If wishes were horses…

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

People always say, “If wishes were horses then dreamers would ride” but tons of people wish for horses and if you wished for horses when wishes were also causing unintentional by-product wish horses you’d have twice as many horses as you need and then all the other people wishing for other non-horse things would also be making accidental by-product wish horses and suddenly we would be overrun with horses.  And then we’d be like, “God, I wish there weren’t all these horses in my house” and that would make even more horses.  End result:  too many horses.  But here’s the question I was going to ask before accidental horses took over this conversation:, If it didn’t involve accidental horse overpopulation, what one thing would you wish for right now?

PS. I asked Hailey what she would wish for if she had a genie and she said she’d wish for more wishes and I explained that that’s against the rules and so she said “Fine.  I’d wish for more genies” and then I was like, “Damn.  I wish I came up with that line.”  So basically our wishes are selfish and also incredibly meaningless.  Your turn.

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And now…guess what?  I am finally feeling me again (feeling like me, not like feeling me up.  Never mind) so I’m getting back to doing the weekly wrap-up.  Whoop!  (Click here if you want in on sponsoring one.  First come, first served.)

sid

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Heather Thorkelson, Founder of the Republic of Freedom and teacher of 30 Days to Done. She somehow manages to travel the world while running two businesses and then also goes to Antarctica multiple times a year like some sort of lady James Bond.  I don’t know how she does it but if you’re a freelancer working from home and you need to get your shit together, she’s a damn good person to help you do it.

250 thoughts on “If wishes were horses…”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I would wish for ANYTHING that would let me be the boss of me. I would work my ass off 24/7, but I want to work for me. I’d also go to my current workplace and steal and recruit my homies in this wish of course.

  2. I always wish for horses, actually. It’s been my default wish since forever, so when I first heard that expression I was like “cool, maybe then I’d get my damned horse!”

    Lately I’ve started wishing for one that can roller skate. Because being difficult is sort of my thing. So if the genie failed to produce such a horse, I would definitely go with Hailey’s suggestion of outsourcing to other genies. In fact, I might do that from the jump; nothing like a little job-insecurity to make those wish-granting lamp-dwellers show their best efforts.

  3. I don’t know what I’d wish for – I start and then take it back thinking it is dumb. Maybe I wish I would have a clue what would really make a difference so I could wish for that. So, that would be wisdom?

  5. I’d wish for a job that’s not in my home town and would maybe pay me enough to live on. Or to be under 18 again and not have to worry about this nonsense. Yeah, I like that last one better.

  8. I would wish for enough money that I never need to work again; or, on a smaller scale, a job I loved at a company that I trusted and respected.

  9. I would wish for happiness, or whatever it is that would finally make me happy, because I have never been able to figure that out.

  10. I wish that everybody would stop killing each other. And then everyone would get a horse, too. And we could ride horses instead of driving cars, which would help the planet. Basically all I’m saying is if everyone read The Bloggess, my wish would come true. And I think that makes The Bloggess a genie, right?

  11. I’ve never heard the horse one. I’ve only heard, “If wishes were fishes, then we’d all cast nets.” I like horses more than fishes, though, but whatever animal would give me a functional body, that’s the one I’ll take 😂😂

  12. I want my immune system to stop trying to murder me. If that’s too unrealistic, then I want my Hogwarts admission letter to get here already. The train leaves at 11:00 on Wednesday and I still need to buy all my school things. 🚂

  13. A little more time and a lot more money. I generally happy, I just have some things I want to do.

  14. I’d wish not to be medical mystery. I’d wish that my body was not my arch nemesis. I’d wish to win scholarships so I wouldn’t have to create a fundraiser to futilely ask friends who are as broke as I am for money so I can take a class over winter term so I can actually graduate (6th year senior). I’d wish for my friends financial situations to stop being fucked. But most of all I’d wish my dad and stepmom didn’t hate queer people so much so I could stop dreading the day they find out about me.

  16. Id wish for enough $$ and time to rescue a bunch of dogs and other animals!!

  17. I wish I could travel anxiety-free. I have a passport I’ve never used because the last time I got on a plane, I had such a bad panic attack that the plane had to turn around and go back to the gate. I want to get on a plane again without freaking the hell out.

  18. I’m going to see Lyle Lovett tonight, so I already got my wish for the day. 😉

  19. I would wish to have a body that would never betray me…a dependable body that was always up for an adventure.

  20. I wouldn’t wish away my epilepsy, it’s part of what makes me who I am, but I would wish that it didn’t send me into a swirling vortex of depression and despair everytime I had a seizure. Seizures happen, but life needs to keep happening too. In the end I always feel worse about not interacting with my hub and kids because I’m in a black hole than I do about the actual seizure.

  21. Me – I would wish to be healthy.
    Fiance – Why not wish to be a shape-changing immortal?
    Me – ….. I thought we were talking realistic wishes.
    Fiance – WE’RE MAKING WISHES, WOMAN!

    Moral: He is far better than me at wishing

  22. Reni, I’ve been there. My daughter has OCD too, and it was a nightmare. She’s doing well now. So I understand and I’m saying a prayer for you and your daughter. If there’s a way Jenny could link us up, I’d be more than happy to talk with you.

  23. I wish that my sister hadn’t gotten cancer and passed away this summer. 🙁

  24. The way I heard it was: If wishes were horses, rides would be free. My wish would be to have enough money to quit work. I just want to stay home.

  26. I would wish for someone to get inside my head (scary thought, I know) and figure out what it is that holds me back from doing all the things I want to do…like writing, especially. I have all these words floating about inside my head like Alpha-bits floating in a bowl of milk and when I try to write their story, something inside whispers ‘you’re not good enough’. Yeah, that’s what I would wish for. Oh, yes, and world peace. Definitely world peace. <3

  27. Enough energy to do whatever I want whenever I want, instead of rationing it just so I can do the basic housework and maybe once in a while have a little left over to be creative.

    I love the Hello Spider notebook!

  28. That’s a tough question, first of all…. There can never be to many horses. At first I thought I would wish to not be disabled anymore & just be healthy, mentally & physically, but that is a huge part of me and who I am. So I guess I’d just wish to be in less pain physically or a new truck, I really need a new truck…. The Dodge 4×4 Sportsman model. I could comfortably get out in the woods in that and that would make any of my other wishes come true!

  30. More bees. Bees that don’t get killed by mites. And chocolate ice cream that is yummy and doesn’t make you put on weight.
    But mostly for bees

  31. I would wish for a job for my husband. He got laid off in June and is having a hard time finding something.

  32. Right this second, to not have to have a wordpress account to like posts. But mostly for people to stop being willfully stupid.

