Please force me to be less terrible.

in Random Crap

Are you guys as goddam crazy as I am right now?  Because I’m fucking losing it.  I think it’s a combo of full moon and mercury in retrograde and depression and running out of pudding and crazy drama bullshit and it sort of seems like everyone is nuts right now.  This is what it looks like in my head:

And then Hailey came downstairs crying because her lizard (Lizard Borden – aka Lil’ Pumpkin) was dead and so I checked on her she wasn’t breathing and I was like, “Honey, lizards don’t live forever” but then when I reached in Lizard Borden took a sudden breath and looked at me like, “WHAT THE FUCK, LADY?  I WAS SLEEPING.”  And then she ate and ran around and was fine so I went on a lizard chat group and I was like, “What does it mean when your lizard stops breathing?” and they were like, “It means your lizard is dead” but then I explained further and they were like, “Oh yeah, sometimes that kind of lizard goes into a deep, non-breathing sleep.  If it stops breathing for a couple of days though then your lizard is dead.”

Long story short: I’m totally feeling that lizard.  Not physically.  Just…the idea of being so tired that people accidentally think you’re dead and then people start poking you and all you want to do is just eat some crickets and watch Doctor Who.  Also, I just realized that maybe the lizard is now a zombie.  So good news, bad news, I guess.

Sorry.  I got distracted.

Anyway, my head is a pile of broken right now and so I need something happy to fix me so can you share something happy with me?  Maybe it’s happy news or a funny video or a suggestion for a book or show that makes you laugh.

Here’s one for you:

Also awesome?  The first comment on this video which is “These cats are stupid.”

Your turn.

409 thoughts on “Please force me to be less terrible.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. Well, first, you are not alone. I have my suspicions which focus around emanations from the White House microwave…

  3. God, I wish I could help…..unfortunately I feel like Hailey’s lizard before you figured out it wasn’t dead. The raccoons helped a bit, though.

  6. I lost my shit listening to the audio version of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened when you sang the chapter heading “JENKINS YOU MOTHERFUCKER.”

  7. Totally feeling the same way… I have decided to listen to Bon Jovi power ballads… I have yet to decide if it’s helping…

  15. Easter candy will be on sale tomorrow. I’m counting on thst to get me through, at least til tomorrow.

    I’m glad the lizard is okay Even if he’s now a zombie.

  16. I have had 6 weeks without “depression days!” Miraculous! Hope you’re feeling better soon!

  18. I have pencils with curse words on them. My favorite right now says “FUCK A DOODLE DOO”.

  19. My daughter, who has struggled with near crippling anxiety for several years and who was nearly housebound and almost didn’t finish high school recently completed her her first year working at a part-time job. 2 weeks ago she moved across the state and is sharing an apartment with her best friend from middle school

  20. Hi Jenny, It will be okay. Have you coloured today? I am four weeks from the end of this semester and I need to basically write my entire thesis into coherency tomorrow. It is not about happy things but I’m hopeful it will help at least one other person in the world. In the mean time I spend time on instagram looking at dogs and flowers. Here is one that cracked me up today: https://t.co/5DYC8GVnwD. Sending you love and hugs. You are not terrible. Drink a glass of water. It will get better, and I’m glad you’re here. xo

  21. If you haven’t seen Episodes yet, find it and binge on it. It’s a Showtime/BBC comedy with too few episodes/seasons that has been on hiatus WAY too long, but I absolutely love it. And it always makes me feel better because my life is never as crazy as the people on that show. 🙂

    Also, your writing is what makes me laugh/happy, so thank you!

  24. I learned today you can put 💩💩💩💩into google translate. Make sure to turn on the audio. It’s instant laughter.

  25. I’m almost done final exams and for my last final research paper I studied how mental illness affects students at my campus and I’m using your book Furiously Happy as one of my sources 🙂
    So thanks for that!!

  26. This is my toddler son’s favorite video right now. It’s pure, good Muppet silliness. And every time I watch it (which is a lot because toddler), I spot something new. Focus on finding all the little things in here… Or perfecting your jungle boogie. Whatever strikes you. Love from NY (not the fancy part). https://youtu.be/h4Bq69HfR0Y

  31. Wish I could help but my brain has been so broken lately all I seem to be able to do is sleep. Absolutely nothing seems to even make me laugh very hard lately. Maybe check out RiffTrax at your local theatre tomorrow night? Those guys usually manage to get at least a chuckle out of me.

  38. My daughter has started doing a morning routine. You got your bi-ceps(points to arm), you got your tri-ceps(points to back of arm). You got your pi-ceps (points to mouth).

    It has made me laugh all week. It’s a weird world.

  39. Wait no…sorry. pen pineapple apple pen is what I mean…the youtube video.

  40. One of the greatest and best YouTube videos, to which I have turned in many a bad mood, is The Marmoset Song. It’s unlikely you will feel less crazy, but at least you’ll be cheerful for a minute or two! I bequeath it hereby to you.
    https://youtu.be/OR0Wuh1ybn8

  41. Anansi Boys is making me happy. My husband made me steak fries with diced ham and peppers and onions and way too much cheese and that made me happy. I just finished reading your new book and that made me happy.

  42. I’m going to share my husband’s account of an outing with our daughter yesterday, which made me laugh so hard I cried for 5 whole minutes. In the following scenario, “M” is our 4-year-old daughter and “me” is my extremely introverted, borderline hermit husband.

    Life with a 4-year-old, Tuesday edition: In the grocery store checkout line.
    M: Hi! My name is M——-, and this is my daddy.
    Cashier (sounds like she’s been smoking two packs a day since she was born, making her either the 75 years old she looks or a tragic 53): Uh huh.
    M: I colored a house at school and I’m going to give it to my daddy when we get home but first I had to leave it on the cupholder so we could come into the grocery store–
    Cashier: Plastic OK?
    M: –so we could get bananas and I had a orange [slice sample] with a stick in it!
    Cashier: Ohh.
    M (jerking out the extendable shelf for customers in wheelchairs): I just LOVE this wheelchair thing.
    Cashier: Ah.
    M: Do you think you could come to my house some time?
    Cashier: I don’t think so, honey. They wouldn’t let me. [To me] She’s adorable.
    M: Sigh. I wish you were my mom.
    Cashier and me: What?!
    M: I can count to a HUNDRED!

  44. My floor is finally fixed today from the #PlumbingWars debacle between Christmas and New Years when I thought my visiting kids used too much toilet paper. Turns out the pipes under the house totally broke and they had to rip up the floor. We thought we were out five grand (the kids helpfully chipped in) but insurance paid for a whole new floor. Also, the horrible cat passed his yearly health exam with flying colours, even if he pooped in the carrier.

  45. Today my doctor told me I was able to stop methotrexate and only keep the tocilizumab IV every month, I’m happy because although I’m going through a hard time, she asked me what I’ve been doing to keep out of stress so my reumathoid artritis wasn’t as active as it used to be, and not kidding, I showed her my You are here art! And my audible of furiously happy!!!

  46. I woke up feeling really broken this morning and when I was at Barnes and Nobel (the la Cantera one) I picked up a signed copy of Furiously Happy because it gives me the warm and fuzzies so I feel pretty much better now because you resonate with me <3

  48. Does this video help?

    Funny cat videos always cheer me up. (And I had a difficult day as well for multiple reasons. This brought a small smile to my face.)

  49. Well if it’s pudding you need…oh wait you don’t cook. Well damn I had a great homemade pudding (chocolate) recipe. Umm, happy….Oh here’s a good one that not everyone would get, but pretty sure you guys here will enjoy. Vincent Price made a movie in 1965 called Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine. With Frankie Avalon. There was a sequel with Fabian in the Avalon role called Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs. It’s a mashup of sci fi 60’s horror and the beach blanket movies. It’s even on Blu Ray. I feel strongly that this needs to be on MST3K.

  50. The bubble raccoons are on Instagram if you want more furry fun. @racoonfury They live in Russia and also like to play in the shower.

  51. BBC America has a Doctor Who take over going one from now til the new episode Saturday night.

  56. Random weirdness seems to help me when things suck.
    Mike Flowers Pops:

    Otamatone rendition of Greensleeves:

    And there’s 4 seasons of Absolutely Fabulous and a bunch of MST3k on Netflix now!

  57. Something funny…..ok, I’m a mom of 4 boys, so I’ve got a lot of “Jesus Christ REALLY?!” stories.
    This one is from about 14 years ago or so. My husband is a hunter, and every year goes away for 3 weeks on a moose hunt (always comes back with nothing, but whatev’s). My youngest son missed him terribly each year.
    During one of these trips, I got a call from my sons school asking me to please bring a shirt in for him to put on. I asked if he was OK, if he had perhaps spilled something on the one he was wearing, and they replied no, that the one he had on was inappropriate.
    So I quickly grabbed a Power Rangers shirt and drove over to the school, and ran into his classroom to see him in one of my husbands very, VERY used white wife beaters with holes in it. It was obviously way too big for him, so both nipples and his belly button were showing, and he was very cooly leaning on the sand table with one hand on his hip talking to a couple of his female classmates. Think The Fonz….but weirder. I wish cell phones were as popular when my children where growing up as they are now….wait….scratch that!

  58. my 6 year old has decided at least 3 or 4 times a day that I am on fire well invisible pretend fire that only he sees and he will very lovingly put me out for a price lol. sometimes its a cookie sometimes it’s just a kiss but afterwards he says he’s glad to be my hero and to call anytime ma’am.

  59. I can so relate to you right now but even though I haven’t yet gotten a copy of You Are Here, seeing all of the people posting photos of the beautiful images they have colored makes me happy. I’ve also enjoyed seeing the ones you’ve colored in as well. So, this has been something that makes me happy lately. Also, I had the opportunity to do Reiki on animals last weekend. In my work, I mostly have human clients but to work on animals is always such a joy. Also, I added the #bloggesstribe to my twitter account and I have been meeting cool new people. To sum up, I just want to remind you how much joy you bring to my life in little ways each day. I think it’s important for you to know this because sometimes that makes the difference between a shitty day and one that is just fine. Love to you!

  63. This happened twice yestersay….
    One of my kids that works for me exclaims “holy cow!”
    To which I reply, “It’s better they’re not, otherwise milk will go all over.”
    It happened again later with someone different and I said the same thing. Bothtimes they kind of just stared at me and as it became clear what I said, They then bursted into laughter. Silly I know but a moment of laughter for us. Pretty sure they think I’m nuts but that’s ok.

  64. Sorry, no happy here. Been in a funk for weeks. And on the lizard, double tap!

  65. i gave my dog pink eye…AND i finished Furiously Happy (which is one of ThE BEST books to read on a plane because of the absolute guffawing moments)…now, i get to start it again…which is kind of what i want to do with this week.

    ps: mercury can suck it!

    pps: i wrote this comment and then had to reset my word press pw and then lost the comment and had to type it over again so really, mercury just told me to suck it.

    ppps: i have always thought it was ps: pss: psss: but no, it isn’t

  66. I think that one racoon thinks the bubble is cocaine… understandable, we have all been there!

  67. “Time was invented to keep everything from happening at once.
    Space was invented to keep everything from happening to you.”
    -Anonynomous
    Remember, only when we are at our wits end do we know what better looks like. Much love @duelingquills

  68. Watch: Speechless on ABC
    Read: Pretty Ugly by Kirker Butler
    Good news: my son got a paid internship for the summer close to home and I recently scored Hamilton tickets.
    It seems a lot of us are having a hard time lately. I’m considering full hermit mode.

  71. AND check out Toast of London, Matt Berry’s series available on a well-known video sharing site. “Yes, Clem Fandango, I can hear you!”

  74. Its just a weird time for some reason. I wake up with these songs in my head…

  77. Happy stuff – it’s spring in Canada & we have crocuses & tulips & birds & chipmunks , and NO snow. #2 – my 2 year old cat Stuart Little hates to be separated from us. Often if i go to the bathroom & close the door, he is waiting for me, & puts up his paws to be picked up – “i missed you!!” #3 the same cat takes socks out of the clean laundry & carries them around the house. I don’t know why. Sometimes he steals my toy rat that I sleep with.

  79. I’m rereading your second book right now- great distraction from the world’s
    news! It somehow brings sanity back to my mind! Glad you’re here!

  80. I don’t know what’s wrong with the universe, but it’s definitely wrong here, too. I work in mental health, and the last two weeks have been surreal. Like I keep waiting for everyone to have goatees to prove I’m in the alternate universe. So I give you this: https://youtu.be/L6NDXYrzioA

  81. I’m in charge of the potato dish for Easter brunch, I am going to do twice baked funeral potatoes and call them resurrection potatoes.

  89. Been there. My daughter’s anole, Apollo, has done the same thing to me. I thought he was dead, reach in to take him out, and scared the crap out of both of us. Consider it the lizard way of jolting us back to reality!
    I hope you feel better soon. I’ have a backache myself and every time I laugh (like at a post like this) my back spasms in the middle of my laughter. I end up sounding like “Hahahaha…AAAAHHHH!!!” It’s painful, but totally worth it. Laugh through the pain.
    Here’s a video that made me laugh: https://youtu.be/mO-OpFjHRbE
    Hope you like it.

  92. I’m rereading your second book right now- a great distraction to the world’s news right now! I somehow feel more sane while reading it! I’m glad you’re here!

  93. My house is a mess. My kids are insane. My job is insaner. I am exhausted to a degree that I didn’t think was possible because of science. But those stupid cats are going to catch all those god forsaken bubbles, I believe it with all my heart.

  94. I’ve struggled with depression for over 20 years. I take my smiles where I can find them. These cats helping make the bed are priceless. Hope they bring a smile.

  95. Today I began to believe that NY state college will be free for my high school senior and college freshman.
    I also saw a blind girl run in a track meet. Cool day.

  98. “Time was invented to keep everything from happening at once.
    Space was invented to keep everything from happening to you.”
    -Anonynomous
    Remember, only when we are at our wits end do we know what better looks like. Much love @duelingquills

  99. A teacher at our school told me that she was having a lovely conversation about smelling flowers during spring and all of the wonderful sight and sounds (birds singing, colors) And how we use our senses and organs (ears, eyes, nose) to experience all of that wonder. The little girl, who is just as cute as your imagination might lead you to believe, thoughtfully says, @ ” if someone cut our heads off, we couldn’t do any of that stuff.” That was my favorite thing that happened this week. You’re welcome.

  100. Dear Jenny,

    The funnest thing I have ever seen is a video of my nephew when was three or four, singing Twinkle Twinkle little star and randomly changing the lyrics to PEE PEE!!!! with complete and total delight. (Also, bonus, he has an Australian accent.) Sadly, I cannot find that video, so instead I give you this, because I started laughing about it last week and it’s still damn funny:

    //s.imgur.com/min/embed.js

    And here’s a direct link to the image in case my fancy code doesn’t work: http://imgur.com/a/iKIki

    The dark places don’t last forever, you taught us that. We’re all standing with you here in the dark until the lights come back on.

    Claire

  101. Last week my husband picked me up from the airport. When I called him to tell him that the plane had landed so he could pick me up (we live really close to the airport), he said he had a present for me. It was my very own copy of You Are Here! Seriously made my day. Also, whenever I see strange taxidermied things, I think of you. I know I don’t know you personally, but I think you’re pretty awesome.

  102. ame src=”https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fdanielle.pelletier.980%2Fposts%2F10158663252210045&width=500″ width=”500″ height=”174″ style=”border:none;overflow:hidden” scrolling=”no” frameborder=”0″ allowTransparency=”true”>

    I don’t know if that will work – story about a beaver who was found on a major highway here, and everyone including a police officer stopped to help it

  104. I thought of you when I saw the raccoon/bubbles vid and wanted to send it to you… but then figured you’d get it a zillion times over.

    I had a Bloggess moment yesterday. Because one of my neighbors, who is young, but I think I’m at the point where most of them look young, came out of his rooms (I live in a motel, don’t judge) with a light shotgun, a bandoleer of shotgun shells over his shoulder, and a huge bandage over one eye. And my first thought, which came out of my mouth of course, was… “that combination does NOT inspire confidence”.

    And then all I could think of was… “you’ll shoot your eye out, kid” from A Christmas Story, but I couldn’t remember the name of the movie … so I was bumping my head against the wall, trying to remember. Because here is this kid, toting a shotgun…. with an eye bandage and I was trying so hard not to giggle hysterically inappropriately because all I could think of was “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid,” and then I couldn’t explain why it was not inappropriate, and thus I was the Bloggess, thumping my head against the wall of the laundry room, and then realized there was a spiderweb of dead gnats about an inch from my head, so there was even spider-taxidermied bodies involved, and that’s when my landlord came around the corner who fortunately remembered the name of the movie and saved me from further brain damage.

    I have fibromyalgia. On my best days, I am not well. I debated telling you this story. Then decided.. better not. Then you asked for stories. So, there, you have it. You asked for it. I am now going to slink back into my own little hidey-hellhole.

