Remember last month when I wrote about Amazon recommending a ridiculous astronaut baby carrier to take your cats for walk in and they were like, “YOU SHOULD TOTALLY HAVE THIS, WIERDO” and I was a little offended?
And then I looked at it again and was like, “Fuck. I TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE THIS.” And so I bought it because that’s what happens when I have insomnia at 3am.
And today I’m reviewing it for you in case you also bookmarked it during a moment of weakness.
First cat, Ferris Mewler:
Verdict: Somewhat perturbed. Slightly fascinated. Last time I tried to take him for a walk I used a cat halter and he just flopped over and pretended to be dead even when I dragged him so this was a small improvement.
Second pet. Hunter S. Thomcat:
Verdict: Hunter does not like confined spaces. Or backpacks. Or me.
3rd pet, Rolly.
NOT PICTURED
Verdict: Rolly is our smartest cat and after living with me for ten years she has a sixth sense about when to hide. I suspect she’ll turn up as soon as I put the backpack away. We respect her wishes. But I bet she would have loved it.
4th pet: Dorothy Barker.
Verdict: Totally cool with it. Which seem like a waste because I can already put Dorothy on a leash and walk her around, but she super freaks out in the car and this enclosed space seemed to weirdly comfort her so at least someone appreciates it.
Conclusion: This bag will make your neurotic cats more neurotic. Will make your neurotic dog less neurotic. Will make your neighbors avoid you. I say that’s a win.
UPDATED: The outtakes, as requested:
If it comes with a neighbor-repellant guarantee, you won’t catch me without one.
Thank you for your selfless willingness to test new products for us, Jenny. My dog wouldn’t fit in there, so he’s shit out of luck. The last cat I had is dead, but I bet he’d still find a way to scratch one of my eyeballs out if I were to try to stick his remains in a backpack with a view.
This. This is exactly what I needed to see this afternoon. Thank you.
I’ve got 2 cats and chainmail gauntlets to get them into the carrier to go to the V-E-T…and they’re declawed! I’m not thinking this will be a hit at our house.
My cat would be yowling and falling all over the place. She’s very old and cranky!
Hey, Dorothy Barker just made it super easy for you to tour with her now.
My nieces have chickens, and the older niece put one on a leash the other day & took it for a walk. I thought of you.
Anyway … thank you for conducting this important piece of consumer research.
Your title reminds me of a line from the Three Musketeers where Lady d’Winter (Rebecca De Mornay) says to Athos (Keifer Sutherland): “I have become the monster you once thought me to be…”
Two thumbs up on those photos! How did you get Hunter out without him raking your skin with his nails and teeth?? Ferris is hilarious. Obviously he is far above such shenanigans. Dorothy Barker… you’re right. We don’t deserve dogs.
Okay. Alfie and Gertie the kitties need this
“I’d buy that for a dollar.”
-Anonymous
We have a semi-feral kitty that likes to join us on walks. She is oblivious to the dangers of the road. I designed her a pink (’cause she’s a girl, duh.) crocheted harness with a knitted leash. I was alone with her when I tried it. She walked and was all happy. The moment DH Bob appeared, she fell over on her side and refused to move. My choice was to drag her and get reported by everyone who saw me or let her go.
OmG, you didnt even….You do make fun of people who do this and now you are one…a crazy cat woman….
Angus is currently mancatspreading. Cats are assholes. Also, HOLY CRAP HST is pissed…
I’m first? How did that happen??? Unless Google has lost its mind and is hiding the other comments from me. Perhaps in a special comment backpack. So glad you took on the job of field testing this weird item. You’re a braver woman than I, Gunga Din.
I need this in guinea pig size.
Oh wait . . . I’m not first. As soon as I hit submit, all the other posts popped up. Google was just messing with me. Again.
I need this in guinea pig size.
Pfft, after your first post, I knew Rolly would be watching the mail closely.
I’ve been working in an Amazon fulfillment center for the past three weeks.
Have not seen one of these.
Have, however, come across a “Political Billionaire Wig for Pets.”
Look it up. You won’t be disappointed.
