If you know me in real life you probably already know that I have a nervous tic that becomes obvious when I’m tired, drunk or dealing with anxiety (i.e. 90% of my life) but it’s way more pronounced when I’m stressed out and I often have people DM me to ask if my eyes are okay and I explain that they are but my brain is fucked up except that now apparently my eyes are also broken too because in the last few weeks they’ve been watering constantly and I have a rash on my eyelids that itches like hell and it’s getting worse so I went to my doctor and jokingly said, “I think I’m allergic to my own tears” and she was like, “Yeah, pretty much” and basically I think I just became a bad country song.
And technically it’s less of an “allergy” and more of a “reaction” but it’s still totally shitty and I would cry about it but that would just make it worse.
Anyway, I wanted to post a video of me and the cats a few days ago but my anxiety was high so my blinking tic was slightly more obvious so I tried to do another video and not have my hard blinking tic but trying not to do it makes me do it more and it was like I was playing the staring game with myself and still failing miserably.
But then today I was looking at the video again and I decided, fuck it, and I just posted the video because 1) these things we hate about ourselves are not nearly as noticeable to everyone else as they are to ourselves and 2) because cat videos are a balm in this dark world.
TL;DR – Maybe you also have some embarrassing thing that you want to hide but maybe if we all just show our brokenness together the weird bumps and tics and lumpy imperfections of our humanity will all blend together and we’ll realize that no one really gives a shit and that we just need to live our lives without fear of these tiny things that seem big but really aren’t.
Or maybe I’ll just get some very dark prescription sunglasses.
One of those.
Spoiler alert: He totally ate my notes.