. Strip it all away. Just be who you are to your family and let everyone else go find someone else to glom on to. My blog has been on hold since May. By a strange coincidence, life got a lot better around that same time.

    Talk with your counselor and your family and just focus on being healthy for yourself and for them. We’ll get along just fine while you do that.

    If I was to give unsolicited advice.

  694. So, Jenny, I-don’t-know, maybe you *would* make an awesome zombie (probably so if you say so) but you *are* also good at being a person. Those PTA-moms you mentioned in your last post are NOT good at being people – they are “good” at trying to forget about the fact that the end of the day, we are all just *human* – with both the good (and the bad!) that that brings.

  695. This morning I actually got up on time, and was on time NOT ONLY to church, but also to Sunday School, which I was attending to support a new friend I made even if she is 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. Also, I kept on reading in front of the whole congregation even after I fucked up and then said under my breath “I can’t believe I just fucked up. And now I’ve said ‘fuck’ in church. TWICE.”

    My wish for you is that you see yourself like we (at least how I) see you: a funny,

  696. This morning I actually got up on time, and was on time NOT ONLY to church, but also to Sunday School, which I was attending to support a new friend I made even if she is 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. Also, I kept on reading in front of the whole congregation even after I fucked up and then said under my breath “I can’t believe I just fucked up. And now I’ve said ‘fuck’ in church. TWICE.”

    My wish for you is that you see yourself like we (at least how I) see you: a funny, awesome Texas woman that I would totally have a beer with while we make ridiculously inappropriate jokes.

    My wish for me is that someday I see myself like my friends and husband see me, which is better than I see myself.

  697. I had a dream about you last night…not in a creepy way. I was trying to help you leave your house because you were afraid to and you’d been inside for months. You kept trying to distract me by tossing cute farm animals at me so I wouldn’t make you go outside.
    I hope you are feeling better today. And I want you to know that I would take a molting duck to the face for you.

  698. “I got invited to speak at a lot of conferences but I turned 90% of them down because I’m scared to talk.”

    Which BLOWS MY MIND. Because you STILL went on national television and used the phrase “lady garden” during an interview. Which made me snort in front of a room full of people.

    I have a panic attack and come up with an excuse every time I’m asked to do an interview for my job, and I remember thinking, when I saw that, how much confidence you must have to even say yes to something like that, let alone to make it absolutely brilliant and hysterical.

    Give yourself some credit; your victories are not so small. :o)

  699. Just came through an incredibly stressful week dealing with some serious family stuff. Determined to take an hour for me, I just updated my own blog and quoted from yours. I love that you are so real (and that you also love cats). You may not check as many things off your to-do list as you would like, but you touch many lives and ultimately that counts for so much more. You have accomplished so much. What you scratched through doesn’t really matter. Be kind to yourself. Cause you kick ass pretty well Jenny.

  700. The other post won’t let me comment, but I have imposter syndrome at work all the time. One day they’re all going to realize I don’t have a clue and will lay me off. Even though I have received no negative feedback ever. It’s in my head. I can’t keep up with the shiny PTA moms or the ones that actually manage to cook homemade dinners for their families. Carry out from Outback is okay right??? Tackle things in small amounts. Every small step is an accomplishment. 🙂

  702. Yesterday, I struggled trying to get up the energy and desire to leave the house. Some days are just like that, right? So I finally did; I got showered, I got dressed and left. My ambition was to drive the three hours down to Mount St. Helens for the first time and walk some of the trails (well, hobble, really since plantar fasciitis is the suck) and take some pictures.

    A combination of traffic, road closure and GPS snafus made that three hour drive take closer to 6. It was frustrating and annoying and I kept having to re-convince myself that doing this was a good idea.

    I got to the Johnston Ridge Observatory just before sunset and got my payoff, as well as my accomplishment for the week:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/aflennik/9696959663/

    Worth. It.

    The thing I avoided? Not lighting anyone on fire while I was stuck in traffic getting there. 😛

  703. I would like to be a professional toddler. We beg them to eat junk food( just eat this fucking nugget). They get naps. They don’t have to get up to piss or shit. All day long cartoons on the tv. If they get tired of walking, they start whining, and some sucker picks them up. I want to get paid to do that. Instead, I am that asshole that does the bidding.

  704. I swept the floor and no one in my family went hungry (those two are not actually related- just one small positive and one horrible that I avoided- go me).

  705. Someone once told me to “swallow your frog first thing in the morning.”
    I think it means do the thing you’re least looking forward to first so the rest of the day is easy. Or maybe they were suggesting I was a snake. Either way it is memorable.

    So Friday I didn’t know any of the other band parents but hung out with them anyway while waiting for a delivery. I even introduced myself to 2 of them, even though I’d been standing with them for 20 minutes and I don’t think they cared. Plus 1 for the shy introvert taking charge.

  706. I have been reading your blog for years, and always wanted to comment but never had the guts becaue I too have “imposter syndrome.” But I read your “Is it just me post” on the day you posted it, cried because it sounded exactly like me, and then read it to my boyfriend and he said, wow that sounds exactly like you. I know you must comments and e-mails like this constantly, but I just feel like I finally need to reach out and tell you how much it helps that you are out there, telling us that we are not alone. That you have these same self depricating feelings, that you too go days without washing your hair, because you just don’t have the motivation to shower. Being a person is an all day, everyday struggle for me, and you are soo not alone. So I just have to keep going to therapy, keep taking my meds, and stop telling myself what a loser I am. And small goals, teeny tiny tangible goals, that will make you feel proud at the end of the day.
    Thank you for everything you do, I could never explain how you have helped me over the years.

  707. Think about this for a second: Harper Lee published one single book.
    One single perfect thing.
    It would be NICE to have a second book from you, but you already wrote my perfect book of all time.

  708. Thank you. I needed to be reminded of all the little things that I do every day that are awesome. High standards suck! Thank you again.

  709. Sitting at the community pool, tears running down my face behind sunglasses, hoping no-one notices but also wishing someone would be kind.

  710. Today I organised for my sister to watch my 4month old so I could get some work done…(kicking goals yay!!!!) but now I’m home I have no baby to propel me into actually getting out of the car so Im still sitting here. Outside my house. in the car. This sometimes happens at supermarkets too. I don’t know why. I think its the same thing that turns my spare room into a mountain of clothes. Or the washing machine into another load because I left the last wet clothes in there too long and I have to wash them again. And again. But hey, I achieved getting myself and my baby ready, expressed milk, and packed her Nappy bag awesomely and dropped her off on time so yay me! Plus all of the above means I can read an updated bloggess blog. Success!

  711. Try to embrace the concept of “good enough” as in – my children got dinner tonite, it wasn’t homemade or gourmet but everyone got fed and there was even a vegetable that wasn’t ketchup. Yay me! Your idea to set small goals will help you with this. Some days being upright will be good enough, other days getting some stuff done is good enough. You are awesome in many ways and in the other ways, just be good enough.

  712. My son has “attainment” issues – he has trouble setting realistic goals. I suggested he try setting 24 hour goals. Instead of “graduate high school,” try “turn in homework” or, sometimes it has to be just “get to school on time.” It has helped him. Maybe it will help you too. BTW, I think you are fabulous.

  713. Today I got up at my usual weekday time of 4:30am to help my wife (who has CP and uses a wheelchair), get up and get ready for work.
    I made us breakfast, packed her lunch, helped put her shoes on, and sent her on her way to catch the bus; the bus that we campaigned for all those years ago, to make sure that accessible public transport would be a viable option for her everyday commute to work, rather than a whished for dream.

    After that, I had a slice of toast, took some strong over the counter pain relief for my headache, gastro and general crappy feeling, after a bought of diarrhoea last night, and went back to bed.
    I dozed until about 10:30am, then finally dragged my warm corpse out of bed to look online at what’s happening.

    I didn’t beat myself up for feeling sick, I forgave myself for not feeling healthy enough to do my usual exercise routine, which I strictly keep up on three weekdays whether I feel like it or not, unless incapacitated.
    I accepted that it’s okay not to be able to achieve your normal goals when you are sick, and just decided that getting through today is accomplishment enough.

    I hope that I can keep that in mind through the day, as I know I won’t leave the house to go any further than the mailbox until tomorrow.

    I also won’t try to do my workout tomorrow to make up, today is a write off day because I feel unwell, and I have to learn to be okay with that; I’m working on it, but acknowledging it is the first and most important part of the battle.

    I’ll just pickup my routine again on Wednesday, and forgive myself if I find it harder than usual to get going.

  714. Today I walked past the mirror (In my dining room because the previous owner thought seeing yourself feeding your face was the best appetite suppressant!) and I thought, “My legs look nice. Not like they belong to me, but nice enough that a stranger may see me and think they look nice.” Today, I did not HATE what I seen in my mirror. And that is EPIC!

  715. I wrestled shoes on my 13 month old walker yesterday morning and took her out *in public* and let her walk, all by herself and holding on to my hand. She loved it and it made my day seeing her so proud. I’m glad I thought of it and trusted her enough to make it happen. We both needed the vote of confidence.

  717. Small goals are great! I’ve given myself permission to be ok with accomplishing just one small task a day. More than one? Great! Just one? Great! Less than one? Tomorrow is a new day. It took me awhile to get to this point, but I did it. Remember, “We are all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.” –Andrew Clark, the Breakfast Club

  718. Today, I woke up with severe muscle weakness, but I got out of bed and put the dishes away. Then, I went back to bed with my laptop and wrote an outline for a short story about a famous person who carries the secret of OCD and depression. I love it and I can’t wait to create the final draft and share it with the world.

