Thanks a lot, deer.

in Random Crap

I just went outside to let Dorothy Barker pee but when I stepped off the porch I screamed a little because the whole lawn was filled with deer and apparently I’d scared them because they all started to run away, but I’m in a cul-de-sac and they wanted to hide in the empty lot near us, so they had to run past me which meant that I had a dozen unexpected large mammals running at me which exactly is why I was screaming.  Then I realized they were just deer and nothing to be afraid of but then I immediately thought, “WHY ARE THEY RUNNING?  WHAT IF THE COUGAR COMING?” because there’s a cougar in our area.  So I picked up Dottie and started running with the deer and then they started running even faster and I was like “HE’S GAINING ON US” and I ducked into the bushes, but turns out that they were just running because there was a mad woman who was screaming and was running after them with a small dog in her arms.

This is the most exciting thing to happen to me all day.

177 thoughts on “Thanks a lot, deer.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. Oh I needed that laugh!! I just had the piss scared out of me (figuratively) when I went outside of the vacation house I’ve rented and was faced by a very large cow. It had wandered out of its property and was eating the grass along the lane way. I just slowly backed into the house. I’m sure you would have a much better response to the same situation. I’m sorry Rory wasn’t with me 🙂

  4. Thank you for putting a smile on my face this evening! Just love your stories. I end up laughing out loud which is a really rare thing for me!

  9. Heck, sweetie, that would be the most exciting thing to happen to me all year! How very cool and panicky! I’m glad you’re both alright. 🙂

  23. You are awesome , we also have a cougar and live close to a feline rescue place when I say close I mean we can hear the lions from our yard, sometimes when I’m outside at night or in the early morning sometimes you can just feel eyes on you, i mean it’s probably just squirrels or deer but what if it’s not…

  24. Love it! Hey, you never know. Not a bad idea to run with the herd. Glad you escaped the jaws of death though!

  25. OMG TEXAS, one time my ex took our big dumb dog out to run on the easement/woods behind our house and suddenly he hears THATHUMP THATHUMP THATHUMP like a tiny stampede and suddenly from the woods comes a TINY STAMPEDE of young feral pigs and among them, tongue lolling merrily to one side, is our big dumb dog like I HAVE FIINALLY FOUND ALL MY FRIENDS YAAAAYYYYYYY. They all galloped by and a few minutes later the dumb dog ran back to my ex (who had been standing there trying to figure out how to go rescue the dog from probably being gored, but apparently the dog really had been among friends). So my ex brought the dog back in the house and then sat on the couch like 0.0 “you would not believe what just happened on that walk.”

    Basically TEXAS happened on that walk. I was not surprised in the least.

  27. Hilarious!! I’m sure that was the most exciting part of the deer’s day as well.

  28. Um. You’re a damn hero. I would have lost my head and gone all “every man for themselves.” Dottie’s a lucky lady. (Also Google videos of deers trapped, give me the cougar anyday).

  30. Oh, I needed that laugh, thank you! I would love to know what was going through Dorothy Barker’s brain through all of this!

  31. I may have screamed at an innocuous animal once. I grew up in and around Philly and one morning when I was a kid I walked out on the front porch and there, plain as day, was THE BIGGEST RAT I’d ever seen. I screamed and pointed at it and it lumbered into the nearby bushes and disappeared.

    You probably know where this is going. My Dad came out to see what was going on, I explained, and when he asked me what it looked like, I described my “rat.” It was a possum, a sleepy, probably old, and soaking wet (from the rain) possum. I probably scared it to death.

  34. You are awesome. I love the charmingly fun way you look at the world. Thanks for making it a better world for so many of us.

  39. If I had to die today, that’s how I’d want to go: Being trampled by a herd of cul-de-sac-dwelling deer. I’d have that shit engraved on my tombstone.

  40. READING this was the most exciting thing that happened to ME today. Not to mention the most laughter inducing.

  42. So funny. You’re probably safe, you know. No sensible cougar is going to take on the woman who can stampede deer! You are now legendary in the wildlife, as well as the human comunity. As a bonus, I bet your neighbors are scared shitless.

  43. Dorothy Barker has got to figure you’re the BEST alpha dog mom ever! You pick her up and run after fleeing deer, howling the whole way. Bahahaha.

    The dumb deer in Michigan just wait in the bushes at the side of the road, with the turkeys, and they all leap out in front of your car. Just call me Skid Mark.

  44. Well, that’s better than what I would’ve done. I would’ve been running while screaming “the raptors are coming!!” Because apparently, the likelihood of those coming after me is greater than the likelihood that I spooked the deer myself. Props to you and Dorothy for playing it cool!

  46. I had an ex who got the crap scared out of him by a herd of wild turkeys who proceeded to just stand there and stare at him.

  47. I just read this to my brother and husband and they laughed. Then I took out your book and read them some of your HR entries. By the time I got to the part about vagina mug shots, we were all laughing so hard we couldn’t breath! I can;t wait until you’re here in Minneapolis so I can see you!

  50. I was just in Alaska and they have all these rules about what to do when you encounter wildlife.

    Bear: stand your ground (the FUCK?!?!), wave your arms in the air (no shit, yo!) to appear larger that you really are and finally, make loud noises (like screaming my goddamned brains out?!) so as to seem as though there are more of you than there really are and so they’ll run away.

    Moose: run (who are the fucking people that make up these rules?! Jesus…stand there for a bear, but RUN from an ENTIRE moose?)

    My friend that lives there said to get a tree between you and the moose. I dunno if I like that any better, but I like it more than running from one. I swear – if any of you ever see me run, you can be sure as shit there’s a really good damn reason and you should probably run too.

    Never saw what to do about deer, though. Maybe just try to hug them or introduce them to Rory…the actual stuffed one…not the cardboard cut out because deer may look clueless, but I assure you, those motherfuckers are smart as a whip. Love you, Jennifer Lawson glad you picked up Dottie before she was trampled to death.

  51. I swear there are some special deer in southeast GA. It is nothing like driving in the dead of night to find a deer right on the shoulder of the road munching the grass– in the middle of town. Literally you can see restaurants and doctor offices and they do not care. They know you can’t shoot them within city limits, so they act like they own the place. I have also woke up in the middle of the night, looked out my window, and wondered, “WHO PUT ALL THOSE FAKE DEER IN MY YARD???” Then the deer move. ;D True stories.

  52. Jenny, THANK YOU for making me laugh right the fuck OUT LOUD. I needed that today. But large animals charging past is scary, for sure.

  53. Is it OK that I’m picturing you in that scene in Jurassic Park (not the recent Chris Pratt one) where the kids hide in a log after inadvertently joining the small dino’s stampede away from the T-Rex?
    I mean even if it’s not that’s what I’m picturing

  57. Oh my gosh, I recently came upon a deer when I was running on a trail. It started to run next to me. I got really excited because I was all, “Whee! I’m running with a deer!” Later on, I realized the deer was forced to run beside me because it was trapped between me on the trail and a wire fence. So much for me being the deer whisperer.

  58. OMG, brilliant. So funny. I was laughing out loud and I am still smiling. Thank you so much for sharing your unique and delightful brand of crazy.

  60. We were sitting on our porch tonight and my husband ran off the porch twice to try to scare away a deer in our yard. He was screaming and yelling and we probably have a reputation as crazy people now.

  61. When I was younger I hit a deer with my car. When j got out to access the damage the deer, which flew down the road (55mph and I didn’t see him so no breaking involved) he got up and started coming at me. I got in the car cried and called my dad haha

  63. This is fantastic. Kind of like my yard, except the deer will be snorting at us because we didn’t put out the food fast enough for them.

  64. I think this makes you eligible to be a certified, card carrying Disney Princess. Didn’t Pocahontas do that same thing?

  66. I once almost hit two black bears in one day with my car. It was fall and I was about to go home from college for my fall break and I wanted to get some apples to bring home to my parents (because I’m a good daughter) so I decided that since I had a spare day I’d drive up the Blue Ridge to Altapass Orchard (my college was Warren Wilson College in Swannanoa, NC near Asheville). I was driving not too far from the folk art center when I saw what I thought was a man in a black jacket, black pants, and a black baseball cap standing on the side of the road. As I got closer, it dropped to all fours and I thought “oh, it’s someone’s poor lost black dog” and then as it began to cross the road not 10 feet in front of my car I thought “Holy crap, it’s a bear! I’m about to hit a bear!” Luckily they’re pretty quick but it was a pretty close miss. On the way back from the orchard near the rock and mineral museum I came across another black bear (by this time I was better at identifying them) just standing in the middle of the road. I stopped about 20 feet from him and we proceeded to have a staring contest until I decided that was a waste of time and just honked at him and he ran off into the woods. I was so shaken that I stopped at the Craggy Gardens visitors’ center for a granola bar and some water and while I was there I noticed they had a Blue Ridge Parkway bumper sticker with a bear on it, so I bought it and it’s still on my car. In honor of the bears I almost hit.

  68. You’d think Beyoncé would act as a deer deterrent. But I just laughed so hard I may have peed a little.

  72. Laughing so hard tears are streaming down my cheeks. My fiancé thinks I have lost my mind and told me to “lay off the weed”!!! I said no, I’m not high, I’m reading about my favorite author running with deer. I don’t think that reassured him.

  73. OMG! You so crazy!!!! I love it, I’m hardly even crazy…next to you!!! You ARE my hero!!!

  74. That’s kind of beautiful.

    Today, I put my puppy outside to pee, and since today was his first experience with heavy rain (seriously, it was monsoon-level s*** out there), he cried and tried to jump in through the (closed and screened) window. Poor beast.

    This also reminds me of a day in my childhood, when the neighbour’s bull got loose. Mom went out to see what was going on the front yard, and Pepper (the corgi mutt family guardian) went out with her. Pepper saw the bull and started barking madly, then bravely hid behind mom’s legs (while still barking watchdogly between her knees).

    I’d glad you could rescue Dorothy so quickly!

  75. I’m pretty sure I heard a bird today yelling “werewolf, werewolf”, but then I decided it was saying “uh oh, uh oh” which wasn’t much more comforting.

  78. The exact same thing happened to me today. Except I wasn’t walking a dog, I was driving my car, and the herd of deer was actually a gaggle of Canada geese. Okay, so not the same thing at all, really.

    Anyway, instead of running away from me, the geese ran right into the road and directly towards my car because apparently geese view moving vehicles as exciting new friends. So I slammed on the brakes and then, only then, once I was safely stopped and no longer a threat to their safety, did they suddenly panic and flee in all directions.

    Geese are weird.

  79. This is just the best. I’m in bed sick and I just laughed my arse off. Thanks for the good feelings, hope you’re ok xoxo

  80. This reminds me of when my dad, an avid runner, used to run to work. One day there was a herd of wild turkeys near the road and when they saw him coming they figured he must be chasing them. So this herd of turkeys is running along with my dad after them, just continuing on his way to work, but looking like he’s chasing a bunch of freaked out turkeys down the street!

  82. Hilarious! By the way,I have my version of Beyoncé in my yard. Get lots of great comments about her. Mine is a rooster!

  83. Most exciting thing all day? That would be one of the most exciting things in my life! Except for that time with the bears in Yosemite.

  84. I live in the same general vicinity as you (I’m -32), and deer are scary on a fairly regular basis. Like when you encounter a buck on your driveway and think “oh, it’s just a deer”. And then you think “I am looking eye-to-eye at a wild animal the same height as me. And that guy has stabby antlers. And I have a mini-van whose driver door I cannot actually reach without going past him.” That is scary stuff!

  86. So I was reading this post to my wife and she stopped me right after the yard full of deer sentence to ask: “wait, where they alive?” Once I confirmed that they where she went on to explain “well I didn’t know, she gets a lot of taxidermy in the mail, I wasn’t sure if someone had filled her lawn with dead deer or not.”
    Best explanation for a question I’ve ever heard.

  90. My son came to live with us on Jekyll Island, GA, when he got out of college. He liked to bike the island (and bar hop on a bike, too, but that’s another story). With over 20 miles of paved bike path, it was pretty sweet! One night he went out on his bike and noticed that a herd of island deer, which are smaller than the ones you get on the mainland, were keeping pace with him. He was so intrigued that he went biking a lot at night. He said it was like running with the herd. I also had a couple of biking experiences, like the time a mother deer shared her twins with me on a golf course. They almost came home with me! Those deer knew they were protected!

  94. Note: deer like to hang out in packs & cause trouble. This could be knocking over mailboxes, tipping cows, or stealing snacks from convenience stores. Scaring them away with a dog (or a small taxidermied animal) is the correct course of action.

  95. Most folks run with the bulls in Pamplona. You run with the deer in Texas. You, my dear, are an original.

  97. We have deer, too. I sit outside on our patio a lot of times at night by myself (insomnia and depression-gotta love ’em) So, one night I heard something in the bushes rattling, but couldn’t see it (also going blind, because-old). I go get a flashlight and proceed to walk around in and out of trees, into the front yard, and, then, into the neighbor’s yard, because by then I had convinced myself it was not deer, but something else, and I needed to know and find it. Did this, in my pajamas, for more than half an hour, before I reminded myself that this was crazy, and that the animal had already left and now I was just a sad, scantily clad, lonely crazy woman, standing n her neighbor’s yard with a flashlight.

  98. I just pictured you (like uour pic here),with rollers in your hair, a bayh robe and slippers running with DB in your arms. Priceless! Thank you for the biggest laugh I’ve had in a long time.

  100. This reminds me of when I went outside to call my cat and this giant-ass deer was chasing him up onto the deck and I seriously thought the deer was going to come up on the deck too and they’d been eating the garden non-stop all summer so I starting screaming at it and ran at it to chase it away/possibly murder it for bullying my cat and as i was running I tripped over my freaked out cat and sprained my ankle.

  101. It would make a good obituary, “Killed by a deer stampede while fleeing a cougar.

  102. No! Deer are not harmless, sweet animals. They sometimes will stomp a small dog or cat to death. I’m serious. I know somebody that had it happen to their yappy pup last year. Big, huge vet bill and the dog still couldn’t be saved. Don’t let the “kids” be alone out there at all.

  104. Ha! There’s this whole movie going on in my head. Funniest one I’ve seen in a long time.Thanks for the laugh!

  106. Why did I immediately think of Jurassic Park when Sam Neill and the kids are running away from a flock of dinosaurs?
    I wouldn’t worry about the cougar, I would start wondering if there is a Tyrannosaurus Rex around…..

  111. I’m glad you didn’t get eaten by a cougar. And there’s NO EVIDENCE that a cougar wasn’t hiding in one of the bushes. It’s always best to be on the safe side.

  112. I’m just imagining one of the deer telling this story to his deer buddy who decided to stay home that day. Deer: “Dude, we were just there minding our business, having a graze, and this HUMAN appears out of effing NOWHERE with this BEAST, might have been a COUGAR…” His buddy: “Really? A human with a cougar?” Deer: “Okay, maybe not a cougar. A wolf maybe. Or a shark. Anyways, all of a sudden this human starts screaming, like all, RAHR RAHR RAHR IMMA GET YOU DEERS! and then–dude, get this, are you listening, because this is when it gets really crazy–she actually PICKS UP the cougar-wolf-shark thing and starts RUNNING. STRAIGHT. AT US! And she’s all RAHR RAHR RAHR. And we’re all RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! I totally thought she was going throw that cougarshark whatever at us! Just fling it! Thankfully we got away.” His buddy: “Chuck, did you eat one of those crazy mushrooms again? I warned you about those mushrooms.”

  115. Jenny, I’m sorry you were terrorized by deer. Lately the stupid things have been wandering around in our subdivision, but so far their gang has been small — only about five of the hooligans. I think they must be attracted to cul-de-sacs… And OMG Stefanie, I LOL’d at your “cougar-shark-wolf thing” as hard as I did Jenny dashing into bushes with Dorothy Barker. This is the best place on the internet. 🙂 Thanks, y’all.

  116. I’m sure Dorothy had quite a tale to tell at the round table, at the Algonquin, that evening.

  117. I’m jealous. I get deer in the yard one or two at a time. They are skittish critters. Thanks for the laugh.

  118. I think perhaps the Greater Night Vale Realtor Association visited you to see if you would be interested in moving to Night Vale. Night Vale’s realtors all live inside of deer. Here’s their pitch just in case you want to find out more next time:

    With low interest rates, now is the perfect time to buy a home. Just name your amenity! Every house in Night Vale has a luxurious view of The Void. We also have great schools and plenty of spiders! Who wouldn’t want to settle down in Night Vale?

    http://nightvale.wikia.com/wiki/Greater_Night_Vale_Realtor_Association

  119. OMG! That was too funny. Thank you for the laugh this morning and every morning

  120. I’ve been attacked by a flock of geese, and while trying to get away, I quickly found out there were potholes everywhere in the grass that was up to my knees. My ankles, and the geese, hated me that day.

  121. Oh, Lordy, Jenny! I busted out laughing! And then, kept laughing as I read the comments. As funny as you are, sometimes the best part is your tribe. You have an awesome tribe!

  122. This morning, it took just about every spoon I haveto get myself up out of bed and make it to work. Then, I read this and I thought, “If I had stayed in bed today, I would’ve missed this.” A million thank yous!! Also, I found this on Amazon for your pesky mountain lion problem: http://amzn.com/B00R67LF5O.

  123. I can’t wait for Disney to release the movie version and make you a princess. I bet Dorothy Barker was all seriously WTF?

  124. Brilliant advice: when the deer run you run with them. Actually I think better advice would be to get the hell into the house or other shelter. That’s what I do when I see deer in my neighborhood. And when I see them in a park where I walk, where they’re so used to people I could reach out and pet them, I still stay away from them. You never know when they’re gonna go crazy.

  125. Oh my God that was so so funny. I had A visual of in for a moment and laughed even harder. Thanks for the laugh.

  126. I’d give you the cliched “they’re more scared of you than you are of them”, but seeing its you… pretty sure that isn’t true.

  127. I’m quietly laughing at work so hard, my ribs hurt and I know not to drink anything. And Stefanie at #107…you made me laugh even harder. Now, everything I can’t identify will be a cougar-shark-wolf thing. Thank You so much!

  134. Screaming woman, terrified dog, terrified deer, and running the other way as fast as it can, is one equally horrified cougar, wondering what the hell just happened??? How nice, you helped the herd escape…lol

  135. You tell the best stories! Really!!!! I can picture all of this in my head. I cannot wait for your new book!

  136. This one time I was walking my greyhound and we were charged by a herd of deer. We just stood there like a couple of idiots while all these deer thundered around us. When the last one passed it dawned on my retired racing dog that RUNNING RUNNING I LIKE TO RUN I WANT TO RUNRUNRUNRUN. Fortunately I had a good grip on his leash or he would have become a member of that herd.

  137. The Bloggess no running with the bulls. The Bloggess running with the deer! Too bad no video was captured or I’d say I see a first place AFV trophy in your future.

  138. You have such a great comical style of writing that makes every story hilarious. Well, those that are supposed to be hilarious.

  139. A good laugh before work is how each day should start. I really need a like button, or a star or something. Thanks!

  141. That his hysterical. Reminds me of the time I was sitting at my dining room table and I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I thought there was a deer or three in the front yard (an almost daily occurrence). Nope. Cows. Five of them. The younger ones where whooping it up, jumping around, enjoying their freedom. Belonged to a neighbor down the road.

  143. Snorted my chai, laughing.

    And.. just totally had a flash back to that Never Cry Wolf movie from the 80s, where the guy is all running naked with the caribou or something. Only this is like the updated cul-de-sac/dressed version, with a dog.

  145. “What if the cougar is coming?” OMG. I think in this instance YOU’RE the cougar. (Just don’t tell Victor. He sounds like a lovely man and there is no need to pain him unnecessarily.)

  148. Woman, you are bada$$! I love that you made sure to pick up your little dog first to protect her.

    The comments are almost as funny as the story! Like most, I pictured this scene in my head, except in my “movie” Dorothy Barker was peeing the whole time you were running, carrying her in both arms in front (and slightly to the side) of you, with a trail of doggie-pee the whole way! Am I the only crazy person who pictured it this way?

  149. I haven’t laughed this hard from a blog in a good minute, so thank you! I’m sure you wasn’t laughing at the time but those are the moments you look back on and think “God, I took on a whole herd of deer. I’m badass”. The mental image of this is too funny!

  150. Years ago, I was living in the country in a mobile home when I heard a knock on the back door. When I opened it, I found myself knee to face with a goat standing on my back steps. I didn’t know whether to invite him in for a cup of coffee or not, so I asked him to wait, ran to get my camera and found him still waiting when I got back. As soon as the camera clicked, he moseyed away, never to be seen again. Had it happened more recently, I would, of course, have addressed him as Sir Totes.

  152. So do you live in Pamplona, TX? Never mind — wrong ungulate and wrong direction. What was I thinking?

    You are definitely a badass deer wrangler (or deer spooker). I wonder what Rolly, Ferris and Hunter think of your abilities.

  154. Oh, was I ever glad to see this post last night in my FB feed. I was about to shut down my tablet for the night and the last post I’d seen was some old guy getting, like, 50-year-old blackheads removed from his nose. I know. So, so gross. Anyway, then came this hilarity. I’d much rather go to sleep with visions of Deer and Dotty and you crouched in the bushes any day. Also, I’m sorry they skeered you. But thank you for the laughs. And for saving my eyeballs. And dreams.

  155. Oh, was I ever glad to see this post last night in my FB feed. I was just about to shut down my tablet for the night and the last post I’d seen was some old guy getting, like, 50-year-old blackheads removed from his nose. I know. So, so gross. Anyway, then came this hilarity. I’d much rather go to sleep with visions of Deer and Dotty and you crouched in the bushes any day. Also, I’m sorry they skeered you. But thank you for the laughs. And for saving my eyeballs. And dreams.

  156. I’m envisioning this and I bet it looked at lot like Jurassic Park when the T-Rex was chasing the bird dinosaurs and the poor humans got swept up into it all. You just lived Jurassic Park without dying. Go Jenny!!!

  158. I stayed once at the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park (yes, the one The Shining is based on). When I awoke in the morning, the entire front lawn was filled with elk. It was mating season:). I am so glad you weren’t there now and taking a morning walk. LOL.

  160. Just finished your first book and I Wish I had read it sooner! Loved it! If I had found you before I left I would have taken Rory on my trip to the Pacific Northwest. He could have climbed Mt. rainier. now he has to suffer with me in little ‘ol Ri. I’ll print him out and post.

  161. My kid reported that while he was on a walk in New York State, in a town, a herd of deer ran toward him and his companion who lives in that town. It was startling until the woman said, “lucky it wasn’t the bear” “The bear, near here” “oh yes, they have been seen a couple of streets over”. End of walk. Being raised in Ohio made him savvy to the fact that deer only run toward when something from behind is involved. Oh, how I love nature.

  162. You are priceless love. Truly without measure <3 I came home yesterday to a porcupine sleeping on his haunches in my yard. Once I determined he was relatively harmless I got photos and a video of him climbing a tree in my yard. Now I’m concerned I’m going to be dive bombed by porcupines while walking on my lawn. Wildlife is EVERYWHERE!

  163. I would have pretended I was in a remake of Jurassic Park! Thank you for the laugh!

  165. Thank you for you! I love you! .. seriously, I do : ) Your humor helps me so much. You f*cking rock! You are the type of person I would want to have as a friend. (and i don’t say that often)

  166. Living in a city of about 70,000 people, albeit in North Da-freaking-kota, you wouldn’t think that wildlife would be visible… but we have a herd of deer that live about 3 blocks from me, as well as a flock and a half of turkeys. The deer love mingling with early morning traffic, trying to earn a little side cash by washing windshields, and the turkeys help them by meandering out in front of cars at odd intervals – standing in the middle of the road, & hollering for their friends to come join the block party.

    Honking horns just gets the party cranked up to 11.

    Pushing them out of the way with your bumper is seen as “animal harassment”… (which I’m pretty sure should be from THEM harassing us MOTORISTS, because – sheesh! Who goes out in the early morning hours & just stands in the middle of their street yawning and blinking at the neighbors trying to get to work?)

    Anyway, I can sympathize, Jenny. It’s a jungle out there!

  168. Are you kidding? The most exciting thing that happened to me today was when I thought we’d run out of milk, but then we didn’t. :p

  169. You do know that cougars, being cats, are way too cool to want anything to do with people, right? Unless it happens to be in your vicinity and you RUN AWAY, which, since cougars are cats, would compel it instinctively to chase you.

    I remember when I was about 10 going outside to do my chores and seeing a mountain lion (that’s what we call them here) staring at my rabbit hutch from a few feet away. I did what we were taught in kindergarten (put up your arms like you’re pretending to be a bear and shout “Hey! You! Go away!” while leaving it a clear path of retreat) and of course it went running.

    But I live in the wild frontier of Oregon, which entails being a bit more blasé about wildlife.

  170. I have that scene from Jurassic Park running through my head where Dr. Grant, Tim and Lex are in the field and the herd of dinosaurs run past because a T-Rex is chasing them.

    Not that you’re a T-Rex or anything.

  171. Nothing quite like country living. I play dodge the deer every morning on my daily 4:30 am run. They will not move!
    On another note, I just found this:
    http://libraryreads.org/
    Number 7 is the one I most anticipate.

  172. Is it weird that I’m picturing you in a bathrobe with hair curlers (in your hair, not on the bathrobe)? Also? I just guffawed in our very quiet office. Worth it.

  174. My husband drives to work at 4:30 am. One morning a whole herd of deer came out of nowhere, running at the road. He was driving carefully on our windy, country roads, but couldn’t brake in time. Some of the deer LEAPT over the hood of his truck while others ran in front of and behind it. He said it was terrifyingly amazing. I imagine your experience was very similar. I am envious of both of you.

  175. We had a mother and twin fawns wander through our unfenced back yard. A year or so later, the grown twins were back with the mother. We had piles of deer droppings in the back yard, and had to fence our garden. The blighters would even eat the flowers/top leaves of the potato and tomato plants!

    This spring, I saw a few deer running through my back yard… and my neighbor running right behind them barking like a dog. She chased them through my yard, her yard and the next yard, too. All summer, no deer poop in my yard, and nothing ate my garden. Thanks, barking back yard neighbor lady!

  177. My cousin’s car was hit by a deer at the lone stop light in their area. His parents got pissed at him because they thought he hit a deer….with the driver’s side door. But the stupid deer rammed into the side of his car while he was sitting at a red. I’m glad none of them impaled you or trampled Dot!

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ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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