I am a goddam fashionista.

in Random Crap

You know those bloggers who write about jackets and foot clothes and hair things?  The fashiony people?  I never entirely got their deal until I discovered the joy of collecting purses.  I mean, technically, they’re just coin purses and I didn’t really “collect” them so much as I just bought the set because they were cheaper that way, but still?  BEST PURSES EVER.  Because they have cat faces on them and when I hold them up to my face when I ask Victor to make me a milkshake I suddenly have a face than no one can say no to.  Look:

"Call me 'Mittens'."
“Call me ‘Mittens’.”

But then Victor did say no because he doesn’t love kittens and he’s maybe not even human or something.  But I’ve been walking around the house taking pictures of the cats wearing cat masks and it is the best thing ever.  Even Dorothy Barker looks adorable:

"Woof."
“Woof.”

And Hunter S. Thomcat:

It's like my cat is dressed up as my cat.
It’s like my cat is dressed up as my cat.

Ferris Mewler actually grabbed one and tried to groom it but I took it away from him because it looked like he’d ripped off another cat’s head and was showing off his gross trophy.  Then I took this video of Ferris giving me a go-to-hell look and if you look closely enough at it you can lip-read him saying, “Bitch?  Fuck you.”  It’s impressive and terrifying.

And then Victor yelled at me for freaking the cats out and for buying coin purses when I don’t even have any coins to put in them.  And I thought that maybe he had a point, but then I realized that, no, he was way wrong:

Honestly, it's like it was made for him. He disagrees. Whatever.
Honestly, it’s like it was made for him. He disagrees. Whatever.

PS. You can buy them here.

 

 

114 thoughts on “I am a goddam fashionista.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Years ago, my mother-in-law gave us a life-size ceramic cat figurine. Our cat slapped that statue every time he walked by. I had to put it in the closet. The statue, not the cat.

  3. This is my most favorite post of yours. Ever. AND I AM NOT A CAT PERSON. You and Victor remind me of the Hubby and me. I just can’t even with this. This rocks so hard. I want all the kitty purses now. I love you. That is all.

  5. That is SOOO Victor!! How awesome! I would like to know how Victor made that coyote face pouch for your dad cause I have a coyote face I need to do something with😂

  6. Love those! And the video of Ferris is priceless! Victor’s picture is the best.

  9. Those are awesome. My crazy cat lady 12 yo daughter needs those. That first one frightens me though, it looks like Kitty Galore before she was de-furred.

  11. Um, Jenny…I don’t think Ferris Mewler told you to, “Fuck off.” I’m pretty sure he just called you an asshole. I know that asshole goes through glass, so I’m pretty sure that means it goes through screens too. I mean, you know him better than I do. I just read something different on his lips than you did.

    Also, I once visited an aunt in a mental health facility where a lady wandered the visiting room asking everyone if they had seen her coin purse. Repeatedly. I wonder if she may have been you…and you traveled back in time to change your future so I could see you and warn you of what will happen if you don’t curb your coin purse obsession. You’re welcome! Have a nice day!

  12. They remind me of Kabuki masks. You all could be in Japanese theatre. I find it kind ironic though, putting cat masks on cats, but they DO like to play dress-up, or so I’ve been told.

  14. I love the description at Amazon. Especially “Its plump and unique form makes you fun.” I’m going to have to buy them.

  16. My mom inherited a bunch of creepy cat-head cookie jars. She keeps trying to pawn them off on me when she dies. I want NO part of those things…

  17. Thanks for giving me a laugh this evening. I think Victor and the rest of your family look fabulous!

  18. Just ordered them! Your posts always seem to magically arrive in my inbox just when I need a stress antidote and the posts always make me laugh my a** off! (Ok. WISH I could laugh my a**actually off, but it’s still there. And sometimes I accidentally kick it when I run. (I know, I don’t run))

  19. I’m officially calling shoes “foot clothes” from now on because that is exactly what they are. I think we should also call Mirriam-Webster and get it added into the dictionary.

  20. This is the best fashion. Victor just doesn’t understand.

    (Unrelated, I’m so sad the camera on my phone doesn’t work. I was in a bookstore today, and there was a front-facing copy of Furiously Happy right next to a book called BADASS Civil War Beards (but the “badass” part was written much larger and more legibly than the rest). And another copy of Furiously Happy was just after the book Fake Swears. I don’t know; it amused me anyway.)

  21. My grandma always said you have to make room in your life so that there’s a space for the good things to come in. So by her logic, maybe you don’t have any change because you didn’t have a change purse with room for it?

  22. My favorite is how it says on the Amazon listing, “Fit: as expected 88%”

  24. I bought one just like that for my partner, only it was a dog (y’know, one that’s the Shibu Inu “doge” meme) – it made me laugh for days as I waited for it to arrive. Totally worth it.

    I am also a big fan of all the Blue Q coin purses / pouches / etc! I have the “Weed Money” one.

  27. Damn, Ferris! If looks could kill!!! (shudders)
    Love the James Garfield photobomb of Mittens. I think he needs his own coin purse…

  31. I would like a bunch of the orange cat faces so I could have them all around the house. I miss my 19 yr old kitty who went to Rainbow Bridge a few months ago.

  33. Purrfect. is shot
    The only coin purse I have is a Totoro. Technically it’s probably my daughter’s but it always hangs out in the parent’s room haha

  34. Those are such cute litt[e purses! I wish there were dog ones too! But I am mostly commenting because you actually have less than 200 comments right now so there is a chance you might read this one. Just wanted to let you know I read your last book (I borrowed it from the library, and actually it is way overdue right now, but it is sort of okay because my library doesn’t charge fines unless you’re so late that they think you should just own it) and I love it, your stories always make me literally LOL.And sometimes even ROFL. I have lived with depression and anxiety most of my life, plus I have autism, plus ADHD, plus probably other things that they just didn’t tell me about yet.

  36. Dying.Just howling with laughter. Inside. The Spouse is asleep. Would hate to interrupt his snoring…

  37. Dying.Just howling with laughter. Inside. The Spouse is asleep. Would hate to interrupt his snoring…

  39. Aha! Still with the wackiness on the devices that are not actual computers.

    Crap.

    Went back an read your post again. I feel better! Dying with the inside laughter.

  43. Better be careful. Victor might appropriate that photo to hold up to you every time y’all have an argument, to try to sap your will in arguing against him. 🙂

  45. It’s almost midnight, I’m exhausted but I can’t go to bed because I have the hiccups and THIS IS THE BEST POST EVER. The picture of Victor made me laugh out loud and for a second I thought my hiccups were cured, but nope. sigh Thank you for the giggle.

  47. OMG. That is probably the best thing ever. If I had one of those coin purses I would just hold it up in front of my face, like opera glasses kind of thing all the time. All the time.

  48. I don’t understand all the Ferris hate. He’s CLEARLY saying “I Love You” and then giving you the slow blink which means “I won’t eat your face if you die in the night even if the kitty bitz bowl is empty”. What beautiful green eyes he has.
    Meow meow meow

  49. This is amazing! I loved how ironic that shot at the end was… I can’t stop laughing.

  50. I prefer coin plusses. And even though I thought it couldn’t be possible, I love you even more than before.

  53. Aaaghhhh! And they have bigger ones too! Why does amazon not accept paypal and I don’t have a credit card? (for good reasons, i might add, the no credit card thing. But damn…)

  54. My house is always filled with random men/boys, especially between 5:30 and 8:00 PM. If they’re here I feed them supper. Then I rush through dishes sweeping and cleanup to sit down for my “martini time” (unfortunately I never learned how to drink – my crowd grew weed so I can smoke my ass off …). In any case I’m old (59 yikes) so I just read for two hours or so and then go to sleep. I’ve been reading you for the past several days and the boys love it. I read passages out loud and they guffaw. But best of all I laugh until I’m crying and farting from the joy (eeuuuuuugh gross) and they think it’s better than ice cold beer ( THEY KNOW HOW RO DRINK). Thank you from all of us here. Please write more quickly … We’re all waiting with baited (does that mean smelling like worms?) breath. Love ya

  57. I love Victor. A real man loves his woman BECAUSE of all her lovely quirks. And he looks cute with a cat purse mask.

  58. Oh yeah, Hunter S. Thomcat looks really freaked out all curled up in his bed there. Victor, as usual, is projecting, although what he’s got to be freaked out about is beyond me. Does he have a memory problem that makes him forget who you are every day?

  65. Love. I can’t help but wonder what Victor’s “What The Fuck?” face looks like? I also wish I had collected faces of people with “What The Fuck?” faces. OH! I’m going to do that! Starting right now! You have the greatest ideas!

  67. Alas, I too am married to Grumpy Cat. It’s my cross to bear, lol 😜 Because of course I am the most fantastic human ever born. Again, lol.

  68. No coins? NO COINS!?! I thought Victor had learned not to tell you no on things like this. Beyoncé could become a rooster bank for all the coins you could put in him.

  73. First I have to tell you you are fucking amazing. Next I need to tell you if you’re in the red of a bff I AM YOUR GAL! We can swap our disorders like Pokemon (gotta collect them all ) thanks so much for all the laughs and some times tears.

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  76. I would like to argue that they can hold much more than coins so you have as many reasons to buy them as things you can think of to fit in them. I have one with glasses. It holds hair ties.

  80. As you know, YOU are always right, and Victor is always wrong. LOVE all of these photos! You’re always so awesome, Jenny. Thank you.

  83. yes! I just ordered two of each (to spread the love) on ebay, with paypal! Don’t you just love it when something you really want need NOW is so affordable!?? Free postage and everything. Now let’s hope they will arrive 😀

  84. So glad you’re back – I miss you when you don’t post for a bit. But completely understand. <3

  85. THAT VIDEO gave me MOTHER FUCKING CHILLS!!!! Ferris is coming after you…he is NOT playing around. HOLY SHIT BALLS!!!!

  86. So going to the video of Ferris lead me down the rabbit hole of your instagram (since I don’t have one) and I discovered that you have a cat that looks exactly like mine! The gray fluffy one named Rolly. Mine is named Stormy. My roommate keeps saying his fur is so weird (because it stands in clumps) but now we know that it’s an actual kind of cat, not some alien species masquerading as a cat!

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  88. my cat purses arrived today and i’m amusing the fuck out of myself. Best tip EVER! (Cats are not so sure about them, but who cares)

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