This argument is literally the 800 pound gorilla (who needs to be) in the room.

in Random Crap

Yesterday I found something on the sidewalk outside a resale shop that I thought might be perfect in the living room but Victor was all, “NOPE.  KEEP WALKING, JENNY.”  And then I knew it would be perfect because I hadn’t even said anything yet and it was already obvious to both of us that we were picturing it in our home.

BECAUSE IT’S GLORIOUS.

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Victor said something about it being “ridiculous” and “a giant waste of money” but I explained that well-made furniture is always a great investment and then Victor was like, “Oh.  Well shit.   I owe you an apology.  I assumed you were talking about the giant gorilla.  You like the chair?”

And then it made me sad because I was talking about the chair.  And the gorilla.  Because the gorilla is a chair, Victor.

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And also it’s a chair that makes me look tiny.  I was like, “Hey, does this chair make me look fat?  No.  No, it doesn’t.  It’s the most flattering gorilla I’ve ever sat on.”  Then Victor said that it wouldn’t even fit in the house and I agreed because I suddenly realized that we should put it in the pool, because first of all, it would keep neighborhood kids out of the pool if there was an angry gorilla glaring at them while they scaled the fence, and also it’ll be like one of those fancy, submerged chairs in beach resort pool bars.  Plus, we have a very small pool so that gorilla would easily displace like half the water in the pool and so then we’d save on water bills and I’d have someplace to sit.

We’re still discussing it.*

*”We’re still discussing it” = Victor is being even less whimsical than ever and I need a friend with access to a flat-bed truck and also maybe a crane.

PS.  Victor says that the gorilla is not a chair but if not then why is her hand like that? I guess she could be a stepladder, but who is going to push an enormous gorilla around the house just to reach the cabinets above the fridge?  No one.  Unless it has wheels.

PPS.  OH MY GOD, what if I add wheels to it and ride it around the neighborhood like a golf-cart?  But it doesn’t have any way to steer so I’d probably only be able to use it once and then have to abandon it in whatever house it crashed into so I don’t get sued and that seems like a waste of gorilla.

PPPS. Just realized that it would also make a great cat house.  Instead of one of those carpeted, boring beige scratching post trees they could climb all over this guy and cat fur wouldn’t stick to him.  Plus, it would be like a live, artistic reenactment of Koko and her kitten every day.  An artistic, sometimes-aquatic, traveling cat habitat and pool chair that can also help me reach the highest cabinets in the house.  This is the most versatile gorilla I’ve ever not owned.

 

302 thoughts on “This argument is literally the 800 pound gorilla (who needs to be) in the room.”

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  2. The place where we stopped on our way to vacation last summer had a gorilla like that and I totally would’ve put my dog on the hand/seat to take a picture except it was like 1000 degrees and I don’t make my dog sit on hot chairs. #totallyachair

  4. everyone should own a gorilla as versatile as this. it has such potential. you are the bomb!

  7. How can Victor not be on board to buy such a glorious chair? You could also use dolls to reenact scenes from King Kong!

  8. Awesome! I’d be hard to find a spot for her/him but it totally rocks anyway. If I could afford to id even sit it in the yard just to kinda warn people that im not too be fucked with under any circumstances because I have a huge gorilla! Loving you and your blog as always and waiting on your next book!!

  11. Ha! Love it. I may not have seen thus as furniture immediately without your help, but now I see that hand as my TV food tray. This could vastly make me reconsider portion size.

  15. I’m picturing Haley riding on the Gorilla with wheels like in a parade–YOU COULD HAVE A PARADE!!! This sells itself! I don’t understand Victor’s short-sightedness!

  16. I LOL’d at this…the 800 pound gorilla should be in your room…for sure! And Victor needs to get it for you…it is very versatile..how much was it?

  17. You NEED that gorilla. It could be friends with the giant metal chicken. Oh! If you name it, then you have to keep it. (Isn’t that how it works with stray dogs that kids, or eccentric adults, bring home?)

  19. I see nothing wrong with this. I don’t often disagree with Victor, but when I do, it’s over a giant gorilla/chair.

  21. I love the ways youre ALWAYS thinking Jenny! Victor has no chance of winning an argument, you always have another angle…

  24. I love how his bosom is quite perfectly formed like a cushion to rest your head on. It’s obvious a master craftsman had his hand in making this.

  26. Jenny where do you find these stores? The best I could find at my second hand stores is broken fishing poles. But that reminds me I have a couple of furs you might be interested. (One is a beaver hehe)

  27. That gorilla is awesome. Victor needs to get with the program and help you bring it home.

    We found one that we so desperately want to get but we don’t think it’s for sale. It will be put in the front yard and we’ll leave banana peels scattered around it to let our neighbors know that even metal gorillas need to eat sometime.

  28. Girl, you need to go to Home Goods if there’s one by you. I’ve seen the most incredible, over sized statues there. Once it was a giant wood moose – had to be 9′ tall. Another time it was a giant metal stallion with it’s front hooves up in the air. My favorite – because I really wanted it was an enormous concrete Budda. I thought it would be awesome in our garden but I had no idea how I was going to get it there 😛

  30. It’s your 20th anniversary in a little over four months, right? I think 20 years is giant gorilla chairs. You have to make this happen. You only get one 20th anniversary.