  33. The end of the Seventh Voyage of Sinbad still creeps me out, when Sinbad frees his genie. I turned to my lovely wife and said, “He does know djinn are demons enslaved by Solomon and forced to serve, right? He just loosed a demon on the world, and this is a HAPPY ending?”

  34. I would wish for smaller boobs. Yes…you read it right. Smaller. Boobs. Why? Because the only thing Big Boobs are good for is to feed the baby without lifting it out of the crib. Blouses don’t fit properly, I accidentally slam them in doors, complete strangers get boob smear on them when I’m in a crowd and once I caught my nipple in the Mix Master when I was making Christmas Cookies. Sorry, you’ll have to wait until December to hear that story in full. To recap: Smaller Boobs!

  35. time machine. hindsight may be 20/20 but guy feelings are pretty accurate and should (have been) listened to.

  36. I’d wish for the ability to understand what normal is. My “normal” always seems to involve loving people who get sick. I’m very lucky that my wish to be healthier is coming to pass. I really hate doing this, but this is a shameless plug for something someone else is wishing for right now – a cure for her cancer.
    https://www.gofundme.com/donnacrabtree

  38. I heard “if horse dung were biscuits, we’d eat til we died”.. but only if the biscuits were British so they would be cookies.. I could eat cookies until I died.. easy!

  40. I’m a wishing kind of person. I wish on shooting stars, when I blow out birthday candles, when the numbers on a digital clock at all them same (like at 5:55 – this is one of my favorites because it happens multiple times per day!). I have a pet theory that things we wish for reveal clues about what we’re missing in our lives, and if we break those desires down to their roots and use that to wish for more attainable things, then by focusing on Those then we subconsciously work towards having it. Often I just wish for happiness, because if I’m happy what do the rest of my life circumstances matter? It keep me thinking about the positive things and being grateful for what I have. And if I want something I don’t have, I try to align my wishes to the root of it. Lately, for example, I’ve been trying to lose weight (it’s a health issue, not a vanity thing). So instead of wishing to be skinny, I wish to keep getting healthier, and that reinforces making small daily decisions like eating healthier and taking the steps instead of the elevator. It’s kinda lame, but I also get to feel like my wishes come true all the time.

  41. I would wish that none of us ended up in the dark places ever again especially you. I’d wish we could all be happy and have tons of spoons everyday.

  43. I’d wish for the ability to heal others of their health ailments without any negative consequences via touch, and be able to heal myself too. So I could be like “Damn it, stomach disorders, you ruin all my fun and limit my meals” Touch tummy and POOF! Like it never happened without some weird karmic fail like giving someone I love the same issue. Oh and it would only heal specified things. You could choose what to heal. I would not undo my mental health issues, but my physical health woes need to go.

  44. Oh wait.. it’s “if wishes were fishes, we’d all have a fry; if horse dung were biscuits, we’d eat til we died” I wish I felt better so I could do things I enjoy

  45. I’d wish for horses because seriously, who doesn’t want horses?

    No, actually, that’s not true. I have several horses, so I don’t really wish for any more.

    What I wish is that I would utterly and completely accept myself for who I am. Middle-aged and aging, growing plump around the middle and thin on top. I wish I would accept that I am never going to match today’s standard of beauty, or wealth, or achievement and stop trying so damn hard. To accept that I’m never going to be good enough by other people’s standards and be good enough by my own. To enjoy the things I have right now in my life and not compare my life to anyone else’s. To stop mourning in advance for future losses and life to the fullest today. To stop thinking I’m old (I’ve been doing that since I was 12) and to stop giving so many fucks.

    I wish to be able to say, “Yep, you’re right. I’ve never been much of anything and I never will amount to much of anything and you know what? I’m okay with that.” Because though I don’t have wealth or beauty or ridiculously skinny thighs, I do have compassion out the whazoo and a big heart and people and animals I love. I live in a beautiful place and even though I don’t own the land, I own the VIEW. The view is mine–and anyone else’s who can see it. I am rich in all the ways that matter, if I’d only allow myself to accept what is and let go of the rest.

    Okay, and then maybe one more horse….

  46. Well, I am getting felt up this week, and more than once, because I’ve had cancer, and it’s time for my 6-month checks.

    Which leads me to my wish, which is for a cancer cure. For humans and horses. Because I’m generous like that.

  47. My wish would be that I could walk through each room in my house and toss about 90% of the stuff in the trash, so I could feel like I was living in a hotel. A nice hotel. With genies. And I’ve always heard that saying as “If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride,” which I’ve always taken as a recognition of the economic class differences in our society. Or whatever.

  48. Right now, I wish I didn’t have to take my son’s door off its hinges to keep him from yelling at me and slamming it in my face. I would also wish that he would do his homework without it causing WWIII. Right now, I’d trade him for a Stepford kid. 😡

  49. I’d wish for one more year with my son before he goes off to university. And that all my horses were unicorns. And for a big-ass castle style barn for my unicorn herd. Done.

  50. I always liked “If wishes were Porsches.”

    Jenny ma’am, so glad you’re feeling better! We will probably never meet but I like knowing you’re out there, plugging away. And even before the “wish for more genies” answer — I know you have a marvelous gift from the universe, Miss Hailey.

    My wish? Sad and drab, because I’ve turned into my mother. I want all my bills to be paid… ALL of them, money in the bank, and my house to be clean and organized, so I have time to paint and draw. Even for just one day.

    Oh, and a job that doesn’t make me want to scream and cry. That’s more than one wish… I know…

  51. I wish to no longer be alone and isolated. I wish for my body to quit killing me mentally and my mind to quit killing me physically. I wish that no animals suffered ever again. I wish people were kind and wish that everyone here got their wish too. No more suffering….for any of us….

  54. I’d wish for this 2nd bout of cancer to go away so I wouldn’t have to finish chemo and I wouldn’t have surgical decisions to make. Basically, I want to feel healthy again.

  55. I would wish for COMPLIMENTS!!! No, really, my wish would be to fly. (like a bird, not in a plane, cause I do that already. altho I wonder if I would need to xanax myself up like I do on the plane. maybe that should be my wish, to not xanax myself up before flying. arggghh, this is hard!!!!).

  56. I would wish for my pain to go away. I think I’d have better control of my mental issues if I only had to deal with just it. I can deal with crazy, but the pain is harder.

  58. I’d wish for a healthy baby on the other side of this pregnancy. And that my preschooler would stop telling me she put fairy droppings in my coffee.

  59. more time with my kids. one lives in Florida, one lives in Arkansas. I’m I Texas, and not geographically close to either one. it sucks, but they’re both adulting quite responsibly, and THAT makes me happy.

  60. I wish I could get a hug from my mom. I haven’t seen her in four years and need a Mom hug.

  61. I wish for a healthier me. Physically, mentally, emotionally. With stamina and perky boobs.

  62. My wish would be that I were in the same city as a particular person. I feel like I finally found someone and of course, it’s right when he got a job in a city far from me.

