I bet that truck is sticky

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

Conversation I had with my husband after seeing this semi:

me: Wow.  Why would you even need a truck to sell three-ways?

Victor:  Maybe they’re so popular they’re selling them in bulk.

me:  I don’t understand the business practice.  Do they bring the three-way to you?  Are there three-ways happening in the back of the truck?  What does it all mean?

Victor:  So many questions…so few answers that don’t make me want to spray that truck down with disinfectant.

PS. In that truck’s defense, it’s apparently just a trucking company with a really unfortunate name.  In my defense, when you google “three way” this is the very first thing that comes up:

************

And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means its time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up brought to you by the creator of Spank Me, Mr. Darcy, a tongue-in-cheek (among other places) version of Pride & Prejudice injected with erotica.  From LifeStyle Mirror:  “Fans of classics and historical romances will appreciate this Jane Austen-meets-kink mashup, using Pride and Prejudice as the jumping-off point. Do you like bodice-ripping? Oh, there’s bodice-ripping, all right, and then some.”  You can check it out here.

96 thoughts on “I bet that truck is sticky”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. hello.
    i am up too late and should be in bed rather than reading this.
    i am tired and will blame you for this tomorrow at work.
    you’re welcome.

  2. Hmm… See, I’ve always totally thought that Darcy was the sub and Lizzie the Domme. And, yes, this is something I’ve pondered many a time over the years. It’s a game called “What’s their kink?”

  3. I stared at the photo for ages coming up with a reasonable reason why their truck brand would be called three way. I came up with nothing.

  5. That video about threesomes has to be the funniest thing I have seen all day!

    Also Spank Me Mr Darcy has to be the hottest name for a book. I mean I always looked up to Mr Darcy as the ideal man of romance after Rhett Butler, and now I’m like…oh yeah…why didn’t I think of that!

    Sweet dreams to me 😉

  7. I have seen those trucks, and I came to the conclusion that the only real moneymaking opportunity in three ways is supplying the third person. Perhaps they’d also supply the second AND third person, since they must be in the business of making crusty little dreams come true.

    If Victor ever needs a “What fucked up thing did your wife say and do today” pal, I nominate my husband. My taxidermy animals are mostly knit, but otherwise there’s a lot of overlap between your type of batshit and my type of batshit. If I weren’t hopped up on cold meds,I’d make a Venn diagram.

    Also, I have teeny tiny mohair sweater with puff sleeves that, IMO, would really pull Juanita Weasel’s look together. If you ever find yourself in New Braunfels, c’mon over.

  8. My best truck / company name used to be the cement mixer company Jim’ll Mix It (Which is a play on word for the kids show from the 80s Jim’ll Fix It) But then the truth came out about Jimmy Saville and now every time I see it, I think the truck company seriously needs to re-brand – and that’s no joke!

  12. If this is how your CONVERSATIONS with Victor unfold, I can only imagine how other aspects of your life play out. You two have an offbeat relationship that is a joy to observe when compared to the lifeless couplings most people partake of.
    You and Victor remind me of my wife and I; we’ve never had a “normal” marriage. Ever. If there is a deity up there pulling the world’s strings – by the way, good job with the Kardashians and 9/11, God – I need to thank him. As a bellman, I see normal couples every day. They appear to hate their lives – and each other. I’d never survive a normal marriage.

    COUPLES WHOSE LOVE HAS BECOME THE STUFF OF LEGEND.
    Romeo and Juliet.
    Caesar and Cleopatra.
    Bert and Ernie.
    Victor and Jenny.

    (Okay the first two didn’t exactly end well, but still, there is no denying that their love left its mark on lovers everywhere and always will.)

    Can you imagine how much harder you’d have to struggle to fight back your ongoing waves of depression without Victor’s presence in your life, Jenny? I think its safe to say that he has proven to be at least one half of your salvation – your child, of course, is not to be overlooked in this equation – and I hope the two of you never forget how lucky you are to have found each other.

    All right, I’m done.
    The blog is yours once more, Bloggess.

  14. I know it is four in the morning but can’t for the life if me get what the third way is…to and back. That’s two! If they are trying to be cheeky you would think there would be religious picketers standing by the sign! Now that would be a picture!

  15. I hear things can get pretty interesting at truck stops. My guess is the name is that trucking company’s way of incentivizing truckers to to accept employment without a real benefit plan. Which is a shame … because truckers whose only job benefit is a series of truck-stop sexual escapades with multiple partners are bound to need health insurance at some point.

    (Clearly, this whole Obamacare debate is getting to me.)

  16. Another good one: I thought I’d booked my cross country move with United Van Lines. But the truck that arrived proudly proclaimed, in large lettering down the side, that they were the “Minute Men.” Um, no thanks…

  17. The only reasonable explanation that I can come up with for the truck name is that it’s a bad translation from another language. Which only makes me wonder about what OTHER languages call a 3 way. Or if there’s a phone involved.

