In and out and back again.

in more than meets the eye, TMS is painful but not as painful as depression

Last week I got hit with a major bout of depression.  I did all the things I’m supposed to do.  Nothing helped.  Usually when this happens I wait it out.  I’m stronger than my mental illness even though it feels like an inescapable monster when it’s here.  Then Sunday I took a darker turn.  And Monday I was worse.  There are a few things that come when my depression gets really bad.  Exhaustion, almost flu-like.  My peripheral vision goes away.  My body goes numb and my face feels heavy and weighted down.  When it’s really bad I stare out at a fixed point and can’t move my eyes from that spot, like I’m paralyzed for several seconds at a time.  In some ways it’s a relief to have physical signs of what’s happening…to remind myself that it’s real and not just in my mind…but it’s also terrifying to have your brain take over your body when your brain is the most dangerous place to be.

I called my doctor.  I got an appointment for next week to see the doctor who did my Transcranial Magnetic Therapy so we can see if booster sessions might help shake me out of this.

And then…almost as suddenly as it appeared…it vanished.

This happens sometimes.  Usually it’s a slow process of several days recovery but this time it just went away.  I was left feeling exactly how you feel after you stop throwing up from food poisoning…shaky, vulnerable, empty, exhausted, terrified that it’s not over, but so incredibly grateful that my body belonged to me again.

I want to cancel my appointment with my doctor.  I want to pretend this week didn’t happen.  But it did and it may be a fluke or it may be a sign that I need more help.  I will continue to work the program.  I will continue to fight battles in my head.

I always feel bad writing about mental health stuff because I know I’m tired of feeling it so I’m sure you are tired of hearing about it but it’s a relief to be able to lay it all out here and to read back and see how far I’ve come…to see that I may struggle with these seemingly invisible enemies but that I have a perfect record (so far) of beating them.  And you do too if you are reading this.  I’m proud of you.  I hope you are proud of yourself.

372 thoughts on “In and out and back again.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. You keep writing and I’ll keep reading. It’s important for discussions about this stuff to be normal and accepted, so people can find help if they need it. Thank you!

  3. that almost sounds like a person having a seizure. We’re so used to what we see in movies/TV but I’ve seen a friend have a seizure and it was like that paralysis.

  4. You are very brave and stronger than you think you are! You are an inspiration to a lot of people 🙂 Hang in there!

  6. Well, it helps to know how wide the parameters of ‘normal’ really are. There are a lot of variations of depression and while we are all unique there are always things in common. I am not tired of hearing about yours and wish all of us so afflicted could minimize our own. Keep fighting on!

  7. Jenny. Never feel like we’re tired of hearing it. I need to. I need to know that when I get so tired of fighting and I just don’t know what to do, that you’re here and you’re fighting and you’re winning every time. I’m finishing my fifth month of unemployment, and may finally be finished with my self-flagellation. But networking makes me want to puke, and I don’t leave home much. I’m now on 4 fucking different meds, and hoping like hell this time pulls me up enough to stay there for a while. I’m like you in that I know my friends may be tired of this side of me. I know some don’t understand why I can’t just pull myself out of it. I’m doing some of things I should, but my head won’t shut up.

    Thank you for being here. I’m tired of being tired, but you inspire me to keep trying. xo

  9. Not tired of hearing it. There are lots of people who are in the same boat as you who need to hear it. Over and over. Because it shows them that it’s not their fault when it does come back and not to give up. Also, who knows… new people find you all the time and maybe it’s their first time reading it.

    hugs

  10. I’ve suffered major depression for most of my life, starting in kindergarten. You make me feel validated by sharing your perseverance, recurrences, and more perseverance. I am grateful for your continued personal risk in sharing this part of you. Thank you so very much for letting me know I’m ok.

  11. Depression=0 Jenny= 1Fafillion (okay, I rounded up)
    Winner and STILL CHAMPION! <3
    Keep talking, I will never get tired of reading/hearing/walking alongside you. xoxox

  13. Never tired of reading it. Heels me remember I’m not alone in this and that even though I’m in the dark place now, it’s not a forever thing. I will pick my battles and unfortunately sometimes my disease is stronger than I am and I also have to ride it out

  14. Don’t feel bad about writing about mental health stuff. It makes me feel like I’m not alone! So thank you for that! It also means you are not alone. You are a brave warrior and we will survive whatever our brain weasels will throw at us.

  16. I also hate talking about my depression… I feel guilty about making other people join me on this horrible journey. And I completely relate about the physical symptoms being a strange comfort. Thank you for making me feel relatable.

  17. I’m glad you feel better and don’t ever feel like you can’t write/talk about it. There are so many of us out there that can relate to you, and it is so nice to hear someone else talk about mental health. It reminds me that I’m not alone. 🙂

  18. I will never tire of hearing about it because it helps me remember that this happens to us all and it’s never something that is a one-and-done feeling. Thank you, Jenny.

  19. i had a really bad dip 2 weeks ago, went to Dr and they think i am menopausal ( oh joy ) so he doubled my prozac ( yippee) and all is good again. your blog always helps remind me that i am not alone.xx

  20. PLEASE KEEP WRITING ABOUT THIS! It’s so important for those of us who have these experiences to hear that we are not alone. And it’s also important for you to hear you are not alone. Big hugs.

  21. Dammit! I wrote a big ass post and pfft! Gone it went. Jenny, please don’t ever feel like any of us don’t want to hear any more. I’m so, so tired of this battle. So tired of fighting every day to be something resembling some phase of fucking normal. I’m so tired of taking more and more meds. But if you can beat it every time, surely I can too, right? I know a few of my friends don’t understand why I can’t just pull myself out of this. They’re always there for me, but I know so is that thought. The numbers of us feeling like this seem to keep increasing. Why can’t we be fixed? Anyway, please never stop sharing. It makes all the difference when I feel defeated. xo

  22. Have you ever kept a food diary to see if something triggers it? It took me a long time to figure out that I get sick when I eat taco shells. Just an idea. Hope you are feeling better.

  23. We are here to support each other. If you can’t talk about your struggles as well as your successes here where could you? I don’t have depression but I have recently had a spurt of anxiety attacks that came out of nowhere, obviously not the same thing but what I’m dealing with but maybe it’s just something about this time of year.

  26. We’ve been there at the bottom of the well, where lifting our own heads to even look for the light can feel like lifting a mountain. Fold us up, put us in your pocket, and take us to the doctor with you like pocket cheerleaders. We are always rooting for you. <3

  27. Never apologize. We love you because you are broken, because you keep on, because you talk, because you are us. Much love to you and yours

  28. Hearing about your bad days reminds me to pray some thankful prayers that you have good days going on. I am very happy the TMI helped – as with any treatment you have to jiggle it a little to get things all lined up again.

  29. The person I need to forgive the most is ME for the things I’ve done while in the Dark Hole.

  30. Never tired of listening/reading, Jenny. I am tired of feeling it, too, though. Anxiety is the beast for me. Give me strength, as I’ve clawed my scalp to blood, convinced I had psoriasis, and was told by my rheumatologist that “anxiety is real health condition, you know” … I have treatment; it’s just not keeping in front of the stress life is dishing out right now. Anyway, it helps me to read your words because it reminds me that this is a health problem, not just me being inept at life. I’m very, very sorry that you suffer, though. I hope your reprieve sticks around. ((Hugs)))

  31. I can’t imagine how debilitating that must be! I had just written about my 2019 WOTY and felt super great about some of the results sfter picking the word CHANGE when I hit a wall. I realized after the weekend that making changes in my life to accomplish goals is imperative but I also have to take control of my free time and change that too. I made a new list of things to do that make me happy and I’m checking them off. There will be a lot more dancing in my future!

  32. I am glad you are feeling a bit better. I know how it can feel sometimes. You know we are here for you, and support you. I hope you continue to do well. Lots of Love to you Jenny.

  33. I so appreciate your writing…the description of ‘flu like’ is right on…it is a real life, dat ro day for many. Please keep writing! Glad it lifted…and praying the doc can offer hope.

  34. Keep the appointment. The worst thing to do when managing a chronic condition is stop doing the healthy things during the periods you are feeling good. That just leads to less good, and more bad times.

  35. Every time you write about it you reach a new person who need to know they are not alone. Please never feel that we want to stop. We don’t. Not one little bit.

  37. It’s funny how we question the “realness” of it while we’re in it, but once we’re out, it seems so obvious, that yes, we were absolutely not doing well….Thanks Jenny.

  38. Please keep writing about fighting your demons. It helps me fight mine. Makes me feel like I am in a Super Crazy Exclusive Club that not everyone can join. So glad you won again!

  39. I’m glad you’re feeling better and I’m glad you’re going to keep your follow up appointment and that you write about this – even when dealing with your own struggles you help so many others. Sending you lots of light and good vibes.

  40. Keep writing about it… that’s why we’re here!! And, you just don’t know who needs to hear they’re not alone on any given day…

  42. Not tired of hearing it. I’m in a bout of my own, and it brings comfort to know that there are others who will similarly fight and win. And you write about it with so much more finesse than I ever could!!

  43. your brain is not the boss of you. You are the boss of you. What is heartening for both of us is that you can understand what your brain is trying to do. Stay in charge. You will pass this. you are strong. you are worth all of it!

  45. I am glad when you post about your depression. I don’t like that you are struggling. No one should have to endure such a disease but to know that I am not alone in this world provides me with some comfort. I am glad that you have had the courage to share your journey with us. It is a very brave this g to do. I too go through very horrible bouts of depression that take on symptoms of the flu and I get bed ridden for days and sometimes weeks at a time. I seek help and so far I have always found the light to return to from the utter abyss of darkness. Please keep the fight going. This world needs your voice in it.

  46. Could it be residual from the stressful family events you recently experienced? My panic attacks are always delayed after a traumatic event, coming days or weeks later. Also, I know that my meds are working when the panic/depression all of a sudden vanish. It’s like the panic and anxiety turn their switch on but then the meds are like, oh no, you don’t, and turn it back off. Maybe the TMT is working and the part of your brain they targeted is actually responding??

  50. I could never get tired of you writing about this stuff. I get being tired of feeling it. I’m in a pretty deep bout of depression right now myself and it helps reading other people’s experiences. Keep on keeping on

  51. The more we hear about these experiences, the more we can understand and empathize. Thank you for sharing. It really is important and appreciated.

  52. Jenny, I just love you as much as you can love someone you have never met. So I’m inserting myself out of that love…have you ever seen a Functional Medicine doctor for your depression? I can recommend some great ones.

  53. Quite the opposite of being tired of hearing it, I find it very important to hear it, to be reminded that I’m not alone when my brain decides to make me feel bad despite having no good reason to feel bad. Please, please never stop talking about it, never stop showing your readers and the world that this is real, it happens, and it always passes.

  54. You keep writing and we will keep reading. Because we are all in this together, and hopefully you know you’re not alone. We all go through this to varying degrees, and if we can help and learn from one another, than that’s what matters. I understand being tired of writing and talking about it. But I think it helps – both you, and all of us. You are stronger than you know. And definitely not alone.

  56. Always, always, always write about it. It will help you find your way. We’re always here, listening, caring. And admiring your courage and perseverance. ❤️

  57. I’m not tired of hearing about it. I have been walking down a dark tunnel since last September and even though I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, I still can’t see any light in my future. Hearing that it comes and goes… and then comes… and then goes… Thar gives me something to hold on to. So thanks for continuing to talk about it.

  58. I am eternally grateful for your writing no matter what you write, but especially when you share your struggles.

    Yesterday was a really bad day for me. Went to my gp we talked about hospitalization. This is a horror I’ve seen my children go through and will do anything to avoid. The doctor put me on new meds and has followed up with a phone call this morning to make sure I’m okay. The office asked if it was okay for them to call me every day for the next week when I can finally get in to see the psychiatrist. I cried all through the phone call because I was so grateful to know they cared so much.

    After the call I felt strong enough to take my dog for a walk. That always helps, he’s an adorable dog and I tell myself I’m invisible because people only see the cute dog. I passed another dog walker, and was able to chat for a few minutes. Usually I avoid people when I’m in bad shape, which I know makes people think I’m a snob or something when really it’s just fear and anxiety.

    I’m sorry this is a long post, but I want everyone to know that there are people why care, people you’d never expect.

    Jenny you are one of my lifelines whether to know it or not. Thank you.

  59. Thank you for sharing. Know that you are not alone. Sometimes I feel like a 2nd me is following me around saying all negative stuff. Take the victory and run with it. The depression will not win EVER! It’s a psychic epic battle. I like to imagine I slayed the dragon with a sword….
    We all love you!

  60. Thank you for your openness and honesty. I lost one of best friends to cancer a couple of weeks ago. Almost lost my job because they fired someone at work that was a mentor to me and other women at my work, and since I was a basket case already, I told the vp what I thought about it. Just came from a gyno appointment where they took a biopsy to check for cancer. Sometimes life really sucks, but you’re right. We’ve made it this far. We’ve beaten it so far. I’ve cried more in the last two weeks than ever in my life, but I’ll keep going, and so will you. What you’ve done for so many of us is beautiful. You’ve helped us be vulnerable too. You’ve taken away the shame of depression. Thank you for being you.

  61. I’m proud of you and I’m glad you aren’t canceling your appointment. It’s so easy to think we are “fixed” in the moment and don’t need anything else. Thank you for taking care of yourself.

  62. I know I’m not the first to say this, but maybe if enough of us do it will build support in your mind? This is your place to talk. YOURS. We’re here to listen. We aren’t sick of you talking, we’re here to listen! So keep on talking. We’ll keep on listening. And that relationship will build and build to create a good, safe, supportive space on the internet– and God knows the internet can use that kind of environment! So keep on, Jenny. You’re not boring us; you’re doing the right thing, for yourself, for us, and for the world at large.

    I’m glad you’re doing better, and I’m glad that you’re still keeping that appointment.

  63. We all get tired of being tired Jenny, but we all need to hear that there is a way out. That it won’t last. You help us. Hugs

  64. I get tempted to cancel my appointment when I’ve turned the corner, but sometimes it’s important to talk about what happened, or even just what is good now. I don’t have any wise words. Just a big virtual hug heading your way.

  65. I’m right there with you. Currently, trying to drag myself out of the furthest recesses of my brain. I’ll be calling my doctor in a few minutes, to make a checkup appointment. Sending strong thoughts your way!

  66. I feel as lonely as I have in my adult life. I feel encouraged knowing I’m not alone at least in my sadness.

  67. I can’t imagine ever tiring of reading what you write. Your words matter. Your LIFE matters. For those of us strong enough, our only regret is that we can’t reach into the abyss and pull you back.

  68. I never get bored or tired of reading your posts, Jenny. I have a very dear friend who developed serious mental health issues and sometimes there is a tendency to be frustrated with her inability to commit to get together or communicate and then I read your blog and i am reminded of what a daily battle she fights. You are a precious resource for people with mental health problems but you are also educating many who don’t so they can help their friends and be there for them.

  69. Please don’t feel bad about writing it- we are here for you, whether you have good days or bad. I’ll never get tired of being here- I am always here and always supportive, as I am sure the rest of us are too. This definitely doesn’t sound as smooth as I meant it to – but you get my meaning. xoxo

  70. I’m not tired of hearing it. In fact, when I’m feeling really bad, I have trouble making my eyes move from focusing on some random thing. I’d never really thought about it before, but it’s comforting to hear someone else describe it.

  71. I love you Jenny and your crazy brainwaves that I, and so many others, can relate to and commiserate with. Keep chasing the sun and do what you can to run the hell away from the shadows!

  72. I don’t know about anybody else, but I don’t mind hearing about mental health stuff because it reminds me that I am not alone. ::hugs::

  73. Please keep writing about it. It really helps me feel less alone. You keep writing and I’ll keep reading about it. I’m very proud of you. My pride in myself is a work in progress. Keep that appointment and keep trudging onward and upward.

  74. Don’t ever stop writing about your battle with mental illness. Today, when you wrote about paralysis/staring at one spot, it completely resonated with me. For months, I’ve been wondering if it’s normal to feel “paralyzed” in bed. I lie in bed, blinking my eyes, thinking, thinking, thinking, but not moving. I’ve wondered if it’s just laziness or “morning blues”? I’m SO glad to hear that it’s NOT JUST ME. Thank you for making me feel “normal”.

  75. Hugs to you, Jenny; I wish you could feel good all the time. My depression is situational (a$$hole lawyers & financial guys–men!–that won’t listen to me, sigh. Does any profession interrupt other people more than lawyers and financial people?)

  76. My best friend once told me, “If you can say it, I can listen.”

    I’m listening, Jenny. Don’t hesitate to share … so many of us struggle with similar problems.

  77. My husband has had clinical depression for most of his 51 years, and in December 2018 he was hospitalized for a month with a sudden brain bleed – no cause was ever found, probably hypertension and extreme obesity. It’s tough to know how to live with someone with depression and your posts make it a whole lot easier because I know I’m not alone. Hubby is home now but still not himself – not feeling well, useful and extremely depressed now. It’s like we’re standing on the edge of an endless black well and terrified of falling in. Please don’t stop posting, you’re the virtual lifeline for so many people.

  78. so thankful you are feeling better! never stop sharing. we are not sick of hearing it. sharing is caring goes both ways. we can send you love and light when you need it and you help us keep going. much love and respect to you. you are an amazing woman!

  81. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been battling this. But you are battling this. You’re a badass warrior. You got this. You’re stronger than this. And just because others might not see the monster doesn’t mean you’re crazy because you can. Keep fighting ❤️

  82. Never tire of talking about it! For every handful of people that have heard you talk about it a thousand times – there is someone out there hearing it for the first time. Feeling seen for the first time. Hearing they aren’t alone. For the first time.

    And all the other fluffy comments about you do you and such. 💕

  83. Please keep talking about this. What you are saying may very well save a life. You’re not alone, and your readers aren’t alone.

  84. We need you to keep writing about this because it helps remind us that this is part of mental illness. When I was in my 20’s I felt isolated in my anxiety because I thought I was alone in the way I felt. It wasn’t until I started reading about how others felt with anxiety that I realized it was normal for me to feel the way I do within the parameter of this mental illness.

    Oh, one more thing, of course you should keep your appointment. This was probably a response to all the stress you have been under these last several weeks, but it is always best to get a professionals opinion. That’s why we pay them the big bucks!

  85. I’m not tired of hearing about your mental health struggles. Please keep writing about them. It reminds me that I’m not alone in this fight. It reminds me that it’s an ongoing battle and likely will be for the rest of my life. Reading about your struggles help me make sense of my own. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m proud of you for how you keep fighting. Hugs.

  87. I applaud you, for speaking out about your depression. Many people suffer & don’t talk about it.
    I’m Glad you feel better.

  88. Never feel bad about talking about your mental disorders. You talking about your stuff has made me more comfortable talking about my own…. its so so so helpful, and I know for me personally, I’m grateful for people like you.

  90. I never get tired about hearing your candid thoughts on your mental illness! I know with every post of yours something resonates with my life and it’s like a beacon of hope knowing I’m not alone. You’re such an inspiration to me and have moved me to being more open with my personal struggles, and in turn opening up has resulted in two of my friends saying “I thought I was the only one struggling with this.” Now they’re talking about it to other people! It’s the best possible snowball effect in helping stop the stigma of mental illness, and you, my friend, were the catalyst for me. A million thanks!

  91. Jenny, you are the reason I sought treatment. I hit a lot of bad docs before I found mine. And although Tms didn’t work for me, he isn’t afraid to roll up his sleeves and find me another solution. I am so used to being a flat, no emotion person to mask my depression at work. Just a mean ole bitch in cubby 3. But I have to do my job to keep a roof over me. I also know how to be the funniest person in the room and be bright and cheery. But I turn that off as soon as possible. I don’t know what’s next for me yet. I find light even when you write that it’s dark for you. Because I’m not alone in this. Be gentle with yourself. Next right thing. You got this

  92. We will never stop being tired of hearing it because we ourselves are forever feeling it too. Thank you for being so honest and helping others to cope and relate.

  93. Long time followers love you, and understand… Keep writing about it! There may be someone who will see this for the first time and benefit greatly… I wish you love and light and better days ahead .

  94. Please don’t stop reaching out and telling us about your struggles. I too have bad depression. This Christmas was horrible. I think that I just operated on auto pilot. It’s usually my favorite time of year, but I just went through it in a daze. I didn’t wrap any gifts, I bought a few, thank God for the internet. The gifts sat in my living room until last week when I packed them up and put them away. Maybe next year will be better

  95. On the contrary, it’s a relief every time I read about someone else struggling; it means I’m not alone. It’s even more of a relief that someone I hold in such high esteem can have similar struggles to my own.

    I started following your blog only after I’d read both of your books. I felt like it could have been written in my own voice. It seems that we have a similar way of talking, which, to me, is a great relief (once again) because I seem to either vomit words up in a spectacular fountain of awkward or can’t get my voice to function. If I can bring joy the way you do when I do manage to speak, I can hold my head high.

    Please, continue to share your struggles, your joys, your passions… The more we all share, the less alone we all may feel.

  96. Thank you for sharing bc it helps me feel less lonely as right now I’m fighting a depression episode.

  98. I love you, Jenny. <3 I’m glad you’re feeling better. Please don’t ever stop sharing your experiences. It’s a ministry all its own.

  99. Every time you talk about something is maybe the first time someone has had a chance to read about it. It might be exactly the perfect thing that someone needs to read at that moment. I know that because that person once was me. I don’t think anyone from our tribe will get tired of hearing anything you have to say. Keep it up. You bring us the light.

  100. Never stop writing about it. It helps you, most importantly, and you’re also one of the best spokespeople we have for mental illness, you make it real and understandable for those who don’t know…

  101. Jenny, and everyone who thinks that friends and family are tired of hearing you talk about your struggles. We. Are. Not. We are glad when you can articulate what is going on. My daughter struggles daily. Sometimes she just doesn’t have the energy to let me know what is going on, so we use codes. things like “I have no more spoons” from the Spoon Theory. and 80/20 to let me know she is being triggered by an event. She has come a long way because for a long time she was silent and hid everything from us and we nearly lost her. Jenny, I love you. I love your funny posts and how you see the absurdity in every day things, and I want you as my friend. But I love your raw and honest posts about how you are feeling more. Because you are still here and fighting and that gives me hope for my precious girl. by talking openly and honestly about your struggles you are helping break down the wall of shame surrounding mental illness. Please keep posting.

  102. Honestly, it’s a relief to read about it. It’s a relief to know that, as bad as it gets for you, you have the strength and will to keep fighting it. It’s a relief to know that it goes away sometimes. It’s a relief that you have this monster in your head, but that you are able to love and enjoy your family, your work, and your ridiculous animals—I guess really that there are things that give you joy despite the monster. It helps because my teenage daughter has bipolar disorder, and it really scares me. It helps to see that it’s possible to live with this and still have good things in your life. I hope that’s ok.

  103. oh girl. I feel you. I have been on a medication yo-yo/roller coaster and it is so nice to have you put words to the things that are going on in my brain and body. Also, I love that I can scroll down and see a post about falcon sex hats. Which…. what the hell? That’s a thing?

  104. I’m dealing with depression for the first time. Thank you for sharing your struggles. It helps me feel less isolated and like I am not alone.

  105. What you’re describing is all too familiar. But hearing that you’re feeling better is so encouraging. It reminds me that I’ll feel better too, and that I’m not always going to feel this bad. And that helps 💙 you rock, Jenny. Even on your darkest days.

  106. Please don’t stop writing about mental illness. It sounds really selfish, but it helps me feel less alone while I deal with it. (It’s pretty messed up that I’m a bit jealous that you have physical manifestations of your depression. But, you’re totally right, it does feel like it’s not as real as physical illness.)

  107. I am so glad that you are feeling better. Life is a journey, not a destination, and I am proud of you for taking your health seriously and getting help. Well done.

  110. Thank you so much for sharing all of this incredibly painful and personal stuff. It helps me so much in that it allows me to validate my own experience. You’rr in my heart ❤️

  111. Please keep writing about it. We need to talk about mental health and illness. We lose too many great people because we DON’T talk about it, and they think they are alone. So PLEASE, KEEP TALKING.

  112. Jen, I just want to say I’m genuinely worried, and relieved and all kinds of things I can’t express because of my own depression, and I’m literally in tears right now. I love ya, and TRULY hope things will get much much better for you soon. You have taken so many gigantic steps toward healing, and you are a major inspiration. You give me hope, simply by putting yourself out there. I know we are complete strangers, but in another universe, we are close friends, and my shoulder is there for you.

  113. Every time you write and share this with us, it reminds us to take care of ourselves and our illnesses. So don’t worry that we don’t want to hear it. If we don’t, we can always stop reading. But usually, we want to know. 🙂 thank you for taking care of yourself and for helping us take care of ourselves, too. <3

  114. You are so brave and an inspiration to the rest of us. Thank you for letting me know it’s not just me. Wishing you all the best. Please keep your doctor’s appointment.

  115. Do. Not. Stop. Writing. About. This.

    The hope, help, and guidance you have given is simply beyond measure. Voices like yours are a boundless source of inspiration to those who need to hear that they are not alone, they are strong enough, and they are worth the fight.

  116. That sounds very similar to migraine, which takes one over completely with all its ghastly symptoms, and then eventually disappears suddenly, in a matter of minutes. I hope ithe depression hasn’t left you too exhausted, as migraines used to leave me!

  118. So glad you’re coming out of the darkness. We’re all here for you just as you are there for us. Always. ❤️

  121. Please keep sharing about your mental heath. We who also struggle benefit from hearing someone speak the truth about mental illness. Blessings to you, Jenny

  122. Thank you so much for writing about mental illness. Many people are very uncomfortable talking about it, which leaves those of us with it feeling a bit like lepers. I’m sorry you are still having abysmal low spells.

  124. I’m not tired of reading your posts about mental illness. It helps to know others are repeatedly battling this as well. There isn’t necessarily an end. Just a near constant battle. It’s good to know there are others battling as well.
    I don’t know if this means as much for you to read from me, but it means something for me to read it from you so…I’m proud of you <3 Keep up the worthy battle. We need you.

  125. Keep sharing. We all need to support each other. So glad you’re feeling better. Be good to yourself. Love you ❤️.

  126. Let us all be Strong As Hell crazed weasels together. You keep writing; we will be here to read the words.

  127. You are not alone! And, you’re an amazing woman! You are not your disease, even on the worst of days! Glad you’re feeling better now!

  128. My partner Maggie Jochild had a loyal online following. They were persistent in their desire for her to “get better”, which was never a realistic proposition (she died two years ago). Sometimes she would tell me “I’m not gonna write about this because people are sick of hearing it”. Maybe they are, but nowhere near as much as you are sick of living it, day after day after day. Keep telling it like it is, Jenny.

  129. So I’ve never dealt with depression, at least I don’t think I have. But those symptoms you are describing, those physical symptoms at least, are some of the exact same ones I am dealing with. I am actually going to go home from work here soon and go to bed. I feel like I just need to lay down my head is so heavy and light at the same time. I can’t focus nor concentrate at all! Maybe I need to talk to my doctor…

  130. I really understand not wanting to write about depression (or other mental health issues). There have been times that I have shut down my own blog because I just can’t stand to read about my own stuff any more! Because my blog is about a lot of areas of my life, I know I do lose readers when I discuss mental health issues “too much.” Then again… As you point out at times, people need to talk more and (maybe more importantly) listen more. These things don’t get better by shoving them under the rug. As much as we like to think we (as a society) have progressed far beyond the times of lunatic asylums, I don’t think the progression is all that far. We have a lot of teachable moments for people out there, both for those with the health issues and those who don’t have them.

    Meanwhile, you are a source of inspiration. Don’t stop writing about these things. You have such an amazing gift of communication and a great means of getting the messages out.

  132. WI have 33 years of psych social work specializing in depression, anxiety, etc. it sounds like biochemical depression that the right antidepressant can help/almost cure. Maybe a new drug in the future will be better but keep the shrink appointment and tell him what you’ve written here. I’m sending you angels to assist. And nope, I’m not crazy, they help me all the time. You even have your own angels but you have to ask for their help. Don’t even have to believe, just ask whenever.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  133. Never forget that there are those of us out here who see part of ourselves in your experiences. We’re also tired of feeling like this. But we’re not tired of hearing you talk about it because it lets us know we are not the Only ones dealing with this shit.

  134. As long as you’re writing, I will be reading. I’ve been battling my own issues lately. I’m not sure if I would call it depression, but I would definitely call it a heavy sadness. It is coming up on two years since I lost my amazing, 32-year-old niece to colon cancer and then less than two weeks later lost my father very suddenly and unexpectedly. I think I coasted through the first year in denial and shock; but, this second year it has just all been catching up with me. I am unable to focus, I am apathetic, and I weep at the drop of a hat. I’ve been feeling better lately so I hope that I am finding my way out of it. Reading the things that you write makes me feel much better and I appreciate that more than you will ever know. I am proud of you for fighting, keep the faith Jenny, and thank you ❤️

  135. Please don’t stop talking and writing about this. Selfishly, for me, this helps me as much as anything else I do. “Depression Lies” is one of my anchors. Thank you for being you and being vulnerable and sharing.

  136. Please don’t stop talking and writing about this. Selfishly, for me, this helps me as much as anything else I do. “Depression Lies” is one of my anchors. Thank you for being you and being vulnerable and sharing.

  137. Thanks for sharing. I have been struggling too and it really helps to know I am not alone. I course, I’m glad you are feeling better and I hope I will feel better soon as well but I really appreciate you sharing what you are going through. It certainly helps me. 💕

  138. “And then…almost as suddenly as it appeared…it vanished.” This is how it is for me a lot. Sometimes it does take longer like you said, but my sister and I marvel at how sometimes it’s just . . . over! Stay strong, Jenny! <3

  139. I can see from the comments how important your sharing is to those who also struggle with mental health issues. But I want you to know how important it is to share with those of us who don’t have that experience personally, but struggle to help and care for a loved one. You put into words what my son can’t yet articulate, and I hope it helps me be a better support for him. Thank you for your honesty.

  141. Never feel bad about posting on mental health – we are here to for you.

    Never feel bad about posting on mental health – if you are able to, it helps us know we are not alone.

    Never feel bad about posting on mental health – you write about your life, including the lying sonofabitch.

    You are loved, admired and adored. Try to remember that in the darkness.

  142. Jenny- I am struggling the same way you are. I need these posts. They get me through, knowing I am not alone. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for always sharing these hard moments.

  143. Thank you. I get it. You are amazing and you have a perfect record (so far) of beating them. That is good for me to hear and remember as well. xo

  145. Hi Jenny, just wanted to say that at 34 I was recently diagnosed with anxiety, ptsd (from a car accident) and mild depression. I can’t tell you how much reading about your struggles helps. Some days it feels like the body and brain I’ve had my whole life are gone and aren’t coming back. No one in my family has ever dealt with this and neither have most of my friends, so I have a very small circle of people I can talk to. Seeing the strength you have gives me hope.

  146. I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Please keep writing about mental health stuff when you feel moved to; you remind a lot of us that we’re not alone, and there will always be new people who are just discovering you who will be so relieved to have found someone who can put into words so well what they’re feeling. You are the reason I finally sought help for anxiety. That help has changed my life. I’m grateful to you every day.

  149. Whenever you hit these dark patches, always remember you are not alone. And when you have the energy, look in your comments sections to see how many people are here for you, people who respect you, whose lives you have touched. You matter.

  150. … you described the apprehension, worry, that it’s not really over, so perfectly. By now, I hope you Do know. It’s done.
    Maybe only for now … and yet? IF when the worst hits, now you can venture to Believe: It won’t last long, it won’t last long, it Won’t Last long. Things Are Changing. For the Better. You are becoming stronger, and the better you. Better and better, dear Jenny.

  151. NOT tired of hearing from you. And knowing you are YOU and still working at it is wonderful.
    Love, me

  152. i am never tired of hearing you, it makes me strong for my own struggle and for that i am grateful

  153. You should keep writing about it because you have a gift that many don’t have, you have the ability to articulate it in a way that helps us all to understand it better.

  154. Thank you for continuing to write about your mental health. I particularly chose to read your post today becasue I’m in such a funk myself. It helps and I appreciate you for putting it out there.

  155. I’ve been looking for a short quote to add to a forearm tattoo I’m planning. I’ve just decided to use “Depression Lies”. I’ve had Major Depressive Disorder since about the third grade and I’ve dedicated my forearm tattoos to beautiful imagery and mental health reminders. The theory being is that I’ll see the quotes and images on a daily basis and they will always be subconsciously reminding my brain of important things. So far I have “Furiously Happy” and “Hope strengthens, fear kills”.

    Right now I’m struggling with helping my 11 year old daughter deal with her severe depression and anxiety. She’s borderline suicidal, and thinks life will never get any better. I think having ” Depression Lies” tattooed on my arm is a good reminder for the both of us.

  156. I average been sick from August to now. I have told people I have been unwell BUT had not totally informed everyone of how sick I have really been. My husband, sister & best friend & doctors know and I just started to really share with others. It’s my health and I should be able to choose how & when I discuss it. Its not personal it’s just exhausting to share & reshape & update. Three weeks ago a new doctor started me on a new drug and it’s a fucking miracle so far. Mine is auto immune that has gone haywire. It’s hard sometimes because what’s a problem today goes away tomorrow but it lurks in the dark. Let’s agree to keep going and enjoy the good days and cut each other some slack when we just want to say I am sick but I don’t want to give all the details today.

  157. Never feel bad about writing about this. We’re a community here, a beautiful community that you built. I’m proud of you too.

  158. We welcome your whole self, depressed or otherwise. We love having you here and it makes a difference in all our lives. So please do not worry about writing too much about depression. It is oddly refereshing to hear of someone being honest about it and letting us go through this weird journey with you. Also, whenever this kind of thing happens, I want to hug you and make it better. So, know that many of us are sending awesome hugs, and although we can’t actually make it better, it might be nice to know that we’re all here witnessing, virually hugging, and to some degree just trying to be in it with you. Thank God it passes, though. Phew! Glad you are through this one!

  159. If it helps you to write about it, and it helps others to read about it…why would anyone be tired of it?

    I think it’s good news to rebound more quickly than you’re used to. I hope your doctor agrees.

  160. i’m NOT tired of hearing it. you are such an inspiration. thank you for sharing about such a taboo topic and providing specifics because those who feel like it’s just them can perhaps give a name to what they are feeling or experiencing but most of all it’s a reminder that we are not alone. YOU are not alone. thankful for you and for this community.

  161. NEVER stop writing about this! that is what this is all about. sharing – good or bad. you help us to get on with our struggles. WE GET IT. we are willingly reading everything you write, because we love you & all your perfections. you are perfect, just the way you are. as are all of us. we just need to sometimes have someone remind us of that. even if we are hiding under our desk. go to the doctor. continue your journey. and keep us in the loop. we will keep you in our hearts.

  162. Your posts about depression are a life raft for me. You say out loud that depression lies, and for some reason, I believe you in a way that I cannot when I say it to myself. Thank you.

  163. Please never stop writing Jenny. Hearing your stories is the only thing that helps keep me from feeling so alone.
    You are a light in some periods of terrible darkness.
    You are a gift.
    Thank you.

  164. I feel the same way about my epilepsy/seizures. I had them for years, I got on meds, and the seizures went away. Woo Hoo! I thought I was cured. Then they came back when I happened to be growing a BABY in my belly! I have depression too, and I’ve found epilepsy and depression are similar in some ways. You start feeling better and convince yourself you are healthy again. Then it flares up and you hate yourself and feel so out of control. Keep fighting Jenny, you’re SO not alone. We’re all fighting this together.

  165. Never tired of hearing of it. I commend you for talking about something that people are so afraid to talk about. Your strength is remarkable. Keep up the fight! I hope your unexpected recovery this time keeps you hopeful during the next wave. The relief will always come.

  169. I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD, agoraphobia & anxiety for 40+ years, I’m 62 and been married for 40 years to a very patient & understanding man. I’m a mother and grandmother. To other people my life looks exciting and fun. To me I live in constant fear. Only people who have lived with these conditions truly understand how they effect your thoughts and dealings with family, friends, and strangers. I’m very happy when I know someone like you has the same type of problems. I can read your blogs and read responses and know that I’m not alone. Thank you Jenny for sharing yourself with others, many who have closed themselves off and have no one to listen. I love to laugh and you give me that gift with you books and blogs. Please keep it going for all of us who need a friend!

  170. I wondered how you’re doing and here is your response. We’re somehow connected. It’s not what I wanted to hear. However, I know you’re here helping others. You’re an inspiration.

  171. I’m so glad you’re on the other side of that battle. It helps to see you win battles. We’ve been having a rough time in our house. I had to go off if my main antidepressant because it was causing severe leg tremors. It was fine for a while, but now I really need to find something new. My 13-year-old daughter has been severely depressed, and we’re working with her school councilor, and another councilor to help her. She is LGBTQ in a very societally backwards city in Ohio. She is painfully shy. I’m thankful she has band, and choir to give her some joy through the week. My own battles have been rough, but nothing is worse than seeing my girl go through it too. I have showed her your website, and I’m going to have her read your books. Thank you for giving me some tools that I can share with her.

  172. Thank you for all the writing you do about this. It matters so much. You have kept me alive through your sharing, through lifting the veil. You’ve given me a point of reference for sharing with my family. Thank you.

  173. I really needed to hear this now. Even just the tags are helpful to see written out. I’m on my fifth week of TMS and struggling with depression and with the pain of the treatments. Thank you for talking about your experiences.

  178. I don’t know if anyone has mentioned Ketamine treatments for depression. I finally decided to try it because the past two years have gotten so Bad, and the research shows some good results. So, anyway, 3 times a week for 2 weeks, you go in and have an IV Ketamine infusion. This was my first experience with any kind of “trip” and I have to say it was really lovely. It definitely made a difference right away, but after 6 weeks, I am ready for a booster.

  179. Keep fighting! Please keep writing too, you help me so much. I feel so grateful that I’m not alone.

  180. your description of how you felt is so much like what I feel in deep depression sometimes…thanks for helping me feel that it’s not just me…

  181. We will never tire of reading anything you write. (Besides, we know you’re struggling when you disappear anyway, so you might as well share your struggles with us when you surface again.) Meanwhile, we’re struggling with our own issues and your writing makes us feel less alone. Hope we make you feel less alone too. <3

  182. Thank you for sharing. Acupuncture has helped me. Stay strong, keep your appointments. Know that you are loved.

  183. I appreciate your honesty. If you feel like writing about it, write away. Many of us will be nodding our heads in agreement with you. Glad the nasty crap has passed.

  184. Thank you for always reminding me that I’m not alone in this awful struggle. And neither are you. None of us are and that can never be shown or said often enough.

  186. Keepi writing please. Some of us are just starting out on our learning paths and you are REALLY helping us navigate our way. Love you.

  187. I tell myself “All I have to do is get up one more time than I’m knocked down” but sometimes arithmetic is hard, yo.
    Keep the appointment. You go in, you learn, the doctors learn, they consult with other experts and the art and science of medicine advances until that “Aha!” moment. And we conquer another illness that holds people back.
    Years ago I heard an addict tell a bunch of strangers, “How do I know that I’m not five minutes from the miracle? That maybe this time it’ll stick?”
    Our job is to work to get closer to the miracle, and farther away from whatever is holding us back. -Baby steps are still steps. Be well, friend and friends

  189. Please don’t feel bad about writing about mental health, Jenny. Your struggle speaks to us and when you share it with us, you remind us that we are not alone in that void, and that depression lies. You are also raising awareness among people who otherwise wouldn’t understand. Stigma is still a huge problem, and the more we talk about mental illness, the more people will know that it is absolutely ok to ask for help.

  190. I’m not tired of reading it. It helps me to see you suffer these things and come out the other side because it gives me hope for myself when I struggle. And in general, it is needed that we talk about these things more. Talk about them so much it becomes a relatively normal topic, not one that shocks people or makes people uncomfortable. So thank you for talking about it.

  192. I am sad to say I understand. I am happy to say that I will always be reading as long as you’re writing, and it is so encouraging that you share even the dark side of your existence. We all have dark times, some darker than others and it’s sharing and letting everyone know they are not alone that I like to think helps other people not give up. I appreciate all your writings…here and your books <3 Hoping your days get better and your appointment goes well.

  193. I am so grateful for your posts about depression. You have definitely helped me process some of my own issues. Your honesty is rate & lovely. Thank you!

  194. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing these things. It doesnt get old hearing it because it is a beacon in the dark fir me, that another amazing human is out there winning her fight. Sometimes it feels like I’m losing mine. But it’s nice to be reminded that it will pass and that you made it through it and so will i. Your books and blog have gotten me through some dark times. Your humor despite the pain gives me hope and a place to hide until the storms pass. The work you do makes a huge different in other people’s luves and i hope you can remember that when it gets dark. Sending you love and gratitude!

  195. I just love you. You have such an amazing way of explaining things…things we all feel but are unable to articulate. Thank you for always sharing and helping us all know we are not alone.

  196. NEVER tired of hearing about it. Your honesty helps me accept my own depression. It’s so strange, how I can go from a (relatively) functioning person to a person who can barely get out of bed for no discernable reason.

    Keep fighting your way to the light. Keep writing. It helps others (I can say this from experience!) .

    Love,
    Jen

  197. Adding my voice to the chorus: I will never be tired of reading about mental illness here. I’ve been reading your blog since I was in high school and severely depressed, but hiding it. Your blog helpeed me through it, helped me feel less alone, and you often told me exactly what I neede to hear. Seeing someone else talk about these things helped me learn to talk about my own struggles.

  199. Thank you Jenny for being so candid it helps others who may not have suffered like that to have an understanding for those who are. It helps me develop a greater empathy for those in my life who are dealing with their depression.

