Stop grinding on Jesus

in Random Crap

A friend on Facebook had this on her wall and I though it was a joke… 

…but apparently she did not because she explained that kids today are too sexualized and need to know to leave room for the holy spirit because that keeps them from dancing too close and rubbing their junk together and I guess I get the concept but wouldn’t that mean that now they’re all rubbing their junk on Jesus?  Because that seems like you’re just trading one problem for a bigger one.  So I was like, “Stop grinding on Jesus.  He doesn’t have time for dirty dancing menage-a-trois.  He’s got shit to do.”

And that’s the third person who unfriended me this week.

215 thoughts on “Stop grinding on Jesus”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. The couple in the background either looks jealous of the menage or jealous of the couple dancing with jesus. either way it’s weird.

  6. I admit that even though I’m super busy at work today, the title of this post would not allow me to wait to read it. I was not disappointed (I went to Catholic school and have heard the “make room for Jesus” saying, but have never personally grinded…. ground?!?? Jesus

  8. Hahahahahahaha! You don’t need those humorless people on your timeline anyway.

  14. For my money, White Dogmatic Jesus is the creepiest of all zombies, and I do not want my kids rubbing their junk against him.

  16. The image is just disturbing on so many levels, okay the kids images are disturbing. But maybe so is the image of Jesus in between the two kids dancing in the forefront. I have nothing else to say about this, and don’t worry Jenny you might have gotten unfriended but you have your witches coven to fall back on. So when is our first meeting?

  19. Now I’m imagining Jesus running up to dancing high schoolers like “Leave some room for me to get in on this thing! Oh yeah!”

  20. That is no friend of yours…obviously cant handle the level of savage you deliver
    Buh-Bye

  24. You seriously made me laugh so hard! I wish more people could get a giggle, I mean, life is far too short to never laugh. Laughter heals the soul!

  26. Your logic is flawless. Besides, look at Jesus’s face. “Excuse me, can I just … Look I’ve really got to …”

  27. I have no comment, except this made me laugh (and then I told Jesus that I’m sorry I did).

  31. Hello. Graduate of 13 years of Catholic school here. This is a thing we were told. I always snickered to myself when I heard it. Thank you for validating me 18 years later. 😀

  32. I always heard it was leave room for the Holy Spirit and as everyone knows, the Holy Spirit is thinner than Jesus and doesn’t have junk to grind.

  34. My sister-in-law was principal at a catholic school. At school dances, she would actually get IN BETWEEN the couples and say, “Make room for the Holy Spirit!” Yeah, she’s tons o’ fun at parties…

  35. “Excuse me, may i cut in”? hahahahaha! i think Jesus wants IN on the action. We all have shit to do, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of others!

  37. Yeah, we laughed about it in Sunday School, too. But hey. When I was that little I didn’t want to touch boys at all! In high school either, tbh, because not all of them had discovered how to use soap or shampoo.

  39. Thankfully The Viking and I accept the old Gods – Thor and Odin and Loki, et al – and those heathen bastards LOVE grinding…….with anyone BUT Jesus. They didn’t really get the whole Jesus thing.

  40. OFFS. Get a sense of humor, please.

    Plus we all know that Jesus isn’t that color, which makes it even funnier.

    Pam, St. Louis

  41. I work with a lot of religious people and someone actually said that a couple of months ago, to which I laughed hysterically, thinking she was kidding. She was not. My favourite sign is “Take Jesus on vacation with you”—I had a field day with that one, imagining him at the Waterpark or camping.

  42. This is hilarious. But on a more serious note, those kids are nowhere near old enough to be grinding on Jesus. Isn’t the age of consent 16? And shouldn’t it be higher if the guy the kids are grinding on is 2000+ years old?

  43. Wait. I’m half Jewish (the -ish half), and I would like to choose a different “leave room for” person. How about Natalie Portman? Because I think she’d be really interesting to talk to, and bonus: she’s quite petite, so I’d still probably be able to feel my dance partner right through her.

    That… that sounded better in my head.

  44. You know, I really don’t think that’s Jesus anyway; I think that’s a Jesus stunt double working for Ken Ham.

  46. If enough people unfriend your personal profile, then that’ll make room for me to request! Yay. 😁 I promise I’ll never post pictures of kids grinding on Jesus! 😂

  49. “Mother Teresa didn’t walk around complaining about her thighs. She had shit to do”– Sarah Silverman

  51. Too funny. I SMH at all of the “Jesus-speak” church references. I really get annoyed when bouncy Christian women talk about Jesus as their “bridegroom”. He’s NOT a bridegroom, if he were, he’d be here in the flesh and he could be treated like a real bridegroom should be treated. it’s sick. And I have news for the bouncy Christian women: Jesus was probably nowhere near as handsome as the paintings make him out to be. But if that keeps you coming back….

  52. P.S. I got chastised on a site the other day, when the discussion was, if you could have lunch with any fictional character, who would it be and what would you talk about and I replied, “God. I’d tell him/her he’s got some serious explaining to do; plus he owes me money, so he can pay the bill.” (That’s me; your grumpy old womin making friends everywhere I go.)

  55. At least the Catholics let you dance with Jesus. I grew up Baptist. Baptist Jesus doesn’t dance. Or go to movies. Or drink, smoke or have premarital sex. Baptist Jesus never gets invited to parties.

  56. Gives a whole new meaning to Dancing with Stars! Can’t get any more famous than Jesus! Let’s have a Witches Coven meeting!The full moon is on the October 24. I have a Dicord Chat https://discord.gg/RMv5yp4 where Artists meet. It can be our Witches Coven hangout. I do daily Tarot readings there!

  58. I heard the save room for Jesus thing at Jr. High dances. The freaking nuns were running triathlons all over the place trying to find space for Jesus but we just tag teamed each other until the nuns gave up. Our Lady of Perpetual Grinding heard our pleas.

  60. The nuns always said to ‘leave room for the Holy Spirit’ in Catholic school. LOL

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  63. I’m so torn between worrying about being struck by lightning just for laughing hysterically at this, and sharing this image with the world.

    Or I might get fired because I’m doing it at work.

  64. If only Kavanaugh had mentioned a Jesus’s Triangle instead of the Devil’s Triangle, Beach Week wouldn’t have been so debated.

  65. A Jesus sandwich… hmmm. Yeah, you’re right, I don’t think Jesus would be down with that, he’s way too busy to be acting as a chastity belt at middle school dances.

  66. Does the little Jesus with tiny hands bother anyone else. Weird. Everything about it is weird. A grown man (even a tiny one) shouldn’t be grinding with kids on the dance floor.

  67. I got kicked out of a high school dance because I wasn’t making room for Jesus. (I was dancing to “Push It” by Salt N Pepa, so you can see why that would be difficult) I walked right back in through the open floor-to-ceiling window and continued to dance (and not make room for Jesus). When I got home, I told my mom and stepdad they might get a call from my Lutheran high school, and explained why. My stepdad laughed so hard he had tears streaming down his face, and my mom high-fived me.

  68. After reading the comments, I’m pleased my Catholic high school gave up at some point. As long as all we were clothed, they didn’t say too much. By this measure, we likely shouldn’t hug either.

  69. “Stop grinding on Jesus” LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Hey, maybe Jesus likes it. Didn’t think of that now didja? Maybe that’s a threesome going on there.

    (How far down the rabbit hole can we go here?)

  70. I honestly lol’d at ‘stop grinding on Jesus’. And now my mom is rolling in her grave, and I’m going to hell. But I already know I’m going to hell, because I sold my soul in order to meet my favorite musician.

  71. Oh dear. The couple in the background don’t appear to be leaving room for Jesus either. I guess he can’t be dancing with everyone at once… what a shame.
    Like you, I would have assumed it was a joke, not to be taken quite so seriously.
    Anyone who’s met, encountered, or read your stuff could predictably guess what direction your reaction to that picture would have taken.
    You didn’t need those people as Facebook friends anyway.

  72. After reading the comments, I’m pleased my Catholic high school gave up at some point. As long as all we were clothed, they didn’t say too much. By this measure, we likely shouldn’t hug either.

  73. I always JOKINGLY tell my daughter and her boyfriend to “leave room for Jesus” when they’re sitting together or snuggling, I’m so glad I now have a meme to go with it! . But I think this actually is a thing for people. To each his own I guess. I don’t always agree with your stances on some things, but I know they never come from a bad or hurtful place. It’s always funny, even if i don’t always agree it still gives me a chuckle. People need to laugh more and stop getting butthurt so easily. Besides, how boring would it be if everyone always agrees all the time?,

  74. Those people have no sense of humor! Besides, if Jesus wants a dance with me..he can just wait his turn! In fact, I am not even going to give him a dance! Being all pushy! No dance for you, Mister!!

    E

  75. Also: thanks a lot, now I can’t get the image of dancers grinding on Jesus out of my head. I’m picturing the scene from Dirty Dancing where they talk about “This is your dance space, and this is my dance space” and replacing it with “This is Jesus’ dance space. Don’t grind on Jesus.”

  76. They look like brother and sister, so if they needed the warning from Jesus to stop dancing so close, they REALLY needed the warning.

  79. That is too funny! I love how you see things and life. Sometimes we are just too serious and we just need to take a break and laugh a life’s imperfections. And play on words.

  80. Mydangblog : There is someone who works in the same building..they have a bumper sticker with “Do you follow Jesus this close” on it. I always think: “Ewww! I’m not following either of you! I’m just parking here!”

    E

  81. Exactly. A three-way is A-OK when Jesus is involved. I’m pretty sure that’s from the book of Chad in the Bible.

  82. Jenny, if I still had a Facebook account, I would immediately friend you because of your comment.

  87. I wish people would block me instead of foisting their ridiculous opinions on me. It would be easier on everyone. Thumbs up!

  90. That’s probably for the best. I have little time for friends who want to get uptight about things that are not actually that big a deal. Like Jesus, I also have a lot of shit to do.

  93. Sorry, I’m still stuck on Fenton! Jesus Christ! Fenton!

    But leaving some room for Jesus… shouldn’t you back up even more so there’s space between him and you?

    How many kids dance like that anyway? I mean, in the traditional ‘waltz’ position? Now I’m thinking of Dirty Dancing (Patrick Swayze) and ‘this is my dance space; this is your dance space’. Should that be what they teach kids if they’re going to waltz? Not some part of the Trinity that might or might not be a Ghost depending on when you were raised and how stuck in their ways your parents were

  94. I can’t even. I cannot. Ok, I will. A Baptist preacher tried to tell us Diciples of Christ kids, ( don’t be fooled by the name. We were the wild ass, social justice, dancing denomination) that girls dancing enticed boys to have sexual thoughts. In my head I said, “Yeah, that’s part of the point.” Out loud I said, “ I don’t see how that’s my problem. I’m just dancing.” I WISH I had added,”With Jesus. “

  95. Do kids that young dance? Because my daughter is in 8th grade and at the dances, the girls sit around and gossip (or cry in the bathroom) and the boys play basketball while annoying music plays in the background.

    Maybe Jesus prefers hoops? Or my school doesn’t want Jesus dancing. Either is fine with me, really.

  99. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Gives new meaning to the “with you always” thing. Throwing up in mouth. Plus any kid who takes that shit seriously (I imagine very, very few) ends up with a complex that probably involves compulsive shampooing and a crucifix fetish.

  102. I went to a Catholic school as a kid and I can confirm that this is A THING we were told at the junior high dances. The chaperones would say it as they pried you from the person you were dancing too close to. I have to admit, I didn’t ever think of it as a menage a Jesus, but I think that would have been the ultimate comeback to the chaperones. “I don’t think Jesus would appreciate me grinding on him, but Todd here does.”

  103. I hate the god squad . They are so self righteous yet so bigoted. The bible could have been any book as its name actually means book. What if it was Winnie the poo? Not as much hate and intolerance . Just saying

  105. As a policy, I feel it’s important not to grind on Jesus. But I think he’d be pretty non-judgemental about it. (“I know I told you guys to ‘Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you’; this isn’t exactly the outcome I expected. But whatever. I’ll roll with it.”)

  107. What’s with dwarf Jesus there? Wouldn’t real Jesus be a couple of feet taller? Then the dancers would be hugging up to…oh, never mind. Move along, nothing to imagine here.

  108. Not to mention the fact that Jesus always wears sandals (except when Mary Magdalene washed & oiled his feet). How embarrassing would it be to step on Jesus’ feet, although he’s supposedly a very forgiving type, or so I heard.

    And now I’m wondering if you do step on Jesus’ toes, does he yell “Jesus Christ!”, or does he just yell “Me!”.

    Dirty dancing with Jesus sounds super complicated, junk grinding aside.

  109. So, the little boy in the background is obviously Bobby Berk as a child, and is critiquing Jesus’ outfit like “where did you get those sandals, and that robe?”

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  113. White Jesus reminds me of a Golden Retriever puppy who’s dressed up for a holiday photo (Halloween, maybe?). “I know that I said that ‘patience is a virtue,” but PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!”

  114. Jesus himself looks kind of bemused by the whole thing. Like “who are these kids and … whoa! Hey there! Um … this is awkward! I need an adult!”

  115. Sometimes the garbage takes itself out. Meh. No loss there. As far as Cheez-us Rice….Teach your kids to dance, lady, Christ can’t be bothered with your crazy, grinding children!

  116. Another Catholic schoolgirl here. Yup. That saying is definitely a thing. I LOVE your take on it, though!
    Quick Catholicism story:

    My brother and his (now ex) wife had their son baptized at a “holy roller” catholic church where they had a HUGE baptismal font and the parents and the priest STOOD in the water holding the baby. My brother joked that he was going to tape Alka Seltzer to his feet and when they started bubbling he’d yell “It BURNS!!”

    I told him I’d pay him to do it. Honest to God I had my checkbook in my purse at the church! (He didn’t do it. He should have.)

  117. Somehow I thought Jesus would be taller. Not that I disagree with dancing space, because club dancing sucks. Random guys grinding without permission, getting other people’s sweat on you… Capital Yuck.

  121. Not for nuthin’, but the couple behind the ménage-à-Trinity? The boy appears to be wearing a silver lamé suit, so Jesus can hang with whomever he wants, but I’m partying with THAT dude. Ballsy outfit for a middle school dance, son.

  126. Damn. I’m all jealous now… The only stuff my friends share on Facebook is crockpot recipes.

  127. My 17yo went to homecoming with a friend of hers that goes to a Catholic high school. She needed me to sign a paper stating that we both understood that proper dancing was “face to face and leave some space”. I was amused.

  128. Wow. So many questions.
    Is that kid in the sweater vest the young Rick Santorum?
    Why is a clearly adult Jesus so much smaller than these children- was Jesus a little person?
    Is this the Devil’s triangle the oh-so-Catholic Brett Kavanaugh was really talking about (or are these kids playing a drinking game that just looks like something else?)
    Is that a young Rick Astley in the gold lame in the background?
    My head hurts.

  129. There should of been a warning to this post! I simultaneously chocked on my drink and peed a little from laughing so hard!

  131. Grinding? My generation called it “dry hunching.”
    Unfortunately, because of all this discussion about Jesus I can’t get this song out of my head:
    Hayes Carll – “She Left Me For Jesus”.
    You can find it on Youtube, be sure to listen to all the lyrics.
    And now remembering Kinky Friedman’s “High On Jesus”.
    As my Grandma told me often, I’m definitely going to hell in a handbasket . Laughing all the way.

  135. We love you, Jenny! You used your logic, and you are correct. Unfriending you was a huge error on her part!

  137. I like how the little couple in the background are looking super jealous, like, “Why do they get to party with Jesus but we don’t?!?”

  138. Yeah, we hear this a lot at certain homeschool dances. Frankly, if they’d just promote standard/smooth ballroom dancing, the problem would be solved. Ballroom dancing actually requires very specific poses so the dancers naturally have some ‘space for Jesus’ & my kids never complained about any kind of spacing because they knew it was a part of ballroom dancing. They did complain about the adults @ the homeschool dances walking around saying ‘Leave space for Jesus’.😏🤣 Though, if you wanted to cause trouble, you could encourage the learning of Latin dances & use of the requisite Latin dance outfits…that’s very different from the ‘American standard’ ballroom dancing and leaves NO room for Jesus…or much to the imagination, as they say…😏😱😁

  139. Those are some of the creepiest kids I’ve ever seen. Jesus should be afraid.

  140. There is always room for Jesus and Chuck Norris. Seriously, i think all of those children grew up to be psychotic serial killers.

  141. I saw that on somebody’s wall too and I laughed so hard that I snorted coffee out of my nose (owww!) and Bella (my neurotic cat) came running over.

    Bella: MOMMY MOOMMY MOOOOOOOMY! You Ok? Let me lick you better. lick lick

    Me: Staaahp. I’m fine.

    Bella: BUT MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAaa!

    Me: GO AWAY.

    Bella: Hmph. Stoopid hooman.

  142. I’m cool with your sense of humor. Of course, I’m the gal with a sincerely religious friend who just Vague-booked earlier Today that “God is bigger,” and I had to restrain myself from commenting “Quit commenting on the Lord’s junk! Are you sexually harassing the Lord? Not today, Satan.”

  147. WHAT???? Jesus is a busy, busy guy!! And as far as I know, he isn’t a pedophile, so NO kid should be grinding on him ( or her….!).
    I will never unfriend you. And I thank you for speaking out against pedophilia everywhere!!! 😎

  148. I went to a private Christian school through high-school. We weren’t allowed to have prom because the elders/investors in the school believed that dancing was evil. No joke. Argh!!!

  152. Nope, leave room for Svetlana!!! I’ve been watching Shameless series, I’m at season 6, I’d definitely leave room for her

  157. Ridiculous. Kids were grinding in my 1997 middle school dances, but with songs like “Good Vibrations” – Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, What do you expect Mom!?!

  158. Jesus looks like, “Is this REALLY the best use of my time? What have I become? Moses parts red seas, and I’m a fucking chaperone? Me!” (Just thinking he wouldn’t say Jesus Christ— doesn’t seem like a ‘speaking in third person’ kind of guy.

  160. just by saying they need to leave room for Jesus is ALREADY over sexualizing the kids… dude.. they’re just dancing… let them dance! Jesus!

  161. Sounds like you didn’t need that “friend” anyway — you’ve got all of us! Now stop grinding your junk on Jesus and go play with your pussies.

  162. “Man and woman He created them” … getting some confusing messages, here.
    Also I thought Jesus was taller than a 13 year old….

  163. I’m sorry but that’s just weird, y’all. The whole “leave room for Jesus” thing? Uhhh…creepy much?

  171. JC thinks “Wow, Billy is going to be very popular with the girls – and some of the boys too!”

  173. I instantly thought, “Isn’t that a menage-a-trois?” to myself when I saw the picture. Don’t make Jesus the third wheel on your date. That’s just rude. Do invite him to dance The Electric Slide though, because he deserves some fun.

  175. For some reason I’m asking myself, “What would Jesus do?” I feel the need to locate a bracelet, and grafetti “WWJD,”:onto everything within reach. And then I realized. Jenny would just sit down and post about it.

  176. At my kids’ primary school they justified a very old fashioned “learning to dance” program on the basis that it gave (primary school) aged children the chance to interact with members of the opposite sex (in a co-ed school). Did make me wonder if kids who didn’t learn to dance would ever marry…. and of course 8 years later school authorities would be beating those same members of the opposite sex apart on the dance floor…..

  177. HaHaHaHa!!
    I never heard the ‘leave room for Jesus’ in the context of dancing, but this reminds me so much of my sister’s wedding..They had talked to the vicar ahead of time and he knew they weren’t religious, but was fine with that.
    On the day they got a substitute vicar instead, and his address was partly about what bad people we all were for not being in church all the time, and partly about Jesus being a really important person in their marriage. It did sound very much as though he was telling them that they had to have a threesome with jesus to be properly married.
    I have never bee prouder of my family. No one made any comment about it until the vicar was out of earshot, and no one burst into hysterical giggles during the ceremony. But it was a damned close run thing.
    It’s probably just as well that the vicar didn’t come to the reception, though.

  182. that is a creepy poster, for sure. Jesus doesn’t look too happy, either.
    When I was in highschool our local Catholic church used to have a dance about twice a year, what they called a ‘mixer’, and the nuns would patrol the floor with rulers, making sure no one was having too much fun (a foot apart was the rule)…

  184. Years ago Pizza Patron in Dallas had Manos del Dios on the menu. Cheesus Fingers! was what we called them. Always share your pizza with Jayzus! Now they are just queso stix.

  187. You’d think the guy has enough on his plate, saving our souls and all that, that he can’t even take a little dance break without people making it weird. “Come on, seriously? All I want to do is the electric slide with these nice kids, and you have to go to Grosstown.”

  190. It kind of is a joke. The people who post that sort of thing just don’t know it.

  191. We just had a middle school dance and I was the lucky sponsor of it, thankfully they just kinda jumped around in place instead so I didn’t have to worry about Jesus’ safety. Great timing to see this post.

  196. Forget being told by the chaperones to leave room, instead Randy himself reminded me as we slow danced. He was poorly named.

  200. 😂🤣😂🤣 oh man yeah u have a valid point. And why is everyone so darn sensitive these days. Oh well

    SMC

  202. Jesus looks uncomfortable. Then again, you don’t really want him looking too comfortable either.

  203. How do you know she unfriended you? I’ve been unfriended by a few people, but I don’t notice it until much later -and then I have to go look them up to confirm it. Is there a way to be notified. Also, my attitude on unfriending is: Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.

  204. I would never unfriend you for several reasons.
    You are the only person I would actually answer a phone call from.
    I know you would approve of my day-drinking cherry vodka with ginger ale to cure my sore throat and pee-inducing, gut-ripping cough.
    I would miss reading your awesomeness.
    I do love Jesus, but don’t want to grind on him
    The end.

  205. The way the picture is arranged makes it look like the boy just popped a Jesus shaped boner…and the girl seems to be giving him “the look” saying, “oh, yes, you are totally getting some later.”

  206. If my admittedly-patchy-at-times memory serves, we were allegedly created “in God’s image”…now, does this mean physically? mentally? spiritually? Exactly what are we talking about here? I mean, we’ve all seen some pretty damn nasty people out there, and I’d hate to think that God is anything like those folks, right? Anyway, I’ve always taken it to mean that we’re supposed to be like them because we, too, are aware of the existence of good and evil, and capable of complex thought (then again, though, some people…); assuming that, then presumably God also has an amazing sense of humor–I mean, really, look at platypuses (or is that platypi?)! How else would something like that come about unless you had a tired Creator at the end of Day 6 thinking “Let’s see…I need another creature for this weird continent down there, and I’ve already put enough animals, reptiles, and insects there to kill every other critter on the planet a million times over, so what’s next? Ah, screw it–here’s this beak, and this tail, and this bit of fur, and it can lay eggs, but nurse its young, too, BANG, done. There you go, you two, and be fruitful and multiply and all that good shit, got it?” So when you get right down to it, clearly God has the Best Sense of Humor Ever, which means none of us are going to Hell for all of our blasphemous jokes, because they’ve probably already Been There and Done That while hanging out with the Angel Gabriel. (Or I could be wrong and we all ARE going to Hell, in which case at least we’ll all be together with a great bunch of people, am I right?)

  207. At my Catholic high school they told us to leave room for the Holy Spirit. Guess this is an upgrade. My (hypothetical) kids will probably be leaving room for the holy father himself by the time they get to high school if this progression keeps up.

  208. Did anyone else notice Jesus’ expression? Possible caption “Holy Chap! Here we go again”

  209. OMG, laughing too hard to type… will SOMEONE please tell OldHag that it’s “dry humping” and NOT “dry hunching”!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHH! Dry hunching is what you do when you watch a “whodunnit” movie with no drinks handy. GAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

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  212. So sad, too bad! Good Lord some people need to lighten up and get a life! I still love ya Jennie, keep on keepin on!

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