My amazing daughter. Alternate title: I don’t think you’ll have a problem with this at all but if you do you can fuck all the way off.

in more than meets the eye

A few years ago when Hailey was 12 she announced that she had something to tell me over breakfast.

“I’m gay.”

I responded with “Okay.  But could you hand me the syrup?”

I suspect she was disappointed in my reaction because it was scary for her to say out loud but it didn’t really affect me for two reasons.  One: At that time it seemed like lots of very young kids were coming out and I was a little concerned that for some of them it was an identity they were just trying on.  It worried me for kids who really are LGBTQ if a ton of young people came out and then later decided they were straight and that being LGBTQ was just a fad.  And two:  Because I’m not an asshole.  I support all people.  I’m openly bi myself.   I told Hailey that it wasn’t an issue but that maybe until she was older she should embrace the “no labels” concept.  Ironically, the “no labels” idea requires you to label yourself as not having a label but it felt right at the time and I was very proud of the way that Victor and I handled this, which was by not handling it at all because it wasn’t a big deal.

Except?  It is a big deal.  Maybe not to me or you, but to her.  And by not taking it seriously and discussing it I think she thought that we didn’t care, or that we didn’t think it was important.  It’s easy for me to say that the world is so much more open and caring than every before but that ignores the fact that everything a teenage girl goes through is viewed through the lens of low self-esteem and fear and shame and hormones and that is all magnified if there’s also an otherness that you are carrying around with you…a fear that comes every time she explains who she is.  Everything in junior high sucks but there’s an added layer of hell that comes with knowing you’re not like everyone else.

Hailey is very lucky.  We support her fully.  She’s out at school and has friends who support her.  Her family loves her.  There are communities she can join and there are far more out kids in her school than there ever were when I was growing up.  Today there are parades and twitter trends and celebrations.  It’s different and better and I’m so thankful to the people who’ve come before her who have made this path so much easier for her.

I’ve never been to a Pride parade. I’m not a parade girl.  I’m not a people girl.  But last year I told Hailey we should all go.  Victor and I were ready.  She was not.  She was out to her friends but not loudly out, and she worried about what would happen if kids from her school saw her there.  I explained that tons of straight people and queer allies go to those parades.  I reminded her that I was bi.  I told her it might be good for her to see difference celebrated.  She thought about it for a while but decided she wasn’t ready for that yet.

And I understand it.

The concept of Pride is a weird one for me too…the idea of celebrating something that is as simple as who you love.  It’s weird that it’s still something that has to be fought for, that we’re still in a place where it’s considered brave to be exactly who you are.    But at the same time, there is so much shame and prejudice around sexuality that it’s necessary to loudly support all people in order to combat the hate that still exists out there.

So we let Hailey take the reins on how she wants to tell her own story.  Over the past few years she’s become more confident in who she is and the fear is still there, but it is not as great as her need to be loved and accepted for who she is.  Today she told me that she would be okay with me telling this part of her story.  In fact, she said, it would make her happy.

And that makes me happy.  You’re only as happy as your saddest child, after all.

Having a teenager is hard.  You fuck up all the time.  I think maybe I shouldn’t have acted like it was no big deal when she told me.   Maybe I should have recognized that even though it wasn’t a big deal to me it was a big deal to her.  I don’t know.  I only know that I’m trying my best and that I will do anything to create a safe passage for her.  As safe as can be.

Hailey is now 14.  She is openly a lesbian.  After two years I can tell you it isn’t a fad.  It’s part of who she is.  It’s one of many amazing parts that make up the brilliant woman she is becoming.  She is a singer, and actress, an honor roll student.  She works lights for the theater.  She has a temper.  She can whistle.  She is too young to date but one day she’ll make a great girlfriend to a lucky girl.  She stands up for others.  She can’t keep her room clean.  She memorizes dramatic monologues for fun.  She wears braces for bad ankles and is taking Opera lessons and loves her pets and can’t write in cursive and wants to be a neurosurgeon and adores American Horror Story (although I fast-forward through all the bad parts) and is so much more multifaceted than anyone sees.  The same as all kids her age, I suppose.

She’s my daughter and I am so very proud of her.  I hope you are too.

990 thoughts on “My amazing daughter. Alternate title: I don’t think you’ll have a problem with this at all but if you do you can fuck all the way off.”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. I am. And I am so proud of my own daughter, who is gay as well, and wants to save the world and make people’s lives better, one person at a time. Our girls can do just that.

  7. Congrats to you and Hailey, you are both lovely and we are all proud of you (and Victor too, just in case he feels left out).

  9. Hang on. I am grabbing tissues. I think I have goosebumps. Happy tears. You are so accepting and sweet and that makes me cries. Here’s a trophy for parent of the year.
    Hailey, you are beautiful and amazing. Thank you for sharing and inspiring us. It’s nice to see diversity being celebrated, to counteract all the negative stuff happening in the world. If anyone ever teases you, they suck. And tell them you have an army of millions The Bloggess Tribe members behind you.
    If I see one negative comment, I’ll combust. Go away.

  11. OMG, I’m crying. I’m so proud of her, and you, and even Victor. I had no idea you were bi, none. The love in your family just leaps right off the page. Thank you so much for being amazing parents and for being there for her. You’ve broken my heart in the best way possible today. Love you, Jenny.

  14. Hailey you are a wonderful girl! I am with your mom in that it isn’t a big deal and yet it is such a big deal…I firmly support everyone’s right to love whomever they choose and every person who loves proudly is helping make the world a little brighter…without light we lose to the dark and love shines brighter than anything else!

  17. This is wonderful! My son came out to me last year. Hailey, thank you for sharing your story. You are a beautiful young woman on the outside and inside!

  18. Lovely piece. And if it makes you feel any better, when my daughter came out to me (she was around the same age as Haley was), I misheard her. (I wear hearing aids and they don’t always help.) Anyway, she was trying to tell me she was pansexual. But I didn’t hear her correctly and couldn’t make sense of what she was saying. “What? What? Your pants don’t fit? What does that have to do anything?” She gamely said it louder and THEN I heard. She has lots of support from her friends and family too but thank goodness that moment was several years ago. Because I had suspected she was and was, at that moment, trying to let her know I’d be supportive no matter what. But I had never heard the word “pansexual” and thought she was changing the subject to tell me that her pants don’t fit.

  20. Go Hailey, go! I wish her all the happiness in the world. (One day, with a wonderful lady who’ll know how lucky she is to have her.)

  22. You all are lucky to have each other!! My teen daughter came out over breakfast too. I feel like there should be a name for that… petit dejeuner special, maybe?

  23. You are a terrific mom of a beautiful daughter. My daughter’s 19 and we couldn’t be prouder of her. Her character and intellect have consistently amazed me. Her high school and later her college girlfriends have been welcomed into our family. You did great Mom.

  24. What a wonderful story, and what a wonderful daughter you have, and what a wonderful mother you are. My daughter came out to me at around the same age. She was afraid to tell me because she thought I would hate her (which shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces), but how could I hate a child who I’d birthed, who I’d watched grow up into a lovely, sweet, empathetic, funny, sassy, smart, talented young lady? It made me realize how horrible a parent must be to be able to look their child in the eye and say “You are no longer my child”. I thought of her statement in the way you thought of your daughter’s – that maybe she was just trying on a persona. My daughter is 14 now, she’s bisexual, she’s quietly out (close family doesn’t know, a handful of her friends do), and she’s the most amazing young lady I’ve ever known.

  30. As a many decades ally of the LGBTQ community, this post makes me furiously happy! Congrats to Hailey having the confidence to come out at such a young age, and to you and Victor for being the awesome parents that you are.

  31. You’re an amazing family, and Hailey is an amazing young woman. I’m sure she knows how proud you are of her– as you should be.

  33. Hailey is a beautiful girl and she sounds like a remarkable person. I’m sure that’s due in no small part to the fact that she has a remarkable mother. I won’t say don’t beat yourself up for your initial reaction to her announcement – that’s what parents do. But I think if Hailey didn’t understand why you reacted that way before, she will now when she reads this. Hailey, love the pics. Your shirt is great and you and Dorothy Barker look absolutely darling.

  36.         Ps. You just posted it in your blog. Isn’t it safe to say she’s loudly out now ?

    (Yep. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  39. This is a beautiful tribute to the human you made! My daughter came out last year at 12 years old, as well. She was lucky to have great supportive friends and her father and I who love her exactly the way she came. Wishing your family all the light and love possible! We are excited to attend our first Pride event in 2019 and show our love and support for the whole community. I am thinking about having a free mom hugs booth for people who just need a mom hug!

  41. Hailey is as beautiful, inside and out, as they come, and I’m not only saying that so that you’ll post more videos with her brilliant laughter in them (though if you want to do that, I’m down). Tell her she’s a hero for me. Also, tell me where she got that t-shirt, because it’s awesome. And then smile a little brighter, because you’re doing something right to raise such an amazing person!

  42. You are amazing parents to an amazing kiddo. Raising a teenage girl is HARD FUCKING WORK and I’m super proud of you. And you can always come to Seattle and attend Pride here. My kiddo and her dad have been walking in it for years, long before she was out to us as Bi. We raise her to be loving and accepting of all types, though admittedly we all struggle with accepting those who do not accept us (work in progress).

  43. My Mom can’t whistle. You are one furiously blessed Mom. Don’t regret how you responded. Sometimes there is no right or wrong just what happened and where you go from there. Thank you for being a bright light of honesty to this Mom.

  46. Gorgeous post. Thank you to you and Hailey for sharing your story. As a parent of teens, I completely understand the fucking up and the desire for safe passage. I just love them so much you know? Doing the best I can, and celebrating the best of them, in solidarity with you.

  47. What a wonderful story. Halley is so lucky to have y’all and y’all are so lucky to have such an amazing daughter. Congrats to you all. ❤️💜💙🌈

  48. I love how much love you and Victor have for your child, and how completely you accept her for who she is. That makes all the difference, doesn’t it. Building a better world one child at a time. Well done.

  49. What a lovely tribute to your beautiful daughter. Hailey is in a supportive, loving home with parents who accept all facets of her personality and life. It should be that way for all children.

  51. ALL THE YES. So much support and pride. What an amazing young lady. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

  52. Im mom to a fabulous unicorn too <3 You are both amazing. One of the bravest things a person can do is unapologetically embrace who they are <3

  53. I’m very proud of my adopted princess Iwish Haley the best in life and all haters can hmm off! May godbless you both I can relate its OK god loves us all and I love you all keep shining my beautiful princesses be you gay lesbian bisexual or transgender sorry for my spelling I fared love you allbe kind be nice but stay strong and honestim not perfect just a old disabled man but I’m very proud of you all

  54. I am so glad she feels comfortable letting her full story be known. We often take for granted what living our full truth really means. At 14 she is getting a head start on a lot of us. Keep showing her what living as part of the Rainbow means. Let her lead her own story. You know, basically just keep doing what you’re doing. 🙂

  55. awww, this made me cry. I wish my mom would have been as supportive as you! You and Hailey are both amazing people that I am so lucky to have met! Tell Hailey You go girl! for me 🙂

  56. Beautiful story, beautiful daughter. We do our best with this parental role. Always second guessing ourselves. There’s no manual (unfortunately). Keep doing you.

  62. Could not be more proud if she was my own daughter. So many girls her age have no idea who they are and spend most days trying so hard to be someone else. Seems like she and you were matched perfectly for life. There is a reason all other animals send their young off into the world and never hear from them again. Parenting is hard. Loving is hard.

  63. “Except? It is a big deal. Maybe not to me or you, but to her. And by not taking it seriously and discussing it I think she thought that we didn’t care, or that we didn’t think it was important. It’s easy for me to say that the world is so much more open and caring than every before but that ignores the fact that everything a teenage girl goes through is viewed through the lens of low self-esteem and fear and shame and hormones and that is all magnified if there’s also an otherness that you are carrying around with you…a fear that comes every time she explains who she is. Everything in junior high sucks but there’s an added layer of hell that comes with knowing you’re not like everyone else.”<<

    Thank you for this. <3

  65. Welcome, youngling! There are so many of us out here who can’t wait to celebrate you at our next PRIDE event – even if it’s only in our hearts.

  66. Please tell Hailey “thank you” for trusting us enough to share this part of herself. You’re lucky to have her as a daughter and she’s lucky to have you for parents.

  67. I think Hailey is extremely lucky to have supportive parents and circle so she can be herself. In a world that will not always be kind, having a soft place to land is important.
    HIgh school is a hard place for the LGBTQ community. ROCK ON HAILEY with your awesome self and let the haters hate themselves. Because that’s who they truly hate anyway.

  69. She is everything lovely and wonderful, and kids like her give me hope for the future.

  73. Her smile lights up the room. She is so lovely and I am so proud of her. You and Victor are wonderful parents.

  74. It makes me so happy to see a parent who loves their child no matter what instead of the kinds of parents I grew up with. Hailey is a beautiful girl and she has wonderful parents! Thank you for sharing her story 🙂

  75. I’m glad she felt comfortable enough with herself to allow you to publish this. As a result, she’s got an international support system that will be there for her for the unfortunately inevitable time that some jackass treats her poorly because of who she loves. Keep being awesome, Hailey! We’ve got your back.

  77. What a great story! I’m 100% hard core thinking now…my niece told me she was pan this summer and my response was okay. I’ve been worried ever since…as she lives in a different city I see her maybe once a year and maybe she doesn’t know that my okay is b/c to me it is not something she should have to announce to the world. I love her one way or the other and whoever she loves is just that who she loves. Thanks, for the words I have a lot of thinking to do.

  78. You’re a wonderful mom and you both have support from our strangle little family in Or.

  79. Hailey is amazing girl and you guys are amazing parents. Honestly, I don’t see why this should even matter. She is Hailey and she is beautiful. Who she loves doesn’t change anything and I don’t know why people make a fuss about this – one is who one is; nothing to be ashamed of; nothing to be proud of. Hailey is just … Hailey! And she is wonderful!
    ❤❤❤

  80. Hailey, your parents are so proud of you, and so are all of us who have caught glimpses of your life over the years.

  84. You are the people that make the world worthwhile! Go forth, Hailey, and build the world you want to see!

  85. Amazing parents = an amazing kid. While my heart breaks for those kiddos who don’t have the love and support you show your daughter, she’s been blessed with parents who are the best in what parents should be.

  88. As the parent of a 17 yo struggling to find their place as a non-binary, maybe trans, maybe gay person, thank you for sharing this aspect of Hailey’s life. I appreciate your honesty that as parents we fuck up all the time. Today I feel like a real fuck up, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone! Proud of Hailey, Victor and you!

  89. She’s beautiful and all that, but she can whistle?!? Now that’s something to celebrate! I think we should have parades for people who can whistle! (Seriously, I can only whistle by sucking air IN rather than blowing it out, and even at that it’s a crapshoot whether any sound will come out.) I hugely admire people who can whistle.

  90. I am 41 and still can’t keep my room clean. Solidarity, Hailey! So glad she has such excellent, supportive parents and some good friends.

  91. At a time when I’ve felt we’ve made no progress at all, this reminds me that we have.

  94. Not that you really need our validation, but if she were just a fraction as awesome as her mother, she would be amazing! She is that and more. You and Victor did good, Jenny.

  95. HAYULL YAYUH!! This made me smile/tear! I am a major proponent of letting your children be independent people! My daughter is a senior in high school, and is a theater geek who sings and also sometimes does stand-up. One of her avowed principles when doing comedy is to make as many adults uncomfortable as she can. So, she did this bit at last New Year’s Day “100 1st JOKES” show in Austin:
    “When I tell people I’m 95% lesbian, they always ask what that means. So I’m going to tell y’all what that means: It means I really love women, but I wouldn’t turn down a chance to fuck Vin Diesel or Jason Momoa.”

  96. I am abso-fucking-lutely proud of her. From what I know of her, she is an amazing young woman. I hope that my nieces are as brave as she when they are her age.

    Hailey, you are a ROCKSTAR.

  97. All the stories you tell about her make her seem like an amazing young woman and I’d say you’re doing an awesome job raising her. Also I love her shirt in those pictures.

  98. She’s grown up in front of more people than most people ever will, and Ihope she knows there’s nothing but love from this side of the glass

  99. I am gay, too, although I didn’t figure it out until way later.
    Welcome to the family, Hailey. <3

  100. You handled her coming out really well- except for the “no big deal” part! You are correct, Ma- it is a VERY BIG deal to a young person, coming to terms with her sexuality in general! As you know now! I am in awe of all parents who love and support their children. You and Victor are amazing . Isn’t it sad, though, that there are still people who feel they have to hide who they are from the world? And worse, from their family.
    Tell Hailey she absolutely has a divine right to BE WHO SHE IS! 🔆🔆🔆🔆

  103. I am crying. What a beautiful family.What a beautiful life. Congratulations to both of you for being such an inspiration!

  104. I am much more blown away by the news she takes opera lessons! That is a fairly marvelous thing. She sounds like an amazing younvg woman and I am glad to know she is in the world.

  106. I hope my daughter grows up just like her.

    Well, I mean, not just like her. That would be some weird doppleganger shit. But you know.

  108. This is a wonderful story, and she is a beautiful young woman. You can be very proud of her!! Being of the generation where this was never thought about or talked about, I am so proud that we have come this far (still a long way to go!) and everyone who’s ready can be who they are.

  109. I’m so proud of Haley! She sounds like a wonderful person and it’s great she has such supportive parents.

    My child came out as transfeminine/non binary a few years ago and I worried that I was a little too low key in my response as well. I completely support them and wondered if I made it seem like no big deal, which of course, it was to them. They’re now 19 and away at college and doing great!

  110. I always feel a little weird being proud of people’s kids when I only know them through their limited online presence, but I’m so proud of Hailey. She’s awesome.

  111. So wonderful to be open. I wish I’d been supported when I was growing up. Instead I was shunned and basically ignored. Many of us are Bi when the right one comes along. You are a strong and wonderful family and role model!

  112. Thank you for sharing your truth with us Hailey!!! You are amazing and will do great things!!!

  114. I agree, I can’t wait until we don’t need parades. But in the meantime I’ll be marching right along with my rainbow and my pink pussy hat and my black lives matter sign!

  115. Please tell her that this 53 year old lesbian is damn proud of her! I wish I could have voiced that when I was her age…it took me till I was 22 to figure it out and put a name on it. You both are great parents and she is is a fantastic young woman!

  116. Lady – never apologize for raising a strong, confident, and good human being. Our kids are the ones that will fix the mess we’ve made of the world.

  117. One of our sons is gay. He didn’t come out until he was in college. When he told us, we jumped up and down in celebration and hugged him tight. We are enormously proud of him for being exactly who he is. Our only condition…. he still has to provide us a few grandchildren. Surrogate. Adoption. Who cares. We want babies!!! 👶🏼👶🏽👶🏾

  118. I’m absolutely proud of her. Hailey, don’t ever let anyone tell you NOT to be who you are, or that it’s not enough. It’s magical.

  119. I’m very proud of you, for being the light she can see no matter where she goes. Hailey – you just keep on being fantastically, amazingly you!

  120. Hailey – continue to embrace who you are and appreciate the amazing parents that you have!

  121. If your child ( or my child) is lucky enough to find someone that she loves that loves her back and they treat each other well the rest is just details.

  122. Of course I’m proud. Good on ya kid!
    I am a mother to an amazing daughter who just happens to be bisexual. I was kind of sad that she had to come “out” at all. I can’t imagine having to sit down and tell my parents, “Hey guys, I’m straight!”. Hell, I didn’t want them to have ANY knowledge about my love life at all! Damn, I’m 48, and I’ve been married for 29 years. And guess what? I still don’t want them contemplating about my love life. LOL
    All I want for my child (and yours) is a loving partner who appreciates the fantastic being that she is. I want that for everyone.

  123. You and your family are such wonderful, amazing people. The world could use more people like you!

  124. My daughter is 11 and exclaims fiercely that she is gay, despite unrequited crushes and tense elementary school personnel. I had the same thoughts as you, is she just testing her identity? Time will tell. No matter what, I tell her that she can exclaim that she is a giraffe for all I care, I love her just the same. Our girls ROCK! Thanks for sharing, Jenny!

  125. God bless you all! You are wonderful parents and have raised her well. Best wishes and Godspeed on the incredible journey through this all!

  126. Oh, Jenny, I don’t comment often, but I am now. You have done so much to make me feel not alone and ready to handle my mental illness, work, parenting, and negotiating everyday life. You’ve made me laugh so many times and helped me find that still center of acceptance. Now you also are the mom of a Queer young teenager, and that is something else we share. You are a gift to me, and a gift to so many out there. Thank you for sharing your perspective and your ups and downs. Your daughter is an amazing soul. Her pictures glow with purpose and beauty. She’s got this.

  128. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ All the love for Hailey – and you for being an awesome mom! Xxxxxx

  129. Quite simply, Hailey is an amazing, delightful, inspirational young person and I’m sure she understands that while you don’t care who she loves (genderwise) you care about her happiness and comfort and being who she is. <3
    I adore your entire family and my personal challenges always seem a little easier to bear when I remember what you all overcome every day.

  131. Such an amazing story. I feel honored that Hailey felt that she could have you share her tale with us. She’s beautiful and has amazing parents. Yo love and support her and that’s what matters.

  132. I’m so glad that I took the time to read this… I think I would have also defaulted to acting like it’s no big deal (because to me it isn’t) but I think you are correct in that not being the best response. My kiddos are 8 & 10 and while we’ve not had this conversation, I wouldn’t be surprised if we do in the next few years. I’ll try to remember reading this and handling it with the grace of yourself and Victor. I’ve always admired Hailey for unabashedly embracing the joy in the world that others might consider “odd” or “weird” and now I have another reason to admire her!

  134. She is the epitome of grace. There isn’t a road map for how we should respond when people share their truths with us, but acceptance and love and compassion (and maybe syrup?) are always the right response. Bless.

  135. This is awesome. I have a friend whose daughter came out to her and she’s supportive but bio-dad was a f*ck-nut (AKA a Clitwit). After a time, the daughter disowned bio-dad and was adopted by her stepdad. It was lovely. I’m hopeful reading all these wonderful supportive people here that we will all be the future of the world.

  137. my niece was lesbian and then she was goth and then she was bi
    Who knows where life will lead you. What is soooo cool is her and your acceptance of who she is no matter what that might be or not be. YAY!

  138. Live your best, authentic life, Hailey! And thanks for this story–I might have been too cavalier about the declaration myself. Now I know.

    And knowing is half the battle. <– I couldn’t resist.

  139. Thank you for sharing this. My Hailey who is 12 came out as gay to me a week ago today. My response was “ok but you still need to study.”

  140. I am where you were two years ago. My daughter came out to me and her dad as bi this past spring, right before her 12th birthday. And I had a similar reaction to you – that we support her and love her no matter what and that it’s fine with us. But, I’ve been wondering, too, if perhaps it’s a phase to try on and see what it’s like, as we are in liberal eastern MA and it’s totally okay here. I still sometimes wonder if it’s a phase, but i don’t think it is. I’m so proud of her – she’s comfortable with who she is, she joined the Gay/Straight Alliance at school, and she’s told many of her friends. And I worry for her, but most of all I’m proud of her. And I’m proud for you, Victor and Hailey. But it is scary as a parent. No doubt about it.

  141. I’m so proud of her being able to be herself in the ways she needs. That she has has super supportive parents is everything. I’ve tried to make sure my son knows that he can always tell me anything and that no matter what I will love him through everything. With the age of social media, so many of our children are more mature, and relating to the outside world. I believe we have the power to help them and show so many more how to seek guidance in these trying times. Keep up the dialogue, listen with our hearts more and stay open minded.

  142. This. This is my life…with my oldest kiddo. We jokingly say he was the last one to figure out he was gay. And he’s amazing and so tolerant of his mom’s ‘ooooh, wanna go to the Pride parade?!?!?’ excitement. It’s really encouraging to watch him get more and more comfortable in his own skin. And while it’s nerve-wracking to balance my desperate need to shove a ton of support information down his throat versus letting him do him, it’s also so exciting. Kudos to her for sharing her story!!!

  143. she is truly wise beyond her years. i’m proud to call her “woman.” she has is beautiful, brilliant, talented and brave. go, hailey!

  145. After watching what my brother went through coming out I became a lot more understanding of what that takes. I am glad Haley gets the support she does on her life’s journey. You should be proud of your awesome kid.

  147. You’re doing everything right by her, momma. ☺️ She’s a beautiful person, both inside and out.

  148. Love to you and Victor and Hailey! Our oldest child came out to us as non-binary in the last year, after a long year of talking “around” the subject with us. They are also in a school that is very supportive of all the wonderful variety of being human. I’m so glad they are growing up in this world, and I hope we can keep it going for them!

  149. Such a beautiful story. I have twins (boy & girl) that are about the same age as Hailey so I can definitely relate to a lot of your stories. It’s definitely a different world for them and as a parent, its scary navigating them through it. Much love!

  150. Hailey is very lucky to have such loving and supportive parents. I wish you all only the best. Brava to you for using your public forum to hopefully open some minds and make the way easier for not only Hailey but for everyone who is forced by this society to be courageous in embracing their true selves.

  153. This just made me happy cry. Everyone deserves parents as lovely as you and Victor. Well done, Lawson’s! Well. Done. 🙌💗

  154. Well this made happy tears come to my eyes. So glad Hailey has accepting and loving parents. Also, important question, WHAT IS THE LIPSTICK HAILEY IS WEARING? Good god that shade is gorgeous.

  156. Honestly I think you responded much the same way I would have. My stepdaughter dated boys all through high school but came home on a break from college with a girlfriend. She never really “came out” and we never had that conversation but I think she knew that both her parents loved and accepted her. I wonder if she always knew but was afraid to own it until she was away at school.

    Maybe Hayley wanted more support 2 years ago but I think you did OK. You gave her unconditional love and acceptance.

  158. Sending so much love and support to your family, and to all children and adults who struggle with their ‘otherness.’ You matter. You are here for a reason. You deserve happiness and love and all the good things. Jenny, I am so incredibly grateful to be a part of this tribe. We are living proof that even broken crayons can still color, and often the broken crayons are the most beautiful, because we may have been broken, but we shine on!

  160. I’m so glad she has parents who love and accept her for exactly the young woman she is. I’m proud of her and I’m proud of you as a parent.

  161. I’m proud of all y’all. Awesome kid, awesome parents. Go forth and continue to be awesome.

  163. I am awestruck over being included as a witness to this part of your family’s life. This type of communication (on any topic) is not something that was encouraged; I never experienced it as a child, or even as an adult. Hailey is a remarkable, beautiful soul … and her parents helped her reach for the stars.

  166. It is so important to have support in those stages where you are really figuring yourself out (not limited to teenage years). Good for you, Victor, and Haley for navigating that safely.

