Today I was driving to my shrink and it’s sort of a long, twisty, weird road to get there and I noticed another car driving in front of me for several minutes and eventually he pulled into my shrink’s parking lot before me. And then he went inside and then I did and after a few minutes in the waiting room he hesitantly said, “Can I ask you a really crazy question that I already know the answer to?” And I said, “Did you want to ask if I’m following you? I’m not. I’m supposed to be here,” and he said, “How did you know that I was going to ask that?” And I was like, “Because I saw you drive to the exact same place and my first thought was that you were following me, except you were in front of me so not only were you following me but you were so good at it that you were following me before I was even there. And then I wondered if you were a time traveler who knew where I was going and then I realized that was probably irrational but I still thought it was maybe possible because I am open-minded.”
And then he paused for a second and said, “Huh.” And then I was like “See? You were all worried about your paranoia but now you can feel good about the fact that you don’t think time-travelers were pre-following you to your psychiatrist appointment” and he was like, “This is the most helpful psychiatric session I’ve ever had and I haven’t even met the doctor yet.” And then we fist-bumped in solidarity.
And that’s how the world keeps turning.
Unrelated: Tomorrow I’m going to BookPeople in Austin to sign some books so if you want to buy one for the holidays just click here for Furiously Happy or click here for Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and in the comments section at checkout just say you want a signed copy or you can leave details if you want me to personalize it or draw a cat in it or lick it or whatever. They ship everywhere.
PS. I don’t have a picture for this post so instead here’s Hunter S. Tomcat eating leftover turkey. This is pure ecstasy, y’all. May we all be this happy.
I’ve been friends with crazy my entire life and it’s the best friend I could possibly ask for.
This reads like a parable. Bless you both!
I really needed a good laugh. Thank you.
Hunter looks so ecstatic that I’m surprised you still have five fingers. Assuming you do. Or whoever was actually the one feeding him.
Anyway, love that conversation!
This is why I like reading you . . . you ALWAYS have the right answers. In fact, they are better than right, they make such sense in a roundabout way.
I love you…..you are my best friend…..lol 🙂
Your thought process is so wonderful. Mine is not nearly as creative. Although I did find myself considering swallowing a toy giraffe just so that something ‘interesting’ will show up on my upcoming CT scan.
That is one of the most majestic cats I’ve ever rested my eyes on.
And here I thought I was the only nut job who would have had those exact same thoughts. And then voiced them out loud. Thanks for sharing your crazy!
That is the best story I heard in weeks! ^_^
Crazy seems to run in my family. Actually it tries to run away, but we tackle it and keeps it around so we have someone to blame.
Huh???
I love that people who encounter you can then say “you’ll never believe what happened to me today”, and the people don’t believe them.
Posted too soon…I meant Huh? I was being the guy…
I’m sharing this with my time travelling son when he gets home from school – or maybe I did that yesterday.
Thank you Jenny. You give a perspective that I can’t easily express. Fist bump
My cat, Lucy, also enjoyed some leftover turkey… unfortunately a few hours later she gave it back to me. Cats are fun.
I do love your books, but please don’t take it personally if I ask you NOT to lick them. Because I’m on my 4th respiratory infection for the fall.
Also, if anyone on here has missed me on Twitter somehow, I am arranging a package/card swap among Bloggess Tribe members because the holidays are often hard for many of us, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas or Yule. Let me know if you want to participate because the more the merrier!
Love this post very much! Hunter is so expressive. His enthusiasm is contagious. Love the conversation. Wonder what his session was like!!
You should have left a bill for services under his windshield wiper. But maybe he’s already sent you a check.
Hooray, another Christmas gift ordered! Except my best friend (who I bought the book for), is going to think I wrote it, because we have the same name. And some weirdly similar experiences. Wait…are we the same person? I’m having an out-of-body experience now…
I want to come say hi, but I don’t want to bother you or freak you out.
Done. Ordered one for my sister and one for me. You rock.
This reads outloud very well to wide-eyed library volunteers.
That made me laugh again.
I had a friend follow someone but she was so impatient with how slow they were going she got in front of them. I told her she was the best stalker I ever meet. Now that’s skill
This reads very well outloud to library volunteers.
That made me laugh again.
Can I go to Book People in Austin, since I’m about 5 blocks from it, and get one? I would love to be, err, I mean HAVE Furiously Happy signed in any ol’ way you want. If it just doesn’t work that way, that’s okay too. Have a good time while you’re here. You can’t toss a rock without hitting someplace good to eat, but Dai Due over on the east side (2406 Manor) is super tasty. The chef is a hunter “let’s use everything this animal has to offer” ..type awesome cook, AND it’s a meat market too, sooo, dead stuff. I know how you like that. Also, they have the best, biggest, homemade biscuit EVER.
Love,
JonaB.
(I never know when I’ll actually get there since I have to work it around Hailey’s school and errands but I should be there in the evening sometime. You can buy one there and put a note to me inside it telling me what you want to write in it. Or if you see me there I’ll sign it. I just don’t know when it’ll be. 🙂 ~ Jenny)
One of the things I always love about your photos is the weird shit that often shows up in the background. Is that the Lone Ranger photo-bombing Hunter S.? Is that yours or Hailey’s?
p.s., not the weirdest background object by a long shot.
p.p.s., hope this doesn’t make you paranoid about future pictures.
p.p.p.s., Oh good, I’m glad.
Thank god for the internet because I’m almost never lucky enough to meet people who are my brand of crazy in real life.
Could one of your very dedicated and very-not-dangerous fans hang out with you for a little bit while you work and keep you company, or just sit quietly and watch for a bit? If you look back through your Twitter DM’s you’ll see me in there a few times. Would mean very much, totally ok if not. Hope you’re doing better.
So did this conversation with the fellow psyche patient really happen, or…..?
Okay, so you would like get Hunter to really lick the book right? Because if I were you I’d be worried that someone would use the DNA from the saliva to clone you, then rapidly age progress your clone, and using mind control get the clone to invade your life and leave you very open to kidnapping by the kind of person who would go to all the trouble of cloning and rapid aging you. And once you escaped, Victor would have to chose between you and the clone. Or you’d have to chose between the clone and Victor – not sure how that would actually play out.
I hope you exchanged business cards so you could not follow each other ever again, kind of like “I’m wearing the polka dot dress tomorrow, so can you wait until Friday to wear yours?” I always worry that people with nefarious intentions are following me on the street, so I deliberately slow down and let get try to get around me. I think it pisses people off, but it’s better than being strangled from behind…
My husband’s birthday is today, and last night after he went to sleep I took the “Happy Birthday” mylar balloon out of my trunk and put it in the kitchen near the coffee pot, his first (or perhaps second) stop when he wakes up – long before me. During the night, one of the cats had eaten the bottom part of the balloon’s curly ribbon and, probably because she had no other presents to give him for the occasion, vomitted it up for him just outside our bedroom door. He found it with his bare foot first thing while going to the festooned coffee pot. His birthday celebration thus preceded the ballon and other greetings and decorations I had set up. He was indeed surprised. Not so happy, but at least not a normal day. Happy birthday, honey.
Back in the day, “Burn Notice” talked about how to follow someone from in front. Look! Another thing for all of us to worry about!
That’s like the beginning of a RomCom, you know, with the meet-cute. Except you’ve already got Victor, and he’s a great straight man as well as probably cute (I don’t know, having only ever seen him with a storm trooper mask on), so don’t let go of Victor.
Of course, it could be the beginning of a horror movie, too, but that’s probably more of my opinion than you probably wanted.
In other news, Hunter S. Tomcat sure is cute.
You are a brave, brave woman to hand feed turkey to your cat. If I were to do that with our cat Sybil…er…Pumpkin, I’d draw back a bloody stump. What a difference a Y chromosome makes for red tabbies!
The vet appointment ran a little long, so I had to bring our 70-pound tank-of-a-dog to my therapy appointment yesterday. Whose office entrance is smack dab in full sight on a very busy street in our city.
Yes, I’m still working on my shame issues. Thank you for asking!
awesome. just, awesome.
My favorite “Met my own crazy” story: Shortly after your Beyoncé blog took the metal chicken world by storm, I bought one and displayed her prominently in the front yard. Less than a week later, a neighbor I’d never met slowed to a stop in her minivan and hollered, “I love your chicken! Hey. Have you ever heard of The Bloggess?”
Karma.
You’re my hero.
Uh-huh! Serendipity strikes again, except I suspect we’re all on the same path really so it shouldn’t be that weird that we keep bumping into each other.
I would totally love a personalized copy of both your books! But I’m about 5000 miles away from Austin here in Bucharest. If u could find a way to put vampire bite marks in copies, I would totally order them to send to friends that don’t believe in anything not sold at Walmart
I would like to live inside your brain. With popcorn.
I like how you made that guy feel better about his own crazy–they should hire you to sit in the lobby and put people at ease, like a Walmart greeter, only nuttier. I suspect the pay would be lousy but think of the copy you’d get! (Of course, then there would be the issue of trying to out-crazy someone to make them feel better, which is a bit counter-productive for therapy, so maybe not…)
I’m also impressed by your mad cat picture-taking skills–if this were me, I’d have shredded fingers and a close-up of a cat eyeball looking very, very scary.
Oh I always think I’m making people paranoid when I follow them. Now I can take comfort in being pretty sure that I’m not actually a time traveler because if I were going to go back in time I’d try to do something useful like stop the Kennedy Assassination, not follow some paranoid person to the grocery store.
If I didn’t have my crazy friends I wouldn’t have any friends at all.
Gods damn, that may be the most heartening thing I’ve heard for months.
It’s kind of like a real life Sleepless in Seattle thing or While You Were Sleeping. Just with psychiatrists instead of cute kids or old men. And not in the 90s.
I went to the therapist today too! So we are automatically friends, right?
I always expect something when I come here, but then end up actually laughing out loud and it surprises me every time. I should know by now. <3
I totally want to come see you at Book People. I promise I’d be super helpful and I swear I’m not a creepy stalker–just someone who thinks you’re awesome.
My god! I won’t be able to drive again. The road is full of time travelers.
I’m kind of a newer fan so um… is that a real cat or stuffed?
Damn….I’ve got signed copies of both of your books, it never occurred to me to ask you to lick them, next time you are in the Toronto area, I want my books licked.
This by far is one of my favorite posts. Why doesn’t this happen at my psychiatrists office!
I really want to click “like” on this, but there are always so many comments compared to likes on your posts that I’m paranoid the somewhere you have posted you hate likes, like maybe they are just bothersome notifications and don’t mean anything, and I’d hate to annoy you. But I really do like it, lol.
What a great conversation. I emailed this to my sisters to let them know there’s another one of us out there.
This makes me want a shrink. Just so that I can run into a time traveller. By accident, of course.
I also went to my therapist today, not sure if anyone followed me or not, Now I’m worried. Just finished Furiously Happy last night & was telling him about it and how many things we had in common and noticed he was nodding off. Do you think we should be highly insulted or WHAT?
Am I the only one who took a double look at the picture of Hunter S. Tomcat to see if he was wearing another cat’s fur (perhaps you made an outfit for him with the third skin and kitten mittens with the other two).
Yes, I think you’re THAT crazy.
I almost lost a finger to my turkey frenzied calico. Be careful. 🙂
You are the most amazing human on earth I have laughed all day long and need to find my own slothsquatch!
I just love your brand of logic!
Off topic, but you DID mention licking, so…..whatever happened when you met David Tennant?
(I need to write a whole new blog post for that. ~ Jenny)
I just love checking in here often and seeing what you post I love hearing your stories and reading what comments people make on your books. I would love to have one for Christmas. Furiously Happy is one I have my eye on. But I don’t see that happening this year. Lol
Please keep posting and making some or all of laugh and maybe even cry. But regardless I will always be checking in.
Thank you so much Jenny Lawson
I wish I had been the person in front of you. I think I would have connected with you on a different dimension altogether.
I just finished both of your books and I literally called my sister after almost every chapter to read her at least some of it. So so funny!! Thank you for sharing…everything!! Huge fan and if you are ever in Louisville and need a place to hide from people I’ll kick my whole family out and you can stow away in my house. Did I just make this weird. We could stay if you want. Totally your call!!
For you in gratitude! Excerpt from WordPress interview about your books as inspiration. Will get signed copy someday!!!
“I’m a book lover, so my first experience with blogging was actually in the form of a book, Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess. Her compilation is interspersed with traumatic and hilarious childhood stories, and I highly recommend it to anyone who has been messed up by their parents, which is pretty much everyone.
While I was laughing my way through her book, I had an unfortunate “bad mommy” moment with my kids that made all of us cry. It occurred to me that my kids might someday write their own version of Let’s Pretend, so I wrote a counternarrative of sorts because I wanted them to understand why my crazy was actually really awesome, how much they should appreciate me, and how desperately they will miss me when I’m dead.”
Sweet kitty.
Home sick today with side effects of new meds. Checked Facebook between naps and was so disappointed there was no post from you to make me smile. Now, here you are making me feel no less nauseous, but so much happier! You should look into bottling yourself.
Reading this blog is such a bright spot in my day. Thanks JL!
This was such an awesome post. 😂😂😂
I’m convinced that crazy people are way more lovable than sane people. They’re at LEAST way more fun.
I live in canada and would absolutely love to get a signed copy of Lets Pretend This Never Happened
How would I go about that?
(BookPeople ships worldwide. 🙂 ~Jenny)
I’m sitting on my mother’s floor playing with her dog, and she tells me how she wants to buy a knife for my brother for Christmas. “I used the Dick’s Sporting Goods Flyer to get their address, Dick’s.com”. This is when I burst out laughing so hard that I had a black lab jumping up and down on my head. So, after I get my mom to stop saying “so may postage stamp size penises”, I once again tried to explain the difference between the address bar and the search bar.
I still don’t think she gets it.
Hunter looks kinda like jaws
Hilarious!!!
I placed my order for 3 books and I am SO EXCITED to get them signed and give them as the best gifts ever. Ok, if I’m being honest one is for me, but I know I’ll love it because I’ve already read it. And this one will be signed and possibly (hopefully) have animals drawn in it so how special is that?? Thanks for writing a wonderful, hilarious, quirky blog that makes me feel less anxious and more hopeful. Also for all the cats in outfits and taxidermic creativity.
Jenny- are you doing the Christmas garfeild thing again?
(I think so. Gotta get everything together first. ~ Jenny)
I wanted to say something so profound, but simple is perfect….Love you inside out! Laughing eyes and smiling heart.
I would love to have a copy of Furiously Happy signed, but I can’t afford it right now. Is this something you do often enough where I’d have another chance?
Thank you for being you.
(No worries. I go to BookPeople and sign books once a month so there’ll be more there in the future. ~ Jenny)
so, in the United Arab Emirates it’s impossible to find “let’s pretend this never happened” I’m dying to read it after laughing my way through furiously happy..
PLEASE HELP ME !!
ps I’m taking furiously happy back to South Africa for my family to read. Honestly the funniest, real life, get you in the gut books I’ve ever read.
Thank you for sharing with such honesty. Flipping fabulous.
It makes perfect sense to me. Does this mean I need a therapist?