  63. Hailey is a genius! Must take after her mom. (OK, Victor — and her dad too…) 😉

    I wish that everyone treated themselves and others with the same kind of unconditional love, joy, kindness and total acceptance that you express in your posts about your relationship with Hailey.

  64. Yeah, it’s “If wishes were horses than beggars could ride.” I would wish to change time so I could relive the last few years and make some changes.

  66. Not a comment about this particular post, tho I’m VERY glad you’re back to you usual not self 😌

    I got some metal kits to make things because you find it relaxing. Hmm. “Relaxing” is not the first word that came to my mind. It was more like George Carlin’s 7 censored words. Repeated frequently with some yelling. I stuck with it and completed the Eiffel Tower but it involved actual blood and a head lamp and still required a glue gun 😡 . When I recover I will attempt the lighthouse and the Ferris wheel. Btw, clearly I need some new glasses, like the kind the dermatologist wears to check my face for skin cancer. I’d send pics but there doesn’t seen to be a mechanism for that.

  67. I would wish for cats and dogs that didn’t poop because litter boxes? Treasure-hunting after the spring thaw? Ew. You’d get all the love without the mess. And you wouldn’t have to buy food. So maybe I could just be an “aunt” to some puppies and kittens. I’d cuddle them and then give them back. Like babies.

  68. I wish i wasn’t such a hermit. I hate going to damn places where there are other people. So, I guess ultimately if I want to go somewhere I want it closed off so that I’m the only one allowed in. Stupid and selfish but true. I wish my husband and I could retire and not need to worry about $$$ for ANYTHING we want to do!! That’s not too much to ask for!
    Damn! Now I’m all hopeful. Not a great thing but life’s a BITCH!

  71. This was the standard response from my mother any time my sister or I expressed a desire for anything. Except, she always said, “If wishes were horses, we’d all ride!” I guess she assumes we are all dreamers. As for my wish, outside of more genies is more time so that I can get more of the things on my never-ending list done, get some sleep and more time to dream.

  72. I can think of so many things I’d wish for from more money than I could spend (which I would spend on friends, family, people who need help and other causes) to an end to my depression and perfect health. In short, I just want an end to misery and greed.

  73. I’d wish for humanity to get its shit together and stop using things like race, religion, and sexuality to hate On each other before we get into one of those “if you could back in time would you kill Hitler” only replace Hitler with Trump. Also I’d wish for 20 pounds to just effortlessly melt off my body within the next hour ( AND STAY OFF)because I just did yoga. Neither wish seems likely to happen.

  75. I wish I could send my legs to a psychotherapist. They hurt all the time and I am not able to live like a human anymore. I look more and more like a snake, just crawling around because my body obviously decided to evolve or something. I mean, medication and exercise dont work. I tried to explain to my legs "Look, stop this shit already. You cant just not have any strength for no reason”. But nothing. I need a legshrink to explain to my legs they can`t just decide things on my behalf.
    And I would like someone to talk to about depression without them making me feel even more alone.
    And I would wish for an actual horse to carry me around when I am too exhausted to live.

  76. That is the funniest song! Thank you for the link. You rock!
    As far as wishes – I wish my house was clean and not falling apart 😉

  77. Well, I just went back to work teaching (at a brand new Montessori school) and I was going to wish for all the curriculum that is missing (it’s been delivered, they say), but now I want some of those socks! My kids would love them!

  78. I wish this weight would come off my heart and the feeling of being kicked in the stomach would go away and I wish I wanted to wake up tomorrow morning. I wish i felt better and could wish for something fun…a trip to Bora Bora perhaps?

  80. Our house literally has bits falling off it and our landlord won’t fix things and we can’t afford to move. So I would wish for a lifetime supply of chocolate. Wouldn’t help the problem but I wouldn’t care so much if I was full of chocolate

  81. I only wish that I could do something to make things better for everyone here who is suffering.

    I am 72 years old, have an auto-immune disease and a partial disability, lost a baby, lost my only sibling as a child, been divorced twice, and been desperately poor. But right now, I am very happy, content with my family and friends, pain free most of the time, have enough money for my own needs and to help others, and in the best years of my life. It won’t last, I know, but now is good. Sometimes, there is light in the future, no matter how dark things may appear.

    My best wishes to all of you, and especially to Jenny for bringing us all together.

  82. I just want my paycheck every week instead of every two weeks. I don’t mind if it’s thus smaller. I just want to feel like I’m accomplishing something in the short term as WELL as the long term. Right now it’s all long term (2 weeks is forever, okay?) and I’m broke today

  83. I wish to financially help a friend move out of an unhealthy living situation. She’s kind of out in the middle of nowhere NM and needs to be someplace with better access to medical and other support services. I feel so helpless.

  84. I’I’d wish to roll in a room of ferrets because they always seem ridiculous happy.

  85. I wish I could sleep…It’s been two weeks of hell. BUT, I have not killed anyone. Always look on the bright side. Plus I’m scared of horses…

  86. Not about wishes, but your link to what you made in your shop:
    When I saw the Hello Spiders notebook, my first thought was it was someone saying “Hello” to Spiders, Spider-man’s nickname from your Orphan Club post. I think that makes it even more awesome than being a spoof of Hello Kitty.

  87. I’d wish for this thing in my head that makes me hate myself so much to be gone.

  88. I am glad you are feeling better. I have missed you. I would wish to be debt freee, to sell our house and break even andd for my husband to make enough to replace my income so I could not work for a year or two. I am 43 and have been working full-time sinc I was 16 and I am worn out.

    Side note: Hailey is brilliant. #AlwaysMoreGenies

  89. Your daughter Hailey is literally the smartest person on the planet, including Stephen Hawking. He never would have come up with that solution.

  90. I’d wish that Trigeminal Neuralgia would go away forever, since I have it and I hate it and so does everyone else afflicted with this.

  91. If I cast this wish here, will it come true? My wish is that my sons will no longer go through periods of time when they feel the need to cut ties with me or each other and that forevermore we will be one solid, happy family.

  92. Looking at everyone’s posts…. Some are funny, some are so down to earth, they make you cry. I don’t think there would be enough wishes. I would wish for my family, my friends and people I don’t even know just to make them happy. Not enough wishes.

  93. There is no such thing as too many horses. EVEN IN THE HOUSE. Problem solved. You’re welcome.

  94. I like the way Hailey thinks! 😏
    Can’t say I ever heard anything about wishes and horses. My negative family always said to me “well, wish in one hand & crap (they often used s__t). See which one fills up faster.” Or to “I wish…”, “yeah & if frogs had wings they wouldn’t bump their ass when they hopped”. Makes me wonder who got both the horse I wished for & the extra one.

    I’d wish for us as a people to realize we are more alike than different & to stop teaching children to hate.

  95. One wish? Hmmm……well, based on the way life has been the last three weeks or so, contentment would be what I want. Or to have a zillion tax free dollars and be able to shop at the book store on someone else’s credit card forever.

  96. Sadly, I would wish for money. To always have the exact amount I wanted/needed available in my checking account. I’d definitely be able to run a no-kill shelter that way.

  97. I don’t think I can be trusted with nearly unlimited power. I’m so lucky and grateful to have everything I have already. But I think if forced I would wish for a way to travel instantly between my previous home in the US and my current home in New Zealand so I could spend time with people I love in both places without having to leave one or the other behind.

    Also, Jenny, I feel like you buried the lead a little bit! I am so happy to hear that you are feeling you again! Never let anyone, least of all your own head, tell you that you’re anything less than amazing. Thank you.

  100. I’ve never heard the end of “If wishes were horses…” Everybody always cuts off the end.
    Hmmnn.

  101. If I had three wishes, I would be financially secure and two people on the planet would be walking around with dicks growing out of their foreheads

  103. I would wish that my son did not have Sturge Weber Syndrome, a progressive neurological disorder on the brain that causes seizures and brain malformations.

  104. I wish for PEACE everywhere…in your neighborhood and in the world. Life is short. Why all the hate? More kindness please.

  105. I wish everyone in the world would get more hugs. If people weren’t hug-deficient, the world would be a much nicer place.

  106. Normally, I’d be altruistic and wish for world peace. But if I’m being honest, at the moment, I selfishly wish that my torn meniscus would spontaneously heal so my knee would stop hurting.

  107. Not real original, but right now I’m wishing for a down payment on a house. Thanks to everyone renting these days, my rent has just gone up $250/mo and it will only go up from there. Time for me to stop worrying about what the next year’s increase will be and get a mortgage! Just need a little something something for a down payment….but I have a year to get it! (hahahaha)

    But if it weren’t that, I’d wish for a return to civility by people. Really, there’s just too much “I’m upset by everything” going on out there right now. Can I get a chill pill for the entire world?

  108. Yes, agree with # 6. My dad used to always say “If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride”.

    LOVE Hailey’s wish. 🙂

  109. I’m going to be completely selfish here. I wish I could be completely, 100%ly pain-free for a full 24 hours. I’m not even asking for permanent here. I’m asking for 24 hours where I haven’t got a single ache or pain in my chronically crappy body. I have so many physical things wrong in my 62 inches that I would be hard pressed to find a spot that doesn’t hurt – hell, even my HAIR hurts. Not my scalp…my actual friggin’ hair. So…24 hours being completely pain free. That’s my wish. Oh…and maybe one more Genie.

  110. I’ve always heard “Wish in one hand, and poop in the other. See which one fills faster.” So there’s that. Glad I could share. Because it has HAUNTED ME.

    If I had one wish, it would be that I could do everything that I wanted to do – that there would be enough time, energy, and unbridled (see what I did there?) enthusiasm to do EVERYTHING I wanted to do. Because I have ideas. But I also love sleep.

    I am so glad that you are back to feeling yourself. In whatever form that takes. I was thinking good thoughts for you this morning.

  111. I wish for the solution to my novel revision blockage. It feels like the other kind of blockage that requires fiber.

  113. I wish I would wake up from this nightmare I’m living in right now and that my best friends would forgive me and speak to me again. It doesn’t matter that my attempt to kill myself failed because this pain is going to kill me anyway.

    (I’m sending you love. You aren’t alone. This will pass. Keep breathing ~ Jenny)

  115. So glad you are back to being yourself again. That’s a pretty wonderful thing, I think.
    If I had my wish it would be that babies would never be in pain and they would never die before their parents do.
    Also, you mentioned an appearance at Book People in Austin, but I do not see you listed on their calendar of events. When are you going to be there? I would hate to miss you…
    Love you bunches!

    (It’s not an appearance. I just stop the store every month or so and sign whatever people have ordered in the past month. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  117. Since money and love seem top obvious, I would wish to meet you! My daughter met 2 people she always wanted to meet,. …… One in steak and shake….. And one at a book signing….. Since Davey Jones is dead now, and I don’t follow Steven King or Dean Koontz I would wish to meet you….. Even though I’d probably be lame and just say hi…. Is rather hang out do something others would think was boring….. Okay…. Bye

    (Hi is always nice. I’ll be out in March doing tour, I think. Maybe then? ~ Jenny)

  118. I’d wish for…horses.

    Seriously, I’m 28 and still asking Santa for a pony (in Santa’s defense, I got a horse when I was 12 and I had him until I was 18, then life happened and now my heart misses horses).

  119. I often proclaim to the Universe how “happy and grateful” I am, “now that I’ve won the lottery”. The Universe really doesn’t seem to be listening, so I guess I’ll hafta WISH it. I’m a generous person, and I’m ready to be generous with my enormous Windfall, but seriously. Why haven’t I won the fucking lottery yet?

  121. I’d wish for my husband to be less attached to stuff. (Just finished moving & nowhere to put it all even though we upsized.)

  122. If I could wish for ANYTHING it would be to cure my daughter’s mental illness. I love her, and her life is so hard I wish I could ease it. She is only 11 years old and can’t even function in our home and instead lives in a facility, and we have just finally been able to work up to every other weekend at home and even that is hard.

    If it had to be something that actually exists it would be a billion dollars. And honestly that would still be for dealing with my oldest child. I could go with any therapy recommendations whether insurance covers or not. I could get a larger house with staff to help with her so she could live at home. I could do things for her and not have to worry about what I can’t give her sisters because there isn’t enough money to go around. And yeah, I’d like a maid and a personal library that would rival any public one, except only with books I want.

  125. I would wish that these helpless orphan kids who lost their caretakers to HIV find someone caring to cater for their weellbeing and education but over the years no one has come out to their rescue

  126. World Peace. I keep asking God for it but hasn’t happened yet. So how about less testosterone for those guys who hate us and are willing to hurt us for no reason. Testosterone poisoning can be so toxic and there is a lot of it out there

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  128. Tonight I would wish to be dead. Life’s hard, ya know? And today I’m over it. (Nobody freak out, I’m at home with my husband, nobody’s gonna die tonight)…. :/

    (I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry you hurt. I’ve been there. You aren’t alone. ~ Jenny)

  129. I have so many wishes I can’t whittle it down to just one. If I wish for something that will help me, then I feel guilty for my lack of humanity for others, who probably deserve it more. Cause I always think that despite my problems, there is somebody somewhere that has it way worse than me. I guess I would wish I could just be grateful for everything good that I have, instead of bemoaning every little thing that goes wrong. Glad you’re feeling better, Jenny, although I love you whatever way you are, cause you’re fucking awesome. And I love the tribe that follows you, cause we get to talk about stuff like this.

  130. A wish for more horses in France just means you’re planning a feast for you and your friends. That’s the French for ya….. Wakka wakka wakka……

  133. I would wish that I were better in control of my anxiety and that it wasn’t as in control of me.

  134. this may sound unimaginative and dull but i have good reason. I’d wish for two million dollars tax free. Then I’d have more then enough money to pay off debts, get my husband through school so he could become a certified teacher, we could live comfortably with out worrying about making it though the next month and I could share the wealth with my friends who need it.

  138. I would wish to be financially secure the rest of my life. I would wish to not be so damn scared of what the future might hold. I would wish to be able to use Greater Teleport at will. I would wish for my mother to talk to me. I would wish to not be such a fuck up.

  139. I would wish for autumn. I would wish it was 55 degrees and low humidity. I would go to the animal shelter and bring home a dog for R&R and I would get on my tricycle and we would ride to the park and play my favorite fall weather music and sing at the top of my lungs and then play Pokemon Go and then I would come home and open every single window and make pumpkin tea and put on more fall weather music and work on my front porch in the sunshine. Because in autumn, I am in love with EVERYTHING, including working.
    We are probably about 2 months away from that wish coming true, down here in the Dirty South, where sunshine currently means spontaneous combustion, but at least it is pretty likely to happen eventually. In the meantime, I’m glad 11 years have passed since Katrina and that last disturbance didn’t turn into the hurricane they predicted it would.
    Maybe I’d wish for autumn all year. But then it would never be winter, which is the only thing as good as fall. Maybe I’d wish to move somewhere that had 4 proper seasons instead of this tropical climate that some people equate with paradise but is wasted on my Irish & Viking genes.
    Or maybe I’d wish that our trial cat we picked up from the shelter on Saturday would integrate peacefully with our cat Dr. Magic. Then we could name her Abracadabra; Abby for short. She’s a sweet pea but he is weary. He needs a companion, so this is about them.
    Thanks for asking. This was a lovely way to spend 15 minutes 🙂 And that video is fucking hilarious.

  141. I just tried reading about the wish horses while on cold medicine, and got really confused. But then they turned in to llamas in my imagination with cool shades and scarves, and somehow it made a little more sense. So my wishes would be llamas. Hipster douche llamas.

    So my wish would probably be that the llamas stop being so douchey, and le me ride them. And feed them lasagna.

    https://m.popkey.co/190454/q0wo5.gif

  142. My very practical and depressing wish-

    I want enough money to pay off my partner’s student loans and my mom’s mortgage, buy a house, and go to school full time without loans so I can get my masters in museum studies.

    So I suppose my real wish is to be a museum archivist.

  145. It’s funny you mention wish horses. I’m off to work in California for the next week and a half and most of what I will be seeing is horses. Maybe I should consider them my spirit animal.

  146. I stopped wishing a long time ago. My grandfather once said to me, “Wish in one hand, shit in the other…” And since I was a good kid who did what I was told the results were, to put it mildly, unpleasant.

  147. I’d wish to win the Powerball jackpot because then I’d have shitloads of money and could live the rest of my life having a total blast giving it all away to try and make the world a better place.

  148. I’ve long maintained that if wishes where horses, we’d drown in all the horse shit. So i might wish to, you know, not drown in horse shit. Which is an appropriate metaphor for (my) life.

  150. I’d wish that my Daddy didn’t have cancer anymore. And I’d also wish that I could lose the weight I’ve gained since I started taking care of him lol.

  151. If wishes are horses, can dreams be unicorns?

    I feel like my wish would also go against the genie’s rules. I’d probably just spend a month looking for loopholes.

  152. I’d wish to turn back the clock to my senior year of high school (a bit over twenty years now, sadly) so that I could re-live my life. And hopefully not f**k it up this time.

    Oh, and maybe if I could keep some knowledge from now with me when I went, that’d help. Like which college to go to (hint: not the one I went to) and maybe a few sets of winning lottery numbers. 😉

  153. I wish the Phantom ghost kitty would stop chasing my cats around at 3 in the morning. Anytime before midnight would be cool, cause it’s funny as shit to watch!

  154. I’d wish for all my health problems would go away. Or to have enough money that I’d never need to worry about it again. Or to no longer have PTSD. I can deal with the bipolar, generalized anxiety, and BPD, but I’m tired of being afraid of everyone and still having nightmares 3 years later (my then-boyfriend tried to kill me). Oh and more cats. Always more cats.

  155. Wishing is some dangerous shit, y’all. Or else entirely useless. Even leaving accidental horses aside, there are just too many potential unforeseen consequences. You never know how a genie’s going to go about granting your desires, evil little mind-fuckers that they are (although in their defense, I suppose I’d be feeling pretty twisted too if I’d been stuck in a solitary lantern for millennia.) Like for instance, suppose I wish I could fly—but what if that wish is granted by wings suddenly sprouting where my arms used to be? Now it’s going to be VERY inconvenient trying to live as a human. Or maybe I have to die a horrible death so I can be reborn as an eagle—although now that I’ve gone and dissed genies, mine would probably make me a turkey buzzard instead, or a pathetic parakeet who “can” fly, if only it weren’t for that damn cage. Or maybe I get all grandiose and wish for world peace, and it turns out to be accomplished by way of nuclear war wiping out most of the species so the measly few survivors are too busy surviving to spare time for killing their neighbors. See what I mean? That kind of wish is going to leave you facing a firing squad if anyone figures out you’re responsible. Sometimes for star light, star bright, I wish that “everything will turn out all right” because only a heretic would refuse to wish on the first star, and you have to finish the line somehow and i’m a corny, oh-so-obvious rhymer like that, but then i realize the universe has that wish all handled anyway, rendering the utterance of it entirely unnecessary. Nobody ever accused me of underthinking things. Nope, no wishes here.

  156. A bigger puzzle mat(or the energy to make one) and more puzzles. I’m on a big puzzle kick right now. Like I cleaned up my Amazon wishlist and it’s almost all puzzles, so if my husband looks he will be all sarcastic “wonder what she wants?”

    The puzzle I’m currently putting together is to big for my puzzle mat. So a bigger mat and since I have a bigger mat I’ll be able to do more puzzles that are over 2000 pieces.

  159. Enough money that my husband didn’t have to work or could find a different job where overtime wouldn’t be mandatory 4 out of 5 days. That would really take care of all the practical things, and some of the impractical things, too.

    If we’re talking purely impractical, shapeshifting, probably. Or magic. But I’d want shapeshifting for my family, if they want it, and/or magic (although I’d probably specify that the younger kiddo has to grow into some of his magic). I think the magic, as long as it includes both shapeshifting and teleportation.

  160. I believe the quote is “If wishes were horses, we’d all be eating steak”…

  161. I’d take a one-time payout of $2 million. That’s enough to set up a retirement and still be able to invest in my kids’ futures without leaving them tons of money. Towards the end of my life, I’d purge my investments and donate the funds to a library in need.

  162. If I had only one wish, I wish my beautiful, wonderful, generous and loving mother was not stricken with Alzheimer’s.In fact I wish this ugly and horrific disease would go away and leave my mother alone.

  163. If I remember my stories rightly, there’s something about wishing for more wishes in one of the tales which means the Djinn would summon more Ifrit, now the problem there is unlike Djinn who’ll fulfill your wish fairly literally but with no real malice, Ifrit will always find the most “fuck you” way to fulfill your wish. Being evil and malevolent, they’ll find any way they can to screw you over. So yeah, you now have more wishes, but they’re wishes granted by assholes who want to kill you. Better to have less wishes and a non evil genie.

  164. I’m reading these posts and I’m reminded of how unique and difficult and bittersweet and terrible our struggles are. I don’t know if you can feel it but I’m hugging every single one of you. You make me laugh and cry and remember how beautifully complicated the world is. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

  165. when i was 4 and 5 I used to always “wish for a fish in a dish” when throwing pennies into fountains, because I thought rhyming would increase my chances, I guess? But on the first day of kindergarten I came home to find AN ACTUAL FISH IN A DISH (okay, a 99c goldfish in a glass bowl, but still!) so clearly you need to rhyme your wishes for them to work.

    and be 5.

  166. I know this will sound crazy. But I wish for 100K. 50K would pay off all my debt (including student loans) and 50K as a down-payment on a house. I know that’s an insane amount of money, but it would be awesome to be debt-free and have my own house. That is all.

  167. I never understood the “if wishes were horses” saying, so I always end it with “… there’d be an awful lot of horses. And horse poop.”

    That makes so much more sense than “[whatever]s will ride”

    I don’t even know what I’d wish for. To be done with my divorce. Also maybe a vacation. And a bigger apartment and money to pay for it and the ability to work full time on my multifarious (I always imagine that THIS is a clutch (murder?) of supervillians, but sadly, it just means varied. boring) creative endeavors without having to worry about cash? That sounds good.

  168. To have enough money. Not all the money, not to be rich, but to have enough money that I wouldn’t feel squeezed.
    To reverse climate change. Or for fossil fuels to have never been invented so we wouldn’t have done this to ourselves in the first place.
    For more white people to understand how racism works and how they are perpetuating it.
    Also, a unicorn.

  169. My wish is that my husband and I will never have to go through another major depression episode. My illness is also his because he’s amazing but I’d rather we never had to find that out.

  170. There’s a lot I would wish for given the time to categorize and prioritize everything, but really what it comes down to is that I could use a bottle of Tums on my desk at work. Not having heartburn all afternoon would be aces.

  171. I’d wish for the strength to admit out loud just how broken I really am inside.

  172. If wishes were horses, I’d wish up a whole herd of Clydesdales, glue unicorn horns to their foreheads, then braid flowers and glittery bits in their manes and tails. Then I’d hitch ’em all up to a giant wagon filled with bubbly water, coffee, booze, crayons and coloring books. We’d travel the world healing my hurting friends’ hearts, inspiring strangers, and encouraging children to believe in magic.

    Also, I’d let a cat ride shotgun on the wagon, because those Dalmatians have had the spotlight for too long.

  173. I would wish that I knew what the next step was. I have several dreams and I’m totally okay with working my ass off to make them happen, but I’m in a weird season of waiting and discernment. In the waiting, my overactive imagination kicks up all the doubts. What if I make the wrong steps and it takes longer? What if it takes me away from what I love instead of leading me to it? What if I actually get there and it’s not what I really wanted after all? What if I’m foolish to believe that I could be the things I dream of?

    So I would wish for the next step, just one good step to make the path ahead a little clearer. If I get derailed from there on, that’s another struggle for another day, but I want just one moment of knowing without a doubt that THIS is the step to my future.

  174. If I could make a wish right now, this minute, I honestly think I’d wish for the funds we need to get the rest of the way through September. (My partner’s a teacher, & despite lots of help already from friends & family, we’re still short enough from no summer pay that paying mortgage in two days is literally keeping me awake at night)

    On most other days, I’d wish for a solution to homelessness. It breaks my heart, seeing people sleeping on sidewalks, etc – everyone deserves a safe place to sleep and enough to eat.

  175. I wish for happiness–the ability to feel the happiness instead of the stress of worrying. Not just for me, but for all who are like me. Or different than me.

  176. A part-time work at home job that wasn’t a scam so I could help with the family finances. sigh

  177. 1) I wish you would answer my email about being a guest at my con.

    2) Real wish – I wish that transporter technology was real do i could just pop in and see my friends who are far away. Like out would be cool to leave on Saturday morning and go to Colorado and hang out there and then pop into Arizona for an early dinner and visiting with my brothers and friends out there and still be home early enough to hang out with my husband.

    (I am the worst at answering emails and at leaving my house. It’s a shitty combo. Sorry! ~ Jenny)

  178. I wish everyone had enough. Nobody worried about money, nobody going to bed hungry, nobody harming anyone because they’re desperate.

  179. I’d wish for a decent paying writing job so I could still work from home and also have enough money to get out of this shithole town once in a while. We’re stuck here until my kid graduates, so it would be nice if she and I could at least go on vacation once in a while. And if I made enough to travel, I could go visit my older kids (and my grandkids) back in the Midwest, and I could afford to help them out so they wouldn’t constantly be on the verge of homelessness.

    Of course, winning the lottery would solve all of that but I want it to be my own accomplishment, a personal achievement, a result of my own dedication and creativity, not just random luck. But I’m not gonna say no to a winning lottery ticket either, so there’s that.

  181. I have too many wishes. For myself and my children, I wish for financial security (but not to excess). I wish for my kids to be happy and healthy (so far, mostly so good). I wish I didn’t have the mental illnesses I have.

    I’ve read stories of people who wish for “enough.” Enough food, enough money, enough good health, enough friends…whatever area in your life that feels lacking, enough to fix that.

    Beyond that, I wish for acceptance of those who are different.

    And for my sister, who has schizophrenia, I wish that she was able to trust what her senses tell her. I cannot imagine living every day never knowing if anything you see or hear or feel is real, or some twisted thing your brain is fooling you with.

    Thank you for this. I love you!

  182. In my family, the saying was “Wish in one hand…” which was the more polite, abbreviated version of “Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one gets filled up first.” If I had one wish, it would be to be chronic pain-free. Then I could get busy making that other stuff happen.

  185. I wish … to be interviewed on NPR about my latest book. And to have said book do really, really well and reach a LOT of people as a result of that interview. (Fresh Air or The Diane Rehm Show, please and thank you.)
    And I wish for my husband to be happy. He got a job in late June, after being laid off in February. Of 2008. He found out a couple of weeks ago that his manager wants him out of the way so the manager can hire his own son, who is a vet (through the Wounded Warrior Project). I’m all for giving jobs to vets, but NOT at the expense of my husband’s job! I just want him to be happy. And to have a job that he likes, because I LOVE my job, and I know how important that is.

  186. My mother used to say “If wishes were fishes we’d have a good meal” I wish I could spend 1 more day with her. And a cure for frickin RA, getting sick of it.

  188. I would wish for perfect health for me and everyone I love. Anyone who doesn’t fall into that category would either have to find their own genie, or be very very nice to me. 😀

  189. In Firefly, Jayne once said “If wishes were horses, then we’d all be eating steak”.

  191. Mine is a long list…I’d wish I had never gotten crohn’s, ibs, rheumatoid arthritis, fibro, major depression, ocd, social anxiety, and now, I just learned, COPD. I am only 44. I’d wish for pain free mostly happy days. I’d wish for my daughter’s drug use to have never have started. I’d wish for my husband to have all the health and happiness he has missed out on the past 7 years since his work injury, and I would wish that for whatever reason, the brain fog and a.d.d, that has kept me from writing for the past 4 years would just go away and that my words would flow like they used to. Out of everything, I miss my writing the most. =/

  192. I wish I could afford all the medical supplies my 7yr old son needs without so much stress and worry each month.

  194. Usually I’ll share my wishes (no more jerky people or free healthcare for all) but today I’m being selfish. I’d like 10 days off work where I feel excellent and don’t have obligations. sigh

  195. I wish for all of my loved ones who are suffering from mental illness to find the help they need and to never suffer from that shit again, and for everyone who has it, to get the same wish come true.

  196. I’d wish for a brain that isn’t always trying to kill me or drive me insane. Just one day with a peaceful brain would be GREAT.

  197. If I had one wish it would be for perfect health of my son, husband, and myself. If I had two wishes it would be to not have anxiety/panic disorder. If the gods of wishes couldn’t give me either of those it would be for millions of dollars so I could live in the lap of luxury during my next panic attack or sleepless night…yeah that will work!

  198. After reading all of these (yes, every one) I have decided that I would wish that everyone else’s dearest wish would be granted as long as it hurt no one else.
    My daughter has told me often enough that her dearest wish would be that all of my health issues were cured – so that, in a way, covers my issues.
    But how I would want to spread that kind of joy.
    No chronic pain, no incurable diseases, no unending fatigue, no monetary nightmares… Heaven.

  199. I’d that my current part-time, low-paying, but dearly loved job would be full time, with benefits, and high paying. I hate being poor, but change makes me have panic attacks.

  200. I wish for perfect health, mostly so I stop being infertile, but I mean really perfect health, to the point that I’d never again have a clogged pores, or dry elbows, and I’d be able to eat all my feelings while having a body like Serena Williams. And I wish for the same for everyone I care about; it includes all of you.

  203. I wish that my husband would have realized he had a prescription drug pill addiction before I started divorce proceedings.

  204. I’d wish for indestructible healthy knee joints so I could play roller derby again. I miss it. I’m always at my best for myself and others when I’m playing and part of that community.

  205. I would wish for money, but only partially for myself. Mostly I want it to take care of my loved ones and know that they would be taken care of if anything happened to me.

    …and okay, maybe a horse too.

  206. I’d wish for financial security. I don’t need to be rich, I just don’t want to be stressed out about which bills get to get paid each payday!

  208. Assuming your reality is shared, so wish horses are a byproduct, I’d wish for a magical woodchipper that wish horses fall into and get turned into processed meat. You and I will feed the world!

  209. Just finished watching an episode of Limitless in Netflix. I wish for that drug so my brain would work right. Having Lupus it, well, it just doesn’t any longer. Bright side of it would be a cure for my mom’s Parkinson’s and figuring out everything else. $$, time, happiness, world peace, animal rescue and some novels I find frustrating with their hidden meanings. First though, I’d like brain synapses. Thanks.

  210. I was going to wish that all the self-righteousness and negativity would automatically filter itself out of my facebook feed. Then I saw all the much, much better wishes others were making and decided I should will my wish to someone much wiser.

  211. I have two, so it is hard to pick between the two. One is from the past and one is for the future. I would like for my Mother to have never killed herself. I have missed her every single day for the last 14 & half years. But it would be unfair to ask her to live with the physical and mental pain she was in, so I would want her back healthy and happy. For the future, I would want to be able to carry a child to birth and have a happy healthy baby and That baby would live a full and happy life. So I know my Mom is still with me, but having her physically here would be so wonderful. I also grew up thinking that I was made to be a mother and not having the body that can give me those babies has made me become a child advocate in my career.

  212. I’d wish to win the lottery…I’m shallow. And now that Nancy Griffith song is in my head

  213. I have so many wishes. Here they are, in no particular order:

    That my friend & Reiki teacher could FINALLY get his dream job & that he can save up enough money to buy himself a new stove (it’s been a year since it broke & he’s been cooking out of 2 toaster ovens since). I’d like him to fulfill his dreams. He has so many great ideas.
    Money for me. Lots & lots of it. Enough to pay off $20k in student loans, & enough to pay for a house in cash. I’m tired of living in an apartment complex where I’m surrounded by smokers. Some smoke particularly, er, fragrant cigarettes, & they reek. My apartment is like a wind tunnel because of the way the land lays, so my house is filled with it almost constantly.
    I wish I didn’t have PCOS. I wish it was so easy for me to lose weight & keep it off. (Or to change my metabolism to a fast one.) I wish I didn’t have chronic tendinitis in my hands. Every injury & mysterious flare-up I have affects me so badly that I lose strength…& the loss goes straight up into my shoulders & neck.
    I have been dreaming of meeting the guy I’m meant to spend my lifetime with–that deep, abiding, unconditional love–& starting a family with him in our home.
    That my mother was able to apologize & admit her wrongdoing & make a sincere effort to make a lasting change. She has never been able to do so, & it’s why we’re not talking now. She chose her pride over an apology I asked for.
    That my dad was a man with a stronger sense of right & wrong so he could have been better able to be the father all children need. I wish the same about my mother.
    I wish my childhood was much happier than it actually was.
    I wish everyone had their ideal parents. I wish that children could grow up without being abused, seeing their loved ones die before their eyes, being forced to participate in wars that should never have been started, & that no one had to feel soul-deep emotional pain.
    I wish that all pets (of all different shapes, sizes, & species) could live a life free from abuse. That they never cross paths with people who have given into the dark side and those dark impulses.

    I wish, basically, that everyone could live comfortably without having to survive & scrape by. That everyone could fulfill all their dreams. That they have no debts, & their lives are blissfully idyllic.

  214. For my mom’s MS to go away.

    To stop standing in my own way. I have all the tools to be happy but instead I’m lonely, overweight and anxious.

  215. I’ve never heard this before, but my dad taught my kids “put ‘wishes’ in one hand and ‘shits’ in the other and see which one fills up first”

    Not sure what I’m supposed to glean from this li’l pearl of wisdom.

  216. only one wish here… a cure for alzheimer’s for my precious husband. there are no real words for how hard it is to watch that highly intelligent and analytical mind change to one that cannot make a determination between 2 very simple choices. He still knows me, and can express his love, so I am grateful. But I still wish for a cure.

  217. …..beggers would ride. That’s how I always heard it. I would wish for $278.40 plus tax. That’s how much I need, minus the cost of a toilet, to completely replumb and wire and put down a new subfloor That would allow me to concentrate on the aluminum stuff we need for the roof and windows we need before it gets cold. Or a Home Depot delivery dropping of the various needed items. Which ever is easier for the genie. I don’t want to be greedy and ask for more than I need.

  218. I was just wishing that my whippet would stop being pissed at me because she had to stay at Nana’s for a week on vacation. So I grabbed her sulky little self from her bed and made her snuggle me like she’s supposed to. And now I’m wishing for more room, like always.

  219. I wish that I wasn’t scared to get help for being scared all the time. Scared of driving, flying, getting fired, going to the grocery store, that someone will knock on my door, leaving my house, staying in my house, interactions with people I don’t know, that my train will crash, basically everything. I also wish I wanted to leave my house because I get lonely but can’t make any new friends if I don’t leave my house. It’s all so frustrating. I just wish I didn’t have these issues.

  220. I wish that when after 30 years of working since I was a pre-teen and dreaming and sacrificing and giving it my best and learning new scary stuff, that when I finally found THE THING, the one thing I LOVE to do, that the guy I bought it from, using every dollar plus twice as many loaned dollars, that he wouldn’t have simultaneously given all the incredibly valuable IP away to his family, costing me more money I don’t have in order to pay lawyers to not help protect something I’ve only had for 6 months but longed for my whole life and moved across the country for and love and owe many many dollars on, something that has done so much good for multitudes of animals for many many years. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But you know what, I wished for two black cats a few months ago and that wish came true and is keeping me out of the hospital. I am defying my English major with that ultramega run-on sentence. In summary, yay wish cats. Thanks for listening.

  221. Ahh finally someone said the Firefly quote! ❤️❤️❤️

    I’d wish to know with absolute certainty that my marriage will work out. 8 yrs … some bits have been pretty rough, but just finding out/realizing I suffer from anxiety and depression (and always have) has explained more than a few things, so at least we know what we’re fighting yeah?

  222. I admire your child’s refusal to accept that one must think from inside a box, EVER.

  223. Peace, love and understanding. And, before you start on me… it IS one wish, not three. Been wishing for it since I was young: every birthday, every star. Being bi-polar, these things have always kinda dodged me. It sure would be nice. Peace. Love. Understanding.
    Doesn’t everyone wish for these things?

  224. I wish….I could lose and keep off about 70 pounds. It’s not a look thing, it’s health thing. Pretty sure if I lost the weight, many of the nagging health problems would go away. But enough of the responsible adult talk! What I really want is more house rabbits – my solo bun needs a friend or two…or ten. And make them the self cleaning variety 🙂

  225. I got on a horse once. The minute I sat it took at like I was a pincushion and didn’t stop til I fell off. And some-one gave me a horse when I lived on a farm but I never “broke” him and leaned to ride. I just took him apples. My husband said I ruined him. (My EX-husband, that is)

  228. I’d still wish for more horses 😉
    (Even though Hailey did have THE best response)

  229. I keep thinking of wishes and then adding codicils, so I guess I’d wish to be decisive? Maybe.

  233. Today I’m just wishing I wasn’t diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago. It’s making me extremely anxious and depressed and on edge and it’s fucking up my already-fucked up brain.

  234. So I looked at the video still and I thought, “That looks dumb, it’s that sappy girl singing about how overlooked and under-appreciated she is to some guy who’s not even attractive.” Then I watched the video and I laughed my ass off. I also recommend the video “When Am I Going to Blossom?”

  235. Oh, and also: A guy and his wife are walking on the beach during their 30th wedding anniversary vacation. He finds a magic lamp and rubs it, and out comes the genie to grant him a wish. He says, “Sorry, honey, but I’ve always wished I could be with a woman who is 25 years younger than me.” So the genie grants the wish, and poof, the guy is now 80 years old.

  236. I just can’t because I’d wish for things that just can’t be so and I have to work so hard to live well knowing these things are real.

  237. I wish for too many selfish things. The usual, money and a job I like (or more accurately, management I like), all the stuff we want done around this house and all the bills paid. More holiday weekends. More rain. Cooler weather.

  238. I guess I’m not amazed at how many people here are in pain, but it feels overwhelming on top of my own pain. How many wishes would be needed to lift all of our pain simultaneously? I kind of want to crawl off into the corner and say, ‘okay, no me then, I don’t deserve it anyway; heal all the others.’ Auto-immune diseases suck, and when multiple family members also have them, you spend all the time worrying about someone. I appreciate the tribe member who said he/she needs to stop mourning disasters that haven’t happened yet. I need that dispensation too. Thank goodness you’re feeling better Jenny, and thank you for bringing us together.

  239. I have honestly never heard that saying. And I even lived in Texas for a while as a kid!

  240. I wish pain didn’t exist. Not the nerves for feeling pain, but actual hurt itself. Physically, emotionally and mentally.

  241. Wish I understood people and how they see me. So no confusing misunderstandings that should never happen.

  242. That song totally made my night. Thank you, madam.
    Also, if I had a wish right now, I’d use it to wish that I hadn’t just finished off the peanut butter ripple icecream, firstly because I have a stomachache, and secondly because now I won’t have any ice cream for tomorrow. Real people, real problems.

  243. “If wishes were horses…” is part of a longer rhyme. If I remember correctly it goes:

    If wishes were horses then beggars would ride.
    If turnips were watches I’d have one by my side.
    And if ‘ifs’ and ‘ands’ were pots and pans there would be no work for tinkers.

    I like the last line. It’s fun to say. 🙂

    And I wish that I didn’t have as many wishes as I have. It would be nice to be more content.

  245. If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a merry Christmas

    I wish I was a mermaid.

  246. Anyone who has more than 2 horses can attest, on the third one, you start wishing for less horses.

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Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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