Saw this and thought of you

in Giant metal chickens are everywhere, Random Crap, weekly reruns

Text messages with a friend:

Her: I saw this and it made me think of you: “Your true friends are like stars in the sky.  They’re there even when you can’t see them.”

me:  Aw.  That’s sweet.  And sort of depressing.

Her:  How is it depressing?

me:  Most of the stars in the sky are either dead or currently on fire.  Some are exploding.  So basically you just said that the phrase “Your true friends are either dead or currently on fire.  Some are possibly exploding” reminds you of me.

Her:  Oddly enough, that phrase makes me think of you as well.

me:  Touché, my friend.  Make sure your pajamas are flame-retardent.

************

And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means its time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

“Okay, watch me, okay. One two three and I’M GONNA KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF. Like that, see?”

“I’m still not getting it, Bob.”

“For fuck’s sake, Paul.”

This weeks wrap-up sponsored by the folks that brought you by Paddy Power’s Online Bingo.  I’ve never played online bingo before but every year at Victor’s family reunion we play it for like 10 hours straight and all the prizes are stuff like home-made toilet paper cozies made by Great Aunt Barb, or a half a carton of Camels.  Regardless, it’s awesome and I love to play, and I imagine these people have better prizes than toilet-paper cozies, although to Aunt Barb’s credit our toilet paper has never seemed cozier.  You can check them out here.

 

97 thoughts on “Saw this and thought of you”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Started laughing hysterically at the rooster video. The Boyfriend just stared at me and then when I tried to describe it, just stared some more. He just doesn’t know what’s good.

  3. …I can’t even believe that bird is a real thing. I need like, 8 of them. Also, I now will be working on perfecting that facial expression.

  5. Aunt Barb needs to see the motherfucking home-making board.

    That got me off pedicures/manicures. Now I have more money to spend on books.
    WIN!

    Also, nice comeback friend!

  6. “…and some friends have long ago collapsed into black holes from which nothing, not even light or Christmas cards, can emerge. Others are extremely dense and spin rapidly, producing signals which were once mistaken for a sign of intelligent life.”
    This metaphor works just fine!

  9. Hi, Jenny.
    I wish you wouldn’t accept sponsorship from gambling sites. Gambling is adictive and wrecks lives. Paddy Power Bingo is not for fun once a year, it is for money as often as people can afford it.
    Love and Peace,
    Andy.

  11. Isn’t it amazing how ridiculous some things really are when you look at them critically? Some stars aren’t there anymore, but we can still see their light. That does sound like some of my friends. Maybe not so crazy…

  12. Collaborating with a 4 year old was really awesome. I forget how I found it first (Twitter? Maybe Twitter. It’s like a grab bag for my brain)

  16. Oh the Potoo bird’s expression reminds me so much of some of the ones in Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole and a Half!

    Awesome.

  17. I was kind of disappointed by the sheep video – totally expecting the bull to suddenly flip the sheep over his head. Sadly, I think that says more about me than I probably should admit.

  20. Jenny! That’s a repeat joke, you’ve used it before. It’s ok, no one will know. -shhhh-. 🙂

    (Ha! Same concept…different friend. Although, now that I think about it, that’s probably why the quote reminded her of me. ~ Jenny)

  21. I’d totally let the guy fall and break his neck… what does that say about me?
    And what do you have to say about Star Wars? Since we’re already sort-of talking about that topic anyway? I mean, stars, dead stars, friends?

  22. So I just came on here and went to your shop and saw the chicken towels. And OMG I was so pumped and ready to order. Then I saw they were kitchen towels and got bummed. Any chance you’ll be making these full size bath towels? If not, I may have to order some and just cut out the pic and words and stitch them on a full size towel.

  23. If we get approved for this loan, I am totally going to drop hints like anvils that a Beyonce towel set would be the perfect housewarming gift.

  25. Great… Now that Alucia Keys song is on repeat, in my head…. This girl is on fiiiiiiiiiire…

  26. I missed the ‘weekly reruns’ tag and was trying to figure out where I’d heard a similar story before 😛

  31. Well some of our friends are also black husks that have long ago burned away but we are still seeing their light.

    It’s strangely moving, in a way.

  32. Considering that we are made up of the dead matter tossed out by exploding stars, it is no wonder that so many of us suffer depression. After all, we are some strange Frankenstein monster built from dead star parts by a cosmic mad scientist.

  33. A rooster will kick your fucking ass, I am not even joking. Do not mess with a rooster. They have no fear. And no souls.