  719. The most unexpected thing just happened while I was leaning closely into the big mirror with the harshest, closest lights all on. I accidentally saw myself as beautiful, for the first time in my life. I turned 40 this year.
    This was shocking and confusing. I stared at her in amazement, noticing the clean, wet, streaked with gray (unbrushed) hair, studying the bare face with all its lines, dark circles, blemishes, scars (“imperfections”), very well illuminated, and she was still beautiful to me.
    I was overwhelmed with hope for me, and hope that my daughters will be able to accept their own appearances, that they will live their lives feeling the way I felt then. Maybe they won’t need to refer to their reflections in the third person, detaching and distancing themselves from what they see.
    The unfamiliar positive perception and feeling were over by the time I finished brushing my teeth, but I want to believe THAT feeling was real, true.
    I’m crying a little, because I’m afraid I may never experience that again. Even so, this was the most beneficial thing I allowed to happen to me in a long time. This was what I accomplished today. For me, this was huge. Thanks for letting me share this. I want to be brave enough to share it, maybe even celebrate it, with someone in my life.
    P.S. Thanks for EVERYTHING.

  720. A couple of times this weekend, I thought I was going to cave to the panic and anxiety I feel. And then I didn’t. I proceeded to have a very nice weekend. In fact, I had a good weekend. We will never give in, we will never give up, we will never surrender.

    Love, love LOVE the Zombie pic…

  721. Got up at 3:00 this morning to work. Worked all day Sunday. Still in 100 foot water with a lead weight on my right foot. Woke up with that miserable feeling that I haven’t felt happy in a year. But I’m launching my youngest child into school today. And I suspect my husband still loves me. Somehow. And as I read The Baby Mama’s comment above I remember yesterday my crazy just turned 5 year old leaning over and whispering in my ear with her lisp, “Mama never thurrend” as I cried about my mother’s stroke and loss of language. So, yes, never surrender. And I know she needs to lose the lisp as she grows up but can we put it off another week? Thank you for the awesome real posts about not being anywhere near perfect.

  722. Regarding eating people: Idi Amin supposedly responded to accusations of cannibalism by saying, “I would never eat human flesh. That’s disgusting. And it’s much too salty.”

    I never would have thought of it before, but the fact that I know crazy things like that is one of the things I like best about myself. It’s my affirmation for the day, on a day when I was already feeling better than I’ve felt in a couple of months. There’s a reminder that no matter how good things get they can still get better.

  724. It’s only 9:14 a.m. and I have taken my meds and refused to burn down my office. I think I should get to be done for the day and go to bed.

  726. I felt horrible this weekend thinking about how whiney I must have sounded in my sound off post.
    Then I kicked myself in the butt and hung the new drapery rod that has been on my living room floor for a month now 🙂
    I even made cupcakes this weekend and didn’t eat all of them by myself.
    Thank you – love you!

  727. In the last week, I kept my dogs alive and happy, I was nice to my husband, I was nice to people at work, I was nice to people at my internship and most of all? I. Was. Happy.

    (I thought of other more specific things and then though to myself, you know what? These ^ are enough.)

  728. Today I hate healthy oatmeal for breakfast instead of just a muffin. 🙂 And I also didn’t eat anyone. Yet.

  729. I feel like a shit parent on a regular basis because my kid is autistic and I haven’t signed him up for all the socializing activities and he’s graduated high school and taking a year off because his advisor didn’t realize he had to take the ACT to go to lesser-state-school and I didn’t research it because I was worried about my crap…. and excuses excuses fishcakes.
    I do make dinner at home for my family every day that my usband doesn’t cook, and he did graduate high school, and I am still coping with a full-time job even though I’m falling apart piece by peice, so maybe….?
    Just thank you for giving me gigles while we’re trying to carry on. This is water.

  730. Ok, one…. you are an awesome blogger, and I look forward to reading your stuff every week. You never fail to make me smile. I have two friends that say we are twins that were seperated at birth, because we have the same sense of humor. I don’t know if you should take that as a compliment or not…. but I do. The fact that you named your cat Ferris Mewler…. priceless. Steffan from SNL has a dog named Bark Ruffalow. Again… hilarious! (if you don’t watch SNL or are not familiar with Steffan, do a search, it’s worth the few minutes).
    Second, the zombie art is awesome and you would be a great zombie. I’m not sure what the qualifications are to make a great zombie, but I’m sure you would be great. I think we would be great friends. Both living and zombified. 🙂 Have a wonderful day. Chin up…. could be worse…. you could be a wearwolf. All that hair gets matted!

  731. This week I wrote. After weeks of not being able to find words, the dam finally broke and I managed to spit out almost 1,000 words in one sitting.

  732. Saturday night I helped my baby daughter through her first fit of vomiting. I know it seems silly but I have emetophobia so this is a very big deal to me. I got through it and I am stronger for it although puking still scares me to no end.

  733. I didn’t leave my apartment for a full 48-hours this weekend – and I mean, I didn’t even walk out of my apartment door into the apartment building hallway. Even though I had a bag of garbage that needed to go out. I was feeling down about this when I woke up this morning. Then I remembered that I spent a lot of time cooking good food instead of ordering takeout or delivery and that I wrote a few pages of my story. So, even though I was a hermit, I did accomplish something.

    Thanks, Jenny, for reminding me to look for the good things I did instead of berating myself for being less than awesome.

  734. This weekend I paid off my credit card debt (and have no more credit cards 🙁 ) and got laid. I Had Sex (its been over a year since that has happened) and i felt good. Sexy. Desired. Wanted. And even if im a bit anxious right now because the guy hasnt really replied my friendly “tks” message– it was something good.
    Today, im a bit more comfortable in my skin. And im going home in 10 days.

  735. This weekend I made fancy, all natural, homemade granola to replace the crappy breakfast cereal I normal eat. I did not binge eat anything. That’s pretty big for me.

  736. I didn’t get all my laundry done and put away last night like I wanted to. On the flip side, I did get one load washed and dried, even if it’s not put away. I did, however, drive a friend to the airport and spent some serious time snuggling on the couch with my boyfriend for the first time in more than half a week.

  737. I finally got my ass to a new therapist last week. AND I got up at 5 AM(ish) and made it to work by 7. And the baby is fed and watered and probably being taken care of right now (it was my husband’s job this morning to make sure my baby wasn’t left at home with the cats – so far we’re batting 100 [1000?] on that one).

  738. In the past week I have not gotten into a screaming fight with a client. (And I work in marketing law, so you know it happens on a fairly regular basis because lying to me is part of their job description.) Yay me! And I’m about to get a couple of multi-million dollar deals off my desk. Oh wait, do I need wait until next week until that affirmation? Screw it! I’m claiming it now!

  739. Zombie’s actually have it pretty good. Since they generally lack any conscious thoughts besides “Must eat brains….” they don’t really realize that humans taste gross. Not that I know humans taste gross, but, I burned myself pretty bad once and that smelled nasty, so I assume of course…

    Also, they set the bar pretty low. To be a successful zombie you only need to attempt to eat humans at all costs. If you die, well, you were dead already, no big loss, and you wouldn’t really care anyway. And if you get your human, you get rid of that hunger in the pit of your stomach. Its win win for the zombie.

    As for the victim? well don’t you come back as a zombie if you die to one? So, being zombified leads to a win win situation, as stated above.

    Zombification for all.

  740. Ok, I think that I have to say something here. YOU wrote a freaking book. You wrote a book. You wrote a damn good book. I think if you write 2 pages and they don’t suck publish them and I will buy them.

    It was amazing. My sister read it, called me at 3 am because she could not put it down. She was laughing so hard she was crying. I thought someone was dead. I read it the next day, while plying my kid with 5 lbs of twizzlers and tv , so I could finish it. I read parts if it to my husband, who might be Victor’s long lost brother…

    I have no idea who the mothers are at school…I”m pretty sure they are talking about me in mean girl whispers when I walk up to them. Nothing makes that go away. I think. I am just glad it’s not only me that feels that way.

  741. This is now 700+ down the comments list and you probably won’t ever see it, but… did you really cook your steak tar-tar with a lighter?! I love steak tar-tar, but not everyone does. And it’s amazingly awesome to me that you tried, didn’t like it, thought “I know how to fix this” and then broke out a lighter.

  742. What did I accomplish? I worked. I didn’t want to work. It was hot. It sucked. The kids were with me and hated it. But I. did. it.

    What did I not do? I also dealt with lots of whiny people (not at work.) I didn’t smack one of them. Not. even. one. I wasn’t even mean to them. I bitched about them to my husband and was perfectly nice and sane to them. This is huge. Maybe not to you, but to me, it is huge.

  743. Ok. This weekend I worked through 8 hours of a kid’s sports meet, then got one of my kids and family ready (a big deal 99% of the time) and attended my kid’s 4+ hour competition. I didn’t screw up my job working (which is possible and very bad), and I didn’t get super anxious or flip out on anyone at either event (which is a first for the former and usually a concern for the latter!).

  744. Today’s accomplishment — I have not signed my son up for every. single. cub. scout. event this fall just because I said “ooh – that looks fun!” and decided to WAIT until he says “ooh – that looks fun” — perhaps this means I am learning that mom’s definition of fun is not exactly the same as son’s definition of fun. Or perhaps I’m just being lazy.

  745. I love the last few sentences of this post.
    I wanna get them tatooed!

    I stood up to my boss this month after spending four days with constant nausea from her mental abuse. I probably didn’t win the war, but I won a small battle.
    It’s good enough for now.

    🙂

  747. Hey Jenny, speaking of lowering the bar, prepare yourself that your second book will probably fail. Not because it’s bad but because of the sophomore curse. Think of all the bands you love, you love their first album, right? Because it’s AWESOME!! Like your first book, it rocks because the artist has spent YEARS writing the best tunes, making them great, enduring failure to make it even better. Then when it succeeds, the label demands another album immediately. So, the second album ends up sucking because the work is being demanded and not created in it’s own time. My point–don’t write this second book if you don’t WANT to. Weezer, Lily Allen and Lamb of God all should have taken their time.

  749. a friend of mine once told me ” I don’t know why you are so ugly to yourself. There are a lot of mean people who would do that for you. Why would you deny them the opportunity?” Hmm.
    And one of my most favorite cartoons is from Guindon. In it he says, “well you can swish your feet around in the pity pool, but you can’t lie (swim) in it.” (or something close to that; whatever fits the moment,I guess) (sorry Guindon)
    no worries, Jenny.

  750. This year you made me laugh, and some days, that was the only thing keeping me going.

  752. Sorry that I am late to the party, and perhaps someone has already asked this, but would you consider selling autographed copies of the zombie portrait? I think it embodies the real you that is fighting to get out from inside the human shell that you are in. ;->

  753. Greetings and salutations….
    And, because I sometimes (ok…most of the time) hit the “send” button before I remember that ONE more thing I wanted to say….To the best of my knowledge, I did not eat anyone significant last week, either. And, on MOST days, I was able to do at least ONE thing to improve our life or environment… So…hang in there all of y’all… and, just because I am trying to get my mind focused back on it….learn and do Taoist Tai Chi… it is very good for the mind and for the body.

  754. Today’s accomplishment:
    I read another chapter of Gretchen’s The Happiness Project, the one about uncluttering being a great way to clear your home and your head while also clearing guilt about always putting off doing little things and getting pissed off every time you see it. Then I went and cleared out all the shit from my drawers and culled a bunch of stuff I’m going to now try and flog on ebay and earn enough to buy a mini of chocolate vodka to celebrate. Among other things, I found
    1. My old breast pump. Flung it.
    2. Star Wars Special Edition DVD box set. Flog it. I refuse to acknowledge it. I know Han Solo fired first.
    3. A floor length evening gown from circa 1993. Green. With lace. I don’t think even the Salvos will want it.
    4. A pair of Keen ‘outdoor’ sandals that look like Holly Hobby shoes.
    5. A pair of genuine black leather jeans. Only slightly mouldy. They’ve followed me for 15 years; from one side of the country to the other, from desert to the subtropics. From dorky uni student days to pretending-to-be-a-grownup-parenthood.
    Something awful I avoided? I NEVER WORE those leather pants*!

    *I’m not saying leather pants are awful; far from it. I still love them, especially on cowboys. But you need to be a certain kind of person to not look like a complete dick while wearing them; unfortunately I am the other kind of person.
    Thanks for the affirmation Jenny! It will be my new bedtime ritual.

  755. It took me 10 years to find a job where I felt productive often. Fit is really hard. Directing your own time is hard.

    I would say a third of my day is productive if it’s a good day. You have to know when your up and down swing times are. I plan meetings at 2:30 because I know that’s time when I’m not going to be doing much.

    Figure out when you’re most able to get shit done. Protect that time religiously. Use it for your own purposes.

    Sometimes I think life is just about figuring out how to hack yourself. Everyone struggles with it and then people also change and then the hacks don’t work.

    Have you ever played SuperBetter? I like it as a tool for reinforcing what’s going well/working.

  756. PS I don’t use Pintrest and stuff because it’s all fake fronting that makes people feel inadequate. If you find it makes you feel worse, limit your time there.

  757. Just a few days late. If I get moderated you’ll have to read it anyway. In case I’m horribly inappropriate. It probably won’t happen. I’m too british to be inappropriate without alcohol.

    I wanted to say that celebrating the little wins once got me out of a hole. Everyday I made myself write down three good things/achievements etc that had occurred during the day. I was surprised but it did work for me. Helped to stop that ‘endless treadmill’ feeling I sometimes get.

  758. I am VERY late to the party, but I love that I am still allowed to attend! Thank you for being YOU and having awesome parties…
    My wins every day includes being ALIVE, remarkably unscathed, and able to read your amazingly funny, heartfelt and wise words. I also have been getting rid of clothes, items, knickknacks unneeded – to donate, sharing memories with family, and reminding myself to never take for granted this existence that has been granted to me. Since losing my brother too young (47) to heart disease, my approach to life is much more urgent…

  759. Your solution is brilliant. It hit me so viscerally I teared up. I need to do that and focus on the parts I did/do we’ll and not the parts I didn’t/don’t.

    Thank you.

    There’s a reason people cosplay as you

  760. that would make an awesome addition to your store… “I am too amazing to be eaten raw”. Thank you for the bizzare afirmation.

  761. Today I wore a really cute pair of teal polka dot pants, and when a girl walked by me and actually said “Eww”, I didn’t punch her in the face, or worry that anyone else hated my pants. BECAUSE THEY’RE MY BAD-ASS PANTS, NOT YOURS.
    I also read my homework assignment before the day it’s due.

  763. Delurking to say that the reason why I heart you so much and think you rock, is because only you would think to cook steak tartare with a lighter!

