Today I saw this duck at the pharmacy drive-thru (AKA: the drug-hole) and he was looking kinda lonely. Victor thought maybe he missed his flight but I think probably he was just tired of looking at duck butts and decided to travel alone. But then I got worried because what if he was sick and needed me to take him home, so I got out of the car and was like, “Heeeere, Maverick Maverick Maverick” (because I’d already named him Maverick) and then Maverick was like, “Who?” (because I guess he didn’t know his awesome name yet) and started to back up (because he apparently did know about stranger danger).
But then he started doing this thing where instead of flying he just jumped really happily like he was skipping. And it was so awesome and full of joy. But then I thought maybe he was also full of worms or something because what kind of ducks skip? But then Maverick was like “THAT WAS FUN BUT ENOUGH SKIPPING. I’M OUTIE, BITCHES” and he flew majestically away. And it was beautiful.
So now this picture of Maverick doing the joyful pogo-jump is my new favorite thing ever:
Let’s all be Maverick today, y’all. Not like, skipping everywhere. Just skipping in our hearts. Unless you want to skip in real life because I do it all the time and it’s actually a really good work out. If there was a skipping marathon I’d totally almost think about doing it (but then not do it because that sounds like it’d be sweaty).
*******
And now, the weekly wrap-up:
Art from Annie Wilson, who is adorable and far too young to read this blog. STOP READING, ANNIE. DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- I made you a Mother’s Day card. It’s super classy.
Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:
- My instagram is pretty much just videos of my animals freaking out.
- This is on the short list of things I would wear to my own funeral.
- Want a signed copy of my books? Here you go.
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by this kickstarter for KinderPerfect – a new card game for frazzled parents. From them: “Our aim is to take the everyday pain of parenthood and turn it into an excuse for mommy juice! KinderPerfect will contain 200 casino-quality cards that can be played as a stand-alone game, or used in combination with similarly formatted word association games like Cards Against Humanity or Apples to Apples. We’re sponsoring Design Parties across the USA, and anyone can submit a card idea – if we use it in the final game, we’ll send you a free deck.” You should check it out right here.
When my brother was 5, he couldn’t figure out how to skip, and he looked really stupid, which filled my heart with joy. So I understand the connection between skipping and joy.
I’m known to name animals and then keep them. Even if I say “oh let’s just keep the stray cat in the basement till tomorrow. Then I will take it to the shelter.” Ten minutes later I’ve named it and it doesn’t go to the shelter.
I wonder where Goose was.
I forgot all about skipping! That’s a terrific sport. We should have olympic skipping teams. Great workout! Plus, it brings out the kid in us all.
That Mother’s Day card is right to the point. Love it!
Speaking of skipping, when my brother was in kindergarten, he spent the whole year on the rug – never graduated to a table or desk BECAUSE he didn’t learn to skip. Skipping was a prerequisite to table sitting, I guess. I later became a Kindergarten teacher and everybody in my class got to sit at a table whether they could skip or not. And my brother became a high school science teacher and NEVER learned to skip!!!
I name all of the animals I see in the wild, I feel like each has something special to give
He was probably warming up for his date with Kelly McGillis. Skipping is much less sweaty than beach volleyball, after all.
I don’t recall ever seeing either of my children skipping. Hmm…
I like the name Maverick…but then I also like “Top Gun”..and I skip with my grandkids..does that count?
My mom had a c-section… I’ve had 3. No vaginas were sprung from. So.. Uh…
I skip all the time. I tell people it’s impossible to be unhappy if you’re skipping. People think I’m crazy, 53 year old women don’t skip much. But they should. Because. Well. Happy.
I’d skip but I’m still too tired from work last week. I msy muster up a few skips tomorrow….but I suppose skipping is “frowned upon” at work anyway.
Maverick aka Skippy….you rock!! 🙂
The last time I tried to skip, it made my knee hurt. I went to the doctor and told him I couldn’t skip. Hurting while walking, running, going upstairs, going downstairs, line dancing, squatting, — apparently all those things were acceptable, but don’t take away skipping too.
Annie’s art is the best ever. Give her a kiss for me. 🙂
I’ve never seen a duck skip–it looks amazing. Sometimes when people aren’t looking, I skip down the aisle at work, because I really like my job. And if I’m on a tile floor, sometimes I play hopscotch. I’m fifty years old–is that weird?
Lol @ “drug hole”. Hubs was trying to remember the name of a friend of his who, according to him, “moved to Vegas to be a dealer” and of course I needed him to specify, “cards or drugs??”
I twisted my ankle so I have been physically skipping everywhere, it’s a little odd but I’m at my house so it’s OK.
I’ve just returned for a walk around the lake. So many ducks all skipping, pogo jumping and diving in the water. Have a good one. The good thing is we have no drug holes near here.
Maverick is the perfect name for a skipping duck. I think he must have been jumping for joy at finally discovering his true identity.
I once played fetch with a seagull at the beach. We played for almost an hour people kept staring at us weirdly but I didn’t care. I was at a really low part of my life my mom had just died and I was forced to live with a dad and stepmom who didn’t want me. I know it sounds funny but that seagull brightened my darkness enough for me to make it through. When I feel bad I remember that kindness and joy come from unlikely places and sometimes it’s playing fetch with a seagull.
After spending this entire week driving from TX to VA, we saw an upturned turtle, legs waving, along an interstate in NC this morning.
We didn’t stop to help it, but I wanted to. I think it was my spirit animal. Because nothing says “Help. OMG please help.” like being stuck on your back with your limbs flailing uselessly. Poor little fucker.
Bet Maverick was doing some, “how many hours mans care reads each.”
My husband’s work has a new mascot. It’s a road runner they named Wiley (yeah, I know it’s the coyote’s name) He likes to hang out in the parking lot eating snakes, while sitting on truck hoods. He’s been there a few months now.
I don’t skip because I have enormous breasts – it’s just not something anyone wants to see. Or feel. Because even my face muscles head south when my feet hit the pavement. Instead, I Olympic Speed Walk…..because it’s hysterical. Here’s a link (sorry, but I haven’t got a clue how to condense it to just the part that’s important): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZKSywmobMQ
my 3 year old nephew likes to sing the song in your title, but his version is “broccoli I can fly” which always makes me smile when I think about it. No one can deny the power of broccoli
I used to skip through parking lots with my sons when they were little. They won’t skip with me anymore.
I may have seen Maverick in my yard last week dive bombing my cat. I’m pretty sure me skipping or doing any variation thereof would jyst end in a face plant.
My mom had a pet deer as a kid in Wyoming. It lived in the woods but would come up on the porch and eat from her hand. Officially: a pet.
The pavement was hot.
Okay, J, so when will you be in the Durham, NC area next?
Maybe he was injured. Sorry to poop on your whimsy.
You don’t mention how old Annie is but, as an artist I just want to say – stop being so bleeding talented at such a young age!! Only kidding, Annie sweetie. Amazing drawing! Keep it up!!
I’m 74 years young and couldn’t skip in Kindergarten. I have had diminished mental capacity ever since(except I think that’s a lie, since I know how to spell diminished – so my mental capacity isn’t too bad). Still can’t skip, but now I can use age as an excuse. And here’s another connection – my wife says I walk like a duck. Maybe that’s why I can’t skip.
The videos on your Instagram page are the best! I think Dorothy Barker might be my patronus.
My grandson learned to skip by going, step onto one foot, hop, put the ‘hopping’ foot down as the next step. Then hop on the other foot. Chanting ‘step, hop, step, hop’ helped a lot, too. My sister (who has two Masters degrees) could only hop on one foot; the other foot never learned how.
I am a speech therapist and I have to walk my students back to class after speech. I have a little kinder guy who skips all the way to art class so I skip with him, even if I look silly. He thinks it’s great and yes, it is a great workout!
Ok, I’m game. But I’m ordering these first: https://www.etsy.com/listing/166757408/ships-in-1-week-oversized-swallowtail?ref=market
I know, I know–swallow wings. But couldn’t find duck wings in my size:)
Once said to my son “stop running,” and my kid, maybe three at the time said “I not running, I skipping.” There’s a difference, Maverick knows.
I’ve always wanted to name a cat Apu Nahassapeemapetilan just so they’d have to shout it at the vet’s when it was our turn.
You are the only person I would follow on Instagram if j had an account. Dorothy is adorable. My husband is waiting for all of our other animals to die so that he can get a Pappilon named Belle.
Ducks and geese randomly in parking lots can be entertaining. Vast parking lot, one pothole with water in it, one Canada goose standing on one leg in it.
I used to intern as a zookeeper at the Queens Zoo in NY. I worked with the ducks in the aviary. I have never seen a duck skipping. Obviously, I am very jealous of you…
I decline to skip, as I have a stomach bug and may soil myself. But I’m skipping in my heart of hearts.
Did the pharmacist give you any extra drugs after watching you chase a skipping duck through the drive through?
Ooh…did the pharmacist give you extra drugs BEFORE that happened? Maybe you and Maverick were the entertainment highlight of the day.
1) My 6-year-old skips from place to place. Sometimes I join her. It’s fun, and she gets DEEE-lighted when I do it!
2) I’m totally thinking about getting my mom your card for Mother’s Day. I’d also buy one for myself and make my girls sign it, but I need one that says, “Thank you for letting those two doctors [different one for each girl] to cut a big-ass hole in your belly to dig us out of there. Also, you’re scar is beautiful. We know, we know: It’s itchy sometimes. But it’s the beautifulest, itchy c-section scar evah!”
By the time I mastered double-Dutch skipping, all my friends were too old to want to skip. That slight delay was a recurring theme in my life. I worry about animals I see all the time. Once I passed a frosty field covered with geese, just sitting there. I was worried they got stuck in the ice or something, so I had to leave the highway and go to the field to check on them. They all flew away when I approached them. I could hear them going “Sheesh, can’t even sit in a field without some ***hole bothering us!”
A few days ago, I saw Jenny quoted from Furiously Happy in the Reader’s Digest and I couldn’t stop smiling for about 20 minutes. I did actually skip a bit when I showed my parents, and I got some funny looks, but oh well. I haven’t read the book yet because I’m not allowed to buy it right now, but finding Jenny without even looking for her was like hearing your old favourite song on the radio, only better.
Every night, I think “I’m going to get up and walk 3 miles tomorrow.” That is as far as my motivation gets me. Tonight, I will me plans to skip instead. It sounds much more fun.
I fell in love with crows when I saw them do their happy hopping. They’re also geniouses. I started feeding (dry cat food) a trio of crows in the park near my apartment about three years ago. They know me and watch for me. I refer to them as my friends rather than my pets, because they’re independents.
Please excuse the extra “o” in geniuses (they’re birds for God’s sake!)
I’m skipping in my heart because right now it looks like it might rain and we need it super super desperately. When raindrops do fall, I will dance like Maverick as I waddle around my yard collecting rain buckets for later use (should be be blessed enough).
It was inevitable to perform as a human being, due to the heartless act live in their heart
yes! you can did it when you want it õn one condition make it convinient
I go to a workout group where the warmup usually involves a period of skipping. I’ve been going since last summer sometime and am still not sure if I’m skipping correctly. Luckily starting with tonight’s session, I will now be able to stop thinking about that, and instead think about Maverick.
Having gotten only 2 hours of sleep, even in my heart I don’t think I can skip, even though I’d like to do so. Maybe if I can get enough of a caffeine fix… then it has potential to be awesome at the office!
I LOVE skipping, but it’s exhausting. And I’m often told I look ridiculous. Which makes me want to do it more.
Maverick appears to be a duck disguised as a Canada goose. You may have blown his cover.
And when you’ve mastered basic skipping, get some pals and do the Yellow Brick Road version from the Wizard of Oz together. Laughter guaranteed.
Okay – I am fairly new to your blog so I don’t know if anyone else has mentioned this woman’s stuff but it is so funny and so right, I HAD to send a link. Like reading your FUNNY and human posts, this made me feel more accepting of my own shit.
http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/celeste-barber-challenge-accepted?utm_medium=email&utm_source=flipboard
Beautiful Work Annie!
Your friends book got here yesterday! Did you know the mail runs on Sunday? What the hell? When did that happen? But also YAY! Cause I started it last night. I have to clean today and tomorrow before Surgery on Wednesday… but I’m planning on saving it for when I’m bed ridden for the rest of the week! SO excited to have something to do! Can’t wait to read it and leave the most amazing Amazon review ever and share it on Facebook with all my reader friends to have them purchase it and love it also! Thanks for the recommend.
As always, you kick ass!
We have seagulls in our local shopping centers and all we locally have are rivers and streams. Seems weird to see them perched on the light poles (except at the Walmart). Yesterday I saw a blue plastic shopping bag floating above the stores. Was so cool, like a giant blue bird of happiness or maybe it’s the prednisone I’m on. It’s does make me loopy. It’s pretty till you realize it’s just garbage that’s gotten away .
Maverick is all kinds of majestic
I recently came across a deer I named Margaret. When I shouted from the car, “How are you, Margaret?” She looked up at me with a leaf hanging from her mouth with a look of disgust. I was there scared she was going to charge at my car but instead she walked away. She was rather rude.
Just tried to do a jumpy happy flappy dance and now I have a sore shin. Thanks for that Jen!
Actually it’s probably more my own fault for not being able to stay away from m&m’s.
I love Maverick the Skippy Duck!
or Skippy the Maverick Duck…or Ducky the Maverick Skipper…or
Maverick is a Black-bellied Whistling-Duck. Super cool tropical species that only occurs in a few states in the U.S. including Arizona. Texas, Louisiana, and Florida. https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Black-bellied_Whistling-Duck/id
Oh, great, that works thanks!
isnt it a goose???? Neck looks too long and bill looks wrong?
He kinda looks like a goose, but maybe you have weird Texas ducks or something. I’m in New Hampshire, where they’re predicting snow tonight. Which, coincidentally, my ducks love. I have a farm, and yes my ducks do this weird skip/hop/fly thing when they’re excited (ie feeding time!) my favorite is when the wild ducks decide to try to take over their pond and they go all duck gang on them and chase them off. Yeah girls! Seriously a flock of domestic ducks is a force to be reckoned with.
my mom has passed and i don’t think she would have found the card funny (but then maybe so) but I LOVE it and wish my daughter would give it to me. Alas she is only 12 and not very bloody likely to give a card with the word “vagina” prominently displayed on the front….
Jenny, from one Texan to another, I need you to watch this. I had no idea… I think we both may need one of these after this video. (Though I live in Denver at the moment, and the weather may not be condusive to Armadillo pets…) (Armadillo PETS? The Texan in me is like 😱, but the crazy in me is like 😦🤔😍) … Ps: there is no way in hell a cute video could get me to want a possum. Not. Happening. Also, thank you for writing about how inexplicably “oh hell no” they are bec no one here in CO seems to understand it. They have a pet possum at the Denver zoo that they named “Tex” … which is clearly just rude… And when he was brought out as “something you could get close to” I was like “Nope Nope Nope, time to go.” Now my friends are listening to furiously happy and they understand that it’s not just me who has this “irrational dislike of possums.” Thanks for writing a great book… (Not just bec of the possum parts). http://youtu.be/HhNGdnuFQYM
4:21 a.m. Cannot sleep. Too much anxiety. Why does the anxiety fairy visit at 3 a.m.? And a random thought. Banana popcicles dipped in Malibu! Oh my gawd. Revelation. Best idea. Ever. I still have anxiety, but now I care a little bit less.
I LOVE clicking on your Amazon finds. I have the best ads in my email for a few days.
Annie is a true little artist. Reading your blog may be … what’s that word?.. means she’s old enough to absorb the educational quality while smart enough to use with discretion. You are a good inspiration for any age, just some will need more supervision while they evolve.
😉
And Maverick… I think the Universe may have had trouble inserting a goat or bobcat in the ‘drug-hole’ parking lot, so Maverick got used to tell you ‘Hi’ and give you your ‘high five’ for the week. Obviously, the Universe knows how to get your attention and obviously, Maverick was happy to fill in for the goat.
Can you get Paul and Storm to do their ‘Mother’s Day Song’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QPwzYo-530
on a chip, so when you open your Mother’s Day card it plays the song?
When I saw the card, I thought, “I wonder if it plays, ‘Thanks for having intercourse with Dad’ when you open it?”
I LOVE cards that sing while you read them, and yours is perfect as a stand alone, so, just a little added dollar thought incentive motivator…
I think it looks like a goose too. Hey, I noticed we seem to have less geese in CT this year. Are they are all in Texas?
Oops. Signed in with the wrong name above. My bad.
My sister-in-law helped a cat cross a busy road and got bitten and scratched A Lot for her trouble. Even after the rabies shots, she said she’d do it again.
I think that Maverick may actually be a goose.
Found this on Facebook and it reminded me of Maverick.
Enjoy your posts and books.
Sincerely, Joyce Kacmarcik
Sent from my iPhone
>
I wave to cows in moving cars (I’m in the moving car, not the cows). I don’t NAME the cows but I do acknowledge their existence by waving at them. I also say, “Hi cows,” but they probably only appreciate the waving because they can’t possibly hear me. Still I like to put the (spoken) word out in the cow universe.
We have a Canadian Goose couple who live across the street, and they raise a new gigantic brood every year. They cross the road all the time from the a little pond to a big yard where they can chow down on grass and hang out. Cars wait patiently for them to waddle across the road as they saunter from the pool to the snack bar. I love watching them, but I’ll admit that when in a hurry, I’ve been tempted to stick my head out the window and yell, “We know you have wings! Why are you not flying OVER the road?!” Maybe if we put up a skip-hop sign they’ll know to do that instead.
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