Not a real post, but still quite important.

in Random crap

As you might know, I have a talent for crashing websites (particularly mine) and it always ends with me eventually screaming “IT’S NOTHING HARD LIQUOR AND A HAMMER WON’T FIX” and Victor hiding the mallets while he curses and struggles to fix whatever I’ve done.  I’ve been told that WordPress server/sites/whatever are almost unbreakable and so we’re going to put that to the test.  It may take a few days for your personal ISP to switch over to the new site (which is the same address as the old site but is located in a different place and I have a headache just explaining that) so if you don’t see a new post by next week that means you might need to tell your internet provider to refresh their DNS settings.  I’ll have a new post up on Thursday and you should be able to see it if everything switches over quickly like it should for most of you.  Until then, please go and read yesterday’s post about the best taxidermy finds of my entire life.

Also, hat-tip to the multiple brilliant readers who realized exactly what that strange, unidentified taxidermied creature was that I brought home:

PS.  Scrot is short for Scrotum.  He also goes by Phteven.  I may have spelled that wrong.

PPS.  Giant thanks to Pete, Nate and Nick at WordPress.com VIP, who’ve worked very hard with an extremely grumpy Victor to make this switch.  They assure us that if we still manage to break the site it’ll be free ponies for everyone.

PPPS.  You won’t be able to leave a comment until your DNS picks up the new location.  The blog will be in maintenance mode for a little while during the switch.  It’ll say “Comments are closed” on this post until your ISP updates to the new location.  Once you can leave comments again on this post then that means you’ve made it back home.

Be careful out there, you guys.

We’ll see you on the other side.

517 thoughts on “Not a real post, but still quite important.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I really enjoy wordpress, but then again I don’t crash websites I just kill electronics. So until someone makes a Sarah proof tablet, computer, phone, tv, or toaster, I am still screwed.

    Tally Ho.

  4. My husband has been trying to convince me to move “The Jousting Life” to WordPress. It seems to be working for you, so maybe I’ll give it a go.

  10. So…if I can comment, I’ve already moved and have nothing more to do? I’m so confused.

    (It worked! You’re here! ~ Jenny)

  14. I have a few blogging friends who keep trying to get me to move over to WordPress, but I am lazy and probably unwilling to learn new tricks–and I might be prone to breaking things also.

  15. so if this breaks who do we contact for the pony. and can we send a picture of the pony we want?

  21. I am putting that (“it’s nothing hard liquor & a hammer won’t fix”) on cup! 🙂 although I think I should change it to wine to better fit me ;)! So glad my computer figured out the switch over! Yea!

  30. WordPress works for me… although I would like to spruce my blog up a little. I think by “spruce up” I mean that I need to become a big-shot programmer and artist to make a fancier site. And while I’m at it, I should work on becoming a better writer, a better dancer, and probably a better housekeeper too.

  36. It worked! Yay for you but boo no pony for me. I will drink coffee liquor until I feel better. Or imagine a pony, whichever comes first.

  38. Comment!!! Yay!!!! Comment comment comment commentcomment comment comment .

    Ok, I’m done now. More importantly, I’m in!

  39. Nope, I can’t see this post, nor can I comment on it. Off to send you an email on where you can send my free pony to!

  51. Woohoo!!! By the way, love the new taxidermied animals. Seriously made me snort from laughing out loud.

  58. Wow I feel like I’m entering a portal to another dimension. A really frigging hilarious one! Count me in!

  61. “I’ve been told that WordPress server/sites/whatever are almost unbreakable and so we’re going to put that to the test.” Challenge accepted. Now where’s my pony?

  63. I found you – and so did my IPS or ISP or UPS driver – whatever it was you mentioned! Yay!!!

  65. If this works, l think you should bring home the lion that is horking up a hairball. It seems fitting to celebrate with him.

  68. Scrot seems a perfect name for him!
    And let the battle cry of “Challenge Accepted” ring out, after all we’re talking free ponies!

  80. I’m a little proud that my first comment on your blog is a minor act of rebellion. I knew I was waiting for a reason besides chronic fear of rejection. HYFR

  93. I feel that making it to the new site is a good sign for my evening!

    Also: weevils are cool.

  98. I made it. It was a very trying time. Had to travel through a tunnel, cross the Thames, and escape flying monkeys in Equador. But I made it. I can leave comments… And found my guiding light that is…Jenny Lawson…the bloggess!!

  102. My new favorite snack (after peppered beef jerky) at Buc-ees is Beaver Nuggets. Because I like to say the words “Beaver Nuggets.” “Man, these Beaver Nuggets feel good rolling around my mouth.”

  103. I thought it was brokeneded, but it seems fine. Yay for Victor; boo for no ponies.

  115. Is this working? I say, IS THIS WORKING? Somebody? Anybody?

    I’ve been thinking of relocating from Blogger, but I’m scared. Do you have to Get A Man In, to do it?

  126. I’m glad for you and the blog and all, but was looking forward to my pony. He was going to keep ClipClop, my unicorn, company.

  129. You’re new host works fine. By the way, I can no longer stop thinking about Frito Pie, and have to make it this weekend. Thanks for the suggestion!

  142. I am betting your WordPress VIP account reps are about peeing in their pants with happiness to have you as a client. They always love payment in taxidermy, by the way.

  143. Testing this in between sneezes. Because DEDICATION, that’s why. And possibly allergy medications. (It seems to let me leave a comment, but won’t let me leave my info via Twitter.

  147. Scrot and Phteven (that’s Steven with a ph, right?)! Thank you for fixing my borkenness.

  150. Scrot needs a bigger nut. Wait. Did I just say Scrotum needs a bigger nut? I meant to be Scrat, Scrot needs a bigger nut. Oh, you get the picture.

  151. I don’t think the cats will like a pony free or not. And I know my husband will not like one but will understand if I tell him “it’s because of The Bloggess”

  160. Site is working ~ guess I don’t need the hard liquor or the hammer, after all. Well, maybe not the hammer.

  165. I now want a t-shirt that says “IT’S NOTHING HARD LIQUOR AND A HAMMER WON’T FIX”.

  170. Time Warner in capital city Columbus, Ohio damn well better be on top of stuff . . .

  187. Mickey Mouse roll call…sound off!!
    Shit, that makes me seem really fucking old, doesn’t it?
    PS~LOVED your reply to the chick who didn’t appreciate profanity!

  189. Is this a phishing fake steal-my-internets LEAVE A REPLY box, because it looks very different than before, and it would mean that VodafoneNZ actually reset Jenny’s DNS without a threat of nuclear war, which I find hard to believe. Regardless, I shall push the “enter” key and see what happens. If the space time continuum tears and my VISA card is charged for everyone’s Frito Pie, well, that would sort of be awesome. Here goes. Boom.

  192. Not only is it TOTALLY weird that I can comment already, but apparently it’s actually already tomorrow morning (not this evening, like it feels like here).

  204. Looks like the hard liquor and hammer worked. Can I get a shirt that says “Liq’d and nailed?”

  205. years ago, a few months after 9/11, my boyfriend and i went to a ryan adams concert in D.C. Afterwards he stopped at 7-11 and got a fritto pie. i woke up in the middle of the night to him crawling around in the hallway crying out that he had gotten “anthraxed.” we are no longer together. he didn’t die. although that would’ve made for a much easier breakup.

  211. I think it was the collective weight of hysterical laughter over your previous post that crashed your site. Laughter that big is a force to be reckoned with! Glad you’re back up.

  214. I made it to the other side, yay! And my house didn’t fall on anyone’s sister.

  215. The post made it to my reader (theoldreader.com), but the embedded picture did not. Once I clicked “out” to your blog, everything was intact.

  219. But my post says it is tomorrow already… Hope it doesn’t get too windy, glad I don’t live in Kansas because something is horked up.

  230. I read that as “Have I made the cunt?” and I wondered, well what does that mean?

  236. Dammit, I wanted a pony. I was going to name it Steve. But it is definitely not tomorrow here yet.

  238. Woop woop, we all seem to be here! And I feel less lonely with my tiny wordpress blog. Though…the ponies would be interesting. Do ponies get on well with cats?

  242. @Woman on Pause: I kill electronics too. My husband, who is an IT guy, has ceased to be amazed when my computer or iPad or whatnot does weird things or just stops working.

  244. Congratulations! As previously noted, the time stamps are wonky. But that’s okay because now I can tell people I’m a TIME TRAVELER

  254. The following comment is a test of the Emergency Bloggess System. I repeat, this is only a test.
    {………………….loud annoying noise……………………………}
    If this had been a real Bloggess emergency, the sound you heard would have been followed by instructions on how to leave giant metal chickens on peoples’ doorsteps. Thank you for participating in this test of the Emergency Bloggess System.

  256. Yay! I can comment. Thanks for making me snort coffee through my nose “Scrot is short for Scrotum” and he totally looks like the Phteven dog.

  257. I’m very excited that the move succeeded. However I’m most disappointed at the lack of ponies. I was hoping to trade in my goat for a pony.

  261. We’re glad to see you back. WordPress has been a pretty awesome platform for me, but I don’t have the skills and talent you seem to have at crashing sites and servers.

    Also, my husband wants to have a conversation with Victor, to know how to survive as a long-suffering lover, fixer, supporter, and enabler.

  301. I feel like i am finally part of the cool club…or that wordpress is like a web tardis or something

  303. I want a pony. But a plastic one with “Hasbro” stamped on the foot, not a taxidermied one wearing a top hat and monocle. I will settle for getting back on your site. 🙂

  306. Ha, hope you like it over here on WP. I have a big hammer if it doesn’t work out, though, just in case. 🙂
    See you on the other side of the webs!

  313. Yay! Its working. Love Scrot, we have a chicken named Peckerhead- I bet they’d love each other.

  317. Frito Pie?! Is that even a thing?! Is it deep fried?! Oh, BTW, I can obviously see comments… next to see if comments can see me…. And, if we can’t get ponies, how about pictures of ponies?

  319. Sign me up for a unicorn, too! And a walking taco with extra cheese and sour cream.

  322. oh no! this is so unexpected! i don’t have a speech prepared! i’d just like to thank the bloggess for being so great, and understanding, and for bringing me to this post.

  326. Looks like TWC in San Antonio has you up-to-date. Now to see if this will let me post.

  331. I like WordPress because they don’t seem to have the issues that other sites do (LiveJournal). It’s nice to be able to use my WordPress account to comment here now.

  334. I would like a purple pony with an orange mane. Thank you. And maybe a tiara or big 60’s cat eye sunglasses. You decide.

  341. I love wordpress!! Plus I love the comparison!! I have dog that acts like scrat, not that he chases acorns but that he is such a spaz!! He always freaks out when I call him up on the couch, like really!!! He flips out like I could be so amazing that he can sit by me. It’s kind of like if a celebrity asked if they could have coffee with me, so I understand. To a dog I must be that awesome!! I don’t know, I just know this post made me laugh!! 🙂

  344. Yayy!! I’m HOME!!
    I was getting anxiety just thinking about the possibility of pondering over “DNS settings” 😀

  347. I use wordpress for my blog and have had no problems. Of course, I get maybe 1% (probably <0.5%) of the traffic you do, so probably not a good comparison. 😉

  349. Woo-hoo!! I was worried about losing my connection….but looks like I’m here! Yay!!!

  352. I’m new to blogging AND WordPress. I reset my whole site back to Day 1 when I tried to edit a page. Now I’m too afraid to touch it, AND I got an email that said I need to upgrade… wait, upDATE?… to the newer version and it might be challenging. MIGHT BE?! I CAN’T EDIT A PAGE!!! But, I have so much to say, so I’ve got to take it on so I can get my shit going. Does Victor have a minute and one last nerve to lend a hand? HA!!! It’s one more nerve than I have. I’m going to go finish the bourbon now…

  362. I don’t crash websites or kill electronics, my specialty seems to be automobile engines. Sad that my Volvo died today. Happy that I wasn’t left behind. Sad again that there won’t be ponies, I could use the transportation!

  364. I’m really glad this worked, because I once had a pony and he sucked donkey balls.

  365. I want to give a shout-out and two thumbs up to Victor. I work in IT and changes like this suck. Glad it all worked out well. Way to go you two. Teamwork high-five

  369. I’ve just re-read your post . . . we need to try harder to break wordpress so we can all get ponies .. .. .. tell all your friends to post comments . . . let’s all try to break it!!! Free ponies for all!!!
    <3
    Birdie

  373. We Lawsbians are a great website breaking bunch. Just organize an official get-together and we’ll have WordPress at its knees. And then we’ll all get ponies. Can mine please come with a horn and wings? Also, went to a PTSA meeting last night at my daughter’s high school and happened to be wearing my LPTNH tour t-shirt. Everyone who spoke kept looking at me in a very confused manner. It was fairly awesome. 🙂

  378. Here I am. (waving) Over here! England! Love your stuff, btw. Smashing.

  383. The Doctor: You two! We’re at the end of the Universe. Right at the edge of knowledge itself. And you’re busy blogging!
    -Utopia

  387. success, after about 25 minutes. Please create t-shirts for “IT’S NOTHING HARD LIQUOR AND A HAMMER WON’T FIX.”

  389. Is “next Thursday” really “someday?” – oh, you are clever! and thanks for making me realize I need to get a bladder hammock.

  390. 🙂 Guys, I think we all made it. Or we’re group hallucinating. But group hallucinating about a switch to WordPress would be a bit dull for a hallucination, so we probably made it. I think.

  391. Testing, testing…

    BTW, my husband and his friends used to call each other “Scrot” all the time in high school. Because they are boys.
    Also? Gonads.

  396. I have faith that if Target can accidentally give all my credit card info to thieves, it must be possible to break the Internet. Good job Jenny on moving your site without breaking it! However, typing in this comment field seems to be a little herky jerky.

  398. Yay! I’m home too! You are the most delightfully twisted person I’ve had the pleasure to read and your antics and this blog bring myself and my family constant amusement. Thank you for writing and bringing us together to laugh. 🙂

  399. Completely off topic here…was looking up your book on Goodreads, typed your name in but your book didn’t come up, it was then I saw I typed in ‘Jennifer Lawrence’ instead of ‘Jenny Lawson’. Apparently the two of you overlap in my mind, a fact that has been hidden in my subconscious until now.

  406. Now I can post from work, so clearly I’m not meant to actually work today.

    And my apartment complex and I both have strict no-pony policies, so someone else can have mine.

  408. Testing again… Did I make it to the other side?

    If this post, then I’m there. Phew!

  409. yep, I see how this change has screwed things up for you Jenny. I am number 400 on the comments. I rarely get to say anything so early on. Send my pony. or unicorn. or smiling lion, I liked him too.

  410. I don’t want a pony, but my next live animal is going to be named Phteven, for sure. It’s a race on which of my current geriatric animals will go first. Could be dog or cat, but I think it works either way, for any gender really. I also think I will start using Phteven at Starbucks as my new drink name. My current go-to is ZhuZhu. They always ask how it’s spelled…like it makes a difference 🙂

  413. and the end and the beginning were always there before the beginning and after the end

  415. I got run out of an antique store last Saturday for taking pics, The Queen Mother of the Antique Shop I entered said, “I just CAN’T let you take pictures in here, you might move stuff.” My first experience with rejection…..I laughed at her and said “thanks for letting me come in your store”. What do ya do? Life is an adventure!! LOL (esp in Texas antique shops!) T:)

  423. Welcome to WordPress! I love using wordpress, it’s wonderful. I’m glad to see someone with such bloggging importance is also using it, tells me I picked the right publisher 😛

  426. Scrot reminds me, all too painfully, of one of the strangest things I’ve ever auctioned off at my Goodwill: a churchkey whose handle was a taxidermied deer (I am told*) scrotum.

    *My own experience and expertise in identifying the scrota of various large mammals is shockingly** limited.

    **May not be the right word; offer void in Utah, Singapore, and the Solomon Islands.

  428. I sort of want a free pony, but don’t want to do without my Bloggess content. Is there a way to get ponies and not break WordPress?

  430. wow. do you really read all these comments? that’s like a full time job. i was just testing to see if i could comment, but i want you to know that you are a wonderful person and i loved your book and i love your blog. your attitude about mental illness is inspiring. even though you have problems still, it helps to see someone make it out to the other side. thanks.

  431. Lady, it’s up- yeah! Now I can carp at you about a new product. When will the “Caffeine Now” t-shirt be available? It’s a MUST.

  435. yay for having made it to the other side… I hope the booze is better here!

  444. Omg I love Scrot. Why didn’t I think of that? Keep him safe… it looks like Hunter might like him a little too much.

  450. Welcome to WordPress! I hope it goes well for you, although it would be kind of cool to get a pony. Did you clarify with the VIP reps if everyone will get live ponies or taxidermied ones? Just curious. Makes a big difference in the maintenance and upkeep.

  451. Since we don’t get free ponies, how about a cutout photo statue of your balloonist kitty-n-Pegasus?
    Although a balloonist unicorn would be even better: a balloonicorn.

    I could actually display that it in my house when my daughter’s 7yo friends visit without having to babble explanations. And it won’t scare the neighbors. Or the visiting door-to-door missionaries. We’re friendly that way. We chat enough with our local missionary that he brings his trainees here first. His name is Tom; their name is legion.

    Thank you for many fine coffee breaks.

  455. Oh HEY, it worked! Whoa. That was like, being locked out of the bathroom or something.

    Carry on– everything’s cool again.

  456. Oh it works! Life is good again! 😛

    Is it pronounced ‘Scrot’ as in ‘pot’ or ‘scrote’ as in ‘wrote’?

  458. Yes!! I am on the new site!! SWEET!! 😀

    BTW, I love that I can use my Google+ to log in!! (I deactivated Facebook before Thanksgiving. Best thing ever!)

  459. I haven’t had issues on WP but then again, I am not The Bloggess and have a rabid following who will buy me a communalcorn.

    But my experiences with them thus far has been good.

  460. Woot, Woot – we all seem to be moving back in after they bombed for termites.
    I’d like a pony, but I’m okay with looking at the ones on the pony farm down the street.

    ps… I figured out the linking thing. YES!!!

  464. Holy hell this is depressing because I’ve been struggling with my site since a panic-attack-infused moment told me that I should change blogging platforms rather than have a bottle of wine back in July, but when I clicked on the link to see if Pete, Nick or Nate would be able to help me undestroy my site, I discovered that I am nowhere NEAR a VIP. So I’ll be sticking with my current from of IT consisting of virtual duct tape and shamanic chants to keep my site in tact.

    That said I’m glad that your site is back up and running.~

  466. Yay! I’ve missed leaving comments! 🙂 I went to tons of thrift stores today, but didn’t see anything taxidermied. I guess it’s not a big deal in Northern VA! We do have a deer on our wall, but it’s just your ordinary run of the mill whitetail. Although he does wear a Santa hat all year round. That’s just because I’m too lazy to find a stepladder to take it off. Poor Santa Deer…

  477. I don’t know if it was my suggestion that made you pick Phteven or just that the internet gives its gifts to everyone. I am taking another shot at trying to get the deer named Fawn Leibowitz (Animal House)

  482. Well, whatever all those initials mean, I appear to have made it to the other side. Seems nice enough 🙂

  486. Odd, phone and computer share same WiFi, yet….

    Never mind, it is after midnight. Duh, my router refreshes DNS at midnight.

  489. @Kat, In cases like that I recommend dancing withershins around your PC while sipping ritual beverage. (ie wine). It may not help the website much, but it’ll help imrpove your mood!

  492. Always, always replace your pinecones with coffee cups. Much more useful. Can’t let the blood overtake the caffeine in one’s circulation. Unless you’re replacing the caffeine with wine….

  493. That taxidermied weasel-thing “Scrot” reminds me of the “Phteven” dog. Google it. You’ll giggle like a complete lunatic for at least five minutes, guaranteed.

  495. Check, check…Testing. Can I still leave a comment on 1-16-14, at 10:44 am eastern time?

  497. All I really know is that whatever you did, the pink on the sides is now so neon that my eyeballs are bleeding. Not necessarily a bad thing, just making a note.

  500. I think you’ve given me my new motto: “There’s nothing hard liquor and a hammer won’t fix”. It can apply to almost every situation in my world.

  501. Totally trolling right now. Or not, to be more specific.

    I always read, I never comment. But now I have to comment in order to make sure I can keep reading.

    My head hurts.

  502. Made it to the dark side! Would prefer a My Little Pony because, well, my daughter asked for it. Also less poop to clean up with a My Little Pony (and any poop they leave is sparkly and full of rainbows).

  507. I always thought “Miss a day, miss a lot”, was an urban myth – like the female orgasm – but its true. Kudos on the changes, Jenny. And thanks for being one of the coolest chicks in the Multiverse.

  510. Well, I can comment if I use my Facebook information, but I’d rather not. The problem is that I have an old WordPress sign in, and it really, REALLY wants me to use that, and I don’t wanna! Whine….

    (You should be able to comment even without signing in to wordpress. Try it. ~ Jenny)

  514. Free ponies! Yes please! Wait, will that be live or taxidermied? (cuz I might have to make some preparations)

  517. Are these fantastic antique store you frequent in the San Antonio area? Because my frequent haunts have been turning up nada as of late…

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