My biggest accomplishment of the week

in Random Crap

Also, I sent this video to my friend by text and she was like, “OMG what” and then I realized that the video didn’t go through but I still thought it was pretty impressive and then I realized that I’d texted “I taught my cat how to fist because I need encouragement and don’t like to leave the house” and I had to explain that I did not teach my cat how to fist because ew, and also this whole thing explains why I never leave the house.

83 thoughts on “My biggest accomplishment of the week”

Read comments below or add one.

  6. I almost didn’t read the paragraph after the instagram pic, but I’m so glad I did. First big laugh I’ve had all day.

  9.         Gorgeous cat! How much food was involved in training her to do that?

    (An embarrassing amount of dog treats, actually. ~ Jenny)

  14. Hi Jenny,
    Teaching your cat to fist pump is definitely an accomplishment. Teaching a cat to do anything is an accomplishment to be honest. But I think they taught you how to teach them to do stuff because they don’t belong to us…….we belong to them…….creepy huh? lol

  15. Personaly, I like the nonchalance the cat has. “No BFD, I’ll give you what you need, Human.”

  16. Bawhahahaha I can’t stop laughing. Now your friend thinks your cats into fisting 😂😂😂. However I am totally proud of the fist bump. But I’m still laughing so hard im crying

  17. So far I haven’t been able to teach either of the huskies to shake yet. Getting a cat to fist bump on command is super impressive! If you ever need a virtual fist bump, I offer up all the virtual fist bumps you need. You know, if the cat is napping or something. 🙂

  18. Thanks for the always needed end-of-the-long-week laugh. I imagine the particular choice of words in the post is going to make your site pop up in a lot of unsavory Google searches! 🤣🤣

  23. We taught both our wobbly cats (CH) to fist bump when we say “Pound it!” It’s the best thing ever.

  24. Obviously, my cats aren’t as smart as I hoped they were because they won’t fist bump. Or any other cool thing. They are just poo factories and attention hogs. 😉

  26. I do not like to leave the house either. Therapist, doctor appointments and grocery shopping when absolutely necessary but otherwise I just want to be home.

  27. I made it through 9/10 of my Wednesday this week before I realized that my pants were on inside out. I am a teacher. A lot of people saw this.

  29. Great! Now find a cure for cat allergies so that I can do this too!

    I did once train our late great black lab to ring a bell, and it was doubly satisfying because the bell bore the slogan WINE PLEASE.

  31. Oh, <3 She looks just like my Samara that I lost last summer. I just love it when you post videos and photos of Rolly, I think they were sisters from a distant mister.

  32. OK – so the thought of the cat fisting you was the one that made the watermelon shoot out of my mouth…but the actual FIST BUMPING – PRICELESS!! I wish i could upload my Moxie playing outfielder for the Yankees (ok he’s just catching balls in my bedroom) but he brings them back and REALLY enjoys the thrill of the catch! He’s my workmate so well – we bond:) XO XStacy

  34. Wow! I can’t train the darned dog to shake hands. Major props to you. Also, because I am behind on everything, your daughter rocks and you and Victor are amazing parents. Your books made me cry/laugh and it wasn’t pretty! I love your perspective on life.

  35. When a cat makes that face it means they’re pleased with you. They’re always pleased with themselves.

  36. LOL!! I am definitely in the wrong place reading this. I burst out laughing 😂 at your intro and did not stop. This one cool cat!

  37. OH MY GOD, I am working the reference desk in a library, and that actually made me LOL. Coworker turned and asked if everything was ok.

    On a side note: now I totally need to teach my cat to fist bump!!!

  39. I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE!! I do I do I do!!
    I am almost always smiling by the end! Thank you for letting us share your life. I wish I was your next door neighbor. Never a dull moment!!

  43. Or did he teach YOU to give him cookies when he touches your hand? His expression says he’s not sure if you’re going to feed him or eat him.

  44. I was going to make a very bad joke about a pussy learning how to fist but I decided against it. Well done, Jenny. Well done.

  46. Brilliant!

    I collapsed in front of my CEO and CFO at a conference and was wheelchaired out by friends friends of mine who would help me travel home. When the CEO texted to see how I was doing a few hours later, my “My friends are babying me endlessly” text turned into “My friends are banging me endlessly.” When I realized what happened, my friends and I became 12-year-olds and started screaming “Bad Touch!” in the airport which kind of cancelled out my embarrassment with the CEO.

  49. That’s a text my friends would expect from me. I am notorious for leaving out a vital word here and there.

  51. Superb!

    So my cousin sent me the blog about Beyonce yesterday. I was laughing soooooo hard. I then read it to my husband who has inadvertently indicated that his life is boring to him. You’ve inspired me to find ways to make his life more interesting. That was my warning to him. My Brad is not easily ruffled either. This should be fun.

    You are an inspiration in so many ways. I love what I’ve read about your handling of your daughter’s coming out and since.

    I sent a text to my favorite aunt/mother figure once; ” Happy Thanksgiving! I lice you!!!” I still laugh about it.

    That can never top teaching my cat to fist or texting the CEO that my friends were banging me endlessly after I passed out in front of him. I bust out laughing. It is something I would do a though. Definitely.

    I think I found my flock.

  52. Absolutely love that you used dog treats to train your cat. Too hilarious! I trained my former cat to do a bunch of fun stuff, but the current one is too much of a psycho.

  53. @ Stephanie, comment #27: I once wore two of the same shoes to school, but one brown and one black. I took a photo and at the end of the day sent a text to just about everyone that said, “Here’s how my day was. Hope yours was better!”

  56. Oh that is so cute!!!!!! I’m impressed, I can’t even get my dog to do that. You should be very proud of yourself. 🙂

  57. Am I weird? I called my first cat Mr. KITTY. MY MOM HAD 50 CATS WHEN I WAS GROWING UP! MY MOTHER’S MOM GAMMA WHOSE BIRTHDAY TODAY IS 82 SHE ONCE HAD OVER 100 CATS!

  60. Impressive video…cat seems to dig it. The text thing…I’m pretty sure auto correct would do that even if you said fist bump….I think perhaps typing on tiny letters on your phone or iPad when excited makes us accept anything and then we realize you can’t take it back. Sometimes we all need our electronic devices to question if we really want to send something out. However I still make weird errors because I bypass this too quickly as well.

  61. We taught our youngest this at like 1.5 years but my husband would combine pound it and bump it and say pump it. It always sounded terribly wrong ; )

  62. A new co-worker sent an email to a company who wanted to make a big purchase and instead of saying it was a pleasure talking to you he said it was pleasuring talking to you. Fortunately, he also typed the wrong email address.

  63. I have lost count of the number of instances where I’ve seen ‘fist’ used incorrectly on accident, usually by people who have no clue about the inappropriate meaning. Rolly looks like he is humoring you, like ‘my human is weird but I’ll do it’.

  65. So, of course I had to google “cat fist” and it loos like it’s sticking your hand into a swamp, hoping a catfish will try to eat your arm. That sounds really red-necky and like something my husband’s family probably did when he was growing up. But it didn’t make me go “Ew!” So am I missing something or is it just because I’m married to a man whose brother stabbed himself in the abdomen with his hunting knife and had to have his intestine sewn back into his body? Is this not a normal thing?

  67. How in the living hell did you tech a cat, let me repeat that, a CAT to do that?? I have a houseful if the little shits and they won’t do anything I ask them to. They’re proficient in barfing up haiballs so I suppose I should give credit where credit is due.

  68. I worry that watching scary movies will erase all the hard work that you did to manage your anxiety and your TMS therapy. Watching anxiety provoking movies may make your brain go back to using neurological pathways that used to cause you so much anxiety. I just think that you should consider watching funny-scary shows like “Pushing Daisies,” “Dead Like Me,” or “Zombieland” which may not have so much of a fear factor.

  69. One of the first things i taught my cat was tip fist bump… and then we added all kinds of other tricks… and now i just dress him up in ridiculous costumes. Basically I win at adulting, and coping with stress, because being ridiculous with him is apparently what I do instead of actually dealing with problem s.

  70. Aw, I love this! Your cat is so sweet 🙂 Mine left me this summer and every time I see a cute cat photo or video it’s this bittersweet thing of remembering how absolutely amazing she was and how sad I am that she isn’t with me anymore.

  71. Love it when our pets do amazing stuff! I am a big fan of “Quincy the dog” on YouTube. He does this Woo-Woo howl about things. I got our Lucador (chihuahua) to do what I call the Quincy woo-woo and I felt I had accomplished so much for the week and it was only Thursday! High five to you for winning the Interwebs for the day!

  72. Love it when our pets do amazing stuff! I am a big fan of “Quincy the dog” on YouTube. He does this Woo-Woo howl about things. I got our Luchador (chihuahua) to do what I call the Quincy woo-woo and I felt I had accomplished so much for the week and it was only Thursday! High five to you for winning the Interwebs for the day!

  74. OK, I read this and literally laughed out loud. Poor cat, the things you do to it.

  76. One of our cats is currently pissed at us for adopting a second, younger, more energetic dog, so she’s hiding in the laundry room. So…if I had decided to teach her how to fist bump, I probably would have noticed that I hadn’t dried the wash in the washer. Probably.

    We did end up re-washing the same load a whole bunch earlier this summer when we kept doing yard work and forgetting that laundry also happens.

  79. Jenny Lawson might be my spirit animal. If I had a few people (who claim to know me) read “Furiously Happy”, they would think I have molded myself to be like Jenny Lawson. But I only just learned about her when I bought the book with the awesome, insanely happy raccoon on the cover. I totally bought the book because of the raccoon. Now I want to buy all her books and read all she has to say. By page 47, when she mentions her friend Neil, I put the book down and decided…I don’t exactly know what I decided. But I had to find the blog, and comment how wonderfully unique and random, mostly random, you are! I never thought books would make me cry, but when I was in my late twenties, one of Jodi Piccoult’s books made me cry. Now I cry reading sad things. I also never thought I would not laugh out loud reading books, until now. Your writing has made me laugh out loud, by myself, scaring my dogs! I look forward to reading more!

  80. Showed video to my cat, read blog to her, held out my clenched hand and said, “Fist bump!” Cat stared at me a moment before closing eyes and yawn going back to sleep. So … boring my cat into unconsciousness is what I have accomplished so far….

  81. Is it awful that I admire both your teaching skills and his toe floof?

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