  169. Love and hugs to Haley for embracing her true self, whatever form that takes. She’s very lucky to have such supportive and loving parents. Love to you all!

  170. But did she hand you the syrup? And might she be interested in dating a pretty freshman from Oregon? Maybe the distance is too big a hurdle for now, but I can dream of my daughter having fabulous in-laws like you all someday.

  171. You’re such a great mom. I hope to be as great a mom to my kids are you are to Hailey!

  172. After reading this blog post, I had to go back and change my like to a love on FB. This is amazing. Hailey is amazing. You are amazing. Be yourself without fear and shine bright. Love is love. You all have got this.

  173. Great and wonderful post! Your daughter is an amazing person no matter who she loves and I am so happy she has two parents that support her. Not everyone is as lucky, even in 2018 unfortunately.

    I understand why these celebrations and pride stuff exists and it is meant to fight for a good thing or is suppose to be a good thing , but for true equality to truly happen we also need to stop having those in my honest and brutal opinion. I support all walks of life (except for serial killers, pedos etc but even then perhaps they can be saved even?) and I respect everyone the same. I support and think we should be allowed to love whoever we choose. However, neither should be celebrated or made out to be ‘prideful’ I did not have to have some deep discussion with my parents on how I am heterosexual, and homosexuals or whatever it may be shouldn’t have to either. If it is true equality than it is the same for all. I fear the pride parades, social media hype or whatever it is actually more damaging. The more we hype it up I feel we are saying it is still different when really it is not to me. ‘Hi, I’m straight.’ ‘Cool, nice to meet you I am gay’ SWEET move on. I also have heard at some of these pride parades things can get a bit out of hand and way over the top. Like I don’t need to see a man walking down the street wearing a thong or whatever the eff to support trans, dressing as the opposite sex I am not sure what this proves??? to support LGBT because I also don’t want to see a woman doing that either. Some people are also way too sensitive and very quick to pull the homophobic card these day. Calling people hateful because they made a comment on two men making out in public. I am like maybe they are not homophobic they just don’t want people making out anywhere in public no matter the sexual orientation. I hope what I am saying makes sense. I am not hating on ayone, I just think sometimes these kind of events can be counterproductive. For true equality we all need to shut up about it and let people love or do whatever they please with no judgement. If it is the same as heterosexual than you don’t get a parade just like I didn’t get a damn parade.

  174. You go, Hailey! Be true to yourself, and with a mum and dad who love and support you, you can reach for the stars. Wishing all your family much happiness xxx

  176. I will tell myself you handled and are handling this relationship beautifully. I say this because I could have written almost the same story about my daughter. It’s wonderful and painful to watch children develop their understanding of who they are.

  177. She’s amazing and I thank her for sharing her story. You have a truly wonderful family.

  179. You’re all amazing and such a great family! Well done, Hailey, for recognizing your true self. You’re so lucky to have a family that loves and supports you for who you are. I hope my daughter feels the same way in her life too.

  180. Love this post! My 13-year-old has known he was gay since first or second grade. We always suspected and our hunch was confirmed when he was in fourth or fifth grade. Now he’s proudly out, and as we always say, it’s just one part of him. This is both the best and worst time to be LGBTQ. Sending hugs in solidarity!

  182. Thank you for sharing this. Your family is beautiful and amazing, and it is so wonderful that you are so supportive and mindful. I have so many friends whose families turn their back on their children for being themselves. Much better to react too little than too much!

  183. Fantastic. Thanks for sharing, and to Hailey for being so brave.

    I’m staggered by your line “You’re only as happy as your saddest child.” Like, gasping. My daughter is struggling with Panic and Anxiety disorder and I am surprised by how miserable it has made me. This swept that all up into a statement I can understand.

    Thank you.

  185. You are an amazing person, Hailey. So brave and talented. Some girl will be really lucky to have you some day. Nothing changes, you are still you. Much love

  187. And, just to clarify, I am NOT saying that being any part of LGBTQA+ means you are broken. It was my way of saying that those of us who are often struggling in their ‘otherness’ have seen some shit, if you will, and keep on going. And, whether that shit comes from being mentally ill, gay, too tall, too short, too skinny, too fat, too this-that-the-other, we keep living. There is great power in letting our weird lights shine, and knowing we are not as alone as we feel. This tribe makes me feel like finally, I have somewhere where even I can be me, without judgement.

  188. Proud of both of you! She is stunning, and talented and so incredibly blessed to have you and Victor as parents ❤️

  189. Y’all are great parents and I am so proud of u r daughter as well. My daughter came out to us as bi recently and though I already suspected for over a year now I know it must have been hard for her. However I took it similarly in stride as she approached me in the kitchen while I was cooking. I did hug her and tell her that was fine and I was proud to her for coming forward.we have friends who are gay and bi and I’ve always told my children that I would never judge them for choices or anyone else and would love them no matter what.

  192. I am proud of your whole family! It should never be a issue who/what anybody identifies as. Power to her for not hiding. Power to you for letting H. take the lead on this.

  193. What a beautiful young woman and so lucky to have accepting parents. So glad she is feeling confident enough now to let you tell her story!

  194. I’m so proud of her, and you and your husband! It is a big deal–and I’m so honored that she chose to share it openly with us. You are such a lovely family.

  195. You and Victor are wonderful parents and she is an amazing young woman.
    You are a beautiful family.

  196. My daughter just turned 15 a few months ago and we’ve had a similar experience. She is in the “unsure of who she is” catagory though and has friends who are gay, bi,and trans. Hubby was a very late bloomer and didn’t like girls until later in High School. She seems to be having the same experience. She’s had boyfriends and had a girlfriend last year. Each time she breaks up with them and says she just doesn’t have those feelings that everyone else has. I told her to just be patient and those feelings will eventually come for someone. I love her and accept her if she’s straight, gay, bi, or asexual. I’ve tried not to minimize her feelings when I tell her to just be patient because there’s no rush. She loves you and was asking to listen to Furiously Happy on the way home last night. She feels like you get her struggle with being the odd one at school. Thank you.

  197. So, so proud of her.

    I used to think, as a lesbian, I wasn’t allowed to be happy, to have an amazing wife, to have kids…my family grieved this and me as though I were dying. Fast forward to now, and I have that amazing wife, and a daughter, and I can’t imagine what it would have felt like to have parents like you guys. So I guess what I’m saying is…good job, mama. I’m proud of all of you. Let’s just love and accept our kids as they are, right? Is that so hard?

  198. Holy shit! Is it weird that I feel honored that she let us in? Fuck yeah Hailey!

  199. She is obviously becoming an amazing young woman. You are amazing. Parenting is hard and I think you are doing a great job!! As always, I wish you and your family nothing but the very best of everything!

  200. You are all lucky to have one another, and I am so grateful for you! I will share my favorite coming out story – my friend was (understandably) terrified to tell her mom she was gay, and when she finally did, her mom sighed and said “Honey, I don’t care if you’re a lizard. Just don’t shed on the sofa”. It always makes me giggle.

  201. This post brings me joy, and renews my faith in humanity. My daughter is 13 as well, and shared the news she is gay with me a year ago. She thought I would be upset with her, but I had much the same reaction as you…… I have always said, “you love who you love.”

    We haven’t marched in any parades, but if she asks to, I will gladly walk beside her. My daughter was so excited when the rainbow flag, and pan flag arrived. They hang in her room brightly.

  202. Congratulations Hailey on living your truth and generally being awesome! As an out and proud, happily married lesbian myself, I can tell you that the world is full of magic and wonder and love and occasional heartbreak and that it is all a wonderful adventure and even better when you can walk through the world strong in the knowledge of who you are. Be bold and kind, dear, the world needs more like you!

  203. Your daughter is awesome and you guys are great to be so supportive! It makes my heart happy and I wish Hailey all the best in love and life!

  204. This just made me cry! So happy for you and your beautiful daughter. My favourite saying at the moment is “We contain multitudes” and that is so very true of Hailey. I wish her all the best for love and happiness in the future.

  206. “….and is so much more multifaceted…”
    Like the diamond she is. Shine on, sweet girl, the world needs your light!

  207. So, so, so proud of her. She’s amazing. Watching her grow up through your stories is a privilege. She’s so talented and brilliant, and I wish I had a fraction of her courage and self possession and intelligence at her age. And now. Or ever.

  208. This is brilliant. Congratulations, Hailey! I didn’t come out till much later and I was still terrified (My mom almost immediately asked me what was up with Lady Gaga, because apparently all queers know about Lady Gaga). I hope you find so much love and happiness in your life.

  210. Your daughter is awesome and you guys are great for being so supportive. I didn’t know that much about myself at her age so I’m in awe of how together she is. I hope she had the best in love and life!

  211. YAY Hailey!!! YAY Mom!!! YAY Dad!!! Thank you for trusting us. Sending you all lots of L O V E

  212. Hailey sounds like an awesome young woman. She is courageous and I’m so proud of her. ❤️❤️❤️

  213. I came out as bi when I was 13. My mom cried and told me that she was worried if I would ever have children. My dad told me that it was a phase and I was doing it for attention. When I brought my first girlfriend home he refused to look at her. He still tells me that being bisexual is not a thing. I’m 19 and out happily to my moms side of the family and my friends. I’m in a long term relationship and planning my life with a guy who knows I’m bi and understands. My dad’s side of the family will never know. My grandmother happily uses gay slurs and will pull people aside to tell them why she thinks they’re going to hell. My aunts and extended family too. I still love them but it sucks to not be fully myself.

    Hailey is ia very lucky kid to have parents like you and Victor. She’s a good kid with a good heart.

  215. Whoo-hoo! Welcome to our team, Haley! You look a lot like your mom, which is a really good thing.

  216. Thank you, Hailey, for sharing this part of your story and your self. Being yourself and sharing it with the world makes it a better place, without question. And thank YOU, Jenny, for sharing YOUR part of this story. I recently had a near-identical conversation with my own pre-teen daughter and had very much the same reaction you did. This is some wonderful food for thought on how I can make it clearer to her that I genuinely embrace ALL of her.
    So much love to you all, thank you for being brave and awesome, thank you for being yourselves and choosing to share it with so many of us.

  217. i see the change in society. even my most conservative friends don’t really care who loves who(m?). it might be slight, but it’s there. and congrats to hailey for being her authentic self. that’s hard to do at 40, let alone 14!

  218. My daughter also came out to me when she was about 12. LGBTQ+ teens are so cool. But it is hard to know how to parent them sometimes. It’s hard to know how to parent teens at all! But especially the not-so-straight and/or not-so-binary ones. And I SO want to be the best possible parent for her. But I also really believe that talking about them and telling their stories (with their permission!) is a way to help make the world a better place for them. And show them how proud we are of them including and because of who they are. (And we’ve been the Boston Pride twice with my daughter. It was awesome. And also – big enough that she didn’t run unto anyone she knew. Which I think let her feel acknowledged and celebrated and also anonymous at the same time. Maybe going to a Pride parade in a different city is an easier way to start?)

  220. From one internet stranger, just wanted to say that Hailey – you are brave, and beautiful, and amazing. You make the world a better place just by being you. We need you here in this world to be YOU, and this post makes me so happy to see you embracing that. Parents have this tough job of knowing how to love and support us and help us fly – but I think your parents are doing a pretty great job, and it sounds like they must love you a whole lot. Praying that your future stays as bright and beautiful as you are.

    Jenny – keep doing the next right thing. We all believe in you💜

  224. As a queer man, I have to say, the most important thing you left out was…what kind of syrup was being passed? Maple? Blueberry? Strawberry? These details are important. All kidding aside–it’s hard to gauge what type of reaction is best for someone’s coming out. Some people want a blase attitude–some want glitter and sparkles and dancing (think “The Wiz” when Evillene dies). I think as long as you made it clear that you loved her (and I’m 200% sure you did), you didn’t fuck up at all. There’s plenty of time for musical numbers later.

  225. How wonderful! I’m so glad she felt comfortable enough to come out and live her truth at such a young age. You’re doing things right.

  226. Yay for all of you and especially Hailey. Both my husband’s and my families refused to acknowlege gay children–the results were cruel and unforgivable. This world needs more rainbows.

  227. Congrats to Hailey for being brave to come out to all of us. The world is changing but, unfortunately, not fast enough. When you think about how some parents handle the news, I think it was brilliant to not make it a big deal. You are letting her be herself and create and share her story in her own way. That’s awesome!

  228. you guys are the most awesome people I have ever “met”. This gave me all the feels- you are an amazing woman who has helped mold an amazing daughter.

  230. It is hard parenting a teen (or 2). Hindsight is always 100% (or whatever the saying is). Yay Hailey glad you can be yourself, and yes, thanks to all of those who have gone before, it’s unimaginable what they did and the conditions they did it in. Awesomeness all around, past and future. No matter who or how you identify kindness is the biggest thing of them all.

  232. Hailey, you are amazingly, uniquely you and this world is a brighter, better place for having you in it! I am so glad that God gave you to your parents, who are amazingly, uniquely them and the perfect parents to raise such a great kid! Wishing you all bright and wonderful things in the years ahead!

  233. Yay, good job Jenny
    My kid started Gender Sexuality Alliance club at her middle school. I am scared of her getting bullied.
    She wore a pride flag as a cape that day. She is proud.

  234. The immortal Harvey Milk said that it was his hope that no child would ever again think they were the only one. I’m so happy that for Hailey and for so many others, there are examples of happy and successful LGBTQ people out there. Being accepted by those you love and not feeling alone is incredibly important.

    My generation struggled with coming out. I wasn’t fully out until my Sophmore year in college. That’s years and years of being afraid of people, including people I considered friends and family, finding out who I was. No child should ever have to experience that.

    Thanks for the awesome story, Hailey. I look forward to reading the next chapter.

  237. Gorgeous girl (not what 14 year olds looked like in my day – but maybe I’m just bitter.)

    She’s lucky to have you. In the past few months I’ve become very aware at how hard it is for LGBTQ+ kids in today’s social/political climate. It takes gut to just be themselves. My kid came out as trans recently and I have learned so much. We went to our first pride this summer.

  238. I’m so happy for Hailey, that she has very supportive parents and can be totally herself. My oldest (also named Haley) came out as pansexual and non-binary, and my youngest as transgender just in the past few years, as adults. They both say they repressed feelings and didn’t really even know they were LGBTQ when they were younger, probably because when they were kids we tried being a good Christian family and I’m sure I inadvertently or maybe not so inadvertently sent them the message that being LBGTQ was a sin – which I feel horrible about now. Haley had several gay friends and it was partly getting to know them that made me start changing my thoughts and beliefs (also a documentary about intersex people that really made me think a lot about the science of it all). I’m thankful I finally came around in time to be totally supportive of my transgender granddaughter when she came out at age 7 (apparently it runs in our family), and both kids when they told me. I think the fact that your Hailey felt comfortable enough to tell you at such a young age speaks volumes!

    The TL;DR version – Hailey is awesome and you and Victor are amazing parents! <3

  239. You are wonderful parents. My Mother couldn’t handle it when I waited to get married at 19….this was in the 1960’s!!!!!

  240. I also have the concern about some kids trying on LGBTQ identities who may later decide they don’t fit, but it’s so lovely that your amazing daughter knows herself and can be herself at her own pace in a loving family.

  241. Hailey has such self-awareness and strength for her age it astounds me! When I was 12 I didn’t even understand what “gay” was, but looking back I understand that I was definitely drawn to girls as well as boys from a fairly young age. Still, at 37 I can’t imagine coming out to my parents. While I’m not necessarily okay with the fact that they may never truly know me, I also don’t feel ready to break their hearts for the sake of lifting a weight off my own. I am so incredibly grateful that Hailey will never have to carry this weight. The world needs more parents like you and Victor!

  243. I love love love love this. You guys are awesome, and I am so happy for Hailey that she felt ready to share with your readers. Keep being true to yourself, kiddo!

  244. Jenny, that was fantastic of you to post that. However, much like your syrup comment all I was shocked by in there was that she can’t write cursive. She’s is a great kid, and she needs to know what a wonderfully brave and self aware being she is. It’s rare at her age. No cursive though?

  245. I have so many feelings. Haley you are awesome! I wish I was brave enough to accept who was at that age. I’m almost 30 and barely started on that journey. I’m aromantic asexual.

  246. I cannot understand parents calling themselves parents yet not accepting and loving their whole child. But, I know that happens, as friends of our children have sheltered in our home after their parents threw them out for having come out. I cannot understand that behavior. My children are my children. Forever. No matter what. And, for that reason, it almost seems ridiculous to write a post like this, one expressing support for one’s child. Shouldn’t supporting one’s child be such the norm that discussing it is ridiculous? Sadly, that’s not the case. So, while I celebrate your unconditional support of your daughter (and mine of my daughters and sons), I’m saddened by the fact that is considered an exceptional thing to do, rather than simply the basis of parenting it is, by so many.

  248. My daughter is 17 and originally came out to us as lesbian. She later ammended it to bi. My son
    Is 19 and came out as bi but later ammended it to pan. Sexuality can be fluid, especially when you are young and exploring. I also encouraged my kids not to label themselves, and both found their labels broadened as they met and fell in love with new people. I don’t honestly care anything about the genitals of the people they love. I care about their hearts. Oddly enough, they have both landed in heterosexual relationships currently.

    I hope when Hailey is ready to date, she finds people with good hearts. She is lucky to have understanding, loving, supportive parents. I was lucky to have the same in my mom and tried to model the same for my kiddos.

  250. Much love to you all. I am right where you are with my two wonderful, beautiful daughters. While I don’t give a rats ass what gender they love, I want them to be treated with respect and adored. Doesn’t matter to me who is doing that for them.

  252. The reminder that these pre-teens and teens are feeling such a particular mash-up of insecurity is important, essential. Thank you for reminding me. Hailey is awesome. You and Victor are awesome.

    I have a 14 year old, too, a boy, who has not expressed any sexual identity preferences aloud, but that’s his quiet way. He is one of the kindest and most open-minded people I know, even though he yelled “fuck you” at me several times last night (oh, I did the same to my mother and she was the best mum one could ask for). I have his back no matter what, even (especially?) when I make him frustrated enough to curse at me. I am sure I am doing many things wrong and many things right. First and foremost, he knows I love him no matter what and that I think he is brilliant, not perfect, but fucking amazing. I can say with some certainty that he trusts me, and that means so much to me.

  253. What a lucky kid! You’ve done well by her. Coming out is difficult, and while you might second guess your reaction, it was honest and came from a place of love. You can’t ask for more than that.

  255. I can’t really add much to all the fabulous posts that have already been posted, but, you are amazing parents, your daughter is amazing and you have made my day feel so much less shitty know there are still amazingly caring awesome people like you out there. Much love to all three of you. 💜

  256. My daughter just came out to me a couple of months ago. She is 12. I told her she is free to love whoever she wants, but my only condition was she find someone who treats her with respect and kindness. She hasn’t come out to other family members yet, including siblings. I am glad you posted this- I wonder if I should have said more to her that day, or if my response was enough. I am concerned about the road ahead for her and the best I can do is just be there for her.

  257. I love you. And I love Hailey. And I love love. My daughter is 20 now and I can assure you that you will make more mistakes but YOU CARE. And YOU LOVE. And in the end, it will all turn out okay. Also, having a 20 year old kid that can also be one of your best friends is kind of fucking badass so you have that to look forward to!

  258. It’s brave as FUCK to stand up and be who you are. Kudos to her, and to you and Victor for not being assholes. 🙂 You are born the way you are. Full stop.

  259. I don’t know your child very well – I know only what you’ve shared about her – but from what you’ve shared she sounds like a wonderful person that is the type of person the world needs more of.

  260. I didn’t come out to my family until I was 32. That was 2 years ago and I still struggle with the feelings of shame and acceptance. Hailey is so lucky to feel comfortable coming out to you and Victor as a 12 year old. She is amazing. Thank you both for sharing this story.

  262. Awesome. She’s so very fortunate to have parents that easily accept her for who she is and willing to follow her lead in supporting her.

    Also – my stepson told his dad that he was gay and my husband’s response was, “OK – what does that have to do with you not getting a job?” So, yeah… we don’t always handle things perfectly. We honestly thought he was saying it to get a rise out of us and he wasn’t prepared for us to be perfectly fine with it, but he really needed to get a job.

  263. Brave moms raise brave daughters. I’m proud of both of you. ❤️❤️

  264. She is a very brave beautiful young lady. My oldest came out to me this last May. He is transgender. I think part of me knew it was coming, so I also didn’t make a huge fuss over it. Maybe I should have. We are navigating some very unknown waters here and we just moved to a new town, so new school and new friends on top of that bombshell have made for some very interesting months. My parents have been supportive to us. No idea how they feel behind closed doors, but if they don’t approve they are at least respectfully keeping it to themselves. My in-law’s however are a different story. They are religious and cannot accept it. They say all they can do is love him (with the implied but not stated “until she changes her mind”) and I have decided to not even give them an audience anymore.
    I love my kids and if they are happy, I am happy. I now tell people I am a proud mum of four boys. If this IS a phase and he changes his mind, I will be a proud mum of one girl and three boys. I need them to be comfortable however they want to live their lives. I just hope I don’t fuck it up too much. 😉 I have already warned them that it is likely. 🙂

  265. Our son came out to us at 13. He couldn’t say it out loud, so he left us a letter and ran off to school. I baked him a cake. I stuck a flag on top. And when he got home we celebrated him. All of him. I too am very grateful for those that came before. And the more stories we tell, the more ok we make it. Like you said, it’s just a part of who they are. And, to be honest, it’s really nobody’s business who they fall in love with. Thank you for sharing and making the world just a tiny bit better.

  266. “You are only as happy as your saddest child”. Man, does that hit home! My youngest has decided to reject his parents full out. He is bright, creative, funny, and handsome. He got his dad’s anxiety (and other) and his mom’s depression. Poor kid. I can only hope that at some point he outgrows some of it like his older brother did. I love him fiercely but it means nothing to him. The rest of my life is pretty darn good, but I’m miserable because he is.

  268. She is a beautiful, talented, amazing person and she is lucky to have parents that are the same. It’s sad that we have to say that because we should all be able to love who we love.

  271. OMG! WOOT WOOT! You go Hailey, take that world by the balls and make it your own kid. And like your mom says the rest of the world can EFF right off! Good job on raising a great kid Mom & Dad, keep it up!

  272. I have wondered what I would say if a young person close to me told me they are gay. Like you, I would probably say okay, and because I don’t think it is a big deal, move on. Thank you for reminding me it is a big deal to whoever is telling me. Hailey was born to just the right parents. This world needs all the love there is. 💕

  273. I’m reminded of a close friend who called me one morning, fresh out of the shrink’s office, to tell me he had just come out. Having “suspected” (read: known) he was gay for almost a decade, I simply replied “Okay”. He was quite upset that I wasn’t surprised or shocked or jumping for joy, and told me later that he was extremely disappointed that his coming out didn’t include a parade with showers of confetti and a musical appearance by Diana Ross. To me, out for many years at that point, it wasn’t a big deal or a surprise, but I’ve never forgotten it was a big deal for him. I think most of us want our orientation to be okay, no big deal, nothing to write home about, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to celebrate the effort and preparation and bravery it takes to come out.

  274. We love Hailey so much! And you and Victor are wonderful parents. HUGE HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!!!

  276. You really are a rather wonderful family. Certainly one for us drive of oddities to respect, admire, and support in any way we can, even if that’s just to say – you’re all ace.

  277. My SIL sat everyone down individually, took a big breath, and came out (but no labels on it, she wasn’t ready for that) in her late 30’s. My husband and I had nearly the same reaction as you, but closer to “Obviously. Now what do you want to drink?” She kept trying to explain, because the calm reactions from her family was unexpected, it was her friends who had reacted with complete shock and surprise. Now 20 years later she is married to a wonderful woman, and kinda settled on lesbian, but still does not like labels. There will be so many times in the future that Hailey will love that you don’t have a public reaction, because other people will follow your lead and it will suddenly be ok to just be who you are, no matter what.

  278. Reading this post and the way you support your gay teenage daughter means so much to me (and yes, maybe I’m crying a little bit).
    When I was twelve I knew that gay people existed but I did not think that being gay was something that could apply to me. Even though looking back I realize that I had my first serious crush on a girl at that age.
    At fourteen I realized that bisexuality is actually a real thing and I felt like this was the right term to describe how I felt.
    At fifteen I first came out to a few friends as bisexual. I acted as if it was no big deal. But it was and I was so scared that people would think I’m weird.
    At seventeen I realized that bisexuality was not how I identified after all, it was just a label to make it easier to accept that I’m actually a lesbian.
    When I graduated from High School (in 2012) there was one other girl in my year who was openly dating a girl, a friend of mine had come out to me as gay but told me he wasn’t ready to come out at school, and there were rumours that I was a lesbian, because I was pretty casual about it but never fully came out at school. There were over 100 students in my graduation class.

    Reading stories like Hailey’s and how supportive friends and family are means so much to me, because it shows how the world has changed for gay teenagers in just a few years. I’m sure it’s still hella scary to come out in school, but man have we taken a big step towards more openess and acceptance already!

  279. Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Beautifully written, thank you for sharing. Hugs to Hailey and all the kids who will struggle with this journey.

  281. You created a space where a twelve year old felt safe and loved enough to tell you this. Go you guys and go Hailey for knowing her own mind well enough to be herself

  282. I took my son to Pride this year. Because I am proud. Having a gay kid is like discovering a unicorn in the backyard. It’s something precious, to be treasured and protected and loved.

  283. Being a parent is hard, and yes we fuck up all the time. Hailey is a beautiful young woman, proof that you done all right ❤️

  284. Girls rule! ALL the girls rule!! (Would be nice if we actually did, but then what would the boys do then?)
    Let me repeat, GIRLS RULE!

  285. Unconditional love. This is what we promise our kids as soon as we find out that they’re growing inside us; or coming into our lives however that may be. Yes, we will screw up. Screwing up is like a right of passage into parenting. But as long as we keep our promise – to love them unconditionally – we are doing okay and they will make their way in the world on the most solid ground we’re able to provide for them. Hurray to you for loving and accepting Hailey for all that she is. After all, isn’t that what being a family is all about? Congratulations, Hailey, on your confidence. Most of us – some of us more than others cough – only get to realize who we truly are, and accept ourselves with confidence, at a much later age.

  286. That was really beautiful and made me cry and congrats on being out and loved and respected Hailey! But I have a very important question that I haven’t seen addressed in these comments, and I hope you’ll see and answer it.

    What does the bottom of her shirt say? I’m all about tacos, and that’s a great color on me so, you know.

  287. She is an awesome person and I think you and Victor are doing a great job.

  288. Your family is amazing and wonderful! I keep Hailey in mind as a guide for parenting as my girl gets older. Much love and support to the Bloggess family!

  289. First of all, to Hayley: You’re awesome and incredible and good for you for being out and open and owning who you are! It’s the young women like you, who are still honest even in the face of fear, that pave the way and make it easier for those who come after you.

    To Jenny: I remember when I came out as bi in high school. My mother didn’t believe me right away because I came out during an argument (a rash and reckless decision, but it was relevant to the argument) and it bothered me. I think it took her a while to come to terms with it, but I can’t be sure. When I told her I wasn’t sure I was a girl a few years later, trying to explain why I was so on edge and uncomfortable all the time, she was a little more understanding. She said she couldn’t imagine what that was like, but then the subject dropped and we didn’t discuss that, either.

    I’m thirty now and we’ve still never really talked about any of it. She knows. I go to Pride and wear rainbow buttons and bi-flag buttons and agender-flag buttons. So, she knows, but we still haven’t discussed it. It’s not something she really acknowledges at all until I bring it up.

    I think it’s great that Hayley has parents like you and Victor who are willing to talk about it and share her story (even after the fact). You may have been a little dismissive at first, but at least you eventually came around. The fact that Hayley said she was comfortable with you sharing this is a testament that she knows she can talk about it with you and you will acknowledge her identity. I love my mother dearly, but I would never trust her to explain my sexuality or gender identity to anyone, let alone the entire internet.

    You’re doing great, Jenny! Keep it up!

  291. The world has changed a lot since my best friend came out when we were in high school in the early 1990s. I supported her then, and I support her still today; she and her wife were just here visiting me this past weekend, in fact. It is very brave of Hailey to let you share this with so many, given your visibility (and hers, by default). It shows that she has found the strength in herself to live her truth, and that is amazing and beautiful, just like her. It’s not uncommon for families to stumble a little in the beginning. You’ve found your footing and are all walking tall together again. Thank you both for sharing this very personal piece of your lives with us. We’ve been witness to many of your personal moments, but this is truly special. <3

  294. Let’s hear it for unconditional acceptance! Welcome to your world, Hailey. Know that you are loved, respected, and accepted!

  295. I was in my mid-50s before I came out to a few trusted friends, but I grew up in an era (born in 1952) where it was very dangerous to be publically gay in the U.S. My parents loved me, but I know they wouldn’t have understood or accepted me, and there was a strong chance I would have been disowned and thrown out of my home had I told them. I’ve known I’m gay since I was 7-years old. Didn’t know the terms used, but knew I was attracted to girls. I dated the occasional boy, but only because that’s what society and my parents expected of me.

    I’m so thankful that Hailey has such loving and supportive parents like you and Victor, Jenny dear. I’m also thankful that you’re backing off and letting her take things at her own pace and comfort level.

  296. So, so happy for a positive coming out story. Rainbow hugs and love to all three of you!

  298. She is amazing!!! I was just wondering the other day, as a mom with mental health issues, what you have done that I could try so I can hopefully have as good a relationship with my kids as you do with yours! I see how my anxiety affects then and I worry. Don’t we all? Anyways, it is absolutely wonderful that you’ve both created an environment where she felt safe to explore and learn who she really was so early in her life, and that you’ve created a place that’s safe enough for her to come to you and be honest. I know we all doubt those times we didn’t do things perfectly, but I think you’ve done a pretty kick-ass job already just by creating that situation.

    Speaking of kick-ass people, my sister is a very talented neuroscientist. She is a huge proponent of helping other people in the field, and I know she would be excited to talk to Hailey, if she ever wants someone to discuss things with.

  299. Hailey, we know a little about you through your mom, and we have come to know an amazing young woman. You will wear many labels on your life, some you choose, some are placed on you. Take the ones that represent you and wear them proudly. Sometimes someone will try to place a label that doesn’t fit; you have every right to reject those. Add, subtract, change your labels as you mature, but over everything else, be proud of being Hailey.

  300. Also, to Hailey: Sorry for misspelling your name about a thousand times. I know, like, six people, all named Hayley (with two y’s) and it’s just ingrained into my brain now. Sorry again.

  301. As the oldest sister to an amazing bi-queer-gravity challenged sister, I, too, was unfazed by her proclamation. There are so many wonderful parts about who she is that this was only one of them. She’s like an onion; her layers make me cry. After having been the most wonderful girlfriend to a girl, she now has a boy crush. I’ve been told that flirting is not the same, and as she is the most awkward person I know, this is another adventure that I am happy to be on with her. winks with both eyes. It’s going to be a long adventure… Keep on rockin’ Hailey (the lipstick, the shirt, your bad-assery)

  303. Yay! Similar story — my child told me and I said, “ I thought so. Want some ice cream? We’ve talked about it but she doesn’t like parades so probably no pride for us except I want to go and give out hugs. ”

  304. I’m so proud of Hailey. And of you and Victor for having such an amazing daughter. It’s good that she knows who she is and is lucky enough to be able to live it.

  305. The most lovely coming out stories, to me at least, are those that show how it is accepted so easily by. I can see this being a center part of a glorious wedding speech 🙂
    Huge hugs for you all, I went to my first Pride march this year and loved it. I hope you guys have as much fun when you go!
    (and tell Hailey she has allies and internet aunties and uncles who will have her back all over the world)

  306. “You’re only as happy as your saddest child, after all.” Ah jeez….this got me crying at work. For a completely different reason than the topic of your post, but boy does that one sentence ring true. My 13 year old son (eldest of 3 kids) suffers from anxiety and depression, having been diagnoses at age 7. I get glimpses of happiness, like the sun breaking through on a cloudy day, when things are going good, when his mood is up, but that’s above a baseline of anxiety, worry, stress. We take it day by day sometimes, but it’s nearly impossible to remember a time when things were care-free.

  307. I had exactly the same reaction with my daughter, and I’ve also worried she didn’t think I took it seriously enough. But I don’t want to bring it up again, I want her to be ready to do it. What’s a mom to do?!

  308. I’ve watched your daughter here, growing into a lovely, silly, compassionate young woman. Who she loves is just that, who she loves ❤️ Many hugs and much love to your amazing family from this old bi broad ❤️❤️❤️

  310. You are an amazing parent and Hailey sounds like the coolest 14-year-old ever. Sending hugs for your whole wonderful family <3

  311. She has a fire in her eye and you guys lit the match. What a wonderful family you are!!! (…I hope it’s clear I meant you are all awesome and I love this post, and not that you are setting each other on fire. I’m having an anxiety day. Trying to be poetic. …sigh. You are all role models for how to be great even when you don’t feel it!)

  312. My son came out as trans when he was 11 or 12 – I had much the same reaction, except mine also included ‘oh – does that mean I get to name you again?’ The answer was no FYI – he got to pick his own name. She’s beautiful and smart and kind – you should be very proud of who you raised.

  313. Crying here. I’m so happy Hailey has good people around her who let her be who she is. The world is becoming more open, but it is still hard to be young and gay, and I applaud her courage.

    It’s hard to know whether to make a thing of it or not. It took me a long time to come out to my parents because I was all “straight people don’t have to “come out”, I’m not gonna make an announcement, they’ll figure it out eventually”. Which meant we just didn’t talk about it, and it was kinda weird. It really shouldn’t be a big deal. But I still see lesbian as part of my identity, and I don’t want that erased. So it kind of does matter, somehow.

  314. I love that you fast forward through all of the bad parts in AHS. Is that for you, or Hailey? Personally, I love the show but am squeamish so I conveniently “pretend” to not pay attention during those parts.

  315. Good for all of you. I am a lesbian, and things in general were a lot harder for us when I was that age. I couldn’t come out to my family….no way, no how. It took until I was in my mid-twenties and even then it was very hard. Credit where it is due, my family ultimately accepted me. I am always very happy to hear such a story as this, because it shows me that in spite of everything, all the ups and downs, and the current downs, some things have changed for the better. Thank you, Hailey for the courage to tell the world through your amazing Mom, and never forget how amazing and full of natural beauty you are yourself.

  316. This is everything. Also ” You’re only as happy as your saddest child, after all.” made me cry. I don’t know why

  317. My son came out to us several years ago as a twenty-something. It wasn’t a big surprise, I think we always had an inkling this was the case. But he is who he is and we love him for who he is, that won’t change.

  318. Crying. You are a wonderful mother. The fact that she can confide these things to you at such a young age speaks volumes about the kind of relationship you have. She seems truly magnificent.

    I could never keep my room clean either…

  319. Kudos to you as a parent! My son came out in 5th grade as gay. We knew for a long time. A llot of our family thought he was confused or just being trendy. He’s in 8th grade now. It’s def not a phase. The kid has never had a crush on a girl and he’s into fashion and polishing his nails and wearing a mix of girl and boy clothes and accessories. We love him no matter who he identifies as. I wish people would be more understanding that young tweens and teens are capable of making decisions about who they like.

  320. You, Hailey, and Victor are all awesome. Please accept this reassurance from a stranger on the internet: Y’all are doing it right. Much love to all of you.

  321. Opera lessons?!?!?! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you’re ever in Kansas City with her, bring her by the Lyric Opera offices and I’ll give her a tour!

  322. Love this, and I loved that you were aware enough to realize it might be a big deal to her even though it wasn’t at all to you! Also, I’m completely in love with Hailey’s lip color!

  324. I came out to my mum three years ago and honestly, I would have liked for her to make it a bit of a big deal because it really was for me and she basically just ignored it. I don’t think she ever really thought about her reaction or even if she did she’d never tell me so I’m really happy for Hailey because having such amazing parents who care and who think about their actions is just great. You are a wonderful family.

  326. Beautiful. Brave. Compassionate. Words which clearly describe your daughter… and her mother. 😊

  327. She’s a wonderful girl and she’s lucky to have such wonderful parents. I’m so glad young people can be out and proud these days without adults running around with their “You’ll grow out of it!” crap. Having a support system literally saves young LGBTQ lives, and its importance cannot be understated.

    And I could not love the title of your post more. You fucking rock, woman.

  328. She is amazing, just like her Mama. I have a queer kiddo too and have had similar conversations with him. Sending loads of love and understanding.

  329. You and Hailey both are h*eckin heroes. Victor, too. Thank you for sharing this — it means a lot to see the good in people and not have the internet be nothing but a big heap o’ hopelessness. Be your beautiful, wonderful, oddball selves, because you’re awesome. Go Hailey! 🙂

  331. Thank you Jenny, for sharing & Hailey for asking your mom to share. I have goosebumps from reading this because I can hear how proud you & Victor are of the woman she is growing into. And at the sometime, voicing all of our fears as parents that we fuck up quite a bit while trying to raise our kids to be cinfident, happy and proud of who they are. People, not all, but the loudest, suck. And it’s even worse at the moment. But then you read stories like you’ve shared and you feel hope and a sense of belonging because we are all a little broken and that’s okay. Love to your family & pets!! 🧡💛💚💜

  332. I’m with you: something so fundamental as who we love doesn’t feel special or different; it’s just who we are. Your the beautiful mother of a wonderful girl. How lucky you are to have each other. I smile every time I see the love and happiness on your faces.

  333. My 15 year old daughter is gay. I knew long before she did but I let her find herself without my interference. For a while she thought she might be bi, but now she knows she’s “full on faggot” (her words, not mine). She is an advocate at her school, and a great example to live who she is, especially for all the younger kids who aren’t sure. Both the school and I are very proud of her. She finally told her Dad a couple of months ago just before he got married (she figured he had other things on his mind) and he had the same response as you did. It was something she struggled for ages to tell him, but it was a relief for it to be no big deal to him.

  334. How wonderful! I wish I’d had the current environment (some) queer kids are growing up in—I don’t know that I would have figured out I’m a lesbian by 12, but by 18 would have been easier, at least. Glad Hailey has so much support around her.

  335. Proud of her. Proud of you and Victor. What a beautiful young woman. Tell her she’s got fun family in Colorado, there’s a bulldog to snuggle and a place to hang out should she ever want it. xoxo

  336. I think your family is perfect. Your daughter’s grace is evident. And, she’s gorgeous!

  337. There will probably be hate come her way, but as long as she has you two as her parents, she will have love. Power to the next generation!

  338. I’ve always thought Hailey was pretty special. Though you are (rightly) very careful of how much you reveal of her and her interactions, it’s clear what you say and don’t say depict a strong, loving, brave, and intelligent young lady. What gender she’s attracted to is entirely beside the point and none of my business. I just hope she finds the people in her life who will light it up and be good to her. As I think she has.

  339. You’re awesome, Hailey. And it makes me so happy, that you’re comfortable coming out to all of us, that you trust us, all of your mum’s weird and wacky readers. That you too know that this is a safe and loving community.

    (and btw, I met my first boyfriend when I was 14,and we were together for seven years, so don’t let your mum tell your you’re not old enough to date 😉)

  340. I was fortunate to grow up in Chicago where Pride was something I have attended in support for 25 years. I was lucky my parents had a lot of gay friends when I was a child, so it was not something strange or unfamiliar to me. I know I am blessed to have always had openness and love in my life. I think you’re doing right by Hailey – keep it up, you awesome parents you!!!

  341. Oh, my HEART! So. Proud. This was so beautiful, Jenny. Give Hailey a high-five for me!

  342. Jodie utter-
    For some reason I read the last part of your comment as “and i want to do her hair. I too want HAiley to run fpr President. You will do a great job with her hair, i am sure. Ill cater.

  344. This might be my favorite of anything you’ve ever written. I’ve long thought Hailey was the coolest and reminded me of my own daughter, age 13, who came out 2 years ago as well. Here’s to strong, amazing kids who bring hope for a new generation. Here’s to learning how to support them thte way they need, in that moment. Here’s to them being kick ass girlfriends and kick ass people and being true to themselves for ever.

  345. This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time. Thanks for sharing the awesome.

  346. Hailey seems like a really cool kid! I do have one suggestion: As a fellow classically-trained singer, I would like to remind her to breathe from the diaphragm, not the chest. 🙂

  347. Goddamn it your family is awesome!!! When I came out my parents said”you aren’t one of THOSE!” But here I am being one of “THOSE” and with the woman I love for 31 years👊🏻 It hasn’t been easy…but definitely worth it to just be me.

  348. Just sending love. My daughter struggled a lot in high school, not realizing WHY she didn’t want to date, like all the other girls. She was 22 before she fully realized and accepted that she’s gay, and having that realization has given her so much insight into so much about her teen years, in retrospect. Good for Hailey that she is so self aware and able to embrace herself at such a young age. My girl is much more comfortable in her own skin, now, and I friggin’ LOVE that she’s gay, because it’s who she IS. Your girl is gorgeous and wonderful and amazing (psst – so is mine), and I love that we get to be parents to such amazing people. Yay you! … and me … and them. 🙂

  349. I cannot love this enough. I relate to so much in this story. Please let Hailey know that she has so much support. Thank you for being the mother that you are. Thanks to Victor as well. My daughter attended her first Pride parade this year. It was everything she wanted it to be and more.

  350. When I was 16, I fell in love with a girl. Silently, I carried not only the shame of my secret but the agony of an all-consuming and unrequited love. Oh what I would have given to be able to tell someone that I was a girl who was in love with a girl and to hear that person say the words, ‘It’s okay.’ God, what I would have given to hear those words. You may question your response to her, Jenny, but the fact that you and Victor support and accept her, and she knows that you do, will guide and help her in ways she can’t yet imagine. What a gift that knowledge is. Please thank Hayley for allowing you to share a piece of her story with us. What a beautiful, strong and precious soul she is. Just like her mom.

  351. Thank you for sharing, both to Hailey and to Jenny, for letting us partake in the details of your family life. I hope Hailey meets the most wonderful girl 💖

  352. Ugly crying. This is so beautiful thank you Hailey for letting her share this with us. All the love and support.

  353. I’ve always thought Hailey was amazing, this doesn’t alter my opinion one bit. She is brilliant and talented and so beautiful. You can only be the best mom you can be. You’re doing great.

  354. Ah, yes. If we could just keep it all that simple for everyone, whomever they are. Just be. The best you can be. And celebrate others’ beingness.

  356. My son came out at 13 and I had a similar reaction. I didn’t want him to miss out on anything and not realize that Bi is a thing too (I’m also bi). I’m so proud that he was brave enough to tell me. 4 years later, he’s definitely gay and out at school but not ready to tell everyone. I’m a very proud mamma.

  358. Being a mom is hard, and we always second guess ourselves. You handled it the way I would have. By respecting her autonomy and by allowing her to paint her own narrative you’re being who she needs you to be. And that’s a big deal too. I have so much admiration for your family and how genuine you are. Proud to have you on my life team (that autocorrected to peeps to have and I feel like that might be even more appropriate).

  359. The only thing more uplifting than this post are all these comments! WOW you people are amazing too!! i was a teen when i came out to my folks and they freaked out and said those awful words “I don’t think I love you anymore”. That began ten years of estrangement while they figured out that i wasn’t just making this up to hurt them and i figured out they were hurting too- they just weren’t prepared for a world that looked different than the one they grew up in and they did their best.

    We got through it. Flash forward 20 years and mom (now my best friend) and i are sharing a girls night out with cocktails and tipsy mom leans over and grabs my hand and slurs- “I am so sorry! Sssso Sorry!! We didn’t know! We just didn’t know!!” And then she broke down and cried in her dragon fruit yuzu mojito.

    Moral of the story: don’t carry the guilt of not reacting perfectly for 30 years. You did your best and Hailey probably knows that. Or will. But get past it and forgive yourself. Cuz no 45 year old wants to have to be consoling their sobbing drunken mom in the bar at P.F. Chang’s at happy hour.

    Love you all!!

  360. SO MUCH LOVE to both of you. Beautifully written post about your beautiful daughter.

  363. In addition to all the wonderful things you’ve said about her, she is also spectacularly beautiful and ridiculously photogenic (and I am SO envious of that!) and fortunate to have such wonderful parents. You be you, Hailey. Because YOU are awesome.

  364. I hope you did the right thing by not making a big deal of it, reinforcing that it would have no impact on your love for her and encouraging not to label herself at 12. I hope you did, because that’s what I did too. My daughter is still fairly fluid, I think, and is realizing that being fluid is okay. Support and love to Hailey and all our Hailies 🙂

  366. Plus, according to her shirt, she likes tacos. Which is an absolute prerequisite to being an awesome person.

  367. Jenny, you, Victor and your beautiful Hailey are all utterly and completely amazing. She is an incredibly lucky girl to have the two of you as parents. Not all LGBTQ children are as lucky, as I’m certain you know. You ROCK, Hailey. Keep on being you. I yearn for the day when this sort of thing simply will no longer matter to anyone! (Wishful thinking, I know…)

  368. This hit me in ALL THE FEELS. I, like you, support everyone loving everyone (well, maybe not all at the same time, cuz EWWWWW, and who’ll bring the wet wipes?) but at 12 my daughter (now a ripe old 13) told me she identified as Pan. I barely knew what that was, let alone why she felt she had to identify as ANYTHING at such a young age. I thought and said to her EXACTLY what you said to Hailey about it maybe just being a phase, and trying out the “no label” idea. But I also told her, as I always have, that I didn’t care who she ended up loving (as long as it’s human) and would never reject her for it. She was still upset with me because I didn’t acknowledge the statement she was making and I think she felt I was saying it wasn’t important, but it was with her. So I just told her that if her heart felt it wanted to love everyone and anyone (a rather lame summation of being “pan”), then I applauded it because it reflects who she really is in her beautiful heart and soul. This piece just made me feel like maybe this isn’t another thing I messed up raising an only child teenager!!! THANK YOU!!!

  370. Well done Jenny. This piece moved me to tears. I’m proud of Hailey and I’m so very proud of you and Victor. I only wish that there were more parents out there like you two. One of the previous commenters wants Hailey to run for president. I do too. I’d vote for her. Hell, I’ll volunteer for her campaign. ❤️🦄🌈

  371. <heart bursting> Truly, tears of pride/happiness/love as I react to how wonderful you and your family are.

  372. So proud of your sweet girl! I am big, but can’t be “out” to my family. Trusted friends know, but my family wouldn’t be supportive. Hailey is so, so lucky to have such awesome parents and friends.

  375. I don’t post, but love you, Hailey, not just because our dog was named Hayley, but because of all of the parts of you our mom described, and the things she didn’t because you’ll keep inventing new parts, hopefully forever, even if you’re an old broad like me.

    And if you had said to our dog, “Hayley, I’m Hailey!” she would have jumped up and down on her stubby little legs (part dachshund maybe?) and wagged in delight, and loved you even more. Carry on!

  376. Yay for your beautiful daughter and for your beautiful family. I didn’t come out until I was an adult (with two kids, by the way) because being gay simply wasn’t an option for me growing up. I’m so glad to see the world progressing in the right ways sometimes. <3 Love to Hailey because love wins.

  377. This is so heart warming, Jenny. How lucky will be the woman she loves and gets you as a mother in law.
    Please tell Halley that there are lots of people out there who advocate for gay rights every day.
    Love to you both,
    Rebeca

  378. I’m so proud of Hailey for having the strength and confidence to tell you at such an early age. I didn’t come out as bi until I was 18, and it was one of the most difficult things I ever had to say out loud. I told my parents I had to tell them something and it took me a long time to choke out the words. My parents, bless them, waited in silence until I finally said it, and were completely unphased by the news. “Oh, is that all?” My mom said, “I was worried it was going to be something TERRIBLE”.
    I’m proud of you too. As a parent, I think it’s natural to second guess everything we say and do, but I’m sure Hailey knows how much you love her and support her, and that’s important. The world would be a much better place if every kid had parents who love them like that. ❤

  380. Absolutely! I am proud of everyone who comes out, but especially young people. You go, Hailey!

  381. You’re and Victor are wonderful. Our daughter came out to us at 14 much in the same way Hailey did to you. At the table and we were equally casual about it. But it was such an important thing and we had to take it seriously and we did. She was and is so brave. It was a difficult road through middle school and high school and her coming to terms what it meant and with how out she wanted to be and what it all meant. We often say being gay means coming out over and over again. She has a lovely girlfriend, is in college now living her best life and is so happy. We have always and do now support her 100% Everything you say in this post is so true and so powerful. Thank you for writing it.

  382.         My daughter (18) told me she was bi several years ago. I’m grateful that times have changed and that our kids can live their lives as they are intended-free to be who they are.

  384. Beautiful girl, beautiful story. Of course you are second guessing your reaction (which was fine and totally within the realm of supportive, acceptable responses.) What else would moms do for a hobby if we didn’t second guess? xoxoxo

  385. I adore you. I adore Victor. I adore Hailey. Thank you for posting and for being awesome.

  386. Yay for all of you and congratulations to you Hailey for knowing who you are.
    But this post did make me think of Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette: the bit where she says pride parades aren’t for her (and she even finds the flag is a bit busy) ❤️

  387. You guys are all beautiful, inside and out, and I think you have made a wonderful family.

  388. As a longtime reader and a gay trans man – this makes me so happy to read. Y’all are raising an amazing kid – Hailey, if you’re reading this, I’m so proud of you! I’m so glad that you have the confidence to be yourself, and a safe supportive environment in which to do so.

  389. I would have reacted the same way as you…because I really don’t care. I tried. I don’t. I have always found it weird that some people think it’s somehow their business to know how or with who others want to spend their time.

  390. Oh thank goodness, I thought she was going to come out as a Republican and a supporter of Cruz. Now that would be scary.

  391. I am so proud right now I feel like my heart could burst. But not in the gross icky way. More like bursting with stars and unicorns and rainbows and really good chocolate.

  393. Congrats to you and Victor for being great parents. Congrats to Hailey for embracing who she is. Love proud! <3

  394. I’m afraid I would have ‘under-reacted’ as you did. It’s not a big deal, but maybe to her it is. She sounds like a wonderful person.

  395. She is strong like you and is the product of great parenting. We are all so proud of her (that sounds weird, but as someone who has watched her grow up through your blog, you understand). Wishing all of you the very best of everything! ALWAYS.

  396. Lovely young lady, and love is love. I’m leaking at your telling of the story, Jenny, and heart leaping for Hailey that she has such supportive and loving parents. You go be you, girl. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

  397. I’m proud of her and of all of you. You’re a terrific family. Thanks for sharing your stories with us, every day. All of you together are one big gift.

  399. I did about the same thing when my son told me he was gay, “ok, cool” He was in 7th grade, just started going to an art school, with plenty of other out kids, and i kinda thought it was a fad- or a exciting way to fit in, too. We totally supported him, but not as gay, just as like free to feel however he wanted, and we did the no label label push. In a let’s not make middle school any harder than it has to be type of way. Well, that’s not how this all works, obvs. Teenagers are bloody difficult, and it’s hard to know what is right in the moment. But, now he knows we have his back, no matter what; love him, no matter what; and are so proud of him.

  400. What an amazing story to hear during a time when shitty stories are all we hear. Thank you for sharing. <3

  401. Hailey is AWESOME…and You & Victor are AWESOME Parents!
    Nothin’ but Love to you all!

  402. Congrats Hailey on feeling comfortable in who you are and being strong enough to be vulnerable with those who love you! Congrats Jenny and Victor on fostering a sense of safety and acceptance in your home so Hailey knew she had support to share. May you all find yourselves joyously at Pride one year when you’re ready!

  405. Be blessed and happy. Be furiously happy. Love is not love if there are conditions in place. Be furiously happy, furiously brave, and furiously kind. Be furiously YOU! We are all of us magnificently weird and wonderful, broken and whole. Crazy and sane. Each of us has more facets than a disco ball. But dang it, WE SHINE!!

  406. Beautiful girl.. NEVER NEVER NEVER lose that confidence. Never let anyone tear you down. Always be true to yourself! We sometimes lose ourselves as adults. Be the kind of person when you grow up that your 14 year old self would be proud of! Because there are many people so proud of you! And you have AMAZING parents too!! You will do amazing things in this world!

  407. First, I used to tell people that I grew up in a family with openly gay members and I knew that if I had come out as gay, my family’s reaction would have been “That’s nice. Could you pass the salt?” (That being said, it took me a long time before I came out to anyone, including myself, as bi, and I’ve never directly told my family, although I’m sure at least some of them have seen me post about it on Facebook.) So I kind of love your reaction, even if you now feel it was less than what Hailey needed.

    Second, GO HAILEY! Good for you for being comfortable enough with yourself and the people around you to come out. I’m so glad you have family and friends to support you when we live in a society that, while much more open than when I was your age, is still riddled with homophobia and bullying and general intolerance. Also, when my daughter started college and was moving into her dorm, every room had a form on the door that you could fill out, letting your floormates know your name, hometown, major, blah blah blah, and the pronouns you use. So you can look forward to at least a little more tolerance as you grow up.

