Dear lady whose small dog was running in the middle of a road and almost caused several accidents until me and a stranger made a roadblock with our cars and chased down the dog and then walked door-to-door carrying him until we found someone who was like, “I’m shocked that dog is not dead yet. He lives next door and is always in the road” and then we went to your door and you looked at me indignantly and angrily grabbed your dog like I’d forcibly kidnapped him from his happy life of attempted suicides and said only, “Well, he’s an outside dog sometimes, thankyouverymuch“:
I’m going to burn your garage down.
Maybe.
Hugs.
me
Set it on fire and laugh while it burns, then adopt the dog. She doesn’t deserve it.
Man, I’d have snatched that dog back and said “Sorry, wrong house.”
Few things tick me off more than being a good Samaritan and helping a dog get home, only to have the owner act like you’re out of line for expecting them to give a shit that their dog is trying to get itself killed.
What a fucking bitch. Burn it the fuck down.
You should have to pass a test to be allowed to own pets. Question #1: Would you allow your dog to be a “sometimes outside” dog if you knew he were continually throwing himself in the path of oncoming traffic?
Irresponsible pet owners are the absolute worst people.
Hey, we have one of those dogs in our neighborhood! It’s constantly going between the grandparents and parents house on its own, and they just let it!! I honestly can hardly believe it hasn’t been hit yet! So frustrating!!!
YOU GO GIRL……..dumb bitch. Do you need another dog? hee hee
I want to add my name and bring an accelerant
You tell her! Does Dorothy Barker need a friend?
There was no need for her to be so sassy! I had a dog who loved escaping, but if anyone ever brought him home before we could find him, I would have been super thankful!
I’ll help
I’ll bring the marshmallows…..
Maybe just set the lady herself on fire? Because what if the thing she didn’t say was “And sometimes he’s in the garage, alone.”?
Just consider it, Jenny. <3
Kidnap the dog AND burn down the garage and maybe the house
A jury of your peers would not convict you.
Our cat Dushenka was someone’s outdoor cat until she decided that she could get a better deal at our place. We’re hers now.
I think a dog “adoption” is called for. You have ýour bail fund account, right?
You know what helps if you want to have your dog outside? A fucking fence.
And I will help you. I am a pacifist. However. Hurt animals or children and philosophy flies away. Hoping this dog continues to be smarter than it’s owner. C’mon Karma.
Is there such a thing as Doggie CPS (child protective services)?
I’ll help!
I feel like I shouldn’t encourage arson. So maybe just break one of her windows. “Sorry! I thought it was a SOMETIMES OUTSIDE window.”
What a bitch!
Start leaving ransom notes next time you see him running around. For stuff like 3 olives, 2 pieces of cold pizza, and a set of tweezers. Just for kicks.
This is why I like animals more than people. People suck
Can we also burn down the house of the lady who locks her dog outside all night, so it whines and yelps until she lets it inside at 6am?
I’ll be right there to help you with the burning.
next time he gets out, and he will, keep him (or rehome him to someone who will actually take care of him)
You should call the local Humane Society! This is abuse. That poor dog. People like this make me sick. 😰 Thank you so much for rescuing him, Jenny. ♥️
Dear arson investigators/police,
It wasn’t her. She was visiting me at the time. In another state. Plus, haven’t you ever seen Midsomer Murders? It’s never the person who makes the threats who winds up being guilty. The woman must have done it herself- if she’s that careless with her dog, she’s probably also careless with her garage.
Ruh-roh. She hit you where it hurts. Neighbors, you can’t live near them and you CAN’T burn their garages down!
“I’m going to burn your garage down.
Maybe.
Hugs.
me”
This made me laugh out loud. Thank you, I needed that today.
Was it a chihuahua? I have a neighbor who let’s her chihuahua roam because “it’s harmless” and it’s drives me crazy. I’ve nearly run it over about a dozen times. I have to remind myself it’s not it’s fault that it’s owner is rude, thoughtless, and a terrible pet owner who doesn’t care about their animal.
Yep. I called someone out in the neighborhood & she now warns anyone that posts that their dog is out that I will take them to the shelter. I work in rescue & my job is to reunite families with their pets! But if your dog is out crapping all over everyone’s lawns & tearing up their trash & is never put on a leash, then yes, I will take your “beloved” dog to the damn shelter!
I would call your local animal control and report her. Most communities have leash laws and it is against the law to let your dog roam. It’s just a matter of time before the poor dog gets smashed or causes a car accident with drivers trying to avoid it and causing themselves and others bodily harm. Hopefully the dog will be removed and get a home with someone with firing brain synapses.
Call Animal Control. If she has to bail the dog out a couple of times, maybe she’ll learn something.
Sad thing is I’ve seen people act the same way with their kids! Like- how dare you return my 3 year old to me. Of course I knew she was playing next to a pond completely unsupervised!
I hate this kind of people! I found a cat like that once. She lives with me now. I’m not giving her back to someone that doesn’t give a shit if she’s ok or not.
An outside dog is in YOUR YARD, lady, not running the streets and pooping in the neighbor’s yard. Next time, Jenny, bring him to animal control so she can spend a couple hundred to get him back (and then adopt him if she doesn’t come get him). “My dog now. Bwahahaha!”
I’ll bring the graham crackers and chocolate to go with the marshmallows. Dorothy Barker needs a friend.
Next time, that snatch doesn’t get her dog back.
Hate (yes I know it’s a harsh word that’s the intention in this instance) irresponsible pet owners. We have pretty strict leash laws here that keep most dogs from running loose but no one observes the same law for their cats. Cat cause accidents too. Cats left to roam are at constant risk from other cats, coyotes, fox, dogs, disease, weather and stupid humans. If you have a pet then keep it contained. If I ever hit someone’s pet, or have an accident trying to avoid their pet, I will sue them for damages and emotional distress because I would be devastated if I hit an animal and then I would be pissed.
There is no such thing as an “outside dog” unless you live in a freaking 7000 acre ranch. NOT in a neighborhood with traffic. Then you call it a “dead dog with an owner who deserves to also be run over with the same car.” #incensed
i just moved from the city to a more rural farming area and have dealt with this nonsense 3 times over the last 2 weeks we have lived here. I literally saw a little pup weaving through traffic to yell at other dogs who were on leashes across the street while his family just watched and had 2 dogs roaming the neighborhood growl at me and my family (boyfriend and pup). I stomped my foot and deeply screamed “NO, BAD DOG”. Actually shocked the dogs into obeying and left us alone. I love dogs and donate to PETA, but i take no nonsense from farm dogs.
Some people should never be allowed to breed…and then SOME people should NEVER, EVER be allowed to own pets. Does this woman have children? Are any of THEM still alive?
I’d not only set fire to her garbage, I’d tip off the ASPCA. She needs to be STOPPED.
I am all in on the “burn her garage down” train. Just don’t use a tiki torch.
JANET COBURN – That is the best answer EVER! Thank you letting that cat adopt you.
Do It.
pull a Lizzy Borden on her and keep the dog
Bless her heart
Check with your local shelter. Ours charges a fee of about $150 to owners whose pets are brought in. We turned in our former neighbor’s dog a couple of times, and after that, we never saw him run loose again. It’s a good incentive for them to keep closer tabs on their fur babies!
Need help? Plus, I would like to adopt the dog (who would be an INSIDE dog from now on). Thanks for saving him!
I really like the ransom note idea above. Also, maybe papering her front door with ads for fence companies. Or have a ginormous puppy pen/dog run delivered to her. “A gift from your neighbors. For your dog.”
I have tons of extra lighter fluid because my husband could never find the lighter fluid when he grilled so he would just buy more…
where were those dogs tags if it’s an outdoor dog sometimes?
Better a dog than a kid, I guess.
Obviously, she needs to continue to be An Inside Human™
A friend rescued a dog in similar circumstances more than once. After he’d had enough, the dog was turned over to a rescue a few towns away so the owner would have not a chance to track it down again.
Total douche lady! Take the dog and give it a safe home. 🙂
I don’t know what the laws are in Texas, but there may be something animal control can do.
Could be worse, you could have the mad pooper of Colorado springs as a neighbor…http://denver.cbslocal.com/2017/09/19/colorado-springs-mad-pooper/
Ugh, yes. A cute little puppy on my block has been saved by me a couple times already. But at least I didn’t get a sassy response. Sigh.
A barbeque to cook the flesh of our enemies as that garage burns would be nice.
Next time the dog gets out hopefully you will be able to catch him again before he gets hurt. Just keep him and if the woman comes to your house looking for him, deny that he’s there, even if he’s standing right behind you barking his head off.
Sounds like a case for the either the municipal animal control officers or the SPCA. If this person is failing to provide a safe home for her pet, a friendly visit from bylaw officers or the SPCA might help her adjust her attitude.
I wish I had half of your witt! I love you, and Victor and Dorothy Barker. Which is a random thing to bring up considering neither of them were mentioned in your hilarious piece. ❤️
Animal control? Failing that, a police report?
Outside is one thing, loose in traffic is another ball of wax…aren’t there any leash laws in fuckin’ Texas?
It’s called the LEASH LAW! If you KNOW your dog runs or doesn’t stay in the yard then you NEED to contain him/her some how!! Leashes, fences, outside dog runs, there are lots of ways to do it! Geez get a clue you loser! Your dog does not deserve this level of indifference! Thank you dear person who helped get this dog back to safety! It’s people like you who make my job as a Lost Dog Minnesota volunteer happier and easier!
Tape a copy of local leash laws to her front door and/or notify the local ASPCA.
It’s almost Fall. Yay, a bonfire. I’ll bring drinks.
Now all I can think of is this:
https://youtu.be/ucmsunDs3jE
We had a dog like that who lived next to us. His name was Jango.His owners did nothing to take care of him. He was always in the road, and he and my dog did not get along.That was as much my dog’s fault as it was Jango’s. My dog is A jerk. Thing is I know my dog is a jerk and compensate for it. These people did not care he was a jerk. One day I was getting my mail, and I noticed there was no Jango barking at my heals. One of the other neighbors came out and asked me if I had seen him, because there was a dog that looked just like him on the animal shelter’s adoption page. Sure enough there was Mango looking scared and confused. I shared Jango’s adoption information on Facebook. He was adopted pretty quickly, and hopefully is still happy with his new family.
I was REALLY worried when I saw the link from FB that you were going to confess to being The Mad Pooper http://nypost.com/2017/09/19/jogger-wont-stop-pooping-on-familys-lawn/
Passive aggressive revenge. SIgn her up for all the freebies you can find in magazines, news papers.
Our dog got out ONCE (due to my husband being distracted – I was at work). We live just off a very busy highway. I pretty much freaked out when I found out what had happened. Our dog is a shih tzu cross and would have never survived getting hit by a vehicle at highway speed. Some people just should not be pet owners. (BTW: the dog loves my husband more then me… unless I have cheese!)
Dear Jenny – you are awesome. Try not to be an arsonist. But we’d all be on your side. Hugs. All of us.
Some cider, some marshmallows. It will be fun. It’s Texas. Do it on a Friday night and pretend that it’s you encouraging some local football team. Spray paint the garage first too. That will make it more Bonfire festive like.
My children and I once found a dog running around our neighborhood. Not Kamakazi -esque like the dog you saved, but still clearly not where he was supposed to be. You could tell by the look on his face, like a toddler that locked mom and dad out of the house.
So I sagged his ass and called the number on the collar. The woman that answered was not at all like your rude negligent dog parent was. She was horrified and she left her son’s soccer game to come and secure the dog. (I wonder if that lead to her son running around an empty soccer field at the end of the game with the same look on his face as the dog had now that I think of it.) Except she kept asking, over and over again “how did he get out?” and I kept shrugging and finally it hit me that she keeps asking this and I keep answering her as though I could possibly have an answer. Yet she keeps looking at me when she asks like she really does expect me to have the answer. I finally replied “I don’t know how he got out, I keep asking him, but he won’t tell.” and then she also realized how circular and redundant and silly it was to keep asking a complete stranger that saved your dog from certain death (that may be a bit dramatic) questions she can’t possibly answer about that same dog. I am just the mother of the year that picked up a strange dog with all of my kids in the car and took that strange dog home so I could call a stranger and then give her my address. Hindsight.
I work in rescue and we see this all. the. time. Along with a million other shitty human stories. My little shih tzu/pom mix got out the gate the other day without me knowing and when I found her gone I practically went into hysterics. Luckily 30 seconds later she scratched on the side door to be let in, so alls well. But I would have been so fucking grateful if someone found her and brought her home. People are idiots. (ps. Lily looks a lot like Dorothy Barker!)
I think her proper response should have been, “Thank you.”
Well it IS an outside garage, sometimes. ❤️
Call Animal Control. I’m sure there’s a leash ordinance in your town, and she’s violating it by letting her dog run loose. If you can give them the dog’s address, so much the better. They can go have a chat with the owner/give her a written warning about the dog running loose. And every time you see that dog out unattended, call. They will fine her for repeat violations and may even confiscate the dog if she refuses to keep it secured.
I had a similar problem with my next door neighbor when we lived in Waco. They had a Lab that was always out because their gate across their driveway was broken and they couldn’t be bothered to fix it. Their dog attacked mine shortly after we moved to the neighborhood. My husband went next door to talk to them about it and they refused to come to the door! But they fixed the gate and kept the dog in the backyard for awhile (about 2 months). Then it was back to running loose, trying to bite bike riders and such. The second time it came after me and my dog, their kid was riding his bike and the dog was running along beside him. We’re minding our own business and this dog runs across the street to come after my dog. I managed to keep him off us while yelling at the kid that his damn dog needed to be on a leash. This time, I didn’t let it go. I called the cops. The officer came out, I told him that this was the second time this dog had come after me and my dog, and he went next door and had a talk with them. After that, the dog wasn’t out any more.
Your situation is a bit different in that this dog doesn’t seem to be dangerous, just owned by a stupid woman. So call Animal Control. Maybe if they get on her case enough, she’ll stop letting the dog run loose.
You know, there’s willing families that would love an escapist dog… she apparently isn’t one of them.
Ya know, “she needed killin'” is considered a valid murder defense in Texas.
Burning down a garage is property damage and likely to get you shot.
Probably.
poster not a licensed attorney, merely a longtime resident
Ever heard of a fence, lady?? Or a leash? If you’re going to have a pet, MAKE SURE YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF THEM PROPERLY!!! I’ll help you burn the garage down, Jenny. And bring wine slushes.
We had a neighbor like this. With a teeny Yorkie who looked all the world like a squirrel. I took him home several times, last time he’d gotten into my back yard–I have 6 dogs and 3 of the terrier mixes were chasing him down because he (1) looked like a squirrel and (2) was screaming like one. I get him to him in time (thankfully), take him home (do I have to?), am completely furious. The human at the door says “yeah, he keeps getting out somehow, we don’t know how it keeps on happening.” Me: Leans over, looks at gate standing open “Well, your gate is standing wide open, so let’s see if we can puzzle this one out.” He didn’t actually call me a bitch, though I wish he had because I was ready to scream at him. The dog was later found dead in the road, hit by a car. We found this out when we returned their Doxie to them after finding him in the middle of the road, back gate still wide open. Learn to work a latch people.
It’s international crazy dog day.
I had an encounter like that on a country road on my way to work today. Only the dog was a huge bouncy white spitz looking for entertainment from drivers going 160 mp/h because that’s the speed limit on country roads here. Only that’s more of a general guideline because we live in Germany and hey, we know that road, and when the road is dry you can go 190, easily, ha! and no one ever enforces the speed limit, because country road.
So the bouncy white spitz bounces across the field to the road, sees my car, and decides to go greet me. I decide I don’t want to be responsible for bouncy spitz roadkill and as there are no other cars in sight, I go from 160 to spitz-greeting-speed really quickly. There’s still no owner in sight and as I have quite a heart for lost pets and as he looks really friendly, I open the door and talk to Mr. Bouncy.
He, however, just nudges me with his nose and demands petting. As I am not a drive-by-petter and do not believe in parking in places longer than need be where other people go 190 mp/h, I keep my hands firmly on the wheel and he loses interest, quickly bouncing back across the field and looking for another opportunity to kill himself in traffic.
The End. (Luckily, the cats at work were totally normal today.)
And that explains why the dog was suicidal……..
I got lots of lighters & extra fluid. We got this. 😡
You should find out if your town has a leash law. Then you can report her to the authorities. A fine speaks louder than a burned out garage
People can suck. I rescued a pair of basset hounds that had crossed two main roads. When I called the number, the lady was completely unconcerned. “Oh, they’re always getting out.” And then didn’t even thank me for keeping them for her while she took her time driving to my house to pick them up. Awful.
Let them know that next time they’ll need to bail it out of the shelter. It costs over $100 the first time it happens here, and it goes up every time after. The cost of fixing the fence would start to pale.
I want to echo what Ayla said, but with an added twist. Use a brick to bust that window.
“Oh! So sorry! It’s a SOMETIMES INDOOR brick.”
Cow.
Ayla | September 19, 2017 at 1:55 pm
I feel like I shouldn’t encourage arson. So maybe just break one of her windows. “Sorry! I thought it was a SOMETIMES OUTSIDE window.”
She doesn’t sound like she deserves a pet to care for.
This dog’s spirit guide lives next door to me… We asked them to keep an eye out and they seemed compliant, but eventually a friendly neighborhood police officer had a little discussion with them. It’s much better now.
Ohmigawd! We’re neighbors?! I swear to God we have this same exact lady in our neighborhood! I’ve seen it happen, but I’m lucky enough not live by her. That said, I have considered kidnapping the dog for reals; given that I’m not super close to her and her abundant give-a-shit for the dog, I suspect I could get away with it…
By the sounds of it I’d say the poor dog was trying to run away from her !
I kept my next door neighbour’s cat when she left it outside for over a week in the cold snowy xmas holiday. Declawed too. I brought her in after the first 2 days, warmed her up and kept her safe until the neighbours came home. She went home for one day, then promptly came back to me and lived a long peaceful, warm life in my home. Sweetums passed a few yrs ago. I buried her in between the houses. I loved her so much
You are so talented, maybe you could make it a little helmet and then wrap it in bubble wrap. You know what?! Definitely do that and then send the dog home! It might make her think twice about unleashing it in the neighborhood and if not, everyone will have a wonderful laugh. :o) Please, please do this.
That’s made of suck.
Sometimes it does not pay to be nice. Kidnap the dog and burn down the garage.
That dog’s name should be Frogger.
I’ll bring the wieners and an alibi.
Wow, when we had dogs that got to go outside we also had this nifty invention that kept them in our yard. You know. A Fence? Maybe you could make her a fence of fire?
If the dog is in the street it is not in her control and therefore a stray. One of the neighbors needs to take it to animal control, or call them. They will be glad to explain things to the lady
Doesn’t deserve the dog. Dog deserves better.
I agree with everyone who mentioned fences. Your outside dog should be in your outside space, which does not include the street. Thanks for saving the dog’s life, Jenny.
Where we live, there are leash laws. Dogs like this are handled through Animal Control.
You totally should not have to deal with that attitude and no alcohol. I say justifiable arson.
We have a few of those in my neighborhood too. Irresponsible dog owners are the worst. It’s so bad that our neighborhood has its own lost and found dog page on Facebook.
I know a lot of untracible things you could do if you need fresh ideas.
You are perfectly in the right to call animal control or SPCA to come pick up the dog the next time it is out. Obviously, it sounds like the dog doesn’t have a tag, so they wouldn’t know who to contact unless it’s microchipped. Either she will have to pay to get her dog back or it can be adopted by someone who cares. I can’t stand it when people have pets and animals and aren’t committed to their welfare. Stupid people.
I think it’s sweet you’re only going after the garage.
Like the cop said to me, “Video everything. You can’t do ‘Your word against mine’ anymore. Get you phone out and record it.”
I’m thinking use Thin Lizzy’s “Jailbreak” for the music. And upload that ish, including taking the dog home. Though IANAL, but if you can get her to come outside off her property, you are in public and she has no reasonable expectation of privacy.
I know we all need someone to complain about at times. And man, did she set herself up for that. But I also know that there can be times when I have not responded appropriately to someone for various reasons. Like I’m embarrassed as hell. Or I’m pissed that no matter how many times I tell my child/spouse (yes you can read that whatever way you want) to close the gate, they never do and so the dog is “sometimes an outside dog”. No, I don’t have a dog. No it wasn’t me who let the dog out. But I know that I don’t know that person’s life and try very hard not to judge. Yet I do come back around to wanting to protect good samaritans like yourself, Jenny. No one should have to get that type of treatment ever, and especially when doing good deeds. So hugs to you!
Come to think on it, that’s how we got our dog. She was at the shelter. She was loose, they called the owner and he said he would be there to get her. Never showed up. we adopted her a month later. She’s never tried to get out of the yard, and is the best dog!
As much as I love the idea of a little well-deserved arson, I don’t want to see you get in trouble.
I’d call Animal Control in your area and let them know (if they don’t already) that this dog is a habitual escaper. They can come out and have an “official” chat with Miss Congeniality. Also, if the dog’s taken to the shelter, she has to fork over some moolah to get it out, so there’s that.
I volunteer at our local SPCA and I’ve seen all sorts of really shitty things that really shitty people do vis a vis their animals.
BTW, your story reminds me of the time I found a really scared dog wandering by the school where I taught. I managed to lure it with some treats, put a slip lead on it (yes, I’m a geek and always have leads, treats, poop bags, etc. in my car), calmed it down, and took it to its home. The owner had the big swollen ones to ask me if I had taken his dog! I just about slugged him, but instead informed him that I had my own dog, thankyouverymuch, and she liked me too much to run away. Dickwad!
I’ll bring the matches and some lighter fluid!!! what a stupid stupid person! Poor dog!
This is seriously how we ended up with our chiweenie Lily. At six months old, a whole 8 pounds, pervious owner was located after she was found running around our neighborhood during school drop off at the elementary school two blocks from our house. We brought her to the vet, she was chipped, they call the owner. I was a tech for 7 years, the correct response is “OMG where is she I’m on my way”. This lady gave every excuse for someone stole her, to house sitter left her out. Receptionist put owner on hold & said I think she’s going to tell me she doesn’t want her. I said fine I will find a home for her. She was spayed, chipped, & vaccinated. She had been adopted from a shelter. After a week of looking for a home I came in the house my bearded husband (looks like he should be on an arctic expedition) is carrying her like a baby and says we should keep her. We’ve had Lily for 5 years and I honestly couldn’t imagine giving her away now. If I knew where that bitch lived, I’d have done some vandalism.
One time, years ago, I was walking and came to an extremely busy intersection of five major roads to find a complete halt of traffic in all directions. In the very center was a dirty child about five years old with another dirty child of about three in a little red wagon.
I waited about five seconds for the distraught mother to run out and grab them….for someone, anyone, to run out and grab them. Realized no one was going to, so I did.
Played 20 questions with them….only head shakes and nods for answers…..and finally after about an hour found their home in a seedy apartment complex nearby. Knocked on the door and told the woman who answered where I found her two small children.
Whereupon, she grabbed them and started alternately screaming at me and screaming at and hitting them, then slammed the door.
No good deed goes unpunished.
In the case you cite, Jenny, I would probably just take the dog to a rescue group the very next time I find it outside alone.
I LOVE dogs, but their owners… sheesh. If you capture the dog again take it to animal control, the lady will get a fine and maybe learn her lesson or the dog will get a happier, more responsible home/owner.
People are such idiots…always blaming the other person for their idiocy…
In addition to Animal Control, if you live in a neighborhood with a Homeowners Association, you may want to advise them of this, especially if Barkers McBustin’ Loose has a habit of this.
Is there a leash law out where you live?! She needs to be reported! That poor dog is going to get killed!
Report her.
W
Poor dog to have such an imbicile for an owner! Hooray to you for saving it!
I’ll be your alibi. Oh, drat. I shouldn’t have posted it. Now everyone knows that. And alibis are very private things, shared only AFTER the crime. Then again, maybe they wouldn’t think we would be stupid enough … Er..cough cough… CLEVER enough to use it after we said it publicly in an online forum!
OH, and PS….in case anyone is wondering why I did not call CPS or Family Services or something, my experience is that that is one of the worst things you can do to a kid. They separate siblings, and toss them into foster homes most of whom are only in it for the money, and many of whom abuse the kids as badly or worse than they are already being treated. After seeing what the child care system is like most places I have no interest in calling CPS. It would only make the kids’ lives worse.
Animal rescue groups, on the other hand, are usually very good and that is where that nice little dog should go.
I can’t stand those people. They don’t deserve animals. Jennifer A
We had a temporary dog staying with us for 2 weeks after Hurricane Harvey (affectionately dubbed “Disaster Dog” or “Double D” for short). We put her in the back yard. She escaped and we had a whole search for her. We ended up finding her down the street. Fortunately, my neighborhood has a neighborhood watch Facebook group. That was how we found her.
A week later, we were keeping her in a cage in the back yard. She escaped from the cage and the yard. We didn’t even know she was missing…until a different neighbor knocked on our door and returned her.
I’m so grateful that our friend whose house flooded and is currently displaced did NOT lose her dog in the meantime! We did our best to keep the little rascal in the yard…but she’s part escape artist. 😀
Urgh. This makes me feel stabby. I cannot stand people who put their dogs outside and don’t put them in fenced back yard. If your dog is NOT going to be in your fenced back yard (or front yard or side yard or whatever you’ve got that’s grassy and fenced and yard-ish), then it needs to be on a chain or a leash or something.
I am not a dog person…I am REALLY not a dog person when they’re not well trained and well behaved.
Mmmkay, I let my dog out without her being on a leash. And I stand out there telling her she’s a good dog for not pooping in the house. 😉
You wanna let your dog run out the door? STAND THERE WITH YOUR DOG. No letting your animals (dog or cat or rabbit or emu) outside without being either monitored in person or being in a SECURE yard. Good for you for taking the dog home, poop on the owner for being an ass.
My mother in law had a sometimes outside dog, in a non-fenced yard. She used a long leash on a pole. Maybe someone can gift her one, or leave a picture of such a get up on her door. Pet owners need to protect the furry life they are responsible for; or don’t have pets! Simple as that!
Ugh. Our neighbors have a big golden retriever that will charge at every stranger passing by on the street at top speed while barking his head off. There’s an elementary school a block away, and there are lots of kids walking to school AND parents pushing baby strollers on our street. That dog has never once been on a leash. I think my almost-1-year-old daughter has developed a fear of dogs because of that stupid thing. She screams at the top of her lungs if one approaches within 5 feet of her, even if it’s being friendly.
I found a kitten crying outside under my car last month, took it into my apartment, gave it food and water and litter and a nice cat bed to sleep in while I looked for its owners, took it to the vet to see if it had a microchip (and it did, but it wasn’t registered, so no way to know who to contact) and came really close to giving it to a friend. Turns out my neighbors were “fostering” it. Sorry, but I went through about twice as many cats as one would think necessary growing up because they all died far before their potential lifespan as a result of being outside. Run over by cars, attacked by wild animals, poisoned by neighbors who hate cats, all kinds of reasons. Don’t let your pets run around outdoors unsupervised, PLEASE. Especially when they’re not even grown up yet!
I’m dying laughing here….well not really but you know what I mean. I have had to deal with stupid pet owners before and oh my God, some people should not be able to have children or animals.
You did the right thing. Dog owner? Not so much.
Top of my head flew off!
Lady, if he’s a sometimes outside dog, then you need to fence your yard.
Neighbors 2 doors down had a Golden Retriever that ran loose and did things like sleep in the middle of the road and terrorize my chickens. I was (I’m ashamed to say) glad when he died of old age. They immediately got a young GR that they allow to do the same thing. Sigh.
If I can steal a cat, you can steal a dog. And then burn that fucking garage to the ground it stands on.
I am a dog walker and pet sitter by trade and I can tell you that nothing enrages me like a dog off of a leash. I don’t care how much your dog likes to roam, dogs cannot be trusted to make good choices. They must be kept safe on a leash or in a properly fenced in area when outside. I’ve had dogs approach me while I am walking a restrained dog on a leash only to have their family casually say oh he’s friendly, it’s fine. To which I tend to reply the dog I’m walking isn’t, and you might want to come get yours before he becomes lunch. I am always in control of the dogs I walk, but I cannot control a strangers dog off leash that has the ability to continue to follow and doesn’t obey my commands.
I never get angry at the dogs. Dogs are pure love (well most of them, there are the occasional assholes) but their people should freaking know better.
Oh that kind of stuff seriously pisses me off! You need help pulling a dog heist, let me know.
We have strict leash laws here. Call 311 and report that their dog is constantly at large and the owner is not taking any steps to protect the animal from being hit or neighborhood residents from potentially being bit. That should prompt an Animal Care Services investigation. Unrestrained animals can be impounded by Animal Care Services.
In her next life, she’s going to be a fixed male chihuahua who goes outside a lot in a neighborhood with LOTS of hungry and or horny coyotes.
Seriously!? Here’s my candle lighter/flame thrower and a can of gas. Light Her Up!
Haha u go girl! And you are famous and she ain’t, so snaps to u.
So, perhaps we see WHY said doggo is suicidal?
I’d say if you see the pupper in the road again that perhaps Dorothy Barker has a new playmate.
I returned the neighbors dog to his yard when it seemed no one was home and several hours later the cops showed up at my house because the neighbors had complained I was trespassing! some neighbors are just total dickwads!
When I was growing up, the neighbours behind had a “semi outdoor” dog that we nicknamed “Punt”. On a regular basis, you’d hear the screeching of brakes, and we’d listen for the sound of a dog being hit by a car. Seriously, that dog survived being hit more times than I’d have thought possible.
When they got a new puppy, after Punt finally passed away, they kept it on a leash. And, um, then on a locked chain after my foster sister dognapped it and took it to school for show and tell.
People suck Jenny. Confiscate the dog. Dorothy needs a friend. I confiinscated/adopted a poor little chihuahua last year after my parents ahole neighbors decided to tie him to a willow tree and leave him there. Dicks. He’s now laying on my bed w/me keeping me warm:) Even better are the ppl that let their dogs loose, and you call the number on the collar and they’re like oh, yeah, he’s fine he does it all the time! Um, no sweetface, come and get your fing dog that is now pissing on the pole on my porch or I’m going to burn your house down!! Good lord.
No wonder the dog was trying to kill itself!
DICK!
Allow me to add my own outrage to the mix. I can’t stand people like that. My mom never forgot her teacher who died on the first day of school because she swerved to miss a “sometimes outside dog” and hit a telephone pole. Someone needs to teach her that the axis of the world does not drop through the top of her head.
Poor pup, not his fault. Can we kickstart a fence for the yard, and then make it the neighborhood dog park?
Outside dog, yes. Running in the street, NO. Your ‘outside dog’ belongs in a safe yard. Idiot woman.
Make sure you grab the dog and any other pets she irresponsibility “owns” first. Mailing you matches.
One of my neighbors (all of them are over 70 years old) has an ancient sometimes-outside cat that stares you down from the center of the road like “go ahead, make my day.” I don’t have the guts to call his bluff so I swerve every damn time. One time a concerned visitor picked it up and tried to take it to the neighbor because it was limping. The cat, not the visitor. The neighbor shrugged, scooped the cat up, watched the lady drive away, and promptly set the cat down in the grass as soon as the lady was gone. The cat went back to the middle of the road when the neighbor went back inside. They’re all too damn old to have any fucks left and somehow that’s kind of endearing in an oh-my-god-I-almost-just-killed-that-stupid-cat-again way.
Next time you find him in the road?
Finders keepers.
You can name him Roadie.
That dog needs a new home and a better class of human.
My neighbor does this with her pets and most end up dead — either run over by cars or eaten by predators (owls, coyotes, etc.). It’s really sad. She just posted on Facebook she got a new cat. It’s really pretty and I hate to imagine its fate. Her kids also used to run wild in the street. Luckily cars generally traveled pretty slow so they all survived to their glorious teen years.
I will help you burn down the garage!
Anonymously mail her brochures for invisible fences. And call Animal Control. What she’s doing is neglect!
“until me and a stranger?” I love you anyway though!!
I snorted and shot lemonade out my nose while reading this. Tasty AND sinus clearing.
Fucking rude. Burn that shit.
On my lap as I write is a 55 pound previous “roadrunner”. Found him in heavy traffic on a Saturday. Got his story from Animal Control as a dog left running loose habitually on Monday so he went back home with me. “Owner” contacted them Thursday, was told I said to sue me if he wanted MY dog back. Nearly 2 years later here we are. HAPPY ENDINGS ROCK!
Dorothy Barker needs a friend anyway.
Last year while my older brother was dying, I used to have days where my frustration level was through the roof. My younger brother told me to imagine having a punch party, which he explained was where you invited people you’d like to punch in the face. It still makes me laugh to think about it. That woman would be a shoo-in for one of the guests!
You know, I had a piss poor day with my daughter and then !y mother got on my case and then the man came home and was being useless and irritating and selfish and man – like. So I think that tomorrow my daughter can be an outside daughter. She is disabled so there us a very real possibility if her being hit by a car and/ or being returned to me by a concerned neighbor. But she IS a sometimes outside daughter. I mean she goes outside and swings. So that counts, rihht?
And she is harmless and won’t poop in other peoples yards. Maybe. She us also totally guiless, innocent and totally unable to take care if herself or make good judg!ent calls. I think that leaving her outside tomorrow all day is a great idea.
Obviously I’m not serious and yes, I realize I am talking about a person and not a dog but-
When one adopts an animal it comes with responsibilities. It can’t judge the speed of a car. Or decide if running after that kid on a bike is a good decision or not. There is nothing more innocent than an animal.
Now the sing Burning Down the House is gonna be in my head all damn night!
The lady doesn’t deserve to have an animal of any kind. Take th dog to the lo all shelter as a “stray” and it may have a chance at a decent life. Then burn her garage.
Fucking autocorrect.
I’m willing to bring the graham crackers for smores or help with bail money if needed!
Your next NYT bestseller: I’m going to burn your garage down. Maybe. by Jenny Lawson
I have a neighbor who spies on me through her bedroom window. She doesn’t even hide it. I get texts like, “so I see you got some new shoes”
Perfect time for this… (muhahahaha) https://i.pinimg.com/originals/98/1c/f0/981cf042ec3a9be09fddfae3216b6727.jpg
I was driving by a skinny lake in rural Massachusetts and this black lab was just trotting down the yellow line like the greeter at Walmart had told it to follow it to the Milkbone aisle. So I pulled over and opened the back door and it just jumped right in. I took it to a nearby farm, hoping they knew where the dog belonged and they totally knew because apparently this dog and/or one of its siblings liked to sometimes take a little walk down to the lake by themselves. The farmer gave me directions to the house, which wasn’t that easy to find since it was down this gravel road that was easy to miss. As my car goes down the road, another black lab runs right up to the car, sort of playing tag with it, so I put it in the car too. The dogs are having a great time getting hair and slobber all over the car, which was a rental, btw. I get there and there are four more labs running around. So I let the two out of the back, manage not to let any more jump in, and look around for the owner. The whole place is dead quiet, no people, no fences, just a house and six ridiculous dogs. So I give them all a lecture on road safety and spend the next 20 minutes trying to get down the driveway without them all following me. This involved a lot of yelling “stay” out the open window. Some people are nuts and it’s not me.
I think your blog is nasty,boring,waste of internet space,and you should reflect on how much time you wasted tearing others down cause your so incredibly insecure about the unsure not giving enough attention self.
Bahahah Bradley
I think you should shit on her lawn.
Yet another example of someone who shouldn’t be allowed to own a dog (or other pet!). There is a huge difference between “outside dog” and “running loose in the middle of the road”, and if she doesn’t care about that difference, she doesn’t deserve the love of an animal. You should totally kidnap that dog.
To quote Allie Brosh, dogs make BAD DECISIONS. This is why they created leashes. People who ignore the leash do not deserve to have dogs. Someone should adopt that poor thing and give it a home it deserves.
You should have addressed this to “former dog owner” and kept the dog.
we are ALL burning down her house w/you!
When I was about 10, my mom was driving us three kids home. It was raining and a big golden retriever ran out in front of the car. We hit the dog (it didn’t survive). My mom told us not to look back. Of course we did and it was as traumatic as you’d expect. My mom went door to door in the pouring rain while we sat in the car crying, trying not to check to see if maybe the dog had miraculously recovered. When my mom found the owner’s house, the lady was like, “Oh that stupid dog was bound to get hit sooner or later.” I only have my mother’s word that she didn’t beat that lady over the head with her dead dog’s food bowl. Evil owner lady was so non-plussed and 4/5 of my family had to go into therapy.
Yeah, except don’t burn down the garage….That’s probably where she makes the poor dog live while it’s “inside.”
I’d find Beyoncé and have her say knock knock, Motherfucker for the next time she wants to open her door while having a snit.
You are the best type of person, for not lighting her on fire with your mind.
Kudos.
I hope you and the stranger are now friends and something good came of this 🙂
I’m throwing my vote in with the garage burning contingent.
You are a good person.
I seem to remember Dexter kidnapping a dog whose owner wasn’t taking decent care of him – he’s always a good role model in stressful situations…
We have a problem like that too. A bassett hound comes most days to see his friend next door and is driving all the neighbours batty. He has his phone number on his collar and his owner has been phoned countless times. Her reaction is simply “He gets out on his own.”, but she doesn’t do anything to stop him. Fortunately our road is not very busy: he even went to sleep in the middle of it once! I feel sorry for him. He looks old and tired, but I changed my view of him this weekend when my husband tried to shoo him off home. The pair of them had me in hysterics: he literally had my husband running round in circles round the parked cars. That dog can run fast when he wants to!
And now you know why the dog is trying to commit suicide.
My husband drives for a living and he is always almost-running-over dogs and then tracking down ungrateful owners. Although there was this one time he got to pet a pot-bellied pig because he was checking on a maybe-stray rabbit. And then there was the other time when he and about ten people made barricades with their cars to help people round up a horse that had gotten out. A HORSE.
You should just get a skunk and let it loose in her yard. When she complains, just tell her, “it’s sometimes and outside skunk, sorry!”.
Time to unleash the flying monkeys! Oh, I so hate people who have pets they don’t bother to care for decently.
We have a dog. AND A FENCE. Just sayin’. Good for you for rescuing the little runaway. Maybe next time just keep him. He’d probably be happier.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vGN9YSLDmWg/Vahbke7Df3I/AAAAAAAAxxE/XvMfLUWMcfg/s640/what-a-twatwaffle.jpg
Next time, take the dog to the animal shelter. If the bitch wants him back, she can pay a fee. Although, if she is a real bitch she may refuse to pay, and he may be euthanized. So maybe offer to adopt him if his owner refuses to pay, and get revenge and a new dog!
Had something similar happen to us, only we were known as the dog kidnappers by the end of it. My mother, a 911 dispatcher, is heading to work one night and it is super cold out. The kind of cold that makes even the hardiest Minnesotans run for shelter. She finds this dog in the middle of the road picks it up and leaves it for me to watch until a cop can pick it up. The cop shows up and says that he’s found the owners: the only people crazy enough to be outside in this cold. They also have flashlights and are shouting a name. Pretty obviously looking for a stray pet. Cop takes the dog and returns it. Later at work my mother gets the rest of the story.
The cop asks the owner why she doesn’t have any tags for her dog and why it was wandering outside. So instead of owning up and possibly paying a small fine, the woman comes up with an interesting story. She claims that she was out in the front yard with her dog off leash, but he never ever leaves the yard so it was fine. Suddenly, this strange lady, my mother, pulls into her driveway, grabs the dog, and drives off. The cop didn’t buy the story.
For about a year afterward, we were know as the dog kidnappers since the owner was one of the neighborhood gossips. Oh, and she lived like three houses down from us.
Wow, people are the worst. Burn it!
I’m SO fucking in.
OMG I had a similar experience with a neighbor whose dog I found. It was covered in fleas and flea dirt and rather than go door to door (we had plans that we had to go out for) I dropped the dog off at the humane society. The woman later told me she saw me ‘kidnap’ her dog and that she was going to sue me. Apparently the humane society had a history with this same woman and her pets and they wanted $50 to get the dog out of lockdown. She said she was going to come to my house, she actually called the cops on me. It was a total shit show. No good deed goes unpunished, Jenny.
“Sometimes” an outside dog???
Something tells me this woman still uses pee pads even though her dog is an adult, because she’s so fucking lazy she thinks it’s fine for a dog to shit in the house.
One day I was out running when I see this little 3 lb Yorkie come running towards the road and I had a vision of this dog running under my feet and me stepping on it and squishing it dead. The whole time I’m screaming “no no oh shit” and fortunately I only kicked the dog a little bit and it was ok and more importantly I didn’t kill myself in the process. The owner was standing in her yard watching this entire thing play out and the only thing she said was “it’s his own fault for running to the road.” When I got out of her earshot I said “no you stupid bitch it’s YOUR fault for not keeping the dog inside.” I mean, really?
Getting the feeling you will see this poor sweetie many more times! Good on you…..BAD on irresponsible pet ownership Bitch!
AND……..Outside dog “sometimes”? In your backyard dumbass! GRRRRR!
Byotch! 😊
Alibi…
Police: Did you see the garage burn down?
One million Bloggess fans: What garage? What fire? We were all right here together watching each other NOT burn down that garage.
Keep your dogs on fucking leashes, people!!
Was the dog small enough to fit in one of those cat spaceship backpacks ? That could be a solution.
I’ve had neighbors like this before…in the CITY (lots of traffic, lots of people around). Their dogs had a way of just up and disappearing one day. It was puzzling to everyone… 😉
Also…to not get flamed, they always seemed to disappear to no-kill rescues deep in the suburbs. It’s a wonder they got that far to be found by such wonderful people!
Don’t burn down the garage. Where else will they keep their dog?
Had a similar experience: Found a 2-year old child with long blonde hair in the middle of the street…parked my car…offered my hand, and we went door-to-door. Casual mother says something casual. I say something snarky about keeping your daughter safe…she snaps “He’s my SON” I snap “He’s roadkill if you don’t watch him”
next time, maybe that dog just ends up going to a “farm upstate” (ie. a good person’s home). Blergh!
Burn down their house while you roast marshmallows, and definitely adopt the pup; he’s probably running away from her, and is seeking a suicidal death because he just doesn’t want to go back to her again. “Help! Save me or run over me! I can’t take it any more!!”
Oh my gosh this happened to me too – in Washington. And the dog was trying to die in a long line of ferry traffic during rush hour. I literally missed my ferry and got home 30 minutes late so I could watch the owner let her dog loose in the road, saying “He knows what he’s doing, don’t touch my dog” Instant honking and breaking noises followed. I reevaluated whether I was awake, and found to my confusion that I was.
Jenny, tell me where she lives. I’ll take care of it. No charge.
Not everyone deserves a pet. Why do I get the feeling that if you accidentally ran down that dog you would be more devastated than the owner?
Let’s kidnap all the unhappy dogs. Especially the one next door that barks “let me in” over and over… and
I agree 100% with the person above who said that people need to pass a test to become a pet owner.
Before I moved from NY to Portland, I’d encountered a roaming dog ONCE. Out here, it happens once a week. Invariably the dog is going in the opposite direction so by the time I find a place to turn my car around, the dog is gone. Then I’m sick all day, worrying about the dog and wondering how someone who owns such a divine creature could be so careless with him.
A year ago we adopted an Affenpinscher that had been found wandering the streets. She’d been rescued from a shelter where she’d been marked for death because she was vicious(???), read: terrified. Sweet, smart, loving critter, we adore her. How someone lost track of her is beyond me.
Next time I pick up a wanderer, I’m keeping him(her). And I’ll put up fliers: “I’ve got your dog and I’m not giving him back. You lost him, I found him. Lucky dog, he’ll have a better life with me and I WON’T LOSE HIM.”
Yet one more reason why dogs are better than people. Except people who rescue dogs.
Burning the garage down could be a bit much but if your own dog walks happen to pause to bless her yard regularly….
If that woman’s garage just happens to burn down in the near future, that could get real awkward.
Ugh. Thank you, Jenny. Keep the dog next time, or find a place to take it where they will foster and/or rehome it. This is obviously not the proper place for this dog. And I will completely help you or provide you with a solid alibi for any acts of arson or dognapping that need to be committed here.
The previous town I lived in has a community page on FB. Half of the posts are either ‘my dog escaped, have you seen him/her?’ and ‘I just saw this dog running along road having a grand time. Is it yours?’
The other half of the posts are regarding the location of the tamale truck. I suspect there’s some sort of connection, but not sure what.
I say next time take the dog straight to the shelter instead and report her. She doesnt deserve that dog and then maybe they can get it adopted to a family that will care about its well being.
I have a skilled, dauntless, incorrigible fence-jumping dog. When she does escape without my noticing, if someone brings her back before I do realize and hunt her down, I am profoundly grateful and express it. I don’t want her to be and “outdoor dog,” and I feel sick at the thought of her getting hit by a car. But, believe me, the whole block knows her well. Sigh. It is a good thing she is charming.
We agree. Do you need a fire source? My daughter called me outside this morning with an extra strange dog in our yard. He followed her on her walk with our familiar dog. I’d seen the stranger dog before, but he never really comes close to me,so I know he lives somewhere near by. He was in good condition, groomed, nice white teeth. So why would his people simply open the door and let the little guy walk himself? I’ll have to check to see if they have a garage…
I actually adopted a dog that did this in my old neighborhood in FL from the neighbor across the street. I had a long talk with them about what was best for the dog and leash laws and how it was better to let someone responsible take the dog before it got hit by a car or picked up by animal control Then I ended up adopting her to another family down the street who had fallen in love with her while she was roaming around. (They had a 7 year old daughter who would come to my house to cuddle her every day.)
Honestly my bad month is November. Birthday, holiday and more to come. But,somehow I always make it through. I agree Depression lies and sometimes it takes the child to help us make it through. Although metal chickens (and pigs) do help.
Report her to Animal Control and the police. There are laws against letting your dog run loose. It could have caused an accident where someone was hurt. The stupidity is sometimes overwhelming. :/
Hilariously appropriate – my feedly feed totally fucks up the pictures associated with your posts, and adds random ones where you haven’t included any. For this post, it included the pic of you target shooting.
I’ll get the matches.
I hate jackasses that are pet owners. I also hate dumbfucks who are parents.
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