Almost every day Amazon sends me terrible recommendations so I share them on twitter and then people send me their terrible recommendations and Amazon is like, “Well if you liked that you’ll love this fucked up thing” and it just keeps getting more and more brilliant/horrifying. It’s always fun to look at but if you aren’t reading the comments you are missing the best parts. Case in point, last night’s recommendation:
Never change, y’all.
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And on an entirely different subject, it’s time for the Sunday wrap-up!
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Pillows are 50% off today. You might need this one to scare the cats off the bed. If the vagina pillow didn’t do that already, that is.
- A shirt from Nowhere. (Hopefully soon these will be sold through the bookstore but for the moment I’m making these available here.)
Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by StoryWorth. Mother’s Day is next Sunday, and a StoryWorth book is a fab present. Once a week for a year, she’ll receive an email with a question about her life – asking her to describe her favorite childhood memory, or how she picked your name. All she has to do is reply with an answer, which is forwarded to you and any other family members you invite. At the end of the year, her stories are bound in a beautiful keepsake book your family will cherish. I’ve bought this for both my parents and I cannot recommend it enough. Check it out here.
The vulva pillow is so perfect for consumer comments that I honestly can’t even come up with one. It’s like the actual book they published of “Wish It, Want It, Do It” by Brian Griffin from Family Guy, only more vulvic. Word of the day: “vulvic”.
You’re right. Comments are the best part. I particularly enjoyed “…reminds us daily of God’s word.”
For some partners I recommend a black sharpie to heavily circle & draw pointing arrows at the areas that are not getting the correct attention. #IveGotAList
Bawhahaha that was amazing. I’m not sure if amazon loves or hates you. You should sell those in the bookstore. There should be a section of weird shit
I know it’s a throw pillow and probably not meant to actually be slept on, but I actually sleep on my throw pillow so I’m looking at that and thinking how very very awkward/weird it would be to actually sleep with your face pressed against that. I mean I’m hella gay but that’s just too much! lol
“Here, let me just fluff the pillows for y… Oh. Oh dear god.”
That cushion is so good and so bad at the same time.
What a deal, $7.99 and an education too! Thanks ladies!
I keep on meaning to write and thank you for the StoryWorth recommendation. I signed up when you did a post about it last fall, and I have had the BEST time reading my mom’s responses every week!
I never thought I’d see the phrase “novelty anal sweets.”
The Bible verses suggestions make perfect sense. Perfect wedding present for the virgins. Right?
I can’t get past the description- no insert or fillers 🤣
I stayed at the Settles Hotel in Big Springs once. In the middle of the night, I suddenly woke from the sensation of someone trying to climb in bed with me. The bed had dipped like someone leaned on their knee and then I felt a hand sliding over my hip. My heart was pounding. I was scared to move for about 5 minutes. I finally got the nerve up to turn on the light real quick. Slept with one in the rest of the night ( once I finally got back to sleep). Next night, I stood in the room and said “I’m ok with you being here, but don’t make sounds or touch me”. Nothing happened that night.
Somehow, I got down a track where you night a haunted chair. Sorry this is unrelated to this post!
LMAO!!! No pun intended.
That pillow is even more functional than your voodoo vagina. I mean the vagina that was mailed to you, not yours personally… just wanted to clarify before this got weird… sigh. I’m sending the link to the t-short as a heavy handed mother’s day hint to the people it applies to! If they don’t get it, I will!
Still laughing and wiping tears off my face. Thank you!
The 2nd review from the top says our grandson loves to read. I can only imagine him reading that pillow.
I bet that, by the end of today, Amazon has sold more vagina pillows than ever before. I’m just imagining an Amazon warehouse worker thinking “WTF, I swear I’ve boxed up at least 10 of these today. I’ve really got to get a different job.” I really need to buy one of these now 😉
Tom Taylor’s story is C R E E P Y!
He should have just played with the _____________.
You get better recommendations than I do. Last time, I was looking for a long, black rain coat because the one I use for work comes only to mid-thigh, leaving me looking like I peed my pants every time it rains. Amazon suggested Hefty trash bags. I have never felt so seen.
At least they were able to find the clitoris.
I also thank you for the Storyworth recommendation! I just got it for my dad and I can’t wait to read the answers!!!
OK, that is weird, what do I have to do to get those kinds of recommendations>? Anyhow, I could not resist asking a question on the amazon site for that pillow, looking forward to responses! I wrote: “I am surprised at the number of verified purchasers of the vulva pillow, why did you buy it? Srsly?”
Needed a laugh today. Thanks. This worked nicely.
I can’t even imagine why anyone would need that on a pillow when you could just use a mirror and a laser pointer.
Does Amazon only recommend this to persons with a sense of humor? I am feeling left out. And I would love to give that StoryWorth to my mom, but she refuses to do email (or drink coffe, or get a speeding ticket, or taste beer, or go to the doctor). Sigh. She is 77 years old but email has been around for DECADES! UGH.
I’d love one of those shirts from Nowhere, but if they run small, I’d need a 3X. Amazon and facebook recommendations can get downright scary!
My wordpress account is messed up. I am not that tech saavy but at least I can email, unlike my mom. Maybe that is why Amazon does not send quirky recommendations my way – they can’t find me. Anyway I just commented but the name came up as my url with no link. Trying again.
LOVE that GOT picture of you in your curlers Jenny! You’d be a great character in that series taking all the baby dragons home to meet Ferris, Rolley, Hunter!
I just.
The pillow would be useful, but having you on the Iron Throne would make Westeros a much less violent place.
So,is there a penis pillow too? Or a blanket? I’ve gotten some strange recommendations,but wow😳
Your 22 Words article totally popped up in my newsfeed on Facebook this morning and I was just sort of blindly scrolling through until I saw the chair and I was like, “I recognize that chair! Has someone OTHER than Jenny Lawson been talking about that chair??”
So I clicked through and there was your face and I was so incredibly amused to have you cross into my newsfeed on a completely new channel. I was so tickled I was going to post to your page on Facebook until I realized you were probably already well aware that the article existed…and then I saw the link here!
I don’t know why I’m so excited, but I totally am! The Bloggess everywhere!!
I don’t shop on Amazon, but I fucking love your absurd recommendations, so now Amazon is constantly like “HEY, YOU RECENTLY LOOKED AT THIS. YOU SHOULD LOOK AT MORE THINGS LIKE THESE THINGS.” and I’m not complaining.
From the pillow’s description: “Anatomy Of Vulva pillowcase made of durable high quality cotton linen Burlap material,NO PECULIAR SMELL,comfortable,breathable,durable and stylish.” (caps mine, and I know they mean the burlap, but um…)
I think I should pass this along to our anatomy teacher stat. I literally just heard a kid yell at him “Hey, I passed the penis quiz!” https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2019/05/04/a-disturbance-in-the-force/
At first I thought this design was some kind of vegetable, like a funky carrot.
Oh my gosh, I’m dying 😂😂🤣
SHE NEEDS THEM FOR THE LIBRARY GUYS!!!!!!
Can you make the shirts in bigger sizes? I’d love to get one, but the biggest size isn’t big enough.
Thanks!!!
The comments on your postings are hilarious. I remember reading one that made me laugh so hard and obnoxiously it brought people running into the room. God, I wish I could remember what that comment was. I’d keep it in a file for when I’m feeling horrible.
There is a lifetime return guarantee. Ewwww. You either keep it because it’s excellent for pointing out to partners exactly what needs to be done, OR you are a person without a partner who orders it, tries it out, doesn’t feel satisfied and returns it.
All I can think about the bible verses being suggested is someone in the background somewhere going, “Ya’ll [expletitive] need Jesus!”
Hi fellow friends of Jenny – I have a friend who is in dire straits right now, in danger of losing her children to her abusive ex. Can you send a few good thoughts, and, if you can spare them, a couple dollars, her way? I realize you don’t know me and have no reason to trust a random internet stranger, but I’ve seen how compassionate and loving this community is.
Hugs!
https://www.gofundme.com/legal-aid-for-mary&rcid=r01-155734079768-5f55cb010f194a4b&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_m