So… When you came to the signing in Austin @ BookPeople, I was trying to get one of these so I could take my cat with me as an “emotional support kitty.” I decided to see if she would even get into something like this by coaxing her into a backpack (long story… end result, slight mauling). So, in the end, I decided I would just be anxious at home instead of spending money on something that was going to be unused. I mean, I don’t even have a dog I could put in that thing. And my kids are WAY to big now. Ah well.
I am going to be the dork that corrects your spelling…
“YOU SHOULD TOTALLY HAVE THIS, WIERDO”
WEirdo…as in, WE are always together when we’re WEIRD :o)
i see this as more of a ‘sloth backpack’. but they are always so chillin, they would have to put the bubble in backwards, so you could totally watch your sloth hang out & do nothing – in a very sloth-like manner.
Watching this in the emergency room. Excellent way to spend the hours waiting. ❤️
This could not be more on brand…:)
I’m with Hunter
Thanks for testing it out for us!
I so love this. Ferris Mewler’s reaction is exactly what I would expect from my ginger, Dexter. I do have a kitten though. He is young and trainable. I have time to make him love it.
Oops I meant Hunter not Ferris. My apologies to the Bloggess cats for switching their names around. I know my cats hate that.
Shadow would HATE that. (Small dog, BTW, maybe a bit bigger than Dorothy Barker). But she loves the sling bag that lets her ride at hip level and allows her to lick my elbow. Odd dog. She also hates the car, but that’s because she would rather ride in my lap. And is VOCAL (whining, small barks) about expressing her displeasure.
Maybe take the bubble off of it and use it for Halloween candy collecting?
Too many LOLs to even count. So many ‘no way in hells’ for my cats. I might get away with that with some of the foster kittens who can then go on to their forever homes and take it out on their new people but the resident cats would kill me in my sleep and eat my body to hide the evidence. (pretty sure I’ve said this on here before in relation to clothes and my cats)
I have tears of laughing running down my face.. Ferris Mewler was hilarious but HST killed me.. Dorothy Barker doing the doggy derp was icing.
Lol! I think my cat would absolutely seek revenge if we put her in that. My dog would love it!
It’s a womb with a view!
While watching the videos, my cat Luna was very interested in it but I know if I bought one she would be like Rolly – invisible. Thanks for the laugh on your credit card…:)
Just seeing it on the scene I knew my cat would NEVER ever, not in a million years be happy in that box! He’s a hyper reactive oriental shorthair I had to break him of biting me for fun cause I screamed when he drew blood.
Thank you for testing it on your much more civilized cats.
I started reading this while waiting for a person to pick up the telephone. That was a problem because I was laughing so hard when they picked up the phone it frightened them. And, this was in a work environment where I am supposed to be a professional. It did not make great impression, which was unfortunate, but I still could not stop laughing. Note to self. Only read Jenny Larson when you are alone and not on the telephone.
You know when you wake up in the morning thinking it’s just going to be another average day, but you hold out hope that today might be the day Jenny Lawson shoves her pets into space packs?! WHO KNEW TODAY WOULD BE THAT DAY?!?! I can’t feel my face from smiling. Thanks for an extraordinary fucking day, Jenny! This was everything.
My MIL has a dog stroller. I’m embarrassed to be seen with her when she uses it. I’m pretty sure my cats would kill me while I slept if I put them in one of these.
I love it so much! I showed it to my mom and she said, “Good luck on getting Smokie into that without drawing blood.”
When I get my own kitty (and I would have one now, if my roommate wasn’t allergic!), I’m getting her a harness and leash, because I wanna take my cat for walks!
Did you tell Victor it was a BUSINESS EXPENSE? For… research purposes!
When we got our first cat 3 years ago, my then 5yo nonchalantly walked from her room to the front door while wearing a backpack. Me: Have you seen the cat? 5yo: Um…no. Backpack: MEOW! 5yo: Um, i don’t know what that is. And it’s definetly not the cat in my backpack. 🙄 Long story short, my kid would think this is the greatest thing ever, my cat would disagree.
“Will make your neighbors avoid you.” SOLD!!!!
There will be blood…if I try to put our cat, “Sybil,” in one of those things. Even Dottie looks a little stressed in there. Too bad they don’t make them in “weird neighbor” size — definitely an unexplored market!
OMG, you just solved all of my holiday gift giving issues… PET ASTRONAUT BUBBLES FOR EVERYONE! I am especially looking forward to Mr.Spouse’s reaction when I explain how now the cat can join him and the dog for walkies in the park! IT’S GONNA BE A MERRY ASS CHRISTMAS YA’LL!
My cat Jack might love this. He loves being carried and he just yowls in the carrier. Or he would fucking hate it and kill me in my sleep…he’s a complex little kitty!
My dogs are both over 60 lbs so this wouldn’t work but what I wouodn’t give to see a basset hound in a space backpack!
Totally a win on avoiding neighbors. My cats HOWL incessantly when I put them in their soft-sided fully screen-sided carriers so I can’t imagine getting them into this. But I SOOO want to!
THANK YOU BELOVED BLOGGESS! I love that someone else is as devoted to pet exposure and exploitation. 👊👊
Actually, it’s just nice to know another brain can actually exist on the minimum amount of brain cells and maximum amount of prescription drugs as mine! I no longer feel alone and I grin ear to ear just seeing that you have a new post!
Always EAGERLY AWAITING YOUR NEXT POST WITH BATED BREATH!! (What the hell does “bated breath” mean anyway? I’ve heard it all my life but am QUITE SURE NO ONE IS BATED BY MY BREATH.) 🤷♀️
So..um..I love you! ❤️💕😍😘
I love you for doing this amazing community service R&D project. Kudos to Haley for being your lovely assistant. I’m completely convinced that her giggle is what Peter Pan was talking about…”When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.”
J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
How are you not shredded? If I tried to put any of my cats in that thing I would be COVERED in scratches! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the cats don’t try to get even when you are least expecting it. Just in case, sleep with one eye open
First thought: holy shit I can’t believe…. Oh wait, I’ve read her books, I read her blog and stalk her unrentlessly. I CAN believe it.
And also, I’m a late Comer to the “stalk the mad woman with anxiety issues” game here (aka you on social media, or rather, me bothering with it)
Who the hell is Rolly, and you’ve a dog!?! I’m shocked.
And take it next time to pet store, leave with “washing machine” of ferrets!
Finally, while my sugar babies, and rats would fit, they’d not like it. Nor would my pomchi.
My 80# greyhound needs one. He’s that dumb. And someone to carry him around. Or that smart
(Rolly is our oldest cat. She’s long-haired and sits on my head a lot. She’s a very cat-like cat. ~ Jenny)
Dorothy Barker is winning Tuesday right now. Love it!
I find it greatly amusing that if you click on the Amazon link, the example they show isn’t a real cat. It’s a picture of a cat imposed over the bubble.
Also, I have seen video somewhere (I believe it was a Japanese advertisement) of these being worn on the back. That wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining.
I really need one of these!
This made my day. And if Victor objects you can say it is a business expense, and a public service.
Dorothy Barker is, without a doubt, the cutest and happiest dog on the planet and in space!
Dorothy Barker is without a doubt the cutest, happiest dog on Earth and in space!
A-paw-lo 14 coming soon to a theater near you!
i honestly love you. My mental health is better, because of you.
Oh my goodness so much laughter! Dorothy reacted exactly like I would’ve expected her to react, and you are right, we totally don’t deserve the awesomeness that is dogs. Hunter… Oh Hunter, poor kitty, that was hilarious!
I had a big ol orange tabby a long time ago, they are the best but when they are mad, look out!
I love this post especially Hunter’s first picture.
The ghosts of my 18-year old cats just attacked the screen.
Totally worth it for the video of you and the cat. You look great by the way!
Am I the only one who wants to see videos of people putting their pets IN these things?
Thank you for the product testing! I pretty well could have predicted the cats’ reactions (watch out for Ferris taking revenge later) but Dorothy Barker – wow! Is there a more laid-back, adaptable dog in the world?
This is what my daughter wanTed for Christmas last year. Our 18 pound cat was very squished in the one she got. Your backpack looks bigger maybe. The younger cat was interested, but weirded out. She leaves it open and both cats like the fleecy interior. They will fight to lay inside.