  200. I know how you feel. My depression has been worse lately too. Keep fighting. You’re our inspiration.

  203. Not to be a downer or anything, and I’m certainly not a doctor, but just from your description of the episode and how you felt immediately afterward, I wonder if it could have been some sort of seizure? I used to work for an MD who specialized in seizure disorders and your description is reminiscent of some of her patients. I continue to admire your incredible courage, strength and humor in dealing with your medical issues. Two of your books are in my permanent library. 💖

  204. Never apologize for writing about what you are going through. We are all here because we care about you and because you have affected us in some way. I am so sorry that depression showed its hideous, lying face again. And I’m super glad you are back.

  205. I’m glad you’re feeling better and hope it lasts. Please do keep your appointment.

  206. I too had a very bad weekend. I got out of bed, but that was about it. Food, no thank you. What made me feel worse, although I know it should not have, is my best friend’s husband died suddenly less than a month ago and yet I cannot help her because it is hard enough to help myself.

  208. I’m always happy to hear that you’ve won another battle against your illness. Always. I’m glad to hear from you when you’re still in the middle of it too. Because I’m just glad you’re still here. Always.

  209. I’ve been struggling again myself. Honestly your posts on mental health help me so much. I have a very supportive wife that I don’t know what I would do without.. but Everything you’re saying makes me feel like it’s not just me. I’m currently in the process of switching meds because it was helping my depression.. but my anxiety and OCD were worse. So here we go again. And I’m discouraged. Trying to get to hopeful. The fact that you talk about it makes me able to talk about it. I’ve been checking in with friends that I know are having trouble too. You’ve made me realize how important this is to talk about. Thank you. Hang in there. Depression lies.

  211. Will never, ever tire of being reminded that I’m not alone, which is what happens every time I read one of your mental health related posts. Yunno, I’ve been in and out of therapy, on soooo many different meds, in and out of hospitals, since I was 14. Over half my life. But, and I am being completely honest here, I never really believed all that ‘you aren’t alone, other people have felt that exact same way’ stuff that all the professionals say. Until I read Furiously Happy. There are multiple passages in that book where I went ‘holy crap I have literally done that exact thing, felt that exact way, thought those exact words’ etc. I honestly never believed it until I found you, and this Bloggess community. So please, keep updating us on all this stuff, it really does touch a lot of people!

  212. Love you Jenny. Please never feel self conscious of your courageous authenticity. You help me feel less alone simply by being your true self-whatever it looks like in the moment.

    I feel lost in my own head lately. I feel bad because of my depression, but also because I even HAVE depression to begin with…as if I should be ashamed, when I know I shouldn’t be. I get that intellectually, but depression is an asshole so it’s hard for me to integrate that on a deeper level. I have empathy for others, but when it comes to myself it’s a whooolleeee other enchilada…You are inspiring me to make healthy steps today that help me like mood monitoring. Thank you. <3

  213. I’m so glad you’re in a better place, and that you’re going to keep doing the things you do to take care of yourself. Depression makes us feel bad about reaching out, but other people want to be there for us, and as other folks have said here, when any of us share our struggles, it helps the rest of us feel less alone – and it’s that sense that we’re alone and nobody else cares or understands that is the most insidious and dangerous part of it. Just other people know they’re not alone, even if you never even realize you’ve touched them, can save lives. Thank you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. You’re a great example.

  214. Please keep sharing. I’ve been struggling more than usual lately and your words are a comfort. Lots of love and thanks to you. ❤️

  215. I am never tired of reading about mental health. I wish for your sake it was that you haven’t been struggling, but when you do struggle, please share it. I always remind myself that when we don’t talk about it, the anxiety wins. I imagine the same is true for depression. Keep talking. If you’re talking, you’re maintaining your perfect record.

  216. You help so many. Give us the honor and sending you a virtual hug. Thank you for your honestly about your struggles. We love you.

  217. Glad you’re feeling better, Jenny! Keep posting—your reality and willingness to share might be just the thing that helps another know they’re not alone in this battle. And sometimes, naming the beast takes away a bit of its power! But keep that appointment too—use all the tools in the box.:-)

  218. Reading about your experience always gives me hope. Never stop writing about it. You’re a voice and a light for the rest of us. Thanks jenny.

  219. We don’t get tired of hearing your experience. You have helped so many people, including me. And I’ve told my loved ones that depression lies. It really helps to remember that. I hope you keep getting the help you need to be healthy.

  220. We are here for you. Don’t be good, be authentic 🙏.
    Does your Dr know about your physical symptoms?
    With Metta,

    Vicki

  221. Do not feel bad for sharing this. Ever. I also suffer from depression and understand that burden of feeling like you overwhelm people (close to you) with it. It compounds an already dreadful state of mind. While I’m taking medication, I need to seek counseling. It’s helped me tremendously in the past – but part of that was having a phenomenal psychologist – I hope it can help me again. Please let us know how your doc appointment goes.

  222. I have several chronic medical conditions that have been slowly taking away my life. Sometimes I stop posting on Facebook because all I have are medical updates (x thing didn’t work, now trying y. Hoping it works)
    But one thing I say to myself when I feel like not talking to anyone is “I spread gratitude wherever I am and whoever I’m with. Because they are so grateful to not be me.”
    I get that when you get meds and they say 1% of people will experience xyz, and that I am that 1%. Someone has to be the 1%.

  223. Oh thank you. I’ve never heard of someone else who experiences depression the way I feel it. Makes me feel I’m not alone. I’ve heard it described in many ways before. But not like I do mine.

  226. I have never posted a comment on ANYTHING except once on a site about cook times for black rum cake. I don’t even know where to begin other than to say that the glimpses of hope for me since the age of 10 or 11 were the few moments I would “forget” what was going on in my head, no matter how brief. A reminder that we are stronger, smarter, and KICKASS, no matter what “it” tries to tell us. I know so much more now, but can still only dare to face “it” from a side eye position from total terror of facing those fears directly. Do whatever you need to do to find and remember YOU and stay in the here and now. You and your strength, endurance, and honesty are incredible. I stand with you, holding your hand and cradling your soul.

  227. Dear Jenny, Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. It helps me so much; especially when my brain turns on me, too. Reading your letters is like putting a warm and snugly blanket around me. I’m sending prayers that you may feel that, too -from all of us. ❤️

  228. I’m loving your critter support system that has bookended you, supporting you they way they know how. 🙂

  229. Do not ever think we are tired of hearing about it! I think of you all the time when I’m feeling bad myself and you help me feel less alone. I get the exhausted thing too I’ve slept many days away myself.

  230. Please don’t stop writing about it you help me feel more normal since other people go through this too

  231. Please don’t stop writing about your experience or apologize for doing so. I read the comments and know you help so many who suffer as you do. However, while they are the most important people for you to reach, they are not the only ones. While I do not suffer from depression, I have friends who do. Reading about depression from your viewpoint for so many years has taught me, too. As a result, I have been able to help others, most importantly my oldest, dearest friend. You do good work and are appreciated by so many.

  232. You’ve helped me to be able to understand what’s happening instead of just being kicked to the bottom of the well, acting all the ways I can’t explain to others.
    Sometimes it’s hindsight, but more often than ever before there are times I can literally “see.”.
    Thank you for this.
    You aren’t alone, Jenny.

  233. The only reason I wouldn’t want to read about this is because I feel bad that you are suffering. I find it comforting (and I’m sorry to use that term) that I am not alone in surviving depression and having times where it comes back. I’m not being very eloquent but I’m trying to say that we are not alone and we are all surviving. Hugs.

  234. You continuing to write about it reminds those in the trenches (and those who live with those of us fighting the battle) that it’s not something that just goes away. When I encounter the comment from Mom or whomever to the tune of “shouldn’t you be better”? Or “You’re not trying very hard or you’d get over it”, being able to show people that you’re still slogging through it makes it easier for them to accept that if YOU aren’t “faking” or “exaggerating” or “not trying hard enough”, then MAYBE I’m actually making an effort, as well. So, thank you for that. Live to fight another day, my friend, and your fellow troopers shall endeavor to do the same.

  236. You are more real because you have the balls to face yourself straight up and embrace your darkness. You are Divine incarnate. You are a clear voice in the hurricane of the darkness. You are a light helping all of us find our way. Because of your courage we will NOT be lost.

  237. Don’t ever feel bad about sharing how you feel. We love you. All of you. ❤️
    Always know that you are stronger than you think and that you are loved ❤️

  238. Thank you for writing this. I needed it today. I’m in an illogical spiral right now and just reading this helps.

  239. Thank you for sharing your experience. It is so helpful to those of us fighting the same fight. Keep up the good work.

  240. Hugs and healing light. Low light, of course, because bright light would probably be annoying.

  242. Don’t ever stop sharing when you need to. Knowing I’m not the only one is so helpful. Some of the shit you share also goes right in the tool box… going yesssss! I am so using this when I need to.

  243. Did Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation work for you whatsoever? Being selfish here. I am in a dead end of hope and that is what has been suggested. I have done the intake interview and have been cleared and recommended by my doctors. 36 sessions, time off work (1 hr daily) and what my insurance doesn’t cover ($1,500 of the $7,500 cost). Is it worth it?

  244. Ive been diagnosed, multiple times, with BP2, which I resist because I’ve waited years for mania of some sort. Mostly just depression. It’s bad right now (losses, winter, bug). Took my mom (I’m 52) to say “I think you forget you have an illness”.

    And she’s right. Despite the fact of all kinds of bad stuff, medications, a (great) specialist, I still just think of MINE as a character flaw. I made my 2nd emergency call to my pdoc in 4 years last week.

    All of that to say I GET IT. We lived to see another day!

  245. Even if some people get tired of reading about it, so many of us need to keep hearing it. Please don’t ever stop writing about your mental health.

  246. I am glad you feel better and hope the best for you. I had depression go away just like that one time. I’d been depressed for a while. I was at work and one of my coworkers said something kind of funny. I just started laughing loudly and laughed for longer than the joke warranted. I couldn’t stop for several seconds, even getting funny looks from my coworkers. When I did stop laughing, the depression was gone. The brain is amazing and strange.

  251. I live with depression and am currently between medications – I hate the side effects. However, I live in Minnesota. That should say it all, but for all you Texas folk – it’s currently January 74th, temps with minus signs and over 55 inches of snow…so far. I have nothing fun to look forward to, just work, icy roads, freezing temps and yet more shoveling. My new rescue dog loves my husband way more than me and refuses to give me kisses. Knowing I’m not alone, but part of Jenny’s army has made it all so much easier! I, too, am stronger than the depression. One day at a time. Something good that happened today? Boom Chicka Pop and Pinot Gris. Drop the mic.

  252. Please keep writing, please know that we care about you and your feelings. We can feel your pain and maybe by sharing it with us we can lessen your load. We’re with you my sister!

  253. Please please keep writing about it. I’m still living it with my daughter. You help this whole thing not feel so alone. Please keep sharing this journey with us, though ours may look different. Much love to you and yours.

  254. I get it. To a new level. I read you first book years ago because someone said I wrote a book and they couldn’t believe it was your book, not mine. They said whoever this is, is exactly like you. I began to worry. What does rhis mean?
    Turns out, I’m me, but we are very similar. Enough that I wondered did I write a book and my alterego didn’t tell my eveyday persona. I read your book as if it. You’re very funny and yet you struggle with depression ans possiblt anxiety.
    I never believed in anxiety or depression until i found myself so far ina hole that there was no light. There was no hope. I always have worried about everything. I thought this was normal. Until i broke and saw a dr. He sais anxiety and depression. Of course I skipped the juicy details of how i got here but I understand. It’s kind of amazing how much i understand and know yiur struggle. Keep fighting becuase there is a light at the end. It may be hars to see but it’s there and you must keep reminding yourself it’s there, becuase when you see it, been for a brief moment it means the world and sets ecerything in alignment for the time being.if you really are like me or i like you, you won’t give up easily. As they say,”Never surrender.”

  255. You may be tired of writing about it, but if you’re writing about it you’re fighting it. Some people may be tired of reading about it, but for others it might be the first time they’ve found you. Keep writing, keep fighting, and keep inspiring others. Let them know the light is there.

  257. When you write about it, it reminds me that I’m not alone. That it’s like being in a giant wave at the beach. It comes in and it tumbles you around but eventually it recedes. And sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is reminding myself that it does recede. I may always have to fight the depression, but it’s not always going to be the dominant feature of my life. Because it does recede. It does recede.

    Reading about yours receding reminded me that this bout I’m struggling against will also recede. I can do the next things to stay alive through the wave and eventually it will recede.

  258. Thank you for being you,thank you for showing depression for what it is,an illness,and nothing to be embarrassed about,nor hidden away in the darkness it thrives in forcing upon the sufferer. I feel as if we are friends who just haven’t yet met. Glad you are feeling better!

  259. Just look at the beautiful people out there in the world! All to support you and in doing so, each other. It is comforting to know I am not the only one with these issues. Growing up I thought I was. No one talked about depression, what it was and what it could do to you. You bring light to my darkness. Thank you.

  260. Jenny, I have lived with clinical depression for over 50 years. Symptoms and names may be different for each of us, but sharing helps all of us to continue to realize we are not alone in this fight. I have been through dozens of doctors and insurance companies and get the whole range of responses from it all being in my head, to needing to be institutionalized. Keep up the fight, every battle makes us stronger.

  261. I hope you know how strong you are, to reach out to people, to care about helping/encouraging/supporting others when suffering yourself. Jenny, you are brilliant, loving, funny as hell, as fucked up as the rest of us are and still fighting for yourself and your family and all of us. You are SO brave. You are SO strong. You make a beautiful difference in this world and I really really really hope that you know that. We L❤️VE you!

  262. At least half the reason I love you is for being a mental health warrior. Don’t feel bad about posting about it; feel like you’re helping people who don’t have as much of a voice as you.

  263. Please don’t ever stop sharing your experiences with depression. I can only imagine how difficult it can be to express the horrors of mental illness. We need your words of wisdom and compassion to survive our own demons.

  264. Your ability to describe what is happening with you and your depression helps me to better understand some of the things that happen with a relative who lives with me and my husband. Thank you, please keep sharing the hard stuff as well as the better stuff!

  265. Not AT ALL sick of hearing about it. Anytime someone shares their story and is vulnerable, somebody else sees that and it helps them. My sister introduced me to your first book & blog about 16 years ago when I was 15 and she honestly thought I wouldn’t keep up with it, and you have helped me in so many different times and different ways and here I am still finding comfort in your words, your relatability. For the first time in my life at that point, someone truly got me, and I hasn’t had that and felt like a total freak, useless void of a human. You helped open my eyes to the world of support there is out there. You also made me laugh, truly laugh, not the rehearsed kind. That was such a gift. Thank you.

  266. Dear, dear Jenny, thank you for sharing all of yourself with us. We need to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly so we know there is hope.
    I have conquered childhood sexual abuse, I have conquered depression, I have conquered alcohol dependency, I have learned to speak my mind and say what I need, even trivial things matter. I am very proud of what I have accomplished, but I need help, too. Both my adult children have Bipolar Disorder and other assorted disorders. Sometimes after a manic episode their depressive episodes get them so low, I fear for them.
    I’ve read the other posts and some brave souls have written what they do for their family member(s) during times like this. But none are quite like my situation and I could really use some direction when they need me the most. It sounds so banal to say to them that things will be okay and it will get better. For the life of me, it just doesn’t sound like enough. If anyone has experiences like mine, I would love to add to my rather empty ammo box so I can feel like I’m actually helping and not just spouting platitudes.
    As everyone else has said, please keep sharing. By doing so, we learn and someday maybe we can eradicate these illnesses that wreak torture on our loved ones. And though we’ve never met personally, Jenny, I know you in my heart, and I wish you well. Finally and truly well.

  267. Please keep writing about it! It makes me feel so less alone. My depression took a dip this last month and has made me feel alone in this world, and seeing your posts about your own struggles reminds me that I’m not. I do all the things I’m supposed to; I work all the tools in my tool box. Then I realized I needed to go back to my team and work something new out for extra support and that’s okay. It felt like a bad thing at first, like I had failed, but then it felt good to let others in on the pain that my depression has been putting me through. So more sessions with my therapist, more IOP, and a new antidepressant. It’s a lot, and a lot of work, but I’m working it the best I can.
    Thank you for being vocal about your struggles- keep talking and keep on keepin on 🌟❤️

  268. Oddly, Facebook kept pushing this post to the top of my feed every time I opened the app. Like it knew I needed to read this today. And I did. Never feel guilty about writing about your mental health. I hope it makes you feel not so alone. I know it makes me feel less alone.

  269. Keep writing, keep talking, keep reaching out. You are a light for so many and we are here for you. Lean on us when you feel the need. We’ll be here to catch you.

  270. Your mental illness is suggesting to you that we’re tired of listening to you about it. It’s lying.

  271. please never feel you shouldn’t write about the mental health stuff – it gives other folks permission to be open about it too. and it shows that it isn’t the whole of you, just part of you. i have ptsd, depression and anxiety and life is often tricky but it gives me strength to know that someone as funny and clever as you has demons too. big hugs!

  272. I’m in one of those periods too. I didn’t quite realize it because I dissociate a lot. My husband and I had a talk about it last night. He had to bring it to my attention for me to realize that it’s been a while since I have felt good. I’m right there with you, fighting.

  273. NO No No don’t feel bad writing about depression. I am not tired of hearing about it. You provide support and hope for those who feel they are alone in the fight and give insight and understanding to those of us who don’t struggle with depression. Jenny you are a voice we all need to hear, thank you for your open and honest account of what it is to live with depression. Keep up the fight and we will keep listening and learning.

  274. Even though my brain has never attacked me the way yours does you, I still am not tired of hearing about this. Depression touches everyone, and I for one am grateful to the insights you provide me for how my loved ones who suffer might be feeling. I’ve learned so much about how to support them from you. Keep fighting. The world needs you.

  275. Even though every battle with depression is, ultimately, a personal battle, it helps to know that there are other people out there fight their own personal battles and winning. Every. Single. Time. It doesn’t necessarily make the battles easier, but it does provide proof that every single battle can be won. Thank you for sharing.

  277. Jenny, you are an inspiration to us all who suffer with this. We should not be quiet about it, and you being so bold encourages the rest of us to do the same. You are moving forward and beating this back, and that is winning. It may look like little “wins” but that adds up. You are doing it. Love you, lady.

  278. I’m glad you’re being good to yourself and keeping that appointment. I’m glad you’re being good to all us internet strangers and continuing to share your story as one example of how to live with the lying sneaky jerk of depression.

  281. Please remember that you’re not just being the voice of people with similar struggles when you speak up- you’re helping to educate those of us who don’t experience the same thing. There’s no shame, guilt, or self-serving in being a teacher.

    I love you, hang in there!!

  282. Ohhh please don’t feel like we’re tired of hearing it. We’re SAD hearing it, but those of us who struggle feel a comfort in knowing we’re not alone in our experience and neither are you. I’m so glad it vanished, and I’m also so glad you’ve kept your appointment. Taking care of you is such a big job, but I’m glad you’re doing it and taking us along with you. <3

  284. That staring at a point and zoning thing is hard to explain to people. Thank you for sharing- it’s real and paralyzing and freeing and I’m not glad I have these issues but I’m glad to know I’m not alone.

    I also feel like this could be the next group therapy craze. Staring at Points: fixating until your brain empties. Ten sessions for $200, 10% off if you bring a friend.

  285. I’m tired of feeling it but I am not tired of knowing that other people feel it too. Which is kind of a dick move, but I figure I didn’t do it TO you so we should be okay. Keep sharing! It helps us all. ♥

  286. Dear Jenny, No. I’m a new follower so I’m not tired of hearing it. Not unlike yourself though, I’m tired of feeling it, too. It’s good to share your experiences. I’m glad you have the support that you do. Take care and sending love and caring thoughts. I’ll give the same to myself. ❤️❤️

  287. Oh lady. There are enough things in the world to feel bad about without feeling bad about being open and honest with people who love and care about you. Be nice to my (internet) friend Jenny, okay? Spend that energy somewhere else <3

    I realized this morning that your comments section is one of my favorite places on the internet–I can’t remember ever seeing a troll on your comments or anything less than supportive conversation. Ergo, you have won the internet. GOLD STAR.

  288. Jenny you should know that your posts have helped me and probably many others. My depression seems very much like yours and I have tried so many treatment options. It helps in some undefinable way to know that someone else is dealing with the same things. It doesn’t hurt that you’re such an accomplished and highly functioning individual, surely the rest of us can pull it together. On a side note your books are pretty great too, I’ve shared them with my wife to prove that I’m not as crazy as she thinks. Thanks, Brent

  289. Jenny, please do not stop telling us about your struggles–you are a gift to people with similar problems, and their families and friends. You are a wonderful writer, and a powerful, compelling voice for the voiceless. I wrote an article about my cousin Victoria, who used Facebook to talk about her depression. Victoria had your courage, but–sadly–not your strength. Please continue to fight the good fight, and to tell us how you’re doing. https://ruminations.ca/2017/12/30/victoria-beauty-and-the-beast/

  290. I’m getting out of a bout of depression right now. I didn’t get out of my bed for two days. This one is difficult to get out of, and I’m struggling, but I’m lucky that I can keep moving. Thank you for sharing. Even when I’m at my worst and no one around me can even begin to understand what is going on, i listen to your books and hear your voice and feel like I am understood.

  291. Jenny, I am so proud of you for sharing your raw feelings and your journey with the world, and I appreciate the honest words. It takes courage and you convey it all so well. You help so many by sharing your daily/weekly struggles. You don’t need to make us laugh for us to love the person you are.

  292. Keep writing about it and keep the appointment. You are so good at describing what you are experiencing, that it has to helpful for your doctors. It’s the clearest demonstration that this is a physical ailment, and not just “in your head”. I’m almost sorry they didn’t get to see you in the midst of this, it might have been diagnostically helpful. But I’m also glad that you are better!
    Also, how long was it since your last magnetic session and this bout? I would ask about setting up regular “refresher sessions” as a maintenance thing. Those had such a positive impact on you, that you got to go on a trip and leave the country! So go to the doctor. Hand them what you wrote here, and keep trying to find what works for you. It will help us all.

  293. Please dont feel badly about writing about mental illness stuff. This may be the first post a new reader reads. And they may recognize themselves in it.
    Also, well, I recognize myself in it. I thought I was doing better. Five and a half years of living in the deepest pit that really wanted to keep me. And then…with three changes, I started feeling alive again. But from Jan to now, Im fighting that pit again. Im not in it, but it wants me. But I can fight. Keep playing that guitar. Spring is coming (so they tell me anyway).
    Warm fuzzy blanket hugs to you.
    (Did you ever read The Nothing Box? In in, inanimate objects have life. And there is a blanket that is so happy to wrap itself around you and keep you warm. I always loved the thought of that blanket. But you should totally read The Nothing Box. It’s pretty magical.)

  294. I’ve been reading your blog for the last 5 or 6 years… please never stop writing about your experience. It happens to me too and to listen to your words helps me find comfort that my depression with wax and wane, too. And that it’s normal. I’m not crazy.
    Lots of love, A

  296. Hello my mother is 91 and still fighting her depression my husband died 10 years ago of cancer but he didn’t believe
    in depression so alcohol and cigarettes gave him cancer so his depression won and lots of alcohol he didn’t believe

  297. Thank you so much for everything you do Jenny! Please keep talking about this because others who are struggling need to know they are not alone. Thanks to you I became inspired to be more open and honest about my own struggles with anxiety and depression. Hopefully more people will open up too, and fight back against the demons of mental illness.

  298. I’ve been reading your blog for 11 years and I’m never tired of ANY of your stories. Thank you for sharing your mental health experiences.

  299. We love you Jenny. You and your family feel like our family. Your generous sharing of your journey feeds us and helps us cope.

  300. I’m proud of you too. I’m in the throes of a terrible bout of depression right now, and I don’t get tired of reading about your fight. On days like this, it helps me

  301. Thank you for writing, it helps me not feel like I’m the only one going thru this.. On the days it seems like no one understands, I come to your page and you always remind me to hang on and know that depression lies.

  302. I bet if you didn’t make the doctor’s appointment, it would have lingered longer instead of poofing. Just a theory.

  305. We will never get tired of hearing about it. I feel this way all the time about my own struggles but the truth is that the people who care about you (even strangers on the internet) feel better and closer to you by listening to you. I hope that it will please you to know that in the middle of the deepest and most sudden depression I have ever experienced, the words that pulled me back from the edge were yours: “Depression lies.” Never doubt that you make a positive impact on the people around you, and know that we’re always here for you in return in whatever ways we can be, if only to be present to witness you overcoming your challenges.

  306. Jenny, we feel comforted when you post about your mental illness because it makes us feel less alone. You clearly went though something traumatic a few weeks ago. I’d be surprised if your brain didn’t play that out.

    I’ve been checking for your posts and worrying about you and your family. We are always here for you and we appreciate your honesty so much. Please never think you need to keep this to yourself.

  308. Jenny, I’ll remind you what Neil Gaiman says, that every day there is someone learning something that everyone knows. So please never worry about writing about mental health, and sharing your struggles-because today is exactly the day that someone needs to know that it can go away, just as it comes.

  309. Thank you for sharing you experience. There are so many people suffering with depression that feel they are alone or can’t talk about it. There is always someone who will listen and who has been there, maybe not exactly the same way, be we feel you.

  310. My mother in law has been suffering from debilitating depression and anxiety for over 20 years. She was recently diagnosed with a condition called Catatonia. Listening to you describe what you are going through, staring off and not being able to move is exactly what she does. I know how extremely difficult it is to suffer with mental conditions. It is very hard to find the right medicine and help, sometimes you have to sleep it off and ride it out. My heart is with you. Baby steps is what I always tell my mother in law. ❤️ I wish you many sunny days ahead. Glad you’re feeling better! 🤗☀️🌴 You are not alone.

  312. Jenny,
    you describe symptoms I saw in my daughter, and sometimes in her father, but in words that make so much sense and comfort me –knowing that this is a known and describable issue.
    And from your words I learn about myself and my situation, and I am grateful that you are there.
    Keep charting this territory, as you help others and survive this yourself!
    You’re one of the few narratives I trust and believe.
    You’ve also taught me that when it’s there, laughter is the best possible medicine.

  313. Thank you for your writing. It reminds my wife and me that we are not alone. It also reminds me that I need to work harder to understand, support and be there for my family members who experience depression and other mental health issues. It helps me understand better and it helps them to not feel so isolated. I hope you get something back from the help you give us. We benefit from your grace, humor and candor. Thank you.

  314. Jenny, I have type 2 bipolar (deep lows without the highs). When you write so eloquently about your mental illness it reminds me that I’m not alone. Please keep writing, whether it is about your ongoing battle with mental illness or the lighter topics. Your writing brings joy to us all.

  315. Thank you for sharing your struggles and victories. You help take away the stigma surrounding mental illness and encourage so many people. You’re awesome. God bless you!

  320. horrible mind-bullies. It’s amazing to see how much you touch your “blog-tribe” in the feely-feels. I’m glad you got the conversation started for some about the physical health problems that happen with depression. The wild weather the past couple of months doesn’t help either. You are a champ! And your “blog-tribe” will be here to kick depression in the balls for you when you need it.

  321. I have been feeling the same way since my dad has passed and I want to curl up and just do nothing. yet i push forward, I am glad you are doing good.

  322. Thank you for writing about this. So many people don’t understand how it is and how it feels. I can say this, though: Now that I’m a senior citizen, I’m so much better. Maybe I finally wore it down. I don’t know.

    I remember one episode years ago. I was down at the bottom of that dark hole again. I was driving into work and, like you said, my peripheral vision was dropping. Then the radio seem to be talking in sync with the rhythm of the windshield wipers. (My own weird symptom is auditory semi-hallucinations.) I pulled into a grocery store parking lot, got out and stood in the rain, and just cried. Then I got back in my car a laid my head on the steering wheel until I became calm enough to drive home. I went to bed and slept for 24 hours. Thank God, I had a friend who came to check on me and helped me over the worst part.

    This gets better. It does.

  323. Sending big love and wishing you deep belly laughs.
    Know that you are appreciated and valued. (even when your brain argues otherwise)
    mmwwah…

  324. Please don’t ever stop writing about your experiences with mental illness. Reading about your depression and other people’s comments have been very helpful. Not that you should write about them just to help me, but I figure I’m not the only person who is being helped by reading your posts about your depression. I deal with bipolar depression and anxiety daily and reading your blog helps me feel less alone. Ugh, when I write it out like that, I sound awful. I’m not as good with the words and I’m just trying to let you know, in my very awkward way, that your posts are very helpful. I hope it helps you not feel bad about posting about your depression. While I hope that someday you stop writing about it because you don’t have to deal with it anymore, just know that there are plenty of us out here who care about you and will never get tired of you sharing your life. Thank you for sharing with us!

  326. Please don’t stop writing about your depression if that’s what you feel is necessary to write about that day.

    It helps me to feel so not so much alone.

    I’m sure it helps others, too, but I can only speak for myself.

    And it DOES help. And, after I read, a lot of times, it’s easier to breathe again. I don’t know why it works that way, but it does.

  328. I’m lucky enough to not suffer anything like this.If you didn’t write about these things I would have no other way to know what a reasonable percentage of valuable, worthwhile human beings have to suffer through.
    Your efforts to express your struggle with depression help me to understand what you go through even though I’ll never be able to truly relate. I think you make humanity generally a better place by talking about this, you’ve certainly made me more aware of my fellow humans 🙂

  329. Thank you for writing about mental illness. I battle depression too. I literally just finished reading Furiously Happy and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your closing chapter. Because it made me feel so much less alone. And that I will crawl out of the hole I am in right now. Please don’t ever stop sharing. Reaching out. Because it helps people like me so much.

  330. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting about your battles. I have my own with depression. We’re ina fight right now. And I literally finished Furiously Happy this morning. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the last chapter. It made me feel so much less alone. I’m not the only one who feels like they are stuck in a hole. Actually journaled that feeling yesterday. So please keep writing, keep sharing. The world needs you. I need you. And I thank you for being so brave and open.

  331. When you share, you’re normalizing depression. Us depressed kids don’t need to pretend everything is honkey donkey anymore; we’re allowed to be sad or down or mad for no reason and express it publicly.

  332. Please keep sharing. You help so many people. I hope you’re feeling better & knitting more hats for your animals. 🙂

  333. Glad you’re feeling better. Stay strong and know how much your sharing your journey helps others. You rock!

  334. Jenny, your posts help me deal with my own demons. It helps me know that I am not the only one suffering. I am sorry you too suffer. Your sharing helps. Thank you for your personal sharing.

  335. Please never stop sharing your story. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for longer than usual for me lately. I read your blog but only occasionally (sorry) but for some reason today I had the feeling I needed to log on. It was exactly what I needed. Lots of people struggle. Lots of people know how I feel. Lots of people WIN. EVERY. DAY! Thank you

  336. As you can see with this outpouring response from followers….we need to know we are not alone in this fight. What you are experiencing is real – I have felt it too… the flu-like symptoms of your brain shutting down – I tried to explain this to my husband just this week but I thought I was just exaggerating it all in my head. Jenny, you make my days livable through all this. I hope someday they use your blog for research on this sucky disease of depression and anxiety. For now though, thank you! I am not alone and it is real! You helped me see that!

  337. Ok now I am really going to sound like I have mental illness, but I am wondering if some depressed people are all on the same cycle or something… like with the moon. I was seriously just having this episode a few days ago too – where it was hard to even read the computer screen cause my head was so depressed. I spoke with one of my friends that has depression too and she said this week was especially difficult for her too! Just sayin – maybe we are all feeling this way. 🤯

  338. Thank you for sharing your story and giving a voice to so many who are too scared or ashamed to do so. You make it okay. Keep fighting the good fight! xo

  339. My sister has suffered from depression most of her life. For over 50 years, I’ve been there for her. Just last week she called me in the middle of the night. My response is always, I am here, I am listening. I say the same to you, I am here. I am listening. Thank you for sharing.

  340. You have no idea how fantastic it has been to find you! I told my daughter that I found a lady that was from our tribe, I’m not sure she believed me until I read her “Stanley the Magical Talking Squirrel” which left her breathless from hysteria. Her and I share similar mental health issues including obsessive compulsive personality disorder, social anxiety, Depression and borderline personality disorder. We are what is considered “high functioning” which basically means we manage to hold jobs and most people are unaware of the true depth of what we struggle with. When I bought the You Are Here book, I loved you even more, as I too doodle in such fashion just to keep myself distracted from unpleasantness, and journals from high school are simply chock full of such like. My daughter, Shawna, and I invest what spare time we can in creative crafting endeavors and such projects, myself have been drawing as a stress outlet since I was quite small. Hearing someone else talk about feeling “stabby” (a description Shawana has used for years now) was so incredibly spot on… I can not believe you exist, but am ever so thankful for it. We have been struggling greatly with depression the last couple months (winter is hardest, it seems) so I truly appreciate you talking about the hard times as well as the good. Too few people truly understand what it is like to live with a brain that screams inappropriate things all the time, or feeling completely miserable for seemingly no reason at all. Bless you for all that you do. You are loved.

  341. Telling your story is a gift to all of us who have battled even minor depression – or who love someone who fights it. By letting us see inside your fight, you offer us a window that we might not otherwise have. Thank you. I’m so grateful I found you.

  342. “to see that I may struggle with these seemingly invisible enemies but that I have a perfect record (so far) of beating them.” OH. OH. I needed to read this today. Thank you.

  343. Coming here is sometimes the only thing that makes me feel “right.” Please never stop sharing whatever you want to share.

  345. Not that any of us WANT to read that you’re in an episode, but I’m so grateful that you always DO tell us about them. I’m sorry this one hit you so hard, but I am equally grateful that it went away so suddenly. Yes, keep the appointment (if you haven’t already). Let us know how it goes. A Booster session? Is that even a thing? I hope so!

  346. I’m sorry you went through that and I just wanted to write and let you know not to believe the lies we tell ourselves. I’ve fought depression since my 30s and I had to help my teenager not commit suicide through years of High School (Hell School) We both read your books and I underlined so many paragraphs for the both of us! It does hit you like that sometimes and it always throws me for a curve, even 20 years later. I can be having the best week ever on the outside but inside I just want to crawl into bed and go into my zone-out place (staring at the wall.) You’re doing good to call it out though and even better to write it out. That’s a trick I discovered a few years ago. When I write it down/journal, it helps tremendously. Here’s what I wanted to say though… the biggest lie there is during this time is this, “everyone is tired of hearing about this.” Another, “you’re going to lose people if you keep talking about this.” And of course, “this isn’t going to end.” You’ve helped so many people with this disease that SO many people deal with at various points in their life. We ALL go through these things, and you are not alone! Keep talking sister, you’ve probably saved many lives and made many of us feel ok with this disease. You have an amazing ability to be AUTHENTIC… Thank you! Rachel

  347. Hey, don’t ever stop talking about it. It’s so important to know we’re not alone and to reach out. I find it’s what helps me most when my depression’s at its worst.

    I’m an RN specialized in mental health (in Canada) and I know that for some patients who’ve had ECT, they need maintenance treatments every so often to stay in remission, usually one per month. rTMS isn’t a publicly-funded treatment here yet, so I don’t know much about the research, but it could be similar. Maybe you just need maintenance sessions every so often? It’s worth asking your doctor about.

  348. Hello my favorite brave hero,
    I read your blog once in a while, and I am in the process of reading your books. However, I am a huge fan.
    I want you to know, while I am very sorry you went through/are going through this current difficulty, this is exactly what I needed to read this evening. I needed to know that it is not only me, not to the same extent, i am sure it is not the same, and i don’t presume to understand what you are going through, but thank you for sharing.

  349. I get this on so many levels. Recently I wrote it down, the depression and anxiety and when it is uncontrollable. No one reads my blog, but at least it’s out there. The real me. Maybe it can stay out there and have less of a hold on me.

  351. Hang in there Jenny and anyone else suffering, i agree that it is scary but talking about it is best. I recently went back onto therapy after leaving it 5 years ago. At first I felt like a failure but I try to keep from beating myself up like that and remind myself steps forward then a bit back but don’t give up. Rest but don’t give up even when that voice in your head is awful. (HUGS)

  352. I’m glad you (and others I’ve met through here) talk about it. It makes me feel less alone.

  353. My husband coined this great phrase, “you become the shit you flip”. For every person who has ever made us feel bad about being depressed or anxious…for every person who has ever said the equivalent of “just put a smile on your face and get over it”…your day is coming. Karma IS a bitch! I AM proud of you and some days I’m proud of me for not flipping myself shit for not being “normal”. Hugs.

  354. After reading through all the comments above, I think it’s crystal clear that nobody is tired of reading about your mental health struggles. You put into words what many are unable to articulate, helping people understand themselves better, making us feel less alone and offering a safe haven day or night for anyone that needs a virtual cushion. Keep writing. Keep healing. Keep sharing. You’ve created the most amazing community, the support goes both ways. 😉

  355. Being creative is a two-sided coin. You see a lot, but you absorb a lot too. Sometimes it all becomes too much. Best to you.

  356. I don’t think you ever need to apologize for discussing what you’re going through. For me, personally, it’s an incredible help. Because of you, I understand myself a little better every day. Because of you, I’ve been able to put names and explanations to things that I’ve been experiencing for most or all of my life – things that I thought were just personal flaws.

    Even in this post, you’ve helped me understand that what I’ve been going through recently isn’t just in my head. Because you’ve experienced it too.

    I’ve told myself for a long time that I don’t have ‘real’ depression. That I’m not really depressed and never have been. Because what I’ve gone through (am going through) doesn’t look like what depression is supposed to be. But some of what you described in this post…I’ve felt that. Feeling the awfulness come on without warning and the disappear suddenly, like flipping a switch. It didn’t seem to me that real depression would just turn off like that. So if that is what I’m experiencing, it must not be ‘real’.

    But your experience lets me see that I’m not the only one. If someone else has experienced this too, then maybe it’s not a personal failing but a real thing I am dealing with.

    Because of you I started seeing a therapist last year. Because of you, I learned that “but what I’m going through isn’t that bad” is not the same as “I feel GOOD.”

    The more you write about what you’re going through, the more people like me realize that these things we’re feeling and what we’re going through…they’re not happening in vacuum. They don’t make us inherently flawed. They are things that we are dealing with. They are surmountable. And, most importantly, we are NOT alone. Please don’t ever stop.

  358. Oh Jenny please never stop talking about what is REAL , you’ve been an inspiration to this old broad and I have had depression in my life for 40 years, I just never knew for sooooo long and just thought I was nuts. I’m so proud of you for getting this out there and helping people who may not have depression or other mental illness understand its real! If what was happening inside showed on the outside (like the massive wound it is) people would realize it’s real, but it doesn’t show like that but it’s just as lethal. Your helping more than you realize and I thank you for helping me in my own battle. Be Well and Safe Kiddo!

  359. I will never tire of watching you fight. And cheering you on. My brother in law ended his life in January. We are devastated. Please don’t give up.

  360. Thank you for writing this. Please don’t apologize. Some of us need – I need – to hear this stuff to know that others are living this and living through it too.
    I was diagnosed with Bipolar 8 years ago and it’s a daily struggle. I had been living with it for a decade prior, but not diagnosed (I think if they call you crazy in the army then you can’t be in the army anymore and at that time they needed bodies, same or no) So I work hard every day to get better. But just a little while ago, getting out of the shower i noticed the scars from years of skin-picking ( which thanks to respiridone(sp) I mostly don’t do anymore) and I got a bit down. But also, it made me think how Excoriation Disorder is really a perfect analogy for mental illness: you see a freckle or an ingrown hair and think if you could get rid of the spot everything would be fine, but then you keep picking and the problem gets worse because because it was never just on the surface and you can’t just obfuscate it because you have to treat it from the inside first. So pretending the problem isn’t there won’t make it go away. And I dont know why I’m saying this, but no one in my life wants to know. So I wanted you to know that it helps to see that others acknowledge and survive their conditions.
    Thank you

  361. I’m catching up because I was having a major bout of depression myself. I hope it’s not too late to say that I will never get tired of hearing about it. It helps to see how far you’ve come, and how you not spiral too far. That you come out of it gives hope to those still trying to come out of it. I had my first panic attack yesterday. It was at work and it sucked and I immediately made an appointment with my Doctor. Thank you for sharing, and being open, and being part of the reason that I can fight my brain and tell it that I’m not the only person struggling.

  362. Please never stop sharing how you feel! The fact that you are so honest with us gives everyone here permission to be honest in return. We all need a safe place to voice our trials and triumphs. Thank you for providing that, and please never stop voicing yours! Lots of love to you and your family! 💕💕💕

  363. I never tire of hearing your story … it helps remind me (& so many others) that I’m not alone in the struggle & that it’s okay & sometimes necessary, to ask for help.

  364. Lovely lady I truly understand what you mean! This is happening to me right now although I have given up the quick appointments with the therapist at this point because as you and I both know very well by the time that day comes we are very different people. We get to the appointment and honestly can’t remember why we are there! My question to you is how does your husband handle those days? And do you FULLY explain what you are feeling to him?

  366. don’t ever think anyone is tired of you writing it because you never know when it’s all that someone needed to hear. I was doing well for awhile until I wasn’t. And I spent way too long today staring at aspot on the wall cause that’s one of the things I do when my brain is broken.

  367. I will never grow tired of hearing about your life including all your ups and downs.

  368. Reading your account of your ‘attack’, it sounds very chemical, as in being poisoned or allergic to something, especially the sudden ‘being all better’. Have you ever correlated what you eat or what you have done that might make a connection?

  369. I swear you just explained my depression in one post better than I have my entire life. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, but at the same time it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who feels like this. Keep fighting the good fight, you got this!

  370. I’m glad you write about it. I am “bouncing” back from a rather miserable episode of depression and one of the things that got me through it was you. I told myself “depression lies” over and over again. So thank you. I haven’t read your blog in ages, but came today to see if you still write about it, and am so glad I did. xoxo

  371. I struggle with depression and anxiety also and I for one am so grateful you talk about it and keep talking about it, please. It makes me feel less alone.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading