It doesn’t take much to make me happy.

in Random Crap

This week Victor took me to a shop to find a lamp for the bedroom but they were all too expensive.  Like, they had an $8,000 crystal chandelier in the shape of a leaping, life-sized, cavorting pony.  True story.  I wanted to take a picture but Victor thought it would be too weird for me to say, “Hey, can I take a picture of your shiny pony?” so instead I stayed quiet until about 10 seconds later when I saw an enormous bear’s head on the wall and I screamed ,”HOLY SHIT THERE’S A BEAR” and then I think probably Victor realized that he just can’t take me out in public in general.

Several clerks (and shoppers) looked up in a rather annoyed way, which is sort of rude because 1) if there really was a bear in the shop they would probably be grateful for my warning and 2) THERE REALLY WAS A BEAR IN THE STORE.  Victor pointed out that it was just the head of a bear, but I countered that the head was technically the most dangerous part of the bear and then he argued that bear paws are just as painful, but I pointed out that no part of the bear is deadly if his head has come off, and then we just agreed to disagree because we were attracting more attention.

Then a salesman came over and I was all, “HOW MUCH IS IT FOR THE BEAR?” but I was trying not to sound too eager because even though the head was dusty and mostly shoved behind a vent it was still pretty bad-ass and I didn’t want to let them know that I was too interested because that’s how they get you. The saleman looked confused for a second and then laughed awkwardly, and then said “Oh.  You’re serious” and was like, “I am deadly serious, sir” and he said he’d ask his manager.

The manager came over to make sure that I wasn’t just fucking with him and I said, “Before we go any further, I just want to point out that this bear is literally 75% off.  I mean, unless you have the body of the headless bear in the back, in which case I might be interested in purchasing it too” and then he wandered off in a bit of a daze.  Victor shook his head and rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, but in his defense it’s possible it was because he was looking at the pony chandelier because that shit was fucking dazzling.  Then the salesman came back saying, “We would be so…so thrilled to let you have it for $75″ and I shouted “SOLD!” and then I was a little offended on Beartrums behalf because why were they so happy to get rid of him?  Clearly I was saving him from people who did not appreciate him and probably didn’t even realize his name was Beartrum.  This was a damn rescue.  Plus, when they climbed up on the ladder to get him down I realized that Beartrum’s head was three times the size of a normal bears and the whole thing was made of fiberglass and fake fur so no one even had to die to make him, unless it was a lot of stuffed animals from a scarlet fever ward, which would explain why they were in such a hurry to get rid of him.   Then they really quickly wrapped him up because I think they just wanted us to leave.  This is exactly why I often get really good service and also why I recommend not taking your medication during days when you have to buy a car or a bedroom set.

Victor drug the giant box of bear to the car while muttering that I was unstable, and I agreed with him, but I don’t think you have to be crazy to realize that paying 2 bucks per pound of bad-ass bear is a goddamn bargain.  I tried to go online to find a similar bear head to prove that I’d made a fantastic buy, but when I searched “Big Bear Head” it gave me a San Diego craigslist ad entitled “Big Bear needs some quick head now” and then I just decided to never go on the internet again.

I got Beartrum Higglebottom home (“Beartrum” was just a given and I think “Higglebottom” is nice because it sort of implies that his non-existent bottom had once been wiggly and positive) and I decided to take some of those fancy unwrapping picture sets like you see on sophisticated techy blogs, but when I downloaded the first one I noticed that Ferris Mewler was doing something weird in the back.

I don't... Wait. Is he doing yoga? Is that the Sun Salutation?

And so then I was like “Enhance….Enhance….Enhance” until finally it was big enough that I could see that Ferris was hiding his head in his genitals.  Or something.  I’m not sure.  All I know is that he’s way more flexible than I am and he seems to be showing off.  Victor says he’s probably just hiding his head in shame so that other neighborhood cats won’t recognize him on my blog and make fun of him.  I can’t but help to think that this is not going to help his case:

You're only hurting yourself, Ferris.

Then I opened the box a little more and you could see Beartrum’s enormous smile, as if he was saying, “YOU ARE MY VERY BEST FRIEND EVER AND NOTHING WILL EVER TEAR US APART.”

That bear was totally fucking right.

Then I asked Victor to walk around holding Beartrum up at various places in my office so that I could figure out the best place to hang him, but I was actually just taking pictures of Victor wearing a bear and then he heard me giggling and was all “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?  ARE YOU RECORDING THIS?”

I totally was.

Then he put Beartrum down and walked away muttering under his breath.  I figured I needed to even the score for the sake of my marriage so I yelled at Victor to come to the front yard and when he got there I was wearing Beartrum’s face and singing “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic” in a deep, creepy, slow-motion voice on the yard.

It's like if a bear was doing dub-step. In a dress. On the yard.

That’s when Hailey’s school bus pulled up and I waved at her, and the bus driver seemed sort of disturbed, but probably only because I looked so realistic that she wasn’t sure if it was safe to leave Hailey there with me.  Victor agreed, but not for actual bear-related reasons.  Hailey, however, thought Beartrum was totally bad-ass, and that’s when I decided that from now on I’d only hang out with eight-year-olds, because they still understand the whimsical joy of silliness, and they’re too young to call the authorities on you.

Victor, on the other hand, demanded that I get in the house and stop waving at our neighbors because “WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO THINK?” and I immediately dismissed him, but then I thought, “Oh my God, they probably think we’re furries.”  Then I started to explain what a furry was to Victor and he was like, “STOP TALKING ALREADY” because apparently education is not important to him.

Then Victor told me to put Beartrum away, but I told him I needed a few days to figure out where he fit best.

There were more options than you'd expect.

Victor:  NO.  Just…no.

me:  But he looks so happy.  And it’s the guest bedroom so it’s hardly ever used and when we have family spend the night they’ll have company.  I tucked him in like a burrito baby.  LOOK HOW HAPPY HE LOOKS.

Victor:  Try again.

I attempted another option:

Helloooo!

me:  Rowr-rowr-rowr.

Victor:  What?

me:  OHMYGOD, LOOK  OUT THE WINDOW!

Victor:  WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

me:  He likes to wander at night.  I think he might have narcolepsy.

I briefly considered poking his head through the hedges just to freak people out, but Victor said I couldn’t because I might cause an accident because people weren’t prepared for that much awesomeness.  (He didn’t say that last part out loud, but I’m pretty sure it was implied.)

In the end, I left Beartrum on the floor of my office until I find the perfect spot.  The cats fucking love him.

"Maybe if we cover his eyes he can't eat us."

The good news though is that I think I’ve finally found my new profile pic.

Everyone wins.

1,103 thoughts on “It doesn’t take much to make me happy.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. That is the best thing EVER. I want a bear head. If my husband would get me a bear head, it could be my christmas and birthday presents for…at least two years. Yeah..two years

  4. OMG!! I almost peed my pants at work when I got to the picture of bear looking in window! Reminded me of your “Knock knock MF” picture. Thanks for the laugh.

  7. I think Beartrum should stay in the guest bedroom. You can hide things underneath the covers to give him a ‘body’ and he’d be the best guest bedroom friend ever!

  9. Read this while at a webinar at work. Why would I do that to myself? Upside? Showed it to my boss during webinar and now we’re both cracking up.

  11. I <3 you. Having a terrible day at work -to the point where I am considering quitting and making meth, like Waltand Jesse on Breaking Bad, then I sneak over and read your blog-and laugh/snort coffee all over my computer screen. 🙂

  12. You’ve made my day.
    Granted, that’s not hard considering that I spend all day sitting in a cubicle and pondering a better life and reading about things like feaux bear heads instead of working … but still: awesome post.

  13. This post just made me deliriously happy. Still grinning. Please, please don’t ever stop with the whimsical joy of silliness.

  14. Until the first pic, I was picturing him as some sort of bear shaped lamp/ light. Maybe he could hold a flashlight in his mouth so you on’t have to go shopping again?

  22. You totally should have taken a picture of the pony chandelier. You have to have this stuff to show your decorator, for planning purposes. Geez, I thought everyone knew that.

  25. You must STOP posting funny ass shit like this. I just spit Diet Coke out my nose. AT WORK. Can’t you post funny shit after, say, NOON???

    LOVE YOU JENNY!!

  29. I snorted in my cubicle at work, but know if I share what I am laughing at, they wouldn’t get it. Thanks for brightening my day! One of my favorite posts ever!

  30. OMG! My day has been made. I’m sharing this with my best friends (because I think they’re the only ones who would understand the awesomeness of Beartrum).

  32. You fuckin’ crack me up ALL the time!! I love this! Heck, I think I like the bear more than Beyonce. Maybe. I’m not sure. 😉

  33. As a cat owner, I’ll tell ya Ferris is just licking his balls. For cleanliness. Or because he’s feeling horny. Or because he thinks your bear is “da balls!”. Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all night, please try the fried shrimp.

  35. You are SO lucky I wasn’t in the store when you spied Beartrum and screamed. I swear there would have been a bidding war. And now the poor store manager would be trying to find a source on where to buy truckloads of huge-assed bear heads that look like they have dentures with fangs.

  38. Oh My! Beartrum is FANTASTIC! I love the way you and Victor interact. It makes me smile. I think Beartrum should stay in the guest room. He looked so comfortable there.

  42. Your Lawn Is ALIVE!!! I’ve been wondering about that since your post-surgery post…
    And Your cat is most definitely not doing himself any favors…

  43. Jenny, I was cracking up the whole time! I hope that Beartrum finds a good home in your house that isn’t a guest bed, outside a window, or being clawed by Ferris and Hunter under your desk!

  45. ohmyjesus. When I finally saw it unboxed, I snorted so loudly my boss peered around the corner.
    This. RULES. Possibilities are practically ENDLESS.

  50. Best. Profile. Pic. Ever. I can’t believe you got that bear head for the bargain price of $75 and that no one else wanted it. What is wrong with this world? Beartrum is bad ass.

  51. i too choked on diet coke at work, joyce, in fact it came out my nose. note to self: must wait to get home before reading the bloggess.

  52. I do think it’s possible that Jesus will one day come back to Earth, and that it’s even more likely when he arrives that he’ll be all, “SANDWICHES.”

  54. Is it wrong that part of me really wants you to sneak Beartrum into the bed so that when Victor wakes up he finds a bear head in his bed, all The Godfather, Bloggess-style?

  58. I busted out laughing at the bear in bed. Can you imagine sending your guests in there to turn on the light?? Thanks for the laugh.

  59. There is only one spot Beartrum Higglebottom, who obviously must be a cousin of my dearly departed goldfish Franc & Michel Wigglebottom, who both, obviously, had French accents and snotty attitudes, and that is right next to the front door.

    Who wouldn’t want to be greeted by Beartrum? He is really going to make every guest in your home feel incredibly welcome and at ease from the moment they walk in.

  61. I am deeply, deeply jealous – I even have a bowler, monacle, cigar, and bowtie that he clearly desperately needs. Damn it!

  62. “The good news though is that I think I’ve finally found my new profile pic.” – or the author’s picture for your new book??

  63. That was perhaps second ONLY to Beyonce. Seriously. Laughed so hard the partners I work for quizzed me on my stability after the tax deadline. Fortunately, the are also as deranged as I am, so they loved the “bear-in-a-window” picture. Now, we are looking for something as symbolic for us. Batshit crazy seems to fit the bill. Fortunately, this IS Bat Country (and Bat-Time of year!)! I can only hope!

  67. He is a beautiful edition to the family! I look forward to the many adventure’s of Beartrum–which kinda sounds like children’s book, a really fucked-up children’s book.

    You might want to get on top of that.

  71. So much awesome! Heart rum (seriously, autocorrect!? Heart rum? I wrote Beartrum for a reason!) is fabulous! Actually, I have no idea whether heart rum is fabulous, I’ve never tried it. Beartrum should live at my house. Can we share him? I could babysit when you have guests. For free! You’re welcome.

  73. One more reason that you are my hero!! I am confused though…is he an actual lamp? Does light come out of his mouth? That would be ridiculous! In the good way. Anyway- I was giggling out loud at my desk and now everyone thinks the new girl is crazy. ( I am, but they didn’t know that yet!) I was hoping to get one more week of not being that weird girl- Oh well, totally worth it!

  76. It’s not until you see Victor holding the head that you really begin to see how big that fucker is. Awesome!!

  81. I so want that PONY….

    Bear in mind – – – had to use that pun – – the bear is totally awesome but needs a Momma and Baby bear to go with it…. And then you have to find a little weasel Goldie Locks to tie up and tortu….. oh never mind….

    Never change!

  82. I am literally laughing out loud and crying at my desk. Someone just came up to ask me something and I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even put the awesomeness of this post into words, Thank you!!!

  83. I think you should consider starting a service where you bring various stuffed animals/animal heads to peoples homes and help them figure out where they could hang them or put them should they decide to get some of their own and of course photograph it. Then whenever said person felt sad about their home and/or life they could pull up the pictures of the time they spent with you wandering around their home finding places to hang/place taxidermy. They could also use said photos to threaten their spouses about taking up new hobbies.

    I, at least, would pay good money for this service as the payoff would be well worth it.

  84. I’ve got to agree on that “kids understand awesome more than adults” thing. My kids can enjoy things much more deeply than most adults. That’s why – no matter how old I get – I’ll always be a kid at heart. (Now if only my coworkers wouldn’t look at me funny when I play with my Doctor Who figures at my desk.)

  85. That bear head is amazing! i bought a plain old deer head at a yard sale last weekend to sell in my shop, but when I brought it in I was informed that it’s illegal to sell taxidermy deer in this state because WHAT THE FUCK!? So I had to call my husband at work and be like “Guess what, honey, we own another dead animal that goes on the wall! Aren’t you excited?” He was not excited.

  86. I am crying. I am crying from laughter right now. My coworkers are concerned but I don’t care because this post made me happier than I have been in a month. Thank you Jenny!

  88. Bear in the window = best place ever. Just think of all the guest reactions! And if the guests don’t react they either know you far too well, or! are not very observant at all, and it will be a valuable lesson on survival for them, because one should always know if there’s a bear about to break into your house and steal the cheerios.

  92. Pretty pretty please find Beartrum a hat…

    I want to live with you, Victor, Hailey, and all the cats. Or maybe just be a fly on the wall. I would be the luckiest. Fly. Ever.

  94. Oh, this is fucking AWESOME! I thought NOTHING could top my father buying a 7 1/2 foot stuffed bear and not telling my mother, just put it in the living room for her to discover when she walked in one day. She has since recovered and now likes to make him (Shush, Navajo word for “bear”, not nearly as creative as Beartrum) aprons that are representative of each holiday.

    Last year Dad went to a turkey farm to collect feathers to make him his own official headdress. Oy.

    Jillian Todd Portraits for Women

  98. That picture of Ferris is going to be my new wallpaper, I think. This whole post is brilliant.

  100. I may have just gotten fired for reading this at work (You’d think I’d know better by now) Laughing so hard at all the awesomeness that I need half a box of Kleenex.

  101. Hilarious! And to go back to a recent post. My local library just ordered me a whole slew of Goosebumps books for $.25 each so I can hand them out for Halloween at my sons school. Thanks for the idea whoever left it!

  102. This makes me so happy. What a great Tuesday this is shaping up to be. You’re basically invincible with that thing on!

  104. OMG – have had a total anxiety attack today over the freaking sight word homework page that my daughter’s teacher sent home. They suggest Pinteresting sight word games and my rule-following-perfectionism-anxiety-filled-self started to spiral into insanity. I was finally talked down off of my Michael’s/Office Depot/Learning Express To-Do list wall, but it has been a crazy day. I so needed this! I am crying from laughing so hard. You walking around in the Beartrum head may be as funny as Beyonce! Thanks for the laugh!

  105. Oh my shit. This is better than Beyonce. I LOVE the burrito baby shot. You should totally badger Victor into letting you keep Beartrum in the guest room. He’s probably happier and nicer than some house-guests…

  107. That bear is so happy.

    I wouldn’t be sad ever, if I had him around. He’s so cuddly. I want to cuddle with him in your guest room.

    That came out very wrong.Like the craigs list ad wrong. Big Bear. Lol. I can NOT stop laughing.

    I love you so much.

  109. Fortunately, I have the law office to myself this afternoon so there was no one to hear me choking on my iced coffee as I scrolled through the photos. PS you have a lovely home.

  110. Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    The pic with the cats (it looks like they’re fascinated by his eyeballs!!) is hilarious. Excellent!

  111. Ferris WTF! I used to have a cat that licked herself when she was in heat and would make all these growling noises whilst doing so. She did this in front of guests. 😐

  112. Damn! Clearly I need to come to Texas to do some shopping! That bear is fucking amazing! I found a real bear head in the trash outside a building in the East Village, which I though was highly offensive…who trashes a bear?! A bear died for that! Needless to say, Boris now graces the wall of my living room wearing a fez and a set of electrified antlers with lightbulb sockets on the tips…he is Boris the Light Beer! And I looooove him!

  113. Omg, I’m pretty sure Beartrum is your best purchase ever! And a way better deal than the crystalline pony. Victor should be happy you saved $7925!

  115. I need to remember to put away all liquids before reading your posts, because my laptop nearly got another Dr. Pepper and mucus shower. Personally I don’t understand why Victor gets so uptight. This shit is gold!

  119. I’m totally with you on putting it through the hedges. That would be awesome. You could hang out across the street (having your own teddy bear picnic) just to wait, and see people’s reactions. That is what I would do. Also Beartrum needs a bonnet (Little House on the Prairie style). To shield its eyes from the sun.

  122. This post also makes me sad that I don’t have a guest bedroom. it would be fun to fuck with the guests. Not in a literal way, though..that would be weird..it’s nearly always family.

  124. Your blog always makes me laugh, but I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard at one since Beyonce. I lost it at the picture in the front yard. Thanks for that!

    Also, how many more times will Victor ask, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” before he realizes he should just accept it and lean into the weird?

  125. If you put the head in the hedges, which you should totally do, you have to put an umbrella over it because you don’t want Beartrum’s fur getting all matted because of rain. I think a Hello Kitty umbrella would be a nice touch.

  126. Great addition to your house. So for the record, would you ever attend a furry bar crawl? My husband has been dying to have one for at least five years and he can’t quite get a group interested, probably b/c most are freaked out thinking we’re going to trick them into weird furry sex at the end of the drinking event, which is not the point. Drinking in a furry costume is the point. The weird animal sex is for the real furry whackjobs. Anyway, if you were interested, the Mr. would at least be thrilled to know other people appreciate his “creativity”.

  132. Best post ever! I freakin love Beartrum, especially on the outside looking in. I imagine he’s singing an awesome Lionel Richie song.

  133. I think the other parents in the pick-up line think I’m nuts now I that I am sitting here laughing at myself. You totally made my day!

  134. I needed this so badly today..home sick and, because sick isn’t enough, my sister keeps going to the hospital with chest pains and fluid around her lungs and they don’t know why. They don’t know why she gets the fluid, not that they don’t know why she goes to the hospital. Unless they are also aware of their ineptitude and wondering why she doesn’t go to a better hospital? Wait. Where am I?

  135. Oh my goodness, I love you so much! I’m crying at work! THANK YOU for this! and tell Victor to stop being such a spoil sport: it would be AWESOME to poke Beartrum through some hedges!!!!! (PLEEEEEASE take video of that!!!!)

  136. I think I’m going to start hanging out with 8 year olds too….’cause my teenage girls think I am BATSH*T crazy…I think I am just enthusiastic 🙂

  138. Holy. Tears streaming down my face and laughing so hard I keep forgetting to breathe. Thank god I didn’t read this while out in public!

  141. I’m having a totally crap week. I have to help my cat commit suicide on Thursday. I’ve been scoring cat nip, getting her stoned, calling the vet twice a day to see if he’s changed his diagnosis (he hasn’t), and, basically, crying all week long. Can you say nervous breakdown? Anyway, sorry to overshare. Someone needs to adjust her meds. (That would be me.)

    This really cheered me up. Please thank Beartrum for his part in the mood lifting.

  142. Suppressing giggles in my cubicle over “burrito baby.” I love it! And never mind the profile picture, that needs to be the cover of your next book. <3

  143. That is absofuckinglutely hilarious! I really needed that laugh today 🙂

    Look at all the entertainment you, the cats, your daughter, your neighbors, your readers…. all got for $75. That was definitely a good deal!

  144. This post is amazing, and props to Victor for carrying the bear head around the house like a big damn hero.

  146. It just occured to me that James Garfield now has competition.
    He could Beartrum’s dad/brother though. It’s a family reunion!

  147. A narcoleptic bear? Then he’ll need a better excuse for eating the neighbours then preparation for hibernation

  148. I love this! I completely understand buying animal type things because they make you happy (even if know one else gets it). I’m lusting after a pig shaped pitcher but I haven’t bought it because it’s too expensive, and also my husband said it looked like a demon (which it kind of does).

  149. Brilliant. Positively brilliant. And that is just the sort of thing I would’ve done at the bus stop.
    However, you do need a spot of ketchup with the bear in the bed. Kinda like THE GODFATHER.

  153. How come none of the stores I go to have awesome stuff like that? Clearly I need to shop at a better class of store.

  155. I figured out why he looks so happy…it is because he has a full set of HUMAN teeth with a few itty bitty fangs thrown in, instead of a gaping maw of all-pointy regular bear-type teeth. LOVE IT.

  157. Oh, you need to keep Beartrum in the guest bedroom. Victor’s completely off-base about that.

  158. OMG. Laughing so hard. Trying to hold it in since my co-workers are on the phone, but it’s so difficult!

  162. It’s like every time I settle on the amount that I love you, you fuck it all up by making me love you more. Now I have to re-write my will.

    You’re getting all the fucking useless, mis-matched china cup and saucer sets that my brother in law keeps sending my kids from Germany and their travels throughout the European cities they travel. We have piles of that shit that are just ASKING to get smashed. Also – you’re getting legos. Lots and lots of fucking legos.

  163. I <3 you so hard. Although seeing the bear photo while eating my lunch was a bad idea, because now I've snorted noodles into my sinuses. Totally worth it though. I needed the laugh today.

  168. Ohmygawd, thank you for the laugh. All of it was hilrious, but I almost peed a little at Ferris Mewler and your “you’re only hurting yourself”.

    Love it.

  169. Thank you for the much needed laughs today. You have the luckiest neighbors. I mean, how can a person stay stressed out if they look out the window and see a smiling bear in a dress? That HAS to make you laugh!

  170. Creepy music box sounding version of teddy bear picnic running through my head… Slowing down as if it needs winding again…. WTFever… that bear isnt scary… he is freaking cute!

  174. Sweet lord, this was one of the funniest posts ever!!
    Thanks for the big out loud laughs on a day when I am sick of having a stupid cold and being so tired.
    Beartrum rocks!!!!!!!!!!

  177. You MUST go back and get a picture of the pony! I know you will because you are awesome. BTW, laughing so hard I’m crying at the cat yoga.

  178. You look really good in that dress and your yard is lovely and with Beartrum there atop your shoulders, it’s all just perfect and a clear boon to property values on your street.

  179. I need to buy a car in the next few weeks, would you go with me? (and bring the bear, he looks good at negotiating).

  188. He really is epically awesome. I’m thinking Beartrum wants a job and doesn’t just want to be a pretty face in your house. He needs to be like a book end or a hat stand or something where he is useful. Don’t you have one of those high ledges that he can sit on, looking down on people so that he can guard the house? You can set up a blutooth speaker so that he roars and plays music.

    Beartrum is the best!

  189. YOU…ARE…..EPIC!!!! I wish you where my neighbor, oh won’t you be my, oh won’t you be my neighbor?

  190. Also, I have no explanation for Ferris Mewler.In my experience, cats like to lick embarrassing places just to ruin pictures.

  192. I am at the eye doctor trying to be a grown up and the receptionist just asked if I was ok. I can’t even explain you. You always make my day!

  193. Okay, I don’t like to use the word awesome (sooo burned out on that word), but…that bear head is AWESOME!!! It really is!! It inspires awe in its pure being. Whoa.

  195. laughed out loud – at work – the woman in the next office asked what was so funny and I couldn’t begin to explain because we only have two hours left to work and this cannot be explained that quickly.

    This brought a shitty day up to livable.

    Thank you Jenny.

  199. It’s been a long time since I laughed this hard. Thank you for sharing the epicness that is Beartrum Higglebottom with us!

  202. Almost bust a gut trying not to make noise laughing because I’m at work. I don’t want to scare my new intern on her second day. She’ll figure out I’m crazy soon enough!

  205. Beartrum Higglebottom. Nothing could possibly be better. Thank you for the joy. You make me deliriously happy.

  206. omg Jenny, you are mutherfurkin’ delightful! that is THE most awesome bear head in the history of the world. I’m gonna be laughing like a loon at random moments for the rest of the week!

  207. I was reading this with my 4-year old nearby. He kept asking me “Mommy, why are you laughing?” and “What’s so funny?” I showed him some pictures and he laughed, because he’s my son. But then he got tired of hearing me laugh and told me “Alright mom, that’s enough laughing from you.”
    Please tell Victor to stop mind-controlling my son and therefore raining on my parade while reading about your parade of bear head awesomeness!

  208. I need to move to Texas because I want you as my neighbor. Then when I’m depressed (like today, for example) I can wander over to your house and you can amuse me with “Where’s Beartrum?” because that shot of him peeking in the window made me laugh so hard I cried and that’s a good change from just crying. SO ANY-WAY – Will you be my friend?

  209. This is the funniest blog post ever. I love your new bearest friend….did you see what I did there?

  210. You can now be a member of the band Teddybears, which means you get to hang out with Iggy Pop. That’s pretty cool.

  211. The Ferris pose made me lose it; by the time I got to you creep-singing the Teddy Bear Picnic song I was cry-laughing. My boss loves me.

  212. I literally stopped in the middle of giggling my head off and said “oh, and she got new grass too!”

    the lawn is lovely.

    the bear is epic. taxidermied teddy bear… how do these things find you?

  213. Nothing takes away that “2:30 feeling” quite like this post. Those pictures are some of the most amazing things I’ve seen on the internet in a long time.

    Also by the way, I know you mentioned in a recent post that you’ve lost a lot of weight and I just wanted to say that you look fantastic!

  215. About 4 hours ago I started to slide into a deep depression. I’m at work, so of course I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw this post. While reading, I attempted to keep my giggles inside, but then Ferris happened. Then I burst out laughing much to the chagrin of my office mate. I did not show her what I was laughing at because I get the sense that she wouldn’t appreciate it as much as I did.

    Thank you. Feeling much better now. Hope it lasts. 🙂

  217. I laughed so hard! This was AMAZINGLY funny I a day I REALLY needed it! YOU are the BEST!!

  218. Now, when you do vodka shots, you can pose suitably for your “STRONG LIKE BEAR” Russian sound bites.

  219. Oh, it hurts! Congratulations on making me cry for the first time since I started my anti-depressants – though I’m not sure if laughter counts.

  220. next time victor moves you..tell him to move near me so I can spy on all the fun in your life

  222. Jenny, the photo with the bear head on the floor with your cats is really a perfect explanation of why I love you!!!!!!! Thank you for making me laugh all the time!!!

  224. As much as I loved your book, I’m really looking forwards to Hailey’s book in a couple of decades. 🙂

  225. Beartrum is freakin AWESOME!!!! He looks all cuddly and snuggly in the guest bedroom, what the fuck is Victor’s problem anyway? GEEZ!!!! Beartrum isn’t quite as cool as Beyonce, but he comes pretty damned close!
    Just another way of spreading the whimsical joy of silliness….which does definitely need to become a shirt like immediately.

  226. Now I know what to do when I’m having bad days & feeling like hell.

    Check for new posts from you.

    This was epic.

    I can’t stop giggling. I wanted to show my 7 yr old but I’m not sure if it was appropriate since she can read now. Not that she hasn’t heard the F word before(I’m not good to drive with).

    But oh I’m kind of jealous right now. I want a bear head just to irritate my neighbors.

  228. First of all. Your cat. OMG. Awesome. Second of all? You are awesome, too. Absolutely hilarious. I love your blog! The randomness. All of it. Thank you for being you, and for being awesome. Oh, and. That’s a nice bear. I like it.

  231. Oh Jenny. I laughed so much I thought I’d get a stomach rupture or something (Is that a thing really? ). Anyway, I love you so much for making my day so much better! And as usual, you are my absolute hero!

  232. This is awesome. I know his name is Beartrum – clearly, he looks just like a Beartrum – but if he HAD been a rescue from a scarlet fever ward and was a girl you could have named him Scarlett O’Beara.

  234. OMG!! People CAN’T handle that much awesomeness!!! I have not laughed this hard, out loud in a while. Thank you, Jenny and Victor. It wouldn’t be half as funny without Victor’s input. 😀

    Also, I’m with you on hanging out with eight-year-olds. Grown ups have no imagination and I’m tired of people looking at me funny when strange things come out of my mouth. 🙂

  237. This is the best thing I’ve read today. 😀 It’s on par with your entry about buying Beyonce. 😀 Your new profile picture is AWESOME and Beartrum looked darned cozy in your guest room… downright like a bearrito. 😀

  238. Oh my gosh. This was hilarious.

    That giant bear head makes you look super skinny. Wait…did you get super skinny? OR…is this why Miley had all those giant bears in her video?

  243. Love this! Should come to our cottage on an island in Georgian Bay Ontario, we have the Real thing! Your’s seems much friendlier!!! Best thing you got a whole box of Bubble Wrap,best thing EVER!!!!!!

  244. O.M.G I literally have tears rolling down my face! My husband is asking ME “What the fucks wrong with you” and I just keep saying “It’s a bear!” In between gasps of breath!

  245. OMG I love you! This makes me just keep on laughing out loud. I love the pics. You are seriously crazy and I love that in people. Thank you for making my day bearable……

  250. You need a LIKE button for some of the comments, they’re Great ” Fucked up children’s book” HAHA………….! You’re amazingly FUNNY & I don’t take drugs!

  252. ZOMG – you buy the best stuff! Why is there never anything cool like that where I shop?

  253. After I came home from the grocery store I told my husband that I don’t think I should be allowed in public because the woman behind me in line started loading her groceries on the belt in the spot where I’m trying to quickly load mine. I had to keep pushing them back on the belt to give myself room and she wouldn’t get the hint. I finally told her, “You are obviously too impatient to wait your turn in line but I’m not done yet.” To my credit I didn’t cut her when she wordlessly reached into my cart and started to put my items (now mixed with hers due to her lack of space issues) and told her to stop, and again mentioned that I’m sorry that she is too important to wait her turn in line.

    This never would have happened if I was wearing a bear head.

  255. Is anyone else seeing Monica from Friends dancing while wearing the turkey with a fez and sunglasses on her head?
    No? Just me?
    Completely awesome Bearhead.

  256. I can’t believe one of my colleagues hasn’t rolled up to ask what the hell I’m laughing at. OMG. So funny.

  261. Take him with you on every trip and photograph him 🙂 Italy, Paris! Buckingham Palace! The White House! Travels with Bear 🙂

  262. I just actually laughed so hard that I cried, then my 4 year old son came running out of his room (“nap” time) and hugged me and said what’s wrong mom, why are you crying? So I showed him the picture of the bear in your guest bed and he’s like, oh. A bear, in bed. Why is that funny, is it just there to snuggle? And I was like EXACTLY. And I kept laughing and he asked me to close my door if I was going to make so much noise.

  263. I wanna see a picture of the back of Beartrum’s head.. I have to say, that bear head is fucking fabulous!! Is it hollow? You should take it to Austin for the Women’s conf.. 😉

  264. When I was little my older brother took out the stuffing of a big stuffed toy bear we had and cut holes in the eyes, nose and mouth and had me get in it. I still don’t know how he convinced me to do this. lol But, he got on his bike and rode it down the street and I chased him, in a bear suit. It started slipping down over my eyes and like an idiot I kept running while trying to pull it up…then I ran face first into the tailgate of a parked truck. Laid me out flat on my back with a bleeding nose……My kids love to tell everyone this story and so does my family and friends. I wish there were video or a picture of this…but I’m positive my parents had NO idea. 😀

    Your post today made my day!!!!

  267. I’ve JUST decided what decorations I need to put in our guest bedroom. It’s been bare except for the bed and a tiny bookshelf ever since we moved in, and I’ve been clueless on how to decorate it. Not sure I can afford to buy heads for the wall yet, but that is an AWESOME deal for such an amazing bear, so now I think I really just need to find the right location to happen to have random stuffed heads. Got any suggestions for places in Austin where people sell taxidermied things? I always DID want to tart my own collection, anyways! Decorating the guest bedroom is a PERFECT excuse. 8D

  269. Oh, my. I can “bearly”(Spell check doesn’t think this is a word.) contain myself.

    That is all. For. Now.

  270. I would swear that you were singing opera in the last photo due to your hand gestures and the bear’s expression.

  271. I am reading this while waiting in my mom’s hospital room. I really needed this laugh, of course the nurses are looking a little worried!

  273. If you go down to the woods today you’ll never believe your eyes
    If you go down to the woods today you’re in for a big surprise
    For every bear that ever there was will gather there for certain because
    Todays the day the teddybears have their picnic

    See them gayly gad about (have a banana)

  274. So is it weird that the first thing I noticed in the picture of you (thebloggess) with the giant bear head on is how thin and fit you look in said picture?

  275. I was having the grumpiest of grumpy days today and then I read this entry.

    I mean, really. How can you be grumpy while looking at that face?

  278. Jam Queen is right…not that you don’t always look fab…but the ginormous bear head makes you look absolutley svelte.
    Screw going on a diet…Imma buy be a bear head.

  279. If you can not find the perfect place for Beartrum, he would look perfect over my bed. I know my little smashed face dog would bark endlessly at him, but it would be worth it. I love finding unexpectedly awesome things in the oddest place. I had a similar experience with 6 brightly colored unitards at a thrift shop. I bought all of them and have gotten lots of use out of them… in multiple states.

  280. You MUST include this story in the new book. I was trying to stifle my laughter and a coworker became concerned I was having a seizure. Also, reading this story totally reminded me of a totally buried memory–not of a bear, but of a suit of armor that lived in my house as a kid (when I was a kid — not the suit of armor, because I don’t think he really had a childhood).

  282. I love you…no really…I was having a blah day and this story made me laugh and for that I love you. Thank you for sharing your awesomeness with us.

  283. OMG. I didn’t think that anything could make me happier than Beyonce. And then comes Beartrum Higglebottom. Oh, I love him so.

    Jana: We had a suit of armor, too. It was the 70s, and it went with a Spanish Conquistador painting… I thought he was a relative.

    Oh, and Ferris Mewler, you gotta knock that off.

  285. Well hot dang.

    Now I really really really want a bear head for my birthday. Which is in two weeks, in case anyone I know is reading this. Come on, you call yourselves my friends? You can’t afford $75 for a lousy bear head? I disown you all.

  288. This was so awesome, except 1) we just moved to a new building while our old one is renovated, making the big bosses much more – accessible. 2) everyone tends to say ‘knock knock’ before coming in your office 3) our Big Boss just came down the hall, saying ‘knock knock’ just as I scrolled down to Beartrum in the window…

  289. Staring into his face, I’m so confused…he’s like a Teddy Bear gone bad. Like maybe he had a heart of gold but he kept making bad decisions, decisions that landed him in and out of jail, and those institutionalized years made him hard, hard and bitter. Jail can do that to a bear, you know. I bet his parents considered him the black sheep of the family (or is it the “black bear”?).

  290. This post was fucking hilarious….I want to be your friend…seriously, I wish I had an in person friend that I could call and say “Hey!! Beartrum needs to come out to play”

  292. OMG, my sister and I used to totally put our tiny 45 of Teddy Bear’s Picnic that came with the book onto my Cabbage Patch Kid portable record player and play it as a 33 so it was all slow and creepy, then dance around the living room in slow motion as bears!

    You can tell Victor that
    A) You aren’t the only one
    B) Beartram might need a similarly sized Paddington head around for midnight shenanigan planning
    C) I forgot C
    D) This is why we adore you, and are totally willing to admit to our bosses that we have to go home because reading your blog made Diet Dr. Pepper come out of our nose and spill all over our keyboard and now need a change of clothes. And a new keyboard. As a for-instance. Maybe.
    E) This is why I too will be cosplaying your lovely self next year and have the half dyed red dress (still a little purple-y), pin pricked fingers and waiting curlers to prove it.

    Never change!

  294. I literally snorted when I got to the picture of him looking in the window. Funny stuff.

  296. This. Yeah… this is exactly what I needed. Some days I am just wandering along realizing that I’ve forgotten how to “Tuesday” or something and then you post something brilliant and it reminds me that in another part of the country is someone who would TOTALLY get me. 🙂 Today was one of those days I really needed that.

    Thanks.

  299. Let’s be neighbors. You can leave bear heads outside my windows just to screw with me. I will periodically stick my head out my back door and yell “Wine slushies!” when I want you to come over.

  303. I guess you finally put away those flowers, that were under your desk. I’m begining to think that the underside of your desk is your “junk drawer”

  309. This post was just awesome and I love Beartrum!!! Who knew I could be so jealous of someones giant bear head?!

  311. You are so full of win and awesome-sauce! Thank you for the laugh/snort/giggle fest you just gave me. Also, Victor has no idea just how lucky he is.

  313. That is the funniest thing I’ve seen/read in a long time. I was nearly peeing my pants while laughing silently so as not to alert my coworkers as to what I was doing. Thank you, thank you , thank you for that today!

  314. I was laughing so hard I had to stop reading twice then I went out on the balcony and the neighbors all think I do dentist gas at home now.

  315. I think I want to be your BFF. I have just discovered you and I wish I had found you sooner. But in the brief time I’ve been following you I have learned:

    1. Not to have anything liquid in my mouth when I start reading; and,
    2. Be sure to go pee before I start reading.

    Hugs to my sister from a different mister, you are delightfully pixilated

  316. Apparently, it doesn’t take much to make me happy either. I spent last week recovering from a car accident, and this week navigating the wonderful world of Insurance Companies That Want to Screw You Over Even Though Their Insured Totally Admitted That Wrecking Your Beautiful Four-Month-Old Car And Sending You To The Hospital Was Her Fault, and also trying to do all the work that didn’t get done while I was medicated last week because apparently I am the only person in my entire office who can do what I do…

    And then I came to your blog. And read this perfect slice of awesomeness. And now I am happy. Thank you.

  319. I need to remember to read your blog more often. I always find myself happier afterwards. It also reminds me to look at the world through Jenny’s eyes. It’s just better that way.

  321. We always knew you were smarter than the average bear, and weirder, and this really proves it.

    Photo bomb us when you find some Boo-Boos/Mini-Me’s/or Bear Cublettes.

    Or when you wear the bear head to parent-teacher night.

  322. I’ve been reading your blog for a few years and I never comment, I just lurk and giggle to myself. I just had to let you know that this made my day. No. My week. It’s only Tuesday and I’ve been having a pretty rough week. Then I read this. And I laughed and snorted and made all sorts of hideous sounds while wiping away my laughter tears and now I feel better. Thank you.

    Can he sit with you at the table when you eat? Porridge? Nobody really likes to eat alone.

  323. OH! and I totally sang “Teddy Bear’s Picninc” for our school’s talent show when I was in 3rd grade…. but, when it said “watch them, catch them unaware” I thought it said “watch them, catch their underwear” Yeah… scandal in the heart of Utah. LOL

  324. Thank you….I am at work and giggling uncontrollably….totally worth it. I would love to be your neighbor…gotta say it would not be dull 🙂

  325. The last few weeks have been so stressful and then someone posted this on Facebook. I rarely take time to read all the way through. I’m so glad I did. I laughed so hard I cried. Thank you for lifting my spirits today. I love the bear and his name. Keep up the great work.

  327. Oh, how I love you! Could you perhaps mount Beartrum right above a chair at the kitchen table? That way, he could have meals with you.

  329. A friend shared this on Facebook and I have to say, I don’t think I’ve ever read something that made me laugh so fucking hard in my life. Not only did I have to take a break to catch my breath and dry my tears, but I was truly concerned I was going to piss my pants during this read. And those damn pictures! The pictures made everything even better! This was simply fantastic! It is especially appreciated because people have been aggravating me today, so to be able to start my evening off laughing at this is quite wonderful.

  330. I’m wondering if you want Fred,my full grown, stuffed javelina. That I shot myself, near Marfa.

  331. I NEED to start shopping in Texas! You find the best stuff!!
    Had to laugh at Beartrum’s name as my mom (who shares her bent for anxiety with me so I share my teddy bears with her), any way, mom has 6 identical bears all with different names and personalities. Saunders, Bearnard, Bearington, Bearnice, Bearnadette and of course Beartrum. Beartrum is the one who currently goes on all their afternoon drives and so is the most spoiled. He just got a new coat on Saturday! Mom tucks him up between her shoulder and the door so when she pulls up to the drive thru window he can see what is going on.
    How did she get so many of the same bears? Well at least 3 of them my hubby hunted down for her online!!

  336. I don’t understand how you find these amaze balls deals!!! When I find cool shit like this it’s 1000.00$ or more!! Be my personal shopper! I need random giant Beartrums in mah life!

  337. Funniest fucking story I’ve ever read in my life. I’m going to print this and read it every single day, but after I put on a new pair of Depends. PEE WORTHY!!

  338. This makes me so happy! And Victor and Hailey are lucky to have your silliness in their lives.

  342. Just laughed so hard at work I started to cry and once again felt thankful that no one shares an office with me!

  343. This just might be your best work yet! Every picture and caption made me burst out laughing louder than the last. You are quite awesome, Miss Jenny.

  345. Can’t.stop.laughing. Eff. punctuation.

    The husband just told me he wants a bear head over the bed. We could be TWINSIES! Or just s’up at each other at bear head conventions. Whatevs.

  347. Never heard of you, but saw my brother share this on FB….was fucking hilarious….just ordered your book…

  349. I love how from far away Beartrum is all badass bear, but up close he looks like an Ewok! Beartrum Higglebottom Tum Tum!

  351. For a nice and exploring on-line above several working hours presently, having said that i in no way discovered almost any appealing document such as you. It is actually charming cost sufficient to me. In my opinion, in the event virtually all internet marketers and web owners designed excellent content while you have, the world wide web will be considerably more handy than previously.

  352. WAY FUNNY! YOU MADE MY DAY! I WOULD PROUDLY HANG THIS IN MY OFFICE, AND COME UP WITH SOME CRAZY STORY ABOUT IT WAS BETWEEN ME AND THE BEAR, LIFE OR DEATH, LOVE IT

  353. Seriously, THE best birthday gift you could have ever given me. Today is my 30th birthday and I am in tears from laughing so hard. The hubby and I are currently at a standstill and your story may just convince me to give in… He wants a mermaid. Like the kind from the front of a ship. So I guess I could just say yes, OR I could say only if I get to buy a bear head!!

  355. You are awesome. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time and September has been kicking my ass. I usually lurk and read your awesomeness and your always interesting comments. But today I just had to say thank you. And welcome Beartrum Higglebottom (awesome name by the way) to the madness.

  356. You got gypped – that store needs to get up to speed on the Constitution. You have a right to….wait for it….BEAR ARMS!!

  357. Screw HGTV for office decorating tips. I’m looking at pics of your kick-ass office and awesome bear head and am inspired.

  358. you absolutely must come shop with my bff Margo and me. We shop for everything together but I’m not allowed to put a bra on my head anymore. (it was really padded and my ears were cold.) We can’t go to Office Depot unless we’re disguised because of the ‘happy dance’ riot when we found the clearance table. Other than those places and a few others we can go nearly anywhere and bring joy to all!

  359. Ok, I laughed so hard I needed a change of wardrobe. This was just about the funniest thing I have ever read. Thank you.

  363. I so wish I lived in Texas and could find super cool stuff like you! You cannot find stuff like that in Ohio…believe me, I have looked!

  364. OMG…you have grass again….was that the wrong thing to get out of this?? And pretty sure your cat was pleasuring itself…just saying…..

  365. I’m dying laughing! I expected the head of a brown bear that you’d find here in Maine. That’s an effin’ bear on steroids! And he looks thrilled to be living with you!

  368. This article was my introduction to your writing. It had me laughing so hard there were tears coming out of my eyes and stuff threatening to come out of my nose! Well, I finally recovered. Now, I just got off the phone after having an argument with my Mom for not telling me I had a SISTER!

  369. I….can’t….breathe……omg. tears rolling down my face, I snorted, i gagged on excess spit from laughing so hard and wheeze-laughing. I have to go lie down.

  371. Why don’t my cats ever act that interesting? They lead such a sheltered life. I laughed so much, I hurt myself.

  372. I need to meet you. You are made of atoms of awesomeness of a whole new kind. Seriously. I couldn’t bear not laughing out loud while reading this blogpost. Seriously.

  375. Beartrum must have had an awesome orthodontist. His teeth are lovely. 75% off…Hah!

  376. You are a woman after my own heart! I would’ve fought you tooth and paw over this beauty if I’d found him first. And I love his name but I’m thinking Beartrum Hiddenbottom would’ve been my choice ’cause his bottom is hidden, see? Get it? Oh well, I always seem to amuse myself more than others. 🙁

  377. Dear Bloggess,
    Thanks for reminding me to JUST BE SILLY IF I Fu–oops, let me rephrase that–if I feel like it! I’m sure Erma Bombeck is smiling down from heaven. Love to Beartrum and your long-suffering husband.

    best,
    Cathryn

  379. OMG…..I just laughed my ass off and might have peed a little. I think you look beary hot wearing Beartrum!

  384. Good god you’re hilarious. I don’t see why anyone would NOT want a bear head. And good call on bringing it inside… Furries are scary. I’ve seen My Strange Addiction.

  385. You’re awesome. Why couldn’t you move into my neighborhood in michigan? I’d totally let you walk around my yard in a bear head.

  386. I absolutely loved this post. Thank you for the snorts and snickers! However, the OCD part of me insists that I note that “drug” is incorrectly used in this post. Unless I misread it, and you meant to say that you had to drug Victor before he dragged the box out. (Or maybe it’s a Texas thing) 😉

  387. Sure, superficially it might have looked like yoga, but Ferris was bowing–deeply–to the bear head. In Beartrum he recognized the totem of an ancient, animistic god, and as a cat of great good sense, he felt the need to pay homage to such a holy object. Also, of course, he just likes screwing with you.

  388. perhaps Ferris was reading Craigslist? I just started to catch my breath (lost when laughing too much) when I’d read the next thing. Now I’m wheezing and surrounded by damp tissues (from crying from laughing so much). Thank You. LOVE your new picture !!

  389. So AWEsome.

    I’m still intrigued by the pony chandlier, though…what did it look like?

    Love the post.

    Prevail~Tattoo Girl (and Prevailing Brain Bleed Goddess)

  390. That bear had a very good orthodontist. At one time, he must have been with a family who loved him. Probably, they loved him until the chandelier pony came along, who was, most likely, a total accident. I know how he feels. But I digress. Can you taxiderm (taxi? taxidermatize? taxiderminate? limostuff?) a tarantula?

  392. I just read this out loud to my husband. He’s pretty much on Victor’s side, but I think you’re the bomb. Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

  393. Nothing will ever tear you apart, especially since he has no paws to tear at you with and they are definitely the most dangerous part of the bear.

    I would play so many jokes on people with that bear head.

  394. You know, I’m having an absolutely shitty day. This was the complete anti-shitty thing I needed.

    Thank you, Bloggess and Beartrum.

    (and Victor)

  395. I think it’s obvious that Ferris was bowing in honorific deference to the undeniable magnificence that is Beartrum Higglebottom!

  397. Jenny, I have never met you, but I love you. Honestly. If you ever come to Wisconsin can we have margaritas or something? I promise I’m not a stalker, just someone who needs to laugh more and embrace the weird.

  401. Oh my actual gosh. My kids are wondering why I’m screamy giggling. And of course, then, I can’t show them Ferris doing, uh, yoga…I’m supposed to be the Grown Up when we’re home alone.

    I’d totally leave Beartrum in the bed. Then when you’re showing guests (or prospective buyers) around, you can be all, “…and in here is where my mom’s been staying–Oh, my GAWD! Lock the door, lockthedoor, lockk it! LOCKTHEDOOOOOR!!!” You’ll have way less uninvited overnight guests, and yes, everyone wins. 😉

    BWAHAHA. Oh. My. I needed this today. Thank you!!!

  406. I’m so glad you write a blog. This just made my afternoon. I love laughing out loud at work. You rock!! And so does that bear head. I’m secretly rooting for him to live in the bushes, or in the guest bedroom (if it’s raining outside, of course).

  410. When I saw him in the bed, all I could think was”mmmmm-and THIS bed is just right! LOVE IT!

  414. If the links to the crystal pony chandeliers are the same as the one in the store, the bear is the better choice. Beartrums is not only handsome but versatile. I thought Ferris was worshipping at the presence of all the awesomeness until I saw the closeup. If you ever decide to give up blogging (please don’t) , you could be a personal shopper/ interior decorator. If so please come do my house.

  417. Snort, snort! LOL! This was the funniest part of my day. Love it so much. Be careful about allowing your new friend to use too many of the guest bath towels. Bears…they’re like pigs.

  419. That bear looking in the window actually made me laugh out loud till I had tears in my eyes, which I assure you I don’t normally do. It also made me realize that my eyes were really dry and the tears made them feel much better. So it’s all good.

  420. this just made my afternoon! Also, I feel like I need a giant bear head now lol. He’s the happiest bear without a body I ever did see! Congrats on the new addition to your family!

  422. So I’m having a serious talk with my sister , iPad in hand,phone to ear. Really interesting conversation
    when the pics come in focus. Cracked me up. And I could not make her understand !
    Thank you !

  423. I especially love the juxtaposition of the bear head with the lovely dress…because it perfectly showcases that you’re VERY fierce…yet adorable.
    Also, you’re admirably brave, ‘cuz that bear just scares the bejeebers out of me…

  424. You are the cutest, funniest, coolest, awesomest, most hysterical, hilarious girl I know of….and damn can you tell a story?!!
    Love you ever so!

  426. That made me snort un lady like out loud almost as much as Beyonce. Thank you for keeping things (un) real!

  427. Okay, the part about the neighbors thinking you’re furries had me laughing so hard that I chocked on my own spit and nearly died.

  429. Thanks…I so needed that laughed. Threw me into an asthma attack but totally worth it.

  430. This was such a funny read. I LOVED IT!!! Need to subscribe to your blog. I needed a good laugh after my anxiety and stressed out day. Thank you!
    Dorrie

  432. The tears started at Ferris the Yogi, but by the peeping bear photo, I considered wetting my pants.

  436. I want to come over and play, please. I will even bring my Ellowynes and Beartrums can pretend to eat them.

  438. Okay, I don’t mean this in a critical way, I mean it in a good way:

    You remind me so much of me when I’m in a bipolar manic phase, but without the bad parts. I think your childlike wonder is absolutely fantastic. I wish I could stay that whimsical. I know the wild, free feeling very well, and seeing you experiencing it in a way that can bring joy to other people is beautiful. That is all.

  441. OMFG I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. I really think you need to move Beartrum back to the guest bedroom. He really did look happiest there.

  443. There are not nearly any good enough words in the English language to convey how awesome this is.

  444. Beartrum is awesome, but I’m more tickled about your realization that 8 = amazing. They’re why I teach 3rd grade, and always will 🙂

  445. Laughing so out loud my dog started to bark! Had to text all my sisters and tell them to be sure and read it, even tho one just got back from Maui at 6AM and is seriously jet lagged! I feel sooo sorry for stuffy dull store clerks who are clueless- I walked into a pricey little shop Saturday and there stood a BIG. METAL. CHICKEN!!!! I screamed “Oh my god, it’s Beyonce!” The two girls (I’m sure they were named Buffy and Missy) looked at me like I was from mars. I said, “you know, Beyonce, the big metal chicken? The Bloggess????” They both looked like they had small turds under their noses. I just turned and walked out. Can’t deal with that kind of ignorance.

  446. I am just sick that you, standing in the yard wearing Beartrum, singing Teddy Bears Picnic, was not recorded for posterity. BTW, how is Jean Claude?

  448. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. This was one of the BEST.POSTS.EVER! Thank you for that :). You’re so awesome.

  449. I had a crappy day today, complete with calling my H.R. to report being sexually harassed. I came home sad, depressed, and in a funk. You made me laugh out loud and feel 10,000 times better.

    It’s kind of like you’re still in H.R. ; you just get to wear bear heads now. I count this as a win for everyone.

    Thanks, Jenny 🙂

  450. Where do you go shopping? What is this wonderful store that has crystal ponies and giant bear heads?

  451. Thank you for making me laugh until I cried. You are the bestest medicine for a bad day. Next time you start having doubts about yourself, remember that your blog is sometimes the best part of my day. I am 100% sure I am not alone in feeling this way. And it’s not that I have a shitty life, cuz I don’t. But you have the ability to bring on a hysterical laugh even on days when I think nothing could possibly have that result. So THANK YOU! Keep on being you! 🙂

  455. My four year old enjoyed this. I mean, I didn’t read it to him or anything, he just liked looking at the pictures over and over and OVER again and pretending to be scared.

  456. My god, I haven’t laughed this hard since the day someone sent me here to check out a post about a metal chicken called Beyonce. I thank you.

    ‘Hellooooo’

    *snrrk* Priceless.

  458. OMG!!! I think you are so fucking awesome!!! I want to be best friends with you and run around the neighborhood trying to come up with all sorts of places to put this awesome bear head!!!
    As I was reading, I can tell you that nothing prepared me for the actual pictures! I mean, I don’t really know what I was imagining in my head, but it was nowhere near as big as it actually was…and it was WAY MORE AWESOME in pictures! I so wish I could see it in real life!!!!
    Thanks for giving me a great laugh tonight! And this soooooooo ranks up there with “Knock, knock, motherfucker!” I think Beartrum and Beyonce need a photo together. 🙂

  459. Paragraph 1 I was hooked; P2 I was laughing out loud; P4 I was peeling my pants; P6 Husband was ready to leave the hotel room; P7 I was in pain; when Victor said “what the fuck is wrong with you” I agreed but not in the way Victor meant; P10 I could barely finish reading before clicking Facebook to follow this writer. Now, the glass of wine and dessert martini I had just had at dinner may have contributed a bit to my reaction, but I still think this is the most brilliant writer I’ve ever read.

  462. Hahahahaha – oh my god – I fell off the sofa I was laughing so hard. Perfect. Just perfect.

    You, Victor and Hailey are too awesome for words. Well, apparently not, but they seem inadequate for the joy you gave me with this post.

    As always – all my best – and thank you!!
    Molly

  463. Holy crap on a cracker, that bear looking in the window made me lose it. I may have nightmares tonight, but it will be totally worth it. That is filled with awesomesauce.

  468. I started reading, laughed, laughed some more, laughed so hard I frightened my cats, laughed so hard I stopped breathing and was just miming both breathing and laughing, and finally almost wet myself. Thank you. Totally, wickely, awesome.

  470. BEST POST EVER since Beyonce! Haven’t laughed that hard in a long long time! Thanks Jenny. cheers

  475. I’ve had the weirdest week. 32 Elvis impersonators in town, (complete with their adoring fans) at the restaurant, tons of catering, doing football concessions, my daughter doing God knows what at college, I can’t find my navel anymore. And now this. This. I can’t tell you how often I think of Ferris, miss his antics so. And then, fun times frantic antics starring you and Victor, AND a new bear head? I was in tears tonight when I got home. And there you were. Thank you thank you thank you. I really needed that. If you ever get in a slump, please refer to my question when you were having the ask the bloggess series. Hopefully you will chuckle, I mean it DOES involve David, one of your favorites.
    Much admiration, a chef in the south. Kathy.

  478. Thank you for the joy you bring in to my life! The picture of Beartrum peeking in the window made me laugh until my sides hurt. Keep spreading the joy, because you are sending healing out into the world!

  480. Sirius Blackbear?

    So okay, it looks more like a Grizzly bear… but black bears can be brown.

  481. I don’t know who you are but this made me laugh so hard I could barely control myself…Love you tons!

  483. Jenny,
    So Glad that you are having some “Up” time. Cherish it and hug your people for no damn reason other than the joy of it.
    Dave

  484. I lost count of how many times I broke out in helpless laughter while reading this post! I so needed that. You are already the funniest, and then your commentary sends me over the edge of hilarity. Every. damn. time. It’s a talent, I know that. Amaziballs.

  486. You are awesome! And on your nephews birthday none the less! I think another trip south is due to see what else you have been up to….LOL

  487. Shoulda known better, but I read this while eating. I almost died, but it would have been worth it.

  490. That bear head makes you look really thin. I just thought I’d mention it. Everybody really does win.

  493. Prior to reading this, I had my 3 cats warmly curled up beside me. After the 3rd spontaneous combustion of laughter, they hit the road with evil eyes, so now I am cold and a little afraid to go to bed as I know that is when they will seek their revenge. But it was totally worth it.
    Any chance you’d like to attend BlissDom Canada in 2 weeks? But not tell anyone it’s you, just wear Beartrum and hang out in the sessions. I’d know it was you, of course and would do my best to sit at your table so I could just giggle at your bear noises. Oh my God, I’m grinning just thinking about it…

  494. Sweet Tittyfucking Odin, I want to be a creative, funny, awesome blogger like you.

    Also, Beartrum is EPIC, and cool, and I think he should stay in the guest room. 😀

  495. Some people have all the luck! I am in SA and will pay an exorbitant rental fee for Beartrum. Would love nothing more than to follow up last Halloween’s performance of “Scary Bird Lady” with “Teddy Bear’s Picnic on LSD”. At the very least, I need to know where you scored that bargain. Knowing that he is being properly appreciated is some solace. BTW, some children (and parents) at my kids’ school know me only as “Scary Bird Lady.” Oh and don’t go to the Spirit Halloween store and ask where they keep their beaks because apparently I am the only person to ever ask that question. Lying bastards.

  497. My best friend shared this with me as my husband and I have had many a conversation like this over purchases I have made. I actually snorted out loud at work when I read this ….cause I get it

  498. This entire entry was BEARY AWESOME SAUCE! Cats just improved it to CATASTICAL BEARY AWESOME SAUCE

  499. That is probably one of the best profile pictures I’ve seen in a long time. Excellent find, and to believe THEY didn’t even WANT him. Ridiculous. No one appreciates fine art anymore.

  500. OMG! That bear head makes you look like you lost 45 pounds! I gotta get one. Very flattering look for you.

    I will re-read this post anytime I need a lift.

  501. I just read that out loud to my husband and I’m not sure I’ve seen him laugh so hard in YEARS. Thank you for that gift. He clearly needed it!!

  502. LMAO!! Tears rolling and my husband looking at me like I’m weirder than usual! Thanks Jenny.

  503. SO glad you are making this your profile pic ! That was my first thought when I saw it.

    It’s 1) flattering – your torso, legs and arms look feminine, and the dress is pretty and girly; and 2) it’s the perfect angle for Beartrum–you got his best side.

    Perfect !

  504. For the record (in case Victor sees this), I don’t know who you are; I have never seen you before (or if I have, I wouldn’t know it because I’ve still only seen you with someone else’s head); I’ve never read anything else that you’ve written. I love you.

  505. I have never followed a blog before, until I stumbled across yours. It started with the huge chicken, which made me laugh until tears were pouring down my face. Beartrum Higglebottoms has truly made my day, my week, my month. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! The icing on the cake was Ferris Mewler…LOL. You are such a joy!!!

  506. Ooh dear gawd! I have a migraine. I should never have read this. Do you know how much it hurts when you snort with a migraine? Actually not much more than the actual migraine. Just enough to remind you that your head can hurt a little but more even with a migraine…

  507. Now, I can tell my buddies that there is a barefoot female, safely married, who has 2 cats, and wrote about buying an oversized Grizzly Bear Head from a specialty Lighting Store {well, they did have a $6,000 Chandlier for sale}. Her search for a good Bear Display Place is ongoing, to the delight of her cats…
    Sine _I_ enjoy Garage Sales, where I get stuff, such as a PalmOne Tungsten E2 (an anudder 1) for $3, or a Waterproof Olympia Digital Camera for $20, including 2 Travelling Rechargers, 3 spare batteries, an indoor Recharger, plus a Link Cable so it can converse with my Computer. Well, not my Win7 machine, which is either snobbish, or afraid of a superior operating system, and refuses to converse with the Palm.
    Oh, and _I_ am a retired Seismic Surveyor, living in Lethbridge, Alberta. And Global Warming is bunk.

  509. I believe that I laughed so hard that my eyelids flipped inside out. We often had the same problem with deer heads. They thankfully have found a home on the wall, however, I think they clown around at night when no one is supervising. We will wake up and they have Christmas ornaments on their antlers and crazy hats and feather boas around their neck. I swear we need to put cameras downstairs so we can catch the instigator. Some of our liquor is missing too… What to do, what to do!

  511. You always make me laugh until I cry…Beyonce was the reason my wife and I got together, and Beartrum may be the reason our marriage lasts. I’ll just have to read her this story once a month or so. 🙂

  512. The first few paragraphs of this post made me laugh so hard I cried…. and it just got better. Now my stomach hurts. I would like to thank you for the most enjoyable ab workout… EVER.

  515. First time I have ever seen your blog…..I soooo want to have you….& the bear…over for coffee!!!

  517. OMFG!!!! THIS WAS SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!! THIS IS SOOOOO SOMETHING I WOULD DO!!! I SO WISH YOU WERE MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

  519. When you started this story, I thought – with a thrill of hope – that it was the mounted head of a bear my great-grandfather killed, which my great-grandmother kept in her house (a piece of paper on the back reads: ‘Last bear killed in the Blue Mountains’) and which caused me to shriek and go into hysterics every time we visited her when I was a child. I believe my exact words, insofar as anybody could understand what I was screaming, was “BEAR’S GONNA EAT ME!!!”

    The bear’s head passed from my great grandmother to my grandfather, and when he moved into a care facility, my mother GAVE IT TO SOMEBODY SHE HIRED OFF THE STREET TO HELP PACK THE HOUSE. 🙁 At least if it’d wound up in your house, I’d have known it was in a good home.

  520. I love it that you are comfortable being silly in public and that your husband will humor you.
    Thank you for the smile.

  521. So funny- love it. Laughed so hard I cried and couldn’t read anymore!! Keep up the good work!!!

  522. I doubt you will ever see this comment way down here, but you’ve heard of Bronies, right? Consider it part of Victor’s education. And you’re welcome. Xoxo

  525. Jenny, I freaking love you. And really, girl? WTF? Why aren’t there any pics of Beartrum with Beyonce? I mean, you’d think they’d be natural allies, seeing as they both enjoy freaking Victor out through random windows. 😉

  529. You are nothing short of awesome. I thoroughly enjoy reading everything you write, but on occasion, with posts like this, you go above and beyond.

    Thank you!

  530. First of all great choice for a new profile picture. Secondly, I see Victor doesn’t appreciate the nuance of bear in guest bed like a happy BEAR-ito. Sigh! Thanks for the laugh. Enjoy Beartrum.

  532. I haven’t laughed this much in a very long time. Thank you so much for the pictures. My husband kept saying, “what are you laughing about in there?” each time I scrolled down to see the next one. I love it!

  535. After a fairly lousy day, I’m reading this on my couch, laughing like an idiot and probably disturbing the rest of my family while they’re trying to sleep. Thanks, Jenny. I needed that!

  536. Oh, oh, it hurts from laughing so hard. I actually had to stop reading, get up and walk away so I could stop laughing and come back and finish reading. It didn’t work very well because I sat back down and the image of Beartrum looking in the window made me crack up again.
    Best. Post. Ever.

  539. I was shriek-laughing so hard my suitemate came into my office to check on me. I couldn’t talk, so I pointed at the bear-in-the-bed pic. He shook his head and left. Anything that can render him speechless is made of tripledoubleultimateWIN. Thank you, and thank you, Beartram.

  540. This is an outstanding story!!! I love it & love the fact that you did exactly the kind of things I would do!! I have brought home stuffed squirrels, formal portraits of dead people in caskets, surrounded by their “loved” ones(Great Halloween game…who killed the poor slob?) & the infamous Statue of Liberty lamp with a clock in the base. Finding the lost & lonely is the very best kind of shopping!! You Rock, Sweetie!!

  541. that is the cutest, the f*g most awesome dang guest bedroom i have ever seen. y’all rock…

  542. All I can do is sit here, typing, and trying to catch my breath from laughing while I’m singing the Chicago Bears fight song, because it seems appropriate to sing that for Beartrum, I think…my boyfriend would describe this as “Tam’s having a moment right now.”

  544. Oh my gosh….best thing I have read in ages! I must ask…what’s a furry? (I assume it’s dirty like the meme I saw recently about the grandmother looking up bukkake…I mean, who knew there was a name for that. Seriously, come on people. And now I’m afraid to use the internet because this is a work computer after all. So instead of Google I’ll ask you nice people.)

  546. Holy crap. I read the first paragraph and was in a rush so I just looked at the pictures. It forced me to make my first comment here. This is just too awesome.

  547. Victor needs to just bear with you.

    Major props for having the patience to take unpacking photos. I used to do craft swaps, and the instant my package arrived I’d rip that shit right open. Then I’d feel like a bad swapper because everyone else was posting all those unpacking sequences shot in their perfect shiny homes, and mine was just photos of my unwrapped haul spread out on a rumpled bedspread with cat hair on it.

  548. I’m laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes and can’t talk well enough to even TRY to explain to wife why it’s so FREAKIN’ FUNNY!!!

    Beartrum peeking in the window is DA BOMB.

    I’ll have you know that we were in an antique shop where one seller had at least three dozen heads of various animals up, and I thought of you — especially when it came to the leopard pelt. I have a feeling it wasn’t humanely killed, though… and it was nearly $2,000, so I had to pass it up.

    I would SO love to have you as a neighbor. Why aren’t more people like you living in this boring neighborhood? No one dances in the yard wearing a bear head. (Although a guy down the block saw my “Bow Ties Are Cool” t-shirt the other day and said, “HEY! Are you a Whovian?!?” He was delighted. So was I.)

  549. Yeah – I don’t know how we’re not friends. Don’t care about the fact that you’re not in NC – I only care about the fact that NONE of my neighbors – NOT ONE – has yet to wear a bear head in the front yard. Just saying.

  552. Wearing that giant bear head makes you look like you have the body of a SUPERMODEL! You have convinced me to buy one just like it and wear it all the time.

  555. I wish I was in that house right now (but not in a stalkery way- just because your hanging housemates are overflowing with awesomeness). Victor thinks your neighbors may be shocked, but I promise most of them read your blog and are all OMG I AM NOT SHOCKED BEARTRUMS IS SO COOL I WANT TO COME OVER AND PET HIM. But their “normal” and “sane” husbands said no.

  557. It sounded so much like your Giant Metal Rooster post that I was waiting for a pic of Beartrum outside Victor’s study window! Poor Victor…

  558. The bear should be a bargain because it is LIterally 75% off — not only hysterically funny, but a nice dig at the appalling overuse if the word literally. Well done. I have learned to not read you at work because your humor, like The Far Side, cannot be explained. You either get it or you don’t. I get it and I thank you for making me guffaw.

  559. It’s nice to see you cheerful again, even at the expense of a bear’s last chance at dignity.

  560. As I was reading I was thinking, “Aw, shit, she accidentally bought a fake bear head” then I saw the photo and realized, nope, that is fucking awesome!!! Well played, good lady, well played.

  561. So I was just about to de-friend a family member on facebook because she posts every 5 seconds and I am literally tired after reading her crap BUT then she posted your latest post (redundant, yes, I know) which I had already read & spit-out-my-drink laughed…. and now?? I love her more than ever. Do you see how you bring families together? Priceless.

  563. At first I just thought “Surely the bus driver is used to things like this by now” and then remembered you have moved. Now you have a whole new audience to entertain with bears heads and lost pet rattlesnakes….

  564. Oops, I meant post=post is redundant, not you. Sharing my shit always makes me sound like an ass on paper. sorry!
    Ps, why do I need a website? i dont have one-or perhaps I am way over my head & confused here

  565. As good as “knock knock motherfucker”. I don’t know if someone already said it…because there’s 500+ comments already and I need time toread all of them.

  566. I want to go shopping with you. I’d be a much more fun wingperson than your hubby, who I am sure has many charming qualities, but he does seem to have a wet-blanket quality that does not make for optimum shopping madness. Me, I could get with the madness. We could snort and shriek and point at weird merchandise together, and get thrown out of stores together. It would be just like Thelma and Louise. Only without the going splat at the end part. Whaddya say? There are so many larger-than-life fiberglass animal heads waiting to be rescued!

  567. I like your new bear head. By the way I think Ferris is smelling his own farts. I’m pretty sure about that as I heard and saw a woman doing that beside me tonight in my yoga class tonight.

  568. So there are a zillion and one things to adore about this post and about Beartrum, and I think he will end up in the guest bedroom one spooky night, and that will be awesome as shit. But the really amazing thing to me is that all his teeth except for his canines (ursines?) are human-ish shaped. Not shaped like humans, duh, but shaped kind of like human teeth. That’s the amazing thing.

  570. This is hands down the best blog I have ever read. I seldom laugh out loud, but I may have actually peed myself! LMAO! My daughter asked me very politely to shut up because she was trying to concentrate on her reading! If I find a female bear head can Beartrum stud?! Lol.

  572. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! My day was shit until I read this and laughed until my stomach hurt.

  573. The best part of the pic of Ferris Mewler doing..whatever it is he’s doing, is the painting behind him, looking on disapprovingly.

  574. This has to be the best and funniest blog I’ve read in a long time. Beartram is irresistible. Who the hell cares what the neighbours think?

  575. I’ve been a veterinary technician for 25 years so you can believe me when I tell you that Ferris is working on his BJ degree. You may wish to contact Professor Dick to discuss this delicate matter. In the meantime I’d suggest that Victor have a talk with Ferris.

  577. This is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. It even had my “not very easy to impress” hubby guffawing .Thanks for that!

  578. This is the best blog post EVER. A smiley bear, a cat hiding his face in his genitals for some random reason, an incognito disguise for when Victor doesn’t want to be recognized on your awesome blog posts, shaming your child in front of a school bus of kids (and neighbors), and random “candid” bear photos. Pure AWESOME…..

  580. I Am now laughing so hard I am crying and I’m trying to be quiet while doing it as it’s 2 am and I’ll wake everybody up. Thank you!

  582. This is just too cute. Love your story. Love the bear looking in the window. I read a few of the comments but had to quite I was laughing so hard I was afraid I would wake everyone. Thank you so much I really needed a good laugh.

  583. Not even 8am and I’m trying to get the kids into school clothes and breakfast poured down their little necks while trying to disguise myself as a serious manager and I’m lost in bear-related love. Thanks for sharing…and personally I think you should put him at the end of the guest bed under the covers so when people come to stay their feet wander on to it and they think, how lovely and cosy, a foot warmer – and then when their curiosity piques them and they lift the covers they suddenly realise a bloody bear is eating their tootsies!

  584. This was definitely the best part of my day, and quite possibly my whole week! 🙂 Please never forget how much joy you bring to people.

  587. I made it thru 1/4 of an apple before I had to stop eating because I was laughing too hard and couldn’t chew, laugh and swallow all at the same time.

    I think you owe me 3/4 of an apple 😀

  588. Comment 1: Why oh why, when they said “yours for 75$”, didn’t you say “include a photo of the pony chandelier and you’ve got a deal!”? I would so like to see that!

    Comment 2: Upon seeing the third picture from the top: Hahaha, you are definately crazy!

    Comment 3: I wish you were my friend. Come live in Norway!

  591. You have completely and utterly cheered up a day that was promising to register high on the shit-richtor scale (the shictor scale?) – so a very big THANK YOU to you and Beartrum Higglebottom. May he continue to freak random normal people out whilst providing joy to everyone else for a very long time indeed.

  593. Omg… The picture of you with Beatrum on your head is classic. The best Beartrum in the window! God you have a great sense of humor. Your husband just doesn’t get it…..! roflmao!

  597. I’m at work and people around me don’t know if I’m laughing or crying as I can’t talk from my hysterics and I have tears running down my face… how funny are you? can’t believe I only just found your blog!

  598. Your profile picture should have a little Beartrum caption “Does my head look big in this dress?”

  599. I never knew I liked giant Bear heads, but I have come to the conclusion that ‘they rock’ and now I want one of my own, oh the fun we could have. So glad you got it. Look forward to seeing it on your blog frequently.

  600. Oh my Lord, my stomach hurts from laughing! I love your long posts, and this one was enhanced with pictures so I feel like I’m high right now! Winning! The picture of Beartrum peeking in your window almost made me pee my pants, and the cats are hilarious! xo

  601. You totally need to come to NW OH, where one of the local water parks features a moose head in the lobby that sings to passersby in a voice like Barry White. Yes, really.

  602. Thank you, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much during breakfast. It’s possible I’m delirious from getting up at 4:45 to go for a run, or that I am suffering some kind of brain injury from running in 40 degree weather in September, but either way. This post is awesome.

  604. It has been a terrible week so far and things are about to get worse. So it was a blessing to read this post this morning. ((hugs)) and a thousand thanks to you, Jenny. I so needed this today!

  606. The Godfather would have been WAY funnier if they’d left Beartram in the bed instead of that creepy horse head.

  607. And you, Jenny, made ME happy. I am nearly in tears at my desk, and not the bad kind that have been plaguing me recently. Thank you!

  608. I laughed so hard I cried this morning. Thank you. I love starting my days like this!! You are so awesome!

  610. I love you! This is the best blog post yet – and I read your blog every day.

    I think Beartrum is beautiful and is so totally happy that you rescued him. 🙂

  612. I laughed so fucking hard at this, my face hurt. The Taxidermied Robot Mouse was my favorite post, but I think this one just replaced that.

    Thank you, Jenny, for being who you are. And big thanks to Beartram, that handsome son of a bitch.

  613. LOVE THIS! It’s hilarious, wonderful, and fantastic. I love how you have both live animals and creatures from…different beginnings. Can you photograph Beyonce and Beartrum together?

  615. “Giant Bear-Headed Woman Terrorizes Quiet Suburb!”

    This is how the National Enquirer gets its news, Jenny. So, you see, you are really helping stimulate the economy by providing literally tens of people with jobs.

  616. This is exactly what my bedroom wall is missing. It would definitely add to any atmosphere: passion, romance, celebratory hunting nap, really just anything. Jealooooooous.

  618. Thought the bear made me snort with laughter until I saw Ferris hiding his head in shame. Coffee through nostrils = pain in sinus.
    Blessed silliness 🙂

  622. Just when I’m stuck with a day…that’s gray and lonely….

    OMFG THERE’S A BEAR….WHO HAS FIBERGLASS HAIR….

    AND HE IS LOOKING IN YOUR WINDOW TO SAAAAAAAAAYY…..

    HI MY NAME BEARTRUM HIGGLEBOTTOM

    You will never know how much I needed this.

  625. It’s really too bad his backside wasn’t for sale also. You could have hung his head in one room and his backside in the adjacent room. Then, when you stood in the hallway between the rooms, it’d look like he was passing through the wall. Alas…

  630. OMG!!! You are so very very funny! I admire you so very much! Plus I am very happy to see that you have lovely green grass in your front yard now!

  634. I totally wish you were my best friend!! We would have so much fun together. Love you Jenny!! I am so going to have to find my own bear head to play with!

  636. I was feeling very down this morning and someone very kindly sent me a link to this post. My tears turned into tears of laughter. Just what I needed. I’m just glad I wasn’t on public transport 😉

  638. omg, I am seriously crying. This is so fecking awesome. I love you. (Too much? Ah, well. It’s okay. I know you feel me.)

  641. Oh my god, I am SO IN for a $75 bear head! Does the store manager ship? Gift wrap? This is absolutely one of the best buys of the century, and the right person could make a bazillion dollars selling quality bear heads at $75 a whack.

  642. Thank you for being who you are…
    Thank you for cheering me up on a bad day.
    This is why I check your blog every single day, becasue I don’t want to miss posts like this.

  644. I laughed so hard I cried. Which was great because I have dry eye. Now I am happy and have moist eyes. Win, win.

  645. I’m sitting here literally laughing out loud with tears streaming down my face. At the same time I’m sad because I finally realized why my life is so empty: I don’t have a giant bad-ass bear head on the wall.

  647. Did you notice that Beartrum has vampire teeth? Like human/vampires? They’re all straight and like he’s had great orthodontia work, and not pointy at all, except the two fangs. He’s a vampbear? Bearpire? Anyway thanks for the laughs!

  648. You always find the best stuff. At the best prices. I am so jealous. Oh, btw – I know you’ve been working on losing weight, and at the risk of sounding like a super creepy stalker… I notice you have lost weight. You look great. Sorry, that was probably awkward, but I just wanted you to know. I know how freaking goddamn hard it is to do all that freaking goddamn losing weight work. You deserve to be applauded for doing it. Hugs!

  651. This is the first time I’ve visited your blog – and it won’t be the last!
    You have the ability to make the ridiculous sound quite normal. Love it,

  655. Oh my… I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard since you introduced Beyonce with “Knock, knock Mojtherfucker.” Even my 4-yr old noticed me in hysterics, so I showed him the photos (as he’s not quite ready for the audio-version of the posts) and he was reduced to a fit of giggles. He especially appreciated Beartrum in the guest bed; my favorite is him peeking in the window. SO FUNNY! I seriously wish we were neighbors, Jenny.

  658. Funniest. Post. Ever. I’ve been feeling stressed out this week but this made me so happy and laugh hysterically. This has made my whole week! Thank you!! 🙂

  659. After a full day of validation testing, THIS is what I needed to read. LOVE the picture of Ferris Mewler with his head between his knees. Do you think he was kissing his ass goodbye? Anyway, i may have to drink less with my dinner than I would have had to otherwise, so thank you.

  660. I will say that after reading this I immediately googled “chandelier shaped like pony”. After the various adds for chandelier and lighting stores the first two results were you, the second was some other blog that read as the description “the robots will not let you read this text” and the third one was 10 craziest pieces of human shaped furniture. The little bit of descriptive text said mentioned a chandelier shaped like a penis so I declined clicking that link at the time because I was on my laptop in public. But ohmygosh, there’s a door knob shaped like a hand. (and that was my little adventure? XD )

  661. 1. A store that dares to have a chandelier of a life-sized pony is in no position to bat an eye if people take pictures. I mean… wut?

    2. give back the bear. It may look awesome, but it’s a fake.

    3. that is an awesome profile pic. Kid you not, that was my thought when I saw the first pic.

    4. Thank you for the laughs, I wasn’t expecitng to laugh today.

  664. And that post makes me very happy. I want a Beartrum for myself and my kitties to play with, too!!

  666. You my dear are my hero! And honestly Victor is a saint. hahahaha! I can’t tell you how happy this post made me! I am smiling so much my face hurts. That and I’m dealing with some serious TMJ lately so it hurts anyways. But you made me smile and laugh through the pain and for that I thank you!

  668. You know how you hear about kids who do job shadowing gigs? I’m not exactly a kid and, I don’t know, is being you a job? Either way, I totally want to shadow you in a non-creepy way if it’s possible.

    Seriously. I could groom Beartrum each time the kitties knead his face.

  669. HAHAHahahahah good post. If I had $8000 to blow I would really want the pony. But i would definitely pay $75 for that bear head it is great! As an unrelated compliment, your house looks so clean and fresh and organized and uncluttered.

  670. I have to say that I’ve been struggling the last few days with my inner demons and today I just kind of threw my hands in the air and gave up. Until I read this. Thank you for bring laughter and awesomeness back into my life. Beartrum is amazing and you truly are a gifted writer – you’ve brightened my WEEK!

  674. That was awesome. I felt bad that I wasn’t spitting coke all over my screen laughing. – UNTIL “hello, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior yogi bear?” Thank you Eva for making Jenny even funnier.

    I love the shot threw the window, and yes – your daughter is full of awesome. Congrats on the new Find and I think that Pony Chandelier is over the top. You want the one that was at Kentucky Horse park last year for the big show. Saw a picture of it – awesome….

  675. This made my day. I especially loved the photo of Beartrum looking in the window. My own home’s windows now seem so dull, with no large animal heads peering in. Not even small animal heads, for that matter.

  676. If you want to think I’m a creepy stalker lady, be my guest, but I so totally love you for this post! The laugh that spewed coffee on my work keyboard was so totally worth the stress relief!!

    Keep on growling.

  677. Oh, good grief. I sounded like a god-damned fan-girl in that last comment. I’ll try to keep that crap under wraps next time!

  679. I just scared several people at work. First, with the loud giggle, then with the bearhead on my screen.

  680. I would have brought the Pony Chandelier also and put the bear head on it and hang it from the ceiling. (Great funny blog by the way).

  681. I laughed my ass off. Shared it. Went and read it again, and laughed my ass off again. Literally! (<— note, using new non-literal bullshit definition of literally). You bring me joy.

  682. OMG, I’ve fallen in love with you just a little bit more. Not in a scary way, in a very, very admire from a far, through my computer kind of way. But you are so funny you should be licensed and people should have to sign a waiver before talking to you or reading your blog. Seriously, people could break a rib laughing this hard.

    I heart you, on days like this when you’re all full of silly crazy, and especially on the days when you just can’t get out of bed. You rock, and I’m grateful to know even a small part of you.

  688. That bear is fucking awesome. If I even thought I could fit it anywhere in my bedroom, I would have one instantly.

  691. Thank you for being the one thing that temporarily made me laugh as I try to figure out how to keep my house and two dogs on half my currently salary on what has been probably the most helish (as well as the most damaging to any chance in hell I ever had of having a career) day I have ever had the misfortune of continuing to berate myself over. Only thing we can rely on is that little flickering light of hope right?

  692. You’ve had so many comments that you’re unlike to read this. But Bearum post was such fun. When the assistant said he was 75% off I feared he meant decomposed. Either your husband dines out on anecdotes about you or divorce is nigh. So glad I’ve found you. Your great gran needs her rollers back now. X

  696. I’m unbelievably disappointed that his name isn’t Beartrum Wilberforce Wooster! I mean, really.

    He obviously needs a Valet. Maybe Reginald Beaves?

  697. I am crying because I am laughing so much while reading this post. The picture of him in the guest room was too much!

  698. The real question here is: is there video of you dancing and singing in your yard wearing a bear head? And if so, is it on youtube yet???

  699. i love victor, even if most of the time he doesn’t understand you, at least he’s willing to argue bears in a store with an 8000$ pony lamp. that says a lot.

  703. It was worth the $75 just for this blog post! OMG I don’t follow anyone with blogs but I don’t know how I couldn’t follow this …BEST…POST….EVER!

  706. I had to stop reading this half way because I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. I’m back with an empty bladder..

  707. Lady, you are going to get me in trouble at work!! Now my staff is looking at me like I’m crazy; when i reality they should be looking at you because you ARE crazy (but in a good way)!!

  708. head in bushes = a Halloween MUST. and a motion activated spotlight and “rawr” sounds. kids walk up to front door, motion sensor #1 triggers “rawr” then 5 secs later spotlight triggers “tada!!!!!” beartrum. you can tell how successful the unveiling is by the shit skidmarks across your lawn. Halloween is made of the tears of terrified children.

  710. ALL HAIL THE BLOGGESS! You are truly the “Lucy Ricardo” of this world this time. And your shit is real!

    Not to mention the fact, that reading your blog, no one would need any of the millions of medications for depression, anxiety, etc.

    It had been too long since I had spent time on your blog, and I saw that a commenter referenced the infamous and infinitely funny “knock knock MF” post.

    Thank you for brightening my day. Which has been a very good day but this made it even funnier.

  713. I bet Beartrum used to be part of a mascot costume for a sports team or kids’ TV show. When I worked in local television we had a mascot (“KC the Fox”) and all the small thin members of the staff, i.e. not me, had to take turns wearing it at community events and scaring the crap out of small children. No one ever cleaned it and it stank. I figured this was a reasonable price for them being small and thin but they somehow didn’t see it my way.

  714. This is the most amazing post I have ever read! I don’t know you, but I kinda want to be your friend, just so I could hang out with you and the awesome Beartrum. Also, he could totally help you hand out Halloween candy this year, right?

  716. who needs a “like” button on facebook when your posts are so much more awesome. can we get a “like” button on here??

  722. I’m going to let my husband read this. I bet you any money he asks me if this is me writing under a pseudonym. I behave so exactly like this around people, it is frightening.
    Well, I’m not frightened. I’m happy there are others.

  725. Yeah, so totally crying at work I’m laughing so hard. I work at the circulation desk of the public library and I will say that more people check out your book because of my giggles.

  726. i just wanted to thank you for not sticking a cigarette or cigar in the bear’s mouth when you photgraphed him in bed, to make it appear someone just had some big furry sex beast sex with him, oh yeah. a lot of pranksters would have naturally been tempted to add that prop but you went all good mommy high road and did not send a bad message to all the kids out there. i salute your responsible silliness, a two edged plastic prop sword.

    oh, almost forgot.DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HAVE SEX WITH A REAL BEAR!! VERY DANGEROUS!!!!!

  727. Now I desperately want to stay in your guest room with burrito-wrapped Beartram Higglebottom. And oh dear God, please make that your profile picture. Nothing has ever been so awesome.

  729. I read this out loud show and tell style to my housemates and had to pause for breath cause we were laughing so hard. awesome purchase.

  730. OMG! I love love love you! You are hilarious! I was reading at work and busted out laughing,to the point of tears, needless to say it got a little attention. FUNNY!

  733. When I was a kid, our neighbor had a fake bear skin rug – complete with hollow head and giant, roaring mouth! (they also had plastic on their sofas and a wax dripping chandelier with nude cherubs in the center – I don’t judge)!

    I took the head, rang my parents doorbell, quickly hid under the head and when my mom answered the door I started roaring and growling.

    She screamed and I leaped out laughing hysterically! Ahhhh, memories – so precious – thanks for bringing back a great one!
    Kelly

  735. I Just peed a little….thank you for making me laugh so hard that I lost control of my post baby bladder!

  736. That bear’s beautifully straight teeth make me resent the braces I am currently wearing…at age 41. Yep, I have fake bear tooth envy. I wonder if there’s a support group for that?

  737. You should know that it could be worse for Hailey. My dad used to threaten on a regular basis to pick me up from school in the Oscar-Meyer-Wiener-mobile. He never actually did. But instead he would do things like sing off key and skip and do this funny arm-flap car-dance in the front seat to the music.

  738. you are awesome in every way!!!
    I came home from work today and went outside with my computer to write my clinical notes from patients I visited and stopped to read your blog first and all I can say is thank you for being alive in my world!!!!!!!
    I laughed so hard my next door neighbors-about an eighth of a mile down the road-came running because they thought I was having a seizure or something, (probably now confident in their original assumption that there is something really wrong with me- that isn’t physical).
    It was a sucky day and you turned it around and made it laugh out loud – thank you.

  744. Ok, first, congrats on the weight loss, which is very evident in the pics, and two, the cats are just helping Beartrum play hide and seek since he has no hands to cover his eyes with when he counts.

  745. 1. the photo of the bear snarling in the box is excellent.
    2. the cat yoga made me giggle for about 5 minutes.
    3. you and victor have the most fun relationship, i think.

  748. Just like B.N.O’R my wife sounds eerily similar to you. Dementia must be catching I guess. I read today that Fredrick Pohl died recently and I was bummed. Now I am smiling and can’t wait to share this with my better half. You rock!

  749. I was shopping the other day and saw some bizarre mannequins with pointy cones where their heads should be. And their arms were in very unnatural positions. I was so confused by them that I didn’t even notice their clothes. Your bad-ass post here gives me some good ideas. I’ll report back.

  750. All I can say is…. I love you. This is totally something I would have done and gotten about half of these reactions from my husband in a heartbeat. Thank you, now I don’t feel so alone. And you got a new follower for it.

  751. I really didn’t think you could top the metal chicken story but once again I was in tears. Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in awhile.

  753. Omg. I was laughing so hard, I almost cried. And my husband took one look at the screen and said “no”. So no bear head for me. You are so lucky! However, I still have dreams to get a life-size weeping angel for my yard. I want to move it around randomly and get it to look in windows when we have guests. (And, yes, I mean for it to be one of the scary ones…) thank you for brightening up my day.

  757. Every time I think “no, no, no this time she’s definitely just making this up” I scroll down and you have pictures as proof. Well played, Jenny, well played.

    Oh also, you’re hilarious and this blog makes my day on a somewhat regular basis. I know everyone says this but I’m guessing the “everyone loves you and you’re hilarious” message doesn’t ever really get old.

  760. Thank you so much. This gave me the first real laugh I’ve had in weeks. Depression has had me in a stranglehold and I so needed a laugh. You’re delightful. Thank you again and take care.

  762. I love that bear!! That is freakin’ awesome! And Ferris Mewler cracked me up and almost made me spew Diet Coke all over my keyboard.
    On a side note, wow–it’s a long way down to the bottom of this comment list. Do you ever have time to actually read all the comments? ;o)

  769. I so wish I could have been in that store… I’d be in hysterics right along with you if I’d overheard this! Love love love your sense of humor & this post. Thanks for bringing mirth & merriment. Made my day much brighter.

  771. I first wanted to tell you how dainty your foot looked next to the giant bear head in the box, but then I figured you’d rather hear about how skinny you look wearing the giant bear head–which is the truth.

  773. I think any more bear wouldn’t have improved on the perfection of the bear head. Also, Beartrum wouldn’t have fit through the door if he was an intact bear, and instead would be stuck looking longingly through the window from the winter cold. Beartrum Frigidbottom.

  776. Awww….he’s adorable! ^_^ WIsh I had one as well (especially since it’s not a real bear’s head!)!!

  779. *crying….seriously*

    I’m horrified to tell you that the term is “plushie” not “furry”. I’m almost positive that I’m right, and I’m even more positive that this makes me a complete fucking weirdo pervert.

  780. I just LOL’d out loud! And sent the link to my best friend so as soon as she gets to work in the AM she too will lol out loud AND get shusshed AND get a talking to for her computer content. Talk about everybody winning.

    Thank you for inviting me into your world. You’ve briefly made mine a much better place.

  781. I absolutely love the pictures and SO wished that there was audio that went with the Teddy Beat’s picnic! I agree with V that the hedges would be too much-you don’t want someone having a heart attack or shooting at it!

  782. Today was totally crap. There was a car fire on the highway at rush hour. Then my stylist cut three inches off my hair without my permission. So then i was wishing that it had been MY car on fire because then i would’ve missed my appointment at the salon AND I’d be getting a new car. THEN to top it off, I had to do Geometry with my son. Then I read about Beartrum and laughed my flipping head off! You made it all better.

  784. This is the BEST thing I have ever read….EVER! I laughed, I cried, I laughed again. BEST EVER! Now I can sleep!!!!!

  787. Thiss. This is why I started reading your blog so many years ago (don’t ask how many…I’m going to pretend it wouldn’t be flattering to either of us, but actually I just have a calendar-time disability. Again, don’t ask). Thanks for making me laugh so hard. Love ya’.

  789. You MUST put him in under the sheets at the bottom of the bed for your guests. Or your husband. Someone!

  791. OMG! I laughed my *ass* off reading that! You are wacky, and funny as hell! And my dogs would either be traumatized for life, or Beartram would be dead and torn to bits. I’m not sure which.

  792. I nearly wet my pants I was laughing so hard! The pictures complete the story. You can hang out with me; I too “understand the whimsical joy of silliness..”

  793. Funniest girl ever! I laughed so loud, and so much, that My husband almost kicked me out of bed while I was reading it! 😉

  795. This is the hardest I have laughed in a while. My husband keeps saying “what the hell is wrong with you?!” He gets to read it next. I am not going to warn him to empty his bladder first – then we’ll see who’s laughing!

  799. This is on par with the arrival if Beyonce post. The epic tale, the hilarity, the crazy photos, and my gut-busting and tear-inducing laughter. I must remember that tip about meds and shopping.

    And to subvert ASOIAF/Game of Thrones:
    A bear there was, a BEAR, A BEAR
    All fiberglass and covered in hair
    He fell for the Bloggess lady fair
    The bear, the bear! The bear and the Bloggess fair!

  801. Just discovered I laugh like this “Heee heeee heeee” when I’m trying to keep it down so I don’t terrify my neighbour after midnight. Literally have tears rolling down my cheeks.

    Love this so much.

  803. I spent the day crying because I’m ill and now I end the day crying from joy! Thank you!

  805. I’d sleep with Beartrum in the guestroom, I’d consider it an honor. You and Victor need to revisit that option, it would make people feel more at home and less alone. If they were bears…and lonely people. Which sums up a lot of the population.

  807. Hmph. I think Beartrum is fabulous. Also, this post made my (otherwise pretty crappy) morning. Apparently it doesn’t take much to make me happy either.

  808. My first time to read anything from you. Pointless to say that you’re funny; your myriads of fans have done that. Erma Bombeck would have loved you. (Perhaps she does.) My impression is that Victor is the perfect foundation for your “whimsical joy of silliness” and that you are the perfect complement to his groundedness. I hope you two always appreciate each other. God bless D.

  809. my husband never lets me have nice (read: taxidermied) things. although i think any taxidermied animals would probably give one of my cats the cat version of apoplectic shock.

    which might be funny enough to be worthwhile. hmm…

  810. Dear Ms. Blogger (I do not know your name),
    Please get hold of a copy of The Lion in the Cellar by Pamela Branch. From the entry above I feel sure you will enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed hearing about Beartrum 🙂

    Georgina
    if you have already read it then you’ll already understand!

  812. OMG the tears! The laughing! You made Talk Like a Pirate Day even better!!! God if we were all half as awesome as you I don’t think I could stand it! You should totally do Hamlet with the bears head on. I think I would pee myself! I can get on with my day now!

  813. This is probably thee funniest story i have ever read!! We must be related cause you are just as crazy as I am!!
    Thank you SO much for sharing this!

  814. Just introduced to your blog and oh my you were the bright spot of the morning and for that matter the week. Love you and Beartrum.
    Thank you for the many laughs
    Cappy

  815. Hee! That was so funny! I’m glad other people have as whacked a sense of humour as I do. You should totally stick it out your hedge at Hallowe’en and place one part of a walkie talkie hidden in the bush with it and talk to people as they walk by, like “Help me! I’m stuck in the hedge! I promise I won’t eat you, just maybe nibble on you a little bit,” and so on.

  816. I love your writing style. Your voice so comes through on this piece. May I sanitize this piece—I teach English in a public school–and use in the classroom? Bearly can wait for your response

  817. Oh dear God, this is the best way I’ve woken up in some time. Laughed outloud so much that I scared my dog. You effin rock! I feel like I just surfaced from a stand-up comedy act, only better. FUN-KNEE, you are! I’m gonna have to start following you (well, your blog, not like stalking). KEEP MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH!

  818. You apparently got an outstanding deal at $75. There is a head that looks just like your on EBay for $400 at auction right now. You are sooooo lucky.

  819. Yes! Stick it in the bushes! The people across the street from us used to have a massive T-Rex peeking over their 6-foot fence, looking out to the main road. Nothing made me happier than driving by that thing.

  821. I don’t think I’ve ever loved a complete stranger more than I do right now. Not in a creepy way, in a sisters seperated at birth way. OK. Nevermind. Totally in a creepy way. Thanks for the much needed laugh, the bear in the window helped me get through a very bad day.

  823. OMG. This is so much better than the coyote head I dress up (thanks to you) and use to inspire/torture my family!

  824. We need to be your friend in New Orleans. A love of bad taxidermy is a bonding thing indeed. Now to get your book.

  825. You know how oatmeal.com has posters of the most fabulous blog entries? This, this need to be a poster. Or. maybe a postcard set, the picture of Beartrum tucked in and Beartrum wearing a dress are priceless.

  827. I am very envious of your bargain hunting. And your new profile pic. My dad told me a couple weeks ago that mine looked kind of weird. It was just my face.

  828. Another fantastic post that makes me wish I was your deadbeat sister who had to live with you because i would be homeless otherwise. You are kind enought to take me in until I get back in my feet, but why would I want to leave when you fill my life with this kind of joy!?!?

  829. I came to your blog this morning tell you that you are one of my heroes (no pressure). And I found this post.

    This. Is. Fucking. Amazing.

    I didn’t have time to go through all of the comments to determine whether or not someone has already mentioned Beartrum has human teeth with either bear or vampire fangs. My apologies if that is redundant.

  831. I feel the need as a person married to a Catholic to warn Ferris that every time he does that, God kills an angel kitty.

  832. Love your blog. Loved your book. Have never commented until today.

    When I saw the photo of you wearing the bear head, I was reminded of the last time I saw my mom alive. She’d lost all of her hair from chemo when they were treating her for leukemia and as I drove away that day, she was standing on the front steps of her house wearing a hat I’d bought her. It had huge elephant ears and a trunk on it. When she saw me look in my rearview mirror, she started bobbing her head up and down to make the ears flap and then she screamed out (For the entire neighborhood to enjoy!)
    “I can fly! I can fly!
    I just can’t fucking land!!!”

    I wish she were still here so I could call her and read your blog to her. Thanks for the memories and keep up the good work.

  835. I came across your blog today…I laughed so hard I couldn’t stop crying!!! I needed this on a day I am home with 2 sick kids!! Thank you!!

  837. A name as distinguished as Beartrum Higglebottom is just SCREAMING for a middle initial! Beartrum Q. Higglebottom perhaps? Or Beartrum V. Higglebottom (for Victor, of course)? Much more distinguished for a bear of his character.

    And bears in the window? I am truly an amateur in the presence of greatness. I just do stuff “for science” to my husband, like hovering my hand over his face to see how close I can get before he senses it. It’s SCIENCE, honey! You’re impeding scientific progress when you tell me to cut it out. If we die out as a species, it’s all. your. fault.

  842. A mildly offensive picture of men wearing Beartrum-esque heads accompanied by a dubstep remix of a delightfully timeless disco anthem. It’s like it was made for you.

  844. Oh holy hell. I lost it- first at the grinning in-bed bear then at the creeper bear at the window.

  845. This was totally, farkin’ awesomeness in a blog! I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe! Thank you, thank you!

  846. I would definitely carry Mr. Beartrum in the car with me…that way I could always use the car pool lane…yep, that’s what I would do…safely strapped in the child seat of course. Can’t let Mr. Beartrum travel dangerously. Nope, that would not be good. I’m also thinking of getting him a hoodie for cold days…do bears need to cover up when it’s cold?

  850. I will stand in line to support any form of animal rescue, up to (and possibly including) the rescue of headless bears.

  853. In the picture of Beartrum sleeping he looks like he’s very skinny for a bear, and when he’s peeking in the window it looks like he’s a peeping Beartrum. Or is he looking for food because he’s clearly malnourished in the other picture? I’m not sure I’d want an anorexic and or peeping Tom bear sleeping in my guest room.

  854. Sun Salutation? Hiding? Pshaw. Ferris was obviously trying to figure out if he had a higglebottom.

  857. That was just too funny. Victor’s fun is broken. Suggestion – put Victor in the spare bedroom, keep Beartrum in your bed. Problem solved. Awesome.

  860. WHY ARE THERE NO PICTURES OF THE PONY CHANDELIER AFTER ALL THIS?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

  861. I only got through comment 2hundredseventysomething so if this has been said sorry. But Beartrum would make the most awesomest door knocker ever. You’d have to waterproof him the way you do suede boots to protect him from the weather first but picturing him firmly attached to the front door has made my day.

  862. Simply wonderful!

    Beartrum V. Higglebottom should be moved around the house to all the suggested places, and more, to see which could possibly get more votes than the Guest Room, with or without catsup and a hat.

    Especially brilliant was the phrase, “because they still understand the whimsical joy of silliness, and they’re too young to call the authorities on you” as it is SOOO true!

  864. I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. My screen seems a little disgruntled that it was on the receiving side of some coffee that exited my nose – but otherwise, we’re all good. Thanks for the chuckles!

  866. This was a fun time….chuckled all the way through…..like wee, wee, wee, weee all the way home. Many thanks creative friend…

  868. 858 comments on the funniest thing since “pick your battles” — that’s a lot of mileage for $75.

  869. I think you could rent B.H. out for silliness all across the country. Just think of the fun we all could have, the places he could go, the things he could see, the happiness it could create. FauxBearHead = $75, Smiles and Happiness….PRICELESS!

  870. I never knew you could snort so hard you would force ice tea out of your tear ducts…..lol This is soooo funny – loved it so much that my down day became an up one totally.

  876. Just seeing your blog for the first time on a day when I was feeling incredibly sick and icky. If laughter is the best medicine I think I just over dosed on the meds!

  878. beartrum needs to travel and send back photos from his journeys. Meanwhile I will dream of destinations he can visit:)

  881. Thank you for a much needed laugh! You will be pleased to know that the folks at the public library are moving away from me, ever so slowly, even my husband … 🙂

  885. Not sure if you realize it, the link to your post today was probably shared on nearly everyone’s Facebook wall. We were in tears reading it, absolute comedy gold. You have won today’s Internets. Congrats!

  886. Isn’t this similar to how you acquired Copernicus, and whatever happened to him?!

    (He still lives with me. He went on tour with me even. Copernicus is ever-present. Much like syphilis. ~ Jenny)

  890. I had a hard time reading near the end, I was laughing so hard. I need to use your bear this weekend. Think you could have him in San Diego by tomorrow? I would love to have a bear in my spare room when my guest arrive tomorrow. That would be the funniest thing! I love love love the bear peaking through the window. BTW i love your post!

  891. This shit is the reason I read your blog! I tried to read this post to the hubster but couldn’t because I was laughing too hard. We need a Beartrum Christmas card.

  892. Ooooo! Do I ever need one of those for my classroom wall! I know where I would put it too, right next to the jar labeled “Ashes of Problem Students”. Thanks for sharing.

  893. THAT was AWESOME! LOL! I laughed and laughed…..So worth it! Thank you for making my crappy day end with a smile!

  895. Oh, Jenny! I have read this post every day just to see Beartrum looking in the window…each time I see it, I snort/giggle (or sniggle, in my neck of the woods) I love the awesome 😀

  897. I giggled so hard. Love the juxtaposition on bear head on human body. If you could find two more bear heads… Think of the family picture Christmas card possibilities.

  902. Pretty effing funny! It is nice to know that I am not the only one that thinks weird shit is not really weird. But necessary?!? I have a fiberglass Santa statue turned creepy Halloween costume that I have no place to store, he lives year round in the back yard on a deck chair. Santa loves the company in the summer.
    I am on to your book from this blogg. Thanks.

  903. A friend linked me to this post. Absolutely hysterically funny. I so appreciate the awesomeness that is Beartrum.

  906. I reckon, even though this is the first time I’ve met you, that may be the best $75 you’ve ever spent… and I am now in a beary good and silly mood ready to go out for drinks with the ‘reception’ mums from school. LOVED IT!

  908. The teeth!
    How did you think it was a real bear with those brilliant teeth, must have had an awesome dentist.

  910. SO DAMN FUNNY I CAN’T STAND IT. This is going into my ‘Linda’s Stuff for the Nursing Home’ so that someone can read/show this to me when I’m old, alone, possibly blind or forgetful and living in the nursing home. This piece will forever make me laugh.

  911. Whoops, sorry, a copy of this piece is “going into my ‘Linda’s Stuff for the Nursing Home’ BOX so that someone can [cut to message above]”. Typing too fast for my brain…possibly will need nursing home sooner than originally anticipated probably.

  912. This post was pure awesome and a great way to start the day 🙂

    And thumbs up at the Super Troopers movie reference!

  913. I…I just…is there ANY other response appropriate to this other than I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU’RE AWESOME? Because if there is, I don’t know it. I think Hailey is a super cool child, by the way, to be able to recognise your beary goodness.

    Also, you’ve reminded me of the Bearenstain Bears. Good work.

  914. Are you also the woman with the 6 foot tall metal chicken? If not, you should meet her. 😉

    (That woman is totally overrated, and is also me. ~ Jenny)

  915. You are fantastic, I love the way your mind works. I’m reading this at my desk and am lauging so hard, I’ve started crying. Thanks for making my Friday!

  917. THE SECRET TO A SUCCESSFUL BLOG POST:
    (Meaning, one that gets over 800 comments.)

    One ginormous stuffed bear head.
    Two crazy lovebirds.
    Two nutty cats.
    One completely loopy – and awesome – blogger.

    Well, done, Jenny.
    Well done.

  920. Wow, this was hilarious. The only reason I didn’t laugh out loud is that I am in my office but it was hard to restrain myself. Thanks for making my Friday morning a lot better.

  922. Wow! I love this. My cousin put the link on Facebook, and then I saw your book — I have already read it a year ago or so! (it’s on my kindle — will read it again). I remember I couldn’t put it down. Keep doing what you do.

  924. What? No photo of the pony chandelier?
    I’m bummed.

    The bear is fantastic. Well done, you. 😉

  927. You in the park wearing the head reminds of the woman on My Strange Addiction, who wears furry costumes.
    I think they call themselves furry people. Maybe you be a guest at one of their events.
    Will the bear head fit on the chicken?

  928. I was feeling depressed all week and had to take an anti-anxiety pill this morning. Now that I’ve read this blog post, I literally cannot stop laughing and smiling. Being silly is awesome. Thank you for bringing light to my day. You rock!

  929. My late father’s name was Bertram so I am all for Beartrum Higglebottom and his awesomeness 😀 Thank for cheering up my day.

  931. omg this is awesome!! Tried to hold in my laughter since I’m at work, but that led to crying and now I’m a big happy mess, and hopefully no one comes by my office anytime soon. Thank you:)

  934. You could wear the bear head while sitting in the dentist’s waiting room. Or waiting for a bus. Or stepping into a wedding shot, far in the background. Oh, the possibilities. And it takes a creative mind like yours to see the possibilities the moment you laid eyes on the bear head. Your humor keeps us all sane my dear.

  935. You have more fun in one day than many people have in a lifetime. Thanks to the internet gods for letting me enjoy your antics.

  936. You just won the internet!! The RadDad and I agree that we wish we knew you in person. This was the best thing that I have read ever! I love the window peeking shot…I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard. Thank you for making my day.

  937. I think that I need your husband. Or perhaps a clone of him. All mine does is glare at me in public and then yell at me at home about disagreeing with him or not “trusting” him when I have a difference of opinion. Yes, definitely a clone. I don’t want to be acused of taking someone else’s husband.

  940. I have stuffed moose over the mantel in New Hampshire. It’s not nearly life size and only about 10% as intimidating as your bear. Excellent post, full of awesomeness. Especially liked Victor’s take on things. I feel his pain.

  943. I am laughing soooo hard at this post that I am crying! Funniest thing I have read in ages. I envy your neighbors! I bet they have the best time watching y’all. LOVE this!!!
    And kudos to your husband for being such a good sport with all the taxidermied and metal animals you get!

  944. I love you and you are my spirit animal. thank you for letting me know me is you and that is ok <3

  945. Your Victor sounds like my David. For all womankind who have husbands like Victor and David, may I suggest sharing the wealth? The Sisterhood of the Traveling Beartrum Higglebottom! We can all “Share The Bear”. It will be like The Stanley Cup — Beartrum will travel the globe, visiting the greatest places on earth. Can you imagine B.H. with me here in Niagara Falls!? Cool! Just think about it, that’s all I’m asking. Have a great day. Love your blog!! 🙂

  948. ROFLMAO!!! Omigosh I’m glad you and my SM (SoulMate) will never meet as I’d be a permanent shade of blush, while laughing my head off and having trouble breathing, and Victor would finally disown you because you’d discovered someone as crazy as you are and not afraid to show it in public. Do me a favour and never come to Australia as I don’t think I could handle having a female version of SM nearby too….he can be “interesting” enough by himself!!

  949. Thank you for this. After two days of being in anxiety hell reading this brought some color back.
    I cant thank you enough.

  950. This post was just hilarious – I began with a smile – worked through to giggles and ending laughing out loud. Thanks a bunch – Beartram has certainly made a name for himself because of your rescue … Long live (and smile) Beartram the Bear … 🙂

  951. I really love your article & pics, very funny!
    I am very serious about having your Bear Head at the “Teddy Bear House Museum” that will open next fall in Picayunne, Mississippi , the area close to where Teddy Roosevelt made the Teddy Bear craze start over 112 years ago. We will have a Museum with over 12,000 Bear Items to view, Teddy Bear Store, Kids Teddy Bear Tea Room, a Mini Teddy Roosevelt Theater, & your Bear Head would be a hit there!!!
    Bear Hugs, Rick

  952. Now there’s going to be an onslaught of late-night television shows, and commercials that all use the term “Big Bear Head” as their funky little slogan. Are ya happy now?

  953. OMG… Can we be besties????? It has been too long since I’ve laughed this hard- my belly hurts and I’m crying. AMAZING!!!!

  954. Where the hell do you go shopping?! I totally want to go there! I love Beartrum (even though he’s about a quarter creepy) and I love you for just being made of pure awesome. Can we please be best friends for a day the next time I’m in Texas?

  955. I have a giant panda head that lives beside my pool. My mom has a ‘real’ bear head in her living room. I like to think only people with really excellent, and kitschy, taste can appreciate giant bear heads. I think he is a total score. Your husband and I my husband should get together and go bowling and talk about their crazy ass wives and their love of giant bear heads. Had mine for years now and I am still getting grief.

  956. Love the pics of Beartrum. My favorite has to be of the cats sticking their faces in his eyes. As for Ferris going into a genital stare, I think he is showing off…you know, the “hey, I can lick my own parts” kind of show off.

    Enjoy your writing! Thanks for keeping it real!

  957. Ah, a giant bear head.

    Now that, is a once in a lifetime purchase!

    Hard to pick a favorite, but I think Beartram in the bed was so funny, I almost peed my pants.

    Which is highly likely considering I’ve had two kids.

  959. That is a most awesome use of an over stuffed teddy bear head. I wish you had taken a picture of the sparkly pony though, I bet it was fan-tab-u-lous!

    On a side note, my boyfriend has a real bear pelt, and the head of his bear isn’t half as big as that one. Maybe it’s a good thing yours isn’t exactly real.

  962. Thousands of people across the world are snorting coffee out their noses due to reading this. You are awesome.

  964. “I’d like to point out that this bear is already 75% off.” AMAZING. A friend recently sent me a link to your blog, and it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen on the internet in years. You have earned yourself two new devoted readers! I can’t wait to see what Beartrum is up to in future posts!

  965. That bear head looks great on you! So slimming! We should totally make it a fashion thing this fall.

  966. This is complete awesomeness! Made me laugh and then oddly want one so I can freak out my neighbors.

  967. The teeth are distinctive. Perhaps Beartrum had orthodontia work…then, you could trace his past via dental records.
    What I really want to know is where will he be on October 31 and what will he be wearing?

  968. This… this is my introduction to your blog..

    and it’s fantastic!! omg, was laughing the whole way through.
    Loved the pic of the bear looking in the window!

  971. This entire blog post is why I freaking LOVE you. People nowadays don’t get the awesomeness that is being extra silly. Thanks for being so rad, Jenny!

  973. Oh gosh, I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard all month! Thank you so much for making my day/week/month. I wish my mum understood this kind of humour too, she is very much like Victor whenever I do something a little batshit insane… Much love from New Zealand you lovely, inspiring, funnily sexy lady!

  974. Just discovered your delightful blog. What a Fun post! Love your sense of humor!
    While we’re focused upon bears, perhaps you and your daughter would enjoy our whimsical teddy bear photo-story series featuring Ryan and his sweet sister, Pinkie? Much like you, they do get into interesting situations. http://www.ryanlifeofryan.com/ Enjoy!

  976. I just told my husband that I think you and I are soulmates. We should both leave our significant others and open up a shop together to share our love of oddities with the world. I’m sure the boys will get over it, and maybe they’ll come to love each other as I’m sure we will… If only sexuality really worked like that…

  977. I have a very good friend in Georgia who has a wood carved life sized bear in her backyard. Pretty sure I took pictures of it. It’s pretty damn unique.

  980. Thanks for your personal marvelous posting! I actually enjoyed reading it, you could be a great
    author. I will remember to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back someday.
    I want to encourage yourself to continue your great writing,
    have a nice holiday weekend!

  981. WHAT. A. RIOT!!!!!!!

    Thank you for the actual laughing out loud this morning!!!! I’m absolutely going to come back to your site~~ everyone needs a funny friend that can make them howl with laughter!

  982. Love the bear at the window! What a bear bargain for a barrel-full of laughs! hahaha It’s almost 2AM where I’m at and I am glad torrential rains are pouring so the neighborhood won’t be scandalized by my shrieking laughter! wahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahaha haha ha!

  983. I read this to my own eight-year-old (so I could edit out the curse words because I like to maintain for myself the fiction that she hasn’t heard me drop enough f-bombs that she could use the word in a sentence just fine) and now she wants a sparkling pony chandelier and a bear head.

  985. I recognize that Ferris Mewler reaction very well. My kids do the same thing when I stop acting so much like a stepford wife and a bit more like myself. “GOSH MOM!!!! You’re embarrassing me!!!!” Not that he should be embarrassed, he should be freaking amazed at what a lucky cat he is that he gets to have you as a mom!

  987. While I am just your average fan, I wanted to tell you that I look to your website on my worst and hardest days. You never fail to lift my spirits and remind me that I’m not alone. Thanks for being you!

  988. I LOVE the one in bed and the one outside the window. You know what you should do? Get 2 more and do a Goldilocks and the Three Bears theme. They could eat porridge and sit in rocking chairs.

  990. thank you thank you thank you!

    i sooooo needed this today. You are so beautiful and you made me laugh

  992. You still have the right to bear-arms.

    Which was my favorite comment on here ever, so it’s nice to regurg it where appropriate.

  993. I have been thinking about this post. I really feel that Victor has made a terrible mistake in not allowing you to educate him about furries.. I mean what if someone later on invites your daughter to a furry party.. I mean wouldn’t he want to know instead of assuming that it is some harmless build a very expensive not taxidermied stuffed bear at the mall party? Victor take heed man….Jenny is doing you a favor here.

  994. If you told me that I had to defecate on a live squirrel to have the honour of reading this post, I would send you an Instagram of me sitting on a sturdy branch, plus fours around my ankles, with a little grey rodent, cable-tied behind me holding his breath and praying to the little squirrel Gods that his end would be swift… I would marry this post if such things weren’t frowned upon.

  996. Hahah oh my god you are the best. Beartrum is amazing and I am so jealous.

    Also you suck for making me snort hot tea out my nose this morning-it hurt! 🙂

  997. Had a rough morning today so I read this post one more time! I fucking love it! Made me giggle once again.

    Jenny, don’t ever change and thank God you found a man that appreciates you and secretly encourages your awesomeness.

  998. I’m going to follow you forever! It was all-in-one laugh/cry/kegel/ab workout up in my office.

  1001. Made my day.
    Laughed till I cried (my co workers really want to peek into my computer now)

    <3 u!

  1002. Shit! We just have boring old deer heads placed around the house. They are going to look so damn boring to me after this. Of course, who am I kidding? Tho it’s my first time commenting, I’ve been following you for a long while and I know about all your other badass critters.

  1003. You mean the human teeth in the bear’s mouth was not a tipoff that it was not a real bear? Your taxidermist father is ashamed.

  1005. I can’t believe I didn’t pee my pants while I was reading this. I laughed so hard, I started crying. Not that “look, I’m laughing so hard, my eyes are tearing” kind of laugh-crying. Like full-on weeping. I’m not sure why, but I think I was so overcome with THE FEELZ of hilarity and your pure exhilaration at adopting Beartrum, that my emotions were like “Fuck this, Aim. You’re going to sob uncontrollably at Jenny’s post.” Thanks for the laugh AND the cry, Jenny. I needed them both.

  1007. Hilarious! I feel like LOL is over used but I actually laughed out loud and scared my husband and cats when I saw the bear in the window! Priceless for only $75! Nicely done!

  1008. Super Troopers!!!!!! I want to throw another quote in here, but once I start quoting I can’t stop and it leads to people de-friending me.

  1009. So funny! I love the Beartrum! Just don’t let the cats use him as a scratching post, or he’ll look like he and Yogi got into it.

  1010. And BTW, I had to refrain from reading your book on the commuter train to ensure I made it to work with make-up intact and no black mascara streaks running down my cheeks and onto my clothes. My husband’s fears about my sanity are justified when I randomly burst out laughing in bed, just as he’s about to fall asleep, because I’m thinking about dead animals or your dad’s “stew.”

  1011. You’re funny. Beartrum is funny, too. But Victor… Victor freakin’ steals the show. You two would be nothing without Victor. Just sayin’

  1012. Thankyou – I laughed so hard I cried the entire way through this. Now my tummy hurts, but you have saved me from some crunches.

  1013. I fucking love you… when you do shit like this… it justifies my existence. I just bought a painting of the Son of Man with an ostrich photobombing it. Hubs just shakes his head… and puts up spotlights.

  1014. This reminds me so much of my husband who “accidentally” bought a bear costume on ebay. His isn’t nearly so scary looking, but it’s been featured on the blog quite a few times, too!

  1015. =D that’s awsome. I’d love things like that in the house but my cat has issues and I’m pretty sure my 2 & 4 year would find a way to break it.

  1016. OH HOLY SHIT! I want a bear head! And just so you know, my vote would have been for the guest room…he looked so cozy 🙂

  1019. I was led to this by following a link in my FB News Feed and I can’t wipe this ridiculous grin off my face!
    First, I read through the comments (1016!) and am surprised that no one seems to have shared my disappointment that you did not include a photo of Victor being greeted by Beartrum in the shower one morning (although perhaps that would involve a bit too much bare for inclusion here).
    Secondly, I think I’m going to try to print this out and keep it in the glove compartment so that whenever my Darling makes comments about some treasure I find at the local Thrift Shop I can pull it out and ask if he’d like me to try to negotiate a trade with you for Beartrum.
    Thank you so much for giving me more laughter than I’ve had in a long time. Now I need to learn about this famous chicken Beyonce before going back to FB and sharing this link with everyone I know. (Especially my children, one of which had drafted out chapter outlines for a book entitled “And You Thought Your Mom Was Weird”…Chpt 1- Roadkill ) Thank you, Jenny, for making it possible for all of us to receive the enjoyment and thrill of a giant bear head even if we’re not fortunate enough to own one ourselves.

  1021. I was introduced to your bear head story this morning. Loved it!! I now know what to do with the bear head and body/rug my husband had. He died on April 27th. I’m cleaning out a freezer full of animal body parts. I have a full deer head and shoulders with antlers you are welcome to buy cheap and about 15 beaver tails.

  1022. “then I think probably Victor realized that he just can’t take me out in public in general.”

    He’s just now figuring that out?

  1024. Can I just say that I want to be your best friend? Sometimes I feel that everyone judges me and it gets too hard to be awesome so I take a break. And people forget how much fun I am and then I start back up again. It’s a never ending cycle that gets to be emotionally draining. Anyways, you give me faith and hope and whatever dreams are made of to stay true to myself. Also maybe you should write a book. I really enjoy your style of writing. Maybe a children’s book. Or maybe a book for people who see the whimsy in life. I don’t know, but I like you.

  1027. I wish we were friends. You make me laugh until I cry and that is a good thing. Victor and Hailie are blessed.

  1030. Hello,

    My roommate Gaby and I would like to invite you, Victor, and Beartrum Higglebottom to have dinner at our place in Toronto. We are deadly serious, sir.

    P.S.1 Ferris and the one who’s not Ferris are also invited.
    P.S.2 We are not furries.

  1031. OMG thank you for the laugh out loud I just had at work!! Love this post and I love that you were outside when your daughter got home and the best one was the bear peeking in the window! SO great!

  1033. Haven’t laughed this much since Beyonce. Why do these posts always happen when I’m under totally ridiculous stress and so it makes me cry and laugh at the same time? Hmmm maybe because I’m always under high stress? In any case — thanks!

  1034. Kind of reminds me of the big metal chicken. I wish I could remember his name… I am a new fan.. Thanks for the laugh it was well needed today.

  1037. You really need to build Beartrum a body. That would be a fun project. He might not be as much fun that way, but you shouldn’t just think about yourself, that’s selfish, you should think about Beartrum and what he would want. It’s not dignified to be a bear without a bear body.

  1038. Dear God, I’ve found my sister. We MUST be related. I do this kind of shit all the time. Just last night, I ordered “salsa verga” instead of “salsa verde” at the Mexican restaurant. On purpose. If you don’t speak Spanish, you really need to look it up. 😉

  1040. Hi! Okkkkkay, I’m embarrassed to admit I hadn’t read your blog before. There, okay? That ends after reading this. Hysterical AND “The Shining”esque creepy all at the same time. Cool.

  1041. Thank you. I’m checking onto your blog for the first time in nearly two weeks because I’ve been entirely too busy; it turns out I needed that.

    Beartrum himself is awesome, and “Beartrum Higglebottom” is a name too good to not be used in a set of children’s books I’m sure you will be writing in the future. Said books will be filled with warmth and humor. And also subversive.

  1042. That was hilarious. I loved the shots of Beartrum around the house looking for the right spot. That just got funnier and funnier.

  1043. Thank you for the best loudest laugh I’ve had in better than a year. I so needed it. AMAZING!!

  1044. Ferris Mewler was absolutely the first thing I saw in that first picture!
    I’m so glad you elaborated on that!

  1046. I, too, would have screamed. From sheer JOY. HE DOES LOOK SO DAMN HAPPY. I am so thrilled he is now part of your menagerie. Higglebottom makes me think he was somewhat dignified in persona – but had a great love of shakin’ it at office parties. He was probably like a really fun Grandpa, with peppermints in his pockets for the little ones. Or entrails. Whatever bears it. Human-grams. Apple flavored. I don’t know. God, I want one.

  1047. Thank You! I laughed so hard and I can imagine the looks you must have gotten. My favorites was of peeking in the window oh yes and sleeping with that great big smile. You are truly his new best friend and it doesn’t get any better than that.
    Have a great day and enjoy!

  1049. I just came back to read this for, like, the fourth time…I love this so very much I can’t stand it. So FUCKING much!

  1050. Holy effin shit. This. Is. Fantastic. I seriously laughed out loud…meniacally, when I saw the picture of him looking through the window. Perfect. Shit like this makes me sad that I don’t know you in real life.

  1051. Born to Be Silly! That’s you. I have no silliness in my life (I live in Cleveland, sigh). Haven’t laughed in weeks. (again, I live in Cleveland) Now I keep reading this blog post over and over, It’s funnier each time I read it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  1052. Oh. My. God. You always tell it like it is, and you make it seem like those of us with no filter (from our brains to our mouths) are absolutely normal. I love you, and hope you never stop. You are awesome-sauce with a side of fabulous!

    This and the Beyonce story made me laugh so hard I cried. I NEVER do that. It’s therapeutic.

    I love you.

    Carry on.

  1053. I seriously just laughed so hard I started to cry. I am at work. And then it turned into a real cry. Which is not cool at work. This reminded me that I need this kind of laughing in my life SO BAD. I live in a town that was referred to as a ‘modern-day Mayberry’ by the national media. They came to town when a guy named Cookie shot up the town hall and killed like seven people. You would think with irony like that people would have a sense of humor, but if you don’t drive a huge SUV, take yoga classes during the day at Lulumon, have a Labrodoodle, two kids dressed in Abercrombie & Fitch and a perfect marriage and lawn you’re a freak. (I’m divorced, work full-time, with one kid, a rescued pit bull, 3 chickens, and weeds instead of grass.) I read your book and felt such a kinship with you (I’m not a stalker) because I have all kinds of crazy, funny in me and nowhere to release it. You made me feel better about all the “FUCK” I say, and the taxiderm-ed alligator dressed in a poncho that I bought at a garage sale, and the deer head that is decomposing nicely in the back yard. I thank you. I wish we were neighbors but I am sure you would get sick of hearing me yell through the door “Knock Knock Motherfucker!” every time I came over.

  1054. I’m an addictions counsellor at a small non-for profit organization and from the comments regarding cocaine and saving your life, you couldn’t have been more right. I’ve had a terrible couple of days what with working through client stresses and the general blahness that has been my life lately. Only to have just recently received a ticket for not wearing my seat belt, at a wopping $240 and two demerit points, wherein I bailed like a 2 year old having a serious meltdown in my car. Called my boss who thank god was understanding of where I was coming from and told me to go home and sit in the sun to feel better. Instead, I felt it was justified to wallow in my misery, eat a big mac and feel a general disgustingness about myself that couldn’t be erased with probably any amount of cocaine in the world. Went for a walk to get the mail (it really is a beautiful fall day out) only to be found bent over puking on the side of the road while a school bus watched and kids screamed “gross” out the window. I’m not sure if it was the Big mac or the stress but I’m an intelligent women when it comes to stress and knowing when I need a pick me up…..thus is where you came in. I literally googled blogs and yours was the first one I found. I laughed until I cried about this post and I want to thank you for it. It was exactly what I needed.

  1055. Beyonce may have competition as my favorite of your interesting decorating choices.

    I actually think Ferris Mewler is bowing down in worship as he recognized the new god of the house.

  1056. Ok so I am sitting here at work with a pile of things(s***) I should be doing but instead I am on your website craking up and in tears from laughing so hard. My day started off as normal with telling myself I really need to get out of bed and get to work on time, yeah that didn’t happen. Well I finally made it to work, only 15 or so minutes late and I look around and notice that every one is wearing sports team shirts, guess I missed that memo. I feel like a red headed step child with freakles( no one ever tells me stuff). So as you can see my day did not start off that great so I decided to visit your website, which I did not know about until my boss was talking about your book yesterday and I am so glad he told me about it and this is why I am posting now, You have made my day and I am now sitting here with a big cheesy Cheshirer cat smile. So thank you for your whimsical joy of silliness, it is greatly appreciated.

  1058. I freaking love your posts and I just showed this to my boyfriend and he told me that if I can find a bear head for $75 I can totally buy one too! I just did a happy dance in our living room. Thanks for making me smile with your silliness and making my life better!

  1060. Dying. Absolutely dying laughing here. You are hilarious. You are awesome. You are just what I needed to pick my day up. L-O-V-E it! Please move by me so we can hang out! Still dying!!

  1062. Oh my god. You’re so hilarious, hehe. I think my spleen went out whilst reading this blog, lol. That’s completely my girlfriend and I, except we swap the joke roles sometimes. Spec-tubular, fantabulous and totally made my day! We should all hang out and have a Super-Duper-Crazy-Goofy-Party-Hangout, lol.

    Thanks for that:D

  1064. This is probably one of the funniest things I have ever read. I think I may have peed a little. Thank-you for totally making my night!

  1066. Actually crying I am laughing so hard at this. …at my desk at work. Thank you.

  1067. I shared this post on my Facebook last month and my sister wanted to know if we were related to you after reading it. I think that could be possible, and if not, we could say we were, just so we could all hang out at family functions. Or at a bar. I don’t care really. You are hysterical!!

  1068. My boyfriend got me your book for my birthday this year and I have worshipped it ever since. I am a complete weirdo who thinks so similarly to you it’s insane and at my age of 21 being weird is not a desired attribute. But with your blog and book I felt like I found my tribe/idol and there was hope I would find fellow weirdos out there like you and I. I just wanna say you make me laugh daily as well as make me feel less like a crazy person but more in the sense that being crazy and loving random taxidermy items like squirrels in outfits and smiling bear heads is what makes a person awesome. So thank you for reassuring me that my oddness/craziness is actually just awesomeness in disguise and is only recognizable by my fellow odds and crazies and not worth hiding or being ashamed of.

  1069. That was awesome! I posted on Facebook today about how I bought a REAL BEAR rug at a tag sale, with photos, and my friend posted the link to this blog post. I laughed! This is great! You should see MY bear!

  1070. bear head or not, your commentary is priceless, i love your sense of humor, victor should be proud!

  1071. I just laughed through the whole article (and Googled “crystal horse chandelier for sale”) and I really, really needed a good laugh. Thanks for the good times;)

  1074. I’ve seen that pony! In a magazine. I lusted greatly for it but decided not to order it because it was too big for my bedroom. Only one would fit. The pony or the four-poster bed. It was a hard decision. BTW, Beartrum and his story are amazing. I laughed so hard I wee’d myself.

  1075. At first, I thought this was hysterical, so I linked back to it in my blog, which isn’t, so people would have something worthwhile to read. Here it is a year later, and it’s still funny, so this has gone past being an old blog to being a classic. I want to be you when I grow up.

  1076. I did a Google search to find this post again (it’s my go-to make-me-lol thing to read) and Google wanted to know if instead of “Beartrum Higglebottom” didn’t I mean “Bertram Higgenbottom” , which is apparently somebody. He has a FB profile at least. Just thought that was one of those random things you would want to know about.

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  1084. I fucking love you Jenny! You make me laugh until I cant breathe or I have to pee whichever comes first. My husband looks on with a look that says “Oh Shit! What did Jenny do now?” You rock Sister! Thanks for making my day.

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  1100. I did a Google search to find this post again (it’s my go-to make-me-lol thing to read) and Google wanted to know if instead of “Beartrum Higglebottom” didn’t I mean “Bertram Higgenbottom” , which is apparently somebody. He has a FB profile at least. Just thought that was one of those random things you would want to know about. https://logshop.pro/

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ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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