    Also, yesterday, I played the organ for church and piano for our church choir after a summer haitus, and kicked ass at it. On days when I think that I fail at everything else, I still think I kick ass at playing the piano.

  764. I just had to post that today I did not kill/eat/divorce my husband after I came home from a 12-hour day to find our son had a 104.5 degree temp and hubby “didn’t know” where the thermometer was. Argued with me about it being wrong prompting me to go back out and purchase another one because he was “feeling ugh.” Then he asked me to make dinner, even though there are leftovers in the fridge necause he “didnt know what we have to eat” (the gigantic bowl of gazpacho must have been wearing its cloak of invisibility again). And I did so – because i hate conflict – before jetting off to spend 4 hours in the emergency room with said sick kiddo only to come home and find: he didn’t even put dishes away, let alone wash them. He is such a great person but tonight? He gets an EPIC FAIL as a partner. But I didn’t kill him. Yet…

  765. I think you’re awesome, and I come to your site when I need to know there’s someone else in the world who lives a crazy life and knows it will get better. Even when I come to your site for a laugh, but find something that makes me think, I’m so thankful for having someone I can relate to and who is a real person.

    None of us are perfect, even if we seem it on the outside. Sometimes pointing out the perfection is damaging to the perfect person because (just like the rest of us) they have days of doubt as well and then they wonder how they’re going to keep it up.

    Also, I would totally buy a coffee table book your taxidermied animals. Dressed up. In a scene. You wouldn’t even have to make new ones, it could just be of the ones you have on your website with your captions. So screw writer’s block. You already have another book on your blog. 🙂 Look! You accomplished something and DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU DID.

    You Rock.

  766. Jenny, Didn’t you just move this summer? Doesn’t that mean Hailey started at a new school?
    Plaster on your trademark grin and shake hands saying “Hi my daughter’s new here and would you believe *I* am the nervous one?” The people worth knowing will grin back and introduce themselves.
    You’re wonderful….they will know it soon.

    And the zombies rock.

    Mary

  767. This really kind of goes with the post before, but there are too many comments and my computer freezes. Anyway, I digress (which I often do). What I wanted to tell you is this:
    My mom has lived with me (and husband and daughter) for the last 7 years. Her health has bobbed around a lot — pneumonia, broken hip, a touch of dementia, really bad allergic reaction (think on a vent in the ICU), multiple UTIs — but on the whole, she was pretty good. Slowing down, but that’s to be expected. (More digression). After breaking her hip, she sort of stopped eating and I had to beg and plead and bribe her to eat anything. She snapped out of that, but had lost a lot of muscle — she was wasting and really declining. By May, we had her in hospice at home, and she loved having the nurse and aide come visit a couple times a week. She really didn’t undertand what hospice meant. As a nurse, I did, but I am such a control freak that I was sure if I worked hard enough I could “fix” her, and that actually worked for a while. Husband had to text me mom’s blood pressure every morning so I could determine which meds she should have, and I was getting more and more stressed out. Over the Labor Day weekend, she had what I think was a little stroke, and by Tuesday, couldn’t even stand up. She had been using a walker (the slowest person on the face of the earth) and now, nothing. I rushed home from work, dragged her (literally) from her bed and put her on the bedside commode, then dragged her back to bed. It took doing that 3 times for me to decide it was a bad idea. The hospice nurse got a hospital bed in for us, but I resisted putting her in it. By Thursday, there was no choice, and between me, the aide and the hospice nurse, we got her moved from her bed into the hospital bed. By then, she was totally incoherent, except with huge simuli, like turning her over. She was either asleep (like Sleeping Beauty asleep) or unconscious, but either way, it didn’t matter. I squirted meds into her mouth on schedule and repositioned her often to avoid skin breakdown. I focused on the tasks until I couldn’t stand it, and during a moment when we were alone together, I told her how sorry I was that I had not been perfect at taking care of her. I cried that I had been unable to give her some of the things I think she really needed (hugs, lots of “I love yous,” more attention) but I had been busy, always busy, with working, the house, the husband, the daughter. Too much other stuff. She couldn’t say anything, and I’m really not sure she even heard me, but I had to do this “confession” to her. After not sleeping the whole week, I finally had to give in for 4 hours on Friday night. When I came down around 5 Saturday morning, she was in what I would describe as the transition phase of labor. She looked uncomfortable, so I repositioned her again, gave her the meds and just stood there with her. About half an hour later, her face got so peaceful and calm looking, then about 15 minute later, she was gone.

    I was not prepared, even though I had been preparing for it for months. (I’m getting to the you part, I promise)

    The mortuary guys came and took her away a few hours later and we went to make the arrangements. After that, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Busy is better, but I just couldn’t do anything. One of the hospice nurses suggested I read some hospice-y books to help me “cope,” but a very dear friend knew how I was feeling, and your book popped up on my Kindle. I had wanted to get it for a long time, but (sorry) I’m just cheap. I figured I could get it from the library, but I was like 80th on the waiting list. So now there’s this book, waiting for me. I found a place to hide and started it and was immediately taken away to Texas, where people laugh and grab snakes in the chicken filing cabinet. I laughed until I cried, which I would not have done on my own (I am one tough mother). I cried all the sorrys and miss yous and how comes away, then I fell asleep for a long time. When I woke up, you were still waiting for me.

    It’s been 4 days since my mom (choose your own euphamism). Last night I found two beautiful full gardenias on the bush in my garden that had been flower-less since May. They weren’t there the day before, so I’m choosing to believe it’s my mom and dad telling me they’re OK. I allowed myself to have time to just sit and read for the first time in years, and I am laughing out loud (I want a magic squirrel) with no tears. You were an important part of MY transition (which I understand isn’t complete, but hey, I feel better because of you), so even if you didn’t do anything, you did something. I told you to lower your bar on “am I alone” post, but you helped me raise mine. I told husband I wasn’t going to just sit around waiting to be told what to do, or given permission to do or feel what I do or feel. You are feeding my soul and the laughter is as good as sunshine after a long crappy winter.

    So I guess my answer to you now is yes, you are nearly alone, but not in the way you think. You are a member of a very select club where admission is purchased through wit and articulation. Don’t worry about being perfect (at anything) because you’re ENOUGH at everything.

  768. Oh Candy, I’m so sorry. And yes, I also choose to believe that the gardenias are your Mom and Dad telling you that they are happy and whole again. We don’t know each other, but you sound like you have a wonderful heart, by the way you cared for and loved your Mom, especially at the end of her life. I’m praying for peace and comfort for you.

  769. Zombie Art is the gift that keeps on giving. And it is of YOU. I mean, how fucking cool is that?

    PS. I spend every day doing the following: I feel good, I feel guilty, I feel sad, I feel motivated, I feel lazy, I feel like I missed a goal. Every damned day.

    But I allow myself one day a month to look back, gather up all the things I did over the last month (or 4) and say, but you did all THIS.

    Sometimes that helps.

  770. You help people everyday by being so open and honest about your challenges. Everyday people read your posts about what you’re going through and think, if she can do it, so can I. Every day you help people feel better about themselves. You putting it all out there just proves you’re as strong as they come. Great job. You’re the best. And thank you for all the help.

  771. If you ever start feeling like a failure. Please know that your last post may have saved my life. I am failing miserably at being a grown up. I was losing hope. Thanks for letting g me know that I might not be alone.

  773. I managed to organize and set up the payments for the bills for the company for this month. Felt pretty organized and on top of things. Then I got all the receivables and deposits entered for the last week and a half that I haven’t been able to get to. Woo hoo, victories!

  774. From the outside i’m a very successful woman. I have an amazing career, I workout all the time to stay fit, and people genuinely like me. However, I’d say 1/2 of the month I struggle to get out of bed. Sometimes I feel like everyone would be better off without me around or that i’m not really doing that great to begin with. So, from the outside I look perfect, the inside is a mess. All those ladies you see at PTA probably hate their lives and wish they could be you–at least you’re honest with yourself. That’s the MOST important thing.

  775. “Sometimes kindness just begets kindness and just keeps going.” <—– THIS

    People should wake up in the morning and say that in the mirror. It's the best selfish thing a person can do for someone else. I know that makes no sense, but being kind to someone else with not expectation makes you feel really awesome afterwards for making someone else feel awesome in that moment.

    Now I wanna know how someone would prepare me before they cook me….

  776. I’ve been out of town without internet access and am just now catching up, so I know I’m way behind here, but I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass to say: I’m glad you’re not a zombie. I’m glad you’re you. Because you have the courage to say out loud the things I can only say in my head. And I realize I’m not completely alone. And every time that happens (which is almost every time you post), I get a little more I-Kick-Ass time in my life than I would have without you. So thank you for being you, and for sharing yourself with all of us. You do more good than you know.

    Also, I cannot even begin to make heads or tails out of the already over 3,000 comments on your last post, but I’m really interested to know what all comes out of it. Could you write another post at some point with what you found to be the best pointers?

    Thank you!

  778. Love, love the zombie picture! What a tribute. Know that you are worthy and make a difference when 700+ people respond to you when you think you’re not what you should be. Thanks for making my day over and over.

  780. Yay for lowered (more reasonable) expectations! I’m so pleased you’re getting something out of our comments ‘cos we get lots out of your lovely blog.

    My favourite comment from today was ‘Don’t compare your worst moments with their best ones.’. Very wise.

  781. I did A LOT of driving yesterday. A lot of long-distance driving, including some stupid traffic that stood still for an hour because an interstate went from four lanes to one due to construction work on a Sunday that turned out to actually be preparation for the construction work they were starting the next day.

    Not only do I dislike driving (because it requires me to put so much energy into focusing on what I am doing because I value being alive and don’t want to hurt or maim other people either), but lately due to my RA, driving is physically painful, like a lot physically painful.

