Do you still like me?

in Random Crap

You know when you realize a friend has stopped “liking” your stuff on social media and you wonder if you’re fighting and just don’t know it and more time passes and you get obsessed and want to ask if they’re mad at you but you don’t because it’s fucking ridiculous but it still bothers you and then you realize that maybe you’re accidentally ignoring other people’s statuses because Facebook isn’t showing them to you and maybe there are other people thinking that you’re mad at them but you’re totally not and you want to tell them that but you can’t because you don’t know who they are and then you think that you’re probably accidentally fighting with LOTS of people but have no clue whatsoever who or why and you wish you could put a status on Facebook that says “Are we still friends or do you hate me – circle yes or no” but you don’t because you’re not in 3rd grade anymore but your brain is totally still in 3rd grade so you just continue to obsess about these terribly quiet fights you are having that are also possibly imaginary?

This is what it’s like in my head all the damn time.

324 thoughts on “Do you still like me?”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. I wish FB would quit with the stupid changes already. I’ve had the same issue. I already have low self-esteem; this is not helping, y’all.

  8. I always wonder how many people I follow on Twitter muted me. Same rule, you can’ ask them.

  9. I wonder that all the time. I wish it was obvious we’re still friends and it’s not my fault my stuff isn’t showing and your stuff isn’t showing and yeah I like everything but sometimes there isn’t enough time to like everything or click on the laughing face or the sad face…

  11. Wow! I am actually going through this exact same scenario right now. Thank you for making me feel marginally less insane.

  12. Social media doesn’t really allow for the nuances of adult communication. You can’t read a sparkle in someone’s eye or hear the sarcasm in their voice, so too often things are misunderstood. All it does is add to the collective social anxiety.

  14. I feel that. Someone unfriended me last week, and even though I only had 66 friends, I have no idea who it was, and so why do I even care? BUT I CARE SO MUCH.

  15. Mine, too! I think if enough people say “Mine, too!” we can start circulating “Are we still friends or do you hate me” notes.

  18. I get that. Like yesterday I posted that FB Friend’s Day video that they make for you and after many hours I only had 2 likes and I’m all WTAF PEOPLE I JUST LIKED ALL YOUR STUPID FRIENDS VIDEOS THAT I’M NOT EVEN IN.
    Algorithm schmalgorithm.
    Also some days I just feel like I’m shouting LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME! and then I feel ridiculous and too attention whory. (Whorey? Hoory).
    So yeah, on BigDepression days, FB hurts my feelings a lot.

  19. yesterday facebook told me I didn’t have enough content to generate a friendship day video. I got a little bent about that.

  21. Yes.

    But then I realize you can’t hate me because I haven’t done anything to you to make you hate me and you’re not the kind of person who would hate me without a reason, so we’re good. I mean, even though we’re not buddies, we’re good. And that’s not bad at all. 🙂

  23. Oh Jenny honey, your brain is like mine, my sympathies! I don’t like you, I love you! Go snuggle your animals and people until you feel a bit better 🙂

  25. When this happens to me, I go to my friends list and scroll looking for people I haven’t seen recently and go to their page and see if there’s stuff I haven’t interacted with. If there is, I carpet bomb their page with likes, comments, etc. And hope that facebook shows me more of their stuff and vice versa.

  27. Gods I love you so much. LOL. We’re totally not fighting. Of course you I friended me years ago for other reason, probably alien related.

    (I unfriended you? I’ve only unfriended one person in my life – because they posted homophobic & racist stuff -so unless you’re that one guy I promise it was a mistake or a bug. ~ Jenny)

  28. It’s likely not me, but just in case I’m one of these not-likers, I’m not on Facebook anymore even though my profile’s live. I’m deleting all my archives and wrapping up some client work 🙂

  31. My mother is always asking me “did you see this and such on FB? Why didn’t you respond?” Because FB only shows me what IT wants me to see at any given time, no matter what settings I use, so no I didn’t see it. I wouldn’t have liked it anyway because you know I think he is ridiculous, but no I didn’t see it.

  33. I wouldn’t know anything about obsessively stalking people on social media who are probably still my friend but might possibly not be and posting things I think they would like to see if they respond and then remembering when they don’t respond that they are on a vacation so that’s probably why but then again if they have traveled all the way to the state I live in (no, not the State of Denial, I mean the actual state as in United of America) for vacation and didn’t make plans to see me then we must not still be friends but their trip is so short and they’re going to Disneyland and while it is undeniably Super Fun to visit my house, it is definitely NOT Disneyland so I can’t blame them for not making plans with me except that they KNOW how much I love Disneyland and they didn’t invite me so I guess maybe we really aren’t friends anymore and maybe we’re actually in a fight and maybe if we weren’t before then maybe now we WILL be because real friends invite friends to Disneyland! No, I have no experience with this sort of thing. Thank god.

  34. I ended up having a nearly hysterical meltdown over social media, so I impulsively decided to delete my Twitter and Facebook profiles. I ended up deliberating severing ties with all of my Twitter followers and FB friends. But then (ha!) I chickened out and haven’t left either platform, but am starting over with zero followers and only a couple of friends. This is the story of my life, honestly – decisions hastily made, quickly regretted, but with unavoidable repercussions. Darn it. In fact, you were one of my Twitter followers (I was the gal who brought Flat Rory to meet Arthur Darvill), and I hate most of all that I lost you. 🙁 Sad Kathy!

    (Yell at me on twitter and I’ll refollow you. 🙂 ~Jenny)

  35. I really do wish they’d cut out the algorithms and just let me see the stuff my friends post in real time. I miss out on so much stuff that I’d love to know about because of the dumb algorithms they put on social media!

    Also, yes. I still like you. 🙂

  36. Lord, me too. Insecurity is real, y’all, and made SO MUCH WORSE by social media. But I’ll never quit it! Ha!

  37. Thanks to the “Memories” I discover that people have unfriended me and I don’t know when or why and I obsess with WTF did I do to this person from High School that I haven’t talked to in 30-ish years and why don’t they want to be my friend now. Social Media seems to make us much less social and way more obsessed.

  38. i don’t do FB for that reason but I have liked every single post of yours on IG, the ones I have seen anyway, who knows what they’re doing behind the curtains but trust me, it’s not you and it’s not me, it’s THEM!

  39. My sister-in-law of 5 years follows me on social media and has never once like any of my posts. Nor has she ever thanked me for a Christmas or birthday present.

  40. Yes. BUT. I’ve announced I’m taking a break from FB and for people not to take my absence too seriously. Then I invite them to message me instead. Then I know who cares. So far I have nothing to worry about. 😀 Because really, I don’t have time.

  41. YES YES YES YES! There should be a password or secret shorthand for all of us insecure worriers so we can acknowledge each other and stop obsessing about our irrational internal insecure dialogue.
    I could be so much more productive if my brain would grow up and shut up.
    Jenny you always say the things we think but can’t say.

  42. I’ve been fighting with my own brain a lot lately – and frankly have never heard it described as well as “your brain is totally still in 3rd grade” – at least emotionally, I’m behind that 100%!

  46. For the record, I still like you. And I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, wondering if it’s appropriate to actually message you about relatable experiences, and if you would actually get it, being your inbox probably looks like my spam account after a sleepless night of online shopping, and then being “that girl” who messages a literal superstar thinking “maybe we might actually be similar enough to have a real life conversation”, but I know I’d just start it awkwardly with something ridiculous like “we have the coolest name ever, let be friends”…

  47. I swear you download these posts straight from my brain. Right there with ya, doll.

  48. I actually like you so much that I sometimes ignore you because I’m worried I’ll add to your anxiety.

    WE CAN’T WIN.

  49. I’m the worst about this! I just figured out that a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while has disappeared off of Facebook and now I don’t know how to get in touch with her to figure out if she’s ok because GAH!!!

  53. I’ve been in that third grade mindset for the past few days. I cancelled plans with some friends (my choice) and then decided they were probably happier without me anyway. And then I decided that all of my friends are only friends with me because they feel sorry for me…

    (I so feel this. ~ Jenny)

  54. That is one of the many reasons I quite Facebook and never placed a toe in the torrential waters of Twitter. I feel a bit more stable without that drama.

  55. Same. But then I tell myself that Internet friendships are fickle that way and I’m gonna just break the ice and post something/tag them to reconnect which I start doing and then my kids tooth falls,out and/or the dog tries to eat the Amazon delivery guy and I get interrupted and forget until about 2 the next morning when I should be sleeping and then I’m like well shoot I can’t do it NOW it might wake them up with a notification thingy so I don’t and then I forget again and feel like I’m a horrible Internet friend that’s not even fickle just mental. Rinse. Repeat. Jenny, you can like/tag/comment/reply at 2am if you wanna be friends cuz I would understand and probably be up anyway. Hearts and hugs – your tribe.

  59. Algorithm-manipulated timelines are bad, which makes Facebook and Twitter bad. Mastodon has been a refreshing change of pace for me.

  61. More than a few times I’ve broken down in tears thinking I said something clueless and awful and now my friends are standing around confused as to why I’m weeping an apology to them in the middle of the Starbucks.
    hugs

  62. This happens to me a lot but the worst example is when it resulted in the person and I ACTUALLY becoming enemies 🙁 We still haven’t made up and are never going to despite it being a huge misunderstanding, and I hope this doesn’t happen to anyone else!

  64. Imagine if your lying cheating newly ex-boyfriend lied and cheated (six months ago but just confessed), and then you posted a couple things making it clear that you were split, and then people from all over the world gave a shit about it but NONE OF YOUR MUTUAL FRIENDS. NOT ONE. Do they all know? Have they all known for six months? Is there a conspiracy against me? Have they all spontaneously and collectively taken his side? Is that even possible?? Is there more to this story, and if there is, do I want to know it? Is it possible that the Facebook algorithms really didn’t show your last few statuses to ANY of you mutual friends?

  66. So not to freak you out but this sort of happened to me. Except that in my case, it turns out that we actually were in a fight. Like a friendship was over kind of fight. It wasn’t just FB messing with me. But I’m sure that was the exception to the rule. For the record, I’m pretty sure FB really is messing with all of us. I’ll see posts that say they occurred yesterday at such and such a time and I’m like hey I was on FB at that time how did I miss this. So I’m almost certain in your and everyone’s cases it’s just FB. Almost. But maybe do the check box thing just in case…..

  67. I go through periods where I tell people I’m going to stop “liking” posts because I’m paranoid and I only keep about a month’s worth of posts on Facebook and delete the rest and it is a PITA to delete all the likes and other reactions. Yes, I know I’m weird, believe it or not there are people who are WAY weirder than you are. So anyway, after announcing I’m not going to “like” stuff any more of course about two days later I start liking stuff again because I don’t want people to think I’m ignoring them. I am such a wuss. BTW, if you want to make sure you see everything people post on FB you can go to your home page then click on friends and then on “new posts” and you can see who has new posts that you haven’t read. But you have like a thousand FB friends so that would take a LONG time. You can’t be expected to keep up with that many people.

  68. I always THINK people have unfriended me but then I check and they just don’t post anything. Every so often my blog follower count drops though, and I’m like “What did I SAY?! Was it the stuff about the Jehovah’s Witnesses? Did someone get mad because I suggested taking Jesus to the waterpark? (He would make all the water holy and it would be so cool).” I’ll never know–I guess if you follow me, you take your chances.

  70. I’ve had those feelings (too many times) and they suck! Then when I ask the person who I think is mad at me if they really are, I’m reassured that they aren’t — then I think I’m coming across as being too needy — and I wonder if my brain is effing with me or the person was just saying that but don’t really mean it — it takes on a vicious life of its own. I’m glad I don’t go there too often, but I feel for you that you are experiencing this right now. Is the TMS treatment continuing to help or is it starting to wear off? Lots of hugs to you, Jenny! Hope you feel better soon!

    (THIS. The TMS treatment is still helping. I think it’s worn off a bit but I’m still much better than I was before. ~ Jenny)

  76. So much yes. I don’t have that many FazeBooze friends but the number of them who like my posts has dropped from an average of 10-12 to just one or two, the same one or two all the time. I’m not that secure in my friendships and have the same exact worries, plus I live in the country and don’t socialize at all, and FB is my entire social circle. I’m feeling very ignored and it worries me.

  77. Here’s my thing… Why are we all like this? Feeling this way? I would SO love to get over my fucking silly self and just let it be…

  79. Seems i have more people in real life that just seem to roll on and never seem to notice rather than on FB…so i’ve been working REAL hard at learning to observe rather than give into the pain in allll different kindsa ways. It works sometimes…in combo with meditation, breathing bong, essential oil misted water wafting out at me, calming music and your god damned wicked humor!

  81. Ok now I’m wondering if you still like me because I typed a whole comment and hit post and it just disappeared…..Any who, not to freak you out but this kind of happened to me. Except that it turns out I really was in a fight with someone. Like a friendship is over kind of fight. But I’m sure that was just an exception to the rule. I’m pretty sure FB is responsible for the stuff that has happened to you guys. But maybe do that check box thing just in case…..

  82. Ha, you put it brilliantly! The crazy world of social media, hey. Have just started blogging so I totally need it, but kind of wish I didn’t. Life is so much nicer when you’re not counting likes. And even when you get some, you’ll obsess over the one person who “hasn’t bothered”. Grr.

  86. I feel this so much. Whenever I’m unfriended it just knocks me down and for some stupid reason, I care. I wish I didn’t, sometimes I wish I didn’t have a soul and could just live life without thinking about EVERYTHING!

  90. Me too. I’m feeling especially hated today because I made the mistake of posting an innocent question on a Reddit sub and people are being horrible! I feel gutted. I’ve never been trolled like that before. I’m wondering if I shouldn’t give up social media for awhile.

  92. How ’bout y’alll just get OFF social media and do ‘facing’ people in person…radical I know…but the world is all out there

  93. Just to let you know, Jenny, we’re still friends! (I mean, we’ve never met, but… still. Hugs.)

    Also, I feel this. I’m not on Facebook, but I do the same thing on Instagram.

  95. I got off of Facebook about 5 years ago and haven’t looked back. It was quite therapeutic for me, never knowing the rules of engagement, drunk comments, who other peeps are friends with and why??? I don’t need to be in anyone’s business like I was on FB…you’ll find out who your true friends are real quick…join the kiss my ass crusade!

  96. Oh me too. I’ve also worried that I’ve said stupid things here and mad you hate me and then realized I’m being overly dramatic.

  97. Yes!!! My brain never stops. I overanalyze like nobody’s business. I’m overloaded with what if’s and whys and omg’s. ALL. THE. TIME.

  98. LOL! I never thought to look to see if you HAD a Facebook page… I just get emails. LOL! In case you were wondering…

  100. this is totally the reals for me too. I follow you on Twitter but I doubt you follow me, but that’s okay…as long as I can be connected to you in some form or fashion, I’m content. oxoxox

  102. If we were all lizards, with nothing more than a lizard brain, then we could limit our thoughts about relationships to other living beings to something simple like, “Is that thing going to eat me or not?”

    But no – we had to evolve. As you’ve noticed, it has its pros and cons.

  103. Facebook took it upon themselves to unfollow about 100 or more of my friends and family. I thought only 10 or so friends ever posted on there 😂😂

  105. I love you! To the best of my knowledge, we are not in a fight. If we are, you’re gonna need to say my name and make it personal Jenny!

  107. I just “liked” your FB page… I am such a dope! LOL! But, I can understand your sentiments.

  109. true friends mark you as “see first” on facebook, so we dont miss any of your adorable paragraph sentences!

  110. Facebook “friends day” is a killer. All my photos were family and I’m only speaking to one of them. This is a direct result of me deciding not to associate with people who I don’t feel add anything positive to my life.

  111. I usually wonder if I’m liking someone’s stuff too much and they think I’m annoying and/or stalkery. I try to remind myself that I get anxious if people don’t like my stuff and maybe they feel the same way, so I should just chill and let both anxieties cancel each other out.

    Anyway, I still like you. I hope you still like me.

  113. Jenny. I live for your blogs to help me feel normal! You are my normal. I freaking love not feeling alone. Thank you and yes.
    FB sucks y’all.

  116. I think I’d rather think someone is mad at me, instead of finding out one of your friends completely changed their name to a weird alias, and then you’re like who the hell did I friend? I don’t know anyone by the name of Barbie Muffdigger!

  117. I never see your FB posts but I do see the Instagram and Twitter and blog posts because apparently I’m you’re number one stalker as well as being a brain twinsie. Hugs and much love!

  118. You don’t know me but I read everything that you post. You are so important to so many people. Sending love.

  119. I’m totally fine if people unfriend me I don’t get upset at all but when people think I’m ignoring them that’s what hurts. I’m like no it’s not you I swear. Freakin fb sometimes trying to start drama

  120. My Facebook page for Tater is a desolate wasteland, but I’m fabulous so it has to be Facebook’s fault. My personal page still gets a lot of interaction, but I have been unfriended by quite a few people because I’m not religious or conservative enough.

  122. I didn’t care as much until I started blogging regular six weeks ago and now FB keeps trying to get me to pay to boost my posts. I’m not trying to make money, dammit, just share my writing on a platform I have more control over. So of course this pisses off FB and my friends keep missing my posts. I won’t even get into how hard it is to find posts to groups I belong to of pages I follow (unless I am at home where I have FB Purity installed.)

  123. YES WE ARE ABSOLUTELY FIGHTING… depression, anxiety and stuff side by virtual side, all of us against the sucking void of numb, grey, joyless apathy. We rock so hard! 💙

  125. My brain is totally still in 3rd grade, when it comes to wondering if people still like me (I still like you Jenny)

  129. This is the absolute worst part of social media. I’m constantly overthinking and second guessing anything I post. I would love a social media platform for anxious over thinkers that would send you praise and reassurance… I wonder what they would call it?

  130. If you did put up that survey, the same eight people would see it, and you would still be left wondering about everyone else, just because Facebook hides everyone from everyone else.

  131. Nothing makes a girl feel lonelier than being on Facebook, surrounded by hundreds of my “Friends,” haha. I wonder if we’d all be happier if we just hung out IN PERSON with two or three of our favorite girlfriends. Plus drinking is way more fun in person with friends (verses in front of your computer by yourself on social media…because that might be a sign tinsy-tiny alcoholism 😉

  133. I, on an almost daily basis, have to ask my romantic partner in crime if he is mad at me. Because he may be having a bad day. Or he’s tired. Or a million other reasons he may not be his smiling, happy self. Know what makes him mad? Being asked if he’s mad because he doesn’t look happy. To be fair, though, he is getting better at preemptively explaining his mood, and how it isn’t anything to do with anything I’ve don/not done before I can ask.

  134. Blame Facebook’s algorithm (assuming it’s Facebook, but I think others may work similarly). It chooses to show you things from people/things you’ve interacted with most recently. Which, because I usually interact by yelling at strangers commenting on NPR articles, usually shows me other news articles rather than friends’ stuff. Also it constantly shows things in my feed that are several days old. So it’s possible that your friends simply don’t see things you post because Facebook has decided for them what to show. And, really, what ISN’T Facebook’s (or Twitter’s or Instagram’s) fault these days?

    But I get annoyed/upset when nobody notices the funny things I post. I had a really good joke about Maroon 5 the other day and NO ONE NOTICED! (But I was even more annoyed when I saw another joke about Maroon 5 on Twitter that never occurred to me and was much better).

  135. This is part of why I don’t use Facebook anymore. And yes, this is your anxiety. Mine does this to me too. I just have to remind myself that my anxiety is stupid and no one hates me or is mad at me. 💛💛💛 Likes all your posts

  138. Totally was wondering that and thinking maybe it was just algorithms but then I find out that they’re having parties and gatherings and not inviting me to them where, in previous years, they did. So that seems like a yes, they are mad at me but haven’t told me. Which just makes want to curl up and cry. Which I did on Sunday because damn it hurts even though it’s really for the best that I know what kind of friends they are now. Not the really close, you’re-really-like-family-and-I-can-call-on-you-for-help-and-you-will friends that I thought they were. More like acquaintances.

  139. Facebook is the Devil’s postcard. Twitter is a close second because sometimes they drop people off the follow list. Instead of bringing closer, social media is breaking us up. The robots are behind it,you know.

  140. I miss things all time on Facebook now….damn it! Why do they keep playing with this shit?

  141. Had a conversation with a long-lost friend a year ago. Gave him a good-natured hard time about some crap I thought he did from college, that he actually didn’t do. Then obsessed about it for the last year wondering if my comments had offended and then thinking that perhaps he was mad at me. Finally I had to ‘fess up and ask. GAH. I still like you, Jenny.

  142. Thanks for giving me something else to worry about in addition to the thing I already worry about which is that people I don’t see being active on Facebook but who haven’t unfriended me aren’t just not active on Facebook because they have other shit to do, but have actually changed their privacy settings so I don’t see their posts. This is highly unlikely. Isn’t it? I mean, who can actually spend the time to manage Facebook privacy settings? Maybe they can. Now I’m worried they’re also more tech savvy than me.

  144. It’s hard, but even before Facebook I would have the same exact thoughts. Did I say something wrong, did I do something wrong, this person seems distant, so I wont bother them anymore. But after awhile I realized that my friends were as busy as me, and loose track of time and may not be in touch as often as they would like to be, like me. And if they are mad or upset, they would love me enough to let me know. It so hard when self-doubt sets up house in your head. Getting out of my head by reading books or drawing is the one thing that always helps me. That’s why I love your books so much 🙂 That I am not the only one.

  145. I deleted my FB account a year ago. No regrets. It’s usually meaningless fake passive aggressive bullshit. They are a rather unscrupulous company anyway.

  146. I know exactly how your feel with this.
    Though, let me add one other possibility to the list – flu season. I had a friend seemingly drop me for two weeks. Turns out he had the flu. (boy am I glad I didn’t mention my anxiety aloud!)

  147. All the damn time! I go through my head of our last conversations. Did I say something that sounded bad to you but I never would have meant that way and I’m sorry I suck at life. P.S. There is nothing that can make me not love you!

  148. Forget Facebook, I feel that way everywhere. I can be out with a group of friends and worry that they all hate me because reasons. Facebook is just one of many places where I get paranoid because my jokes don’t get laughs, my traumas go unrecognized, my day-to-day fails to register. Blaming the algorithms has made it a little easier, especially since FB is so fucked up anyway. What has really made it better for me is the Bloggess-fan FB group I’m in. Your peeps are my Beeps and they are all amazing people who reach out all the time to each other. I wish Facebook didn’t limit the number of Friends you can have, because I (and I’m sure many others) have wanted to Friend you SO many times. Most of my friends are internet people I have and probably will never actually meet, and yet so many of them are family to me now. We all want connection, but whether it’s real life or Facebook or Twitter, we still can’t avoid our natural anxiety in our quest for recognition and acceptance. I’m rambling and my weasels are sniping at each other, so I’ll leave it at that… <3

  149. I left Facebook about a year ago for my mental health. I still like you but I can’t like you on Facebook
    Leaving Facebook has really helped my mental health!

  150. I just got a FB survey emailed to me yesterday and THAT is what I bitched about most. I’m underwhelmed…Amazon 2-Day Delivery takes 4 days and Facebook shows me 1 friends’ post for every 100 ads/groups/etc I see, totally taking the fun out of it. I go there less and less.

  151. I still like you and can’t imagine a future where I don’t like you. So if I don’t Like something you’ve posted, considered it Liked.

  155. Not only do I LIKE you, your blog is the first one I click in my morning routine! Even if I don’t know if you’ve updated, I check, because it makes me happy to see you (and Rory on the cover of the Furiously Happy advert) first thing in my day. <3

  158. I’m an avid reader of yours, but a very rare commenter, but YES. A THOUSAND TIMES YES TO THIS!!!

    I pretty much stopped using FB last April and it’s been really good for me. I miss hearing about people’s babies and cats. But that’s about it.

    I love you. All the time! Even if I don’t comment!

  159. For the record: I have never stopped “hearting” you.
    For the future: I won’t stop “hearting” you.

    We’re good.

  161. I’m 100% positive that no one (and I mean NO ONE AT ALL) really likes me, they just tolerate me out of politeness. So, you know, it’s not just you.

  167. That is my brain MINUS the internet… needless to say my anxiety is usually through the roof and the smallest thing causes panic attacks. Glad I’m not alone.

  168. That is my brain MINUS the internet… needless to say my anxiety is usually through the roof and the smallest thing causes panic attacks. Glad I’m not alone.

  169. Do you like me yes or no?
    Yes

    FB has stopped showing me your posts altogether and I don’t know why.
    Buttface Facebook changed. I didn’t.

  170. Yet another reason to be SO glad I have never gotten sucked into social media like Facebook. No online drama, no FOMO, far less personal information being gobbled up and sold or stolen, no endless hours staring at the boring minutiae of others’ (possibly fake) lives, and best of all, my life is my own and relatively private, not a public commodity.

    Seriously, I do believe that peace and tranquility are much more easily achieved by living real lives, offline, with our own real friends. It can be done!

  171. It feels so weird to feel love for someone that I don’t know in real life (you, Jenny!) and all of the tribe that love you, but I feel it, so it must be possible!
    In case there is any confusion Jenny, I still like you!

  172. YES. Just so ya know, yep, still love ya Jenny and tribe! ☺️

    My mental overthinking gymnastics include your exact thinking….Especially the “quiet fighting” portion you never even knew you signed up for! I’m always having to apologise to people who message me/tag me in a post and I don’t see what they wrote for a while. Having to explain my lack of quickness in turnaround reading time/internet responses just makes me not want to go online-vicious cycle.

    I also feel self conscious when I like one thing someone posted. If I like one thing someone may see I didn’t like their post they put up at the same time and take offense maybe. What if I wrote 💖 for one thing and just like for something else? Will someone take offense? Stop it, brain! Just.. stopppp ittt!!! It’s like an awful Seinfeld episode….

  173. Dear heart, you experience this because you care so much for others and this is your normal and that’s fone. Everyone, who is honest, has felt this in their life at some time.

  175. SAME BOAT!
    I’m often asked by my boyfriend if its hell in there (meaning my mind). Usually when I get stuck on something and make some strange leaps of reality. Like when I thought the cat had slipped out of the front door cause it was open a second and he was going to have this Homeward Bound adventure and get rained on and chased by a mountain lion and then come running home to me (after we moved across country of course.)

    But the door was securely shut, locked and the cat sleeping at the foot of the bed…I just couldn’t see him cause he’s a black cat and the lights were out.

    Yeah….its like that all the time. Makes me glad we’re friends, well that I follow you and think we’re friends… I mean not that I really follow you, like to the store and such…don’t want you thinking i’m that weird. Cheers Jenny!

  177. I quit facebook.
    And
    I love you. Just as you are, no matter what. I got to know you through reading your words and laughing and crying with you about random things and serious things,and that’s all there is. Understanding means just that: acceptance, and since I keep buying your words and following your words and needing and wanting your words, it’s a given that I love you.

    We all wonder this shit all the time, in real life and online. It’s part of being human in a world that is larger than it should be. Wait a minute! I even wonder this about the people I live with sometimes. Ha!
    Send a heart and a smiley and just be you. That is absolutely all you are ever expected to be. (Except by your parents and kids and that’s just a whole different topic.)
    ~r~

  178. FWIW, its not us, its them. The socials, I mean.

    They make out they want us to CONNECT! and BE FRIENDS! and LIKE!

    But then they do their darnest to make actual connection, friendships + interaction as likely as a chocolate teapot is practical.

    It aint going to happen.

    We are all pawns in their game.

    And we play it. Muppets that we are.

    Ce la vie!

    No wonder so many of us feel disconnected even with the very tools for the opposite under our thumbs.

    I like you. And whenever the opportunity arises I will like you still.

    Xo

  179. I find the same thing, as hardly anyone even likes my posts on Twitter these days.
    It’s really hard getting people to read and comment on blog posts, whereas 10-15 years ago, especially before the days of Faceboot & Twitter, our blogs were social media.
    Now instead of posting blog articles, so many people just post on Facebook, and we end up losing out on both traffic and advertising revenue.
    Is the day of the blog doomed I wonder, unless you are mega popular?

  182. I learned a thing at work called “check your story”. It basically says that its human nature to create a story in our head about a situation, which can create bias & insanity. The trick is to recognize that you’ve created your story, then fact check it against actual facts. Not assumptions or conclusions, but actual facts. For this example, of which I have done too many times to count, the fact is a friend didn’t like a post. And that’s all we got. Our story is around the why. We’re assuming the why which could be any number of things. Maybe they didn’t see it under the mess of adds for diapers & fancy bras. Or maybe they haven’t logged in for awhile, maybe they felt meh toward it & let it be, maybe they found a ghost living in their couch & is busy making it comfortable while it figures out how to cross over, maybe they have a new talking kitten with a penchant for jazz hands and have been sworn to keep the kittens abilities secret. We just don’t know. So that other voice in your head needs to check the story of the primary voice & this will all become much more jazz handy. 🙂

  184. Ditto…hugs. keep telling myself to not assume and if I can assume positive intent. Saw my new rheumatologist today. Everything was going wrong before the appointment…so worried it would be a negative experience…a then and the team were wonderful. Yay 💟😊

  185. I still like you! But some days I’m too tired to check social media, or I forget to search for you on twitter and instagram. But people who know you must understand there are good reasons why you didn’t see a post – cats, squirrels, hedgehogs, raccoons, and Victor complaining about lost laundry. What with writing with pets, it’s amazing you respond to anyone.

  186. And this is why I don’t do the social media stuff. I have one really close friend who ghosts me via phone from time to time and that’s bad enough. Plus, I always replay and second guess myself for the worse after every social interaction already. Can’t imagine what a mess I’d be if I had to worry about readers or veiwers as well. You are one brave chickie. ❤️

  192. You know, this was the first time in a couple of years I didn’t hear from you on my birthday. My mind went to a similar place until I saw a post just stating you were having a tough time. Well, I can completely empathize there. Plus, I remembered that you “liked” the last pregnancy photo I posted and that put me right again. So, hopefully, when we’re (you’re) having a tough a time, those that really care for us (you) can cut us (you) some slack. 💜

  193. I rarely see you in my Facebook feed anymore. But I have you auto-delivered via feedly, so we’re good.

  194. I stopped following everyone for a while to curb a Facebook addiction (it didn’t work) and Facebook would repeatedly berate me for not having friends. Lol. Facebook is the worst.

  195. With the latest changes on FB, I see posts from people who post 15 times a day, rather than posts from people I’m interested in. I figure they’re probably missing my posts, too.

  196. I deleted my Facebook account permanently almost a year ago. Best. Thing. Ever. Anxiety levels dropped from Uber Fuck to Holy Shitballs.

  197. Some of us out here are not on Facebook, if you can believe it! I’m on Twitter and that’s it. I rarely “like” anything there, although I may, in fact, like it a lot. I like you a lot. I just don’t say so via social media. Social media is BS, although clearly, in your line of work, you can’t avoid it…

  198. Oh my my! I actually went as far as to ask… She wasn’t really my friend anymore and I wanted her to know she I was aware of her ghosting me (in a silent way), so, yeah, I unfollowed her, and went the hell back to 3rd grade, but I was glad about it, until we talked like adults about it over coffee and became friends again. This was last year!!!

  200. Algorithms are insidious! I recently got a “Based on your reading history” recommendation of a piece entitled “I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life” and it’s haunted me ever since. (Could it be true?? What makes them think that?! Stop judging me, Medium!!)
    You are beloved, my dear! I just feel sorry for all the people who are missing out on your posts because Facebook is such a manipulative asshole.

  201. I understand. Everytime it happens to me, I think, what did I do? Let me know how I offended you? Was it my politics? Hopefully that will change in 2 years and I won’t be so crazy. Or do I look at corgis too much? I can’t help myself, I love my corgi and everyone else’s too. We love you Jenny and I’m not going anywhere.

  202. This has become a daily joke at our house, Every day I ask my husband that question, knowing full well the answer, but needing to hear it anyway. Every Single Day for 22 years,

  203. FB I want to see EVERYTHING MY FRIENDS POST even if you think it is inane and boring. How will I know what shenanigans they’re getting up to otherwise?!?

  204. Pingback: Do you still like me? – eclectic haze

  205. Same! A friend was no longer on fb and I finally messaged her. She said it was because of too much negativity in general. Here I thought (as always) it was all about me!

  209. YES!!! I’m having this issue right now. My best friend from the past 5 years and I began drifting over the last few months and now we never talk at all anymore. I thought that maybe she was mad at me for something stupid I said. I actually had a dream that we were fighting, so I reached out and asked. She insisted that she wasn’t mad at me.
    Last time we got together, she was pushing hard for me to come over to her house at 8am and no later to cross country ski (hello from Colorado!). I had an extremely busy day ahead, but we hadn’t seen each other in months and so I rushed through my morning to get there on time. I was still an hour late because of the tasks that kept piling on just on the way to my car.
    I got to her house, feeling horrible for being so late and realizing just as I pulled into her driveway that I’d forgotten my ski boots, and she was still in her pajamas, just making coffee and breakfast.
    I asked what time she had to work. She said 2:00.
    So why were you pushing so hard to meet up at 8:00?!
    Oh, I’ve been waking up too late recently and I wanted you to make me get out of bed.
    Now I’m mad at HER. I’ve realized that my friend has no respect for my time and thinks that I spend all day playing and doing whatever I want because I’m self-employed.
    Now I’m not worried about what she thinks anymore.
    I haven’t called her since and she hasn’t called me. I’m not sure I even consider her a friend anymore. The only contact we’ve had recently is the occasional like on Instagram and I’m rarely on social media these days.
    I’m learning to be okay with these occurrences, though. It’s happened with every close friendship I’ve ever had and it’s caused me to keep people at arms distance and be ready to drop them at any time. People have let me down a LOT and I’ve been given no reason to expect anything to change. I appreciate the friendships I have while I have them, but I’ll never understand people who still have friends from high school in their thirties. How do you make people like you throughout all of the changes in life?!

    This was a long comment… Maybe a good writing prompt for my own page…

  210. Can someone tell me the purpose of Facebook likes and loves? They can really mess with you! These badges to: top fan, valued commenter, visual storyteller adds to the anxiety if you allow it to. I was a top fan for one week of a well-known author, participating every week in her FB lives. It’s gone! Top Fan badge! I see others whose current badge is ion for six months! I said, “screw it” and removed the other one. In the long I don’t think it matters. It’s okay if we revert back to the third grade. We still may have triggers that far back. I just don’t like all the “I love you’s” being tossed out like salt from a shaker. How can the celebrity possibly love someone they don’t even know?! Saying, “I appreciate you” feels more genuine. I follow and support their work because I like them. It’s gonna be okay. We just need to be kind to one another and not allow social media to mess with us. ❤️🧚‍♀️✨

  212. Recently I inactivated my FB account. I will be deleting it when I have a moment. Oh, the relief! My friends are still my friends, I keep up with news and current events in other ways, check to see how you, Jenny, are doing, and don’t worry about the rest. Given that you are The Bloggess, this approach may not work for you, but my stress level is much lower. Added benefit – Mark Zuckerberg no longer has me to manipulate. 👹

  213. Or… you know… maybe some people just figured out that social media was not their preferred way to spend the majority of their waking hours? I quit using Facebook about a year ago and I never really got into the rest of social media because it all just seemed like a huge time sink – like empty calories that make your insecurities fat and really contribute nothing to your overall well-being. The people I care to interact with most, I text or email or spend time face-to-face with. I go to Facebook once in a blue moon when I truly have nothing else I feel like doing and I “catch up” on several months worth of posts from people I rarely see or hear from. Otherwise, I rarely think of it anymore, and life is better that way for me. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  217. Yeah, we like you, and most of us worry about the same things. Too easy, when we’re having trouble liking ourselves, to misread ambiguous cues or lack of cues from other people as meaning they don’t like us. Our minds are dangerous places – not prudent to spend too much time in there alone.

  218. Story of my life, except no. People dont like me anymore and go away. Happens all the time. Even with “best friends.”

    Haha oh well.

  219. Yeees. I learned about “ghosting” and, despite having been a terrifically bad email-responder, then got incredibly stressed whenever someone didn’t reply to email for too long. Did I offend them? Are they ghosting me?… and so far, in every instance, it has been “other stuff has been going on and/or I accidentally lost you in the drafts folder.” So. There is that.

    (Facebook is even more of a mess because of their algorithms. With email, as long as you don’t get shunted into spam, they’ve at least had a chance to see it, probably.)

  223. Hugs 🤗 to you Jenny
    That’s why I got away from Facebook
    This maybe helpful. There is a book by Jaron Lanier- Ten Arguments For Deleting
    Your Social Media Accounts Right Now

  224. I’ve read everything you’ve written (I think) for 4 years. I’m a (very progressive denominational) minister and I’ve quoted you from the pulpit numerous times. I’ve never written a comment because I figured why would it matter to you, since you don’t know me.
    So I’m writing now to say – not only does depression lie – social media can also create lies. And from now on, I’ll comment from time to time. You’re brave and transparent and a wonderful role model.

  225. Oh. I usually just assume that nobody likes me. I’m an “expect nothing” kind of person.

  226. Yeah. I get it. My stuff like that gets worse when I’m under a lot of stress. Sometimes I just have to tell my racing thoughts “No!” And then binge watch Firefly. Please take care. We all love you so much! Hugs.

  229. I will always like you. Your blog is one of the few I follow. I don’t have much of a presence on social media but I so relate to your posts whether I comment or not. But I know what you mean about wondering “was it something I did?” Why do we always blame ourselves?

  230. I think this all the time. One time I actually asked someone if I had offended them in some way because I had noticed this complete end to interaction online, and they totally claimed that it was not something they were doing on purpose, and FB must be not showing them stuff. But nothing changed (and if someone asked me that and I didn’t want them to think I hated them I’d start paying attention to their stuff and purposely interacting, wouldn’t you?) So I didn’t really believe them and didn’t really trust their answer, and then they did something that offended me and we haven’t interacted since.

    I’m not saying it’s healthy or anything…

  231. I do social media management so I need to have Social Media accounts plus Facebook is my primary interface with my daughter (stop judging me…she’s in her 20s and we are both violently phone-phobic and she lives 1000+ miles away) but I am THAT PERSON who checks to see if someone has unfriended them EVERY DAY. And even though I KNOW that makes me THAT (very pathetic) person, I still do it. So, you’re probably fine, Jenny.

  232. Still like you. Still your friend, as much as that is possible since we have never met.
    Still read every one of your posts. Sometimes multiple times.
    Still wonder how someone I have never met seems to extract the crap that goes on in my brain and put it in writing in such a way that it doesn’t just sound insane, but insane mixed with funny. In a good way.
    Still think “social media” is poorly named since it brings out all of our anxious or antisocial tendencies.

  233. I would hope my social media friends know by now that I’m very sporadic with those sites and don’t always ‘like’ posts even if I do see them, and that in no way means anything regarding our friendship. What I actually dislike more then the absence of ‘likes’ is that sometimes people do unfriend you and you just have no idea. I’ve gone months wondering about the absence of certain ‘friends’, only to realize they’d unfriended me at some point and I had no clue. And it’s not even being mad/sad that they unfriended me, because I know I post ‘controversial’ stuff and I make it clear that people who don’t like it are free to unfriend me, it’s just that I don’t realize they’ve unfriended me. And that’s frustrating.

  234. Good news! If we are fighting or I am mad at you -I will tell you! And I will try to work it out, because real friends are just worth it.

  235. What you post is completely relevant. Don’t stop Whatever the various aggregators of upvotes tell you. YOUR INPUT MATTERS to me and to I would estimate hundreds of thousands, if not millions of readers. It’s easy to fall victim to whatever feed is telling you matter. But don’t listen to feed, listen to the humans. Sooooo many who are significantly affected by your writing. We tell you with each post. Your experience written for us to recognize is sooooo important. To exemplify my point: I’m single with no children, but I identify soooo often with your posts. You write my experience. Your writing is widely accepted and because of that people recognize my lived experience as valid. This is INCREDIBLY important. Please don’t stop. Please don’t think you don’t matter. You do.

  237. I don’t like you – I LOVE you.
    I have had two people treat me like they’re still in High School lately. One of them I just laughed off, as I don’t really give a thought to what she thinks. The other was more hurtful, but I just feel like I’m too far beyond High School to deal with that, so my attitude is, “Head on, honey! Whatever toots your horn!” I don’t do social media, since I have no inclination toward perfection or the illusion of perfection.

  241. Annnnnd… Anxiety strikes again! Why, oh why does that sound so familiar? We still like you! circles YES in black sharpie

  242. We still like you. I believe you would like me if you knew me and that’s enough. I am anxious about millions of things but oddly, this isn’t one of them.

  243. Ditto. I blame Facebook. We are friends even if I never get a “like” from you. <3

  244. When I use my “cootie catcher/fortune teller” and pick blue, red,and number 2 “Jenny” still comes up, so we must still like each other 😀😀 Amazing how easy it is to revert to middle school patterns. Thank you for continuing to share and making the rest of us feel less alone! ♥️

  246. Imaginary fights with friends REALLY do suck because they make you question your POV and personal reality, but the REAL fights with IMAGINARY friends make you question real reality.

  247. Dear, dear Jenny –
    Please take this, in perspective, from a person who spent most of her life being painfully shy, and afraid to upset anyone, so afraid to speak my mind … and I’m a generation older than you. And, I got outa my shy-prison. About your age, thank God above.
    But you’ve written of being lost in a swirling parallyzing morass if indecision – WHY? Really, dear heart, drop the indecision, because it’s a total waste of your life’s time, and joys. JUST BE REAL. Candid. Honest. Dear Jenny, drop the crappola!

    Be fearless, and just Be Honest and real – if you’re wondering, ASK them.

    What are you risking? [you can fill in your own answers here, but I’m gonna suggest:]
    If your cyber friends mean to be cool, asking them to acknowledge this – – may be a great relief. For you, And for them.
    If your cyber friends have been derailed by lives complexities and disasters, or anywhere else, you will learn of this, And retouch with your friends.

    Please stop dithering, beautiful treasure that you are, Jenny. Please, go for the straight-forward communication. Friends Do Understand. If the understanding is not forthcoming when you communicate with someone, it’s just as well you learn this, and put your energies, instead, where and with whom You Are Appreciated.

    Given with caring, and hope that this is received as meant.

  250. I know that you’ll never see this, but I’m so thankful to read the things that you post. I don’t feel so utterly alone and crazy fighting these thoughts and feelings. I think you’re amazing.

  252. Always! (Except not Facebook because I don’t have it. Just Instagram. And nobody comes to that side of the street.)

  254. This is exactly the reason why I stopped blogging, Tweeting & FB status updates; my self esteem couldn’t take what the anxiety in my head was making me feel 🤔

  257. That’s how it works in my head. I used to think there was something wrong with me and I was the only one, but according to MBTI I’m typical of my personality type. So, um…woohoo?!? Not sure if I should be happy I’m not alone, or sad that people feel this way. It sometimes helps to remember the Henry James quote: “I don’t want everyone to like me. I should think less of myself if some people did.”

    Yours is the only blog I subscribe to because you’re awesome!

  258. Facebook was ruining my mental health, so I stopped posting statuses and unfollowed my friends. Now, I only use Facebook to look at cats, crochet, and Mike Rowe (and you).

  260. Wow. Yes. I get shocked by how hurt I can feel when I don’t get ‘like’ from friends. If people used less filters and told more truth instead of using passive aggressive means, we would all feel so much more secure. Just ask Elsa from ‘Frozen’.

  261. It’s the stupid FB algorithm… I don’t see all of my friends’ posts unless I go to their page specifically and read them. Sometimes new posts from them will be highlighted on my FB friends pane and it will show me all of their new posts as a number next to their picture. For example, I was home on furlough and read my page every hour or so for new posts (and I never saw that Jenny and the family were going trough a rough patch in December / January). I have tried everything from deleting all of the ads of things that FB thinks I need to unfollowing people… It’s getting ridiculous.

  262. When I first joined Facebook, chronological order was a real thing. I hate the algorithm. I just found out THIS WEEK that an old friend died a year ago. SHE DIED A YEAR AGO. I thought I was just missing posts because of the algorithm or that she was working on another book or tired of social media.
    I only found out because an ad for her book popped up. Tonight I have to write one of the world’s most awkward letters to her husband who we also consider a friend…

  263. I totally get this. I am bipolar which means every relationship I have, had, or will have has a shelf life. I do great 85 percent of the time, I can hide for years from most people but eventually, they see it. I either do not have any f’s to give about their stuff, or I behave badly or call out their bad behavior or just stop being funny and caring and outgoing. I turn gray and stop showing up at stuff other than work cuz it’s work, but even that get’s dicey. I have 0 filter about my shit let alone their shit. I am said to write people off, and in a way that is true but I am actually giving them permission to walk away cuz …they have had all the me they can endure. Some just need a break from the crazy I bring to the table. Sometimes when I am home alone with no reason to hide, no one to protect or win over I think to myself “my goddess what would they do if they really knew how bad it is on the inside”. Do you still like me is a land mine waiting to go off, just assume they do and treat them like they do and sometimes even if they do not, your behavior makes it easy for them to come back…if they dare. I totally get this.

  264. Here’s the thing….You are important but the world doesn’t revolve around you. You have value and much to offer, however there is more to this world than Facebook or social media.

    I understand the concept of not wanting to offend others and worrying something you did or didn’t do affected them. However Facebook ain’t it. Some only go on FB once a week, others are there once an hour. Realistically, there will ALWAYS be something missed. What matters is your personal connection with that person. When you speak to them, how do they respond. Are they negative or does it seem like is wrong? Then show concern and love for your friend and ask what’s wrong. They could have suicidal thoughts or lost something special to them. It’s not always because of you they feel bad. Just like with yourself: sometimes you don’t even have a reason why you feel depressed. However a person coming up and claiming responsibility for how you feel without asking how you are is wrong. I can’t soft that or pretty it up. It is egotistical and narcissistic to think that the only reason a person can be sad is because of something you did. The sooner you stop that thinking, the sooner you can be a real friend, ask them what’s going on and go from there. Remember what happens when you assume? Right. So don’t be a donkey.

    Much Love

  265. Orrrr if you do post the “do you still like me?” post or “have I offened you?” post I am so affraid ALL the people will answer “NO we are not friends but Im too lazy to unfriend you” or “YES you are super offensive and I hate you!! You are super annoying and a horrible person and I cant stand you!” Gotta love a brain like this…right??

  267. Jenny!
    Listen up to what P.J. O’Rourke has to say:
    You shouldn’t believe everything you think.

    Well, actually he was referring to football players dancing in the endzone; prancing around as if they had Deep Heat in their jockstraps. But anyway.

    Don’t listen to your inner self, instead have conversations with your cats. (Especially Rolly.) Ask THEM if they are worried about friending. Ask THEM what they think about social media. Cats are very wise. And if they seem to ignore you, remember that bacon will cure that situation.

  268. Yet another reason I am not on social media of any kind! I am anxious enough about how people feel about me in real life, let alone online. 😀

  269. Do you remember back when us mentally ill folk didn’t have to DO social media?!?! I miss those times sometimes. The times before twitter and facebook and instagram and tumblr….. but then I remember that those things have also brought a whole community of weirdos together who can commiserate and celebrate together. Your friend probably isn’t mad. Or maybe is. But it is social media mad, not real-world mad, so it is the same thing as not-mad.

  271. Jenny, I am just a retired nobody in a small Atlantic town who fell in love with you when a librarian friend recommended your book on tape almost 3 years ago. I don’t have Facebook. But I’ve been unfriended lately by two QUILTING friends. We share a QUILT GUILD with 80 other people. They don’t approve of my handling of certain things. The guild recently voted to make me president for a second year. I’m doing the best I can. I would rather be happily sewing than navigating bizarre emotional over-reactions to ordinary decisions. Finding the path through these landmines is a task for strong people. You are one of them. So am I. Everything really is OK. Keep talking. Keep writing. I love you.

  272. This is one of the many many reasons I don’t do FB. Even though people can be asses in real life, intentionally or otherwise, but that was always the case.
    Anyway, Sally Fields, we like you! We really like you!

  276. I am a troglodyte who still does not have a home computer. I use a computer at work on my breaks and during extremely SLOW TIMES for email and following YOUR Blog, and ONLY YOUR BLOG. I have never had a FB acct or any other social media thingummies. Tried Pinterest for a while, but not for several months now. I totally love and respect you, even though we will never meet, but I will never give you a FB “like”.

  278. Run-on sentences: Like the exclamation point, they’re useful when not overused. Otherwise, I ADORE what you write!

  279. I have seen several people resolve to use social media less in the new year, personally with all the constant influx of news I’ve felt overwhelmed and have had to stay away from social media. I keep my notifications on for all your content, but I have had a tendency to avoid my phone unless necessary lately. I may be isolating myself, but there’s too much coming in right now for me to safely process and unfortunately while I try to shut out the loud I also shut out someone the content I love. The longer I go without, the more intimidating it is to come back and try and catch up on everything, too. ;~; We still love you Jenny!

  280. I adore you forever.
    You are one of the 6 people I follow on twitter, (and three of the others never post, so I am there for you and the British royal family, apparently.)
    Facebook lies.

  281. That means it’s time to go off Facebook and have a nice long cleanse…seriously. I took 9 months off FB and it was a revelation. Now all the small stuff – including the political nonsense – doesn’t affect me as much. It’s all about perspective. FB can be a wormhole you drop into and lose all perspective. Time off is good for the soul…

  284. All the damned time. I KNOW they’ve unfollowed me. I just don’t know why. What did I say/do?
    And then…and then…I realize..I did something a few years ago…and they probably haven’t forgiven me. It was rather unforgivable. But, but, but…I’m better now. I am.

    And it still bugs the ever-loving shit out of me that they can’t see it.

  286. My friends and I call these “Brain Weasels”. The thoughts that you know are really unlikely to be true – but you just can’t get rid of them. For me, it’s actually useful to put a name on it – get into the thought loop, realize I’ve got a Brain Weasel, and somehow just identifying it takes away the “why can’t I get this thought out of my head!” stress.

  287. If I ever stop liking your stuff, it means that either I died or my computer did. Your blog is usually the highlight of my day. (The other days are the ones when you don’t post.)

  288. Weirdly apropos – I sent my brother a text the other day saying “Call mum – she just had the next check-up after the cancer was removed (to avoid suspense, it’s all good and she’s all clear for another 6 months)’ and he replied “No”.
    …WTF?
    Not willing to embark on what may have been a choppy sea of problems, I just responded “?” There was, of course, no reply.

  293. I cannot tell you how much I relate to this.. and not just on Facebook either, but in every interaction or non-interaction I have with everyone in real life ever.

    It’s frankly exhausting.

  295. So actually I get this and it’s entirely appropriate for me today. Im in my 30s now and apparently my much older “friend” went n told a co worker who I was friendly with in a total your not a butt face let’s be friends while we r at work kinda way that I was saying all this terrible stuff about her and I really wasn’t! So now everyone is mad at me for something I didn’t do just like in elementary school. I feel like a rock is sitting in my stomach but how can I defend myself without acting like a child myself?? I hate this crap!!!!

  297. facebook should read these responses. they toy with our emotions. it’s them not you. i don’t know anyone who hasn’t had the same thoughts (well, not exactly the same – that would be creepy). basically, you’re sane (yes, i said that) and facebook is insane.

  299. Every time I get on FB, I switch my newsfeed from “Top Stories” to “Most Recent.” (You have to do this EVERY TIME. FB won’t save this setting.) I see ALL of my feed this way and I don’t get manipulated nearly as much by the algorithms and social experiments. It’s NOT your imagination, FB has used 100% of its users as test subjects.There’s a reason why it’s free to use!

    Radiolab (NPR) did an AMAZING podcast about this called: “The Trust Engineers.” The podcast is on YouTube if you’d like to check it out. In my opinion, thirty listening minutes well spent!!!

    Hope this helps!
    Juli

  301. Haha omg I guess there’s also the possibility that someone simply stopped using social media so even posting that on social media you still couldn’t really be sure if someone you accidentally have a fight with online has seen it.

  302. My husband is deployed and I am NOT HANDLING it well so I gave myself permission to accept that I might piss off people or be too weird or whatever but unless someone actually told me to my face that they were mad, I am just going to pretended everyone likes me and is fine. I don’t know to explain it exactly but it’s been life changing. I also adopted a 3month kitty from the humane society and he loves me so that helps too! I got him in large part because of your influence.

  303. I don’t know how you do it, but you write things I don’t even realize I am thinking. For the Record, I do still like you, even it if appears to all who see that I have forgotten completely. They are not in my head, and I really can’t explain it. But… Yes, I still look forward to your insights, thoughts, cat/dog/stuffed animal antics. Some many people have commented above with thoughts that I wish I could express as clearly…
    Also, Social Media scares me, so I avoid it. Sorry to miss out on the positives, but I have to go with my heart on this one….
    When I re-read my posts, I think “I should just delete that, it makes no sense”

  306. We are a large family and most of our “family time” is spent building elaborate Halloween displays throughout the year. It also teaches the children about history. Last year was pirates, this year is witches. Also our oldest son has started building and carving tombstones for others’ Halloween props

    http://a.co/in0YCEf

  313. or worse when you go to send them a message and realize they aren’t popping up because they have gasp UNFOLLOWED you. And then you obsess over what might have made them do that. And then pretend that it doesn’t bother you one bit. Except that it does kind of bother you. So you finally send them a nonchalant kind of “heyyy I couldn’t help but notice…” and then they blame it on “Facebook being weird.”
    Is it really? or maybe you’re just weird. We’ll never know…

  314. Marriage is hard. A friend went and saw a sex therapist and that guy said this book was TRANSFORMATIVE and AMAZING. So it makes sense that it would be both wonderful and bizarre (bizarrely wonderful?) to receive something so personal from an absolute stranger. Let’s survive midlife together?
    http://a.co/c9LIuNU

  316. Your post makes me feel so sad. Of course we all still like you. I didn’t even know Facebook was doing whatever stupid shit it’s doing now, because I have fewer than two dozen friends and they’re all family or close personal friends and so if somebody disappears I know who it is and I can IM the exact person to say, “hey, you OK?”
    But I know you can’t do that, because that’s not how you use FB or want to use FB or need to use the damn thing. Just remember, whenever anything weird happens on there, it’s because either your friend is up to their ass in alligators or otherwise having a busy/difficult time or because basically, Facebook is a shithead.
    Hang in there, we all love you.

  317. Dude, for real. My best friend has to go through this with me on the regular, if we don’t make contact for a while. And every time shes like,duh, you know I would just put it out there. Its crazy in my head, glad you understand.

  319. TBH, I actually have that feeling about you. Back in June/July 2018 I nervously sent you card and a paperback copy of my novel to your p.o. box and never got any acknowledgement. I may have even sent you a DM on twitter (although, who knows if I did? I absolutely stink at twitter) asking if you received it and crickets…I assumed this meant you hated me and considered me a stalker who over-reached personal boundaries by sending you my novel, which kills me because I only did it thinking reading it would cheer you up. Ever since then, I’ve been too afraid to reach out to you again and/or comment/like your blog or Instagram posts. I’m only doing it now because you put it out there. (Also, sorry if this is a duplicate comment, but damn wordpress always screws up my ability to leave comments on your blog)

    (I am the WORST at responding to anything and I almost never opening my twitter DM’s and Facebook messages. I’m so sorry! But I loved Ms. Medicine. Thanks so much! ~ Jenny)

  320. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FOR REALS? picking myself up off the floor Omgosh, you just made my day, my week, my month. Is it too much to ask if you could leave me a review somewhere, maybe Goodreads or Amazon (if you can)? It’s such a struggle as an indie author to get reviews and/or noticed. I take it this means I can comment AGAIN? Praise be!!

  321. Oh man, I thought it was just me. Except lets not forget that one of the reasons you don’t ask is because just the act of asking seems like a unfriendable offence, like a self fulfilling prophecy.

  322. Just one more reason why I am not on Facebook. I like you and so do a zillion other people!

  323. Every. Fucking. Day.
    So, have you found anything to help with that? It’s like, I call my friends once every three or four months to ask if they’re mad at me, then when they say NO I don’t talk to them again for another four months!

  324. How about the fact i have blog and no one has read it yet. I mean i just started i wonder if it’s just that bad. So yeh, i get it.

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