I see a big box of knives in my future. And possibly a tetanus shot. Maybe both.

in Random Crap

So you know how I put together tiny wooden models when my anxiety is really high so basically I’m surrounded by tiny houses?  I’ve pretty much run out of kits but then I found some in Europe and it was awesome except that everything is metric and I obviously don’t understand metric because I thought I bought two tiny fortune-teller wagons but I put them together and turns out one of them is tiny and adorable:

And the other one is fucking enormous.

Like, it’s so big that I tried to tie it to Dorothy Barker so she could pull it around the kitchen like that Chuckwagon dog food commercial from the 80’s but she super wasn’t into it so instead I decided to put an old taxidermied chipmunk in it but the chipmunk was nailed to an old board so I had to use a knife to pry it loose and then I cut myself and Victor got mad because I was using the good knife on a dead animal but technically I’m using the good knife on a dead animal every time I cut up meat so frankly I think this just proves that I need my own private box of knives.

But I did manage to destroy several pieces of clothing in order to cover the blood stains to make the perfect fortune-telling chipmunk.

I don’t have an ending to this story but I have this, which is even better:

 

183 thoughts on “I see a big box of knives in my future. And possibly a tetanus shot. Maybe both.”

Read comments below or add one.

  6. That is an adorable fortune-telling chipmunk and Dorothy needs to get with the program; she’s not just a pet, she’s an Internet Dog, which means people come ’round expecting cute pictures of her doing weird shit.

  9. Perhaps your dog is just too confused to re-enact an ’80s commercial…

  11. Today is my birthday – the is the BEST thing I’ve seen all day! You create indescribable joy – Thank you!

    (Happy birthday! ~ Jenny)

  14. Jason Black | March 20, 2018 at 3:12 pm
    Perhaps your dog is just too confused to re-enact an ’80s commercial…

    or maybe she’s just too young..i recommend you tube videos – she may just need direction,

  19. oh. my. fucking. g-d! that is amazing – actually both of them are! glad you added the crystal ball too…. AND, you can never go wrong with GINSU knives. i still have a set from 25 yrs ago. sharp as shit. you can stock up on pretty bandaids at the same time. oh! hold the phone! you could design some steam punk bandaids. NO – bandaids with your ZEN tangle art!!!! i would so buy those!

  26. Tiny tarot cards! I LOVE THIS! I don’t understand the metric system either. I guess it’s a good thing I’m too broke to travel anywhere farther than my backyard, where feet, inches, and centimeters are alive and well.

  28. This is absolutely SPANGLED-WITH-JOY WONDERFUL AND AMAZING!
    You win the world.
    You win the UNIVERSE.
    That is your fate.

  35. How about Chipsy Rose Lee? (That way, if the fortune telling thing doesn’t work out, she can always fall back on exotic dancing.)

  37. I love the fortune telling squirrel. Dorothy is really missing out! On a related note, I googled “taxidermy eyes on wire” yesterday because I’m learning to create little felted creatures and they need eyes. I TOTALLY believed I was channeling you! And now my Facebook and google feeds will look a lot more like yours!

  38. I see more chipmunks or maybe you should talk your husband into miniature horses. There used to be someone near Corpus Christi (Portland, TX) that raise them.

  39. I had an awful co worker. As well as a horrible boss. Anyway, CO worker tried to get me into trouble by snitching on things I posted on social media. At one point, I posted that I was going to gift her an empty knife box for “all the knives she stabbed me in the back with”

    I thought it was hilarious, but the bitchy boss lady wrote me up for “threatening a co worker” I refused to sign and the district manager threw it out. He was amused and took my side.

  41. I have actually seen a real life full sized wagon like that in the most fever-dream like way possible. A couple years ago I was driving back from visiting friends in Black Mountain, NC back to where I lived in Spartanburg, SC and since my anxiety makes me unable to drive on interstates, I tend to take the “scenic route” places. It was October and the mountains were foggy as I drove through Hickory Nut Gap way up in the mountains. It’s super windy and slow and full of hairpin turns and the fog was so thick that I could only see about thirty feet in front of me. I came around a hairpin turn and there was the wagon. A legitimate “gypsy” wagon being pulled by two draft horses with two people in loose fitting clothing most appropriate for a ren faire walking alongside. On the side of the wagon it said something about a circus. I thought at first I was hallucinating. Nobody has wagons like that anymore and nobody in their right mind post 1940 would take a wagon through Hickory Nut Gap. But then I remembered where I was. Asheville is an interesting place full of hippies and the valley below me was Home to several communes. I myself went to “Hippie College” not far from there. Turns out life occasionally imitates the absurd.

  42. Also time for a ‘gypsy chipmunk naming contest’. 🙂

    (I am open for suggestions. I thought maybe Nostrodentmus but it doesn’t sing, you know? ~ Jenny)

  49. Fun Fact: The tiny Tarot cards are from the Tarot of the Witches, which was originally designed for the James Bond film Live and Let Die. If the chipmunk does not already have a name, I humbly submit Jane See-More.

  50. In the Google search bar, you can type [example] 160mm to inches and it will give you the answer. I use it all the time when I’m not sure about the size.

    She looks absolutely adorable in that wagon.

  52. Yup – she is a cutie! I’m thinking if it is a gypsy caravan you have a lot more color to add to wagon. Fun times!

  53. I needed this today! I never thought I’d need a taxadermied chipmunk in my life, but I did. Hugs, Melissa

  54. I’m not allowed knives due to multiple stitches, truck loads of Band-Aids and tubes of crazy glue to seal wounds in every drawer of my house. Let me live through you. Please get a box of knives. That fortune teller is the best thing I’ve ever seen.

  55. Training and harnessing a matched pair of white rats to pull the wagon would be a worthwhile project, don’t you think? Or maybe a hitch of four. Wow! People might pay to see that!

  56. I need to enlist you to decorate my elementary library next year. This is the most beautiful thing ever and I need to surround myself with things like it.

    Dorothy totally missed out.

  59. After reading the Facebook extract to husband he said “A fortune telling chipmunk? Like, you crack him open and there’s a fortune inside?”

    Which I thought… gross, but also, fair question.

  62. The Viking takes knives away from me all the time. He also won’t let me play with flame-throwers, chainsaws, machetes or axes. Oh! And corkscrews. He doesn’t like blood in his wine.

  65. ^^ Whoops, I got the name backwards. And apparently lots of others previously suggested that. Sorry. But the images! Oh, the images.

  67. I love that you had a spare taxidemied chipmunk just waiting for her big moment. She is adorable! Now I’m impatient to see the inevitable taxidemied family members that will join the caravan.

  68. Omg! I love her so much! Do you not have your own private set of knives because Victor won’t allow you to have them? Do we need to crowd source this? How about the name:
    Madam Chippina Von Monkrovia

  71. I make those to they help me not scream. my robot fell and bonked his dome so I glued a black plastic top hat on the hole now he looks quite aristocratic

  73. If you do not write a marriage manual based on you and Victor, I will. I swear to God. Also, I totally vote for Chipsy Rose Lee. I can’t even with this anymore today. You officially slayed me. Wigs…

  74. Oh, Jenny! Every time I think I couldn’t love you more, you do something like this!

  75. The only thing that would make this better is if the chipmunk were alive and could actually tell your fortune. But then there’d be no getting away from the hordes of people wanting their fortunes told and you’d have to let her go out on her own, so maybe it’s just as well.

  77. I do the same thing for the same reasons (anxieties are a bitch for the idle mind). Tell me; did you find it utterly ridiculous that you were building Orpheus the Saddest Robot to drive away your sadness? No? Just me?

  78. OMG..does she have a name? Is it Gypsy Lee? Or Gypsy Cheese? (I think chipmunks like cheese. They’re related to mice and mice LOVE cheese so..maybe they like cheese?)

  79. This is just fabulous, and the chipmunk looks adorable so it all seems totally worth it.

  80. This is fabulous and the chipmunk looks adorable so it all seems totally worth it!

  81. Love the adorable, tiny fortune teller! Sorry you cut yourself, but it was for the cause, so get good karma for it. You need to set up a web page for her that generates fortunes for people when they ask!

  82. Ever since accidentally jamming the tip of a dull Farberware knife into my index finger while trying to trim fat from a tough cut of bottom round roast beef, I’m banned from using any sharp knives. Especially the set of Cutco I bought for my husband 3 years ago.

  83. I really want her to tell my fortune in her vardo. That is the wisest chipmunk I’ve ever seen!

  84. That might be my favorite thing you’ve done, and that’s saying a lot.

  86. I hope you don’t mind I stole a copy of your chipmunk fortune teller and posted it. I did mention in the post that I stole it from you. It is just too good not to share!!

  87. And here I thought that in addition to your other talents, you were the ultimate chipmunk whisperer, and that was a real live chipmunk. There’s been too much snowfall here and too much beer.

  93. Omg this is amazing. Even the tiny models are amazing. Where does one acquire these? I don’t feel like I actually have the patience to do them, but I want to try anyway.

  95. Now I have in my head a tableau of your tinier houses and other objects (like the smaller cart and that ferris wheel I see) all set up in the background like a little village with a faire going on. And in the foreground this larger cart and fortune telling chipmunk with a crowd of your other critters arrayed around her awaiting or reacting to a foretelling from her. <3

  96. You and the chipmunk have totally lifted me out of a funk. You are both incredible.

  99. Chipsy NutMunk?
    And yes, of course, you need your own box of knives.

  103. It may be a bit macabre of me, but you say you cut yourself. Photos. Or. It. Did. Not. Happen. …. hmmm on second thought, I think it’s highly macabre of me, but still, you want sympathy, I deserve to see your pain and get a giggle out of the fact that someone else did something I would totally have done! i can send you a used bandaid if you like… 😉

  105. You know what? Even if you’d cut your whole arm off and ruined a whole drawer full of knives – that’d be worth it. It’s awesome!

  106. Ok so are you deliberately going for the strangest blog post of the day? I never know what to expect when I click on your email, but please don’t ever stop!

  107. My dad gave us all knives for Christmas one year – and wisely included a pack of Steri-Strips (pre-cut pieces of surgical tape used to hold wounds together) with each set. I keep them in the kitchen drawer with the knives. People laugh when they see them there, but it beats having to clean up a trail of blood from the kitchen to the bathroom every time I cut myself.
    Your gypsy chipmunk is perfection! I, too, look forward to learning her name. (And am partial to #49’s suggestion of Jane See-More.)

  109. I heart you and your amazing imagination SO much :). Ok, here’s something that might help you and I only say it because it worked wonders for my anxiety. I started meditating a few months ago and my anxiety has gotten so much better. Seriously. (Side note: My anxiety was so bad for awhile I wouldn’t leave the house for months at a time and would only go to “safe” places when I did, driving my husband and poor kids ’round the bend) I know I sound like a kook, but when it started to get better I thought of you and hoped yours was improving. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds and I apologize completely if I am. I just want to help you find something that helps relieve the hell of anxiety).

  110. I love it! I was truly delighted, a word not used nearly enough except in sarcastic scenarios. “Oh mother to my husband, I would be DELIGHTED to and have dinner with you while you berate me as a wife and mother.” See, not the nice delighted like I felt when I saw your wagons!! Please keep up the good work and get a tetanus shot. Nobody wants lockjaw. 🙂

  111. Now you can theme the inside! Like a room in your dollhouse, but a fortune telling wagon!

  113. Oh gosh I’m so glad someone mentioned the crystal ball and Tarot cards. I thought she was just a really overdressed pioneer woman holding train tickets. This whole blog + post blog Twitter photos are the best thing ever.

  114. Jenny, I am surprised Victor lets you have ANY sharp objects at all. Not that I agree with that OR that I am taking his side, I’m just saying I’m surprised. Cuz you know he’s Victor.

  116. Omg those little tarot cards must be so tiny! I’m always amazed that you can actually handle such tiny things when building all this stuff.

  118. I love that you had an old taxidermy chipmunk just hanging around at your house! You are a riot. I have no idea how you get so much accomplished- building chuck wagons isn’t even on my list of possible things to do. I haven’t even gotten to write shower on my list in pen yet. But, if you raffle off tours of your home-even a virtual tour- put me down. I’d love to see all these buttons and wood crafts and your new fortune telling chipmunk some day. You are loved Jenny!

  119. Chipmunks are one of my favorite wild animals, assuming I can’t count my cat Darwin who is on a wilding–in our condo–right now. The other favorite is otters.

  121. I actually didn’t know you were into that stuff ^^ but if you do, I suggest you look at Ugears because they have some amazing stuff that isn’t houses but that you can build from wood nonetheless. And houses, but houses are boring when you can also build a wolf 01 handgun, an engine or a flippin hurdy-gurdy, which if you don’t know what that is is a musical instrument that sounds like this:

    although the ugears version is of course less refined being made of lasercut plywood…but it still sounds surprisingly good!
    Anyway, they’re awesome, and you can check them out here:
    https://ugearsmodels.com/
    Also non-sponsored, I just really like their designs.

  123. I love this story but wish there was more detail. You already had this chipmunk attached to a wood board? Was it already dressed as a fortune teller? Or did you do that as part of this project? WHOSE clothes did you ruin, the chipmunk’s clothes? Your clothes?

    It’s amazing how different the color of the wagon is in this and the Instagram video with Ferris. I had to study them to convince myself they are the same wagon. White versus warm beige. Also, while I admire your making a harness for Ferris at all, more ribbon next time? He was not in front of the wagon, it was alongside him. Your cat is too long for your harness.

    Also, I now have “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” running through my head. Wonderful chipmunk, whether it already came that way or you had to take just a basic stuffed chipmunk and turn it into a fortune teller today — in which case, kudos, and who already has all those props sitting around the house? YOU do.

    Last thing, what do you do when the house fills up? Do you move the old stuff to a storage facility? I understand making things is vital therapy, but that form of therapy produces artifacts, and the house must surely have overflowed years ago.

  124. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Well of COURSE you had to put the chipmunk in that outfit. It needed to happen once you had the vardo. Also, if you haven’t heard hurdy-gurdy music click that link above, it is amazing.

  125. Jenny, you are a delightful treasure wrapped in rainbows of pure awesomeness. LOVE this latest project and I adore your unique hobbies and creations. Keep creating, girl! Thank you for inspiring me to get back to my crafting/art table 🙂 btw your chipmunk looks she has old world charm…like an Ezmerelda.. Or an Anastasia maybe? 🙂

  132. If, by Rudyard Kipling, adapted for the Blogess: If you can keep a small animal’s head when all about you are miniature houses, If you can trust yourself when everyone else is a total nut and make nonsense of everyday items…to be continued

  136. HOW do you have tiny tarot cards for your taxidermied chipmunk? No, nevermind. It’s fine. Some things are better left a mystery.

  138. I really want to see the inside of the vardo painted and decorated! Like a dollhouse, only mobile.

  139. I think you have found out about ugears already, as i am pretty sure that i spotted the business card holder in the corner of the first picture. I am actually starting to make the hurdy gurdy today. I want to know about the ferris wheel – that looks like a blast. I like working with the wooden models better than the metal ones. I also add an extra level of satisfaction to my wooden model assembly by coloring the wooden parts with alcohol markers (like Copic or Prismacolor). Sometimes I use wood tones, sometimes fantasy colors. One of my friends suggested Unicorn Spit, but I haven’t tried that yet. Thanks for sharing!

  141. It is perfect! And every girl deserves her own box of private knives!

  144. I am so relieved that the knives in question are not for surgery. My anxiety was lessened because somehow I already knew that the surgery was to repair craft-accident inflicted damage and not to remove a body part that suddenly was trying to kill you.

  145. I am so relieved that the knives in question are not for surgery. My anxiety was lessened because somehow I already knew that the surgery was to repair craft-accident inflicted damage and not to remove a body part that suddenly was trying to kill you.

  146. A meter is a lot like a yard and cm is basically percentage of meter. Is this helpful?

  147. You should absolutely have your own knives! Then you can yell at Victor for using your knives.
    After getting raked over the coals for the umpteenth time over which towels I was allowed to use for “common household projects and sanitation” or wiping up dog pee, drying a dog, cleaning my hands after working on my bike, etc. I decided to reserve some old worn out towels for just such a purpose and viola! I am permanently out of the dog house…uh, well not really…but hope springs eternal.

  149. Holy cow! This is the BEST thing I’ve seen all week! Thank you for giving me something to smile about (also, now I covet this adorable oracle)!

  151. OMG THIS IS AN EPIPHANY, the best thing I have read today, I now have hope 😂😘😍: “Victor got mad because I was using the good knife on a dead animal but technically I’m using the good knife on a dead animal every time I cut up meat “

  152. Someone suggested Chipsy Rose Lee as a name. I laughed out loud. I vote for that one.

  155. I’ve never really considered having a spirit animal, ’cause I could never really think of a good one. But if I ever were to get one, a blood-stained, taxidermied chipmunk dressed as a fortune teller seems about right…

  156. On behalf of a Romani friend… please skip the “gypsy” puns. The English word “gypsy” has negative connotations and isn’t used by the Romani themselves. I’ll leave it at that.

  157. Gypsy Rose Chipmunk is perfectly adorable. Even her little hands are just right!

  158. You know, when I read through the comments, my mind goes about 900 other different ways. Dorothy Barker really needs to get her act together. We love her and so look forward to her appearances and don’t want her to have to have a time out in the cat backpack. I do love that she’s a diva, tho. This also makes me want to know more about your neighbors. They cannot possibly appreciate the genius they have living among them. Love you, Jenny!

  159. Please will all your weird shit to a museum, so I can look forward to walking through it. I imagine a mini House on the Rock (American Gods). I love all of this SO SO MUCH.

  161. Dorothy is missing out on the opportunity to ton the neighborhood fortune wagon. I agree with Jennifer above. There needs to be a Joodle-Noodle Museum.

  162. Jenny, your fans want to know what you’ll do when you start running low on space. I would love to suggest you put some of your built kits onto an auction site. For charity or for you, I don’t care.
    I can’t make kits to save my hide!

  164. I cannot tell you how much I want this. I want it in my office so I can stare at it and hope she speaks to me when work life becomes to much!

  165. What I love best is that you had everything you needed to turn that into a fortune-telling chipmunk’s wagon.

  166. This is pretty fucking fantastic!
    For her name, how about “Madame Claire de Voyant”?

  168. You are so talented, I love the squirrel. Dead on! I saw your knife wound in your picture. Did you bruise it too?! I do the same kind of shit all the time. My husband just tightens up his lips and shakes his head now.

  171. I just saw my psychiatrist today and he praised my use of crafting as a coping mechanism. You’re definitely psychiatrist approved here!

  172. https://www.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.disneyclips.com%2Fimagesnewb%2Fimages%2Frobindisguisefortuneteller.gif&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.disneyclips.com%2Fimagesnewb%2Frobinhood.html&docid=3w2647qzcdCvjM&tbnid=RPRN-2IpdnwcWM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwibkr-3wYPaAhUMWbwKHfuHBPoQMwhEKAYwBg..i&w=425&h=606&hl=en-au&client=safari&bih=553&biw=375&q=fortune%20teller%20robin%20hood%20disney&ved=0ahUKEwibkr-3wYPaAhUMWbwKHfuHBPoQMwhEKAYwBg&iact=mrc&uact=8

  173. Sorry! Meant to be a picture of the fortune teller from Disney’s Robin Hood cartoon….fox robin….tells the kings fortune in a wagon. Fox next?

  174. I love the fortune-telling chipmunk! So awesome! How DARE Dorothy Barker refuse to be the horse before that cart, though? Harumph.

  177. So it is obvious you need “knife” gloves – buy Two – so you have one for both hands since you also are accident prone, just a little – maybe? You should own your own knives that you can use on undead or dead anything might be a good idea? Hmmm…And who the hell stuffs a chipmunk anyway? Are they on drugs or should be on drugs? Everything is lovely, not so sure about a stuffed dead rodent!

  178. Honestly surprised no one has recommended the rainbow knives yet. You could have your own set of really pretty knives for your hobbies. You could pry taxidermied animals off of boards, dismember antique dolls, chop up mice for your disabled owl friends in the backyard, open fan mail, and put some cream cheese on a bagel if that’s what makes your skirt fly up. Plus, shiny.
    I bought a set for my sister, and she has one of those magnet things that lets you hang them on the wall. Equal parts mythical, ethereal, and dangerous. So fun.
    https://www.amazon.com/SiliSlick-Kitchen-Elegant-Ergonomic-Titanium/dp/B00PTRJZBE

  179. I love the chipmunk in the wagon it’s so cute. You really cheer my days with your funny posts. Great stuff!

  182. I just did my embarrassing chortle laugh on the plane looking at these adorably weird pics. Thank you! Worth every state and glare from bored travelers. #stillontheground

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