  408. You have somehow managed to convey the emotions everyone is feeling, from you as an accepting parent to Hailey as a teen making her way in this world. Reading this brought tears to my eyes, so thank you for sharing this beautiful story about a beautiful young lady. Thank you to Hayley for allowing it to be shared. She is one lucky girl to have such a fabulous family. And you are two lucky parents to have such a fabulous daughter. ❤️💕

  409. You and your daughter are badasses. I am so envious of her, knowing who she is and not shying away from it, especially at her age. I was pretending to be a lot of things back then, mostly because I didn’t really know who I was. I am so proud of both of you for being so “you”. Never stop.

  410. I don’t have the tacos, but I can tell her she is pretty. And I want her hair.

  412. Hi Hailey. One wlw to another, my heart is doing the Kermit flail for you. Welcome welcome welcome. We have so many memes to share with you, and there are so many of us out here holding each other’s hands and sending you all the joy you can hold.

    We love you. Thank you for being everything you are, and again: welcome. 🏳️‍🌈

  413. All so beautifully said, even in looking back and realizing that maybe you all didn’t handle it as gracefully as you initially thought. Things for the LGBT community are so much better, but they’re far from, “Okay, pass the syrup.” But learning together is so lovely. Much love to you all. Also? Your daughter has kick-ass tastes in t-shirts.

  414. It feels odd to be so proud of the daughter of someone I barely know through the internet, but maybe that’s part of what PRIDE is. Being proud of each other for being each other, for being ourselves, whether we personally know each other or not. I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU HAILEY! (Also, you are surviving your parents. Yes, they’re awesome, but they’re also crazy and you are SO SURVIVING them! GO YOU x Infinity!)

  415. She’s gorgeous! I’m so happy she has the courage to be her! You have a lot to do with that!

  418. Please thank Hailey for letting your share her story and what you learned from it. I will keep that lesson in mind as I raise my own girls (8 and 4), should the circumstances arise. I appreciate you sharing your experience, Jenny.

  419. Beautiful blog post. Recognizing that coming out is a big deal even when you are fully supportive is so important and I’m so glad you spoke to this. My friends had a very similar reaction when I came out and it was stunning because it was something I agonized over for a long time. It’s also so heartwarming to me that Hailey had the room to discover this at a young age. Worrying about who you are has such a profound affect on a person, even if it isn’t totally hellish to come out and live openly. The fact that Haikey got to speak to it at 12 and at 14 is fully embracing who she is is really amazing. Thanks for posting this. Much love to you and Hailey.

  420. Like you, I wish it didn’t have to be something to announce. I wish she could just be. When my daughter (who is now 16) came out at 12, my white, cisgender, straight husband somewhat excitedly said, “now I have some liberal street cred.” She has since explored her gender identity and ultimately identifies as gender queer or non-binary. We’ve attended Gender Spectrum conferences, Pride parades, and she’s organized a “day of silence” at her school for LGBTQ students. But, she’s also skipped those same events and chosen to be “stealth” on occasions when she just didn’t feel as open. Hailey is clearly a special and talented kid who has SO very much to offer. I’m glad she has you and Victor to make sure she can focus on what matters. Kids like ours give me hope for the future.

  421. Pingback: My amazing daughter. Alternate title: I don’t think you’ll have a problem with this at all but if you do you can fuck all the way off. – The Huntress 915

  422. Families and people come in all types. You guys happen to be an awesome family filled with awesome types. Also, congratulations on raising a child who felt loved and confident enough to trust you and trust herself. That is so rare. Thanks for being a light to all of us. .

  423. To Hailey, I am so very proud of you! It took me WAY too many years to publicly come out as bisexual, and am so glad you can do this now. All the hugs and loads of love to you all.

  425. I have a group of about 8 close friends. We became friends when our children were very little. The oldest child is a junior in college now. There are 3 transgender children, 1 lesbian and one bisexual that I know of in our bunch of kids. This is out of 15 children. I believe that sexuality is far more fluid than we believe. If one of my children told me that they were gay or lesbian, I would have said close to what you said. I am so glad that children now have some resources for help, but more is needed. I worry so much about those children who don’t have the support system and end up in bad situations. We need to vote on Nov. 6th and we need to vote in people who aren’t assholes.

  426. I just cried! You make me feel so normal!! I am divorced after 13 years of marriage and openly bi but currently dating a man and dealing with anxiety (can’t say it will last but I am really trying and this is the only person I have dated in 5 years post divorce). My sister is a lesbian after being married to a man and divorced years ago. Back in spring my 11 year old daughter told me that she has a crush on her friend who is a girl and all the other girls in her class have crushes on boys. I was calm and told her there was nothing strange about that at all and that I had crushes on both boys and girls when I was her age. I somehow suspect that her strained relationship with her father will come to a screeching halt when he finds out, but I won’t be the one to tell him. I worry about everything 24/7 but my daughter’s future preference for the gender of her partner is probably the only thing that doesn’t keep me up at night. Just be you.

  428. Love to Hailey from her stranger-auntie-on-the-internets! I see her complexity and beauty and I am here for all of it.

  429. So very proud of her!! And proud of you and Victor as well. It might seem like you’re fucking things up as the parent of a teenager but honestly, I think you’re doing everything right. She’s happy, she’s healthy, she is surrounded by love and support. Most of all she knows she can come to you when/if she needs too. All kids need a soft place to land. Well done.

  431. You, my friend are a great mother! She has all the support she’ll ever need with her parents and that says a lot. Hailey is an amazing girl to allow you to share her story with your followers! You three (or four, five or six if we’re counting all the cats and dogs n’ stuff) are an inspiration! Love you much!

  432. I don’t normally post comments here – typically since other readers either are FAR funnier, or because they’ve said something similar to what I wanted to post – but I just want to say that this post is wonderful! I’m so happy for Hailey, and that she’s supported by wonderful family and friends.

    I’m only out of a few as bisexual (my husband being one), and it’s encouraging to see. Maybe I’ll get the courage one day to come out to the rest of my family.

  433. This is so amazing. She’s amazing and brave and strong and courageous. And y’all handled it in what you thought was the best way at the time, tho I can see what you’re saying about how you were trying to convey how it wasn’t a big deal but maybe didn’t realize how much of a big deal it was to her. Still, it’s been two years and I’m glad she’s out and proud and that you and Victor are so supportive. If she one day chooses to share her life with someone, I hope she finds a woman as strong and smart and amazing as she is.

  434. This is great. I’m a lesbian, as well. I came out 23 years ago when I was 19. The world was a very different place back in 1995 but not a VERY different place. I remember I spent a lot of time wallowing in mental anguish over it all, but it was really for no reason. Even back in 1995, most people (the good people) didn’t care. It’s nice to see a young person figuring things out and gaining confidence as she goes.

    I sort of envy her. Now she’ll have more time to experience the extreeeeeme drama of teenage relationships. (I don’t envy Jenny.)

  435. This made me cry harder than anything you have ever posted. I’m speechless. I’m so honored to “know” you. How do we get everyone else to think like us??

  436. My, then, 16 year old son came out on Christmas Day last year. It was actually a very funny story, but maybe too long to explain it all here. Basically, I bought him a gag gift and decided not to give it to him in case, what I thought was hilarious was actually hurtful to his teenage brain. I told him about it on Christmas morning and he replied that he wished that I had given it to him because he is gay and it would be perfect. I, too, said “OK” and carried on with the day.

    We’ve talked a lot about being gay in the months that have followed. He knows he can ask me anything and I’ll be straight with him (no pun intended). We’ve gone to the Coming about Monologues and gone to Pride. His family is here for him no matter what.

  437. This is awesome, and a tribute to your parenting and times that have thankfully changed. My best to all of you!

  438. You have a beautiful, amazing child. She has the best parents. Add in the cats and Dottie and you have a near-perfect family. I’m so happy for all of you..

  439. Hailey is so lucky to have such supportive parents! She’s so strong and amazing for knowing something so big of who she is and to open up is amazing! Hailey, may you continue to walk through this world 100% unapologetically you!

  440. I could say so much about this, but I’ll keep it short and simple – you’re all amazing and lucky to have each other. Sending all of you so much love. ♥

  441. You are so clearly an amazing woman who is raising an amazing woman.
    Love love love to you all. <3

  442. So proud and happy for Haley, she is very lucky to have you and Victor. Please tell her she has many allies! Big, huge love to your family!!
    Massiel, SW Texas

  444. Power and love to Hailey! And power and love to you and Victor. You two are raising an amazing young woman.
    I know how you feel about your reaction. When I was in college a friend of mine came out to me – I had known him for several years at that point, we met when he was still in high school and I was a college freshman. Several years later, he came out to me, but he had been nervous all night – a huge lead up, you know? And then when he finally told me, I blurted out “Is that all?!?” (cringe!) I told him that I thought he was going to tell me his is dying of cancer or something. Of course, now I realized how stressful it is to come out. I told him I supported him, that I would have gladly supported him when we first met. I have apologized to him several times for that reaction. We all do the best we can.

  446. This post made me #FuriouslyHappy. I am so honored that you both shared this with us, that we get to see Hailey grow up and be the amazing woman she is becoming. I wish all the best for you all and joy in living life as your true self.

  447. She’s amazing and beautiful. She looks a bit like Judy Garland in these photos!

  448. Thank you for sharing your story and your daughter’s story. You all are amazing people. I am sure this will help a parent somewhere who wants to be supportive of their own child.

  449. This amazing kid is going to rule the world someday… with an army of supporters behind her. Biggest love to you all, and THANK YOU for your bravery, truth and light.

  451. She was already amazing. Now she’s an amazing lesbian super heroine. Love that kid without even meeting her. And good job, parents.

  452. Love your story about your daughter Hailey!!! My youngest grand daughter is named Hailey too. May Hailey’s future be filled with happiness, love and peace. There is no instruction book that comes with raising kids…..not to mention teenagers!!! You just have to do the best you can and you and Victor have done a fabulous job!!! Thank you for sharing!

  453. Kudos to all that you have such a relationship that your then pre- and now teen can talk so easily about this. And especially that you realized what is not a big deal to you is a huge deal to Hailey. I’ve totally forgotten the whackadoo emotions of those years and the perception that everyone is looking and judging. Hooray all around!

  454. Hailey was already amazing. Now she’s an amazing teenage lesbian superheroine. I love her without ever meeting her. And good job, lucky parents.

  456. She is amazing and brave. Keep being true to yourself. You and Victor are badasses.

  457. She is glorious! Seems to me that your lil’ fangly is loving each other just right!

  458. This is so lovely! She is so very lucky to have you guys (as lucky as you are too have her!)

  459. In PROUD of you all!
    And anyone who isn’t CAN fuck the hell off.
    And she sounds amazingly accomplished for someone twice her age.
    And tell Dorothy Barker she is crazy photogenic, too.

  460. I look forward to the day when, as parents, our children don’t need to announce their sexuality to us but can just bring their partner home to dinner. Until then, I’m proud of Hailey for figuring out who she is and how she wants to share that. And you and Victor are wonderful. <3

  461. Jenny, please tell Hailey thank you from me. I am very proud of her. And very proud of you and Victor!
    I have a 9 year old son who we are waiting to see how he identifies for himself. The sharing here of Hailey’s story helps me be a little more equipped with some language for when the time comes. I love the suggestion of “no labels”. He is so loved and we don’t want to handle it poorly if it comes up. Bless you! ❤️

  462. Yes, so proud of her! And you! The teen years are rough and if you don’t fit the norm in some way (I have a teen with ADHD and another with anxiety/depression) it can be so very hard. She sounds like an amazing young woman and I wish her happiness and eventually, the love of some lucky girl.

    The phrase “happiest as your saddest kid” is so true. It just kills me when they aren’t doing well. I can’t imagine being the kind of parent that contributes to the unhappiness of my children. Kudos to you and Victor for being the support system she needs.

  463. She is a very lucky young woman to have parents to love and support her so honestly and strongly. This will make her stronger as she creates the life that is meant for her. Thank you, and Hailey, for sharing this with us.

  464. This is beautiful. You made me cry. My parents were completely accepting of my pansexuality and it really helped me by letting me just be. It was already such a confusing thing to have to deal with internally so they completely helped me just deal by accepting and loving me. That’s all kids need. Love and acceptance. You guys are so awesome. Big hugs!

  465. This sounds like exactly what happened in our house, although I’m not a few years into the future yet. I’ve been bisexual all my life and have told my kids all of theirs that they can love who they want, but I’m afraid that living in a super-religious small southern city gave my daughter ideas that it wasn’t okay. She is 11 and recently told me she was gay and I was nonchalant about it just because I wanted her to know that it wasn’t something I was upset about or even thought it was a big deal. I don’t think our sexuality should define us (although I do see the need to be open and proud in combating prejudices). I just want her to be her. Maybe I’m wrong? I wish there was a parenting handbook. sigh

  466. Very proud of her, vicariously. It feels weird to be proud of the daughter of a friend that I’ve never met, but I think you will get it. Hopefully, so will she. I’m a 53 year old straight white woman from the South and I think she’s pretty dang amazing. And, as I said on Facebook, I want her t-shirt! She’s growing into the person she’s supposed to be and doing it beautifully.

  467. I’m with you, Jenny! Why should it matter who our kids love/are attracted to? I also may have ruined my daughter’s sharing of her status. We do the best we can. Parenting is hard. Hailey is amazing and we love her.

  468. My amazing daughter came out to me in 6th grade. Her friends and family know, we go to pride and have a rainbow bumper sticker. I am also queer, and her oldest bother is gay, but still she knew by 4th grade she was a lesbian but didn’t tell me until 6th. Actually, I think she tried to come out to me in 5th grade, but I didn’t understand the subtle hints, unfortunately. Anyway, our daughter are the best lesbians ever and will eventually take over the world. I, for one, can’t wait to welcome out lesbian overlords.

  469. Everyone should be allowed to be their best self, not who everyone else expects them to be,but who they are. Hailey is so beyond lucky she has you and Victor for parents so she can grow and blossom as she’s meant to be. I love you, I love that your daughter is such a graceful young woman, and love the most that she can talk to you both and just be her most perfect self, just as she is. Love is love, just as it should be.

  470. That is fucking amazing. Despite all the fuck ups (because when you only have one child, everything is kind of an experiment because you’re going through this for the first and only time ever), y’all are clearly doing something right. 😀

    Y’all handled it way better than I am currently handling my own teenager’s issue. He has a thing, apparently, for pregnant women porn. And I have NO idea WTF to do about THAT because he’s 14.

  471. Jenny, the way your love and pride in Hailey shines through in your posts is so beautiful. Thank you both for sharing this, hearing other people telling their stories is so important for those of us who are still figuring it out.

  472. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us, Hailey, and for trusting your mom and us with your truth. What a privilege it is to know and share in your story and your journey! You have more strength and confidence than most do at your age, and I hope you’ll find support and love wherever you go. Jenny, you’re doing a marvelous job as a parent and I appreciate you sharing your side of things with us as well. There are lots of resources for LGTBQ youth in San Antonio, should you need them, and of course here in Austin as well. I edit my friend Emily’s blog, http://www.profilesinpride.com, and she’s based in SA and would be a badass contact, if you needed to connect with someone nearby! Proud of you, Hailey, keep being your true beautiful self, the world needs more authentic, lovely people like you. 💜

  473. When my kid came out to me, she came into the livingroom marching. She announced, “Mom, I have something to tell you.”
    It seemed important so, I don’t remember if it was an art project or s laptop, but I put it aside to give her my undivided attention and said, okay.
    “Mom, I’m gender fluid and pansexual.”
    “Okay,” I said, “I get gender fluid. What do you mean by pansexual?”
    “Gender and gender identity don’t influence who I attracted to. I could date anyone.”
    “Okay, cool.” We stared at each other for a few beats. “Anything else?”
    “Umm, no…”
    I nodded and went back to whatever I was doing. She turned and went back to her room where she and her friends boggled at how well I had taken it. Evidently my reaction was not the norm.

    @katy_del_moxie

  474. I LONG for the days when people can just be who they are (race, religion, sexuality, etc) and the haters just go away, or they become the silent minority. Hailey, i am pleased you know who you are & are trying all the amazing things you love, to find out where you will fit in this crazy world of ours. uROCK!

  475. ❤️❤️❤️ Reading this and all the comments that follow give me hope that we really are evolving into a nonjudgmental, loving, inclusive world. Thank you for that and so much more.

  476. Your daughter is amazing. And you and Victor are doing it right. Love to all.

  477. When my kid came out to me in the 7th grade, she came into the livingroom marching. She announced, “Mom, I have something to tell you.”
    It seemed important so, I don’t remember if it was an art project or s laptop, but I put it aside to give her my undivided attention and said, okay.
    “Mom, I’m gender fluid and pansexual.”
    “Okay,” I said, “I get gender fluid. What do you mean by pansexual?”
    “Gender and gender identity don’t influence who I attracted to. I could date anyone.”
    “Okay, cool.” We stared at each other for a few beats. “Anything else?”
    “Umm, no…”
    I nodded and went back to whatever I was doing. She turned and went back to her room where she and her friends boggled at how well I had taken it. Evidently my reaction was not the norm.

    @katy_del_moxie

  478. You are a good mama and your daughter is beautiful. Hailey, you keep growing up and being the best you that you can be! You are loved.

  479. I’m a fan of your books and writing, just recently discovered your blog. One of the reasons I started a new blog was to discuss my son’s transition from being born a girl. Thank you for sharing. If you’re interested, check out finethanks.blog

  480. I would have done the same thing if one of my girls said that to me when she was 12. I would say the same thing if she was 30. It isn’t a big deal to me as a parent. She is still my daughter and I love her and want to protect her but she has to live in this world and not everyone will be nice about something that is none of their fucking business. I don’t understand with the preoccupation that some people have with what other people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms. If they aren’t hurting anyone, just fuck off and leave people alone. I know it is different in the US from Canada, thank Christ, but really take care of yourself before you throw stones at others.

  481. This is wonderful and go Hailey for being herself out loud!

    Also…WHEN DID HAILEY GROW UP SO MUCH?!? I found you in the Beyoncé the chicken era and I didn’t realize that was so long ago!

  482. (I’ve supported many AIDS rides since the 90s, and attended many Houston Pride parades.)

    Last year my girlfriend and I escorted my college roommate’s (now) daughter to he event. I’ve known her since childhood. She lives in a smaller town. I picked her up at grandma’s. We enjoyed walking around and sitting and watching the pre-parade festivities. She was mostly quiet, but you could feel her absorbing it. And then the fun of the parade.

    I know you’re not a crowd fan, but I’m sure Hailey would enjoy herself there, and I think you would too.

  485. Lady, you are fantastic & wonderful for knowing who you are at such a young age. I was in college before I realized all girls didn’t look at other girls the way I did. And that was in the 90s. I’m happy for any small thing I’ve done to make sure you have a society where you have support and love. I’m proud of you!

  487. I already posted on Facebook how beautiful your daughter is (and YOU are, don’t forget) inside and out, but just wanted to add it here as well. I’m bi. I’m even a smidge poly. Not as openly in some circles as I want to be, because I struggle to explain it to people who don’t understand this because I’m married to a man, or they might be fine with it but assume I’m lucky to not have to deal with it the same way. And that may be true. But my point is that you, sharing that about yourself on top of everything else you’ve been so brave to share is amazing. And it’s completely obvious why your daughter is the awesome sauce she is, with a mom that not afraid to be who she is, no matter how out there. Because it turns out there’s a lot of us weirdos around, and people who don’t fit the boxes others define. And that’s fantastic. (Yes, Doctor Who reference) <3

  488. I’m very glad that Hailey can openly be her authentic self with her parents supporting her! That is so huge. When I came out to my parents (bi), they were supportive. But they didn’t understand how someone who is bi would be married to a person of the opposite sex for so long and so completely. They had unquestioningly assumed I was straight and I never corrected them. It just didn’t come up. I had to explain that being bisexual is a matter of attraction, not behavior. I’m still not sure they entirely get it. But the difference is that I’m a middle-aged woman, and much more secure with myself than most teens, so it isn’t quite as necessary that they “get it”. Congratulations to the whole fam damily for handling this well.

  490. So Proud! Impressed, even, that at such a tumultuous time, she has that much faith in herself to share her true self with even a small part of the world. I’m still working on that and I’m 36. Sending so much Love and Support to all of you. XOXOXO

  491. Hailey sounds like such an awesome person!! Add me to the list of people who support and admire her! <3

  492. Supporting our children is the best love we can give them, especially when they’re being who they are. Hugs to you all! ♥️♥️♥️

  493. Love you and love to Hailey! Also to Hailey: welcome to the club. You might get lonely sometimes, but we are everywhere. Hugs.

  494. This. Is. Magnificent. For.someone with a broken brain, you sure do get a lot of things righter than most folks. Well done Mama!

  495. “You are only as happy as your saddest child.” YES! As the parent of an adult child who suffers from depression this could not be more true. I hope the overwhelmingly positive response to this post has been reassuring for you and Hailey, and that you both know how much you are loved by so many of us.

  496. My 9 year old daughter came out to her dad and me a few months ago and our response was much the same as yours. It wasn’t a big deal to us but it was to her. She wants to talk all about it and go to Pride and tell everyone. She’s brave as fuck and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. She’s my hero. Tell Hailey thank you for being brave enough to live her truth and for being a role model for my daughter. And, big thanks to you and Victor for sharing her with us. 🙂

  498. Being open, being honest, being tolerant and loving….that’s what we can do as parents. You are doing AMAZING. And Hailey is clearly a super awesome human! Having supportive and loving parents who do their best is only going to make her journey that much more fantastic, and when it’s hard, she’ll know you’re there to help her get over any hurdles.

  499. One of my girls last year (then 12) asked me what I would say if she were “possibly bi or maybe gay or maybe asexual…?”. I said, ” Honey, we’ve had this discussion before. You know I don’t care, and I will fully support you. “. Her: YOU ARE TRULY THE BEST MOM EVER. She was just so happy. She loved my nonchalance because it just confirmed to her that it was truly no big deal–at least to her parents. She (and her older sister–with whom I ‘d had a similar conversation previously that year) apparently have some friends with VERY judgemental parents. The fact that is was NOT a big deal to me–was a very big deal to them! ALL MY LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL DAUGHTER!

  502. Hailey is a beautifully strong young woman. I am so happy that she is happy and that you are all happy. Isn’t that what we all want? For our children to be happy. May she be blessed with a long life of holding on to her happiness. Sorry for all the “happy” but what other word is there?

  503. Awwww! Sweetie! To Hailey: I’m happy for you that you have loving, supportiveb parents. Maybe it’s a bit odd that so many internet strangers are happy for you, and supportive of you, but I think maybe it’s also a beautiful thing. I’ve seen you growing up through your mom’s eyes, (which is fun because you’re the same age as my oldest kid), but this is a part of you that is uniquely YOU. Thank you for sharing this, and I wish you all the joy in the world.

  504. Nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said, I’m sure! Good job both of you. <3 be you and do what helps you be comfortable in your skin. People who let themselves be themselves help make the world a better place.

  505. May Hailey have a life filled with love and happiness and nobody being terrible to her. I’m glad she is growing up in such a great family. She is amazing!

  506. You be you Hailey, and the world will just have to accept it. You have an amazing set of parents and I’m so thankful this wasn’t a battle or disbelief for you. It takes strength to know who you are. 💕

  507. It’s funny that you and I went through such similar things. My oldest daughter is smart, beautiful, passionate, artistic and funny, and as she got older I figured she might be gay, bisexual or somewhere on the spectrum other than 100% straight. By her senior year in 2008, there was one day when she took a deep breath and told me she liked girls. My response was, “Oh, okay. That’s totally fine.” (I was so relieved that was all; based on the way she was bracing herself to tell me, I worried it might be something bad. LGBTQ was not a problem at all.)

    To me, I was accepting her as she was without any reservations. But to her, it came across as “I don’t believe you” and “I don’t take seriously what’s important to you.”

    Momming a teen is tough sometimes. They are more tender and vulnerable than they (or we) really realize.

    She dated a few girls and a few boys. Some were girls in transition to being boys. Her high school treated her and her date well at the prom, to my surprise and gratitude. I just want her to be treated with respect and to be loved. Right now, she’s dating a guy, which is also fine.

    I am so happy for your daughter, though, that she has a supportive and loving family who normalize her sexuality as just one aspect of who she is, not something to be gawked at or dreaded or pried into.

    High-five, mama! And papa!

  508. So much love to Hailey the Great and her awesome parents. I remember catching a glimpse of Hailey and Victor at BookPeople last time I saw you and thanking both of them for sharing you with us. Thank you to Hailey for sharing herself. I’m filled with joy to know we have such an awesome young woman here in Central Texas and the world!!

  509. Hailey is smart and beautiful and has a fantastic mom. What else could she want?

  510. Thank you for sharing her story. Brought tears of joy to my eyes and reminded me the power of acceptance and love.

  511. Amazing daughter. Amazing mom. Amazing dad. Amazing life. Wishing all love you and yours and hoping the future holds much laughter and love and adventure.

  512. Congratulations, you’re an incredible family and Hailey is a fabulous girl #LovelsLove #PRIDE

  513. first, I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. an official welcome to the LGBTQIA+ family, Hailey. I’ve been out since 1980 and the world still isn’t what I would have it be for you, but we’ve inched it a little closer. were I a literal ‘fairy’ godmother, I would gift you with all the good the world has to offer.

    and to your parents: thank you. thank you for being what we hope all parents will be. thank you for showing the world how to love and accept a perfect daughter.

    you are all 3 a wonderful bright spot today.

  514. I have read your blog for years. I have admired more about you than most people in my life. Your intellect and mental explorations are epic. I have related to you on levels I didn’t know possible. The fact that you can put these thoughts to paper in such a humorous and thoughtful, raw and honest way puts you truly in a class of your own. The fact that you were so eager to let Haley know you were ok with this, then the realization that you, we, in our efforts to give truck loads of love & understanding can still miss the mark just a bit in excessive support and acceptance! LOL! This parenting thing is tough on us geeky thinkers. Rest assured Haley will thrive. You are F’g amazing and you have won my coveted Personal Pulitzer for several years running even though I’m not sure you’re not supposed to get more than one of those, no matter. It’s mine to give. I didn’t come out till I was 46, by the way, so while I don’t want a new mom it woulda been cool if I thought mine would have said pass the syrup. If you’re ever in Ventura and don’t feel like you need to stay in your hidey hole or even if you do, I’d be happy to present your Pulitzer (prize to be determined as I don’t have millions of dollars or my own magazine to put you on the front page and ostentacious ceremonies are just so…ostentatious, so maybe a nice pizza or fruit basket 😉 Much love to you and yours my friend who I’ll never meet but covet nonetheless 🙂

  515. Congratulations/yay/excellent/well done! Haley is an amazing kid and I’m honored that you (and she) have allowed us to see so much of her growing up. Also how amazing for ANYONE to put something so personal out there and get literally hundreds of positive comments? Amazing.

