My spoon is exhausted.

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

Conversation with my husband at one of those cooking stores for people who use more than one pot their whole life:

spoonme me: Holy shit.  This spoon is ENORMOUS.

Victor:  It’s not a spoon.  It’s a spoon rest.

me:  Because my spoons need to rest?

Victor:  Seriously?  You put it on the stove so you can put the dirty spoon you’re using to stir with on it.

me:  So now I have two dirty spoons.  I’m supposed to buy a spoon for my spoon now?

Victor:  Sort of.

me:  Baffling.  And this is why I don’t cook.

Victor:  Yeah.  That’s why.

*********

And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:

sid2

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

 

Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:  (I had a small breakdown this week, and the best cure for that is reading so all of these are books that helped me escape the hell that is my own head.  If you hate books you should leave now.)

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by the fascinating Cosmic Box.  Cosmic Box is an inexpensive monthly released box, full of an eclectic mix of organic small batch food, organic artisan skin care, gems and such. It’s like a surprise present for your body, soul and home.  The very first box ships out mid-May and all are curated by Kat Davis (also of wildhoneyapothecary) a holistic RN who has dedicated her life to the study of botanicals, gems and honey.   20% off all profits are donated to a different charity each month.  Get yourself some cosmic awesomeness right here.

90 thoughts on “My spoon is exhausted.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I guess chopsticks get tired too… They aren’t supposed to touch the table after using! Sheesh.

    (Yes, but if you stick them straight up in your rice-bowl it’s rude because it reminds people of incense at funerals. This knowledge is what comes from being married to a man who knows Asian customs and isn’t afraid to yell at you when you let your rice get corpsey. At this point I’m considering just storing my chopsticks behind my ears. ~ Jenny)

  2. People cook with more than one pot? Why would that happen? I don’t know if my spoons need resting, but I have a cabinet full of pots and pans that have been in hibernation since 1996…

  3. Stores like that are just wishful thinking for me because I can’t seem to make it past the pizza establishment that offers me Hot and Ready Pizzas for $5. I can’t cook anything for five bucks and the kids love pizza . . . . .at least they did until the local pizza establishment started offering Hot and Ready Pizzas for $5.

  4. If you get a spoon rest with an animal on it, I’m pretty sure the animal cleans the spoon for you.

    (I already have four live animals who compete for that. It’s like this big spoon is trying to take away my pet’s jobs. Just say no to Big Spoon. ~ Jenny)

  9. It reminds me that when I was in primary school for egg and spoon races I’d use Mum’s table spoon which seemed to be bigger than nearly every other tablespoon any other kid had.

  11. I never knew those wooden spoons for cooking were reusable. When I set one down, the cats tackle it and drag it off like it was a gazelle. I never see it again.

  13. And here I thought you were going to talk about Spoon Theory (butyoudontlooksick.com) and invisible illnesses. Silly me. I needed a laugh more anyway. I already know about Spoon Theory, but I must have missed the etiquette lesson on corpsey rice.

  14. My spoons are lazy as hell. I have, like, five different sizes and shapes of spoon rests. Yet, amazingly, I still just put my damn spoons on the counter. I feel so bad for whichever poor soul has to clean up after I trash my kitchen.

    And, for what it’s worth, I don’t know who or what made your wonderful husband utter the AP quote, but as a journalist myself … he has my support!

  15. I had about the same train of thought when some customer asked me if we sell rolling pin holders. I said we did, but we call them drawers.

  16. For the longest time, I didn’t know what the spoon rest looking things were at a Chinese restaurant we used to patronize (is that the right word?). But anyway, they turned out to be soup spoons. So… kind of the opposite of what you thought about the spoon rest? I dunno but I always thought those Chinese soup spoons were a little strange.

  17. I thought of spoon theory too — apparently there’s a hidden metaphor here. You’re good.

    About those sleepy chopsticks…here’s the easiest useful origami in the world.
    Fold the paper wrapper in thirds (or halves) to get it about 2″ long.
    Fold it lengthwise
    Push the ends in so the thing can stand up.
    Put it on the table, and rest your chopsticks on it.

    Aw heck I typed that out then thought to check google and yup there are are a bazillion sites with pictures. Oh well. http://www.origami-resource-center.com/chopstick-wrapper-stand.html

  18. I have no problem with spoon rests, per se. Except at work. Although I’ve described to my peers MANY times, in the HUFFIEST of voices, the purpose and dynamics of a spoon rest, they all, CONSTANTLY, replace it on the stovetop BACKWARDS. They can’t all be complete imbeciles (one hopes) so I conclude that they are deliberately trying to drive me insane. Insane-er.

  19. My spoons probably need a rest, b/c they’re always running away from home. Or playing hide and seek. Or some damn thing that means they’re NEVER in the freaking drawer. For all the damn spoons I’ve bought I should be wading in them.

    And pens.

    Maybe my spoons and pens are having torrid affairs and running off together?

  20. Sadly I am one of those kitchen store shoppers. And I have several spoon rests…
    ps I have to thank you for my newest addiction Wild Honey Apothecary!

  21. For those of us guys (and I am a by-the-definition Guy) who get tired of cleaning the stove again and again and AGAIN, a spoon rest is a Very Fine Thing. Instead of scrubbing down the whole stove top, you wash the spoon rest in the sink and it’s quick and easy.

  24. I’ve had the same the conversation with my husband. I just put the spoon on the stove and he says well now the stove is dirty!! well it’s already dirty because I’M COOKING ON IT…I’m going to have to clean the stove anyway, why use a soon rest and have to clean one more thing???

  25. I’ve had a similar conversation with my husband. I just put the damn spoon on the drive, he says now the stoves dirty!! No shoot… I’M COOKING ON IT. in going to have to clean off the stove already, why use a spoon rest and make my job one item harder??

  26. Those spoon-holder-thingies are the best!! I really need one because I do this thing where I just hold the handle in my teeth and sometimes it drops on the floor or I slobber into the food.

  27. I have a sneaking suspicion that the same people who use spoon rests are the same people who use burner covers on their stoves. Quit putting so much shit on your stoves people! It’s not necessary! The surface of my stove holds the weight of my spoon perfectly and if it’s messy I just wipe it with a wet paper towel later. Voila, no need for a spoon rest.

  28. And, pray tell, where does one find a Spork rest? It seems wrong to use a spoon rest for it…it is so much more than a spoon…

  29. Lol first that came to mind was the spoon theory too. Great minds and all that or just used up all my spoons reading this. Maybe it’s is a sign that your spoon is just crapped out and wants a rest and take out food for a week is a necessity!

  31. I still spill and splash stuff all over the stovetop when I cook. Wth. If I had a spoon rest, it would probably manage to be the only clean thing i the six foot square area around my stove. Then I would have to break it for mocking me.

  32. I have a double spoon rest but it looks like a butt mold from an elf so the only way I can convince myself to rest spoons on it is to pretend elf butts have magical food prep properties. The mac and cheese I made last night was particularly good, so maybe there’s something to that.

    Also, I want to read all the books you mention. Especially the one that has no name or publisher.

  33. So was the whole reason that Lucy kept pulling the football away that Charlie Brown couldn’t get it up? Will she finally let him kick it now?

  34. I’m watching The Jinx and it is fucking insane and addictive and I can’t wait for the last episode tonight.

  35. I’m watching The Jinx and I can’t wait for the final episode tonight and it is insane and so is he and it’s addictive. And they reopened the case!!!

  36. At first I thought you were going to say you were hanging out with the band Spoon. I don’t believe in spoon rests….only spoon saucers. It makes neglected saucer plates feel useful and then your spoons don’t have to wait to rest again until their ‘spoon rest’ is cleaned from the last one that got to rest.

  37. I just downloaded “The Jinx” before reading this. I can’t wait to get started on it.

  39. You know your breakdown is related to the fact that you had to make a science project hat, right. Hope that teacher’s happy now.

  41. If I had this ‘big spoon’ in my kitchen…. I might be inclined to eat with it when I find there are no clean spoons of normal size in the normal size spoon drawer.
    Best I don’t purchase it….

  46. Sorry you had a rough week; unfortunately it seems to be going around. Way to seek out the awesome and moving forward AND inform us about important books!

  48. I get out a little saucer to use as a spoon rest, because I’d rather wash a dish/throw it in the dishwasher than wash my counter every time.

    also, my cashier’s name at Wal-Mart just now was named Victor and I almost addressed him what I imagine your diction to be to both A. Get off his fucking phone, he’s at work and B. not put my goddamn shampoo in the same bag as FOOD.

  49. If you were kind enough to put spoon rests in your store we would gift them back and forth in a cheerful manner. Please and thank you.

  50. Words can’t express how much I love you. When I read your book, I was amazed at how it’s like you are my non-biological (is that really a word) twin. I would read parts of your book out loud to the Hubbs, and he would shake his head because we are so much alike. The Beyonce at the door incident is EXACTLY something i would do. He said he feels for Victor. The sticky notes were my favorite and I too, have a habit of being convinced that there are Chupacabras around. Thank you for making realize I’m not the only one.

  52. Weird but the first thing I “saw” was a tongue. Like maybe that Rolling Stones tongue. I guess I could put my spoon on that. Also, thank you for the book suggestions. I hope they help you feel better. In my week of books: Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan, The Cold Dish by Craig Johnson, The Beach Street Knitting Society and Yarn Club by Gil McNeil, The Case of the Love Commandos by Tarquin Hall (actually that is 2 weeks of books but whatever. I like them all and want to share the love).

  54. I clicked on the blog link on my phone from twitter and up in the header it says “…poon is exhausted/”. I wasn’t sure what to expect….

  57. The Jinx is so freaking fantastic and I got all the way up until the final episode and my lame husband fell asleep so I have to wait until tomorrow because I literally don’t know how to work our complicated remote by myself. I kicked him so many times but nothing worked- he’s still out there snoring.

  58. My mother had a spoon rest. It was called the stove top and it worked very well. However, Mom is gone. And the Chinese Missus has a spoon rest. And there is nothing I can do about it.

  60. It was a good week for a bad week. Every step was like slogging through a jello filled universe. So grateful the sun was out yesterday. It was all I could do to drag myself out to soak in a sunny spot, but definitely worth it. I feel much better today. I’m hoping you & everyone else is too.

  63. Those spoon things have always confused me. It seems like it’s more work to wash two spoons than to just…wipe off the counter when you’re done cooking? But maybe it’s for filthy people who never clean their counter… So they don’t want to put their spoon down on the filthy counter and then place it back into their nice clean food. So for them, it’s easier to clean one extra spoon than to clean their filthy counter in the first place.

    Conclusion: Stop buying spoons for your spoons and just clean your freaking kitchen. XD

  64. That McCall’s Pattern Behavior thing is hilarious, no? I keep going back to it over and over to watch it and giggle like a weirdo. Classic.

  66. I just use a saucer for that myself. A former housemate had a spoon-rest that was a tiny plate shaped like a chicken, which she just called a “chicken.” Sample uses of the phrase: “Could you grab my chicken from the drawer, I need to put this spoon down.” “I think the chicken’s still buried in a box somewhere. I’ll find it next week.” and “Do you want to use my chicken for that?”

  67. My spoons don’t rest, those bastards don’t get NEARLY enough exercise, so no rest for them. Seriously, I’M the one stirring the pot, MY arm needs a freaking rest. Food Network needs to come out with an ARM rest for cooks who use spoons to stir. Why do SPOONS get to rest??? Not fair.

  68. Think of it this way, Jenny. If you have that spoon for your spoon, you can just throw both of them in the dishwasher when you’re done cooking.
    If you stir with the spoon, then put it on the stove or counter, neither the stove nor the counter will fit in the dishwasher.
    Also, Victor is right, because Victor.

  69. I need to know where to get that spoon. When I eat, I always try to get as much into my mouth as possible so that I don’t have to look away from the TV for too long. This spoon would really help with that. Even better, if there’s a version with a sort of ‘shunt’ at one end to just slowly push an entire plateful of food into my mouth over the course of say 10 minutes, then I’d never need to look away from the telly again. Genius.

  70. I actually wrote about this exact same dilemma during an anniversary meal with my wife.

    I ordered salad, the safest bet on the appetizers. Quinn had soup. Afterwards, the waiter approached with two small plates, on which there was an over-sized spoon with wee snowballs on them. My forehead was a sea of flesh waves.

    Never backing down, I bit directly into it. I looked up to see my partner delicately chipping at hers with another spoon; we both froze, staring at each other. I realized my mistake when the brain-freeze hit, all of my features gathering towards the centre of my face, the entirety of my being was lemon-flavoured.

    “You’re supposed to eat it with a spoon.” Quinn gestured with hers.

    “But it’s on a spoon.”

    “That’s a tasting spoon.”

    “So I should be able to taste things with it.” It was difficult to argue my point when I felt like I was about to drool.

    “It’s more for presentation.”

    “That’s what plates are for,” I said, and the citrus abyss had reluctantly stopped staring back, “This is a spoon. I don’t want to spoon things off a spoon, with a spoon.”

    Too many spoon, I wanted to say, but I had been making efforts to be more articulate. I looked glumly down at my bitten sorbet,

    “They’re going to see this and notice bite marks. They could frame me for a crime with this.”

    It was true. There was a perfect imprint of my teeth on the top of it.

    “You might want to – smooth that out.” Quinn said.

    I brought the tasting spoon to my mouth. I licked the sorbet.

    “It’s smooth now.”

    She gave me a look of loving long-suffering.

  72. I got hung up on “the dirty spoon you’re using to stir with”. Why are you using a dirty spoon to stir your food?! ^_^

  74. I always think that, too. NOW I HAVE TWO THINGS TO WASH. Just- what? Leave it in the pot, or better yet, let’s go OUT.

    ps- the first thing I thought was that it was one of those weird spoons they give you with egg-drop soup at an Asian restaurant. We got those with our soup the other night, and my daughter was like, “Why are we eating with spoon rests?”

  76. Spoon rest, or as they’re called in our house, a little plate. It’s got to be washed anyways, might as well use something that fits easily in the dishwasher.

  78. Huh..they were just talking about the jinx on whatever the tv is currently on. About the spoons – that’s what a paper towel is for (can wipe up any spills as well as keep the spoon from gunking to the stovetop). Then again I have those burner covers to keep two labs worth of dog fur out of the burners.

  79. Reminds me of the time I came home from the store with what I thought was a pretty substantially serving spoon, only to be advised by my wife that it was a spoon rest.

  84. I don’t have a spoon rest, but I do have a hot food rest. It’s this big thing I use to let my food cool down after I take it out of the microwave. Oddly enough, most of my friends call their hot food rests by a different name of “stove top.” They’re weird though.

  86. So, if you have one of those, do you get to spoon like that when you get into the bed with your significant other? Is this where they got the term “spooning” from? Why would it be called that. Why not “back cuddling” or something more descriptive. Yea, I digress….

  87. I have a very fancy one that matches my dishes. My dish set also has egg cups. Shaped like chickens. They are fabulous and I have 2 but I would never eat an egg from them. Ever.

  88. Hi dancing one, Thought this was funny! Especially now that cooking is such a chore. (And with regards to the spoon theory) How you doing? Are you feeling better? We still on for Thursday I hope? Questions questions questions! I have to be honest and pretty freaking sick so what I’ll be able to do is limited.😠 Let me know how UB. Hugs, Nancy

    >

  89. I have a spoon rest, my stove top is still a disaster and I still use multiple spoons. You’re not missing anything. Promise.

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