I’ve been doing doggie obedience training for Dorothy Barker because she’s insane, and she’s okay with most of the basics now (Come here. Stop chewing on the cat. Don’t shit on that) so now we’re moving on to tricks and she’s pretty good at most of them but there’s one that she can’t do, so yesterday I told the dog trainer that I wanted to work on something specific because “The problem I’m having is that my dog won’t die fast enough.”
And he was like, “Mmm. So. Wait-what?”
And I said, “You know? That thing where you shoot your dog? And then she dies? But it takes FOREVER for her die and I’m wondering if I’m doing something wrong?”
And then he stared at me and Victor was like, “It’s called ‘PLAYING DEAD’, Jenny.” And I agreed because THAT’S WHAT I JUST SAID, VICTOR. But then the trainer repeated what I’d actually said without context and then I understood everyone’s concern and now I can’t go back to obedience school again.
PS. Here’s a video of her doing tricks. Today she’s a little faster at dying but she doesn’t stay dead long enough, I think. Also, I don’t know the command for making her stop playing dead when she just lays there. Yelling “GO FULL ZOMBIE” is getting me weird looks. I’m really more of a cat person, I think.