I think my underwear just tricked me into entering a legal agreement and from now on I’m adding a page to my books informing people that purchasing the book legally entitles me to half of all their egg rolls.

in Random Crap

So I just opened a box of bra I got in the As-Seen-On-TV aisle at the drugstore and it came with a surprise class action lawsuit inside and now I’m questioning all my life choices.

PS.  Victor say you can’t say “box of bra'” and I disagree because I’m totally saying it and you say “box of rice” or “box of macaroni and cheese” so if you buy a bra in a box it’s a box of bra.  This is all basic common sense and I think he’s missing the bigger point, which is that I think I just entered into a binding legal  agreement with my own underwear.

PPS.  Annnnd I just noticed that the picture I took was in Spanish because I’m an idiot.  In my defense though it makes about as much sense as the English version:

144 thoughts on “I think my underwear just tricked me into entering a legal agreement and from now on I’m adding a page to my books informing people that purchasing the book legally entitles me to half of all their egg rolls.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. 😳 This raises some concerns about the garment, doesn’t it? Or is it just illegally hot? I have so many questions!

  6. I’m thinking I’m going to put that in every email I send for the next year. yeah, kind of does make you question decisions, doesn’t it?

  8. What kind of lawsuit would file for a bra? It pinches? Or is the fabric going to cause you to break out into a never-ending rash? I’d be afraid to wear it.

  10. I don’t know if I’d wear that considering they are worried about future lawsuits.

  11. How many lawsuits do they have about this product that forces them to put this in the box of bra?

  15. Man that’s harsh if you buy one of those “As Seen on TV” thingy and it’s already got a class action lawsuit in it. It’s not like the old style Cracker Jacks where you’d find a diamond ring, I say old style because now a day’s all you get is a tattoo. :/

  16. In my very limited experience with class action lawsuits, even it you’re part of one, you get at most a few dollars out of it.

  17. This makes me think maybe you shouldn’t put your boobs in it! What if the pending lawsuits are because the underwire cuse radiation or something crazy like that? Jeez Louise, modern life is so messed up!

  20. No, no there may be sonething to this. I was just pulling my bra strap up over my shoulder, lost my grip, and punched myself in the ear. I can sue somebody, right?

  22. Well, you know SOMEONE filed a lawsuit if there’s a disclaimer about lawsuits. Like whenever you see a weird warning label, you know it’s there because someone did it and sued. I was at the hairdresser this morning and her flatiron has a warning not to use it on your eyelashes, so obviously some idiot tried it and lost an eye.

  23. Is it a Full Battle Bra? or one of the no name brands of questionable mammary up-lifters? (sounds fun either way.)

  24. Have to wonder how valid an agreement can be if the stipulation wasn’t presented before the action that triggers the stipulation. I know, not funny, but that’s the way I roll.

  25. Opt out! Send them an email saying you don’t want to arbitrate your brasuit. (I’m sorry.) Hopefully, you’d never have to sue them but I always urge people to not agree to arbitration. It’s a long, long, story, but certain types of arbitration are total BS and can screw you on your rights. (Opting out, by the way, may or may not help you if the bra sues you. Who can say!)

  26. I want to be a supportive patron of your arts, and I am, but that’s too many words for my a.d.d. brain. That picture is a form of torture.

  28. Did someone hurt themselves using it as a slingshot? Did they adjust the hooks too tight and develop respiratory distress? Did a dog chew a strap off and ingest it (requiring expensive surgery)? Customers need to know details! Where’s the warning label? Come on, Box-o-Bra people!!! You owe us full disclosure (so to speak).

  29. I’m just thinking, but wouldn’t it be better to put the class action lawsuit paperwork on the outside of the box. You know, the best surprise is no surprise?

  31. What damage do they assume is going to occur if you wear this bra? Does it cause cancer or just serious discomfort worth suing about? Apparently there are way too many lawyers in the world.

  33. Once we got $11 in the mail thanks to a class action lawsuit having something to do with an airline ticket purchased 10+ years prior….dream big! You could get free $$ in 10+ years thanks to your bra purchase today!!

  35. Was there only one bra in the box? Then BOX OF BRA is totes correct and Victor can go buy his own box.
    Also HEY class action! Although it appears to have been written by my Nigerian Prince who’s about to send me like a fafillion dollars any day now.
    Also AND MOST IMPORTANTLY – HOW DOES THE BRA FIT? Because I love buying as seen on TV stuff. <3

  36. I bought a tin of Thinking Putty recently, and one of the warnings on the package reads DO NOT use as earplugs – which means someone totally shoved wads of putty into their ears!!! Bahahaha!!!

  37. If it’s the same as the ones I just bought, it’s because they all fall off your shoulders and probably cause traffic accidents with women digging into their shirts to retrieve said runaway straps while trying to navigate rush hour traffic. And I ordered six of these mother bears.

  39. Just when you think there isn’t any other way to make bras binding, they add legally binding… And Victor is wrong, you totally bought a box of bra… although I feel like a box of bra should require putting it in boiling water and stirring in some powder or something.

  42. Umm…that class action is unsettling on multiple levels. Also…why can’t it be a “box of bra?” seems somewhat Brittish, when they say “maths” instead of “math” or “in hospital” instead of “in the hospital.” 😀

  44. I’m no attorney, but from what I gather, you also waive your right to roadside assistance by AAA. Perhaps this product can also be MacGyvered into an emergency fan belt? Tire patch?

  45. How can it be legal to notify you of an agreement you entered into unknowingly? You can’t put that on the INSDIE of the box. Pretty sketchy. And obviously they are either being sued or fear they will be. Watch out for that bra. It could attack. Or sue YOU.
    This reminds me of dump trucks that have signs on them saying that they are not responsible for damage to your car from debris flying off them. So if I wear a shirt that says I am not liable for any illegal action I might take, then I am exempt from any sort of litigation? You just need a sign and you’re good to go I guess.

  47. I quit reading at “binding an individual”. Now, I’ll wear a bra if absolutely required, but I am NOT binding the girls. I am flat-chested enough already.

  48. You totally say box of bras, and box of cornflakes. It must be to do with the plurality of items therein.

  50. You can certainly have a box of bra if we wear a pair of panties. I only wear one panty at a time personally. Am I doing it wrong…?

  54. Litigious boxes of bra sound like some dystopian nightmare. Who makes this bra, H.P. Lovecraft? Is it unsupportive? Too supportive? Does the bra make sarcastic comments about the fact that your boobs are NOT QUITE the same size? (Not saying your boobs, specifically, just boobs in general are not usually perfectly symmetrical).

    I have questions now and may need to procure my own box of bra to investigate fully. Wait, is this part of their advertising? I HAVE QUESTIONS!!

  55. I would take that box of bra back to the shop and exchange for a different brand , one whose manufacturers have never been sued or had go to arbitration.

  57. Disputes are resolved by “binding the individual”…..with a bra? Hmm, I’d get a lawyer before any binding goes down, Jenny. Just sayin….

  58. Opt out! Opt out! 🙂 Who KNOWS what problems could be lurking in that box of bra!

  59. you are welcome to half my egg rolls any time we are together. I am however not shipping half my egg rolls from Canada, the postage would be more than the food, and they would be cold, and less then good by the time they got there

  60. Ok, now I need to google “bra damages” to see if I am missing out on some big $$.

    ~By accepting this email, you are agreeing to share any egg rolls received arbitrarily.

  64. so, is nobody else imagining the episode of the IT Crowd where the bra bursts into flames?

  65. If your bra needs an attorney on retainer, it makes me wonder what your bra has been up to. Interestingly enough, your post came into my mail feed right below the annual sale email from the Wizard of Bras. Coincidence? I think not. Our lingerie is banding together to take over the world — or at least my inbox.

  66. You aren’t an idiot! You’re human.
    And the First Amendment guarantees your right to say “box of bra.” Now, if you yelled “Box of burning bra!” in a crowded theater, that might be different . . .

  68. Pingback: from the Goddess who is The Bloggess I think my underwear just tricked me into entering a legal agreement and from now on I’m adding a page to my books informing people that purchasing the book legally entitles me to half of all their egg rolls. 

  69. Maybe someone bound their egg rolls to the bra to keep them warm and failed, thus the lawsuit. People need to know these things in advance – we can’t just be sending egg rolls willy nilly without knowing the outcome of said egg rolls and then being hit with unexpected lawsuits. It’s very un-Canadian!!

  70. I’m pretty sure putting a “legal” document INSIDE a package that says you agree to something by purchasing the enclosed product is not “legally binding.” The bra may be binding, though; most of them are.

  71. I’ve decided to completely mis-read this as, “Stuff half your bra with egg rolls or I’ll take your book-buyin’ ass to court!”

  72. The only occurance I can think of where you would need to sue someone over a bra is if the underwire snapped and impaled someone in the boob. #GETALLTHEMONEY

  73. So….You don’t know you can’t file a class action suit until AFTER your purchase? Sneaky one, Dream Bra.

    There is a lot more to this story and now I really need to know what caused this notice!!

  74. Well it says “Instant Fix” on the front of the box, so maybe this is like the guy who spilled McDonald’s coffee in his lap and sued, so now they have to put a warning on their cups that their coffee is hot. Someone didn’t instantly have hot, sexy boobs so now there’s a class action.

  76. Of course that joke only works if bras count as briefs…are briefs just mens’ underwear? This is why I’m not in the comedy game. Anyway, better to settle than to have your underwear rise up against you.

  78. I want you to take the bra back for clarification at the store. How can they sell something that is a lawsuit waiting to happen?

  79. That puts an ENTIRELY new spin on the binding part of binding arbitration!

  80. No matter what it is if you ever get a notice of a class action lawsuit notice just agree to it, sign it and send it back. you may get two dollars but hey that’s two dollars you didn’t have before and you can at least get a pack of gum

  82. I misread Tristar product as TitStar product and was impressed that it was a BINDING agreement. HA HA

  83. The arbitration document, loves the word arbitration and has invented it’s own bloody language. I cannot understand a word of it.

  84. So, they’re claiming you can’t sue them. You have to enter arbitration instead, which puts you at a disadvantage if there is any serious problem with the clothing.

    These kinds of clauses really should not be legal at all, I don’t think. I mean, it’s a bra. I seriously doubt it will cause an issue worth suing over (unless it’s really flammable, I guess. Protip: don’t set your bra on fire). But if this is legal for bras, it’s legal for a lot of other things too. Things that might be far more problematic. Like cars.

  85. Call and opt out! Arbitration Agreements like that are the work of the devil. The more people opt out the angrier the deviil will be. (I work for a law firm that specializes in class actions!)

  88. I don’t like egg rolls, so you can have all of mine. In exchange for more photos of strange products and legal documents they may or may not come with. LOL

  89. So you know that scammy email photo that went around ages ago claiming dirty bras gave you parasites? (There was a trauma-inducing photoshopped boob/seedpod image). This is THAT bra.
    Cue ominous music

  90. My big question is what sort of damage is the bra doing to people that they feel the need to prevent a class action? Like, what class of people did you just join by buying a box of bra? The class of people who have all had traumatic bra injuries?

  91. The attorneys for the ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ show will be knocking on your door- and I don’t think you should be wearing that bra.

  92. Everyone’s commenting on the arbitration statement but all I care about is the “box of bra” statement. “Rice” and “macaroni” are both plural, they just happen not to end in “s.” “Box of bra” is sacrilege. Point to Victor. Here’s probably still waaaay behind anyway, haha.

  93. Great…A EULA for a bra. Lots of companies include binding arbitration clauses for their products with software agreements almost always including them. The insulate the company from individual suits (which can run up costs pretty high) PLUS courts normally side with the company in binding arbitration so low/no payouts. It’s a racket.

  94. I’m spanish and endlessly surprised at how easily americans sue people Andrés companies. Here going to court is very expensive, and in the end things are bound to be your fault. If I’m undergoing surgery I’m told to sign a document accepting every responsibility for anything that happens to me. The general idea is “if I die or get maimed it’s OK, I know you doctors did your best and probably I’m bad quality from the beginning, so no suing whatsoever”. Maybe it’s in your culture.

  96. I’m spanish and endlessly surprised at how easily americans sue people and companies. Here going to court is very expensive, and in the end things are bound to be your fault. If I’m undergoing surgery I’m told to sign a document accepting every responsibility for anything that happens to me. The general idea is “if I die or get maimed it’s OK, I know you doctors did your best and probably I’m bad quality from the beginning, so no suing whatsoever”. Maybe it’s in your culture.

  103. Half of their egg rolls? Might want to have some time limits in there. Some 3-day egg rolls are Nay-usty..

  104. Hmmmm… but you didn’t know it before purchase —so it is null and void in most states.

    PS..”as seen on TV” underwear just sounds a little dicey to me….unless you are buying “used Kardashian underwear” as a collectable item. (but ewWWWWW!)

  105. Second thought: Is a “Box of Bra” an undergarment to wear in pugilistic endeavors? Maybe they are afraid you will get “knocked out” or “knocked up” and sue.

  107. I have a suspicion, that saying that you have agreed to anything legally binding because you purchased a box of bra with hinky legal papers inside saying that you agreed to something by purchasing their box of bra is not legally binding. There, that makes as much sense as your box of bra legal papers.

  109. I don’t get the geni in a bottle, bra in box comparison, but any undi-item that comes with legal papers goes back to the store….unless you are bound by the agreement just by purchasing it….as in buy a book and owe your eggrolls…in perpetuity. I will just keep track of egg rolls owed and send you a gift certificate good at a restaurant of your choice. I must owe you dozens at this point, unless this isn’t retroactive….Now I have a headache. Box of Bra, Victor!

  112. Thank you Jenny Lawson, ninja blogger and writer. I’m getting ready to drift off to sleep. I will dream of boxes of bras and awake happy and refreshed. Perhaps Dorothy will model one in my dream! Keep on keeping on. Thank you for being alive.

  113. Firstly, what is an egg roll?

    Secondly, I’m an English teacher and thus a bit of a grammar pedant. Why you can have a box of rice but not a box of bra: rice is neither singular nor plural (it’s what is known as an uncountable noun – you can’t have a rice or two rices etc.), you have to have something else to give you a clue how much rice there is – a grain of rice, a few grains of rice, a bowl of rice etc. A bra is singular (part of a group of nouns called countable) so you have a rough idea of what you’re getting. So, if you start saying a box of bra, the rice might get upset because it’s inequality.

    Obviously I haven’t mentioned macaroni and cheese, this is because A. we don’t have it in England and B. macaroni would be the same as rice, but cheese, like chocolate, wine, fish, and fruit etc., is a special case (it can be both countable and uncountable), so again, inequality, these are basically the 1%ers of the noun world.

  114. Sooooo it wasn’t the bra that caused issues for the company. Apparently, it’s distributed by the same company that had a class action law suit on their hands over a pressure cooker! Lids popping off causing burns and whatnot. So if this bra is supposed to be as secure as their pressure cooker lid… Whee!!!!

  116. Opt out! When you need that class action lawsuit there will be fewer plaintiffs. More $$ for you!

  117. The real question is…is your bra in some sort of witness protection program? Did it see some sketchy shit go down in Vegas? Is a drug mule? Does it own you now? Are you it’s bitch or is it yours??

  118. You can have all of my egg rolls. I despise cabbage and only get egg rolls if the restaurant insists on adding them to whatever meal I order. This might mean you end up with less egg rolls than getting half of whatever people intentionally order, though.

  120. There was one of those in my air fryer box which I just opened after buying it like 5 months ago so I am screwed either way as it’s non-returnable now.

  125. I can’t really read the warning. Does it warn you that after a few hours of wearing it, the bra will sprout sharp teeth and attempt to eat it’s way through your rib cage? Cause I’ve totally had bras like that.
    Here’s hoping it doesn’t rise up against you.

  126. Dear Goddess,
    This is why I read your blog. Now I know that there is a Spanish camera! I wonder how it translates?
    Also, a little known fact: all eggrolls are made in Chicago during the month of January. They are shipped out on an as-needed basis. Next door to the eggroll factory is the “Catch of the Day” fresh fish factory that does the same.

  127. This is the hysterical. Perhaps, you should test out the bra on a mannequin, but to be sure you don’t become part of the injured party class of the lawsuit. Just saying.

  128. WHAT THE BALLS?!?!
    OK:
    1. What kind of janky ass company is this?
    2. Yes Victor, it is Box of Bra.
    3. Can the bra sue you?🤔

  129. For Jo (113 above) and others outside of the US who don’t know this bit of tasty goodnesss … an egg roll is a fried appetizer sold in American Chinese restaurants. It’s an Americanized variation of a spring roll — when you can’t get fresh bean sprouts cooking for laborers on 19th c railroads, what do you do? You invent something with local ingredients.

    Basically they’re deep-fried dough-wrapped cylinders of cabbage & carrot & (usually) bits of spiced pork. It’s common on takeaway* menus to read that the lunch special “comes with soup or eggroll”.

    These little bombs are so tasty that we’re all going to clog our arteries with fatbergs.

    *Takeout for us Americans. I’ve got English cousins so I’m almost bilingual. 😉

  130. Seems like the next logical step in our lawsuit-happy society. Now can we expect to see it take the place of the surprise toy in Crackerjack boxes (or “box of Crackerjack”)? Or maybe “enter for a chance to win a spot in our class action…you may get BILLIONS?”

  131. Jenny,
    I love you. I have the signature sticker from one of your books in a prominent position at my desk. It reminds me that I am not alone, and that I have value. Thank you so much for that. xoxo

  132. ((Hugs)) to everyone. When you and the other party are ready to write about it, we’ll listen. If you want to write about something else, we’ll listen too.

  134. Wait. Did you have the opportunity to read this before you bought the box of bra? (Victor is totally wrong about that, btw, I will stand by you in this and all other things.) Isn’t that entrapment or something equally nefarious?

  137. I feel as if this notice is the manufacturers way of getting ahead of the fact that your boobs will melt off or something equally strange upon wearing it for the first time.

  138. I don’t think that is actually a legally binding agreement.
    1) You didn’t know about this arbitration before buying the bra (it’s not printed on the box, or explained to you before purchase, etc)
    2) You didn’t sign anything, so you did not choose to be a party to this agreement.
    3) It doesn’t make a heck of a lot of sense to begin with

  140. Did Maria Menunos have a comment? She looks as if she may know something.

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  142. Is not legally binding. You can’t just put a legal disclaimer in a box and have it pop-go-the-weasel after the customer has purchased it and consider that consent.

    Also any company that would try such a thing is super sleazy and you might want to get your money back.

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