I haven’t designed anything for my shop in awhile, but then last night it hit me.
THE SOUP SATCHEL:
It’s a satchel. For your soup. And I even made a special “ladies version” because for some reason that’s a thing:
And in answer to your questions: Yes, I had been drinking when I made these.
It’s pretty obvious that soup won’t sit well in a canvas bag (unless maybe you line it with cling wrap first?) but personally my favorite part of soup is the chunks in it, so if you use this soup satchel then all of the juice will drain out and you’re left with a meatier stew. It’s like a very slow, hipster strainer.
BONUS: The leaky juices will marinate your floors so your house will smell like soup all the time. Soup makes a house into a home. It’s like a Crockpot scented Yankee Candle. Also, this makes a perfect book bag. But only if you clean out the soup first.
(Use the code LOVESINTAAIR for 15% off soup satchels and 50% off cards.)
This will go well with my Saltine hat.
“It’s like a very slow, hipster strainer.” I never knew I needed one of these in my life. I want one now.
Your brilliance and zest for all things absurd and yet, practical, leaves me feeling unworthy, my Bloggess….
Love this! 🙂
Pinker and more expenseve for no reason at all. That is the best sales pitch ever!
I’ve always wondered what a satchel was and why I would ever need one. Both questions answered.
You should partner with a buffet and they could hang them next to the soups and you could end up rich, or broke. Either way, I am not sure it really matters because it is a bag for soup. Maybe they could crumble up cornbread first to help with some of the soupiness and then just eat it with a spoon as it sits in their laps, while they drive around town looking for the liquor store.
When people try to sue you for those burns, your lawyer can point out that there is only one “S” and it is clearly labeled an “oup Satchel” – with a helpful explodey warning notice about soup below it.
Soup in a satchel…hahahha
This reminds me of when my husband invented ‘cake in a cup’
Because, you know, sometimes people don’t want a WHOLE cake.
He was disappointed when I reminded him that cupcakes have been around a while
Can we go into business? I’ll make an insert that is waterproof and for soup makers, they can put the soup in the morning before work and then at work, take the insert out from the soup satchel and place the soup insert into the microwave oven for heating. Then you have hot soup in your satchell at your work station. The insert will be microwave and dishwasher safe 😀
You’re weird. I like that.
Just what everyone needs but never knew! Brilliant. I vote you drink design more often.
I’m unclear whether this slowly strains hipsters out of your life, or just strains soup like a slow hipster (are there fast hipsters? Is this an “average flight speed of a swallow” conundrum?).
Can I use it for ice cream? Then I’ll buy one.
Now make one with Louis Armstrong’s face on it, so you have the Satchmo Soup Satchel option…
I personally like to pay more for the pink razors as opposed to the same exact razor but green. What lady wants a green razor???
This is like a juice box, but for soup. And, for adults. And, much messier.
Now that I am thinking about it, primarily because I am day drinking…would this hold wine and if so, how much?
Makes day drinking so much easier, because people will be all like, ohhhh she is just drinking her soup with a straw.
Say whaa?
The cross-marketing potential with the movie The Hangover is pretty high.
Pitch it!!
This idea is so crazy and stupid that it just might work!! Patent that shit!!!
Soup does make a house into a home. So much so that I made a character in my 2nd novel the Queen of Soup. I prefer oyster crackers over saltines, on the side. I know, I sound like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.
To elaborate on this brilliant cross-marketing campaign btn the Blogess and the Hangover…
You designed your soup satchel (the next generation of satchel awesomeness) while drinking. The satchel from the Hangover http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuygRWVwuUI
Indiana Jones would approve of the Soup Satchel. Case closed.
You’re like the Thomas Edison of useless stuff.
The performance art that is your life continues to amuse me greatly. Thanks for rocking the Internet! (And can we get a soup satchel in Periwinkle? Periwinkle. It’s fun to say and therefore self-validating.)
Speaking of things in a can, when my sister and I were little we used to wonder why mashed potatoes weren’t sold in a can when every other vegetable on the planet was. It was a valid question I think (maybe it would have a metallic aftertaste?) Hmmmm….
Just noticed this–regarding my previous comment, should it be “WASN’T”, not weren’t? Ugh, having a grammar crisis right now.
By the way, I meant to mention that the “ladies only” bag should have glittery shit on it. Because, you know, all women like that stuff. 😉
You could also do “soup in a boot” for folks who have walked in the soup dribbles, but have left the house, and need to keep their feet souped-up.
This is totes the best satchel ever!
I always thought of satchels as being leather and with a brass latch. Bags like what you have are totes, right? OOHHHHH. Now I know why you didn’t want use to use the word “totes” anymore. You are a marketing genius. An evil, wined-up, marketing genius.
Can I be you when I grow up? I can only dream of being this creative. I am already nutso, but I am a scientist and only think analytically, except when hiding in the closet.
To be paired with a soup sandwich.
Considering the fact that the last time I went to the store I bought 14 cans of soup (hey, it was on sale), this bag speaks to me.
Haha I love it!
<33333
How about a biscuit basket to accompany the soup satchel? Or a polenta pouch. Ooo, a pickle pocket?
Out of this whole post, the only product I’d actually want is a crockpot-scented Yankee Candle. Perhaps there could be a whole soup-scented line, ranging from chicken noodle to tomato basil. Yum.
Gonna read this in a bit..ran across it on arts journal.com about the little libraries http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2015/02/little-free-library-crackdown/385531/
Now I just need gravy boots.
You mean we weren’t genetically wired to like pink and to want to want to buy things that cost more than the standard version (since everything is masculine by default… it’s just obvious, duh)?
My lady brains are very happy now…
(I don’t understand it either, but yep… it’s a thing.)
Is it weird that the biggest issue I have with this is that that isn’t a satchel? It’s a tote bag. A satchel has a long strap and a flap over the opening of the bag that usually has a double fastener (and sometimes a small hand hold on top of the flap), like this: http://grafea.com/leatherbriefcase/Leather_Satchel.JPG
My sis-in-law told me about bags (or purse for you USians – we wouldn’t fit much wine in our UK purses lol) you can get that will hold wine & have a tap on the side. I can see how that could be adapted for soup, but why would you want to when… wine? Something like this: http://www.digitaltrends.com/home/finally-weve-found-first-purse-man-proud-carry/
How Andy Warhol of you ^_^
I love the pink more expensive one! Giggle! Giggle!
When you create an item for women only and then charge more for it, that isn’t sexism. Or at least, not in the way you think it is…
At first I thought: “ooo, I’ve recently developed an affinity for soup, this will be great!”. But then there was mention of fresh soup and no cans in which to place it. Then I got to thinking about my carpets and how I can’t even get dirt out of it without heavy equipment. Free-range soup might be a little out of my league…
Not a single totes reference? Really? And it was all so lined up after the last post. Swipe on soup lovers. Totes. ;D
This is perfect for me because my least favorite part of soup is the chunks so I can use this to filter out all the broth and give the chunks to my husband and dog because I know how to take care of people. And a dog. The cats are out of luck.
You have quite the sales pitch. I thought to myself “no way would I buy this” and within two sentences I was looking where to click to purchase.
There exist in this world Thermos-style containers for hot liquids. With handles. I actually have this on my to-be-bought list, because my daughter’s school doesn’t have a way for her to heat up lunch and she’s tired of sandwiches and I’m tired of paying cafeteria prices.
Zazzle doesn’t have one of these. They have an Igloo cold-beverages container with a handle. But not for hot soup.
This is a tragedy.
Yay! I love Drunk Jenny creations!
This is amazing. I’m always looking for ways to carry as much soup with me as possible as I have a constant craving for it. You truly can never have too much soup.
My old Paella Purse has gotten kind of ratty. I think I do need a Soup Satchel.
Tzipporah (#16 above) — I couldn’t find Louis Armstrong eating soup… but would spaghetti suffice? He’s got that look on his face like “You’re NOT going to take that picture are you? Oh you bum you’re taking that picture!”
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/575334921118275760/
It’s like a Soup-er Satchel!
Love that your selling-style is an attempt not to sell the product.
Now i want a soup-er (giddet!?) hipster strainer!
I’m a guy, and I LOVE SOUP. I wouldn’t use a straw, though. Since the tote is “totes” not waterproof, I would just hold it over my head and let the soup drip from the bottom of the tote into my mouth.
Holding up the soup-filled tote can also be a good arm strengthener. It’s great when a invention like this can help you kill two (soup-craving) birds with one stone.
is it made of organic cotton? because i only eat organic…
It brings to mind a barf bag.
The timing here is perfect because I am working on a line of Ladies Cling Wrap. (You’re welcome.)
I love these mainly because until I was 12, I thought the thing you shoved clothes in to travel was called a soupcase. That was an embarrassing day in english class.
This is a bag the lunch ladies at my grade school really should have had way back when. They were big on soup. Or slop. Not sure which. But either substance would have leaked nicely through the bag, as you describe:).
I want a salad satchel as as side. Rocqufert dressing. Lots of pepper, no crouton.
I am feeling less hopeless than last week. Your songs helped, along with inexplicable Seattle sunshine. It’s rough this time of year. I stick my finger in my cat’s mouth when he yawns and that helps a bit.
I pray for a spring fever that carries us all out of funk, to Pfunk.
Just thought you should know that your soup satchel just saved my life!!!
I was reading all about your new hipster strainer, when I spied the word “crockpot”, which caused to gasp and run to my kitchen to turn ON my crockpot (I’ll bet you expected me to say “off, didn’t you!). If I hadn’t read about the soup satchel, I would have gone to bed without turning on my crockpot, leaving my lunch for tomorrow to remain a frozen brick. This in turn would have forced me to eat uncooked chicken thighs, which COULD have caused my death, if not just left me perilously close to the grave. Thank you Bloggess, and thank you soup satchel!
You just need to find a place for the straw and the holster for going round the neck and you have a perfect hands-free take out
Dear Jenny,
You really are delightfully weird.
Love,
Ruby
Don’t worry about the werewolves that will follow you. Don’t worry at all. Just enjoy the chunks. Because the werewolves will, too.
“It’s like a very slow, hipster strainer.”
^^That line! I laughed so loudly, five people from my office turned to see what I was laughing at.
Thank you. I needed that. <3
OMGosh Beasie I also put my finger in my cats mouth when she yawns, which is all the time. The soup satchel is a metro style of the camel back hydration backpack. Love the idea of filling both with wine, or soup.
If you had an actual catalog and put all the satchels on the same page, you’d have a …
I love everything about this. Everything.
Soup is my absolute most favorite thing on the planet. And cats. I turn 30 in June – can you make a soup/cat satchel??? I’ll buy them all 😉
Once I was in the ER waiting room with yet another kidney stone. The ER waiting area happened to be the same waiting room as the the psych intake. I THiNK the guy next to me was waiting for the other part since he was having an argument/conversation with his soup, which was in a satchel.