Fifth Argument I Had With Victor This Week

in Random Crap

Fifth Argument I Had With Victor This Week

Victor:  Hey, slacker.  If you have time to lean you have time to clean.

me: I’m not “leaning”.  I’m watching Mythbusters.

Victor:  Same difference.

me:  No.  Plus, your leaning phrase doesn’t make any sense.

Victor: If you have time to lean you have time to clean.  In other words, if you have time to goof off then you have time to organize the closet.

me:  Right. So you’re punishing people for relaxing.  So every time I’m relaxing it means that I have to work.  That’s never going to catch on.  It should be “If you have time to lean then you’ve obviously planned your day really well and you should probably reward yourself with a cocktail and an electric blanket that has pockets filled with baby kittens and fried cheese sticks.”

Victor: That’s…not at all what I’m saying.

me:  Too late.  Now I’m just going to watch even more Mythbusters in order to fuck up my day tomorrow so that I never have time to clean again.  So basically, more TV and less cleaning.  I win.

Victor: And everyone else loses.

me: Well, time management is a tricky mistress.

Winner: MythBusters.

PS. I feel like this post needs a picture but I don’t have one that matches this post so here’s a random picture of my desk:

rolly3

141 thoughts on “Fifth Argument I Had With Victor This Week”

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  7. Just a piece of advice from one who has maybe just perhaps once upon a time tried it: Keep the baby kitties in a different pocket than the fried cheese sticks.

  8. Poor Victor just does’t know how to relax. Perhaps if you continue being a positive role model, he will eventually catch on.

  10. You don’t “have” time to lean, you “make” time. Some people don’t understand the importance of time management.

  11. More like, if you have time to nag you have time to use cleaning rags. If you have time to whine you have time to shine…the countertops. If you have time to grumble you have time to tumble…dry the laundry.

  12. Victor The Clean Freak is making me not have a crush on him anymore. You can tell him I said so. Also tell him “If you have time to complain, you have time to get slain.” #NotARealThreatButAGoodRhyme

  14. If you’re dealing with a pocket full of blanket-heated kittens, you certainly have no time to lean for there is much warm, fuzzy snuggling to be done. Victor obviously has no idea how kittens work.

  17. I misread who was saying what and this conversation was WAY more confusing. I was like, “wow, Victor has presented a surprisingly well thought out argument. Wait, that’s Jenny. That makes sense.”

  18. Also, I hope you have separate pockets for the kittens and the cheese. Everybody knows that kittens and cheese don’t taste good together.

  19. What the fuck, Victor? It’s like he’s just making this shit up now.

  20. Hey, I thought Victor being wrong was confirmed long ago. What’s he picking on you for? Gees. Jealous much, Victor? Jenny just knows how to relax. 😉

  22. I want that electric blanket. Although we might need to genetically engineer kittens that don’t poop, otherwise that’d be a super mess. And nothing that I want near my fried cheese.

  24. If Victor has time to argue with you about leaning, he’s got time to clean.

  26. An electric blanket with pockets full of kittens and cheese is exactly the sort of platform you need to be a presidential candidate… someone get on drafting up this logo stat! I’m sure the Mystbusters will make kick ass cabinet members. Faith in the political system will be restored. Sorry Victor, you’ve clearly lost.

  27. You still watch Mythbusters? I gave up after they dumped Grant, Tory, and Carrie, and started testing myths like Fruit Ninja and stuff they saw on the Simpsons.

  28. Paul F. Tompkins had a good riff on that statement. “A human being said that to me. To my face. Why are you talking like that? Are we in the Army?”

  29. I actually think the picture of your kitty makes your argument very well. She’s relaxing and therefore, has planned her day very well. 🙂 I need to do that instead of going to work.

  30. Weird. The pockets of my electric blanket are filled with miniature uncooked cheese sticks and fried kittens. So… I’m not relaxing enough, I guess?

  33. An electric blanket with pockets filled with baby kittens and fried cheese sticks?? You SO need to get into the personal appliance field, Jenny……I cannot begin to tell you how just the possibility of that makes me feel happy and at peace with the universe. You’ve got vision, girl

  34. “Pockets filled with baby kittens for everyone!” Should be your campaign slogan if you ever decide to run for President. Just sayin’. Sounds like a winner to me.

  35. Victor needs to lean more…we should all learn to lean more…and THEN eat cheese sticks nom

  37. You know what – if you’re relaxing… then nothing is getting dirty / messy to clean!

  39. My Sunday Argument with my huz after I had had a long night and felt overly tired and he had been up and at ’em all morning and I was sitting on the couch all. damn. morning.:

    Him: I’m going to the store….have fun without me.
    Me: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….FINE!!!!!!!!!! I’ll get up and take a shower!!!!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Him: Whoa…
    Me: What?! Jeeeeez. Can’t I sit on the couch for like, 5 hours straight watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians without getting an attitude out of you?!
    Him: ………………..
    Me: I thought you were going to the store. Fleh……
    Him: WHY ARE YOU SO RUDE?!
    Me: I’m just SENSITIVE, I guess…
    Him: Yeesh….

    For the record, his “Have fun without me” was a purely innocent statement that I blew COMPLETELY out of proportion and I’m an evil woman and I need to be stopped. Actually, it had more of a “I’ve been busting my ass since 6am on Saturday morning and here you sit…la tee da…queen of the manor…” SLASH “I’m heading to the store, enjoy some quiet time all by yourself and I hope you are having fun watching the Kardashians”…vibe…I can’t be sure which one, but in his defense…it was probably the last one and not so much the first one.

  40. I’m thinking that the only reasons that Victor is talking to you about not cleaning are the following:
    1) He obviously wants the sofa for himself! And the TV too! That’s being greedy Victor! Nobody likes Mr McGreedyBritches!
    2) he doesn’t want to do the cleaning himself so he thinks he can make you do it by shaming out of relaxing! Don’t shame people!
    3) Hells-yeah!! Jenny for President, Y’all!!!!! And Victor could be the First Husband! Well, we can’t call him the First Man! Or would that be the First Sir?

  42. where can i buy an electric blanket that has pockets of kittens and cheese sticks??? it sells itself!!!

  43. And just what exactly was “Mr. High & Mighty Pants” Victor NOT doing that gave him the free time to argue with you about what you WEREN’T doing?!? Hmmmm?!? Sounds like he should follow his own advice as he just LEANS there telling you not to lean! Of all the nerve! Nobody gets to talk to Jenny like that, not even Victor. Nuff said! 😉

    (In his defense, he was cleaning the closet when he said it. And I didn’t have any kittens or cheese sticks so technically I think we were both in the wrong. ~ Jenny)

  45. Tell my friend Victor I would pay money to see him clean. Thanks for all you do to help your following.

  46. I no longer have to pretend that I’ve read Lean In. Everything I needed to know in that book, I just learned here. Thank you.

  47. God, my husband is the same way! So he’s allowed to relax and I’m not? Pisses me off.

  48. If you have time to lean you have time to clean. That is true only if you are getting paid.

  54. Your logic is infallible and I agree the original statement was designed to instill guilt. So, in order to stick it to ‘The Man’, I lean whenever I have occasion….like, anytime I see a sign with that phrase. I will lean right next to it and eat a candy bar just to prove no sign is the boss of me. Lol

  56. if you include jalapeño poppers, I’d keep them away from kittens. I may or may not have given one to the dog once: he was less than thrilled with me.

  60. I’m little worried about the proximity of the friend cheese sticks, the kittens, and the electric blanket. I would worry that you’d end up electrocuted and covered in cheese.
    But I admire your logic.
    (my cats indicated that the cheese-sticks should be in the kittens, but I m not sure fried cheese sticks are good for baby kittens)

  61. Cleaning blows. Sure, it makes the house “smell nice” and “keeps health inspectors away,” but it’s booooring. Just strap a Swiffer pad to Ferris Mewler and get back to watching Mythbusters.

  62. Just so you know, in the building next to where they film Mythbusters is a distillery that makes amazing vodka and gin and absinthe, and the next building over is a winery. It’s like the perfect place to come get drunk and geek out. Seriously, we have it all in California.

  64. Poor victor, he really wants the closet organized. Maybe if he managed his time a little better, then he could organize it. Personally, I always say that ‘a person with an organized closet obviously doesn’t know the joys of leaning and Mythbusters’.

    It’s a family saying passed down from my great great great great grandneighbor. She was a minor celebrity because she invented modern currency and dust bunnies.

  65. People are focusing on the kittens and cheese sticks and ignoring the importance of the COCKTAIL!

    Also: Kitty would like you to know that this belly ain’t gonna rub itself.

  66. My favorite part was your comment on the comments that he was actually cleaning the cost at the time of the conversation… That makes it so much better.

    I just did yoga with my foster kittens… I did yoga and they attacked my mat and props. And plants. And everything else in the room. I wanted to be annoyed that they were meeting with my stuff, but it was too cute.

  67. Where can I get one of those blankets with the cheese pockets and kittens? I could certainly use one.

  69. Victor sounds a lot like Babboo, who believes I should never take a break. Maybe if he could remember where the trash can was or the hamper, it wouldn’t be such a hot fucking mess in here all the time. Ugh.

  71. If you have time to lean, you have time to sit. If you have time to sit, you have time to have a lap of kitty. If you have a lap of kitty, you have obligation to scritch a kitty. If you have time to scritch a kitty, you have time to be healed by the purring. Sounds like Victor needs some healing purring. I suppose if he finds the heated blanket in the closet, he can then sit down, plug it in, and find a pocket full of kittens.

    As long as he is cleaning his own closet, and not messing with yours, you win.

  72. If you aren’t sitting on a pile of old pizza boxes and cat fur balls it is probably clean enough.

  73. I much, much, much prefer your version.
    Except less Mythbusters and more storage Hunters because i just can’t get enough of seeing other peoples forgotten crap for some weird reason xo

  74. Fun always wins over cleaning. BTW, there is a metal Rooster in a neighbor’s yard down the road. It’s brightly colored with blue, red, and yellow. It’s a mini me of the one you have. 🙂

  75. Aren’t we always being told to live life like it’s our last day alive? Would you want to spend your last day on this earth cleaning out a closet? NO! No one would. I think that’s the argument you should use the next time your husband wants you to clean. Of course, he might come back with the argument that substance abuser users probably say the same thing. I may have to rethink this theory…

  76. You should have simply told him that they mentioned they may have time to address the “lean versus clean” myth at the end of the show and therefore are waiting to see if it holds any validity.

  78. Doesn’t Victor work from home too? What’s wrong with the man cleaning/organizing the closet? There’s no men’s work or women’s work. There’s just work. And tv watching.

  79. You can also tell Victor has been influence by Japanese management. They use that at Toyota(I hear.)

  81. You know what goes great with electric blankets full of fried cheese sticks? Hot water bottles filled with gourmet drinking chocolate.

    And just like that, I’m never cleaning again.

  84. I think Victor may be my half-brother. He opened his mouth and my mother’s words came out. I must say, you handled it with much more flair than I did. I just flounced and developed a guilt complex that causes me to over-lean then over clean. sigh

  86. Not sure I can contribute to that one (it’s just me and two labs) but I vote for fried cheese any time. Also your cat is the second creature I’ve seen lay like that, the other being my yellow lab (who definitely won’t fit on a desk).

  87. Um…the picture is totally related, as your kitty is totally leaning. Duh.

  89. If my hubby criticized my lack of time management skills, I’d say, “Boy, you must really not want a bj tonight.” BOOM. No more criticism!

  91. Um, duh!: YOU WON! And if you invent said blackout, WE ALL WIN! You could probably do it WHILE watching Myth busters, so it could count as rest AND Victor’s silly “work” business.

  93. Victor could’ve cleaned it himself had he not been Chatty Cathy! Less talkie talkie, Victor! More cleanie cleanie!

  94. I have chronic fatigue. If I am leaning, I need to lie down. Cleaning doesn’t come into it. On the other hand, I have introduced my husband to my family’s belief that a person with a cat on his lap is temporarily freed from all household responsibilities short of emergency response; it has taken considerable persuasion, but he now sits quietly and enjoys his “excuse” to rest.

  95. Anyone who watches Mythbusters knows that you can reject someone else’s reality and substitute your own. (and did you also know that if you retype the word “else’s” over & over trying to please spellcheck by moving the apostrophe around,that the word doesn’t even make sense? Spellcheck is a Fatal Attraction type of mistress.)

  96. I really want a blanket with pockets filled with kittens and fried cheese sticks. Please make one for your shop. I am alreadyl thinking of Christmas gifts

  97. Please sell blankets with kitten filled pockets and fried cheese sticks in your shop. I am already thinking of that perfect holiday gift

  98. You’re lucky your cat only lies on your notes looking cute. When my cat wants attention, there’s a fair chance she’ll climb up me and hang from my shoulder. If I don’t stop typing and start supporting her furry butt, the next step is to climb onto my shoulders, settle across the back of my neck and purr into my ear.

  99. Kittens, cheesesticks and an electric blanket pretty much sums up my idea of success. Throw some glitter on that and I’m set for life.

  102. Next time Victor gets randy, lean of the dresser, sink, etc. After about 45 sends in, make him stop, explain that is you have time to lean you have time to clean.

  103. They use that adage in restaurants a lot. However, I like your take on it. Fried cheese sticks are my favorite. However, I would prefer them NOT of the furry persuasion. Maybe with little bowls of marinara and the kittens can be snuggled up all around me? Yes. That sounds cozy and wonderful! Mmmmm….Cheesesticks!!!

  104. You know, in the time it took him to have that argument, Victor could have been cleaning. And he definitely shouldn’t be antagonizing you while you’re learning about high explosives.

  106. Hey Victor: If you’ve got time to complain you’ve got money to hire a maid.

    No, it doesn’t rhyme, or even make sense, but it sounds good. The maid gets a job, Jenny gets to lean, and Victor can still complain about, I don’t know, paying for a maid. Everybody wins!

  107. Why do cats love lying on paper? I’ll have an empty expanse of bed except for one magazine and that’s where my cat Rocky plops down. He gets pissed and scratchy when I try and retrieve it. Sigh. Life with felines.

  108. I can’t decide what I want more, a pocket full of kittens or a pocket full of cheese sticks? Knowing me, the kittens…lol. But it is a hard choice. Here to avoiding cleaning at all cost.

  111. OMG I read “leaning” as “learning” for the first few tries. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out what Victor’s problem was with you learning stuff on MythBusters. Especially since sometimes that involves avoiding catastrophes. Or, you know, promoting them..

  114. Seriously need to get a “Like” button on this website. I’ve been asking for like, ever.

  116. I’m with you on this one Jenny.
    It’s up to you how you manage your time, there’s nothing wrong with watching Mythbusters, & relaxing is a very important thing to do if you want to maintain any level of sanity.
    If Victor has time to scold you for Watching Mythbusters, he has time to do the cleaning himself!

  117. Where have I been that I’ve never tried fried cheese sticks?

    Leaning on the other hand, I’m like a god damn rocket scientist of leaning.

  120. What is the DEAL with husbands wanting a clean house??? Who CARES?? Sex, food, and sleep is all anyone needs, and one of those can be eliminated if needs be…..hmmm? T:)

  121. Dr. Mablt (Me) says: “Oh Sweetie, let me interpret “guy talk” for you”.
    Bloggess (You) say “Huh?”.
    Dr. Mablt says: “You were too close to the scene of the collision of three guiding human truisms. 1) a busy man (Victor) is a happy man (True?); 2) no body like to be alone (also true?); and 3) men speak Martian which has no words for “come be my close companion”.
    Bloggess says: “Um, go on . . ”
    Dr. Mablt says: Sooo, Victor was busy cleaning, and he was happy, but he was alone and you were close by, so he wanted you to join him in his bliss of being happy cleaning. But you missed his request for intimate companionship and sharing because he’s a “guy” and they speak Martian and can’t say that.

  124. See, this is an issue that actually does bother me. A lot.

    If my husband (who’s actually a very nice person. Most of the time.) gets in a cleaning mood, then nothing will do but I must stop whatever I’m doing and join in on the fun. I fail to remember just when it was that he was elected Lisa’s Minder.

    I didn’t vote for him.

  125. Mythbusters + ban on cleaning = all. the. awesome.

    And doggonit!! Cats are so dang cute when they lie on their backs like that! But every time @swagmeloncat does it and I give in and go to gently rub his belly – WHAMMO BLAMMO! Vicious kitty attack time! It’s so disconcerting and discombobulating and just darned unfair!

  126. My husband thinks I’m slacking when I sit on the couch to fold 10 loads of clean laundry, and the tv happens to be on while I’m folding. Heaven forbid I should get any enjoyment out of folding laundry.

  128. I love this cat and everything about it. Even its little fangs.

    I firmly believe that if you have time to lean, then clearly you NEED to lean and it’s perfectly okay. Some people just… can’t. And that’s fine. But also, Mythbusters is a fucking learning experience. For every season you watch you should earn some sort of degree for all the learning that occurred.

  129. Shannon @ # 12 “If you have time to complain, you have time to get slain.” I’m so stealing that.
    Mythbusters is the best way to binge watch. You feel like you’re getting smarter in spite of burrowing on the sofa and vegging out for the greater amount of the morning. And, if you’re crabby, it’s cathartic because they blow shit up at every opportunity.

  130. Messes are the natural order of things (entropy). Relaxing=good for your health. I don’t understand how anyone could prioritize cleaning (unnatural) over relaxing (healthy). Cats understand this. Husbands? Not so much.

  131. Please tell me that’s a live cat and not taxidermy.

  132. Baby kittens and fried cheese sticks. Can you make me an electric blanket that has actual pockets? 🙂 This is why I love you. You tell him you’re “leaning” because all of the cleaning is ALREADY DONE VICTOR. 🙂 Also, my cat has the same collar, they may as well be siblings. I’m going with it. I’m telling everyone my cats sib belongs to the Bloggess. I’m going to be famous. ha ha ha

  134. I think the picture goes perfectly. Clearly, there is plenty of time to lean, and to relax. (“Time to lean is time to clean” is my least favorite memory of working in fast food. That includes actually WORKING in fast food.) Victor is wrong, and you are right.

  135. I find you refreshingly (is that a word?? may be spelled wrong) honest. I read your book. Is it depressing that I my life was like yours (minus the taxidermy) I suppose depressing is a horrible word. Scary maybe? Any who..I wanted to tell you your the reason I started a blog. Just now! I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. I’m pretty sure people are hacking into my computer right now. Thank you. (not for the hacking in my computer part) but for the inspiration. I’m at Raisingtheuniquebean.com at least I think I am..stop by

  136. But if you have time to say, “If you have time to lean, you have time to clean,” shouldn’t you have time to clean, too? And shouldn’t everyone be cleaning all the time, since they’ve found time to do other things?

    Confused…

  138. My husband and I don’t argue over cleaning… we argue over money (like any sensible couple who doesn’t ever seem to have enough). I have recommended he add my copy of your first book to his required reading list, and now I remember that your second is due out soon, is it not? Slightly heavier and about depression and shit? DEFINITELY need to snag a copy of that one, since the argument boiled down to Depression Lying. I added a link to your store in my latest blog post, because otherwise, it would have looked like I stole your ornament design for my own nefarious purposes, and i TOTALLY didn’t.

  140. I never argue about cleaning with my husband because if he says something he knows that I will make him help me. For him this is worse than a dirty house! 😀

  141. Pingback: Furiously Happy and Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, by Jenny Lawson – It's a long story

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