Ah, if only meeting cool people was always that easy. He probably didn’t even know he was in the presence of a celebrity. And don’t even think that you’re not.. you’re well known, and very much loved & admired! Go with it!
This is the best story ever.
For anyone interested in the card/package/email swap, the link with details is here: https://becomingcliche.wordpress.com/2016/12/01/home-for-the-holidays/#comment-21426
#Let’sbefriends this is so funny I love it and I love your cat eating the turkey. What a great addition to the post.
Thank you for bringing a whole lot of humor to blogging.
Mary Beth
From The Heart
So we had our Nov. book club meeting on Weds to discuss the book we were supposed to read (The Snow Child…which is awesome. And sad. And has foxen. 🙂 ) and get a print out of the books we’re going to read for the first half of 2017.
We’re leading off the year with “Furiously Happy”. 😀
Could you please get your new time travelling friend to go back and change The Berenstain Bears back to The Berenstein Bears? This timeline just isn’t right.
The first Thanksgiving we had our kitties, we gave them all the leftover turkey. It was A LOT. They ate it all and then passed out for the rest of the day. The following year, we gave them turkey again. They sniffed it and then tried to bury it! I guess the turkey coma wasn’t so pleasant.
“driving to my shrink and it’s sort of a long, twisty, weird road to get there”
truer words were never spoken
Happy, happy, joy,joy goes Hunter for turkey. Such a loving mom to share!
Apparently the kitty likes turkey as much as my labs…he has much smaller teeth though (I’d lose my hand if I tried to feed them small pieces). I’ve been behind people and have thought “I’m not actually following you, just headed the same way”…is that not normal to think (in fairness I have been followed with malicious intent, so that’s part of it)?
If only seeing the actual doctor was usually so helpful!
great photos of Hunter…brings to mind movie posters for Jaws…the first one…the good one…now I here a cello playing the opening cords.. jeez I gotta get a cup of coffee and get it together. enjoy the snacks big cat
This is…. impressive.
This is my first time here and I know I will be back daily…and read ALL the archives. OMG, of all days to come here—-I had a yellow puddy tat named Hunter and I loved him DEARLY. Thanks for bringing him back to me….. 😉
I visited Austin in September and October on business and now I’m pissed I didn’t come see you while I was there. Not that you know me, and you’d probably be a little weirded out when a stranger showed up at your door. But then again, having read your blog, a stranger showing up at your door is hardly the weirdest thing you deal with even on a typical day.
Hunter S. Tomcat looks like he has seen the face of God and learned all of the answers to the Universe. The most important of which is how to convince his human to feed him leftover turkey.
Sheepishly here to ask if you’d consider doing G- or PG-rated versions of some of your zazzle goodies. I really want the Juanita “RUINED!” apron but without the mofo….
(I think there is one. It may just not show up as popular because most people buy the cursey one. I’ll look and see if I can find it. ~ Jenny)
…and THAT is exactly why we love you so much.
insanity is the glue that keeps us together. No idea who thought that one up but its my mantra
my kids are gone to their dad’s for a week & i am alone (except for the dogs, chickens, lambs, toads, & tarantula) for a week & i have no one to talk to because i am terrible at having friends & i am pretty sure you never actually read these comments because of people like me. but here i am. crazy. & looking for a friend.
(I hear you. You are my friend. ~ Jenny)
crap. and the cat. the cat is here too. (sorry–not a cat person…which probably means i’m not friend material…crap.)
HEY! If you were planning on stalking me tonight I’m actually not going to be there until tomorrow morning. Sorry. Replan your stalking as necessary.
One year I bought an air hockey table for Christmas at the Kmart across town from me and the clerk helped me shove it into my hatchback, sticking out with a nice red rag to warn people. I’m not a fan of traffic and large roads so I tend to zig zag on the smaller and residential roads. As I was winding my way home I realize that the same car who was behind me in the loading zone at Kmart is behind me every stupid weird turn. I don’t know what to do because I don’t know where to go. I have no friends because you know, introvert, and I wouldn’t want to lead this A-hole to their house anymore than I did to mine. The few people I sort of knew lived in apartment complexes and I didn’t want to park and leave the air hockey table unattended. I’m thinking maybe I could go through a drive thru and ask the window person for help (what kind of help?). Then I’m trying to think where there was a payphone where I could park near it (this was the age when cellphones were the size of bricks and only drug dealers had them). Meanwhile I’m still zig zagging across town and then I remembered The Party People! I have no idea who these people were but they lived fairly nearly me had a house set back off the road with several patio tables and chairs in the front yard and there always seemed to several people sitting around watching the world go by. I had lots of speculation on who these people were and why there always seemed to be some of them sitting around, night or day, weekend or weeknight. So I go to their house and pull in….. NO ONE SITTING AROUND! I drove right up close to the house and got out of my car. I could see the car that was following me had stopped out in the road. I waved and walked up to house, saying loudly, “You’ll have to help me unload this, guys!” I walk up to the house and pull open the screen door and screech… the car in the road takes off. I hung around for awhile awhile and then went home. I’ve often wondered if they were just a couple of dudes dicking around (hubby’s theory) or if they were hoping to jack my air hockey table after I left it unattended or come back and steal it from my house (surprise guys, I always suspected The Party People of being the kind who would have weapons within reach). Time traveling stalkers would have been cooler. They could have met me at my house and unloaded the air hockey table for me. Or better yet, brought it with them from Kmart, save me the trip.
That is one happy cat! Best wishes on your book signing event.
Thanks for this! Now feel normal for not being the only one who thinks like this!!
Your cat’s name is the topping on this delightful crazy Sunday! Love! <3
I’very always found that you meet the best people in psychiatrist’s waiting rooms. I met a woman who I’ve since list touch with who helped me get through my first breakdown. Are you out there, Beth?
Sorry about the weird auto fill stuff, but you get the idea.
Meh. I already got them, I didn’t know I could have a licked copy. Sigh
I envy you Hunter S. Mine just stare at me suspiciously when I offer them people food. Sniff, walk away.
I feel like we would be friends. My husband thinks our combined anxieties would get in the way, but I told him that’s what the internet is for.
You are a Rare and Precious Treasure. (I mean that and it looks sarcastic and snarky but it totally isnt. )
Oh donkey brains, I saved this to read and missed your Austin visit by 1 day. I hope you didn’t bring all this rain with you. <3
And here I thought I was the only one who was CONVINCED that sometimes, people in front of me were following me. And if they turned a different direction, it was because it was someone else’s turn to follow me, and Shady Dude #1 radioed Sneaky Car #2 to take over at the next corner.
And my cat knows how to sit up and beg for treats. It’s a thing; my dad taught the family cat so I kept the tradition going. It’s so cute that he’s really fat now.
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.
~Charles Bukowski
I used to embrace crazy as a natural part of (my) life and a helpful supporter of creativity. When I decided to abandon it for a more natural (what???) life, I became unhappy, uncreative and unhealthier.
Just stumbled on your blog via a post on Fb about the funny Tweets by so many people. I had such a good time yesterday and today reading up on them. I had not laughed that hard in a while. I was spitting, hissing, snorting and grunting just trying not get chest pains while laughing!
I love your blog and think I will embrace my old crazed moi again with gusto! High Five, Girl!
Hunter S Tomcat LOLOLOLOL
Davi
Hunter S Tomcat LOLOLOL
the coyote story is the BEST!
…and I totally posted that under the wrong bloggess post. that’s talent…
i feel like we would have the same spirit animals.
When I’m behind people going the same place I am, I tend to worry that I’m making them paranoid enough to go all road-ragey on me. I have, on more than one occasion, deliberately taken an alternate route to get out from behind someone for just that reason.
Thats beautiful, oh my gosh