I’m dying but probably the same amount as normal really.

in If I was a dog I'd be dead by now, Random Crap

Remember how last week I was in the hospital for stomach bullshit and the week before that I was looking at TMS (electroshock therapy lite?) because my head was all fucked up?  Well, I decided that before doing TMS I’d check to see if there were any other issues that could be causing this depression/sickness/body fuckery so my doc did a shit ton of blood tests and  she was like, “You’re all fucked up,” and that’s pretty accurate.

I literally lost track of how many vitamin deficiencies I have but I’m now taking an extra 8 pills a day just to get back to normal.  My hormones are off and I’m way low on testosterone (I didn’t even know I was supposed to have testosterone?) and apparently that causes fatigue, foggy thinking, depression and anxiety which is pretty much all of the things I’m made of, so I’ll be starting testosterone meds this week.

Also, I have things like “pernicious anemia”, which I just assumed was something Lemony Snicket made up.  But instead it’s something probably related to whatever is wrong with my stomach, or ulcers, or my antibodies that are all fucked up as well.

And add “pre-diabetic” to the list because WHY NOT, RIGHT?  So now I’m on  day 5 of a low-carb, low-sugar diet to “fix my sugars” as your grandma would say, and I’m shocked I haven’t murdered everyone in the house yet.  Last night I yelled “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  SOMEONE GET MAMA A MASHED POTATER SANDWICH” and Victor was like, “Have some protein.  Protein is good for you” but I don’t think so, Victor, because my entire body is a protein and it’s trying to kill me. 

Long story short, things are wrong inside me and no one really knows the cause but maybe the diet, supplements, and meds will help.  Or they won’t.  Hard to tell.  But it could be worse and at least I have things to focus on that might make me better, and that’s a relief in itself.

I don’t have a funny ending here.  I blame the lack of popsicles in my body.

I would kill someone for a popsicle.

PS.  Bonus Dorothy Barker video to make up for this slightly whiney post:

View this post on Instagram

Sometimes she forgets she left her tongue out.

A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess) on

251 thoughts on “I’m dying but probably the same amount as normal really.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. It boils down to a popsicle deficiency, all of it. With a diet of pop-tarts and frozen burritos, you don’t get much more vitamin deficient than me, but I’m always a-ok unless I run out of popsicles.

  2. I had high testosterone when I was trying to get pregnant. It causes lack of ovulation. As soon as they gave me something to bring the level down, I got pregnant and never had that problem again. So yeah. Not just a guy thing. Feel better.

  3. They make sugar free popsicles, Breyers Carb-Smart ,that are pretty good. Lots of good “Low Carb, Low Sugar” Sites out there to get you through. I recommend “All Day I Dream About Food” for some great recipes. I did low carb “Keto” for years and it really helped a lot of things, and as I bonus I also lost weight.

  4. I have been eating low carb/sugar free for 3 years (on purpose even) and I am here to tell you THERE ARE SUGAR FREE POPSICLES. And they are dreamy. I promise.

  5. Messed up hormones can totally f*** up how you feel, including lowering your standards for who to murder if they cross you. I take bioidentical hormones (a cream) and it saved my life and the lives of my potential murder victims. You will feel sooo much better when your hormones are back in line. Good luck! 🙂

  8. When Offspring was little we used to tell him that the Dr. was checking his ice cream levels to get him to open his mouth so she could look at his throat. If he’d done well, we’d declare them “a little low” and he’d get ice cream after his check-up.

    This is not my usual ramble: I’m telling you that ice cream is legit medicinal because several pediatricians prescribed it for my son and that means that it’s probably good for you too. So… TAKE THAT, VICTOR!

  9. Sorry you’re almost dead again, but congrats on all your new problems to worry about! Lol. I have to ask, what is a mashed potter sandwich?

    (Dammit, autocorrect. POTATER Not POTTER ~ Jenny)

  10. I told my doctor that if she kept finding things wrong with me (diabetes, low thyroid, celiac disease, liver disease, carpel tunnel, tendonitis, migraines…), I was going to stop going to see her!
    She didn’t listen but I still like her snyway. I bet I still take more pills than you 😚

  11. Pernicious anaemia can be treated, just watch out for the thigh needles. They’re not fun at all.

  12. Hang in there, dear woman. It took them a year + to figure me out (sometimes it is Lupus) but I’m much better now. They will get you sorted.

    (I did get a semi-lupus diagnosis but they think it’s medication-induced lupus from the meds from my RA injections? So confusing. I’m just focusing on the things that make sense. ~ Jenny)

  13. You can still drink, right? Like sugar-free wine…that’s a thing;-)

    (I can have a shot of vodka in club soda. I miss margaritas. ~ Jenny)

  14. I promise they make sugar free popsicles, hon. And the tropical ones are mighty tasty!

  16. As the kid next door said when my husband told him to quit using our wall as a skateboard ramp, “I don’t never get to have no fun!”

  17. Holy Crap! How are you functioning without testosicles? Shit, testosterone + popsicles = testosicles which sounds like testicles. Do you need testicles? I wish I had some to ship you. You know, taxidermy testicles because real, live testicles would be weird.
    Good luck, Jenny. I hope the new meds and supplements make you feel completely testosicley.

  19. Cheese is protein. It isn’t popsicles, but string cheese can help.

  20. Sorry you are dealing with all of this. But even with as I send good thoughts to you, I still don’t believe you doctor actually said “You’re all fucked up.” Well, maybe in Texas. I know you are a straight-shooting people.

  23. After I turned 40, my body fell apart. I actually told my told that if she didn’t stop diagnosing me with new shit every time I saw her (diabetes, low thyroid, celiac disease, liver disease, low vitamin levels, chronic headaches…) That I was gonna stop coming! She didn’t listen and I keep going. 😋

  24. Fixing the hormones and vitamin deficiencies I had had made me feel SO much better! Good luck!

    P. S. Walnuts and black beans help with the sugar cravings. Weird, but true!

  25. Go look up Swerve sweetener. NOT viciously toxic the way most artificial sweeteners are, because it’s a sugar alcohol derived from…sugar. But no carbs, supposedly doesn’t affect insulin. Hubby’s dealling with a recurrence of cancer and we’ve been very low carb for a month as a result. Wouldn’t’ve made it this far without that stuff! You can get it granulated or powdered, and hubby can’t taste any aftertaste with it. We’ve baked all sorts of low carb things with it, added it to coffee and tea, etc.

  26. Did that low carb thing once for two weeks. I cried in the middle of the mall food court, because i wanted the all the bread. Sigh.

  28. Pernicious anemia. That lack of B12 is likely a huge part of all your problems. Good on you for insisting they look a little deeper. You’re going to feel a lot better soon, hang in there!

  29. I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and it causes all of the symptoms you mentioned. Have they checked your thyroid levels? Most doctors only run a TSH test but there are 5 tests in a thyroid panel and they should all be run to make sure it is functioning right. Hope they can figure things out soon. Fell better! Try not to kill anyone!

  30. I feel this so hard. I have so many problems they can’t explain that are treating me apart. Good luck to you, sweetie. Good luck to us both.

  31. Jenny can you get a 2nd opinion on the low testerone diagnosis? I would think low testosterone would be a GOOD thing for women?! Also I have a friend who did a form of shock therapy and she lost all of her memories which as a writer none of us can afford to do. Does the lite shock therapy affect memories? Love you and sending virtual popsicles.

  32. I have Celiac disease, and everything you have described is how I experienced the illness before I was diagnosed…

  33. Yeah, I’m with ya, Jenny. Anemia, vitamin deficiencies, pre-diabetes that slid right on in to diabetes a few months ago, and IBS-D all make a perfectly debilitating cocktail when combined with my depression and anxiety. So debilitating, in fact, that I lost my dream job yesterday because I literally cannot get out of bed most mornings until I spend an hour or two sitting on the edge.

    My husband is staying home with me today because it’s my birthday and the combination was just too much. 🙁

  34. That totally sucks
    I just found out that I am allergic to yeast along with all my other food allergies and pizza was like my passion in life. Basically I can only eat like vegetables now so I’ve spent the last 2 weeks staring at the ceiling and moping. Feel ya on the diet part.

  35. Well, shit, you and I have waay more in common than I would wish on anybody! Do you also have thyroid disease? Hashimoto’s perhaps? I really hope you feel closer to your super-self soon with the additional meds and supplements. FYI, if they put you on a mega-dose iron, it totally screws with your gut. I started lying that I was taking it because it made me feel so awful…But, they figured me out. It is the worst feeling knowing you’ve done NOTHING AT ALL to deserve feeling so shitty:( Sugar-free Double Bubble is my way of feeling sweet when the world says it’s all off limits.

  36. So much of this sounds like my husband’s laundry list of ailments. Turns out that celiac disease was causing his gut to leak so stomach pain/diarrhea and vitamin deficiencies and osteoparosis and nerve damage in his hands and feet, and diabetes. I know how hard it was for him to have to deal with all of this every single day. Based on how fabulous and productive you are with all of this going on, this is probably the universe’s way of keeping you from becoming our planetary overlord. Maybe if you sign a note that says you won’t make the entire world your bitch if you could just catch a break on the plethora of health issues? In any case, sending you love and support.

  38. Be glad you live in the century of B12 shots, because a hundred years ago the only treatment for pernicious anemia was a crap-ton of raw liver to be consumed daily. (This concludes your unsolicited disgusting history lesson).

  39. Try Halo Top ice cream. High protein, low sugar, very tasty. Best when you let it melt a bit.

  40. Sounds like a case of vermicious knids. Or maybe R.O.U.S.’s. You have my sympathies! Also, my cat Willow does the same thing with her tongue. They both look adorable.

  41. The sugar cavings will pass after about a week, so hang in there. Type 2 here since august last, keep it under control with CBD oil
    (Which I also use for rheumatism) and a low carb diet (100 grams a day). Take care of yourself. You’ll get through this..!

  42. Have an orange popsicle. They are extraordinarily nutritious. You need the kind with two sticks. A single stick popsicle could kill you.

  43. Sugar free popsicles. But man, why do bodies seem to be like “fuckit, imma gonna super give up right now!”

    Anyway, I’m thinking about you. And mashed tater sandwiches, now.

  44. So difficult when there is not a specific diagnosis. All muckety muck. All you can do is do what you are doing, that is rule out, rule out and rule out. Try and be patient. The rule out phase will pass, and I hope and pray that will solve the problems and pain you are experiencing. Please know you are in my daily thoughts and prayers. And I am so very sorry you are dealing with all this.

  45. I’m sorry. I hope you start feeling better soon, or at least figure out what the fuck’s going on. <3

  46. Sadly I’ve been there. I would suggest they have you do a test for sibo, might be the stomach issue causing all the rest (and it’s often overlooked in autoimmune patients I’ve learned!) Good luck and keep hanging in there.

  47. Going low carb is a killer — especially if they didn’t give you info on how to do it well. I researched it for a week before switching. (look up the Keto diet, there’s lots of good info out there) . Beef bouillon, Seriously. A cube in some hot water, then drink it will TOTALLY Help with the need to kill people. Also, up your water intake if you haven’t already.

  48. Dorothy Barker looks like she’s letting you scratch her head because she’s embarrassed to have no cliue about what is going on. (And if you’re having GI problems your gastroenterologist should tell you don’t use artificial sweeteners.)

    (Yep. Also cutting down on diet coke. Basically everything that makes like good. ~ Jenny)

  49. Dark chocolate fat bombs (or other types, I just need chocolate to survive)…look them up. Low carb (high fat, but whatever) treat that can help you deal with the sugar cravings.

  50. Ohhhhh… I heart Dorothy Barker. I bet you have an alien virus — remember any recent off-world experiences?

  51. Bacon and cheese go a long way in quashing sugar and carb cravings. I switched to a no sugar/no grain diet a few months back and it’s gone a long way toward righting my effed over hormones (PCOS) and generally improving weight and all other aspects of being human, but none of it would have been possible without the bacon and cheese.

  52. If you’re going to have pernicious anemia (and I do and an excellent choice you’ve made), might I recommend something like Vitron-C which doesn’t cause stomach upset nor constipation. Other than that I wish you nothing but a freezer full of popsicles after everything has been taken care of. We’re all rootin’ for you.

  54. This being human thing and having to be responsible for all the fucked-up shit that comes with it blows goats. When I die, I’m coming back as the honey badger. It just doesn’t give a shit.

  55. Dear Goddess! Bless your heart! You probably already know this, but depression alone can cause a other health problems too. So, hopefully when your doctor helps get this under control the other problems will clear up too.

  56. How do you get someone to look at vitamin and hormone levels? The same docs I have just want to drug me up and cover up what’s wrong. No one wants to really fix anything.

    (Find a doctor who will do a full blood panel. Mine was 30 pages long and it still didn’t include everything. Once they got the results back they took more blood to do further tests based on the results. I had to specifically ask for the hormone stuff since my shrink recommended looking at it. ~ Jenny)

  57. Pernicious anemia (and low vitamin B) can do all sorts of nasty things to your mind/head. I had a good friend considering suicide from depression, but thank goodness she went to get help and committed herself to the hospital before doing something stupid. She has celiac disease and pernicious anemia. Turns out all she needed was a series of regular B-12 shots and the depression disappeared. She still gets regular treatment of vitamins for the anemia and has been right as rain since! I hope your treatments get you back on the right track!

  58. Awe i am sorry. Have they ruled out lupus limes disease fibromyalgia all that crap?
    Just kind of seems like it could be a really unusual diagnosis which for you would make perfect sense I’m so sorry you feel bad I have lupus so I can relate lots of inflammation and exhaustion and other things anyway I hope you gets better

  59. Frigging spell check! Damn docs! Damn docs! Damn spellcheck too.

  60. I think I have “pernicious anemia” as well, but my dr. called it ‘tired blood’ (Pronounced: tard blud).

  61. I am sitting here eating my bowl of tuna salad because yeah, low carb is annoying AF but sadly, effective. There are great low carb sites out there. This one has recipes for things I want to eat. https://www.ruled.me/keto-recipes/ Also – Halo Top is an excellent replacement for ice cream. And it has flavors with chocolate. So that helps. Because I don’t want to stab people when I don’t have popsicles, but deprive me of chocolate for a few days and don’t let me near the knives.

  62. My cat is Dolores Guadalupe Barker. Perhaps she and Dorothy are related?

  63. Have they checked your white blood cell count? Has anyone checked for Epstein-Barr?

  64. Coming from someone who’s brain has been trying to kill them the last two weeks I freakin feel your pain and if the took away sugar and caffeine right now I’d cut a b****. There are some good sugar free popcicles I know I eat them all the time even though I’m not diabetic. I can’t help you with the potato thing. That makes me cry. Hang in there your the bestest (yes that a word)

  65. Magic “dessert”: non dairy yogurt with erythritol (calorie free sweetener that’s not sugar and may actually be good for you, but you have to buy it online) and cocoa powder. Mix fruit in too. ❤️❤️❤️

  68. Women shouldn’t have very high testosterone. I’m on progesterone and testosterone. Apparently I don’t produce either. BUT– I make enough estrogen for 3 of you! So there’s that. I do feel better on them though. No more night sweats, hot flashes or foggy memory. But the pernicious anemia…that’s a different beast. It will suck the life out of you until it’s under control. You can do this. You got this. Just keep making creepy dolls and love those animals of yours. (and precious baby girl!). Hang in there lady. 😉 —-today I will empathize with you. Vertigo hit me like a ton of bricks this morning OUT OF NOWHERE> Like wtf? thanks a lot mother nature. HA! So onto episode 5, season 3 of Grace and Frankie on Netflix.

  69. Dear GOD – all this AND a low-carb diet? How about one riot, one ranger here? I’m so sorry! I found that complex carbs (a little bit of brown rice, blah blah) helped with the desperation and insanity of low carb eating. And I know they’re carbs, but they’re sort of nice carbs … and they save you from prison.

  70. I have recently been diagnosed with SLE Lupus, Scalerderma (yeah, didn’t know what that was either) and polyarthritis. A nice collection to go along with my anxiety and depression. I have to take 26 tablets a day and I am glad they are all colour coded (and they look so pretty altogether) I told one of my friends about my diagnosis and she said ‘you couldn’t just have one of those?’ Because more is better? Feel for you Jenny and everyone else out there going through the same rollercoaster with various ailments x

  71. Well, if getting your hormones back in line helps the depression and anxiety, maybe you won’t need all the meds or the TMS? I have PCOS, so my hormones are ALWAYS out of whack. I also have psoriatric disease (thanks for the genes, Dad). My mom has RA, so I had a 50/50 chance of getting one of these lovely autoimmune diseases. Dad’s genes were stronger, apparently. I hope you get it all figured out soon. Wouldn’t it be glorious to have a clear diagnosis, instead of the myriad of symptoms that add up to basically a menagerie of illnesses? Good luck, my friend.

    Also, I hear that sugar-free popsicles aren’t so bad. Though a potato pancake with bacon and green onions sounds much more satisfying. lol

  72. Go keto (low carb, high fat) and fasting. I’ve been reading a blog called Intensive Dietary Managment and it is changing how I look at everything. I too have autoimmune issues.

  76. I feel for you. I have migraines and PCOS and prediabetes and it was just suggested to me that I look at the book The Plant Paradox, which argues (I think) that a lot of our problems (and the reason going gluten-free helps people who are not celiac) is that the lectin in many plants causes a lot of our imbalances. Also, I recently got the Alpha-Stim (TMS) to try for my headaches. It hasn’t helped those yet but it supposedly also works for depression and anxiety. Except for some insomnia the first night, I haven’t had any ill effects. I also recently tried ketamine infusions, another thing used for depression as well as migraines. I had an unpleasant experience but many people swear by it. Good luck! xxoo

  77. I can so relate, I hate to be the bearer of crap news, but I’m almost 70 and still fucking with all the same stuff.

  78. Ok…why the hell wasn’t all these tests run first??? Yes ladies women can have low T and men can have high estrogen. It totally F’s up your body. If you haven’t already you should consult with an integrative doc. They know way more than the average western medicine MD.

  79. I have no advice, but I’m glad you’re looking into this closely and I hope you feel better RIGHT NOW.

    Oh. And don’t kill anyone. Trust me, you’ll feel worse.

  80. Even when your life is crap you can make me smile which is good because my life is crap right now and I need that. So thank you.

  81. Hope you feel better soon! I love the coloring book and enjoy all the pictures.

  82. hugs
    I hope ll the pills and stuff help and you start to feel better soon, and that they figure out the root cause.

  85. Be very careful of sugar free foods. Start slow. Especially chocolate. It can give you the shits. I shit you not.

  86. I had postpartum after my second child and suffered depression for years afterwards. I did 6 months of testosterone therapy after a doctor told me mine was super low and it made such a difference!! I felt so much better afterwards. Hope a little testosterone perks you up too Jenny!!

  87. I thought pernicious anemia was the diagnosis for people that were victims of vampires. Creepy!

  88. I live in Canada and have only heard of that from others. Sorry you have to go through this! I know what it’s like to be severely depressed and anxious but not all the time! Best of luck

  89. I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis which is autoimmune. I thought I had depression since I was a teen… maybe much earlier. It turns out, my thyroid may have been creating all of the fuckery in my brain for the past 30+ years. Thyroid medication. I couldn’t think a while back. Total brain fog. Vitamin D & B12 deficiencies. Lots of vitamin pills. Except I’m still suffering from debilitating fatigue. Everyone tells me it’s because I’m a mom with a full-time job. It’s not. Something is wrong. But I can’t figure out what. I think I have to start some dreaded diet next. Just know you aren’t alone, dear Jenny. We’ll all fill up on pills and eat whatever (non-)crappy foods we have to in order to get better. And maybe someday they’ll create those tricorders from Star Trek that will just diagnose us completely and a shot in the neck later – What WAS that all about?! – and we’ll be feeling fine again. But until then you are NOT alone. Feel better.

  90. I don’t usually comment because as I scroll down the comment list; I find that most everything that I could say or would say has been already said… but I had to reply to one thread, because @neilochka, I can promise you that, there are all kinds of doctors out there and even if Jenny paraphrased the “You’re all fucked up” there are plenty if docs that will say just that to you.

    I keep a running list of things that my favorite doc has said to me, some of which include: You need to get laid. Maybe you should think about going the military. Have you ever thought of joining a nunnery?

    None of which are even in the top 10 of things that a doctor should not say to a patient.

    Hope you feel better soon, Jenny.

  91. So glad you insisted on the tests, pernicious anaemia is really nasty undiagnosed. My uncle died because they kept misdiagnosing him. Once diagnosed it’s so easy to treat (well apart from the fact that you have to inject the meds). I’ve known people who have had it for years and live a pretty normal life other than injections. Pre-diabetes is also not necessarily terrible. I had the diagnosis, cut down processed foods (breakfast cereal mainly – I had oats with a banana and zero fat plain Greek yoghurt with a bit of honey instead) and sugary drinks and had cholesterol lowering spreads for a couple of months and my blood levels normalised. My mum has diabetes, but for years her blood levels have been normal and she has a very varied diet. It’s really not pleasant to get these diagnoses, but knowing what’s wrong is a relief. I hope you find it easy to adjust and that your recovery is speedy.

  92. Find some crystal light pouches to flavor a whole damned jug. Pick a flavor you like. Mix it up, and MAKE POPSICLES you can enjoy. There will be a headache from the sugar/carbs withdrawal. but tough it out, because caving just means you restart the clock on that baby, and it lasts about 10 days. And one day you just wake up feeling better. Put cheese on ALL THE THINGS, especially roasted cauliflower, even if you don’t like cauliflower. Just roast it, cover it in cheddar, cream cheese, cooked bacon, grilled onions, roasted garlic and a little paprika. Let the fart wars commence, but it really does make all things better when you can still have something vaguely like potatoes au gratin or oven baked mac n cheese. Love you.

  93. I figure if I eat something healthy and protein-ee, then it’s only fair I get a popsicle or a cookie. Good trade! Works for me… 😀 Good luck with everything.

  95. I get the overwhelming diagnosis thing. I, too, am made up of pre-existing conditions. High triglycerides, diabetes, hypothyroidism, atypical depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder with an overlap of schizotypal pd, migraines, tension headaches, persistent anemia, insomnia, chronic back pain from a herniated disk, torn rotator cuff……and other shit I refuse to take meds for. When your body is pissed off it feels like there is no winning. I’m sorry you’re suffering more, but happy they are doing something to make it better. Hugs, love, and sugar free popsicles.

  96. Bodies are hella annoying. Sometimes I wish I could take a break from mine and just present myself as a glittery cloud of pink mist or even a fart cloud. My health has declined a lot over the past several years, the kick off seemed to be thyroid nonsense and anxiety. Then it was low vitamin D. Then low iron. Then fibromyalgia. Then anxiety/panic/depression. Then constant stomach aches and I don’t know what the hell is going on at times. I’ve had similar symptoms to what you’ve shared. Thanks for posting, gonna look into having my hormones checked as well. Sometimes I go nuts trying to figure what the root issue is, and it can be hard to be taken seriously once they know the GAD diagnosis. What’s this Leaky Gut thing? Everyone keeps screaming it at me on message boards. I imagine my gut leaking toxic green sludge all over my internals and that’s why I’m going nuts. Hope you get to feeling better real soon!

  97. I love you Jenny and I’m sending you love and hugs and unicorn glitter and rainbows and anything else that is fun and happy. I hate that you have to deal with all this stuff, especially not being allowed fun food when you feel shit. If I could snap my fingers and become a wizard and heal you I’d do it in a second!

  98. OH! OH!
    This is the first time I’ve been able to say, “Me, too” about Le Body Saboteur! I mean, I usually say “Me, too” to the weird things, but this time, it’s to medical conditions!
    I got hit with the low-testosterone and pre-diabetes diagnoses last year. The testosterone thing was a little ironic since, when I was a teen and had killer migraines, I had to go on the pill because I had too much testosterone and that was supposedly causing the migraines. There is no winning with testosterone.
    Did your doctor tell you that testosterone hides in little pockets throughout your body and you can coax it out with exercise? Not like CrossFit exercise, just things like walking an additional 20 minutes a day. I did that. And then I grew a mustache. It must have worked. That’s not to say I’m telling you to walk an extra 20 minutes a day because I am not a doctor or exerciseologist and I don’t know if that’s something do-able right now, anyhow. Focus on the mustache in this paragraph, not the walking.
    And I also had to go on the low-carb diet and it was the worst thing ever. That Whole30 website has a section where the person who dreamed this crap up is all “Don’t tell me this is hard. Having cancer is hard. Losing your parent is hard. [List of other hard things]” and I was all, “Bitch, listen. I lost my parent while going through the low-carb diet and not eating everything was much harder than watching my mother die. Watching my mother die made me need ice cream and I couldn’t have any so shut it and take your healthy hard ass someplace else.”
    It was an ugly time. But I did lose 35 pounds by being miserable and walking an extra 20 minutes a day, so there’s that.

    And in making this all about me – because I was so excited to finally be Twinsies – I really meant to be encouraging. I am still alive and not in jail for murder after the stupid diet so it is possible to live through it (unhappily).
    Also, I think all the things that are wrong in your body will totally switch to superpowers if you ever become a zombie. You will be the zombie queen with all your undead strengths! That’s something to look forward to, right?

  99. Gut health is huge. Keeping you off carbs and sugars is healing your gut so you can begin to absorb all those vitamins and minerals you’ve been missing. Leaky gut. Lots of info on Google about it. Keeps your body from absorbing the nutrition it needs. Hope you feel better soon!

  100. Oh no!! Obviously your body is just being a hateful bitch! She needs to simmer her ass down. And I mean really, who doesn’t want a mashed potater sandwich when their body is acting out?!
    I just had to go on lithium along with my other 76256383988.4 medicines that already make me feel like I’m the heaviest and groggiest person on the planet who is also floating in space. (I know, try to picture how that actually works….it’s worse than a flying pig. It’s like a flying elephant!) And now I want a mashed potater sandwich…

  101. Check out the paleo / keto forums – if you can safely increase your fat / fiber intake (think all things coconut, avocado, peanut butter, full fat Greek Yogurt, grass fed BUTTER!!!) the carb cravings will slack off. I like paleo leap and paleo tribe – but there are also free things out there as well. See this website for a list: http://paleoiq.com/best-paleo-diet-blogs/. Also there are quite a few “diet tracker” websites that have loads in information and advice on how to play around with your macros (protein, carbs, sugar and fiber) so you don’t feel like eating the couch cushions… <3

  102. I’m also all fucked up with my immune system hating on me and body Fuckery!
    I inject once a week, and take shiz load of vitamins. I feel okay. But in my FMLA restrictions I am not allowed to work more than 5 straight days with two days off following those. (I’m down and out on the sixth day.)Some work ten straight….VOLUNTARILY!! Or 7am to midnight! That’s just stoopid!

    I am so happy that Doc said take these, and these, and soma’ those and you might feel better.
    Here’s all hoping and kindness and rainbow vibes your way!!
    We all NEED you so STOP the body fuckery!!

  103. yeah, on my long list of shitivity in my body, i am prediabetic also. SUCKS to be me on occasion. i did the no carb no sugar route for a while. i was so damn tired w/o sugar. the only other time i was that worn out was the 1st trimester of pregnancy. it did make a difference tho. so now, i limit my carbs & sugar. i would do better to make them go away, but wtf? sometimes you need an emergency snickers bar. that is, in fact, the very definition of an e-m-e-r-g-e-n-c-y.

    fall in love with stevia; trader joe’s is the only version w/o other crap you don’t want in it. little jar of powder & liquid w/ eye dropper. stay away from all artificial sweeteners. THOSE can truly mess with you.

    be well-er.
    p.s.( i love the fact that Dorothy barker’s tongue hangs out the whole time)
    p.p.s.(i have been super depressed lately too. don’t know why. does it matter? nope. it just is).
    p.p.s.s.(this too, shall pass)

  105. Man, that totally sucks! I Most of my Dr visits are the same… Oh, Well I have never seen that before…. or Wow, that is a first, you are a really challenging patient…
    Yeah, thanks…..

    Maybe that is the title of your next book – Why My Body Fucking Hates Me, A Path to Discovery (Hopefully)

    🙂

  106. WOw. Pernicious anemia is what nearly killed that old dude in downton abbey. Apparently it doesn’t kill people anymore? So that is good. Anyway, good luck remembering to take all your drugs.

  110. Be REALLY careful what kinds of sugar-free products you bring into the house. Xylitol is deadly to pets, and they can be bad about sneaking packs of gum or candy out of purses and the like.

    The good news is anemia and vitamin deficiencies. while making you feel like crap, are fixable things. Yay! The bad news is you might be a vampire. I haven’t heard of any pre-diabetic vampires though, so you’re probably off the hook for that too.

  111. I went to the ER today because I thought I must have a kidney stone. Instead I found out I just REALLY strained my back in an area that may be over my kidney. (Thanks, Internet.) I’m sure the doctor thought I was silly, but he respected my fear of my insides falling apart and sent me for a CT scan and told me my guts looked good. I will admit to being a little bit of a hypochondriac, but in my defense the last time I said, “It just hurts a bit.” and went to my doctor, I still ended up in the ER because my small intestine was blowing up like a party balloon with infection.

  112. Secret (my gorgeous black kitty, who I adopted after she spent her first TEN YEARS living at our local shelter) has no teeth. (She’s allergic to her own plaque or something, and ended up having to have them all yanked out.) Turns out your teeth are helpful in keeping your tongue in your mouth. So sometimes Secret will just have her tongue poking out for no reason. I think it’s adorable. Sometimes I poke it back in, though. 😛

    Oh, and I make margaritas with Crystal Light. 😀

  113. You need 35-45 carbs per meal per my pre-diabetic nutritionist.

  114. I’m actually taking DHEA supplements to increase my testosterone because my adrenal glands crapped out from all my stress (adrenal fatigue is the official term).

  115. I feel you. I’ve been telling anyone who will listen that my body is trying to kill me this week. I took antibiotics for an infection and woke up with the world’s sorest back. I finally make it to the doctor, and apparently it’s not the antibiotics – I have a pinched nerve. On top of that my brain is lying to me, or not lying to me…it’s hard to tell because I’m not sure where the negative feedback is coming from.

  116. I am in the process of doing the same thing. I just added thyroid medication and a handful of vitamins and supplements to my med list. Haven’t had my hormones checked yet- I’m sure they’re all messed up too. A few years ago, I learned that I was low on Vit B12, which if deficient, can lead to Pernicious Anemia. I had gone to the doctor because I thought I was losing my mind- painful stomach issues, migraines every day, loss of coordination and strength (I would just fall over, almost like cataplexy), and couldn’t even remember my own name. Within a week of taking B12, it cleared up. It’s terrifying what 1 vitamin can do to you!!!

    Feel better soon, and good luck!!!!

  117. I have tried the GSC (grease, salt, and chocolate) diet before and it gave me symptoms like yours so I quit cold turkey. Now I eat more cold turkey.

  118. Please look at MTHFR. You can google those letters and it will come up. It has to do with your body’s ability to break down B vitamins. I love your writing and I want you to feel good!

  119. Well. Fuck. Just. Fuck.

    So sorry you’re going through this. I have a ton of very strict low-carb recipes for my fibro that are pretty good. It does take a while to drop the sugar/carb cravings. I’ve found that SF popsicles, carb-smart ice cream (rare treat), home-made cheese crisps, and chicharrones have helped a lot. Frozen strawberries are good too — takes a long time to eat them. I’ve also become very creative with “fauxtatoes.”

    I’ll email the linky-links (Holy shit, autocorrect, why you trying to make that last word into “kinky-licks”? I don’t know Jenny well enough!)

  120. I hope some of the things you’re trying work. Our bodies are so complicated before minds even get into the picture … There is hope with the pre-diabetic thing. I was diagnosed as Type II diabetic (non-insulin-dependent) and had to start taking Metformin and make some changes to my diet, but not as drastic as I’d anticipated – had to cut back on carbs but not eliminate them. A few years later my doc says I’m no longer diabetic. Also, Scientific American just had an article on a new treatment for depression involving using a magnet and implant to give microshocks to the vagus nerve six times a day or so. Might be worth checking out. Take care – a lot of people have you in our thoughts.

  121. If this testosterone thing causes penis growth or a hankering for wrestling, please let us know!

  122. Sorry your body is fomenting a coup against your leadership. On the upside, you can make your own water-flavored Popsicles! Your refrigerator may even be doing this already… 🙂

  123. Sorry you’re going through all this. When I turned 50, I was diagnosing with every condition known to womankind. Some went away, some not. I too have pernicious anemia, but it isn’t pernicious anymore, thankfully! The wonders of modern medicine. Take care. Love your writing.

  124. I am also on a carb free diet, which I call the stupid diet, but my desserts are made up of sugar-free popsicles. They are the best thing on the planet! My dietician said I could have as many as I want if I make my own out of crystal light.

  125. I have all the same stuff… it’s funny but it’s not. Apparently vitamins and happiness go hand in hand, but they both got together and decided to hate me like some kind of high school drama….not a play but like the we hate her cause her hair is kinda weird drama. I Maaaaayyyybe once said vitamins taste weird and so now this is their way of paying me back and cause they’re such good friends with happiness they’re avoiding me at the lunch table like the cheerleaders avoid the goth kids. Huh…I guess I’m goth

  126. Huge hugs to everyone! The secret to low carb – for me – is to include plenty of fat in my diet. Cheese, butter, bacon, nuts, whipped cream…all the yummy fats. I can easily ignore the bread (most days) if I can have the cheese. There’s this awesome stuff called Moon Cheese; it’s just dehydrated cheese but it has all the crunch and flavor of cheetos. 🙂 It took awhile for my ‘sugars’ to even out, but I don’t get woooozy when I’m hungry anymore, nor mean angry, so it’s worth it.

  127. I think we are twins. Wondering if my dad ever was out in your moms neck of the woods. Sometimes, I have to focus on one good thing to get me through the day. I also imagine a day in my future and what all that it would entail. Usually, its a mental image of me with my granddaughter. Find your string amont all the loose ends and hold on! Sending love and good vibes….Kelley

  128. The Bloggess is so damn cool she has ALL THE DISEASES!!

    Waiting to next week to see my blood results. Hey! You have blood! I may have the low testosterone. If I might have something in common with Jenny, at least it’s that. Oh, and my doctor told me to stop eating almonds (I was consuming almond butter like air) because the contain a lot of estrogen. How funny is it that I could have too much estrogen and you have too little testosterone.

  129. Pernicious Anemia here too. It sucks! Period….end of story. Don’t fall for the sugar free Popsicle con either. All those fake sugar chemicals are gonna make you feel worse. Suck it up for a few weeks and then treat yourself to the real thing. Aspartame side effect? Depression and Sucralose changes the way your body processes sugar. (that isn’t opinion, there is an AMA study on both) Honey – use honey when you start introducing sugars back into your diet.
    Hang in there. We are pulling for you.

  130. Hang in there. Sounds like your body chemistry is so far out of whack that it’s going to take some time to readjust to whatever your new “normal” might be. It’s good thing that we don’t have to understand biochemistry for it to work for us.

  131. I’ve been trying to go low-carb, low-sugar for months now. As I sit here eating peanut-butter M&Ms. sigh

    Shouldn’t it have been a “mashed potater SAMMICH”?

  134. Can you do fruit? Because blend up strawberries, bananas, and plain yogurt, freeze that shit, and you will have the best Popsicles ever. Like, way better than the stuff you get in the store. Also, I have low vitamin D (among many other things), and being on drugs for it made a freaky huge difference to my energy levels. I was all, “Wait, seriously, I could have felt like this NORMALLY?!”

    (No fruit allowed other than a few berries in the morning. But maybe I can make them into popsicles. Hmmm. ~ Jenny)

  135. Oh geeze..I am so sorry, Jenny. I wish I could just snorgle you and wrap you in one of my home made afghans and make things all better because this sounds like it SUCKS.

    Hang in there.

  136. Hi Jenny. New to comments, but L-O-N-G time follower. First: my hubbo is force-feeding me protein (for reasons other than your own). Guess what? It’s helped! Plus pernicious anemia is a real thing and not to be ignored. Good news: it’s treatable! And treating it may well fix your gastric issues. And your mood issues. So yay to all that! Listen to the doc, take your meds, hide the ice cream (although you can argue that Haagen-Daz is high in protein, so maybe it’s OK?). Hang in there and take a little solace in knowing that you’ve helped me get through my medical woes the past 5 months. Laughter IS the best medicine!

  137. DB is adorable. Love that she forgets to bring in her tongue. Here’s hoping you get rid of the things you don’t need in your body and get lots of those you do need.

  138. I’m sorry about all the shitty things your body is doing, but pre diabetes is not necessarily a bad thing, it’s a fix this before it gets bad thing. Two years ago I was pre-diabetic, now I am not. Low carb is important, but how you eat your carbs is more important. A mashed potato sandwich is bad, but eat a protein and veg heavy meal and you can totally eat some potatoes. Eating fat or protein with your carbs help your body absorb the carbs slower and evens your blood sugar out. (I had gestational diabetes and very little guidance with how to manage it, so now this is a thing very important to me, short for the ramble.)

  139. When I was pre-diabetic,I went off sugar immediately. The thought of my precious granddaughter popped into my mind and for some reason that made it super doable. When my numbers went down I added a few more carbs but now the thought of several large candy bars a day is very unappetizing. Eating peanut butter straight from the jar helps me a lot. It’s yummy and filling and sort of a treat. I know all these health problems suck. It is natural to keep looking for that ‘golden Billey’ that will cure everything once and for all so we can live like ‘normal folks’ but I don’t think there is one. Maybe you should go somewhere like Mayo Clinic and start from scratch with all the blood tests, past history, etc. I mean, who goes to a doctor and is told, “there’s nothing I can do, suck it up?” Pre diabetes is no big thing, it would take years to become a full blown problem. Eating more protein DOES help with sugar cravings. You CAN get used to stevia and/or the pink/yellow/blue packets of chemicals. You are so strong, talented, and amazing–you write books, for gosh sake! You have megatons of love and support, even from total strangers, like me. Life sucks, but it also rocks.

  141. Last month I had 20 minutes of feeling wonderful, not a pain in my body. Of course, I was just coming out of double hand surgery and was higher than Willie Nelson in his tour bus, and it was GLORIOUS. I will remember that feeling for the rest of my normally pain-filled, addled-brain, exhausted life. I so can understand drug addiction now. I have a three-way tie as to what is going to kill me first…my body….my 85 yr. old mother and her guilt trips or my hubs of 33 stressful years….each day it’s a toss up.
    ps. Cinnamon capsules keep blood sugars in check. I used to work at a health food store and have been taking them for years and my fasting sugar is in the mid-90’s and I am old and 100 pounds fatter than I should be and Type 2 Diabetes runs in my paternal side of the family so you might want to check it out. Sure beats the heck out of going sugarless (yuck…I HATE all kinds of fake sugar….even the “natural” ones!)

  142. I am so sorry you are going through more of this! Are you familiar with the Warren Zevon song My Shit’s Fucked Up? It could be your theme song 🥀
    I went to the doctor
    Said I’m feeling knda rough
    Let me break it to you son
    Your shit’s fucked up

  143. Ps heh I swear this will be the last chapter of my novella but scrolling through previous contents a huge percentage of us have the same issues! Dang hashimoto… and alopecia, RT, psoriasis… autoimmune disorders are the “illness du decade” and overwhelmingly affect women more than men. There IS one major benefit to taking testosterone… ask Victor. 😊😆🤣

  144. Medications! Gawd!! I ruined my damned back 10 years ago and then got Cauda Equinas that should have made me not walk anymore and not be able to hold my bodily functions. Good news is that I managed to dodged that horror….twice. On the down side, I am on a regimen of pain meds – one that eats my stomach, one that knocks me out and one that makes me not poop. Then I have to take more pills that help with all the side-effects. The whole thing is ridiculous! I now take in the neighborhood of 10 fucking pills a day. But, you do what you gotta do to make life worth living. I’m just happy that there are pills that make the pain manageable. 100 years ago people were crippled by it, lived on laudanum and died young. So….here’s a toast to modern medicine that can keep us alive when we could be dead. :o)

  145. Wow. More meds. How many do you take now? I’m so sorry that your body is all fucked up. I hope this new diet / new meds helps. I was recently able to stop one of my meds, because the years-long “water on the brain” problem somehow fixed itself. I’m currently taking meds for acid reflux though, and then the two (three?) meds for my bipolar. Meds suck, but when they help they help.

    (14 pills, injections, supplements a day. Only 3 though that I can’t live without. The others are vitamins, supplements, etc. ~ Jenny)

  147. Do you take proton pump inhibitors? Like omeprazole? Absorbtion problems could be at the root of all of this
    My second guess is that you have gluten intolerance or Celiac Sprue. Please see a GI doc if you haven’t yet!

  148. Also, I eat low carb and can say that the cravings go away if you stay under 20g of carbs a day. Get off the sugar train. You will feel more calm and controlled in,the “anxiety department ” once you get past the first two weeks. Don’t give up!

  149. Please try getting your bars run. You won’t regret it an ican bring so many things back in balance. Just search for someone on the bars.accessconsciousness.com and you can find people around you.

  150. Question. If you ate frozen rocky mountain oysters, would that kill two birds with one stone?

  151. I can tell you from experience that taking testosterone will make you mentally undress every guy in line at WalMart. Fair warning, Victor: Take YOUR vitamins!

  152. I was told I’m pre-diabetic too. But to be fair, anyone who has never been diabetic is pre-diabetic. That’s how I make myself feel better.

  153. I’m stuck on the mashed potater sandwich. Is that something people really eat? I get that isn’t the point of your post, and I AM wishing you the best with fixing all the fuckeduppedness, but mashed potater sandwich?

    (Well maybe not NORMAL people, but if you have never had a hot roll hollowed out and stuffed with mashed potatoes you are missing out. ~ Jenny)

  154. I feel for you sister. I have had unbalanced hormones for two years. At one point my estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone were zero.

    This year, it has been my adrenals and thyroid. I’m taking DHEA and Cortisol Manager for my adrenals and I’m back on Testosterone. My doctor also has me taking B12 and D3.

    Do not underestimate the Endocrine system! And, thank you for your honesty; it has inspired me to get back to finishing my blog page, which has been under construction for a year while I stared at the wall.

    Episode: 220 of This American Life came up on my podcasts when I was driving to get my prescription of Testosterone.

  155. Gol Darn it, why is Dorothy Barker so damn cute??????? I love it when she leaves her tongue out…I want it to come through my computer screen and kiss me, but that’s just stoopid because I know that can’t happen.

    Jenny, I totally sympathize with you dying. I have been in so much pain, my hair hurts. Not just my scalp, my actual fucking hair!!!! I can’t even touch it without it hurting, so I can’t even lie in bed dying without being in more pain. I have Fibro and Osteoarthritis in all my joints and something called D.I.S.H. which causes bone spurs on my spine plus other stuff like Diabetes and Trigeminal Neuralgia and I’m Bipolar and everything flares up at the same time and then I want to be dead.

    I’m so sorry you are hurting so much. I totally sympathize with you and since I already hurt so much, I would gladly take all your pain away, just so you could feel better again. I’m selfless like that. ha ha ha. Seriously though…feel better soon. I hope all the pills and shit work for you. And don’t worry about turning into a man because your taking testosterone. You’ll only have to shave your face more, but it’s worth it. Seriously. I love you! oxoxox

  158. Things may be wrong inside you, but there is so much more right than wrong. Start kicking what’s wrong in the shins–I am sending everything good your way.

  159. I’m sorry you’re so fucked up, Jenny. I’m also grateful you’re fucked up at all, because I’m honestly not sure how the Tribe would function if you were gasp “normal”. Hopefully, something will work to at least level-out your fucked-up-ness, because that’s more than one person’s Recommended Daily Allowance of fucked-up-ness, don’tcha think? Why are you not DONATING some of that fucked-up-ness to the needy? or to science, at least?

  160. Ouf, that is rough! I was super anemic and has gestational diabetes during a recent pregnancy and I hadn’t previously known that iron deficiency causes insomnia as well as the better-known fatigue and depression, which is just unfair, and the best thing I can say for the gd diet is that I don’t really remember the first couple weeks of it because my brain was so foggy. It is so frustrating when your body and brain gang up on you. I hope you can curl up in a blanket fort with some good books and ride it out. Sending happy healing thoughts.

  161. I’m not a pro and I won’t give any medical advice. But I can only tell my personal expiriences. And in my opinion it’s not the body that causes a mental health issue, but it’s our depression/anxiety that messes up our body.
    A few years ago I started vomiting and having diarrhea and cramps for 8 weeks straight. Every single day! Yes, my blood tests were bad and a diet and healthier lifestyle helped, but didn’t cure or heal anything. Like no pill ever will, if it’s your soul that is messed up. I think that depression/anxiety isn’t a bad thing. It’s a sign that something in our life isn’t going the way we want and that there is a need to change this. To take care of ourself. And to accept that it’s a part of us. The more we accept something the less power it has! It helped me a lot. And as my mental health started to improve (I also read and prayed a lot, went to church to light up a candle), so did immidiately my body. Have faith and hold on. And don’t neglect your feelings.

  162. While it is good to hear you are taking vitamins, you might just need some of your millions of gut bacteria to level out yourself. Acidophilus (lactobacillus acidophilus) is a chewable in the fridge section of your health food place or order via Amazon. The local hospitals here (Missouri) have been doing a great study on peoples faster healing and recovery with the addition of good gut bacteria. When I feel off I take some, there is a bottle in the fridge. You’d be amazed how much better you will feel. Hope you give it a try and get back to your old self soon.

  163. Sending love and good wishes. you can always buy us off with good pet videos, by the way.

  164. When my sister was first diagnosed with diabetes, I remember being surprised by how ticked she was that she couldn’t have cake whenever she wanted (we were both teenagers, and I hadn’t yet thought very deeply about how diabetes would affect her life–I was just relieved to know what was happening with her). But it’s a giant pain in the ass to want sugar and not be able to have it. Once you get all your levels leveled (I don’t know), you’ll know when you can tolerate something that’s not necessarily on the approved list of foods. And I bet you’ll feel so much better. Sending healing thoughts!

  165. Jenny you may be a whiney hiney anytime you want to. You are here for us all of the time. The least we can do is commiserate, empathize and agree with the basic suckiness of fuck ed up bodies.I was put on a progesterone cream once which is also a male hormone. Honest to God I started sprouting BEASTS on my chin. Get yourself some decent tweezers by the case from Costco and keep those MthrFckrs accessible at all times for beastly eruptions. I periodically give up and hide in my blanket fort for weeks at a time with all the mirrors turned backwards. Dorothy Barker did indeed make it more palatable. Animals make everything more palatable! 😉 I 💟 U and bow to your amazingness. I am glad each day I read your blog and see you didn’t die.

  166. ‘A mashed potater sandwich!’ OMG!! I. AM. DYING. Jenny, why must you make me laugh so hard when I am reading about your body basically being deficient in living?! Please take your pills, grow some testosterone and get those levels back up off the floor!! WE NEED YOU!!!

  168. Geez, Jenny, you’re having the same kind of decade as me. I get tested for pernicious anaemia tomorrow. I’m actually hoping that’s the bastard I’m dealing with, because my other option is MS. They both have pretty much the same list of 12,462 symptoms, of which I have all except the one about erectile dysfunction and low sperm count, you know, because of the vagina and all. So, I’m getting a brain MRI to rule out MS. I can’t wait to be stuffed into that teeny tiny tube for 45 minutes while being serenaded by jackhammers. Fun stuff. I’m pretty sure you and I were made from the same mold, so when you figure something out, let us know, because I wanna to tell my doc, “I’ll have what she’s having!” I’m sorry you can’t have popsicles. That makes me very sad. HUUUGGGSS!

  169. Puppies make it all better. Until they steal your banana and you don’t have any more! Then they’re just jerks. (I’m looking at YOU, Asha! You Banana-Thief!) On an unrelated note, I’ve got to go grocery shopping. -_-

  170. I’m sorry your body is blowing up. growing old sux. I don’t understand sometimes my mind is screaming I’m stoll in my early 20s but my body in insisting I’m creeping up on middle age. reality sux is my moral of the day.

  171. I second looking into the MTHFR mutation. It affects methylation which is used by literally every system in your body which is why it can eff so many things up in there. I call it the mothereffer because of course I do. I has it. With vitamins and therapies and other stuff I’m feeling a lot better now but it was pretty gnarly for a while!

  172. Hang in there. I have all screwed up everythings, and I’ve been taking vitamins and minerals and meds and all kinds of stuff forever and sometimes I’m good and sometimes I don’t get out of bed except to feed my baby-cats.

  173. Glad they were able to give a remedy to your ailments… Kinda makes me scared for when I finally see a doc and they discover all of mine. x_x

  174. You wouldn’t also happen to be experiencing pinkish to red eyes, food not digesting/ moving through your GI tract, distended stomach, or your veins becoming more visible on your inner arm/leg or torso and appearing larger then normal? Just thought I would ask.

    (Not really. Finally some symptoms I don’t have. ~ Jenny)

  175. Halo Top makes low carb ice cream now…and it tastes like REAL ice cream. I promise.(but I’m not sharing my pint of birthday cake so neener-neener). Hopefully your body will get its crap together post haste. 🙂

  176. I’m only saying this because you don’t know where I live… BUT. I’m listening to this book (because who has time for READING?!?! – this is part of my problem – I spend my time reading blogs and fb instead of books… but I digress). I’m listening to this book and it made me think of you and hope that it may help. I’m also hoping it helps me, but… I think we’re headed in the right direction. I was going to finish before I told you, but… then you posted this. ANYWAY I’m babbling. (lack of people I can speak freely with is also part of my problem). The book. “Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself by Lissa Rankin, MD. it’s apparently a 5.5 hour book according to Kindle? I somehow have 6 hours and 45 minutes left in the book and I’ve been listening for a while… unless I zoom out… and then I have 9.5 hours left in the book. And when I click on the button that says that… it says I have 5:11 left. So. I don’t know how long it’ll take to read OR listen to BUT the gist is that if you are miserable, it’s making you sick, and that while medicine is 100% necessary, having a connection to a community who truly cares for you is almost more important than medicine – it either makes the medicine unnecessary, or lets the medicine work (which should be good news for you). I’m realizing by reading it that there are lots of parts of my life that are not quite “low hanging fruit” that are out of whack, and I’m working on whacking them 😉 There are some parts that I can’t actually affect right now that I know are messing me up, but in time, I hope that i can “whack” them too.

    Anyway… if you’re body is revolting, it might be that your brain is revolting – which we already know it kind of is. I haven’t gotten to the part of the book that tells you how to fix your brain, but I think it’s supposed to be like, Chapter 10. If you get the book, you’ll probably finish it before I do… and then you can tell me if it was useful, haha! (And to reference sentence #1: telling someone “your sick because it’s all in your head” is an incredibly dangerous thing to say to someone with disease. But it makes sense that if our hormones/chemicals are out of whack… and our brain is the one who regulates those hormones… that our brain is what needs to be fixed. I’m hoping. Cause I’m not outta-whack enough for any medical intervention (yet)… just enough to make life more difficult.)

    I hope that supplements and maybe this book can straighten you out. Just do us all a favor and never become “normal” – just happy and healthy 🙂

  177. They took almost all of the blood in my body, put it into test tubes, ran a bunch of other tests as well, and said they couldn’t find anything else wrong with me so they gave me a dx of MS. That was 25 years ago. Since then I’ve been so anemic I should have been dead, over-produced estrogen to such an extent I couldn’t stop bleeding, and suffered such nerve-pain I wanted to die; until my last visit to the neuro when she said I was in MS remission! I’m supposed to be all better now but I have no balance, no strength and, again, no answers. !!! Good luck and I hope you are feeling better soon. {{{{{{e-Hugs}}}}}} the only kind I can give you. Thanks for being a part of my life.

  178. Hugs! Welcome to the supplements gang. I’m also on the I Quit Sugar thing, it’s quite fun because they distract you with other tasty food. Also Dorothy Barker is cute and I want to squish her.

  179. I always describe myself as having an over active immune system. I have allergies, Hashimoto’s and pernicious anaemia – so pills and shots for ever… I also have to take Vitamin D supplements, am supposed to take iron supplements and should be eating less sugar. My Doctor has gleefully informed me that since I have some autoimmune diseases I can look forward to getting more – it’s like a lucky dip where you don’t want to win! When your dosages are eventually right you will feel better.

  180. I’ve found out over the years of struggling with various mental and physical and mental health issues that we all have ideas about what foods/meds/vitamins etc work for us. I think we’re all good intentioned and want to share what’s worked for us or our family and friends in order to help other people. So, all advice is good and the solution is finding what works best for you. I ended up reversing my type 2 diabetes, lowering my blood pressure, eliminating IBS and improving the symptoms of my life-long depression and anxiety among other things. What mattered most for me in terms of diet, and I think for most people, is that I found a way of eating that I enjoy and can stick to. It took a lot of trial and error however. I chose whole food plant strong (think The Engine 2 Diet) and that’s worked for me. However we eat, I think it’s important to eat as much whole food as we can but, like I said, that’s what’s worked for me, maybe not for everyone. Good luck finding what works best for you. I’m pulling for you! And btw Dorothy Barker rocks! Love the video.

  182. I went Keto last Augusta because of the same type of problems, plus a huge weight gain when I sprained my knee and couldn’t move for six weeks. Nothing else worked, and I felt absolutely awful all the time, so I thought, why not, let’s give it a go. VERY difficult to do for the first two months, but I’ve lost about 40 pounds so far. I really believe getting rid of as much processed sugar as possible is a very good thing. Keto is very restrictive, but it works for me and for a lot of other people…

  183. Misery loves company, so in a show of solidarity I want you to know that this stage 4 terminal cancer patient with a new, fresh hell after every blood test and CAT scan, is rooting for ya! Don’t give up Jenny, don’t let the fuckers win!! (fuckers= those annoying cells/viruses/bacteria/synapses trying to kill you)

    (Sending you all my love, sweetness. Keep fighting. ~ Jenny)

  184. I have just given up chocolate, cake and biscuits for a month for the MS Society. My mum guilted me into giving up ice cream too. If you decide to go on a sugar deprivation rampage, let me know. I might join you. Especially if my husband keeps eating brownies in front of me.

    So sorry you are sick.

  185. That testosterone is probably going to make you more hairy. Just sayin.

  186. Deplin- the B vitamin your brain needs to make serotonin or Cerefolin- which contains that vitamin but also b12 and NAC for mental alertness and to rid the fogginess from the antidepressants. And Garden of Life Mood probiotic – so your gut absorbs those vitamins better. These changed my life!

  187. I hope things get balanced out. It is probably a good idea to put the whole magnet therapy idea aside until you see if things improve with your health first. My best friend has RA and all of the medications she takes causes other complications. One is that she is now pre diabetic even though she is skinny as a rail. I’m also pre diabetic but it’s my own fault for being too chunky. I would also love a mashed potater sandwich. 💛💚💙

    (My RA drugs cause weird side effects too. I’m borderline for lupus but they think it’s from the toxicity in my blood from the RA shots so if I went off the drugs it would go away. But if I went off the drugs I’d be in the hospital for RA so, catch-22. I think my body just likes hospitals. ~ Jenny)

  188. I had a sweet elderly patient come in the other day who said ‘I’m turning 99 next week!’.
    I asked what her secret was so with pen poised to copy it down she replied.
    ‘Too much dicking around I think.’
    Turns out I didn’t need to write it down to remember…

    (I love her. ~ Jenny)

  190. I find that when i crave sugar, fruits are my best friend. Especially dates.

    There are diy popcicles too.. they are like fruit and coconut water. Yum.

    (They restricted almost all fruit on this diet. I can have a half cup of berries in the morning but no other fruits allowed. Bleh. ~ Jenny)

  191. Oh my gosh. This is MY LIFE. I have all these random awful symptoms (constant nausea, abdominal pain ranging from “meh” to “time for the ER,” fatigue, racing heart, and more!) and I can’t find a doctor I can afford who can figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I have discovered I have way crazy low Immuniglobulin A, whatever that means, and a vitamin D deficiency, but other than a Vitamin D supplement I can’t get anyone to tell me what to do to fix myself. bodies are basically the worst.

    (My vitamin D is crazy low too. They put me on Ossopan MD and D3 5000 for it but I don’t know if it’s working or not. ~ Jenny)

  192. Cue the unsolicited advice: Are you already taking medication for acid reflux, like prilosec? I found out the hard way that meds like that can cause severe malnutrition, and that alot of doctors don’t seem to know it. Obviously your body isn’t absorbing or retaining nutrients, and that sucks. It’s likely related to your RA/RA meds, but either way, I really hope you experience relief soon. and, treating the absorption issue will probably alleviate some of the depression symptoms. The low-sugar thing gets easier, the first 2 weeks are the absolute worst. I just had to distract myself – oh and I also made a paper chain.

    (I had no idea until reading these comments. I don’t take it daily but I take it more than I probably need to because I’ve been so worried about the gastric issues I had. Gonna cut it way back. ~ Jenny)

  193. I so get you… i’m allergic to allergy meds and the breathing meds put me into asphyxia…oh ya i’m allergic to the yeast in my body and i could go on….

  194. You should see if Victor will whip you up a batch of snickerdoodle crepes. I found the recipe on ibreathimhungry blog, it is low carb and sugar. Made with eggs and cream cheese and fake sugar. But it actually tastes like you are eating carbs. Saved me last month on a keto diet.

  195. I misread “pernicious anemia” as “precious anemia” and was impressed that even your diseases are cute.

  197. I had a friend who was suicidal that completely turned around when they put her on testosterone. Apparently a little aggression is what makes us strong enough to get out of bed in the morning.

    The anemia is all about iron and supplements probably aren’t helping because it’s an absorption issue. Oddly enough, antacids and acid reducers (like Prilosec) interfere with the absorption, so your ulcer medicine is probably causing the anemia. Beets will help the sugar craving AND have iron and other good stuff! And it makes your pee pink! Win win!

  198. I am with you since my body hates me too. I am allergic to EVERYTHING and my body is currently having an allergic tantrum to god knows what. I cannot eat anything but coconut milk/blueberry smoothies. 9 years, I have been working to figure out my issues…..lung problems, itching, rashes, digestive issues, ever increasing allergies….fatigue…oh, the fatigue.. My doctors literally shrug their shoulders and say well, come back if it gets worse. You are an enigma.

  199. I see that lots of people are suggesting that you get checked out for celiac disease, and so I’m adding my voice to the mix; not everyone has the “classic” (weight loss, chronic diarrhea) symptoms, but vitamin deficiencies are definitely a symptom. And my endocrinologist told me that autoimmune disorders tend to travel in packs. (I personally have celiac, hypothyroid and Crohn’s disease — lucky me!) Whatever the cause, I hope you feel better soon —

  200. I’ve got a laugh for you: my brother (28) had pernicious anemia but called it promiscuous anemia, which sounds a lot more fun, frankly. Hope you’re feeling a lot better soon!

  201. Dear Jenny
    Neither you nor your mind are broken. You can do this slowly by reducing what you’re not supposed to eat and replacing it with nutritious snacks and meals. If you go cold turkey, your body will react. It took years to get you to this point it might take that long to undo it.

  202. “Or they won’t.” Yes. I’m leaning into that hard lately. My good friend always tells me, “it’s going to be ok.” And she genuinely believes it. And my response lately has been, “or it won’t.” Because that’s the rub, and often the reality. I’m close to being OK with that, because I think that’s the ticket. Learning to be ok with the not ok. Ok?

  203. My body is failing me too so I can relate. It sucks. I hope the meds help and that you feel better soon!! P.S. You’ve inspired me to want to do my own creepy doll challenge. Now I just need to find a bit more motivation to actually go do it.

  204. Nothing but love for Dorothy Barker, and Victor, cause who else is going to yell “eat some protein” and mean it! Thanks for the Lemony Snicket reference, refreshing! Your wonderful, wicked sense of humor is like a pill for all of us. You’re gonna make it and it will all feel better. Love and hugs to you Jenny

  205. Nothing but love to Dorothy Barker, and Victor, because who else can yell “eat some protein” with love! Thanks for the Lemony Snicket reference, I’m always amazed by you. Your wicked humor is like a pill for all of us. You’re gonna be fine Jenny, love and hugs.

  206. I’m late to the comment party, as usual. So hopefully you’ll see this but maybe you won’t.
    Back in the 1920’s thousands of people each year DIED of Pernicious Anemia. That’s actually how it got it’s name. Pernicious: Immensely harmful, destructive, or deadly.

    Through what can only be described as a fluke of luck, it was discovered that something in liver helped PA patients live longer. The scientists who discovered this fact actually won a Nobel Prize for it. After further research, vitamin B12 was discovered and named and, eventually, synthesized. It was a huge achievement because injections of B12 saved lives. It was such a wonderful discovery that doctors began offering B12 shots for just about every ailment under the sun and many people felt a benefit from them. But the over administration of this vitamin caused doctors to start believing that B12 was really just giving a placebo effect. It became out of fashion to offer anyone B12 shots if it couldn’t be proven that they absolutely needed them. Sadly, that’s still the case. It’s sad because the only tests available aren’t all that accurate (they are far more likely to give a false negative than a false positive), so many people who really should be on injections don’t know they are deficient and aren’t getting adequate treatment. And, over time, doctors and the public became forgetful about just how awful Pernicious Anemia really is. Vitamin B12 levels aren’t even part of routine bloodwork, so it is impossible to know just how large a portion of the population is deficient.

    PA ,as opposed to a vitamin B12 deficiency from another cause (and there are several possible causes of B12 deficiency), is an autoimmune disease where the immune system attacks either the special protein, called intrinsic factor, made by the parietal cells that line the stomach, or the parietal cells themselves. In either case, the body can’t absorb B12 from food. Injections bypass the digestive system and deliver the B12 directly. Because the treatment, which is for life, is so effective at alleviating symptoms, it is often mistakenly referred to as a cure. It is not a cure. It is a maintenance treatment. Hopefully cures for all autoimmune diseases, including PA, will someday be found. Until then, this orphan disease will continue to affect roughly 1% of the population. In the US, that’s about 3 million people a year.

    When the immune system attacks the parietal cells, something called gastric atrophy occurs and the absorption of all nutrients suffers. This may be the reason you are so deficient in so many vitamins. An endoscopy can confirm gastric atrophy.

    I’m sorry that you are part of this particular club. You have enough other ailments that it seems unfair to add another. Especially this one, which has a troubling tendency to be overlooked and under-treated in the US. We are in the only country in North America that doesn’t sell injectable B12 over the counter without a prescription, which further hinders the ability of patients with this disease to stay well. It is frustrating that the FDA recognizes that only injectable B12 adequately treats PA, yet they leave administration of it to under-educated doctors who’ve had, usually, just one day of education on the topic of vitamin deficiencies, and who often suffer from mistaken information about what the symptoms are and what age groups can present with them. Not to mention the doctors who still believe B12 is just a placebo. In the case of PA, the system is broken and needs to be fixed (we’ll add that to the list of health reform issues the congress is supposed rewrite, right?).

    You’d think 3 million sufferers could band together and get some attention going for this problem, but, apparently, we’re all too foggy-headed from lack of treatment to make much noise. So the only group I know of is this one, based in the UK, where they face many of the same diagnosis and treatment problems that we have here: https://pernicious-anaemia-society.org/

    Wow, I guess I had something to say. Mostly I want to say that I’m glad you’re only dying your normal amount and not faster. I love your blog and your books. 🙂

  207. 21 days. You can do anything for 21 days. That is how long it will take for the sugar cravings to go away, because the effects of the sugar will take 21 days to clear your system. Do a reverse countdown, take it a minute at a time, drink lots of water, and you will feel better about the lack of sugar. 21 days.

    A friend has pernicious anemia as a result of gastric bypass surgery and she is getting IV treatments for it. Sounds awful and serious, and she feels worse before she feels better after the treatments.

    Hope you find some answers and treatments that work for you.

  208. Like many others, I’m also part of the multi-diagnosis club with things like anemia, depression, anxiety, trigeminal neuralgia, pituitary tumor and a few others. One time, a couple of years ago, I decided (all by myself) to wean myself off all of my meds and try a nutritional/exercise approach to cure me. I had this grandiose idea that I could be on the show Naked and Afraid because I wanted so much to be a bad ass! Needless to say, my experiment FAILED miserably and I’m back on all my meds plus a couple of extra ones. Vitamin supplements and nutritional support are great but they certainly doesn’t take the place of pharmaceuticals! I don’t have anything inspirational to add but wanted to add my 2 cents – just because I needed the camaraderie! It can be lonely in the multi-diagnosis club. I hope you get all the support you need and start feeling better soon. Sending happy thoughts your way.

  209. Bacon. I’ve done that bullshit low carb low almost everything etc diet and bacon is key. And eating every 3 hours. Use a timer. Or you will cry and cheat. I finally realized chocolate is essentially poison to me because it makes me angry and anxious later/the next day. And…all super sugary stuff. I just tell myself I’m allergic. And when I put the kids’ candy in my mouth I ask myself, “Is this taste worth feeling like shit later?” Usually no and I spit it out. Still eating too much of my family’s movie night popcorn which maybe be fucking up The Cranky Panky but when I was doing perfectly on the perfect diet I also go so skinny it scared my grandma.

  213. i cant stress enough how much being a healthy vegan and walking everyday helps my depression. I’m still over 200 pounds, but it saved my life to do these little things. Plus vitamins. meds and therapy too, plus self love. Every little bit helps.

  214. Sounds like we’re in the same boat
    I wish my doctor cared as much as yours does to find a solution. 🙁 I’m seeing a new one today… Fingers crossed!

  215. I applaud you for your strength in sticking to the low carb, low sugar diet. I’m pre diabetic too, have been for some time, and I haven’t been following the diet. I know I should, but I just don’t have the gumption to do it. So applaud yourself right there! I take a lot of supplements too, prob for my crappy diet, so know that you are not alone. I do hope that you feel tons better. I know my grandpa used to say that if you can make it through a week of something, then you can go further. Of course he was talking about stopping smoking, and yeah, I haven’t been able to kick that either. Good luck to you!! I’m sorry that I made this about me. I just wanted to let you know that you are doing great.

  216. Has anybody ever tested you for mercury or other metals in your blood? I knew a chick in college that always felt like crap, dragged around for years, problems with pregnancy, whole mess, and then a new dentist said “wow! You have a lot of OLD FILLINGS and those have mercury. Has that ever been checked your blood levels for that?” No. Dr said “normal women’s issues, deal with it.” She got new fillings, and even though her mercury levels weren’t “toxic” before the fillings went, she got MUCH BETTER within a few weeks. Metals do strange things, and nobody checks for that routinely.

  217. Testosterone (sp???) – oh lawdy! My boss is getting shots and she has turned into a raging nympho. I am not even lying. I know waaayyy too much about this secondhand.

  218. I don’t want to be one of those people but I will tell you that diet is huge.I follow a diet plan by the Happy Herbivore and after I started it I lost weight, my bloodwork significantly improved, and I have never felt better. I have been doing this for three years. I never diet and my weight is the same. I exercise but not freakishly so. If you don’t want to change your diet, at least make everything yourself. Do NOT eat sugar free products that have artificial sweeteners. Read all labels and if you don’t know what an ingredient is don’t eat it. Diet changes are the hardest of all and people lose interest in it and go back to medications. I think you can feel better-start small. I wish you the best.

  219. so i’m guessing blue bell is not something that would be doable on this low-carb/low-sugar diet thing. that really, REALLY sucks. i’m very sorry.

    also, i love you. :] even with all the things wrong inside you. you’re a pretty badass chick.

  220. Maybe you have so much “body fuckery” to compensate for the awesome talent you have. I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. I don’t even play one on TV. I’m sure you have derived no comfort whatsoever from this comment. But a talented person once told me #youarenotalone.

  221. This is pretty close to what I am experiencing, & Charity Caroline’s comment above about the nausea, racing heart, & other weird symptoms – yeah that’s my problem, too. I’m going to ask my doctor for a complete blood panel or whatever you called it – after I get my upper & lower gi scopes later this month. Get well soon, Jenny, you’re an inspiration to all of us who are broken in body & mind. I’ll eat some fruit and sugar for you if you’ll eat some cheese and butter for me.

  222. So sorry you are feeling bad… just in case it’s been overlooked, I suggest requesting a blood test for Celiac Disease. “Gluten-free” sometimes gets a bad reputation of being a fad or trend but for people with Celiac, gluten is basically poison and can cause tons of different problems. From GI issues to migraines, depression, brain fog, seizures, diabetes, infertility and pretty much everything you can think of! Best wishes that you get answers and can start healing soon. 💕

  223. And I can’t believe I forgot to mention Celiac often causes vitamin deficiencies! Plus it can lead to osteoporosis, miscarriages, sometimes stomach cancer … and there are often other autoimmune issues for Celiacs and their families (think thyroid disease, RA, etc) Okay, sorry if I’m rambling or sounding scary… it’s just that since my daughter was diagnosed 4 years ago I’ve helped (read encouraged, nudged, ok pushed! 😂) a number of friends to get themselves or their kids tested & diagnosed after being mysteriously really sick (each one has had different sets of symptoms). They had doctors running complicated tests and prescribing meds with no relief and then a simple blood test (and often a follow up endoscopy) is what was needed to know that going gluten free would get them healthy again. Ok, I promise I’m done with my PSA now! 😊

  224. I know you already have 233 well-wishers, but I thought I’d add something since I get a little sad when I check your site and you haven’t been well enough to post anything in a couple of days. I admit that I’m selfish for wanting you to feel well. Sorry about that. I’m also pre-diabetic and, though Victor is right about protein, it feels good to eat something junky once in a while, but do it without sugar, okay? I eat one narrow row of Lily’s Dark Chocolate every day. It’s 8 grams of carbs. Don’t know if you’re allowed any cheats yet, but when you relax it a bit, go for Lily’s chocolate. Can you eat stevia? I also make a smoothie with cocoa, stevia, half and half, protein powder, and a dozen ice cubes. Can you see that chocolate measures high on my happiness quotient. Do they let you eat dairy? I die a little whenever a nutritionist tells me I have to give up dairy too but I haven’t done it yet. I felt hugely better when I lowered my carbs, so I hope you will too.

    Just the other day, someone told me you can make a grilled cheese sandwich using cauliflower instead of bread, but it sounded so lame that I didn’t make it yet. You take good care.

    http://acatontheghettobox.blogspot.com/2017/04/an-employee-for-pile.html

  225. I hope you’re better soon. Also 3 words Polar flavored seltzer. Nearly as good as soda. Summer flavors are out and watermelon margaritas is very good.

  226. Ew, it’s like the enforced diet is a deliberate slap from the universe to cap off a shit month! Like the mouldy cherry on a crap sundae. Just keep swimming, I believe in you. And you’d be surprised how vitamin/iron deficiency can make a real difference once it’s corrected. (Also, just wanted to say, for the first time in 9 years I’m off my anti depressants. I haven’t told my family yet in case it doesn’t stick but I wanted to share. There’s light at the end of the tunnel – and it’s not an oncoming train.) Love always xoxo

  227. Also, the iron tablets will make you poop black and constipate you, so that’s something lovely to look forward to!

  229. Don’t have anything witty or wise to say. Just wanted to add my wishes for you to be sorted out and feeling much better very, very soon.

  230. I have pernicious anemia too! I love it when in comes up in conversation (and, oddly, it does) and I can lob the term. Sounds so much better than “vitamin B12 deficiency”. Anything that requires shots to control needs a name that makes people wince.

  231. I hope everything they are giving you helps you feel better and knocks your depression down to a manageable size.

  232. Anemia and multi vitamin deficiencies can DEFINITELY make depression and anxiety worse. Hang in there, we are all rooting for you! <3 <3 <3

  234. This sounds like my life, without the supportive family and award-winning blog; I’m about to be homeless again, and I’m broke, and I’m 31 and have struggled with mental illness my whole life.
    What an asshole life is.

  235. You can do this:) It won’t make everything perfect, but it will make everything feel much better than it did before. Sleep, more fats, protein, water, and extra salt helped me a lot.

  236. I hope that the diet and meds have you feeling better soon! Because of age and health issues, I have been eating “clean” for a few weeks now (almost Whole30 – but I’m not ready to give up my one cup of coffee with creamer yet) and one thing that has made it bearable is Tessemae’s ranch dressing! No sugar and 1 carb. I put it on everything!!

  238. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. I have been there and sometimes I think doctors get lost and end up in the wrong places or just don’t know much. Doesn’t help. I wanted to actually say thank you for the racoons😊 Your book helps me a lot and every time I see a racoon I think of it. Lately there have been a lot of racoons. And apparently a lot of rambling but mostly racoons. And spoons. They make me feel better. Hope that makes you feel better

  239. I sincerely wish all your miseries come to an end at the earliest and they will..definitely..I can relate to you in a way that I was trapped by multiple diseases in 2011 for almost a year or so, one after the other..worse part was ,no medicine seemed to work..I felt like killing myself rather than living a miserable life..but just then , one of my seniors said something really really wise to me which helped me go through that bad time and in next 2-3 months everything slowly got fine. he said ,” Dear friend , always remember – Since your good times didn’t last for long, even bad times won’t.It’s a law of nature, anything & everything which reaches peak has to come down .” ….From what I can infer from your post, Your health issues have touched the peak and only good things are in store for you..give yourself courage,please don’t feel exhausted or giving up at all.

  240. WARNING: DO NOT EAT THE SUGAR FREE POPSICLES!!!

    Seriously, they are the crack. You will want to eat three boxes a day. You will want to stab anyone else who dares eat them, even if you have a freezer full of them. You will become obsessed. These are not normal. The threat is real. I wish I was joking, but I’m not. I talked about this with friends and I found out I was not alone.

    Just eat a regular Popsicle. They are good, but not that good.

    Also, Lime Outshine bars are the most refreshing thing I’ve ever had in my life. The lemon are good, too, but the lime are B.E.S.T. I feel the need to explain I usually prefer lemon over lime, but Lime Outshine might change your life. (You will want 2-3 a day, but I think that’s okay)

  241. Oh how I can relate! Testing all week and med adjustments. Trying my best to keep my chin up but it seems to keep falling! Not sure a piece of chicken wire could tie it up! Picking up your books often snaps me out of my hole for a short time. That’s a good thing! My body and head together is not a good combination. One or both always seems to be fucking with me. Oh just one day of peace! Still waiting! Yes – once again CRAZY! Maybe it’s the others judging me! Nice thought at least! Where is the understanding, compassion or even a simple go to hell when you need it?

  242. I’m type 1 diabetic and the sugar free popsicles are miracle workers! Every time I want something sweet I eat one of. those bad boys

  243. Thank you for this. I’m all fucked up too and going to the doctor tomorrow in hopes of a cure. I’m in mourning bc my husband died recently. Actually 19 months ago and everyone is over it but me. Wondering if my feelings are my life-long depression or what and oh my anxiety is off the charts.

  244. Blueberries are a low carb fruit. Relative to other fruits.
    Also Trader Joe’s has things like low sugar pasta sauce and whole wheat pasta. (Mostly edible). TJs has lots of low sugar items.

  245. Ginkgo liquid from Whole Foods lessens constipation. Two droppers full in a small cup of water.

  246. I;m not sure if the diet you’re on is a Ketogenic diet, but I just went on it for three weeks, and it sucked (‘cuz I’m a vegetarian), and then my doctor was like great work! Do this for another three months, and I just looked at her in disbelief and told her I couldn’t. Anyway, I managed to find some ketogenic recipe books, which really helped me feel like I could at least make something resembling food, but good luck!

  247. My sis in law suffered with depression, anxiety and anemia – was finally diagnosed with celiac disease and did much better after changing her diet. Her body just wasn’t able to absorb nutrients while it was messed up with gluten.

  249. Hormones are so damn important and so fucking ignored by doctors it is insane. It would help if more women were scientists or presidents. I have so many things to say about hormones but I should probably start my own blog to do that. I would call if “If Hormones Could Talk” but no one would read it. Good for you for testing them and keep learning stuff and insert unsolicited advice here. You are smart and your daughter will thank you for figuring this shit out for her.

  250. Sounds like Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which is an endocrine disorder characterised by hormone imbalance, insulin resistance, diabetes, heart disorders amd hirusitism just to name a few.

  251. My husband has the same anemia. The good think, after therapy he has the best hair ever, better skin and is super fit. Good luck.

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