    This has nothing to do with anything, but I have been wanting to tell you that I had a similar experience to one in your book. The part about you and the deer carcass. Basically the only difference was, in my case, it was night and I was running into the woods ( I was on a mission that I’m not comfortable discussing here. Suffice to say I was booking it). So this solidifies my thought that we should be the greatest of internet friends – how many people can say they’ve spent time inside a dead deer? Hmm? That’s right, just you, me, and possibly a few other nutcases.

  34. My oldest, closest friend in all the world loves playing with fire. Fire poi, fire hoop (? I’m not sure), fire breathing etc. This post was a lovely reminder for me that just because I can’t see her, it doesn’t mean she isn’t out there setting fire to stuff, possibly herself.

  35. “Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements – the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life – weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode.”

    ? Lawrence M. Krauss

  36. Good weekly wrap up. Loved the sheep showing the bull. You know the bull was like, “dude, what are you doing?” in that polite way we stare at people who are being weird but feel rude just walking away.
    And I really like the “natural eye” from motherfucking homemaking. She makes it look so easy! I’ve heard of it before, but something just clicked this time. I might give it a try today…

  37. Actually, this is a common misconception. The stars we can see with our naked eye are within a few thousand light years. Very, very few of them will die in the few thousand (or fewer) years it takes for their light to reach us.

    Most of the stars whose light reaches us that are now dead (e.g. gone supernova, or become white dwarfs) are in distant galaxies that we can only see with telescopes. And even then, it’s rare to be able to make out individual stars.

    Phil Plait went on to some detail on this pretty recently:
    http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad_astronomy/2013/08/13/are_the_stars_you_see_in_the_sky_already_dead.html

    The final quote:
    “So when you look at the sky, feel confident in the fact that the stars you see are still there and will be for some time.”

  38. Oddly enough, that makes complete and total sense.

    And don’t forget the black holes always sucking things in… they are there too, even though you can’t see them.

  42. oh my jeez. could that sheep be anymore patient? he’s all, “look. dude. it’s NOT THAT HARD. are you LISTENING TO ME? ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION. dude. LOOK AT ME. FUCKING FOCUS.” I loved that video so much.

  43. I don’t know if this means it’s sort of an inception situation but I immediately thought of *my* friend when I read your text exchange. So I messaged it to her. A text within a text. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

  46. Almost shot tea out of my nose after watching the video of the sheep and then coming back to read the comment. THANK YOU!

  48. The comments on the sheep head butting video are worth it. Usually comments depress the fuck out of me..these just made me laugh. People are weird.

  51. I don’t want to sound stupid or slow, but I just found your shop… I love the ‘Fresh from the lady garden’ baby onsie. After my kids were born and friends would want to hold them I would say, “Sure!! You can touch something that came out of my vagina!” It was weird of me, but the idea and saying it made me happy and made others uncomfortable 🙂 What you might call a win/win!

  53. I wish some of my friends would explode or be on fire, but I mean that in a totally good way, of course…
    Is it a sad statement on my social circle that I think that the sheep and bull are way cooler than the stars in my sky?
    Also, Motherfucking Homemaker actually made me consider joining Pinterest. Thankfully the feeling has now passed because I seriously don’t have any more time available to waste in my days.
    I wasn’t going to ask, but is “retardant” still a PC term? Shouldn’t we be using “flame challenged”? (Oh jeez, now I’m worrying people will think I’m mocking the mentally challenged, which I’m totally not.)

  54. Okay, okay. I have had one of the most shitty days in my life (so far), and the “Trust Fall” video made me laugh out loud! I think I might have even snorted a little bit. Thank you.
    Angie Marie

  56. yes, the Trust Fall was funny, the sheep thing was sweet and lovely and endearing…..and I just wonder what is wrong with me that when I clicked the “you can find them here” button, I was so sad that it was not the TP cozies….cuz I was gonna buy one of those…to, you know, pretty up the back of my toilet.

  57. How do you find such awesome stuff to share? The 4-yr old one…the rooster…the bug-eyed bird…MOTHERFUCKING HOMEMAKING… all of it…so perfectly completing my day 🙂

  60. OMG. Rooster video is the funniest thing ever! Will have to bookmark for when I need a good belly laugh. Just kept getting funnier every time I re-watched it.

  62. The weekly wrap up was somewhat tarnished by the association with online gambling.

    (You know, you’re the second person to object to the bingo advert. Online bingo has always seemed like a normal vice to me, the same as drinking or drugs or Vegas or anything else, but it’s interesting that it’s a sore spot with some. I’ve had online bingo places advertise here from time to time but if it really bothers you guys I’ll keep it in mind. My weekly wrap-up sponsorships helps pay the servers but I care about your perspective too. No promises, but I’ll keep it in mind in the future when other opportunities come up. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  65. When I read the following and clicked the link, I thought I was going to see the toilet paper cozies.

    I was sorely disappointed.

    “Regardless, it’s awesome and I love to play, and I imagine these people have better prizes than toilet-paper cozies, although to Aunt Barb’s credit our toilet paper has never seemed cozier. You can check them out here.”

    (I should get Aunt Barb to start an etsy site. ~ Jenny)

  66. If I had not just paid some huge bills I would totally be getting those Beyonce towels for my kitchen. They would make my Sunday school teacher mom freak out. Which I my whole goal in life.

  68. The “all the stars are already dead” thing is a myth. Phil Plait said so.

    Just like the myths your depression tells you about your friends not actually liking you.

    So, be comforted that all of your friends are still alive and just fine. Even if they are on fire.

  69. Isn’t this really similar to that post you did last year that “I Fucking Love Science” publicized?

  70. I don’t know. I think that being compared to exploding stars is a real compliment. You’ve got a good friend there. One that seems to thoroughly understand your wobbly orbit. That makes a keeper in my book.

  72. I’m depressed, man. A four-year-old draws way, way, WAY better than me. But then I went to the homemaking pinterest board, and that helped a little bit. Because I’m pretty adequate at some things.

  73. I’m glad you inspire your friends the same way I inspire mine.

    Wait, I don’t know that “inspire” is the word I mean to be using….. 😉

  75. Collaborating with a 4 year old was so beautiful…

    Just out of curiosity, does your shop ship to the UK? We’re buying a new house and I desperately want the mini-Beyonce…

  78. As noted elsewhere, we are made of star stuff. What hasn’t been noted exactly is, every element in your body that is further down the table than iron not only came from a star, it came from a supernova! Stars are Hydrogen, to start, mostly, and fuse that hydrogen into helium. The helium will also fuse into heavier elements, into oxygen, carbon, finally into iron, where it stops… UNLESS this star is big enough that when the pressure due to the fusion explosions isn’t big enough to keep it from collapsing, triggering a supernova, in which fusion into the heavier elements can occur. So, in a way, not only you, but all your friends, and everyone you’ve ever known, have been part of events so titanic that you can’t reasonably even imagine them.

    Make of that what you will. Here endeth the lesson. 🙂

  83. I love you Jenny, no seriously like I love the Dr! Maybe to add more detail to the other two comments, paddypower & online bingo gambling is causing problems in the UK and some people feel they are saturating the advertising market here, while exploiting people. It seems to be an often debated subject on talk shows etc that the vulnerable and/or poor are targeted by these companies. Its a big topic and in no way am I covering it all or stating my personal views, I just wondered if the two people that commented negatively about paddypower were UK based like me? which could explain it.(my first comment here and its a bit contraversial-I can feel my anxiety rising!)

    (No anxiety. It’s all good and I’m glad to know the background because it makes more sense why people would be upset by it. To me it’s the same as going to Vegas, but if there are background issues in another country that makes me understand the issue a lot more. Honestly, I was a little baffled so this helps. ~ Jenny)

  86. You can never have enough rooster videos. Or toilet paper cozies. What did we do before the internet? We’d just have to make and do all this weird shit ourselves. Now we can live vicariously through other people’s giant metal chickens and incredibly realistic costumes. I love you, internet. Don’t ever leave me.

  92. Your search terms are generally better (and more varied) than mine, but I just looked and found the following:

    “is it normal to punch yourself in the face to sober up?”

    and

    “can lotion in your but [sic] make poop?”

    and

    “big brother crotch shot”

    and

    “can u poo ur self to death?”

    It’s a proud day.

  94. That bird is insane! It looks like one of those weird brown muppets from Sesame street that always used to freak me out.
    And, omg, those funny cats were histerical! The best was at 3:13!
    Epic staredowns; 4:37, 6:20

  96. I’ve actually worked with the weather anchor in the chicken attack video. He is from the Australian Today Show. His crew showed me the video and gave him a hard time. We were on the Santa Monica Pier and a Seagull flew really close to his head, apparently he is still traumatized, because it freaked him out. haha. That video never gets old!

  97. Hi Jenny,

    I know others have already said things about the Bingo sponsorship but I thought I would add my voice. I understand that the sponsors need to come from somewhere and that for most people bingo will just be a game, but, as Andy (#9) said, gambling wrecks lives.

    If it helps, I’m also from the UK and there are lots of gambling adverts on TV and so on (especially for things like online poker and bingo) – they just make me sad because they aren’t helping people who may be trying really hard to break their addictions.

    Love and happy thoughts,
    Hannah

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