Peta? Peta, where are you?
No. I couldn’t get away with that. Teddy would hate it just because he doesn’t like being confined. Izzie, on the other hand, would hate it just on principle and when she doesn’t like something you know about it immediately, usually in the form of lacerations, punctures and name-calling. She slaps everyone – the post woman, the neighbors, the neighbor’s Labradors, casual bypassers, and my daughter – but manages to keep her more lethal tendencies to a minimum with The Viking and I. All bets would be off if it came to that backpack though and to be honest I don’t want her that close to my vital organs when she claws her way out.
How adorable. I think Ferris might get use to it.
Maybe marketed as a therapy tool for small neurotic dogs. Could be a big market out there since most small dogs are neurotic.
Wow–is the backpack really small or are your cats gigantic?
(Yes. ~ Jenny)
I’m quite certain this is the best thing I will see all week, possibly month!. Thanks so much for sharing!
Ooh Ferris looks pretty snarly. Dorothy on the other hand seems to be cool with the backpack window thingy. I think some kind of fake head in there would have the highest entertainment factor and just in time for Halloween.
Wow! Hunter S. looks SUPER cool with this new gizmo! Do it AGAIN, he says! AGAIN!
See, now I REALLY want one of these. I have two tiny cats that would fit perfectly.
I had a root canal done today and was pretty cranky. This improved my mood at least ten fold and your singing is lovely. Thanks for trying this so we don’t have to (to borrow a phrase from Rhett and Link).
I can see kitty has the Death Stare, perhaps Murder Tail going on too?
If I put my cat into that thing he would spend every single day of the rest of his life thinking of and implementing new and innovative ways to make my life miserable.
If I were you, I’d close the door to the bedroom and lock it tonight.
lol yeah my eldest and smartest cat has that same “oh no he is going to try something probably involving me!!” hide sense.. LOL the others would make your vid of stuffing a cat in there qualifyas”an extremely easy day”i suspect ill have to catnip em to floppy cat stage first LOLbut heck if it repells neighbours thats a win!! ill take 2 one for my SO as well
I see one plus — you aren’t bloody and covered in scratches, which is what I would be if I tried to get Cairo into one of those. Churro would probably go in all right, but he’d whine about it. Our dog, alas, would not fit.
I was happy to hear what you were singing, though. Look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now! 🙂
Omg I remember how offended you were when they suggested that but still intrigued. I’m sooo glad intrigued won in the end. When I get another cat I’m totally getting this. Ps your videos killed me. I love your singing.
That weird meow from Hunter S. Tomcat? That’s the exact same meow I used to get from my cats when they had to go in the car. There was never a good reason for being in the car, and they knew it.
Ok…I kinda want one of these now.
I predict if I had one, Tony (my derpy male) would love the shit out of it because he’s always staring at the outdoors like “OMG YES NEED TO BE OUT DERE! YES YES I DO!” but he never tries to escape (which is a good thing. I’d never catch him cuz I am teh slowz). Bella (my female) would probably be really freaked out and meowing frantically to get out.
It’s a good thing I don’t have access to credit cards (made one too many stupid purchases and Husband took them away. As he should have. LOL)
Sitting here with tears laughing at video #5!
Oh man, they really hate it. The disdain was pouring off in waves. Dorothy was just glad to be nominated. 😂😂😂
I have so much to say but to spare you my thoughts, I wanna say thanks. Oh and you kinda look prego with cats. 😍
Jenny I love your dress by the way. Is it owls and birds on it?
I didn’t even know you had a cat named Rolly, so yeah, that’s some sixth sense.
Hunter is too big for that thing! If you leave him in there too long he might be that shape forever, and then he’ll roll of the counter all the time.
While my cat would cheerfully conquer and nap upon the bathysphere, should he be placed inside, there would be despair. He once yowled all the length of Texas (all along I-10).
Inquiring minds are most curious about the owl dress – does it have pockets? Is it a one-off or might one be able to track it down on the interwebs?
I love that Hailey’s off-camera dying of laughter the entire time. This is what pets are for, our amusement at their mildest discomfort and snuggles when they let us after the mild torture.
Dorothy’s a trooper, good girl.
LOL – you will go to bed tonight, and the cats will have their vengeance…
Dorothy Barker, on the other hand, is a very happy camper.
Looks like you need these to help get the kitties in the bubble.
https://t.harborfreight.com/welding-gloves-39664.html
Being on blood thinners, I think it best not to try this with my 23 pound fat cat Gizmo. lol This would/could have been my last post if I were to try it. Thank you for doing the heavy lifting for me.
Sitting in front of my laptop suffering from what I believe is a variation of the Martian Death Flu, I stumbled across your post. OMG, I believe you have discovered a cure for what ails us! Dorothy Barker is a saint among dogs. My dog (80 pounds of attitude in a 10 pound bag) would plot my demise if I ever managed to stuff her into one of these. You HAVE to post a review on Amazon!!!
Think of the entertainment value for people walking behind you. This is a big win.
I love cats, so when there was a smallish yellow cat on my car tire, I carefully picked her up and held her even though I didn’t know her. She was sickly, so I spoke softly to her and she liked that. I know she did, because when I went to put her down, she bit me real good. 6 hours later I am in the ER because my doctor’s nurse freaked out when I called the office and told her my hand was very red, hot, and looked like one of those ball toys you squeeze and it bloats grossly. The ER visit, the antibiotics, and the rabies vaccine shots that I had to have since this was a stray cat and not mine (which is vaccinated for probably even alien viruses brought back embedded in moon rocks) coast $4,952.40. Thank goodness I have insurance! But who knew cat bites are worse than dog bites and dangerous? Apparently, even my cat could have given me the infection I got from the stray because cats have this dangerous bacteria in their mouths. My cat never bit me to draw blood, though. My point is that if I’d had one of those space cat carriers, I could have gotten this cat to the vet before it bit me. Also, once again, I am reminded that no good deed goes unpunished!
I love that you use the word “pets” to describe these people. I call them “employers.”
Ferris: THERE WILL BE BLOOD.
Lynn 98, I gasped when I read your reply. Yes, dog bites tear, so they drain. Cat bites, the ER people told me, are like inoculating yourself with poison. The wound closes around it. I tried soaking my hand for a couple days so it was huge when I went to the ER- and was promptly admitted while my clothes were pulled off. You know ER’s -that never happens.
They’d said if I’d waited any longer to come in they would have had to amputate my ***hand. OMG. Couple days on IV’s and I’d recovered.
But helluva close call -and it was my cat. A dog was rushing him and I’d grabbed him from behind.
We own two vinyl cat bags that are used for vet visits and claw trimming. You unzip each leg opening and pull out a paw to clip their nails or take blood or whatever. Also hard to get them into iit, but once you do, they can’t escape and that’s magic.
I still think you should put Rory in it and go to the store.
I’m hoping that has an armored panel between oneself and angry feline. Not excited about putting my tender belly meats that close to claws and teeth.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B06XKYK1QR/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1508309234&sr=8-3&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=cat+hoodie+with+kangaroo+pouch&dpPl=1&dpID=4150hGRVaUL&ref=plSrch
Your next 2am purchase.
You’re welcome.
Why are your cats not allowed outside but indoor cats?
They are tiny angry astronauts ahahahah
I hope you actually left these videos and/or the whole blog post as a review on Amazon….
OMG! Too funny! Thanks for having the courage to try this out. My cat would hate it. I know because she values her independence too much! LOL!
OMG!! I need this. I live in the city and I do not have a car. Taxi drivers (especially Germans!) do not appreciate 5 Euro – 600 meter drives. I can easily walk, but not carrying a TSA approved, cat carrier that I myself can fit in.
Brilliant
I’m totally going to get one of these when I get a kitten. Easiest possible way to get a cat on the subway!!
I love the Hamilton song sung to Ferris Mewler!
Oh my gosh, astronaut pets. That’s amazing.
I want to be in that backpack.
When you had a baby, we’re you thinking, “she is my baby daughter now, but one day, she will be my accomplice!”?
If you carried the backpack a little lower it would almost look like you had a window to your uterus and you were about a year pregnant…with cat.