    So, I’m proud that I did this epic driving and I didn’t kill anyone else or myself because I somehow kept my focus. BUT, even more, I want someone handy with the computer programming out there to make an app to synch with my GPS so that not only does she tell me where to turn etc, but after I make those turns successfully, she tells me what a good job I did.

    World, hear my call, I would like GPS navigation that includes affirmation. I’ll pay for it.

  782. Just checked the blog today, and while reading these last 2 posts found myself on the verge of tears. Jenny, I can so relate to everything you were saying; I feel like for years I have been struggling to meet my crazy high standards, while meanwhile never giving myself credit for the things I HAVE done. So this is a good exercise for me. Here goes……

    Today I didn’t binge or purge.
    Today I ate two healthy meals.
    Today marked 11 months of sobriety from alcohol and drugs.
    Today I took my meds.
    Today I washed the dishes AND cleaned the grout between the tiles in the shower with an old toothbrush (I know, WTF right?)
    Today I talked to a friend on the phone.

  783. Yesterday my friend texted me the link to your most recent post about the bear head and I thought it was amazing. So…I kept reading. The suicide post really got to me for reasons I’d really like to forget even exist, and now this. I’ve been trying to blog forever, and I get so overwhelmed because I allow other people’s standards to coincide with my own and that just sucks. Literally. It sucks the life out of me. The standards I hold myself to are entirely too high, and I am seriously having problems lowering them because of the hustle and bustle of life. Just yesterday I was sitting on my couch with a cup of coffee thinking to myself how shitty I’ve got it…but why the fuck do I think that?! Shit. I have a home, a vehicle, a amazing boyfriend that puts up with my crazy quirks and still loves me from “my hair follicles to my toenails”, a great family, probably the best fucking dog I’ve ever met, a pretty badass creative streak (when it decides to grace me with it’s presence), a job, a bank account that has more than zero dollars in it, pretty awesome hair (I mean, I’m just saying)…I have a lot of great things going for me and when I think about how great I have it, the cycle starts again because I bully myself about how bad I’ve been feeling about my life. I crochet, knit, draw, photog, write, paint, doodle, craft…but I never accomplish anything because 1.) I get overwhelmed , 2.) people start to ask me to do/make things for them and I beat myself up about it and think I won’t do/make awesome shit, and 3.) if I’m being completely honest with myself I’m just plain lazy and I want to do things on my own time/terms.

    So. Now that I’ve read this post, I’m going to: start doing things to make myself a better me, set more attainable goals, stop trying to write, read, draw, doodle, craft, photog all at the same time because that is where the disconnect lies, stop telling myself that I’m not good enough, recognize my accomplishments, and slow down because my mind goes about 604054529797989090798743957239745 miles a minute.

    Thank you for the inspiration.

  784. Jenny I just want you to know that you are an inspiration. You’re an amazing person, and your blog is freakin hilarious! Please don’t ever stop doing what you do <3

  785. Hi. I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now, you’ve bought happiness to my life several times! I’m *just* starting to realise that I’m depressed, that I have mental health issues that need to be addressed. So many dreadful things have happened in the last two years, and it’s finally got the best of me. So, I’ve spent the last week trying to summon the courage to begin the journey. To go to a Dr, tell them there’s something wrong, and start dealing with the fallout. I’m terrified and finding it incredibly difficult to take this step.
    I find myself here at your blog again, because you’re someone who also has issues and who is honest and offers support. I just wanted to say thank you, and please keep talking about these things. Hopefully soon I’ll finally do it, and I feel your writings might be the start of and of support during the process.

  786. I spent an hour walk around a beautiful reservoir with a friend catching her up on the shitstorm that my life has been. At the end I said, but it’ll all work out. She looked at me and said, “You fucking drive me crazy! I would be so pissed off and angry and raging, and you’re all, but everything’s gonna be alright, it makes me fucking insane.”
    I work hard to not wallow in the anger (and I could be plenty angry about this shitstorm), because the only one it hurts is me.
    You are absolutely fantastic and finding peace with something, no matter how small or insignificant other people may think it is (not everyone will see value in not eating other people, but that is because they are all wrapped up in their idea of reality) makes getting through the day feeling even a little bit good (or at least not awful) about yourself is HUGE.
    Keep up the amazing work. And I’m sure we will all LOVE the next book, whatever it looks like.

  787. I like this. I am going to do this. I am also going to end every day’s list with, “Also, I didn’t eat anyone,” just in case the day is shitty and I completely fucked it up. Because, that way, I end the day with a bonus…

  788. My heart broke when they zoomed in on Nando’s face at the beginning with the match. He looked so sad. I honestly considered he’d come in after the 70th minute or so. I’d really like for him to see some action in Munich.

  789. I told my daughter that meat next to the bone has more flavour, as we ate some chicken. Her response: Is that the same for people? Words fail me.

  790. Your post from yesterday was so the story of my life that it made my heart hurt, but it made me feel better about myself, too. Awesome people have massive doubts. Awesome people have to take medication to be normal and still spend days on the sofa, like me. Awesome people are still awesome

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