It’s a very pretty patronus.

in Random Crap

Day 4 of the flu and I’m feeling almost human except for fever dreams and the tamiflu making me want throw up but Victor thinks maybe it’s also making me insane because I paused that Harry Potter movie where Harry casts his patronus and for a second I was like, “Hang on.  Is Harry Potter’s patronus a pretty, pretty dress?” and Victor thought I was crazy which is fair enough because I’ve read the books enough to remember that it’s a stag, but in my defense, this is totally a glow-in-the-dark version of the dress Julia Roberts wears when she turns classy in Pretty Woman:

Victor doesn’t see it so I had to draw the lady in because he has no imagination for swanky opera dresses worn by invisible women:
And then he totally saw it and now he says I’ve ruined Harry Potter because now he can’t see Harry cast anything other than a pretty, pretty dress, but personally I think a nice evening gown is way more functional of a patronus because live deer are difficult to wear.  Also deer are all over the damn woods but nice fitting cocktail dress is almost impossible to find.  If you’re going to use magic you shouldn’t use it to make temporary radioactive deer.  You should make dresses.

Or a t-rex.  A t-rex would be pretty badass.

PS. This post might not make any sense.  Sorry.  I have the flu and I’m hallucinating magic dresses.

 

115 thoughts on “It’s a very pretty patronus.”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. Do I dare say I have neither read the Harry Potter books nor seen the movies? But even I can see that a nice evening dress is more useful than a radioactive stag. Keep those hallucinations coming. Just kidding, please get well soon.

  7. Maybe it’s a stag wearing an evening gown? I don’t want to be the one doing the fitting, because I’d rather not have a hole kicked through me (deer are actually way more dangerous than people often think!). But maybe it’s going to a stag party? 😉

  17. This is almost as perfect as the image I saw earlier about how Hermione saved every Harry Potter book!

  18. I totally see a dress with a couple of sexy slits — or a stag! Victor has no imagination. 😉 I’ve heard that the Tamiflu can be yucky, but hopefully that’ll mean it’s working, kinda like castor oil, ya know?

  21. I’m now feeling very worried for myself, as I (to my knowledge) am not currently ill, yet I’m looking at it and… all I can see is the start of the human female reproductive system in the antlers and head. Maybe I need to go lie down.

  24. Can’t wait to show this to my Harry Potter loving daughter!

    Sorry you’ve had the flu! This winter needs to leave already!!!

  25. Maybe Harry likes to perform in drag shows down in Hogsmeade, okay? He can’t really let loose being Harry Potter, so this gives him the escape he needs.

    Oh dear lord… I think I’ve starting writing my first HP fic.

  26. Pottermore gave me a King Cobra for a Patronus. I’m iffy about that, but it is a pretty badass animal. I saw the dress as soon as I saw the screen shot, and thought, “Ah, yes, I get it!” It’s like those pictures of skulls which are women staring into mirrors if you look at them the right way (or are they pictures of women in mirrors that look like skulls?)

    (Pottermore gave me a patronus as “a mongrel dog”. So…I guess that’s something. ~ Jenny)

  30. Artist for children’s books Debbie Ohi does “found art” doodles and often turns old candy wrappers into beautiful cocktail dresses. So this is perfectly normal. A patronus is almost like a candy wrapper, isn’t it?

  32. The stag’s head looks like a uterus to me, and for a bright and shining moment I thought you were going there… but that’s ok a creature that is half uterus and half horse is probably too progressive for this world right now…

  34. No this makes perfect sense! When Nevil’s Boggart turned into Snape his Riddikulus spell dressed Snape in women’s clothing! So Harry’s patronus is a cocktail dress because of course dementors would hate the idea of going to a fancy party and having to socialize. They’d have to find glowy shoes to go with the dress and we all know that’s a nightmare. Faced with a pretty, pretty dress in the forest they’d self destruct.

  36. Oh I totally saw the dress, but also a really big ass! I guess that’s cool. Harry must be an ass man. And I mean who isn’t these days. Sadly I am assless. I come from a long line of assless family. Except my uncle, he has a really big ass. He could have been a football star, but he couldn’t haul ass, get it? Haul ass. I’m going now. So glad you’re feeling mostly better!

  38. The best parts of Pretty Woman were the dresses. But dresses do go out of fashion but a deer never does. Deer never go out of style. My dog brought home a deer antler and it looked like some nasty hunter sawed it off, but my husband said that deer actually shed antlers nice and straight like that, so that means for sure that deer are extra fashionable. (But OMG, that cell phone that Richard Gere used… you could pound nails with it!)

  40. Totally see the dress. BTW, I think a t-rex would be a much more badass (badasser?) patronus than a deer. 🙂

  41. …where his patronus is a dress, and the dress puts itself on the dementors, making them suddenly feel good about themselves and thus redeeming the souls of everyone they’ve ever kissed.

    Shit. I think I need to go write some fanfic now…

  42. Well, it is technically his mom, right? And she is …wherever half-bloods go after they leave the magic world. One would think she has even more magic at her disposal, so she might as well get serious about it and put on a fancy dress. I mean, who doesn’t need a lil’ more fancy?
    Feel better, lovely. Although it is kinda fun to tag along on your magic carpet ride. ;o)

  45. Oh Shit! I feel like now this is what I’m going to think of each time I see that scene. Damnit! this post is hilarious, you making that flu work for you, lol. Of course get better soon 🙂

  46. Dude, the stag is a deep reflection of Harry’s soul, so to see it as a pretty, pretty, dress, says… what, that he wanted to wear Hermonie’s dress in advance?

  47. It makes total sense! Do you think the dress would stop the Dementor’s? Like it’s just so fabulous compared to what they are wearing that they go home in shame?

  48. LOL! Nice. I never would have seen it without you. But do you know what else is really fucked up? The Amazon logo. The Viking says it looks like a penis and now, every time I see the logo, I see a penis. It’s completely ruined for me.

  50. I could TOTALLY see the pretty dress. Maybe it is torn at the bottom, like maybe the invisible lady was running from a bad guy and had to climb a fence and it tore. Or something like that. I don’t know..anyway feel better soon.

  52. Please don’t let me have the flu. Please, please don’t let me have the flu…

  54. Just got my Patronus – a bassett hound. Well, it made me laugh, so I guess that’s a happy thing to defend against Dementors?

  57. Sorry you’re sick, I hope you get better soon. This is brilliant by the way, it took me a moment but now I can’t un-see. Genius!

  60. I saw it even before you drew her in, my imagination is cray. The patronus is now Pretty Woman-Stag. I hope you feel better soon. I was out for a week with this fucking flu. On the upside I bingewatched season 1 of Victoria. It’s good especially if you’re missing Downton Abby.

  61. Fever dreams are the worst, because as long as you’re sick, you can’t distinguish between dream land and reality. At least you’re not having sex dreams. I’m afraid to sleep tonight. Maybe I’ll spend the night with Prince Valium.

  62. I would like to comment but I’m one of only three people on the face of the planet who is not a Harry Potter fan, so I have no idea about the whole Patronus thingy. However, I can say with some authority that both the deer and the lady in the dress have nice racks because I played a deer with a huge rack in the third grade Christmas play and I’m now an adult with a semi-ok-for-a-46-year-old-mother rack. So there’s my really lame contribution to this discussion. Hope you feel better soon!

  63. I TOTALLY SEE THE DRESS, even without your filll in! We hallucinate the same!! However, deer are very very wearable (I’m surprised you don’t know this with your taxidermist father…they don’t call it “a cape” for nothing when they skin the deer.) And because you can wear a deer and eat a deer, I feel it would be far more useful than that prom dress worn once and shamefully collected from the rolled up wad in the corner of the fancy hotel suite – both in the movie as well as real life..for some..I never went to prom.
    Glad your feeling better!!

  66. This characteristic display of your beautiful fuckedupness is a sure sign you’re on the mend. Nicely done! Hugs!

  68. My husband says if they give an award to the best ass it would be called asbestos. MYbe he’s getting the flu

  69. I love your interpretation of the shape.
    You’ve gone into your sweat lodge and been met by the messengers of your fever dreams.
    One of the things that’s held me back from working in my art is that it’s always seemed too easy and too rewarding. I think I gave that whole “sweat of one’s brow” labor a too-literal read!
    So it’s a pleasure to see how your art is allowed to come out of you, especially as the drawings that you’ve said you do for your own therapy. And the world said “Actually I needed this very thing, thanks ever for defining the shape for me.”
    That example from your art, in particular, has been a profound teaching for me. Thank you.

  70. I was with you, dresses are better than deer, they don’t spook or poop. Then you had to be like wouldn’t a t-Rex be awesome, no they would not. Could you imagine the piles of glowy poo.

  71. I need to hit up the Tamiflu.Actually I’m totally sober and I can see the dress although the ass looks a bit low. Hope you feel better.

  72. I can never unsee that! You have ruined HP movies for me now too. Stupid fever hallucinations.

  73. Omg this just made my life!!!! I want a magic wand to make dresses. Is Harry Potter related to the fairy godmother in Cinderella. If so I need some shoes so please send him my way.

  75. Rewatched Flatliners with my husband because he’d never seen it, and I realized that Pretty Woman and Flatliners came out in the same year. Am confused by my teenage years now. Also: how about a mug that says “my patronus is a T-Rex”

  77. Okay, yup, that’s totally a dress. Can’t unsee it. Will never be able to see the stag again, thank you so much. lol Hope you get better soon, although your posts are possibly even funnier when you are out of it.

  79. You just made my day (whole month actually) which has been pretty shitty til now. Thx, I hope you get rid of the flu soon and feel better. But keep the patronus, you are magic.

  81. That is great! Well, interesting thoughts I have to think about while I’m trying to fall to sleep tonight. I’m going to wake my husband up with my random chuckles it seems.

  86. I saw it in the first picture, quite clearly. And I have never read a Harry Potter book or seen any of the movies. (I know, I know, I should be stabbed with a pointy stick.)

  88. I think if a ghostly party dress came at me I’d be running so that’s a pretty effective Patronus.

  90. You are light in my darkness. I adore your writing. And you. But that’s weird, so never mind. 💝

  91. I think I am related to Victor because I really couldn’t see it until it was drawn. Also, now I see it Tinkerbell. Maybe I have the flu too….

  93. When ever I go the opera I wear a bracelet that I made that says “Famcy as Fuc” so the fancy people there will know I am one of them. It’s worked so far, I haven’t been outed yet.

  95. That which has been seen cannot be unseen. Jenny & Mrs. Completely, you’ve changed Harry’s patronus AND Amazon’s logo in one day.

    Mrs. Completely please give the Viking my thanks…I’ll get some mileage out of that with my friends. 😉

  96. Squirrel humor alert! We stumbled across this bit of hilarity the other day. I hadn’t heard it in so long I’d forgotten about it…. and I’d never seen the video. Those of you thinking a squirrel patronus isn’t too useful may think twice after seeing this!

  98. Actually, never having read the books or seen the films (go ahead & start throwing the stones; I’m ready), I didn’t know beforehand that Harry’s patronus was a stag and I totally saw the dress at first. (Actually, I thought it was a ghost in a pretty, pretty dress, but, eh…close enough.) I have trouble seeing the stag. It’s like those drawings where at first all you see is the old woman, and you have to concentrate to see the young one. I have to concentrate to see the stag. So tell Victor you’re not the only one, and I don’t even have the excuse of fever dreams and heavy medication. So there! (What does that phrase even signify? I’ve always wondered…)

  99. Hey Jenny, I don’t think it’s making you insane. I think it’s bringing out the creativity more. Have you thought of taping yourself and putting it into like a Flu book? lol. I love that your imagination did this, and probably would have on a good day as well, and your just blaming the flu, maybe? hahaha. You know that I love ya. 🙂 I hope you feel better very very soon!! xoxoxo

  100. Sorry, but as a longtime husband I cast my vote for Victors version. You and your blog are still the bomb and wives are still as magical and mysterious as the day we met them. Blog on!

  101. Harry Potter and the Pretty Pretty Dress
    This need to be written now.
    #JKRowling, get on it. The tribe needs this to happen

  102. I suppose it’s similar to trying to find shapes in a sky full of clouds, yet that can be a hard task in itself. There’s no mistaking this one, it definitely looks like a dress!

  103. You are magical and beautiful as ever. And yes, a great dress is an awesome patronus.

  107. I had to get rid of a blinking Christmas tree star topper because I saw a skull in one of the blinks, after consuming too much wine. After that, I couldn’t unsee it. It was all over and the star was out.

  109. There’s that great scene in Goblet of Fire when Neville imagines Snape in his grandmother’s clothes as a way of dealing with his fear of Snape. I think a pretty cocktail dress might have the same effect in dealing with fears of Voldemort and the dementors. Just picture them in the red dress from Pretty Woman and fears conquered, mischief managed! https://youtu.be/fbXS1polkQA

  111. You have the coolest flu. Hallucinating invisible women with nice asses in fancy dresses…..I’d probably hallucinate paying bills. Or cleaning the toilet. Or not even get to hallucinate at all.

    And that is what my life has come to. Jealous of your flu. So that’s cool.

  112. This is zero percent weirder than usual. I don’t know if that’s comforting or just the opposite but I thought you’d like to know:).

  114. …but isn’t it snape’s patrons? He’s the stag, right?? I thought I found that out in one of the last 2 movies.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading