So last week the paperback of Broken was released and I did my first live book tour stop in literally years. We did it at Nowhere Bookshop (naturally) and it was also our first ever live reading at the store so it was terrifying on both accounts, but also amazing.
Please note Beyoncé the giant metal chicken staring at me from the back of the room as if she also cannot believe we’ve come so far.
(Insert mental image here of Paul Rudd saying, “Look at us. Who would have thought? Not me.”)
We kept it really small, which was nice for everyone concerned and it held many nice surprises including this gift from a sweet woman who thought I’d enjoy it, and she was very right. I assumed it was soap in the shape of a dental mold but later when I opened it up to shower with I discovered it as an actual teaching model and I was even more pleased and also thankful that I hadn’t tried to loofah up with actual teeth because that seems dangerous.
But if you missed that you’re in luck because I’m doing a free virtual book tour stop in conjunction with my publisher and a bunch of lovely places, and it will be the first time ever that I will be appearing in conversation with...Victor.
This may be a terrible idea but it will at least be entertaining. So click here to see all the places offering a zoom spot and then pick your favorite bookshop/library/foundation from the list to sign up and they’ll send you a link for next Tuesday night. Also, several of these wonderful places have special bookmarks or bookplates or other things that they’re offering if you also buy a copy of the book from them so just check their descriptions for more info.
They asked for a bio for Victor so I sent them this:
Victor Lawson has been married to Jenny for 25 years and still hasn’t figured her out. Some would call that “keeping the mystery in a relationship.” He agrees but would still like to know a few things, including why he just opened a box of eyeballs.
Jenny Lawson would like to clarify that it’s a box of old dolls eyeballs (THAT BLINK WHEN YOU MOVE THEM). Not just random human peepers. That would be ridiculous because real eyeballs need to be stored in jars, not cardboard boxes. She would also like to point out that if Victor didn’t want to find a box of eyeballs he shouldn’t be opening her mail. This is all basic common sense.
Victor would like to point out that the box of eyeballs was actually addressed to him and also wants to know why Jenny is currently in his bio rambling about human eyeballs in jars.
Jenny is reluctantly admitting that yes, the eyeballs *were* in Victor’s name but that’s only because she bought them using his ebay account because she’s forgotten her password again. And also, it can be scary being a woman in the world who is buying a box of eyeballs from a stranger on the internet and so using a man’s name on the packaging makes it less likely that she will be stalked by some kind of eyeball-collecting maniac.
Victor is sighing deeply and considering pointing out that the maniac buying eyeballs on the internet is literally her, but is deciding that discretion is the better part of valor and is changing his eBay password as soon as he writes this.
Jenny is wondering if it counts as “discretion” if you actively mention the thing you’re supposedly not mentioning, but is willing to drop it because she is too busy making Victor a bunch of fantastic rings with blinking eyeballson them because that way he’ll see how amazing they are.
Victor is wondering if this whole event is a terrible mistake.
Jenny is certain it probably is. A wonderful, wonderful mistake.
They did not end up using that bio because I guess people don’t want to learn about the correct way of shipping eyeballs, or maybe it was too long but I’m including it here because it’s a good idea of what you’re getting yourself into.