  516. I’m adore Hailey for who she is and I understand not making a big deal when she told you because I did the same thing when a friend told me and he was a little sad It wasn’t a bigger shock. I’m glad she feels more open and confident in telling her story. She amazing and it doesn’t matter who she loves.

  517. Kudos to you, Hailey, for being a bright, brave, talented young person. I’m so happy that you feel safe enough to come out and that times have changed enough for you to have supportive, amazing parents and a community that is not afraid to stand up for its young and old LGBTQA folk. Congratulations, Hailey! I hope you have a wonderful, charmed life full of love of all kinds and all the success you can handle.

  518. Jenny, I’m so glad she’s comfortable talking to you about this. There’s something so amazing and solid about affirmation that all parts of you are ok, including your sexual preferences. 🙂 Thank you for being you, and Hailey for being her. You’re both wonderful humans. <3

  519. This is such a fantastic story to hear & it’s so wonderful that you all have each other around for support & love. Thanks so much for sharing it as I’m sure it’ll mean a lot to many others.

  520. I think you did a great job with her announcement – as a parent, I, too, know that nothing one does is ever perfect cuz none of us are perfect and, besides, teens are gonna have strong (often conflicting) emotions about everything.

    As a former gay teen (and now a loud and proud married gay adult man), you said and did all the things I wish my parents had done for me. In our community, we try to celebrate and support our family and our family’s family. Thank you to you and Victor. And welcome to Hailey.

    Someone get that young woman a toaster!

  521. Hailey is one of those amazing young people that give me faith that maybe everything will be “okay”, and that I should stop hoping for that comet to hit us.
    And you are one of those amazing parents that care enough to raise a child as fierce as Hailey.
    Thank your whole family for us.

  523. I give your daughter kudos for understanding who she is at such a young age. I didn’t come out 100% until I was 34, and I’m 35 now. I kept it hidden from most people for so long (including my parents) and it ate me up inside. Your lovely daughter is a strong woman and one day she will have the inner strength to go to a Pride weekend celebration. It’s more than just a parade; it’s a celebration of likeness and understanding and most importantly, love. We are free to be who we are without fear of judgement. The mild amount of protestors that attend Pride events are proof that we still have a ways to go in this world regarding full support of the LGBTQ community but we have made huge strides in the forward direction. The first time she attends a Pride event she may feel overwhelmed but once she sees the sheer glee on everyone’s faces she’ll feel right at home. It’s invigorating to be out and proud but it takes some steps to get there and she will get there. I’m more proud of her than I ever thought I could be. She’s a strong woman who has the world at her fingertips. She will make the most amazing girlfriend to anyone she sets her sights on. The first step is the hardest and she’s now over that hurdle. The rest is much easier and she will have the time of her life.

  524. Oh! I’m so proud of you both! Why is my nose all Rudolph all of a sudden…? xoxoxo

  526. I have two gay cousins, gay friends, a person who is a lesbian is one of my best friends, I worked at a company where 90 percent of upper management were lesbians. Some gay men. I’ve known as number of gay men to die from AIDS related issues. One college friend came out to me and he was more upset that I had already figured that out (along with most of the rest of his friends.) He is one that died a long time ago.

    So I have zero issue with your daughter being a lesbian, you being Bi, or anyone else. And you can say “fuck you” to those that do have an issue with it. But you can also say, “fuck you” to me or anyone that doesn’t. Because our opinions and beliefs don’t matter. It really comes down to how your daughter feels about it, and to a lesser extent, but helpful, you and your husband.

    The issue I have, is anyone who says “it’s a choice.” Who the fuck would chose a life where family and friends might abandon you, or worse, people want to do you physically harm. When I was younger, thinner and more metrosexual, I had threatening calls of “faggot” on the street walking home. It’s not a good feeling, and not one I would choose.

  527. Don’t beat yourself up to much about how you handled her coming out. For you it wasn’t a big deal and sometimes we feel that we need to show that by being blasé about a typically sensitive subject. I am glad that you have talked about it and that she is feeling more comfortable with herself. The continued support she gets from her family growing up is more important then how a moment is handled!

  528. ::standing wildly clapping:: BRAVA!!!!! The fact that she was comfortable coming out to you is indicative of her wonderful parents. I applaud you! As someone who has fought for gay rights, I love how you let her come out in her own way, her own time. Congratulations on a loving family!

  529. Hailey is perfect. Just like her mother.

    And you’re right, teenagers are HARD and middle school can totally suck, but if I had to do middle school over again, you are exactly who I would want to be in my corner.

  530. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with total strangers. It makes us all feel good about being “strangers” ourselves ;). My 14 year old son was diagnosed with Asperger’s when he was 5. We have celebrated and paraded and worn the t shirts for years as a family and he is comfortable with who he is in all facets as a teen. I don’t know if it has been a series of good decisons or bad but I can say that I am seeing him as a fine young man who has been bully proof despite his differences. H

  531. Hailey is perfect. Just like her mother.

    And you’re right, teenagers are HARD and middle school can totally suck, but if I had to do middle school over again, you are exactly who I would want to be in my corner.

  532. Beautiful ladies thankyou for sharing your journey. Such love and support is a beautiful thing.

  533. I may or may not have teared up while reading this. I didn’t have a fraction of that confidence or self-awareness when I was that age. Some days I still don’t. Maybe it’s weird to have role models that are younger than you are, but why the hell not?

  534. I love alll of this! Hailey is an amazing young woman. Her parents are wonderful too!

  536. This is beautiful. Hailey is beautiful. You and Victor are beautiful. Thank you.
    My daughter is 12. Some of her friends are coming out. Some have families who are supportive. Some.. not quite as much. My daughter knows that our home is supportive for all.

  538. Hailey you are amazing! I went to high school in the late 90s and I never came out because it was so different then. The progress that we’ve made a society since then sometimes truly flabbergasts me, and I’m so happy that you can live your truth. I’ve been reading this blog for a few years now, and sort of watched you grow up Hailey! It has been a privilege to see the wonderful person you are becoming. ♥️

  539. Jennifer, you are amazing and clearly you have passed those genes down. I’m sure Victor’s portion of DNA was adequate.:)

  540. I so want to fangirl on all of you. This post made my heart both squeeze and expand. You are right that it is weird that we have celebrate with PRIDE events, but it is also important that we do. I think you handled it fine – because I’d bet a gazillion dollars you two had already spoken about how hard it is to be a teenager, different, both, etc. Her sexuality may make her life harder right now, but truly, anything separating you from the teenage herd makes life harder. It’s the degree that makes all the difference. She knows she is loved unconditionally.

  541. FUCK YES.

    To this entire thing.

    Fuck yes.

    She’s brave, even though she shouldn’t have to be. You’re brave, and you don’t have to be. I love all of this so so very much. <3 <3 <3

  542. I have 4 kids, who are currently all teenagers and just want to say that you are absolutely right that it’s hard. All we can do is try our best and, when we inevitably fuck something up, do our best to make it right and do better next time. For me, it’s hard to give them the freedom that I think they want, while still trying to encourage them to be good people (and grow into good adults). Anyway, from the bits you show us here on the blog and in your books, I think it’s pretty clear that you and Victor are loving, wonderful parents and Hailey is a pretty awesome kid (and learning opera is most much more likely to be useful than learning cursive).

  544. My daughter informed me she is bi-sexual at 11 years old. I am fully on board but did mention to her that she was very young and that these types of concepts/labels are fluid. I told her I fully support whoever she loves but did also caution her about possible reactions from others and the world in general. I told her that if she could love herself even half as much as I love her she would be fine and dandy but like you I worried early on that it might be a phase. She has a strong groups of friends of all sexual orientations. I am so respectful of you and Hailey for sharing her story and I am going to let her read this one.

  545. 1) Thank you, Hailey, for sharing.
    I know that this was really scary, and hard, and scary.
    This changes nothing about how the people that look forward to hearing your exploits feel about you.
    And
    2) “You’re only as happy as your saddest child, after all.”
    Jenny, I would LOVE to tell you that this gets better, as your children get older.
    But, that would be a lie, and I cannot abide liars.
    My babies are well over twice the age as Hailey, and they are going through some really difficult,, very scary, life changing things, and are very NOT HAPPY.
    Ergo, I am NOT HAPPY.
    Yes, I am caps lock emotional, at the moment.
    But, that is okay.
    We will get through this.
    Because, it is what Moms do.
    High five, fellow Mom.

  546. When the world seems filled with a few too many very loud assholes… you make things better.

    May love always win.

    Xox to you and Victor and Hailey

  547. Rock on, Hailey. Hugs to all of you and your parents – you are clearly going to be an amazing woman. (Not that you aren’t already).

  548. That must have been very difficult for her – she’s very brave. I’m glad you and Victor are there to help her learn to forge her way in a society that is still not as accepting as it should be. I look forward to her changing it to suit her needs. I don’t have any tacos, but she’s very pretty. 🙂

  549. In 1st grade I started noticing girls. I told my mom freshmen year of high school I was bisexual an she laughed at first. So I think you are doing much better than my mom did. Early support is important.

    It took me till just recently, 30, to figure out I actually only like women and had just been doing what I thought I was suppose to. Get married an have babies.

  550. We don’t know her but we care about her, she is our child, also. It takes a village, right? (Though your village is paying her expenses) Maybe it’s the teacher in me but I wish all children knew they are worthy of love and should be loved for who they are. Quite frankly, what ever your age, we could all use that reminder.

  551. You guys are such amazing parents. I think we all feel we are fucking up all the time. It’s normal. You are doing a wonderful job raising Hailey. I am proud of her for being brave enouh to speak her truth, to be who she truly is. I grew up in a formerly ultra-conservative family. They became progressive Democrats because of President Obama, but long after I realized I was Bi. I knew when I was a bit younger than Hailey. I am happy that your daughter has support I didn’t. Today, I am a married lady. My husband and I share a daughter. If the day comes that she tells me that she is a lesbian, she will absolutely have our love and support, no questions asked. 😊

  552. Yes, MA’AM, I am proud of Hailey. And her parents. Good on all of you! xoxoxo

  554. Hooray for differences! I didn’t come out until 35, so I’m super delighted that Hailey is out now, and doesn’t have to hide her real self. Love to all three of you.

  556. Our stories are so similar it’s eerie but I couldn’t have written it as beautifully as you did. ❤️

  557. As I told my daughter when she came out: It is not who you love, or how you love, but that you love.

  558. Just when I thought that I couldn’t love you any more than I already do! I am so full of admiration for your ability to be openly bi, and I think Hailey is a tremendously talented, beautiful and fascinating person. The fact that she can come out as a lesbian at 14 AND the fact that she felt that she could tell you over breakfast at 12 makes my heart ache and swell with joy and a bit of envy too. I didn’t have the courage to come out as a lesbian until I was 49 and my parents were gone. You and Victor must be fantastic parents to have raised such a daughter. And the fact that you know Lady-Love makes you all that more wonderful to me! You are truly my heroine!

  560. So proud of you all. I can’t imagine not accepting a child–your child–for who he is, but I know it happens too often. So glad it didn’t happen to Hailey. Remind her she’s one of a bunch of amazing people. When I grow up, I want to be Rachel Maddow!

  562. Those cheek bones are killing me! Where did she get that bone structure? Any drag queen would give their best wig for those (and the eyebrows). Also, I want to be Hailey when I grow up. Please tell her to love her journey. As a great poet once told me, “Everything is exactly as you need it to be right now.”

  563. Congrats on being out beautiful girl. May you always be loved and accepted for who you are.

  564. Jenny, thank you so much for sharing Hailey’s story with us. We mom’s (and dad’s) are far from perfect. We’re mostly fucked up ourselves and trying to navigate the teen years for the second time in our lives! I am the mother of a gay angel son and i remember when I screwed up with him. I knew something was up, he wasn’t “himself,” so i started asking questions: are you in trouble with the law, with the police, are you doing drugs(yes), are you gay – my responses to all of his answers were “ok.” The WRONG answer – because that’s why he came out on social media. He said when i asked him if he was gay, I said ok like i was relieved. Couldn’t have been farther from the truth! I was more worried about the first 3 questions! Turns out, coming out, being gay and becoming an uncle were the best things in his life. The question I failed to answer was about his mental health. That was 2014 – we lost him to in June last year to suicide. Moral of my story I guess is this, as parents, we never really know how to act or react. We just do our best and we love completely without judgement or prejudice and with fierce conviction. And now his beautiful niece (my granddaughter) who’s 4, goes to “Rainbow” parades for her Uncle Nicky because he loves rainbows and smiles from heaven. Live your best life and live it with joy in your heart, Hailey!

  565. We’ve all been so lucky to get to see Hailey grow up into the amazing young person that she is today. I’m so honoured to get to read this part of Hailey’s story. Thank you for being an amazing parent who is raising the kind of child who gives us all hope for the future.

    And if anyone is being mean, I will throat punch them for you.

  566. This is excellent news! Congratulations Hailey for living out and proud! I so wish I could do the same. I’m 40 years old and my parents and family still don’t know I’m bisexual, nor do a lot of my family friends….nor do my children (I’m partnered with a man). It’s pretty tough. I wish I could be out, and am taking baby steps in that direction. I applaud your awesome truth and am cheering wildly for you and your awesome parents!

  569. Solid alternate title. I went to my first Pride Parade this summer and it was just ridonkulous enthusiasm, joyful screaming, and Lady Gaga blaring. It was contagious in a great way. But at the same time a vendor off the parade route was like “Meh. What’s to scream about. I’ve been out since I was fifteen.” Some people gotta scream and wear glitter though 🙂 https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2018/06/29/little-adventures-pride/

  570. Hailey: Being yourself isn’t always going to be easy, but it is THE pathway to happiness. And that’s true for everyone, no matter who they are and who they love. Always listen to yourself, like you do, and you’ll get a lot more right than you get wrong. And when you’re ready, we’re waiting for you at the parade. ❤💜💙💚💛

  571. Our daughter is gay, too, and we couldn’t be more proud of her. Like you, I minimized it when she told us because I was all good with it. I am grateful they are growing up in this world but feel like there is still so far to go. We’re moms, we worry. We have trouble with some of our family and realize now there were some comments by them before they knew that resulted in her having guilt about it. I was so mad! I’ll disown them in a heartbeat for my kid! This is her story and I am like you, struggling how and when to share. I don’t post pictures of her on Facebook any more. Not even that cute one at Pride for fear she’ll have negative backlash. It’s hard to know when to speak out and when you might make things harder, not easier for them. Thanks for posting today. I knew I liked you. 😉

  572. Good for you and Victor… and good for Hailey! Not everyone who comes out is lucky enough to have such caring, understanding, awesome parents. Good on you all!

  573. I too have a daughter that came out to us at 11 this year. We had about the same reaction. We told her no matter what, she is our daughter and we will always love her. And that we are here for her as she finds her self. She wanted to go to the Twin Cities Pride festival this year and we did, as a family. It was great to be able to show her support.
    Not all is perfect, she does seem to be struggling with some depression but we jumped on that right away and she now sees a therapist that is LGBTQ sensitive and works with adolescents. We are very fortunate to live in a city with access to all this.

  574. So much love to you, Hailey, and love to your family. insert standing ovation here ❤️❤️

  575. Much love to Hailey and you and Victor. Obviously you are all wonderful. But I don’t think you can do math. Hailey was only 8 the other day. I remember. Stop this 14 nonsense. Un-possible.

  576. My son came out as trans and bisexual two years ago. Parental support is vital. You are doing awesome.

  577. And, sweetheart, if things get ugly down there, come on up to Canada. Our politics are nice and boring, just like some of our citizens, but we’re good with that.

  578. All I have to say is Love. My boys are both LGBTQIA and I love them to pieces. Loving and supporting our kids is our job as parents. I’m always thrilled to see other pew who get that.

  579. Hailey is amazing. So are you & Victor. I grew up in an ultra conservative (Pentecostal) home & church & set out at 18 never to return. I imagine it is incredible and wonderful and just downright peaceful to have an accepting & supportive family. I’m so glad you all have each other.

    Thanks to Hailey for sharing her story 😺.

  580. Firstly, thank you for being such an amazing, accepting mom. Thanks to victor for being the same kind of dad. Thank you to hailey for having the courage to share with you who she is. I was much like hailey, in the sense that my parents were very accepting, as was almost everyone I told when I came out at 18. I lost one good friend, which hurt, because she was someone I considered to be a second mom, but because everyone else was so great, I knew it was her problem, bot mine. My parents, and many of my close friends (who were members of my temple congregation), marched for 10yrs in the San Diego Pride Parade, not because of me, but because there were many LGBTQ members of the congregation. My mom proudly carried a sign that said, “I love my lesbian daughter,” and she always did. Hell, when I came out, she told me she’d known for years…can’t put one over on a mom. It hasn’t always been easy, I’ve had strangers make nasty comments, but those strangers are few and far between, and I’ve held on to the “it’s their issue, not mine,” mentality. So many of my favorite stars are out now, and I think it helps to make people see the normalcy of it, and that above all, LOVE WINS. I wish hailey a life of love and happiness!!

  581. I think it’s so beautiful that you are raising a young woman comfortable with living her truth. I can’t wait to see where she goes in life. She’s going to do amazing things!

  582. Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl. I cried so hard reading this, both as a mom who worries about doing right by her kids and as an openly bisexual woman who could never have hoped to receive such a loving response from her parents. You’ve clearly done an amazing job with her and you must be so very proud of the young lady she’s become.

  584. So proud of Hailey!!! Thank you for sharing this. ❤️❤️
    Also, this line: “You’re only as happy as your saddest child, after all.” OOF, my heart. So true.

  585. I love everything about you and your family! Sending you three love from across the internet. 🙂
    We’ll fend off the shitty people who need to fuck off. You go enjoy spending time with your lovely daughter!

  586. loud applause! I had a similar experience with my teenager, although they ended up trying on a few different labels before they landed on the ones that felt most right to them. There are things I wish I had done slightly differently, but honestly just listening with love is all any parent needs to do for any child. It hurts my heart when they have admitted they were scared to tell me they wanted to try on another label, but I’ve realized that it’s not necessarily about any negativity that I’ve expressed; it’s about the negativity that so many people still face from their family and friends as well as strangers on the internet. There is still work to be done to make the world a safe space, even if we have made our homes a safe space.

  587. ‘Most amazingly cognizant parenting and caring and intelligent life-passaging I’ve ever born witness to. I’m Awed. I’m so happy for all of, for each of you, astonishing, lovely, loveable, complex, imperfect, and dear near-friends … thank you for your shared courage and much Joy to all/each of you. – Leslie

  588. This is the most beautiful love letter from a mom to a daughter. I know my mom loves me just as much as you love her. I’m not crying . . . you’re crying. <3
    -Caitlin

  589. Welcome to the tribe, Hailey! You are an amazing person. I am so impressed by your self confidence. Coming out is a big deal (even though it shouldn’t be… straight people don’t have to come out, after all). And most people don’t have famous writer moms who write about them. Yea for you for coming out to all of us who are fans of you (because of what your mom shares with us). I support you and cheer for you! And, p.s., it took me until I was 46 years old to figure out I’m gay; that’s when I came out. And, p.p.s, yea Jenny and Viktor!

  591. Much love to Hailey and her parents. There are millions fighting for a better world for all children and humans. If things get tough, remember that: you are NOT alone!

  592. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  593. As a Mama Bear of a proud queer daughter, I salute the journey your family is going on together. Love is love is love is love! <3

  594. She’s so lucky to have you and Victor. She is a beautiful person and I’m so glad she has love and support! This world is too hard without it. Jennifer A

  595. I suspect I would have responded the same way since it just wouldn’t matter to me as long as my child was happy. To me it would no more or less significant then the fact that I have one daughter with brown hair and one with blond. It just is and it’s all good.

  596. Wow now I wish I were maybe 14 or 15 and gay and a girl (ok, i am a girl) so i could be the lucky person getting to fall in love with your daughter in a few years. She is going to be a force of good to be reckoned with in this world. Thank you for sharing her with us. And Hailey, thanks for letting your mom share you. I work at a school and I’m priviledge to see many kids become themselves over the years. What a treat!

  598. Good job Jenny and Victor for handling the situation like amazing supportive parents and congratulations Hailey for being brave enough to be exactly who you are!

  599. She is lucky to have you as parents. She is a smart, beautiful girl and she will go far in life.
    When my son came out to me I had the same reaction… it was like… ok, pass the salt.

  600. this 61-year-old lesbian welcomes hailey into our fold! i encourage her to read our history…uh, herstory!

  603. I have watched your beautiful, sweet, compassionate, empathetic, kind, loving Hailey growing into this extraordinary young woman, because you’ve so generously shared your life with people who’ve come to love you and your precious family. She is a stunning warrior and champion for gracefully living your life on your own terms, while respecting and supporting others. Through your books, writings, and candor on social media know life hasn’t always been easy and you’ve had some monumental things to work through, but I’ll tell you this, in times when the depression is lying and telling you that you fucked up everything you’ve ever touched, look at your Hailey until it sinks back in that you and Victor have raised that incredible being to be a strong, exceptional person. She is that and so much more.

  604. SOOO much love to each of you. Hailey, you are tremendously brave, and thank you so much for allowing your story to be shared with us. Jenny, you and Victor are incredible parents, and it’s such a beautiful thing that your family loves and supports one another the way it does. This is how acceptance and inclusiveness ripples outward and gives strength to others. I wish I could hug you all in person.

  605. Thank you for sharing. My kids are young and have not expressed a sexual preference yet. My husband and I would also be very accepting of whatever makes them happy. I appreciate reading this as it gives me another perspective into how to best navigate those conversations with my kids. Thank you Hailey and Jenny!

  606. How lucky she is to have parents like you and your husband. And how lucky you are to have a strong, brave, beautiful daughter.

  607. Hailey is such an amazing person! How great it must be to have a wonderful daughter. ❤️ To all of you.

  609. The world has changed so much since i came out to my family. It took a while for them to understand what it was all about. Your daughter is a pretty special person and so are you! I am so happy to see that society has changed some of their beliefs and have overall become more accepting. Hailey , you are an amazing person and you deserve to be happy.

  610. You’re an awesome mom! You and Hailey and Victor are all lucky to have each other to talk through this kind of thing in its own evolving, messy way. You’re right – it’s not a big deal and it is a big deal, all at the same time 🙂

    I do have a question… you say she’s 14 and too young to date? I hadn’t heard that before, is that a texas thing? Kids here (ontario, canada) go on cute young dates – a movie, a neighbourhood event, etc – much younger than that, with occasional hand holding and the odd kiss (or adorable kiss, or awkward kiss, sweet memories!). Is it that Hailey feels too young herself, not ready? or is it a common rule that parents make? I have one kid older than her and one kid younger… just trying to sort this all out myself. thanks xo

  611. Just started reading This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids by Kristin Russo and Danielle Owens-Reid. Excellent if your child has just come out to you or if you suspect they are LGBTQ+. We too acted like it was no big deal trying to be open and loving but to him it WAS a big deal. I wish I’d done things differently, reacted differently but I was trying so hard to show him it wasn’t a big deal. I just keep repeating that I love him always and forever no matter what his life choices or who he loves

  612. My teen just read this and said “OMG, you had a more weird reaction to my coming out than Jenny Lawson!” In my defense, she waited until I was drunk, and I still think advising her that men and women are both fine to love but not farm animals.

  613. I love the word PRIDE. It has so many means. Take pride in the things you do, who you are, and what you believe in.

  614. How lucky she is to have parents like you. And how lucky you are to have such a brace, strong, beautiful daughter.

  615. This makes me so happy. Not whether Hailey is a lesbian, although that’s also awesome, but that she was & is ready to be seen and known for who she truly is. You and Victor are fantastic parents, even when you’re not sure if you’re doing it exactly right. In fact, it’s that very uncertainty that makes you two particularly great at it.

  617. Beautifully said but…..can’t write in cursive!?! Oh…the horror! Bwhaaaaaaaa!!! (But seriously can’t?)

  618. She’s still beautiful inside and out. May the world continue to evolve in good ways! it is amazing how different and better some things are compared to 30 years ago.

  619. Karen Lowry I recommend the book I mentioned above This is a book for parents of gay kids.

  620. So proud of Hailey. So grateful she allowed you to share with us. So thankful she has you and Victor as parents who love and support her. I’m going to go cry some more happy tears now!

  621. Yeah to your whole family for showing the world how to love. No strings attached. Love you even more than I did before.

  623. She’s amazing just like the parents that brought her into this world. Thanks to Hailey for letting you share this part of her story with us.

  624. A few years ago my friend/business partner’s daughter told her mother she was gay. Then she said she decided she’s bisexual. Then she said she is pansexual (had to look that one up). Now she is almost 21, has settled on definitely gay and in a relationship. The scary part was telling her father who took it better than we anticipated. Love wins!

  625. You’re doing fan-fucking-tastic, dear Jenni! I’m the proud Mom of 3 grown men and the 1 in the middle just got engaged to a terrific guy! It can’t always be easy for him, but our family accepts him 100%, and we hope it helps support him when someone acts like an asshole. Love is love!

  626. You and Victor are such wonderful open people. I was in high school in the seventies and a theatre major. So many of my good friend batted for the home team, but at that time, a person would have NEVER “come out”. One of my very dear friends was estranged by his father after telling his parents. He has since passed and it wasn’t until he was terminal that his father accepted him again. Love Hailey for all the wonderful things she is. Just like we love you.

  627. I’m a Christian and it makes me FURIOUS that people are lying to other people in the name of my God. God loves Hailey. God loves everyone on this page. God loves everyone! If anyone says differently, then THEY are lying and they don’t know what God is all about (and they should read their Bibles). Hailey sounds like an amazing young women and you are all doing a wonderful job as parents.

  628. Hailey thank you for sharing your story with us.

    We love you.

    We are proud of you.

    We believe in you.

    We accept you.

  632. Opera lessons?!?!? That is so cool!!! Hailey, please pass the jam.

    {{{hugs}}}

  634. Your daughter is amazing. You are amazing. This post is beautiful!! Thank you both for sharing this precious journey and for making my heart smile. 💕💕

  635. 😭😭😭😭 Congrats to all of you for being so awesome! I’m 35 and still haven’t come out as big to my parents. I’m married to a guy, so it doesn’t come up, but my mom is extremely reactionary. Thank you for being someone your child can be their true self around. ❤

  636. Hailey is an awesome young woman, you and Victor have also given her tools and life skills that far too many of her peers haven’t had yet. I wish her joy and love, friendship and fulfillment.

  637. Hooray! Welcome to the family kiddo! Like any family there can be bad seeds amongst all the good, and like any community there are people who think they need to be gatekeepers. You don’t need to listen to them. There is no ‘right’ way to be gay, to be queer, to be bi. You decide where you belong and for every person that tries to tell you that you don’t I promise there will be many more who will support you.

    Just follow your heart – which I know won’t be a problem for you – and don’t let anyone else define you, which I don’t think will be a problem for you either but sometimes even the strongest of us have our moments.

    And thank you for making our community that much more special and unique. In the words of Captain Holt “Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place, so thank you.”

  638. After years of “knowing”, my stepson finally came out to his dad. He was 34. I’m sad he couldn’t do it sooner but given my husband’s family history (lots of bigots in that family tree), I was so proud of hubby for being a good father and taking it in stride. We have many people in our families who have come out and the result has always been of love and support. I am not surprised you were casual about it, but I’m glad you are such wonderful support for her as she moves through life, regardless of who she loves. Yay love!!

  639. My amazing niece just married her partner and I’ve never seen her happier! Love is love and if you can’t love a person for who they are you are not worthy.

  640. We are here for all of you. Victor, you (you beauty! ), your lovely-talented Hailey, Rollie, Ferris, Hunter, and Dottie.
    Should you need us, just pick our hive-family-mind and we will help.
    And send you lots of otter gifs.

    Love to you all!

    E

  641. How wonderful that Hailey has you and Victor! I am so happy for all of you, truly. Let me tell you an alternate story: When I was a teenager, I sat on the living room floor and told my parents I was gay. My mother ran out of the room and literally TOOK TO HER BED. Then they threw me out of the house and out of the family. I lived in my car until some sweet friends took me in. I managed to get a job and moved in with a coworker. I survived, but I was devastated by my parents betrayal. I used the little money I had to send Christmas presents to my parents. Which they promptly sent back. With a hate letter included. The emotional triage it took to put me back together was, well, a lot. I have a wonderful life now, but they never, not once, apologized or made amends. I forgave them so I could get on with life. Hailey is so lucky and couldn’t ask for a better mom. What happened to me changed my world forever, and the love and support you’ve shown Hailey will shape her into the most magnificient woman she can become. It matters more than I have words here to express. Much much love.

  642. Being who you are can be hard at any age, but at 14 it can be especially tough. Your post made me happy, because love makes me happy. Love to you, Victor, and most of all, Hailey.

  643. I wish that Hayley wasn’t lucky, that being supported for who you love wasn’t a point of contention. But in the real world here and now, being loved and accepted is something lucky. So I am gl that Hayley is lucky and that other children and parents will see this and perhaps some other people will be lucky too.

    Oh, and I think that screwing up in some of our kids big moments is just part of being a parent.

  645. Except for the name and a few small details, this could be the story of me and my daughter. My daughter also told me when she was 12 that she is gay. And now, at 14, she is openly out — on her terms, having posted an announcement on Instragram a few months ago. She, too, has a great group of friends, is very much supported, and too young to date. I’m immensely proud of her and all the kids who have the courage to be themselves in a world that isn’t all that often very accepting.

  646. As a 49 year old dad with a daughter that out of the blue started having daily seizures 2 weeks into high school, I know how thoughtless and mean kids can be. I am so glad she has a lot of love and support around her. She truly has way more courage than I had at that age. It’s your life so you do what makes you happy.

  647. I would also note that the ‘trying on labels’ really is about discovering someone you are attracted to who doesn’t fit your previous one. It isn’t about the label, it is about discovering something new about yourself. I our society we find our tribe and subculture by labels and hashtags, but it isn’t about the label – it is people finding other people that they fall in love with. I would refer you to the bonobo, our close cousins 😉

  648. <3
    I’m still not out to my parents as the clusterfuck of queer I am (I mean, coming out while including a long lecture I KNOW they won’t get? Uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh) so I’m so happy for your family 😀

  650. Wow, go Hailey! I’m 16, pan, and openly non-binary. I totally get how big of a deal it can feel like, even in a supportive community. When I came out to my parents, they thought pretty much nothing of it. I was terrified, I even ended up crying. But I knew they would be fine with it, it was just so… Huge. Odds are she’ll find someone almost as amazing as she is. Oh, and happy national coming out day! (Even though that’s the day after tomorrow)

  652. Sooo. I’m a happily married lesbian mom of two sons. You’d think I would be prepared. But nope. Son #1 came out as gay in a school assignment. We weren’t sure how much or how little to comment. Son #2 sat down and told us he is bi a year later. We still didn’t know how we were supposed to react. So we just kept folding clothes and sai, “OK, cool.”

  655. Hailey, you are an amazing and beautiful person, inside and out. I look forward to hearing your girlfriend stories and all about your future adventures. Through your mother, I’ve come to like and admire you, and I want to say that watching you become yourself is like watching a brilliant star shining in the night sky.

  656. You’ve you raised such a strong and confident young woman and it’s absolutely amazing! You and Victor have every right to be so proud. And thank you to Hailey for being brave and being herself. It’s a wonderful sight to see. Ya’ll are wondeful human beings <3

  657. I came out to my parents when I was in middle school. They insisted that I wasn’t gay and that I just didn’t know myself well enough. It would be another 20 years and a lot of living with a sense of wrongness before I came out and started living my life as the lesbian I’d always been. Thank you, for not doing that to your daughter, for seeing her and believing her and loving her as she is.

  660. Simply beautiful! And she’s an amazing young woman because she has amazing parents – love to all of you!!

  661. Thank you for loving your daughter as she is … and sharing her (and her truth) with us. She’s lucky to have you as her mama.

  663. Amazing post about an amazing girl, and the line that really got to me was, “You’re only as happy as your saddest child, after all.” Yup.

  664. Thank you Hailey for sharing who you are – you will help so many other teens and parents. I love your family (virtuallly) as much as ever, if not more!

  665. As a middle school teacher, I see first hand what a hormone hell it is on any given day- and some days, it’s ALL day. I’ve had students tell me they are gay, but in a way that is a challenge. I just assure them that it’s not something I have a problem with, that what I care more about is that, one) if they’re in a relationship, that they are being treated with respect, and 2) this means I still expect their homework to be done and on time. And I let them know that they can come talk to me any time they need to, with no questions or judgements. My school is pretty supportive of this, unlike the small town I grew up in- if you were gay, you did.not.let.it.be.known…..sadly.

  666. Good for her. Great on Victor and you. Thank you for being those parents. And Hailey, you don’t know this now, but your story is going to save someone’s life in the future. The compassion you show and the openness you insist upon: that’s all guts.

    Keep your authenticity. Everything else will work itself out. Much love.

  667. This post makes me so happy and proud: of Hailey, of you and Victor, and of this amazing, supportive community. I only came out to my mum as bi this year but I still can’t imagine doing so with my dad – he’s very homophobic, and unfortunately I don’t think that knowing the truth about who I am would change his mind about LGBTIQ+ people. I will tell him one day but I’m not there yet. I’m on a journey and I hope that one day I’ll be as comfortable with who I am as Hailey is.

  668. I love this post. It is really hard to be a teenager. Also to be a parent of a teenager. You are doing a good job. All you can do is love and try your best, right?

  669. Thank you for posting this today. I came to your blog specifically looking for goodness and light in this world. Your daughter is amazing and you & Victor are wonderful parents!

  670. Hailey is a brave and beautiful young lady. She has classic Hollywood beauty. I, always, think of class Hollywood when I see a picture of her. Let her know that we all support her. She has great parents.

  671. Dear Bloggess – thank you!
    Dear Victor – thank you!
    Dear Hailey – thank you!
    All for different reasons.
    Each just as heartfelt and sincere.
    Love,
    Tim’s Mom

  672. How could you not be proud of her? Coming out is a hard thing to do and it’s scary because you never stop coming out. You come out to your parents, your friends, your teachers, your boss, your coworkers, and every nosy person that comes along. The thing to know is that sexuality is fluid and she is young. She may decide later that is actually bi or pan but really has a huge preference for girls.

    She’s a great kid and you’re great parents. Being bisexual myself and having a very loving relationship I can tell you there will always be friends out there. They are always looking for those who need help. And I totally support pride too. If you’re ever in Austin and want to hit up Pride come with me and my girlfriend and our friends. I promise you’ll all have a great time. We also catch all the candy and necklaces they throw too. True story you’ll walk out with more swag than you have room for.

  673. I already wrote a reply, but one more: I shared this with my daughter, who is going through the very same thing at a very similar time in her life. I couldn’t be prouder or happier for her because she knows who she is and she knows she has all of our love and support. I wish that for everyone coming out, be it in terms of their sexuality, gender identity, their mental health, or anything else they struggle with that makes them unique and special. We have to stick together, especially in these divisive times where bullies run the country,

  674. This is great! I needed to add a comment because you were at 666 comments ….

  675. Hailey, you are terrific. Thank you for your generosity in letting your mama’s readers get to know you. I’m so impressed!

  676. I just love every bit of this. As a parent of a teenager, yes. Just yes to all of this. I wish more kids had parents who understood & accepted. The world is a brighter place with your daughter able to be herself – a skill that many people spend their whole lives trying to learn.

  677. As a 48 year old lesbian who came out to my parents at 16 under duress, I tear up reading this post. Granted, I’ve had a beer this evening, but I’m glad she has you. I’m saddened that she still has fear in being completely out. Someday…

  680. I’m a trans woman, and also a lesbian, and this post makes me so happy!

    Honestly, not really having much of a reaction feels like one of the best ways this kind of discussion can go. In an ideal world, sexual orientation would be a complete non-issue. The fact coming out is an issue reflects the homophobia that so prevalent in our society.

    And yeah, the whole “it’s a phase” thing is a complete myth. It’s never just a phase. It’s not uncommon for people to learn more about their sexuality as they grow older, but it’s generally not the case that their earlier feelings were completely mistaken. She probably has a really good idea right now as to what aspects of her sexuality are pretty certain, and which ones might change.

    One nit, though: the “no-labels” thing can be really erasing to some people. I would definitely recommend not suggesting that. It’s totally fine for the people who prefer it, but I know way too many queer people who are really hurt by that kind of suggestion.

  683. I applaud Hailey, Victor, and you. Obviously Hailey feels totally loved and supported by you and Victor or she wouldn’t have felt comfortable sharing this most intimate side of her being.

  684. Somewhere out there is a thrilling, several-years-old YouTube video where a young man interviews people on the street. After several questions he asks them, “When did you decide to be straight?”
    And the answers are various versions of “-But I’ve always known – – oh. – – Oh!”
    Worth finding.

    I had a “family member,” actually the secret, closeted lover of my brother- suicide over his sexuality. At 50 years old it just got to be too much for him. My brother wouldn’t relent and come out with him, because our dad -a criminal- would have disowned and disinherited him. Now I no longer speak to my brother.
    I miss our lovely, sweet man so much. He was worth 10 of my lying, shitty brother.

    That man was one precious human too many and something I don’t want to happen to anyone reading this- or anyone, anywhere.

    I came into LA and was trying to drive the streets the same night that people were demonstrating by marching with “Erase the H8te” signs for human rights equality. It was wondrous.
    PS Calligraphy is fun, Hailey!
    #teamhailey, now at one billion reasons why.

  685. Parenting teens is difficult. (I have permission to say this because I always ask before I say something publicly or online. Just to be clear) I am a proud mama of a pansecual gender queer teen – the youngest of my four Bavaria (hah the youngest is 15 so not really babies, though always my babies.)
    You are doing awesome. Let Hailey lead and follow bwhind even when you want to jump in front and protect her. You CAN protect her, of course always, but letting her take the lead on this was the best thing you could have done. (I have, a few times) taken over ass licking of family member duties because my kiddo also has anxiety and when it is super bad for them, well, mama bear gets to “play”.
    You and Victor are awesome parents! ❤️

  686. Good for you for being an awesome mom and good for her for being an amazing young woman. Thanks for posting. Much love ❤️

  687. Bravo brave girl!!!! Be proud of who you are. You are magnificent❤️

  690. I love that it wasn’t a big deal for you. I love that she felt comfortable enough to tell her truth and has friends at such a young age to love and support her, better than some adults. You and Victor are doing a fantastic job parenting a teen and giving her the love and space to grow into who she will become and know that she will always have your love and support. She is an amazing kid but I’m not surprised, look who her mother is. Love to you all!

  691. 685 replies???????God I hope they are all positive!!!~ I LOVE that you and Victor and who you are. She is truly beautiful.

  693. Hailey’s courage and confidence is awe inspiring! Thank you for sharing your story and for being the safe home she needs!

  694. This made me cry in the happiest way. In a world where so much shit is going on to know how amazing you and Victor are for Hailey and that she is able to grow into exactly the woman she wants to be without fear is just incredible. I wish I could hug all of you right now. — A fellow bisexual woman who doesn’t care about labels but just wants you to know that anyway.

  695. Watching her grow up via your blog, it has been clear she is an amazing person. Y’all are all amazing! Bravo!

  696. You do you, amazing Hailey! You’re brave to accept yourself as you are. Even people who aren’t LGBTQ have trouble accepting themselves. You are a brave and wonderful woman and I admire you! And you, too, Jenny, for being a parent that doesn’t try to dim or mold their child’s light.

  697. Hailey and you are beautiful people inside and out. Thank you for sharing this with your fan base! Please have compassion for yourself, I’m a mom too and we all make mistakes. Kids need us to be there and be proud and supportive. You are an amazing mom! XXOO

  698. Dear fierce, gorgeous Hailey, welcome to Rainbow Nation! Thanks for allowing your Mom to
    post your story. Life is too short not to live it out loud. I wish you all the love and happiness.
    And Jenny, I’m happy that you and Victor are such supportive and loving parents. You will
    be rewarded by having a child that is too smart, aware, and just too awesome to live the
    unexamined life. She will NEVER be boring. Austin is a paradise for young creative LGBT+
    people, but this is still Texas. And small town Texas is not always a safe place. Things ARE
    much better than they were back in 60’s & 70’s. I’m proud to be one of the generation that
    stood up and insisted on being treated as a full citizen in spite of being ‘different’. Stories
    like this make all the marching, petitioning, demonstrating and heartbreak worth it ❤️❤️❤️

  699. Wait, you fast forward through the bad parts? What’s left?

    Also, I’m very happy that Hailey has such cool parents.

  702. Tell Hailey thank you for sharing her story. I feel confident it will help other young people to be themselves in all situations. When my brother came out to me when he was 29, I said oh, ok, I kind of thought so. My biggest fear for him was that he would be hurt by a non-accepting society, plus it was during the AIDS crisis. There are people in our family who still don’t know. By being open, Hailey can reveal her identity to whomever she wants and still feel comfortable in her own skin. Jenny, you and Victor are amazing parents raising a poised and accomplished girl. You have every right to be proud.

  703. Congratulations to Hailey and kudos, be proud. 💜💜And to Jenny too.
    To all of you wonderful well-meaning tribe members who are saying you can only be as happy as your saddest child please take a moment to think twice about that.
    it’s really quite a distractive thing to tell your children and a messed up thing for mine to tell me. And of course made me feel like I was responsible for their happiness Which should not be correct and it also of course made me not want to tell them when I was sad or hurting or upset in anyway because then I would ruin their happiness.

  704. You are amazing parents, I only hope I handled it as well! It was like you were describing my daughter at that age only she ran sound for the school plays not lights and she is now 19 and wants to teach middle school algebra😬. God bless her and all of our amazing daughters! They have so much talent , strength , courage and love in their hearts! There is hope for the future!

  705. I’d love to feed her tacos. Sorry, though: she’s not pretty. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, both inside and out.

    Yeah for Hailey and yeah for her ‘rents!

  707. I love your whole damn family. This is one helluva way to come out to the world, but then, you’re in Texas, where you have to go big or go home. Congrats, Hailey, on being your awesome self. And Jenny and Victor (and all the animals), the fact that she could tell you at such a young age means that you’re doing something right. I want to hug all your faces right off.

  708. So much love! I had a student come out to me some years ago and I remember the struggle: on the one hand, OMG you were brave enough to say it and you honored me with this trust!!!!!! And also, “Cool. Whatever. This is totally normal and you shouldn’t feel the need for a big production”.

  709. Hello, Hailey, you don’t know me, but I happen to be a big fan of you and your mom and your dad. And I have been for quite some time. I’m gay. And I’ll be turning 50 this year… Gguurrlll, if you tell anyone I’m a day under 65 I will cut you. I always go “up” at least 15 years because then I look fantastic. While I always “knew”, I came out during my late 20s. It was a different time then, and a different time with the generation before me, and so on and so on. I’m so incredibly grateful that you are who are, fully and wonderful and powerful and brilliant you. And that you are “allowed” to be “you”, stunning and blinding in ssooo many ways. I know that you will turn this world upside down in your own and best way and I look forward to it. The world needs your light. And I’m here, I’m queer, and I’ll be cheering you on as only a brother from another mother can do. Go get ‘em, Tiger 🐅. 👍👊💪❤️

  710. you and Victor are great parents! As the mother of an amazing almost 23 yo woman who is many things and happens to be gay as well, it is so important to love our kids for who they are. I was pretty sure she might be before she ever said and when she did around 14 she was met with complete love from her twin brother and I. She lives and tells her story as she needs to, I have always been proud of her and she knows she has been lucky. Unfortunately not all young people have parents or family like yours and mine that love our gay kids. Next year I am going to do Austin pride with some other wonderful people and wear the “Free Mom Hugs’ shirt. great org out of unexpectedly IMO Oklahoma. If not familiar check it out on instagram. (Jen Hatmaker and pastor husband did that this year, amazing!). Sending lots of rainbow love Hailey’s way and to you and Victor. The sooner we all just get on with letting people be who they are the better we all will be! XO from Austin, Molly Collie

  711. I won’t go into the gory details but I had virtually the same experience with my daughter, who identifies as pansexual. I think it’s the nature of our generation to be a little too cool and detached about things sometimes and so sometimes we suck the joy out of our children’s moments without meaning to. I’ve had to work on allowing earnestness and sincerity because of my 90s sarcasm training. It’s a real problem for people our age and has definitely contributed to my self esteem and anxiety issues. Thank you for being one of the reasons I am now able to enjoy things goofily and awkwardly and sincerely
    You are a wonderful mom and a true inspiration to all of us who struggle. The best compliment my mom could bestow upon a person was to call them “real” and Jenny you are the realest! ❤❤❤❤

  712. You and Victor have done a wonderful job! You have made it ok for her to be herself. I always knew I was different but had no idea there were other options, so did not figure out my sexuality until I was 45. My family still doesn’t accept it, I think it just doesn’t compute for them. My daughter, on the other hand, who was 16 at the time, was kind of blase´ when I came out to her as a lesbian. It was kind of anticlimactic! So I give myself credit for parenting her into an open and accepting human adult.

  713. Thank you, thank you, thank you! My parents were unbelievably accepting when I came out to them so long ago. I am still amazed at their support in a time when I am sure it wasn’t easy for them.
    Hailey, Jenny and Victor–you ROCK!!!!!!

  715. Kudos to all 3 of you. I had exactly the same response when my 12 year old TEXTED me from summer camp to say he’s bisexual and didn’t want to make a big deal of it. I replied immediately to say I don’t care if he’s frogsexual. Love him now and always. What time is pickup? And so life goes…

  716. What a lucky daughter to have you for a mom. And what a lucky mom you are for having such an amazing daughter.Mamma love to you <3

  717. All three of you are spectacular people. Haley, welcome to the party. It took me until I was 19 to come out to my parents and friends so hats/tiaras off to you!

  718. <3 SO much love for Hailey, and for you, and for everyone everywhere who just wants to love and be themselves and exist. We all mess up with the people we love, i think it’s easier to do with them. Luckily, much of the time, we can also un-mess up.

    Hailey, I’m so happy you have the courage to be out. Now, go do what makes your heart sing! We all have your back.

  719. Fantastic post…to be who you are and never lose your familiy’s love is the greatest gift for everyone everywhere. congratulations to you all!

  721. Shares like this give me such hope. ✨Haley, you are a beacon to many, and so is your wonderful mother.✨
    Much pride and love for you and your family, Jenny. We are strangers in this life, but sisters in my heart. I cannot count how many times your words have brought joy into a dark day in my world. Thank you for you. You’re fucking amazing, and the world will surely be grateful that you’re raising such a multi-faceted wonder of a human. I have a couple amazing daughters of my own and I can’t wait until they and their friends are casting the majority of the votes. #raisingtherevolution

  722. Wow, did this hit a nerve, thank you.
    You are a lovely girl, change only if it feels good!

  725. You’re a fantastic mom. I’m not surprised Hailey is as amazing as she is having you and Victor as parents. Thank you for being in this world. You make it a better place.

  727. I love this with my whole heart. She’s beautiful and amazing, you and victor are beautiful and amazing, your pets are beautiful and amazing, your tiny dollhouse creepy stuff gives me the creeps but I’ve loved you since Beyoncé the knock knock mutha fuckah (I’m from Boston) metal chicken. You and your whole bad ass blogess family unit just keep on keepin on. Anyone that has a problem with it can kiss your ass!

  728. This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. Hailey sounds amazing, as do her parents. I wish the world were as awesome and kind and accepting as you. ❤️

  729. Way to go Mama! Supporting our kidlets is so very vital! My youngest came out as trans at 12 (now 18) and getting to live their life as who they are was so very affirming and life changing for both of us. Our kids are going to change the world for the better, thanks for being the amazing mom I’ve always thought you were! <3

  730. Jenny, I’m so grateful there are parents like you and Victor who realize it’s not our jobs to make our children who we think they should be, but to help them find who they are and love them with all our hearts.

  731. We are raising a generation of humans who accept each other for who they are and that starts with the acceptance they get at home. They will grow into socially responsible adults who work hard for equality and respect and, even though things resemble a dumpster fire right now, every time I see a post like this, I am buoyed by hope. You are doing more good than you can see today. Love and peace to you, Hailey, Victor, and the rest of us.

  732. Proud of all of you. My daughter came out to me in much the same way and my response was very similar to yours. My daughter is now 17 and has been in a relationship for about 6 months. Her girlfriend’s family recently invited my daughter to vacation with them in Hawaii for Winter Break. I’m proud of them for being themselves and a bit jealous that she’s going to Hawaii in December! 🙂 Hugs and love to all of you!

  733. I am a straight, cis female who is head of my school’s LGBTQIA committee (Yes, I absolutely feel unqualified). Thursday is the celebration of National Coming Out Day. We’re having a couple of big events and I’m feeling overwhelmed because of many things. This post reminds me why I’m doing this. To support those people who have come out as who they are and to let those who have not to know that it’s OK to be who they want to be- we’ll support them. So, thank you for this. And thank you for being everything a mother should in supporting her child, you’re awesome!

  734. My daughter is also 14 and doesn’t know if she likes boys or girls yet. When she told me it was basically a “pass the syrup moment for me as well. I love her and am proud of her regardless. Hailey is a lucky girl and you and Victor are lucky to be her parents.

  735. She’s 14 already? I don’t know where the time goes … but She’s beautiful and amazing and you and Victor are doing an amazing job!! Love to all of you!

  736. My son told me in a text last year that he was bisexual. His straight, younger brother and I have been going to pride parades for a couple of years (as allies, and basically because it’s awesome to be surrounded by so much love), but the older one won’t come with us. He’s not ready to be “out” out. Or something. I thought about the label thing for a while, too. I have much to learn.

    I’m just so happy they live today as opposed to when I was their age and “nobody” was anything other than straight. Except they were what they were and probably just suffering. God bless these kids. This whole damn generation. They’re so fierce. I love them all so much.

  737. Love the title. Love the article. I read it aloud to my husband, who cried. She knows it matters to you because you wrote about it. I am so proud of you and her. I’m glad I know you both.

  738. To Hailey, It turns out that I am a wild teen sandwich on two slices of church girl/church lady bread. Old now. 58. Seen a lot. And since I hold up the light of a good God, I want to make sure that these comments include the message that God Loves you. Jesus Loves you. Or YHWH. Or Allah. Or the great 🎃, Doctor Who, well, whoever. Or if nothing religious is your thing, there’s a whole bunch of us Earthlings who love you. And we are thrilled to pieces that you want to maybe love someone later. It’s going to be a girl. Hurray!!

    Congratulations, Jenny and Victor, you have a super child. I’ve been watching. (Not in a stalker way, though, so ok.)

  739. It is lovely to meet Hailey, the young woman. I feel like I know Haily, the child. But this is a newer Hailey and she sounds awesome!

  740. Hailey is a lucky and wonderful young woman. You and victor are doing great with her, as evidenced by how open she is with you. Love to you all

  741. Hailey, you are loved for who you are, not because of who you love. Your bravery is beautiful.

  742. Wonderful! I’m sure she is very proud of you & Victor as well. She lucked out in the parent department & you lucked out in the child department. ❤️🌈❤️

  743. Hailey is awesome, and I’m so happy that she has a family that affirms every part of her awesome self. <3

  744. I can’t imagine a better set of parents to come out to. Perhaps you were a little too low key when she told you, but I thought it was just “so Jenny”. I hope Hailey avoids the hate and ugliness that is still out there. She sounds like an amazing daughter than anyone would be lucky to have.

  745. This is where we are, too. Except we’re military, overseas, and people have told my daughter she should kill herself. Sometimes she thinks about that and she listens. So I pull her out of school. She doesn’t have the supportive community. We are moving back to the states soon, but our base is in the middle of nowhere so I’m finding it difficult to find a community for her. I hope there is one, even small. We are close to larger communities, but being close to a place to visit on weekends is not the same as the family of peers she would meet day in and day out in public school. It does good to read this, and my friend sent me the blog post knowing about the situation we’re going through.

  746. Welcome to the Family, Hailey. You’re welcome at our table any time. My wife didn’t have the same experience that you did, so we’re both pleased that your mom is cool.

    Jenny, love you lots! If we can pave the way here in the Pacific Northwest, should she come this way, just let me know. We’ve got your back – and hers. (You won’t remember me, but we met at the Seattle Mystery Bookshop before it closed; one of the highlights of my life!)

  747. I am new to your blog and only knew you had a daughter. Good to know more about her! Very nice of her to let you talk about the relationship you all have. I wish her a safe journey, and open arms wherever she goes.