  31. I would bet that your tribe has started a gofundme to get you that gorilla and it may magically appear next to your pool next time Victor is out of town – and that’s a little frightening

  33. One of the first books I ever read by myself was about Koko and her kitten when I was in Kindergarten! That gorilla looks like she is practicing the Dana Mudra to show that the more you give, the more you get. It also reminds us to live a life with more love and less fear. I think she was meant to be with you!

  34. Minimally, a chair is anything that you can sit on—stool, log, big blue workout ball (DO be careful on the ball). However, the position of the gorilla’s hand INVITES you to sit there. So, have a seat.

  36. Love this,so funny.I love living in a world where a married couple has an actual conversation about a huge ass gorilla statue. So much YES.

  37. You know…with all your habits, I would have thought you’d own your own flat-bed truck by now. Just sayin’. Also, Victor obviously loves it or he wouldn’t have taken such a sweet pic!

  38. I don’t know… You may think Pool Gorilla would scare away neighborhood kids. But that would’ve been a kid magnet when i was that age.
    What kid could resist?

  42. The gorilla is fabulous, and obviously needs someone as fabulous as that demin dress + long sweater combo to own her. That is the most graceful gorilla chair picture I have ever seen. You two need each other.

  46. I hardly ever notice or comment on clothing but I LOVE that dress. You look amazing! And no, it’s no just the gorilla 😉 pretty awesome giant gorilla though too!

  49. You know who is not going to mess with a gorilla? A mountain lion.

    You NEED this gorilla. For the safety of your family.

    Also, I’m no insurance agent, but I’m willing to bet your home owner’s insurance would drop, too. Who is going to rob a house with a giant gorilla in it? No one, that’s who.

  50. In my mind B.I.G G (as she will be called, obvi) will be sitting in the middle of a fountain in my topiary garden. Do you own a topiary garden by any chance!?

  51. It’s like a whimsical garden gnome… just a bit bigger! Curious how much this giant gorilla cost.
    Agreeing with everyone that your dress/sweater combo is fabulous!

  52. I am sorry, but I side with Victor. We all know that Gorilla promote bad posture and could lead to back issues. As for all your other wonderful uses yes! It is needed and a must. I am surprised we don’t see more of these on the market, they are so versatile.

  53. I’m joining all the others in voting for the gorilla chair because it looks sturdy enough that you could hollow it out from the back and it would still be totally functional.
    Then you could stick it in the pool and hide in it so when the neighborhood kids come you yell “GET OUT OF MY POOL!” and they’ll run because they think the gorilla is talking to them.
    Also you can out it out front and put lights in it FOR THE GREATEST HALLOWEEN DECORATION EVER.

  56. I would like to know where you got your dress! You look so pretty in that shot. (That gorilla is enormous! and wonderful. And you should have him. He can hold bananas for you.)

  57. Compare the photos: in the first, where she (of course the gorilla is a she, perhaps named Giselle) is alone, she looks stoic but just a little sad. In the second, with you, she looks much happier. I might even see a hint of a tear of joy in her eye. You must bring her home to your pool. It was meant to be.

  60. Adding this to my ever-growing list of things to buy for people when I win the lottery. Fingers crossed, for both of us.

  61. Did you see page 2A of today’s Houston Chronicle? NASA is telling you to get that gorilla!

  62. She would also make a lovely bedside table. AND, she’d scare away the monsters under the bed!

  63. And you haven’t talked him into yet? All of those well thought out P.S.’s would have sold me hook, line, and sinker. Fingers crossed for you!

  66. The cat tree idea is brilliant! My husband and I often have simoilar disagreements about curbside finds (not usually gorillas). He usually gives in. Hope you get your gorilla soon. What will you name him?

  68. SERIOUSLY loving the idea of the gorilla either in your pool, or poolside. This must happen.

  70. Oh Holy Jesus!!! I have been searching for this for my backyard for over two years!!! How much do you think it would cost to have it shipped to North Carolina? OMG, OMG, I can hardly contain myself. Even though I know I may not get this one, just to know they are out there gives me great hope!!!

  74. Better than a bean bag chair, in my opinion. Think of how awesome it would be to watch movies sitting in it, especially movies featuring other gorillas, like King Kong or Planet of the Apes. The irony would be totally worth it. Also, you can use the one hand as a drink holder.

  75. You look great sitting there Jenny! Would be a great conversation piece anywhere you put it.

  78. Gorilla in the garden under a pergola. Victor GETS to build a pergola! I know my husband likes nothing better than when I create additional tasks for him on his weekends.

  80. Beyoncé totally needs a friend to help her get around now that she only has one leg. How can Victor be so heartless?

    That is the best Buddha gorilla I’ve ever seen. You look very svelte! Please update to tell us a) where “Gorilla My Dreams” resides in your home and b) where we can get that dress.

  81. You realize someone in the world said, “This gorilla is perfect for sitting outside my resale shop, right?” They probably had this exact same argument with their husband. Only they won. So you should probably talk to them about how to do that.

  82. We have like minds. And our husbands think alike also. Ridiculous, they have no vision. Get the gorilla.

  83. king kong and you are the beauty! love your sense of humor. Jenny, any tips on how you got over yourself and your eating disorders? Just listened to ‘let’s pretend… and you mentioned anorexia early on. or, maybe you still struggle and can offer some advice, words of wisdom,etc. Thanks from a fan!

  84. Giant gorilla statue… so refreshing as opposed to all the Sasquatch statues I see where I live… lol I would totally submit this to my HOA ARC just to troll them. bah ha ha ha ha

  85. Not even kidding, someone in my neighborhood has one of these gorillas in his front yard and decorates it for each holiday; a Santa hat for Christmas, an uncle Sam hat for 4th of July, a lei and sunglasses for summer. The city promptly planted a row of trees along the road to try to cover it up. Brilliant really.

  86. When you get the gorilla, (because it’s not a question of IF) you should also purchase a fog machine…because you know, MIST….

  87. and here I thought it was a bird feeder. I love it, and would love to put it in the yard to feed birds… too fuckin cool!!

  88. He looks like he should be standing at the door to a club to collect your cover charge.

  90. I think your blog has finally warped my brain, Jenny. When I saw the first picture I thought “OMG, you could sit on it” and then I scrolled down and you were.

    I never had these thoughts until I started coming here regularly.

  92. Funny, I totally thought the gorilla was a he until you said she was a she. Not sure what I’m trying to say except that gender attribution intrigues me. I always think of dogs as female until I’m proven wrong. OK, I’m weird.

  93. He would be wonderful in my back yard! He could sit back under the trees and scare the neighbors. His had is a perfect spot for sitting OR bird feed. Imagine it….a gorilla covered in birds. It’s lovely!

  94. The picture is better than owning that gorilla. The photo will not depreciate your property values by causing thousands of people to trek miles to take pictures of her holding their baby, Matter of fact, I think we have the plot for another National Lampoon movie here!

  95. I think the gorilla would be awesome out on the patio for an additional picnic companion!

  96. On second glance, that is the coolest NO PARKING sign I ever saw! Just in case you are illiterate or only in the country for five minutes, THEY WILL TOW YOUR DAMN CAR!

  99. OMG! I KNOW that store! You’re in Austin, Jenny! And yes, I think you need a gorilla. But that goes without saying. I was just happy you were in Austin for a minute….

  100. I recently acquired a moon chair, my 5yo calls it his “nest”. The 17yo calls it the “elephant in the room”, because it blocks clear passage to the stairs, HIM says, “it won’t last.” I say it’s a nest, perfect for snuggling close while reading a book with the 5yo while bathing in the afternoon sun beaming through the window. Your gorilla would be perfect, for all of this, find a western sunny window and bask in the sun glow!

    I

  102. Any piece of furniture that makes us feel good and tiny must be bought immediately. There are too many judgemental chairs in this world – like the one that broke down when I sat on it. Being fat-shamed by a chair was a new low.

  104. If you set up a Go Fund Me account, I’d send you money immediately.
    Alternately, set up a Kickstarter where a perk is to come to Casa Lawson and sit in the pool gorilla’s hand and you’ll make your goal in a matter of hours.

  105. In honor of Harper Lee’s passing, the only appropriate name for her is Gorilla Mockingbird. You can call her Scout for short.

  108. if it helps i saw a house in Dallas that had a Buddha in the backyard looked EXACTLY like that but less hair (historic district) that sold for like a quarter million. I think they got a tax break for religious purposes. That Gorilla can be like the Buddha of our religion! we can call it a shrine and BOOM tax free house that’s now an official church.

  110. This would make an AMAZING cat house to be placed in front of a window that catches the sun. Your cats would LOVE it. It’s a must have! Good luck!

  115. How about a life-sized cut-out of the picture of you on the gorilla chair? Or a large throw made out of the picture? Because the picture of you on it is awesome.

  117. Yay, Erin! Ishmael indeed. You need a gazebo to house him in at first, then he’ll rent an office and start teaching people how to save the world…

  118. I am with all the people who were distracted by the great dress. And Amanda, you cracked me up with your fog machine idea. Definitely next to the pool, where she could hold your towel for you.

    I mis-read “you do NOT need an account to post a comment” as “You do NOT need to post a comment” which I found a little unnerving, but I didn’t let it stop me, even before I read it correctly.

  120. I want to hang out with you so we could talk like this all day long and I could develop abs of steel from laughing so hard. 😀

  121. I was reading this post, and my son Noah who is 5 and home sick, walked up to my monitor and said, “What is that?”. I said, “…a chair”. He said, “Is that a real Gorilla?” I said, “It totally looks like a live Gorilla holding her right? It is actually an awesome chair, and possibly step ladder? What do you think of it?” He giggled at me with a huge smile and said, “Its cool” and then walked off. I think that is man code for “You need it…” and you can blame my 5 year old…. oh and I do vote for outside… you could use him to help you climb onto a tire swing… or monkey bars….”

  123. I love you so much, Jenny! And yes, that gorilla NEEDS to be in your backyard, either in, or right in front of your pool. You could use it as a diving board!

  125. Jenny, sweetheart…YOU make that gorilla look AMAZING! Victor MUST buy it for you and have it transported and installed wherever you wish! I would do no less were you married to me! (Hint…hint…)

  127. I can’t wait til you write about the adventure you havery when you bring it home. Because obviously that gorilla chose uou. And you don’t look a gift gorilla in the mouth.

  128. Duh, he’s tricking you!! Reverse psychology. He’s all “you don’t need that chair…” But what he means is “I need that chair”!! You should buy it for him as a gift. I bet he’d love that. And surprise him. Besides, Beyoncé needs a friend.

  130. I just want to live where you live, to be able to find something like that for sale out on the street. Fantastic!

  131. Can’t wait to see the gorilla chair IN YOUR HOUSE!! Or maybe with a giant metal chicken? Just saying’ I think it is a pretty awesome pairing. Like you and Victor!

  132. Look at you! Look at that gorilla! You belong together. I don’t understand how Victor is unconvinced!

  134. Actually it could be a love seat, if someone sits on the hand someone else can sit on it’s folded leg. Given that it now has the potential for 2 person seating it really is a must for the pool or living room!

  135. Jenny, this is not just any chair! It’s a throne! A Gorilla Throne which would make you Queen of the Apes! Victor is just jealous…

  136. OK! I have a plan. You buy it, put a giant Santa hat on it, and charge people to sit on St. Gorilla’s lap for pictures. OR! Perhaps he is Buddrilla –follow me? Buddha in disguise as a gorilla… and people pay to come and pray before the Great Budrilla, or to rub his belly and ask for wishes. Anyway, my favorite part is his hand sticking out, just so you can take awesome shots of Buddrilla grabbing your but!!!

    I totally give you permission to use the above ideas to make millions. But only if I get to take saucy pictures with Buddrilla for free.

  137. That’s Uncle Robby! He used to live in front of an auction house in Wake Forest, North Carolina.
    My husband said I couldn’t bring him home, even after I pointed out that he is hollow and we could cut a door in his back side, like one of those flaps on the back of old-timey pajamas, and hide a keg inside of him. We could have installed a tap right on his nipple. Look at it. I SAID LOOK AT IT! You could sit in his palm and drink beer straight from his teat! AND MY HUSBAND STILL SAID NO!

  138. I can totally understand your… err… yes… …and owning a Gorilla-chair/ladder really needs no further discussing… But I’d like to focus on what everyone else seems to be missing, the two important design flaws:

    No cup holder? What’cha gonna do with y’a cup’o’tea?
    Those nipples. Once you see them you can’t get them out of your mind, (no, not in a sexual way, don’t be dirty) because you just know someone is going to get badly scratched on them someday.

  139. You need to make a guerilla cart like Jas posted above; let the engineering students at the local college figure out something. Then you need to dress in leopard print, sit in your guerilla cart-chair, and go trick or treating this Halloween. NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO DENY YOU.

  141. She definitely looks like a chair to me. Why else would she be holding her hand like that? And, I agree, the leg provides additional seating. Very cozy.

  143. I feel like Victor doesn’t understand what he’s saying when he uses the words, “waste of money”.

  147. What about the poor guy who poured his heart into this artistic masterpiece?! How insulted he must feel to see that his work is sitting on a street corner instead of being loved for its wonder and craftsmanship. Anyone who’s ever created anything should be able to sympathize. I think you need it for the piece of mind of its maker. What if he got so depressed seeing it unloved, sitting in the rain? You should buy it for his mental well being.

  148. I hope you do get it! You can make the raccoon race on it,…if you add wheels!

  149. I think you may be able to open Victor up to all of the possibilities of his owning this gorgeous gorilla. Yes, Victor, it is a ergonomic business chair, laptop desk, hdmi cable, reading glasses and Wall Street Journal holder. See….he’d totally go for it.

    And yes, that dress. Need the deets. Love ya!

  150. I think you may be able to open Victor up to all of the possibilities of his owning this gorgeous gorilla. Yes, Victor, it is a ergonomic business chair, laptop desk, hdmi cable, reading glasses and Wall Street Journal holder. See….he’d totally go for it.

    And yes, that dress. Need the deets. Love ya!

  153. I would put it in the back of a pick-up truck and then get my truck decorated to say that we handled gorilla infestations and were approved by Dian Fossey (via a medium. RIP Dian.) And then I would take it places and let people take pictures and have a donation jar and send all the donations to Gorilla Fund Int’l.

  154. There’s a giant concrete gorilla on the lawn of a home on the main street of Plaquemines, LA. The owner dresses it in seasonal costumes. In a state with no changing colors of leaves or spring thaw, he is a magnificent herald of each new season. The damn thing is famous and beloved. Don’t you want Jenny to be (even more) famous and (even more) beloved, Victor?http://www.countryroadsmagazine.com/culture/profiles-people-places/the-gorilla-of-plaquemine

  155. I don’t know if that gorilla is a he or a she, but either way, I’m jealous because it has better boobage than I do!

  156. I’d put this masterpiece in my bathroom next to my toilet. That hand is the perfect spot for the extra roll of toilet paper. Winner!

  158. Until you sat on it I had no idea of scale, so I (quite reasonably) thought that its hand could serve as a wine glass table. Quick rethink…. wine bottle(s) and glasses table. Sorted!

  159. First thing I thought when I saw the gorilla hand = cat perch

    I hope you get your gorilla.

  161. He has way too much of a frowny face. Maybe if he resembled a more fun gorilla like Bingo from the Banana Splits. But you look great!

  162. You said “cat house” and I’m now thinking about a giant gorilla-shaped brothel because I’m the world’s worst feminist.

  163. Lovely gorilla. I was reminded of you yesterday when I saw a giant Beyoncé chicken sitting outside someone’s front door. My daughters and I all have varying sizes of Beyonces in our house thanks to you and your wonderful blog. But…no gorillas will fit in any of our houses.

  166. Victor may hate me after this but that chair/gorilla comes from Design Toscano and my mom wants one. They also have a horse bench that is pretty disturbing. I know this because my yard is full of these curiosities as my mom has an obsession as well. We had a giant rooster before they were in stores.

  168. That gorilla has been there for several years now. I drive past her often. Victor should think of her as a rescue gorilla.

  170. you need this, it could be an emotional support gorilla. Whenever the world is threatening you can sit in it until you feel safe. Let’s get someone to write you a prescription for it…p

  172. Oh Jenny I love you…….and the gorilla would look FABULOUS in the pool!! Victor SO needs to lose this one!

  173. I’m going to start questioning the meaning of life, the universe and everything if you don’t buy this gorilla, and surely Victor doesn’t want to set me on such a terrifying downward spiral, so I think you have no choice now but to buy this gorilla. And possibly bill it to my health insurance.

  174. Tell Victor the she is the Gorilla your dreams! And you must have her! (Get it? Gor-il-la your dreams??!!)

  176. King Albert Kong needs to join Queen Beyonce as your new front door greeter couple. What could be a more friendly, inviting sight than that?

  177. Have you checked that this is a girl? Because if it’s male, you totally need to name him Jay-Z.

  178. I hate to say that I usually side with Victor like a good 51% of the time.

    And maybe I have to side with him again, not because I think he’s right, but because I WANT THAT. It needs to be in my living room. I’m clearing out a spot for it. My children would love me FOREVER.
    So you can’t have it. Unless of course my husband tries to talk me out of it saying we need to spend money on food and bills and not gorillas, but you have to have priorities. Gorillas come first.

  179. Thanks– I really needed a good snort today! Why don’t you buy it, set it in your backyard, dress it in chartreuse robes, and start your own religion?

  181. I have a friend who fell in love with a huge gorilla when we were sojourning “up north”. She bought it and sent her son to pick it up since we did not have an appropriate vehicle in which to transport it home. He was livid when he shows up with a 2 ton truck and realized there was no way he could get it to its intended destination, over Big Mac and down state. What a happy, hilarious memory this invokes. You rock Jenny!

  182. You are totally Fay Wray in this picture. Just need the white satin dress fluttering in the breeze. Victor is so unfair!

  183. As soon as I saw this, I thought it’d make a great cat tree. You must get this for your kitties.

  185. I already got a Beyoncé planter for my yard. Now I’m going to have to find a gorilla! You are an inspiration to me!

  187. I think you need him. Also, OMG I love your dress!!! Want to trade? Last sentence was an actual conversation we had when I met you at your book signing. But I really do love that dress!

  188. That gorilla and Zoltar from the movie Big are both making the same face. Based on that, it is safe to assume this is a wish granting gorilla.

  189. Good LORD, that’s hilarious! And you do look so entirely tiny sitting there. Like a tiny fairy. There is NO REASON NOT TO BUY IT.

  190. As the worlds most versatile gorilla … it could also fill the role of “new, more compliant Victor”

    PS just kidding Vic … we all love you. Of course I’m saying that based on the assumption that you have wheels.

  191. Its also a cool place to be photographed from–you can go all demure and feminine and as you say, diminished in size (but not in spirit)–Im thinking this gorilla chair bench pool-water-saver on wheels is going to be incredibly expensive. especially if you have to add a motor (I never want to know where) and wouldnt you need to register it to drive it??

  192. Now some Hollywood muckety muck is going to see this and rush over and buy it for their house and Victor is going to be sorry that he wasn’t a trend setter.

  194. I’m having a really bad evening (no real reason, just my brain acting up) and I’ve been searching the internet for something that’ll help. and this made me feel a little better. so, thank you

  200. When the apes take over the planet, you could point and say, “Look y’all. I was on your side the whole time. Go Team Gorilla!” and thus spare your family from being hunted down and locked in a cage for the rest of your lives.

  201. This is a buy now and ask forgiveness later situations if I’ve ever seen one. Where can i find one of these in GA?

  203. I was trying to explain Beyonce to my husband. this was after we found one in the next town over (Port Royal, VA) for 300 dollars.

    He refuses to budge on buying it for me.

    I, personally, want a giant cock for my front yard. He think Manilow (who is a small cock) that lives in the kitchen is enough. He is wrong.

    And, now I have to tell him we need a gorilla. I still want the damn rooster, first.

  205. I vote this is an anniversary present from the Tribe this year. We could certainly raise the money for it… My only question is where we can hide it until July. KNOCK KNOCK, VICTOR….

  206. This is where you got me: ” a live, artistic reenactment of Koko and her kitten every day” . If you haven’t actually said this to Victor, please do.

  208. Doesn’t your homeowners policy give a discount for added security measures? A gorilla by the pool would definitely cut down on the riff raff jumping the fence, so that should qualify.
    Plus he (she?) is totally chairlike. if you do some writing while being gorilla-cradled wouldn’t that be a business related tax write off?
    Basically you’d be losing money by NOT buying the gorilla. Doesn’t Victor want you to help save money?

  210. I need one JUST LIKE THIS. But a panda. It will live in the bamboo forest at my dad’s house. He doesn’t need to know about it.

  213. There are literally NO downsides to owning this gorilla and I think Victor is the crazy one for NOT seeing its potential here. I mean, honestly, who wants to own boring regular chairs when Gorilla chairs are an option?

    And if he really thinks this is a waste of money, then I think you could crowd-fund it and then he has no valid arguments.

  214. It reminded me of a store in Regina, Saskatchewan (I’m Canadian, I’m sorry) called the Hillbilly Crap Shack that had a roller skating, sign holding gorilla (dude in a costume) outside waving to people until he caused too many accidents and he is sadly no more :(.

  215. i could totally get that gorilla in yer house for you. Just need to knock a hole in the side wall, forklift that baby in, patch up the hole. Piece. of.cake.

    Call me.

  217. On an unrelated note, I dig your dress. I mean, I think I need shovel I dig it so much. Smashing outfit, my dear. And the gorilla is a good accessory – it makes a great statement piece. Tell Victor it’ll cost him less than if he went to Jared’s for diamonds.

  218. Jeebus, this was made for you! It will crush my spirit if you don’t own a giant gorilla.

  220. You must have that gorilla. And then I can come to your house and sit on your gorilla.

    I know I’m trolling for free therapy, but (1) constantly feeling on the brink of catastrophe or some horrible mistake; (2) bursting into tears upon waking up; (3) fighting the urge to throw a weeping/cursing/screaming meltdown [at work] — is this anxiety, or what? It’s been going on for a while. Weeks.

  221. The only problem I see is that Koko needs an umbrella.

    And a bobcat.

    Tell Victor it’s a mental heath expense and totally tax deductible.

  223. You’re head looks really good between two gorilla nipples. So you know that now. You learned something new today!

  224. Okay, this is how to convince Victor to let you bring her home.

    As you said, too big to go inside the house, will have to go out back by the pool…AND YOU CAN STACK TOWELS ON HER HAND. Right?!?

    There’s no way Victor will let you have another “Victor hates towels” story.

    PS I never wear dresses, but I would wear that dress every day for the rest of my life. Thanks for sharing the link!!

  225. ALSO, the gorilla is black, so if you put it in the pool, it will absorb the sun and heat the pool. SOLAR ENERGY SAVES THE ENVIRONMENT, VICTOR! Is he TRYING to destroy the Ozone Layer?

  226. As much as I love Victor (who is always right, see rule one), I confess to a horrified fascination at seeing this gorilla in your home. Because I will know when I see that, that it is not in MINE.

  227. You look beautiful nestled in the arms of that gorilla! I LOVE your dress and sweater combo.

  228. Omg! If it doesn’t fit IN the house, think of the “curb appeal”!!! NOTHING says “warm and inviting” (and exotic) like a giant gorilla in the yard holding a nice planter of chrysanthimums.
    Flower beds need weeding? Trim needs painted? Who’s going to notice with Giant George there!
    The envy of the HOA! Property values skyrocket!
    YOU WOULD BE HEROS VICTOR!!! BUY JENNY THE GORILLA!!!
    Besides, Beyonce could use a friend.

  232. OMG! It’s available on Amazon! “Design Toscano Giant Male Silverback Gorilla Statue, Multicolored”

  233. I’d recommend putting it in your front yard and decorating her seasonally… some bunny ears, flag bunting, a Halloween mask, some turkey feathers, and a helluva lot of lights at Christmas. The possibilities are endless!! Too bad I’m up here in CT; this would be awesome in my front yard. It would keep the door-to-door saviors away.

  238. This thread is just the funniest thing ever – and you do look absolutely beautiful! I hope you win the Gorilla argument…although is winning the same thing as owning?

  239. So, the gorilla completely reminded me, There is a Beyonce here at the local Home Goods store. I have been begging the hubs to let me buy it and he has not said yes YET! But, we close on our brand new house on Monday, and he said if it is still there by the time we close on the house, it’s mine! And I’m totally planning on sticking it right out in my front yard. That way I can just let everyone know we live at the house with the 7 foot cock out front. 😉 Makes my heart happy… which I’ve needed lately. Come pretty close to hospitalization again recently, and tried my damnedest to stay out of it. SO… having something to look forward is a life raft at this point.

    If I could get the gorilla, I would that too. Here around Nashville there are tons of great antique shops… I just need to try to find more of them. And now with a new house to decorate, I have reasons and excuses!

    Get the gorilla. Everyone needs that life raft sometimes… Or a gorilla chair to sit on, as the case may be.

  240. Holy crap where do you FIND this kind of thing?

    Because that’s kind of amazing. I LOVE it..and I want one just like it to put in the front yard to tick off the HOA. Teehee.

  241. Pretty sure this should go in your bedroom. After you enlarge the roof. She could hold candles for mood lighting and it’d be all primal jungle sex or something. Plus you’d have an excuse to buy parrots and shit to go with the gorilla. Victor clearly needs to get into the mood.

  244. I started laughing before the page even opened, I knew it would be good! Good Glory, that is a lovely Gorilla, Jenny! You must have it!

  245. Oh I LOVE gorillas! I think that this gorilla is PERFECT for you and I think that Victor feels the same way, otherwise he wouldn’t have even said anything about it. RIGHT?! I say GET IT! Good luck with the truck and crane. Still doesn’t beat the rooster. NOTHING will ever beat the rooster! EVER

  246. It would rock as a pool decoration, I can see it now, pool party chillin,drink in hand and butt on gorillas hand(just as friends duh)

  247. I am happy to say that I have 2 yes 2 of these same gorillas in my front yard! My husband bought me the first one for my birthday and the second one for Valentine’s Day 2 years later. Virgil and Kay Sadilla live happily ever after in Porter Tx!

  248. I feel like if you name it, he’ll have to let you get it. So what should we call your new friend?

  250. I really need to see that gorilla as a live action diorama of Koko and her kittens now. How could Victor, in good conscience, keep the world from having such a thing? Maybe you could write to the Gorilla Foundation and ask for a grant? (http://www.koko.org/)

  251. I have your flatbed and 4 teenage ‘men’ and 2 ‘grown ass’ men to load it. They moved my upright grand piano and it still works, so I think they might be able to push and pull your new chair into the place you want it. They get cranky about ‘let’s see how it looks over there’ so I try to have a good idea where I want the heavy stuff and sometimes even settle for what feels like second place, but then I remember I DON’T have a crane and I’m just happy I got it home in one piece.
    That picture is just as cool as your birdcage one. You picked the perfect outfit to sit all swirly and lounge-y and comfy in her gorilla lap. I never pick the perfect outfit for anything and you rocked a casual sit-down on a Gorilla photo shoot.
    It’s too versatile a piece to let slip away. You will ALWAYS regret not buying her and probably one day you’ll just call a Gorilla maker and order one and it’ll cost a thousand times more.
    I’d get the gorilla while she was still cheap.

  252. That kid on the Wayfair site doesn’t look near as happy and content as you. It’s definitely a ‘Big Girl Now’ chair. And it’s 20% off! But, Amazon has FREE shipping!! (and no sad child in the promo pic!) Amazon OWES you!! Take the free shipping!

  253. I don’t think it’s a house gorilla. I think it’s a bus stop gorilla. Sociable! Friendly! Encouraging to take public transit… Okay, well, maybe not that last one.

  254. OH! Would she not be the freakin’ BEST thing to have at your front door for Halloween? Maybe you could get a motion-activated Gorilla voice that would roar. Put the candy bowl in her hand and make the trick or treaters endure the roar. Or you in her hand with the candy bowl in your hand! You could be all “Excuse me while I get up from my Gorilla to offer you snacks”.
    You would be the best house.

  255. I really hope you get that gorilla – I believe he is in a meditative pose, not angry. He is a Buddha gorilla and that hand you sit on is probably channeling some great energy!

  260. I am very, very sad for the family that had to get rid of this poor gorilla in the first place. How hard up do you have to be to say goodbye to something so magnificent? Very. And poor gorilla. They are social animals, and to be separated from his group must be traumatic. He needs to come home with you. For his sake.

  261. Don’t fill up your pool with the gorilla. He will be so much more amazing as a slide or dive platform into the pool. Hmm, now I’m wondering if there is a gorilla like that here in New Jersey, so I can have my husband get it for me and set it up next to our pool!!!

  263. frilly lamp shade + exotic plastic plant = Gorilla-incognito.

    What gorilla? I see a lamp and a plant stand.

  264. I don’t know, it’s kind of like James Garfield, don’t you think? Victor wasn’t so keen on James Garfield, either, and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED, VICTOR?!?! James Garfield created miracles for thousands of others. Victor might just be keeping special miracles from happening for others by insisting that the Gorilla is not supposed to live with you. Silly Victor. Remember James Garfield!

  267. Totally agree with the Buddha/Gorilla commenters. The second I saw it I though “budda statue”

    So clearly this Gorilla belongs not in the pool but as the center of a meditation garden. According to this web site http://www.astitvaseekers.com/blog/powerful-hand-mudras-for-meditation
    The palm up mudra signals calming the mind, so clearly not only should you get the Gorilla it’s a therapy gorilla, and you should get it right away.

    (PS I really love Victor, but this time I think he’s wrong :))

  269. The second picture of you sitting on the gorilla – it looks like there is an angel on the gorilla’s shoulder. THIS IS A SIGN THAT YOU MUST HAVE THE GORILLA. I hope this helps you convince Victor.

  270. My cats would LOVE a giant gorilla to climb on. (Can you not see them sitting right in that open palm, or draped over his head?) If you don’t buy it, I might.

  273. You could name him/her “Ishmael” after the gorilla and book by Daniel Quinn!!!!!
    This gorilla totally looks like the wise and insightful teacher in the story…we all need an Ishmael in our lives. Some of us more than others.

  275. I hate great apes (sorry, monkeys), but this gorilla is a definite must. The above argument that it is a therapy gorilla is simply brilliant, and consequently, it could travel with you on planes.

  277. It’s very in to be like Jane Goodall. Jane Goodall would buy this gorilla. No, she would inspire this gorilla to just move into the house on its own accord.

  279. With her hand out like that, I think she’d make a great mailbox. I’m certain your mail person would have no qualms about leaving your mail in such a welcoming palm. Very hand for those larger UPS packages.

  280. I love the post. I love the comment. And I totally see Victor screaming at a computer screen “Stop it! STOP IT!! Do. NOT. Encourage. Her!” Lol! Thank for the laughs 🙂

  281. There is a spectacular person in LaGrange who has a Gia t concrete gorilla. It is dressed/costumed for every season! Totally awesome! I also suspect there is one of those roller coaster cameras there. It’s on that crazy hill going down to the river.

  282. Before you entered the picture, I thought he was big enough to sit by your front door and offer mints to guests as they depart. Who wouldn’t want that? Then I saw his hand held a human bum and thought, now there needs to be a cat sleeping in that hand. Or Dorothy perched there so she can see better out the window to bark at all the things. On a side note, I’ll now be scouring airports for your fab sweater find. Wish I had a gorilla cart to ride around the airport while I shop.

  284. You could put it by your front door at Halloween to hold the candy basket with a sign that says please take one. I bet the kids would just take one because no one wants to piss off the huge gorilla on Halloween.

  285. You look amazing in that gorilla. I thought it must be Photoshop because that’s how amazing you and that gorilla look together. Victor is probably jealous of the perfection of this pairing. Plus, think of all the fun you’d have naming it! Let’s start the King Kong/ Faye Wray puns now!

  286. Okay, but think about this – a gorilla waterfall for your pool. I mean, come on. Who can say no to that? (It could come from it’s mouth or right above the hand and it would be so cool!)

  287. You were in Austin and you didn’t call?? Oh, wait. We don’t actually know each other. Never mind.

  288. Seems to me that you’ve more than made your case…plus you just look so comfy sitting in this ‘gorilla chair’. I think that perhaps Fay Wray might be very envious. Come on Victor…

  289. I don’t know if this makes a difference to you or not, but based on the skull shape that is definitely a male gorilla; they’re the only ones with giant sagittal ridges.

  290. oh Jenny this post was absolutely POTATERRIFIC!! Made me laugh and now want one for my two cats

    Side note: Yes I am in the middle of reading your book and have just come across the above word! It is perfect and i love saying it!

  291. Jenny. Here’s another giant animal chair thingy. My wife took this pic of me in it so I could send it to you.

    I want to thank you for what you do. I too suffer from anxiety and depression and have been able to overcome it (and being suicidal) to have a successful career and amazing marriage! It is still a daily battle but it’s SO possible to push through the bullshit your head tries to convince you of.

    Perhaps we could have a poll as to which animal would win in a game of water polo in your pool!

    Jeff Martin
    Cambridge Ontario Canada.

  293. I am literally laughing out loud loud and I haven’t even finished reading the entire thing. My honest to god first though/reaction “Huh, she looks really good these days, what’s different, she looks thinner.” I am a horrible person…

  297. Does anyone remember the song “99 Red Balloons”? More relevantly did you hear the parody “99 Dead Baboons”? “99 dead baboons sitting in my living room…not too functional it seems but QUITE a conversation piece!”

  298. Awesome! My vote is for wheels and driving it around the neighborhood. You know when people are having a bad day you could rent him out so they could feel better driving him around the neighborhood. Every one would smile and you’d bring happiness to the world and your rental charges could help differ the cost of Gorilla’s purchase.

  301. How about you take a family picture sitting on the gorilla together? (One more use…)

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