    PS. I really shouldn’t be allowed to think these things thru because I have no idea what I just said.

  19. This made me think of a towing truck someone recently posted a pic of. The name of the company was Camel Tow and had a picture of a camel pulling a truck with a rope. I’m pretty sure they named it that on purpose though.

  20. The only thing I can think of that there logo has three arrows… therefore they ship in three directions. What the have against driving west though is beyond me.

  22. I really hope you saw Saturday Night Live last night. They had some great taxidermy! I think the squirrel would be perfect for your collection.

  23. I used to work at a company called Exotic Rubber & Plastics which was not what it sounded like – we did commodity management for Chrysler, Ford, and GM. But we got some interesting phone calls. One guy wanted a custom mold of, erm, himself… to give to his girlfriend as a Christmas gift. As the receptionist, I listened to his request and said, “You need to speak to our Inside Sales department,” transferred him to my co-worker, and got to watch his face turn redder and redder as he listened to the guy. 🙂

    I also had hilarious business cards when I advanced into sales.

    I guess they’ve changed their name to Exotic Automation & Supply – but if you Google “exotic rubber” it comes up as “Exotic Automation – formerly Exotic Rubber & Plastics.” Never forget!

  24. I know! The trucks are being loaded by three poeple at once. Loaded sexy. Ohhh baby, put that next pallet in, and put it in slow. Mmmm that’s it, use that pallet jack.

  25. The texts from the cat are awesome, and so is the ThreeWayMobile. I don’t know what superhero would drive the ThreeWayMobile, but I would totally go to Dragon’s Lair and tell them to subscribe me to that comic.
    Here’s to weird marriages, by the way. Live like a newlywed, talk like old friends, and always check oglaf on Sundays.

  26. Their logo is a bridge & portions of a compass. Apparently if you need shit moved north, east or south, they are all about it. Headed west? Not gonna happen. Bizarre.

  27. I live in the greater Cincinnati area…here..we can say…Hey, you wanna get a 3 way and no one thinks it’s weird. (chili, spaghetti and cheese)

  30. HAHAHA!!! I had no idea THAT’s what the golden rule was!

    Also, randomly in the middle of the song – helicopter d*ck will impress the chick….
    Oh definitely, I like my men to have a good range of motion on that thang, lol.

  32. I can’t even imagine what they intended when they named the company. Maybe it was intentional?

    Anything that results in a blogged conversation between you and Victor is golden.

  34. See…my hubs & I had a conversation about this company as well (have they just gotten east or something…I saw the first one like a month ago.) So they only go North and South and East. What happens to the trucks that go East???
    THEY. NEVER. COME. BACK.
    I assume.
    So will we just have a bunch of empty-loaded transfer trailers wandering aimlessly up and down the East coast?

  35. Sometimes I just don’t understand company naming practices. Like “Super-Ex”. I’m sure that sounded like a good idea when they knew it meant “Super Express”. But as somebody with a handful of godawful exes, NO. NO. NEVER.

  36. I used to work for a company in Ontario called Two Fingers Mobile Services. Yeah, I shit you not. “Apparently” Two Fingers is some tequila brand and the dude named his company after it. But imagine me, a female, driving a tanker truck around with that name writted on the side. Fun stuff.

  40. That sounds exactly like a discussion that me and hubs would have. Most recently we have mused about how stupid ornamental vegetables are…WASTE OF TIME. I mean, if you WERE inclined to grow anything.

    Also-glad you love the Louis CK bit. Hoping that it going viral makes some people stop texting through dinner. (probably not because some people are jerks)

  42. I just <3 Hannah Hart and MDK – she is funny, in a special way! BTW, that convo with Victor – I'd have had that with myself, silently, in my mind, so at least you could talk it out…LOL

  46. This reminds me of a warehouse I saw once that had a sign saying “Beaver Carpets – We go outside of the box”…..yea, about that….

  52. Thank you for that laugh today. I can’t express how much I needed it. A friend attempted suicide last night. He’s physically safe today, but my heart is breaking for him.

  55. Bahahaha I love the Justin Timberlake sketches on SNL. He truly knows how to laugh at himself! Thanks for making me think dirty after church! HAHAHAHA <3 you I'm sure I had already had a dirty thought before this.. 😉 hehehe

  57. A have a blogpost dedicated to a local company called “DB Roofing.” That’s like naming your business “I’m a schmuck who might take your money and run Roofing.” Poor planning.

  59. Our city has a plumbing company called 3 Way Plumbing. I am sure they are great plumbers but it’s the most absurdly named company.

  61. This made me misty for 3waytv, a lesbian YouTube series that is now but a misty memory. Mosty, anyway.

    I loved that show. And it wasn’t about what you think it was about. So good.

  62. I love that song! And I saw a truck this evening that said “VD Transport”. Another unfortunate name.

  63. ew. ew and ew (3 times). Makes you wonder what people are thinking when they pick a business name…

    For some reason, this reminded me of one of my kids’ friends, whose dad just joined a volleyball team (or as my daughter calls it, “old guys volleyball”–he’s 39, but whatever), and his wife just told me the name of his team is …: “I’d Hit That”. O.M.G. I horse-laughed right out loud in the middle of a serve during a volleyball game at our (private, Christian) school, when she told me. You know the kind..where the moms ALL look at you to see wth is so funny, like they’re assuming we’re gossiping about their kids. (“rude!”)

    Real friends will make you laugh inappropriately at the worst times, without shame. I love her. And you–because of course I can’t tell my kids why I’m shaking with giggles right now. 🙂

  64. Bloggess- I’d like to see you write a series of columns on teh things you get in teh mail; both gifts from fans as well as innappropriate and unsolicited samples from companies. I’d also like to read how you regift or donate the items.

  67. Maybe the truck transforms into a plane and a boat as well… sort of like a triathlete. Or maybe the guy who owns the company just really likes three ways. Funny stuff as usual 🙂

  68. When I worked at my last job we used 3 way trucking. Yes, it made for many an office giggle.

  69. Their website says that they started out doing home delivery of furniture in 1954. Then it says:
    3-WAY has positioned ourselves to be the premier organization for supply chain needs.
    Nothing at all about why they call themselves 3-way. Maybe slang was different back in 1954?

  71. Did you watch SNL this week? Yes, I’m so not cool and taped it, but there was an hysterical taxidermy skit. Maybe it wasn’t that funny, but I’m sick and hopped up on mucinex. So not cute with my red nose and heavy breathing.

  72. I love Louis CK! He’s hilarious, and I’ve been thinking about that cell phone thing every time I’m in the car now.

  73. I’m more fascinated at the fact that this company was able to obtain the http://www.threeway.com address. I imagine they’re discovered by a lot of disappointed pornography seekers. 🙂

    Bonus fact: This company does transportation and warehouse storage for expensive things that ‘require special handling.’

    Icing on the cake.

  74. My husband and his father used to work at an equipment place called S&M something-or-other. I giggled a little bit every time they mentioned. The bad part is that they never understood why it was funny and I always felt like a big perv!

  76. There’s a law firm in my state that’s called Weiner & Cox.

    I’ve always thought that a great tagline for them would be: “Because lawyers can be such dicks.”

  77. “Maybe they’re so popular they’re selling them in bulk.” Mwahahaha! *gasp* Mwahahahahaha!

    Oh man. I’ll be sharing this post. Thanks for the teary-eyed giggle.

  78. I had to look twice before I saw it as a 3. My mind went directly to B. Sad. But really, who would name a trucking company 3-Way? I want to research that on my break but I’m pretty sure that would get me fired…Mabye I can go home on my break.

  80. I worry sometimes, about what people are really looking for when they stumble across my blog. (Read: porn.) I feel very sorry for the person who has to keep tabs on that company’s website traffic.

  84. I’m in love with every Justin Timberlake/Andy Sandberg collaboration.

    I used to work for an accounting firm and one of our clients was called PMS. They gave themselves that acronym ON PURPOSE.

  86. I just want you to know that I started reading this post thinking that I was still at the Pioneer Woman’s blog, and I was SO CONFUSED.

  88. I haven’t looked through all of the comments, but I here in Cincinnati, we have 3-ways all of the time. Four-ways and five-ways are really popular as well. Just ask anyone from Cincinnati. 😉

  89. Am I the only one juvenile enough to laugh at the word semi in a post about threesomes?

  90. Years ago I was driving by a warehouse and my friend exclaims, “Whoa, there’s a whole warehouse for that?!” The warehouse sign said T&A Supply.

  92. Judging by the logo (Golden Gate Bridge, three points compass), their location in the Bay Area and their legacy as domestic movers, by guess is that Three Way refers to the three directions you can drive out of San Francisco. North using the GG Bridge, East over the Emperor Norton bridge (yes, I’m calling it that) or South down the peninsula.

  93. Thanks for this. I just hired movers and now my head has made the upcoming move into a gang bang porno.

  94. Hey MattyJ, you got it right. They use to be based solely in San Francisco, and that is what their name refers to. Doesn’t apply as much these days as a nationwide company

  95. Speaking of Justin Timberlake, I am a birth doula and I was at a birth the other day, the side of the pool said, “Birth pool in a box” so naturally I spent the next 15 hours singing, “It’s my Dick in a Box.” Lovely song to welcome babies to the world with 🙂

  96. Genius. This is going in my file of why marketing/branding people should not be let loose on their own.
    Exhibit B: a UK company that records phone calls (e.g. for quality control).

    Rectel Solutions.

    I’m not kidding, here: http://www.rectel.co.uk/ Possibly even funnier if you say it with an English accent (heavy on the first syllable).

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