  749. Navigating the world, as strange and scary as it is, can be challenging for both parent and child. You and your family all do it in a fabulous, supportive way. What a family! Alternate title: Keep doing what you do

  750. You all are amazing, I have no idea the best way to handle big news/life news from your kid. But,a kid who is loved and celebrated and made to feel confident in the gifts she brings to the table, in the gift of her that she shares with the world,that kid, your wonderful, talented, cool, gay daughter Hailey is so welcome in the world. We need more people loving other people. Love who you love and know your are loved for who you are. One of your many friends/fans in Boise, Idaho❤

  751. It doesn’t surprise me in the least that you’ve raised an amazing kid. You’re an amazing mom.

  752. I cried while reading your blog . . . . . .I gave birth to two daughters (based on their genitalia), and my husband and I loved them with all our hearts. Our oldest is gay (Lesbian) and now married to Monica and they are raising their daughter Emma in a warming and loving home. Our second child (31 yrs old) finally accepted the truth that she should have been born a “he” and is truly transgender. Accepting our new “son” has been a process, including “top surgery” and working on our pronouns! My husband and I will always love our children with all our hearts.

  753. Awesome post about an awesome kid. Also, I read “opera lessons” as “Oprah lessons” at first and thought , “damn kids have way more options than we ever did…then I realized it was opera and the sentiment was still the same

  754. I love this!!! My daughter came out to me a couple years ago and was so scared and I was very laid back about it too because I’m a huge ally and am very liberal. I wish you all the best. I wish the best for Hailey! I’m going to have my daughter read this.

  756. Go Hailey!! Welcome to the lgbt community! Being different is hard sometimes, but we all have your back. I identify as biromantic and demisexual, (no one ever knows what these are, but whatever lol) and I’m happy to embrace those labels these days.

  757. The List with Naked Womens from your City has been Released here on : huit.Re/womens

  758. Congratulations!

    My son came out 11 years ago. I’m proud of him…so proud!

  759. What an awesome post–and terrific parenting. Hailey is luck to have you and Victor. If you’re ever in CT in March, have Hailey check out the True Colors conference. Largest GLBTQIA youth conference in the world.

  761. I was right! You ARE on the perfect Magic Carpet Ride and you deserve every bit of happiness that comes with it!
    Go Hailey’s Mom and Dad, you are nailing it and now I’m waiting on that parenting book…

  762. Please tell her we adore her and we need lots of ladies in neurosurgery especially lesbian ladies who are underrepresented in medicine in general let alone neurosurgery. I’m in OBGYN not neurosurgery but I know lots of folks in lots of area of medicine and a fiance of a good friend is a neurosurgeon as well as several other acquantances at my semi fancy medical school which I hear is top in neurosurgery. So feel free to email me if she still wants to do medicine at all and neurosurgery specifically. I’ll leave my email in the comment.

    Also lighting tech is such a fun job – we need lots of ladies there too #ex-theater techie here 🙂

    Just yay to Hailey we adore you!

  763. I’ve been reading your blog for years, so I’ve watched Hailey grow up from afar. I don’t know that I’ve ever commented, but this definitely warrants it. Jenny, you’re an amazing mom. As a bi girl myself, a neutral/chill reaction to coming out is probably the best thing imaginable. Obviously no one wants a negative reaction, and an overwhelmingly positive reaction is weird (I’m still just me). It’s certainly hurt my feelings when I’ve gotten a non-reaction, but no more than it ever does to find out that something important to me isn’t a huge deal to other people, which is to say, not an unforgivable amount. 🙂

    Hailey: it takes a lot of courage to tell the world you’re different, especially when it’s in a way that’s so fundamental to who you are. I’m proud of your bravery. Reactions to your truth won’t always be positive, so just remember you will always have your loved ones at your back, and that life only gets better from here. Come join us at Pride when you’re ready. I promise you’ll have fun, even if all you do is spectate. In the meantime, keep growing into the smart, creative, funny woman you’re already well on your way to being. Oh, and give the cats and Dottie some pets from me, okay? Thanks.

  765. You are so brave and awesome
    I hope no stupid trolls tried to kill any of your joy
    You are an awesome mom. She is so lucky.
    I hope this isn’t creepy, but she is beautiful – her joy captured in these photos is stunning. At 14 I don’t think I had joy spilling out like that.
    To Hailey – she’s a bad ass. I hope you love and live life to the fullest the way your mom does.

  766. She is gorgeous and oh so brave and so are you. I’m openly cishet (whoopdidooo) and marched with my friends in SAG-AFTRA at this year’s Pride parade. So now I’m openly an ally. I love the entire LGBTQ+ community, and I highly recommend that y’all find a “group” to join when you decide to attend Pride, so you can actually participate. It’s so much fun, and so soooo loving!

  767. “Okay. But could you hand me the syrup?”

    I, personally, LOVE your response. I also understand how she might have wished for some dramatic kind of support. In any case, she is obviously pretty comfy now, or she would not want you to address it here, so I am happy for her. Anybody has a problem, send’em my way. I’ll be happy to help them understand. No extra charge for sarcasm.

  768. I feel like there’s a lot of bad in the world right now. But this post made me realize there’s a lot of good too. Thanks for telling this story, and thanks to Hailey for allowing it to be told. It has made my day a lot brighter.

  769. When my daughter was 13, she asked me to come into the hallway, she wanted to tell me something. Then she got into the closet and shut the door. Immediately she threw open the door and yelled, “I’m gay! Rainbows and shit!!” I did pretty much what you did, because I wasn’t particularly surprised and I was (am) super proud of her and, as you say, we are not assholes. Now at nearly 19, my amazing gorgeous talented brilliant baffling child tells me they’re genderqueer and pansexual, and as long as they’re safe and happy, that’s cool with me. I’m absolutely thrilled with the person they are, and are still becoming.

    I’ve long suspected I wasn’t altogether straight myself, but since I don’t willingly associate with people in general, I don’t suppose I’ll have munch opportunity to test the theory. Still, judging by my various attractions, crushes, and fantasies over the years, I think that if I wanted to add a few rainbow stripes to my credentials, I could do it. Does this count as coming out? I’m 44 years old and I’m still figuring out who I am. I’m okay with that.

    Hugs, Jenny and Hailey! I’m so happy and proud for you. Rainbows and shit!!

  770. Neurosurgeon? Yeah, that’s cool, but Hailey, how ’bout being a supreme court judge? Think of all the good you could do! Although, now that I think about it – a few of those judges could use some serious brain surgery!

  771. This post is amazing! Your daughter is amazing! You and Victor are amazing! And that shirt…that shirt is amazing! 😉

  772. Love to you and to Hailey. Glad to hear she is supported. You are raising a wonderful human ❤️

  773. I’m straight, but i wish I had as much confidence as Hailey when I was her age. She seems like such a great kid. She’s lucky to have such supportive parents too.

  774. I think there’s no right way to handle situations like this, when my daughter came out (at 16) we were second guessing ourselves all over the place! We had thought she was but there’s no good way to ask a hormonal anxious teenage girl if she’s gay. I mean what if she wasn’t? Would that have caused more anxiety? “Omg my parents think I’m gay! “But she is and we love her. And if anyone has a problem with that they can….

  776. Wow. This is one of those “the kids are alright” type posts. Good work Mom. Excellent start kid. If I were a savvier poster, I would plug in a Shia clapping gif, but I am not that savvy.

    Continue to be as you are. Live, love, grow.

  778. Thank you to you and Hailey for sharing this story! My 13 year-old son came out to us this year so I’m also trying to learn how to navigate this with him. I know that I will mess up so I’ve asked him to have patience with me and help me learn. I’m learning a lot from him. As a first-time parent of a teen, I feel like I’m stumbling around in the dark sometimes. But it’s kids like these that will help bring about change. They are not afraid to be who they are. Their generation gives me hope for the future.
    Much love to your family!

  779. I’m always amazed at the strength and courage of young women, and I’m so glad the world is a better place because of her grace.

  780. I understand. This year we took our youngest daughter to her first Pride celebration. She announced that she was a girl earlier this year. I am proud of her for being her authentic self. Love is love.

  781. Hailey, you do you. Never apologize for being happy.
    Jenny, As always, you rock!

  782. Hailey, you are an awesomesauce amazing human bean. Your beauty shines brightly and highlights your courageous, creative soul. Thank you for standing up, encouraging and believing in you. With young people such as yourself, there’s hope for humanity.

    Jenny, you are Fantabulous yourself. Congrats on your uber mom skills. Not only do you give hope and laughs and honesty to this crazy, mad world, but you’ve raised a wonderful girl. I can’t tell you how much I loved your response. (if you could see what my cyber Gremlins keep trying to type, you’d either applaud them or have me sent to the taxidermist…)

    Whoot and love to all of you.

  783. Congratulations Hailey. It is amazing that you have this wonderful support all around you. Embrace it, and embrace who you are. You will change the world. The rest of us in the LGBTQ+ community stand with you.

  784. This could be my daughter’s and my story. We were just like ok and that was it. I got to tell the grandparents because she had asked a girl to homecoming. No one really cared. I live in a rural area but her class is a mix of sexuality so again no big deal. I wanted to be supportive and get a my hot lesbian daughter tshir t and she just rolled her eyes. Then last year they broke up and she dated a boy. I was only upset because I thought I had dodged the teen pregnancy issue. Now at 17 she likes whoever she likes. I’m just glad this generation is more free to be who they are.

  785. I am proud of you, Victor and Hailey. Maybe you weren’t perfect in your response, but there is no perfect way. You were supportive of Hailey and never stopped loving her and that is pretty damned wonderful. My godson never directly came out to me because he just thought I knew (I did), and my goddaughter casually told me in passing and seemed happy with my lame “OK sweetie” and a hug. We may not have had touching moments that would inspire others, but I love them fiercely and they know it and know I have their backs. Hailey has that with you and with this community and that is pretty damn awesome.

  786. The world needs more Haileys! Thanks for sharing, for being one more voice on the side of love. Thanks for all the stories people have shared. All the stories are needed, the good and the bad, so we know how far there is to go and how far we have come. Yay love!

  787. As a daughter of parents who were not accepting when I came out to them in 1997, this made me cry. And as a mom to two not-yet-teens, I hope to be exactly this kind of parent, who sees all facets of her precious children. Thanks, Jenny, and brava to Hailey – you are both exactly perfect, exactly as you are.

  788. Hailey, all that matters is that the person you fall in love with treats you well. Be happy Sweetie, you are amazing!

  789. Omg! Ok.
    1. I came out as bi to my mother and she had the same reaction
    2.i see the struggle us LGBTQ+ people still have to go through…
    3. Your daughter is absoloutly gorgeous!!!

  790. Congrats, Haley! There is a quote from one of my favorite shows: “Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.” You have the love of your family and the support of the rest of us here in the LGBT+ community behind you; go out there and change the world for the better by embracing all that you are.

  791. Your daughter is an amazing person, and you and Victor should be proud of her and of the job you did raising her. It’s a crappy world we live in sometimes, especially for women, but I think you’ve given her the tools to be strong and successful.

    I’m an ally, and I support ALL people because it doesn’t matter to me who you love, just that you do love. And are loved in return.

  792. When I was 14, I fell violently in love with an older girl in my Girl Scout troop. I was terrified by my feelings, so I talked to my mom. She said that it was common for people to get same sex crushes, and okay, and if I turned out to be a lesbian, that was okay, too. There was nothing but acceptance and love. I realize today how very, VERY lucky I was. In 1974, that was just not the response that many of my LGBTQ friends remember getting. I am proud of my mom, and I’m proud of you and your daughter.

  793. You did what you thought was right when Hailey was 12, but I agree that you handled it wrong by downplaying it as no big deal. I’m sure she forgives you. She loves you, and so do I.

  795. FYI, Pride isn’t just about “who you love”. If you’re transgender or non-binary or asexual, for instance, Pride may have nothing to do with who you love or don’t love. Also, Pride is much more than a celebration. It’s a declaration of all LGBTQ+ people’s civil rights and human rights. It’s a protest against all people, governments, and institutions who would refuse those rights and take away the rights that have already been granted. It’s a reminder to the cis-het world and ourselves that the fight is not over. Yes, it’s a celebration of love, of self-love, of love for our LGBTQ+ children, parents, siblings, and friends. It’s a way to remember and thank all the brave LBGTQ+ warriors who fought to get us this far. It’s not just a colorful parade!

  796. I’m sure I’m not saying anything that hasn’t already been said, but: I’m so very very happy for you and Hailey and your family. I’m so very glad that she feels comfortable with who she is, comfortable enough to be out at school and to let you post this.

    I don’t think there is any one right way to react to a child coming out, I think the more important thing is how you act from then on. Initial confusion or brushing it off or whatever doesn’t matter as much as the support and love you’ve given her since. When I came out to my mom (okay, my friend told her at my request because I was too scared to) she was of the ‘it may be a phase’ mindset. To the point where she constantly said stuff like ‘isn’t that boy cute?’ or ‘well you don’t have to be completely gay yunno’, well into my mid-20s. She wasn’t anti-gay by any means and she was still my best friend, I think she just didn’t want me limiting myself so definitively?

    As for Pride parades (they have those in Texas??)… It took me years to feel okay with going to San Diego Pride, but that was more the anxiety around crowds and such. I went once, with my then-gf, and we had fun and it was great to say that I’d been (and an old favorite singer performed so that was awesome). But it wasn’t like a huge significant thing for me. I’d already been very openly gay for a good 10 years, I had plenty of gay friends, so going to Pride and being ‘out’ there and being around so many like-minded people just wasn’t a huge deal to me. It’s an awesome experience for a lot of people, but it’s possible Hailey isn’t one of those people. Either way, I’m so so happy and proud for her.

  798. I never comment, but I had to as I religiously read your posts, and this one was by far the best thing I’ve ever read. You might be the best mother on the planet, or maybe we’re all this good and you wrote it best, but I’m so proud of you AND your amazing daughter.

  799. I never comment, but I had to as I religiously read your posts, and this one was by far the best thing I’ve ever read. You might be the best mother on the planet, or maybe we’re all this good and you wrote it best, but I’m so proud of you AND your amazing daughter.

  800. Wow, over 800 positive comments. This tribe is the best. I hope that Hailey continues to get such positive feedback in all of her endeavors. I have followed your blog since Beyonce and have great admiration for the job you and Victor have done in the ensuing years. You are raising a strong, beautiful, talented young woman. Thanks to Hailey for allowing us a peek into her life as she has grown up. If she has any political ambitions, I will vote for Hailey for president in 2040.

  801. Hailey, you ROCK. You are lucky that you have such awesome parents, but you get all the credit for taking what they’ve given you and turning it into your wonderful self.
    Plus, you have about a million aunties and uncles who love and adore you and will fight for you and support you, and cheer you on.
    You’re 14, right? 18 years and you’ll be able to run for President.
    I’ll vote for you.

  802. I adore you. Kudos to you and your family. Sending you all the love and happy thoughts. I think you handled it great, later when she looks back on it, I’m sure she’ll love the reaction. I’m only 25, but I know from personal experience. 😉

  803. In the last few years, a few of my (at the time, mostly happily-married) cousins and friends have posted on FB that they are bi. My instinctive response to the first was, “no problem; doesn’t matter to me!” But somewhere in there the Florida nightclub shooting happened and I realized that what I really wanted to say was: “yes, it DOES matter to me. I matters to me like all fuck that you should be able to claim your identity loudly and proudly, without any hesitation.” So what I strive to say these days is not “makes no difference to me”, but “hell yes! Congratulations!” and “thank you for opening up to me.”

  804. You and Victor are clearly doing parenting right, and Hailey sounds like an awesome girl who is , and she who is lucky to have you, and you are lucky to have her, too!
    I just wish every other LGBTQ teen, heck, every teen, had the same support and acceptance from their parents to be whoever they are.

  805. My daughter was about the same age when she came out to us. She is now 17 and a senior in high school. She is happy. She is a wonderful girlfriend. She educates me on the LGBTQ community. It’s something that is a part of her not who she is. We had the same reaction of “no big deal” but then she called us on it and we talked it out. I am now the Mom to the gays of whose parents have turned their backs on their gay kids. (Wait until you meet those kids. You’ll love them so hard!) I’m proud of Hailey. I’m proud of you! It’s a big gay world and I’m happy to live in it!

  806. Way to go Jenny! Hailey is lucky to have you and Victor in her corner. I live in Singapore and while we have an annual event called Pink Dot for the Freedom to love for the LGBTQ community, we also still have an archaic law set by our colonial masters that is a legislation which criminalises sex between mutually consenting adult men.

  807. As a lesbian whose path to telling her parents 30 years ago involved mental illness inducing fear and anxiety, I thank you ❤️

  808. Hey Jenny – please thank Hailey for trusting your/her tribe with this. We are so proud of her. She is such a well rounded human being at such a young age (insecurities, doubts and all – that’s what makes us human)! Give her a big all-enveloping hug from us xoxox

    P.S. take a look at comment 805 … prepare for the possibility of being a wonderful, non-judgy Mum to many 🙂 (hope this doesn’t induce anxiety ….. I apologise if it does)

  810. You guys are such wonderful parents and it looks like you’ve brought an incredible young woman into the world.

  811. She’s amazing 🙂
    I’ve been reading your blog for forever, and seeing glimpses of Hayley growing up along the way, and it’s really cool to see her adult self emerging. My youngest is about six months younger than her, and we’ll be going to next year’s Pride parade together. We’re parenting such incredible, wonderful, powerful kids, aren’t we?

  815. Hailey, thank you for sharing this part of yourself with us. I know how hard it can be to come out; I’m still not fully out to my family (though I’m pretty sure they know.) Thank you for being brave and wonderful and yourself.

  816. Yawl are amazing! Love is love and all that cliche bullshit! Rock it Hailey girl!!

  817. Everyone has a story —- and hers is just beginning. Fortunately, she has an amazing backstory from which to start! You’ve achieved a major parenting win already…..be proud of yourselves and her. She will go far!

  818. I’m crying. As a bi woman with a lesbian sister this just makes me so happy. I think we will get better at this, addressing our kids orientations, each generation. My parents tried hard. And if my kids come out I’ll use what I learned. I’m insanely happy to see her proud and out!

  819. Haley,you are amazing! Your mom is, too. I wish so much you could meet my amazing 14 yo daughter, you have so much in common. As I ta
    tell her, Keep on being your amazing self! The world is a better place with your unique gifts in it.

    Sending you much love! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

  820. Thank you for loving her just as she is. Every kid needs love unconditionally, and you are doing your very best. Congrats on her official coming out, I hope that she finds a life that celebrates her fully, with nothing to hold her back.

  821. Were I more eloquent, I could have written this about my own daughter with just a few of the details changed. Thank you for writing it. Big loves to the three of you. You’re all awesome!

  823. When our children feel safe enough to tell us, then we’ve done parenting right. I had a similar conversation with my daughter several years ago; she ws 17, so we could also ask if she was dating anyone (she wasn’t).
    I’m proud iof our daughters, and of us as parents.

    Have you seen Hannah Gadsby’s “Nanette” comedy special? It’s gut wrenching, but her bit about being too introverted for the Pride Parade shows that not all LGBTQ+ are parade material, some prefer a spot of tea and the telly.

  824. She’s beautiful and perfect! Congratulations and love and light to to all! 🌈

  826. Thank you, Hailey, for sharing your truth. Thank you, Jenny, for writing it. I’m blessed to know so many amazing women in my life. I’m constantly amazed by the lives I’m allowed to witness or participate in. Much love to your family

  829. Love everything about this. As a mom to a teenage girl I completely identify. You are all amazing! May Hailey always have the courage, sense of self, and sense of humour to stay true to who she is, and live every moment of her life fully. Sounds like she’s well on her way already!

  830. As someone who has marched in Pride parades, I highly recommend it. The high from all that joy and love in the air is an amazing experience.

  831. I love your family. So glad that you and Hailey have such a good relationship that she could tell you at 12. All the love, Karen

  832. How cool 🙂 I am bi too and it can be confusing but its nice to have a support system 🙂

  833. I love this! My daughter told us she is Pansexual at Christmas last year at 12. We still haven’t decided to tell the rest of the family. Our families would likely say “it’s just a fad,” or “you are too young to know what you want.” She wanted to come out to the rest of the family this Christmas. I don’t want them to be Assholes. I don’t want her to experience the behavior and judgement I know they are capable of (my side of the family supports Trump, if that gives you any idea). I am terrified of the rest of the world, but I am mostly terrified by the people who are supposed to love her unconditionally. The worst part is that they think they are right about everything, and don’t want to hear anything that might change their mind. Just like any villain, the ones that think they are doing the right thing are the most dangerous.

    But anyway, I told her sexuality is fluid, and she is Pan, that is great. If she feels like she is Bi, Lesbian, Straight, anything in between at any time that is fine too. We joke about how my husband doesn’t know what to do now that he has to worry about everyone, not just the boys. We just had our first talk about a girl she likes. It is a whole new world for me, not because I am not part of the LGBTQ+ community, but because I never had anyone talk to me about any relationships growing up, straight or other.

  834. Yay Hailey! She’s a lucky girl to have the support she needs going forward. Proud of her (and you and Victor) for giving her the love she needs.

  835. Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t – the way it works raising a teen…. You get a 10/10/10/10/10/10/10/10/10/10 chance of doing the right thing when an announcement like this happens. But – love and communication is what you and Victor have with Hailey!!!

    Good for you Hailey! Be you and be the BEST YOU possible. I wish I could go back to my young self and slap her silly – I would tell her “It really doesn’t matter what others think as long as you are true to yourself and everyone else! Don’t let FEAR rule your young life.” Then I would also tell her to go find Dan in Maine ASAP and skip the middle years waiting to find him….. 🙂

  836. I hope to see the day when no one has to “come out” — that the world reaches a point where everyone can just BE.

  837. I LOVE that you posted this. It makes me so happy. Haley is an amazing young woman for being able to recognize her preferences and be open about them. All my love to your family!

  840. Hailey is blessed to be living in such an age where her sexuality can be so openly expressed. She’s also blessed to have you and Victor as her parents.

    My Amazing Daughter. Alternate Title: I don’t think you have much to worry about. Period.

  841. Go, Hailey, Go! All good things for you, and maybe next year if she’s not ready for the parade you can have a Pride parade of taxidermied animals at home.

  842. Geez. I remember that pressure of what the larger teenage society was thinking of you. How scary it was to be considered other enough to be taunted and ostracized. All sorts of invisible projections of standard.
    I hope she finds a lovely girlfriend that makes being gay a thing that feels better than whatever standard she feels the world is projecting.

  846. Nothing more powerful than a parent saying “okay, you are still my child”. GOod for you. WHen my youngest brother came out in his 20’s, I only asked if the current boyfriend was nice to him. Otherwise I’d travel to kick boyfriend butt. I’d known he was gay since he was 9 but it was not my place to tell him that. It was HIS journey,not mine. Good for you and Victor to walk along side Hailey, no matter the path she wants.

  847. This is beautiful. I am 44 years old, married 25 yrs to an amazing man and still can’t get up the courage to tell him I’m Bi. This makes me want to have that conversation.

  850. Love love love this. I also love your thoughtful reflection on your initial conversation.

  852. She is a lovely young woman, and a very fortunate one to have loving, accepting parents like you and Victor.

  854. I’m 32 years old and I just came out to my parents last week. I do think that at no matter what age, and no matter what the reaction is; it’s an incredibly big decision to tell the people that you’re closest to and care about the most. Thank you for affirming your daughter and supporting every part of her!

  855. Yay, Hailey for knowing who you are and having such an awesome Mom and Dad.
    All of you are awesome!!! XOXO

  856. Proud of everyone who embraces who they are. Love and good wishes for anyone who doesn’t yet feel they can announce it.

  859. Thank you for your post. As parents, despite our best efforts, we always feel like somehow we didn’t do enough or say the right thing. It’s the hardest job ever without an instruction manual. I think you answered her beautifully. Thank you for sharing.

  860. I’m not Jewish, but I’ve always thought that Yiddish has it all over English in terms of certain expressions, and “mazel tov!” is one of them–it’s like “congratulations!” but even more so, with added hugs. So mazel tov, Hailey, and to you and Victor as well for raising such a terrific daughter and being the best parents you can be for her! If I were there in person I’d hug all of you, but since I can’t, consider yourselves all hugged in absentia, OK? big long-distance hugs

  861. We do love her. At least, most of us from afar. B/c you write about her so beautifully, and she is so photogenic, and also I adore that t-shirt! I have no tacos, Hailey, but you are indeed pretty 😘

  862. Hey Hailey YOU ROCK! Really it’s been a privilege to see you bloom forth. I remember when your Mom told us you were nervous about being at a coding camp as the only girl, and look at you now Out and Proud as gay,as a theater kid, as a wonderful multi-dimensional human. Thanks for the courage in letting your Mom share this with us. Everyone who has the courage to be themselves frees the rest of us.

  863. The world is a better and brighter place because y’all are in it. On so many levels.

  864. The world is a better and brighter place because y’all are in it. On so many levels.

  865. I haven’t kept up with your blog lately (though I adore you) but this caught my eye. Last year my 11 year old told me she was transgender and as much as I support the LGBTQ community it was a shock and sometimes difficult to wrap my head around. It wasn’t a big deal (like you said), I love her. But at the same time it was a big deal. A year later, I am so proud of her, her bravery and her ability to live in truth. Love to you and Hailey.

  866. you are an amazing mom. You met my daughter several years ago in Arizona at the signing for your first book. She was young, bouncy, loud, redhead that was the life of the event. She too has come out as pansexual. She just believes in love. She is 16 now and still isn’t sexually active (she says genitals are gross). She is active in her school’s LGBTQ group and she counsels other youths who are feeling confused. When she “came out” we already knew. Our whole family was supportive, but she was scared and kept it in for so long that she became suicidal. She seemed to get worse for a little while after she came out, but she is doing better now. Thank you for sharing your daughter’s story and giving me a place to share mine.

  867. Hailey, YOU ROCK! It’s been a totally privilege watching you grow over the past couple of years. I remember when your Mom shared that you were feeling out of place because your coding camp was all boys. With each post since I’ve seen you grow in confidence, into your wonderful multi-dimensional, theater kid, maker, complicated, unique self. This step of letting your Mom share this is courageous. The courage to be yourself in public is a gift to everyone. So thank you, and keep on being you.

    Jenny, I doubt you are still reading at up over 800 comments, but I love you. True story: As i was reading this and crying, I thought “Wow she’s gonna make some girl very happy” and then I thought “Is that an asshole thing to say? This is about Hailey not some future bride of hers. Am I being a jerk?” then two sentences later you said something along the same lines, and I thought “Phew. Okay” Thanks for loving this girl and sharing her with us at her pace. Letting her control her story and her process is a huge gift.

  868. I never finish my thoughts in one comment. I get the idea that having to fight for what shouldn’t be an issue seems weird, but I love Pride. I think about as a celebration of love and courage and the ability to be completely yourself. I hope that the parades and the parties and the rainbows outlive by a long time the discrimination that birthed them. I hope Hailey’s kids if she choose to have any, have to sit down and explain to there kids-“Well once upon an time in the bad old days, loving the wrong kind of person was considered A BIG DEAL. And people had to fight to be accepted for who they are. So now we have this party to celebrate and remember them.”
    “Yeah Mom, cool. Can we go get rainbow sherbet now?”

  869. Congratulations, you have raised a strong minded, loving kid which means all her birthdays from now on should really be parties for you! Well, that’s what I’ve been telling my offspring but they are all sadly typical in that they don’t think I should have two birthdays a year. (Congrats Hailey! You rock)

  871. Hailey is very lucky to have such wonderful parents. I’m sure it has been said a million times, but it is true. Support is so incredibly important. Even though I didn’t have support from my family, I don’t wish that on anyone. I celebrate every single LGBTQ person who has love, support, and community. Thank you for being one of the good people in this world. I’ve loved you as an author, but I love you more as a human.

  872. This is beautiful, Jenny. I’m so glad Hailey knows who she is, has the freedom to be her true self, and has family and friends who support her.

  873. I love this. Your daughter is beautiful, inside and out. Also, I think she is brave. I am 40 years old and am a closeted bi.
    My daughter turns 14 this month. She has not yet had a crush on anybody. But I check in with her from time to time, and I’ve made clear that if it’s boys, or if it’s girls, either way it doesn’t matter to me, and I’ll support her no matter what.

  874. Hailey is so lucky to have you and Victor as parents and you are blessed with your beautiful and talented daughter.

  875. This has got to be one of the most normal things about your household, which sounds like a very loving place to live. 🙂

  876. I love you guys. As a 45 year old gay man, here’s my take on Pride, because I feel it’s important to understand. It’s not about “being prideful” in a way that denotes superiority, rather it’s about taking back one’s own pride to counter the SHAME that members of the LGBTQ+ community are made to feel about themselves from unenlightened (presumably heterosexual) people. Our Pride celebrations aren’t about some kind of vanity; with our celebrations we declare that we do not have anything to be ashamed of. We are good enough the way that we are, and we need not try to change that which is unchangeable about us. I tire of hearing that if we want to be equal we shouldn’t have such celebrations. It’s not about that. We are victims of discrimination. We are still being made to feel shame. Until all that goes away, Pride parades and celebrations are important.

  877. OK, I’m late to the party because I wasn’t able to sit down and read anything until today. I just want to add that I’m crying at the sweetness and openness and supportiveness of this. The love and togetherness of your family is so beautiful and admirable and I’m so happy for Hailey that she has such a great start in life. My best to all of you! 💞

  878. Thank you for this, it’s very applicable to my family right now and is great advice.

  879. I didn’t come out to anyone, including myself, until my mid twenties. Once I figured it out, looking back I was amazed I hadn’t known before. But the world was different back then. And I could not be more happy to hear that Hailey knows who she is at such a young age. I wish I could go back. I love that she won’t have to wish that. Thank you for sharing. It helps more people than you know.

  880. I think I would have responded the same way, I raised my three kiddos to be who they are and really who they decide to love or be is really up to them. I LOVE that Hailey is getting comfortable in her skin and is happy being who she is! I loved that you shared this, and I am sure it will help others see that there are people in this world who truly love without judgment <3

  881. When I came out 30 years ago, my Mom had to get advice from her spiritual counselor to know how to deal with me. Then we she stopped being upset, she made an apple crisp – the true sign that we’ll be OK. Then she started going to PFLAG meetings to really feel OK. It’s great that you’re supportive already without thinking about it.

  882. I’m so proud of Hailey and her supporters! I too am a lesbian and I can tell you it is not always easy. But love and support makes all the difference. Thank you for sharing and thank you for being a wonderful parent.

    Las Vegas Pride is October 19-21 if you want to start somewhere out of town. My first Pride was not my hometown and it helped me. I would love to have you all as my guests.

  884. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. And thank Hailey for letting you share. I have so much I’d like to say, but I’m having a majorly lacking in spoons day. I love how you celebrate your daughter. Never forget what a fucking awesome mom and person you are. (I’m bi, too. I’m almost 47 and still not completely out. Maybe one day…)

  885. Yay! Hailey, it is fabulous that you have the courage, support and self esteem to claim who you are. I am in the midst of a nasty divorce because my husband couldn’t claim his bisexuality….save lives….stand up for yourself.

  886. What an amazing, brave and beautiful young women. You have always supported her and nothing will change that!

  887. Every time you post about your daughter on your blog or Instagram, I am impressed with how awesome she is. Even more so with this post, she is brave and amazing. She is following in her Mom’s steps, sharing with the world, which inspires and encourages the rest of us.

  889. This is so important. Recently I was talking to my sister about why I get so worked up about equal rights (Australia here….finally we allow marriage equality). She said she didn’t know I was so open and supportive, and, quietly, that she’s pretty sure my nephew is gay. I told her that’s partly why I’m being loud now- to get our parents and family thinking about it so by the time he’s ready to come out, he won’t have to be quiet. He’ll just be accepted and loved. She cried. My nephew is glorious and to be cherished and protected.

  890. Also, it broke my heart she didn’t know I’d accept him (and already knew). We need to be louder. I love that kid.

  891. What an amazing post. I can see how it’s a fine line to walk between showing you’re fine with everything she does, yet still making her see that you care about her. I think you handled this all so well, you really gave you best as a mom for her!

  892. I took my son (14 at the time, self-announced as pan a year before), his best friend (gay, object of my son’s unrequited crush at the time), and school friend (Kara, 15, female, gender dysmorphic) to their – and my – first Pride festival last year. I am lesbian but had never been to one. We walked by the obligatory cluster of protesters waving their yellow and black Bible verse signs about burning in Hell and all that shit, and I told the kids, “Just don’t engage, it’s the meanest thing you can do to them.” Kara held up her middle finger to show me that she’d colored it with markers in a rainbow pattern. “No, that’s what this is for,” she explained. I am crazy about these kids. Hailey, be Hailey. High school kicks so much more ass and it gets even better after that. Be Hailey, as hard as you can. Sometimes that means resisting the temptation to allow your orientation to shape your social tribe. It’s super-important, but you also have to be true to the rest of you. Love this about yourself, and love all those other things, too.

  894. [completely ignoring the beautiful point of the post] Oh, man, do I want Hailey’s shirt!

  895. I finally sat down to read this post and I’m so glad I did. My son just turned 13 and told me Saturday that he’s gay. We’ve had many open discussions about sexuality and I’ve always made it very clear that no matter who my children are attracted to I will always fully support them. Their sexuality is only a part of the wonderful human being they are and will become in the future. I know I’m not the perfect parent, I make mistakes but I love my children unconditionally. It’s SO good to see that others do as well, as it should be.

  898. Thanks for sharing this Jenny. Our daughter just came out to us 2 weeks ago so it is fun to read your perspective. I’ve loved following Hailey’s story since she was only 4 and this is another beautiful chapter.

  899. Yes, I am very proud of her! But I am also very proud of her parents who raised such an amazing kid and deserve to be her parents! Kudos to all of you!

  900. You are lucky to have such an amazing daughter, and she is lucky to have you and Victor.

  902. Your daughter is amazing and so are you two! I LOVE this post and the support you’re giving Hailey. Look at the 900 comments and you’ll see [hopefully] a shit-ton of support here too!

    We have been raising our daughter to know that you are who you are, and we accept whoever that is. I would like to think this generation will get a better chance at acceptance.

    Love your family!

  903. So proud of Hailey and y’all. My little girl just started middle school and I will keep your experience in mind for whenever I may be in a similar situation! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing – I would have done the same thing as you and now I know I need to look through the lens my daughter is using. Mucho love to Hailey, Victor, and you!!

  904. I just painted faces at my first PRIDE festival. It was kind of amazing and really humbling and I heard the best coming-out story ever as recounted by a 15-year old girl who came out at 11. Her sister was supposed to sweep the kitchen and she was supposed to mop, but she didn’t. Her mom yelled at her, and she burst into tears. “Mom,” she said, “I’m going through a lot right now. I’m GAY!” Her mom paused, then replied, “Well, am I supposed to get you a Swiffer, or what?” Also, a couple of 13-year-olds schooled me on what it means to be pansexual and gender-fluid. The only downside to this post is I have secretly been planning that my son should marry your daughter. shrug. Hell with it, maybe they’ll be besties. He’s a great kid.

  906. Man, is she lucky to have you. Wonderful response, really. And how great that she gets to just be who she is. So many teens still don’t sadly. Keep on keepin’ on, H:).

  907. Hailey for president! You’ve got a wonderful daughter and she’s got wonderful parents. Thank you for sharing your journey.

  908. What a beautiful child you have, inside and out. I’m a mom of young boys and I appreciate the reminder that there is SO much love and beautiful acceptance in the world.

  909. I can’t decide if I want to be your mother, or want you to be mine. Maybe both. As someone said up above, you and Victor are amazing people, and you are raising a daughter who is just as amazing.

  910. That was… really cool. You’ve always been an amazing writer, but this… this is a new level. Your daughter is lucky to have you. If I am half as good when my daughter gets to 14, I’d consider myself a success.

  911. As a 65-year-old lesbian, I rejoice in your support and acceptance of your daughter as a lesbian and your defiance of anyone who would try to make her feel less human or unworthy of equality because of her sexual orientation. Please celebrate by getting her albums by two lesbians who helped pave the way for her: Meg Christian and Cris Williamson. Meg Christian’s music is not on iTunes because she withdrew from pubic life, but Cris’s music is. In fact, Cris recently toured–maybe you can take Hailey to see her in concert. Check Amazon for Meg’s CDs.

    Sadly, it is too controversial for me to tell you here the gravest danger young lesbians Hailey’s age face. Read the blog by 4thWaveNow and DM me on Twitter or email me if you have questions. I’m actually an authority on the issue based on research I’ve done for a book. I hope you will contact me so I can give you a brief overview of these dangers and tell you how to protect Hailey, and through Hailey, other young lesbians. You are in a unique position to do this.

  912. Okay, I already commented here, but I have to comment again because I finally read every single comment from everyone else. It makes me so so so so SO happy and hopeful and just brimming with joy, that there are over 900 positive supportive comments on this post. Your post was amazing, but seeing all these comments is even more amazing. Sometimes it’s really hard not to look at the loud anti-gay stuff, and wonder how many people actually accept us… And then I look at these comments, so many comments about sons and daughters and relatives and so much overwhelming acceptance. So, this is to everyone here in the comments section, THANK YOU.

  913. A. This post was very confusing, because while I was reading it, and the 7 trillion comments, I had the radio on to a discussion of Nikki Haley.
    B. Too bad Hailey is too young to vote!
    C. You and Victor are VERY mean 20 Questions players.
    D. Love you all.

  915. Hailey is an amazing, well-balanced and good hearted child, (from what we’ve heard). Last year, after much angst, anxiety and stress, my sister came out. She is a lesbian. And she told me first. Nothing has changed between us, apart from the fact that we are closer now. You do YOU, Hailey. Your sexual orientation changes nothing! Well done for knowing yourself so well already. I am 35, and I STILL can’t say for certain who I am. You’re awesome and your parents are amazing.

  916. Proud of each and every one of you Lawsons – for so many reasons. Go, Hailey, go!

  917. Sooooooo much love for you all. The world needs more of you. Your whole family. Tha ks for sharing your story Haley! You brave, wonderful, magical unicorn. Xo

  918. Hailey is a strong and amazing young woman and is so fortunate to have understanding, loving, and supportive parents in Victor and yourself. If there is a GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network) in your area I encourage Hailey and you to check it out. In addition to working for safe schools, in my area they have a weekly youth group, a fantastic and kixk-ass safe prom, and other terrific events and educational opportunities. I hope there is an equally wonderful chapter in your area. http://www.glsen.org

  919. My daughter came out in high school. I had the same reaction as you because she’s my daughter and I love her. I told her the same rules apply to her as her straight sibling, find someone to love & be sure before you become intimate. No sleeping around! Take care of yourself, your mind & your health. To this day I don’t know if she wanted a big reaction or not, maybe I’ll ask her..

  921. I think you guys are amazing parents! Hailey is a wonderful teen and she’s on her way to great things!

  923. Every time you post (here/Insta/wherever) I get more and more impressed by Hailey. She’s exactly who I’d have wanted to be friends with when I was in high school. <3

  924. It is a gift to know who you are! Big hugs to Hailey and to you and Victor for supporting her.

  925. Yup…I think you might just be telling my future story. My 10 year old daughter has made claims she is uncomfortable as a girl and wants to be a boy Given her age, I suggested she keep exploring what feels right to her. This post helps me (thank you Hailey for letting your mom share some of your story) because I have no idea how to navigate this and not making a big deal of it does seem like a way to show that you love them for all the other stuff and I probably would have made that mistake myself. If in the near future claims are made at my table, I will know to say fuck the syrup, tell me more. Thank your for this.

  928. Hailey is your daughter and you love her. Period. You and Victor have raised an amazing young woman. She is not defined by her sexuality, but rather by her loving and caring for others. I agree with the others here, you have been blessed with such a daughter.

  929. You and Victor are terrific for being so great with everything. And Hailey, you are wonderful for being so brave. My son came out as bisexual at around the same age but things evolved, as they do, and she is now my exceptional daughter and a lesbian. I couldn’t be prouder of her for her strength to be who she needs to be. I tripped up by being too easygoing about it all too. I think we try so hard to make no fuss about these things, when they do deserve a fuss. It’s a hard line to walk, and you seem to have done it brilliantly.

  930. Love, love, love you and your family and this amazing group.
    Many years ago when my sister in law came out to the family my husband responded with “Great! Now we can go out and pick up chicks together.” (I wasn’t around at that point)

  931. We already knew through your blog that Hailey was awesome. She still is and I’m thrilled for her to have such amazing parents.

  932. Hailey,
    Thank you for allowing your mom to share more of you to us. I hope someday our sexual identity will be “no big deal” and I can only see that happening if really amazing people like yourself remain authentic to who you are. Love never needs to be justified or explained.

  933. I know you’ll never see this comment because there are more than 900 of them (!), but this post means so much to me. My daughter is almost 12 and came out to me this year. My reaction was very similar to yours, because I love her no matter who she loves. I also thought that she might be “trying on” being gay because she was seeking a sense of community. I’m still not sure how her sexuality identity will develop over time, but I will support her no matter what. Thanks for sharing Hailey’s story!

  934. I came out in 1984 in southeast Missouri. Things were different then and I’m so very glad it’s easier for kids now. Thank you for being amazing parents. Hailey will do great things in this world.

  935. As a mom of a transgender kid, an asexual kid, and a heterosexual kid, I support you and your kid. 🙂

  936. This is the greatest thing I’ve seen on the internet in years. These kiddos are going to, literally, save the planet and that fills me with more gladness than tacos (which are a close second). Kudos to you Jenny and to pretty Hailey! You’re both so inspiring. I’ve got two “atypical” kiddos and seeing a blossoming culture of openness and acceptance, that frankly did not exist a short time ago, is so uplifting. Love you guys.

  939. I am so happy that your daughter is getting to live her true life, with such a wonderful mother to support her. As an asexual, transgender woman I have only just begun to come out and start to live my life fully. With all the dark stories these days, it always lifts my heart to hear one of a loving family like yours.
    Happy National Coming Out Day. I wish all the best for you and your family.

  940. She CAN WHISTLE. That is so cool. The rest of her is awesome too, but really, she needs to know that not everyone can whistle.

  941. Jenny, what you and Hailey just did is so important and so brave. For reasons too complicated to go into, I currently teach in an extremely conservative Catholic school where kids are taught that being gay “isn’t real.” Not that it is wrong, but that it doesn’t exist. I didn’t know all of this when I started working there, and it is hard every single day. I am bi but not out because it would jeopardize my job (obviously) and I am heartbroken that any of our LGBTQ kids are being exposed to this message. Since I’ve already decided I’m not coming back next year (duh), I plan to refer kids to the Trevor Project the next time this comes up. I’m so glad that Hailey has such wonderful parents and such a supportive community behind her. She is a superhero, and so are you.

  942. I’m proud of you, Hailey and it is an incredible thing to know who you are and stand in your truth so young. It’s actually a brave thing to do at any age. To stand in your truth is not easy. It’s the reason we were born, that and love, I think. Becoming our true selves in a world where people want to tell you what to be is the best thing and the hardest thing and it never ends, but in some ways it’s easy- because it just takes listening to what you know already know deep inside you is true. Jenny, you are the most wonderful mom to share your journey with all of us and to trust us in this way with Hailey’s light. It’s helping others to be brave, too. You’re both teachers. All the hugs. xx Heidi

  943. Proud of you, Haley! My child, Finn is intersex. Congrats in knowing yourself and I am so glad you have a fantastic loving home! Jenny, you are awesome and we’re proud of you, too! Way to go, momma! I am an ally.

  945. I can’t believe she is a teenager. I’ve been following you for years but in my head she still 8 or maybe 10 years old. I love your honesty. Thanks for sharing.

  946. Way to go Hailey! Way to go Mom and Dad as well! I am bisexual transgender man living in, wait for it…Alabama. But it could always be worse. I could live in Mississippi (I realize this joke is only funny to people who live in Alabama and that the rest of the country are not aware that we are actually slightly superior to our westward neighbor. Or so I hear people say on an almost daily basis). I come from a family that believes my gender and sexuality is detrimental to their children’s wellbeing. Because you know, the will probably never meet a member of the lgbtq population. Or a democrat for that matter. So there is certainly no reason to teach children to love uncondiotinally or accept others who are different. Right? As a result, I have been “disowned”. Can you be disowned at 28? I don’t know. But what I do know is you’re right; Hailey is very fortunate. I teared up a bit because if my family had put in a quarter of the effort you and Victor did, my transition would not have been as difficult and lonely. I say “as difficult” because when the legitimacy and even legality of someone’s identity or sexuality is so widely debated, we will always have to listen to garbage people spout their weird rhetoric while they get divorced for third time for having yet another affair . Regardless of how many people accept and love us, I think we all go through a period(s) when these things get to us. And that sucks. But at the same time, we are really lucky. I think so anyways. In my experience the people who aren’t accepting generally turn out to be some pretty hardcore assholes. It’s a “weeding out” process of sorts. The opposite is true as well. Not 100% of course. I can say though, the people who have stayed or the new people I’ve met along the way, would without a doubt destroy anyone who said/did anything shitty to me. That kind of loyalty is priceless. I’m so glad Hailey has that in her parents. It’s the way it should be. Also, since I can be disowned, I have decided I can also put myself up for adoption. So I am available for anyone looking to adopt a giant man child, eat a lot, and may or may not have a slight shopping addiction. 😁

  948. I’m so happy for all of you. And btw, she looks so much like you Jen! Beautiful daughter inside and out. 🙂

  949. This made me ugly cry for all the best reasons! You have an amazing kid. She’s strong, smart, talented, caring and independent. We all strive to be some one like that. Proud of having ppl like you and her in our world.

  950. This text is great and she is a lucky daughter and I guess I can understand where she’s coming from if she was actually a little disappointed that no bigger discussion about it occured. It shouldn’t be a big deal anyway and in that sense, you managed the situation perfectly 🙂 I’ve been to a fair share of Pride parades and I still think they are a little weird but in a good way. Even if all we do there is celebrating diversity, that’s still a good thing 🙂

  951. I am proud of Hailey! You and Victor are so lucky to have raised such a lovely, strong young woman.

  955. Crying just a little at this wondrous thing… She’s a beautiful person, all round, and so are you. Big hugs!

  956. My comment will get lost in all the supportive and positivity here so I’ll just say I’m also here for tacos and for someone to tell me i’m pretty. Pretty as a taco.

  957. You were, and are an amazing Mom. You never know with kids and don’t want to over react or underneath. I have a friend who was terminally embarrassed by his Mom throwing a coming out party as a surprise for him when he. wasn’t ready to share. So I think you clearly made her know you loved her. And in the end that’s what matters. You respond as best you can and in the end she knows you love and respect her. We don’t get a manual with our kids and just do our best. To make sure they always know they are amazing. Hooray for Hailey and her awesome parents.

  958. With 962 comments to this blog post, you probably won’t get to this one but just gotta say, I stumbled upon thebloggess.com by accident years ago and laughed so hard. About the same time I read Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and laughed so hard. It was a couple years before I made the connection. I’m a 59 year old, healthy and fit widow, not exactly your target audience. I want to first say, thank the goodness in this world that being gay is pretty much normalized and your reaction two years ago beats the pants off a lot of parents. The second thing I want to say is, the 962 comments before mine give me goosebumps that there are a lot of kind, decent people who “trump” with loving acceptance in this era of Trump. Hailey was adorable in photos from the UK trip. I’ve just returned from 10 days in Ireland and it was magical. Falconry in Adare, amazing! Keep being you. My mother had very serious mental issues. I, luckily, did not inherit them.

  959. I hadn’t even thought that my not reacting because it wasn’t a big deal to you (from an accepting POV) that it came across and not a big deal to her. We try so hard as parents to not overreact to our teens and ‘be cool’ about things but it’s a good reminder to consider it from their side and not only listen but also let them know you really hear them. I have a 15 year old who is navigating through some tough times so I feel ya sister! Your daughter reminds me of a girl from a black & white movie in the ’40’s – interesting, deep and clever. Her future is so bright and she’s lucky to have some pretty badass parents to support her. <3

  961. As the proud mom of a 24 year old lesbian, I stand strong with you! I’m glad you both support her and hope your family does too. My daughter has been disowned by a few family members, but as far as we’re concerned, no big loss!
    My daughter, Heidi, adores you so much that she dressed up in a nice shirt and tie when we came to see you in AZ, and we talked to you very briefly about her struggle with depression and anxiety.
    Thank you for being a great role model, intentional or not, about keeping your sense of humor about your life. And all I can think now, is that Hailey is such a lucky girl to have you for a mom to help guide her through life! Much love to you both!!!
    Haha, I just realized you and I are Jenny and Gena, and our daughters are Hailey and Heidi! <3

  962. You are all an inspiration, and this is why I read your blog. Hailey, you are beautiful, you are strong, and you are wise. 💚💛🏳️‍🌈💙💜

  963. Accepting her is beautiful. Thank you from the adolescent I was who knew in no uncertain terms I would not be accepted. I now live my truth and my amazing sister, Kyla, is a loving supporter and advocate.

  964. Hailey is an amazing young lady and lucky to have parents who let her be who she is in a world that can be confusing and scary. Love you Jenny, huge fan of yours!

  966. Hailey is a an amazing person and you and Victor are great parents, fumbles and all!

    Having the self-confidence to declare who you are is something I wasn’t able to do until I was in my late 20’s (I’m asexual) and I was scared when I finally said it out loud to my nearest and dearest. Having support from parents and friends when you open up about feeling different, is never assured, no matter how much you know they love you.
    You are a lucky family to have each other!

  968. Congrats to Hailey for feeling confident enough to be completely open and out. She’s fortunate to have a supportive mom, and a network of friends and allies.

    I knew I wasn’t straight as a small child, and came out as bi* to my mom while in middle school [well, I had my school counselor tell her, and she just said “okay” in response]. She was very prudish at the time and we never, ever talked about it, not even when I took another girl to prom. But even though we never talked about it, I knew she accepted me as I was because we’d previously discussed that her best friend in high school was a gay man. Now [25 years later] we talk about it and she wears an #ALLY pin with a pride ribbon on her work uniform in support of me.

    *As an adult I learned about the entire LGBTQ spectrum and realised that I’m actually pansexual, which is “under the bi umbrella”.

  970. Go, Haley! And learn cursive, love letters, to anyone, are better in pretty handwriting.

  971. She is absolutely stunning. And undoubtedly whip-smart. And so lucky to have you.

  972. The identity thing is tricky. My dad recently came out as gay and I fully support him. Maybe too much since now I keep getting labeled a lesbian. I’m not, just a fat, single chick who can’t be bothered with fashion. People feel safer when they can slap a label on you.

  973. Super late to the party on reading this blog post but I wanted to say this warms my heart and gives me hope and makes me want to cry happy tears. Please let Hailey know that people like me who have never met her in real life love hearing about her and are cheering her on in everything she does. She is so bright and cool and sweet and full of life that everything she does just leaps off the page. I love seeing her in your stories and on your Instagram. She is such an amazing girl and I am so glad that I get to be in a world that both you and her are in. Sending love from Tucson, AZ.

  974. Pingback: Something Good | A Thousand Shades of Gray

  976. I grew up in the era of Queen and Bowie- people swing different ways at different times and those who stay in one way or another are just as ok as those who vary. Life is a wonderful thing. May your lovely daughter have a life full of energy and calm of sweetness and the occasional taste of tart just to liven up the mix. I am straight but I have three very dear friends who live very different lives- their points of view, their loves, their passions are all marvelous and worthy of celebration. I wish your lovely daughter freedom, love and responsibility.
    -a Canadian, who has seen more than a decade since gay marriage became law, and remarkably, the world and the family survived, nicely thank you very mucy

  977. What a beautiful kid, inside and out. It’s pretty cool to know who you are at fourteen; I know a lot of adults who haven’t gotten there yet. FWIW, I think your response was totally appropriate and great. Middle schoolers are a tricky business and it’s easy to second guess how your response was taken, where you could have done better, understood more, etc, but honestly, the biggest takeaways are support and unconditional love, and I promise that will be what she remembers the most. You’re doing great.

  978. Wonderful, I’ve so enjoyed watching her grow up and reading your post’s about her. Now she’s a beautiful young woman and knows herself. You guys are the best 💕💕💕💕

  979. I just discovered a rainbow flag on my daughters Instagram account. What does it mean? Ally/trying the fit/open declaration? Who knows and I’m not going to ask because she has to work through this for herself and be ready for herself. But this post just helped tremendously with all the mama bear angst I was feeling about how to support and protect her. Both my instincts to protect and my rational mind to wait for her to bring it up have been confirmed. Thank you.

  980. Not only that, but she’s polite enough to pass the syrup. Any (back then) pre-teenager who does that is amazing. Yeah, I’m being flip because, eh, why not? I’m 55 and the closest I’ve ever come to parenting is living with a cat who will turn 19 in February. Cluelessness is part of my job description, and if you don’t believe it, just ask the cat.

  981. This makes me so happy. Love and hugs to all of you, especially the amazing Hailey!!

  984. My stepdaughter is 13 and also told us that she was a lesbian right before turning 12. We also acted like it was not a big deal, for the same reasons…except, in her case, that helped. She was really worried it would be a big deal for others. So don’t beat yourself up too much about your initial reaction…it’s the whole journey that matters in the end.

  985. This is the best pick-me-up post ever. I’m so happy for you all. She’s a bad ass and you’re a fucking awesome mom.

  987. Hailey is an inspiration to me. Thank you Jenny and Victor for raising her to be a person I can look up to!

  990. Pingback: Elsa is Gay and So Am I – holly loves john

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading