Furiously stabby

in Random Crap

So if you follow me on instagram you know that when I’m stressed out I embroider because stabbing things thousands of times with tiny needles is great therapy and keeps me from stabbing assholes who probably deserve it since you’re not allowed to stab people even if it’s only lightly in the leg with a fork (according to my therapist).  I usually buy the patterns on etsy but a bunch of people were like, “You should make your own pattern” so I did and yesterday when I was in the waiting room to see my shrink another patient looked over at my work and was like, “Oh.  Well that’s…oh.”  And I’m pretty sure that’s code for “You can go in front of me because clearly you need more help” and so I explained, “It’s a dead raccoon who lives with me” and then she nodded and said she’d left something out in her car and I’m guessing that it was her sense of whimsy and artistic appreciation because personally? I think it’s some of my best work.

OH HELLO

217 thoughts on “Furiously stabby”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. This is flamazing. I’m so happy you’re branching into your own patterns. They will be awesome.

  17. Furiously Stabby should be the title of your next book.
    Thread Rory looks perfect and I see him as furiously happy in this medium as well…

    Great Work !

  18. This is amazing! You should include the pattern with your next book and then have a contest for the most creatively (and legally!) embroidered Rory.

  21. I love it! That lady probably left to find her own dead raccoon because she never realized how adorable they are. 😀

  22. Awesome! Sell this pattern (if you feel meh about that, do it for the cause of your choice maybe and donate the proceeds! I want one if you’ll share!)

  26. This is amazing! This makes me want to take up embroidery. Keep up the stabbing!

  27. I stabbed a fellow student in the leg with a pencil in jr high and got away with it. Maybe you should consider switching from forks to pencils?

  29. I’m so glad someone encouraged you to design your own and you chose this because Rory, crewel, and stabbing go together so well.

  31. I don’t embroider anymore because it it too hard for my arthritic thumbs but if I did I would totally do a pattern like this! It’s so great that you have created your own pattern and can do something you really love.

  32. Yay Rory!!!! He needs to be the face of more items. Way to rock the waiting room!

  38. When I was a kid, my Girl Scout troop would go to Amish country and our troop leader would put together a cross stitch kit for each of us. We would diligently stitch out little Amish people (the pattern, not the actual Amish) and twenty mumble mumble years later I have a bag of half finished Amish people in the closet in myparemts house. (That was a way weirder sentence than I thought it’d be). All of that to say, if I’d had an awesome Rory pattern to work on I’d probably have finished embroidery hanging in my house instead of a closet of embroidery shame…

  41. Honestly if you can’t say something like that at your therapists office where can you say it? And that is awesome.

  42. I once took an embroidery class to learn thread painting. My design was Mexican wrestlers.i got a lot of “That’s interesting”

  47. I think that lady left because she was SO distressed that she doesn’t have this embroidered Rory. Because… This. Is. Awesome!

  49. Love your artistry!!
    If you like stabbing things, and clearly you do, you should try doing needle felting. It’s even stabbier (more stabby) than embroidery!

  50. Awesome needlework of Rory! Yes, please make patterns to sell!
    I love you Jenny, and thanks for the laugh today!

  51. I love him! Put the patterns on your etsy and people will buy the shit out of them. I would! Now, it’s been about 30years since I last embroidered, but to have Rory raccoon, I’d relearn! Lol!

  56. It would give me something to do while I quietly freeze to death in Illinois today. -45 to -55 windchill today. Record breaking. Everything is closed down except my job…… Time to stab someone? Grrrr…….

  59. i totally want this pattern – however, i want it to say Knock Knock, mother fuckers! on it as well. lmao. oh, i want this…..

  60. Wonderful work!!! Your really brought the joy of Rory to life via thread and needle. And being less stabby is always a good thing – despite our feelings at that moment. I look forward to seeing James Garfield next!!

  64. Jenny, do you use a regular needle or the fun cheater tool? I bought the cheater tool off Instagram last summer, and I still haven’t tried it. Winter slump=me sitting in a chair with a bag of pretzels reading and eating.

  68. I’m born and raised in New Orleans and seriously think you need an authentic voodoo doll to stab. I should send you one with a hex on Roger Goodell so you can stab away!!!! WHO DAT!!!

  69. What no zombie? And yes I’m in the middle of ‘Let’s pretend it never happened’ and loving it. I’m going to suggest it for my book club!

  74. I think I need embroidered Rory mittens and a hat to keep me warm in this polar vortex. I’m supposed to go to therapy tomorrow, and normally I would do anything to get there to help me stay… well… not full of anxiety monsters, but taking public transit in these temperatures? Brrr!

  75. wonderful! and thanks for being supportive all the time! i design my own posters all the time using clip art and my therapist loves them – this week it’s ‘I live with a rabid dog’ (long explanation) and it reminds me not to get too stressed out by the bitch. i have designed my own needlework too – i did my own ‘for fox sake’ which hangs above me in the teeth of a taxidermied trout. of course, no one but you will understand why there’s a trout on the wall of my bedroom…

  76. I feel like you are creative enough to just free hand, eh stab, without a pattern, but how do you make your own pattern? Or better yet, you put them in your shop!

  79. I wear my Rory the Racoon leggings to the gym. The pattern is positioned so that it looks like he is patting me on the butt for being a good girl and exercising (yuck). Monday the guy next to me commented on them saying he loved my leggings. I told it was Rory the Racoon and showed him where Rory pats my butt. He said it is so rare to see fashion in the gym. I told he him got extra points for noticing and commenting. And then I realized he should just get extra points for commenting as no one is not a noticing a woman in leggings with a racoon patting her on the butt.

  89. LOVE LOVE LOVE! How happy and still stabby is this! Rory can come live at my house anytime. I’ll even stab tiny needles thousands of times to bring him to life…..and invariable stab myself in the process, but anything worthwhile is worth getting bloody over. Please make the patterns available in your shop! And btw, have you tried Needle Punch Embroidery? You get sharp atabby needles AND punching!

  91. Pingback: I’m Doing It All Wrong | Just Me And My Music

  93. It’s amazing! I have him on my wall at work, why would anyone question the beauty of dead raccoon waving frantically at you? I personally think it’s one of your best works also! HUGS!

  95. I cross stitch and have never thought of it that way but that could be why I find it so relaxing! I love your embroidery of Rory!! It’s awesome! I can’t draw so I just go by pattern. Great job!

  98. Ummmm, are you going to sell the pattern for this because I NEED IT! I mean, you have an actual taxidermy Rory. I want to do an embroidery one! (I don’t know how, but I’ll fucking learn!)
    Please tell me we can buy the pattern, Jenny!!! 🙏💕😫

  101. I see a side business in your future… (embroidery patterns, that is, not stabbing).

  105. Okay, it’s time to finish it, frame it, sign it, and then AUCTION it to give the proceeds to your favorite charity. Seriously, put it on ebay, let us all know it’s there and then watch us roll

  106. That is so cool, it makes me wish I was better at crafty things. Usually the only one who gets stabbed when I do something like this is me.

  109. It’s gorgeous. I don’t know what her problem is. Kudos on the creativity to make your own pattern.

  110. Jenny. I would gladly let you stab me in any visible body part ( I had to go back and add Visible because- well you know) if I could have a Rory embroidery. That’s fucking fantastic. I’m so proud of you! I have one of your little Rory pencils pouch bag things for my crochet hooks and every time I take it out of my purse my husband rolls his eyes at me. ya high is actually really motivating: great job, you.

  113. Clearly she recognized Rory from the book and then realized who YOU are, and was overwhelmed by being in the same room with a celebrity of such magnitude

  118. You should sell this exact pattern on Etsy! I don’t embroider but I’d learn just to make this guy!

  119. I think it’s amazing! I’m working on a crochet filet pattern but it doesn’t look nearly as cool. Maybe I should try in appropriate filet?!

  120. Haha, the lady in the waiting room totally didn’t leave anything in her car, but she might have left because she pooped her pants a little, haha.

  121. This is AMAZING! You did a fantastic job! I would love to have the pattern. It’s perfect for your fans who also love furiously stabbing fabric instead of people. 😉

  122. This is awesome badass stitchery! Facebook has a group just for this. It’s called Mildly Offensive Fiber Artists.
    Check it out. They are tude, crude, and socially unacceptable….aka, my kindo peoples.

  123. Jenny, you sound like you are having the same kind of time I am right now. Thank you for reminding me I can laugh in the face of all this stress and I hope this ends up in your store soon!

  131. I haven’t embroidered anything since I was a kid, but I’m thinking that everyone one of the beautiful patters in your book, You are Here should be embroidered ASAP. #teamstabby

  139. Furiously awesome! I agree with many of the other commenters – you should sell your own embroidery designs in your zazzle shop :-). Rory looks great and maybe some of the designs from your colouring book too? I love seeing other people’s projects whether its craft, writing, miniatures, cooking, recommendations, etc – I find it really inspiring!

  142. Rory is furiously fabulous…..perhaps you could make embroidery patterns from the illustrations in “You Are Here”? I’ve got to think that would be awesome, at least for the rest of us anyway.

  143. Jenny, you are so damned talented! You amaze me. You inspire me. Thanks for being!

  147. Pingback: Furiously stabby | LakeArrowheadLadyWriter

  154. Oh hello Rory! My coworker and I were just having a conversation about feeling Furiously Stabby at work!! No kidding!! I told her I wished I had a tiny stuffed Rory on my desk. If I cross stitched this I could look at Rory all day!! Jenny you inspire me to create, you make me laugh & cry, often at the same time. Love the needlepoint!! Keep stabbing!!

  155. Our dining room chair seats are covered in beautiful needlepoint my grandmother did. How fun (and funny) would it be to have chair seats with this on them? 🙂

  157. I believe that some of the little things in life help us through it. I love your beautiful piece of art. I have trouble getting back into my hobbies and things aren’t very easy for me however I’m getting through it. Even if needles can only go through a couple layers of skin, lol just kidding

  159. Thank God you’re back, Jenny! I wasn’t sure I was going to survive another day without the grounding you and Rory give me! Rory’s never looked better!

  161. That’s a REALLY accurate depiction of Rory! I bow to your amazing embroidery skills 💜

  163. Love love love this!!!! Any chance we can get a pattern or kit? I could really use a stab fest venting and Rory seems like a great byproduct .

  164. Jenny,

    You write: “since you’re not allowed to stab people even if it’s only lightly in the leg with a fork (according to my therapist).”

    Have you seen the wonderful movie Keeping Mum? (It has Maggie Smith in it.) I think you would appreciate a movie with this kind of dialogue:

    “Gloria Goodfellow: You can’t just go ’round killing people just because you don’t approve of them!
    Grace Hawkins: You know, that’s what my doctors used to say. It was the one point we could never agree on.”

    Ruth

  165. I cannot embroider it. Would you send it to me? The creature you have chosen is my last name. I can prove it, but I’m not sure how without one or both of us divulging sensitive personal details.

  168. Rather than knitting/sewing/stitching I go camping where other people don’t. Results in a 99% reduction in stab-deserving asshold quotiont.

  175. I would 100% hang this in my home. That book (Furiously Happy) means so much to me, finally allowing me to laugh at my anxiety – at least, parts of it.

  176. This is everything good and marvelous in the world!!! <3

    I read a quote from R. M Drake that made me think of you this week, and I wanted to share it:
    “We must understand that sadness is an ocean, and sometimes we drown, while other days we are forced to swim.”

    I know forcing yourself to swim is the hardest thing. I think Drake forgot to say the end of his thought, so I’ll complete it just for you:
    “and sometimes crazy people you meet on the internet will throw you a life buoy to hold onto while they furiously paddle a super small and somewhat leaky canoe, which, realistically probably won’t help your forward progress at all, but hey! they will probably give you snacks.” Here’s a life buoy and the promise of snacks from one of your weirdo internet family <3

  177. I LOVE IT! You are so awesome. I’d love to see the mouse from your first book, or even better a chicken, What a great creative outlet you found. Good for you. I wish I had your talent, I just have mental illness that makes me throw things when I get to my breaking point. My poor husband. I need to find a better outlet. Jenny you are so inspiring to me. Love you girl. Keep being you.

  181. I once stabbed my ex in the hand with a fork. We were sharing creme brulee, and I was saving a particularly tasty piece for last. He tried to steal it with his spoon, and I told him if he did it again, I would stab him in the hand with a fork. He did it again, and I stabbed him (lightly) in the hand with a fork. To his credit, every time I heard him tell this story, it ended with “I can’t say I wasn’t warned.” So maybe you can stab people lightly with a fork….they just need to be the right people. Or maybe I need to take up embroidery.

  184. Holy crap this is the most compelling reason for embroidering that I’ve ever heard of! I’ve been toying with the idea of picking up embroidery, and now I think that I really must.

  185. Have you tried punch needle embroidery? It’s fun, creative and has the word “punch” in the title!

  188. That is my single most favorite piece of needlework ever. You are amazing and inspiring.

  193. Amazing! I hadn’t considered sumblimating stabbyness into embridery. I need to dig out my cross stitch WIP. I would support a presale of patterns….

  196. Something wrong with that woman. If I saw you doing something like that in a waiting room I would think that is someone I want to talk with.

  197. Honestly? I can’t get past the carpet in your therapist’s office. Is that supposed to be relaxing???

  198. As an embroiderer (but not a designer) myself, I am seriously impressed with this. I’d never be able to design anything like this. Looks just like Rory, and I love the way you have him offset in the hoop.

  201. Yeah or you reminded her that she left her dead raccoon in the car and she was all like oh shit

  202. Thank you for the best belly laugh right now. That’s a pretty excited dead racoon! 🙂

  207. Zazzle those bitches up! I would totally buy a Beyonce, a Rory and a Juanita to add to my stitching collection!

  209. OMG this is freaking AWESOME! I don’t do embroidery, I do however do cross-stitch (another hobby craft I’ve taken up from my grandmother and mother). Now I want to find a pattern of this little fella and cross stitch the heck out of him!

  210. I lurve Rory IN ALL FORMS. Srsly. – You are one of my favorite people, Jenny. Thank you for sharing this. It’s been a crappy 48 hours and I needed some furiously happy in my life.

  212. Jenny, if you need to stab something you would love needle-felting. It is very therapeutic. And you can make some really crazy things.

  214. So creative-I will now be taking up the craft of needle pointing. But Jenny, if you are ever in Seatlle- I will bring out my forks so we can really relax 🙂

  216. Stabby. That’s perfect. I never thought of embroidery work that way before, but now I won’t be able to unthink it!

    And I think your raccoon is a bad ass. Keep up the great attitude and great work!

  217. Pingback: Etsomnia™ 224: Feeling Stabby | My OBT

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading