Haikus for yous.

I am on a lot of pain medication because I pinched a nerve in my neck last night but it’s Sunday so I will power through the pain and write you this wrap-up BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.  Even more than when I’m not high on pain killers.  Except I’m too groogy to think straight so instead I’m just going to write you some haikus.  People think haikus are super easy because they don’t have to rhyme, but they do have to fall into a 5-7-5 syllable scheme which means I’m doing poetry AND math, so back off asshole.  (Not you.  The asshole behind you who doesn’t like my haikus.  You’re fine.  I love you.)

Haiku #1

Victor blows his soup

Sometimes he’s too aggressive

My face is on fire.

 

Haiku #2

I would like more rum

Please, please, please, please, please.  Um, please?

Is that enough words?

Your turn!

(PS. Spellcheck tried to correct “groogy” to “groggy” but if you’ve ever been on pain killers you know that “groogy” is a much more accurate word.  It also suggested “groovy” and I get where you’re going with this, spellcheck, but pain killers make me vomit so it’s really not so “groovy “at all.  Stop trying to “help”, spellcheck.)

*******

And now, the weekly wrap-up:

bloggess sid

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

    • I went to the creepiest flea market ever.  And I love it.
    • It’s been 5 months and Furiously Happy is still on the top 20 NYT list.  That is all because of you and I can’t ever thank you enough.
    • Do you do adult coloring books to combat anxiety?  Because this is some next-level shit:  Sherlock and Doctor Who.

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by AgileBits, who brings you 1Password, a safe, secure place to keep all your website passwords, credit card information, passport and driver license information. 1Password works inside your web browser, helping you log in to your various online account and filling your address and credit card information in checkout forms on shopping websites. You can use 1Password to change your online account passwords to strong, secure, and unique ones, without worrying about having to remember them. All you need to remember is one password, the Master Password that unlocks the app. 1Password works on your computer, tablet and smartphone, simply and securely keeping all your information in sync, readily accessible wherever you are.an online store to give you the things you need. Get a 25% off discount for the week of February 21st to 29th by using “bloggess” as the coupon code.

177 replies. read them below or add one

  1. You’re still cooler high than I am… “not high”…
    Okay, that kinda fell apart, but you get the idea, right?

    The Hook recently posted Silent Sunday: All Hail Prop Monkey..

  2. High on life I guess
    The Bloggess asks for haiku
    Here is one for her

  3. Haiku for WCW

    I too am sorry
    You ate all the fucking plums
    Revenge will be sweet

    Feel better, Jenny!!

    marydpierce recently posted A Love Song.

  4. Took dog to the vet
    Got Tramadol for her pain
    Untapped market, that

    (I myself am not a fan of narcotic painkillers, but the ease with which I obtained them from the dog’s doc sure got me thinking…)

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted Comparatively speaking, this RV does not weigh a heck of a lot more than I do.

  5. my dogs snore loudly
    they whimper and whine in sleep
    but they don’t dream poop

  6. Kids are making noise
    They gave me another cold
    The life of a mom

  7. I make crochet things.
    It helps me not stab people.
    Just call me hooker.

  8. When I say no time
    And you continue to talk
    That is verbal rape

  9. I hurt my neck too,
    All that’s missing is you and
    feeling half my face

    Vicodin is cool,
    Why am I all out, oh, oh
    I took it all gone

    I had to face multiple days at work not lamenting my lack of vicodin, because that doesn’t fly in the workplace. Nor does telling people how high you are. Though telling people that you need more food wink, wink works.

  10. 10
    kellymlawrence

    I can’t write haikus
    I’ve never been able to
    Oh shit! I just did.

    Blammo! Feel better soon, Jenny. Neck pain is a pain in the ass.

  11. I can’t do Haikus
    I’m just no good at counting
    Shit! I just Haiku’ed

  12. With just one response
    I’m furiously happy
    Easily amused

  13. I am in a cab
    It costs a lot to use so…
    Next time take the bus

  14. Folks are bicycling.
    Pedalling up the big hill.
    No thank you. Beemer.

    notquiteold recently posted Doggy Bag.

  15. Cake stuck to the pan
    Knew I should have used parchment
    Dunk pieces in rum.

    Have to clean the fridge
    Good Lord how old are these things?
    Should they all be green?

    Jeb dropped out of race
    Am so afraid Trump will win
    Move to Canada?

    Hop you get better soon!

  16. Forced to keep sitting
    By heft of warm, chubby cat
    Piss off, to do list

  17. OK, legit question– are those doll heads for sale or is all part of deranged art exhibit? Seems like it could go either way.
    As a 40ish woman, this is the first haiku that popped into my brain:

    I don’t recognize
    my boobs in the mirror but
    they seem to be mine :/

    Good thing emoticons don’t count as syllables. Win!

    Gina W. recently posted "Magical Nipples" (NSFW! In case you can't tell from the title).

  18. Reading Jenny’s blog
    Brings my brain back to center
    That’s some scary shit

  19. Cat tries to eat toast
    No, cat, no, there are raisins!
    A great big vet bill.

    Built a Cat Tardis.
    Now they can have adventures
    Barfed in holy grail.

  20. I would rather smell
    Stinky beer farts from a bum
    Than my mom’s perfume

  21. All hail the Bloggess!
    With gravy for everyone
    Even poor Victor!

    Janet Coburn recently posted What I Hate About Facebook.

  22. Not only Spidey
    Vampires can be orphans to
    A club has been formed

  23. Visiting parents
    Gonna be a shitty day
    Suck motherfuckers

  24. Not so good today.
    Tomorrow will be better.
    I do hate migraines.

    Sue recently posted Rocky highways.

  25. U have to look down to use a computer. Pinched nerve is for artists, writers, and bloggers. Welcome to our world, Jenny, with love, joy and peace of pinch. And a pinch of salt which helps by the way, if you don’t throw it over your shoulder and look back.

  26. I’m preparing for
    A colonoscopy – so fun.
    Now I must go poop.

    Candy recently posted chai tea & tai chi.

  27. Please tell me how, please
    How do mermaids reproduce?
    Tell me, tell me, please!

  28. Victor thought ‘yonce
    not a scary addition
    he won’t blink at this

    http://www.thisplanetearth.co.uk/page66.html Holey crap! Yeah I just found a full sized weeping angel for your garden (went on a slight tangent when looking for a quiet space for office renovation- am now trying to tell work they need a Tardis, not a phone booth)

  29. It’s raining today
    I needed to water plants
    Thank you weather god!

  30. Your encouragement
    Brightens up my darkest days.
    The Bloggess inspires.

  31. Amazon one-click
    Spending more is easier
    Live slow, Die whenev’

  32. Sunday is dying
    I hope my work caught on fire
    I am not kidding

    Michelle recently posted Junk Mail Is Trying To Make Me Feel Bad.

  33. Can I just say that I wish my whole life had this option, with a helpful explanatory link: (If you’re confused, start here.)

  34. I am just kidding
    Still, cubicles suck big dicks
    not in a good way

    Michelle recently posted Junk Mail Is Trying To Make Me Feel Bad.

  35. 35
    Karyn Doherty

    Comicon was fun
    I paid to hug James Marsters
    Then came loud giggles.

    James Marsters was Spike
    On that Buffy TV Show
    Chisled cheekbones, sigh…..

    I wore this costume
    The Idris/Sexy/TARDIS
    I love Doctor Who

    Now I’m back at work
    Comicon was WAY more fun
    Bills need to be paid.

  36. Vacation over
    Family drove me cray cray
    Why did I come here?

    Donna recently posted Damn I'm Good at Books!.

  37. I hope you are pain free soon Jenny
    Pain killers are good
    Pain free is better

    Gary Lum recently posted 5 things about walking to Fort Santiago.

  38. Was this deliberate? Because I think it’s awesome:

    Asshole behind you
    Who does not like my haikus
    Not you. I love you

    I’ve only ever done one haiku. I felt that with this one, I had solved the problem of haikus and therefore did not need to do it again. Here it is:

    count the syllables
    five, seven, then five again
    this is a haiku

  39. I avoid the adult colouring books. They are so busy, they make my anxiety worse! Instead I read and knit. 🙂

  40. The poem has started
    But that doesn’t mean it’s good
    The poem has ended

  41. Ear infection sucks
    Augmentin makes no difference
    Give me new drugs now!

  42. Groog is the Bloggess
    My neck is hurting in sync
    My own ‘high’ cues stink

    Feel better soon!
    I have neck pain a LOT, so I can sympathise. x

  43. Haiku to you, high,
    too, to me, drifting in this
    Haze, this maze, of pain

  44. I’m actually in a haiku circle, to which I infrequently contribute, but every so often I pull a winner out of my behind. I wrote this one about running last spring, and I hope you’ll enjoy–

    Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

    Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

    Hate. Love. I did it.

  45. hey this shit is fun
    syllables are exciting!
    Did I do it right?

  46. Will someone please kill
    The Puppymonkeybaby
    It’s freaking me out

  47. I can’t haiku weather or not I’m on pain pills, but I have hurt my back before and I have been on pain pills before and I totally understand what you mean by the groogy love stuff and also, surprisingly, by the “my face is on fire” stuff, if by “my face is on fire” you mean, “the skin between my upper lip and nose won’t stop itching”. Also, in addition to unusual itches, pain pills also make me vomit. Get the to some anti-nausea medicine, Bloggess, so you can enjoy your experience a little better.

    groovylittlecity recently posted Fabric Overflow.

  48. The spellcheck in my head also corrected to groggy, and I had to go back and look to see if it really was groogy. It still is a much better description.

  49. Glitter fixes much
    Presidential candidates
    are not included

    Michelle recently posted Junk Mail Is Trying To Make Me Feel Bad.

  50. I want to clean house
    I am also a liar
    Who wants a clean house

    Michelle recently posted Junk Mail Is Trying To Make Me Feel Bad.

  51. I want to be at the beach
    Cat poo calls instead
    Wasting time on Facebook now

  52. Laying in a dark room
    The light switch is to damn far
    Must try to train cat

  53. Can’t talk to parents
    They act like I’m five years old
    I’m 43. Sigh.

    Sunday on my deck
    Tomorrow, clients will yell
    But now all is peace

  54. Watch out! That chicken
    Will cut you! Love hurts.
    At least it’s not towels.

  55. A pain in the neck
    Says knock knock motherfucker
    She writes us instead

    Anubis Bard recently posted Wintery interlude.

  56. Went shopping today
    Was Looking for a chicken
    Beyoncé sold out

  57. Think I missed the day
    Haikus were taught in my school
    Never learned the rhythm

  58. White wine brain cleansing,
    Because people won’t stop with
    the stupidity.

    Haikus are always the answer. 🙂 https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/haikus-for-spring-break-in-ohio/

    kstewand4cats recently posted Prime Real Estate.

  59. Tummy is growling.
    Where the hell is the waiter?
    Now I feel stabby.

  60. My legs, so itchy
    Polyester the cuprit
    Pants bad, nude me worse

  61. Mama always said
    Living well is best revenge
    Take that, you bastards

  62. It’s official; I’m
    a mad scientist, who works
    for the Lone Star State.

  63. Probably oak mites,
    burrowing into your spine.
    Kansas is a bitch.

  64. 64
    RavenclawRattler

    My birthday’s today
    I’m at home doing schoolwork
    Adulting is lame.

  65. I’ve been writing shitty haiku for about a year now…pick your fav!
    http://haiki4you.tumblr.com/

  66. I am on a bed
    Just had an awesome flat white
    Looking at Corgis

    It’s totally pointless, but at least I got the formula right!

  67. Someday mouse will die
    Stuff him dress him in a cape
    He will be loved then

  68. I like your haikus
    So much better than mine are
    Also I hate math

    Too much laundry here
    My poor dryer is broken
    Hello, Laundromat

    Shannon akaMonty recently posted "That Moment When Your Heart Explodes From BlogAwesome" #FakeUpworthyTitle.

  69. I can’t write haiku
    It’s so hard to do
    Rhyming couplets are the poo
    This is one of them. Too.

    Love you, groogy girl.

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 73: Quirky Conferences, Motion Detector Lights.

  70. Furiously happy
    Has five syllables in it
    Hope you feel better

  71. Traveling with mom
    Dear god is that her that smells?
    FML The End

  72. Watching commercials
    Oprah REALLY loves some bread
    She and I are twins

    Half a 1000 Miles recently posted Unexpected Foul Objects.

  73. Traveling with mom
    Siri tells me where to go
    Mom repeats each word

  74. Traveling with mom
    She knows how to whisper not
    Pretend she’s not mine

  75. Feel better soon!

  76. I can’t do this..I have a cold and a fever… 🙁 feel better Jenny…

    Hellion recently posted Top Ten Things I Learned From Mom.

  77. You are oh-so-loved
    Look at all these swell haikus
    I have a hangnail

  78. Also on pain pills
    Pinched nerve in my shoulder oh
    Codeine is the best

  79. Painkillers are cool.
    Take them ’til you can’t see straight,
    Then try not to drool!

    Feel better Jenny!

  80. I’m drinking whiskey
    So watch out motherfuckers
    This may end badly

  81. You ate my chocolate
    Explosive diarrhea
    Is what you deserve
    (That’s chocolate with 2 syllables because I’m not British.)

  82. Depressed earlier
    Listened to your book, Jenny
    Now I feel better
    Did a weird laugh/cry thing at “Look out Sookie!” which was very cathartic. Your books are my antidepressants, thank you and feel better soon!

  83. It’s The Walking Dead
    Why wouldn’t you love this show
    It’s zombies and shit

  84. Dog is barking now
    Can’t fly without umbrella
    Whoopie rocks jack flash

    Totally inspired by Jumpin Jack Flash the movie with Whoopie

    Did you ever feel
    When you woke; the world skewed
    And stuff you thought true
    Was gossamer dreams?

  85. Writing the haikus
    Is much harder than it seems
    I can has wine now?

  86. Got coloring book
    Just did all of Sherlock’s hair
    Bad at coloring

    Take care!

  87. Got coloring book
    Only did Sherlock’s hair pics
    Bad at coloring

    Take care!

  88. Haiku’d more than once
    Hit the button two times
    Bad at haiku too

  89. Funny word, dildo
    It can describe many things
    Always makes me smile

  90. I <3 all y’all.

  91. haiku spike you, foo’
    might brew light dew, chew moo ewe
    hike shoe, fight you, Sue

  92. Depression lingers
    Anxiety suffocates
    Pills, pills everywhere

    Pills in your pocket
    Or just happy to see me?
    Ha ha ha ha, I’ll leave now

  93. My mom called while I
    was reading this. I had to
    choose. Said ‘Fuck’ and read on.

    (i called her back. After )

    Feel better!

  94. 94
    Tugboat Annie

    Just had a week off
    Ready to go back to work
    Vacation is good

  95. 95
    Tugboat Annie

    ps – feel better Jenny!

  96. This video is cued up at the point where I read a few haiku from my book.
    They might be your style of twisted:
    https://youtu.be/psWKXGwy9QY?t=9m32s

    Shawnte recently posted Tour Diary: Portland DAY FOUR mini Book Tour of the Pacific NorthWest.

  97. There’s nothing like a
    February Wednesday to
    Make you love spellcheck

  98. I haven’t done this since grade school!!!

    Spell Check can suck it
    Stupid, judgy, program, thing
    But, seriously…

    A rebuttal from spell check:

    You made up “judgy”
    The word you want is “pudgy”
    English degree, huh?

    And now I’m trapped in an imaginary haiku argument with spell check.

    Getting technical,
    They are ALL made up, asshole!
    I repeat: SUCK IT.

    twisttais recently posted Molting.

  99. Oh fuck I have work
    Jen said to write a haiku
    Dick off 8th grade English class

  100. Back from Hawaii
    Tomorrow I have to work
    Go to hell, Real World.

  101. After searching google all night i finally got in…

    Shemale Lolipops Join via Paypal – http://www.shemalelolipops.com/?t=300376,1,7,0

  102. The flea market was messed up. Messed UP!. Not even trying with the Haikus… Hope your nerve is all better tout suite. Can you make notepads with Totes MaGoats for me/us? Purdy please. (you know.. in your spare time.. after you’ve had some more rum) <3 Gracias

  103. Laughter is better
    Than focusing on the pain
    Armadillos rock!

  104. I heart the Bloggess
    She helps me laugh off the ache
    Of a crappy day

    treehugginhippiechic recently posted the stories are true.

  105. Watching my son dance
    Stegosaurus song fills my room
    Wave hands, stickers next!

  106. When you lick the cat
    No one wants to kiss your mouth
    Except the damn dog.

  107. New faucets for sink
    Someone has to install them
    I can do this..right?

    Crossing my fingers and hoping self-doubt doesn’t kill the day’s project.

  108. A nice page
    Full of prose and poetry
    I’ll be back!

  109. 109
    Monica Vereana Williams

    Totally unrelated, but this reminded me of you, Jenny…
    http://36.media.tumblr.com/9bdf5afd2095b474ea19a74f7811b4b5/tumblr_o2jvvl58YT1u4xc0jo1_500.jpg

  110. I should be working
    But I am reading haikus
    I like this better

  111. Nathan Fillion
    Last Night On the Walking Dead
    He Sucked We Want You

  112. Decluttering house
    Boy I own a ton of shit.
    O hai, Matt Paxton

  113. High anxiety
    When outside can’t be handled
    You come and say hi

  114. I read blogs at lunch
    Eating Lo Mein is good
    Your blog is funny

  115. Crap I messed this up
    I cannot math on this day
    I need a coffee

  116. I still don’t know why
    The Bloggess wrote a haiku
    But I love her still

    Rory recently posted Why Are Manic Episodes So Chaotic?.

  117. Tried to fill the pond.
    Giant tortoise stood on hose.
    It took forever.

  118. 118
    JenniferNennifer

    if you get tired of Haikus, try Cinquians
    The didactic cinquain is closely related to the Crapsey cinquain…….. Ordinarily, the first line is a one-word title, the subject of the poem; the second line is a pair of adjectives describing that title; the third line is a three-word phrase that gives more information about the subject (often a list of three gerunds); the fourth line consists of four words describing feelings related to that subject; and the fifth line is a single word synonym or other reference for the subject from line one

    Poem
    a haiku
    out of control
    I have become inspired!
    Cinquian

  119. Much post-nasal drip;
    Coughing my lungs out all night;
    Big shot of bourbon.

  120. New puppy at home.
    The cat sulks in the closet.
    Who will clean this mess?

  121. I am a substitute teacher
    Some kids these days are kinda crazy
    I stil love my job

  122. So sorry your neck
    has crinked and put you in pain
    feel better soon, please

    Catherine recently posted I'm a Hungry Dinosaur by Janeen Brian and Ann James.

  123. Have you heard of the “Swear Word Adult Coloring Book?” It’s billed as “Stress Relieving Fancy Swearing Words” and it’s awesome! I highly recommend it for any time you have to be out in public!

  124. Margarita Day!
    Gods love my booze-friendly work.
    So unproductive.

    Ealachan recently posted a walk in the wet.

  125. Big metal chicken
    Could be fun when you are high
    What’s up, Beyonce?

  126. You’re funny when popping painkillers.

    Can I have one too, just kidding.

    I just learned something new.

  127. Beware the puddle
    Of indeterminate depth
    That swallows boots whole

    The first warm-ish day
    Our painted toenails glisten
    Like so many jewels

  128. A frozen wind swirls
    the morning darkness total
    Where, where are my pants

  129. You were at my desk

    I know you can hear my cries

    Where’s my tape you dick

    Jas recently posted “I NEED to be in the bathroom with you.” – Your cat.

  130. She craves; the Blob speaks.
    This bottle will have to last.
    The universe gels.

  131. My dog wrote a haiku:

    Food dish is empty
    Suppertime may never come
    My song of despair

    And have you seen this?? Creepy dolls and such, somehow I thought of you!

    http://youtu.be/vaBeAS_J5Rg

  132. “Groogy” or “groggy”
    That is the question! To pinch
    or not to pinch, too.

    Kathleen recently posted Beanspiration.

  133. Also on pain pills
    Pulled my neck stretching in bed
    Not sexy, just old

    I have chronic pain
    Now I cannot turn my head
    Meds are kicking in

    I’m only 3-6
    My body thinks we’re eighty
    Sylables are fun

  134. haikus are def math
    which is why they’re so boring
    can’t get into them

  135. My Aunt insists that
    The actual word is
    DROGGY not groggy

    BipolarOnFire recently posted Same Ish.

  136. All you need is red
    Game of Thrones Coloring Book
    It’s just that simple

  137. Don’t feel like working.
    Reading the Bloggess instead.
    I made the right choice.

  138. Its inner and outer beauty transcends any physical state. An intelligent woman overcomes physical pain !

    sertaniape recently posted O CERCO ESTÁ SE FECHANDO: ENVOLVimento do ex-presidente Lula em práticas criminosas’.

  139. Dorothy Barker
    She’ll cure whatever ails you
    Repeat as needed.

    TexasTrailerParkTrash recently posted Yep. That’s About Right..

  140. i dropped out of the walk
    i feel like a shoddy friend
    can we start over now

  141. Stupid period,
    I sneezed and it’s like shark week
    Note to self: don’t swim

    Stray dog, tried to help
    owner came out of the house
    Called me a dog thief

  142. Pain meds kinda suck
    They help with all of that pain
    But constipation

    Glad you can always find the humour in every situation!

  143. Groogy or groggy
    the result is still the same
    a befuddled state

    digbydigz recently posted Your Blog is Your Playground.

  144. I’m an English teacher, and I’m going to use “groogy” in class tomorrow. For real. In your honor. It’s happening.

    hazelhillboro recently posted We’re Not All Shooters.

  145. Fuck this fucking shit
    I’m over this fucking shit
    You can kiss my ass

    Not terribly eloquent, but says exactly how I’m feeling right now, and bonus! I’m pretty sure wins for the most swear words.

    Jade recently posted Take your capitalism and shove it.

  146. so my friend let me borrow her “Furiously Happy” book, and I may be the one and only person who actually found money in it LOL.. she put a $20.00 bill in it as a bookmark. What an awesome friend she is (I think.. hope.. I haven’t finished the book yet.. maybe she’s trying to tell me something?.. still .. that’s her crazy standing up for my crazy so yeah.. what an awesome friend!) keep laughing ..it helps in the war zones.. Nancy K

  147. Staidness has its place.
    This is not one of those times.
    Here; pull my finger.

  148. help me, i am trapped
    in a haiku factory
    save me, before they

    No original to me. I found it earlier this year, but it cracks me up every time I read it.

  149. Help help me Rhonda
    keeps riding through my head
    Help me Rhonda yeah

  150. Never mind about
    Sherlock and Doctor Who;
    We want YOUR book, please!

  151. […] of my very favorite bloggers, The Bloggess, recently posted a couple haikus on her site and encouraged readers to play along. She’s particularly talented and […]

  152. After exercise,
    my nose decided to bleed.
    Anemia sucks.

  153. “Hug Me”

    Coal, bagpipes and oranges
    are diamonds, music and juice,
    with the right pressure.

  154. I just wanted to let you know that the way you’re taught to do haiku in school 5-7-5 is not correct. You can go to my poetry blog if you want to learn the correct way to do it. (no imagery, less than 17 syllables, must have a nature element).
    https://failingathaiku.wordpress.com/what-is-haiku/

    I am a fan of yours and hope to get your books soon btw!!

  155. I hope you’re feeling a little less groogy today! Unless you like feeling groogy. In that case, groog on!

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted I’m Dating Murray Goldberg.

  156. Cat Haiku

    The food in my bowl
    Is old, and more to the point
    Contains no tuna.

    So you want to play.
    Will I claw at dancing string?
    Your ankle’s closer.

    There’s no dignity
    In being sick – which is why
    I don’t tell you where.

    Seeking solitude
    I am locked in the closet.
    For once I need you.

    Tiny can, dumped in
    Plastic bowl. Presentation,
    One star; service, none.

    Am I in your way?
    You seem to have it backwards:
    This pillow’s taken.

    Your mouth is moving;
    Up and down, emitting noise.
    I’ve lost interest.

    The dog wags his tail,
    Seeking approval. See mine?
    Different message.

    My brain: walnut-sized.
    Yours: largest among primates.
    Yet, who leaves for work?

    Most problems can be
    Ignored. The more difficult
    Ones can be slept through.

    My affection is
    conditional. Don’t stand up,
    It’s your lap I love.

    Cats can’t steal the breath
    Of children. But if my tail’s
    Pulled again, I’ll learn.

    I don’t mind being
    Teased, any more than you mind
    A skin graft or two.

    So you call this thing
    Your “cat carrier.” I call
    These my “blades of death.”

    Toy mice, dancing yarn
    Meowing sounds. I’m convinced:
    You’re an idiot.

    You must scratch me there –
    Yes, above my tail. Behold!
    Elevator butt.

    Blur of motion, then —
    silence, me, a paper bag.
    What is so funny?

    Cat, fearless hunter
    leaves ‘presents’ for me near door
    next time I’ll wear shoes.

  157. 157
    Julie Denenberg

    I woke up at 5:30 this morning with haiku in my mind. Here is one:

    How can those how have
    never been in combat, talk
    of it so glibly?

  158. Replaying Meeting.
    Many stupid things were said.
    All of them by me.

    (I am the most awkward person ever. WHEN will I learn to just STFU? Any whyyyyy can’t I stop replaying all these moments in my head? Current me screams: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPPP!)

  159. Margarita please
    I waited all day for this
    Salt and on the rocks

    margecake recently posted Exploring San Diego, CA.

  160. Haiku idea,
    a terrific one, Jenny.
    Been laughing all day!

    Please feel better, Bloggess!
    Might be wrong but think I’ve heard
    Virgin toast heals all.

  161. Haiku idea,
    a terrific one, Jenny.
    Been laughing all day!

    Please feel better, babe!
    Might be wrong but think I’ve heard
    Virgin toast heals all.

  162. 162
    LeggosnEggos

    Well, this is awkward.
    Two posts but one incorrect.
    How do I delete?!

  163. Have they tried you on painkillers other than the ones you are on? For instance anything with Codeine or Hydrocodone is known for giving folks the vomits. There are Morphine based pills as well as many other categories. There’s no point in pain relief if you are just going to be in the misery of more pain in the form of nausea! Also the docs could give you an anti-nausea med. and that would be helpful too. Pinched neck nerves yell of stress (for me anyway). Sorry for your pain. Take care.

  164. A get well wish, yay
    No pills which were much needed
    My day was made whole

    PS THE DW COLORING BOOK IS AMAZEBALLS

  165. I just bought not one copy but TWO last night of a Harry Potter adult coloring book. My husband is taking me away for an adult only weekend and I am so taking this book along!

  166. I seriously used to send a haiku every Friday for 2 years along with my timesheet. Here’s one just for you.

    Solution for when
    I want to be Beyonce
    Buy a yard chicken.

  167. Sinuses must go!
    No more disgusting mucus!
    God damn — oh, Nyquil…

    Winter was too long
    To be without furry friends.
    Springtime means kittens!

    And as I’m sitting at my desk counting syllables out on my fingers, it occurs to me that I probably look pretty silly but I’m probably not alone…

  168. I too, fucked my neck
    By not sneezing on coffee
    Read, it will make sense:
    (https://theofficeneurotic.wordpress.com/2015/09/ wait, do web addresses have syllables?)

  169. My Whoku:
    See the Daleks
    Many colors, plungers waving
    Exterminate!

  170. Thank you for making me laugh and momentarily forget what a colossal train wreck my life is right now. Seriously, it helps.

  171. Shit, I forgot to make it a haiku.

    Thank you for this blog
    I feel less like a loser
    Just for a moment.

  172. Hiakus (Hi-ay-kus) because
    I thought you combined a word
    With hiatus… oops

  173. 173
    Terry Murray

    Hi Jenny! Just finished “Furiously Happy” and now I am. Shared a couple of chapters with my AP Psych class—now they’re happy—one may even have qualified for your 24 Folder….you’ll never know how many hearts you have touched by sharing the gift of YOU! Thanks! Tm

  174. Watched Baskets tonight.
    That show sucks my will to live.
    Can’t reach the remote.

  175. Your ‘kus made me laugh
    Number One was Super Fun
    Snorted right out loud!

    emelle28 recently posted Clever Naming Devices are not exclusive to the Bros.!.

  176. 176
    Anonymous

    your words make me laugh
    Your tales bring tears of relief
    Finding company

  177. I wrote this while visiting the east side of NM a while back.
    A haiku about Eunice, NM.

    Pump jack. Really flat.
    Pump jack. So, so flat. Pump jack.
    Money smells like this.

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  1. Snack-kus | tiny hazards February 23, 2016

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