I like how even the inventor of this thing can’t get a real cat to look like it enjoys being in there. The picture on Amazon is clip art pasted into the window. LOL
Maybe it’s just me, but…….it does not appear that your cats want to go to space.
The cat accordion! Well, the way you put it on reminded me of an accordion. But it doesn’t look like an accordion in any other way. Unless somewhere there is an accordion with a transparent bubble on the front and a cat inside.
Your cats are going to kill you in your sleep and Dorothy Barker looks like you got her drunk before you put her in there….which i totally think you did. With rum, and banana Popsicles!
And it looks like your pregnant with the ugliest hairy babies ever which is just all kinds of fucking awesome
I’ll see your cats-and-dog-in-space-bubble-pack and raise you a pony in the back seat of a Honda Accord fleeing a wildfire…
http://www.sacbee.com/news/state/california/fires/article179220006.html
If I ever bought on of those, as soon as I pulled it out of the box my cats would run in terror. Not because they’d know what it was, but because they run in terror of literally everything. Except for shoes and armpits, which they will gleefully shove their faces into.
My husband said it looked like a tiny laundry mat washer
Oh my god! However, if I were a cat trapped in the backpack of my weird owner, I would be mortified too 😉
I am so close to buying one. I mean, I need a new carrier for my cat anyways….
Yes, Hunter, yes! I would be so paranoid that my cats would bust out and then be loose outside that I wouldn’t be able to deal. Also I need your…are those owls? Dress.
Hearts, Jenny. Hearts.
BLEEDING HEARTS EAT THEM DRINK THE BLOOD CRUSH THEM AND SNACK ON THEM.
I don’t find this funny. Stuffing a living creature into a small plastic box is suffocating & cruel. You cat does not look happy to. Me.
So, my 8 year old neighbor has one of these backpacks and her kitten totally LOVES it. We live on the beach and she brings the kitten out in the back pack all the time. I guess the secret is to start when they’re young?
I’m crying 😂😂😂. My neighbors think I’m weird already. This would be the icing on the cake. Hunter S. Thomcat was worth the price of admission. I have a 15 lb. Malti-poo who would love it. As it is he follows me around to the point of being creepy. To be strapped to me would send him into spasms of joy.
GODSPEED SPACE DOG
Damnit Jenny, now you have me searching Amazon for pet time capsules and dresses with owls and other birds on them.
My cat Ethel is a demon when we go to the vets. If I put her in one of those, we could do an excellent reenactment of the beast from Alien, complete with drool.
I am eternally grateful to you for sharing this
PETA’s headquarters is in the city I live in. Please come with your astronaut baby carrier loaded up with your furry friends. Stroll along the sidewalk in front of their building. I would love to see the hilarity that would ensue.
OMG if I put my cat Cortez in one of these it would be MF’ing SCORCHED EARTH but, hilarity would indeed ensue. It would almost be worth it. (grin)
My “neurotic cats (bengals) would be plotting my death….I used to have great danes and they would have loved me carrying them around. Ahhhh life is all about timing.
They are, you know, plotting your demise. My Fiona would be like Hunter S. getting in but 10x worse as she’s both fat and strong.
Can you put the dog in the backpack and put the backpack in the car? Woul that help?
Those cats are surely going to eat you alive one day.
I adored the giggling so much I joined in!
This is brilliant.
Never stop shopping at 3am.
OMGosh, this just cracked me up. Nice.
I really want to be your friend.
OH MY GOD!!! I have been laughing so hard I’ve been crying. For the last five minutes.
Ferris produced a good chuckle. Hunter caused riotous laughter so loud it scared my own cat. My eyes are still watering from the laughter.
My cats would cat me alive if I tried to do that.
It is now on my Amazon shopping cart. I am sooooooooooo close to pushing “Place your order” (Also, how is this not available for Prime same-day pickup? I’m in Portland, for crying out loud, if ANY city is going to need a ready stock of these, it’s here!)
Gone are the days when backpacks could be seen only on the backs of stooping men and women who embark on a long and tedious journey. Hikers and the hippies of 60s were often portrayed with backpacks. The backpack is now quite common and is found here, there and everywhere. Now today’s backpacks have become very common among students of all ages.
Thanks for testing it out for us!