Google knows me better than I know myself.

in Random Crap

Last time I googled “Jenny Lawson likes” google auto-suggested “to fart for you” but those auto-suggestions change every few weeks based on what people are searching for so I thought I’d check to see what Google is thinking about me at the moment.

I thought I’d check “Jenny Lawson was” but before I even finished google gave me this:

f
JENNY LAWSON WASTELAND.  I’m not sure if this is a place or an insult.
d
Wow.  Straight to the lady garden.
c
Aw.  Apparently Google knows me after all.

PS.  Hang on. I just remembered that last time I didn’t use my last name.  Let’s try it again:

d
Well at least I’m consistent.

84 thoughts on “Google knows me better than I know myself.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. “Lady garden” will always crack me up. Also, if you want to, you can fart for me anytime. Thanks in advance. 🙂

  3. I’d try this but I’m terrified of the results. I Googled myself and got some science team somewhere that had named themselves “in Memoriam” of me. Granted, I have a pretty common name, but still. Creepy.

  4. But did you check the images for “Jenny Lawson lady garden”? Pretty disappointing.

  5. wasteland hmmm….
    Off topic, but the closer we all get to Friday the more I want to build my pillow fort and live in it for a while. Just me and the kitties. Anyone else feeling that way? I have the extra added pleasure of living just a few miles outside of D.C. (In Alexandria, Virginia). sigh

  8. It sort of makes me want to google preposterous questions with your name in it, just to skew the results. Just a little bit. OK a lot. Come on, it’s worth a shot to ask everyone to Google “Jenny Lawson likes pickle ice cream.” just to see if we can break google.

  11. I apparently now like coffee (actually, Google, I quit coffee and thanks for the reminder of how much I miss caffeine), and you (I don’t know, Google. To which “you” are you referring? Because there are a lot of “yous” out there that I don’t like. At. All.).

    Also, apparently, I was barren, sitting in a seat at a baseball game, and ninety years old. Um…I hate baseball and while I may feel like I’m 90 after a tough gym workout while hungover (happens more than I should admit), I’m not quite that old yet. I don’t have kids, though, so that’s something.

  13. Hmm. Maybe Google has plans for you to go to Washington, D.C. for a knitting conference. Where you and many radical knitters create colorful hand-knit lady gardens as a protest. I think you should watch out for Google.

  16. I do not recommend yarn beanies in Washington, D.C. It’s supposed to be up to 60 something degrees twice this week.
    Every time I type “Jecca Vee likes” Google tries to complete it with “like me,” which has me slightly concerned about being SWFed by a search algorithm.

  17. All it gave me was Twitter results. I am nothing without Twitter. I Tweet therefor I am.

  18. I have a friend that attends Wasteland every year. From what I gather it is like a comic con but done in the desert doing all the post apocalyptic stuff. Looks a lot like a Mad Max scene. So it is a location. In Arizona.
    It might also be a state of mind after a drinking binge.

  20. I dunno. I love your work, but I don’t need you to fart for me. I don’t think. I mean, maybe I do. Maybe your farts are different from mine. Which I guess they are, because if they weren’t that would be weird.

    Never mind.

  23. I think you should pursue this further with:

    “Jenny doesn’t like….”
    “Jenny thinks that’s a good….”
    “Jenny believes pinheads are…”

    Of course, that could go on for a very, very long time….you might want to pack a lunch.

  26. As long as it’s FOR me and not ON me. Google makes it sound like you’re doing me a favor. So I guess you can fart on cue? What is your rate for performing this trick at parties?

  27. This reminds me that I took my daughter to Hot Topic this weekend and was shaking my head at some of the strange products there. “Who in the world would want Star Wars boxer shorts?” I wondered. My daughter said, “Yeah, who wouldn’t!” “Me, for starters,” I answered. “But you aren’t a Star Wars fan,” she countered. I said, “Well I’m a Bloggess fan, but I still wouldn’t want her picture on my underwear,” I said. “She probably wouldn’t want her picture on your underwear,” my daughter answered. Which made me wonder–especially since you enjoy farting for people so much–WOULD you want your picture on my (or any of our) underwear? I am not as sure as she seems to be.

  28. This reminds me that I took my daughter to Hot Topic this weekend and was shaking my head at some of the strange products there. “Who in the world would want Star Wars boxer shorts?” I wondered. My daughter said, “Yeah, who wouldn’t!” “Me, for starters,” I answered. “But you aren’t a Star Wars fan,” she countered. I said, “Well I’m a Bloggess fan, but I still wouldn’t want her picture on my underwear,” I said. “She probably wouldn’t want her picture on your underwear,” my daughter answered. Which made me wonder–especially since you enjoy farting for people so much–WOULD you want your picture on my (or any of our) underwear? I am not as sure as she seems to be.
    (Sorry for the dual post–Pam Likes to forget to log on before she comments, apparently.)

  29. I might not want a picture of Jenny’s FACE on my underwear, but I might go for Kraken doodles.

  30. When I try this Google assumes my name is a typo. That’s the price you pay for having an unusual name. Hat and never being able to find one of hose tiny personalized license plate keychains.

  33. I’m having one of those days, so I’m going with “jenny lawson likes you” to make my day a little brighter and pretending none of the other stuff happened.

    Thanks Jenny! I like you too!

  34. #Breakgoogle

    okay everybody let’s go google “Jenny Lawson Rocks”

    i bet we can make it work

  35. If you would fart for me, both I and my husband would appreciate it. Especially if he is brushing his teeth because somehow, that’s when I get the urge. What would Zsigmondy say?

  36. I almost always get Kelly likes shoes as my first or second suggestion. I do like shoes but who doesn’t like shoes? I was curious and saw a link that led me to some cross dresser named Kelly and shoes and “know your meme” and that ended up being an adult website and my computer froze. AND I’m at work meanwhile pounds on escape key. Jenny this is partly your fault but I forgive you.

  37. You have the power to make me smile when I can’t find it anywhere else. Thank you!

  38. I think it’s on you, the weird results.

    Or I’m extremely boring, since I google the same thing and get:

    Jenny Lawson quotes
    Jenny Lawson husband
    Jenny Lawson author

    Or both. Probably both.

  42. Thanks for the smile on this dreary Monday like Tuesday. You never fail me. The only bad thing about reading your post (if there is a bad thing) is that it makes want to buy those teas that are advertised on the page. 🙂

  43. Google doesn’t know me well enough for suggestions. I’m kind of offended. But a little bit relieved. And then sort of envious. And then…..fuck Google! I couldn’t care LESS if it knows me. But I wish it knew at least one thing…..

  46. …just think someone with your name could actually be making mega bucks farting for people. Aren’t you a tiny bit jealous???

  50. I get my first name and “is a funny old man.” While I try to be funny, I’m neither old nor a man. WTF are you trying to say about me, Google. Can you please fart for me? It would make up for Google insulting my age and gender. Also, I think Google was being sarcastic about my humour.

  51. Welp, I am practicing the piano, apparently. (No I’m not. I don’t know how to play the piano, even slightly.) Also, I will be incorporating lady garden into my vocabulary.

  52. Jenny, this is “off topic” … but I was watching an episode of Antiques Roadshow that happened to be in Texas, and there was a couple at the end of the show in the “Feedback Booth” segment. Man was holding what appeared to be the taxidermy of the upper half of a primate (large monkey?) that was located in an attic. It’s eyes had glowed in the reflective light. Was that you and Victor? If not … you might want to check out the episode and make them a deal for a creepy looking critter!

  53. Apparently there is a site called “Heather likes food”, and that’s pretty much all I get when I search my name on Google. If I add my last name the first auto-fill is “obituary”. Huh.

  54. I’ve tried several things with my name…sadly, they mainly seem to be “Friends”-related:
    “Monica has a turkey on her head”
    “Why does Monica and Richard break up”
    “Monica was hotter than Rachel”
    Also, “Monica wants it” which appears to be the title of some blog which is far less amusing than this one. And Google has zero suggestions for “Monica likes.”

  56. Had to try this. Apparently Dean ‘likes’ anime and Taylor Swift but Google is adamant Dean ‘LOVES’ pie

  60. I took a screen cap but I’m too tired to figure out how to post it, but it’s literally the search box,the words “brekke likes” and nothing. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

  62. I tried Jenny hates ….told me I hate techno….which I agree, lol. Happy belated Birthday to you! Sorry I was late in the wishes department, been in horrible funk, getting better I think……jen

  69. Anyone recall road trips as a kid where you’d pass a semi and mime pulling the cord so they would honk for you? This image instantly popped into my mind when I read Jenny farts for you. I can’t wait to see you on the highway Jenny!

  74. I very much enjoyed this post. What I find most interesting is the seeing the other bloggers pages. There is some pretty weird shit going on there! Hmmmmmm……

  75. Hey from your first book u mentioned that your sister was attacked by a pig on the playground.. what exactly happened there?

  77. I got curious what “hate” would say: Brandy Hates….. Monica, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Human. The last one is really kind of unfair. I haven’t met you all yet! Though there are always one or two turds in every party sandwich.

  80. I absolutely would never google my name in any form. It horrifies me to think that anything about my name or even connected to it could be found by google. Even if it were in fact utterly unrelated to me. I don’t know how you folks can do that.

  81. When requesting a personal Jenny fart for oneself, is it considered to be inappropriate to specify a desired volume, pitch, tone and preferred degree of butt-cheek slappiness?
    Yes, I thought it might be, but I thought I would ask.

  82. Recording it for posterity is absolutely out of the question too, isn’t it?
    I thought so.

  83. Because I am in a “me too!” mood, I tried this…..and nothing came up. Apparently I either don’t like anything or I don’t exist. Sounds about right.

  84. I have always thought about this and I am so happy to find out that I am not the only one that thinks about things like this. I can also say that google knows me better than I know myself.

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