Is Victor wrong? (UPDATED FOR MORE AWESOMENESS.)

in Random Crap

Last week I tweeted:

I’m forever googling ridiculous things to prove Victor wrong in our debates. I need a website that just says: “YOU’RE WRONG, VICTOR.”

It would save me so much time. And I could use that time to plant articles on the internet proving my incorrect ideas. Everyone wins.

Within minutes I got these from Doug, Jason, Nancy and Trevor:

YouAreWrongVictor.com

 IsVictorWrong.com 

@IsVictorWrong

And that is why I love the internet.

PS. Our current argument is whether I should be able to introduce myself to strangers at dinner parties as a “real-life were-woman” since technically a “were-wolf” means you’re now a wolf but you were a person, and so (using logic) “were-woman” would imply that I am a woman and also that I was a woman.  Victor disagreed and so I pulled up the Is-Victor-Wrong websites to use as scientific proof, but Victor said that there’s nothing scientifically valid about any of those websites.

I briefly considered that he might have a point, but then looked it up on the internet and turns out that Victor is wrong.

Who knew?

[protected-iframe id=”dbe378ab411c951806d2c5ad271b3031-58006636-1561224″ info=”https://vine.co/v/OAvQ6qjzIdL/embed/simple” width=”600″ height=”600″ frameborder=”0″]

UPDATED: I never check my wikipedia page because it’s horribly outdated but several people told me I needed to look at it and now I know why:

(Click on it to embiggen.)

wiki This is almost as great as the time one of you changed my name to “Jennifer Juanita Spatula Jezebel Who-Let-The-Dogs-Out Lawson” and wikipedia didn’t notice it for a week.

Never change, you magnificent bastards.

PS. Apparently wikipedia pages are constantly being edited and the editors have to insert a note explaining each change.  The most recent change is noted as:

“Add paragraph about Victor’s inherent wrongness.”

Other notes over the years include:

“Reverting vandalism”

“I love TheBloggess, but this won’t do.”

“Corrected grammar regarding Copernicus.”

“New taxidermied animals as of 2/12“

139 thoughts on “Is Victor wrong? (UPDATED FOR MORE AWESOMENESS.)”

Read comments below or add one.

  13. I was tell anyone standing still long enough that while I may not always be right, I AM NEVER WRONG! It always amazes me the looks I get from people when I say that. I mean, hello, how can you dispute that fact? Haha, you can’t. Good day lovely people, pip-pip and cheerio !!

  14. I haven’t read your blog in a while. What the heck is wrong with me? Apparently I had a labotomy and forgot how dang funny it is!

  15. Sorry to burst your bubble a bit Jenny, but the “were” on werewolf actually means “man” so you are trying to call yourself man-woman.

    (Nice try, Victor but I’m okay with “man-woman”. We all fall on the spectrum somewhere, right? Besides, what if “man” refers to “human-kind”? Still accurate. I’m winning. ~ Jenny)

  23. Victor is just one y away from a victory. And that’s gotta hurt. So close. On his knees in the rain in the prison yard, Victor bellows. The other inmates hear “WHY?” but really, Victor is begging the universe to just give him that “Y.” That one letter that’s all the difference.

  24. Gotta side with Victor on this one – the ‘were’ in werewolf has nothing to do with the verb ‘to be;’ it comes from the Anglo-Saxon ‘wer’, which means man. So it’s literally a man-wolf, a being that is both man and wolf.
    HOWEVER, this is clearly sexist because women can be werewolves, too, and therefore maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the word and come up with a new etymology. I’ll probably accept yours because I don’t know the Anglo-Saxon word for woman.

  27. Personal to Victor:

    If you ever want to have a beer or a tea or whatever you like and just hang out, lemme know and we can just be wrong together.

  29. Before we were married I made my now-husband memorize three short phrases: 1. I was wrong. 2. I’m sorry. and 3. I’ll never do it again. It’s kept us going for nearly seventeen years. Now I need to find some Davidiswrong websites to bolster my argument.

  31. The prefix ‘wer’ actually means ‘man’ (in the sense of human,regardless of gender), so a werewolf is literally a human-wolf. A wer-woman would be a human-woman. I hope this is useful to you.

  33. JennyWren [and The Bloggess, if she cares]: the Anglo-Saxon for “woman” is [wait for it]: wif, wifmann. Could it BE any more sexist?! [/Chandler channeling]

  34. The prefix ‘wer’ means ‘man’ (in the sense of human, regardless of gender), so a werewolf is a human-wolf. A wer-woman would literally be a human-woman. I hope this is useful.

  35. Good to know! Yep, that’s pretty sexist. Although I guess I would not have expected a high level of gender parity from the Anglo-Saxons

  39. So, I feel like Victor has a logic problem. I mean, yes the website, but also, were-woman makes TOTAL sense. I’m sure you get frustrated by his lack of logic. We’re with you, Jenny.

  41. You are one lucky were-woman. I bet there are millions of them out there, wishing they had their very own personalized “[husband] is wrong” website.

  44. Your husband surely never means to be RIGHT all the time, he must be burdened with an over abundance of facts and common sense.
    Just
    Like
    Me

  47. Why not start a Pinterest board on stuff you anticipate Victor might be wrong about? Kind of like an encyclopedia. Tres organized.

  51. His name is Victor, so he has to have won at something… My guess is that he won at life by marrying you, Jenny.

  52. Google is the debate moderator at our house. I fully intend on creating my very own husband-you’re-wrong website to skew the results in my favor. Winners never quit! (And quitters obviously don’t know how to cheat.)

  55. JennyWren has a valid point regarding were/wer in Anglo-Saxon. Now, interestingly fréowíf is the noun for free woman (as opposed to slave or indentured) and is sounds rather like free-wolf so I think you should use that!

    Also, Victor is wrong.

  56. I just found the Old English Translator (shouldn’t that be ‘Ye Olde English Translator’?) and JennyWren and others are correct that ‘Wer’ means “man’. so I entered “woman” into the search.
    Options are as follows:

    cwén Strong Feminine Noun
    Meaning: woman wife consort queen empress royal princess virgin mary

    fréo Strong Feminine Noun
    Meaning: woman lady

    Or my personal fave:
    sigewíf Strong Neuter Noun
    Meaning: victorious woman grimm supposes this word may be a GENERAL DENOMINATION OF WISE WOMEN

    So, Jenny, you could be a Cwén-Jenny, Fréo-Jenny or Sigewif-Jenny.
    Which do you prefer?

  58. Not only are you right (at all times), your fans are as well. Who needs the rest of the internet when there are your posts and the comments? Well, I guess you do, so you can prove Victor is wrong.

  63. Rachel CrazyMum, it’s gotta be Sigewif-Jenny. Trying to be a consort and a virgin at the same time just sounds too complicated.

  65. Hmm… shouldn’t it be where-woman? Or wear-woman? I want to pronounce were-woman like, well, were-woman. Hey..werewolf is spelled with “were?” When did THAT happen??

  66. So, what is Ye Olde English pronounciation of Sigewif?? Siggy-wiff? Siggy-wife? Sigh-wiff? Maybe it’s not pronounced as it looks and it’s JENNY-wolf??

  69. In one Peanuts cartoon Lucy said, “I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.” My fav quote ever and I use it a lot.

  70. Maybe Victor needs affirmations on Post-it notes around the house: “I remind myself that I am wrong.” This could work:).

  72. Not I’m going to have to befriend someone named Victor just to freak them out! This is hilarious.

  74. If a man says something in the forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

  76. JennyWren, frogman et al: The trick with Old Saxon is that ‘man’ meant ‘person’, ‘were’ meant ‘male person’, and ‘wif’ meant ‘female person’ (also ‘clothweaver’, apparently). The sources are pretty sketchy but it seems like Anglo-Saxon women might have had it pretty good for the time, at least until the Normans invaded and were appalled at all these women owning property and making decisions. (Also thank the Normans for fucking up our pronouns.)

    (So if I got infected by a werewolf I’d become a wifwolf? That’s horrific. And also sort of fun to say. ~ Jenny)

  77. Sadly, I hadn’t followed your blog for a while, and then today I somehow landed on your Wikipedia page. I knew something was amiss once I read the last sentence (and most recent edit) –

    “In arguments and discussions with her husband, Victor, she is right and he is wrong.[15]”

  81. *scientificALLY valid

    Sorry, I can’t help pointing out such things. It’s an illness. 🙁

    (Always point that out. I need extra fresh, sober eyes. ~ Jenny)

  82. As the wife of a presumably completely different Victor, I hope you won’t mind if I make use of these myself. He, too, is often wrong, for example in insisting that Curious George’s friend wears a yellow sombrero. Just no. It is a yellow hat.

  83. Hahaha. I once had an argument with my husband about whether a pterodactyl is a dinosaur or not. I said it wasn’t. All hell broke loose. Google told us it’s a pterosaur. So I totally understand your need for a website.

  84. Embiggen will now replace ‘enlarge’ because Jennifer Juanita Spatula Jezebel Who-Let-The-Dogs-Out Lawson said so, that’s why!

  86. Why Victor even bother’s to question you is beyond me, Women are always right, no matter on what topic… I also cannot believe you changed your name back from Jennifer Juanita Spatula Jezebel Who-Let-The-Dogs-Out Lawson, I would have walked down to the courthouse and changed it legally to that… Because it was on the internet, so it must be true right???

  87. “Embiggen”. I love it. Jenny, can I marry you? I’ll gladly be wrong all the time just to be entertained by your brilliant mind.

  88. Victor is a wonderful man to put up with out shenanigans. Make sure that you let him know that, before you have to once again prove him wrong.

  90. There’s a citation, it’s totally legit! Sorry Victor, the internet says you’re wrong.

  97. Poor Victor. It’s like Twilight with Team Edward and Team whatever-that-other-guy’s-name-is. Don’t worry Victor I’ll be in your team.
    GO TEAM VICTOR!

  98. I think if you were a werewoman, that means you used to be a wolf.
    But what about Merpeople? I suppose mermaid already means mergirl, and a merwoman would just be an older mermaid. And a merwolf would be half-wolf, half-fish.

  100. Poor Victor has the entire interwebs against him. Jenny, never abuse your powerful wifness, use your powers for good.

  102. I bet if you started introducing yourself as Jenny Lawson: Zombie Hunter he’d beg you to go back to were-woman. It’s all about perspective.

  103. My friends and I once had a discussion about where vinegar comes from and I told them it was harvested from sauerkraut… I remotely recall doctoring something from the internet to support my claim.

  105. Poor Victor. Unlike his name suggests, he’s just cannot be victorious against a Jenny. We should change the word. Victory should now be called Jennory. It was a Jennorious moment, the moment Victor found Jenny’s Wikipedia and various websites that proved him wrong.

    So what do you turn into after a full moon?

  108. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

    Seriously, I wanted to say that I enjoy your blog immensely and have nominated you for the One Lovely Blog award. It’s my hope that you’ll continue to entertain us all for a long time and also that you’ll pass this award along to other bloggers whose writing you enjoy. If you’re not already familiar with One Lovely Blog, you can find out more at http://www.andbythatimean.com/#!One-Lovely-Blog-Plus-fifteen-more/cmbz/16B98C61-7713-41E6-87F2-60115FD0FB6F.

    (P.S. The answer to the question above is a resounding “YES. Especially if the man is Victor.”

  109. The Husband’s Creed: You are wrong. No. Really, you are wrong, even when you think you are right, you are wrong. You thinking you can ever be right is just proof of how wrong you are.

  112. I think all husbands are wrong 110% of the time. The extra 10% is for when they get it wrong multiple times on one subject. Don’t check my math…I am horrible at math.

  113. Victor is right, mostly. I’d create a new website to prove it if I knew how and if I just weren’t so darn lazy.
    meow meow meow

    (That’s okay. There’s already a collection of websites that proves that Victor is mostly right. It’s called “the internet”. ~ Jenny)

  116. It’s official–this blog has officially become the world’s largest inside joke. I’m thankful I get them all.

  117. My dad would say Victor is half left.
    Victor is 100% a good sport.
    Wifwoman. And if someone looped a video clip if you, you would be wifwoman gif. Sorry, everyone else took the funny, so all I had was corny.

  118. Thanks for the mention! I had fun making that wee Vine, and since you retweeted it it’s by a very long margin my most viewed one.

  120. Wikapedia needs to include that you are Czar as well as you being a Super Doctor. Someone go update it for Jenny, please. The world needs to know.

  121. What I love most about the Wikipedia link is that it includes the source citation to the victoriswrong webpage. Clever, you people.

  122. I used to come to this site but as formally battered woman with PTSD and depression your making fun of Victor controlling you is not right. You probably won’t read this since your comments are monitored, but I too have a voice.

    (Comments are only monitored if you’re new or do something to trigger the automated moderation system so this was approved as soon as you submitted it. I’m so sorry this upset you and that you’re suffering from the aftermath of violence. Please rest assured that Victor is not controlling me. In fact, the very idea that he’s supportive of me writing silly things about websites made to prove me right even when I’m wrong is a fairly good indication that he’s really pretty easy-going compared to most people. That said, if it bothers you I understand completely if you need to not read here because self-care is way more important than humor blogs. Take care and come back when you feel ready. ~ Jenny)

  123. I feel like since the Wikipedia page is about you, you should be able to decide what’s on it. It seems like the editors have no whimsy in them which is sad. 🙁

  124. I frequently cheer for the underdog, so I’m feeling a little torn here. I’m sure you’re right, but let’s compromise.. like: Whenever you’re right and Victor’s wrong, he gets a cookie!

  125. Forgot what i orginally wanted to say…i couldn’t type my email correctly to post a comment….kept starting it as ‘” f’g ” which is incorrect but made me laugh…. Not as much as you make me laugh, but still.. I think i am impressed you have a wikipedia page that lists your mucho poly-awesomeness… I ramble, must end….

  126. How can I possibly call myself a fan, when I have done nothing to remedy the inherent lack of “Spatula” in your Wikipedia name? I am ashamed of myself!

  127. This made me laugh so hard I cried. Then I had to read it out to my flatmates because I was at risk of choking on my dinner. You are completely splendid.

  128. Hmf. They’ve removed the bit about Victor being wrong from your Wikipedia page, but then at the bottom it says “this article is a stub, you can help by expanding it”- HOW CAN WE HELP YOU IF YOU KEEP EDITING IT BACK DOWN, WIKIPEDIA?

  130. My favorite that you pointed out one time was Husband: Victor, allegedly.
    That still makes me laugh.

  135. Just make it “YouAreWrongHusband.com.” Because they are, always! Also if you get tired of Googling things, call your local librarian to do it for you. When we get calls “I need you to setttle this debate…” we love that shit!

  136. To repeat:
    1. When in doubt, Victor is right.
    2. There is always some doubt.
    3. When there isn’t, he’s still right.

  139. Is Victor STILL arguing that he is right?! Hasn’t he learned by now? If not, I suppose you’ll have to just keep teaching him the hard lessons. Go get ’em, teach! (Let’s just hope they don’t have merit pay in your state).

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