    Oh, and lizards are very good at playing dead. My cat Nox is a Lizard Huntress, while walking me on her leash. She is my Emotional Support Cat and her job is to get me out on a walk every day. During this walk, she hunts for lizards. And does a good job, considering she is on a four foot leash and dragging a six-foot tall human behind her. But she is filled with Great Woe when, after she catches them, they no longer want to play with her. She pats them and carries them around, doing her triumphant although vaguely muffled) Huntress Yowl, but they insist on laying motionless. Defective lizards. Until Momma picks them up and puts them back where Noxie caught them. Then they race away, to be caught another day. Seriously, she catches them two or three times. We recognize them because they have no tails. Recycled lizards.

  105. I always watch the Monty Python Blue Parrot sketch. Cheers me right up when he starts smacking that dead parrot on the counter.

  107. I don’t have a funny video, but I can tell you my biggest secret.

    I’m moving to Colorado in about a year. Only a tiny handful of people know, none of my family! I can’t tell people because it’s not officially official yet. I’m terrified and bouncingly happy at the same time.
    I mean, I get to leave this horrible place I live to move to a beautiful, welcoming place! But I won’t have friends, and I have to find new doctors, and a job(I’ve been working the same job for a couple of decades) I don’t know how to find any of these things! But… YAY!

  108. Here’s another one. I first saw it on the bus on the way home from a bad day at work, and I think the person next to me thought I was having a seizure, because I was trying not to laugh out loud.
    https://youtu.be/QvXJxnMPHFw

  110. Actual conversation I overheard at work today:
    Guy: I think I’m going to get a pizza for lunch.
    Woman: What? That’s not fair. I’m on a diet. That’s just mean, like smoking crack in front of me. I love pizza!
    Different woman: And crack, apparently.

    PS: Autocorrect wanted to change “crack” to “Craig,” which is my husband’s name.

  111. I flew out of province for a big job interview last month, and on the plane decided to reread Furiously Happy during the trip. Yoou were the perfect company for two days of really intense interviews and discernment of a big life change. I was offered the job and accepted! And now when I’m overwhelmed by the transitions, I colour a page in You Are Here. Thank you. Your books are really transformative.

  112. Look up Canopy Cat Rescue on FB. They are arborists in the Seattle area that rescue treed cats for free. There are about a million videos on their page, and they are all great! What a great couple of guys.

  114. Was in my bed with my dog “Oz man” beside me. My daughter comes into my room and says ” Mommy can you please keep it down I need to meditate and do my yoga.” I was reading. She is 6.

  115. So my email comes from the fact that I am the quintessential crazy cat lady. My mom had just had heart surgery and was down in the dumps. I had just gotten a kitten and named him Xander Littlebat. So I created an email for him and would write crazy shit from him to himz gwammieez daily. This cat is a major asshole who knocks over your drink if you don’t give him your food. So he would send mom emails in the ‘i can haz cheeboogerz’ style, which I often had to translate. My mom got a lot of laughter out of this and still adores her grandkitty, the lovable asshole Xander Littlebat.

  119. You’re totally not alone. I’m currently festering in anxiety. But today my dog crop dusted us and apparently my kids and I are way amused by our sneaky farting dog. Also, my physical therapist showed me a video of a pizza made of tacos and that was pretty amazing. (Here it is: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thrillist.com/amphtml/eat/new-york/taco-tuesday-pizza-tony-boloneys-hoboken-nj <– that link looks funny but you could also google “thrillist taco pizza” which is what I did). Anyway, I’m pretty awestruck by that pizza. For a moment all was right in the world.

  124. Here’s something only an 11 yr old would think of: I’m a teacher and had given my kids a lesson on dehydration and heat stroke as part of my ‘Weather will kick your ass and kill you’ unit. As part of my review, I asked the class what the first symptoms of dehydration are. A kid raised his hand and in the bored tone that only a genius 6th grader can achieve says with a completely straight face, “diarrhea” because we all shit our pants when we’re out of fluids. It makes leaving the house in the summer a real bitch. I started laughing and called on another kid, who replied in the same serious, bored tone, that no, actually the first symptom was vomiting. Between the shit and the puke, just ordering a drink in the summer is a Herculean task with major clean up. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants.

  126. On Netflix, the show “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” is a musical dramedy masterpiece that treats mental illness both honestly and humorously. If you want just a sample first, look up the videos on YouTube for the songs “oh my god I think i like you” and “feeling kinda naughty tonight.”

  131. First off try Mrs. Browns Boys on YouTube. It’s a British show that never fails to make me laugh. Second I work retail and people are just nuts lately. Everydays a new crazy.

  133. Look up Cartel the Otter on Instagram 💚 He’s a baby otter that lives with people, and he’s so cute.

  134. I wish I could figure out how to share my 30 second clip of me playing Stand by Me on my ukulele. You would love it. I’ve been playing for a week now, and I highly suggest you get yourself a uke.

  135. You need to watch the show “Trial and Error”. It’s on NBC on Tuesday nights I believe. But you gotta watch all of the episodes from the beginning. You will laugh your ass off.

  138. My god, Bloggess people are the best people! There’s gold in these replys!!

  139. I made a bunch of anti-Trump signs and hung them on my front gate to piss off my conservative busy body neighbors! I also yarn bombed a bunch of trees in my front yard. That’s all I got! I’m a bit of a wreck myself

  141. Check out the videos of Fiona, the baby hippo at the Cincinnati Zoo. She was born way premature, but is growing like crazy and is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. So, combo of cute, funny, and just a really heartwarming story. The zoo’s Facebook page has oodles of Fiona stuff.

  144. I know you’re not here, but I’m on vacation in Mexico and a little while ago I was sitting outside enjoying the breeze and then all the sudden the sky over the ocean lit up as the full moon rose from the clouds. There’s still some magic and beauty out there.

  145. Well today I got out of bed and made a fruit salad and a broccoli salad. It was a huge deal because I have been titrating off medication and actually riding the crazy bus (with helmet) for 3 weeks. Tomorrow I hope I can get out of bed again.

  149. It helped that I colored today from your book. And I gave myself a generous food treat, Texas Hummus with corn chops. (which is bean dip and fritos for those not from Texas.) We all will get through this.

  152. If you haven’t seen it yet, this lady is living her best life and it made me happy. https://twitter.com/AJEnglish/status/852170714375376896

    Also, if you haven’t already had it recommended at you a bajillion times, there is a lovely place in Illinois called Kitten Academy (website is http://kitten.academy because now the internet doesn’t need dot-anythings after URLs and honestly technology is kind of weird) runs a 24/7 livestream of tiny little kittens they are fostering for adoption. The current ones are named after fish, and they are delightfully fluffy.

  153. So sorry to hear you are blue. Please know you’re not alone in this. For a smile, search “Baby monkey riding on a pig” on YouTube. It’s one of my faves.

  154. How about ducks? I know it’s been shitty lately but I have this wild pet duck that comes to my house each year and basically harasses me for food but she’s getting tamer every year and the kids and named her Gracie. So here she is quacking, not at me to bring her food (because she already did and I already fed her) but quacking at her buddy “Bill” to come and eat because now the smorgasbord is out.

  156. Something happy and something funny. I’m an ass-broke single mom. I am disabled and work from home. My car broke down with a major electrical problem that is hella expensive to fix. She also had other issues that were about to become major. Friends from high school I haven’t seen in 20+ years gave me the money for a down payment on a new car. I got a used electric vehicle so I never have to have another oil change or buy gas again. It is also big enough to accommodate my portable mobility scooter. That’s the happy.

    The funny is I went out and poked around in the car and opened the bag where the charging cables are stored. There, I found a stash of about 20 porn DVDs. I was just imagining the previous owner, or maybe the owner’s son, coming home one day to hear wife/mom say, “BTW, I traded in the Leaf today. I got a great deal. Wait, why are you crying? I thought you’d be happy…” LOL

  157. My (almost) two year old niece figured out how to take her pants off, which she seems to think is hot shit and totally means she gets a big girl now. Except she can’t quite get her ankles out, so she waddle-runs until someone catches up to her. When you’re in need of a dose of happy, just imagine an adorable (albeit very, very farty) little girl squealing with one pair of baby leggings on her head (I call ’em her bunny ears) and another pair scrunched up around her little ankles. Imagine her falling, which happens a lot b/c duh she’s two, and laughing because she’s a little ham.

    Remember the terrible twos, and rejoice in knowing you’ll never have to drag Hailey kicking and screaming through them again. This is a victory. Also, like, three hella selling books and a lengthy functional(ly strange) marriage are pretty cool, too.

  158. https://youtu.be/eQRwFn7WPk8
    A bit early for this one but every time I see this video it makes me laugh. Personally, I’ve never tasted a sweet potato pie. I don’t like pumpkin pie but maybe this year I’ll finally try one.

  160. If only we were cold blooded like lizards. When it gets cooler we can sleep and sleep and sleep and then when it warms up we can spring to attention, be alive and be fun.

  162. I have some happy news. I wasn’t looking for a job quite yet with one more semester of grad school, but a perfect opportunity arose, I applied, and I got the job. Besides being the perfect job for me and part time (which is what I need), now I don’t have to stress in my final semester thinking about a job search.

  163. I just finished my 8th novella. Sure, nobody reads my shit, but at least I’m doing something. That’s what I tell myself. I may be a poor, starving author, but I’m an author, dammit.

  164. My piece of happy to share with you is that next month I start a Master’s Degree program in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I’ve been an accountant for 30 years. My own anxiety/depression healing journey -always ongoing, of course- and your writings and work are two of my bigger inspirations for making the leap. I quote your books frequently to my therapist. We are a lovely group, aren’t we? Honored to be in everyone’s company here.

  165. *gets to be a big girl. Not a big girl. We’re not getting her a big sister. Idk how we would even do that. Black market? Seems sketchy as fuck, let’s not do that.

  167. First things first: All of the seasons of Animaniacs is on netflix. I would put a clip up but I can’t pick! That show is happy making.
    Second, I feel you everything is nuts and sleeping until it isn’t sounds nice but then your dreams would start to play reruns and who needs that?
    You are not alone!

  169. i am not alone! Sorry had to shout couldn’t hear myself over the mean voices in my head. I was doing really good to a good while, but the last couple months have been tough. Harder to block out the bad vibes. I love reading your blog. I am sorry that thing are rough your way too. But I do find comfort in not being alone. Is that ok?

  171. First, did you look at the background of the video? The shirtless guy reflected in the back right hand side mirror who is filming it? I was totally confused at first as to why he was there and what he was doing. Then, I think, those raccoons are on a bed, chasing bubbles, by the people who care for them – how awesome is that? Really, it was just the most awesome happy little thing ever.

    Second, I only know ONE joke, but here it is (copied from the internet): An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when–all of a sudden–a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
    “Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really rich.”

    *** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

    “And, gee, I guess I wouldn`t mind being a young, beautiful princess.”

    *** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.

    “Your third wish?” asks the fairy godmother.

    Just then the old woman`s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

    “Ooh–can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asks.

    *** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.

    She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:

    “Bet you`re sorry you had me neutered.”

    Finally, watch MASH, it makes me laugh and cry and think, but not.

    Hang in there – Mercury will have to move soon…perhaps it’s mad because people are thinking of it as a backup planet. I am sure it wants to be thought of as something more than just a second choice. It’s self-empowered and it’s not going to take it any more…alright, not really my point…feel better!

  175. My daughter’s service dog is really binding with her and already helping her. It’s amazing and wonderful.

  179. Grace & Frankie, Season 3, vibrator focus group scene. Single funniest thing I have seen in forever….I’m glad you are here….

  181. This was awesome – because right now, I feel like my insides have been scraped out. Raw, hollow, and fragile. I know a lot of it is the sense of Impending Doom coming from D.C., but that’s not all of it. I’m just trying to focus on who and what I can touch, because I can’t fix everything, but I can maybe fix one thing.

  182. I started watching Imaginary Mary on ABC last week, and I find it hilarious. It’s about a woman whose imaginary friend from childhood came back when she’s starting to get serious about this guy she’s dating.

    Also, the latest episode of Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me on NPR had me laughing so hard last night, that I almost couldn’t drive home. I definitely recommend giving it a listen.

  183. My friend posted this today about her 5-year-old son, Martin Everitt:

    “Picked up ME from school today and while walking out of his room I read in his daily report that the class frog died unexpectedly. Seems there was a burial and everything. I immediately said, ‘Oh no! What happened to the frog???’ Martin Everitt said in THE most serious tone, ‘Well, Mom…he perished.'”

    I just hope they poked the frog a bit before burying him. Because a vengeful zombie frog would be scary. Perish the thought.

  185. I have been feeling the same honestly, shit has just been hitting the fan and I’m trying to smile while the ship is sinking.

  186. Well, a friend told me she’d cover the rest if I don’t raise enough on my campaign (https://www.gofundme.com/mikesartadventure) to get to Venice to study two weeks of art-making with people like The Jealous Curator. My wife, who suffers anxiety and depression is even okay with me going. Now I hope I can raise the rest of the funds because I don’t want to mooch off a friend. Wait, that’s messed up, isn’t it.

    Oh well, here’s hoping you feel better soon. Yeah, the moon is an asshole, and probably a zombie too. You’ve got a zombizard in your house!.

  187. When I was scooping oatmeal into bowls while holding a plate (we were using it for a spoon rest), I dished oatmeal onto the plate. When I told a friend about this, she said, “It must be something in the air–my husband poured coffee into his cereal this morning.” I forgot to ask if he ate it anyway. 🙂

  188. This song makes me laugh. I love the original, but this version is my jam. Also, I’m not allowed to say “my jam” because blah da blah da something about you can’t be a person who says “my jam” and also a person who uses the word “fellow” unironically.

    Whatever. I think I can still say that.

    https://youtu.be/rHvmgPpKq6Y

  195. The song Ici et Maintenant (here & now) by Yelle makes me feel better. It’s all in French but it’s all abut making the most of the those moments when you feel ok, before your mental illness makes you feel everything is awful again. I is boumcy nd has a food music video

  196. The story of The Lizard That Wouldn’t Die

    When my sister and I were kids, we had a pair of anoles as pets, Izzy and Sara. They lived for the typical 3ish years, and then Sara moved on to the next life, and we buried her in the back yard. Thinking Izzy would soon follow, we got another pair, Polly and Molly.

    The three of them lived quite comfortably together for a few years, until eventually, somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 years later, Molly died, followed not long after by Polly. By this point, Izzy was almost certainly deaf, and he wasn’t able to catch crickets anymore; we switched him to a slower diet of mealworms, with a few wax worms thrown in as a treat. How he was still alive, at double the usual lifespan, we weren’t quite sure.

    A few months went by, and one day I came downstairs to find Izzy, yellow (not a healthy color, he was usually green or brown) and motionless on the floor of his tank, rather than on the heater or one of the branches. Fearing his time had finally come, I reached in and tentatively poked him, then nudged him with my finger. His skin felt papery, and his body was stiff. I decided to deal with this after breakfast, so I closed the screen on top out of habit and went into the kitchen.

    After breakfast, I came back. Imagine my surprise to see one very happy, very green, anole clinging to the side of the glass heater! He seemed completely normal, and gave no signs of having been dead a half hour before.

    Izzy did this two more times over the next few months. When he finally did die, at the ridiculous age of somewhere near 7, I left him in the tank for several days before I actually believed him. By that point it was winter, and the backyard was frozen solid. So we carefully wrapped him in a plastic bag and stuck him in the back of the freezer, to be buried in spring. A year and a half later.

    I thought you’d be amused by my very unusual anole. We’ve had a bunch of different pets over the years, but I’ll always have fond memories of Izzy, The Lizard That Wouldn’t Die.

  198. The show The Goldbergs always makes me laugh. That and Psych are my go-to shows when I’m feeling down.

  199. I am taking care of little baby kittens whose kitty mom couldn’t take care of then anymore. They are going to be five weeks old on Saturday. Not only have I not killed them, but they are thriving. I got them at three weeks old.

  200. I watch Elf. It may sound silly, but it just grounds me in a happy place.

  203. Interesting that you illustrated your mind with the screaming gif. Whenever I close my eyes and look inside myself, it’s like all I can “hear” is this awful wailing kind of sobbing. The messy kind of wailing – snot and tears and hoarse vocals. It’s kinda weird.

  206. Go RIGHT NOW to when you work at a museum. Every spring they host a dance off. Museum staff dancing. Music videos from all over the world from inside museums. People dancing like no one is watching but hundreds are.

  211. My Happy for today: It’s National Library Week, and a library that’s about a two hour drive away from me somehow convinced one of my favorite authors to come in, give a talk, answer questions, and sign some books. I’m still grinning after having spent the evening with Christopher Moore! That’s a Happy that’ll last for weeks.

  212. Go RIGHT NOW to when you work at a museum. Every spring they host a dance off. Museum staff dancing. Music videos from all over the world from inside museums. People dancing like no one is watching but hundreds are.

  213. My 10 year old came to me tonight, pulled his pants down, bent over and said “I need you to check my butt crack…i think I have hemorrhoids.” So hard to keep a straight face!

  214. I’m kinda brain-funky too. Nothing amazing to say except that I love you in a totally non-stalker way! Feel better soon. Those cats are totally broken.

  216. Hands down (or paws) you have the BEST DAMN NAMES for your animals EVER. Does Hailey get the reference, and if so she clearly has your sense of humor because I feel as though Victor insert italics may roll his eyes at this . As for funny, watch https://youtu.be/Hm3JodBR-vs also known as “Neature Walk”. Never fails to make me giggle! My 14 year old son died from suicide..it will be one year on April 19th. My everything is broken too, but his sense of humor was so grand, that “that’s pretty neat” is being unscripted in his headstone and is on the bracelets we wear in his honor. Sending you love and light from the dark side…

  218. Totally not just you. It’s been a crappy month.

    When it’s really bad, I enjoy this series of videos:

  219. I literally sent the same exact Dwight Schrute gif to my sister this week. And today I had to take my first mental health day – ever. I just literally could not go to work. I felt like i was on the verge of a breakdown or a panic attack or something. Thankfully after a lot of sleep and talking it out I feel a bit better. As for what can bring us out of this funk – how about some Shitty Flute videos? Or animal cuddles? Barbershop quartet versions of rap songs are a good laugh as well. Hang in there, sweetie.

  220. So sorry your brain is broken right now and that everyone is fucking nuts. Because I love you and want you to feel better, I have an offering of humour for you, and since everyone probably has the animal thing covered – I present to you, Amy Schumer. This clip of her on Ellen is hilarious, and I laugh hysterically every time I watch it. And if it makes you feel better, I tell people that I think you are funnier than her. Watch and enjoy. And feel better. And know you are loved. And that things are going to get better. And that you are way smarter than the first person who commented on that raccoon video.

  222. Not crazy – it really is fucked up out there right now. And the good news? My tiny Serama rooster who lives on my left shoulder because he thinks he is a pirate’s parrot I guess LOVES the stupid cats. He made me play it three times crowing and dancing around. Either that or he has truly execrable musical taste. I do not know. His name is Rowan and he says hang in there! Well, I kind of made that up, but I’m sure he would say that. <3

  224. I just saw a video on Facebook where a red panda freaks out over a rock. Do a search and check it out. Everything’s feeling a little nuts.

  225. I’m glad to hear the lizard didn’t bite you and turn you into a lizard zombie.

  227. I think you just invented ZOMBIE GODZILLA. Patent that and start writing the screenplay!

  230. I was going to try to come up with some sort of horror movie pitch for Lizzombie, but mostly I think that sounds like the name of a call center employee in Hell. Like, “Hi, I’m Lizzombie, how can I relentlessly upsell you while refusing to answer your question today?”

  232. I bought these Doc Martens two years ago and I love them. They are finally broken in but it took a while. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/236790892884615102/

    I bought hot pink Doc Martens in January and they were sooo much easier to break in. They were like butter from day one. http://www.shoebuy.com/dr-martens-pascal-8-eye-boot/419450/1662870

    I decided I needed purple Doc’s today and I found these: http://www.drmartens.com/us/p/21846505

    I don’t watch Adventure Time but evidently the boots I bought represent a fat, lumpy, mouthy bitch that doesn’t put up with shit from anyone. They also look like they are going to be soft out of the box so I will be good to go.

    PS I am a Nana in my mid-50’s with silver hair down past my ass. I am going to get my first tattoo soon, that will be drawn by my 15 year old granddaughter. It is going to be in a circle pattern. The words will be…. nevertheless………….she persisted and there will be a semicolon butterfly in the center. The font and butterfly will be my granddaughter’s art.

    And…. I am thinking of having my hair dyed in metallic holographic colors.

    There has to be something there that makes you smile because the thought of all that is all that gets me through the day sometimes.

  235. Try Bored Panda . Today they had the best (worst??) Grammar and spelling post and texts. As a writer, you will find they make laugh and shake your head. And pray those people don’t procreate.

  237. I’ve got nothing funny, because I’m fucking broken at the moment, but I am with you and you are awesome and we will all get through this.

  238. My happy thing is my son is alive. He tried to commit suicide when he was 14 and went through drug addiction and is fighting depression. And now he alive and mostly happy. Of course he has good and bad days but he is still here. And he is so amazing and I am stunned how he fights every day to have a life. Thank you for helping me understand depression better so I can be there for him. Keep fighting the good fight!

  239. Aw, hon, sorry to hear it! I’m there too, or maybe somewhere similar, in Effexor Withdrawal Hell. I can’t call my therapist for comfort; poor thing, she’s still traumatized after misunderstanding a text of mine yesterday and ending up sending the police to my house. And you probably know already that no friend really needs a phone call that says, hey I was thinking of tightening that belt around my neck and finding a place to hang it from, but I’m not sure I should do that. After all, 1) my husband got that belt when we were in China, so it’s pretty new, but I think using it that way would just ruin in for him; 2) also in between wanting to do something very, very bad for myself, I’m still wondering if I’ll have the energy tomorrow to plant the lettuce and the kale.

    It’s way crazier to be crazy than I ever would have imagined.

    I won’t do anything–after all, I already spent $7.50 on those plant starts, and I hate to waste money (see also: Chinese belt). So don’t you either. We’ll ride it out together. If you’d like to drink gin and eat popcorn, come on over. Or tea and crumpets. Your choice.

    Take good care.

  242. Keep fighting the good fight. I am not depressed right now, which makes me happy, but I had a total knee replacement nine days ago, so between the pain from that, the pain from my painful illnesses, and the medication for all of this…I am kind of just hanging in there. I am just getting up everyday and trying to make the day the best I can, and be kind to others. It does feel like I am in a weird cloud of weirdness lately.

  244. Well, lizards come and lizards go– sounds like you do have a zombie lizard on your hands. Anyway, how awesome!!A Zombie lizard–Wow, you rock!!!!!

  245. Recovery may not come when you ask for it but IT WILL COME.
    for a good laugh I recommend reddits funniest thing you ever said during sex stories.

  247. So, since you’re having a shitty day, this video that I ran into on Facebook earlier seems apropos. A stuffed unicorn that poops rainbows, a good-looking guy with a British accent and red velvet Renaissance slash and puff, something called a squatty-potty, and ice cream. Because everything’s better with ice cream, isn’t it?

    https://youtu.be/YbYWhdLO43Q

  252. Cats aren’t THAT much smarter than raccoons, sometimes dumber, so that person may have a valid point.

  253. I’ve been somewhat lucky in that I have puppy therapy right next door at my parents house. (Their dogs just had 5 puppies 3 weeks ago.) I go over daily, sometimes several times a day, for Puppy Fight Club (when they’re running about and playing for 15-20 minutes before collapsing into fuzzy little heaps and puppy snores), which is so freaking adorable I tend to melt into a huge puddle and forget about my many woes for a little while. https://www.facebook.com/Metzdarling/posts/10155282310882558?pnref=story

  254. I’ve decided that March and April are the most difficult months of the year for me. Perhaps you are feeling the remnants of a LONG and cruel winter season in this very slow thaw, like I am?
    I’d nothing else, “pudding” is a funny word to say. Sending love xo

  255. Would it help you feel better to know how much you’ve inspired me? I stumbled upon your book by accident one day when I was looking for an audiobook to listen to when I was making a life-changing move from Boston to Orlando a few years ago. I fell in love with it and have listened to it more times than I can count. I’m made countless people listen along to it when we’ve been on long road trips. When Furiously Happy came about I was just as crazy over it. It’s a good thing I have them on my iPod because a CD would have been worn out by now.

    So the inspiration? I have been working on my own memoir for years and it wasn’t until I had my hands on your books did I find the confidence to write about my own struggles. I had originally glossed over so many truths like my own depression, anxiety and even suicide attempts. But there you were, sharing these struggles, not looking for pity, but to get a conversation going. And then you inspired so many, helped so many. I love it.

    So I hope that puts a smile on your face because you never fail to put one on mine.

    And if that doesn’t work then I want to refer you to this blog post I wrote after you announced that your publisher was sending out the “You Are Here” tote bags: https://joshs-universe.com/2017/02/24/i-want-to-be-a-drunk-panda/

    Or one post that was hardest for me to write as it came after a particularly bad case of depression recently. It’s something I never would have had the courage to write if it wasn’t for you and I can’t thank you enough for that: https://joshs-universe.com/2017/03/22/depression-is-a-bitch-and-my-brain-wants-me-dead/

    So that’s that. I’m sorry this is so long! I didn’t mean for it to be but it’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m awake but tired and a little crazy all at the same time.

    Good night!!

  256. I realize I am suggesting a show that went off the air,MANY years ago. However, I just discovered it so it’s like a new one for me. I recently started watching My Name is Earl on Netflix. It is funny. Some of it hits home and some it just plain old funny. If you have 23 min to spare start with episode 1 and you will find a smile creep …or maybe even leap into your heart. It’s also like the steps in AS or NA or any of the As about making amends for those you so harm . Hmmmm maybe I should start a list too!!

  258. No, you are not crazy. At least by my count. My former coworker would testify to this, and he is absolutely certifiable. I just like ladies with weird tattoos and a good sense of self, and I think I may have found one.

  259. Watch David Tennant Doctor Who, or read or watch The Princess Bride. Plus I like faery coloring books- they help sometimes. Use Amazon Prime Now to stock up on emergency pudding. Remember you are deeply loved and appreciated. Shop for an ethically created taxidermied animal to add to your collection. Put clothes on the animals. Remember this will pass.

  260. I will share with you a story: Right now it is feijoa season here in New Zealand (you may know them as pineapple guava). That means that for a couple of weeks everyone with feijoa trees is all “OMGTOOMANYFEIJOASDOYOUWANTSOMEFEIJOAS?!” – I love feijoas, so I’m happily collecting bucketsful each day from my own little tree and eating some of the ones that turn up at the lunchroom at work and even taking in other people’s excess so I can freeze them for the other 350-odd days when there are none to be found… weirdest example of feijoa season for me though was finding some in my bike basket when I came out of work today. I can just imagine someone with a huge sack of feijoas playing the feijoa easter bunny around town, dropping them in bike baskets, letterboxes, unattended baggage…

  261. Yep today sucked!! It has to be the full moon. I am SO tired yet I can’t sleep!! My 3 year daughter just hopped into bed with me though which is nice. She smells like chocolate and berries for some reason so I have been smelling her for the last 5 minutes, almost sniffing like a dog all over her body. I am trying to figure out why she smells like that! To anyone else watching me I am sure I look like a total weirdo. Thank goodness I am in my own bed. Here’s hoping tomorrow is a better day.

  262. Pingback: Please force me to be less terrible. – Montien Wine

  263. I know how you feel. However, I recently found out that during off seasons the hot springs in Japan often let capybaras in there. AND THERE ARE VIDEOS OF IT!

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BOrwTkUlqji/

    Literally, those capybaras chilling in water listening to Patsy Cline is the thing that’s got me through this week. Well, that and Igor (a cat). He sabotages my work by sleeping cutely next to me.

    Love.
    <3

  264. I feel ya! Never have I swore and cried so much as an adult until I had a kid. It’s not you, it’s them! Don’t fight the mood, embrace it and be a grumpy cow, get it out.
    Surf through Buzzfeed – https://www.buzzfeed.com/lol You’re sure to find something to make you crack a grin at least, if not then theres always this – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsvyjePPFRs
    Not everyone laughs at this, even just thinking about it makes me giggle!
    Hope you cheer up x

  267. Watch tv series Seinfeld. One episode after the other. Watch the entiiiiirrre series. And then watch it again.

  268. Here’a a video of a red panda (which I swear is the cutest thing ever) being incredibly afraid of a rock (which is also cute. Not the rock, but his reaction).

  269. When I was putting up my groceries, and felt guilty about my huge cart full while people walked up behind me with one gallon milk or something from the salad bar so they felt the need to loudly sigh and walk off, the cashier and I were discussing not having much hair and a guy walked up while my back was turned putting a bag in my cart. Cashier freaked out, only a little. I looked and he had a female toddler bearded dragon on his arm. SQUEAL!! Can i pet??? He let me pet her and told us her name was Delores. So we talked about lizards the rest of the time and the cashier got brave and pet her. Delores’ eyes would close every time you touched her head. So adorable!! The people behind him were wigged out!! Of course, one of them was an amateur grocery shopper that causes cart rage. A story for another time…

  270. Hey just wanted to let you know I think your fucking amazing and it gets better. That thought alone should make you happy. Embrace the crazy and run with it for it’s only when we stop fighting ourselves and get out of our heads that we truly start living. Love the wild woman that you are for you are truly an inspiration to us all 🙂 I hope you have a great day xxx

  271. Sorry I don’t have one, feeling just like you and no “dead” lizards to help me…it is the moon…I know it, but its over now, so why doesn’t it go away…

  272. :a suggestion for a book or show that makes you laugh:

    Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty! RICK AND MORTY!

    Funniest show on tv right now, by a million miles.

  273. I’m struggling so much these days. I’m exhausted for no “real” reason. I could use a few days off at work but we are super short now and everything is so stressful and it’s so much harder to handle. Im about to run out of blog posts even though I was a month ahead like a month ago. I love this video it makes me laugh plus it gives me things to focus on to help make me feel better. Much love to all who are struggling. It’s nice to know you’re not alone though I wish I felt comfortable enough to reach out to people I know. https://youtu.be/fLJsdqxnZb0

  274. This always does it for me!

    Also, remember we love you, just as you are <3

  275. The other day, my family was heading down the road and saw a sign. When I read I the sign I got really excited! “Hey! Somebody started a Norse Camp! How cool is that? I wonder if they admit adults?”

    My daughter (age 23) got excited. “I wonder if they need camp counselors… I’d have to find one of those cool outfits like the women wear in Vikings. Do you think they use real swords?”

    “I dunno. Probably just wooden swords, but it would be fun to learn how to move like that. What other activities would they have?”

    My husband, who is clearly NOT the fun one in our clan, looked at us like we were nuts as we continued to ponder the concept of Norse Camp. Finally, he grumped, “It said ‘Horse Camp. HORSE!”

    Killjoy!

  276. “my head is a pile of broken right now” Me too. I’ve been reading Lillian Boxfish Takes a Walk, and it’s cheering me up because she is pretty fierce and has crazy adventures even though her brain is sometimes broken also. xoxo

  283. okay so full disclosure I played the raccoon thing strictly because my 3 year old was sitting beside me and she said, oh the cats are playing with bubbles on someone’s bed. So, maybe there’s a 3 year old that can type really well making comments?

  284. I’ll also add this, because I never knew they got to eat the cotton candy in the end! so happy for them

  285. I hope the lunar cycle had something to do with my feeling broken yesterday as well. It helps to know that others feel it, and I can’t just get out of bed to experience the good weather when I feel as if all attempts at keeping myself busy are just pointless ways to wait around for impending death. I was even further depressed that I recently finished watching Downton Abbey, which is a good escape into another world for a while. For something ridiculously funny, if you like dry humor, try Documentary Now! it’s a series on Netflix with Fred Armisen, and it’s brilliant! I hope today is a better day for both of us.

  290. If you don’t watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend but plan to, be warned that this video is a little spoiler-y. However, it never ever fails to make me laugh. (Oh, and you should know that this all takes place in Rebecca’s head; these dudes aren’t actually singing this to her.) https://youtu.be/ilztSh5Cr2E

  292. OK between the bubble racoons and the hamster wheel fail videos, I have been laughing so hard I needed to use my rescue inhaler. I guess I’m going to have to put the others off until later!

    Seriously, Jenny, when I need to laugh I go back to your books. I re-read the first two on a plane trip recently and kept waking up the person trying to sleep next to me…trying not to laugh too loudly which just made me make that funny noise that happens when you try too hard not to laugh but there are tears streaming down your face at the same time. I guess that won’t work for you unless you can somehow put yourself into a mental state that it’s like reading someone else’s writing but I suspect that would cause more problems than it would solve.

  293. I have really been struggling the last few weeks. I feel like hell, physically and emotionally. My cancer med has given me a two-week long headache, I have excema that won’t go away, and I’m just depressed as fuck. It’s usually February and March that do me in, and I was really hoping that April and warmer weather would make things better, but it hasn’t and I’m not sure what to do now.

  297. I have been really anxious lately thank to my psychiatrist putting me on abilify. I’m not super depressed not just hella anxious. The thing that has helped me focus the most is You Are Here. I don’t know what I would do without that book right now. So when are you going to publish anotherone?m

  298. I didn’t even have to watch the video to laugh my freaking ass off. The comment about the cats being stupid is killing me!

  299. Show that will make you laugh out loud – Schitt’s Creek. it’s on netflix and I CANNOT get enough.

  301. I watch this when things are bad. It’s not cute animals, but it makes me laugh every time.

  306. All summer I’d come home from work and hid in my living room, watching Supernatural. Beautiful bright summer days and I’d be inside in the dark until I had to go somewhere. It was all I wanted to do in my downtime. Things are a bit better now, more productive at least. Give yourself a break, focus on doing a few small good things. Drink water, eat relatively healthy, and don’t mentally beat yourself up if that’s all your up for, for now. The tides will turn.

  307. I wrote a silly short story for kids involving flying rhinoceroses and magical websites. It has made a few people smile and one even laughed (score!). I can’t post it here because then it will be considered ‘published’ and I’d like to see if someone might actually publish it, but I could email it to you and maybe you might smile, or even laugh, or I don’t know, maybe that’s stupid. But if you want, let me know, no harm done. Hugs!

  312. Two great shows:
    IT Crowd is a fantastic British show. Absolutely hilarious, it follows a woman who knows nothing about IT and is hired to be the manager. Ridiculous sitcom in the most British of ways.

    I just learned about Speechless. It is about a family who has a boy with severe Cerebral Palsy and has to use a speech board to communicate. It’s a great portrayal of a family with a son that has a disability and brings in some great humor.

  315. THIS THREAD IS PURE GOLD. Hugs for all who cannot see their way out of the darkness at the moment; you are not alone.

  316. Elementary school librarian here. I’ve started keeping a quote book at my desk of things students say just for days like this. A couple of my favorites:
    Our district uses iPads. A 4th grade student created a new contact on their iPad called “Blow it out your ass dip shit” and, because all the iPads in the classroom use the same apple ID, that contact is now in the contact list for the entire class.

    Wore a new sweater to work. 5th grade girl looks at me and says, in a very excited voice, “Look! Ms. B’s bringing ugly sweaters back!”
    promptly goes home and burns sweater

  317. That raccoon is how I feel when I see bubbles. I now need a raccoon. Also, is that person living in NYC b/c the bedroom is in the kitchen?

    Feel better.

  320. I don’t know if this will make you happy but it makes me happy and I’m hoping to spread some happiness.

    I’ve been pretty much a failure at life for.. well, my whole life. (No that’s not true. Since like 7th grade.) But over the past year I’ve been living more instead of hiding and it’s encouraged me to make a Before-I-Turn-30-Bucket-List (which is next March) so I’m going all sorts of crazy trying to accomplish everything from reading a classic novel I haven’t read yet to skydiving within the next year and I’m writing all about it. I’ve only just started but I’ve knocked out a few things. If you want to follow along you can click on my latest post. If you want to join that’s totally cool, too. I like company.

    Also meeting you would have been on my list but it technically happened before I turned 29 and I’m trying to accomplish this whole list in a year so when I say “Meet Favorite Author” I mean “Meet ONE OF My Favorite Authors” because I already met you.

    Also also this may seem selfish and self-promoting but I don’t mean it that way. I get encouraged when other people who struggle turn their lives around (even if only for a day) and find some excitement and happiness so that’s all I’m trying to share.

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  327. It’s like that episode of Friends when they poke ugly naked guy with the long stick.

  328. ZOMG- this made my morning! I’m with you- I feel like I want to go into that deep-lizard-sleep but if someone starts poking me, I might throat punch them. Love you!

  331. You’re not alone! Everyone has been affected by this – even my horses and my dog…
    For entertainment, google “cats in box taped to floor” then get out a roll of tape and start playing with your cats.

  333. A friend just told me that a therapist told her to get her daughter a “therapy lizard.” What?! I get dogs, cats, etc. But I’ve never thought of lizards being particularly comforting . . . you’ll have to ask Hailey:).

  334. Fun writer moments expressed in GIFS. Because writers need to VENT and CELEBRATE and all the crazy stuff in between.

    http://www.kboards.com/index.php?topic=166882.0

    And you sound like you have post-publishing depression. I’ve written five indie books and every time I release one I want to hurl myself off a cliff. All the time and effort I spend thrashing towards my publishing goal is exciting and when I finally make it I can’t handle the lack of stress.

    Hang in there!

  336. Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis. The only book that makes me laugh out loud every time I read it. Animal House, all of the movie all of the time. Talledega Nights, the “Dear Baby Jesus” improv during the end credits.

    And this, courtesy of my daughter in the middle of the night when she was 4: “Mom, I need a drink of water.” “Honey, you had to walk by the bathroom to come into my room, why didn’t you just get your water?” “I can’t go in there by myself. Sometimes I’m startled by towels.” Aren’t we all…

  338. The person who works at NASA and is in charge of air handling for the International Space Station is technically in charge of farts in a can. Among other things. But also farts!

  339. Argh, not much help here, I’m feeling really really stabby today. But there’s a meme of a finger touching a tiny bat that says “Stop touching me!! I am the night!!” that always makes me smile.

  341. I think lunacy is the only safe place available right now to those of us who are usually counted among the “sane” (whatever that means). But your lunacy is much better than most people’s lunacy, Jenny, so you do a great service in sharing it with us.

  342. Did I tag you with this video? If I did I’m glad it helped. If not. Never mind. I also enjoy racoons and bubbles. Who knew we’d bond so? 🙂

  343. You know that peeking Jesus meme? I started making it look like Jesus was holding random shit to amuse my friends. Then I built him an outstretched hand so I could more easily make him hold random shit. Then it became a staple in so many facebook conversations, so I recently made him a page: https://www.facebook.com/GenerousPeekabooJesus/ And part of the hilarity is I’ll be having a private conversation with friends where it makes sense for Jesus to be holding a thing and then I share the pic on the page completely without context. It’s made of “you had to be there” jokes but then inherently funny on its own in a freaky way. Also this Jesus is a bit naive and daft, but well-meaning, so he offers a lot of adult-level stuff (like really so much alcohol), so be forewarned…sometimes it’s yarn and Sharpie markers, other times it’s a ball gag. There’s no point to any of it other than giving no fucks.

  352. “Blissfully Unaware Woman Takes Her Therapy Dog to Furry Con, Is Shocked There Aren’t Any Other Pets Around” — it’s up on cheezburger.com and a few other places. She may have been blissfully unaware, but she handled it like a champ. I know, I was at the convention too.

  353. Whenever I need to feel better, I always listen to “Come Go With Me” by The Del Vikings. The Beach Boys version isn’t as effective. No matter what, my mood is always slightly improved.

  355. Oof. Me too. Is this a thing, like for real? Or just a terrible coincidence? I feel comforted that so many other people feel like they’re losing their shit, but then I start to feel terrible that I’m comforted by others’ discomfort and that makes me feel more terrible and then if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch kitten videos on Instagram until my eyes bleed.

  358. I was told I have the gift of mercy, but I cannot help laughing and WEEPING at this video of outtakes from a car dealership commercial with mascots who clearly shouldn’t be on an ice skating rink. That poor polar bear gets all my feels, but that sashaying gopher does it to me each and every time. https://www.someecards.com/entertainment/tv/car-dealership-commercial-outtakes-bear-fall/ has the video, complete with poor White Bear face plant. Don’t fear, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or4OvWXX5bY has more info with the owner of the car dealership and how the mascot is doing.
    Jen, hope you are feeling 100% again soon. 🙂

  360. I’m happy to know I’m not the only one with a pile of broken head. My brain feels like cotton candy that was licked all over by a small child with a runny nose, but then the kid eats it anyway.

  363. At first, before I hit play, I thought that they were your raccoons in the video, and I wondered how your dead raccoons could play with bubbles, but then I was delighted to see live raccoons and their cuteness.

    I have a cute kid story: My almost three year old has recently taken to eating the kisses we blow her, as in she will open her mouth and then chomp down when she sees us blowing kisses to her. The first time she did this, I asked her what was she doing and her response was “I eated it”. Then, naturally, I asked her what it tasted like, and she said “chicken nuggets”. Oh yah.

  364. I almost adopted a cat this weekend but ended up with a guitar instead. The person I was telling this story to said, “That’s a sad story!”, but it isn’t. I was at a cat rescue with a friend who was looking to adopt. I met a cat there that seemed to really connect to me. The volunteer said he hadn’t been as friendly to anyone else yet and she didn’t think he would be adopted right away so I decided to think on it (because I had not really been intending to get a cat). The next day I was unexpectedly gifted with a guitar and when I checked back with the cat rescue the cat had already been adopted. So it’s really a happy story because the cat got a home and I don’t have to clean a litter box. I’m also well on my way to making ‘crazy guitar lady’ a thing.

  365. A very wise woman once said, “DEPRESSION IS A LYING BITCH” I have also learned that depression is afraid of sunshine. It is spring time in Texas go see some bluebonnets. And remember that a lot of us will watch the light while you work out finding it again. We will keep track of it, you walk toward the warmness unless you smell bacon then stop you are walking to the stove. BUT you will have BACON! SO Score.

  367. I have recently started reading your blog and books and they are really amazing. Thank you for sharing your stories to help all those who are in similar situations. I received my copy of your latest book today and page 4 is just so inspirational.

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  369. Just remember you can make a WolfPack anything, anytime. I do this bit at work, just to freak out my staff. Yay!

  370. I’m sorry, Jennie. It’s Holy Week, and I’m Catholic, and also the only cantor at our church. Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil on Saturday night, Easter Sunday, then make Easter dinner. Aaaand collapse. And I think my boss of 20+ years hates me and is going to fire me for no good reason. BUT! Here’s this:

  371. Good news —> I’m under contract for my first home. Well they tell me it’s good news, my anxiety is telling my brain a completely different story.

  372. Lots of people already posted something. I’m hoping this one didn’t. I’m a huge supernatural fan and this video made me appreciate the actors even more 😀

  374. Had a shared Jenny Larson moment this afternoon with a new-ish co-worker. She came over to my desk and showed me that she was listening to Furiously Happy on audiobook. One of our other co-workers had told her I mentioned you to her, and so the first woman came over and recommended to me that I get the audiobook as well! I showed her my new You Are Here book, and emailed her a link to the Giant Metal Chicken blog post of yours.

    So, it’s totally been a collective Bloggess kind of day, in the best possible sense! Thank you! high five 😀

  376. I had jury duty last week. One of the other ladies in the jury assembly room was reading Furiously Happy. Instant new friend!

  377. Jenny – there is so much here, but I must add mine, and hope you’ve gotten this far down in the comments to see it…
    Because I’ve had bad days, just not this week, and I have learned that when you’re blue (black, dark, Ghandi-like-the-windy-down-a-spiral, whatever) it’s important to remember…
    YOU are NOT Britney Spears circa 2007.
    YOU are NOT being chased by an ostrich.
    And you COULD maybe one day be that penguin. Sort of. I mean, if anyone could figure out how, it’s you.
    Humor me and stick it out through Step 8 at least… it’s a chuckle-worthy list:
    https://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/13-simple-steps-to-get-you-through-a-rough-day?utm_term=.stbBrDvxX#.lcmD7ZrKO

  378. I don’t know why, but this video always makes me laugh, or at least smile:

  379. Yep, every day this week has been one where the best you can say to the person you’re speaking with is “I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.” It just works on so many levels..

  380. First of all, I really love your writing. You can often find the words for my anxiety when I can’t.

    Secondly, you might feel like the lizard. But I often feel like this cat…

  381. So I can’t promise this’ll help, and I seriously wish I had video of it but my 3 yr old was just performing her “routine” on the trampoline and it was basically her bouncing around in a circle singing a glorious song

    ” oh mosquitoes fly away from me,
    Don’t come around me and drink my blood

    Shoo mosquitoes, get away from me
    I don’t want you here-eeeeeeeeeee anymore

    Bye bye mosquitoes, I don’t want you to driiiiiiiiiiiiiiink my bloooooooodddddddd”

    😂😂😂

  384. It’s Mercury fucking retrograde, man. Everyone is nuts right now. Everyone, including my goats, who had their goat babies four days early, and they were twins and tried to get born on top of each other, so I had to stick my arm all the way to my elbow into the poor Mama goat’s uterus and sort out the tangled-up babies. I had to shove one back in and pull the other one out. It’s all good now, and all three are happy and healthy, and I guess I saved all of their lives and should be happy.

  385. I shot a very short video of my Cocoa (kitty) in her cat tree as a “happy” not “funny”, but I have no idea how to share it here, so now I haz a little sad. Sure glad Lizard Borden is alive, tho!

  386. Sorry you’re not feelin’ it right now. Here’s some weird stuff from my arsenal of getting my head out of negative loops:

    Short Vid: http://heyyeyaaeyaaaeyaeyaa.com/ (No description because it will spoil it – but it’s loud)

    Long Vid: An adorable goth couple just livin’ life in Germany, going out on a dinner date. It’s one of the most charming slice of life type youtube vlogs I think I’ve ever seen. (some NSFW language I think – mostly in respect to public transportation)

    “Texts from Cephalopods” — a Safe-for-work FanFic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299805

    Short Vid – Oddly Hypnotizing – It isn’t Wil Wheaton collating, but it IS Christopher Walken cooking a chicken: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43VjLCRqKNk

  389. Our depression cycles are in sync right now. I wonder if it does have anything to do with the moon because I have noticed this a couple of times but it doesn’t make a lot of sense biologically so I’m guessing it’s coincidence. The moon has cycles and so do I.

  390. My dog is a zombie. But, she’s anorexic, so it works out for me. Plus, she’s like 9 pounds, so if she changed her mind she wouldn’t eat more than, like, the hippocampus or something.

    I rescued her seven years ago from a kill shelter. She had been surrendered because she had cancer and her owners didn’t want to pay to put her down or pay to treat it. She was going to be put down. I snatched her up, and paid for the surgery to remove her cancer (and, consequently, her left eye). Being a badass pirate, I then named her Asha Greyjoy.

    I was told Asha had less than a year to live and her cancer could not be taken all the way out. Judge me all you want, but I don’t believe in chemo for dogs – I’ve lived through this and wouldn’t wish that on them. So, I just gave her the “best” last year she could have – cheeseburgers, tacos, cheetos, and SO. MUCH. LOVE.

    Two years later she got sick and I rushed her to the emergency vet at 1am, in tears. I asked for her cancer numbers, and told them to just tell me it outright. They ran them, and then came in, looking at me like I was crazy. She had NO cancer in her bloodstream. She was fine – just hurt her hip and needed kennel rest for a couple weeks.

    So, now it’s been seven years since the “dying” Asha came into my life. Once she wasn’t dying anymore I took away the cheeseburgers and tacos. I mean, if she’s going to hang around she needs to be healthy! I call her a zombie-pirate dog. Basically, if the white-walkers got a hold of the greyjoys and instead of turning the eyes blue, they just took one of them out. She’s pretty badass, and makes my life happier.

    I was approved for a PTSD trained therapy dog a few years back, but I can’t afford my portion of the costs for training. So, I told Asha she is my therapy dog. She hasn’t really figured out her duties yet, but I love her. She’s pretty fantastic.

  391. Wow no wonder I’ve just been losing myself this week ahaha. I seriously feel as broken as you but the raccoons helped! I’ve just been reading books to try and balance myself or to just lose myself in the world that’s created in books. I totally recommend Between The Notes by Sharon Huss Roat! I just recently finished it and it made me feel all warm inside!

  392. Watch this https://youtu.be/GdhyBGS3ZHo
    I listen to it at least once a month and remember the value of keeping going. There are so many things that are inspiring in what Taylor says.

    Also, find every episode of “Are you Being Served?” and watch them all. See if Hailey can get into it. It’s still funny after all these years, and brilliant.

    Love and Coffee,

    @WriterDann

  394. I was recently informed that 4 different planets are in retrograde this month. This means dick for most people, but for my new age friends its the end of the world. Perhaps your hootenanny is in retrograde too and its creating all the ills? There’s an article about this impending new age doom in High Snobiety icymi. Love you!

  395. Things that will make you happy. 1) I just finished reading Furiously Happy! My friend recommended it to me. She says that reading you is like hanging out with me. 🙂 2) I am ready Bone Gap right now. Magical realism is my jam. I’m 1/3 of the way through with it, but it’s really good so far.

  396. Harry Potter movie marathon. Neither of us have watched them before and we’re about to start #5. Reasons to live activate!

  397. Today I wrote a song about a squirrel. (I’m working on an animation thing that will be on YouTube.) It turns out squirrels have a great deal to sing about. Who knew?

  402. I’m kind of glad that the lizard came back to life on April 12 not April 15. Because the second coming should NOT be a reptile.

    Also, to anyone who wants Norse Camp, I suggest you look for your local SCA group! (Www.sca.org) Lots of Vikings out there.

  403. This one is kind o NSFW — not because of language or, well anything. It’s just that Questions Will Be Asked. Questions that you will not be able to answer:

  404. When my nephew, RJ, and niece, Tessa, were little they liked for me to tell them all the things I’m afraid of (I have a lot of phobias). They thought it was very funny for a grown-up to be afraid of so many things. So I’d oblige and start the list and the first two would always be spiders and mountains.

    Well, RJ picked up on this and would periodically say, “Auntie! Oh no! There’s a spider behind you!” And I’d scream and they’d cackle.

    One time Tessa wanted to get in on the act so she said, “Auntie! Oh no! There’s a mountain behind you!”

    Did I mention that we live in Nebraska? Yeah. No mountains (thank godtopus).

  409. I’m very late to the party, but clicked through most of the links.
    Just leaving this here for the Supernatural and Cosplay fans – Kings of Con (not the band, the series) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U6vl2sjKxHk . Binging that and Galavant should tide me over until American Gods starts.
    I haven’t managed to get a video yet, but the magpies and squirrels out back are having a little war – the magpies will swoop down on the squirrels Hitchcock style, and they in turn try to grab the tail feathers, both parties chitterin like mad. Like an animal neighborhood fence war.

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