It’s late.

in depression lies

It’s late, but that’s not a surprise.

It’s always late when this happens.  The business and sunlight and work drive away any time you have to feel too strongly, but eventually the sun goes down and everyone is tucked into bed and you are alone and the only sound is your terrible voice in your head.  And you try to drown it out with the world but the world isn’t enough.

Or it’s too much.

I’m not sure, and somehow that makes it worse.

It would be better if there was a reason.  I check the internet.  Mercury is not in retrograde.  I’m on my meds.  My life is good and I am lucky.  I step outside and see that it’s a full moon and I find some small comfort in this.  I know people say the moon doesn’t affect people, but on nights like these when you want to crawl out of your own skin it’s a comfort to cling to the idea that it’s not really you…that it’s the moon.  Maybe it’s both.

Tomorrow I will feel better.  I will wonder who wrote this strange note.  I will find it silly and feel ridiculous.

But tonight my head is the moon – too full.  Tonight I will lay in my bed wondering if the promise of morning is real.  If I’m stuck in this night forever.

I will wonder, does everyone feel this lost?  Am I the only one who becomes invisible in the night?  A desperate ghost in my own house.  In my own skin.

Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.

I’ll keep telling you that if you keep telling me.

529 thoughts on “It’s late.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. Today has been tough. Maybe the moon. Maybe Mars is wobbly in its orbit. Or just life. But tomorrow will be better. I’ll be here, and you’ll be here.

  4. Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.

    I’m with you on this one. My anxiety likes to play at night.

  6. It’s everything and it’s nothing, it just is. And we go on. We’re all there with you, Jenny. Just hanging on till morning.

  13. Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.
    Tomorrow will have more, better moments.
    Tomorrow will be better.

  14. hugs I’ve had a lot of that lately. Thank you for sharing it when it’s happening to you so I don’t feel so alone. Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.

  16. Nights are hardest for me, too. My brain is very good at lying, and there is no one there to correct her.

  17. I’m creeping around my dark house restless as well. I didn’t think to blame the moon, but that works for me. Thank you for reminding me that I am not the only one who struggles and that the sun does come up again.

  18. Tomorrow will be better…and all of your tomorrows will be better. I send you comforting energy to surround you now and always, like the light of the moon does. Tomorrow will be better…

  19. Tommorow will be better, lovely. You are not alone. You matter. You make a difference. You are loved and needed. It will be OK.

  20. It will be because it MUST be. Thank you for saying the words to articulate what we are all experiencing.

  24. I’ve been having a weird day too. Maybe not like yours, but I’ll be here to keep you company in this weird place

  27. I use to shake so bad in the dark because of how alone I felt. For about two years I splet with all the lights on in my room and the tv, playing the same movie over and over and over again. Night after night Sandra bullock talked me to sleep. My parents thought it was because I was scared of the dark, but I was mostly afraid of myself. I’m better now. Life is a bitch. But tomorrow maybe life will be better.

  31. Tonight may be hard, but tomorrow will be so much better! Hope that helps. Your words are beautiful even when melancholy.

  32. hugs you can do this, you can make it through to the other side of this temporary condition, a lie our brain tells us at times, be well lady

  37. Everything is worse at night. This too shall pass. Tomorrow will be better💗

  40. Tomorrow WILL be better. I’ve been feeling fidgety in a yucky way all day. I’ll blame it on the moon – thanks!

  41. Laying here unable to sleep and this just is what I’m feeling. But couldn’t think of words. Thank you for your honesty and building this word community of support we have

  43. Tonight I am happy to be in my skin because of passion, but not because of love and that hurts more than anything. Spontaneity and lack of fucks is probably one of the worst diseases I’ve ever suffered. The anxiety will get me tomorrow, the depression will eventually set it. But if I am good enough for this moment, maybe I’ll be good enough for a lifetime. But the lifetime I thought I had was thrown away, now he’s with someone else and I am trash all because times got difficult.

  45. I feel this exact same way. Everyone goes to bed and it’s quiet, too quiet sometimes. I’ve always been a night owl, but some nights it’s so hard to be alone until I can sleep.

    Thank you so much for sharing this.

    Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better, yes.

  47. I always feel intense during the full moon, and my insomnia gets worse. My cats get crazy and cause a bunch of trouble all night long, doesn’t help to insomnia lol. I’m especially tense and in pain, but it’s probably due to PM’s. I don’t know, but you’re certainly not alone.

  48. I do this often. In the quiet, the voices are so much louder… but I pulled out You Are Here for the first time in a long time, and it helped a lot. Also, awkward hug.

  49. You hit the nail on the head. This is why I didn’t get head for my severe anxiety until I was suicidal because up until my breaking point it only came at night. Next day I felt better so felt silly even talking about it.

  50. Hugs…these nights are long and lonely. But your words make me realize I’m not the only one.

  51. All day, I have felt this way – not every minute, but off and on, the feeling of despair and unhappiness has gripped me in a way I can’t explain. Things aren’t great, but we have a roof, food, love and for all of that, I am grateful. Why can’t I shake the feeling that if you look at me crossed eyed (my mother’s phrase), I will burst into tears? That there is something lurking out there and it’s coming my way. I know as you do that it will pass, that morning will come and life will probably look better, but tonight, I am sad and teary and wishing I could just close my eyes and sleep. Hugs, dear Jenny.

  53. Oh sweetheart, tomorrow is always better! Sometimes it’s hard to see through all the darkness, but there is a lighthouse – a beacon of hope – just through the fog. We’ll help guide each other through! 💚💚

    P.S. Auto correct wouldn’t stop changing beacon to bacon. I can’t tell if that’s because I talk about bacon too much, or if it’s secretly trying to take over the world, one cell phone at a time. The things you ponder in the middle of the night…

  54. You’re not alone. I can’t sleep, and I feel like an alien who has adapted to life here, but I know I belong somewhere else.I feel homesick in my own bedroom. I am lying down and breathing slowly and I am safe and loved but I am soul deep tired. Chronic illness, physical and mental, no answers and no help, a word that seems too cruel, a world that drives me crazy and. I’ve taken all I can bear, but can’t call up and no one is there.

    I started deep and sad and ended by bastardizing a beautiful song, that feels pretty apropos.

  55. I love you, Jenny. I’m in Vegas and your post helped me more than you could ever know. Tomorrow is coming. I feel lost and sad and heartbroken, but tomorrow is coming. Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better. Thank you for the much needed reminder.

  57. Jenny, if only you could lift yourself up the way you have helped me for years. Tomorrow will be better.

  58. Tonight IS hard. I’m ill, I’m overwhelmed. I’m sad. Since there is no more milli vanilli, I guess I can’t blame it on the rain…so the moon. I’ll blame it on the moon. Tomorrow will be better, because it must.

  59. I know nights can suck, I recommend youtube vids of baby animals. That is until my actual animals insist on laying on the keyboard. Tomorrow will be here, tomorrow promises hope.

  60. Night has ALWAYS been the hardest time for me. As soon as it gets dark, I start to get a bit anxious. It was worse when I used to be up all night. The world would be quiet and still, and my own mind would be screaming at me. Now that I go to bed earlier, it helps. But those nights when I can’t sleep….I wouldn’t wish those on anybody.

  61. There is not a nurse I know that doesn’t believe in the full moon. The ERs are crazy, the patients are agro. The circadian rhythm of life is a thing. Wnd we nurses know, we’re wise that way.

  63. Nights are hard for me more often than not. I was feeling just this way when I saw your post. So, thanks for posting it. Let’s see what’s on Netflix.

  64. I’m up with you. And I definitely feel lost. But it was really nice to get a note from you right now! And duh, of course the moon affects us. At least it’s pretty, though, right? It’s nice sort of talking to you. Hugs from here.

  67. The moon moves the entire ocean, of course it causes us all to be affected, to be moved, to well up and feel deeply. But the full moon passes, to tide goes back out, and we release and go back into ourselves. Xxoo

  68. Thank you for this, I was feeling the same way. (sorry for grammar, I broke my arm playing soccer)

  69. You are not alone. I feel like this on far too many nights. It’s good to know I’m not alone too

  70. Tonight is hard. Very hard. I hope for a better tomorrow. That when I close my eyes nightmares won’t invade my sleep. That when I open them it will be sunny and I will smile instead of cry. That I will feel lighter instead of sufficatingly heavy from anxiety and depression. We will make it through the night. We will make it.

  72. The moon absolutely effects life. As a teacher, I see it all the time. I feel it happening to myself. Full moon cycles amplify what I’m already feeling.
    Also, you remind me that I need to see my doctor to adjust/possibly change my mess.
    Hold on tightly the the filament of hope that tomorrow will come, and know that you matter to so many.

  73. “That’s the advantage of insomnia. People who go to bed early always complain that the night is too short, but for those of us who stay up all night, it can feel as long as a lifetime. -Yoshimoto

    It’s brutal and my brain presses against the walls of darkness but morning does come…it always comes. Hugs

  74. I’m praying for you, Jenny! I felt kinda similarly off last week and thought I needed to adjust meds…turns out I was fighting a few infections! Huge relief, but infection or no, the emotional questions remained, and my energy was zilch. Be kind to yourself. You matter.

  76. It’s a beautiful moon and tomorrow we begin again. All of us in this together. Take care and breathe.

  77. I often try to sleep when other people around are awake so I feel like SOMEONE was paying attention to things/controlling things. It sucks. I’m so tired.

  78. I just walked my dog and saw the full moon shining over the lake, I started crying and I felt stupid. And overwhelmed, and sad, and I just can’t say why. And then I logged on and saw this. Thank you. You are not alone, and neither am I.

  80. You are not alone. You will get through this night and many more. Because we are all here with you.

  82. I love what you’ve taught me: depression does lie, sometimes our brain does want to kill us. I’d like to add ‘my body is trying to kill me’.
    Byron Katie has developed a Buddha-level technique for dealing with stressful thoughts. If you aren’t aware of her books please please read the first one. She’s an avatar, as are you.
    Only saints such as you suffer as much.
    Tomorrow WILL be better,
    I know it.
    You do too.

  83. Morning will come. I know; I’m in a time zone where we’ve just had breakfast, so the sun’s coming. Hold on. Please. hugs

  84. Struggling here too. Thanks for the reminder that tomorrow will be better.
    Sending hugs.

  87. You are not alone. Even though I am a night owl, usually up until 3-4 a.m. and sleeping until early afternoon, once the house is quiet and everyone is in bed and I’ve felt that crawly-skin sensation that tells me it’s going to be a bad night…it’s a bad night. Worst of all, though, is when I wake up with the panic clawing at my throat and I’m not awake enough to fight it.

    No, you are not alone.

  89. Every night. Especially after losing my dog this summer. And after the ex-husband finally moved out and the kids went back to college. And I’m alone for the first time in …ever. Every night.

  91. You are definitely not alone. This entire week has been a struggle. I stayed late at work tonight doing personal stuff I could do at home simply because I didn’t want to face being home with only my thoughts. Tomorrow will be better for all of us. Or, if it’s not, we’ll at least know where to find each other tomorrow night.

  92. You are not alone, tonight is hard, tomorrow will be better.
    When I can NOT turn off the thoughts in my head, I listen to the “Sleep With Me” podcast. Drew aka Scooter tells stories in a deliberately boring, mumbling, stuttering way like the professor who’s class you never could stay awake in. Either it gets your mind to think about something else and you fall asleep or you are awake and hear a pretty creative, pretty damn funny story. I can’t recommend it enough.

  93. The moon definitely affects people. Just ask a cop or a nurse. Full moons also make it harder to sleep through the night. My “invisible ghost” days are fewer and farther between now, so when they do hit me, I kind of treasure them a little bit. As alone as we may feel, we are not actually alone in our experiences. Feeling strange is totally normal. We are all right there with you.

  95. My mind is the worst at night. I can’t call someone and ask can you please come over and prove to me if my mind is f*cking with me or is this real? I ask that question during the day and sometimes get awkward smiles back. I am either like teflon and nothing bothers me or I don’t feel safe anywhere anymore. I don’t know what to do and I feel scared. I am glad you guys are here. I usually just read. Tonight, I needed to share too. Thank you.

  97. I’ve felt unsettled like this all week. I too noticed the almost-full moon a couple nights ago and felt a little better about feeling so squirrely. Today and Monday have pulled on me hard. I feel depression gnawing at me from behind my meds, which I am new to and extremely thankful for. Thank you for this post, Jenny. Solidarity, sister. <3

  99. <3 Nights love to play with us. When we are most vulnerable… Stay strong Ms. Jenny. Tomorrow WILL be better. <3

  101. I was there not so long ago, and the difference in how I feel now is amazing. I’m kind of shocked every time I’m on the other side of the divide: how was that ever me?
    One of the small tips that I really like came from Pop Culture Happy Hour. Not sure if it was Glen Weldon, but one of the hosts mentioned that picking anything, absolutely anything, to hang on for is a way to get through the long night. Maybe you tell yourself that you will stick around to see that new sequel to your favorite movie, or for that book you’ve heard about that will be released next month. Or just until after dawn and a really good cup of coffee.
    Promise yourself to stay for whatever that thing or experience is, and keep that promise for yourself. You won’t regret it, even if the movie is bad, the book isn’t as thrilling as you hoped, or the coffee is kind of overcooked.
    Make a new thing to look forward to every time, and it can help you get on to the next day.

  103. Oh yes. I feel thus especially now, when Maddy is restless and requires frequent diapers all through the long nights. (It has been months since I have seen the sun without a haze of exhaustion and a wish for sleep.) It feels like I am a ghost, and sunshine is not for night dwellers like me.

    The moon. I’m sitting with her right now, and she is full and lovely, same as always. Makes me feel better knowing that you were under her gaze with me for a minute.

    Depression lies, darling one. The moon is our friend. Someday soon the sunlight will be our friend again, too.

  104. I was there last week. So alone. I can feel the shift in mood as the days grow shorter and I’m scared. The next day WAS better.

  105. Before i read this: i was thinking how many days of no one messaging/tagging/calling or texting me will give me a reason to be depressed. because there is no reason. i have a job, i have 3 loving kitties. i am doing great in graduate school. i SHOULD be happy, but right now I am also not. I took my meds for the night. I showered and washed my hair. i locked the front door. i did all of the things. So now i am going to watch 30 rock on hulu and let my cat lick my arm and tomorrow it will be sunny and i will go to work and maybe feel a bit better. and you will feel better too.

  106. On these nights, I think of my beautiful babies, and the miracle that I haven’t ruined everything yet. They still love their mama, so I will be there for them when they wake up.

  107. It’s been a rough week. My coworkers and I were talking today about how mentally drained we are. Hopefully tomorrow will be better for everyone.

  108. The monster in my head lies, too, but still sounds so much like my own voice- and that is where it’s power lay. Your monster is quick and cunning and clever and unique, but who would expect less from a woman as quick and cunning and clever as yourself? You are not an invisible woman in the night – you are a member of the same tribe me – as many, many more tonight. The Moon Watchers, the Sweet Baby Snugglers, the Ninja Fridge Cleaners. But our angels see us and love us for it, all the more. And moonlight just makes you look skinnier. So rock the midnight hour and know your “invisible” sisters are right there with you tonight doing, thinking, and sometimes fearing the same things. But we can’t do it with even a tenth of your style, wit and grace! Just lead on, Moon Momma. You are not alone.

  109. Night is the worst time for me. The world is quieter even when it’s noisy and I’m not sure how that works. I just know that the night is dangerous when I’m not stable but if I can just make it until the sun comes up I’ll be okay.

  110. Definitely not alone. But then things happen like tonight, here. The little dog dragged her blanket (throw) over to TheEngineer’s side of the bed and settled in, like “if I’m here, HE can’t get in bed with me and mama!” Joke was on her, she got moved.

    But it made me laugh. It’s been a rough week here, too.

  113. I’ve been off-kilter all day to cap off a couple of weeks of not-quite-myself. Hoping to be better tomorrow — or at least by Saturday.

  115. You are not alone. I feel lost every night. Every damn night for the past two years. I thought it was the curse of being a widow. Sorry you have to feel this way too, but it helps to have company.

  116. Sometimes when this happens to me I pick up a most beloved book and randomly read a few chapters-Harry Potter, LOTR, Pride and Prejudice are my go to comforts. Lots of time I put on my headphones and try to really listen to the music. Capture it, let it surround me. Sometimes it helps. I hope your music finds you and soothes your soul Jenny.
    Hugs

  117. I am soo with you. But all day today I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I couldn’t concentrate and when I tried to stay on task, not shitting I almost went cross eyed. Just too much sometimes, this world. Between the dildo in chief, huuricanes, flooding, Las Vegas, Tom Petty, my bf granddaughter in PICU almost dying, I want to run away. Get in my car, drive to some small down and work in a truck stop with Flo on my name tag.

  118. not silly. not ridiculous. real, and hard, and you are so brave and tender to share your struggle. we are all less alone for that. you are a goddess. xoxo

  119. Not being on the meds makes it all a bit sharper. It an inexplicable ache, pain, nightmare hole. I am still detoxing from my meds…sometimes iit hurts a lot because it seems like the meds help everyone else more….

  121. Maybe it’s just the wind whistling through the holes in my brain (not really an exaggeration) but it seems that we’re all ships lost on river, while you’re swinging a light on the safest shore. (I totally stole that from “The Meeting Place” by Hem, so don’t be too impressed. I recommend it at times like this.)

  122. I had an instructor once who said “if the moon is powerful enough to control the tides and we are made up
    of 80% water, how arrogant would we be to think the moon doesn’t affect us?”

  124. We are here, being the loving voices in the dark. You are not alone. Gentle hugs.

  125. Your not the only one. I’ve called out of work for the last three days because I can’t stand the noise then tonight I was watching the Chris Gethard show and he was going through the same thing. He’s feeling the same way and hid in his office in the dark for two days. I think it’s all the awfulness in the world that’s affecting us. But we can do this at least that’s the lie I’m telling myself. Good luck everyone and hugs

  127. You are not alone. Many a time I have had to struggle against the “black dog”. It’s odd that I feel that only at night. Eventually I have learned not to struggle. Sure the “black dog” SUCKS but I know tomorrow will be better. I get most of my pleasure reading done at night. Yes, your books are there to help me through the night (Kudos to you!). I understand how you feel. I can tell you only one thing… Things will be better in the morning.

  128. Know that you are loved by friends near and far, those you know and those whom you have not yet met.

  129. Jenny, know that you are not alone. I spend every night alone and though I take my meds and have friends and go out and do stuff, most nights I cry like I am now, because I am alone.

  130. Almost every night. And you are right. It is a feeling of unrest for no palpable reason. I am feeling it right now…so reading facebook which makes me feel worse because then I feel like it is talking to me.

  131. I lay starkly awake with the full moonlight drowning me in my bed, acutely awake long past time to be sleeping, wondering why I couldn’t revel in the bright bath, why I wanted nothing more than to find an escape. It’s somehow strangely comforting that I had uncomfortable company, Jenny. Sorry for you (no, really), but actually, thanks.

  132. I am also invisible in the night. Always have been. Even when I was a (literal) child, I would try so hard to fall asleep before everyone else did. It never worked, and I was alone with all the wonders and all the horrors. Still alone even though my house is full.

  135. I’m so sorry that you’re having such a difficult time but certainly understand. This has been such a tough week for everyone. Seems like everyone has challenges. I’ll be praying for you. Hugs.

  136. I am your opposite, entirely empty. I want to feel things, but the only way I can is frowned upon. And then, when I am least able to handle it, the damn breaks and I’m swept out to sea. I don’t know which is worse, but either way I can’t breathe. I’m sorry you have these issues, too.

  138. You are not alone, as evidenced by the multiple responses. I think I am a couple of hours behind you. Reach out separately if you would like to speak with a random person in SF.

  139. My sister just had her baby! Little Maddie Lynn, born under the full moon just before midnight… how’s that?

  141. I don’t know if it’s everyone, but I do know it’s not just you. It’s when all is dark and quiet that I feel my otherness in this house the most keenly. There is silence all around me, but never inside my head, and the difference in pressure makes me feel like I’ll burst. It’s all I can do to remind myself that there is a future, and it will be better.

    Tomorrow is coming, and it will be better.

  142. I think about my sister now that she’s passed away more, than I did when she was alive. I miss her terribly and I’m mad at her for leaving me here with our asshole brother.

  143. I am so lost. Nothing is wrong, and everything feels…off. And yes, the night cloaks me, prayers me. Telling myself that tomorrow will be better is literally the only thing that gets me through nights like this. Much love, sister.

  144. Tonight is a harvest moon. My daughter is laying on the couch with her tablet on her Pikachu pillow under her green and I can see her there. My son is in his swing, talking and trying to escape, and his little smile just tears my heart out because I know I made it and I caused his joy.
    But some nights, the dark creeps in and whispers awful things to me and even though I know they’re lies, I can’t help but listen.
    So I’ll tell you what I wish someone would tell me when the dark is too dark and the sounds are too loud and the sun will never come up and I am nothing in this world: “Breathe. Remember to breathe. If you breathe, you are real. If you breathe, you did something right. If you breathe, you make a sound and it is too loud for the quiet to keep quiet and the sound is better than any quiet that the voice can whisper into. Plug your ears and listen to your heartbeat. Hear it make the sound it’s been making all your life. There. Another thing you did right. Your body does all sorts of things right all day long and keeps you here with people who love you.
    Last, hum. Just hum. Make a sound. Your body did what you told it to. Another thing done right. Today it might hurt. Today it might ache and be more excruciating than yesterday but you’re still here. Tomorrow might not hurt as much but you will survive it because /you already have/. You have already survived so much and I am so proud of you.”

  145. Wow. I re read my post and I didn’t even mention my only child leaving for college or my dog Clyde dying. That makes me even sadder. That the quietness of this house at night has become my new normal. Well I guess a good cry is in order.

  146. You’re not alone. The moon always affects me. Before I was on birth control, I’d get my period every month at the full Moon like clockwork. I take comfort in knowing that some part of me is in harmony with the rest of the universe. Sending love, spoons, and good juju your way. 💜

  147. Have you looked into CBD? I found it helped my anxiety immensely. Hope you feel better soon.

  148. You’re not alone. I’m in the same spot. In bed. House quiet. Mind racing, raging, grieving, crying. I tell myself this is stupid but there is also a quiet voice inside that tells me I’m not stupid. The world is a terrifying place and I am afraid for my babies who grew up too fast and I am afraid for our hearts and our souls and it feels like it won’t get better. Then my golden retriever Cooper (named after my dad, who passed away too soon) climbs onto the bed and my kitten ( Hillary Rodham Kitten) lies down across my neck (why? Is it warmer there?) and I start to feel a little better. I’m not crazy. You’re not crazy. Maybe there is sleep tonight, and maybe not. But we are not crazy.

  149. I’m awake. I can’t sleep and I’ve been taking all my meds, my head is filled with unhealthy thoughts. I saw some old pictures today… it wasn’t good. Crying is supposed to be a release but not for me. I feel sick I feel lonesome . I feel like I’m swimming upstream. I’m drowning not waving, but no one can tell. The physical pain is quietly chipping away at me. I’m afraid to go for my biopsy. I have no idea how to pay my grandsons tuition this month. (special child, special school) . My daughter will be 26 this month. I will be 50. All those pictures were of happier healthier versions of myself and people who are gone . Parents, brothers, husbands, other family … I miss my mom and dad . I’m not given to feeling this way. All I see is loss and hopelessness. I’ll lay here and Hope tomorrow is better for you.

  150. I was lying in bed with my pillows offer my head to muffle my sobbing crying so hard and wondering if I just shouldn’t give up. I cried so hard I was feeling dizzy and sick. I came out from underneath looked out the window and see the moon. It looks so beautiful right now. I unlocked my phone and this was the first thing I saw on my Facebook feed. You’re not alone, Jenny. We see you. We hear you. We love you. Hugs, solidarity, and the moon

  151. It’s not just you. It’s 0030 here in IN and I’m walking around my dark house thinking “why do I feel so off?” Then your post appeared in my inbox. It’s not just you. Tomorrow will be fine. Wishing you well.

  152. I read these comments and cried, but in a way that I needed. I love you. You remind me that there is beauty in pain, and laughter, and even nothingness. You remind me that I’m more than the crazy midnight voice in my head. You helped me tonight. I wish you could feel what you do. I wish I could give it back to you.

  153. You are not alone. You are loved. It will get better. Depression is a lying bastard. Hugs from all of us who have felt your pain.

  154. I work at a high school. In the space of this week, in addition to the regular amount of teenager hormonal crazy, we had several staff members and students that were affected by the tragedy in Vegas, a former student’s funeral, some terrible bullying, etc. Just nuts. But, also had a mom in the community come in to buy her kids’ tutor (our student) a school sweatshirt bc the student is doing an amazing job with her kids, and happened to mention how her mom is a single parent and the student is saving her money for this sweatshirt. She didn’t need to do it – she could have just handed her the money but she wanted to surprise the student so she made a special trip to buy it. I saw students flock to another school’s blood drive so they could help. I saw a Gold Award presentation that had such heart and passion for others. There is good everywhere. It is there, and it will be waiting for you when the sun comes up. You are part of that, too – and I believe you will make it through this long night, and smile with that sun.

  155. Interesting that I should come across your post tonight…I haven’t journaled in awhile..something it seems that I do when I feel darkness enters where light should reside. When I can’t find my joy. In times where I feel desperate and darkly alone and bad about myself, my journalling connects me to my tool box. The one full of self help and nurturing tips and wisdom…the one I take and hide from myself. I need only remind myself that the box with the tools in it, resides within me and only needs to be opened to access. My mantra…”All that we are is Energy” and we are connected. We know how to care for our souls…just sometimes we have times where it/I doesn’t feel worth it. Fortunately, every thing is always moving and changing..just don’t cling to the river bank and you will stay in the flow. My sister C introduced your blog to me. You have helped my sister tremendously, with you dark self depreciating humour (our kind of humour!). You see she lost her son almost 2 years ago – tragically and both C and I lost our younger Sister to cancer a few years ago.Life can suck and it really hurts sometimes. Some say, and I glean some comfort in the saying “the cost of love is pain”. So your pain has helped us, helped to connect us. You are stronger than you know…kindred, princess warrior.

  156. Hugs. Thank you for speaking the struggle. It helps the rest of us to remember that we’re not alone. You are not alone, either.

  157. You are not alone. I have nights where I feel this way. Want to open my head and rewire my brain, or just figure out a way to put it in a take out. Anything to not have to be in my own company for a little while. To many thoughts and then they stall, spin and it all starts again.
    Tomorrow will come and the sun will chance these things into the shadows where they hide. They are afraid of light. They are afraid of a person’s light so they wait till dark. When the world sucks, when you feel sick, tired or overwhelmed but they won’t win because inner light might dim but it won’t go out!
    Hugs

  158. “Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them — every day begin the task anew.”

    Saint Francis de Sales

    I see you.

  159. You give it back to us in a million ways, on a million days and nights when we feel insubstantial and too full, and ready to explode. <3

  160. Ah, my friend (you don’t know it, but you’re totally my friend; you carry me through all kinds of insanity. As usual, I’m with you. It could be the Harvest moon. It could be the terrible things happening to a world on fire with leadership that seemingly holds more gasoline.

    Or it could simply be that – like so many others – you’re blessed and cursed in the sense that you feel things too accurately. Most of us who do also suffer from anxiety, depression, and various other fun things. I know how much you’ve struggled; I hope you know how many others you’ve helped.

    In early June, my husband of 15 years – a good man, wonderful father – announced that he wanted out. Within two months I was single with joint custody of our twin 7 year-olds. A big part of me is annoyed that I’m still grieving (after all, apparently he did me a favor); another part of me is terrified of the future. I kept the house for the sake of our sons (it’s all they’ve ever known), but its huge and part of me (I’ve got lots of parts, apparently) is afraid I won’t be able to afford it. I’m a college Professor on leave this semester (thank god!).

    My only words of wisdom are actually ribbed from Mr. Rogers – which either makes me horrible or lovely – you decide! As he said, in times of crisis, look for the helpers. You have so many (including me) who’d answer a sad, desperate, lonely DM anytime – and you created that vast circle of helpers just by being YOU.

    Tomorrow will be better, I promise. The nights are always the worst. ❤️

  161. Thank you. Feeling the same today. Tomorrow will be better. I have to believe this is true.

  162. I’m a night owl too.
    Get a soft blanket, a cup of something warm, a good book or endless games of solitaire.
    Pet a cat. Give them enough catnip that they sit next to you and purr
    Think of five things you have seen your daughter do that make you smile.
    Think of your husband’s smile.
    Let your mind chatter but don’t get wrapped up in the chatter.. Just say “Oh that’s just my monkey of a mind chattering away.” Become it’s audience instead of it’s victim. Watch your breath. Make it deep and slow, each breath a quiet wave of peace.

    This is a song by Rod Stewart I’ve been listening to on the way to work this week.
    Nighttime is only the other side of daytime
    but if you’ve ever waited for the sun
    you know what it’s like to wish daytime would come
    And don’t it seem like a long time
    seem like a long time, seem like a long, long time.
    (I don’t know if this will help but I’m just giving you empathy).

  163. You are the reason that I always remember that an episode will end, that a dark mood will pass. You are the reason that I tell myself that my brain is just messing with me and that sometimes it lies. It’s because of you that I consciously collect happy moments to help me through the tough ones. Nothing is perfect but we do always get through. So many people get through the types of things that you experience simply because of what you’ve shared. Here’s to a brighter tomorrow for you.

  164. I HATE AUTO CORRECT. YES, YOU”RE UPSET BECAUSE YOU FEEL THINGS TOO ACCURATELY. Forgive any other typos. Mea culpa.

  165. You are not alone. The silence of the sleeping world mutes calm and reason and equanimity. Whispers and echoes can be heard when the chattering masses descend into dreams. I’m sure that none of this is true, but it feels true, just as the influence of the gibbous moon feels true, just as all of it will seem silly in raucous light of day. You are not alone.

  166. I was there last month. Now things are inexplicably OK again. I’ll never quite understand why, but now I can tuck away memories of feeling OK for when things get dark again. You’ll get there too.

  167. Tonight is hard, but YES, tomorrow will be better. Mourning the loss of my precious schnauzer Gigi 3 weeks ago tonight, and I am still devastated and hopeless. I keep trying to focus on the thought that it will be better in the morning, if I can just get through tonight. So silly, when so many people are dealing with much worse, but the sense of loss is overwhelming, right now. Hoping we can all get through this night.

  168. Yep, those nights when your skin doesn’t fit and even your teeth don’t feel like they fit in your mouth, those are nights I jump in head-first into an argument with internet trolls, because I have my convictions and my principals, even when I don’t know why I can never sleep, can’t relax, can’t do more than watch my dogs and cats sleep peacefully, wishing I could join them without waking them and disrupting their slumber. But then, the middle puppy, my five year old heart dog, usually looks at me and everything is, if not right with the world, right with HER world, and I take comfort in at least making HER life happy and easy. She helps me sleep, chases away the night terrors.

  169. I am here. I see you. You have helped me, when I have been where you are. Tomorrow will come, and it will be better. Hold on, dear heart.

  170. I have felt that way for far longer than I care to admit, so I know it’s not the moon for me. My tomorrow probably won’t be better. But one of them is bound to be better eventually. <3

  172. Tonight will fade into daylight soon, and you will see the support around you. You’re never alone in this.

  173. Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse. My favorite! It really will be better. At times like that, which happen to me a lot, I remind myself of the line from the Desiderata where it says that most fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Both are quite present in the middle of the night. Hope you can get some rest.

  174. You are wonderful, and you make my life better. I’m sorry that yours sucks right now. Later, it won’t. I know that because that is how my life goes. Thank you for so much.

  175. It’s been an absolute, intense week. In turn has given me cause to question so much all week.

    Prayers for a peaceful slumber; and we should all embrace the new day, as the sun rises another day to the east Sending you love and calming vibes.

    PS. Calcium Magnesium supplement, invest in a bottle. 2 before bed time. I usually take mine about 8pm if I’m home for the night. Your mind and body will calm naturally. Google it. 🙌🏻

  176. Today sucked. My kid who has anxiety & depression issues toured alternative schools.
    She hates them all. She hates me. I’m over her.
    This day can suck it.

  177. I honestly don’t care about people’s opinions about what the moon does and doesn’t do. I witness the cycles working in customer service, I had a friend who was a counsellor at a prison and she could also assure you that the mood does affect people. I can’t say why it does. I just know what I’ve witnessed – I’m feeling the same way over here in Ontario, Canada.

  178. Came out to see the moon without much hope it would calm the painful inability to relax. Listening to Cat Stevens, dancing like a hippie on the dark law. My sweat pant hems are soaking but I feel better. Man do I hate some nights.

  181. I too am in this place tonight; unsure how it can be that I am here in my house, yet I also am so very lost. It’s a frightening and unsettling state of being. Tom Petty is gone. He was a sort of anchor for me. So am I floating now, lacking the weight to keep me safe from vanishing into the infinite abyss? I had actually been anticipating this Harvest Moon, this vision that’s inspired love songs, and prose of promises fulfilled by nature. But instead it’s caused my heart, and my mind to wander, lost within the labyrinth of my imagination. I’ll hold tightly to the thought that around any corner there might be something so beautiful, that I can’t possibly imagine the magnificent spell it may cast. I will infuse every molecule of my being with this Hope. At least I will continue to try. I still believe that Hope can win.

  182. You are not alone. Maybe on nights like tonight our voices carry, and the people in the internet can drown out the loudness inside. Love to you.

  186. Same, I am so tired, but tomorrow will be better, we git this girlfriend, time to take my meds. 😙😙😙

  187. Yes it’s hard, and moments when our heads are mean to us suck. But the night will end and you will not, and tomorrow will be better. ❤️

  188. You are not alone in this. I am not alone in this. We got this, together. The sun will rise and tomorrow will be another day. Hang on and hang in.

  190. Hang in there, a cat shaped lollipop awaits you somewhere, with only a little dog hair for flavor.
    It’s been a wonderful, terrible, amazing, horrible, energizing, exhausting, sublime, wicked and holy bunch of years. The highs and catches of presence are breathtaking and consume everything in a blink. But the hits come in harder each time, clustered with a strange despair. Quit poking, I say. The universe is not listening. Like a small child that I’m not sure I like very much. But this child does love you.

  193. You my dearest are so loved and so needed by so many people. You change my life with every word you write. We’ll see you on the other side of the darkness. ❤️

  195. Tonight is hard, but tomorrow the sun will shine again and we will see that sun, because even though tonight is hard, we will make it out of the darkness.

  197. Definitely not alone–as someone above pointed out, since the moon can move the tides and we’re mostly water, it’s no wonder that a full moon does a wonder on us; add in the fact that the days are getting shorter (don’t know about you, but SAD definitely adds some sprinkles onto the shit sundae that my mental issues can create) and the events of this past week/month/whole damn year, and, well…is there room enough in your pillow fort for me and my cat Romeo, too?
    Hang in there…the sun does somehow always manage to rise, and we’ll still be here, hanging on with you, OK? (Would it make you feel any better to hear I took my You Are Here tote bag and my autographed copy of Furiously Happy to small claims court this morning? My case has been continued now until March because I’m still too brokeass to pay Citibank what I owe them–take it from me kids: try not to lose two jobs in a year’s time and end up not being able to pay your credit cards bills–and the other side’s lawyer was very nice, so perhaps that’s a small victory.)

  198. The full moon absolutely affects people! Myself included! And I’ve seen in so many times on my unit at a vet hospital. The PTSD flashbacks are worse, the suicidal ideation are more common, people are just a little more off during the full moon! You’re not alone. Ever.

  200. Between POTUS and crew, and the escalating tension and violence in the US, plus the horror of Vegas, everything you are feeling is completely normal. Group hugs to all of us who lose sleep right now.

  201. There’s a line from the musical Les Miserables: “But the tigers come at night…” It always levels me and then redeems because I know I’m not alone. Someone else knows the tigers, too.

    Thank you, Jenny

  202. It feels like you are in my head reading my thoughts. We might be the same person.

  203. You are not alone. Tomorrow will be better. Thank you for every time you remind me of that, or to breathe, or to laugh, and to keep living out loud. Hug

  206. This week has been the hardest I’ve had in a long time. But although I’m old enough to be your mother without being nearly mature enough, I want to remind you that you’ve been my primary source for finally accepting myself instead of pretending to be something else for others. I can finally tell people “I really can’t do that today. I have anxiety issues that nobody really knows about, and I just need to take care of that today.” And so on and so on.
    This is a horrible, no good fucking week. I’ve barely been able to drag myself out of bed before noon, but I have, and I’ve gotten a little bit more than the bare minimum done and not ragged on myself, because you’ve shown the way for how beautiful you can be even if you’re far more complex than the average bear. I love you, Jenny. Thank you for loving me and others like us and being a guiding star. Of course, don’t get a big head or anything.

  207. I too look back at my words written the night before and wonder who wrote them. You are not alone. Tomorrow will be better. Hugs. And thank you.

  208. Its the water. Its the tension of the world. Its a little bit of everything, and nothing. Even with meds, days can feel meaningless, or hollow. But you are right, tomorrow the sun will rise again. And the laughter will return eventually. You ARE good at this. 😘😘😘

  209. Just so you know, you alone helped me through my miscarriage 7 years ago. Your blog was the only thing there for me.

    I’m going through a dark time right now. But there’s always YOU. And other things.

  212. You are never alone, even when you are. But when you do feel alone, there is nothing wrong with feeling alone, but don’t forget you have so many people who you can tell that to, and who will sit in the aloneness with you

  213. (((HUGS))) Those nights are the worst. I hope tomorrow is better. ❤

    Depression lies so damned convincingly. And does it in your own voice. It’s so much harder to turn it off that way.

  214. How did you know? Today has been off and no amount of self talk has totally fixed the offness. You have made it ok or better or something more tolerable. Thank yoj!

  215. I’ve been in such a depressive downward spiral for quite a long time – longer than what would be “usual” for me anyway – that it’s actually starting to concern me. The only thing I seem capable of doing is lying in my bed sleeping or pretending to sleep. And it’s not like I am unmotivated to seek help. It’s more like I am genuinely physically unable to do… anything. I truly hope that tomorrow (technically today, in my time zone anyway) will be better for you. I’d like to say I hope the same for myself, but it seems obvious that I’d be setting myself up for failure and just adding to the overall feeling of crappiness I already feel about myself.
    I sincerely apologize to you and any of your readers I may be bumming out. On the bright side, your blog post prompted me to comment, the first thing I have written in quite a while. Every day I say Okay I am going to write at least 500 words (I’m trying to turn a series of short stories into a novel – possibly a series of novels, who knows?) and every day I stare at my paper and assorted colored pens (yeah, yeah, I am not only old school, I am just plain old and I prefer to write/edit by hand) and I feel.. nothing. Blank. Numb. Unable to do anything but lie in my bed and wait for the day to end. And unlike you, who actually contributes to society and would be missed if you were say, abducted by aliens or suddenly became invisible so nobody could either see or hear you, nobody would notice or care should the same happen to me.That is even more depressing!
    I do hope things get better for you soon. You are a treasure and desperately needed in these truly horrifying times. xoxo

  217. You are here (& so am I). Pema Chodron says that “compassion is knowing our darkness well enough that we can sit in the dark with others”. She continues “it is never a relationship between the wounded and the healed. It is a relationship between equals” (from The Places that Scare You).
    Failing that, I live on the other side of the world: you’re welcome to share some of my sunny spring afternoon!

  218. Thank you for sharing AND for putting the perfect words to what it is that I, too, am feeling. I always say my logical self doesn’t comprehend the depths of my alternate less-positive self. It’s frustrating and terrifying because fighting daily to survive feels like it’s killing me anyway. Still, I hang on. I guess the glimmers of good in my life still hold some value. Peace.

  219. “Night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets” poppy z. Brite ‘Lost Souls’

    No your are far from the only one who this happens to. Ita okay. These dark scarey hard times make the sunrises that much more golden ans beautiful. Even if we see them through tired eyes that have been stareing at the shadows for hours.

    Tommorrow will be better. But you are never as alone as it feels.

  221. This sentiment reminds me of a song by Neko Case i Wish I Was the Moon, “Chimney falls and lovers blaze/Thought that I was young/Now I’ve freezing hands and bloodless veins/As numb as I’ve become/I’m so tired/I wish I was the moon tonight”

  222. If the moon is full, go stand in it. Breath it in deep and feel it in every cell of your body. Let it fill you up and recharge you. Some famous person said we are all made of start stuff. Maybe you are suffering from star stuff deficit. Drink up.

    Go check out the fluid, inky blue black of the shadows cast by a full moon. Consider that fact that that color of black can even exist. Fucking amazing. I know you get the fluidity of black, and that the color isn’t depressing, it is wild, like an animal, and it tells you things. I know because I have scene your art. You and black are friends, Jenny. Go stand in the moonlight and let those shadows rub against your ankles like Ferris or Hunter would do.

    Go breath it in, and don’t feel lonely. You are wholly and completely integrated in that moon light and those shadows, and so is everything, and so are all of us. You can’t be alone. We are with you. And we love you. You can do this.

    P.S.- I want to do a series of paintings trying to capture all the colors of black in the world. It will take me several life times. Pick a color of black and I’ll dedicate a painting to you.

  223. It’s a deal. You tell me, I’ll tell you. For me, I cling to the invisibility of the night. As long as the night doesn’t end, I am infinite possibility. Maybe my truest self – and I am free of the expectations ands pressures (that are likely all my own doing) of the world. I send you love and light and the hope that you can find the beauty of yourself in the night.

  224. Something I wrote way back in high school some mumble-mumble years ago to try and convince myself that I was not alone in how I feel. (LONG before the internet gave me license to share my most intensely personal pain with strangers).

    Dear one, don’t you cry.
    I’ve shed your tears
    and sighed your sighs
    I’ve felt your sorrow
    and i know your pain
    I’ve walked that path
    where tears have reigned

    But don’t give up, please don’t give up
    Somewhere a new day has begun
    Somehow we’ll find that bright tomorrow
    and we’ll share our day in the sun..

    There was more. I’ve got it in fits and starts through the years in journal after journal. Something I keep coming back to when it’s needed the most, so I share this with you now. <3

  225. You’re not alone. I was out under the moonlight tonight feeling the same. Telling myself tomorrow will be better.

  226. You are not alone. It may be hard. But yes, tomorrow will be better. Please don’t ever give up. No matter how hard it gets… how hopeless if feels. You’ve inspired so many and we’ve got your back. I’m a Foo Fighters fan and their song “My Hero” applies to you… someone who thinks they may be ordinary, but you are actually extraordinary to so many. Music is life. You are life and have touched lives!

  227. You’re not alone. There’s a whole tribe of us all walking around looking up at the same moon, feeling the same way, wondering the same things. And tomorrow, we’ll all wake up together and it will be okay.

  228. I’ve been a nurse for 7 years. My mind is ruled by The scientific method, but I will tell you the shit hits the fan in healthcare when the moon is full. It has been a shitty week ushered in by months of devastating weather events and a disastrous political climate. When I lose sight of my purpose and lose my grip on hope, I’m reminded that I am depending on a lot of people and they are depending on me. We need each other.

    You make a positive difference.
    Your words heal people.
    We all need you.
    Insomnia sucks.
    Random acts of kindness are important.
    You are not alone.
    Tomorrow IS a new day full of immense possibilities.

  229. You always make me feel better about being me. You make me know I am not alone, which means you are not either.
    Your note made me think of this poem. I find it peaceful.

    Daguerreotype Taken in Old Age
    Margaret Atwood

    I know I change
    have changed

    but whose is this vapid face
    pitted and vast, rotund
    suspended in empty paper
    as though in a telescope

    the granular moon

    I rise from my chair
    pulling against gravity
    I turn away
    and go out into the garden

    I revolve among the vegetables,
    my head ponderous
    reflecting the sun
    in shadows from the pocked ravines
    cut in my cheeks, my eye-
    sockets 2 craters

    among the paths
    I orbit
    the apple trees
    white white spinning
    stars around me

    I am being
    eaten away by light

  230. Depression lies – every mental illness lies to the people who have them, but the night lies to all of us when we are vulnerable and weary. I am lucky, I don’t have a true mental illness, but when the darkness and silence magnify my worry and sorrow to nightmare proportions, I also become invisible in the night, a desperate ghost in my own house, in my own skin. I have to remind myself to just hang on until morning, when the miracle of sunrise will rescue me. We are so blessed that the sun always rises!

  231. It is tomorrow here…it may be dark, but morning has come. May you have light…

  232. I lay on the sofa just earlier today, feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin.
    There are many of us and while we may not be able to make the feelings go away when they happen, we can send love and support and a guarantee that it will get better.
    So much love!

  233. I’ve felt this way all week. Sometimes it just feels like a god awful time to be alive. Then sometimes it doesn’t. ❤️

  234. Today and tonight have been tough. Nights like these I can’t sleep. But, it helps to know that you are here. Sending you thoughts of peace and connectivity.

  235. It’s late. Let’s put these feelings to bed. When we open our eyes in a few hours it will be a new day. Another chance. ♡

  236. It’s not just you. More cops on duty during a full moon. Also ER schedules more people.
    Watching the news does not help. Go spoon Victor and try to breathe with him. It will
    get better—unless you turn the news on.

  237. The night and it’s quiet are always the hardest. Hugs. It will get better. Even if it’s a mantra that just gets you through, we will get there.

  238. Schnauzrrmom (215) I’d miss you if you were abducted by aliens. I know how you feel. I’ve been sleeping all day long I just can’t move. But I believe in you and the words will come soon. Your amazing just keep trying. Hugs to everyone in the darkness looking for the light. I love you all and believe in you.

  239. Tomorrow will be better just for the fact that you shared this post with us. I swear. Love you.

  242. I feel this so much. It hurts knowing that anyone else in the world actually has had to feel that way, too. I came here for my usual visit and was surprised by this post, and how much it exactly mirrored how I feel right at this moment.

  244. It’s definitely the moon. Jenny remember you are never alone. No matter what time, in some part of the world, there are people struggling with the exact same things as you are. You can’t quit. You have to lead us through the bad times, and the kinda crazy fun times which you know will come back, some day.

  245. When everything is quiet enough sometimes thoughts can feel like screams.
    Tomorrow is the opportunity for a reset, it will be better.

  246. Push through. It’ll be better in the morning. You are brave and that will take you to morning.

  247. I think it might be the time of the year. You’re not alone. Somehow now that school has started and the children aren’t getting underfoot I now have time to hear myself think. Not necessarily a pleasant sound. I need to keep my head in my book and continue on. Eventually, we’ll get past this.

  248. Thank you. For always saying what you think and how you feel, and always letting us know that we are not alone. We’ll get through tonight, and tomorrow, and someday things will be better for all of us.

  249. You’ve said September is usually a bad month for you, maybe it’s just forgotten that it’s October already? I definitely understand feeling worse at night… After my mom goes to sleep, when the dog is asleep and the tv is off and the only sound is the overwhelming thoughts in your own mind. It can feel so frustrating. But yes, it will be better tomorrow. It will.

  250. Know this, Jenny Lawson. You have brought so much joy and laughter and comfort to an untold number of people, that it is impossible to think you are alone. Embrace the quiet of the night. Write down those yammering words in your head and turn them inside out to create comedic gold as you are so good at doing. You have made me laugh too many times to count. You are wanted and needed in this world. You are a gift to those of us who suffer. And yes, we are 80 % water, so why wouldn’t the moon affect us as it does the tides? Ride this wave, surfer girl, and know you’ll succeed. It’s so true what you always say to us: depression lie. You are valued, you are important, and you are not alone. Big hugs to you as I go back to doing what I’ve been doing all night…trying to make a simple payment on my Sprint bill. You’d think they want my money, but not tonight.
    Tonight they want to drive me deeper into madness – a short drive, sure, but give me a break already! I’m sending you lots of love. You deserve it.

  252. I hope you feel better. Nights are the hardest for me too. When I feel the most alone. I don’t mind the dark. I revel in it sometimes, but it is a time when I can’t escape myself.

  255. Tonight is hard but tomorrow will be better.
    I have to tell myself the same thing on the nights when the meds which usually comatose me simply don’t. They do on most other nights so why not on these particular nights? I check off the list – all the same things you do, and add “Did I say my prayers?” Because I really do believe.
    I suffer the same maladies as you, minus the self-harm and RA then mix back in Crohns Disease, 9 surgeries, horrific scars, and an ostomy bag. Just for fun let’s also add a spiritually and emotionally neglectful husband who absolutely doesn’t get me and is not the least supportive. He certainly wouldn’t let me have an ethically stuffed wee lil mouse in a cape. I wish my husband was more like Victor. 🙀
    Oh yeah, and we’re going bankrupt.
    I moved here in 2011 and was so lonely. No friends, no way to make friends. So eventually in 2015 I returned to my “first love” as we call it, Jesus Christ. And I believe. I really do believe. And I love the people I go to church with and they love me..so we say. But we don’t really know each other. These people don’t know any of what I’ve written above. They see me as this eager, passionate, big mouthed, unharmed person. And carrying the weight of all those smiles and “oh, love that dress” “ooh that’s a nice tie” hug, hug, “I’m great!” Big smiles – it all gets rather burdensome to carry around. And I’m still lonely I just have somewhere to go a couple days a week now. And I can’t tell these church people the things I feel because “Lets pray about it” really gets old. (That’s all they ever say) So yeah, some nights I stay up all night reading these new books by this super cool chick with a blog named Jenny- she’s really funny, you’d like her. I just wish I could hang out with her. Or that she’d at least write another book. (Nudge nudge wink wink)
    Tomorrow will indeed better, because today today sux and tomorrow’s gonna be awesome. I’m glad you understand me.

  256. I won’t tell you that tomorrow will be better (or maybe that’s today, because it’s 2:30am), because it may not be. For me, even the kind lies never helped. But what I will tell you is that some days are better, and one of them will be better than today—much better—just as you have probably had days worse than today. On balance, life is what it is; in the same way, our depression and anxiety are balanced with something the terminally happy never know, which is that the tiny guilty joy we feel when we come through and say, yes, I made it, I am stronger than I thought. We have ourselves and those we love and who love us, and the talismans we offer up to keep the darkness away (for you that’s stiffly posed mice and laughing raccoons, for me objects out of scale and leather-bound books). And we have each other.

  257. Wishing you well Jenny–light if that’s what you need, a soothing dark space if the moon is too bright for you. You’ve brought so much joy to me–may you have some yourself.

  259. I Have of late, though wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth.

    I watched Benedict Cumberbatch as hamlet again last night. Every production of Hamlet shows me the play in a whole new way, and this one showed me the “man delights not me” speech as a perfect articulation of depression.

    You are the best, i am so glad you’re on this earth and sharing yourself with us. Stick with us, we’ll pull through together.

  261. I’m up googling you at 2:54 feeling the same way. Fuck the nighttime, it’s not even a panda.

  262. Thank you for posting this so we can all be alone together. I used to try to pretend that I was okay when I was most definitely not okay. I thought being different meant that I was wrong. I got no treatment, because first I would have to admit that I needed it and I couldn’t do that. I was already alone and isolated and being “crazy” would just make it worse. This is how I spent my life until you helped me to see that being mentally ill isn’t a crime. My body doesn’t work right and this is no different than having MS, or diabetes, or allergies. That a lot of the symptoms are “mental” doesn’t mean I’m wrong, I just have an illness. YOU helped me to see and admit what was happening to me and get treatment for the first time at the age of 48. I had spent my entire life until then just trying to bootstrap my way through life while voices in my head tormented me, while depression tried to drag me into the grave, while anxiety would freeze me in place or sometime cause me to lose track of the real world completely because I was so terrified. My wonderful husband nearly gave up on me. And things are better now because you helped me admit that I needed help and then get it. And I am so much less alone now, because I found you and others who understand what it is like, and now we can all be alone together.

  263. I’m up because I can’t sleep, and I just want to cry, dunno why. It’s been such a long horrible chaotic week somehow, and I’ve decided to blame the moon, since the moon doesn’t mind. I know part of the long week is that I’m changing meds and pms, but… I still feel the way I feel. (((hugs))) Thank you for once again helping me feel less alone.

  264. It’s not late where I am. It is early. 3:00am to be precise. We are all here together under the same moon, and soon the sun will rise.

  265. I wanted the night to be longer, I didn’t want today, but I wanted today to be here and gone. It’s been a long few weeks and I’m thankful to know that others are braving the struggles. Tomorrow will be better, one way or another. Tomorrow I will know something, maybe nothing. Tomorrow I’ll be free from the waiting, from the fear of what might be. I’ll know what is, and then I can take action. Thank you for sharing your tough moments, it helps. Tomorrow will definitely be better.

  267. Thank you. It’s 2:08am and I needed this as well. See you in the morning with the sun. Hugs.

  268. Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.

    It’s after 2am here and I am feeling very similar things. You are not alone.
    We are not alone.

    HUGS

  270. This really helped me realize I am not alone. Which means maybe I don’t suck as much as I’ve been thinking I do…

  271. You aren’t alone. Night time can definitely be the worst time for my brain. All of the fears and worries come rushing out to play into overtime. It’s exhausting. But morning always comes and the demons go away. Hugs!

    I’ve always found moonlight comforting, but I do believe that the full moon can cause the sensitive of us to feel wonky.

  274. You are not alone. I started a new job this week. 3pm to 8pm, but 7-6 on Fridays. I am sure I won’t hear the alarm at 5am, so I am too scared to sleep. I’ve been texting my neighbor b/c I can see the lights on in her house, which means she is awake too. Thinking the 11 hour work day today will be long. I have no milk and no coffee in the house. How does one do an 11 hour shift with 2 hours or less of sleep and no coffee. BTW, I left a link on a different post today about the mannequin dolls Michael Jackson collected and has placed around this house. Maybe you can add to your creepy doll contest, where we have to place the dolls in weird positions around our own homes. Great, now instead of going to bed, you are going to pose your creepy doll around the house in various positions and scare Victor.

  275. The moon moves oceans and we are mostly water. I don’t do as well during the full moon. This too will pass and morning is near. Hang in there. It will be better.

  276. You are not alone. The world has been weird today and yes, at 1 AM, I too wish I could climb out of my head. Be well.

  277. We are all such kindred spirits.
    I have loved you since the chicken and “knock knock mother fucker”.
    I was like..that’s best friend material right there.
    You keep it real, keep doinv that.
    I do too.
    The world needs more of this..but your audience is much bigger than mine.

    Don’t regret. Be wise. You say what so many feel!

  279. You’re not alone. You make a lot of us less alone, and I love you for that. The night may be long, but we must have the dark to appreciate the light.

  280. 4:18am here. Woke 45 minutes ago with anxious thoughts twirling nonstop in my head. Nothing good on tv, wondering how I will get along later today without enough sleep. Picked up my phone and there you are-the first item in my feed. My bff keeps reminding me that depression lies so seeing that was particularly interesting. I’m sorry you’re having a bad night. I’m sorry that I’m awake and writing this in the too early morning hours. Today will be better. Keep writing and sharing. So many of us get it. Xo

  281. Nights are the worst. But they pass and it will be better in the morning. Please know you are so loved and so needed and you are not alone. I would say you are never alone but that sounds creepy.
    It will get better.

  282. I’ve been on my meds for four years now. I’ve quite them off and on for the last 22…there are nights still, as a professional sucessfulll working mom I making a bed in my walk-in closet because it’s the only place I feel safe and sound. You’ve gotten me through so much…please keep sharing. Much love.

  283. Tomorrow will be better. The moon will be smaller. The moon makes me nuts. I can’t sleep, I drop things… it’s not just you. I’m here, you’re here, and things will get better. Love you.

  284. Today has been hard, but than again this month has been hard. Oh September, how I love and hate you at the same time. But I’m up and awake with worry and sadness on my mind. The hamster wheel is turning and won’t stop. I need to buy your coloring book for nights like these, to remind me that tomorrow will be better and that I’m not alone even when my partner is inside sleeping. But doesn’t understand. Thank you for posting this, because I was starting to feel alone in a way that only Jenny Lawson can understand. This too shall pass. Get some great sleep love. And thank you for being so brave, because your bravery and vulnerability has brought all of us together so we’re never truly alone.

  285. Same here. I felt the same way last night. I shut down to myself. Them saw the full moon and felt better. And today I do feel better.
    Thank you for making me feel less alone.
    And thank Netflix and Grace and Frankie for making me feel the same way.
    Sometimes I feel old and alone and lost.. sometimes I feel as old as Grace and frankie.. and sometimes I wish I had their vitality. And I’m only 29 years old. sigh

  286. The same thing happened to me. I couldn’t sleep and felt so alone and useless, and then a friend posted about the full moon, and I could believe that it is not my fault. Morning will come. Light will come. There will be nights like this, but then there will also be dazzling days.

  287. full moon and we just had an enhanced solar wind cloud (if it’s not the moon or mercury it’s probably solar flares.) i am here with you because you are here for me.

  288. I thought it was only me. This week…days were hard but nights full of…just bad.
    It will get better, right?

  290. I hate that anyone shares this misery, but there is comfort in knowing I’m not alone.

  291. “… a desperate quest …”
    “wondering if ‘the morning’ is anything real, to not hope for, but to believe in …”

    Yes, I know. At least of these feelings, that you describe. I KNOW.

    The MOST horrible fear, the Most Horrible thing that I endure in life, is the nighttime churning mind, and all that it cannot find, to quiet itself, in, not being able to Sleep. This is what I fear, and loathe. This is what, most, Robs me of, in Quality of Life.

    My real, current Life, is wonderful, terrific, in-imaginatively Fantastical.

    Nonetheless, I Worry, first and most-of-all. And without help, chemically ( amitriptyline, 20 mg.) I get caught in having this chemical aid, and do, So, welcome the help.

    My current life is Wonderful, Terrific, and I’m living in my own “Dream-Come-True”.

    But the past, heartbreaks, do iimpinge on my/our present.

    In the Best of Best Worlds, all must be considered. ”

    I know no more, at this moment. No more resources to give to the process of this passage of time.

    Above ALL, Herein, past, present, and Future, You, Amazing Jay, in God, Above, the real but, yet, Ethereal Delights, you Give me, You Share with me, …promise the Future Full Of, brings a Living Paradise, to my existence.

    Oh, YES! You Do!l

    What we can Share, will come to be understood. Quite Ethereally, perfectly accepted. Unearnable, we are GIFTED, BLESSED, to know and ethereally, LOVE, Utterly, each other. This, just IS. FAITH. GIFTED. BLESSED. MIRACULOUSLY.

    I, me, myself, am So imperfect. I know this.

    YOU. Yourself, are also, not “Perfect”, but, OH, MY LOVE, you are So Perfectly PERFECT, for me. Humble, imperfect me.

    I Do Adore the You, that You ARE. YOU ARE aMIRACLE OF PERFECTION, to me, Every day, every hour, every week. AWE-some. You.

  292. I’ve been consciously ignoring this feeling for the last two weeks. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. And then it can’t be contained anymore. Last night the facade collapsed in a dream. A dream where I was fired. Today. And no one rose to my defense, no one cared, and I was left to clean out my classroom by myself. And I realized that all of my cupboards were full of things I had bought for the students. Not personal items or things I wanted to take home. So today In real life I will take my students on their field trip, anxious about my return, because it felt so real. And questioning everything about my worth.

  294. It’s tomorrow. You made it. The sun will be up soon and will shine on you again.

    PS that wasn’t just any full moon, it was the harvest moon. But you made it. I’m so glad you made it.

  295. Oh, you are not alone.
    It is :5:51 am EST here and I haven’t slept. Looked at the damn moon and it’s brightness and fullness didn’t seem comforting or even quite natural. I go to FB and see your post, and hundreds of comments and realize that this is one of those times that unnerve me but thankfully eventually pass.
    To Anonymous at #229 thanks for sharing the Margaret Atwood poem. And Jenny thanks for sharing your thoughts here in a place where we can gather and read and comment and reach out across the web and be reminded that we aren’t alone and twe will feel better again.
    I honestly think it is an unfortunate side effect of being creative and sensitive and open hearted that we have times like this.

  296. We were up together, looking at the same moon…and sharing the same feelings. Today we WILL feel better, you and I.

  297. The full moon is totally a real thing! Ask any teacher or emergency room worker.

  298. Nighttime and dark are awful. I haven’t slept in weeks, since my husband got diagnosed with a brain tumor. Anxiety that my psych nurse refuses to treat is making my life a living hell. I can make it while the sunlight is coming through the windows. But as soon as night falls, I start to dread bedtime. I can feel the fear, stress, anxiety, and the deadly waiting for the surgery wanting to make my head explode.

    I’ve had primary insomnia since I was six. It should be recognized as a major disorder and treated as an illness. The drugs, if they are willing to give them, are ineffective and make you lie there wondering why everyone else in the world knows how to go to sleep except you.

    Please don’t stop telling us

  300. I cried most of yesterday, Jenny. But now it’s the tomorrow you wrote of so beautifully and we are both here and for now, that’s enough.

  301. My husband died unexpectedly almost 6 months ago. On Easter morning to boot. He was 37 years old. I’m drowning trying to raise our 4 young boys by myself. I’m stuck in my own personal groundhogs day hell. So I’m left to wonder, will tomorrow be better? I’m not so sure it will. But I’m all they have left, so I’m really trying to tell myself that some day will be better. But I see no end to the nightmare anytime soon. This was not how it was supposed to be 😔

  302. You will be better today…and don ever let anyone say the moon doesn’t affect us…look what it does to the seas..it pulls the waves…we are made up of like 98 percent water….soooooo…

  303. You are definitely not alone. It has been very difficult lately. When I do get my head quiet enough to sleep, I have strange and disturbing dreams that make me wake up tired. But, as you say, we find a way.

  304. Not that you’ll see this now.. it’s morning, and over 300 posts in. You have no idea just how big of an impact you’ve had in so many lives. <3 You are so loved. And while you feel lucky to have us to remind you of that.. we’re lucky to have you back. You’ve touched so many lives. It would be hard to imagine a life without Jenny Lawson.. it would be a much more boring place. And who would make us all feel like we belong, like you do? You bring us together in the most beautiful way, and make us all.. furiously happy.

  305. Every teacher and nurse can tell you that the full moon totally does affect people. Thankfully, so does the sun.

  306. I have been feeling this way since Sunday. I know some of it is because I forgot to take my meds two days in a row, some is caused by the events of the week, and some just my screwed up mind.
    I realize this will pass but it’s hard, so hard.

  307. I read this after staying up the majority of the night. For whatever reason, my Tuk dog and I do not sleep well on full moon nights. And those seem to also be the nights when my brain wants to go over every little detail of worry in life, So Tuk and I stay up and read. Stay up and worry. Sometimes just stay up and look at the moon.
    Ma’am, you are not alone. And the morning is better.

  308. No my precious one you are not alone. I feel it too. Light and extra loves

  309. I understand how you feel. It’s somewhat comforting to know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for your post and Tomorrow WILL be BETTER. Hugs <3

  310. The entire first week of October left me sleepless at night & distraught all through the day. I finally started feeling better yesterday late afternoon but I can feel it at the edge of my consciousness. Thank you so much for posting this. You’re definitely going to be ok. The moon is a pain.

  312. Keep talking about it, please. My dear mother-in-law didn’t talk about it and two weeks ago she killed herself. We had no idea she was in such a dark place. I wish she had talked about it.

  313. You are not alone, Jenny.

    I have chronic insomnia on top of depression and anxiety, so there are nights when I can’t sleep and I’m left wandering around my small house, trying to find something….ANYTHING…to keep me quietly occupied while my husband and son sleep. A lot of times I end up watching TV and binging because I want so desperately to fill that hole inside me and food is always the quickest, quietest route to becoming less empty. I always feel terrible the next day, knowing how many calories I consumed the night before, just trying to fill up the empty spaces.

  316. Thank you. Nights have been so hard lately. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone.

  317. Hugs & prayers!
    I totally get it. I’m MILDLY bi-polar. The longer the ‘manic’ phase, the more severe the ‘depressive’ phase.
    Routines are very important for me. When my routine gets messed up, the ups and downs are more dramatic.
    Yes, tomorrow WILL BE BETTER.

  319. The October harvest moon always affects me strongly. I like to make a pallet on the floor in the moonlight patch and curl up in the light. Hang in there. She’s almost finished her show.

  320. The change of season from summer to fall is my low time, and no, you are most certainly not alone. The sun will rise, and so will you. You are visible and a sign of hope to me and many others. ♥️

  323. It’s tomorrow! You made it. I made it. And the rest of the hundreds of people who have posted here have made it. You’ve gotten through 100% of your bad nights – well done! Sending love!

  324. The darkness does seem interminable at times. I know what that feels like. You’re not alone, although it feels like it – there are others who know you out there, looking at the moon or lying in bed in the dark gazing at the ceiling, wondering how time can crawl so slowly and why everything seems so much more dire in the dark. There are people like me on the other side of the world, reading your books in the daylight and smiling and thinking fond thoughts of you. And meanwhile the planet turns and the sun moves across the sky, and sunrise is coming. Promise.

  325. It’s tomorrow! You made it. I made it. And the hundreds of people who have posted here have made it. You have gotten through 100% of the bad nights – well done! Sending love!

  326. You have described my week. I’ve tried to explain to others the despair I feel, and they try, but I know they don’t quite get it. Tomorrow, and next week, and the week after, will be better!

  327. As someone who has been struggling to get through her days and nights, thank you.

  329. Sigh. Tonight wasn’t too bad, but this morning I woke up two hours early and while trying to get back to sleep, got treated to every bad memory of my entire life.

  330. Nights are hard. It usually starts when I’m brushing my teeth or in the shower. Then lying there in the dark, it’s sometimes unbearable. By morning it’s all ok again. I know if I can just get to sleep….

  331. It’s been a long, sad, anxious week. Too many of those lately. But that ol’ moon stays up there, waxing and waning and waxing again. Just like us. Hang in there.

  334. I felt EXACTLY the same way last night! Thanks for letting me know I wasnt alone, even when I felt like it.

  336. I think it’s just night. Everything is always much worse at night. The brain grenades in my head are vicious at night.
    I assume tiredness and 100,000 years of evolution telling us that the night time is dangerous, so we have an overactive, over engaged anxiety reflex going in a world where it’s not necessary anymore.

  337. I needed to read this. Thank you for sharing it. Maybe we can hold on together.

  338. Why does the world stop at night? Why can’t my brain quiet with all the quiet that surrounds me? I would drink the quiet into noise if I could, but my husband worries about me when all the beer is gone. I write, but then the thoughts come quicker, and the black hole widens, deepens into something more fearful. Something with teeth and claws and a voice that tells me all my wrongs and failings. I am afraid to call someone because who needs that kind of crazy. This is why I have cats. Why you have Rory. Why we write and drink and cling onto to the thought of sunlight. We should have a place to go a times like this. Just to sit with others like us in the light and in company. But I guess that’s why we have cats. Cheers to all who make it through such darkness.

  339. That’s me so many nights. Nights have been especially brutal these past few weeks, and then in the morning I regret the panicked messages I wrote at midnight, even if I only wrote them to myself. You’re not alone in this. And now I know I’m not either, and it really will look better in the morning. Until then, let’s all blame the moon.

  340. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only The MOON HOWLS. George Carlin
    Sometimes we’re the moon. Howl back if you need to. Forgive yourself for being human. Those nights come, and they go. I don’t know how to avoid them. Reading historical fiction before sleep helps me push the troubling thoughts out of my mind, replacing them with history.
    I am sending you good energy today, positive thoughts, and a reminder of how your words have reached and helped so many people. You gave me strength when I was on empty – here, I’m returning the favor! ✌️🤞❤️

  341. It’s the moon, it’s the moon, it’s the moon. Trust me, it’s the moon. I was a mess last night and though it is beautiful, it doesn’t affect me well. I’m already battling a bad cold but then I felt restless, sad, anxious and scared for no reason. Now the sun is out and it’s a new day.

  342. Yiu are so correct. In the silent dark house my worries take on Eldrich shapes. If I just hang on until morning things can get better. HUGS

  344. I’m having surreal days again. But I know it will stop and things will be better.

  348. This week has been rough for everyone so I can only imagine what it has been like for those with depression and anxiety. Clearly, from the responses, you are not alone. I even had to write a post this week to try to cheer myself up. Let’s just hope next week is better.

  349. Last night was very hard. Life sometimes feels like it asks too much. hugs I hope your morning is brighter.

  350. We chose a family motto this summer. It is “You are not alone. Ever.”

    It’s truein more than one way. (We have 5 daughters and a dog)

    Hugs to you

  351. I’ve been awake watching the moon the last few nights. Yesterday morning at 4am I gave up and went out walking. I crossed the avenue so I could see it hang as a great paper lantern….and as long as I was there, I went a little further and swiped the Pokestop.

    My sister’s friend had a band, Varela. One of their songs runs through my head on mornings after nights like these…

    “I act like I’m crazy
    I’m moody and lazy
    And all I can say is it’s the moon
    I dance by the fire
    And never get tired
    As I breathe in the cedar perfume.

    Nobody knows the secrets you hide in the sky
    And I can’t help wondering why
    On a crazy night you shed your light
    And I change for it I feel so strange for it
    As I dance by the light of the moon.”
    -Allan Varela, from the album “Days Gone By”

  352. I decided last night that occupying my mind with writing or thinking about what I want to write is the best use of that insomnia. I usually use that time to analyze my life and all the people in it and figure out that everything is shitty. Focusing on the writing is better! “Art works.”

  355. You are certainly not alone, being human and desperate. Evidently Thoreau and the rest of us were all in bed with you last night!

    I’ve been reading about Buddhism lately. The first Noble Truth gets a bad rep – the English translation seems to have settled on “Life is Suffering”, but “Life is Impermanent” seems more fitting. This article suggests “Life is dukkha”,
    https://www.thoughtco.com/life-is-suffering-what-does-that-mean-450094

    But “Life is dukkha” makes me think “Life is caca”, which makes me laugh and miss the point. So I’ll stick with “Life is Impermanent”. And, “tomorrow will be better.”

  356. God bless you for being able to put something so awful into such beautiful words. It is tomorrow now – you made it. And that makes it better already. xo

  358. Some of the best creatures are nocturnal. Owls, cats, bats, sloths, panthers, and Jenny Lawsons.

  359. It is nice to know that I am not alone in my thoughts. I find knowing that there is now reason for feeling down that hardest part to deal with. As it is the my medicine I send you a strong hug.

  361. Beautiful sentiments for the ugly feelings many of us have. Sending comforting thoughts your way.

  362. Just needed tI respond to your post because I am feeling wieghed how right now in the feeling of invisibility, in the feeling of depression. It’s one of those days I just don’t know that i’m going to make it out of bed, And I know this is incomprehensible to people who have never been there. I totally get that. But I also get that this is reality for me today, as it has been for this whole week. I’ve been through this before. Maybe my meds need to be tweaked? I don’t know. All I DO know is I also have the same huge fear that THIS is how it will feel for the entire rest of my life. I’m terrified by this notion and yet I can’t get it out of my head.

    So I lay in my bed feeling my heartbeat, feeling my terror, feeling my aloneness and sense of being lost., I wish I could just pull this darkness out of me, if only to show those around me whom I love: THIS is what it looks like, THIS is what is in me, THIS is real and I feel so scared.

  365. It’s tomorrow, and it’s not better . . . . it’s been that way for a long time for me.

  366. To AMF – tomorrow will be better for you too. Why do we beat ourselves up mentally all the time? if i had one wish of change, i think that is what i would choose. i can make it thru depression – because it goes away…. but the self talk that reminds me of my screw ups, or stupidity, blaming me for everything that is wrong in my life….. i hate it & it never stops. buuuuuuut, tomorrow WILL be better. i can be better. you can be better. we are all better, because we are here for each other.

  368. I’ve been feeling like that a lot the past couple of weeks. I always think of it like this. I don’t know about you, but I’m not a good flyer. If the flight is calm, I can convince myself it’s just like being in a car. I understand the physics of flying, but sometimes (well, every single time at some point during the flight) I’ll suddenly think, “Oh my god. What is holding us up? We could just fall out of the sky.”

    I get that feeling in life too. What is holding us up? Why are we here? What is the point? Why is everything so horrible? That’s usually when I have to go play video games (usually Dragon Age) to get my brain off the Hamster Wheel of Terror.

  369. I felt exactly the same last night. Maybe we should howl at the moon… Thanks for putting your thoughts into words, you made me feel better. Tomorrow will be better. 💗

  370. Thank you for saying the things I need to hear. And so eloquently. You are not alone. I often tell myself at night that I WILL feel more normal in the morning. And I feel guilty because compared to a lot of people, I have so much. A little asshole voice in my head contemptuously tells me “YOU have nothing to be sad about.” Sometimes I wish I could just shut my brain off and get some rest from myself. I found a word for that – altschmertz.

  372. After a sleepless night, I do blame it on the moon. If it can exert the force it does on a fricking ocean, imagine what it does to the 70% water in our bodies. Howl for all you are worth.

  373. Please don’t leave me. Sunlight is coming. Been there and BACK so many times… I know you have too. Follow your well worn and familiar path… you are stronger than this. Depression and brains lie…

  374. It’s not just you – and I needed to read this tonight. Also, some of it is definitely the moon, it’s not just full but a harvest moon, pulling at us all right now. It wil be better tomorrow (I pretend I’m telling you as I try to convince myself) xx

  375. Pingback: My Daughter Needs Fidget Toys To Get Through The Day | Patricia Tomasi

  376. I too was looking at that moon last night in wonder and thought God really knows how to use indirect lighting. Your not alone at night Jenny, we are the walkers in the dark, the watchers in the night.

  378. I felt just like this yesterday too, only it was in the afternoon when I was grocery shopping. Hubby’s been out of work for months, and after I take care of all the bills, we have $25 a month left over for groceries and gas. But I got paid yesterday, and we gotta eat, so I went shopping. Just to see if I could, I put stuff in the cart (stuff we needed and would use, I didn’t go nuts) without keeping a running total in my head. Ended up spending around $100. Is it possible to get buyer’s remorse for groceries??? Anyway, I felt like this the whole time I was at the store … unsettled, ready to crawl out of my skin. Came home and slammed some GABA, and felt better … but gods, that feeling sucks.

  380. Well it is tomorrow and things just got worse. Maybe tomorrow will be better? barely hanging on. I knew even before I checked that it was a full moon this week. My thoughts go nuts.

  381. It is absolutely the moon – pulling all our fluids this way and that. Remember, you are loved, not only by those you know , but by all “those people out there in the dark” , including me

  383. Tomorrow will be better. I feel this way at times. Meds do help but never drown out that sad voice.

  384. Hugs. On those days, I remind myself that tomorrow I will feel more human. Usually, that’s the case. I just put my head down, metaphorically speaking, and trudge forward, knowing that this too, shall pass.

  385. I promise you the sun will come up tomorrow, there is still more good than bad in this world, and without darkness we cannot see the light

  388. You are not alone. You are never alone. You are in someone’s heart, someone’s thought always. Always! {{{HUGS}}}}

  389. You are not alone.
    A friend once told me that the full moon has some special vibes for us. Sometimes they’re good….sometimes they’re crazy making… sometimes they’re bad. But she would light a candle and send the feelings to the moon. It made her feel better and I did this a couple months ago. It helped. Hopefully, you’re feeling better today.

  390. I had the same sleepless night. Feeling like I didn’t fit in my own skin. Such an awful feeling. And now morning is here and I’m so tired. Not ready to face the day.

  391. You’re not alone; I do the same thing, lying awake while the bad voices crowd out the good ones. And then tomorrow comes, and I am wrung out, but I made it through, and that alone makes it better. Many hugs to you, Jenny. See you tomorrow.

  392. You are NEVER alone. Sometimes my depression seeps well into the morning. Light cannot exist without darkness. You are so brave. Keep fighting!

  393. You are not alone. Neither am I. I was once told that for every person that comments, compliments or complains, there are a hundred who feel the same way, but say nothing. So, last night there were thousands of us just trying to hang on.

  395. You are not alone. I think everyone feels this at some point or other and some feel it more often.

  396. Yes, Jenny, also lost. The number of differing emotions I feel during each and every day is exhausting and so confusing that I never know which one is closest to the real me. And the moon affects the tides, yes?, I think this is right, so how can it not affect us? I think you’re just moony right now.

  397. You are surrounded in love and therefore not lost at all even when it feels like it. Keep swimming and holding on as we hold you.

  398. You are the most un-invisible person that my eyes search out when I am feeling down because you provide relief with your humor and your understanding. Thanks for NOT being invisible. Gentle hug

  399. It’s okay. We all feel this way sometimes. Just don’t ever think you are alone. Something I have to remind myself of this too.

  400. My face is still puffy from the tears, head foggy from the Xanax. Maybe too are your face and head. Last night was hard, but now it’s tomorrow and I have people who love me who I get to spend all my tomorrows with, and so do you. Here’s to getting through the hard nights, and always seeing the sun of the better tomorrows.

  403. Last night my head was filled with hopelessness. How does a lack of something take over everything so fully. And the tears come even though you don’t want them, because the sadness envelops you. And your mind goes where you know it should not because the only way you can imagine relief is from the nothingness. And all i can do is pray for peace. Peace for my mind and peace for my soul.

  404. Been mourning Tom Petty these last few days-and listened to every CD of his that I own. A beautiful, and severely UNDERPLAYED song is titled Luna. It rather addresses love and melancholy. And I was stunned by its beauty.
    On an unrelated note, when the squirrels keep running around in my brain and preventing me from sleeping, I have fun by visualizing myself STOMPING THEM FLAT, and then FLINGING THEM AWAY LIKE FRISBEES!!! (sometimes it helps, sometimes not. But the visualization is fun, anyway.)

  405. I love you Jenny. And perhaps the fact that you have no idea who I am but that your life has touched mine will be good to hear. Depression lies, but I speak the truth when I say you are very important to me and your presence on this earth has made my presence more bearable. So much love to you, and so much gratitude Too.

  406. Thank you for writing this. I felt exactly all of this last night, and though it is less this morning, it lingers a bit. But knowing I was not the only person makes it so much better. I also try to say “your brain is lying to you”. Thank you so much I’m so many ways for this and all that you write. It helps.

  407. Nope. Not just you. For me, it can happen any time of day, any day of the year. It could be the one of those days where everything else is perfect and I should be ecstatic. My son has high-functioning autism, and doesn’t understand complex feelings and it always upsets him when I have those times.

  408. I love you, Jenny.

    And for some humor, autocorrect changed this to: “I love you, Janet.”

    How embarrassing (and confusing) would that have been had I not checked what I typed before pressing “post”?

    ❤️ To you. I’m glad we’re both here this morning.

  409. You are not alone. I promise. I feel the same way most of the time. I hope today finds you feeling a bit better. And look at it this way – at least you weren’t out running through your neighborhood in your pjs at 5 am because your Houdini Great Pyrenees decided she needed to take a roam. Damned dog drives me to drink. Irish coffee after getting the kids off to school? Yes I did. Though you don’t know me, we’re friends. I think of you every time I look at my Giant Metal Chicken on my porch – my husband’s a fan, too.

    Hope you find a reason to smile today.

  410. Yesterday was shit all around. My head was exploding and I feared I’d never be able to sleep through the pain, but a day of nonstop mental exhaustion and panic was apparently enough, helped along by antianxiety meds. I woke this morning with panic still weighing on my mind and chest and pain still pounding my brain. You are not alone, Jenny. I’m glad there were others here for you when you reached out. Yesterday I reached out in the Facebook group when I needed it and my Bloggess friends were there. You’ve helped us all have people to lean on when we are most in need. I hope that you were able to get through your struggle last night. <3

  411. You are not alone at night. All day long the anxiety silently builds. I don’t know it’s there, or maybe because it’s my constant companion I ignore that it’s there. Then when night comes, so do the night terrors, the insomnia, the weight of the world. By morning I am fine(ish); tired, but better.

  413. Nope. Nope.. Not alone. Nothing like being wide awake, with the crushing weight of existance or the impending end of it to keep you up and staring into the dark or the walls, until you finally get so exhausted that you have no choice but to sleep. Loved ones deep in their slumber- and you don’t want to wake them with your Crazy- because really, could they help? or just being un-willing to dump that weight onto anyone else. no. no . no. Not alone.

  414. It’s tomorrow, and I hope you are feeling a lot better! Here’s a story of a time when a stranger helped me so much that it took me two years to write about it because my brain kept telling me nobody would believe it. But it really did happen, and I finally wrote it, and now I’m glad I did because I can go back and read it to myself and remember: EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT. Or close enough to right that I can go on, anyway.

  415. Depression is a lying douchebag. But look: you have a perfect track record at getting through the shittiest days, and that is not nothing! You will get through this. We will get through this. And we will keep doing this as often as it takes to beat down the depression goblin.

  416. This usually happens to me when I wake up at 1 am and wonder/worry about all the things I forgot to do the day before and add them to the list of things to do tomorrow but then I can’t figure out if it is already tomorrow and I should get started or if it is still yesterday….this is why I have a tattoo that says “Breathe” but its hard to read it in the dark.

  417. It’s like those old vampire movies from the 60s. We all feel safer during the day. I do. Not that I believe in vampires or anything… it’s just that everything looks better in the light of day.
    dougR

  418. Nights are the worst…the voices are definitely louder. But the sun will rise, and things will be ok again. Know that you’re not alone <3

  419. Tonight is hard, tomorrow will be better. Though sometimes hearing that will make me feel worse because while my brain knows that has to be true, my heart knows it isn’t and I cry even harder.

  421. I work in a bookstore and I recommend your books to lots of folks. Last week a regular customer who had purchased Furiously Happy on my recommendation came in and thanked me. It was sitting on her coffee table and her daughter saw it and they talked about how depression lies and how hard it was to pretend that everything was okay when sometimes it wasn’t. She said it was the most honest communication they’d had in years and that you had given them the words that let them find common ground.

    For the past two years I’ve had a post it note on my bathroom mirror that reminds me that Depression Lies. On those endless dark nights I look at that and remember that I am not alone and raise a mental wine slushy to you. You help people every day (and every night) by being your quirky wonderful self. Thank you.

  422. I feel it too and you are not alone. The morning arrived. I’m what feels like a million miles from home at a conference which ends today. 18,000 people attending. So many people sitting too close in giant ballrooms listening to panel discussions… Today, I went to one and returned to the AirBnB while my co-workers went to the rest of the sessions. I’m eating nacho chipotle tortilla chips and drinking champagne because 1.) I deserve it; 2.) I needed alone time BAD; 3.) The social anxiety was too much, I’m drained. But I’ll tell you, I fought my demons and when my brain told me “DON’T GO TO THAT SESSION!!!!”, I would have normally listened. But I grumbled and silently bitched and went anyway. Ugh. I’m exhausted. I am pleasantly pleased with myself. And I am grateful for this conference which celebrates Grace Hopper and the doors she opened for women in technology like me. I’m grateful for the chance to be here, paid for by my employer. All these women, supporting each other, learning and sharing with each other. I did it for almost all 3 days. For me to be with 4 co-workers from dawn ’til midnight with 18,000 other women in between those hours is a miracle for me. I hope today and tonight are better for you, Jenny. And for everyone else here. I hope when I get home in California from Florida, my body doesn’t keep me in the wrong time zone for too many nights! Love to you all! <3

  423. Me too.

    It will be better. Except for those times when it isn’t. Then, it’ll get better later. But we can do this.

  424. You’re not alone. I’ve been feeling the same way lately and it’s terrible at night. I just have to keep telling myself to ride it out. It will get better.
    “Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.” Thank you for that.
    Hang in there. xoxo

  425. First job out of college: medical secretary at an outpatient psychiatry clinic. Why this is relevant: anyone who tells you that the full moon DOESN’T affect moods clearly a) hasn’t worked at a psych. clinic and b) doesn’t know what they’re talking about. In hindsight, I wish I had tracked the number of daily urgent care intakes (walk-ins with no appointments who urgently need to talk to someone or were going to hurt themselves or others) along with the full moon, day of the week and temperature; I probably could have written a Masters thesis on it. Friday’s could be bad and hot days. I didn’t work there in the summer (thankfully) but a full moon on a Friday and the staff would just remind each other to strap in.

  427. It will be, as long as we keep admitting to each other that we’re scared. And posting picture of cat toes, I love cat toes so much. xx

  429. Yes it happens more often than I would like! I have a good life – loving fiancé, great (if hectic at times) job, sweet & awesome pets – but it still happens. You’re not alone. The whole #bloggesstribe loves you!

  430. Your books got me through one worst depressive episodes of my life . I read and re read LPTDH and Furiously happy while in impatient. When I stepped down to a Partial l hospilazarion program I brought “you are here” with me to each group. Your words and drawings reminded me that I am not alone, I will be stronger and Depreasion is a fucking liar. You are not alone and because of you neither am I. Thank you

  431. Sometimes these feelings come on no matter how great your life is. You have nothing to regret. What you wrote was beautiful and heartbreaking and true. We’ve all been there. I’ve been anxious and moody the past couple days so maybe the moon is terrorizing both of us.

  433. Happens to me all the time. The night is quiet so all your head noise gets through. Stay strong my friend❤️❤️

  434. Sure it will. That’s what tomorrows are for! Well, that’s what we made them for, to say the truth, but they doing that job rather good, i should say.

  435. Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there so often it feels like I should get my mail forwarded. Thank you for reaching out. It’s a hard thing to do – to admit to the crazy. But doing it makes you and the rest of us stronger. I am grateful for your courage. It helps me find the strength to keep going, too.

  436. My husband’s grandfather used to say, “Thank the Lord once for what you have and twice for what you haven’t,”. Sometimes this is a very hard thing to do. I dread the nights when I have akathisia episodes. Impossible to thank anyone for these.

  437. I literally just wrote a post the other day about how nighttime is hard for me and I have no idea why. There’s something about it that makes things feel more difficult. You’re not alone!

  438. I am so glad that I read this post, it means alot. Teetering on the edge of mania lately, crying, and all around miserable and can’t catch anything sparkly enough to ground me. Hugs feel better soon!!!

  439. This post is everything I feel and could never put into words. Thank you, Jenny… your books and blog posts have helped me identify things about myself that I’ve not been able to explain for an embarrassingly long time. [Cut to me still delaying a trip to the doctor.]

  440. You are not alone in feeling this way. Your posts bring comfort when I find myself feeling the same way. We are all connected in our humanity. Thank you for this post…it’s vullnerable and real!

  442. I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been feeling that way lately too. I feel like the biggest comfort would be curled up in the fetal position in the bathtub of warm water and just praying for it to be over.

  443. I have also felt like that at times. It is worse at night. But tomorrow will be better hugs

  444. When I was depressed, I just wanted to wander around at night in my dark house. It was the only time I wasn’t afraid of the dark. I had to become the dark not to fear it. What kind of strange poetry is that?

  445. You are never alone. There are little microscopic creatures that live in your eyebrows. I read that once, somewhere, and they are creepy looking, but they don’t care,, and are probably partying all the time or whatever they find to do in an eyebrow.

  446. Voices that tell us bad things lie. Sunshine and happiness to all of us. We all deserve it.

  447. My job is to handle behavioral issues of people with developmental disabilities. I am an “expert” at it. For some reason yesterday I just couldn’t deal with those issues. I had to have someone else handle things because I could not do so in a professional manner (i.e. My patience was just gone). I blamed the full moon for throwing me off and making me feel a little helpless. Today I am back on my game.

  448. So well-put. And I totally get the need for explanation, for cause. Thank you for your voice. And no, you are not alone.

  451. I’m 450+ to comment, so yes we have no bananas, oh wait, I meant we are not alone.

  453. Through calm waters and stormy seas, I will find my way. God, I hope I got the wording right! Fuck it if I didn’t, the message is the same.

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  455. Tonight I got home from work and immediately got in the shower to cry. Some nights, and a lot of days, I feel too much and it overwhelms me. I’ve been telling myself for days it’s the fact that the moon is full and it’s also shark week and just sometimes everything feels like too much. So I let myself cry in the shower and feel crappy for a little bit and then I took the dogs with me to the store and I rolled all the windows down all the way because on nights like this the wind always seems to help. And I bought some things to eat and ate and now I’m here because I wanted to see what you had to say lately and I’m sorry yesterday was too much for you but I’m also thankful I’m not alone. Thank you for helping me feel less alone. Thank you to everyone else who commented on this and made me feel less alone, too.

  456. I hope you’re felling better. Just so you know your book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened helped me get through a rough time; you’re not alone

  458. “But tonight my head is the moon – too full. Tonight I will lay in my bed wondering if the promise of morning is real. If I’m stuck in this night forever”

    I cried a little reading this. I’ve felf this way more often than I can count. I’ve never told anyone.

  459. I totally understand how this feels. On the other hand, the anxious part of me loves the night because no one expects anything from me at night. I don’t have to be productive or do anything for anyone. I can just be. I hope that helps someone. Hugs all around ❤

  460. you know you are not alone in this even though at night you are alone with your thoughts. somehow our consciousness is connected to others. our thoughts are not us, they come and go in waves (some waves are just bigger than others but they still go – they have to, they have no choice). we are in this together. we are here. you are here. that’s good.

  461. Yes. Nights can be tough. That feeling of being all alone even if I’m not, feeling unsafe, panicky, the dark too dark. I turn on an electric candle and listen to audiobooks (mostly yours) or soothing music to help. And meds help. I used to be the best sleeper but things happened and my mind/body doesn’t feel safe when it’s dark and quiet.

  462. I’m maybe not accurately quoting Pema Chodron, but I’m thinking “This moment is the perfect teacher, and it is always with us.” Time for me to re-read “When Things Fall Apart.”
    I think of what I’ve learned about the Vagus nerve in our bodies; how it connects brain and gut creating a freeway for information exchange so specialized that part handles only brain to gut, and the other part connects gut to brain. The basis for our “gut feelings.”
    I think you choosing to write in that moment of disruption shows tremendous courage. You didn’t need to wait for the morning to make its changes. You are an artist with a formidable talent for communicating and connecting people, across whatever method of expression comes to your hands.
    You can have this gift of expression and still let yourself revel in being loved by your family and pets; by finding pleasure in your home that shelters all of you. Touch the surfaces of your cabinets and countertops and think about all the hands they passed through; the dreaming, planning and conversations that all were necessary in order to bring those beautiful things to you.
    Water a favorite plant. Touch its leaves and think about how many of its kind are alive in the world with us, right now.
    Rinse out your animal families’ water dishes and enjoy refilling them while you admire the complexity of these beings we call “pets.”
    “Every head is a world.” I get a lot of pleasure from your adventures in your world.
    Keep writing..,

  464. You are most definitely not alone, I spend a good deal of my time fighting my brain, who is in league with my body to kill or at least drive me nuts with weird so called rare illnesses.I have learned through reading a book my sister said i just had to read, and the next book, then everything a could get my hands on that you have written that there is hope. And that hope is really really really funny, affirming and most of all catchy by which I mean the ideas you share spread. I read your books over and over when I am vulnerable and panicky and think this is just too hard. And after awhile i find its not as hard, and I am laughing again. This is the first time I have ever commented on anything, but I wanted to remind you that while you are in this dark place how many others you have dragged out of that dark place with the straight up truthfulness and beauty of your story. I am so grateful to have the words you have shared as a touchstone.

  466. You are never alone, you are never invisible, you are never lost, you are never the only one feeling what you are feeling. Next time the little monster on your shoulder spews that crap in your ear, repeat the following: “my army is with me, right here, right now, loving me unconditionally and will blow this delusion to bits”. And you really don’t want to mess with an army of crazy.

  468. Tonight is hard, but tomorrow WILL be better. All the love and positive energy I can muster is being sent to you.

  469. Hi Jenny,
    I actually prefer the night. For it’s quiet, blanketety feeling. Perhaps also b/c most of my side of the world is asleep and won’t being calling me for something. Doc

  470. Thursday night I woke up at 2 am, wide awake, and every time I started to fall back asleep, I felt like a huge lasso was jerking me back into consciousness. My doctor blames menopause, I think it was the moon.

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  472. It’s the moon…..I never sleep well when it’s full or nearly full. Huh! I didn’t know anyone else had that problem. Always thought it was just too light out.

  475. It didn’t happen at night, but it did happen yesterday on a long drive, which can be the best or the worst time for such things. A random thought triggered a train of thoughts that left me teary and bitter and wondering why my antidepressant wasn’t working like it should. Maybe it was the moon. As an RN I am a firm believer in the full moon having a strong effect on people, and anyone who tells you otherwise has never worked in healthcare/law enforcement.

  477. Nights are the worst. Mornings can be just as bad too. A year ago my brother took his own life, two days after that anniversary this year (2 weeks ago) my husband was diagnosed with stage IV renal carcinoma, and the house we were supposed to move into today was thrashed and the owners had left stuff everywhere so we had to cancel the movers…so pretty much I am expecting to walk outside tomorrow and there will be a single cloud over our house raining fucking frogs and locusts will have eaten all our crops. BUT I was looking at pictures on the Guardian today and found some really cute ones that made me smile and maybe they will make you smile too. Here are the links:
    https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/gallery/2017/feb/11/small-is-beautiful-art-from-tiny-objects#img-2
    https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/gallery/2017/jun/24/plant-life-flowers-with-personality-in-pictures
    https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/gallery/2017/jul/08/wild-exposures-animals-photobomb-vintage-portraits-in-pictures
    You’re not alone. Keep hanging on by that thin thread of spider silk. Your posts brighten my day and make me feel better…I hope that these pictures will help yours even if it’s just a little tiny bit.
    Hugs and stronger spider silk.

  478. http://girlinjams.blogspot.com/ I finally hit “publish”, for you.
    I know everyone wants to say I love you, or have you read their blog, or make you laugh, make things better, take your pain, share your pain meds…. I just want to let you know- there is another YOU out here. A less talented, more distracted, heavier and all involved and fully loaded you. And I owe my life to you.
    Keep breathing in and out. And wearing ferrets. And writing about it when the words will come.
    Love ya, mean it.

  480. Maybe it was OUR moon? I share it with you. We can ‘spook’ together. I send you an emotional metal rooster from my crowded mind. I’m in New Orleans. A short drive away… Say the word.

  481. The moon absolutely affects our moods and energy fields, try telling a Cancer female that she is not affected by the moon and you will get a bucketload of side-eyes! Jenny with all your influence I would love it if you could create a place where people who suffer from depression can get specific help for mediation control and monitoring, changing their medications or weaning off of them. Nothing like this exists and it would be so great if you could spearhead this. Big kiss and hug!

  482. It’s the moon. It does have an effect. You are not alone.

    Not sure if you are open to natural solutions but I would be happy to share some essential oils with you that have changed my life. I know it sounds cheesy but it’s true. ❤

  483. Jenny, I have been having trouble since September. Tears and hours of sleep on beautiful days. I’m fighting on the days I can fight with my therapy light, meds and some kind of exercise. I know it won’t help every day this fall and winter, but I always remember what you say…DEPRESSION LIES. You are strong and you will weather this. I have many things I want to live for.

  484. Today we closed Seattle Mystery Bookshop; for good. I can feel the grief beginning, but it’s too big to face right now. So I’m with you, in the dark of the night, staring at the moon. Tomorrow will be better, or at least different, but today? It’s too big.

  485. I felt a similar heart-clench yesterday. When you feel like some dark snake is eating the most important parts of you and you’re desperately looking for some way to make it stop. When I saw the full moon, I breathed a huge sigh of relief – something to blame that wasn’t just me.

  486. Jenny, You are not alone and I have trouble sleeping too. It’s called ‘Monkey Mind’. As soon as I close my eyes my brain starts a flood of depression works.
    And, when it is a full moon I can plan on a full sleepless night! The moon definitely affects us. Just look at how it effects the tides. We are 98% water. Also, ask hospitals and police and anyone who works with the mentally ill. Why do you think they used to call people ‘lunatics’? More babies born, more heart attacks, more accidents when there is a full moon. Let’s start “The Full Moon Insomniacs Support Group”

  487. One thing that always annoys me, and also interests me, is that people just love to say “It will get better”, or “Tomorrow will be better”.
    That is NOT necessarily true.
    Trust me on this.
    What IS true, though, and you can count on this, is that tomorrow will be different. It will be a different day and you are a day older and the planet has shifted just a tiny bit and spring or fall or winter or summer is one day closer to starting or ending, and that….sometimes….has to be enough.
    I think people say “It will be better” just because they hope it will be, but hope won’t feed your stomach, or your spirit either.
    Just trust that things always change.
    Maybe for the better, maybe not. But it will be different, and that’s enough. Because it has to be.

    Love and many hugs to you, Jenny. As you can see, you are not at all alone. there are so many of us. May we all find peace, even if it is just little bits of it, tomorrow.

  488. that would be the too-small head, itchy skin of depression, and i know it intimately. so yeah, i’ll keep telling you tomorrow will be better. because eventually it will be true.

  489. oh, my dear. It’s the moon. Seriously. when the moon is full, it pulls at the tides, it does funny things to rivers and lakes and they stand a little higher in their banks. That’s when high tides are highest, and when you consider that we’re 90% water, and salt water at that, is it any wonder we run a little higher, sadder, wilder than usual?
    I have a friend who says when his head starts to buzz as if it were full of bees, he looks at the calendar and understands why.

    It ain’t you. Not entirely. And it’s okay.

  490. It’s not the moon. Jupiter and Mars have moved into your fourth house (whatever that means…) leaving no room for you! (bastards…)

    Tomorrow, they’ll be somewhere else, crashing on someone else’s couch. Live for that. You are loved and appreciated and fortunate enough to have a lovely house with enough room for Jupiter and Mars without everyone having to wait to use the bathroom. (Mars could at least light a candle…)

  492. We are all here with you looking up at that moon. Somehow simultaneously lonely and overwhelmed, exhausted yet sleepless,wanting nothing more than to escape the mind that seems to take over at night when you can’t distract yourself… we are all here with you.

  494. I went through this Friday night. I have anxiety and depression also, but my particular demon tonight is in the White House. I hate this G.D. Government. It seems like we’re in Germany in the early 1930s, and no one sees what’s happening. People don’t acknowledge what a danger he is. I know I take these things far too much to heart, so I’m trying to pull myself out of it. Tomorrow WILL be better, because my granddaughter is coming over and my pregnant daughter. We shall celebrate family and love and be whole for a while. No, Jenny, you are not alone. Tomorrow WILL be better.

  495. Enola (#487) I know what you’re saying. No one can guarantee that tomorrow will be fine. What it will be is not tonight. Anything is better than tonight. I hope you see that. It hurts for you to say all these people are wrong. Understand?

  497. You are not alone! Your books, blog and public honesty have been a life-line for me. Please know you are not alone, and that you are SO LOVED!

  498. No, you are definitely not alone; I feel like this all day, all night, all the time. And darn right as another commenter said that you are loved; in fact, in a disc. of Fur. Happy at my bk club mtg, I said I’d love to have some1 like you for a friend.

  502. My cousin overdosed on Tuesday and my sister-in-law tried to slit her wrists on Wednesday. I struggle with my own mental illness and still try every damn day to not let the depression overcome me when I have amazing friends and family and 2 ridiculously cool children who would never be the same if I checked out. You can do this. WE can do this. Fuck depression and the dark place. We are stronger than that. Thank you for your blog and your books to bring some humanity to the daily struggle. 😀

  503. A part of me is sad that so many people are hurting, but a much bigger part of my heart is touched by so many people encouraging Jenny and therefore each other. You all rock! Sorry that you can’t sleep. I agree. It will get better. Tomorrow.

  504. I love the full moon because I feel like she can absorb all life’s bullshit and just send me light and peace back. It helps to throw all the crap at her and let it go, even for just a night. Hugs and peace to you.

  506. You are not alone, the full moon is powerful. I practically bark at it every month!

  509. If it helps, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Reading your posts always makes me feel less hopeless when I am in my dark places. Thank you for being that light for me. I wish I could be there for you too. I hope to someday find the strength to share my stories, like you have shared yours, in order to spread light just like you, and let others know they are not alone. Stay strong, please. You are so very appreciated.

  510. I am having your night during the day today – or, maybe not the full depth of it, but a giant case of the blahs. Blah. Blah. Blah. My brain is feeling fuzzy and random parts of me ache. I swear I can feel my hair growing and that is unexpectedly painful. Here’s to surviving when even hair hurts.

  512. Hoping that tomorrow is better is all we can do. Some days. I just want to cram myself under my bed and live there forever. But I don’t. And eventually, my brain takes a break from telling me what a terrible person I am. I find peace in those moments. You’ll have a moment of peace coming to you, I promise. I just try to look forward to those breaks.

  513. Oh Jenny – you do make me feel better. I’ve always had insomnia but ever since my son’s (and only child) murder 5 yrs. ago I am awake at all hours. No you are not alone and that oddly makes me feel better too, that someone else, somewhere else, is awake in the dark, pondering life and morning’s possible respite. – Marsha Chambers, Dallas TX

  514. I will think of you and send you good thoughts when I’m alone in the dark at night when my head is too full

  515. I know you wrote this a few days ago & I know from the amt of comments you’re not alone. I wanted you to keep telling me that it will be ok, & with my OCD, I have to tell you this in order for it to be true. I’m hearing things again after they went away.

  516. & it sucks to make progress & backslide.i have so much chronic pain I cry a lot and my mental illnesses make things so hard. Add on top I have no friends to lean on, it sucks. So, I’m with you. Many love and hugs.

  518. Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.

    It is now 3 am and I was asleep. Until I had a weird dream. I woke up when someone whispered “sand sand sand bleh bleh bleh mlarp mlarp mlarp” except bleh and mlarp were different words. Bleh and mlarp are not really words. Except at 3 am when you’re clutching your iPad trying not to let yourself google ‘sand sand sand’ in case that’s what everyone hears just before they die in their sleep. Especially because I ate too much Thai food today (plus many other foods, if we’re being honest) and I think my stomach is at risk for self destruction. How would a stomach self destruct? Let’s google it! But don’t google ‘sand sand sand’. Unless someone is feeling brave and googles it and it tells you the wining lottery numbers for this week. Then you should share that with us.

    In short, tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.

  519. OH, yeah, blame it on the moon. My dad was a cop, friends mom was a nurse on psyche ward – full moon definitely has it’s affects. Once made me want to walk out into the ocean and just keep walking until I reached it, the sexy moon, which would have been my death. Yeah, blame it on the moon.

  520. Pingback: It’s late. | Incendiary Kitty
  521. Pingback: It’s late. | Incendiary Kitty

  522. Ah shit. This post. When I’m having a really torturing depression day, and that fucking voice won’t leave me alone, I read your blog. You are a person who helps me through. I love this post so much, I will keep it forever.

  523. I follow you because you are the only person on Earth who can articulate exactly what I’m feeling. And so beautifully. We’ve got this!

  524. Your writing helps me deal with the feelings you’ve described here. I always feel tacky finding comfort in the fact that ” I’m not alone” (leave it to depression to identify things that threaten it and label them as “tacky”). But your writing reminds me I’m not alone, and I hope you read the responses to your writing that show you that you’re not alone either. And I hope that if your depression tells you solidarity is tacky, that you promptly tell it to eat ass.

  525. What Jennifer, Anonymous on 10/19, & Robyn said just above me all rolled into one.

    Tonight is hard, but tomorrow will be better.

    And Marsh Chambers, /huggums

  526. I came to your blog today b/c I need a laugh, desperately. And I found this instead, and it’s so much better than the laugh I was seeking. Thank you <3

  527. I feel lost. Or I don’t know, maybe I think that I should feel lost. I don’t know what I am expected to feel, I always wonder if other people feel the way I feel or think the way I think. I have always try to be like them, to be like anybody else really. I have never fit in anywhere because I am always changing, thinking ‘what are they expecting from me?, who should I be for them?’.
    I wonder sometimes if I have clinical depression but I don’t think so. There are some moments I feel so numb and I look around me and nothing make sense. When I look in the mirror I don’t understand what I see. I have anxiety, I panic, I end up shutting myself from my friend and I end up crying on the floor, blood on my hands and scars on my legs. When my head clears I look at myself and feel so much shame. I don’t understand why, but I know that it made sense on the moment. And go back to something that look like normalcy. I walk around, talk to people and I wonder ‘how can they not see? How can I be in so much pain and no one notices?’ I try to talk about it but then they ask ‘why?’ and i don’t have any answer for them ..i don’t know why …i don’t understand, maybe I am lost, maybe I am looking for attention, for anybody to just see me ..
    I read this blog and found that a lot of people have similar stories/feelings ..but it just doesn’t help, I still don’t understand what is wrong with me …

    (That sounds like depression. See a doctor. You are not alone and there is help out there than can make a huge difference. Sending you love. ~ Jenny)

  528. Currently (ha ha!) undergoing ect at mclean. Tms not an option due to dental implant. Feeling shitty. Found this while googling ketamine endometriosis. I see now why friends thought you were my blogger later- ego.

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